cleverjello's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On My Father's Birthday The first week of second semester is almost over. It will be busy but I think all my classes will be good. Fridays are my chillest day, thank goodness. I've been anxious a lot this year - mostly thinking about my dad's unemployment, hoping he'll find work soon, hoping my mom can continue to make ends meet. These things really worry me. Not too many people know that my father is out of work. I'm a pretty private person to begin with, but H_____ doesn't even know. I just worry about my folks, being away from home. That's all. But this is stuff that manifests into anxiety in a number of different ways. In November I had an awful high experience and ended up having a panic attack. This past weekend, as I mentioned previously, I could have easily had another if I had not been able to calm myself down and ground myself. Don't get me wrong - I do love weed. But one thing I've learned this year is that being high can be overwhelming in the worst way if your environment is fucked or if you don't have a calm mindset going into it. I smoked a lot of weed in January, and with the semester starting I'm definitely going to smoke less. I haven't smoked since Sunday at 1am. Now it's almost Friday, and I don't think I'll smoke then, either. If I smoke it will maybe be Saturday. But I don't want to do too many substances, which I definitely did last month. Tomorrow night I want to take down my braids. All in all, I'm just planning on taking it easy and being good to myself this semester. Still putting in work, of course, but loving and taking care of myself all the same. I also want to say that self-love is great! It's been such a huge part of this past year and such a huge part of me growing as a person, learning to love myself. Because I do. And knowing that makes me so warm inside. 11:16 p.m. - 2/12/15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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