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Hello, I hope you still update, or else you'll miss this link: http://www.wecollect2.com/crg_childrens_record_guild.htm ...You had mentioned in a survey that you took, that you used to have a bunch of children's story records, and you mentioned "My Playmate, The Wind" was your fav...so I did a quick search, and found the above site. It looks as if you can order that record for $25. ...I loved your descriptive answers you gave, I was hoping to read your diary, but it is locked. Come by my di, check me out. I would like to read more of your words, you have such a talent with them. :)

from wench77 :

Hey! thanks for doing my dirtylaundry survey! I find it quite laudable, someone who gives me complete answers instead of one to four words! yay! I am fascinated by your bleach problem... I hate bleach for exactly the same reasons! yay for bathtubs! eeps your apartment manager opens your door when you are not home, just for a package? that is frightening! I would imagine they'd keep it in an office and put a note on your door. I am amused that you say you talk about your relationship problems with anyone who would listen, but you cannot imagine the other person doing so, or needing to. Personally I assume people need to get stuff off their chests, and if they are angry at me, I probably know if we had a fight, but I would be totally NOT surprised if they went and had a beer with a friend and said "gee, she totally picks my ass, we had such a fight tonight blah blah"... ya know. I once apologized to a friend of a lover for grumbling about him, and she said that he grumbles about me all the time. hehe. Hmm, You think people should leave a relationship if they want to talk in therapy?? Very interesting. I guess couples therapy would be a bit pointless then eh! What if the person needs therapy cuz they are hard to live with cuz of depression, or anger management, or work problems or a gazillion other things? Like if they were grieving cuz of infertility or something. You don't think they should go into therapy AND stay in whatever relationship?? (you can see I write these notes AS I read your responses!) I really liked your differentiation between "prying" and "being supportive". I sort of agree with the "not blaming the other person" but it is a bit hard if the other person has actually done something. Ie getting drunk and beating on you. Lying about safe sex and cheating on you. Stolen something of yours. Then I suppose you could say "what should I change? well, I'll dump them" but at that point it is like closing the barn door once the cow is gone. My fave was when I was invited across the country to stay with someone who wanted to be my life partner cuz she loved me so much, and then she stood me up and disappeared with a new lover. People said "you know you shouldn't talk outside the relationship, but rather with her"... HAHAHA... SHE WAS GONE, that was the problem! Hard to talk with someone when the problem is they've stood you up and are sucking face with someone else ignoring you eh! Glll. I nod my head at the "accepting" thing in relationships. My ex told me she didn't try hard cuz she could see I'd pick up the slack. Gll. My ex before that told me I "let him be lazy"... funny, I thought I was trying not to nag him (when I said something then he called it "nagging") and trying to accept that he was overworked at school and depressed. Sigh. The thing about 40 beautiful shirts was amazing. Who KNEW there was such a fetish! Ah, your last thing about private people and dead skin, expressive people and expressive clothes begs a long long response... I shall look and see if you have an email to reply to instead! Thankyou for putting so much thought into this. Absolutely a joy to read and ponder. :)

from wench77 :

Hello Mr. Blue links on blue sky! I am sorry you have problem with my black on bluish purple writing, but myself I find it restful and easy to read on my eyes. I did try white text when I was setting up my template and it makes me squint... I find the letters sort of glow and as a result meld into each other. I can see it is highly individual. Sorry! :) As for Israel, someone on the radio just said the Govt of Israel is acting like a mafia head rather than a head of a democratic world country. hehe. "He's a bad man so shoot em!" glll.

from wench77 :

hey there! thanks for the notes back at my place! That's a cool story about the boy and the photo. Unfortunately my Dad wouldnt have been proud of me doing a thing like that, cuz I probably would have been afraid to stand up and jump (actually it is the jumping part. climbing and heights are no problem)... I had a cherished friend say she was "surprised and disappointed"in me when we were goofing off at an obstacle course at a kid's camp one night, and I hesitated and ended up not doing something similar to that... grabbing a rope in mid swing and going over a chasm with it. I felt dashed and useless. I hate to say it but my Dad used to take pictures of me next to things I did wrong, while I was crying. To show what an idiot or messy or lazy I was. heh. I hope the daughter can live up to her shining brother's example.

from soldiergirl :

Hey Tom, I think the medic featured in the article "We did our job" is reporting accurate facts. And he is probably a Marine with all those references to Navy Times. Could also be an Army medic. Whether he is an actual person or a composite of several beliefs is hard to decipher. I think the writer of the story took some liberties and filled in the missing holes with his own research. Just a gut feeling. I won't go into my military background but suffice to say... I believe we went into Iraq for one reason only... vital national interest... oil. Plain and simple. I have been in the military over 20 years. Did we go into Cambodia to rescue the people from the killing fields? Are we marching into North Korea at current date to save those people from starvation, oppression, even after their President flaunted their knowledge and possession of WMD? No. We have enough electronic gadgetry, sneakers, and automobiles. Even if we found no WMD in Iraq, what about trace materials? Don't you think geiger counters would pick up traces of uranium, plutonium, and other components if they were being manufactured or stored in country. Radioactive material has a shelf life of 1,000 years or more. Were the NATO inspectors that naive not to bring along test equipment and measuring devices? Who do I blame for our glutton, oil consumption? Everyone of us who live here and have not taken active roles in demanding alternative energy sources. I took a first step and registered with the Green party. It wasn't that long ago (seventies) when our nation looked seriously at conserving energy and fuel. But the big companies bought the experimental patents and shut down the small inventors who came up with better, more efficient motors and heating/cooling sources. So in 2004, lower and middle class American soldiers pay with life and limb to keep their fellow citizens on the road, in the house with three garages to house the three cars, two of which get poor gas mileage but are fun to drive. They turn up the furnance and burn millions of butanes and kilowatts to heat their three thousand square foot palaces. Enough said. Don't get me started on the big oil tycoon families and special interest groups that sponsor presidential elections. Exxon, Mobile, Shell, come to mind.

from soldiergirl :

Thanks Tom for sharing the Dubbya Bush Biography. I for one am tired of his arrogance and special treatment in office. Makes you wonder if he had any inside pull getting the most damaging charge dropped for Martha Stewart. All those Enron croonies and their insider trading deals. Sickening! Bush went into Iraq to seek payback for his father George Senior and to gain a larger foothold in the global market oil industry. Here in California we are paying over $2.05 gallon for the 87 octane. And the old, familiar excuse they give us... a current shortage created from cold harsh winters and running oil burning, gas furnaces in this country. Bullshit and more shit given in steady doses to the gullible American public. I'm trying hard not to be apathetic about politics again this year. We will never see an Independent or Green party member in the oval office, let alone a woman. Hard not to be cynical about voting in this country. Always two choices, moderately Democrat or staunch Republican. Nothing in between or compromising party lines. I liked the passion of Howard Dean and his whooh hoo yell. Look how fast the moderates and Press shot him down. Made him look like a fool when he was simply being passionate for once about politics. Not just mouthing promises of better tomorrows.

from wench77 :

Hiya! I love your entries! So much food for thought! :) As for Muslims Jews and Christians fighting over who has the right prophet, you are totally right of course. I think it was Stephen Pinker (not sure) who said that the closer two groups are, the more they will try to differentiate (an d show animosity) from each other... ie the Hutus and the Tutsis, the Irish and the British, the Jews and the Palestinians. Israelis don't hate Chinese Buddhists don't hate Christian Africans. As for the time/curfew thing... yeah, that is so true. I once had a horrid boss (female) who just freaked about my "insubordination" when I arrived five minutes late three times in a row (finally turned out that I didnt have my watch in synch with a particular clock she looked at, though it was in synch with the clock in the employees lounge)... perhaps it is because when someone doesn't arrive when you have ordered, every minute you are there by yourself (as the boss/father etc) and the other (employee, child etc) is at an unknown place elsewhere, it is incredibly obvious how not in control you are... they aren't even present. How incredibly slap-in-the-face reality to the limitations of your authority. hmm?? What do you think?... I think that those Robert Bly words have some validity... I wasn't aware of that new book, but I do agree with the Interior Judge... it definitely hounds ME! Hmm... thanks for great cultural recommends. ciao!

from cadwaladr :

You certianly have a good point, and I hadn't thought of that. But perhaps if you see someone drowning, or in a burning building, &c., you should at least be required to call for help. The doctors in the synagogue, though, that's pretty bad. I can understand their fear of litigation; I wouldn't say they were so wrong, necessarily; the very fact that they must think about the possibility of being sued is what's wrong there.

from wench77 :

Hello! Hmm, I like your leprauchan meanderings...not so sure about the immigrant rant (everyone I know who went to California are white people from Detroit, and Winnipeg.. hehe) Though why do people go to america? It is the DREAM certainly not the reality of one of the greatest gaps between rich and poor in the first world, lack of healthcare, highest proportion of people in prison etc etc. Rather like people running like lemmings in the gold rush. Very few people made rich, but the dream rumoured about kept em coming til it was a swamp of poverty and dashed dreams. Viva la Amerika. Thank god I live not three hours from Quebec City! hehe. Interestingly we have many Haitians but very few Mexicans. Anyways, fascinating entry. And you should look at my moonrainbow pictures... someplace in my "olders" as well! Ah yes, plug in /moonrainbow.html... tah!

from wench77 :

howdi! yay another survey! I am laughing out loud at parts of it! I am very curious as to why you would live on only water for 28 days. I am also curious about your statement that if anything is wrong with your body it is your fault, not your body's. I mean, I am infertile and I would change that. And I don't think it is my fault. Maybe it is. Maybe I ate too many dairy products! ;D I also agree with your bit about "if I'm telling a story on my body, I want people to hear it"... i think it is strange that people put something that attracts attention and then get angry. Well, that's it for now! Come back again!ciao!

from wench77 :

Hey there! I just read your entry about playing in shopping mall construction sites etc! This is totally like my childhood! Yes, the best is the imagination. I think i shall add you to my favorites. From time to time (actually quite often) I post images or parts of images, that I draw, on my diary pages... you should check back through my olders... entries like Eavesdrop Boy, and Colorful Doggies, Bear in Color etc... :) tah! thanks for the note! (ps I suspect designing videogames is more imaginative than playing them!)

from wench77 :

hello there! thankyou for the utterly amusing and delightful replies to my adultskid survey! Very chatty replies, thankyou! :) And on top of it when I googled Oswald from E.Nesbitt, I ended up on Salon.com reading about children's books where I discovered this one I must now buy, called Arlene the Sardine, ... who knew that there ARE no sardines in the ocean... just as there is no beef on the land? hehe, well come back and do more surveys or read my diary... I am a children's illustrator and you seem to have a good appreciation of kids' books (as well as the child you ... in the videogame question... i mean "the kid in you" ie "your child you" vs a child you might have.) :) Tah!

from soldiergirl :

Hey Tom, Thanks for leaving the insightful comments on American Idol. I was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for a miracle to happen when the young woman went to a nearby shopping mall with show host Brian Seacrest. Sadly, I have to admit when i heard her audition in front of Randy, Paula, and Simon, I heard the same thing they did. The woman was an okay, average singer. She didn't sound like nails on a chalkboard. But she wasn't spectacular or memorable other than the bootie shakin' thang she did while singing. American Idol imposes an age limit for contestants. I think the main reason is to attract the young, gullible, starry eye kids. Get to be our age, and you're more cautious about putting yourself out there to be humiliated or made fun of. Age and experience do mean something. American Idol's number one goal is not to make young people into singing sensations. It's to get high ratings and entertain, namely through comedy and humiliation. Maybe after some real contestant, with a real name and family attempts to end his/her life over being rejected/humiliated on the show, the producers and directors may finally get it. The long-term negative effects of bringing more people down than building them up. Tom - where have you been for the past 50 days? Haven't seen a recent journal entry. Hope all is well in teaching and living in LA. You're such a vivid, expressionate writer. Return to us in Diaryland!

from bubbav :

The picture is of the Hogan Bridge, 12th Hole at Augusta National, as seen from the 11th green & looking towards the 13th tee.

from lostgotheyes :

great! my email is [email protected], and the name that will appear is corbeau epine fonce, just so you know. thanks.

from lostgotheyes :

thanks for taking my survey. i'd love to do a more in-depth interview, if you don't mind, because i think that your opinions would be invaluable to my reseach. let me know when you get back.

from lostgotheyes :

hey. thanks for the note. i didn't know if you still read my diary or not, especially since i changed my name. to answer your question: no, i can't burn birthday candles. my parents would even let me have any on my birthday cake, which was actually bread. my father asked if i'm counting down the days until my eighteenth birthday. no, i am not, because that would make teh time seem like an eternity. besides, i will still have to finish school before i can get out of the house. but after that, i can go! wyk, my english teacher, is helping me look for colleges. he won't let me consider anything that's less than two hundred miles away. he thinks that i should major in english and become a teacher...it sounds like he wants me to follow in his footsteps exactly...well, we'll see. i was reading your diary, still, until you put the password on it. great to hear from you. hope you're doing okay. pieces/peace.

from soldiergirl :

Hi Tom, Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. Guess what? I found a washer-dryer manufacturer Thor in Burbank. They make a top loader washer-dryer unit (one machine) that both washes and dries clothing. No ventilation required. It runs off 110 voltage. Very energy efficient. The only downside is it can take 1.5 to 2 hours for a load depending on size and weight. But you can put the laundry in once (no machine switching necessary) and walk away without worry of your house catching fire. Safer than 220 volts and gas lines. Here is their weblink http://www.thorappliances.com/softline/index.php I am so excited. I'm going to visit their SF Bay area appliance dealer/repair shop to see one up close and personal instead of driving to the Thor warehouse in Burbank. Supposedly the show "Price is Right" is now giving away Thor washer-dryer units as prizes. Way cool.

from lostgoth168 :

hey. nice to hear from you again. about the quote: i won't take it off. it jumps out at me, so i can't. i would be very interested in what he has to say about witches, though. actually, i should add something that my father said about muslims to the bad list, now that i think about it. so robertson is some crazy anti-witch fanatic like bob barr, then? this could prove to be very interesting...maybe as interesting as my english teacher. i have to write about him sometime. but he's interesting in a good way. pieces.

from soldiergirl :

Hi Tom, Bubbles and I enjoyed seeing "Seabiscuit" together. The movie follows the book but not line for line. The gist of the story holds true. There was a moment of fate when Red ran out of money near the Detroit track and happened to drift into the stables where the horse was being stalled shortly after Charles Howard purchased him. Trainer Smith wasn't the lone cowboy out on the range like the movie portrays him to be. Smith had spent time on a Colorado ranch and then on the race circuit with Irwin and his carnival act of performers, cow ponies, and horse racers. But it makes for a good story and i believe fate had something to do with bringing three men and a horse together into something magical and winning. Great to hear you have some insight into the making of "Antwone Fisher". Let me know if "Finding Fish" is different or the same as the movie. And if Antwone's poetry is included in his book.

from lostgoth168 :

hey. have fun on your vacation. actually, by the time you read this, i suppose should actually be asking if you had fun on your vacation. i went to north carolina with my family earlier this summer. they had a lot of fun, but i didn't really. i had to stay in the house all day because if i go out in the sun for more than three minutes no matter how much sunscreen i'm wearing and no matter how strong it is, i burn terribly. so on my vacation, i did absolutely nothing that i could not have done much more easily and conveniently in ohio. bu then again, it was a vacation for the family, not for me. my vacation would have been to nova scotia or scotland. the best vacation i've been on in my life was two years ago and it lasted less than an hour. the library was having a special program and a celtic folk band was performing there. by some miracle, my parents allowed to me to walk the mile down to the library and attend it on my own. (they turned up tehir noses at the very idea of listening to cletic music.) so i went and i had a great time because i connected to the other people there, talking to the people next to me even though i had never seen them before in my life and probably would never see them again. (my parents would have killed me if they had known that i'd conversed with strangers as though they were my friends.) and in a way, these people whom i did not know were my friends because we all shared a love for celtic music. we were all differnt ages, colors, shapes, and sizes, and not one of us looked remotely like the kind of person who would liek celtic folk music, but that just goes to show that you shouldn't judge people by their appearance. afterwards, i got to walk home in the rain (how delightful!), and i was half-dancing as i walked down a busy street, causing all peopel in the passing automobiles to stare at this fool who was out in the rain without and umbrella and nearly dancing, for crying out loud. i didn't really care waht they thought of me, though, because i'd been having the time of my life all morning and i wasn't about to let the bliss end until i was forced to. the experience prebably wouldn't be considered a vacation by most people, but i got out of the house, away from my family, relaxed, enjoyed myself, and rid myself of much stress and anxiety, so i think that it ought to qualify as a vacation.

from soldiergirl :

Hey Tom... You're so right about the "aggregate soul age of young kids incarnating today is higher than those currently existing. However, there are several thousands of souls living on Earth today who are as psychically and spiritually advanced as it is possible for a human to be." I couldn't have phrased it any more accurately. It's good to know that teachers, coaches, leaders, mentors, parents, and friends are here to light the way. I admire you for staying in the teaching profession when many have left it all together. It sickens me to see one professional athlete make a yearly salary that surpasses an entire school staff of teaching professionals. No wonder we have too much brawn and not enough brain in this country. Only a few even make it to the rewarded heights of superstar. The rest fall victim to the industrial prison complex. A place where socially unacceptable behavior ends up because it was not channeled or nourished properly. Funny how a high percentage of male prison inmates and professional athletes have XYY, "supermale" chromosomes.

from lostgoth168 :

hey. i loved your "false backlash" entry. i can identify with it if i apply it to my religion. witches are pretty much accepted now, but there are still those who will maintain that we're all evil and we molest children. and of course, because i'm a witch, everybody assumes that i'm homosexual or bisexual, especially since some of my friends are, which really doesn't make any sense at all. my parents constantly tell me that being a witch in unacceptable. for crying out loud, the president thinks that being a witch is unacceptable, following bab barr's lead...who are they to decide what's acceptable? and as for "alternative lifestyles," i'm chosing this as an alternative to what, pretending to be a christian when i've known since i was a young child that i'm not? do these people chose to be christian and chose to be hetereosexual? of course not. according to them, they're born that way, yet they can't understand that other people are born other ways. i remember when i nearly got expelled because my "friend" (whom i was actually terrified of and absolutely would not be alone with him for that reason) made a hit list and the school was trying to expel me along with him even though there was absoluetly no evidence that i was involved and i was about the last person in the school to find out that he made it. the administrators were ready to kick me out, but two of my teachers stood up for me, as did another teacher who didn't know a lot about me, but could tell from speaking to me upon a few occasions that there was no way that i would ever do such a thing. i don't think it was a coincidence that two of these teachers were the only non-christian teachers in the school (one was a muslim, the other a witch), but the three of them have made it clear, especially since that incident, that they're there for me, which really helps me. sometimes the christian or the muslim will ask me small questions about my religion, espically around halloween because of it's pagan roots, and they didn't attempt to force me to participate in the christmas-related activities that filled the school in december, though several other teachers did. (one of them actually started playin gchristmas music on a portable stereo the minute i walked into his room and then turned it off as soon as i left.) society goes through its ups and downs, i suppose. there are periods when most people seem to be accepting of others regardless of the components of their lifestyle or the color of their skin, but other times hate seems to be on the rise against a paticular group. we've come a long way as a species, but we're still so far from our goal of unity and love among all groups of people.

from lostgoth168 :

no, no school yet. only summer homework. school starts august 28 or something like that, except for calculus, which starts on august 16, but might only be 16-20 and then skip to the 28. i don't know...i suppose i ought to email my teacher and ask him. this could be important. he'll probably fail me if i skip those classes. oh, to be six years old again!

from lostgoth168 :

hey. thanks for the note. i really needed it. i got over my sucidal feelings last night after i meditated and came to a better sense of who i am, at least on a religious level. it is an interesting question of why i entered this circle of people who seem destined to give me an endless amount of frustration. i try to teach my family some things, but they never want to listen to me. when my father was bashing witchcraft one day, i suggested that if he read about it, perhaps he would see that it wasn't what he thought it was. he grew quite angry with me and accused me of trying to force him to be a part of my religion. i was shocked, naturally, and i felt stupid. i should have known better than to ask him to educate himself about other cultures, not to join them, but just to learn how to accept them. my brothers are a little more willing to listen so long as i keep my "speeches" under a minute, but i don't feel that i'm really reaching them either. some of the students at my school who aren't hostile towards me will listen about as well as my brothers do. usually, the most that they want to hear is that witches are not satan-worshippers. i think that i can learn many lessons from them. they seem ridiculous to me because they want everything to be black and white. i have to learn to be patient, tolerant, and extremely sensitive lest they explode upon me. i'm learning some valuable virtues, i suppose, and i can see clearly the way that i don't want to live and the way that i don't want to raise my own children from observing my family. living among people who think that diversity is a disgrace, i can see what a blessing diversity truly is. so i am learning, and maybe some of them are learning a little from me. there are lessons that i know my parents have learned from my behavior, even though they chose to ignore them and pretend that nothing has changed. surely i'm becoming a stronger person by living among them, which will make my escape even sweeter. i'm going to go so i can reflect upon all of this...peace and blessed be.

from lostgoth168 :

hey. i see your point about gay high schools...i was probably being close-minded, but i still retain my opinion for the most part. maybe i'm jealous in a way, because nobody ever offers me protection. i mean, when people hit me and pick on me at school, draw red lines across my locker, tell the principal taht i made a hit list when i didn't, smear semen under the handle of my locker, throw textbook at my head (and hit me because i was walking down the hall and my back was turned), say that i worship the devil and i drink blood and kill people and so on, and other stuff like that, nobody gives a damn. according to the administrators at my school, this is how i should be treated. it's okay if people hit me on the head with their history book in the middle of class. the teacher observed this with a quiet smile, but it hurt, dammit. it's okay for my history teacher to talk about the origins of christmas and say the word "pagan" ten tiems as loudly as another other word in the sentence while staring directly at me like i'm a space slug or something else gross and slimy. it's okay to expell me because somebody started saying that i had a gun in my locker, even thought it was proven that i didn't. the guidance counselors and administrators have heard of all of this, seen it, talked to me about it, but have done not a thing about it because they don't care how anyone treats the goth. and the semen under my locker handle...can you imagine how disgusting that way when i tried to open my locker? i had no idea that it was there until it was too late. i went down to the office and complained, but it took two days before the janitor got around to cleaning it off. i don't think that anything would have been done about it had my friend sarah not lied for me. when she found out about it, she went down to the principal and told him that it was her locker. the well-crusted fluid was cleaned off immediately. why couldn't they do the same for me? when i told one of my teachers about the textbook that was hurled at the back of my head, he laughed. right, that was funny. do you see what i mean? this is what i have to deal with on a regular basis. it's not always violence, but words can hurt just as much. there's one of me and seven hundred other people in my school. i have to stand up to them all on my own. nobody makes a special school for me. i feel that if i can make it through high school all alone, then other people can do it to, and chances are that most of those schools have more than one homosexual student in them. i'm not superman and i shouldn't have to be. there's no way that i should be forced to tolerate the things that i do. after i scheduled my classes for next year, i was told that i needed to drop all of my ap classes. why? i have no idea. fortunately, i think that my schedule had been corrected to include the ap classes, but i won't know until the first day of school. the first day of school...new freshmen, new kids to bully me. isn't that a comforting thought? the older kids were always nicer to me than my own classmates and the ones younger than me. it gets worse every year. so what are my options? should i commit suicide so i don't have to deal with this? my parents won't let me transfer schools. it's clear that nobody cares how the other students and some of the faculty treats me. what am i supposed to do? am i utterly insignificant? do i matter to no one but myself? should i even matter to myself? am i a waste of life? if i was homosexual, would people care? maybe i don't deserve to be cared about. maybe i'm just the monster that everybody makes me out to be. okay, i'm not special, i get it. i've been told that many times, so why do i get treated so differently from everybody else? i'm the scapregoat, i'm the punching bag, what? well, i've probably thoroughly pissed you off by now, so i should go.

from lostgoth168 :

that�s a pretty good theory about body type. now that i think about it, most of my peers hang out with people who look and are shaped about like them. i�m a fairly small person: short, sort of thin, but i�m not exactly what would be considered �tiny� because i have passed the five foot mark (by two inches). nobody else really looks like me, not even the people in my family. comparing my body type to theirs, i have to wonder where my genes come from, because i see no matches. even when i only take my eyes into consideration, nobody else in my family has eyes that even come close to mine, and i�m considering all the relatives that i�ve ever met. i consider my eyes to be my best feature because they suit me so well: a greenish sort of color, but constantly changing tone depending on mood, weather, phase of the moon, position of the sun, planetary alignment, etc. could it be that my eyes scare people away? it sounds a little far-fetched, but some people do seem frightened of my eyes. perhaps because my eyes are deep and �capable� whereas my peers tend to be shallow and incompetent, maybe they realize upon seeing my eyes that i can see through them. high school definitely won�t be my peak. it�s close to the bottom of the valley. i can�t say that it�s the very bottom, because at least i know how to fend for myself now and i�m trying to discover myself, but i can�t say that my life is accelerating so rapidly that i�m developing a fear of heights either. but the day when i can break free is rapidly approaching, i suppose that it will be here before i know it. and while my peers get �babied� through college by their parents, i�ll be out on my own, dependant on nobody but myself for survival (and hopefully i�ll make a few friends for companionship). gothic barbie and gothic ken do not exist. neither do pagan barbie and pagan ken. that just gives me a better chance of survival in the real world.

from lostgoth168 :

hey. thanks for sharing your interpretation of my dream. it could be fear-related, i suppose. one of my greatest fears is that i will never find true love in life (which i have been told is a stupid fear). that may not seem connected to my dream, but the people that i know who like korn always seem to be dating, so i think that there is a connection. and there is a lot of pressure to conform in my life, but i tend to brush it away, although i sometimes wonder what it would be like to be "normal." several years ago, i made an attempt at fitting in and i failed miserably at popularity, though i did realize that i don't care much about fitting in if i have to be someone else in order to fit it. i don't want to be part of the crowd. i want to stand out, and sometimes i fear that i don't no matter what, even though i clearly do. i know that i shouldn't be seen as one of the masses, but sometimes people treat me like i am. well, again, thank you.

from lostgoth168 :

hey. i love your diary. as far as i'm concerned, you're a totally amazing person and it seems like you have a really firm grip on your inner self, which i admire. i liked your thoughts on suicide (having been suicidal myself more than once) and the part about butterflies. i think it's incredible that you're able to identify with two different religions--imagine if everybody could open themselves to different beliefs. the people of the people of the world could move up to a whole different level. and of course, you're an incredibly open-minded person (so am i). i'll keep reading if you keep writing.

from lostgoth168 :

i�m willing to bet that columbus is full of everything that i�d love, were i not a resident of a �finger� street. (that means that virtually everything immediately near my my house is reynoldsburg, but my street is considered part of columbus for some stupid reason.) then a much bigger part of columbus takes about thirty seconds to drive too, but that leads into whitehall pretty fast and blacklick�s close by too. i�m kind of on an island...plus, my parents would never let me have a cool job. goths are evil, according to them, which means that i�m supposed to pretend to be �normal.� what i wouldn�t give to move out of my house and move in with somebody else who would let me get a job at some gothic store�at least let me dress like me! but thanks for leaving me the note. i�ll check around and see if i can find some place to apply at that my parents might consider letting me work at. some areas of columbus are very diverse, i know. if nothing else, at least that wouldn�t make me some idiot chasing after a goth at krogers that won�t like me anyway. (people that i crush on never like me.) i like some world music too on occasion and how did i forget to put c.s. lewis as one of my favorite authors? my narnia books look ancient because i�ve read them so many time. i�m pressed for time (my mother: �get off the damn computer now!�) so i couldn�t read much of your diary, but i�ll read more tomorrow and maybe leave another note. now i've got to go or be murdered, so i guess i'll go.

from until-we-die :

Hey! This is Erin aka girls4jesus. Please don't leave a note there again once you read this. Ok me and a friend poppyfish, are doing the girls4jesus diary to make a point to a very hyper-religious, judgemental girl on diaryland. we are trying to prove that her religious zeal does not translate to actual love and understanding of the words she put on the page. in actuality, poppy and i are both openminded, left wing, prochoice, pro gay people. so yeah, if you are interested in the actual process and what is going on, leave me a note:)

from milkmaid :

Heh. My guestbook must be posessed or something! Nope. John Ritter was alone. Although he was chatting up some lady when he was in my seat. I don't know what was goin' on there. He came to see his friend Richard Kline in the play. How cool is it that both you and I had "experiences" with him from one day to the next?!! It's like John Ritter is a conduit, and he doesn't even know it.

from soldiergirl :

Where have you been Tom? Miss seeing your journal entries. Hope you're doing okay in the New Year.

from soldiergirl :

Hi Tom, Thanks for leaving such detailed answers on my Queer as Folk survey. I agree with almost everything you stated in your response. After watching nearly every American episode, I've come to understand Brian better and his "Sunny Boy" experiences. I also think Ted is less of a nerd and more sensitive and loving with his Blake experiences and willingness to try new things (i.e. slave boy). Thanks for taking the time to answer. You are a talented writer and right on about Wacko Jackson and his children. He deliberately found a breeder named Debbie Roe (dental assistant) to birth his babies and then paid her off to go away, leave them all alone. How tragic and selfish! The man needs his head examined along with his messed up nose. Take care. Drop by my page from time to time. I promise to write a better, second survey.

from the-bijou :

oh my! You have both my diaries as faves. You are ever too delicious.

from knightsong :

Wow...someone who actually likes the movie Matewan! Being from West Virginia, I've only seen it about 50 times. ;)

from tattodnanny :

I just wanted to thank you for adding me as a favorite, and for the wonderfull, brilliant answers on my survey. I have another one, called aaaaquestions, if you'd like to give it a whirl. I also wanted to reassure you that my marriage, while far from perfect, is ok. I was just really annoyed with my husband the night I wrote that. Glad to have you as a reader, and I'm enjoying the hell out of your journal!

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