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No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!!! You're doing what I did!!! STOP ANALYZING EVERYTHING WITH KIMBALL!!! He loves you and that's all there is to it. Be happy!! Don't worry. Take care! Ciao!

from moonlit-eyes :

Of course there are people on your side, Ellen! Congratulations on the Radio Shack job! *applauds for Ellen*

from moonlit-eyes :

Wow. I'm really sorry about your dad. But seriously, ignore him and work at Wendy's. If it isn't enough for your parents: screw them. They'll pay tuition, once they see you excelled at your job and paid the rent all on your own. Don't worry: things will get better from this point. Take care and hang in there! ~*Emily*~

from moonlit-eyes :

Hey Ellen! Don't you worry about anything, okay? The only thing you should think about right now is getting a job, so that you can still see Kimball as much. You want that, right? A job will be fun! You can do it!!! I know you can!!! Go Ellen!!! Yay!!! Seriously, though... once you get that job, (Quick! Start looking NOW!) you'll have your parents out of your hair and you won't have to live with them. That's motivation enough, in my opinion.... Ah well, good luck anyway! Keep smiling! Take care! Ciao! ~*Emily*~

from kari92 :

Hey :) I left you a message on the site, but I wasn't sure if you'd checked there recently, so I'll add it in here; 'Wow...that conversation with Kimball must have been so hard :( But the conclusion you came to was right I think; an e.d. has a lot to answer for, and of course its going to make situations like that so much harder. If you can leave it once and for all, then I know you'll have so much happiness ahead and be able to live the life you enjoy. I wish there was a quick fix here, but unfortunately it will take time. It sounds like Kimball is pretty accommodating (even if not for 10 months, lol...), so I think you should take the plunge. Go at your pace, but try and trust him. I almost hesitate to write this, because trusting someone means you can get hurt, and of course I can't guarrantee you that won't happen. And I'd hate it if it did. But that comment about sometimes 'the greatest risk is to take no risk at all'...I think maybe this a situation where it holds true. You can only do what feels right, and should only do so - don't ever pressure yourself into something, or let anyone else do so either. But if you like him - and he obviously likes you - take it at your pace, but give it a shot :)'

from modelenvy99 :

Hey Ellen....I'm not sure I really know how to express what I am feeling after reading that conversation....now, I am sure I don't know the whole situation, but after I read that convo, Kimball sort of came across as "my way or the highway". It seems like he was giving you an ultimatum, even though he never really came out and said thewords. I don't know...maybe I don't have a right in saying this but I don't think you should be pressured to change. I don't think you should be crying, and feeling guilty because you aren't used to being so forward in relationships. I don't think you should change who you are just to please a guy...on the other hand, I could be reading into it wrong, I mean I don't know the guy! And perhaps if you do show some affection then maybe things will improve drastically....Sorry this wasn't much help....I just don't want you to think you have to change who you are for some guy to be satisfied.

from caged-freed :

saw you were a member of the edsufferer diaryring and thought this new forum at caged-freed might interest you. check it out, if you can, and take care.

from openthegate :

i was jw....is there any way you know the ballpark in which you weigh??

from moonlit-eyes :

Hey Ellen, Normal people DO have fat days. I don't count as normal because I don't have the normal worries. But I have seen a lot of normal people who just feel fat, and then they proclaim, "I am having a fat day!" Don't worry about it, ~*Emily*~

from jennstarr :

great diary!! xoxo Jenn

from aoqtpi7 :

hey I love reading your diary, by the way what soroity are you in? Jenn

from weighted-up :

'Angel said in her diary the other day, about how you can always pick out someone with an eating disorder because they're always feeling their bones' Oh, Lord. I do that all the time. It's gotten to the point of a compulsion. Hips, collarbones, wrists. I feel so obvious now. Eek.

from balmy :

got your email. :) sorry about your dad. i understand. my dad and i used to fight a lot when i lived at home. but then i miss him a lot even though he really frustrates the heck out of me. i hope your dad settles down soon. feel better,

from balmy :

Please, please, please do not try to purge. I know you're frustrated, but it is so horrible for you. I've done it twice (been in those same situations as you) and it sucks so much. And it damages you in so many ways. I know you're worried and frustrated, but please don't get into it. *hugs*

from balmy :

your parents and my parents have the same anniversary. same number of years too i think...wow. and you're not a bad daughter. whatever you get, your folks will love. take care

from balmy :

well, Joe sounds like s uperficial jerk anyway with his chasing of anything female, especially younger women. seems a bit of a freak. take care...

from ana4life :

Hey sweetie!! Thanx for the e-mail!! I don't know if I am ready to be reviewed. hehehe I put the new diary as my favs & was able to get into it. Thanx again sweetie!!

from diaryreviews :

Hi! Your review has been posted at Diary Reviews. Check it out at http://diaryreviews.diaryland.com/ivorylily.html

from r-e-v-i-e-w :

your review is up!

from soon2bskinny :

ELLEN! You are HOME! I am soooo thrilled for you! yippeeee, let the losing begin!!

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