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you know what i been thinkin' since finally, after an eternity spent in zell, i'm sloooooooowly comin' out of it? a trinity of things: 1. contrary to popular belief, yes, what KILLS you does make you stronger! 2. here's my latest update re: manipulating everybody into feeling sorry for my gutless ass - http://z0tl.diaryland.com/zendiets.html 3. and not in the least, time for you to update and you know why? because now being level headed, i swear to gawd, i'm takin' you out and i don't mean to lunch either! if you evah say this shit to a suicidal person again while they are wrapped up in the eternity of no way out, you should just get a fukkin job with 800.SUICIDE and help out killin' callers by putting them on hold and telling them what kind of losers they are for even daring to talk about it! hotdam, you smart cookie you. hug:z!

from candoor :

you write a lot and then you stop and I wonder where you've gone... like you said, don't stop playing, so please do carry on :)

from candoor :

back in May you discussed Z0tl, among other things... a few days ago, or so, I wrote to z0tl just to say hello (not realizing he updated to 2000 and 2001 entries, since I've been neglecting my reader-responsibilities at least as much as you, apparently)... and today I received an email response that lead me to his newest entries (which I only partially read so far) and hence, here... I like what I read here... even though it took me almost two months :)

from konzadiary :

"Suicide is a stupidly selfish and cowardly act." Add "angry, fuck you all for not bailing me out of my shit" to that because that's what it felt like when I watched someone pull the trigger...God I love this entry. There is something for everyone in it and I will probably post a direct link to it but for now I want to keep it all to myself and digest it over and over because there are many things in here I've been ruminating about myself and even a few new twists. Thank you!

from konzadiary :

I almost had a heart attack when I logged in for the first time in over a month and saw *gasp* you'd updated! Your monologue on media is hysterical. I must steal some of it and quote it verbally and claim credit for being so witty...just kidding. Nice to read you again.

from candoor :

happy new year :)

from konzadiary :

Ahem, 87 days? I'm all caught up on back issues so you can start publishing new stuff anytime...

from smilinadam :

Thanks for updating more frequently. However, have not read anything since July. Sorry. I'm a bad, BAD person. I will read more once I get home from my whirlwind tour of the Pacific Northwest and Western Canada. Have a great weekend.

from candoor :

snarkblarghly... I must remember that... thank you :)

from gods :

i will pull you out of the mud with my bare hands if it gets to that! no worrie:z

from jujub27 :

Hey. I was just browsing through and I saw your banner and I wondered where you got it from. I'm trying to come up with one but am running into a bit of a problem. I'd really appreciate your help... Later, Promise

from candora :

I was mentioned so I thought I'd arrive and pretend to be a different person but that would probably not work because I am not and besides, I am supposed to be more poetic than rambly... anyway, I was wondering how links appear in your random generator thing... so today I am not so poetic, just curious.

from candoor :

wow, I was at a drum circle yesterday and had much fun, at least what I remember of it was fun... and I wasn't eaten, not even nibbled on... I was licked a few times though... and you have been visited by z0tl?... lucky you, for once exposed to the Zman nothing is ever the same... when I have my candora suit on, people used to mistake me for him... or was that funda (whom he claims copied him, but then, we will never admit he is right, at least not publically... this is a private note, right?)... and people used to refer to me in the feminine too, small world, huh?... well, you definitely don't need another cat just now, so I'll stop suddenly for no apparent reason.

from mobiuslife :

Your random surrealist generator left this at the bottom of one of your entries today "My smug spade said dance the lambada with the marshmallow, and don't graft extra limbs onto bunsen burners on the way." Hiya Muddie!

from candoor :

ah, so while waiting for DLand to let my entry upload, I clicked on banners and found myself here... just so we're not wasting time or your banner, I left this note :)

from banefulvenus :

Loved the quote on your banner!!!

from penguincolor :

Fat Farm is an awesome story!

from v-i-v-i :

Come back muddy!

from zerom3ph :

thee intial reactions to mudware: 1. hrmmm 2. wtf?!? i recognize these names? 3. awww cute... 4. yum.

from z0tl :

mudgirl, i don't think i've ever seen you this happy :z

from z0tl :

woohoot! ain't nothing better than rome kitties and thin sliced square pizza. rome 0n! :z

from z0tl :

oh, now that i know writerchic is reading your diary, i'm impressed! i'll go take a mud bath. :z

from bandchick182 :

hey, this is great writing. im glad i saw your banner even if you are so perplexed about it.

from writerchic88 :

i am glad you answered. know that i'm reading your diary!

from writerchic88 :

cool diary!

from xmasface :

I think of it as being a Little Big World. As for the fact that I know someone who may be in the background of your social life and not in your professional place, well, that may be telling about me.

from sprung :

Nice banner ad and interesting layout.

from xmasface :

Well, it's probably a long shot but I've had some recent rekindlings with Chicagoland friends and met new people who remind me of my days of old. And you've already mentioned places where I know at least my ex hangs out at. Hmmmmm. If we figure it out, it'd be best to keep it secret. I'm sure.

from xmasface :

I bet I know someone who knows you . . . weird.

from comftblynum :

yep your an idiot. a complete idiot.. not really. i jus thought i might humor you. anyway, no worries. who cares what other people think anyway? cya

from nosimplefx :

Yeah, those head-pats do wonders.

from nosimplefx :

:pats your head and hands you a sucker: no need for banner anxiety.

from jcruelty :

does he have a sister? haha or a brother, i don't care. no of course i am just 'joshing'

from loser-dork :

hi...i'm glad you had a good date...i'm happy for you...hope it lasts...you deserve it

from smilinadam :

Hi Mudgirl, Right now I'm completely hammered and I can't stop hiccuping. I heard you come online and I was laying in bed trying to sleep. I wasn't working. I'm glad your home. It's good to have you back. I just got home a half hour ago. I rode my bike home from a party. For some reason my bike is in my apartment. I will read your entry about Paris when I sober up. Anyways, it's good to have your writings back. I missed you. Well, have a good day. I'm going to try to sleep now. Buh, bye.

from coolassaward :

When's the last time you got an "AWARD" for being you? Do you like your ego stroked? Do you like stroking other people's ego? We all need a good stroking now and then. Have you ever gone to a diary and what the diarist wrote brightened up your day? Or really made you think? Have you ever wanted to let that person know what thier writing and diary meant to you? Well Cool Chicks is the place for you. I know your like what the hell is Cool Chicks? Or maybe you already know what a Cool Ass Chick you are. Well good! But isn't it time to let the world know about your Cool Chickiness?

from benzaa :

Well, I freely admit that the hot tub is a reality that both me as an imaginary being and my fleshy alter ego share. The girlfriend is one too, for the most part (although, I don't think she knows she's being shared) the name, however, is pure me. I repquired a first and last name for interaction on the web, so I made one up in self-defense. My alter ego and I had words about that, he felt it dishonest. I'm more the realist about it. And if that silly jerk was going to hide behind me, he was damn well going to do it my way. Being imaginary, I am better equipped in the creativity department than he, that being my ultimate residence. So, I remain at least mostly imaginary. I don't object to a little concrete detail, though, some of the best dreams have solid foundations.

from benzaa :

Well, here is one entry on the cenotaph that proves to be alive and kicking, as it were. Maybe not as often as I like, but there you have it. I can't believe I tried to eat animals that don't like Bowie. I though they had (a) funny taste.

from benzaa :

Pardon my dried leaves in boiling water faux pas, I'm new to being imaginary. I imagine myself as suave, but I clearly have a bit to learn...

from benzaa :

Bone Machine will grow on you. Not unlike a primal sort of rythmic moss. Slowly, perhaps, but with an undeniable force of the sort that splits stone given time. I wasn't sure at first either, I was a greater fan of the Lounge Lizard sound of Mr. Waits. But I found that he is still in there in the new works, like Bone Machine or Mule Variations, just that the lounge is under new sonic management, as it were. Black, Green or Herbal teas (as I am to host next)?

from benzaa :

Sorry about the cats, didn't imagine having lunch that day.

from benzaa :

Thank you for your note, I would rather enjoy the imaginary tea party.

from jcruelty :

dig the new layout. someday i will be less lazy and make one too. yeah right. oddly enough, a. (my ex) was really into klimt. she had his paintings all over her apt. ah nostalgia

from jaundiceface :

Hey Mudgirl! Thanks for the note! We're back in business, check out the latest issue for explainations and news for the future. Take care, and hope to talk to you soon! leave me a note whenever you feel like it! Love ya! craig.

from jcruelty :

what a treat! my last day of work and we get the dildo story. "And life is grand / And I will say this at the risk of falling from favor / With those of you who have appointed yourselves / To expect us to say something darker / And love is real / And though I realize this is not a deep observation / To those of you who find it necessary / To conceal love or obscure it, as is the fashion"

from loser-dork :

hi...i just wanted to say i really like your writing...and to thank you for sharing...all that you have...plus i like your sense of humor...later...

from jaundiceface :

HEY! You're radical essay won the contest! Congrats. Check out the diary, cuz the latest entry has the poem that i wrote about you, and the latest news!!! take it easy mudgirl! craig.

from jaundiceface :

Hey dude, thanks for checking out my diary; i'm guessing you didn't catch the shocking similarity; in a few entries i plan on revealing what our shocking similarity is; but if you read carefully you may be able to pick up on it... well i gotta run; i'm taking a trip around the U.S. tAKE IT EASY FOR NOW! CRAIG.

from jaundiceface :

Hey dude, i was reading through you awesome entries, and really related to alot of what you were saying. But the real reason i'm writing here is because i think that you'll find one shockingly similarity between us... so check out my diary when you get a chance. take it easy. craig.

from jcruelty :

the dildo and the drug dealer's apt?? sorry, you know somebody has to ask about that, so it may as well be me. or perhaps some stories are better left untold :P

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