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ok, sounds good! Thanks so much for inviting me! I wanna try to come, but I have to figure out how much time off I have and stuff...I wasn't sure if you would be angry or sad if I can't come!? but i will try my best to be there! love ya!

from turnaround4u :

That's so disappointing!!! J did that when he proposed, he gave her a necklace first. lol. that's mean!

from turnaround4u :

it's ok to piss and moan sometimes, and i cant believe you said F*** in your entry. lol. anger!? that is very disappointing, especially when you have been waiting for so long...hopefully it will that much more amazing when it happens. i have to keep telling myself...enjoy the process.

from turnaround4u :

That's sooooo exciting Rach! He bought the ring, you already have a place picked out, and his parents are paying! Wow, sounds pretty much planned to me! lol...jk. I love this quote *each heart knows its own and no one else can share* So true, although it's so hard to not compare and want to follow by other's examples. I'm so happy for you and mark and how happy you are. I only think you complained 1 time about him...true love <3

from carallyne :

hey~ did you get the picture text i sent you of it? i don't know if i sent it to the right number but you and/or sabrina should have gotten it.

from carallyne :

it is like squigly lines and stars on the right side of my right foot. if i can manage with my ancient computer and dial up connection, i'll try to post a pic to facebook. otherwise you might just have to come to nj/pa to see :)

from turnaround4u :

an internet wedding is a wedding for people who met online. i was taking speed, but it didnt work and i didnt wanna get addicted if it wasn't working. i just wanna try all natural this week. 1 week. you wanna try the weight loss drug?? for energy or loss?

from turnaround4u :

how did you get the deal on eharm? you filled out the profile and then delted your profile? or did you leave your profile up with no activity?

from turnaround4u :

it's different for everyone. In Becca and Nat's wedding, we practiced at the rehearsal dinner and the pastor told us when to start walking. (like when the girl ahead of me was at the first pew) Julie "hired" her cousin to be her wedding coordinator so her cousin told us all what to do. That was more relaxing--less stress on bridesmaids to remember. Your Maid of honr should fix your dress on stage whenever you turn/walk. The man that walks you down the aisle could fix your train before the wedding?

from turnaround4u :

lol--yeah, who is mike? But I hope him and I work out, too because I always like mikes. And I think Mike is a sexy name to go with Michelle. Maybe you just prophesied me? lol...I'm so happy to hear about you and Mark in your happiness. I want to give you permission to gloat, too!!! It is encouraging for me to hear, esp with the talking things out part. My old boss had been married for like 20 years and she still swears she has never fought with her husband. I want that, too. I still can't wait to meet him. Wedding plans sound exciting...but dont stress out too much :) I know you know that. It will be amazing!

from sheaabijah :

do you mean michelle and dave? who is mike?

from turnaround4u :

IT IS EXCITING!!! I haven't said anything yet, we usually have a couple days lapse between emails...esp since they're like 5 pages long. it helps me not to say crazy, emabarrassing things i will regret later. lol. How do you move to the phone stage?

from carallyne :

i DEF agree. i was pretty flabergasted by how merciful he was. because like i wrote in the email, right answers or not, most teachers in their right mind would not have given me an A. i almost wish i could have a copy of that test to show people, because you'd really have to see how bad it was to believe it.

from turnaround4u :

and that brings up so many more issues---with how we view God.

from turnaround4u :

good relation to god rach! yes....very true....

from purplecelie :

I totally agree with you in regards to being accepted completely, for who you are, in your relationship. It's so important. It seems like we never realize it's importance until we experience it and how wonderful it feels.

from turnaround4u :

HOW WAS FLORIDA??!

from turnaround4u :

how was your first year with a sweetie on valentine's?!?!

from turnaround4u :

oh sorry to hear she was sick, but glad she's ok! Thanks for the updates!

from turnaround4u :

That seems like an amswer to prayers--how awesome!! :) It's so amazing how God works things out...I'm so happy for you guys, too!

from turnaround4u :

did he propose!?!? Why did you say yes to him on facebook---i thought he was waiting??! UPDATE! i miss you

from turnaround4u :

I dont think you're a spoiled brat at all...i can see how things would be so disappointing with the wedding being dangled in front of your face possibly in 2 months!! It's great that you're inviting God into your stuff over and over and it's great that Mark is being loving to you through it. I think it shows maturity, respect, and patience on his part for not wanting to take anything away from his brother....how sweet. I can tell you now I wouldn't have that same respect for my sister or brother because I would want to be married as soon as I find the right person. And knowing you guys will be married is still so exciting, but I bet waiting's hard when you seem so sure it's what you want. Hopefully this will be a very healing experience--I love how you're viewing it like that instead of a heartbreak. You are a strong, smart person and I'm glad you're so in love that you want to act immediatley. :) But I'm also (selfishly) glad you're not doing it when I'm in Africa.

from purplecelie :

Rachael bought a wedding dress!!!! How are you feeling...describe it in EVERY way.

from turnaround4u :

The dress is beautiful! CONGRATS on buying it--what a huge step! Thanks for sending the pics to keep me informed...wish i was closer.

from carallyne :

congrats girly. did he propose with a ring?

from turnaround4u :

I miss you. I check everyday. How are you?!!? It's almost been 1 month now...what's up?

from turnaround4u :

intense. i love that word. every part of it. intense. I always think falling in love is intense. Maybe that's why i'm such an intense lover...I want love. But those ppl that actually find it intensely and reciprocatedly are the lucky lovers. :) I'm happy for you and you're intense ocnnection. mark is a sexy name, too. lol. I hope you journal about all the sweet things he says to you. and how God continues to shine in your love:)

from carallyne :

and what did she say?

from sheaabijah :

also, random side note: do you know or could you point me in the right direction of the place in the bible where it talks about how if you don't love/chose god, you're chosing the devil - how you can't just "not choose" - that not choosing equals choosing evil, not good. not the no man can serve two masters part though... i can't think of keywords to help me look up what i'm looking for...

from sheaabijah :

omg rachael, if you only knew... you would not believe the saturday i had. i haven't wanted to tell you b/c you're so happy and consumed with falling in love :), and also b/c i don't want to seek strength from you like it's your responsibility to make good decisions for me...i want to stand on my own (with god obviously). but it was intense. like i said, satan thought up a good one to tempt/attack me right where i'm weak that day...

from turnaround4u :

mainly, how was it. bf question was dumb...lol.

from turnaround4u :

how was it!?!? Do you have a boyfriend???? :)

from sheaabijah :

and you kissed him back ;)

from turnaround4u :

from sheaabijah :

thanks...it was hard though...i remember saying once to you "when am i gonna delete these voicemails?" and you were like "when you're ready." but honestly i don't think i was ever gonna be "ready"...i just had to do it... and it was soooo painful. some of them were almost a year old, i've been saving them for that long. it really was like burning pictures or something. but i'm so for serious that i want to give it to god.

from carallyne :

y didnt u like the first one?

from turnaround4u :

it seems really exciting! Wow, you're righm he does seem smitten by you right now. I loved his list of things to do. lol. He seems super smart, humble, fun, and nice. How far does he live exactly? AND--did you meet him on eHarmony?

from turnaround4u :

yes...:@ I knew you smart people would figure it out very quickly

from sheaabijah :

and btw, explain to him b4 i meet him that i can be a lot ("a bit much") incase i've just finished a workout or had caffeine or am just in one of my jumping around perky moods and am overwhelming when i meet him, lol.

from sheaabijah :

annnnnd, i do like that he's an F tho! that's huge. cuz that means he's a "feeler" more primarily than a "thinker" which most men are and which is what makes them somewhat insensitive to women's complex swirly abyss of emotionalness...if you're an F it means you can more easily read and relate to people's emotional landscape and make allowances for it, rather than just being like "omg, you're being irrational! how you're acting does not make logical sense!"

from sheaabijah :

OMG, you showed him your handbook??? and literally i LOL'ed in the teacher's room at school reading his joking response to it! SUPER FUNNY! i like everything he said. i do want to meet him on saturday, even if just for a bit, so i can get an IRL impression of him. plus he needs to know that if he gets you, he gets me. i'm your sidekick. the end.

from carallyne :

wait who were you not sold on and why?

from turnaround4u :

how was it?!?

from turnaround4u :

lol---good job for standing strong about the kissing. You (and sab)are a good example for me, because of course, almost every guy I met online only wanted to kiss. AND--I tried because I did have feelings. apparently they didnt. good luck with options ;0

from turnaround4u :

im so excited for you meeting all these guys! And he remembered you! :)

from turnaround4u :

Yes rachael! :) Good job for you for taking the out and continuing to learn! PS--I checked myspace and it's not the best space for my interests. lol. myabe i will check again soon?

from turnaround4u :

it's funny how you had to get used to his name :) what happened with not being sold?

from carallyne :

not sold? lol...explain.

from stardrips :

1. don't touch me til you 2. commit to me (verbally) and you can't commit to me until 3. you really know me.

from sheaabijah :

marky mark. wait, what are your three rules of dating? did i miss that?

from turnaround4u :

That's exciting! Sounds like he's on the same page as you...very cool. I really liked the 3 rules of dating. I know I am Terrible at rule #2. it's helpful to see what area needs work. It's neat you's advocating for your needs already!

from sheaabijah :

that's good! email me a pic!

from turnaround4u :

and rach, what do you think about inter-racial dating?

from turnaround4u :

or you could date steph and brian's brother ben. lol :) wink wink...

from carallyne :

why?

from sheaabijah :

don't freak out. it's ok. we're both single and free again and now we can delve into fall and winter with new and clearer focus and let this time be nestly and about resting and trusting in the arms of our father.

from sheaabijah :

awwww. was that dave johnson? haha i can imagine him saying it. what a nice complement. someday it'll come from a man who remembers giving it ;)

from turnaround4u :

wow, you're learning and keeping a positive attitude. So admirebale lady. certain lessons?

from turnaround4u :

WHAT!?!?! UPDATE!!!! I'm so sorry Rach, what the heck?

from turnaround4u :

what happened with the text? im confused

from turnaround4u :

I love the handbooks! See sabrina's not for my comment. I mean that for your handbook as well, I just forget exactly what I wrote. :) Basically, your man should cry when he reads it.

from turnaround4u :

I was going to say that you shoudl play with your cat! You were totally baby talking Steph's cats...it was adorable. Remember I even commented! :P

from turnaround4u :

I can't believe it's only been a month--you seem so comfortable together!! And I agree with crystal 100 % that he wanted to kiss you. It showed a lot of restraint from him not to, esp because you set it up so perfectly with your eyes shut and licking your lips. lol. lol. I like the little glances and touches you guys have. AND--you inspired me for my mute client when you said "it's like i know they are expecting me to be all excited and talk baby talk to her, etc and that pressure just paralyzes me almost." I should talk too her about the pressure/expectations!

from sheaabijah :

haha yeah, but it's not like he just walked up to me and said "nice ass," it kind of just came up, so yeah i'm not only takin' it, i'm not holdin' it against him for saying it :).

from sheaabijah :

yes, i like that entry too, and i agree...i think i'm actually gun shy on this point right now in life though (on the giving and inviting etc. instead of protecting). or maybe i'm just learning when to be wise and more wisely wary of giving my affection. idk.

from sheaabijah :

no, don't text again or that sounds like you're all nervous and second-guessy. it's fine and nice and you're probably at a point now where it's good to deepen like that a little bit by letting him into your head and letting him see that you're into it. don't "clarify." leave it alone. even if he doesn't respond to it directly i'm sure it made him feel good.

from sheaabijah :

yeah, it was definately way b4. it came up b/c he was saying how amy might come and bring the baby, and he looked at me and said "do you like babies?" and then i told you all the rest. it definately wasn't after he'd seen you hold her...nothin' to fret about.

from sheaabijah :

i think the dream thing is fine, more than fine. i don't think he'll think you asked just to get to say your answer, b/c no i don't think he thinks like that lol, and i don't think you have to be ashamed to say your dream either. just say it with an attitude of "this is where i have god-planted passion b/c i see so much spiritual significance in people having the foundation of a strong, healthy family, and so i feel like i'm being called to someday help provide that to my children...i'm not sure when it'll happen and i'm not in a rush to just have it happen to happen, but i feel like it's at least part of my purpose." i don't think he'll be freaked out. it's not like you're saying "i just wanna get married and have babies - will you be my baby daddy???"

from sheaabijah :

no no no no no, that's what was so perfect, he and i had the baby discussion waaaay BEFORE amy even got there! so he already knew that i told him you were not ultra comfortable around other people's kids. ...i like what pastor david said...that's so wise i think.

from sheaabijah :

is it suduko or sudoku? i never remember. anyway. sounds like you're really busy over there! ;)...that was another funny thing from the other night, btw - the smiley face noses discussion.

from sheaabijah :

do as i say and post our handbooks. missy. ;)

from turnaround4u :

i agree with sabrina on the darker=cheaper. highlights look fashionable and trendy though!

from turnaround4u :

the office was good :) i LOVED the proposal. The article you posted was very true, too! I do love that he singing country love songs...lol And for your hair, I'm not sure. I think you look good either way, but i agree with Sabrina. I might go darker for this winter and Africa. Let me know what you decide! :P

from sheaabijah :

i meant darker=cheaper. and is this enough comments for ya? !! :)

from sheaabijah :

or you should start focusing on his butt ;).

from sheaabijah :

i don't have a hair opinion. lighter=cheaper though.

from sheaabijah :

i just watched an episode of Grey's last night where meredith was like "i'm in surgery, and i can't stop thinking about his tongue in my mouth." your fantasizing about kissing scenarios reminds me of that. i bet kissing is fun, and like i think i said outloud recently, i bet that the way we kiss tells someone so much about ourselves...

from sheaabijah :

remember how i used to make fun of how you are at drive-thrus? "ummmm, uhhh, ummmmm..." for like 5 minutes...LOL...maybe i'll tell him about that next time i see him.

from sheaabijah :

yeah, my quote was a good one, lol...i'm sure that'll go down in history for us ~ one that nobody forgets.

from sheaabijah :

hugs are intoxicating. i don't know what my vote is for whether you should "dare" or not...probably whatever feels right in the moment you should do. there's no right or wrong answer, but give yourself permission to if you decide you want to.

from sheaabijah :

i like the what makes you cry question. that's a good getting to know you Q. good one. what did he say?

from turnaround4u :

dare to give him a hello hug --lol. that's my vote.

from turnaround4u :

dare :)

from turnaround4u :

it sounds so fun Rachaelly! I love the details...sounds like you guys did ALOT of touching/flirting. "he smiles at me a lot" I can picture you laughing really hard with taht big smile on your face, too. I imagine you being really happy with him. really

from turnaround4u :

ps--im still excited despite your reluctance to shake your butt and lick your lips. lol

from turnaround4u :

im excited for you, cant wait to read

from turnaround4u :

YES!!! I AM an INFJ, too! :P that's what we said you were. I have to retake the test though...what site did you go on?

from turnaround4u :

lol rach :P we are apart again. but not in spirit!

from stardrips :

lol, michelle

from turnaround4u :

I love this one. have fun. pop gum. flirt back. toss your hair. bat your eyelids. make kissy sounds. lick your lips. shake your butt. lol!

from turnaround4u :

Glad you found inner peace and a fun loving, free spirit for the future :P

from sheaabijah :

i have no easy answers as i wrestle with many of the same questions, but i love you and am here for you :).

from carallyne :

what's the debate about? if you are a Christian it is all the same, theoretically. what denomination is his church? and to answer your question.. i don't plan to come this weekend still...

from turnaround4u :

I never even though of god/holy spirit debate...mayeb we could talk about that at steph's!?

from turnaround4u :

hard questions Rachael! Sounds like you're thinking hard...and your prayer and faith is great. Time will tell!?

from turnaround4u :

what a cool testimony to who he is as a person :P princess Rachael. lol

from turnaround4u :

:))) sounds so fun! work on that picture homework! lol

from turnaround4u :

:P I'm so glad to see all the writing on the pages. It makes me feel like I'm not a million miles away. lol. He sounds really amazing, and I'm glad to see your happiness! Take a picture to show me in NY! I love this quote "but people who are loveable aren't perfect. their flaws are loveable too because that's what makes them them. so i need to pray about that one. i am lovely in every way. i am a breath of fresh air for J." I'm learning this lesson right now, too. You just wrote it a lot more uplifting and less whiny. lol. I might just re-write your quote in my DL. lol. keep writing!

from turnaround4u :

That's so funny how that worked out and what do you think of him!?!? Sabrina makes him sound almost perfect. And it's funny how Darren didn't work out just at the perfect time. Does he have myspace?? So I know it's prob hard to get over your perceptions of him long ago...but it sounds like he's had a long time crush on you. What if we could be like God and cleanse old ideas of each other? start over? I need some cleansing myself. I tahnk God I'm not the same person I was I high school...and I worked hard to move past it. I will ALWAYS feel nauseous when I see high school people, thinking they are judging me the same even though I have grown so much. Hoping they see the NEW me.

from turnaround4u :

He would be lucky to have you. RIGHT!

from stardrips :

thanks, it's not that brave..it's mostly still anonymous for now :)

from turnaround4u :

Ahhh--I know that freak out feeling. Like questioning what happened, if he met someone else, wanting to give up, etc. GOOD JOB for you for randomly emailing that place about the guy. it is funny. and brave :p

from turnaround4u :

how did you find that info on google? I am freaked out!! lol...jk but his parents names?!?? ha!

from carallyne :

not gonna post it?

from turnaround4u :

:P I was so excited when I got those texts from you...and glad to hear it's interesting you. I will try to look him up! i always pick one guy and sign off the site, too. lol

from turnaround4u :

I know!! That would be terrible...please dont make it that week Drs!! I need to see you in Sept!

from turnaround4u :

i get to be shaky and nervous, too. I cried one of the times. lol. Thank goodness your doctor semed really nice and didn't make you do it. You deserve to miss work and relax! Do you have a date for your belly button?

from turnaround4u :

Thanks Rachael! I will def look into that book--I think it's def what I need right now. Thanks for the encouragement and the insight. I think I should know more about how to get forgiveness and I agree with what you see in seeking God for love...thanks for the wisdom.

from turnaround4u :

YES!!! Let's nail it down! I called Steph today to check if that weekend works for her. seems like a yes for everyone else--HOORAY! :P I'm taking off work thurs-monday morning. looooong weekend baby! what do ya'll think?

from turnaround4u :

you have two more weeks to enjoy being a kid. :P lol....jk. COOL DUDE! Hey Rach, can you do NY sept 20th!? PLEASE??

from turnaround4u :

I know exactly what you mean!!! I can never read my slef-help books at work because then all my co-workers would know my biggest issues! It's embarrassing. :O You're right--everyone asks!

from turnaround4u :

Seems like there's lots of thoughts running through your head!! :~[] goodluck with your choice

from turnaround4u :

very cute...you read my entry and used it in yours with your cat! lol. thanks for the application. I needed that :) hope baxter is ok--only 15 more minutes.

from turnaround4u :

Wow!!! It looked so pretty, but I couldn't believe my eyes. Seems like a fresh start for you? I can't remember you with hair that short ever...do you like it? Easier?

from turnaround4u :

so did you REALLY CUT YOUR HAIR?!!? when? how much?

from turnaround4u :

I hope you had a safe trip home and bask in the comfort, love, and joy of coming home. :) and seeing the cat! lol

from turnaround4u :

HAPPY HOMECOMING!!! Now I expect to see an update lady! what happened to you? It's been too long...

from turnaround4u :

Awww--I'm glad to hear from you!! I'm also glad to hear that 3 months seems long for you, I wanted to go to Africa longer than 9 weeks, but I'm sure once I get there, it will be long enough. :) It's awesome to hear about your transformations...I hope we can talk more soon.

from turnaround4u :

it's been a month since an update! HOW ARE YOU?! sorry to hear you were in the hosp, but glad you're out. FEEL BETTER!

from turnaround4u :

You've almost been gone 1 month and only 1 update!! HOW ARE YOU!?!

from sheaabijah :

yes, i remember the time we put furniture in the elevator. haha we were dorks. did we sit on it while we rode? i don't remember. not to mention, how LAZY were we?!! we should have totally been taking the stairs all the time...we would have been in better shape just from that!

from turnaround4u :

yeah--it sounds amazing! Glad to hear from you Rachael! I just didn't have time to respond until today.

from carallyne :

Yes I did. What ever happened with the $. You raised $4,000 or you paid for some of it yourself? ...

from turnaround4u :

HOW IS IT?!?! How are you? What are you doing? What's new? It's been a couple days now...

from turnaround4u :

wow...good insight chica! this is oone of my fav entries. (if I had a fav-haha.) of course they are all great, but you know....lol. Safe travels tomorrow. And don't worry--I will always need/want you. No matter where you live. :P

from turnaround4u :

How are you feelings about it?!?! What's going on in your head?

from turnaround4u :

what's the countdown? How's the fundraising? Man, I hate those cold emails...hopefully when you see him things won't be awkward!

from turnaround4u :

:P blessed.

from turnaround4u :

I agree--BRING GOD IN IT and be discerning. It's hard and ocnfusing sometimes. It's important for me to know my limits. I'm still finding them as far as appropriate talk with clients, etc. Lots of prayers though.

from turnaround4u :

GOOD ONE! I love taht advice, it will change how I think about it now.

from turnaround4u :

Wow, Thanks for the thoughts! you wrote a lot of intersting points. I will probably need to re-read that entry and think about it for a while before I can respond. Although, I agree with almost all of what you said. I will keep reflecting though. Good thoughts. Thanks!

from turnaround4u :

Rachael, thank you so much for your encouragement and hopeful twist on things! You're right, it seems sooooo overwhelming to begin to realize all of this stuff at once! Now I'm like, "what now??" It's funny because I was talking to J about all this stuff and he said, "wow...that's deep. Now what do you do with all this info?" I was like..."IDK! cry." lol. But you have a great point about God. Sooooo important. I loved this quote. "there's not no hope, michelle. this is where christianity meets your deepest need." Actaully, your entry sparked some thoughts in me, so I might do a followup entry with some one my concerns. Thanks! love you.

from turnaround4u :

Nope, not yet. I keep looking--but that book sounds awesome though. I will have to look into my other books. I wanna read at least 1 book next week on the plane of vacation. You are passionate! :P

from turnaround4u :

I love the last line...it really wasn't hard for you. I love how you see the boundaries so clearly. I wonder how you developed your eyesight? Books??!

from sheaabijah :

WOW. did his include all those punctuations or are those yours? regardless, WOW. if he's not interested he needs to STEP BACK mr. missionary ~ you know you love me being able to read you? hello, yes, you do, and he shouldn't flaunt it if he doesn't want to do it forever! have i said WOW? rachael, you can't become a missionary!

from turnaround4u :

haha--"believe" you'rs should say, "i do". lol

from turnaround4u :

(I mean lots more that you can name becaus eI'm too tired to think of more. I'm really excited for you. It sounds like you are really excited, happy, thrilled, amazed, over-joyed, too! :P)

from turnaround4u :

That is such a blessing to have your mom's blessing...so many blessings! :) I'm sure there's lots more lady!

from sheaabijah :

yay :-)

from turnaround4u :

You're goinggggggggggggggggggggggggg! Congrats!

from carallyne :

sounds good. $4,000 is pennies to God.

from turnaround4u :

$4000? wow! hopefully the letter will help immensely.

from carallyne :

thank you.

from turnaround4u :

CONGRATULATIONS on your internship!!! Do you get paid time off work?? AND HEALTH INSURANCE--sounds so awesome, what a blessing!! That was a really good series on dating--I just wonder who wrote it and their background. Definielt made me stop and think. I printed a copy to re-read if I need to. lol...But it will go along with all my other readings about the subject and my soul searching...Thanks Rach.

from turnaround4u :

"one prayer. he hears it. before it's even prayed."--so miraculous. And also, I agree with your conclusion on parenting. Dr. Robin's advice was amazing--definitely makes sense because all she did was begin a life FULL Of pain in the opposite extreme as she had it. So sad to think when all we want is to do good, it can be so thwarted and twisted and really do bad. That's the thing about life--crazy.

from turnaround4u :

do you think I should give her the 12 pages out of my journal??? I was seriously debating. Then she could know EXACTLY what I dealt with. but I don't want her to throw it in my face later...what do you think? would it help her or hurt her? I don't wanna hurt her more than jon already is...

from turnaround4u :

Wow, it all does seem like it's a great chance it will work out--very exciting girl! It is so aweseom how God opened that door! And it's so funny you should ask me that, I was thinking the same thing...I could come live there for a couple weeks/mo. BUT--I have school til May 10th. Maybe after? lol...I think i would be so lonely. Sab would be working and with D. I think I would just annoy her and isolate myself. lol. idk. seemed like a good idea at the time-haha

from carallyne :

also you probably wrote this and i just missed it. but i was wondering, what about the health insurance? and what did you mean when you said it wouldn't be a problem because of what the handbook said?

from carallyne :

im excited for you to go. i mean the details havent worked themselves out yet. but it's only a matter of time. i was about to say "trust me" but psh.. i'm not the one to trust.

from turnaround4u :

Hooray for your internship application!!! when did you apply for--the summer?

from sheaabijah :

haha about your spelling of crisis/crises....good one. noone likes that word for PRECISELY that reason!

from turnaround4u :

hey rach--i can't remember, did you ever get dan harney's new cd "breathing october"? and does sabrina still have her eyebrow ring?

from sheaabijah :

haha...i guess we're even now in the department of embarassing internet ass remarks, b/c you outed my butt to the world on myspace that time in the lauras-butt-looks-like-a-heart comment :-)

from sheaabijah :

thanks! i was trying to remember that one too, but just as i predicted, i could not. ;) funny stuff...good times, good times

from carallyne :

i agree with you-- either that or a sugar pill. apparently no one knows the difference.

from turnaround4u :

and when axactly was your trip? I didn't even know you already went! I looked it up on the internet though, the songs were beautiful!

from turnaround4u :

awww! you have so many new possibilities developing it sounds like... I'm happy for you girl:) The internship sounds AWESOME, would you get school credit? And, he sounds nice--is he from Kansas? does he have myspace a can look at? i'm so curious. 2008 will be the big year, I can tell. (hoping and praying anyway...lol)

from turnaround4u :

You're welcome girl! "the best year ever"--it shoudl be a movie or something. lol. we shoudl totally aim high. I think laur might get engaged this year, right L??

from turnaround4u :

:P--i don't even notice anymore...guess it is time for an update!! lol

from sheaabijah :

good entry. love! :)

from turnaround4u :

yeah! I know what you mean...sometimes I look at the nose, because they say people can never tell if you look at their nose or their eyes. And if i try to figure out which eye to look at, i get confused and awkward. It's a weird phenomenon. I wonder how that happens.

from stardrips :

haha, yeh, and i want to add that when talking to someone with eyes like that, you can't stare into their eyes to figure it out either because then it seems obvious. i always wonder if i'm looking into the wrong one and they think i'm looking away from them while i look like i think i'm making eye contact. i don't know. thanks, michelle! glad to make you laugh...

from turnaround4u :

"he has those eyes that one of them or maybe both isn't straight or whatever and you can't tell which eye is looking right at you. together they don't look right but i can't figure out which one is right. i don't know. i don't know how that works but... that sounds aweful, i know, but..." LOL--this cracked me the heck up!!!! My friend Bob has an eye like this, I can't figure it out either. AND--who is D?? Where'd he come from? PS--Do you want a 3rd roomate this summer??!?!?! I wanna MOVEEEEE...

from sheaabijah :

wow, that's like the perfect song for you...like someone wrote it just for you.

from turnaround4u :

oh Rachael...I never knew you worried about this, it is scary to think, eh. Lisa always tells me that he's not finished molding you and the man you will marry yet. But when he is, it will be worth the wait! I so want you to have stories to tell of that man adoring you. Respecting you. Making you laugh all giddy. HAVING BABIES! I pray for you. It's so hard to wait!!!!

from turnaround4u :

are you flying? is it expensive? I'm kinda really curious about details...

from turnaround4u :

good ones! love the 2nd...I might keep reading those. It's funny how little blurbs can mean so much!

from turnaround4u :

So Much deep stuff...it takes me a while to reflect on each quote, but my favorite is the last :P Thanks for all the deep thoughts chica! I need practice reading deeply again.

from stardrips :

"'let me know myself...' - reflections on the prayer of augustine" by donald x. burt

from sheaabijah :

what book, yo?

from turnaround4u :

Hmmm...what a good way to explain it and an great example to visualize. Let me think about that.

from stardrips :

"someday he will shake her and wake her and take her"

from sheaabijah :

"he came to shake us and to wake us up to something more than we've always settled for." ~nichole nordeman

from turnaround4u :

Thanks for the feedback Rachaelly, it seemed like such an "AH HAAA" moment...and I'm glad to hear your heart is leaping!! :P yes, jesus. Any more details? I wanna be inspired by your wisdom...:P

from sheaabijah :

thanks. we'll talk tonight :-)

from sheaabijah :

no i know, and i get you...i'll hopefully catch up with you soon and i will tell you more specifics...and he HAS addressed my stuff now...i haven't really talked with you the past two nights after our walks cuz it just feels so fresh and *mine* that i can't yet, but we have really talked about IT now so i feel that he has respected me on that...idk we'll talk later.

from turnaround4u :

hmmm, wow. thanks for the update gf...i like how you keep things short. I couldn't if i tried. lol...How's YOUR LIFE~~?~?

from carallyne :

so, wait, they were dating officially? or no?

from turnaround4u :

do you have a crush on anyone? :P

from carallyne :

yea.... i dont like the idea of showing my name to the entire world so i was going to think of a made up name but decided on rhymer. it is a cool last name. i think i might delete my facebook account cuz i dont wanna start going on another site like myspace. how are you doing rachael?

from turnaround4u :

i know--i dont' wanna have one in case he uses it against me...you know? YUCK!

from turnaround4u :

did you find tweezers?

from carallyne :

and no.. dont have your tweezers. did you find them yet??

from carallyne :

read a couple of entries back; i can't put the pics up yet... the new pics arent on there. i'll let you know when they are.

from turnaround4u :

Nope, I haven't seen your tweezers dude! I'm glad we came, too--thanks for having us! It was really fun eventhough the weather was a little drab later. It was still beautiful--laura and i talked about how much we liked it. We got to Laura's at 9:15pm. I got home around 10:30-11pm. Not bad! :) Yeah I did get it pierced again, although I am debating on if I should let it close up again. It's weird to have it back! I just want my little ring! I'm afraid to go to work! EEK!

from turnaround4u :

your entry about us being in ME-:P

from turnaround4u :

haha...this is cute:)

from turnaround4u :

idk who she is?? christian? prolly wont be there til 5-6ish friday....? sorry dude---but it was awesome of you to change your work schedule :)

from turnaround4u :

i wish we were flying! lol...laura's car. and yes i can bring my sleeping bag or bedding. no biggie :) 2 DAYS!!! :) Happy 4th of july girlie!

from turnaround4u :

what you think laur?

from turnaround4u :

no idea...prob like 2 at the earliest? prob later?

from turnaround4u :

:P I don't care....but your facebook group says that REALLY means, I do care. lol...jk. Please dont worry about cleaning. You have been to my house yo! HA!

from turnaround4u :

wow...sabrina has off early--i love it! :) lol...i might try to go to laura's thurs night then come on friday sometime. I'm excited to see it! I don't have an airmattress, but I can bring 2 sleeping bags for padding! lol...im not that picky, don't worry. I could sleep on a bare wood floor. I fall alseep on my desk when im tired! :)

from carallyne :

okay, we'll come on friday. does it matter what time? what time does sabrina work until? im cool with sleeping on the floor, but if it's better for me to sleep on the couch that's cool too. i can fit in small places.

from turnaround4u :

i have off friday and moday too, so we will be there sometime--laura wants to come late thurs night so we can sleep in friday, but im not sure if that will happen. it might be an inconvenience for you if we come at 2am because you and sabrina have to wake up for work early friday...and you guys getting ready for work would prob wake us up anyway!? what you think? what time do you usually go to bed dude?

from carallyne :

hey-- yes 6 and 7 of july. i took off work the friday before and monday after. we maybe leave late thursday after work or early friday.

from carallyne :

wait when did you say i would be rolling my eyes? i missed that.

from carallyne :

huh?

from turnaround4u :

HAHA--yeah! I didn't know it was a christian cruise:) hooray!

from turnaround4u :

i want a more specific update before you leave missy!! I will miss you for 12 days!! ha...

from turnaround4u :

so...yeah, I saw the xanga drama--what is that about?! I didn't understand, even though i tried to investigate. Something about churches?...I hope things get better. I laughed so hard about your "I can see Laura rolling her eyes and Michelle clapping"-lol! Also I love how you are getting into the DL spirit of "exclamation points and what-ifs"-HAHA! YEAH MAN! So, what happened?! He asked your name, Dave is being weird, Sab said you found out some stuff, but what was it?! You giving up on B? And I am back to your "what the fuck" prayer, too, although--at least you had a prophecy...you know God isssss taking care of you. I heard there are some gorgeous, hardworking men in Alaska, but dont get too crazy--LOL jk. I hope you have a great time Rachael!

from sheaabijah :

thank *you* for your comment upon my comment. too bad it was operating on a premise that we now know not whether it was true..."some days we're the shit, some days we're just poop."

from carallyne :

what's going on? you don't seem yourself.

from sheaabijah :

yeah, i think him asking your name feels good b/c it's HIM noticing enough to ask, and i think that's better than us having just introduced you at some point ... plus, i think for you (and me and probably every other girl standing on the corner in the pooring rain) the fact that he noticed you and paid attention is like a tiny little counteraction of our abandonment.

from stardrips :

no, it's my friend, erika's shower...i don't think you know her but idk

from turnaround4u :

wow--you do sound really busy Rachael! :) Crystal's shower?!?

from sheaabijah :

yeah let's get "tattooed"! remind me if i forget! that'd be hot...i'm gettin' one on my forehead ~ am i cool enough to rock that? LOL

from turnaround4u :

where'd you go dude?!? how was the weekend?!

from turnaround4u :

I love the canoe analogy or metaphor or whatever the proper name is...lol. AND yes, I do check back the older entries until I remember where I stopped reading so I dont miss anything! ha! (cause I write 2 sometimes, too) AND--I can relate to your struggle to keep things casual and not get your heart involved. I think that's why I try to hold myself back so much because as soon as I realize I like someone, I go in full force--with all my heart and it hurts so much. (I am at that mid-point right now with J where it could go either way i think...but i need that reminder not to marry a non-christian, too!!!) Your passion is a great attribute to have with the right person, but it's difficult to stay neutral until then. AND--I think it might just be because you're such a passionate person. Def. a good thing...you see the world a different way than most ppl. See the details and feel even little things?

from sheaabijah :

what does oh michellllllle mean? i can't see an update from her ??

from sheaabijah :

doesn't she know that haggerty's is OURS? lol...it's our stomping grounds...the place we go to be on display... maybe she should get with the "toole" who said "i'll be the judge of that!" their loudness would match each other.

from sheaabijah :

"servicing his customers" ? ? hahaha......and.....picking my mind back up out of the gutter...NOW

from turnaround4u :

and I loveddddd How Sabrina thought they were dog treats he was throwing at her! lol!!! You guys crack me up!

from turnaround4u :

HAHAHA! What a great night you guys had, I wish I was there! and I love how it was RIGHT AFTER The WTF prayer to God. lol...lol. He's INTERESTED! Keep going...don't back down! That's so exciting! Maybe when we come in July, ya'll will have men!?! I will be the one with the WTF prayer. lol...jk. Oh man, keep posting!

from sheaabijah :

yeah i think bob knows ur the bomb.com and he wants to buy that domain name. were those oyster crackers? hahahaha i thought they were dog treats cuz those are the same things he gives to dogs as treats! weird!

from sheaabijah :

i wanna jokingly say "fuck god!" but that's SOOOO wrong, lol! j/k god!!!! seriously tho... *i* love you, and that's all that should count, missy! :-)

from stardrips :

haha, thanks, michelle :)

from turnaround4u :

A typical EU therapist response:"I hear the frustration and anger in your voice as you curse at God, seeming to think it's His fault you haven't found someone. It seems as if you're questioning him-- thinking it feels impossible." I def hear you Racheally!! Oh man, I like these angry posts...I feel like you never show anger that often :)

from turnaround4u :

HOORAY! I love how you and sabrina both updated!! :) lol....and your crushes are friends--how perfect would that be? Let Sabrina date dave first and set you up! :) lol...That's awesome, it seems to fit your interests with teh cafe and all. and I have to admit, I am a sucker for red hair...any tint of it! :) lol..ps--What weekend are you free in July for us to come?? I wanna get everyone's schedules ASAP for my new work schedule or I might not be able to take off. THANKS!!! :)

from turnaround4u :

haha--weird right? I was grossed out--seriously...Gwen was making them for her best friend's bachelorrette party. It was odd, but I guess you can imagine. lol

from turnaround4u :

I KNOW!!! It's pissing me off, this is how we all communicate! I thought about that, too--I have an entry from Tues i keep adding on to every day. I will post a huge one when it comes back! lol--BUT, I also thought it was my computer! My phone card websites are doing this to me rigth now, too!

from turnaround4u :

the funny thing was it was so much more obvious when I woke up of how our furture would play out...but I still have to grieve his loss I think. It will def still be hard--although that dream helped bring clarity and focus

from turnaround4u :

haha--who's keegan again? an older man?

from turnaround4u :

thanks gf! I will start a list and look into them as I go...keep um coming! lol. I am def into journaling so it might really help. The spirituality class in theo helped at EU bc I journaled. Member that? Still thinking about Maine, but if i come I prob couldnt come until wed 4/23 bc I have to finish my hours at the hospital. I also have a 10 page final paper to write if I come. Is that ok? Maybe I can do it while you and sab are at work?!?!? haha...when sab's parents coming agian? I forget! k ttyl lady

from turnaround4u :

i am very serious, I just dont know how serious my parents are---they are talkign about just renting it out in the pocanos!?? They're not answering me!

from turnaround4u :

well it says on mapquest it's 2.5 hours away from you...wouldn't it bee too late fo ryou to take off work now for the 21-the 28? IF not, it might be SUPER FUN--but I didnt know if any places were like 45 minutes away so you and sabrina could stay with me at nights if ya wanted to...?! maybe i will try to call ya later gf! ok, or message me! :) k ttyl lady!

from turnaround4u :

me too!! Are any (1) of these places in maine close to you: greenville, jackman, island falls, ogunquit, SW harbor, Ellsworth???ANY!!?!

from turnaround4u :

i asked off work for may 11 and 14, but now laura says she cant go that weekend and she keeps avaoiding me when i ask her when--so i might just come myself? I dont know why she's avoiding it!! My summer classes begin the next week i think...ill just check with her AGAIN

from turnaround4u :

i thnk prolly may 1 or 2 weekend?

from turnaround4u :

yeah dude--ask laura. it's all on her. she never gets back to me!!! MS. Last minute! lol

from turnaround4u :

from sheaabijah :

engaged schmengaged; he's not married yet! hahaha

from stardrips :

oh there's nothing to tell. nevermind :)

from turnaround4u :

who had a gf!?!?!?!??!?!? UPDATE ME!

from purplecelie :

shoot, spelled your name wrong, sorry: RACHAEL

from purplecelie :

Hey Rachel! I am so glad to be in the world of diaryland. I love your insight about relationships these days. I am so sick of the books and discussions on tv and radio about what you should or shouldn't do when starting a relationship, the "Rules" and what not. What ever happened to being ourselves, doing what comes natural and listening to God's leading? I agree :)

from carallyne :

that's cool rachael. when i say that i don't buy into the whole being pursued thing... i should explain. if that's what you want-- then that's awesome. what i don't like, however, is when people say that it is the ONLY way things should be; when they say that the guy NEEDS to be the one to pursue, and the girl NEEDS to sit back and wait. that's what i think is old school. but if that is what ya want it-- more power to ya!

from turnaround4u :

Yeah--I def here ya Rachael! :) Thanks for "soap-boxing" haha...But do you think I'm just hyper-critical when it comes to finding a man so I over-analyze and find bad things in everyone!? Because EVERYONE has bad qualities...right? That's the only part that confuses me. But I def think there are better fits probably.

from sheaabijah :

i know...i think that b/c our chemistry or whatever is not that much, that maybe i really can be friends with him tho, and learn from the experience of being around him...idk? also, i think that until/unless i sense flirtation from him, i wouldn't make a move like i was feeling like i wanted to the first night, b/c i would be TOO afraid of being rejected! so that's good, in a weird way, lol

from turnaround4u :

You're BACK!! AWWW! :) YAY! It's been like 18 months!....ha

from sheaabijah :

that's awesome that you're doing counseling! i think i forgot that you were.

from turnaround4u :

Hope all is well with you Rachaelina...any new **news** OR dates?!?!?!?!?!

from turnaround4u :

HAHA, nah it's ok to say--but I do love her. Thanks for your little note about B. I wish it were true, but def prob not. hahaha...:)

from turnaround4u :

no way dude..i just have classes monday and wed nights so i go right from work. i am still living at home and working full time. actually, i don't think grad students can live on campus--? idk. how is your school?

from turnaround4u :

Thanks for responding Rachaelly! I think I might do it--EEK! :)

from turnaround4u :

Thanks for your comments and prayers Rachael�� I agree with you, but I am going to try and wait a little longer�Kthings are a little better now. Hope all is well with you!

from carallyne :

what about the rest of us?

from carallyne :

oops i didnt see your comment until just now so sorry it took me so long to respond. but no, i am not actively trying to get pregnant. and not passively for that matter.

from stardrips :

shoot...i accidentally posted in the comment section...man, i'm tired

from stardrips :

i'm glad i don't have to find mr. right. what a huge, hair pulling responsibility. all i gotta do is wait and trust. sounded like the hardest thing in the world but now i see it as a blessing from a loving father. i don't have to worry and stress and strive. i feel like i'd have to have my own bachelorette show. with all the men in the world, i'd have to herd up as many as possible, interview them without weirding them out, get them to fall in love with me, and then choose the best one...how exhausting and unnatural... i know that's embellished, but there's still truth there. i don't know...along with everything, being at the game today and seeing so many cute guys at the stadium, it just made me realize that it's impossible to make things happen and things happen so randomly...i want god's surprises and orchestrations...

from turnaround4u :

I am glad you are seeing God more clearly now...but I am still sad for your loss:( I think that is a good way of looking at things. Your man is somewhere, maybe even searching for you like you are searching for him. I can't wait to see who it is! (But then again, I bet you are more excited than I am!!:)) Love ya

from stardrips :

haha...after finals are over ;)

from turnaround4u :

yeah...spill it missy lou!:)

from carallyne :

and he is....?

from carallyne :

who who who

from stardrips :

i think i just might be, who knows? i miss you eastern people...

from sheaabijah :

haha, i was coming to say exactly what laura said. she stole my words!

from carallyne :

i dunno. are you?

from sheaabijah :

update, little missy.

from carallyne :

i had them send you one... you didn't get it? i don't have michelle's either...

from sheaabijah :

nuh-uh.

from carallyne :

nope- i was walking out of the library =0)

from carallyne :

i didn't answer your first question cuz she didn't want me to talk about it to people really, but you have no idea who she is anyway so it doesn't matter... one of my home friends. and yes, i chopped it off!

from sheaabijah :

also, what is this a quote from? "squint until the colors scream like choirs. love, love, love, on fire"

from sheaabijah :

good entry.

from turnaround4u :

She had cancer ever since last year. She did have two young kids though. It really is sad...*hugs for them*

from carallyne :

1. Who do you love? 2. What do you love? 3. What makes you happy? 4. What makes you sad? 5. What do you most desire? 6. What is your deepest fear?

from stardrips :

huh

from sheaabijah :

Liar.

from carallyne :

*write*

from stardrips :

no noses allowed on smily faces ;)

from carallyne :

there IS more to you

from carallyne :

Hey.. I think our grocery store is fine. People just have problems. And I definitely agree with you ... even though we all get the urge to bitch about things sometimes, it's not necessarily a good thing, especially when it comes to bitching AT people. i realized that while i was dealing with the customers and then again when i was writing about it in my diary. i think that as Christians we have a responsibility to extend kindness to people, regardless of whether or not it is extended to us. that whole thing about having "bitch privelages" was just my ass talking. it does that sometimes. =)

from stardrips :

i wanna new message

from sheaabijah :

I'm going to do what Stephanie says I always do and not discuss this one. Nope. Nada. No.

from sheaabijah :

I will try. I'm sorry if I've contributed to any hardship about this.

from sheaabijah :

OK. :-)

from stardrips :

just thanking you for your comments...

from sheaabijah :

Mental ((((hugs))))

from carallyne :

huh

from sheaabijah :

It's a good thing I know that song or I would have gotten quite a headache trying to read it. :-P That is the first Watermark song I heard, and it still touches my heart really, really deeply. It is inspired. He always knows where to find you, because He created you. You are His daughter.

from sheaabijah :

Hi stardrippy :-D. I see you as lovely. Write more though. I love you. ~Sabrina

from stardrips :

leave me a message

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