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Just brain leakage. It's distracting, at best. Have at it.

I lost my pants. I'm rated R for strong language. I like to say "spank." So there.

My favorite diaries:

halfdevoured    profile - diary
comments:  "Doctors today may be able perform small miracles with just a bit of lubrication, a latex glove and a single tunneling digit."
fadein    profile - diary
comments:  "I made a promise to myself a long time ago to not accept jobs where I have to debate whether or not I was ever smacked in the head."
tvzero    profile - diary
comments:  "My penis – good. Someone else’s penis – bad."
rumblelizard    profile - diary
comments:  "Can I please just get an amen that these ads for the new Eminem movie are irritating enough to turn Mother Theresa homicidal?"
redblur    profile - diary
comments:  "The lobster scenes in Annie Hall. In particular, the second one."
chichester    profile - diary
comments:  "...and just try to tell me that it doesn't rock the camel's bootyhole."
cuppajoe    profile - diary
comments:  "No, I'm pretty sure they don't love us, judging by the frequency and ferocity of the bird poopings on the back of our house."
bettinas    profile - diary
comments:  "Do you like gardenburgers with cheese and a nice big claussen pickle, followed by a glass of wine?"
peth    profile - diary
comments:  "...and then I had to stop when the waitress noticed I was drawing on her arse as she bent over to serve the hash browns to the elderly gentleman at the table across from us."
sooner    profile - diary
comments:  "Oh. Well, I'm still back on the part in which I assist you in kidnapping a judge. That part."
tattoobelly    profile - diary
comments:  "My town is now on Level Six Water Restriction. I'm not sure, but I think this means we're not allowed to sweat."
weetabix    profile - diary
comments:  "We were weapons of god damned mass destruction but not too pithy to stop for a food court cookie."
thecritic    profile - diary
comments:  "I know some people reserve this honor for ex-presidents, but so help me God if I live to see the day that Bill Gates dies I’m going to piss on his grave."
ladeeleroy    profile - diary
comments:  "I had just taken a giant whiff of my own ass smell."
skim    profile - diary
comments:  "Regardless, I momentarily considered grabbing his comb over so I could slam his forehead into the wall."
anniewaits    profile - diary
comments:  "A funny message that can be played over loudspeakers at the 'Sausage Factory' restaurant in the San Francisco's most popular gay district!"
marn    profile - diary
comments:  "Facing even a mild form of skin cancer is enough of the scary for a sissypants crymonkey like me, thankyewverymuch."
sundry    profile - diary
jamiestar    profile - diary
comments:  "Angry voicemails. Belligerent voicemails. From crazy drunk beehive girl’s boyfriend. Who just got out of jail. FOR MURDER."
discothekid    profile - diary
comments:  "My hopes that somewhere out there a member of the clergy or perhaps even a midget were going to be woven into the unscrupulous web of the garden state were fading fast."
ann-frank    profile - diary
comments:  "I guess I am not so imaginative, because my Nacho-Beast looked something like a buffalo, but smaller with udders that also makes its own Nacho-Cheese Stuff."
weeme    profile - diary
comments:  "... maybe it was the time I used my Easy Bake oven to melt my brother's green plastic army men into freeform sculptures and started a little fire."
twelvebeer    profile - diary
comments:  Funny like a drunk monkey.
imjustsayin    profile - diary
comments:  "A guy came back and ordered a second sandwich. Said he wanted one every day and then proposed."
slummyjelly    profile - diary
comments:   (Locked) "But then, he's like, 'And. I had a gee-ro' and all of Greece celebrates, 'Adelfos! Come, brother.' And Cameras!"
blueasatick    profile - diary
comments:  "Do you know you’re on funk street? Come on and join me."
thefelineone    profile - diary
comments:  "...but my brain just shut down defensively rather than re-live the shittiness that would have to top that pile of unmitigated bollocks."
betabitch    profile - diary
comments:  "On the other rides, I closed my eyes and moaned like a dying cow."
jeffy    profile - diary
comments:  (Inactive): "It will change your life almost as much as that Mandy Moore movie. Almost."
bigsabu    profile - diary
comments:  (Inactive): "...and then i turned sideways and my ass stuck out about 3 feet. But just my ass."
boymonkey    profile - diary
comments:  (Inactive): "...for some reason i do have an irregular square shaven into my stomach hair."
fu-fu    profile - diary
comments:  (Inactive): "David Cross makes me laugh so hard that I sometimes get an erection."
imthecat    profile - diary
comments:  (Inactive): "i lIKE wHEElS sECOnD tO tHUMbZ."
mllerewind    profile - diary
comments:  (Inactive): "Hurrah for gratuitous groping."
rudey    profile - diary
comments:  (Inactive...aaaaand locked...)
valueape    profile - diary
comments:  (Inactive): "Drug dealers and illicit massage parlors staffed by mute male soccer players."
vulturebait    profile - diary
comments:  (Inactive): "If dusting your broom is the highlight of the day, fuck, well...just fuck! I mean that is truly shitty."
mfoxm    profile - diary
comments:  (Inactive): "Always give them the illusion that someday, given the right circumstance, you just might sleep with a girl."
heckafresh    profile - diary
comments:  (Inactive): "But I digress, starving people shmarving people, I have super fast porn downloads for him to attend to."

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last updated: 2006-05-08 17:36:15
this user's total entries: 314
user since: 2000-10-12

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