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I just stumbled upon your diary & really enjoy your writing. I, too, live with a "Momela" & appreciate your allusions to the mixed blessings thereof - especially your expressions of gratitude followed by your "I love you crazy old lady".

from ajc13 :

Just read your note about your planed/now past to that Disney place. First thing I thought of was this post from another time/place: http://www.gigagiggles.com/2004_05_01_archive.php#108385457647678085 [hope that comes through] -D

from soror :

What a beautiful diary layout, Cranky Goddess! :) I'm new at DiaryGoddess.com and have read your profile. I ate a piece of reeeally delicious cake today and it made me think of you. ;)

from mllerewind :

Sometimes crazy people post on your notes, such as the person who posted below, who now needs to be punished.

from figurehed :

figurehead from anonymous corporate outfit transmitting now. the message is: your sister chooses to work 12-hour days. i have asked her why she comes in 1 1/2 hours before anyone else. she has a serious problem. she cannot quit. contrary to popular belief, she is not always working after 5 p.m. most of the time she is sparing with me. she also looks fantastic in pink cable knit sweaters. please tell her so. it will help her feel better about herself and will attract boys.

from solarlab :

this may mean nothing to you but last night, a majority of my dinner conversation was about how i'm loving how much water i've been guzzling lately but the only huge drawback being public restrooms. can't i just squat behind that car? oh, and waking up in the middle of the night.

from solarlab :

beastie-be-gone. total ha. and goodluck.

from solarlab :

do we *have* to call you names? can't we just smack you around? my grandmother's name was louise. a very special woman whom i never met.

from icefacade :

It's true, I knew a Louise in high school and she was always living in a whirlwind. Of course, I thought that's because her mother's name was Wink.

from halfdevoured :

So, I was just checking out 12% Beer and noticed that you are now in the Hall of Fame with other Beermates that are no longer around. Um... you have not retired your diary have you? I would be so sad. Say it ain't so, Cranky Goddess! Say it ain't so! You're the best! You CAN'T go away...

from raven72d :

Now-- does it make a difference that he asked if this was after the invention of "the electricity"? The definite article may provide a clue-- he may have been asking about The Electricity, a dance often mistaken for the hornpipe and done by torchlight on mid 18th-century streets...

from weeme :

was it merry merry??! Hope its happy happy from here on out! Have a smashing 2004, LuLu!!

from weeme :

Coffee Mug of Wee?!! I object. Profusely. And articulately.And with lots pf punctuation. And incomplete sentences. Yup. Oh, and Merry Merry, Louise and Offspring.

from foxydoxy :

i was all madmadmad that you had your christmas shopping done by thanksgiving. but then i kept reading and all i have to say is hahaha. procrastination wins in the end.

from wvlady :

Oh, shoot:( I'm sorry. It was Jamiestar that had the lasic surgery. I'm soooooo embarrassed. *thinkin' that I try to follow way too many diaries*

from wvlady :

Personally, I'd like to hear some follow-up on the eye procedure you had done...and how well it worked for you. Email me, if you'd rather.

from wvlady :

Don't feel bad. You're not alone. I have to hold my driver's side window up when I'm rolling it up or down, too. //how embarassing...

from everoboto :

I see I've met my match. I thought I was the Queen of bringing things up that happened 15 years ago that have no relevance in my life right now and throwing them in people's faces.

from halfdevoured :

I finally posted something. Whee! It's not much, but it's all I could manage due to the fumes. Love you!

from halfdevoured :

Your cookies are in the mail. My sisters begged me to let them have the brownies, and because they looked so pathetic with their big brown eyes, I caved in. I'll include brownies the next time I send you a pie-boy treat. Remember to share with your sister. And no, sharing doesn't mean that you can eat all of the cookies and leave her any crumbs that happen to evade your tummy. Enjoy your cookies! And much, much love.

from solarlab :

so brilliant. hang in there.

from halfdevoured :

I miss lots, lovely Goddess Louise. I'm moving back to NC soon, so I'll be able to write here online a lot more often and send more email your way. I should be making this move in 2-3 weeks. And, of course, my next move will be way out west. I'll bring Little Debbie with me. Lovelovelove you.

from saxyjackclar :

I just randomly clicked on your diary, and I must say I absolutely love it! I think you have such a clever writing style, and such a sharp wit. I also love the design too. Yay!

from solarlab :

hysterical.

from marn :

Um, I don't want to alarm you, but at our household the stuffies did not get purged until the daughter left for college. Like your daughter, she was the master of the quivvering lip. After two years away from home, we told her she was going to have to choose her beloveds and take them into Montreal, the rest would go to the church rummage sale. Out of approximately 2,431 stuffies she chose exactly two. Louise, you may need to get a bigger dwelling ...

from peth :

And stuff indeed!!!! you are special too, Louise. You have the special peak.

from peth :

oh, Louise, you have plenty of favorites. You don't really check, do you?

from marn :

I was just thinking the other day that you don't update nearly enough. Each post is worth the wait, though, so I console myself with that. And hey, if our paths do cross, we most definitely will toss back a few -- although I have to warn you that two strawberry daiquiris (shut up! sweet, fruity drinks are not sissy!)and I'm well on the way to perdition.

from weeme :

darling sainted one... what award? People keep going on about some reward you've won. Do tell. Spill the beans. I have to know. Did it involve a trophy? a gift certificate? A special honorary dinner of baby quail and ferret liver? with lemon pies and teddy grahams for dessert?

from marn :

BASTARDS!

from shereen :

no, no, see, TAME ducks are stupid. it's the wild ducks that have all the brains. more proof that the American diet will lower your intelligence and add several pounds.

from weeme :

o yum. bug barf.

from bnvicious :

That bitch Brenda gets everything first.

from slummyjelly :

operation congratulations. brilliant.

from slummyjelly :

operation congratulations. brilliant.

from weeme :

o Louise!

from weeme :

among my many useless credentials there also lurks an English degree. and I dig sammiches. and I just returned from getting my chompers scaled where Susie the Hygenist thought she was being kind by making me watch Big daddy with Adam Sandler. I mean, Adam was in the movie, not, you know, wedged in the dental chair beside me. Although that would've been something, huh? They should start offering that service... get yer chompers scaled and have your favourite celebrity hold your hand and tenderly wipe the spittle from your chin. Of course, I wouldn't have picked Adam Sandler. But Jon Stewart was in it (the movie, not the chair) so it wasn't allll bad.

from weeme :

o Louise!

from weeme :

What flavor fruit pie? Was it lemon? Was it? You can tell me.

from weeme :

O Louise! please please please sing me the Ooey Gooey Worm song! please, please please. Is it anything like the Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts song? 'cuz I LOVE that one. But I fear my life will not be complete until you sing me the Ooey goooey worm song. P.S. Were yer under-roos long and wooly and itchy and striped with three rows of lace stiched across yer arse cheeks or innappropriate otherwise?

from rumblelizard :

You're so badass! Hey! Will YOU be my Valentine? In a totally non-creepy-sexual way, of course.

from clark-kent :

ewww, i hate handling raw chicken!! yuck!

from peth :

I might have to get some tropical fish. My belly is now full of rice.

from divamanda23 :

I think that I do not see enough of you, because I read your recent entry - and remembered that you are scathingly funny. I really need to see your Parent-Teacher Smackdown - that would be beautiful.

from lrig :

dood. you know clark-kent/monkeydoo. im from slc as well. and he advised me to check out yr diary. im glad i did.

from weeme :

...but I'm glad you don't. write perky things with lots of exclaimation marks. that is. That would really frighten me. More than convergng window washers even.

from marn :

Well, italics are a *start*.

from weeme :

O it so pleases me that you got the Sugarcube reference. It made me love you all the more and hug my monitor in a fit of delight. Which would have been really swell and stuff but as it turns out, I have not dusted the top of my monitor in a century or so and ended up snuffling in a fur ball the size of Pudding and collapsing in a hoovering heap on the floor, sneezing all the fun out of the whole situation. In future, I shall refrain from hugging my electronics in spontaneous displays of affection, but fear not! I shall persevere in my adoration of a certain lemon tart whore.

from marn :

I ... I ... almost feel like I know Pudding. The world is a sadder place for being one rodent poorer.

from weeme :

uh... lemon tart. But there is a definite charm about "lemon art".

from weeme :

O sainted one.... where are you? I need an update from my darling lemon art whore!!!!! Come back , come back! i'll give you some strawberry cake.

from shamsi9 :

you are one special baby

from rockyraven :

uch bob dylan is a hoarse ugly thing

from peth :

there is a child sitting in the lobby of the library, listening to music on them new fangled headphone-thingies. his eyebrows are bobbing up and down in a frenzy of muscular dance.

from weeme :

o... a helper monkey. I'm so envious my left foot is tingling. My husband has a huge thing for monkeys... particularly of the sock and helper varieties. Mostly because of the Simpsons (a show to which he is so incredibly devouted, he's emptied all useful information from his brain in order to store all manner of Simpsons trivia) and the Malcom in the Middle episode where craig's helper monkey tries to off him and big hilarity ensues. On the quail front... I totally know how you feel (the fear of having deeply stupid baby quail corpses pressed into the tread of your tires)... yesterday there was a big fat racoon, obviously very very dead lying in the middle of the road. It was lying right square in the middle of the road, so If I pulled around it to the left, it would have become further squished under my righthand tires, and if I pulled to the right, it would have been further flattened under my left tires. I was mortified, but the only solution was to drive over it and hope it passed under my car cleanly. I think, but I can't be sure, that I felt a soft bump as it's bloated ass brushed my car's underbelly. EEEWW. so I inched over the thing, knowing full well that it was dead long before I arrived on the scene, but when I looked back and saw the poor crumpled coon carcass in my rear view mirror, I was overcome with the crushing belief that I was the coon killer, that I had in fact mercilessly rolled over it's furry ass and that I was responsible for it's ugly coon death. Even though I knew I wasn't. It hung on me all day like cheap cologne. Awful. And finally, as to Sooner's mysterious disappearance... I KNOW, I KNOW... it is freaky isn't it?! I guess he's all busy fighting for justice or whatever he does with his little lawyer self aside from squat obscenely over elevator stains. I haven't heard from him since wednesday night. It is a tad worrisome, i agree. I'm trying not to panick too, too much, but it's hard as I'm sure you can appreciate.

from weeme :

Actually...gotta say this page is starting to look a little sooner-rrific. Doesn't anyone else find notes much easier than guestbooks?!!! You don't have to do all that url nonsense and stuff and there's less likelihood of accidentally repeating the same message over and over. C'mon d-landers... notes are where it's at!

from weeme :

oh oh oh... I'm going to be all geeky and stuff and tell you I'd bet we'd be great friends if we knew each other in real life. Unless you don't enjoy Buffy or the Gilmore Girls. In which case I might have to stuff you in a gigantic microwave and zap you like a frozen entree. Or something.

from weeme :

oh oh oh .... tell me the names of the quail entries...I will devour them whole! I forgot to tell you that while I was reading your Quail story, I was envisioning the animated opening from the Partridge family. "Hello world.. there's a song that we're singing, c'mon get Happy!!!" And it made me all smiley inside. And I want to read more about your daughter... please direct me to an entry on that topic or the topic of parenthood. You must have written one! Oh Oh Oh Perhaps you should think about doin' an "Essential Louise" ala Sooner. P.S. Feel free to let me know when the Horshack bit gets a little over much. I have this problem see, where I don't know where to stop. Visit Sooner's note page if you have any doubt there!

from weeme :

o louise... I'm so horrifically old (34) that my childhood could not possibly include anything microwavable. oh wait. I do vaguely remember the first microwaves when I was like twelve or something...gargantuan things that fried your ovaries and had antenna and such. Also...when does childhood end exactly? Is it at thirteen? Eighteen? The day you lose your virginity? When precisely, lulu?! I HAVE TA KNOW!!!

from weeme :

wanton. wonky. windy. wee. and WHEE.

from weeme :

o dear. I want to say something, the right kinda of Something. You know what i mean, the kind of Something that makes you laugh honestly if a bit ironically, that warms your middle a little, and makes you feel understood and safe. That kind of Something. But I don't know what that Something is. So pretend really hard that I did say that Something, that I said it ten times in ten different ways, and that it was then repeated by ten different people who probably mean more to you than this stranger on a keyboard in a whole 'nother country does... pretend that happened. And pretend it helped. Because I really would like that.

from weeme :

and have you taken sooner's survey yet?!!!!

from weeme :

you know, it's probably not wise to encourage me. I can leave inane messages like this till the cows come home. And about the cows, where do they go anyway? I mean, they're all big and bulky and spotted and if they were hanging at the grocery store, the pool hall,on the streets or in the back alley behind the dumpsters... if they were hanging where I hang, I think I would have spotted them by now. But no. Not a single cow. No FLESH cows anyway. I've seen many a graphic representation of the bovine variety, mainly on things to do with ice cream and dairy confections, but real hot and stinky flesh cows? Not a one.

from weeme :

I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that! You know, I always wanted my very own lemon tart whore. But now that I have one, i'm not sure what it is I do with you. What ever do i do with you, lulubelle? you with your false saints and kiwi flavour and drawers full of midgets? Aside from the scratching and the fishing for teddy grahams, I mean. Tell me.

from weeme :

o how I wanted to stomp STOMP! over here and scream "Lemon Tart WHORE!!!" at you, all purple with horror and outrage. But y'know, I'm just so not surprised sooner's been rooting around in your drawers. The only real question is whether or not he found more teddy grahams than I did. Now that would be cause for outrage and purpling!

from marn :

Ah, so you understand the wonderful world o' gyms! I have to agree, a lot of the lifters are not well-rounded folk. The guys today were talking about how they'd partied 'til they puked on the weekend ... pound your body into shape and then compete as to how utterly you can trash it--THERE'S a sensible, well thought out course of action. So yeah, I know I'm not looking at the best role models. I do try to focus on doing the best I can, and to not let their competitiveness trigger all my competitive synapses. I have to laugh at myself, though. I can be stupidly competitive about the most INANE things, and today reminded me of that.

from marn :

Awwww, why thank you. Your acerbic take on things cracks me up no end. Me, I love the trading cards. It's like my Pok�mon.

from weeme :

o luleebelle, c'mere. I'll scratch your back.

from icefacade :

my best friend aka future sil had to go to our local lucy's love shop to get her fire-engine red dress. she said to let you know she feels your pain. take care.

from sooner :

sometimes, when I'm feeling low, I leave my desk and go out in the courtyard at my office and spread stale bagle crumbs around for all the pidgeons. Then, I run through the herd of pidgeons, kicking as many as I can. Then I spread more crumbs and leave. Pidgeons are remarkable pliant and have a pleasing thud about them when they are kicked.

from kimjoyce :

wow! what a coincidence, i just found a box of twinkies in my sister's cabinet. i was all happy and was like, "i'm gonna eat the hell out of this shit!" i took a bite and was like "eeewwww!" it's just not what i remembered it being like. What crap! oh, by the way, i'm Kim, nice to meet you. oh, and i think you should be devil for halloween. i say this b/c it's what i wanted to be, but are not able to. i can live through you vicariously if that's okay. come by and read me if you get a chance.

from weeme :

o baby! You're just so super and swell and stuff with your silvering hair and zippy stardust t-shirts and wild-ass mornings. I adore you.

from weeme :

Hiya. Just wanted to let you know I came whooing through your forest today and found it as haunting as ever, albeit absent of any mention of lemon tarts whatsoever. I guess that's best left for another Today.

from marn :

It's particularly sad with Stan because he married so late. His youngest son is only 13, so he's lost his father at a vulnerable time.

from mfoxm :

sorry for the "adorable" comment. I almost KNEW not to say that. Sigh. Shoulda went with my first instinct.

from weeme :

o that will do. That will do just fine! And as for your kiwi flavor, I know how that goes. I look like i might taste minty, but in fact I taste like licorice or anise or something of that ilk. I enjoy the shocking duality of it all.

from weeme :

I jist had to tell you one thing and then ask you another. The one thing I jist had to tell you is that usually I'm kinda disappointed when people post pics of themselves and they end up looking nothing like I imagined. But you look just like you should. You look like a lemon tart whore. I mean that in the nicest possible way. The lemony-est way. And the thing I gotta ask is if you have any spare crucifixes or protection charms or other saintly paraphernalia hanging about your holy hovel that I could borrow for awhile to ward away the worrisome things i've been encountering on my wolf walks lately? Any old relic will do. Long as it's saintly. And travel-sized.

from marn :

I share your horror. The spousal unit actually had a ladybug drop into his bowl of Cheerios unbeknownst to him. If only I'd had a camera at hand to catch the moment when the taste permeated his mouth ... I guess they taste even worse than they smell. Better him than me, is all I can say.

from ravenheart :

dont let anyone throw shit at your layout and please do not change it. I'm sorry about all the notes.

from ravenheart :

and another thing; your layout is the best, just the very very best!

from ravenheart :

love your diary. Just a little comment on your notify list: it was nicer to get an entry notify every day, than five a week. I would love to read you every day instead ;) but it's not a big deal. I just wanted to state my opinion about that. Take care and keep up the great writing.

from marn :

Oh yes, the bazooms they were a-heaving. The spousal unit was blissed out because he HATES the whole implant dealie and the actresses were all um, er, ah silicone free zones, for want of a better term.

from rudey :

RIGHT! Of course. Nevermind. Except, when you think about it- given the option of putting a cigarette out in my eye or in my ass, I'd take ass just because it probably wouldn't cause permanent damage. You'd REALLY have to hate something to rather put a lit cigarette out in your eyeball. That shit's gotta HURT.

from rudey :

It's "I'd rather put this out in my eye". I'm just sayin'.

from btchelicious :

Although it gives me great pleasure to believe that I wield this much power, but please don't change your template because of little ol' me.

from btchelicious :

perhaps if all the saint thingies were changes to pictures of louise brookes with haloes...

from btchelicious :

Yes, I'm sure it is ironically subtle but looking upon them, I get the vapors.

from btchelicious :

Oh, lu, don't be upset. It's nothing personal. I was just put off by the religious iconography and the talk of children.

from halfdevoured :

I love you. Lotss and lots. Just so you know.

from rumblelizard :

So, what was wrong with him? Was he ugly? Bad breath? What?

from suicidedive :

why is it that some (not all) athletes are stuck up little bastards that make you want to take a chainsaw to their head?? Sorry bad experience anyway good diary bye

from ravenheart :

You update quite often, but you are great reading. I joined your notify list a days ago and I have you in my favorites.

from fadein :

where's your guestbook now? and, uh...pleasant dreams.

from halfdevoured :

I miss you.

from rumblelizard :

Thanks! You rock for telling me, I missed those ones.

from sooner :

yes, but what should I do about feeding the racoons once removed. I'm still reserved.

from sooner :

Oh Louise. I'm sorry to have been neglectful. I'll do better, I promise. Today I learned that my judge's secretary feeds the racoons that live behind her house. She refused to allow me to throw the scraps from my lunch away. "Oh what is that?" she asked. "Look, there's some good meat left. You can't throw that out, you have to give it to me so I can feed the racoons." I handed it over, but I have reservations about it. I do. I'm reserved about the whole experience.

from madferret :

kick assI love your graphics! Has anyone ever sent you a gift off of your wishlist after visiting your site?

from peth :

oh, to have followed you around last night.

from clark-kent :

i couldn't forget about you even if i tried. every now i then i wake up screaming your name. the neighbors hate it.

from clark-kent :

a flaming uterus sounds rather painful for all involved. so i will pass and just have chocolate milk with my hotcakes.

from redblur :

Well, I might want a flaming uterus, but - I would like to know what's in it. If there's Sambuca, peppermint, or olives, or poison, I don't want one. Or eggplant. No eggplant either.

from erato :

Thank you for dropping by, bella. I hope to see more of you in the future.

from eebee :

hehehe You sound like me when I haven't slept in 20+ hours... like now... this isn't good. *goes off chasing imaginary knomes out of her living room*

from vexmix :

nice diary, its very well written and has a good layout...and i must say, the recent entry about eating was hilarious. can i add you to my friends list?

from peth :

am i following you?

from trixie316 :

Happy belated b-day :)

from cuillin :

aaaaah I love your diary, saint-louise, I'm a new fan! I'm also one of your fellow Atypical Goddesses, introducing herself...I'm Sarah, the so-called Siren Goddess. Pleased to meetcha!

from cuppajoe :

Hey! I have no idea how people know that I add them on to my favourites list. I can never remember who has me on theirs, and so I just look at the number, and if it goes up, then I'm doing well. Adding you wasn't a courtesy-add, I added you because you make me laugh. You must've added me today, because I was lurking around your profile yesterday, I think, seeing who you liked, and I wasn't on there. Now, I see that you indeed added me, and I'm mucho flattered. This is one long-assed note. Thanks. All my best, Joey.

from halfdevoured :

http://www.muffinfilms.com/tree.html

from clark-kent :

of course, i am an email nut. you know that.

from clark-kent :

mopey? how dare you talk to me about relaxing, goth girl.

from peth :

I told you the End of the World was coming.

from sphinxy :

hey. Just about mourning. It's more about the shock of loss than anything else. As the shock wears off, the mourning fades, and peacefulness takes its place...

from peth :

oh, me too on the cell-phone tunes. I wouldn't call that a 'quirk', i'd call that good taste on your part.

from monkeydoo :

yeah, i rule...or hadn't you heard?

from level-ix :

Read your diary, and cried 'till I laughed! You must only use this power for good St. L., (remember that always). Oh--and that when life gives you lemons, add vodka.

from mournblade :

Just wanted to leave you alittle note...Hi hows Utah, and being mommy...and Jen and Jason? And when are you gonna read my journal and make me famous on your beautimous page? Love and Miss You all, Chris

from monkeydoo :

hey squishy. did you remove the comments from my listing in your profile because you can't find the words to express how magnificent i am? yeah, i thought so.

from pgagnon999 :

Nope, no veins in french fries. . .just about two million calories and really nasty fats. . .good clean fun. Enjoy!

from halfdevoured :

That last message was from me. I didn't mean to confuse you. But hey, I get to send you more love. I love you!

from theotherhalf :

I love you!!!

from boymonkey :

i wanted to get a tattoo of a mushroom cloud somewhere. a colleague of mine suggested that i get it just above my ass. if you give me the money, i'll do it.

from monkeydoo :

i love KM too. and i am proud of it. i have loved them since the "dog fly" days before "detachable penis." i like you so much more now.

from monkeydoo :

would you be hurt if i said i didn't understand your note to me at all? i hope not becuase it is true. i am corn-fused.

from boing :

hi you! i hrt king missile!!

from bettinas :

I'm sorry I've been neglecting your guestbook, but something about this computer I've been working on will not allow me to sign your or ogins guestbook. Of course I read your diary every day. Much love to you and your daughter (what's her name?) and, though the image is hackneyed now, a big peace sign.

from halfdevoured :

The Gate. Carpenters in the wall. Toy rockets shot into demonic eyes. An eyeball growing in your hand & stabbing it out with a piece of broken glass. Your nerdy best friend keeps playing his albums backwards.

I know that movie. I know lots of 80s horror. C'mon... ask me anything.

And thank you for the big Goddess Louise hug. I do love to be squeezed. *huuuuuuuuuuuug* for you, too.

And Rachel squeezed me today. Nearly killed me.

from halfdevoured :

Take care of poor, sick Mlle Rewind, Louise. She could use the TLC and you can probably snatch her pies. I'm sure she's not eating them right now. I had a weird thought... or feeling... something. You know that sentence at the bottom of my diary? The one that says "Stephen belongs to..."? More and more, I feel as though I belong to you and Jen, too. I really do. You're fantastic friends. And I love you. I must attempt to sleep again. I will not let insomia defeat me. *Hug* for Louise. Goodnight.

from halfdevoured :

You think you're a geek? Oh, no. I'm the geek. Things that I have planned to write in my diary will provide all the evidence you need to come to that conclusion. I am such a dork! I mean, c'mon... I wear a Tigger hat! Proudly! But you, dear Louise, are not a dork. You are most definately a goddess. Yes, you are.

Love love love for you from me. As always.

from oginschile :

hahahahaha. vehwee funny, you funny, you make me laff... and... yeah...

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