Monday, Jun. 16, 2003 9:31 am Once agian, James and I got in a huge fight last night. I was at a dinner for my dad which James was fine with, I thought I would be there about an hour so James and I agree to call after an hour, we weren't quite done yet, My dad hadn't opened his gifts yet or anything so I told James that it should last another 30 mins, we were all sitting around laughing and talking, my sisters boyfriends parents were there and they seem like really cool down to earth people so we all got along really well. We all desided to go out on the porch and get some fresh air and me and my sister desided to mess around on her bike. She got a new/used bike that she was going to try out, something was wrong with the gears so I rode it a bit until I got it fixed. When I got back Tracy told me that my phone was ringing while I was gone so I went in to call James and he called agian so I answered, he was pissed, the time had gone by alot faster then I thought it would have and I was thirty mins late calling him. So we got off the phone for a few mins and I huged my sis and dad b'bye, left, and called James back. I'm not trying to make what I did seem ok, I should have called him, it really was an honest mistake. But then agian I'm sure he's thinking all of my fuck ups are honest mistakes. We fought the rest of the way home. Well not really a fight, more of a he yelled, I listened. I wont go into all that he said. I really dont want to go back through it. I think he thinks I dont want this relationship anymore. Which couldn't be any more wrong. I love him more than anything. He askes me whats wrong with me these past few days, weeks. I really dont know. I feel like he doesn't want me anymore. My the things he says and his diary entrys. He doesn't. He was demanding that I take off my ring last night. Asked me so many times if I just want to end the relationship now. I refused to take off my ring, and tried to reasure him that I do want the relationship. I really really really hope we can fix whats going on with us. I say us. he says me. I dont really notice anything really happening with me. I notice the things with him. Just as it's reversed with him. But thats to be expected. Just, when ever I try to talk to him about something he doesn't even care anymore. If we're fighting or not. He just doesn't care. If he does actually take the time to listen, or half way listen he will usually tell me that what I think, like, or did was stupid. We cant just simply disagree anymore, what I think is stupid, and what he thinks is right. I dont even try to fight the thought that I'm stupid anymore, I just agree. He goes back and forth so much. Two days ago he told me that he was going to try to be a better boyfriend, yesterday, bleh. He loves me, yet when he gets mad he insults. I love him, and he could never make me mad enough to call him names. In florida he called me a selfish bitch, it absolutly broke my heart. But what I think hurt even more than that was that he didn't care. Two days ago it was just bitch, yesterday it was stupid. But still, what hurts more than any of that is that he didn't care. ..I dont know what happened to us. He used to be the most incredable man there ever was, he still is. My phones ringing, it's James. So I'll go now. � shithole �� mail �� me �� everything �� book �� random me �� notes � backward �:: � forward