dreamtherapy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I get it. There's this guy I used to date, we dated on and off for a LONG time. It came close to being exclusive a couple times but never really made it there. We had been through too much with each other to truly trust and it never got off the ground before we sabotoged it. After I met Michael and realized I would be with him for a very long time I stopped talking to this guy. I never really forgot about him though because he had been such a big part of my life for so long. So, as we do with many things from our pasts, I began to be nostalgic about him. Over time I forgot all the pain and strife associated with him and I would remember him as he was in the fairytale portion of my mind. I would hear music that reminded me of him or watch a movie and see someone who looked like him etc.. One day about 6 months ago, in the middle of a particularly bad patch with me and Michael he found me on Facebook and contacted me. At first I didn't respond. I knew his presence in my life was a test of my will and would become a problem, but eventually I responded out of curiosity. At first his conversation was innocent and it was no big deal because we were catching up. But something was so different about him. He was not the same person he was before and I wondered what had changed.I asked him and he said he had something to admit to me. He was in love with me. He couldn't stop thinking of me. I was the only woman he ever truly loved and the only one who ever treated him the way he wanted to be treated. He would never find another woman like me and so on and so on and so on. So many feelings went through my head at that point. First off was pure annoyance. I thought "here we go." I really wasn't interested in dealing with his supposed feelings for me. I really shouldn't have even been talking to him to begin with. So of course we talked a bit about why and then I laid into him about how insensitive this all was and detailed all the things he ever did during our relationship that led to our current state yada yada yada. But he really was hard to put off. Here was this person who I had once had such strong feelings for laying him self at my feet, professing his undying love and devotion to me. It was extremely hard to resist. And even though I told him repeatedly that he couldn't and shouldn't be telling me these things he never really stopped. Eventually it stopped being flattering and I really didn't care how he felt because it didn't matter at this point and I would never feel that way about him again. So even though I had spent a lot of time thinking about our past, and here was all in love and adoring... I felt absolutely indifferent. In fact, he had become a nuisance. If he messaged me and I responded I would be trapped in a conversation all day long with him. Talking to him became a chore. He was always nice, he always wanted to talk about me and was always interested in what I was doing. He was encouraging and engaging and for all that I still didn't give a shit. I took longer and longer to respond and he didn't care he would pick right back up where we left off. I would completely drop the conversation and not respond at all and the next morning he was right there, back where we started. I came to truly dread his messages because I knew this was the pattern. I thought... doesn't he get it? I have a life, a family, friends and so on. He's not part of my life anymore and he never really will be, there's no place for him. I have always wondered about people who have a hard time reading social cues. To me, picking up on non verbal social cues is one of the most important skills a person can have. It saves everyone a lot of time and energy. Whenever I have to sit down and actually explain to someone what the deal is I always feel as if I am being redundant, I mean, haven't all of my actions made it perfectly clear how I feel? In the end I must have told him several times in several different ways that I couldn't be friends with him because I didn't want to be vague or unclear. I understand that men, in general, have a harder time picking up on signals, no matter how loud, blatant and in your face they might actually be. It's so sad when you have to lie to someone to get your point across. Wouldn't it be easier if they just read you actions and understood? Or if you MUST be outright, that they accept your truth and move on? I guess not everyone is as perceptive as we would like them to be. 9:53 A.M. - Tuesday, Mar. 31, 2015 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||