DiaryLand members area

Happy New Year! It's been a while and I was wondering if you'd share your p-word with me, so I can catch up on your life. It's your call. Either way, I hope you had a fabulous holiday. ;)

from ree :

Locked! And I've no more access, it seems. Is this permanent? If it is, could I trouble you to update your Dland profile with that info, so I quit doggedly checking to see if the old password somehow works?

from moviegrrl :

you're locked! I ean even more locked than before! Should I be worried?

from moviegrrl :

hey sweetie, just trawling through back archives (I really have been off with Dland recently...). Now feel totally shitty that I wasn't around at the start of the month when you discovered the lump. I'm sending as many positive vibes your way as I possible can, and will be thinking of you tonnes. I'm away for a couple of weeks from Wednesday, but MovieMom does have a PC so I'll check in when I can. Smoochies! xxx

from drgeek :

After reading your "Green" entry, I have to ask: are you taking any time to talk to your bf about how you feel confined? True, you can change the way you react to him... but, if he is as seriously committed to your relationship as you are, he should be willing to accomodate your needs, desires, and wishes. You are right, he's a vanilla guy. Us vanilla guys appreciate a good conversation... instead of ketchup on the trench coat.

from moviegrrl :

First of all I can think of more than a couple of people who love you to pieces. Second of all am VERY cross with your BF about all this - it's his controlling behaviour that is immature and totally effed up. Third of all - work on your cool idea and bollox to the rest of them. {{{hugs }}} as ever xxxx

from kimbarley :

I'd love to hear S's break down if you'd be so kind as to share. Oh and FYI for some reason when I use the MAC I'm able to get in to your diary without the password. Don't know why since on other locked ones I read if I don't remember the password I'm SOL... who knows.

from moviegrrl :

seeing as you write the diary for no-one but yourself, as seeing as you got some kind of resolution out of the diary entry (which I caught by the way), I don't quite see the problem.Deleting diary entries doesn;t meak you a diary fraud, it is no more differnt than deciding to tear a page out of a written diary because for whatever reason you feel the words no longer need to be there. You could have privately archived it (you are still Gold?) but again if it's fdone it's job then why other? Diary fraud - pshaw!!! there are some SERIOUS diary fraudsters out there, and they really aren't very nice people at all!!!

from kimbarley :

Another horse note... when I was on a ride in California where we observed some of the Mustang herds the cowboys demonstrated the Jeffrey Method. Here is an excerpt I found online: �Intuitive knowledge is the foundation of The Jeffery Method of Horse Handling� will show you how to work together with your horse in a spirit of trust, confidence and cooperation. It will also show you how to build a solid rapport with your horse in a quick and effective manner.� I personally witnessed a cowboy work a wild mustang using this method. Within 3 days he was riding out on the open range observing the horse�s previous herd. I was truly impressed by the acceptance of one another, creating a symbiotic relationship.

from kimbarley :

I've been rather unsuccesful in producing a picture, though I have found the 'proper' term to be: FLEHMEN REACTION - A unique behavior wherein the horse extends its head and curls back the upper lip while drawing air into the nasal cavity; usually expressed by a stallion attempting to detect estrus ("heat") in a mare. Basically I shouldn't have used the word 'inverted' even though some if not most of the geldings and studs I've seen actually lift/raise as well as twist their nose. I'm going to keep looking for a picture and if I do, I'll pop it in an email to you.

from kimbarley :

I'll see if I can dig up a picture to better to show you rather then explain since I've just spent the last few minutes typing and then deleting. Tomorrow then...

from kimbarley :

Being in season shouldn't be too bad, though I've had a few mares who turned out to be absolute sluts that had their minds focused only on one thing. Anywho, 90% if not more of the mares would carry on with the winking and peeing but temper/mood wise they were rather normal. As far as the gelded colt that sounded like he was mounting, I'd be worried that he wasn't properly gelded or done so late. We generally gelded all colts once we'd determined they were not going to be used for breeding as to avoid the hassles and possible liability if one became loose. Anywho, none of them ever attempted to mount the mares in season, they would however do the inverted nose which I always found highly amusing. Ok c-ya's.

from drgeek :

you're going to sue me? sue me??? surely an extremely kinky person such as yourself can come up with a more original way to avenge fightin' words such as 'slightly kinky' ;-) but no matter, you can be assured that I would thoroughly enjoy treating you to dinner in your most disgraceful attire. I merely meant that I could now better appreciate you for your dark beauty and luxuriant decadence than in my former, more innocent days. :->

from ree :

The intermingled senses you mentioned (hearing colour and the like) are part of a condition called synesthesia, which should help your searching for info. Some of my friends have been interested in it too and written entries about it; unfortunately those diaries don't exist anymore, or I'd look them up for you.

from swingerdiary :

Thanks for dropping me a note. Would love to have access to your diary if you felt comfortable giving me the "password". My email is [email protected]. If not, thanks anyway for reading my diary!!! :-)

from moviegrrl :

Have you thougth about perhaps talking to lady-malfoy/fuzzmom about this? She has step-children from her marriage to Ron and so might be in a position to give some friendly advice. I wish I could help more, but other than to reassure you that I think R is an a safe place with people who love and care for her, I'm not sure what else to say.

from drgeek :

Being a rather open minded (and not so very good) Catholic myself, if you would ever care to discuss your spiritual ideas, I would be happy to listen and exchange my own meagre thoughts and observations.

from moviegrrl :

and... to add to the depilation tips: never do it on the spur of the moment with a partner, especially when there's alcohol involved AND never ever ever think that using a gents razor is a good idea and will help speed the process along...

from moviegrrl :

paswword, password, password....

from moviegrrl :

I'm having email problems, so I'll ask here. AND now that you're locking up I can put you back on the faves list!!!!

from leatherlacex :

I just found your diary, I really love your honesty!

from moviegrrl :

I would love to but for two things...inlaws descending and down to my last 70p in the world. (And no idea yet how to get through until Tuesday and child benefit...v bogus and sad!!!)

from drgeek :

After reading your note "Blessed are the cheese makers", I just wanted to say that I am a christian who shares some of your confusion about God. I tend to believe that it is a mistake to apply rigorous logic to notions of spirituality. Is it logical that Jesus died on a cross? From a very human point of view, I think the answer is no... except possibly in that it teaches a lesson about death, even in the most radical of circumstances. Likewise, I think one must be careful about ascribing human attributes and characteristics to God. God is clearly not human, so why supply him/her with human characteristics? I think the Buddhists have this right: "if you see a Buddha walking down the road, kill it." Then again, maybe I'm not the best christian in the world if I'm quoting Zen koans, not Scripture. Just my two cents.

from ree :

I've been reading your DiaryLand site for a couple of months now and felt inclined to offer my response to http://darkndeviant.diaryland.com/blessed.html . I'm apparently rather open-minded for a Christian and thought you might be interested in my answers to the questions you raised. You said you didn't understand why God sent His Son to die for us, or why He had to die at all. (I'm sure you're sick of seemingly random capitalisation by now. I'm sorry. It's my custom to capitalise His name and pronouns, as He is pretty important to me.) The way I always understood this was that God figured nobody would pay attention unless He did something big. God sent part of Himself to be His Son, to live as both human and God, and to die an agonising death to show us that He was willing to do all that for the love of us. He must haev figured that just telling us wouldn't get the point across as clearly as showing it. Or maybe God's just a big masochist and the "need" to die that way is a cover for His liking pain. ;) Traditionally speaking, gods of all faiths like things being sacrificed to them. The more pure and more loved, the better they like it. I think God rather reversed this arrangement. He sacrificed His Son for us, instead of asking us to die or to kill our family members to give them to Him. Eh, maybe I don't explain very well, but I thought perhaps my knee-jerk reaction to you entry might help you figure out what you make of it all.

from drgeek :

Hi Dark'n'Deviant, I feel your pain concerning the move, having dealt with the consolidation of the belonging of Fiancee S. and myself this year. I am sorry to hear that in the midst of all these other agonies, your boyfriend chose that moment to express disdain for your BDSM life. I also feel some concern about your reaction to his feelings. Speaking as someone who is in a relationship right now, I know it would be a source of some strain to me if my Fiancee S. had to look outside of our relationship for an intense and intimate experience that she not just wants, but needs. Of course, making ultimatums about that feeling during unsettling moments like a move is an action of worthy of condemnation. Still, I'm glad the ultimatum was withdrawn. Finding a sense of equilibrium in life can be difficult even at the best of times, much less now. I swear that moves are the worst. A question: if he did persist in his demand for you to give up your BDSM life, why not just walk away? Why muse about the dramatics of self abuse in order to punish him? If nothing else, the episode demonstrates that who you are in your BDSM life is genuinely part of who you are and want to be. If he doesn't get that, why be with him?

from diva35 :

Oh yeah and Dogma is one of my fave movies.. for the very fact that is points out that God or Goddess.. no way is the wrong way

from diva35 :

the God or Goddess (i'm a pagan) finds us all in many ways...but I don't think you think bad of yourself for what you do or what you like.. but I wish you well in your mission.. whatever it is *smile*

from pageme :

As you probably are now, I would still be in shock a/f hitting not 1 but 3 animals!!! Luckily though they were well enough to get up and run away...that is hopefully a good sign as to their well being right now. I was thinking a/b your relationship with R and it's very obvious to me that she really needs you. Your control over the complusion to cut when the pain is to much is, I'm sure, an inspiration to her. Mind you, I think it's also a fine line you stand b/f as you are almost a 'partner in crime', in a sense. It can be used to give you incentive to avoid the urge though when it gets rough for you too...so I guess in essence, you both need each other right now. It's a great thing. Anyways, Happy Holidays from me to you. Kisses, xXx

from drgeek :

Hi Dark'n'Deviant, After reading your "Bless me father for I have sinned" entry, I find myself remembering a line from the start of the Michael Douglas/Tobey McGuire movie "Wonder Boys": "what the fuck is it with you Catholics?" Speaking as a Catholic myself, I think the Church is responsible for many things... but I am not sure that the rite of going to confession can metamorphosize into the ritual stance of a BDSM scene. That's just a suspicion, mind you. It seems that in spite of what you say, you had a fairly rigid upbringing -- if my parents had seen me get kicked out of multiple Confirmation preparation groups, I think that probably would have been the end of that, Sacrament or no. Perhaps I am wrong in observing that, though. Still, it is an interesting paradox: despite your need to not conform, you still need the rigidity and austerity of pain and discipline to step out of yourself and silence your chaotic impulses. Only then do you seem to feel whole. Yet, we parody the (supposedly) sacred in order to be profane. Does the Dom parody the priest? I don't know. I hope not, because I'd hate to see that dumped on the Catholic Church as well.

from pornoviolent :

I LUV U@!!!!!!!!!!!

from moviegrrl :

hehehehehehe - found the PERFECT one, give me a couple of minutes and I'll sort it...

from moviegrrl :

which one??? sorry babe, didn't mean to freak you out! {{{hugs}}} I'll find something nice like David Boraneaz with his shirt off - would that help???

from ravenheart :

Like you, I also talked to God as a child, every evening, but it got to a point where it just felt sad. No reply. I always wondered if it was my fault, something I had said or left out. I can really relate to you in your latest entry. The Confirmation was just something awful to me and I never went to the meetings and decided I would never go to church. It was not as much the religion as it was the people. Anyway, I like your entry on the subject.

from moviegrrl :

*grins*

from moviegrrl :

I think darkrainbow is a beautifully positive step. Only just caught up with these recent entries about R (nano-procrastination) but it looks like you've handled it all really well. I'm very proud of you, and R is a very lucky girl to have such a good friend. HUGE hugs xxxx

from kimbarley :

I'm a little behind on what you've been dealing with, better late then never right? From what I know of you I'd say you were probably more prepared to help her then you gave yourself credit for. Both you and Xtine are ladies who have faced so much, coming out scratched up a bit at times but still making it. That is just one of the reasons why I read each of your journals. You did a great job!

from kimbarley :

What a pleasant surprise... on the last part, yes it can happen. I still own Barb my 27 year old mare that has indeed been more my partner then anything. There were times when one of us would perhaps take the lead that was only attainable because we knew each other well enough that neither were stepping out of line, she trusted me and I in turn trusted her. I think it comes down to what both in the relationship end up wanting/needing and what each is willing to give. Some horses I've worked with are unwilling to let you have that connection with them, while others need it. Did any of that make sense? Well I may not be able to explain it so well but I can vouch that it is achievable, I�ve had it.

from drgeek :

Woo... I'm adorable. ;-) Thank you so much, Dr. dark'n'deviant.

from kimbarley :

I had been debating on asking you this and after reading your entry today decided that I should do it. Somewhere either I read or heard someone else state that a sub actually has the power in the relationship between the sub and dom. Is this true? Outside of that, yes TigerLily is just been a kid. I had been given a project with a three year old that was extremely large. She had been put to work on a ranch shortly after she became a yearling and so never was permitted to be a kid so to speak. While treating her body we worked heavily on her mental health. After about 5 or 6 months she was physically feeling good, becoming aggressive in her manners. All around she was just an angel and had this rebellious little attitude hiding under the surface. I ended up purchasing her 6 months later because we bonded, working past her attempts to be dominant in the relationship. I have to say she is one of the things I regret about moving country. Before I left we had been working on her self-confidence and trust out in the real world. What a blast it was to work with a young horse that basically looked up to me. All of that was just meant to say keep it up; I can see you two having wonderful times in the forest with all the other critters. Oh and we can do better� mixed in those hundreds of years there is always those who chose the path of friend over master.

from drgeek :

Interesting little questionaire you've got there. About the only item on the list that caused me to raise eyebrows was "asphyxiation." That tends to cross a personal line for me. I recognize that other forms of play can be dangerous in lots of circumstances, asphyxia is the only one on the list that purposely involves depriving the brain of oxygen. What is the dark'n'deviant attitude toward asphyxiation play?

from moviegrrl :

awww...I wasn't expecting that, thanks sweetie. Kudos from pals is always nice! xxx

from squirrelx :

Bless your heart for postin' that questionnaire! Fascinatin' stuff, but I think the Dom should add, 'serving as lamp - wearing shade on head', to his list of activities. I betcha there are a lot of folks who'd enjoy that, certainly as many as want to be 'lectured for misbehavior'. As ever, Xtine

from moviegrrl :

if you sort out our lunch date, I'll give you a hug! Glad to hear that you've found somewhere stunning to live. smooch! Sas

from diva35 :

on your entry Morbid fantasies , I know just what you mean about worrying about going too far, as Domme, I worry about that all the time, I'm not into blood of cutting anyone.. but I must admit that sometime, maybe use a bit of knife play I the thrill of fear that I might in a sub is exciting.... I to tend to be a lot more open in my thoughts in my journal than I am to my friends.. which they have called me on from time to time.. i'm not sure why I am.. maybe it cause in some things I can just say it to myself and have them read it than just tell them, I don't know.. I just wanted to say I know just what you mean

from diva35 :

"Encyclopedia of rawhide and leather braiding" "leather braiding" both by Bruce Grant.. they are old books so your local library may have them

from diva35 :

Have you ever thought of hypnosis, as a way to deepen you pain enjoyment... I find that when I use it on my sub that the line of pleasure and pain become closer

from moviegrrl :

Suspect that he actually meant Karen Carpenter? (anorexic songstress....) v weird....

from lady-malfoy :

LOL! Oh, hon. Thank you so much for the offer, but I had my tongue firmly in my cheek when I wrote that. I've been involved in a domination/submission relationship for about five years now, and I cannot stand the prevailing prejudice against such an "abnormal" thing. I'm glad you stopped by, though, and I've bookmarked your diary. See you later!

from drgeek :

Greetings Dark'n'Deviant! I just wanted to pass along a book recommendation -- Lauren Hillenbrand's "Seabiscuit: An American Legend". I am more than probably VERY late in recommending this to you, but, I had the chance to read it cover to cover on a plane yesterday after seeing the movie "Seabiscuit" over the summer. Ms. Hillenbrand turns out to be primarily a writer about horses and horse racing in her previous work, and her sympathy and reverence for the kind of naturalistic, empathic training methods you frequently mention is immediately apparent and abundant. "Silent" Tom Smith, Seabiscuit's trainer, must have been an incredible horse whisperer.

from kimbarley :

She is just testing you! You know that horses don't just let issues once argued remain dead, they always test dominance and so you will just need to continue with what you are doing. Heck my mare that I've had for over 10 years still at least once a year tries to do the "I'm top dog" act. Takes a few minutes and bam things are back to normal. Anywho, pep talk over.

from kimbarley :

Your entry today made me think of my babies... I had raised two fillies by the �kind� method and though I sadly had to sell them before they were of age to ride, I was told that neither of them put up any kind of fuss what-so-ever (I always keep in touch with the owners). I was told that my palomino paint had actually just cocked her head and gave the look like, �ok you�re on my back... I can handle that... what next?� I totally agree with you about horses being broken, wrong word, being taught to accept humans in a manner that is stress free for both. Coming at them on their level, as a member to the herd makes a world of difference. You�ll have no problems with TigerLily, at least not any that won�t be over come by two friends.

from lilydancer :

Hope you are ok friend - it seems like you are on the other side of the world i haven't spoken to you for so long!!hehe......have fun xxxxxx

from squirrelx :

Congratulations, granny-to-be! I'm so happy for you! Please know that I'll be prayin' hard for the both mother and child. Love, Xtine

from squirrelx :

Next to huggin' horses, one of my favorite activies is standin' in front of 'em and starin' up into their faces. They're SO prehistoric lookin', such magical entities, don't you find? As ever, Xtine

from argentum :

I realize you're trying to wave the red flag, so I won't tritely rise to take the bait. I will however hope that you could be persuaded to check the results of the popular vote in the last American plebiscite, and maybe even consider taking a second look at your opinion of exactly who runs the gov't in the States. Its not the politicians. The common man has nothing to do with it, regardless of his desires, opinions, or analytical prowess. I do like the stories about the horses and such. Be good.

from meeyapede :

Whenever folks say UK comedy is more sophisticated, I think of Benny Hill. Hee. Anyway, it's pure synchronicity that I read this entry. I heard of the show today for 1st time ever when I saw a tape of it in my romping partner's bedroom- what a coinkydink! I think yr so right that they'll suck out anything of quality by remaking it US TV. Boo. -JL

from suckaskitty :

I gotta agree about the internet thing... but why give the credit to the pornographers for making it what it is today, when we all know it was actually Al Gore's doing?? "laughs hysterically*.. ANyways, great diary, and I'll be back!

from catpriestess :

Loved what you had to say about the internet and parenting. I agree completely: not everything in the world is MEANT to be safe for children. That's why they have parents: to protect them.

from catpriestess :

If they remake Father Ted and ruin it, I may have to join a terrorist organization myself. Grrrrr.

from sleepyzoe :

You didn't upset this American reader. I agree, British humour is much better than American. And I've only gotten a small taste. Our humour is sophmoric and predictable, and often done in bad taste. Although I'm not aware of the show you're refering to, I'm sure you're quite right about it. :)

from squirrelx :

Robert E. is gettin' healthier and sassier every day. He's still in considerable pain, but he's not gonna lose his leg and we hope he'll be well enough to acclimate to the chaos of our home by mid-July if not before. The angels are lookin' after him. Love, Xtine P.S.: I visited 'Friend's' diary as soon as you wrote about it and I'll definitely be returnin'.

from lilydancer :

hello friend.....how do you like my new template

from squirrelx :

I fully understand and empathize with your need to prepare for a worst case scenario, but hang onto hope too. My granny always told me, "Don't buy trouble. You'll get plenty for free, so try not fret and spend your happiness on the folks you love instead." I don't know exactly what the meant, but it usually made me feel better so I figured I'd add it to this note. You and yours are ever in my prayers. Love, Xtine

from squirrelx :

I know exactly what you mean about the 'Miracle Whip Challenge'. Sounds a whole lot more excitin' than it is. Even if mayonnaise had to be involved, surely they could've come up with a more novel wager. Love, Xtine P.S.: it's been one week since Robert E.'s accident and he's still goin' strong. The angels are watchin' over him.

from moviegrrl :

have I mentioned recently that you are one of the few people I know who "makes stuff that works"...??? *smooch*

from drgeek :

Ah, MS SQL Server and not MySQL, mea culpa mea culpa, my mistake. Still, that does not improve matters much as one might thing. I somehow would think that when you get yourself a copy of the source code for a strong commercial database system, Sybase 7.0, and hire Jim Gray, one of the original architects of the first relational database system for IBM, you should end up with a strong contender in the database market. Alas, no. It goes to my thesis that Microsoft truly excels at producing software that makes game developers, home PC users, and corporate marketing and sales staffs happy, but, they only have about half a clue when it comes to building enterprise-class software that must run in machine rooms. Oh well.

from kimbarley :

Was reading today about the colt coming around... I miss working with wild animals, they always bring such a joy when they share their lives with you. I was going to go on about them but it would be a novel... so I'll just leave it at that.

from drgeek :

Hi Dark'n'Deviant, I never took the opportunity to commiserate regarding the choice to replace Oracle databases with MySQL. Having been an Oracle DBA in the past, I can understand precisely the kind of frustrations that arise when a less than knowledgable person in a position in power says "Hey, I've heard that there is a free thing out there called MySQL. It looks like it's got all sorts of cool freeware tools too. All my Linux hackers love it and evidently use it to organize their MP3 collections on the web. I think we'll use that instead." Also having had a research interest in databases as a graduate student and looked at a number of freeware offerings over the years (Postgres, PostgreSQL, and MySQL) among them, I can say that when it comes to raw I/O, indexing, and concurrency capabilities you need to be a peculiar and wretched soul indeed to find beauty among them. That said, however, there are a number applications where a featherweight SQL engine is useful and appropriate and business is evidently done one the web with MySQL. Unfortunately, I came across this link the other day: http://yahoo.businessweek.com/technology/content/jun2003/tc2003064_8429_tc024.htm and SAP appears to want to use MySQL for something that is probably well beyond its capabilities. Don't they get it? Writing a bade DBMS is oh-so-very easy. Writing a good one is hard. I should know better than most.

from moviegrrl :

all links to your diary are off mine now, although i do occasionally refer to you (but not by diary name) - i did a lockdown yesterday while i sorted it. So hon, can you email the password please?

from pageme :

Ohhhh, I miss you already!! I'd love the p-word. Does this mean I should be more paranoid than I am a/b my diary?! ;) xXx

from raen :

I know EXACTLY what you mean about your BF bugging you about your diary! My husband is the same with me! Standing behind me telling me I shouldn't put personal words over the internet and that it can only lead to bad shit. I can't do an entry with him around. I have to do it while he's at work or after he goes to bed - sometimes I can sneak one in if he's glued to the tube. :) He's so annoying!

from pageme :

That entry was amazing!! I love horses too, even though I haven't had much experience with them. They are truly magical creatures and just watching them makes all my hair stand up on end. I was once on a friend's horse and I wasn't fully aware of what my body positions meant to a horse. Well @ one point, while I was riding him, I leaned forward and he just took off. Not realizing that I had just given him the signal to 'run', but we were flying! My girlfriend kept screaming for me to pull back on the reins, which I eventually did. Once we stopped and we trotted back to where everyone else was, I was completely in love. It was such a beautiful experience. xXx

from moviegrrl :

hey sweetie - just realised you've reached your 100th entry! congratulations! *smooch*

from moviegrrl :

'kin awesome. you go grrrl. (i'm writing this at home, no fool i....)

from moviegrrl :

dammit girl!!!! sorry i wasn't in the building yesterday (watford...)JEM is as ever full of shit, hope MD gave him an earfull afterwards... love and kisses xxxx

from dropsofyouth :

i like your diary. check out mine some time. -dropsofyouth

from squirrelx :

Thank you ma'am! You got my day off to a smilin' start with all those magnificent photographs --- the 'spaghetti shot' in particular. Love, Xtine

from drgeek :

Dark'n'Deviant, I do not consider myself to be someone who has political "blinders" on concerning what goes on in the United States. With that said, however, I cannot countenance the assertion that the Bush Administration "engineered" 9/11. They are just not that smart; in fact, a simpler reading of the facts suggests that what the conspiracy-minded call "co-incidences" falls more under the category of human stupidity and laziness than anything else. Now, what I will condemn as being UTTERLY shameful is the almost Machiavellian way that the Bush Administration and its allies have exploited 9/11 to enact a conservative political agenda that's been gaining momentum in this country for 25-30 years. Alas, opportunism is just as powerful a force in human nature and politics as laziness and stupidity. As a scientist, you of all people should be aware that extraordinary conclusions require extraordinary proofs. I, for one, do not subscribe to the theory that EVERY major or unexplained event in the last 50 years was planned and executed by a mysterious high level cabal with an ultimately subversive politcal agenda (as conspiracy theorists seem to ultimately suggest.) I need more proof that what I see on television.

from pageme :

Your mother sounds hauntingly similar to mine. Sometimes it's really depressing how I cannot be who I really am with her, but I figure that since I get disapproval either way it really doesn't matter. Still hurts I guess...Boo-Hoo. :) xXx P.S. I think you're amazing just the way you are! ;)

from ree :

Aw, here I thought Diaryland existed mostly so people could rant. Heh. Maybe I'm just conservative, but I would argue that extramarital sex still ought to be considered immoral, not precisely because of the sex act, but because marriages are generally imagined to be agreements of monogamy. I understand that some people are polyamorous, which is different -- if both partners of a marriage or other relationship agree to see/date/fuck other people, that's not the same as "cheating" at all. I'm curious what you have to say on the matter. Where I live, just knowing a term like "ployamorous" is considered borderline liberal/wrong -- I'm surrounded by U.S. Republicans! Oh, and on the vegan thing -- go you. I've tried not eating meat, and within a week craved a humburger beyond life itself. To go entirely vegan is a big thing, one that I'm far from being able to do, and I admire you very much for keeping your morals.

from squirrelx :

The fella who accused you of sexual immorality was a jackhole. 'Conservatives' like him live in fear that somebody, somewhere might actually be havin' a good time and because they derive so little pleasure from their own lives, they bitterly resent the happiness of others. I pity such folks, but I never take 'em seriously. They're as soft in the head as they are hard of heart. Best, Xtine

from drgeek :

Darkndeviant, speaking as a man, I tend to resist the notion that men, on the whole, are vacant dogs. Of the many arguments I've heard on this subject over the years (I went to graduate school at a University with heavy intellectual investment in Marxist lesbian feminism), I tend to subscribe to the theory that men process and express feelings in some different ways than women. Whether or not this is due to evolutionary biology or socialization, I am not sure. I will say, however, that does not mean that emotions of men are any less complex than those of women just because a man does not spend a lot of his day verbalizing his feelings with his peers. From my own personal perspective, I admire the fact that women seem to be able to effectively communicate their emotional state at any given moment. I sometimes find it frustrating that someone can ask me "how do you feel?" and it takes me a while to process an answer. It is as if the emotional centers of my brain are not very well connected to the speech centers, and some intellectual processing is required to make everything connect.

from squirrelx :

You did right by the deer, my friend. I'm sure you know that already, but I needed to say so, and to thank you for your courage and compassion. I believe all creatures belong to each other. Our souls interconnected and thus we're also responsible FOR each other. In my opinion, folks who deny those truths are blinded by fear or selfishness or both. Folks who honor 'em are see rightly, with the vision of angels ... with vision such as yours. As ever, Xtine

from moviegrrl :

code works fine, but not a great deal of point in my filling out the survey...*smooch*

from drgeek :

That's an interesting little paper that you've got there. The idea of the false and constructed self designed simply to please those who surround us or support us resonates strongly with me. Everyone has a constructed, public self or selves that we present to those around us who support us or interact with us. I think it is the people who deny the idea that there is more to them than this constructed self who truly possess the potiental to be ill or unhealthy. I like the connection the article makes between BDSM and ritual pain or mutilation. I think that is a very powerful and often neglected connection, at least in the Western world. Relgious expression has too often become a comfortable and intellectual social norm, and gotten away from its more mystic, visceral roots -- including suffering. One need only look at motifs within Umberto Eco's "The Name of the Rose" to see that. After all, why put on sack cloth and ashes or fast for days, if not to suffer? I think that there are many ways to penetrate to the heart of the human psyche. The theatrical and ritual motifs of BDSM suggest that they tie in to broader expressions of human behavior that are very old and very powerful.

from squirrelx :

I want to thank you for your congratulations, and also for your recent reflections on the subject of change. Although our lives may differ, your words hit home. Thank you for bein' so wise and so honest. As ever, Xtine

from nitejohnboy :

No..wasnt meant to be threatening at all..was meant to be funny. Sorry if you didnt get it.

from moviegrrl :

yup that is effin' funny" *smooch*

from argentum :

I would recommend against informing your accountant about your sexual proclivities, as they are none of his concern. As for the tax men, they are more concerned with big ticket items.

from nitejohnboy :

Interesting diary...I need a cold shower...and a gun..excuse me.

from drgeek :

Your obsession with long-haired, blonde boy reminded me of this girl I had a huge, raging, somewhat obsessive crush on during my early years at University. We met up again some years later at my ten year High School reunion. When she saw me, she said "Hi Dr. Geek, I'm glad you're here. Of all the people people here, you are the person I most wanted to see." Thinking that some kind of rapprochement and regular acquaintance might be possible (we now live several thousand kilometers apart), I stated that I'd be back in town a few weeks later and invited her to lunch. She gave me her number, but then blew me off completely when I called. Remembering that this was precisely the sort of give and take we had almost a decade before, I realized that I had at least learned a few things in the intervening years about how I like to be treated by people and severed all ties with her.

from drgeek :

I can only agree with your comments regarding Niagara Falls. I've been there twice: once with my family and once for a high school trip (I grew up about 3-4 hours away in New York State). It's amazing how a huge tourist trap has grown around a great natural wonder. Or rather, it is amazing that a huge tourist trap REMAINS around such a great natural wonder. I remember on that high school trip, we went to a "fun house" instead of riding on the "Maid of the Mist". That choice seemed purely wrong, and I voted against it... but alas, my vote did not decide the issue. Regarding your transformation from tomboy to woman: my girlfriend frequents nail salons and it's not such a bad thing. Embrace your feminine energy. It will make you strong.

from drgeek :

Hi Dark and Deviant, I agree that it is a shame about the lack of irony and sarcasm in the modern literary tradition. As Steve Martin put it in the movie "Roxanne": "Oh, ho, ho, irony! Oh, no, no, we don't get that here. See, uh, people ski topless here while smoking dope, so irony's not really a, a high priority. We haven't had any irony here since about, uh, '83, when I was the only practitioner of it. And I stopped because I was getting tired of being stared at." I myself find it difficult to project sarcasm for the same reasons -- people never seem to be able to figure out when I'm being sarcastic. Perhaps it's all that American evangelical earnestness I keep reading about. Perhaps they need to be broken of that habit. I know, I'll advertise a series of church meetings on the virtues of spanking as a way to better know God. A good paddling will shake all those stodgy minds loose in no time.

from drgeek :

"All Creatures Great and Small" has been a popular staple of Public Broadcasting (i.e. viewer supported, non-commercial) Stations here in the United States for years. I can clearly remember and episode or two when Christopher Timothy gets dressed up in a rubber "vet's suit." I don't think I'll be able to watch All Creatures in quite the same way again. Equally disturbing, however, is the fact that when I did a Yahoo search on All Creatures to figure out the specific episode I was trying to remember, the #1 Web Search result was for a 360 degree tour of the White House. That led my mind to a series of images involving George W. Bush that simply don't bear reapeating.

from drgeek :

Greetings and felicitations. I did not notice any missing entries from your diary. I believe that a server migration problem prevented the last 7 days worth of entries from showing up immediately. The three "at conference" entries seem to be there today.

from squirrelx :

Bless your heart for agreein' to that lap dance. If I'd have been there with you, I'd have done the same. A friend of mine used tend bar in a strip club. Accordin' to him, strippin' is NOT a pleasant occupation, and a lot of the girls are in dire straights or they wouldn't have taken it up. Best, Xtine / Squirrel X

from ukuleleking :

I like your dinosaur poem. But then, I am a terrible poet. Fun site!

from uracil-1 :

Fascinating writing - really intersting topics - I'd lke to chat some more about lots of the things you say. I'm really impressed by your candour. Enjoy Canada :)

from pageme :

I love your page. You have to come and visit me and tell me all a/b how you play. ;) xXx

from drgeek :

I tend to think that scientists inspire each other all the time. We write, we publish, we see what everyone else thinks, and then we repeat the cycle to explain to them why they are all completely wrong. :-) I tend to believe that writers do this as well. What's the point of belonging to a community like diaryland if you can't be inspired by what's around you?

from drgeek :

Hi Dark and Deviant, I'm pleased and flattered to see that one of my diary entries can inspire such interesting musings on your part. Your talk of pain and humiliation made me think about the moments of surrender and submission (albeit of a very different sort) that I've sought out in my own life. They became the subject of my latest entry: http://drgeek.diaryland.com/030310_55.html Regarding your issues with a father figure, just as Freud said "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar", perhaps these feelings are merely the psychological props you use to place yourself in a position where can feel safe and trusting in order to more completely submit and indulge in the pleasures that someone is offering you. Just a thought. Dr. Geek Ph.D.

from raven72d :

Lovely site... Lovely images-- and some vur' thoughtful entries about topics in which I do take an interest...

from bionicgurl :

hi. sorry for not getting back to you. i'm really bad with returning e mail. i like to write nice letters and have to be in right frame of mind to do so, i'll send you back a nice e-mail really soon, today i'm working on html design for someone. thanks for the note. i lost your link in my favorites list and i'll re-add you right now. -kat

from paengz666 :

i like ur templates! See ya ^_^=

from xcitada :

What a day. I am glad to hear that you are trying to keep a decent attitude, even if a takes a few cigs to calm you down. And good job with new hair do and challenging current ideas! Keep up the good writing.

from drgeek :

hi darkndeviant, I just wanted write a short note to say "great site", and that your writing reminds me of a poem that I wrote over ten years ago: <PRE> To you my murky lover, love of my love, life of my life both torture and salvation both heaven and hell as you touch me in quiet places that elicit moans of raucous pleasure and pitiful screams of pain where you speak soft words, of demonic incantation, and angelic stillness, in the darkest moments of night but to control, to manipulate, to aid, and to guide and bring me mercilessly inward, into you, ever into you, my murky lover, my love, my being, my life. </PRE> I hadn't thought of this poem for a good many years, thank you.

from vaderforce :

love the hunger. it may drive you crazy sometimes, but even if it isn't satisfied it's a thousand times better than boredom.

from bionicgurl :

Funny isn't it. I used to put away all of the dolls missing limbs in the class I taught with out thinking that yes, people do go on with missing limbs. Then I lost some of my own and since then I�ve been intrigued by such

from darkember :

definately cool blog

from moviegrrl :

http://marn.diaryland.com/rockingkitt.html readit - it'll make you grin from ear to ear...

from kimbarley :

Pictures are absolutely beautiful!!! Try not to let the spaniels drive you batty... some owners really should try to instill a few more manners into their dogs. My father has two that I swear teach 'him' new tricks everyday, while they drive the rest of us mad. O'well, they go home with him not me.

from ladybugge :

Love the pictures, very cheerful, especially when compared to the old snow and ice still everywhere around this place. The are wonderful dogs, and quite photogenic.

from bionicgurl :

i love your pictures.

from ladybugge :

I hope you can distinguish a reasoned argument from a flame, as I am attempting to present you with a small bit of reason. You state in your diary: "Hitler was a clearly identifyable menace who commited mass genocide, incited religious and cultural hatred on a scale we have never seen before or since, and who was busy invading much of Europe" Okay, I could argue the 'before or since' part since religious and cultural hatred are part and parcel of human history, but leaving that aside ... In what way does Saddam Hussein differ from Hitler? I'll tell you how. He is not busy invading Europe. He has incited religious and cultural hatred, he has practiced attempted genocide (the Kurds in Iraq), and he is without question a charismatic leader. Now I look at history repeating itself when I remember how the English practiced appeasement for years before (and even during) the beginning of WWII. The English refused to see and recognize the threat, doing a terrific head in the sand approach which led in part to the attrocities which Hitler was then able to commit. You want to believe there is no valid, identifyable threat, go right ahead, we won't expect you to come to our rescue... We have not all forgotten our history.

from kimbarley :

I just wanted to say I'm very happy Xtine linked you so many days back. As usual, I agree with your post today just as I have previously. Well I hope you keep writing and sharing pics because you have at least one person who truly enjoys.

from squirrelx :

Your entries are an unfailin' delight to me, but today's struck a particularly resonant chord. Or rather chordS. First off, your photos! They're magnificent, especially the one at the top of the entry, which looks like two Spitfires that have fallen in love. I can barely drive a car without runnin' into things --- machines and I are rarely in harmony --- but I've always been passionate about airplanes of all kinds. Your photos were a visual gift and I thank you for it. As to your opinions regardin' the war, I share them, or parts of them at least. You express yourself with great intelligence and abidin' respect for your readers. Anyone who flames you deserves to have an experience with spontaneous human combustion the minute they click 'send'. Finally, animal rights and animal porn. You and I are kindred spirits in this area. Thank you for speakin' up on behalf of innocent creatures who have no voice in human society. They are earthbound angels, IMO, and it is my fervent prayer that those who fail to treat them as such will be consigned to the lowest circle of Hell. Best, Xtine / Squirrel X P.S.: just for the record, you are one of the least dark, least deviant individuals I've ever encountered in my life. It's a honor to know you, if only as a fellow citizen of Diaryland.

from squirrelx :

I share your misgivin's about zoos and I'm completely in awe of your skill as a photographer. Please keep postin' pictures! Best, Xtine / Squirrel X

from ladybugge :

Love the pictures, most especially the fox! A perfect moment. You must live in a wonderful place. L

from treewillow :

Wow those pictures are great. I love the forest one. I never think to bring my camera when my son and I go out. But then I think people would think I am a stalker or something if I was to do that in the city lol.

from squirrelx :

They way I got it figured, if we're attractive to bats, we must be doing something very, very right. Bats are charming, mysterious, and terrifying to the unenlightened. What a marvelous combination of traits for a nocturnal visitor to possess. Best, Xtine / Squirrel X

from ladybugge :

Hi. I clicked the Squirrel's link and am glad to meet you. And I for one am looking forward to seeing pictures of dogs and horses. :-) L

from treewillow :

I saw your diary mentioned in Squirrel's diary. I am glad I clicked the link. I agree with you about people have a right to say what they want. After all, if one doesn't like what they are reading, click the x or hit the back button. I love animals, I am not sure I would like bats living with me, but I also hear they eat mosquitoes and lord knows we have enough of them in the summer. So bats can't be all that bad.

from iron :

You write that you dislike the killing of animals. But animals responding to their genetic dispositions kill each other on a consistant basis. Is this wrong? What seperates humans from animals in this regard? Are we not justified in also being predators? This is not a personal attack by any means, I'm just wondering how you would resolve these questions. I myself do not agree with the raising of animals for the express purpose of their destruction and consumption, but harvesting a portion of nature is another matter for me. Your thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Strong as steel yet malleable, Iron

from dizoburo :

I like your diary! I shall come again at some point....if i dont unintentionally forget

from moviegrrl :

that was definately worth the wait!!! hadn't notice the RIP bill and Gary Glitter thing, but then i guess that was the point...

from darkndeviant :

i think i was a bit daft and named the file "friend"...another file with that name already existed. Did the page appear at all?

from moviegrrl :

what happened to today's entry?????

from wifemotherme :

Your layout is beautiful. I have enjoyed my visit and I think I will be back.

from moviegrrl :

blimey - something "new" they've found to be disgusted by... *grin*

from moviegrrl :

a rude conversation i missed? i think i can guess what the particular practice was - pass the KY...

from moviegrrl :

i too am a true goth - quelle 'kin surprise......

from demiseofself :

i agree somewhat with the strength being inside a person..it makes a lot of sense..i just believe mine is from a higher source

from raen :

I finally got you added to my favs now that I'm back and catching up on shit. I added another quote of yours to my favorite quotes page. You're cool!

from raen :

I planted some black tulips in the front yard around the gas lamp (it's a tall one)...they died in a relatively short time. Figures. I don't have the hands for gardening. Everyone else has flowers around the lamps in their yards. Hmph. That's what I get for daring to conform to anything.

from demiseofself :

thank you very much..it made me happy to read what you wrote about me in your profile. i owe it to my great big wonderful God. he is my strength.

from moviegrrl :

d'oh! check out the new bettie page design - i uploaded it tonight. AND SORT OUT YOUR TEMPLATE DAMMIT! later luvvie

from moviegrrl :

so NOW you see why i think squirrel is so cool????? *grin*

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