johnguinness's Diaryland Diary
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venting
I need to jettison some negativity while it's still Thursday, as I want my first day of grocery money Friday to be positive.
I've run a gamut today, of emotions and reactions. The bright spot was that I wanted to defend myself against something I considered to be an insult and an injustice. I haven't decided exactly what to do yet, except that it starts with a basic theme of "living well is the best revenge," at least along the lines of eating healthy stuff and getting fit. I am excited for the groceries, and plan to bring in a few things I haven't had in years, trying to maintain my conviction for the year that things in my life can get better.
But first I need to take out the mental trash before going to bed. First of all, it's down to half a bed again. You've heard that enough times before, but it's one of the things I was counting on the bit of extra cash so I could resolve the problem.
I've really enjoyed being on MAF again. I have four days left, then it's gone again. There's enough Sam-e to last ten days past that. I don't see myself buying either again in...my crystal ball. If I get a bit of extra cash from somewhere, it would go for a new air mattress, or gas, or light bulbs (the place keeps getting darker). I was hoping to some how swing a gym membership for 6 months.
It's that kind of day. I just got excited when I found a Samurai Jack feed at JTV, but the broadcaster is a gamer talking loudly about some fish catching game he's playing, droning on and on.
Anyway, I made the mistake of getting my hopes up with a government bureaucracy involved. Especially with a woman who didn't understand from the context that when I said it took a lot just for me to get myself to the office, I was talking about sacrificing self-esteem or pride to go for another layer of begging, not the effort of walking across the street.
I called the place she told me I "had to" contact, just because their website didn't list fees. They said it takes eight months to a year to qualify, and their fee is 25% of the back money that Social Security pays, with a maximum of $6000.
#1. That means that it's to their advantage to delay the result extra months, because they end up with 25% of more money.
#2 The woman had brochures and a business card in her Township office. The last time someone offered me such unrelated convenience was when Dr. McShady recommended the "really good lawyer" that I later realized he was in cahoots with. Does the little lady get a referral/kickback for people she turns down for money and convinces to sign up with these people? If so, will I be the one to expose her?
I don't know, but I'm eating well on Friday, I have one dollar in change left for a Powerball ticket, and I'll use up my gas by the end of the weekend, so the food better be entertaining.
Positivity tomorrow
8:11 p.m. - Thursday, Mar. 24, 2011
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