Well, today was a bit strange to me. I am happy about today. It was just strange. Me and Z have been miserable around each other lately. But somehow, when I woke up this morning, things seemed to be sunnier. Z offered to drive me too work this morning. He is layed-off this time. But normally he would sleep through the day if he had off. He was up before me! He hardly have been speaking to each other the last fews days, and nothing really was any different about that this morning. But, he was just being plain nice. I should say I guess I was the one hardly speaking to him. I wasn't angry with him, just disappointed, upset, feeling neglected. Why should I talk? Anyway, he called me at work just to chit-chat. He hardly ever calls just to chit-chat. I had to tell him I was busy with work. It made me feel good. When I came home, Z came right up to the bedroom, (where I have been hiding out the last few days), and talked with me. The he layed in the bed and asked me to hug him. Then we made out!!! Then when I pulled away, because I thought we were finished, he asked me to not stop kissing him. We made out some more. I told him that I didn't feel in the mood for sex. He wanted to know if that was any reason to stop touching each other. I was surprised. At the same time, I was wondering, why all of a sudden? I can't remember is I asked him or not, but I know I was thinking it. It felt so good. I did feel the need to keep my distance emotionally, even though, I knew I should just live in the moment. I couldn't relax about it. I really did try. I knew that maybe he was trying to fix things. Try to make things loving again. Still, sad to say, knowing his intentions were good, I still wondered, was this just for today? Tomorrow do things go back to the way they have been?

We even joked tonight. We laughed, we talked. We hung out with my brother for a bit. We all had a good time. Now we are all settling down for the night. me, I'm here typing away. Z is downstairs watching nightly cartoons, and hanging out with my brother. They seem to be talking alot, but I can't hear what they are saying. They seem to be engaged in a good conversation.

Today seemed alot more promising than yesterday. It's been rough. Even if today never happenes again, which it won't, I enjoyed it. I also learned today, that as hard as things get, there are always things to look forward too. I should try and focus on that a little more.

-I mentioned *hugfest* a few days ago. If you haven't read about it, please flip back a few pages and read about it. It seems to be going pretty well since I really didn't advertise about it. Most people who have read that entry have seemed to have written to me about it, they all love the idea. They are spreading the hugs. So try and read the netry if you have time, and spread some hugs around. *HUG*