 My favorite diaries:
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halfdevoured profile - diary |
| comments: "Doctors today may be able perform small miracles with just a bit of lubrication, a latex glove and a single tunneling digit." |
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fadein profile - diary |
| comments: "I made a promise to myself a long time ago to not accept jobs where I have to debate whether or not I was ever smacked in the head." |
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tvzero profile - diary |
| comments: "My penis – good. Someone else’s penis – bad." |
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rumblelizard profile - diary |
| comments: "Can I please just get an amen that these ads for the new Eminem movie are irritating enough to turn Mother Theresa homicidal?" |
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redblur profile - diary |
| comments: "The lobster scenes in Annie Hall. In particular, the second one." |
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chichester profile - diary |
| comments: "...and just try to tell me that it doesn't rock the camel's bootyhole." |
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cuppajoe profile - diary |
| comments: "No, I'm pretty sure they don't love us, judging by the frequency and ferocity of the bird poopings on the back of our house." |
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bettinas profile - diary |
| comments: "Do you like gardenburgers with cheese and a nice big claussen pickle, followed by a glass of wine?" |
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peth profile - diary |
| comments: "...and then I had to stop when the waitress noticed I was drawing on her arse as she bent over to serve the hash browns to the elderly gentleman at the table across from us." |
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sooner profile - diary |
| comments: "Oh. Well, I'm still back on the part in which I assist you in kidnapping a judge. That part." |
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tattoobelly profile - diary |
| comments: "My town is now on Level Six Water Restriction. I'm not sure, but I think this means we're not allowed to sweat." |
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weetabix profile - diary |
| comments: "We were weapons of god damned mass destruction but not too pithy to stop for a food court cookie." |
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thecritic profile - diary |
| comments: "I know some people reserve this honor for ex-presidents, but so help me God if I live to see the day that Bill Gates dies I’m going to piss on his grave." |
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ladeeleroy profile - diary |
| comments: "I had just taken a giant whiff of my own ass smell." |
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skim profile - diary |
| comments: "Regardless, I momentarily considered grabbing his comb over so I could slam his forehead into the wall." |
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anniewaits profile - diary |
| comments: "A funny message that can be played over loudspeakers at the 'Sausage Factory' restaurant in the San Francisco's most popular gay district!" |
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marn profile - diary |
| comments: "Facing even a mild form of skin cancer is enough of the scary for a sissypants crymonkey like me, thankyewverymuch." |
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sundry profile - diary |
| comments: "ALSO, NOTE THAT I AM NOW VERY LATE FOR WORK. AND, APPARENTLY, UNABLE TO STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPS." |
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jamiestar profile - diary |
| comments: "Angry voicemails. Belligerent voicemails. From crazy drunk beehive girl’s boyfriend. Who just got out of jail. FOR MURDER." |
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discothekid profile - diary |
| comments: "My hopes that somewhere out there a member of the clergy or perhaps even a midget were going to be woven into the unscrupulous web of the garden state were fading fast." |
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ann-frank profile - diary |
| comments: "I guess I am not so imaginative, because my Nacho-Beast looked something like a buffalo, but smaller with udders that also makes its own Nacho-Cheese Stuff." |
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weeme profile - diary |
| comments: "... maybe it was the time I used my Easy Bake oven to melt my brother's green plastic army men into freeform sculptures and started a little fire." |
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twelvebeer profile - diary |
| comments: Funny like a drunk monkey. |
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imjustsayin profile - diary |
| comments: "A guy came back and ordered a second sandwich. Said he wanted one every day and then proposed." |
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slummyjelly profile - diary |
| comments: (Locked) "But then, he's like, 'And. I had a gee-ro' and all of Greece celebrates, 'Adelfos! Come, brother.' And Cameras!" |
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blueasatick profile - diary |
| comments: "Do you know you’re on funk street? Come on and join me." |
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thefelineone profile - diary |
| comments: "...but my brain just shut down defensively rather than re-live the shittiness that would have to top that pile of unmitigated bollocks." |
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betabitch profile - diary |
| comments: "On the other rides, I closed my eyes and moaned like a dying cow." |
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jeffy profile - diary |
| comments: (Inactive): "It will change your life almost as much as that Mandy Moore movie. Almost." |
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bigsabu profile - diary |
| comments: (Inactive): "...and then i turned sideways and my ass stuck out about 3 feet. But just my ass." |
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boymonkey profile - diary |
| comments: (Inactive): "...for some reason i do have an irregular square shaven into my stomach hair." |
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fu-fu profile - diary |
| comments: (Inactive): "David Cross makes me laugh so hard that I sometimes get an erection." |
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imthecat profile - diary |
| comments: (Inactive): "i lIKE wHEElS sECOnD tO tHUMbZ." |
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mllerewind profile - diary |
| comments: (Inactive): "Hurrah for gratuitous groping." |
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rudey profile - diary |
| comments: (Inactive...aaaaand locked...) |
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valueape profile - diary |
| comments: (Inactive): "Drug dealers and illicit massage parlors staffed by mute male soccer players." |
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vulturebait profile - diary |
| comments: (Inactive): "If dusting your broom is the highlight of the day, fuck, well...just fuck! I mean that is truly shitty." |
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mfoxm profile - diary |
| comments: (Inactive): "Always give them the illusion that someday, given the right circumstance, you just might sleep with a girl." |
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heckafresh profile - diary |
| comments: (Inactive): "But I digress, starving people shmarving people, I have super fast porn downloads for him to attend to." |
My favorite music: |
My favorite movies: |
My favorite authors: |
