DiaryLand members area

Just to let you know I've been reading you. I have also been through a divorce, as you know, and with children involved. I can empathize that it is not easy.

from hcatty :

Yay for libraries! Riddick is indeed Sex walking. Yum.

from minstrelite :

Wow - I was about to email you to see if you were still alive - seriously! A person wonders, because we aren't really all that connected. I'm glad you updated. Sorry if you've been through tough times - I'm also a little embarrassed if you read my entry from this morning - I'm on this dumb thing of wanting to write for an hour every morning - well, that in itself is not so dumb, but I'm not convinced I should be spewing it forth onto my readership like that. I couldn't have been in a worse mood this morning if they'd have paid me for it. I feel better now, because I took certain steps, contacted certain people - not in the area that would have *seemed* related to the problem, but in the area where I was really lacking; which has to do with the connections between people who care about you: the truly important things: goodness, kindness, friendship, and love. No man (or woman) is an island - anyway, it's great to have you back. (About M. Riddick I cannot comment, only because I don't know who he is.)

from minstrelite :

That has got to be the most intriguing entry you've ever written -- at least from my perspective. (I'm talking about the one where you receive the email from a certain man and then have lunch in a nice Italian restaurant.) Fortuitously, I was able to be in a relaxed enough state to read and comprehend it, now that I finally have my own laptop again, and am not under time pressure at some Internet cafe. Still, I didn't quite get if it was he who took you out to lunch...maybe I'm dense, but please convey.

from minstrelite :

I've witnessed things happen like that at my writer's group before (where some really old guy reads his sex scene out loud in front of a lot of younger women.) Even as a middle-aged man, I find it very awkward.

from sparkspark :

Rock on, girl! That's fantastic. XO Violet

from minstrelite :

I think I figured it out. Check my page and see if I did it right.

from minstrelite :

Hey Jess, me again. I went to sitemeter but couldn't see the option to register -- only to login if already a member. I just bought about an hour on a public computer though I want to use it to look for a place to live in a nearby larger town. But if you're still there maybe you can help me. I also posted again, and wrote a decent entry for a change, but only because something had pissed me off.

from minstrelite :

Hi Jessica. I got your notes, and also read your entry. I can relate to being scared at a writer's group, but hopefully you will have gone through with it anyway. Even if the stuff you wrote is dated and misrepresents you, you might still have heard some valuable feedback that will be useful to you. About sitemeter, I will check it out, but because my computer time is so limited these days, I can't promise I'll do anything with it, unless the navigation is super-quick and easy. It's frustrating not having a computer, but of course I have no place to put one either. I do understand that this society does not know how to relate to those who have mental health conditions, but I believe that the sooner people realize that we are all simply human beings, despite the conditions of our mental health, the better off we'll be. I'm glad you noted me, and I don't mind people not commenting. What I really mind is that, as a writer, I'm not coming up with anything more interesting to say. I'm just too preoccupied right now to think about anything other than getting off the streets. I'm tired of carrying everything I own with me at all times in a back pack and walking on foot from place to place, because if I leave anything in a motel room, it will likely be stolen. It's just a horrible lifestyle. And I completely understand why people don't have anything to say. I will stop writing now.

from sparkspark :

You'll be great. Have faith. I'm wishing you the best for your reading! XOXO Violet

from smashthegas :

Everything is pointless. Except it isn't. Heh. Smashxxx

from minstrelite :

I have to admit that I really enjoy watching random B movies from the 80's -- or any other decade for that matter. I'm lucky there's a TV in my hotel room -- maybe I'll do that tonight.

from smashthegas :

Finish the book. I bet you every bit of money I don't own there is a positive in there somewhere. *hugz* Smashxxx

from minstrelite :

I'm all fucked up.

from smashthegas :

Hey don't feel guilty about spending money on much needed stuff. And a coupla vodkas doesn't hurt I don't think. One day, when I grow up, I will learn the meaning of the word "moderation." Heh. Hope your weekend is good. Smashxxx

from minstrelite :

Perhaps the author's ideas matured between the first book and the second. Also, I've never seen you, but I betcha anything you're not fat.

from minstrelite :

I believe the two Vodkas are what caused you to say that *you* should have stayed with Alec d'Uberville, and not Tess. Might have been a Freudian slip though. (I'm not judging, by the way. I've certainly drunk more than my fair share of Vodka in the past forty-eight hours.)

from minstrelite :

Hope your Reiki appointment went well. By the way, you can leave me a comment now (it doesn't have to be about the entry) though not a note. I turned off my notes for a while, for certain reasons.

from minstrelite :

That sounds like it will be really nice for you, Jess -- have a good time.

from minstrelite :

Yes, two very similar situations. I think that sometimes, in order to grow spiritually, we need to relinquish our attachment to things that we hold dear. I think we also change, our perceptions and attitudes toward things change, and we might come to see things in a different light, thus altering our perceptions and attitudes toward things we had formerly held dear. That may be what happened to me with that forum, and possibly with you regarding your grove. Glad you got back with the Reiki fellow. You're being taken care of.

from smashthegas :

Caffeine and nicotine are wonderful things, hehe. They're also evil, but quite wonderful. Smashxxx

from minstrelite :

I was just reading your note again. I am sorry you were treated that way. A similar thing happened to me recently, on a forum where I had been very active for over three years, and where I had submitted over 1,000 posts. I was also an MVP on the Forum (Most Valuable Poster), when all of a sudden other MVP's began making decisions that I disagreed with, and seemingly purposely not including me in the decisions. I think this kind of thing happens when a group of people gets caught up in an idea that they're excited about, and they forget that the idea might not be for the good of all concerned. So I can empathize.

from minstrelite :

You know, I have sensed that from my take on your entries. I might be in a similar place myself actually (I'm not sure.) I do know that I've got a lot of stuff to work through. If you ever need an ear, though, I'd like to be available -- it might take a while to get back to you, depending on what's going on.

from minstrelite :

Thanks for the information. I'll check out that link. You actually would have interesting dialogue with my recent roommate, as long as it remained online and you didn't give out your phone number or anything like that. He's very much into Druidism, though a Mormon (I never quite understood the connection.) The reason I didn't connect the two of you earlier is because I didn't want to connect him to my diary where he would have been able to read all my complaints regarding his behavior.

from minstrelite :

Certain of your entries have prompted me to ask: who exactly is your "spiritual family?" I'm gathering that there's some kind of rift due to their embracing something of a darker nature, but I'm not quite getting it.

from minstrelite :

Got your note re 39, and glad you grokked. Gotta go back and read them now -- can't quite remember what I wrote. (a function of old age combined with sensory oveload).

from minstrelite :

Sorry so truant on the email -- my mind-set keeps changing, as usual. However, I did post 39 facts about me, and that should explain a lot. Hope you're doing well today!

from minstrelite :

I'll email you either late tonight or early tomorrow morning. Earlier I had a distinct thought or two, but after a large meal, a couple drinks, and a nap, I am feeling uncomfortably incoherent, and I also can't quite remember what I was thinking, specifically. It will come back to me.

from minstrelite :

I'd be surprised if you don't get a lot of sympathetic responses to your recent entry. I think that many of us can identify with the experience of undesired abstinence, coupled with the sense that our friends are not getting back to us. The subject is sensitive enough, however, that I might send you an email, if you don't mind. Let me know.

from minstrelite :

Aye, with regards to the username/password combo. Why else would I have locked my diary?

from minstrelite :

Please email me for the username/password if you would like to read my diary.

from minstrelite :

Thanks for your note. It helps for someone to identify with my frustration, even if there is nothing they can do to help. I don't know that our philosophies are all that much different -- well, I don't know you, really -- but whatever you do or wish toward another person in a good heart cannot possibly be of ill effect in this universe.

from hissandtell :

Yes, it's making sense. (I think.) Why should you be relegated to chorus instead of being given a chance at the lead, or at least asked if you'd like starring role? It's a bloody shame when something that's meant to embody unity and harmony becomes just one more vehicle for the really cool kids to put everyone else back in his or her box. Sounds like it's time to strike out on your own -- sometimes synergy is NOT your friend. Love, R xxx

from smashthegas :

Sex, cigarettes and alcohol. Brilliant things. But non of 'em come cheap, sadly. Hehe. Smashxxx

from minstrelite :

It's all back now.

from minstrelite :

Glad you're feeling all right this morning. Hmmm...maybe on future applications you can downplay your Starbucks experience and emphasize that you're not exactly married to certain bux-related notions. I don't know -- I probably couldn't be a barrista because I'm too clutzy -- I would keep spilling things, breaking things, bumping into things, etc.

from minstrelite :

If you're still up, I suppose I could go get a bottle of rum and we could have a party. ;)

from minstrelite :

Vodka, eh? Shame. ;)

from minstrelite :

The titles of my entries are often double entendres.

from minstrelite :

Well I'm doing things I theoretically ought not to do, also. But as you say so clearly: "Being poor fucks up your mind." After I wrote my recent entry, I read yours, and thought I should habe sent the $55 to you instead. I feel really bad.

from minstrelite :

I wasn't thinking you would ever go after a married person -- I was sort of being silly in my note. The whole way you inserted the word MARRIED was actually really hilarious. I like the way you led up to it. Also, I think I know what you mean about needing to stay focused on dealing with your own stuff right now. I ought to be doing that myself, and not be flirting so much. It's like, I seem to flirt with women almost automatically, without thinking about such things as that I really can't afford to be seeing anybody right now.

from minstrelite :

I'm just now catching up. When I got to the big word MARRIED in your previous entry, the whole energy of the entry changed. Of course, that's what you were shooting for! I don't know, Jess. There are plenty of adorable UNMARRIED guys out there ;)

from minstrelite :

If you left your email in a note, I still have it. Let me look for it, and if you don't hear from me a second time on this same subject, expect a soon email from me.

from minstrelite :

I've been looking for a writers group myself. I miss taking English 100f (Creative Writing of Fiction) over and over again for credit when I was in college. I would write three short stories each quarter. I also took undergraduate and graduate playwriting courses. I miss having the feedback of the others, because it helped me to generate ideas -- especially in the playwriting seminars -- and to learn which kinds of things worked, and which did not work. As far as measuring oneself against others, I know that is a really hard one. I think (but am not sure) that the key is in identifying your own voice, and being comfortable with it. By the way, would you like to read my script? It's not very good, but I don't mind sharing it.

from minstrelite :

Also, last night was the first night I had warm milk at bedtime, though as I mentioned I haven't had a drink since Friday.

from minstrelite :

You're at about the same age as I was when I first started to get my act together, although it strangely fell back apart approx. 16 yrs later. I think I had chiseled myself too hard into the straight and narrow, and because of my mother's influence never permitted myself to do anything of which she would disapprove. Then, after she died, the compression effect took place, and I let it all out at once. I'm trying to simmer down now.

from minstrelite :

Uh oh. I didn't mean that sarcastically -- I think it's a good thing to have environmental concerns, I just wondered why they weren't putting the sleeves on the cups anymore. My friend silverluna just updated, I see, and she's talking about her shift too -- interesting.

from minstrelite :

Funny, I always prefer *not* to have the sleeve myself. I know the point, but it just seems like a decoration. It's rare that I'm bothered by the heat of the cup. But I wonder: are you guys trying to save a tree? What's the reasoning behind this? That customer was definitely testy -- maybe he was in a bad mood. Also, there's another person on my favorites list who works at a Starbucks -- it's silverluna.

from minstrelite :

Something tells me you are a person who takes very good care of herself.

from minstrelite :

I sort of wish it were that simple with me. I've often actually compared online journaling in my mind to talking to strangers in a bar, where you tend to open up about the wildest things, and you don't really care, because we're all humans and after all, everybody's doing it. In this diary, though, I'm constantly getting into the position where it's a couple days later and I'm thinking: "Should I really have written that?" In fact, just now, I went over to the edit and delete spot, and searched for the a certain word (something having to do with something my daughter had told me) and found a whole entry about it, and deleted it immediately. Me, myself for me personally, I don't care so much what people know about me and what they don't -- unless it was going to hurt her, or someone else who cares about me. But if I were to reveal too much stuff about her or other people close to me, it wouldn't be cool. A lot of people know me. But I'm rambling.

from minstrelite :

Yeah, I can see that. I had to go back and see what I wrote. I don't think I meant that there are things that are "supposed" to go on the printed page, and other things that aren't "supposed" to -- although that's exactly what I said. Hmmm -- I will have to think about this a while. I know what I was thinking. Say if my daughter were faced with a difficult life decision that was very personal, and she shared it with me in confidence, then no, I ought not to write about in my online journal, where someone could conceivably read it whom she knows, but with whom she would not have wanted to share it. That's an example of what I meant.

from minstrelite :

Re: your entry of 2/19 -- it's always nice to be reunited with an old friend, through whatever means.

from minstrelite :

I got your note, and I'm reading. You haven't offended me by any means -- I think I've offended some people, usually when I'm out of touch with what's supposed to go on the printed page and what's supposed to remain churning around in my head, or possibly confidential between known entities in so-called "real life."

from minstrelite :

I can definitely relate to being tired of being poor -- but I'm sure you've probably gathered that by now. I'm ineligible for food stamps, though, because the government thinks they're covered by my disability, although that's a crock. I'm definitely living in a high rent area, and I'm WAY behind on my taxes, I mean from when I was still doing well. I'm lucky my sister helps me from time to time, though. I just wish things weren't so unstable.

from minstrelite :

Thanks Jehsika. Constructive criticism is always a good thing, though not always appreciated, by all. I messed around with it until I got a mellower view for most people's eyes. It's also locked now but let me know if you want the username/password.

from minstrelite :

Thanks. Let me know if you have a suggestion for a mellower color.

from jonathan :

I'll be tapping away the the keyboard for a few years more. Hope to be writing, loading thousands of old diary entries and catching up with old friends. Sounds like I'm putting up some resistance ... I've also go a book to complete and send out.