ecappaccino's Diaryland Diary

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210 - marketplace

Walking along Symonds Street, I said, God, you know I've been through a lot lately...

And the voice in my head said, you and I both know whose fault that was?

And I said, I know and made promises, like look, if you could just lift my grade this once, it would be a sign to me my life is on track...I could do so much better? or I could go on. If only I had a better kind of bargain, but then I said a year ago that I would never complete this sentence:

If you loved me, you would ....

Last time I used it was at Christiana's birthday last year, for something really trivial, and I felt so bad about it afterwards that I thought that was it for me, forever. No more using that to get things to happen.

And now I have nothing to trade God, so I must live my life unblessed and heathen for a long while.

Today:
1x Meningococcal B vaccine
1x dully aching arm that someone warns me I will not be able to sleep on
1x Marked Down Statistics report
1x Jealous pang
1x Money panic
1x Failure to start an essay
1x Night Off, again.
1x Unwanted resignation for the rest of my life to be absolutely crap.

10:25 pm - 2005-05-04

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