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I thought it was the saddest thing in the world when someone told me of their relationship that they were "happy enough." Now I'm starting to think that's the best we can hope for. I guess it depends on what you want from a relationship, beyond all the scripts we've been given about the proper way/reasons to have a relationship.

from dullstar :

Yuk. I had a reaction to shrimp once. I suspect it was the dyes in the shrimp rather than a sudden shellfish allergy as I've eaten shellfish since then with no problem.

from dullstar :

Ah, the little secrets we keep.

from dullstar :

:( So sorry about Clancy. You'll know when it's time to let him go.

from dullstar :

Dude. Don't blame yourself for other people's issues. Certainly a huge part of management is learning how to deal with different personalities, but it sounds like this went a lot deeper than anything for which you could reasonably be prepared.

from dullstar :

Congrats on the new title! Maybe you might benefit from talking to someone about the fired employee? It's totally understandable to be freaked out about it and to not know how to let go of that feeling of being harassed.

from dullstar :

So many thoughts about your health issues! (a) Terrified my accident injuries will trigger my migraines. (b) Avoid anything with acid for heartburn issue. (c) I was having digestive issues (stress related) and got some herbs from my acupuncturist, which resolved the issues fully in three days. I love my acupuncturist- so far she's helped me with my car accident injury, stress, PMS, hives, digestive issues, and manic depression, moreso in three months than the years I spent on antidepressants. (d) Hives - maybe msg or some Asian veg in the udon? (e) Ugh, so sorry your body is flipping out these days.

from dullstar :

:( Hope you're feeling better soon!

from dullstar :

I TOTALLY think my boy is going to propose to me this year- and same thought process, I will be disappointed if it doesn't, but probably WAY freaked out if he does because I don't even want to get married, not really. But anyway, you should be able to get on his insurance even if you're not married.

from dullstar :

YIKES! This might not be about you....it might be she's trying to get herself a settlement from a sexual harassment lawsuit.

from dullstar :

:) You did it!! The echo will fade when the house fills up with stuff to absorb the sound.

from dullstar :

Congrats, great work blog post!

from dullstar :

:( Wow, three sad faces in a row. I'm so sorry, lady. You've got some big transitions ahead of you.

from dullstar :

:( So sorry to hear about Clancy. You'll make the right decision when the time comes.

from dullstar :

:( Poor Clancy.

from dullstar :

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

from dullstar :

Congrats on getting through the first week!! Just remember to take time for yourself to do things just for you (even though he's gone all the time for work).

from dullstar :

Especially as things get crazy stressful these next few months, remember this moment of simplicity and happiness. As my brother said to me the first time I took mushrooms, "Keep telling yourself, 'I chose this.'"

from dullstar :

Heh, Sally Army. Take the money guilt-free, it's coming into your life for a reason.

from dullstar :

Certain strains of pot give me anxiety attacks. Hopefully he's smoking more indica bud than sativa, but even then, I had to experiment with a lot of pot before I found something that didn't increase my anxiety and actually helped it.

from dullstar :

ACK! Shitstorm! I took my cracked iPhone into the Apple store and they replaced it for free even though I didn't have Applecare and it wasn't under warranty, so hopefully they'll do the same for you!

from dullstar :

I hope your realtor isn't making a commission. You never know when something's going to fall through, so you may want to find a new realtor and keep looking...

from dullstar :

!! So sorry, so glad you're relatively okay!

from dullstar :

The townhouse looks beautiful!! And that's one way to deal with the man being gone all the time - the HOA will sort out the yard, pool, etc. Negotiate the hell out of everything!! Dunno if you have a mortgage broker, but having gone through the mortgage and refi process with five brokers, this one out of Austin (who helped the bf with his condo in Austin years ago) has consistently gone above and beyond to get us an amazing mortgage and now a refi and he can push paperwork through like a champ (a serious problem with other brokers we've worked with). Let me know if you want his info - if nothing else, you can pit one broker against another to get the best deal.

from dullstar :

Best of luck with the house!

from dullstar :

And re houses...TOTALLY reasonable you don't want to be the sole person responsible or the house, unless maybe? He would pay for the extra help (gardener, pool guy, cleaners, handyman, etc) to make up for his absence? But research how much that would be (especially with a pool, ugh, moneysuck). I didn't know I was going to be the sole caretaker when we bought the house and the bf moved to London a week later, but it was super stressful - just the process of finding help is torturous, let alone trying to deal with problems so esoteric I had no idea what kind of professional to call to deal with it. Also, totally lame and irrelevant to compare your relationship to his coworkers.

from dullstar :

I just finished "Columbine" by Dave Cullen (dunno why I read it, but it was very well written and researched), and he wrote that there is no difference between a sociopath and a psychopath, just that sociologists prefer the former turn while psychiatrists prefer the latter. There was a bit on the nature vs. nurture debate of psychopaths, and the basic conclusion was one big "we don't know" with a leaning toward the idea that some are born with the neural capability and evolve through unknown means into a full-fledged psychopath and some don't. So don't blame yourself or your family.

from dullstar :

Re your brother, that's so tragic and terrifying...I got chills when I read about the dog (isn't that, like, the number one sign of a sociopath - if they torture animals as children?. Definitely take care of yourself first...it's too bad there's nothing that can be done to help him without putting yourself in some sort of danger. Does he have kids?

from dullstar :

*If* you're going to go in that direction, hire a housekeeper. Just do it. It prevents so many arguments.

from dullstar :

AHHHHHHH re crazy landlady. That is SO DISTURBING get out get out get out get out get out!! Or at least change your locks or get a deadbolt or something!

from dullstar :

There's no "should" in the grieving process....or the living process, really. You had this person around for your entire life, it will take time to get used to the idea of him not being there. Mental health isn't a straight arrow, there are ups and downs, but I know what you mean about feeling like you've backslid; remember, it's all progress, and just because you need help that you've needed in the past doesn't mean you're the same person.

from dullstar :

Omg I love it - handing over your passport and going back for a beer. Awesome! I just found a one-way ticket to Heathrow for $375 and took it as a sign. We leave Feb 13! He's coming back to the US for a few weeks to help get the house ready to rent, so just one more week of a long-distance relationship!

from dullstar :

You'd think as we age and go on adventures and see that things have worked out ok so far that we would become less risk-averse, but as we collect adventures, we have more to lose. What happened in London? I'm getting ready to move there under more auspicious circumstances (but still no job or legal way of getting a job) and am terrified.

from dullstar :

Grief processing through shoes. Um, yes please! I think it will ebb and flow.

from dullstar :

Big hugs and peace to your family

from dullstar :

Oh yeah, that's definitely an issue. Therapy is always a good idea, but perhaps the pot smoking is affecting things? Not that I would ever suggest anyone use less pot, but it can definitely kill a sex drive.

from dullstar :

Um...I totally go through phases where solo sex is far preferable to couple sex. It's a phase that ebbs and flows, and the bf also takes it as rejection, which I didn't really understand until I read your latest - hum.

from dullstar :

You will feel better again soon. I hope you are letting people take care of you. Big hugs!

from dullstar :

Just thinking about you - hope all is well!

from dullstar :

Totally reasonable to ask for a second, third, fourth opinion for this sort of thing. Also reasonable to ask a surgeon not to cut across your meridians (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meridian_%28Chinese_medicine%29) to ease healing time. Is it your thyroid? My brother had thyroid cancer when he was 19 - terrifying, but he, as have many others, came out the other end fine. Stay strong, stay positive, stay in love.

from dullstar :

Thanks for the slap in the face - "Get ahold of yourself!" I'm working on it - not there yet, the crazygirl is strong today, but in better news, she's totally killed my appetite. I've lost 6 pounds! I know you're going through the scary health stuff right now, and this all seems so petty by comparison, but stay strong - and let the people around you be strong for you, even if they're in New Orleans work/partying. Big hugs!

from dullstar :

Big huge ginormous hugs. Tell him. This is why he is there. You can still process this alone but you will have to tell him inevitably and not telling him doesn't change the situation. Sooner is better than later for all parties involved.

from dullstar :

Nothing like a good therapist, huh? That last entry made me so happy for you! You seem so grounded and secure. Even as you allow yourself to experience emotion, you've found tools work through it. Beautiful!

from dullstar :

Hi, I am alive and okay! Just feeling the need to keep my thoughts in my head for awhile...

from dullstar :

re ultimatums: if things are fine as they are, why proceed differently? What's the advantage to living together? No, seriously, I want to know...I have the Urge to keep having that Talk, but I Talk myself out of it because I only see bad things happening. re puppies: ohhhh man, that's rough. Finley will find a lovely home. Let 2 dogs be enough.

from dullstar :

I hate people who are anti-Valentine's Day, not because I am pro-Valentine's Day (I have absolutely no feelings about it), but because it's an excuse to be loving! And you don't have to do that with flowers and chocolate and pre-fixe menus. It's an excuse to be thoughtful, in some manner, during the long, cold stretch between Christmas and springtime. Ugh, sorry it sucked for you.

from dullstar :

Le Creusets are way heavy and overpriced for what they do, so good call on the generic (I love my $30 vintage Descoware dutch oven and use it daily at least). As for not spending money on anything ... is he saving up for something ... perhaps?

from dullstar :

Yay for the work stuff going well! Not only are you rocking the career, but you're genuinely helping people. Awesome.

from dullstar :

Ughhhh, why do our brains just immediately go there? Way to have willpower on not hacking into the email...nothing good EVER comes of it. (I hang my head in shame for finding information I really didn't want a few weeks ago.....stupidstupidstupid.)

from dullstar :

All of those are perfectly valid reasons to be upset - esp. not coming over to help you with your heater, like, what's the point of having a boyfriend if he won't be your handyman and kill your spiders? ...but I would give it a week before you toss it all. It kind of sounds like you feel like you're trying harder in the relationship, which is how I was feeling a month or two ago. When I told the boyfriend, he pointed out all the ways he was compromising and sacrificing for the relationship, except he has the class to keep it to himself. Then we figured out we were blaming the other for outward stresses because we put so much pressure on each other to be, like, THE source of happiness and relaxation. Anyway. It's good to vent.

from dullstar :

Ah yes, the crazygirl hindsight. I need some sort of fairy to pinch me whenever I'm using the crazygirl to sabotage my own happiness. Last weekend the boyfriend told me, "Whenever we have a real conversation you freak out and shut down after." This was after we'd had a real conversation and I freaked out and shut down. I was like, well, yeah, intimacy=vulnerability=terror, am i right?

from dullstar :

AHH ME TOO with the inexplicable crazygirl last night! I wish I'd gone to yoga or something similar to your buddhist meeting...sigh.

from dullstar :

Um, so scary....curious to hear what the doctor says. Yay for supportive boyfriends, huh?

from dullstar :

Ughhhh, so sorry to hear about the foot. I'm having a flashback to my 6 months of pure walking cast-ridden misery and 20 pound weight gain ... you have my sympathies!

from dullstar :

Good luck! Stay calm....there's going to be a transition period, but it will be worthwhile.

from dullstar :

Oh god, the bf's texts....why do we put ourselves through the misery? Don't end everything over the potential for a problem! Take a deep breath and read back over all the amazing times you two have had together; there will be so many amazing times ahead.

from dullstar :

Ohhh, so scary, but I'm glad Clancy's safe, and I'm also glad you have the Buddhist community to rely on while you adapt to this HUGE change...big hugs. Everything's going to be alright, no matter what happens.

from dullstar :

Have I said congrats on the new job yet? That's incredible, and I'm so happy for you! Congratulations!

from dullstar :

WHOA lesbian drama, HOLY CRAP he's moving!!!, and I totally teared up over your moment with the Buddhist. It's hard staying so strong all the time, that once you let one crack through, it all comes pouring out. It's the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom symdrome.

from dullstar :

Well, that was beautifully written.

from dullstar :

Eeeee! I'm so excited for you two! One thing at a time...the hardest part of living with someone isn't the individual issues, but figuring out how well you both deal with the issues.

from dullstar :

Oooooooo....that entry gave me a much needed mini-holiday. Everything sounds perfectly lovely, even the goodbye.

from dullstar :

??? Hope you're ok....

from dullstar :

I've always found it impossible to be around disingenuous people, and she sounds like the sort of person who defines herself by her outward influences, not her actual character. In other words, it's them, not you.

from dullstar :

CUTE. Glad you're having so much fun!!

from dullstar :

Hmm, when I start having thoughts like that I can usually attribute it to a crazygirl attack and give myself a week before acting on it in an capacity.

from dullstar :

I'm so sorry about your mum, but I laughed reading that story because that sounds like something I would do while baking stoned--like the time I made an apple tart, without the apples. Laughing it off is definitely the way to go.

from dullstar :

I've heard so much about the dragon tattoo movie, but I feel like I should read the books first. Good luck with Kim...kind of a pain when people take your living your own life as a personal affront, hm?

from dullstar :

Hey there party girl, way to rally!

from dullstar :

I think people tend to feel really guilty that they didn't notice when someone else goes through a hard time, or didn't do anything to help, so maybe that's why it was weird? But you're totally manifesting that energy in the right direction, so yay you! Have a great time with le boy!

from dullstar :

YAAAY! So happy for you!

from dullstar :

I'm so glad you're getting the help you deserve.

from dullstar :

More hugs...:(

from dullstar :

I'm so sorry. Hugs...

from dullstar :

Having an opinion doesn't make you a bitch unless it's based purely on emotion and lacks logic. It's your vacation, too.

from dullstar :

"We both have enough going on outside of each other so that we don�t think we solve each other�s problems." Wow. That's so important--thanks for wording it right.

from dullstar :

! I'm so sorry for your mom. That's awful! Cheers to a speedy recovery.

from dullstar :

You're allowed to evolve because of someone else. You're supposed to. You're right, your friends should be happy for you, rather than taking it personally.

from dullstar :

re: the ex: I think you either have to go into hyper bitchslap mode or be uber rational. Can't wait to hear how that turns out!

from dullstar :

Ughhh, xmas presents for/from significant others...such a competition! I read somewhere recently that in China, it's tradition to open the gifts alone to avoid the awkwardness of often fake gratitude. I want that.

from dullstar :

"All that means is that you have to create the life you want and fill it with the love you deserve, which I�ve done." YES. I keep reading that over and over. Perfect.

from dullstar :

One day at a time, hm? Enjoy things as much as possible when they're good.

from dullstar :

...and the crowd goes wild!

from dullstar :

Fingers crossed for you ... and it doesn't seem fair you should have to go through this alone, but I don't know if I would tell either.

from dullstar :

... ouch. Maybe this is his own (ill-advised) self-preservation? You'll be fine no matter what happens.

from dullstar :

Well I, for one, am thrilled for you, and you keep on gushing as long as there's a reason to gush.

from dullstar :

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. That definitely isn't something you should deal with yourself. Do you think maybe you were displacing some anxiety and stress onto Scott for implying you couldn't take care of yourself?

from dullstar :

The last line...I got a little twinge of affection for the guy as well. You never know what little thing is going to stand out, huh?

from dullstar :

!!! I'm so happy for you!

from dullstar :

Crazygirl can find a million different reasons to freak out, but you never gain anything but shame and regret...ugh. Oh man. May I make a recommendation? Get match.com out of your life. Delete any access you have to it and enjoy what he gives you and don't question it.

from dullstar :

All of that is unfortunate and terrifying and I'd keep a paper trail and talk to your company's HR department explaining that you will be going to a lawyer to be advised of your rights to privacy and a safe work environment sans harassment and see if they change their minds about how they feel about the situation. Then go talk to a lawyer. Ignorance of your personal safety and privacy is not part of your job description.

from dullstar :

Sexts! Brilliant! And, um, stalker? Your employer knows about it, right? Because you have a lot of rights in that area and there's no reason for you to suffer any undue stress.

from dullstar :

Ooo, I hope it all works out ... expectations *should* be tempered, but who am I kidding? Daydream it up.

from dullstar :

First, yay, thanks! Glad to know I'm not annoying... Second: there is always a reason for crazygirl, and that reason is self-preservation. And ovaries.

from dullstar :

One step at a time is good ... but eee, I hope it works out!

from dullstar :

Eee, love! I'm so happy for you!

from dullstar :

Easy and uncomplicated without being a huge bore...so rare. Yay!

from dullstar :

"And I know that all I have to be is myself, as imperfect and perfect as that may be." Wow. Thanks for that.

from dullstar :

Oh man. What is with the crazygirl syndrome going around? I keep telling myself this, but maybe it'll work better on you: it's all in our heads. Everything's fine.

from dullstar :

Eep! When it is good, it is very good, yes?

from dullstar :

Ahh, don't you love girlfriends?

from dullstar :

Oooo, it is spring, isn't it? How fun!

from dullstar :

Take care of yourself ... eat healthfully ... sigh.

from dullstar :

That's heartbreaking, re: your brother, and you did what you could, no more, no less.

from dullstar :

Hee! Thanks!

from stellarose :

hey--shot you an email. hit me back with YOUR unlocking info.

from dullstar :

Thanks for the password. I've found that everyone's a fucking idiot in love. I hope you find a way to avoid beating yourself up over the little things. Everything's fine. xo

from dullstar :

twentyfiveodd.wordpress.com It is comprised primarily of long, whiny rants.

from dullstar :

I don't know if you want feedback on this sort of thing, but you might want to find someone else to talk to while your regular psychiatrist's out of town. Those are not healthy thoughts and you should not have to live with them longer than necessary.

from dullstar :

Poor Clancy! For the highly unlikely event that he gets stung by a bee again, placing a raw onion on the sting will suck the poison out, and dipping his paw (or whatever) in corn starch or baking soda will soothe the area. At least he isn't allergic--it sounds like you did everything right if he was feeling better so soon.

from dullstar :

WHAT is with people asking current ebayers to bid on things/sell things for them? I've had several people do this to me, and I don't understand it. If I can figure it out, you can too. That being said, when somebody does ask me, I usually get pissed mostly because the ebay really isn't very user-friendly.

from oldmaid :

they made you pay all those fines anyway? that is a bunch of CRAP! especially the one for not wearing corrective lenses. i'd be pissed, too.

from oldmaid :

*hugs*

from dullstar :

I'm the same way with The Office -- the British one was funny, but kind of hard to watch. This one, and especially this season since they came into their own, Michael is more likeable and so his stupidity is almost...cute? That's not the right word, but it's a great show (and acceptable to obsess over, imo).

from dullstar :

Whoa, now-former supervisor is a superbitch. I love how she expected you to be upset about losing her as a supervisor.

from goingloopy :

Thanks for adding me to your favorites! :)

from dullstar :

My parents do the same thing about weight. My dad bought me a pair of pants and said, "But how are they going to look when you lose weight?" after we'd had this conversation about how I'm feeling healthy and years after I'd dropped from a size 12 to a size 6. Unless your child's weight is hurting their health (i.e., mordibly obese or anoretic), there is no need to mention it.

from oldmaid :

do you think he might have sent you the picture on purpose, to kind of make you jealous? he might not be that kind of person, but that was my first thought after reading your entry.

from oldmaid :

oh my god, i can't believe she's marrying him! "weathered the storm"? that is nuts!

from dullstar :

If she had a crush on him for a year and didn't do anything about it, she can't be too pissed about it. Maybe hurt, but she couldn't justifiably end the friendship.

from oldmaid :

could you get cobra? i don't know a whole lot about it, but i think it's kind of like insurance that you can get, temporarily, when you lose your job. i don't know if it would cover your meds, but you might want to check into it.

from oldmaid :

what a cute doggy! sigh. now i totally want a dog, too!

from bubaloo :

Hi. It was sweet of you to give them any money as well as go to the extreme lengths that you did to get them the money. Most people would have done neither. Hope the scary sound didn't get ya and that your boss isn't too hard on you.

from dullstar :

Good for you for sticking to your budget. I'm sick of people getting screwed over, even by the tiniest margin. $1000 to a car dealership is nothing, but it's a lot of money to the people paying it.

from oldmaid :

i don't know if this will help, but i set an alarm to remind me to take my birth control pills. i just bought a cheap digital watch, and set it to beep every night at 8pm. it's kind of silly, but it helps!

from bubaloo :

Hi! Thanks for adding me. I've been completely out of it lately. I have some catching up to do on your diary. Take care, bub

from oldmaid :

oh my god, he's making jokes about hitting her? totally not funny. you are right, that should be a *huge* red flag.

from oldmaid :

oooh, who is your nemsis? i am very curious!

from punkispink03 :

your diary is hella awesome hope u still have your job...have fun in scottland

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