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Hi! My name's Amber and I'm 23. I am writing a book about my personal account of self hate and self harm. I'd like to include some personal stories from different stages in healing, different sexes and different ages to show that no one is the same, but we all are hurting in ways that we are unable to convey. I do not intend on printing names, there is no length restriction and I will not censor. I have decided to also include poetry or just general opinions. Please email me if you are interested. [email protected]

from myhorizons :

from beanz17 :

PS: how do i get that thing on my entries that says I feel: ____ and stuff? I want! I want!

from beanz17 :

why no i on your list of people? :( *sniffle*

from myhorizons :

from beanz17 :

I just thought that you might like this for your background.... http://www.geocities.com/spongebobpatrick14/sedated.html

from beanz17 :

Listen up, Little Luver, if you hear a rumor about me, you better make sure that it's true before you start accusing me of things. Got it? You are becoming too defensive. And I do realize that I hurt you. That was a risk I was willing to take if it was going to MAKE YOU BETTER! I would sure as fuck hope that you would do the same thing for me. And no, I didn't drink or anything this weekend. I hung out with my man. And you would have known that if you were talking to me civily. I have never felt so awful in my life except for that time that I lost someone the way that I could lose you. That is why I did what I did. How much more can I fucking stress that? You can be so frustrating when you get defensive, you know that? And I wouldn't expect you to be mature over something this upsetting, but calling names is pathetic, luver. You know for a fucking fact that I am not anerexic. So you need to shut your mouth. I don't want to sound harsh or bitchy, but you need to be careful of what you say. You could lose the only two friends who truely fucking care about you. Who don't feed your unhealthy addictions. Who are trying to help you. And I am not trying to lecture you, like Angela didn't try to lecture you about your cutting. But enough is enough. You are only hurting yourself. Wait a minute, that's wrong. You're hurting us, too, while you hurt yourself. It isn't fair to us to see you try to fucking kill yourself every fucking day. Do you think that you are the only one who hurts? Do you think that you are the only one who fucking CRIES?! If you do, you are truely gone. I am sorry for what I did, but I would expect you to do it for us if we were helpless too. And I realize that what I say isn't going through your head. You're probably still fucking hallucinating from yesterday. And I know that you don't care, but I do. And that's fucking REALITY. And you can NOT fucking escape from it. Don't you fucking forget that. <br>We Love you.

from elevial :

Nicole, little luver, you can go and think what you want about Jessica and I. But just remember we will love you until the end of time. I did what I did because I don't want to lose you like I lost one of the closest people I ever had. You may never understand why I did what I did, but understand that I didn't do it for my recreation, I did it for you. And you want to hear something worse than my trespassing?! Your MOTHER wouldn't even hear it, she didn't give a rat's ass if you were hurting or not. Does it not make you wonder WHY no one noticed the alcohol clinging to your clothes? Lemme let you in on a little secret. I wish I had someone there for me when I was in your place. I buried myself into a hole so deep that I sufficated nearly to DEATH. IS THAT WHERE YOU FUCKING WANT TO BE?! DEAD!? I had to help myself. I had no one to love me. I had no one who cared. I had no one. NOTHING. I know that you think that's what you have now, but you're wrong. Jessica is the best thing that has ever happend to you. Jessica told NO one ANYthing. It was all me. I was worried. And trust me, I do feel like a bad friend, just as much as you feel that you've been stabbed in the back. But remember this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU, WE LOVE YOU, AND WE WILL NEVER FORGET THAT - even if you do. I am sorry for what I have done. Do not even think that I'm not, because you would be wrong, just like you thinking that we're bad friends, and that we betrayed you. Because we aren't, and we didn't. I don't know how much I can stress that we are not here to hurt you and to get you into trouble like you think. This is NOT fun for us. We are NOT sadistic. I'm going to stop now. But if we ever meant ANYthing to you, think upon these words, alright. Trust me when I say this: I will die with this in my heart. Believe me when I say this, too: I love you. You are my friend, and I will do whatever the fuck it takes to get you back to being happy. I'm sorry.

from soulseekerz :

Hey found your diary through a banner or something and thought that I would drop by. I really like the diary its definantly something I can relate to. Especially when you talk about how dependent your friend was and the whole paying attention to only her thing. I'll definantly be back soon to see what else is going on, I hope you dont get too long of suspension its really stupid that they did that to ya. Stop by my diary sometime and leave a note!

from brittbabe4 :

oh well it's cool. i like it a lot though and it's awesome so if you find out how to get it then let me know please. but if not then it's no biggie. i def. feel you about the not sad or happy or anything but angry at yourself and everyone. i get that way a lot lately. hope you hae a nice day coming your way soon. but i have to go now. see ya. -brittany

from lc-revues :

Hi! Your review has been posted! Thank you for requesting a review from LC Revues. We really appreciate it.

from brittbabe4 :

hey i like your diary a bunch. your template is awesome too. i wanted to make a template and stuff and i really like that flash thing you have. the taste me fuck me need me want me, etc. i love it. how do you do something like that. would you mind telling me please. i would be forever grateful.

from strawberry00 :

you have a kick ass diary.By the way, thanks for tagging my board.gotta go.*strawberry00*

from hippiesoul :

Do you like Nico, the singer? Cuz if you do, ooh, boy, she rocks, doesn't she? :) Cool diary. I like your oranges.

from myhorizons :

Thank you for the encouragement.

from cherry-girl :

hey cool diary found it thru a banner. visit mine (user-spidey pword-undies)

from krazypenguin :

hey check it out, i think we were in the same class! http://krazypenguin.diaryland.com/images/dlbanner14.jpg

from nobudyzbarbi :

hey! thanks for signing my form thingy on my diary. lol i don't know what it is called. well, i hope that we can continue talking. if you want to, you can IM me at Thompson7. maybe after a while, i can tell you my new diary's address! well, talk to ya later! bye

from myhairispink :

Being sick sucks. That is the worst word to describe being sick, but I can't think very well today, so it is going to have to do. Hope you feel better soon, I feel you're pain. I am afraid to eat anything today, in fear of seeing it again way too soon. -Laura

from hotlikefire :

hey i jus thought id leave u a note cuz u said it'd make u happie!! so im jus sayin hi! =)

from myhairispink :

O.k. Happy Valentines Day...valentine!! I will talk to you later, have a good night. -Laura

from gcchick182 :

amazing.

from asteroidbelt :

i don't see the humour but today i'm a crabby old lady.

from sexyatheist :

i couldn't agree more. rough sex is just that damn good.

from thepeachtree :

your a great best friend, even when i say your not