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This snippet of fan mail is actually directed at a guestbook posting of yours over at vivakate. The one about helping her move to a new website? Carrying boxes of words? Priceless. I have every intention of plagiarizing you in the future - which I never understand why has a negative connotation to it. "Plagiarize" should be synonymous with "flattery".

from vivakate :

that entry was totally for me, wasn't it? you can bust out your "rod" as you call it, i think we'll bust out our schilling...our hitting...our defense...our amazing team. if we thought last year was a shitfight, look out this year! [END SMACK TALK].

from vivakate :

don't get your panties in a bunch, you love me! i was in nyc for less than 24hr. and i was nowhere near brooklyn. besides, sounds like you've had a mighty busy social calendar lately, dunno if you could've swung it with all the ladies you're seein. ;) xo

from amishboy :

the pedo entry made my glasses fog up. We need to high-five like a couple of frat boys. No worries about the age - if there's grass on the field, play ball! *chugs a can of beer and passes out*

from amishboy :

Oh 'monsta. I'm not one to laugh at your major life pinnacles, like being outted, but really, "Do you still get your period?" you can't write gold like that. Priceless. Your subject tag had me rolling as well. Miss you.

from reddirtgirl :

Bless your heart--that is some heavy shit. It sounds like your mom is doing her best, though, and it's awesome that you can appreciate that.

from vivakate :

happy birthday indeed darlin! i hope you have an amazing time tonight whatever you do!!! xoxoxoxo, k.

from vivakate :

as long as you're ok...i was starting to worry. tell me about it, work is so busy here too. nightmare!

from vivakate :

where are you?

from vivakate :

i'm sorry. i know. i totally wanted to meet up, but i was solidly booked the entire time i was there. it was a "girls weekend" and no one outside of us was allowed. next time, I SWEAR!

from vivakate :

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

from vivakate :

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

from meccii :

it will all work out, promise....here are those positive vibes. ;)

from vivakate :

i'm sending you all the good luck vibes i have, which apparently is a lot lately because of my recent good news! xoxo

from amishboy :

you rock - good luck what every direction you choose!

from vivakate :

thank you! i got my strokes cd on friday and it rules! as do you, i need to find something comparably cool to send you.xoxo

from vivakate :

i hope you don't mind but amish forwarded me a pic of you dressed up for halloween. can i just say you're the cutest raging lesbian i've ever seen? ;)

from mrs-roboto :

you are certainly not cold hearted. we do not control matters of the heart. damn, if we did maybe i'd have had a little more common sense than i did on any number of occasions. i hope you are able to reach some sort of resolution soon. till them i wish you luck.

from vivakate :

damn you for wrecking my theory! seriously, please post a picture of your costume after halloweenie. that's to die for...

from vivakate :

baby girl, you are not coldhearted. it's so much worse to be in something that makes you unhappy just for the sake of the other person. i hope you find a way out that makes u happy. take care of you and xo, kate

from lrig :

friendster is retarded and keeps NOT sending my messages i think. but i still love you.

from vivakate :

enjoy your series. i owe you two. xo

from vivakate :

sweet jesus, i'm ozzy osbourne. 20017.92 drinks 128114.60 spent. let's not forget i'm older than you...

from vivakate :

i want a gourmet picnic! let's let it ride on the shots. double or nothing. it's ON tonight...xo

from amishboy :

I had to leave another note. After I left the last, I got to reading your others. When I got to the end, I saw that I was the first ever! But if you read it again now, out of context, it seems a little x-rated!

from amishboy :

I always get a laugh when I look at your profile on friendster, because right under your picture, it always screams "Hook Up With Asians!" in the sponsor links section. So - what say you? It's our density...

from vivakate :

you're on, sweetie. may the best team win. and by best team, i mean the red sox ;) xo

from vivakate :

don't start celebrating yet my dear... and furthermore, our boys are adorable, mullet or not. the yanks truly are one of the ugliest teams out there.

from vivakate :

NEVER a hate note, my darling. but a few things: 1. i have many friends who have been accosted/roughed up at yankee stadium for wearing red sox gear AND other friends who chant things like 1918 etc. many yanks fans do care... 2. while i fault pedro for throwing a pitch at garcia's head/back region, i cannot accept that just because zimmer is old/feeble/moronic we should allow him to charge pedro. if you saw the overhead view that they played last night, you would see how insane zimmer was. he ran at tiny pedro like a deranged gorilla with his fist brandished. pedro was still pitching the game at this point and didn't need a swollen shut black eye or busted finger. i fully support him throwing zimmer to the ground like a sack of potatoes. if the shoe had been on the other foot, ANYONE would have thrown pedro to the ground, besides pedro has been punished; he's 50K in the hole. 3. our groundskeeper was attacked by the yanks. he is covered in cleat mark bruises. the yanks are probably going to have charges pressed against them for assault. regardless, i adore you even though you are a yankee fan. i can't fault you for being born in the wrong city. we all knew at some point things would get out of hand, the stakes are high and everyone is frenzied. i'm sorry it had to happen in boston, but sometimes we're a bunch of hotheads...however, your illustrious mayor should not be calling for the arrest of pedro martinez. what's done is done, and both sides are at fault. let's move on and have a kickass game today! i'll be the one in the crowd in the red sox tshirt. you could never not rock...mwah! xoxox

from vivakate :

vip me darling...i hope everything is ok. xoxo

from amishboy :

Has the ol' HS reunion happened yet? I went to Catholic school once. You may think that enough time has past that "they" can't get to you anymore but I'm here to tell you - Beware! *whispering* The Vatican is everywhere. Listening. Don't take it for granted. I must go now - they're listening! *a banging at my door* They're here! Remember me. Tell the world - I was amishboy...(silence)

from vivakate :

i wrote back on friendster, but i don't know if you check it regularly...of course i wasn't offended. not one bit. i am a ho, and wish i could be a bigger one. ;)

from vivakate :

bout time you got the notoriety you deserve!

from reddirtgirl :

I got a 9 out of 10, girl. When you live in Microsoft Country, you know a computer geek when you see one.

from vivakate :

8 out of 10 right...not bad!

from vivakate :

um, i heart the olsen twins. just go to a local walmart, there is olsen twins everything there: shampoo, body wash, makeup, clothes, shoes, jewelry, toys, etc. viva la olsen twins!

from vivakate :

all that she wants...is another baby? is that right? viva ace of base! and ps? if you give yourself a mistah t mohawk you betta post pitchas foo!

from vivakate :

have the best time! why weren't you a la cape last weekend, we could've met up!!!!

from reddirtgirl :

All of those scoffers are just jealous, baby. You've got something special.

from vivakate :

"no more dribbling", oh god you rule...

from meccii :

is it wrong that I covet your cable and now your Tivo? cause if it is. i don't care to be right!

from amishboy :

Damn, ur rollin' out the gems today! Funnyfunny.

from amishboy :

DVR will change your life. It's the greatest invention since antibiotics. I don't remember life before it.

from reddirtgirl :

Shit. You are totally inspiring me to watch cable. The fact that I could watch Boy Meets Boy, Queer Eye, AND bring Jon Stewart into my home every night just by shelling out a few more bucks a month is so, so tempting . . .

from reddirtgirl :

Dude. I wanna come over and watch t.v.

from vivakate :

oh god, i can't even tell you how much that warmed my heart. seriously, did i well up at work? someday we will meet for tea and crumpets, or you teaching me how to play foosball...xoxoxo

from vivakate :

it sounds like you are making all the effort. it's really up to you if you think it's worth it, no one can tell you what your heart says. whatever happens, good luck and take care of you...ps: not psychotic, not psychotic at all. xo

from meccii :

I know what you mean by a haircut! nothing puts an extra spring in your step like a wee trim. I hope that helps for you. seems like you could use a spring or two. :)

from amishboy :

Sorry about your girl. But I do enjoy those links you sent me! Hope your haircut experience is a pleasant one.

from vivakate :

it's smile-inducing to see that even when you are upset you can still come up with a helluva saved by the bell reference! happy haircut!

from reddirtgirl :

I have totally deleted people from my phone book for that very reason. It can get embarrassing later on, though, when you really need to call them for a legitimate reason, and they're like, "but isn't my number on your cell phone . . . ?"

from meccii :

you are so hilariously right on....I am writing my senator right now, arguing on the Fashion/Art/Fun Platform.

from vivakate :

that rules...it's probably the best argument i've heard yet! i hope everything works out with you and your girlfriend...

from mrs-roboto :

So cool to know you're happy. Any plans to attend the Siren Festivities in Coney?

from reddirtgirl :

Whew! I'm so glad. You hang on to that Sarah girl and be nice to her okay? And happy graduation, you badass artista you!

from vivakate :

happy graduation...hang in there.

from amishboy :

in light of all else, happy graduation!

from reddirtgirl :

Danke! :)

from reddirtgirl :

Dood! Today's entry was like, so hilarious. (And so appropriate. Ach. The hurting.)

from amishboy :

Congrtas on being done! It's foos-time - fer sure!

from vivakate :

congratulations. i hope all your hard work pays off!

from lrig :

i miss you. everybodys too busy to update/read/keep in touch. including me. but i still think yr the greatest thing since ever.

from amishboy :

They won't even be suspicious cuz I have beer boobs. They can only be described as "pouty". Well, maybe the prominent nipple hair will be a give away - or will that pass un-noticed you think? The switch is on! Freaky Friday-style!

from amishboy :

I want your rock star life.

from amishboy :

If I'm not writing about JB...I'm thinking about you. Prrrrrr.

from reddirtgirl :

Nope, I don't separate my paragraphs that way normallly, but I feel like it's a service I should offer to readers of my journal, since I have never really gotten the hang of transitions between paragraphs.

from lrig :

i absolutely use the 'plus sign' as bullet points in emails! the internet is eating my soul!!

from lrig :

also! i like exclamations marks alot! can you tell?!?!

from lrig :

three new words for you! i am so happy!

from lrig :

you are so cute! and she is so cute! and it sounds like the time that you had together was so cute! im so happy for you!

from vivakate :

yay new love! there are few things that feel quite as good as that sort of hazy glow that surrounds you when you find someone new that you really care about. good luck with it!

from mrs-roboto :

You lucky thang! what a perfect weekend! She sounds fantastic so don't let the fear of past relationships allow you to screw this up. Past is just that. Every relationship is a new one. Can't judge one by another. Got it?

from lrig :

so what do i have to do to secure this makeout? are you meeting me here? am i meeting you there? I WANT THE UNITY KISS THING TONGUE HAPPINESS ADVENTURE!

from lrig :

holy shit we have the same brain!! yesterday i kept trying to leave you a note saying 'eyebrow' and you did it! and i just read this story when i got to work this morning and emailed it to people in the office b/c i thought it was so funny!! i think this means were supposed to make out!!

from amishboy :

eyebrow ring - most def. The nose ring dominates my attention too much when I'm trying to have pleasant face to face convo. You don't want to draw attention away from the good stuff - the eyes and mouth. The eyebrow ring hangs up there and says, "Check me out, I'm hip and cool to look at, but I don't want to steal the spotlight from the main event. So look at me, adore me, but then please return to the regularly scheduled program of the fabu 'monsta!"

from mrs-roboto :

eyebrow - it's super sexy to me for some reason.

from reddirtgirl :

Nose ring.

from vivakate :

hi...i've started highlighting everything i write when i'm finished and copying it before i press done. that way, when the server screws up (and it usually does), i don't lose every word i've written. just a thought...

from lrig :

yr TOTALLY hibernating because of 'wuv'. you cant fool me ms. monsta! and dood!! you fully made the list. [i was actually going to specifically call out yr name...but then i realized that i would have to call out EVERYONES name...if i didnt thered be anarchy. but really? it was seamonsta, rdg, amishboy, smartypants, cptninternet. everysingletime you guys update, im all over it. and i wonder about you when im at home and away from this place. and i compulsively come and check to see if youve updated. for reals. plus, yr hott. [WITH TWO T'S!!!!]

from reddirtgirl :

Hey, I saw this in the A&E section of Salon just now, and thought of you: "Croyez vous? We know this has been going on in heartland diners but now it's official. The cafeteria menus at the three House office buildings will change the item "French fries" to "Freedom fries" and "French toast" to "Freedom toast." The decision was spearheaded by two Republicans who held a news conference about it today. What's next -- the "Freedom kiss?" (CNN)

from reddirtgirl :

kissy kissy!

from lrig :

someone is too busy have IMsex to update. hmph. ;]

from lrig :

SO CUTE! im so happy for you! and jealous! ;] and shes lucky and sounds beautiful and perfect and i hope that you guys had the best time ever! oh seamonsta!

from reddirtgirl :

Awwww . . . wait, lrig already said that. :)

from lrig :

yah yah yah. i know when im being patronized! ;] ill just have to wait my turn. i can be patient.

from lrig :

awww...now sarahs gonna get all the fun! damn the distance! tori, huh? i think you have a fun-sounding weekend ahead of you. jealousjealous.

from lrig :

....thats fun. ;]

from lrig :

a drink? for me?! uhoh...im a cheap date. ;] i SNIFF alcohol and i decide that naked and making out is the way to be.

from lrig :

darn tootin'! i will protect ya, seamonsta. hell never know what hit him!

from lrig :

that man sounds like a bastihd and i think i would like to pound him squarely in the junk!

from reddirtgirl :

I like your idea, and I will try to find something worthy of sending to you. Incidentally, I don't think $1.50 for two drinks is really as cheap as all that. So I guess I'M the cheap one.

from reddirtgirl :

Thanks for that awesome note, seamonsta. Have I mentioned that you are a rock star? I'm too much of a dland addict to give it up cold turkey, so I'm sure I'll be back soon. :)

from mrs-roboto :

Thanks for your kind words. I still wish I'd at least managed a good "fuck off." Hopefully the next woman he tried that shit with slapped him silly. And right on for you - Sarah's visiting! How fun!

from vivakate :

hey, i came across you from rdg and mrs.roboto. glad you found me and like what you found!!

from amishboy :

Finally. I was wondering what you looked like ;) Sadly, no crotch shots, like you KNOW I like it...

from lrig :

wanting to see. please.

from mrs-roboto :

I would love to see your pictures. I hope you do post them or at least let me see them. You know you could lock the entry and only grant permission to certain people if you're worried.

from reddirtgirl :

I would like to see your pretty pictures, but not if it's going to make you uncomfortable. :)

from lrig :

so jealous. and full of note-inappropriate commentary.

from mrs-roboto :

What is the perfect date for Seamonster?

from lrig :

...yah. thats not so much what i meant.

from lrig :

im openly glad you dont play in the band. :]

from lrig :

18 yrs is more than 2. but its 18 yrs OLDER. so somehow, its more acceptable. you know? plus...im playing music with him. and i think thats the first cardinal rule...that you NOT get involved like that with people that youre playing in a band with. right? i should have added that to the entry.

from amishboy :

At first I was sad, because you left diaryland before anyone discovered the pleasure of you...but not only did you come back, but you came out swinging! You're totaly an After School Special...

from reddirtgirl :

Ooh, so many questions! So, what exactly is "your type" (as mentioned in today's entry)? Do I have a shot?

from reddirtgirl :

ROCKSTAR. Also cute. Cute rockstar.

from lrig :

[oh yah. its me again.] accents rule. especially written ones. all this talk of dominating...and now im listening to pulps 'this is hardcore'. i might have to go take a little break here from work in a minute. cause im a'having some problems ...focusing. [HA! i just nearly wrote 'fucusing'! im overly fruedian today.] ps-looking through everysingleoneofyrpastentriesever...i want to rip yr designs out of the computer and hang them around my room and pick up a guitar and sing songs to the walls.

from lrig :

a dland crush? now im way beyond the crimson...and i happen to think that yr uhm, pretty neato too. i laughed when you said 'that god wretched double cd'. because honestly? it killed her for me. and i havent listened to/bought anything of hers since. [im going to trust you and go with it though.] look at how much sway youve got over me already?! and no more showing up late to work!! thats no good ms. monsta. ;] congratulations on yr slingshot. its sweet. and when i say sweet? i mean that it totally kicks ass! ninjastyle! [realultimatepower.net] I AM DOMINATING YR NOTES! hmmm...dominating.

from lrig :

theyre getting crimsoner...

from lrig :

waves of red are creeping hotly up my neck to my ears. ...its easy to find soft, picture-style words when the clouds look the way they do. when the sky blends with the horizon and blurs into the ground. have you talked to yr internet-sarah? [im panicking and thinking that ive forgotten her name and that im writing it wrong and i hope that its all unfounded.]

from lrig :

it was 'living in clip'. i was listening to it while i was driving into work. i was on the freeway with the heater cranked up and ani cranked up and my voice cranked up and everything outside was muted. the sky was a cement-grey. and it was snowing. barely. and there was traffic. and i thought 'seamonsta should be here. in the car. with me. singing at the top of her lungs. i could skip work and we could drive around for hours under this cover of cloud and listen to every song that feels like the outside.'

from lrig :

im beginning to think i should have spelled my name with a capital 'L'. Lrig. see? its girl backwards....no one ever gets it. its very sad. le sigh. :] anyhoo...UPDATE! [ps-i listened to ani this morning, and i thought about you. whoever you are.]

from lrig :

yes. i love the ani. and i think this might be the start of a new diary addiction for me...

from mrs-roboto :

Wow! It sounds as if you're lucking out on the girl front. I say keep things happening with Sarah. PA is only a two hour train ride from NYC.

from amishboy :

You found me out...about MJ. Please don't tell? If Michael knew...I don't even want to think about if Michael knew...he has a mean streak a mile long. Hell hath no fury like a Pan scorned.

from itzie :

Your problem is that you live in an international city. People from all over go there. If you lived here (Seattle) your problem would be that everyone you dated had once dated someone you dated and suddenly you've dated everyone in town and no one can come to your parties because they're all each other's exes. But there's a whole houseful of Quaker lesbians here, should you ever decide to move. Good luck on your crush!

from swtapplpie :

i love crushes too. my notebooks at school become pointless doodlings though....MASH is my fave passtime game! my boss has already warned me about the hearts and swirlies on my attendance sheets....

from reddirtgirl :

That is the cutest. story. ever. You are ADORABLE.

from swtapplpie :

yes, bud is the culprit! and no, i dont get innuendos! its amazing....what's wrong with people these days?!? hello world! its apple pie....sweet, juicy, yummy, southern...maybe my delicious-ness has put them all in dead stare....hehe, jk, i have to amuse myself somedays...

from itzie :

You stole my metabolism! I can't eat anything but salad or else I gain crazy amounts of weight. Can you mail me some of that metabolism back?

from mrs-roboto :

Hmmh. Do I actually say in my diary that I dislike NYC? Wow, I think it has to do with growing up there (grass is always greener) and that the last year I lived in NY (1996) rent went through the roof and I started paying through the nose for a 400 square foot studio apartment in bumfuck Brooklyn. Also, my parents still live in Brooklyn and they drive me batty. I read your entry about your mom and dad so I think you can understand why the distance helps. On the other hand, I miss Coney Island everyday.

from reddirtgirl :

1. toilet paper: over, no question. 2. handwriting: script, I guess, although really a sort of weird slanty hybrid. 3. grandma undies: right now I'm still optimistically trying to be semi-sexy w/ the low-rise bikini briefs, but I'm pretty sure I can see the granny panties looming on the horizon. ;)

from mrs-roboto :

I think it's on 7th. Perhaps it has shut down since I last talked to M?

from mrs-roboto :

I can't believe Meow Mix is still there. Its been around for ages. My dear friend M says great things about Bar 4 in park slope where she met her current partner.

from swtapplpie :

Hi! New Fan! (**crowd roars, ahhhhhh)wanted to say hi. friend of amishboy, and ASH! (clemson groupie) french music makes me feel better too, sometimes my friends are like "are you done listening to this, its like uhhhh french!" (they're not cool)...just wanted to say hi and i'm eaves dropping on your life via d-land.

from amishboy :

BTW, I really dug your Liberty Cabbage story the other day. When I was out drinking this past weekend, I threw out the Justice Onion Soup story a couple of times. It's my new favorite convo starter whenever "that war" topic comes up. Kudos to you!

from reddirtgirl :

You go with your bad snowboarding self! I'm sorry about the whole romance thing. I'm sure it really WAS real, for a while, and that's the important thing, right?

from reddirtgirl :

Nice calendar, young lady. Good to see you.

from amishboy :

Thank the sweet higher power. You're back! I was just chillin in Seattle and I even mentioned that I was upset you were gone. The universe has corrected itself again...

from piilu :

Happy belated! And I'm sorry to see you go before i even got to know you. :( But... I guess you have your reasons. Take care, be well.

from amishboy :

I'm diggin' the new layout! And you turned on your notes! I'm glad I could be your first ;) (I feel like one of those kids in Jr High that thanks people for letting them sign their crack - by signing the crease of the inside binding.) Osh showed me pics of your box before - that's super-cool you put it on there. I feel you on the whole Lindt vs Godiva vibe. Ever try Milka?

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