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you really are a remarkable girl. i wish you the best of luck with the healing process you are undertaking. remember, falling isn't failing if we get up and try again.

from the-grey-one :

i read a startling amount of your diary.. you feel like you were made wrong, or made to suffer. but you were born perfect. something happened in your childhood...i mean honestly, nobody gets out of their childhood unscathed, but we somehow manage to convince ourselves what happened then was insignificant.. also.. i could really relate to the relationship you have with your father.. aand ya. all my best wishes to you! truly!

from duplicitous :

Hello! I made it myself a few years ago.

from silverywhite :

Hiyo~ I made the layout myself :)

from omfggwtf :

i love this diary, i just started reading it and i'm going to add you if you don't mind? :) xo

from ceilings :

i'm glad the zine arrived and i'm so glad you like it! i'm so happy with how it turned out. i will (very slowly) be gathering submissions for the 2nd issue so if you feel inspired to submit again, please do! also, if you're feeling into zines, there's a huge event happening in toronto on november 1st called canzine, where tons of people from all around canada and even from outside of canada will be selling their zines. it's a great opportunity to buy zines and see what's out there. i'll be tabling and selling "i knew a motherfucker like you andshe said..." as well as my other zines. its at the gladstone. here's more info if yr interested: https://id408.van.ca.siteprotect.com/brokenpencil/canzine/index2.php and thanks again for submitting! <3

from ceilings :

i dont know if you know but i have psoriasis so i feel you on the eczema! and the zine will be on its way to you tomorrow, should get there super fast cuz we're in the same city. xo.

from abhorgod :

thanks for the note - my writing blows though =)

from ceilings :

hey! the zine is done. i tried to email you but it bounced back. can you send me your mailing address so i can send you your free copy? the zine turned out amazing! i'm so excited to send it to you. [email protected]

from ceilings :

hey girl. i think you miss more than the drugs and drinking, its also the wildness, craziness, freedom. i know what you mean, sometimes in longterm relationships you LOVE the person but the sex goes. its weird. but you should at least try to find a libido to jerk off, that might get things started. <3

from ceilings :

ps: i think you sent me a piece for my zine, im pretty sure it was you but just double checking.

from ceilings :

you want to starve because you are HUNGRY. its not the skinniness, really, that you desire. its that you want, you need, to feel something. you have a spark in you and you are smothering it instead of letting it burst into flame. its hard in a world that says we have to settle, its hard to say we really do deserve to FEEL something when we're told constantly that "everyone learns to put up with this"... but there are lots of ways to live, and there are better ways to live, there are other ways and you'll find it if you direct yourself in that direction. but starvation as a project will bring false successes and disappointments, working simply to distract you and bury you further into a mediocre existence that you clearly dont want. (i know this all too well myself.)

from jimbostaxi :

I am sure there are people in this world that have stimulating and fulfilling jobs, but I don't know any of them. If you would have said to me 5 years ago that I would be driving a taxi I would have called you crazy. This was supposed to be a temporary gig until I found another job in my field but that job never materialized. I have many nights where I ask myself what the fuck am I doing out here? How the hell my life end up like this? But I stay to pay the bills. I wish you good luck with your eating disorder and don't let any guy make you feel bad about yourself.

from jimbostaxi :

From those pics Canada looks real good. :>)

from ceilings :

ps: i've been reading your entries and your writing is PERFECT for the zine!!

from ceilings :

im from toronto canada. and no its not too late! i dont have a deadline yet. thanks for your interest! i cant wait to see what you write! <3

from julymalaise :

Cool, thanks. You can add me if you like.

from julymalaise :

Hey, I like your diary. May I add you to my list? Add me too!

from insanegerbil :

my hubby having low libido now too...so i gotta ask you, when your libido is low, do you still not enjoy the sex even when its really good sex?

from home-of-d :

thanks for sharing. :) As much as I would love to be someone who doesn't give a shit about anything.. I like reading other peoples worlds. I care that there are others out there who arn't shiny happy people.

from home-of-d :

will you share your world? can email me access if your willing.. [email protected]

from flawsnall :

You're so right. Thanks

from blondenproud :

Thanks for the encouragement.

from biggoomba :

brave enough to know when you are weak ?/ That's very strong

from biggoomba :

many are watching your progress, not to judge but to watch you win.. it;s inspiring for everybody to see anyone win.. even a little-- did you ever consider you are inspiring to others? re hobby: hobby or gymwork, itys all basically hobby- across the line where we do what we want to do, so that what we want to happen actually happens , beyond what we have to do, should do or what is expected by others...Inside the land of what we want to do is almost everything you respect honour and admire, and its the line where you are a suddenly a player...be sure to share what discoveries you make as you go along inside the land of what you want to do- its where the kid asleep inside us wakes up to meet the grown up we are going to be..satisfaction is guaranteed if you actually do it.. you can't help but win in some way or another : )

from biggoomba :

random readrer here- consider a hobby- this will not interfere with any decision you make regarding your BF.. it will keep you from fretting, make you a better person for whatever wrap up comes around-- and take this hobby seriously- make something-- start continue and then finish- it should be new to you and easy to start and command your mind and hands and time...not read a book as its too passive, make something- start continue finish-- art is what humans do.. everywhere you see art you see evidence of someone working something oit in the process of making theior art-- even doodle art-- even plasticine smurfs..; even anything-- but commit to it and do it and watch how you feel at the end-- it will be prif=de and relief and satisfaction- esp if you are a stoner-- take control of your mind and use it like the gadget it actually is,, go ahead and think while you work, as long as you work at your treasure activity while thinking-- despair will never find a home if you are toiling away at some wacko activity you are the boss of ---there! .. don't let me down-- remember- culture exists for us: we do not exist for culture

from ivyparker :

I feel for you. But maybe Alex thinks you're totally amazing for all that you go through.

from xself-imagex :

My new diary is: lightgrey. Just to let you know.

from tuesdayafter :

hey kiddo, long time no talk. wanna trade passwords? ps. i know who tiger army is and i effing love them. <3

from sterile-dirt :

you should give me your password, i'd like to see how similar we are, and i didn't know anyone else knew who tiger army is... lol, so hit me back --sam

from hindthesmile :

Thank you. Of course it's okay, I just thought I'd maybe try to get to know the random person who's reading my diary. :)

from hindthesmile :

Hullo.

from missy-17 :

hey im a guitar freak myself!!! anyway why did ya lock down, your diary probably woulda been awesomeness

from totallyyou :

i must admit, i miss your diary. just checkin' in - the whole locked thing is understandable. hope you're doing okay. :)

from spunkyhottie :

hey thats cool that you dont want peps reading your stuff but at least tell me about you~CHEY~

from g-o-t-h-i-c :

Hey whats up?

from guitarphreak :

IM LOCKING AGAIN- I DONT WANT TO, BUT I HAVE TO. DONT ASK FOR PASSWORDS.IM SORRY, I CANT BE BOTHERED. NOT NOW ANYWAYS. I SHOULD BE BACK UP SOON. SORRY. TAKE CARE. nic xoxox

from momma-at-17 :

They look like they work. Umm I originally was going to leave a note to say thank you for emailing me and to let you know that I'm adding you to my favorites list.

from labrayne :

THIS IS A TEST

from momma-at-17 :

Thank you for your note. =) Made me smile, and head on over here to your diary to check ya out, but =( you're locked, so if you wouldn't mind could I please have the username/password? My email is [email protected] Thanks!

from doubledeluxe :

hey! you locked your diary and i am absolutely addicted to it. i have no idea who you are but if i could get a password that would kick shit (if it's alright) thanks. [email protected]

from labrayne :

i hope you can talk some sense into that boy!

from lazamataz88 :

Damn, your profile is HOT! Alexisonfire?! wow, a friend of mine just went to a recent concert in winnipeg Canada, and he brought me back a shirt. Also, HIM kicks major ass. i saw your profile and i just thought...damn. adding you, if you don't mind, Lazzy

from labrayne :

wow, this is the exciting part, except for it being stressful! good luck with your fella.

from insanegerbil :

holy fuck....your profile is nearly perfection.except that shit about elizabeth wurtzel...fuck.she's such a poser bitch.the only book she wrote about herself that had any truth to it was MORE NOW AGAIN.did you read that one yet...?damn.it was good shit.anyways, if you read it, compare the facts to the shit she said in prozac nation.she's full of shit.i love her anyway.

from freakish13 :

Have a good time in Ottawa. Don't Die.

from labrayne :

GAH I AM STUPID try [email protected] that should work thx!

from labrayne :

hey my email is labrayne@diaryland com KTHX

from honestliar :

I'm sorry, I've been waiting nearly a week and I haven't gotten an email from you yet, can you try again? [email protected] xx<3

from labrayne :

yo I go out of town for a week and you lock up? Hit me. [email protected]

from xmakeithurtx :

ive noticed that you've locked your diary. you have your reasons and i respect that. if your wouldn't mind, i was wondering if i could possibly have the username/password. its become a daily thing to read to your diary, and i really enjoy it. my days havent been the same since. email me or leave me a note. if not i completely understand. <3 stephanie

from candy-vomit :

Horray, Thank You! Thank You! My e-mail is [email protected]

from candy-vomit :

Hey, I was wondering if it's alright for me to please get a password. Your one of the few that I enjoy reading and one of the few that update. I miss reading. -Cat

from honestliar :

I am a hardcore fan of you. And you locked your diary, you are like one of two people on my list to actually update your fucking diary. Can I please have a password?

from freakish13 :

If you have reasons for locking it..as in you don't want anyone else to read it..ignore this fucking message. I would love a password. I love reading your diary. You are so interesting and in a way..the future me. I know this fucking scares you. I am sorry. my email is [email protected] thanks. I hope everything is good.

from totallyyou :

does that mean that you're locking your diary to everyone? or just for privacy online reasons? in all cases, i wouldn't mind a password or username at all -- i read your diary everyday and ... i don't know... i don't know if this sounds weird i just love to read it and know how you're doing. so if you're handing those out my e-mail is [email protected]... if you're not, then that's too bad and i hope all goes well for you. seriously. ~~~candice

from guitarphreak :

i have to lock my diary. for reasons i dont really care for explaining.

from freakish13 :

Happy Birthday. You don't fucking know it, but you are like my idol damnit. You don't realize it but you actually have a lot of shit going for you.

from candy-vomit :

~!!Happy B-day!!~