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"We are capable of greatness, true, but also great savagery." This is what makes us human. Our potential. In order to have greatness, we need savagery. They define each other. Without one, the other wouldn't exist. So, within every human being is the potential for both. But, thing is, alot of us don't see it that way. We define ourselves - and our world - by either good or bad, not realizing that for every horrible thing we hear about, see, do or suffer through means that there exists the potential for something amazing to occur. Maybe we can't change our past, but we can use our experience to create something positive. To alter our present or the future of someone else. It's hard though because, I think anyway, we tend to define the type of person we are and our capabilities early on - usually by our mistakes: deliquent,drunk, liar, cheat, weak. And then we think that it's set in stone. But it's not, you see. Human experience is fluid -we are the architects of our destinies. We have the power of choice - it's the cornerstone of our lives. And, since human beings have a great deal of say in how this world works, the world, like humans, has the potential for greatness as well. Where you see hell, I see the potential for something exsquisite. :) The world, much like you, has the power to amaze.

from keryanna :

Thank you for your comments ... and for listening to me. Believe me, I've learned from my own experiences. Although I haven't lived your life, I do know what it is like to feel empty. Like existence is just a big black hole sucking all of the life of you. For years, I looked to everyone and everything else to try to make me happy ... and it never worked. I only felt more miserable as the years went on. And eventually more and more hopeless. Then I realized that the common denominator in my misery was me. If I wanted a better life, I had to change myself first. So I became a better person - little by little and day by day. That's the secret of happiness: be the kind of person you expect others to be. It's not easy and it's not quick - but I guarantee it will change your life. You don't have to be perfect - just have a good heart. Try a little each day to change the patterns in your life that invariably lead to unhappiness time and time again. People are like magnents - if you are a good person, you will attract good things. If you are a bad person, you will attract bad things. When you die, noone will remember what kind of car you drove, how much money you made or how many girls you slept with- they will remember the kind of person you were and how well you loved. So have integrity and compassion in life. And, above all, love well.

from augustdreams :

Thanks for the kind comment. Apologies that it's taken me so long to reply. I'm so sorry your weekend was rough. I've only read through a few of your entries so far, but it's enough that I feel certain I can say you're not a bad person. I know how much it hurts to feel lost in depression, and to hurt to the point where you dread each day. But I PROMISE, it won't last forever. There are better times ahead, and it's worth fighting through the darkness to reach them. If your job is contributing to your pain and sadness, leave it. I left nursing school to the sounds of a choir of almost everyone in my life telling me what a mistake I was making, and how much money there is to be made as a nurse. Fuck the money. It means nothing if you're unhappy. Anyway, please hang on. If you ever need to talk/vent, drop me an email.

from keryanna :

There's another avenue other than suicide if you're depressed because you believe you are a bad person living a worthless life. Instead of trying to get up the courage to kill yourself - use that energy to change your life. You control your life - it doesn't control you. I've worked with countless of clients who say they are depressed and want to take pills to make them feel better because they think it's biological. When I ask them "why are you depressed?", they say that their marriage is horrible, their job sucks and their kids hate them. Hell, that's not biology - it's a matter of motivation. You don't like your job, go to school so you can get a better one. You have a horrible marriage, then start being a better spouse. If your kids hate you, maybe you should sit down and listen to them. Maybe they hate you because you're being an asshole. Stop being an asshole and you'll be surprised how quickly they'll love you again. Same thing applies to you. If you think you are a bad person, then obviously it bothers you whether you say it out loud or not ... because people who usually are depressed because of the way they live their life - usually don't like their way of living. Otherwise, they wouldn't be depressed. It's all just a matter of motivation. It's not really rocket science here, it's pretty simple. Just be a better person. The rest will work itself out.