DiaryLand members area

haa! wow, that was a really nice note haha, thank you! it would also be very nice to get to these "goals" though aha, somehow it will happen. if i don't die before then ;). oh well, live for now.

from omfggwtf :

:O and why is that?

from omfggwtf :

love your writing xo.

from blue88 :

In love... that's a nice change, there with the grace of god go I....

from blue88 :

You'll build walls, we all do, and make in your head reasons like stairs to reach them and make them ramparts. Until your forced by yourself or circumstance to let go of them or tear them down. And it's only then that you find out how far you've come and how little you've changed. Trust, we relearn it every day. it's like sweeping the steps of leaves, you do the same thing with different leaves every day til the winter comes and there are no more. When spring returns you find yourself glad to see the first of the falling leaves. repeat, retry, succeed, fail break even, do it again. the measure isn't how well you trust but that you keep trying, keep living. The day you trust yourself fully with the right person at the right moment it's perfect and that's what we all wish for. but, perfection is so delicate, fleeting. Like the breeze that carries the leaves to the ground.

from shrimpin :

geez i know. and waiting sure is a biatch. someone must have felt the same way as me cause my freakiest wooden child has disappeared. thank goodness.

from shrimpin :

thinking. yeah it's tough times. geez those wooden children, when will they be gone ?!?!?

from shrimpin :

i'm really digging the new lay-out. okay tell me that the wooden children on like every single lamp post on campus are freakin you out a much as me?

from shrimpin :

not single anymore? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT !! ROCK ON

from girlsmad :

yeah, salvia is an insane drug. Depending on how much you did it's normal to feel spaced out a while after. I've never noticed spinning though, but to each his own. It'll go away in time.

from girlsmad :

Salvia..<3

from shrimpin :

full nights of rest. i hear ya on that one sista!

from shrimpin :

99 cent breakfasts rock my existence.

from blue88 :

Wow, your entries are a little short. busy perhaps or stunted by though....

from shrimpin :

>:(

from shrimpin :

that is a bad thing but i don't think too many people know much about themselves in college anyway. hopefully it'll all work out. -kassen

from blue88 :

Happy new year!

from shrimpin :

MERRY CHRISTMAS NICOLE !!!! -Kassen ^_^

from shrimpin :

thoreau is awesome. oh yeah i've been using melodramatic.com for entries now it's saaawweeet in my opinion and that's where my friends are to read my stuff anyway. -kassen

from shrimpin :

yeah it sure is difficult to try and change someone for the better. i had to read civil disobedience by thoreau for english, i thought it was very good. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

these are beautiful days! i hope you are having an AWESOME winter! -kassen

from shrimpin :

oh yeah having to play games and test people sucks immensely. and it's rare that it ever changes which is even more depressing but i hope it works out. -kassen

from shrimpin :

yoshi...monopoly...food !! sounds like good times. -kassen

from shrimpin :

i utterly agree about how nerve wracking and in my case extremely sucky seeing people who you had "something" with can be. i went through that non coolness the past week but it was at a much lower level than what you're at. -kassen

from shrimpin :

wow no java joint. its weird how things can change over a certain about of time. ooh shizz that's some depressing stuff you're talking about. -kassen aka glazedork

from shrimpin :

right outside my door is about as far as my phone goes. you don't know what to do? i have six hour gaps inbetween my classes! it's cool though, i cha-lax with my buddies. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

i keep thinking that i am going to start singing in the library with my headphones on and everyones gonna be like...okay. my next class isn't until 230pm. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

its good that your fears are slipping away but don't lose a part of yourself! oh man i haven't been doing a lot of my reading. i got up in the middle of last night to finish my soc reading which was pathetic since i have five hours in between classes to do that. peacerz, kassen

from shrimpin :

I'm cha-laxing in the UNLV library right now. I practically live in here though. It's freakin' awesome. I didn't know you quit your job! So then, less stress? -Kassen

from blue88 :

Rain, if you like rain you should come up here and bring some of it with you. I think we have your weather and people here aren't used to it at all. I could go for some rain dancing right now.....

from shrimpin :

7-27-03 I would watch Boy Meets World all the time. It was my fav TGIF show. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

7-21-03 Yes! Rain! Watching it with friends and/or significant others is great. I prefer staying up and listening to the rain and thunder just because it is so rare in these parts. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

July 17th, 2003 I read a sappy romance novel to go along with that sappy movie. It's killing me. The rain was good. Ah, I enjoyed it immensely. I hope you and your man are doing well. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

July 7, 2003. Awesome! ^_^ -Kassen

from shrimpin :

6-28-03 Wow, comparing yourself to a bobblehead? Well, now that I think about it, I can see you on a dashboard bobbing along. I saw the two films Tessa made. Funniness. I liked the part about driving down Desert Inn. Seemed like fun. -Kassen

from lobsterchick :

Hi! I just created a new diaryring for fans of Fountains of Wayne. If you want to join, it's called "fntnsofwayne". Thanks!

from shrimpin :

6-22-03 Life if a great thing! Don't fear it, don't fear people! Especially your friends. Live it to the fullest, even with your meaningless job. It'll all fall into place. I think I'm suppose to take on a Screw Smoothie attitude. I don't know. The whole world seems confused right now. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

6-21-03 Woo Hooo CineVegas. My friends and I went the other night to see the UNLV stuff. Good good. I've never had a job so I don't understand the working bit but I know about going through the motions of every day life. Well, now it's all good but last year I was in a sucky rut. I'm in a semi erg mood right now, I hope you have fun at CineVegas. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

6-8-03 Wow, that was a very interesting entry. I feel needy quite a bit of the time but luckily my friends are there to solve that. I liked your flow. The sitting near the street seemed surreal and awesome. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

June 3, 2003 Damn! An office full of women, I could never do that. I need guys in my life. Women cause too much freakin' drama sometimes. I ask a lot of those questions myself, except for the interesection ones (well I wonder about the car crash stuff). Hey Hey that hugging a stranger one seems awfully familiar to me. HeHe. As for the Smoothie thing...yeah grab her ass that's funny. Not going to happen, but still amusing. She seemed freaked out by the hug well enough. I don't want to push it too much no matter how much that idea sounds yummerz. I say go put F*ckwit's car on blocks or shaving cream it. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

5-31-03 It's too bad you're feeling all hellish and PMSing. I wish that f*ckwit guy didn't make you feel grrish and the like. It probably would have been amusing if he did get kicked out for calling the waterpipes "bongs". At least you had your friend Josh with you. He seems like a caring fellow. -Kassen

from pillow-wept :

i just found myself reading a bunch of your older entries ... and im just so in love w/ your diary. i know that sounds shit & gay & blahblahblah ... but i adore it. youve been on my friends list for ages, but sometimes, i get so lazy, that i never read anyones diaries because i cant seem to focus any attention on anything but sleep & shit-work ... & i realized ive neglected reading you, and what a waste, and what a shame that is. alas, i wont be making that mistake anymore. x

from blue88 :

I guess that in 104 degrees puddles don't exist to jump in. That temp. is completely out of my understanding here in igloo land. I hope you've figured out what your options are for your feelings of betrayal. Seriously take the leap of faith that this person will for give you. Trust in your friendship and you'll know that it's O.K. to say what's dragging everything, ever moment with this person, down. Yeah, you'll feel shitty if you find out that you really have broken this trust with them but every moment after with feel slightly better than before you've told them the truth. There's only up form there. Right now, there's this trough of just singlemined, personal guilt which is something that makes it hard to be a genuine friend to them right now. And you seem to know that you need to get this off your shoulders and deal with it. Trust me, it will be better after the curtains up on this issue between you and your friend. It takes time but, the two of you are young and you have lots of time between the present and the future friendships you'll both develop. Take the leap of faith.....

from shrimpin :

5-29-03 Aww man, I would ask you what's wrong, but I guess telling a starnger would be weird huh? Well, if you'd ever like to tell me whatever I'm here to listen. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

5-28-03 I want to visit Seattle! Rainy, glooomy weather. My favorite. Those would be some complications to liking someone. Oh man the note you left me is depressing, about how things got all screwed up. I hope they work themselves out. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

4-27-03 6:33AM Complacent! I like that word Didn't know people actually used it. Hmm that was an intersting entry. I'm glad you did something you wanted and it all worked out. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

5-26-03 I just e-mailed you for the first time! ^_^ -Kassen

from blue88 :

It sounds like to me you know you need to tell them that this confidence has been broken by you. I know that response sucks but, It's better coming from you than say you confiding in someone else that you did this and feel bad and that person tells them. If your friendship is real they'll deal with the fact. Who knows, if you've been friends for a while that person may have broken confidence with one of your secrets or concerns. I wnet thru the above situation woth a female friend that I held a torch for in my 20's (She was being beaten up by her boyfriend -my friend, and I told another aquaintence and he spilled the secret to one of her friends. Save it to say it wasn't pretty. IF this person is truely your friend they should be able and want to forgive you because we've all been there. If not, at least you've learnt a new lesson in not doing this and if a friend can't forgive you are they really a friend? If the situation was reversed, would you forgive them?

from shrimpin :

5-25-03 My best friend and I do a lot of Operations. My junior year I finally wrote a note to my crush saying I liked her and we called it Operation Inconspicuous and it was funny because I didn't sign my real name. I signed it "Max West" from the movie Go Fish. Um, I'm going to go write an entry about how Operation Hi Tessa worked out so go read it...-Kassen PostScript what's your e-mail?

from blue88 :

Don't worry, trust is recoverable. It takes a huge amount of time though if there's been real trust broken. You'll find you return to it in stages, as each person gets over what was broken. The fear of it not happening is actually greater than the act of doing. It like anything I know it seems like a great leap but it really starts simply with a new smile or alkwardly like, relearning to shake hands. In the mean time, pretend to puddle jump the fear.....

from shrimpin :

5-24-03 Yes! People do say things without meaning them. They're just used to it or want to say nice things. I'm the kind of person who can't stand wasting words so I only say what I mean. That sucks about not being able to sleep. I kind of have that problem, but I've had in for a while. I'll wake up at like 2am and just watch music videos and think in my bed which sucks because I think forever and it keeps me up. I like Watermelon and Pineapple but no one trusts me with knives so I never cut them. I don't have many lifeskills. Ahhh! Stop saying such good things about your friend Tessa or I'm gonna like wanna jump her next time I go to Java (ok I wanted to do that last time) ^_~ . I was talking to my best friend yesterday and I was like let's go to Java and when we get our drinks I'll say "Thanks Tessa" and we'll run out (It called the "Thanks Tessa and Run" Operation, how clever)! HaHa. It was amusing. I'm such a dork usually. Oh yeah I'm kind of a big believer in Destiny because I think of all my friends and the people I've met and to me it takes a little more than coincidence to do all that. Or maybe free will is just that incredible but IDK. -Kassen

from pillow-wept :

good god, thank you :) x

from shrimpin :

5-22-03 Hey there. I love watermelon. In fact, my other screen name that I never go on is WatermelonTease. The girl with the short brown hair is your best friend? Well tickle me pink. I'm embarrassed. Okay, no I'm not but it's still a coincidence. A big one actually. A love connection? Yeah, in one of those perfect romantic worlds maybe. I don't even graduate HS until June. But yes I do find your friend attractive. Oh egg rolls! So tasty. One of the only Asian foods I enjoy (and I'm half Thai how pathetic). Wow, that's too bad about your friend going to Japan. Hope everything works out. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

5-21-03 Wow! You really rock. You can feel yourself getting skin cancer. I can't believe you typed that. I say that to my friends all the time. I said it even at lunch yesterday and I'm always thinking it. That is WeIrD. I've never heard anyone else use that expression. I don't like heat either. And I have a lot of black shirts which sucks. The Java Joint freakin' rules. And there's a new girl working there who makes me wish I could afford their drinks every day. Ok, you didn't need to know that. Yes! Go study! Get them good grades! Hey, your diary name is your AIM name? I think I'm gonna add you to my buddy list. -Kassen

from mydyingbeta :

after grauduating form hs, i knew i wanted nothing to do with math or science! i went to community college for 3 semesters getting a bunch of basics out of the way. then i transfered to the school i'm at now in wisc, and decided i was going to major in english. i've always loved writing, so i figured it'd be the best choice! i was planning on an english major focused on creative writing, but ended up with a focus on literature! for awhile i'd contemplated a sociology major, but my school doesn't offer one, and i love lit, so that's why i chose it. no clue what i'm doing after graduating, and really i'm not too stressed about it! who knows what they're doing after hs pr after college, for that matter??? i mean, unless your plan is to be a doctor or physicist or something like that!

from shrimpin :

5-07-03 I found out about the Gin Blossoms/Spin Doctors concert yesterday. I want to go because Gin Blossoms rock and I also like Spin Doctors but I have no money. But I am going to Good Charlotte and New Found Glory and I want to go to OBC but once again there's the money conflict. Are you talking about the Java Joint on Nellis or somewhere else? My friends and I go to that one because of the kick arse atmosphere. You like typing european-ly? Have you been to Europe? I used to live in England. I love that country. Hehe, I didn't know shrimpin' meant sucking toes. My friends and I use it as a sexual reference but not that one. I know what you mean about having guy friends who just seem to mean more than...idk most other guys heh. -Kassen

from shrimpin :

4-30-03 7:17PM I'm glad we're not wind up toys. People still completely screw each other over anyway way though. -Kassen

from mydyingbeta :

smoking pot and eating peeps, you made me laugh out loud....

from blue88 :

About Faith, I think tonight that is, the problem of faith is in me. Do I have faith in any ability that i might have to see who is the kind of person i'd like to associate with. Can I seek out and find those people who will not hurt me emotionally with lies. Faith is like charity it starts at home. I'd like to think that if your faithful to yourself that that will somehow shine thru to those people who share the same faith, that one will identify the other as a good worker, friend lover, confidant etc. But having faith in oneself is elusive and sometimes painful because to really do so you have to face a certain part of you that constantly needs addressing. For me that fear is of failure, of being found out for the fraud that I fear I might be. I hide this fear with sarcasm or down playing my own potential. For instance, I work tonight on a show were the lead singer knows me and afterward he asked me to call him. We used to tour together and I and him were quite close when he wasn't famous ( This is in Canada so you probably never heard of him except if your a Matthew Good Fan.) Anyway's Matt asked me to call hime up and hang out, you know, don't be a stranger. But I resistant because I did once before and I didn't hear from him for months afterward. Plus, having worked with him on projects we both put huge amounts of time and energy into it's weird to think we could just hang out. But, really that's my problem. My lack of faith, not his. he just asked me to give him call. It's not some formal invit to an award ceromony or to be a poser at a gig. I don't know if I answered your question the best way.....

from pillow-wept :

what a beautiful (albeit sad) entry today.... im with you 100%. x

from mydyingbeta :

i read some of your diary, very entertaining!

from blue88 :

I note that you've added me to your favorites list, Thankyou I'm flattered. And that you picked out a line from my letter to wendy. I know this because that letter took me several months to write annd rewrite until I thought I was done and alternatly, given up on the constant revisions because it was never the perfect tome that I wanted as a literary requim to Us and my understanding of our relationship. It was too easy to try to second guess whether, if she ever read it would she understand where I was comming from. Would she hate it and by extention hate me. When memories of a relationship that used to fufill me turned out to be falsehoods I found myself questioning every other word in that letter, ecept the line you picked out. Actually that's a great intro to being fufilled. Am I fufilled? Yes, at times. When it happens it's really just a genuine moment when I'm in the real. But it's so far appeared to be fleeting like the tick on the hands of a clock. That moment when all my hairs on the top of my arms rise up with goose bumps. After, it's too easy to question it. Was it genuine? Was that moment mine and mine alone? While working in the middle of a show I'm certain that it's not. everyone else, performers, audience and crew experience there own joint fufilling moment. And, I guess that's really the drug that I get out of all thease late nights on weekends and holidays working. A mass catharsis, I think little moments like this take the real place of being "Fufilled" in it's proper term as aknowledged as some sort of plateu in the consumer world that we've created here. Maybe the understanding of the term fufilled should be reunderstood or dumped because it's limiting. I can be fufilled at times and that glass is mostly half full. Even when I'm not working. Actually I've been working alot and have to update my diary soon. It must be hard to be or experience those moments of fufillment in the city you live in. Everything there is geared to a fantasy version of instant gratification of monetary fufillment. Which can emotionally downgrade your own personal moments. little ones like, Talking to that guy you've always wanted to and he talks back and it's all positive. It, those little delicate china moments must seem so insignificant in the glare of all the neon that shines off the strip out into the sky. Maybe you develop a tougher skin to disappointment as well as a more finely tunned receptor to bliss just out of a need to survive.....

from pillow-wept :

hey, thanks :) x

from blue88 :

Weather, here it's the wet-coast as usual. which is why I'm glad that I'm still working in theatre as apposed to working out on some movie set right now. But soon very soon I'll be dragging 5k lights all over hells half acre 14 -17 hours a day. My favourite salad dressing right now is Blue cheese. It's great on slices of apple mmmmmnn. ICQ is a chat room thing that I've been doing for the last little while. I've gotten fed up with CNN and started checking out blog sites on the internet where ordinary people are posting there thoughts about the war. several from Muslims in and near the war zone. And sister, they have a different view of this thing. And it's hard to discount the observations because they seem so human and uncertain just like us. It really makes you realise how subjective our world view is. Aren't you glad right now you didn't join the military? it's amazing though, they find Jessica Lynch that petite blond girl and the sister who's the cook gets totally forgoten. Yeah that's it, leave the black sister behind. Her parents are just as worried rightly so, but I'll bet they don't get a private jet to fly her family close to where she might be. How many other POW's are gonna get free scolarships for having to deal with Iraq doctors?

from blue88 :

Guys getting you down? just think Prostrate Cancer when thinking of them. Really, It works you'll smile afterwards. Hey, how's it going. I've been too busy on ICQ chatting with new friends in Iraq and Egypt to make entries seeing as there's nothing interesting except this bad show I'm working on. How's school going?

from stereochrome :

"Talking is just masturbating without the mess. I don't feel like getting off." << classic

from narcotize :

A-fucking-men

from blue88 :

Epiphany, is the best term for why I do what I do. I was always an actor. Being on stage came normal to me even in elementary school. In school plays I always seemed to have the most lines, and it's odd that I used that as a guage for weather I was good or not. I originally thought I was going to be an actor and I persued that dream all through high school until I finally got beaten out for the part I wanted in grade 11 and went back to being a Stagehand But that's this story. At the same time in elementary school, I was really into music. Guitar, and then ukulale after the guitar programme was canceled, and finally the school band as a trumbone player but, I was a terrible musician. There was however,this friend of mine, Jay. Jay was an amazing guitar player who was too cool for school band. I hung out and watched him play his electric guitar in his parents basement day after day. (this was in grades 5 and 6 -imagine the Wonder years only in the late seventies.) Anyways, Jay wanted to get a rock band together and I knew the drummer and bass player in the school band. Plus this guy David, one of the guys I compeated with for attention in school but he was way cooler than me with long blond hair, who all the girls were totally nuts about. I.E. -perfect lead singer material. So, in the late summer we all got together and they practiced. while I begged our music teacher Mr. Tokar, who was a total hippy with an overgrown beatles haircut and total Pornostache, to borrow the schools P.A. system. On the condition that the band would play at the first assembly of our grade 7 year. It took a lot of begging and pleading over the summer to get these guys all together, Especially to get David to sing. All the while, I played with the cheesy P.A. that we'd liberated from the school. During that summer it was weird, usually the guys discouver girls after the fact but in this case girls started to hang out outside jays basment wanting to hang out with us as the band made this terrible noise ( I honestly can't remember the bands name, probably for good reason.) Anyways, September 5th came and first day of school and our show was due. We all thought that band was Killer and we were gonna rock the Gymnasium. Mr. Tokar wanted the thing to be a huge surprise and we set up on the other side of the gym behind a huge blue drape that separated the building into two halfs. ( At that time there were no co-ed Gym classes.) The only other people who knew were our parents and all of the girls who hung out at Jay's. I was out front running the sound system for the assembly. Even writing this, I can remember the way the guys all shook with fear and excitement while the classes all filed in. Minutes before the curtain Jay almost got sick I fact I think we all were almost sick, except Dave who was impossible to stop singing in the guys change room. I mean Really, it was just all cover tunes, "Smoke on the water" a BTO tune, "Strutter" by Kiss and "American Woman" by The Guess Who (Oh, that's right, Mr, Tokar named Them "The Guess What" arrrggghhh.) That's how he introduced them, " And Now Students, Guess WHAT... and pulled back the curtain. And, a perfect thing happened, The P.A. worked, Jay started everyone off, David Sang like his life depended on it and amazingly no body booed.... the Girls screamed like They were the beatles. Everyone cheered and the guys played better than the school jazz band. And any feed back through the P.A. sounded like it was ment to be there. And that moment -and the year that followed as we played for the christmas concert, spring concert and last assembly of our final year in elementary school. WE ROCKED!!!! (Well, really they did.... I just turned them up.) And that was the first Epiphany that lead me to here. There have been others but it comes down to this. Other guys in school at that time might have doodled they're dream car in their notebooks, but we doodled dream stages.... And Wendy. My thoughts about here are scattered throughout this diary of mine. She shows up alot in my dreams if I've written them. Read Dear Wendy. down.

from narcotize :

Hey, do the teeth thing.

from narcotize :

I actually am digging the whole single thing, and as for Jordan, I don't know what that whole thing is going to come to. I figure I'm just to going to kick it and if something happens something happens, and if not no big loss. Eh, toothbrush to the neck is nothing, I've taken scalpels to the neck before, bring it on!

from narcotize :

You know, all and all, I'm digging the being single thing. It's all good by me. And yeah, sorry about the eye floss, but you'd laugh it was me with the eye floss, at least i sure as hell would.

from blue88 :

What's my typical day... Well, early every morning I get woken up by my Call Steward pager with messages from crew guys about not being able to make it to my call because there's mother's in town or some sort of excuse because the Movie local has called them up and offered them a better gig that's longer and better paying where they just have to stand around and eat craft service and plug in a light or two. Then I get calls from T.D.'s and the president of the local asking for some guy to be taken off a call because he can't perform the job or is sick etc, etc, Then I have to find a guy to replace all thease guys while I'm trying to read the Whole Hog II lighting board manual so I can go into a production shop, hopefully next week, to learn the board. I the evening I got to the theatre and pull ropes for some god awful british play about girls dealing with they're dead mum. I come home and write you this and check my email to see if the women that I've replied to on nerve.com have emailed me back This is as long as we all don't end up dead from some stupid egotistic president of some country or other (Could be yours - Could be Iraq's.) going midevael on the world.... Renigin, It's O.K. to be selfish in times like this, it's a defense mechanism built into us all from when our anscestors roamed the plains looking for food and while trying not become some other things food. A perfectly normal response but terribly outdated by the advancement of history and technology. So, it all seems weird, our feelings feel absurd because we're not feeling in physical danger just an emotional shadow of danger is transposed over our rather mundane lives that we want to live to our best but, we're unsure how. It all becomes distraction, doubt and outside fear.Which we're very certain someone else is generating for not good purposes (I.E. warnings that make sence to our personal lives so far away from real danger. But shown on T.V. as viseral and shocking in between comercials. And something doesn't ring right, we're not the "good guys" we're the attackers not defenders..... In America it must seem slightly more stressful because of the fact that people right now outside of the U.S.A. really make Americian's feel like the bad guys. Which isn't the roll that your media likes you to see because, Americans being actually very kind, intelligent, extremely resourceful and quick to understand unfairness. You might be given pause to question en mass the goals of your government and the big corporations that your leaders really speak for and toady to. Trust me I'm not being sarcastic about the above. (My day yes...) The 60's were a time of this questioning but that generation ended up being co-oped by the very institutions they were trying to change. Basically because they bought into there own instictive need to WANT. Be it security, wealth, fame, freedom, and the whole thing pettered out into a terrible individualism that chokes the system with a sence of GREED. This unfortuantly is something your inheriting with the terribly unfinished business of racial equality in the mix. ( Understand I'm also talking about Canada to a lesser extent. Our country has a slightly more positive background because we're not founded by slave traders. Just underhanded double talking brits.) Actually I had a really good earlier note to you about this that came from me seeing the documentary, "boweling for colimbine" by Rodger Moore and if it doesn't win an Oscar there's evil afoot in the judging far deeper than the french judging scandle at the olympics. That note involved the fake threat of gun violence in America and the absurdity of owning a HUMMER. But, the server was down. When things get crazy like this I try to just go to a quite place an meditate. Concentrate on living in the moment of now, something I had to learn after Wendy left me and the anxiety that I developed that it, our constant break ups, were all my fault. That I wasn't good enough, doomed to relive all of this loss of love after trying so hard again and again. And it works for me even easier about all this stuff I can't, we can't, change about the world....Letting go, falling to pieces without falling apart. I'm always working on it and I get better at it every day. So can you....

from blue88 :

It would be far too easy to have a crush on someone younger than me. You see the thing that excites me the most is the potential of a woman, regardless of age but, young women have this indiscribable essence and power of 'the yet to be fully realized' womanhood that makes me feel very excited because I want to go back in my own understanding of that moment and change those nagging mistakes of my past.Ones where I didn't speak up or assert myself. Plus I dream of being a hero to someone and all of the hero archetypes that I've been weened on, through my father, from being in the airforce, involve being the hero to a woman. Les Miserables is one of my favorite books because of the relationship between Jean Valjean and the little girl Cossette he rescues. The object of the hero's love is so innocent and he gives the rest of his entire life to her, as aloving father, year after year. Cossette is the embodyment of salvation for all of his sins because she's an innocent done wrong by. And in the end he conquers his jealosy over her love for Marius, which is really a defeat of his hear of getting old, unable, defenseless and death. And unfortunatly I was brought up to understand that you are loved by doing and giving of yourself. There's this part of me that wants to be a little girls hero. But this is a moment in my life that I hold too dear and cannot sully. That's why I think I'd make a great father to a girl. ( really don't understand how to be a father to a boy I don't think I could arm him with the required emotional suit of armour that all men are built to wear.) But, falling in love with a woman who's younger than me, it's certainly something I try to avoid in the day to day being and meeting of people. I guess I feel I'd somehow smother her potential energy with my wish to bed her, ( I want you to understand I'm exposing a very secret part of me in this response.) to have a child, preferably a girl. Young women should be allowed to explore the limits of they're lives and creativity, with the same carblanche that men are allowed to. Honestly I really believe in equality. Which is why I think that the french idea of being able to have a relationship with someone 10 to 15 years your junior is damaging to both sides. Both never really grow up if that happens and there's a terrible ego thing that on the guys side is overproduced and on the younger womens side is undervalued. I hope this makes sense, I'm typing kind of drunk right now. Crushes go both ways, as an older man I can see the yearning for understanding love and respect that a younger woman can enflate in a shy person like myself. And I think I can understand the enveloping sense of protective love that a younger woman could feel from an older guy but both sides arn't really striving to be in the moment. One's looking back to something more innocent in the belief that it was more pure and the other's looking ahead past a transitory moment of confusion that every young person secretly has. I know that confusion I was there and part of me still is. Really, as you get older the age you are really is a number, nothing else, and you still want to play on swings even when your a grand parent. Out side of that I like to ride my bike to get away from thoughts of the pretty young college women who work in the front of house at the stanley....

from blue88 :

Hey, Renigin things are slow here in lotus land. we're waiting for the war to start and see if the U.S. movie companies are going to stay and film or pull out for the summer. I'm working on a terribly boring baby boomer comedy at the Stanlet theatre and trying to figure out my taxes. On the romance front there isn't any. I've been exchanging emails with a few women on nerve.com but, it always turns out to be a situation problem. We like the idea of each other but our lives are far too different to even meet for a coffee. (she's 9-5 and I'm weekends and nights.) Or they're really into booty calls and don't want a relationship persay. (flings and affairs are not my thing at all, I find them more alkward than celibacy.) Or they don't know what they want which usually means inconsistant contact and I loose interest. Then of course there's the 90 percent that never reply. But still update there ad with the statement that they will even if they're not interested. Which makes me wonder, why write that and not act on it. It would stop me from bugging them and wasting credits. I really have too many bills this season to pay off to date anyone but I still would like to. I have refrained from letting any of the women I liked from knowing about this journal because well, I don't know why. I'll let anyone read it that's on this thing because there seems to be a community of people who like to write. And read others daily thoughts. Maybe I still don't want a woman that close to me to see this because I'm afraid she'll misunderstand this. Or have something she can use against me. Odd thoughts those....

from blue88 :

Ah, Sara Harmer.... Doesn't she just nail it on the head. She came to the Vogue once and I couldn't for the life of me stop staring at her during the sound check. It's like her words are channeled through her from your soul. Plus, she's so cute in that geeky artsy tall girl way.....

from pillow-wept :

...arent they, though!? x

from blue88 :

Me? I've been in Canada since birth. I lived in the B.C. interior for the first 7 years in a little mining town called Rossland. Which now is a thriving high end ski resort. After moving to the suburbs of Vancouver. I became a valley kid in a town 60Km outside of Vancouver in a place that really felt like purgetory, called langley. Full of Christian right wingers and capitalists. After that I moved inward towards the centre of Vancouver, to a subsiduary town called New Westminster where I attended what you might understand as Junior College. Then came the big move into the city centre for UBC University. Where I promptly ran out of money and had to find my own way in the world. I worked my ass off after UBC and lived in basments to save enough money to go to London England for about 8 months. Where I toured with an American heavy Metal band in 91 called Cinderella. A tour that ended very abruptly due to Bush the first's war with Iraq. Since then I've based myself out of Vancouver and worked for many local rock and music acts right here in town. But, I have to admit, I could really use a vaction....

from blue88 :

Oh, I have a question for you: Why renigin? is it re-nigin? or reni-gin? or something else very personal?

from blue88 :

Ouch! I hope there's no whiplash due to your accident. It's funny how weather can change everything and challenge everyones composure on the roads. Up here, it's snow that makes everybody stupid drivers. Snow is something right now that everyone is praying for because the OIC is comming to town next week to look at Vancouver with the idea of the 2010 Winter Olympics. It's so stupid. there's less and less snow here every year, and by 2010 the hills are going to be dry during the winter if global warming gets its way. Soon our weather will resemble Calfornia, which is why I'm not interested in relearning to ski. Your Mexican friends, are they living in the United States? Or the other side of the border? I assume there's a lot of Spanish speaking people around your city. Do you think that America will ever make Spanish a second official language? Or is that decision a state thing?

from blue88 :

" drinking water to stay thin/ or is it to purify...../ I love you all the same" Manic Street Preachers, from, the song, "You stole the sun from my heart" Listen to it if you get the chance. It's how I see falling out of love

from blue88 :

How do you stop loving someone? Aw, Jesus that's a tough one! Why can't you ask me about my job or something. Love really makes no sense to me. All I know that rings true inside is, love seems constant as the breeze. ( have you even watched a wind sock at an airport? hell, they may not even have them any more, it's been so long. As a kid I'd hang out on military airports and watch my Dad's Aircadet Squadron fly gliders. And, there at the end of this broken weedy tarmac was this threat bare wind torn orange Windsock. It looked like a fabric version of the cone traffic pylon hanging on it's side, at the end of a tall 3 metre bright red pole in the breeze. All day in any weather, it would go limp and then spring back to life so often, flapping and changing direction without any will. As if it was a maroinette at the beck and call of the winds howling around it. (there's most definatly a MALE "thought" in the image here so, please forgive me. I've been celibate for quite a while.) But there were times when it seemed to me like that poor torn windsock had a soul of it's own. Because from where I stood, watching my Dad's tow plane take him and my brother and/or sister up on the very next ride, the air around littleme was full of cirlicues of wind, yet the orange sock at the end of the runway was having none of it and would flip and sail like the skin of a broken balloon. That's what the world is like on some basic elemental level, understood as a childs memory. And I think that love, my love, is like; A field full of wind socks and weather vanes. The air is dead to the world in one spot next to a howling tornado a few metres over. beside that area a gentle breeze. And the only way to connect with that image in words that make any sense to me is: There are as many ways to love someone as there are people on this earth. Love has mysterious properies, reason like the wind, and we are in luck to collect it every day. Here and there we fall, and other times love makes us soar. I know that in some way I will alway's love Wendy. How? that changes. But I am very luck to have the skill to remember the best love and in those moments and I understand that my love was true. But, falling out of love? I don't know wether that really happens. Maybe hate, pity, caring and loving all come from the same place. And all, are the conditions of "LOVE" moment by moment. That moment of change might be almost unnoticeable because it's so descrete. Or it's a, seared memory, heartstopping plundge. Deep Into your "Worst" self as you plot they're humiliation and eventual distruction. All I know from the moment that I looked into the face of Wendy and I realized that I wasn't going to combust with emotion over what seemed like before, in all my writing and conseling, to be a nightmarish future event. Was that I saw something that was so simmilar. Which was HER FEAR of my possible actions in regards to her very real presence. Like the wind was alive, confused and participatory, not this absolute prime-evil force that always shaped me. We brought each other into completion at that moment, which for me was the perfect way to say goodbye to me old understanding of my love for her and a new one. Which was much more honest on my point becuase I had really grown up over the intervening years and found out more about me. More importantly loved myself more in porportion to the past of our relationship. Did I fall out of love? No. I found something new which I still can't define. Except for how I've written about it above..... Love, David

from narcotize :

Sorry, had to change the wallpaper, it was scaring Sammy, and well you know how he gets.

from blue88 :

Actually, if you want to know what i'm really like you should look now on my "Leave a note for" page. God I'm stupid.....

from blue88 :

I'm flattered that you think my responses are eloquent. I just hope that they make some sort of sense. I find when I reread them days or weeks later. I sometimes think that there from someone else other than me. As if there's an "other" blue88, a person on this thing that sort of, seems to have a life much like mine. Dwells in a distinctly similar place but, just on the other side of a Carnival midway mirror. I have to admit I think I try too hard to impress people who email me a question or leave a note. I've always been afraid that I just can't quite communicate anything of interest or importance no matter how hard I try in my journal (doesn't the name Diaryland suck, by the way I think it does.) Or the reverse, babble on about myself to pointless extremes and confuse other people. I guess that's why I've stayed away from writing poetry on this thing. On the rare occasion that I do it, my poetic thoughts can be very dower and this particular site has far too many people doing that. Plus, dark poetry is its own sad downward spiral. Plus, I like to read of peoples lives and hope that they might find mine interesting for a few moments, that things in they're life might coorespond for a second or two. Just a person relating they're day in such a way that I can just intrisically connect with on a basic yeah, I know that must( ? ) suck, be wonderful, horrifing etc. There was a woman in NYC in 2001 around my age who was really good, like you, at that daily entry thing but she stopped, days after the towers fell and, I still wonder why. Plus, on a tactical note, this thing is great practice for personals sites. But, mostly it cures my wish to communicate from here in Vancouver. Which, is a very hard, fakely cliquish city if your a desian for a while and I think sometimes I've lived here far too long. It's strange, an American couple in a bar a few nights ago said to me how everyone was so nice to them here and they just wanted to stay. And it was hard to explain to them that, that's our tourist face here. That usually the strange "supernatrualness" of the surounding vista kind of isolates us in a very soulful way but man It can really suck when you want to meet people. I would think that why I'm interested in your enrties so much being as you come from the city thats taken the "Vacation Spot" mentallity to a whole new extreme. People living basic, hard lives in Russia or Afhganistan, if they saw Las Vegas are understanably either dazzled or revolted by the mirage of your ultra bright city in the desert. surealness in your town isn't at a premium at all. It's really moments of your life, in its basic important human wishes, dreams and standard sucky choices which to me are ever more real, truthful and ever more interesting due to the fakeness of the setting. Like a sweet, confusingly vibrant unfinished, surreal/cubeist painting slapped unfitingly into a cheesy ornate frame. Seeing it, just out from under the dust cloth, you can't help but wonder.....

from stereochrome :

thanKly and nah, it's the same font..maybe your browser had the hiccups ? and ahh! torrid affair! don't cheat, nicole! breakup if you have to but no cheating! cheating's bad! hehe (i am just so insightful huh)

from pillow-wept :

yeah i do, actually. i think she has a really really strong voice. x

from blue88 :

I read by your last entry that the weathers sucking in Las Vegas. It's hard to contemplate rain in the city of dreams. I think that's kind of an annalogy, the key to what I'm looking for in friends or in this case right now, because I'm currently feeling physically lonely, a lover. The reality inside everyones dreams. A basic honesty perhaps. I remember what it was like to feel absolute fear, fear for my continuing life and the fear of continuation. And the incredible, absolute relief when I could just get it; all that nameless, shapeless, darkening fear all out. Say what I felt and really feel it, at that absolute moment. To really cry because that's what I wanted to do right there regardless of who saw that release. Because I had needed that moment of crying, for so long. Now, I guess I don't really need to see that, absolutly-like that, in every person. Just the hint that they could be couragous enough to be vunerable and honest with me or around me. And, trust that I wouldn't betray then or be-little they're personal exposure. Outside of that, I'd hope that, if I met a woman that I was attracted to, she'd be around my age so we could share that similar past. All those personal, generational, references that emmidaitely connect us intrinsicly to each other. You know, kind of be on the same wavelength. But, I know I need to be connected to a person who can be childlike without always being prompted by me to do so. A woman who might lead me, for a change, into the moment of "playing" at life again. Someone who believes in something and isn't affraid to pass that belief on to someone else for a new future. I guess, with all the above, that it's a tall order without any references. I'm physically attracted to slim, fit women, who are kind of; Well, the best, most eloquent way of suggesting this that I'm aware of is; "sitar like". Very slim, petite and equine up top, but more rounded in the hips, with skinny legs and all.... I hope this answers your query.....

from blue88 :

You should try to get your philosphy instructor to take the class to a bar and have few drinks. we did this in existentialism 450 back in college and had a hoot. Especially since it was the local strip bar and there were hooters everywhere. Try it sometime, going into a peeler bar with at least a dosen men and women. It's a party like no other. Plus there's no florescent lighting in even a bad strip joint....

from stereochrome :

in love..maybe you're not! i'm not sure. i think it depends on one's definition of love. it could just be infatuation..but maybe there isn't a difference in the two. and thank you so much for the azure ray referrals! i downloaded 4 songs, and i love 3 of them. (all the ones you recommended)..Sleep is my favorite. i downloaded this other one called "other than this world" which i'm not too crazy about, but 3 out of 4 is definitely a good thing :> iii can't sleep. iii can't speak. to you.

from blue88 :

Well, I think that ad may have run out. I'm on The georgia straight personals now. Which in the U.S. is nerve.com I think under blue88 or 188 I can't remember which

from blue88 :

P.S. I like the jan 26 th entry of yours. very stream of consious and I was transported there for a moment....

from blue88 :

Man, I can be so long winded.I've never read the past entries of my regurgitations. I'm sorry. David.

from blue88 :

Thank you for the vote of confidence. I value you basically because you take the time to read my entries which I think is cool in it's own right. It's comforting to know that someone cares who also cares about the world they live in. You see the problem with me is, I envy someone like you. Young and in the moment figuring out life and just being. I thought I had the gift of getting it very early in life and now I'm not so sure. I Love my job and I stay as keen and fit as I can but just like everyone else, no matter how I try I feel like i'm always late with the punch and behind the ball on things that mean too much to me. (See the Wendy entries for this side of me.) I think sometimes that's hard for me. especially when it comes to women (See Above) I'm always thinking of the "Right" thing to say and then I say nothing and lose the moment. And I can't comunicate any more loudly how important that is. To be in the moment, I tried to learn it in College through philosphy classes but it's really a life thing. Which would be the essence of why I envy you. Your life is in the process of being sketched out by the the best artist available, YOU. We all make some sort of mistake every day in life and (above) thats one of my regular ones, because I'm not being in the moment. I go to a bar and I feel like a ghost whereas while working or cycling I'm strangely ominpresent in some sort of secret world of my own making. One which I'm trying to break out of and communicate to others in some sort of belief of hope and faith. Like it's a series of messages in bottles. I don't see anyone as lesser to me in this life. We are not LAME no one is. We all just lack some peice of courage at the time of being even when we are in our last moments. In fact I think everyone else has got it way more together than I ever did at any age. If you look up to me in some way I'm extremely flatered and I mean that. But, I'm human and I know I like you, though I have never met you and understand you through this machine language. Which in it's own right is amazing and leads me to believe we all will become much better people for or childrens and planets sake. (Big thought, pay no mind to it.) That's the honest truth. ( If you do want to know what I look like I'm on a personal ad on kiss.com under blue188.)

from blue88 :

Ah, that modivation. I'm sorry, please forgive me. I've been on the personal ads too much. We all take things personally in the world and I am at fault for misunderstanding your question. So, The essence of my modivation. (It's long winded so may be take a moment to grab a glass of water:) To Love, and create something that might last past my intrinsic existance. To be genuine and in the moment even though that possiblity is a frequent as the blooming of a rose. I want to be loved for who I am by as many people as i come incontact with for as deeply as they wish to love me. I wish to be faithful to myself and the ones who teach, inspire or those few who might learn from my experiences. This last one really goes both ways as clumsy as that might be. We all percieve the world through our own subjective senses and there's always going to be a gulf between what we know to be true, or indidvidual faith and doubt ( For there is no faith without reasonable doubt. - that's the leap of faith - Please understand me this entirely without any religous conotations.)I just want to exist and feel that I have a right to, up against the powers of the Industrial world that states they're improtance comes first. This is untrue because without all of us and our dreams desires and actions they, thease engines of our civilizationare nothing but empty halls.

from blue88 :

Modivation? regarding what? Well, lets see if any of thease answers help you. 1.You asked me what my birthday was. 2. To journal my life, because I at least find my life interesting, think I have some sort of insight into existance and it's fun to write and everytime I do I get better at it and I can maybe one day stop hunting and pecking. ( see my first entry for full reasons - it explains blue88 .)It was suggested by a counselor to try to rebuild the ability to have conections with people, specifically women. I was very hurt by my last girlfriend who was my first and I had a long relationship with her that turned out to be a huge lie. With all the trust issues that developed, I'm only now starting to think about dating again -women much closer to my age in nearer proximity to Vancouver. I hope this helps.....

from blue88 :

June 14th, 1967.....

from sedusmeplz :

I miss you... We should hang out...

from sedusmeplz :

I miss you... We should hang out...

from stereochrome :

you are so in love, and i am so jealous. azure ray..i tried to download stuff on WinMX but it kept queueing me (grr)..but i just downloaded kazaa the other day, so i shall attack people for their azure ray songs very soonly! look out world. brandon and his sub-56k are on the prowl.

from blue88 :

Your lucky, Having runinto this kind of person. You have know a possiblity to learn from them. Plus, you can teach, pass thi along to others and you can teach him or her who you look up to because if they are this kind person they probably value you in a greater extent than you see right now. Which means you are not lame. There's nothing wrong with thinking about things that seem shallow to you as long as you can recognize them for what they are. Little infatuations of the moment. This is where you become a deeper thinker as a person and you'll begin to feel more deeply about everthing. Which is kind of a double edged sword when you think about it in time. You'll wish that you never stopped being nieve or innocent to this new world. But, there's people all around you that will never know or understand your discouvery. And this, makes you UNLAME every day by day as you learn,teach and grow. "There are as many ways to love someone as there are people on this earth" You've just found a new way.....

from stereochrome :

hey, you never know where vilera and i will end up on our *ROAD TRIP*..which sadly won't be til a billion years from now. but still! denny's sounds great.

from blue88 :

Writing about your butt falling asleep and sex and goofing off on a construction site. Your mi kind of person. See, you have cool stuff to connect with. Thank god you didn't join the Marines, there, your ass would be cold for hours out in the bush while wondering what its like to be killed. I like your take on sex being just closer not one. I don't think we a re ever truely one with our selves let alone someone else. It's fun to try though. Unlike those strange "Can you see it?" picture games, they fustrated the hell out of me and I could never see what everyone else could. So, I guess I always gave up on those way to soon.... I'd love to see Nevada some day I hear there's some great MTB riding out there. Plus all the desert, I've never seen a real desert. Up here it's all desolate tundra in the big parts....

from stereochrome :

first of all: *huG* ..second of all: lmao at the almost-falling-down-stairs ..third of all: i noticed azure ray in your profile..i've only heard one song (displaced) and i lovelovelove it.. what other songs are worth hearing ??

from pillow-wept :

she returns. x

from stereochrome :

thankyou! i kind of needed that.. that skank makes me soo mad!

from blue88 :

Also, Rita wouldn't want you joining the Marines.......

from blue88 :

Why do you do things that you don't really want to do? Is it because you think someone will love you more or better if you grit your teeth and just bare it? If that's so, then DON'T JOIN THE MARINES!!!!! They, have a way of making you do exactly what they want,while thinking inside that it's just so you can get a cheap education. All the while even convincing you that it's exactly what you should be doing. It's completely soul sucking. They, like any indentured,organized, social group will wrap you into the, It's US vs. Them and we are better mentality. Constantly playing to your superego and the modern want for quick results which is ultimatly for they're gain. As a marine your the vanguard of America's armed forces. And if you think about it most Americans look down on anyone whos in they're military even though its that group of people who have chosen to give up they're lives to die for the rest of all of Americans and they're way of life, even the greedy ones. All the people who truely deserve your hatred from the things they 've done to you and you have to DEFEND THEM??? Plus remember, your President wants to fight a war for his Daddies approval regardless of the loss of American lives and National dignity. Americans never used to strike first! Your supposed to be the GOOD GUYS! Don't get caught in that, for gods sake. Test results, SAT's and the like are not the guiding soothsayers of your life. YOU ARE!!! Trust me, they mean nothing after your safely in a college. Even a state college is better than the Marines. What I remember about College and the brief period that I was in University was two things. The instructors that inspired me, and the friends who cared for who I was trying to become. That's what gets you into understanding what your really worth to youself. The Marks and the stuggle to stay in classes, feed and cloth yourself. That's just regular existance and if you've existed to this moment, all of that is actually really easy. With 20/20 hindsight it was actually quite fun. I know it might not seem that way right now. Because, your probably just thinking of what it's like to get out from under your parents and it's all a Fantasy/fear moment but trust me. I was in the Canadian reserves in my early teens and twenties (Seaforth Highlanders, to get the approval of my Dad.) It sucked being emotionally shat on by people who were border line Sadists -And this is the Canadian Military, we're the pansy assed Peace-keepers of the world. And all the women in the unit were reduced at times to absolute tears by instructors. The fact of which, drove me nuts because I was brought up to be the white knight type. And I'd hate to know of another person I've begun to care about, who has to subject themselves to that kind of thing......

from blue88 :

No, everyone has a good story in them. Unfortuantley, due to working in a job thats quite strange and close to "Name" people I have a few. But, I suck at telling them to impress attractive women plus, if I actually suceed in doing so, I think sometimes they don't believe me. Or worse, they hang out hoping that they can meet more interesting, exciting, and possibly famous people than me, that I might know. So, having interesting stories can have a definate down side. I just want to be in love again with some attractive woman, and then all of this existance might be slightly less akward.

from blue88 :

Wow, Las Vegas. Some of the coolest Americans come from there. I worked on a Mitzi Gaynor show that did a quick run up here back in 93. Your probably too young to remember her. She was a real live total, triple threat, a classic Dancer/ singer / Actress from the late 50's that hung out with Dean martin and frank Sinatra ( She was best known for The lead in the movie "South Pacific" and popularizing Bob Mackie costume designs - Think of the T.V. show "Dynasty") Our General Manager at the time in the Vogue Theatre, thought that she'd be a great draw and booked her here for 3weeks. All expenses paid Big time contract, Limo straight to the theatres door, kind of thing. Needless to say she didn't draw in the crowds they hoped. Which resulted in the poor bastard being fired for the debacle. Mitzi however, was the total consument professional thoughtout the entire three weeks. She, her 4, Gay dancers (her "Boys") and twelve piece Big band ripped up the stage and gave every performance 100 percent even when our delapitated 1100 seat theatre had a crowd of real old people only 300 to 400 strong. The best part was hanging out while her, as the center of attention, would salon in the pasta bar next door to the venue. Drinking ungodly numbers of martinees, holding court with all the really old Vancouver performers that would show up after a performance to pay respects and reminice about all the "Good old days" Telling countless stories about hanging out and doing coke with the rat pack and Mitzi dissing Marylin Monroe for being a fat pig during the casting call for "South Pacific". Actually, it was all quite surreal come to think of it. They're stage manager told me I could always come on down to Vas Vegas any time to find work because his regular job was making Effects for Sigfried and Roy. And he stated that, because I was white there would be "No fuckin problem with I.N.S. agents" but I never took him up on the offer. I have to admit, I'm sorry about that most of the time.

from narcotize :

Wow, my punctuation is horrible.

from narcotize :

yo, what's up? Hey, Nicole I need a sign, you say everything is a sign, you should point them out to me more often. Cause I sure as hell need one.

from starsforarms :

they will have to pry me away from this computer in order for me to quit slacking off and using it for personal use while at work. naxis ... they just might . lets knock on some wood, shall we...x

from stereochrome :

omg! frou frou! i am frou frou obsessed. their album 'details' is seriously one of the greatest albums of all time. 'it's good to be in love' ..'hear me out' kd;ajfak :)

from starsforarms :

just wanted to reiterate how much i enjoy reading your diary. (i also really hate the word 'diary') x

from narcotize :

Well, hey at least they are of Clint and not like The 3,000 lb. man, right?

from narcotize :

Okay so it was suppost to be "change the dreamcatchers already" yeah I'm smooth, I know.

from narcotize :

Nicole, you my friend are mighty grand. And you should the dreamcatchers already, honestly now. Well, have fun now y'hear. Peace brotherman.

from starsforarms :

i found your site thru folks who liked heather nova....and i just adored your site!! its just really gorgeous, in an abstract kind of way. i too like to spell like im european. the question "isnt it 'color'" always gets asked to me... in any case...loved it. x

from narcotize :

oh, and that's my story.

from narcotize :

I heart you too. I think that's the right to, too, whatever, damn english, it has taught me nothing.(old man fist towards english)

from stereochrome :

that was a perdy entry. .and i think people freak out by strangers emoting in front of them because they go into Hiding Mode when they're around other people. because honestly, how many people have you ever met in the real world who act sincere the first time you meet them? it's all sad and stuff.. that lonely feeling.. it's like feeling lonely because everyone else feels so lonely they won't be unlonely with you so you're all alone with your loneliness hehe i'mgonnashutupnow.

from narcotize :

people are fucked up i hope they feel pain! aaaaaahhhhhhhh my computer is so fucking slow i hope it dies slowly and painfully! motherfucking computer! ah!anyway sohows life with you?it's rather odd writing to you i don't do it often. hello,goodbye, and good night don't let the bed bugs bit(those crazy sons-of-bitches!)have fun peace.

from narcotize :

hey just saying hello to my sister from antoher mister, you liked that one didn't you. yeah you did. so read anything good lately?

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