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I.m just a face on Dland - and I don;t think you are a loser not based on what I read...If me a stranger notices value in you what am I seeing ? I am seeing value that is there.. I am waiting for you to see that value that is actually there as well. don;t let me down I will wait for as long as necessary until you dare yourself to see that value in you that is there.. no pressure.. anytime in the next 30 seconds would be fine

from carallyne :

hey there. sending love!!! <3

from musikoid :

I feel like a loser a lot of the time too.

from atrandom :

There's no wrong way to be you. We're all terrible and perfect. All tomorrows are rudderless.

from raven72d :

I know so many of the feelings you write about.

from peggypenny :

are you having sever weather?

from peggypenny :

I wish. How far are you from Baldwin City? I wrote a song called - 140423_22.html The Wichita Call - 140409_46.html too stupid. Ha ha I want very much to go there. I don't cut, but I wish I had some vice.

from peggypenny :

I have friends in Baldwin City and they complain. I live in Calif. by the beach. Very lucky if you like the beach. I'm more a field and stream sort of gal. We should switch houses like in that movie with Cameron Diaz. haha

from peggypenny :

What is there to do in (your city) KS? Is there any night life? Bands? Dancing?

from peggypenny :

how long have you been cutting?

from lizbathory :

At the age of 16 I learned something that has maintained my sanity since. "The only persons opinion of me that matters is MINE!". Once that is realized, you can tell the world to fuck off.

from crackisbad :

hello. you don't know me, but i was just reading your stuff & saw the bit about your drugs giving you all these awful side effects, including this feeling like an electric shock inside your head. you didn't say directly, but i imagine this occurred while you were asleep, right? if you're interested, i think this is sleep paralysis you're describing. i always hear people talk about it, and it doesn't sound too bad - but they fail to mention that terrible sensation like you're being shocked. i think it happens mostly to people who are constantly anxious, rarely sleep or if you are having a particularly stressful experience that is more than what you're accustomed to. it is awful, though: being awake and not being able to move. talk about terror. anyway, i hope all is well & you're happy/high, etc. thanks for reading my drawn out (and boring) note. - e.d.b

from pamperedpuma :

I know it's easy for me to say, but you have to get out of there. For yourself and for Dylan. Cxx

from pamperedpuma :

What happened hunny?? Cxx

from xxplaydeadxx :

where are you?????!!!!!!!?!?!!?! i miss you. i hope you're ok...

from xxplaydeadxx :

oh my god. a milkshake?! that has to be the dumbest thing ever. <3

from pamperedpuma :

Can I have the password before you lock please?!! My email is [email protected] Good luck with moving Cxx

from xxplaydeadxx :

i want it i want it i want it! thank you for updating. =) i hope it works out with him. you deserve something good in your life. <3

from xxplaydeadxx :

are you ok? you haven't updated in a while. i've been really worrying about you. please let me know something. love you alot. *hugs*

from pamperedpuma :

I'm on Cymbalta. I take 60mg in the morning and 60mg at night. Apparantly it's the highest dose. My shrink wont increase them. In the beginning they were great. No side-effects or anything. But now I don't think they're working. I've been taking them for about a year. Do they work for you? and what is the other medication you take?? Cxx

from pamperedpuma :

Just come across your diary...you're very much like me. Cxx

from sekritsquirl :

i too am a lonely loser

from xbrokenties :

hey there. I've been reading your writing on and off for months. You are a beautiful person. I hope things start to look up for you. Heartbreak only gets better with time..

from cheekyash :

i just fell in love with your writing

from xbrokenties :

Hey. It's good to see you back. Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. I tried to take the exact same way out a few years ago. I'm glad you're okay though..I know the horrible feeling.

from missy-17 :

hey there so what makes you a lonleyloser, so did you lose the love of your life???? i know thats why im the loser here!!! :(

from xbrokenties :

I just admire the way you seem to be honest with yourself. Denial is a pretty picture as long as you're living it.

from debotch :

I'm thinking about coming down to Wichita friday night. Holla back youngin'.

from xbrokenties :

I came across your profile while looking around Diaryland. I like your outlook on things.

from anar-kissed :

Hey I randomly found your diary searching for Wichita people. I can really relate to a lot of what you write about. Anyway, I'm just bored and thought I'd drop a line.

from darkvoice :

Hey there , im not a person who cuts himself although i feel i relate to alot of your troubles. Infact alot of the things you wrote in your diary felt as if i could just of easily wrote them myself. You name is alos ironic to me . Well if you would like a chat some time or just need to vent im here for you.

from neverheals :

sorry that you are feeling so bad but i am sure that it will get better some time sorry i cant say when. it sucks seeing you feel so down i think everybody deserves to be happy. just dont forget to smile k. you shouldnt let anything take away your smile. well hope you feel better. and cutting is not that bad i even use to do it then i just didnt care anymore now i am like what ever it aint even worth it what for it doesnt help either. ah no i am the happy one. thats what people say i shouldnt do is hold it all in but thats all i do. sorry i almost went in reverse their and started geting depressed not that i aint but i ignore it and show everybody a smile so nobody knows nothin is wrong cause then they bug me about it. so annoying hehe well bye hope to hear from you k bye.

from neverheals :

sorry life is treating you like shit.

from neverheals :

sorry what i wrote earlyer was wrong. i read your entry now and i see my self so much reflected in it. but unlike u i dont have anybody to talk to. but i dont think i would be able to talk even if i did. cause u see i dont open up very easly. but i am glad u are getting better. and dont worry u arent the only one that feels alone even though people around u say your not. cause i just feel they are telling me that just to make me feel better. but the real question is if they actually mean it. well talk to you later k. bye and that chick is write u have a nice way to put feeling into words.

from neverheals :

Bleed forever ha that would be nice*smiles*

from fairyposer :

Hey, just reading through diaries and liked yours. Intersting way you change emotions into words. Nicely done. -Tye

from cdghost :

what a endearing writer you are

from twistedlump :

your diary's beautiful. im from australia and i thought being a fellow human and all i should lean across the world and whisper in your ear, you may be lonely but you're not alone. tAsh>

from cherry-girl :

=D yay!

from cherry-girl :

hello! i am in wichita too! are you in wichita kansas, because if i am not mistaken, there is another wichita somewhere. hmm *ponders* well, just thought i'd say hi.

from a-rainbow :

Please takea couple of mins to read this, and if possible email it out to your friends and family, raising awarness and having people understands can make such a difference to the quality of our lives... ME Awareness Week 2003 May 12th - May 18th - sent to you on behalf of all the members of the international online association 'BRAINFOG!!' - The following piece of writing was written by Vikki George. She is just 18 years old. Although she has had the symptoms of the illness ME/CFS for much of her life, she has been officially ill for 9 years. For someone so young, she has endured so much but somehow she has managed to keep going. She is a remarkable inspiration to so many of her fellow Brainfoggers from all around the world who are also living with this isolating and debilitating illness. She wrote this powerful piece of writing as a way of conveying her life to those who believe this illness is just about fatigue when it is in fact about so much more! For many people, this extreme degree of ME is a reality and not one that we often hear about, as communication at this level can often be impossible: Can you imagine? Can you imagine waking up not able to move, not even a finger, Wiggle a toe, move an arm or a leg? Can you imagine laying there not able to move, but vomiting, Being too scared to breathe, choking till your parents roll you over? Can you imagine being so ill you can hear the voices of your parents but not know who they are? Or hear English but not understand a single word? Can you imagine going months on end without seeing anyone outside the family? Not a single soul, not even a milkman or a passerby. Can you imagine being in so much pain that you just want to give up? Feeling like there are thousands of hot pins sticking in you? Can you imagine going years and years with a continuous migraine, Not easing for a minute or a second of your life? Can you imagine going over a year without sitting up or being propped up, Feeling so dizzy that you can't see straight? Can you imagine feeling like you are moving, falling over backwards, And at the same time rotating sideways all the time? Can you imagine going 6 months without going downstairs in your own house? Not seeing the living room, kitchen, garage, or garden? Can you imagine life like this? I don't need to imagine, after all, I live like this every single day. Still think ME is just about feeling tired? by Vikki George - Feb 03 ME Awareness Week - 12th 18th 2003 ME Awareness Week coincides with the birthday of Florence Nightingale, who after returning from the Crimean war spent a long period of her life housebound whilst displaying the symptoms of ME. Until now there has been little acknowledgement of the devastating impact ME can have, despite it being around since at least the 19th century. Now for the first time in history, the UK Government officially recognises the illness. The Chief Medical Officer, Sir Liam Donaldson issued a major report in January of this year describing ME as 'a disease in the wilderness '. He also conceded the terrible prejudice, which has afflicted the lives of the thousands of people who develop the illness each year. What is ME? ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) / CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) is an incurable chronic condition which has many symptoms, commonly including pain, exhausting fatigue, sore throats and swollen glands, difficulty in thinking clearly, and an overwhelming malaise which has been described as a feeling of being "poisoned". It is an extremely debilitating illness, which leaves many people with ME, bed or house bound for many months and in many cases for years on end. The causes of the illness remain a mystery despite years of research which has shown many anomalies in the immune, nervous and endocrine systems of sufferers. The best available estimate is that it currently affects 240,000 people in the UK, 40,000 of whom are children. Because of the mystery surrounding ME, there is widespread ignorance and misunderstanding about it on the part of the general public and sadly of many GPs. This increases the difficulties facing sufferers. A recent report by the Chief Medical Officer (CMO) has done much to validate the illness, and the Medical Research Council (MRC) have now finalised a Research Strategy. But this is only a very small drop in the ocean. The only thing that is really known about it is that it has ruined many thousands of lives across the globe and will continue to do so for years to come unless Awareness is heightened and more is done to fund Research so that a cure can be found. What is 'The Brainfog Association'? 'The Brainfog Association', www.brainfog.org is an international online community founded and created two years ago by Ally, an ME sufferer from Sussex, England, now 27 years old. It was designed specifically to offer support and help to people worldwide with the illness ME through fun, friendship and understanding. It is named after one of the common symptoms of ME - an inability to think clearly. Brainfog currently has over 700 members, who rely heavily on it to provide crucial social contact in the isolated and lonely world of the chronically ill. Although it is quite clearly a website for people with ME, there is one obvious difference from many other online ME support groups; this is clear from the motto of the website: 'BRAINFOG!! - Keeping the lighter side of ME and life, well and truly ALIVE!!' If you would like more information about ME and the website Brainfog, please e-mail Ally on [email protected] or visit the 'The Brainfog Association' at www.brainfog.org Alternatively, if you feel you are in the position to offer a donation to 'The Brainfog Association' to help fund the ongoing development of the website / forum, please e-mail the Brainfog Treasurer, Fiona Sanderson at [email protected] for details. Useful references BRAINFOG !!: http://www.brainfog.org/ Action for ME: http://www.afme.org.uk/ The ME Association: http://www.meassociation.org.uk/ 25% ME Group: http://www.25megroup.org/ AYME- http://www.ayme.org.uk CMO Report: http://www.doh.gov.uk/cmo/cfsmereport/index.htm MRC draft research strategy: http://www.mrc.ac.uk/index/public-interest/public-press_office/public-press_ releases_2003/public-1_may_2003a.htm

from suicidekiss :

www.livejournal.com/users/rubytuesdae my new home ;)

from luckybobb :

hello

from dumb-john :

Ah, this may not be helpful (in fact I can almost guarantee it won't be, since I'm known for my unhelpfulness), but you should look about for a comic book/graphic novel called "Why I Hate Saturn." Features a self-loathing, extremely talented, extremely sarcastic, vodkaphilic young woman and her relation to her diary and her boy Frank. Might be good for a laugh in between sessions of body artistry.

from catboz485 :

I just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts. You can do anything, I know it. I have only read your latest entry, and that was enough to make me want to write a message to tell you I know you're a beautiful person. Everyone is. Taking your life away before you find out why you are great would be horrible.

from loneripples :

I know how you feel. I know why people cut. I'm not going to be someone to tell you that you can stop. I know it's like an addiction and a way to cope. I know how it feels. I know that the holidays are very depressing. I'd like you to know that I'm here if you want to talk. I know you don't know me. My name is Rae and my AOL is Dem0nPrincess. I left a message in your guest book that just about says the same thing. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'll listen.

from jessielynn69 :

Hey gurlie-gurl! Keep it real. I'll be reading your entries. Don't mind if you don't see many in mine cuz I'm lazy and never home -LOL- I've been very depressed lately, too. My mother just tried ending her life because she has Bipolar Disorder and I have even thought of doing it myself because my life isn't worth anything anymore. It's been hard but I've been making it through life, slowly but surely. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here for you.

from capreek :

LISTEN YOU NEED HELP!! E-MAIL ME I WANT TO TALK TO YOU!!!!!!

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