messages to fallen9angel:
(click here to add new message):

from dvlsh1 :
Hi just wanted to let you know Im blogging over at wordpress.com under dvlsh1. have a great night.
from dvlsh1 :
sorry I haven't called.. my pc died on me, waiting on being able to get a new one, hopefully this week or next. So Ive been swamped with school trying to work ahead... ugh.. you can call me too if you wish. have a good thanksgiving.
from dvlsh1 :
You have probaly told me before but Im bad with names. If I call you who do I ask for ? Id feel pretty silly calling n asking to talk to a fallen9angel :)P have a good nite. maria
from dvlsh1 :
this thingy wouldn't allow me to leave comments.. but.. ty for everything you do. See us civilians don't get to hear about the oppression of the ppl, none of the things their goverment does to them.. we get to hear a bunch of "actavisits" say its all about oil, and making money.. anyway hugs and sisterly love to you sweetie. thanks for all you do for your country. maria
from dinosaurorgy :
Good luck. :)
from dvlsh1 :
hi there wanted to say thanks for all your military service on this our nations birthday. Its because of ppl like you that we are free. I hope things are good for you, bless you sweetie. maria
from dvlsh1 :
hugs .. your blog is posting things you already put up? hmm are you re-posting it or is diaryland doing it for ya? Hope things are good for you.. miss reading your blog.. take care , be safe n be well.. hugs maria
from dvlsh1 :
ty for the note.. hope you are doing well.. ( youre welcome btw) Love the new pic at the bottom of your entries now.. what a hottie you are;) take care hugs n blessings maria
from dvlsh1 :
I wrote an entry called hey jude today. You are one of the ppl I am refering to in it. ( the kinship, the comarade in arms ) I just want you to know that I too have felt the way you write about feeling. Anytime you feel alone know you have freind that understands. maria
from dvlsh1 :
btw forgot to add on my note to your entry.. its like you and I are on the same path atm. Maybe we were seperated at birth?;)P
from dvlsh1 :
Thanks for the note. I appriciate that. Ive been keeping you in my prayers ever since you said you were going back to the army. Take care of yourself. hugs
from sheo :
It's been a month since your last entry and i haven't heard anything from you... you ok?
from dvlsh1 :
I just saw on the news that bush is sending more troops to iraq. =( I hope like hell you dont have to go there, but if you do, please be safe and come home safe and well. lots of love to you. maria
from sheo :
I would like to see you write more, but it probably isn't always possible. I'm curious to know how you're doing now. I've been having some dark days lately, but i got thru them with a bit of help from a special girl and i'm stronger now then i was before. I wish i could be there for you now if you ever need me.
from sheo :
I wish you a happy new year man! You deserve it
from dvlsh1 :
happy new year. may 2007 bring you all your heart desires. maria
from alwaysinhim :
Belated Merry Christmas, and I hope that the New Year will bring some reprieve. You can pay for no ones sins, nor your own... but I appreciate the offer. If you were hoping to die under the strain of carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Don't. It will do no one any good. Least of all you. All will be as they were before, you will not die, and all will have been in vain. (I know, rather than telling you what shouldn't be, I should be offering something of what should be. However, that, you will have to find for youself. Just remember, peace can only be derived from something that will never change. And if you don't find that soon.. or ever, then here's a hug from me).
from dvlsh1 :
glad to see you're un-locked. Be safe and be well happiest of holidays to you. lots of love. maria
from sheo :
You're right. I feel like a twin to you now. Would it be better for me if i joined you there now?
from dvlsh1 :
your diary appears to be locked. If you don't mind letting me read it my email is [email protected] if you want to keep it private its cool lots of hugs maria
from alwaysinhim :
Locked?
from sheo :
a twin? you fucking touched my heart with that, though i'm not sure why you see me like this, but i can see some of the things we share. i hope the army will be a good substitute for what you really want.
from sheo :
damn beautifull writing... i'm just saying hi and hoping you'll be ok
from dinosaurorgy :
Are you headed off to Iraq?
from fightn4life :
You are too young to say "never"…one does not know where the road will lead and if we allow it our journeys will be worth it. I understand the pain of loss in many forms and the reverse side of military life, the day came when "MIA" was a nightmare we fail at times to wake up from for a long time. And then…one day the wind blows and we feel it, the journey to self awareness begins and new paths are uncovered. Never give up, the hills and winding roads are every where. Sandyz
from dvlsh1 :
Thanks for the note. I knew you meant it as a sister thing.. =) I say I love you to ppl all the time cuz of NA. ( like AA only for addicts) love you like a brother.. =) take care maria
from dvlsh1 :
yay you posted! Glad you're back ,hugs
from dvlsh1 :
I wish you'd post. I acutally miss you. blessings, maria
from dvlsh1 :
thanks for the nice notes. I am definatly emailing you. And my apologies for leaving you out of that nice guy list.. you seem like a pretty terrific guy. blessings maria
from fallen9angel :
goldfinger, (you don't know what pain is).
from alwaysinhim :
I'm afraid I have no pretty words to spin for this, but know that even broken things have their beauty, a character that is unique. I know that offering provides you no comfort, but I want you to know anyway. Others value you.
from alwaysinhim :
Well.. the basic answer is no. The one who has to forgive is you, and we don't usually forgive ourselves, for one reason or another. It's easier to find someone or thing to fill in the void though. (I wish I could help you with finding that).
from alwaysinhim :
You don't need to actually DO anything. Perhaps I haven't seen enough death to understand completely, but being there and hugs is the best way to let someone know you're there and caring.
from dvlsh1 :
just stopping by to say hello. Hopefully you will update soon =) hugs mia
from alwaysinhim :
Selfish? Yes, there probably isn't a human alive that isn't selfish. And just because you are selfish doesn't mean you aren't other things. You may be selfish, but you're also...troubled, self-loathing, kind, passionate, intelligent, and whathaveyou. That aside, I wish I could give you some thoughts on what you might do and why. However, anything I will say will be from the stand point of not knowing. I can see your reasons for why you might refuse (you loathe that life and how it has affected you) and why you might accept (because you feel, and by most appearances, that's where you belong). With those things in mind, which will make you less troubled? Neither. So, in a way, it would seem that it doesn't matter what you do. You still need to learn to forgive yourself.
from dvlsh1 :
Ty for the nice note. =) I will delete it after I write down the number so that many ppl dont end up with it. Thanks so much. hugs mia
from alwaysinhim :
Oh, and I am happy that you found something to do. I have no doubt you will do it well.
from alwaysinhim :
Dear boy.. can anyone ever make enough restitution to forgive themselves, regardless of whether or not anyone else does? I think not. I don't say that to sound hopeless, but that perhaps, if you're going in with that kind of mindset, you may be disappointed. (but then what would I know). Just a thought. (and whether or not my forgiveness would mean anything, you always have it).
from alwaysinhim :
Well.. you never said whether you got it or not, so I'm going repost it here, just in case you never did get it...I had wanted you to know Dear soldier boy who doesn't like his name (although I always thought it was a prefectly wonderful name on you): When I think about you, I feel I should be doing more, and when I get such words from you, I am at a loss as to what I have done to deserve them or how it has come about that I am one to be priveleged by your generosity when I am undeserving.. So whether or not it is love, or affection, or simply a passing inclination to do someone else a good turn, I accept it wholeheartedly.
from dvlsh1 :
Ty for the note hugs. I have a few freinds in Iraq right now as well as my best freind who I happen to be dating ( again =) ) plus a few others in the service So I pray for all the troops daily. I do agree that hiding from your past does not work thats why I write about kicking my drug habit. =)Im not ashamed to be the person I am today. And if I run from my past then I will never get to know myself. take care blessings n hugs mia
from hamiltonian :
"Ay, caramba!"
from alwaysinhim :
Hm, so you deleted.. does that mean my note to you was lost with it?
from jellehbelleh :
Damn, you locked me out! :) Just wanted to drop a line and say hi.
from dvlsh1 :
thanks for posting the nite b4 xmas about the solider. Ive had it in my inbox many times, n really like it. blessings, mia
from dvlsh1 :
hugs.. Im sorry to read that your former life wont let you go... I personally dont ask any of my military buddies " what is it like over there," I dont want to know, and I dont think they want to talk about it... I cant say that I blame them. Keep your chin up luv. mia
from heydomsar :
i hope the month we've been out of the loop on your life is because things are going so well for you and that's keeping you busy! :) just saying hey.
from spring-da1sy :
I'm glad the job is working for you. Loved that entry. You're a very interesting person.
from heydomsar :
hey bro, stumbled across your diary from one of your banners and i gotta say i really dig your style. very thoughtful and quotable stuff. hope the new job is going well for you and that you keep giving us a peek into your mind.
from alwaysinhim :
Knowing that I bring a smile to your face and the grin that you put on mine is more than enough thanks anyone could ever hope to have. I am deeply touched that anything I have said/done for you would matter. And the only thanks I have for that honor is to keep doing whatever it is I seem to be doing for you. (and I wouldn't mind actually getting to know you [better] sometime either).
from fan4 :
Did the interview go well for you?
from ladyvaduva :
happend upon your journal through one of your banners.. really enjoyed the read.. you totally reminded me of why I love d-land so much.. for me everything I can put on here goes on here.. and its nice to see that other people do the same.. I'll definetly be back to read on cheers
from jellehbelleh :
Hi Mister Angel...thanks for the note you left me recently...it was a happy suprise. *hugs*
from blizzard345 :
clark its joel. I am back in town give me a call 360-632-6005
from wanders :
I like advice. I might not always follow it, but it is good to hear. Thank you.
from alwaysinhim :
oh, and about my observations, I didn't mean that the soldiers aren't aware of the hell they're in. I just meant that they try cover it up (or so it seems).
from lordyuric :
Just so that you're forewarned, according to the Geneva Convention mercs are civilians involved in military matters. Therefor, they can be shot without trial and if tried are considered criminals of war.
from alwaysinhim :
Then I'm glad that you took the time anyway. *hugs*
from vlkoslak :
It's been a long time
from seikoneko1 :
Clark, it's good you made it through.
from lordyuric :
dude, you come back. i, too, have no great words of wisdom or warmth. you come back.
from hugnkis074 :
smile... sometimes it makes you just a little less sad :)
from candoor :
merry happy new year :)
from alwaysinhim :
no, I'm not.
from alwaysinhim :
how's it been?
from alwaysinhim :
dear boy, I hope you have a wonderful time on leave.
from blizzard345 :
hey, email me if you get the time, [email protected] or [email protected]
from smallgren :
I am doing well, sir :) In a program called Americorps*NCCC (government-run community service, pretty much :P). Circumstances are very good, have a lot on my mind though. I think I may have lost your e-mail adress... I'm [email protected]
from alwaysinhim :
have you checked out my recommendations?
from wpjtmf :
Stab at the dark, do it while drunk. You won't hit it but it's fun to try sometimes. Remember to try really hard too.
from alwaysinhim :
you're in my thoughts you know. I worry.
from hugnkis074 :
hey thanks for supporting the teeny babies! you gonna donate online? how the hell is iraq?
from alwaysinhim :
dear boy, what shall I give you? for so great a gift?
from alwaysinhim :
well, that's good then. I like you much better alive.
from alwaysinhim :
that sounds about right.
from alwaysinhim :
better in black maybe?
from blizzard345 :
clark, email me at [email protected], I wanted to get a hold of you before you left but email me.
from blizzard345 :
no. actually this is joel. but i wont count that against you
from alwaysinhim :
Hmm. I hope you receive something that brightens your holiday.. a smile, a hug, or even a kiss, perhaps. something. that's what I wish you. some heaven.
from alwaysinhim :
you'll be missed.
from lordyuric :
i didn't know that you were a war zombie until you informed me.
from alwaysinhim :
It's called pain, dear.
from alwaysinhim :
That's what you do when you love someone.
from alwaysinhim :
I missed you dear.
from alwaysinhim :
I'm sorry it's locked.
from blizzard345 :
clark. IM BACK. though i could not log onto my old account so you can take that off of your list. but my new name is this one and cell #3607203064. by the way it is joel
from mroutt :
All day at work I thought about this note you are about to read. I sang songs in my head and put together my choices, so now it is your turn. ONly one answer per question and please give song title and and band name. Reply in my notes, or on your diary. 1 Favorite song ever: 2 Favorite Love Song: 3 Favorite Angry song: 4 Favorite song to make love to: 5 Favorite Happy Song: 6 Favorite Sad Song: 7 Favorite Song That Fits You Personally: 8 Favorite Kiss Song (Tony is the only one able to use Rock and roll all night, so you better thing of another song): 9 Favorite Aerosmith Song: 10 Favorite Band: 11 Favorite Music Style: 12 Favorite Boy Band Song: 13 Favorite Opening Song to a cd: 14 Favorite Closing Song to a cd: 15 Favorite Song to relax to:
from alwaysinhim :
so you found your beast? what now?
from alwaysinhim :
Becasue the smart ones are smart enough not to hang around the likes of us.
from alwaysinhim :
in one of your entries, you said something about being somewhere. that's what I was refering to. and I said it's not a choice, meaning you're not the only one.
from alwaysinhim :
ha, the past always haunts. it's not good for anything else.
from alwaysinhim :
want some company? and no, that is not a choice.
from alwaysinhim :
I missed the sound of your words.
from wpjtmf :
Oh, and I forgot, my number is 5.
from wpjtmf :
House-277-3224, cell-961-0765
from alwaysinhim :
I will say ditto about everything the last guy said.
from fitznog :
Now I am not what anyone would consider very faithful. But I have heard that god does not make the good things happen and let the bad things happen. That's not how it works. He lets everything happen whatever way we do it. He doesn't control the weather either. So when there is a tornado, yeah, god let it happen. But not because he is evil. But you must understand this or you will never stop thinking that god is evil: god doesn't think, god is not human, everything that god does is so different than how we do it that we cannot conceive of it. We cannot understand it. Faith is believing in something you do not know or understand. If you are waiting to understand why god "does or doesn't do things" before you believe in god, don't bother trying to believe in him.
from doedogg :
sekiguhara
from f4sakndauter :
I'd say "never stop dreaming," but then I don't like to be a hypocric. I know how much it hurts to dare have hope. so what I will say is. never stop looking for something to hope in.....heh. I know you were talking about memories, but I think what isn't completely meaningless
from doedogg :
what if I am a demon but I don't think that is possible but anywys clark you be cool cuz I am high and drunk and i wanna join the Air Force and be a Para Jumper or something tha is special forces or be in the CIA and spy on the bitches. i wanna play Vampire so figure out when we are gonna play cuz I qanna kill ha ha ha ha
from doedogg :
I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothing but, Unicorns kick ass!!!!
from wpjtmf :
I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin, but I'd really like to make love to you tonight.
from smallgren :
You know, not to be a dick, but I don't think you see/perceive God in the right way (ie. the way I do). So, since I'm always right, I'll just tell you that God always has, does, and will love you. There are, have been, and will be evil human beings (which you aren't one of, no matter what you think, you're no baby killer rapist fuck, you have honor) that God still loves. You are His creation, you are part of Him, you are a soul that lasts forever. Don't throw your time away with self-hatred. Sure, you have to do your job, but there's many many many other things to do. And I know you're strong and powerful enough to do the hard things nobody else wants to think about. Much, MUCH love, my brother.
from alwaysinhim :
Then I forgive you. I know I can't save you. or do anything else for you. but know you are forgiven. for I do understand. There is a time for war and death. but do not take it upon yourself. it is not your sin.
from devosmock :
*HuG* clark... i feel left out for never having been friends with you. i respect you a lot, and in certain ways, look up to you. you have so many things you should be proud of. i wish i could get to know you, cuz if i did, now would probably be a time to say i miss you. D
from alwaysinhim :
I bleed for you.
from doedogg :
hey dude what up? I am jsut saying hi and wondering if I might be able to play in your whitewolf campaign if it is still running. If not that is cool and I will still probably come and play with your nipples next time I see you.
from alwaysinhim :
not all can show....and not all can see/read...but some can do both...I know that you show quite eloquently...and I. can see something.
from alwaysinhim :
I would care.
from alwaysinhim :
such. truth.
from alwaysinhim :
I wish I could say something that would mean something. but it sounds as if not alot of things have any meaning for you.
from bodahell :
Hi.Its me again.I need to talk,your in trouble
from alwaysinhim :
beautiful sad words
from smallgren :
I hope 2003 treats you well. I hope...you can find a way to open up. To feel balance. I think you've been living sideways for far too long. I wish you the very, very best, my friend
from f4sakndauter :
your olders page is pretty messed up.
from f4sakndauter :
"It is strange how we put more importance on the people that we feel deeply for than people that are in our famly"....I assure you...it. is not. so strange. Corinth
from alwaysinhim :
"why the fuck does anyone care what the fuck I am writing".....very good question.....and I'll say it again....even trash has it's value. Corinth
from doedogg :
yo this is spoon... I GOT your ass....
from smallgren :
Hey, what's going on with you man? How is life treating (or maltreating) you? Either I will email you, or you will email me. I personally think you will have to forgive yourself someday, but I don't know the situation. I wish you could let it go, though. Hakuna matata my friend. See ya later
from seikoneko :
Clark, you scare me sometimes. Really. Are you o.k.? Cuz if you're not, that would make me really sad. You should talk to someone (and I am always up for talking) :)My squeaky Puffin says he loves you :)

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