messages to stardumb:
(click here to add new message):

from raven72d :
So many losses in 2016, so many voices silenced, so many hopes failed. But 2017...well, who knows? I'll look for your Blogspot--- I have one there, too, if you'd like to read it.
from raven72d :
2016 is the worst year ever. But how are you?
from orgami :
hello star..what a writer...the joy..sadness.pain is genuine...why your writing is top notch...plath and sexton....ur amazing...hope ur summer is going well enough...winter will be here soon enough..more space then eh....i like the isolation and beauty...moods of winter....tea and small meals...lighting...atmosphere...thanks for being a friend too me...poets are more cool then just painters....Im both...
from raven72d :
How is summer?
from orgami :
On a high today....up is good! sometimes..but I read your poetry...your writing and Man I feel it..those words...that Low...the depths I call it.....even in the ocean five miles down and more there is life swimming about...it..life is everywhere...we just feel alive..and the absence of "it"....whatever that it is.....emotional writing...the imagery is heavy and profound! blacksmith words..jewellry crafted intricate and darkly beautiful! Thank U! awesome as always...that old heaviness will come too me like the dark damp rains and storms we probably will have after this brilliant heat of late....I will wait knowing it will be my old friend.....thanks for writing....always a good feeling to see your posts!! we are not alone!!
from orgami :
Gorgeous...Just Gorgeous Poetry Stardumb! wow.... in a dreamy hazy mood today the primative prowl settled sated from the madness for the moment.. I feel this work.. Thank U
from orgami :
fifteen after four.....april..something....Stardumb....Love Ur writing girl! missed U...happy to get on here..was away for fourteen days...spring is here...winter leaving...what a brutal one that was...almost didnt make it...myself...depression..alcoholism...bah..but now got the sun on me got the beat back..digging new tunes.... keeping in touch with all the bros and sis out there.. keep on trucking.. thanks for being here... Mr Wolf
from raven72d :
Tell me about cities and dreams...
from raven72d :
wherever did the wind take you?
from orgami :
Sane..but enjoy my madness!! most greatest writer here besides me...actually you write better! (knightly bow!) just dropping a line to say hello and all! survived ol summer and love the autumn! hope to be more about this ol Diaryplace! miss U!
from orgami :
change is good....
from orgami :
Hello Stardumb! Spring! winter is physically dark...I go outside for breaks much and can see the night sky...the planets..the moon and I enjoy dusk and the mornings...Both times I spend time outside...I like details and try to take notes of this and that while my mind..forever the artist and writer...(Poet writing a fave thing) Delving it all..I grew up with the bible and sunday school..and still believe..my jaded years and frustration at being formal and methodical has let many oppurtunies roll past...and probably saved me headaches and mingling chasing that which only wants to be chased...People...ideas...I had a great dealing of entitlement which was due to low self esteem..addiction issues..coping with things that ended up more harmful then surviving and living...At fifty I have had a lot of help...made many friends in treatments and pysch stays..soup kitchens..street wandering here in my city....And my part time job which is more worth to me in belonging there more then income...although I do make enough money to keep our little fam here in dog food and the like so we exist with housing roof..good contacts...Now the darkness...it is my belief that really creative people whom often run their thinking through the right temporal lobe feel much...like a prism..And I have met a lot whom are my age and survived the tempest and storms of a lot of years of near misses...much heartache etc...There is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy with the ideal of a someone..or something...I had all obsessional thinking long ago but in the business of being kept busy with my present closed family I just got under the load of the great flywheel of energy running constant errands....living with them...or making my own little area for writing or out on my own walks..dog..biking to work...mall crawl to think about what I have and not have..It was true that for a long time I thought I didnt have anything because it was Gods desire..That for whatever reason my idea of happiness with the pursuit of Perfection was a fault...But the more I study people the sucess rate of the ideology of others is not perfect either..everyone has darkness..everyone struggles with desires wants and weaknesses..And for some the interest in the chaos of darkness and the tours of Lah Lah land or what is in the No Man's Land of out there tends to be revealing in its own ventures and experience..as hard and painful often that this is...There is illumination often..that often does not come from the day to day..and its energy to keep for me...keep interests in both places. Love and hate....on that...all my people I lived with had this....previous experience..put it this way..They were haunted as much as I was..and or am..The great crazy love I had long ago was intense..For me it was a drug...The movies made by producers..writers..movie makers and sadness..tragic characters and the beauty of how they are shattered or broken is breathtaking..beautiful...because it is scene from a perspective other then just the narrator or self written scene. We all are beautiful diaries that sometimes are locked from a hurtful or neglected event or long event of life that we struggle to reveal or open..Or hope that someone comes and tends to this puzzle letting in the light so they may show us our value...Often we meet others whom are just as troubled and do show us the light to only close the door with rejection or the pursuit that they are driven like a wild wind...Exciting many are..I have met some..walked with a few and spent years mourning this when the winds died down and I was here alone to delve..puzzle..watch my stars..and write here publicaly or in my little book journals like I do...God has given me great little treasures and moments..like little spots of life in the dark room..cave..underwater realm..etc..metaphors of course....My expert of brilliant people I have now working with me at the counselling and clinic and doctor say I live 95% in my head and five per cent on a level give take with reality and society on a dealing to business way...The great love I see in others gives me a pang in my heart..but I know with my personal fears and anxieties and baroque way of ploughing through life at times on a simplistic level lacks the great detailing others like..desire..require..I personally am interesting but not great looking..I remember the old photo I saw of you and you are stunning with an artist look...the hair the angular features and eyes..and your personal background photo here is extrememely creative..But the dark...how I live there..sometimes its quieter....less others in the space I keep..my things in order..less risks and often the great mind pushing me into the deeper portions or driving me out in the scary light of the world for adventure....More lately I've been standing on my feet...more definition I get this way then relying on others telling me what I am..or should be..or am not...And it would be wrong to not listen to good advice so I have been working on things to be more social..less agressive..move slower as I am six feet tall...shoulder length hair and look bikeresgue or thugster....Bright people intimidate others too....Your writing is very sharp and clever...and often the idiocyncrasies likes and dislikes get to many..I do..I often am difficult..stuck on ideals and principles rather then just letting go and having fun..but I can...not often it happens...Lately I am reading books..they slow me down...stop my thinking about all the puxxle pieces of life...I try to get dressed up and go out just for myself...some days the world is crazy..i get home and Im like..why did i go out..and then the next day tired from being up all night etc..I go out and I get conversations...smiles..and it just makes the day so there is no certian for certian...I never know...the random is the best thing often to bring some teachings....But there are many who feel darkness....many...I have a lot who like my writing and we keep in touch..I greatly like your writing and mind Elle....Rare is lonely..at one time I would have traded all away the creativeness to just be like everyone else and fit in..have a great ideal partner etc....but i would not have found the people who can truly adapt and change my perspective and allow me to see myself and my strengths and weaknesses which are okay to that I can get movement at this age...I can remember like ysterday being a teen and all of that..then a young man...then the thirties with house kid..then the losing all of that..the hard hard times afterward...and then now...hard work...if it was easy everyone would be doing it..anyway this is a lot of my opinion and my experience..everyone is different...Off to peel potatoes for dinner and am working on cleaning house here...Of your writing..I read it all the time...I find its originality very refreshing...Your are a great writer! Your voice is clear and new...Thank You Stardumb..Mr Orgami! (Steven)
from orgami :
Star! hows it going? shit man..your writing kicks ass....Love the detailing of layout and pics...its tight and concise and targeted and focused..and different enough to be truly and amazingly orignal writing...and personal...lots of emotive in your writing...my buds call it the Trudge...and I always feel like Im in no mans land...always looking for the great love.. becauase there were many got away...without them I wouldnt be able to write about that love elememnt...the longing...the madness.. and yet..I love my freedom..the space here.. eating my cake..its sweet...gotta appreciate some days!!
from orgami :
never stop thinking...or writing..break of it away...but I...at this age....this is my love..the writing..and still I chase...bemused and hurt sometimes.....yet deep far in the depths...are the realms of truth...the labyrynth lair..the quest and dare...
from orgami :
thirty years ahead....wrong things occur..but..maybe..just the learning curve.. your writing is amazing...most give up tire of the chase...but the chase is the writing..which is damned good...You cut yourself short..YOu are a hell of a writer..if you had the happy everything you would stop writing....and i hate to say it....but your writing is pretty awesome.....and that is a kind of Love that is lasting and meaningful to a readership as a writer and author....Im going to stop writing too one day...Happily Married..giving up writing..Stop! a tradgedy
from orgami :
your poetry has matured....and your fire keeps going...like a wave..your belief in love...you never failed it...but keep on. this is pure poetry!!!!
from jaysthoughts :
Just checking to see how many diarylanders still actually check their notes and stay active.
from orgami :
perfect...this poem sits with this night..this heat..the summer last....now i can sleep..now i can dream...find my way back...find my way further lost..
from orgami :
the haze..this moon morn hours weak from midnight....five days reckless and ordinary here.while the world tumbles and i stumble..away from the poisons my mind returning from the great waste of the oasis..i was a mirage..i was lost but kept my hope on a key on a chain...like the lost last heart...your writing is ..no words...it just is and in my world...its great!
from papotheclown :
God damn, that is some great shit you are writing. Maybe it's just because Jesus has denied me too, but I can really relate.
from papotheclown :
Really, really loved your last entry. Keep it up.
from orgami :
still reading....
from peggypenny :
teeny, but i liked it.
from orgami :
free dum...free dom...like kingdom...im free..got no wheels..no money...a roof for now...always head to head with the officials or old lady but in a very brain wave way..and primitive too....im glad i know of you and your writings...authentic....im fifty and been through the mills and lands...nice to see that writings continues in good hands..thank you stardumb!
from orgami :
i really like your writing and the struggle of human ness in your poems and work..its always a pleasure to come and read your writings at the busy old library with all the others checking in for that hour of not being alone..and yet quiet enough alone..no interogation of false gossip that seems to be the only concern of many...im glad you are bright..i know i am and appreciate myself just at my old age now..your writing is very very good stardumb...diaryland has been the most here place ever...for me anyway....your last entry is awesome...a lot of people feel exactly the same at all ages..
from orgami :
last entry was full of realness...freedom..wow..
from raven72d :
Good poetry in the latest entry.
from orgami :
love the new work...more tighter more vivid cohesive..more feel to it...richer..the ache and pain like true poetry!!!!
from orgami :
'or bital hold " was a good entry!
from orgami :
Hello Ella...I enjoy your words..your works..second last entry was powerful and poetic...Thank You!
from raven72d :
09 October 13--- very nicely done.
from orgami :
morning stardumb..its raining here..beautiful..waking up smoking and coffee..some help through my day and something for the pain so I can move....People love my writing here and on the other site...and I have my works and poets I love whom write...I very much enjoy your works..emotive ass kicking angst...great writing!! great poetry!!..Im still a fan....This one just made my morning a hell of a lot brighter...Thank You!
from raven72d :
03 September 13--- love the poetry.
from bethshort :
Love your poetry.
from orgami :
spark and scratch last line made me smile... the dazzle of words running like this feel of work this poem your writing gots attitude grrr
from orgami :
drifting on a friday grifter grattitude the slide slender halls of echos of the empty malls......I want a coffee and a quick cigarette..a typweriter with an oiled silk ribbon...I want a lot......I want poetry with emotion....I want bitterness with its poison non sated...I want hot stars with sharp edges to haul its dream film past a burning ideal..brilliant like the hot eye of a streetlight.......................I want it all...
from orgami :
awesome entry......you can write stardumb!!
from raven72d :
I miss late-night cab rides and I miss the sounds of cathedral bells through narrow streets.
from raven72d :
always be thankful for the night and its haven.
from angelspit609 :
great entry, 7-29. perfect.
from orgami :
fall flurry rushing up like the winds before rain..before cricket call in the basking apex....the ghost rush....the night crush....
from orgami :
out of time seconds flashing..read portion of youer latest..love love love yuour writing..be back morrow!!!!
from orgami :
June 26 2013...kick ass writing..and soft as a poplar breeze on a moon night..full of longing and want...the darkness filling that part of soul...the hunger.....
from orgami :
crystal dayze halcion waves nights suffergette riding like a beam... the crux of dusk in violet meaning...
from orgami :
June 6th 2013... new romance...old one not gone...just away..The new is new...enticing...as are words..crafted notions in scripts...and summer is quiet and waiting patient on the way..not quite here yet....it will be a brief season..
from orgami :
ice rainbow..high above..the flag speaks...five days I was away and then come back to Home here and read you...You amaze me...like a dream...a prize a treasure your words...like windchimes and thunder below the night caught in the wind..mysterious and thrilling.....
from orgami :
may 13 seven minutes cold sunshine and busy off work...mid way between this and that... stopping in to write..to read and smile the content..the extent of mirth humour and sarcastic wit.... whom needs coffee shop companions full of dull observances and occurances when I have this..magic hour...... will arrive tommorrow again for a longer duration and study off to dive into life madly!
from orgami :
april 26 thanks for being here....sunshine here in my city...living with someone new..roomate..walking lots...humility in this...new voices and perspectives...another page in this poets life..but the consistancy is the poetry...Dear old Diaryland and the writers I love here....Like You!
from orangepeeler :
I am making it public soon. May 15th. But use your diary name for the username/password in the meantime.
from raven72d :
Keep an eye on that future!
from raven72d :
as long as it's good--- and as long as you have visions of a future you can enjoy.
from raven72d :
how's life, girl?
from mindsleight :
Hey there Stardumb! You are succeeding and you are worthy! Just wanted to visit a moment and let you know I hope you are doing great! You can do it! Until my next note... Mindsleight
from jondavid2010 :
Thanks SD. You seem familiar. Have we spoken before?
from raven72d :
22 Jan 13--- liked that entry a lot.
from orgami :
library...such a long day...vimeo videos...the cold walk home...dusk on the lake..and stars later.. a night to fall and dream..the great wonder.
from orgami :
"im holding on to someone else's escape" Raveonettes.."Curse the night" great vid So cold out....not like this in a long time ..people are weird..this weather does something to all..me included..yet we keep going...the hydro wires are sizzling in spots from the juice going through them....thank god they are new..
from raven72d :
I'm older than all trees and most non-igneous rocks. I'm old enough to remember when "gentleman" was still used. And when small trilobites sang sweetly in the lagoons at dusk.
from raven72d :
I have a Skype and I may still have the Yahoo chat feature. I just haven't used either in so long...
from raven72d :
I'll see what I can do at Hotmail.
from raven72d :
sure. love to.
from raven72d :
Rain here, rather than cold. And, yes, trying to hope that Winter 2013 will have good memories. And that I'll be able to write about them.
from raven72d :
Yes--- I like the poetry rather a lot, here on a cold January night.
from orgami :
I see the stars and still feel what they do for me....I write poetry...still moving..
from orgami :
easements....its minus nineteen..riding around with no mittens...not bothering to go in and rub elbows in the coffee shops and read the business section...at the library right here right now running out time reading poems..and works...with music on my head while the world turns round...(Cherri Bomb Heart is a Hole) gotta keep going..make the run home and pick up items along the way...exhausted from no sleeping well....but I have to come and write...I have too..and read..to keep my creative fire aflame...words for fuel..
from pondlife :
Hey.
from orgami :
listenen' to Sister Machine Gun "Strange Days" walked dogs and watched chinese lanterns rising up from the houses on Trout Lake North Bay Ontario..highway #63 busy enough...Quebec/north east Ontario alive and moving... house empty..Its like the Voyager Inn only bigger..Theme Music for a christmas night Post apocalypse that never was...Watching the Seismic Data waveform stations across Canada..my latest little thing..Britt Weather Radar report to see whats coming...Bike rusting from the winter roads and still worn out..still rolling...Merry X MAxx
from orgami :
ella your writing has a tranquil affect its deep visceral truths like walking on a cold winter night without snowflakes One can see the navigation lights winking in the mystic distance across the dark lake. One can see the steam and window shop displays. feel how it is to be alive with all the shadows all about...soaking in the morning in the rush..
from orgami :
Far from the realm of neo I come here to read your entries glad for another world..for talent..for an existance perspective of the few..
from mindsleight :
33 - a lot of the more focused transition to PMA has to do with the books and ideas I've been guided to over these past couple of years. Plus the fact that no matter how far along the road I go - I will always retain some aspect of my kid-at-heart approach to the broad spectrum of life. A single spoonful of vanilla (or chocolate/strawberry/mint chocolate chip/etc.) ice cream can contain the joy of a thousand sunsets if you let your memories link and cross-reference all the various moments that relate one to the other throughout the history of your life. And that can be said of sitting and imagining the bright future we can create for ourselves or any other thing we set our minds to. Your mind is the most powerful creative element in all the universe and only you can create a life of abundance or lack. Because as I've heard it elsewhere 'whether you think you can or think you can't - you're right'. We make our own realities and inside each of us is a seed of greatness that we have to nurture and tend to so that it may thrive as we grow ourselves along with it.
from mindsleight :
Thanks for helping kick-start me back into adding entries. I've been meaning to get back going for weeks!
from orgami :
Touch-Up....a fave for me!!
from lobo21 :
as always, your entries are superb.
from trainyard :
Any chance of getting your password? vesselland[at]gmail.com Thanks..
from papersails :
can I have the password for yr diary? By the way, I like the title "I'm just, having thoughts..." I'm a big Tori fan
from orgami :
Rain Rains falling and the freight train calling HOw our lake is fraught in colours seeped the vertigo greens and cloud draped greys..my dreams are vivid hues in tapestry pasts stitching my map..my ways..this being..and the Now . the now is sweet and unhurried!
from lobo21 :
:( hi. sorry for the happenings you've had put upon you. Praying it will be cast behind you and you will know better things to come. David
from orgami :
streamer trim Clouds light and sailing cut from ragged silk and filled with rain drawing snow like curtians of silver turned patina in drawers in mystery homes streets damp with disolving falling beauty beneath the lamps glare the pools of light so mystic bright with delight my footsteps leading one pool to the next the chill of season cloaked in the calm quiet and woodsmoke ransom hanging in the air crisp as stars gleaming like frost....
from lobo21 :
I too am one who has missed your words and hoping you are well.
from orgami :
Overcast and windy..rain a promise for streetlamp drizzle..So glad you say "wait" so happy that you've surfaced!! missed your words!!
from opposure :
i miss your compelling convolution of light. i hope you're ok. xx
from orgami :
dusk was aflame the turqouise want and that hunger of tangerine slipping fast to the feild of stars ... hope you are well..
from lobo21 :
I hope you are on only a short hiatus and all is well. David
from dizzigemini :
Aug17. Are you allright? U haven't posted in 25 days,.....and I hope ur well. Since I've been reading ur diary, I havnt witnessed u not posting, its kind of unusual, since typically post afew times a day, everyday. Ok. *hugs*
from orgami :
always cut myself on the beauty of the thorns and its easy to step into the dark to appreciate the brilliance of light To immerse myself in the invisibility of transparent reception...
from orgami :
summer breeze this turbulent storm crush thick as winds that stir the curtians and the voice of thunder the score of lightning .. and rain that fall like tears from dream pockets
from orgami :
tears of rain are falling painting the ocean the tapestry of blues and greys
from dinahsoar :
Hi Star, I've missed your notes. I'm glad you're doing better. I've been following your poetry, as always. I don't really like the idea of Facebook, but I'd be happy to look at the youtube site. I'm at work and they block youtube here, but I'll look for it when I'm home. Thanks.
from dizzigemini :
"When we sweep the sugar off the floor we can respond in favor of the salt". Pure genius! (?sp?)
from mspersephone :
Hello, and thanks for the note! I don't check in much, but my goodness, your poetry is amazing! Earthy and urban at the same time.
from orgami :
saturday on the threshold the bones of this day already grown old tired and im keeping the aches and the wounds fresh with lightning revelation and thisty prayer gain and I need your teachings spread like down winged messengers and read love letters in dull lampshade ovids
from orgami :
dorsal fin the dream wake cuts the sleep scratched against the sky the chalk line reason to dampen in the blot of rain and the sweet breeze whispers and the night cascades with gentle dreams
from dizzigemini :
June 4/5 'grumpy'...."but someday i'll be glad i went to sleep starving for a pale ghost to save me from the floor of a hideaway".... great line. I admire the ability you cultivate to write. :(( I still have writers block.
from orgami :
twelve thirty Listening to Ravel the classics and then swifting shift to Kittie Into the dark all my shattered self I can jump from one to the next like islands like fragments of mirrors reflecting the sky Like puddles in the parking lot I so enjoy your poetry and come here just to see your works making a connection visit your Flicker to see your profile your image so much I have to do and I exist on Neopoet over there and am struggling with addiction a whole side of me cares and wants dominance and control and then the other side wants to be controlled strange intellect this animal this voyage your works bend my brain and I enjoy that I know the obsession of love of being wanted and of being rejected and wanting both the flavour of love and hate and pain and hauntedness I have to say I am fond of your words you are a writer a poet and this lament we write this tour of words is amazing something one cannot just purchase off a shelf or find in the five and dime but invaluable and precious thank you ever so much
from orgami :
"oh beautiful people" love that line I always read your works to think about when Im on my mountian bike or sitting watching people You are a good writer Stardumb and I too like seeing your name in the red highlights thank you
from orgami :
here we are the red highlight something special to read delight dazzle and bedaze thank you Stardumb
from catsoul :
5/18/11 I loved your poem today, especially your line: the anchor is my hope, that is what keeps of going. Well done. =^..^=
from orgami :
this day wide in breadth and Chopin on the headphones the library hum the din low I maybe may be going mountian biking and getting high is easy yes effort to recieve the natural high yes also even wavelength today meds sleep comfort here reading your words your works amazing amazing and amazing dazzled to have such contacts ..
from opposure :
You are a lovely addition to the wide blue aching world. Thanks. Hugs.
from orgami :
rain is somewhere beyond the curve like a subway lamp shinning the air trembles precipitation seeps into the spine aching in its arch and I Lie in a hot tub in an ancient room and count tiles count verbs of poetry I want to spin its all there waiting like thunder after the flash..
from coolgtrboy :
WWTAD... What would Tori Amos du?
from coolgtrboy :
so many great, creative figures have plunged from this sphere at "27"... but leave it as more cautionary tale then inspiration.
from orgami :
articulation tricks its all in the light flowing shadows these linear motivations eclipses are a moment like a breath held
from opposure :
The bonfire, yes, I'm always there; waiting to see who will come through with pretty scars.
from orgami :
we are all ghosts feeding Arc Lamp Spheres the music of sweet sychronicity tumbling like sacred atrocity
from dinahsoar :
Nothing less than Infinite love will satisfy. Not really. St. Augustine wrote "You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are rest-less till they find their rest in you." The rest is just smoke and mirrors. Remember that you are precious to your King.
from coolgtrboy :
stardumb? more like starsmart... if it's not lightening, consider me starstruck
from coolgtrboy :
i'd rite sumthing 4 u but i dont know how
from dinahsoar :
from dinahsoar : Hi lovely Star, When I said you are not your diagnosis, I meant it. You ARE His beautiful Star. We, however, live in a fallen world and part of that may mean that sometimes our brain or body chemistry is out of whack. I don't know your particular situation, but I know that a diabetic needs his medication. I work in mental health and also know that, when someone has bipolar illness, they can suffer a great deal and incur many losses without medication. That may or may not be the case with you. I believe that God also gave people the intelligence to discover and effectively use medication. I once heard (don't know if it's true) that for every poison that grows on the earth, the antidote is also growing within a few feet. I have seen people with bipolar illness struggle without meds. I think it would be best to talk with you doctor and, if you are going to go off meds, to do it with supervision and support. I believe Jesus is our Healer. But I also believe He reaches each of us as we are able to receive. Like, sometimes He healed from afar (like the Centurion's servant), sometimes without even seeming to be aware (like the woman with the issue of blood) and sometimes He used stuff (like when He spit into the dirt and created a mud paste to heal the guy's eyes). He is always your Healer and your Lord. But He may also be using "stuff" (meds) to keep you stable so that you can best serve Him. I don't know. I just know that He loves you and wants you to be focused and available for Him. I don't know what happens when you go off meds. It may make you unfocused or less available to work for the Kingdom with your amazing poetry and beautiful heart. Again, I don't know. But it is worth thinking about. This is said, as I'm sure you know, with love. Take care!
from coolgtrboy :
im just having thoughts of marianne tooo......
from dinahsoar :
You are NOT a diagnosis (or multiple diagnoses)! You are the beautiful Star! You are His child forever.
from dinahsoar :
Star, Thanks for your note. Yes, the Holy One IS in our midst and that is definitely a "YAY"! He is risen!
from opposure :
Your poetry sings like blood-light spilling from a gutted sun. xxx
from lobo21 :
thak you for your note. my deep appreciation for your words. Be greatly blessed by God's great mercy and love and that His grace be with you always.
from dinahsoar :
Star, Thank you for your beautiful and validating words! When I write you, I just let the Holy Spirit give me words. I'm basically taking dictation! Jesus really IS the lover of our soula and the lifter of our heads. Have a blessed and beautiful Resurrection Day! Know that you are loved beyond imagining! You are His forever! Nothing can snatch you out of His protective hand. And that's a promise! Happy Easter!
from dinahsoar :
Star, It makes perfect sense, doesn't it? When we feel betrayed and hurt and start doubting ourselves ... we want to be affirmed. We want to feel desired. We want to distract ourselves. We want a respite from the pain. We know our refuge is Jesus. We know He is the true lover of our souls. And ... we are human and don't always make choices in our own best interest. That's why we need a Savior in the first place. I believe you didn't so much "fornicate" as "medicate". God knows your heart. You gave something precious to someone who isn't going to be there to ever know how precious you are. STill, it makes perfect sense to look for a "vacation" from the pain. I hope you are careful and use "protection", although there is no "protection" against the emotions that do or do not show up. It is a painful process. When we love, we believe we have found "safe haven" from the assaults of life. When it proves that the haven was not safe after all, it stuns us. It turns our world upside down. We do things we would not do. We want the pain to stop. Take it all right back to the cross (and leave it there). Your sins (and mine) are nailed there. Forever. As far as the east is from the west. I understand wanting to feel beautiful and wanted, but it makes me sad to think of you offering gold to someone who doesn't know the difference between gold and base metal. Talk to God. Just tell him everything ... that you wonder why you don't feel bad. Bring it to Him. Your Healer, your Wonderful Counselor, your Savior, your Lord. There is nothing He doesn't understand. Be blessed, Star. Be gentle on yourself. You are forever His.
from orgami :
your writing like a hunger filling consuming imagination awesome amazing breathless......
from dinahsoar :
I actually thought maybe you were referring to "his" birthday. Say a prayer for him. Pray for his happiness (I know, it's counter-intuitive), but try it. Whenever you think of him throughout the day, throw a little prayer up for him. I believe it will transform and help heal your heart.
from dinahsoar :
Is today your birthday?
from opposure :
thanks for your note. i sent you an emai. sorry i haven't been around for awhile. but anyway, time is just a construct to indulge our preoccupation with change, so i've actually never left. hugs.
from corposant :
For myself, I'm wishing for a little less crazy & a little more getting there.
from dinahsoar :
Lovey poetry and, yes, I believe going crazy IS part of getting there.
from dinahsoar :
Your poetry continues to break my heart. This process of healing is so raw, so real. I am constantly moved by you.
from orgami :
applause from orgami..
from corposant :
I also like it when you say "oh creature". As an endearment, I like the word creature better than darling or baby or honey. If I had a darling right now I would call them my creature.
from corposant :
Ooh I like "change". I love to see the words "thousand" and "green" in a poem (now you may not use them in a poem for next 6 months). Do you ever do that? Write down a word in a poem, a word like flint or quaking or stained & then say to yourself oh god I can't use that word, I used that word three poems ago. I'm very susceptible to the moon, I write a lot of moons.
from lobo21 :
you are most welcome.
from opposure :
Simply overwhelmed by your stunning expressions right now. "and he spun like liquid without gravity to the harps of soundless praise" Mmmm, quite spectacular. And thanks for "s".
from corposant :
"Balloon" was inspired by an episode of "Peep and the Big Wide World". Your comment was exactly the response someone would make if they had seen it. I congratulate myself on my superior communication skillz. ;)
from corposant :
I'm wondering if you ever watched "Peep and the Big Wide World"?
from lobo21 :
your words are amazing as always. "take it all" so moving. take care.
from therosielife :
thank you for the poem. fits well, I think. you are a very thoughtful person. Thanks for the note, too.
from opposure :
Thanks so much for your comments! I would like to email you sometime, if you like. Could I have your address? Mine is linked to my diary. s
from trainyard :
Beautiful..
from dinahsoar :
I love all your poetry, but was especially happy to read "God". With Him in your boat, all will be well.
from orgami :
absolutely Love your latest poem thank you...
from corposant :
Thanks for the comment! Lately, I feel like I've been writing long, whirly shopping lists. I'm glad they still look like poems.
from therosielife :
thank you. your poetry is a nice surprise.
from dinahsoar :
I'm not computer-savvy enough to know how to make the smiley face. Just know that I am smiling as I type this! Back atcha!
from dinahsoar :
Star, Your notes are so validating. Thank you so much! Nightmares are your mind's way of releasing and sorting out the painful experiences. I believe that our minds give us what we can tolerate, little by little. I would look at the dreams as metaphors. Think of them as little movies. Look for symbols. I know they are so strong upon waking, but if you could try to be objective and maybe write down the symbols and what they may mean to you. They will subside as you bring more and more of the painful material to light. When you take it out of the dark closet of your subconscious and start working with they symbols on paper, they are more manageable and less scary. God is overseeing everything. He is the name above all names, including "nightmares". He is your strength and song! Just as your poetry is a way to sort and externalize painful feelings, so are dreams. You are God's treasure, the King's own girl! Your feelings are precious to Him. He has given you the vehicle of words and your wonderfully poetic mind to express and transform pain into art and healing. It is like alchemy! He can turn pain into gold that can help others and ourselves (just as we help one another with our poetry). Whether or not we meet in this life, I, too, trust that we will be seated near one another at the Supper! Thank you for being my friend (and, who knows? maybe we will share that Starbucks experience some day)!
from dinahsoar :
Hi Beautiful Star! I've had the flu. I'm so sorry I was away. I just had no energy. But I am back and catching up on your amazing poetry. I'm glad you are feeling better and back in church. While it's true that God is with us everywhere, there is something about being in church and worshiping with others. It is exultant, nurturing and healing. Thank you for your lovely, heartfelt note. I really treasure this bond we have formed in this "virtual" world. Our friendship is far more real than many I encounter in my daily life. It's so strange. We would not know each other if we were sitting next to each other in Starbucks. And yet we know each other on a soul level. God has put us together here in this digital universe as balm to soothe our hearts and souls. Our King loves us more than we can know. Thank you for being there.
from orgami :
Library today .. Sunny and beautiful north ont Read your latest and am finding a depth and balance and vividness in your compositions.. honing your craft..
from opposure :
I'm really enjoyig your recent poetry.
from dinahsoar :
Beautiful Star, It is a long process. What you are going through is normal. It is because you are a person who is capable of love and deep emotions. The ability to experience the wonderful feeling that go along with love also open us up to the painful feelings when that love proves not be worth of our precious time. The Lord can handle your anger. He is bigger than that. And His love is not dependent upon your behavior. Imagine a little child telling her mother she hates her because she is hurt and disappointed and wounded about something. What would a good mother do? She would understand that that little soul needs to let her feelings out. The very fact that you are TELLING the Lord that you hate Him shows that you are still in close relationshipa and communication with Him. What saddens Him, as you know, is "lukewarm" and you are hardly that. I love that you called your ex the "rat". That made me smile. And he is. God has better for you. You mentioned medications. This is probably not the best time to run out of something that was helping stabilize these feelings. It's probably best not to change anything that was a healthy support for you (like meds). This is a painful process, but it IS a process. The fact that you thought you were doing better is because you ARE (not were) doing better. It really is three steps forward, two steps back. They "back" steps are not "back-sliding". They are just a necessary part of the process. You will heal. The very fact that you are able to share these feelings and to transform them into poetry and to externalize them (so you don't have to just carry them around) is a blessing from your King. You are His beloved and He is yours. Be ever so gentle with precious Star. Speak to her as you spoke to me in that comforting note. You are His forever. As you know, now there is no more condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. That would be my Star! He can handle the kaleidascope of emotions. You are an inspiration to me. Of course, what you're going through is a struggle, but that only attests to your deep humanity and the fact that you are able to love. There will be someone who delights in all that is you. Trust your King. Thank you for being my "virtual" friend.
from dinahsoar :
Your words allowed me to feel His embrace this morning.
from dinahsoar :
I am crying as I read your words. Now it is your turn to comfort me. Your words, so lovely and so true, reminded me (just when I needed it) that SURELY we will survive. Thank you for your wisdom and your raw, bold faith. I love the Scripture about the wise virgins. Yes, let's be that! And we will someday meet in the Kingdom and rejoice over how we encouraged one another! You touch my heart. You have just released tears that needed so badly to come. I thank you from my heart. You are beautiful, Star. God bless you.
from dinahsoar :
Oh Star, I have been away for awhile and just caught up with your stunning, lovely and raw poetry. Your beautiful open wound. My heart is breaking. I resonate and want to help heal you and me. We share The Healer. He is real. We will survive.
from orgami :
read your words lately Im reading the bible again a break from King or Joseph Conrad historical peices etc but Im still here writing poetry
from hiv :
loved your entry 'press' :)
from opposure :
Thanks! :) I'm glad you appreciate mad exuberance.
from opposure :
I really like your "for JL" series. s
from dinahsoar :
I feel the same when I see YOUR name in red!
from dinahsoar :
You are healing, precious Star! Your resiliency, your strength, your faith is shining through your words! Your true King is beholding you with immense love and tenderness.
from pondlife :
You are still so very remarkable.
from dinahsoar :
Hi Star, He never leaves or forsakes you. Feeling unworthy may affect your ability to feel his presence, but He is ever by your side. Feelings are not always trustworthy anyway, as I know you know. So trust that He is there, whether you feel Him or not. I know that's not easy. And try to see yourself with compassion, rather than guilt or criticism. Please be ever so gentle with your heart. It is beautiful and precious in His sight and shines through in your amazing poetry. Take good care of you. Be a doting parent to yourself. Take that wounded little girl inside and love her through this. Don't turn on her. She is you. Treasure your child's heart. It is a conduit to Him.
from dinahsoar :
The condition you described is th VERY condition that draws our Savior's heart like a magnet. Remember? He came for sinners. It is not Gospel (good news) to think that we have to clean ourselves up before coming to Him. That is His job (and He loves tenderly washing us clean, time after time, sin after sin ... only sinners require a Savior, only those 'diseased' as you said require a Healer). He has not and never will forsake you. You are not just forgiven, you are His beloved. Bask in His love and protection. You are forever His. You are not on probation or on trial. Rest is His completed work. You do not need to work. That is why He did the work. Because none of us could. I once heard the Gospel summed up in this way - "I can't. He can. So I let Him". I love that. That really IS good news! He is not a "what have you done for me lately" God! He is given you eternal life (and that has already started). Just as your salvation is a gift and not of your own work, so sustaining it is a gift and not of your own work. You are His treasure. He delights in you. He is so proud of every word you write. You are reflecting the gift He gave you - your tender heart and tender words (even your angry words He cherishes, because He knows it is a vehicle for your healing - He can handle it). You are honest, transparent. Your light is not hidden. Your poetry shines.
from dinahsoar :
Thank you, Star. It is such a blessing that we resonate with one another's poetry. It is such a beautiful language with which to share such inexpressible emotions.
from dinahsoar :
Your poetry is lovely and raw. It is God's gift to help you heal.
from dinahsoar :
Oh, Star ... be ever so gentle with yourself. If he comes through in your writing, so be it. You are externalizing your pain through your writing, so each emotion you put down is one less you are having to carry. Listen to and honor your own rhythm. There are no wrong steps. Tell your King, the true Healer all. He knows your beautiful heart. It is normal to feel a myriad of emotions, anger being one. Your poetry is your gift. It is a gift to others and it is a gift for you, a vehicle to help you heal. I promise you will get through this. He is your refuge, your high tower. Abide in the secret place, under the shadow of His wings. Cling to His promises. Breath Psalm 91. Take good care, Star.
from thisisjohn :
the whole reason I began my diary, was to cope with sadness. my wife had just left me in august of 2001. i had no outlet for it. so i just started writing and writing, and never stopped. i found that pain was much more a motivation to write and falling in love, though i eventually did. writing helped me, like a therapy. i still love to do it. all i can say is each day gets better and better. its like your lost lover has died, literally. you will go through the same grieving process. one step at a time.
from dinahsoar :
I know it doesn't feel like it, but it is a blessing that you do not have access to his Facebook. He is not worth your energy and it will only impede your healing to focus on him.
from dinahsoar :
"... i drew water from your thoughts i partook of your elements and ways i made you reek of God ..." This is so beautifully expressed and explains why you felt betrayed by God, when actually you were betrayed by this guy and not God at all. He is your refuge and your strength, your strength and song. I love this Scripture ... "The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deut 33:27. You will be loved. You will be cherished. Treat yourself kindly and allow the Healer to work in you.
from corposant :
As you can see by my previous note, I am not the most evolved of beings, but I read thisisjohn's note and I'd like to leave you with a different perspective. Heartbreak is very damaging to a person's self-esteem--it's been two years for me and I still have black moments of feeling worthless. So I would encourage you not to assault any aspect of your ego, which has already taken an undeserved beating. Indulge your vanity and forgive your sins of pride. The wounds to your ego will be sore for quite some time yet.
from corposant :
I'm actually glad to see you expressing your anger. Anger in heartbreak is necessary, and according to the experts, it's one of the inevitable stages of grief. When someone broke my heart two years ago, I created an online journal where I viciously snarked about them for three weeks (all names changed to protect the innocent). Then I deleted it. It was an excercise in futility, I admit, but it helped clear out some of the crap I was thinking.
from thisisjohn :
love is death... was inspired to me by it being valentines day, but, in my exp. to really grasp love well, you have to die in yourself, in ego, id, and other facets of yourself. to die is to gain and to gain is to love. if you are not killing the parts of you that are not healthy, not of the Creator, if selfish desires are not put to death, then you are not learning to love.
from dinahsoar :
Talk not of wasted affection - affection never was wasted. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Star, You needn't question the Lord's love for you! You are His Star! He whispered the words I wrote that gave you comfort. And don't worry about wasted time or wasted affection. The Lord weaves everything beautifully together ... there are no wasted threads. Everything that happens to us makes us who we are. As painful as this experience was, it has molded your heart in ways make you uniquely you. Your note touched me deeply. Thank you. I was really just the scribe. God sent me those words for you. In your grief, you cannot conceive of the treasures God has for you. But you are His precious child. He gave you your beautiful heart and your gift of expressing it to touch others. There will be someone for you, hand-picked by your King. He will not entrust His Star to just anyone (and, based on what you have said, that guy was "just anyone"). You are irreplaceable to your King. He does not want you casting any more pearls before someone who thinks you are replaceable. In your note, I hear your vision clearing. You are realizing that your King did not betray you. This mortal (who probably doesn't even have a clue what he has lost) betrayed you. Your King stands beside you. Be patient and let your heart heal. Your King is your healer. Eye has not seen ... you know the rest. Take care, Star! I'm so glad we are "soul friends".
from dinahsoar :
Oh Star ... what can I say that will not sound cliche ... Christianese platitudes, bumper stickers. I don't want to give you that. What I say is heartfelt (I know you know). Your Shepherd, your King, loves you with a love that is so much deeper than this unworthy guy ever ever could. You do not see him for your tears, but He is standing right beside you ... collecting every precious tear in His bottle, as He promised. He is weeping alongside. So then ... why? you ask. I don't have the answer because I don't have His perspective. We only see our little piece of the parade passing by. Your King sees the entire parade ... Alpha to Omega. Trust that He saw something down the line that would have occurred with this guy that was just not good enough for His Star. I know it is a tremendous leap of faith, but I believe it is true. He has someone for you who will hold your heart dear. Someone who will understand the poetry in your soul and will reciprocate in kind. Someone who will love His Star tenderly. I promise that you will look back one day, cherished in the arms of the love Your King hand-picked, and thank Him for "unanswered prayer". He who spoke "Light, BE!", He who calls those things that are not as though they were, He will bring a prince who sees Star as He sees Star. Do not allow your beautiful soul to be trampled underfoot by someone not capable of resonating. Please hnag on to your King with a fingernail grip and don't let go. Know that your Redeemer lives and will give you the desire of your heart when they allign with what He has for you (which is greater than anything you could choose for yourself). He knows your soul inside and out (He created it) and does not want you to settle for second-best. Thank you for the poem. You are a treasure, the King's daughter. A loving Father wants the best for His baby girl. It will it will it surely will happen. Please believe.
from nepenthean :
who did your layout? i like it. i can't find anything anymore for diaryland layouts. tres frustrating.
from corposant :
I suspect I am a neglectful beast but still I am thinking of you today. Hope you are still writing your poetry somewhere.
from dinahsoar :
I don't even know you and am heartbroken if you are gone.
from dinahsoar :
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by your name. You are mine." - Isaiah 43:1 I wrote you a poem. It is today's entry. Please hang on.
from dinahsoar :
I will keep you in my prayers. Hang on, please.
from dinahsoar :
Okay. Now I'm officially worried about you. Are you okay? Your last entry and then no more entries (when you are such a prolific poet).
from thisisjohn :
I used to be in a few rock bands. So much fun.
from dinahsoar :
Remember your King. Don't look at the waves. Keep your eyes on Him. You are beloved.
from orgami :
poetry is poetry beautiful in its imagery its word flows I wake and make it through the days to write at nights or mornings I still see the light the sun I feel on me I am alive the small pockets of hope that warm on the coldest day I hope you are okay Stardumb
from dinahsoar :
Thank you. The courage of your poetry greatly inspires me!
from opposure :
Thanks. Your poetry is quite wonderful. I'm glad to have discovered you.
from dinahsoar :
I LOVE "Trying". I really resonate.
from dinahsoar :
Thank you. It means a lot. You know how much I am moved by your poetry.
from thisisjohn :
I love this: "Sometimes wounds leak out God"
from orgami :
emptiness rings like the distant whisper of all that is given the taken in this wasteland bold refract in their colours their mystery hold...
from orgami :
sweeping cold this snow caress the hour this sky let it linger on the lash above the eye dark and wandering like a spirit on its wings
from orgami :
wake stars ripple in the passage of dreams low in the water occilating like torchs caught in the fingers of night I see you in the profile turn in crowds busy in earnest devotion to life passing riding vacant on the bus our world of us slipping by in sepia garden wonderment and tinted glass
from orgami :
There goes lonliness in her apparel the ghost smudge hair and chalk drawn mouth sleeps in eiderdown of heaven tending matchstick visions blazing glimpses in chromium cough voluptous meals foster dark forest winds where spirits dwelt her halo of night aurora bright
from dinahsoar :
"...something chilly, like a loneliness aura".That resonates.
from orgami :
footsteps filled with snow the black rivers moving slow and all the limbs are reaching for stars they feel..
from dinahsoar :
:) back atcha!
from dinahsoar :
I'm glad you like my poem. I take that as high praise, since you are (for real!) my favorite poet on the planet!
from dinahsoar :
"To Love Is To Bury" is amazing (wish I'd written it)!
from orgami :
circus sleeps under the pallid mantle like a gentle arm of midnight lain the curvature of dream cairn trust this beautiful wing
from orgami :
raindrops are falling like your words in the dark between the light of streetlamps soon I am a chapter of paragraphs blending with damp obscurity with dark beauty
from mskindasorta :
I would read a book of your writings =)
from dinahsoar :
Been away from Diaryland for a few days. Just opened my beautifully red "buddy list". I always jump immediately to your entries & I am NEVER disappointed! I am a voracious reader of your startling observations! Words feel so safe with you that they blend and weave brand new colors, like when a watercolor suddenly transcends the artist and becomes whatever it wants! You are an astounding poet!
from dinahsoar :
Hi Shining Star, I'm proud to be related to YOU! Ain't our Daddy the greatest?
from orgami :
clouds writhe touched sun bless stitched with altitude vapour trails and the day soothes across cold shadows filled with empty snow and the night waits shinning lantern stars and beacon planets dream traveller time
from mskindasorta :
Thank you for the kind words =) (and for inadvertently reminding me that I missed a word at the end of that entry you referred to of mine, when I moved it to this entry!..all fixed now)
from mskindasorta :
Hia, I have been reading your diary on and off for a while (I found you through Lobo21) and now that I am back writing in diaryland I would like to add you if that is ok? I love the way you write =) Becca
from thisisjohn :
sometimes, it just takes time.
from dinahsoar :
Thank you, dear fellow sheep! I am blessed by your magical way with words and emotions and am pleased to share this journey alongside you, following our gentle Shepherd, hiding in His pavilion.
from dinahsoar :
I am transfixed, repeatedly startled by your mesmerizing words. Today's entry is stunning, as are all your amazing poems. "atonement", "little girl", "the sadness" left me reeling. Your gift is just luminous! You are an alchemist, transforming pain into pure gold.
from dinahsoar :
Just read "instinct" and am moved to tears. My shoes are dirty, too, beautiful Star. Don't think they're not. How do you think we resonate so, if we are not soul kin? I remove my shoes, recognizing your heart as holy ground. This is one of the lovliest gifts anyone has ever given me. I thank you.
from dinahsoar :
I love it that you call me "soars"! I've always wanted a nickname. A nickname is so personal, identifying a part of you that no one else sees. Thank you, star (you are certainly ANYTHING but dumb ... although, I know you mean it in an "awestruck" way)!
from orgami :
listen to the waves in darkness wetting stones of glacial bones the distant beacon winking steady and at the near and at the ready ....
from dinahsoar :
Wow! "Grief" is amazing! Think I'll read it like a hundred more times!
from dinahsoar :
Your poetry is intoxicating, mesmerizing, compelling. I can't say I understand everything, but it touches me on a very deep level and what I DO understand is so primal and true. I love it that you love God, too. Most poets seem to find Him irrelevant.
from dinahsoar :
Hallelujah indeed! Amen and amen! I love your spirit! Like Jeremiah ... it's "shut up in your bones", irrepressible!
from dinahsoar :
Wow! Are you ever prolific! You are amazing! Really!
from thisisjohn :
he was an author though, because word became flesh. he had to be word, first. word? word.
from corposant :
I drew a picture of a craddle so that I would know what it is. It's posted at my diary, if you want to look.
from orgami :
temporal cartography touch sense aural gleam like halos of dust on waiting angels this circuit lightening writing current configuration in flash viscosity and the hunger of the rain the power of the pain and abstinence of memorys flutting in the wind like loose dreams feathered and beautifully adorned...
from corposant :
About "right man": I don't usually point out other people's spelling errors, but I mention these two because I prefer the errors: it is well past time for "inspite" to be a word (instead of "in spite"), and I love a "craddle", whatever you imagine it to be, more than a cradle. I love this poem, whichever way you choose to spell it.
from lobo21 :
reading nay, soaking in your words on this stormy eve. incredible.
from dinahsoar :
Thank you so much for your gracious and thoughtful note. It especially means a lot, because I am so moved by your writing. Your new entry is so stunning. It touches me somewhere almost pre-verbal, so it's hard for me to express. Reading you is like a deep, knowing resonance. Your writing truly touches my soul. I thank you.
from orgami :
all sacred beauty rain scarred and brazened by sun sullen in moon this wisp of stars glimmering like sparkle thoughts ..names on tongue tips.. verses in sleep.. waves on stones asleep and trees stretching beyond former winds and soft snow nights...
from thisisjohn :
all matter is made of atoms that are notes. compounds are chords and objects are the songs.
from dinahsoar :
Your writing is mesmerizing.
from dinahsoar :
Beautiful.
from orgami :
Krimson leave this day falls and the stars glitter like madness at the seam pressing all integrity in Hull curvature and the deep of night suffices about black and blind ..
from dinahsoar :
I'm still reading back. Your writing is intoxicating!
from dinahsoar :
P.S. This year, I dressed as Slash! Got a top hat on ebay and the rest is history! If I could figure out how to upload pictures, I'd post it (I think you have to pay extra for that, huh?)
from dinahsoar :
OMG (literally)! I'm reading back in your diary and Mary's Song just hit me like a North Star to the head! Wow! Your writing, observations, insights & poetry are profoundly profound!
from dinahsoar :
Wow! Followed some rabbit and fell into your diary! I'm blown away! Startling, evocative, poetic, poignant and ... did I mention? ... very, very cool!
from thisisjohn :
dark in the Light
from lobo21 :
"stronger is He that is in you..." I needed that so much more than you know. thank you. :)
from lobo21 :
always so rich, would miss if you put the "pen" down to grow up.
from orgami :
basin waterline burden smudged in focus blurred I can hear the Dash-8's climbing south to Toronto Hum of the computer the centrifuge of function waiting on the snow pure white and crystalline waiting to feel alive when it touchs and melts its cool little reassurance watching all the black river of tracks along the streets and vacant grates where underground creeks sing and pauper stars shine in cloud breaks ...
from dizzigemini :
The oddness of catsoul is her explaning why and what the poem is about. You don't do that. I. Don't do that. Insanegerbil sure doesn't do that. She talks about every day of the week. Hell no I dont keep track days of week. I almost don't believe the poems she posted me to checkout are hers. Anyways. I started writing bkuz of my older sister. The link "book od love and madness" is a poem of hers. You can see the simularities between her and mine. But she is way better writer then i?,she's just shy and doesn't think her poetry would sell. But I know it would. Any how. Give me feedback. junesoul2001@yahoo.com http://dizzigemini.diaryland.com/050526_29.html http://dizzigemini.diaryland.com/040115_43.html. http://dizzigemini.diaryland.com/040127_89.html. http://dizzigemini.diaryland.com/041124_5.html
from dizzigemini :
Id like ur reply to this note. I received a note from a catsoul or just check this link http://catsoul.diaryland.com/051117_93.html . Her note included entries she thought I would appreciate perhaps in a bonding writer to writer sort of thing. I'm not being bitchy or rude... I appreciate her note saying she liked what she read. Most people don't comment ot leave notes. So I think others are unable to relate and get confused. I have no formal college writing. Most of my words are miss spelled. So my point here is.... I don't get her writing. I get ur writing. I used to write in a somewhat close to the way wheln I was sniffing cocain and doing drugs. Check her link out. She's so wordy. I don't enjoy "wordy word" writers.
from orgami :
sword rattle.. the words worn tight against the heart where no slip of breeze to chill the soul the clip of notice on parchment white and daubes of sweet luste linger like freshets of ache kneading and reaching all forgotten exertion Bravo Stardumb Your writing excells imagination.....
from musikoid :
greatness - sheer greatness
from dizzigemini :
Golly gee. Snaps knee with amusement. Glad u read my diary. Made my week.
from dizzigemini :
You are a girl?....woman....lady....
from orgami :
october jangles like old keys I rub my tired eyes knowing I forgot to wind the clock the wind is pushing the moon west and clouds pan for lost souls in the salvation of star chariots I fall back reading lines still glowing from your diary and its allways poetry and pretty words that cut out emotive desire ...
from lobo21 :
hello. Thanks for the note. I'm glad you liked the pun. I really want to thank you for the encouragement. It's hard not to feel like we're walking this narrow path alone (our Saviour, being our Shepard, Lord and King is always with us of course). It is good to be reminded that our sisters and brothers are also walking in His Way. Thank you! Oh yeah thanks also for the bump, nudge, shove to get back to putting in an entry or three on here. :) I think your entries are awesmazing, but you already know that. Take care and be blessed!
from xokaythenx :
Thanks for the note, I didn't think of that before, that's a really interesting point. I'm trying to hold on to what I can of the faith, but it feels like a losing battle... thanks for the encouragement though :) Take care!
from dizzigemini :
I thought it read .... 'Get the ritual, devil, demons out, what we all have "IDIOTS" that torture us'.....
from dizzigemini :
I'm all smiles after reading the comment on the "neighbor" poem. Finally somebody who "gets" my style of writing. Well.... when I write in that style. I really appreciate the comment...any comment from you. Thankyou.
from dizzigemini :
" to Get the ritual, devil, demons out what we all have idols that torture us "...... right-on!!!!
from orgami :
Stardumb how I come looking for you do you know? read your fill of words carefully prepared im just an old man and yet your words excite in me a passion that many my own age have forgotten comprimised you blaze forth enriching words extolling the experience in ways that are quite emotive passionate and questioning and I thank you for this for your sharing here in this
from orgami :
Kissed your scars where they excised your ghost fed you honour through the host
from corposant :
We get dozens of chances, bouquets of chances, bushels of chances--if we could only recognize them.
from orgami :
read your sept two niner diary wow you move words
from orgami :
climbs from the water cold and shivering happy her hair tangled she takes my mirror sunglasses and looks at herself in them "I look like a dirty boy" the waves are full of black motion and the islands are mirages floating on their bed of bright mercury
from lobo21 :
yes many a time I've had the realization I can't just rely on myself to get by. be blessed today.
from lobo21 :
hey there. very much like the saturdays entry. Thought I'd let you know. Take care.
from orgami :
arrives at the apex the escalator and all the shrewd business Looks down and shes still looking up they adjust their futures and the concourse is full of light and motion...
from ghostofgor :
dreams are often like that, playing out insecurities to their bitter end. Sometimes it isnt true, but we cant but endure them till we wake up...and realize its over, and it never happened. Hopefully it was all just a dream...
from orgami :
"snowball bride" visions of poetry like changeling shadows excellent word/s
from corposant :
I am what remains, I am what is true. (In other words.)
from lobo21 :
one the outside looking in. all locked up I see. Hope that changes soon? If you're welcoming, I would like to continue visiting. :) Take care
from corposant :
The weird thing about "drought" is that I know it's a good one because I look at it and think how the heck did I write that? My best stuff comes accidently and what I've got to figure out is how to get out of the way and make the accidents happen.
from corposant :
Thank you for your comment about "drought". It made my day. I'm sorry I'm not timely, but Happy Birthday!
from corposant :
I like how you extracted this piece from its matrix. I especially like the line: "i am mad, mad as the redness in men without oxygen--"
from ghostofgor :
sorry I didnt check sooner. Happy bday love. Many happy returns. Hope you gorged on cake!
from orgami :
Added you to my Faves I do like your poetry and writings here I like your forwardness Im just an older writer here and taking it slow but its nice to get in a groove with some writings and follow the works of others Thank You
from killsoft :
skeet skeet
from corposant :
I believe what you find in the diaryrings directory is only a random sampling. It seems very incomplete.
from mindsleight :
Even I can't believe I had a five year hiatus without a single entry! I was always referencing to it in other things I did, but for some strange reason I just never logged in and added and entry. Oh and by the way I am the kind of person that prefers reading someone's thoughts versus poetry. I find it intriguing to have a glimpse through the eyes of another person's mind as they experience their version of life (and yes I meant to say it that way). To tell the truth I find reading your thoughts fascinating. There are many things you have a firm grasp on that a lot of people go through life not even realizing such things influence them or really effectively control there mode of being/acting a certain way. (To note: it is not that I don't appreciate poetry, but their are a few people I know that have burnt me out on reading it for the most part because their poetry was so self cryptic it was very difficult to grasp what they were trying to express. Of course basic emotions showed through, but a great deal of their layered subject matter was lost to me.) I am going to read through your poetry, because many of the passages I have already read were accessible and had good word play. I really am glad you made the suggestion you did because it kicked off a whole slew of ideas! Thanks again :) -Mindsleight
from mindsleight :
Disregard the last note. I just re-read what you said and realized you meant that photobucket.com hosts the images for free and that you actually created a hyper-link to their page. I guess I was reading too fast and not absorbing it. -Mindsleight
from mindsleight :
Diaryland hosts images for free? Guess I should have re-read the various info about Diaryland when I picked my diary back up this past April. I thought picture hosting was the domain of the Gold Members. Maybe it was some upper limit they had in place back in 2005...hmm now I have to go read the info. Thanks for pointing that out. I'm still in 2005 on your diary, but plowing through it steadily. -Mindsleight
from mindsleight :
Hello! I appreciated your suggestion to get a template design and took action on it. I've already updated my diary with one of the templates I chose out of those you send links to. As for the book I was referring to by implication on my Studying... 2010-08-21, 5:50 a.m. entry - I must correct myself, I've been studying two books and at the time I was writing my entry I was taking a Selling 101 on-line course so in reality I was referring to all three sources simultaneously. I didn't realize I had done that until you asked for what book I was reading. The two books I am reading are 1)The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing and 2)The Magic of Thinking Big. As for the on-line course, I'm afraid I can't really give out that info due to certain restrictions, however, I will say that if you find a really good sales book that is focused on building relationships (not one-off sales, but long term ones) then you should find very similar material to what was covered in the course. The key lesson that was running through my mind while writing that entry was how through listening, genuinely listening, we as people (salesmen or not) can find a connection to another person and grow a rewarding relationship with those individuals that over time can give us knowledge, skills, and build a well-rounded network of people to enjoy life with. Thanks again for your suggestion and now I have to get back to reading your diary! :) -Mindsleight
from evisceration :
Thanks for the lovely compliment :) You may like a book I'm publishing http://www.gregallum.co.uk/thesail Just about to check your diary. x
from avantbedroc :
helllloooo!
from ghostofgor :
babysteps Aug. 17, 2010 "shaking lyrics off the trees" (those referred to the lyrics, a joke involving a comparison of lyrics to acorns. Basically I was just being a goofball)
from ghostofgor :
squirrels need those to survive the winter you know.
from orgami :
and the poetry was there gleaming like stones pressed vintage in blonde sand and the waves were hungry falling unto upon themselves I am reading your words falling through them the night fan glowering its stream of cool liguid motion the flat screen Diaryland blue like Airmail paper long gone in the history of archives I used this all the time and wrote on a portable old Remington Rand Black and chrome a real beauty sadness fills the agony of night and stars are confetti reciepts of pawn shop dreams mystic freights calling on their heartbeat journey and Love shorn like a sodden branch in a storm
from dizzigemini :
Oops..."drink up" was writen by klee... and I responded by writing "smoke up darling".... http://dizzigemini.diaryland.com/080513_48.html.... its best to read his poem to relate how I got the groove of my poem reply.
from dizzigemini :
Woow.... very simular writing style. Well....I used to write like that.... a enrty of mine..."drink up its saturdaynight"....its song and rhysmic.
from dizzigemini :
Oh the pixiblonde photo was taken in 2005-2006 or 2007....the year I got a dui but it wasn't a "dui"....the cops where trying to locate a local dealer in the area, they assumed I knew the dealer, but I didnot. And the bottem picture was taken in 2007-2008.
from dizzigemini :
Thankx for the note. My archive page isn't in order by year as it normally is. The years 2001-2002-2003-2004 has thee most poetry and prose. I've had writers block past few years. But I'm adding poetry that I kept in journals that I wasn't able to share....until now. I will read up on ur stuff too. DL rulez!!!!
from lobo21 :
echoing Hadassah's note. Your last entries are truly affecting. Hope you are well.
from hadassah :
I think your writing is amazing. I look forward to reading more
from godtime :
Thanks for your note. I too have been reading a bit of your diary as well. I struggle a lot, but I know God is good and he loves us very much. Bless you.
from lobo21 :
Hey there. I think you are on a good path and hopefully the beginning of some wonderful things to come in your life. Godtime is a very special person and she is so anointed by the spirit, so if you are moved by God to start a fast, I think you will certainly draw closer to Him and away from Satan. Cleansing is a great start, think I have much to do in my own life. lol Godtime would certainly agree. I am sorry you've been through troubled relations, and no one deserves to be used by another. I am hopeful future relationships are infinitesimally better. Be blessed and I will definitely keep you in my prayers for both the job search and your path with our Lord. Take care, David
from lobo21 :
oh, and congrats on your good news!
from lobo21 :
If only it were that easy. I have found way too often tat life gets a lot more difficult after that first step. Then, after some thought, I'd say I wouldn't choose the alternative. Be blessed.
from lobo21 :
thanks for the note. much appreciated. I look for His coming and yes pray that it is early. Hope you are well.
from lobo21 :
very taken by "crossroads". The imagery is amazing, and the fact I have an affinity for things like old radios and phones. Things the world has moved on from. All the best
from corposant :
"like writing something that was already there" --yes, I know this feeling. I look at some of my poems months after I wrote them and even though I know I wrote them, it seems like I opened a door to them rather than engaged the process of writing.
from the-grey-one :
"a bird with a strong arm" is just phenomenal. I really like the way you work your words.
from orgami :
moment shatters in light want to gather up what I've seen a thousand times before Like hail on bright grass the sky still black and bleeding white drops its been months since I've felt the hot rasp of Alcohol slide down and feed the prisoner of darkness given him the keys for the escape sometimes I felt like the prisoner and freedom was in there that safe little helm the world in a reach like old wall paint satin finish with its scratchs dents and stains I'd put there like passport stamps for spirit travel enamel white like polished bone with great thin cracks like poetry misery speeding like black lightening on a negative of emotion chips on the veneer of the bedside table holding bibles and diaries with lurid faces and deep set eyes and moons rising in black ink roller balled blackness Envy sitting in my left ventricle and Lust throbbing in the aorta they are dancing to chamber rock opera lighting up the sky with spoken for radical hues they are submersible indelible kisses flowing like perfume under the dormer day of full rain like a daisy hopeful for sunlight like a promise broken waiting to be mended more precious then precious
from corposant :
Thanks for you note. The finish for "At the Stoplight" was the very last idea I had for the poem, which is typical for me. I'm not one of those writers who visualizes the end & then constructs the whole piece towards it. I like it best when writing is a road without a chosen destination.
from corposant :
The Boy in the Yellow Leatherette Portmanteau is mostly an imaginary book at this moment. Unlike my other imaginary books, I hope, but only hope, to finish it someday. But if I don't, well, then I don't. A luminary no less than Herman Melville thought that writing poetry made him a better novelist. I think writing a novel makes me a better poet.
from corposant :
I would have said accident is the perfect poet, but then I realized I was saying the same thing as Browning. :)
from orgami :
Out riding in the sun flowing from curb to asphalt the glitter of the pretties smiling radiant like the heat Sailing like the Carnival wheel round against the pain of horizon the green tongue of waves beyond and the island mystery clinging to the edge of tommorrow Im so tired now and haggard and my once pristine white jazz shirt is dirty with grease from the chain and just life Lifes dirt turning me dark like the sutures needling my separateness in halves I need her back like my light needs my dark I want to hear the water under that footpath again and feel her up against me her history and stories flowing from the lisp and the nicotine flavoured gloss There are empire apples waiting for temptation in the jaune bowl there are ghosts in the air conditioner singing like angels in their glass gleaming lair I want the escapade of endurance to last I want the summer host to dance and here In the naught of fraught the heart of the dove trembles trembles like evocation candle fires whispering licks of heat against the satin black bridage and in the moonlight when you speak in sleep You will recite love recipes for disasters and all hands will go down with the ship
from papersails :
Thanks for your note, AND thanks for adding me to your favorites! I've added you to my favorites as well-- you're a good writer, you love Tori, what more can a girl ask for? Also, I know what you means about August.
from lobo21 :
Many thanks for your note. I have added you as a favourite as well and I look forward to coming around often. Be blessed.
from lobo21 :
Hello. I've made my way here through Corposant. I hope you won't mind me coming back and often. I truly like your writing and the writing of others you've chosen to put in your pages. Especially ones about the Lord and not being alone in this world. Be blessed.
from corposant :
I want to answer your last note before I let too much time go by: I think it's not untypical for poets (especially modern poets writing in a free style) to feel they have left a poem unfinished. I often feel that way. (I wonder if "Archaeology Most Auspicious", "Heraclitus said something about a river" and "Other Etiquettes" are parts of longer poems.) I might console myself with the thought that if I feel like changing a poem or writing more at a later date, I will, but I am very much enamoured of the idea of letting the reader complete the story. I am attracted to short forms, even though I feel I should not restrain myself from writing too much when I'm in the mood.
from corposant :
"new york city at night" is great for reading out loud.
from corposant :
I love "i'm letting go, but" and "anger is", almost to swooning.
from corposant :
Welcome to the Cephalopods diaryring! I changed the html, so the links should display themselves according to your diary's design, much like a cuttlefish camouflaging itself to its environment. And the links should actually work.
from corposant :
I am drinking coffee, eating caramel-chocolate and reading: "your bellyfat doesn't bother me anymore, caroline, but it bothers the ocean." At this moment, my life is all that it needs to be.
from pondlife :
You are remarkably talented. Enjoyed catching up on posts just now-had to linger over "slave" a bit longer than the others-interesting. I get you.
from corposant :
Thanks for the comment re "Burnt Oak". I wasn't sure it could stand on its own because it was written in reaction to a photograph and a Sylvia Plath verse.
from corposant :
Thanks for the comment! I've added you to my favorites.
from pondlife :
Aww, sweet girl... sorry I didn't see your note sooner-so rarely ever here. You're recovering. I'm glad. It's not going to be easy. Tell me if I can help in some small way? Happy Birthday to us :)
from talktogod :
Thanks for adding me and thanks for reading.
from ghostofgor :
I guess its eyes only from now on. Sorry. Best Regards. G
from ghostofgor :
o_o
from ghostofgor :
sadness is.....a locked diary.
from pondlife :
For all my effort to not be bad, I suppose it's probably not an incorrect label.
from ghostofgor :
I seriously laughed my balls off. But I need to know what a vagina spick is....
from pondlife :
Umm...not where I was going with it. It's my name actually.
from pondlife :
Consider adding the name "Alex" to one of those filthy scenarios? I'd be highly amused.
from pondlife :
Write it out, talk it out, get it out. Just relieved that's what it is. I do the same thing here. In fact that's all I do here. You only see posts from me if something significant is happening, good or bad. I think this is therapy for all of us. Poetry and beauty will return. Do this thing now, because it's the voice you've chosen. Six months from now when you're able to look back over it without flinching, you'll see the beauty in even these angry words. Metamorphosis is never easy. Be gentle with yourself and take the best of care.
from ghostofgor :
actually no. Life isnt perfect. It has alot of aspects which upset us, make us feel raw and alone. This is therapy. Is for me. And alot cheaper and more insightful then any shrink in the world. Memories you will keep forever, can look back and go..."wow, so thats what that was about" and only you need worry about what you write. I write because I need to, Im compelled to say something.....important. So dont worry, keep writing... and dont ever be embarrassed.
from pondlife :
Wow. Are you ok?
from ghostofgor :
Aug 11, 2009. The longest entry in the entire free world. I read it. I think they should just stick each others heads up the others ass, and be done with it, then burn them. Serves a family of 6.
from xxholding-on :
hey i saw you were online and i really wanted the vote from diaryland members towards an art contest i joined. It's a coach marketing contest and i need as many votes as i can get, please help! http://www.brickfish.com/Pages/PhotosAlbums/PhotoView.aspx?picid=975395_34070543&pid=2767347&scid=452
from hallbens :
It was amazing to come across your diary. Just was looking for God today and I found your diary! Cheers!
from ghostofgor :
We al do foolish things when we drink too much. But usually those are a reflection of what we hide when sober. Usually, generally they are harmless, just misinterpreted. good luck with the court. <3
from ledeluge :
it's driving me crazy, are you going to open it again? :)
from pondlife :
Let me know if you want a password.
from ledeluge :
have you ever fallen in love through words, and just that. well. it happened to me.
from torchstar :
Hey Girl! You must be a busy bee- no new poems is an oddity. All the ∞ bliss in the Milky Way is headed your way. I saw it streaming screaming on the astral plane the other day. ☯❤
from torchstar :
http://torchstar.diaryland.com/images/santacross425px.gif has an animation of mine that feels like what you describe emotionally, psychically... It filled my thoughts the way your language does. Surreal gravitational force, for sure. ∞ essential swellness ;)
from karbonphyber :
stumbled upon your diary and hit random. long fingers are sexy. take it easy.
from torchstar :
Hope your finals are going well!
from torchstar :
"give up being catholic for a kabbalah bracelette" I'll meditate on that curiosity from my rare raised Unitarian Universalist since childhood point of view...
from torchstar :
Looney Tunes ∞ "talking balloons and cult tunes" √existence
from torchstar :
Believe it or not I found one of those secret places in my kitchen. Ancient metal Cracker Jack toys, old milk bottle tops from WWII, and a 1940's roll of black and white new baby pictures were in it. The photos really got me thinking- that moment they fell and never were seen again.
from torchstar :
"but then you knew me and did it again" OUCH!
from torchstar :
Oh Ms Stardumb, there's SO much I thought of sharing with you since your note the other day. I sent thought forms to you all weekend! So we have been hanging on the plane. la_di_da(at)mac(dot)com is my addy. Write me so I can write you here on the physical plane. Consider this: When you look at the Periodic Table of Elements, you're looking at God's divine Lego set. Just know I hold you in high esteem universe-wise...
from torchstar :
PSS Amen!
from torchstar :
Coolness! Your work is divine and ultra fresh in my messy mess, including my mate. It is the only way I know to be. And I thank the universe for your being. Literally. Psychically, and maybe one day physically on the same plane, in the same place geographically, at the same time. BUT all that is not required on the astral plane. See ya there whenever!! "Stardumb, you are brilliant" Leslie (aka torchstar) utters while genuflecting- with reverence! And gratitude
from torchstar :
joined at the hip give me a little more lip... I read this to the hubby. We are both deep in thought!
from torchstar :
Deep. Really deep. Whoa. I love reading what you write. It all means so much to me on a subconscious subliminal level.
from pondlife :
Glad. Can't say I manage that very often in person.
from pondlife :
Someone's in love.
from torchstar :
What splendid reading! Thanks SO much.
from choco-lemon :
here's a penny, keep writing
from torchstar :
Often I find myself saying, "Who are 'They'" when my hubby gets into a rant about something happening that day. He inevitably describes an authority figure. I sure wouldn't want to be his boss!
from torchstar :
Wasn't the full moon this week an intense one? and an eclipse, too...
from torchstar :
Hey there, Where are you?? I miss your thoughts...
from pondlife :
Of course it does. We're all sadists in our own little ways, when we're not too busy being masochists. I have no idea if I ever have it right, but everything you write strikes a familiar chord with me. Funny that, most lyricists never intend what the listener reads into their songs. You tell them what you think it means and they're bewildered, baffled. Nothing I write is ever more than thinly veiled, or so I think. Confessions, obsessions, fears, all tied up in prose and metaphor, and yet someone-if not everyone-will always assume I meant something else entirely. I'm fine not knowing for certain what you mean by this, or that, it's enough for me just to pretend someone else out there feels or thinks the same I do.
from pondlife :
Late tide, with just six lines you can break my heart.
from tofalldivine :
So I'm having one of those moments where words fail and I want to revert back to bad 80's slang. Seriously though, that entry was amazing.
from snow666white :
hey there, i have locked up. if you would like entry could you please send me a note with your email addy or send me an email snow666white@hotmail.com and i wil provide you with a password :) hope you are well ox
from torchstar :
I love it there, too!
from torchstar :
What a splendid image painted by your words! Being a random encounter I thank the muses for crossing cyber paths with you- Ha and our screen names fit together too: * stardumb:torchstar *
from snow666white :
your words, I die around... beautiful sonnics and abstractions.
from pondlife :
A joke. You seem to have found the inspiration I lost. Nevermind. It was stupid. Sorry.
from pondlife :
Muse snatcher.
from ms-fashion :
I havent even heard of the bands and movies and authers that you like, majour weardness
from twidderpated :
Yeah, I still take classes on campus. I'm usually buzzing around Welte or the Student Center. Not really anywhere else. I don't have any other classes except for music classes so...yeah. I'm glad you're doing well.
from twidderpated :
Cistine. I'm not living on campus anymore. I moved back home because I hated constantly being in the environment that stressed me out. Well, home isn't that great either, but I'm working on getting my own space. I do have a special someone so it's possible I'll be living with him. With or without...I'm on my own. :-\ Things are fine. Could've been better, could've been worse, but I'm alive and that's all I can really ask for. Hope you're good.
from anniedontcry :
please give me a hug! :) *see journal*
from wasgood :
bee trapped just outside the door, dead. ladybug lighting on my cigaret finger twice that. even more
from suckers-love :
yikees. m'sorry i've taken ages to reply. i haven't visited my diary in quite the while. how are you?
from suckers-love :
m'sorry to be rude, but who is this? i haven't a clue who you are, so if you could tell me, that'd be lovely. i like your writing. :)
from ghostofgor :
Old cars are like old jeans, they just felt right. But the little black dreess is easy to slip into, and will turn heads. Just dont get into too much trouble.
from twidderpated :
To Chapel: It's a new beginning, sugar pie. The Chapel and the Squirrel together at last. Oh the debautchery that will ensue. Angels are weeping over the union and even the devils are hiding. Are we to be limbo-ed children? Shut out of anywhere? At least together we're somewhere. :-D See you soon! --SQ.
from pondlife :
That Was Hot
from twidderpated :
Be the Zodiac Fucker. Why not bed every planet and the symbol they embody? Could be fun to spin around 9 different orbits. Ha ha...Cistine Orbiter. HA ha! That's it! I heard Capricorns are the best. ;-) Kisses from the squirrel.
from twidderpated :
Oh...there she goes. Who, pray tell, is Capricorn and HOW could you POSSIBLY romantisize another man? My oh my dear child, I got your note, Cistine, I sure did. But my pillows have whispered that they miss your head. I was told to pass on the message. Call me soon if you can, or leave a note here, but don't be a stranger. I told Michelangelo that the ceiling was chipping, he sighed, smiled, and rubbed his back. Poor bastard...damn Protestants...but there is glory in the end so I hear.
from darkwave :
I am inspired by your writing, just letting you know. Adding you to faves as well.
from pondlife :
Everything okay over there?
from ghostofgor :
I loved a girl who didnt love herself. And punished me for being nice to her. It is a thankless task to be the giving one. As much as it shamed me, I still love her. Part of me always will. My biggest fear was losing what humanity I did have before her. Some people are indeed best left alone. They cant do any worse than they do by themselves.
from twidderpated :
Oh but it's SO true!
from wasgood :
how do you so carelessly add wasgood as a favorite? how do any of them do this?
from twidderpated :
I've missed you so much my dear. I'll e-mail you all the info. :-D
from twidderpated :
I have my car now. Call me if you need me. Maybe we'll go eat. If you count coffee as food.
from suckers-love :
Hello there. I don't quite know who you are. And thank you for adding me, all the same. I hope you're well today. And if not, I hope you'll enjoy the rest of your day. :)
from twidderpated :
It's been raining...and cold...in the Merry Month of May.
from twidderpated :
Oh, and something about faith...it doesn't come in pill form, though I hear they do it for happiness. Faith is a 50lb. pack you're forced to run with...it's easy to drop because you're tired. Take a rest, and pick it back up.
from twidderpated :
And for some reason you had to be so far away. It followed you. It always does. You had to be so far away...and my pillows couln't buffer your bruises. At least here I could watch over you. I have insomnia because I can't pretend that he's holding me. At least you loved him because he could touch you...but I couldn't allow Him to touch me, He's too good for that. Besides, he has someone to touch.
from pondlife :
Incredible.
from wasgood :
i tried so hard. it was a key. why a key? i don't know. now it's nothing. can you make anything out?
from wasgood :
** * * * ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** * * ** **
from twidderpated :
Oh God, are you turning into one of those scene kids? If you are, I'll slap you. :-P Feeling much better though. I just miss Dante. Ha...I miss Hell.
from twidderpated :
I don't know...I hope not. I'm just tired.
from twidderpated :
Of course you feel it more than you ever have...with all the chemicals your ritualistically pumping into your system I'm sure you could manage to love Usama Bin laden too. When you're quiet, inside and out, and the feelings haven't changed...you'll understand. You let yourself spin and you lose it. What does being drunk accomplish, what does mixing it with various mood enhancing drugs accomplish? Does it bring you closer to yourself or to fucking God? You're screaming too loud, so of course you can't hear anything a higher power would have to tell you. You're running and screaming and spinning. It's not you. So, you'll go insane in Ohio and then realize when you come back a month from now that this is your home, this is where you can find your mind? Cistine, you've had a haven, you've had a place to go, and you ignore it. You think that writing is just something you do, it's not. Keep writing, keep painting...keep thinking! But the minute you think yourself into a hole; stop. Just stop. You'll end up hair-snarled with your fingernails ripped out from trying to climb up the edges. Just sit, breathe, and be quiet. Make yourself be quiet. Like when you're drunk...lay down with one foot on the floor to stop the world from spinning. I'm watching a chapel restoration being done with cheap plaster and fool's gold. It'll crumble. The structure before stood for hundreds of years because it was made meticulously with good things. It will take what seems like forever, and sometimes the original blue prints won't work, but you'll find what works. Don't destroy yourself because you're looking for what works too quickly and just accepting that it's "what works for now". You're far too valuable to let that happen. I won't let that happen. --SQ
from twidderpated :
You know, hoe, ha ha...you think way too much for a drunk. BIB my ass. Don't think so much about it. Nothing good ever came out of thinking ha ha ha. Just call him Cobain and hope he OD's. That's all most of us could ever hope for. I wish you were sober enough at the time to understand what I meant about the baby. Oo baby I love your ways. Uh...yeah. I need someone to cuddle with, you know how I miss it muahahahaha! There is a notebook to be watched and pillows to be laid on while I type quietly on my computer and you decide to record and re-record your voicemail message. Ah...those days. Try and lay off the alcohol, it's never made you happy. Love you, of course. --SQ
from twidderpated :
I don't chase frat boys, I lure and kill. Ha, ha, ha. That's funny. I can't chase, my souls are bloody. Yeah, that's right, bloody. We'll call the other one Inspiration Boy, he always needs another muse for a song. Just one more vaginal inspiration. Oh please, oh please, Mommy, just one more! Ha, ha, ha! Stop drinking you lush! It's never made you coherent, and you begin speaking in Italian that's not Italian! I guess a boy I tutor is horny for me, but doesn't want a relationship although I'm a "nice girl". It happens, Cistine, it happens. Don't worry. What can your therapist tell you? What has she told you that I haven't? You left because you need to breathe and live. Ohio is your oxygen mask. It's your lamazze so you can birth that baby. You were pregnant, Cistine, just not how you thought. You've been impregnated with guilt that's not yours. The baby isn't yours. Don't suffer post-partum when it's born. It's not yours. Sign over custody to the sonofabitch who put it there. That's right, Inspiration Boy. Give him his precious responsibility. He can chew and swallow that all he wants. He'll get ten new songs out of it, at least. Everyone is fucking happy that way. Just come back, Cistine. Don't expect to come back whole, but do expect to just come back. SQuirrel says...my nose is running. --SQ.
from twidderpated :
Ha, that made me laugh. Oh hey oh bitch. lol. Yeah, I've heard from Dante (that's what we'll call him). I didn't TALK to him, we've just been leaving offline messages for eachother because we're gay like that. He's working two jobs apparently: construction worker by day, grocery man by night. And when he's not working he's usually finding time to spend with his guitar, friends, brother, girlfriend (yeah, she's still around), oh yeah and trying to sleep. He says he won't be around regularly for a while. So...I figured I might as well just...wallow. lol. Whatev, I'm too sick to be sane right now. I think you should masturbate in holy water, it might help the CLEANSING process lol. Yes, I'll be here next semester. As usual my dear. And if you miss so damn much you should get your ass back here lol. The squirrel song just isn't the same and no one makes up songs with me. Not the ones we like. Hurry, hurry my pillows wait. --SQ
from twidderpated :
Muah-ha! Only pancakes and bacone, only notebooks I've seen worth a damn second look. Apparently mine are just damned. My body is betraying me, definately decomposing while I'm still alive. Yeah, I'm sick. Somehow Christina Aguilera changed into Guns n' Roses, yeah, that's right, you still have my CD hahahaha. You sound slightly suicidal if you like "Guns n' Roses", or maybe just a female cowboy? You come home soon, unveil the restored walls of your inner l-l-l-light! Love you much, miss you always. I'd kiss you but then you'd get sick. Ha! :-* --SQ
from coldfiltered :
don't worry I've always thought you were bootylicious
from ladylazarus- :
yes. lady lazarus is one of my favorite poems by plath. are you a fan also?
from ladylazarus- :
i like the way you write.
from pokadot-lips :
i believe what you write, is the most interesting words ive read on diaryland. i really am interested in your words! ;)i hope you dont mind me reading your stuff!
from crazyblueyes :
Edit of previous messege haha: "... it's pretty sad that for me ..."
from crazyblueyes :
"i just wanted more of us to miss" this entry has alot of meaning and it's pretty that for mine it explains how i feel now about a 4 year relationship with my ex fiance... but i won't claim it for myself just know that i've felt this way
from crazyblueyes :
i like the way you think or write or both... could i add you to my buddy list?
from ghostofgor :
there is something to be said about the Kelvin temperature of a living anus, and a dead onbe buried under a pile of doughnuts......
from ghostofgor :
on yer butt eh? Well if its a heart felt placement of the lord of millions of christians it cant be that bad. Least it isnt a picture of spongebob or lord and master foamy, crucifying christ. But its your ass...
from twidderpated :
E!!! I fucking love you!!! lol hahahaha...we're definately going back to get that tattoo. I don't know...you don't believe in Hell so what does it matter? lol. My little Christian heart will save your left butt cheek my dear lol. LOVE YOU!!!!
from loathe :
Don't worry, I'm waiting here in myself until someone has the ability to pull me out of myself. I know the way, too well. I just need someone there outside for me to come out.
from loathe :
I miss you. ^.^
from darkflora :
hi. You're one of the people who still link to my diary. I've moved, and if you'd still like to read my diary, you can find me at cufluture. Thanks for reading darkflora while it was active!
from darkflora :
That's interesting you contemplated my painting when you wrote about guns n' roses. But yeah, I do understand. Music, and those who make it, is an interesting entity. Thanks.
from ghostofgor :
And no one will love My .45 the way I do. As I should have been married to it already. The sad part is Im being serious. Therapy sessions arent doing shit for Me......best regards as always.
from ghostofgor :
damn right it is......now they notice....
from chubbychic :
Thats so ironic.
from pouncer :
You are too funny. Thank you for making diaryland enjoyable again. I love how you turn your ramblings into these really deep meaningful stories. You are ASSOME!!!! I am a big FAN! k-bye.
from chesire-katt :
...I totally understand. I do not know how to handle a compliment, let alone someone dropping the "L" bomb. Generally, I never know what to say. I turn red and look down at my shoes...
from ghostofgor :
I was born blonde. What does that say about me then? Just another drop in the bucket.....
from ghostofgor :
*nudges in the door* Hi. An all to common theme is life sucks but every now and again it throws a loop in there and things get all fuzzy. Its the unexpected miss star that makes the travel worth it. Best regards. GOG
from brittanya :
You are very welcome. Your words are like lyrics to me, i read them and they go so fast, so fast in my head. I just want to sing them to the music that I hear. It would be so appropriate. It all goes so fucking fast but it all makes so much fucking sense. Its rapid fire, machine gun, dont fuck with me or ill blow you head off I dont give a fuck what you think so just shut the hell up. It's great crazy and insane and brillant. Brillant. And speaking of boys that wear pinkn shirts, I saw one yesterday. And I made a comeent, nice fucking pink shirt. But he smiled at me and showed me his red shoes probably because I have red shoes. He smiled at me and I knew everyone was going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.
from ghostofgor :
well, people asked how I was doing it. So I explained it as best I could. Three small meals creates the deficit needed for weight loss, but I break the meals up so Im constantly digesting. It works for me....and hopefully will continue. My ass will thank me. GOG
from ghostofgor :
blame miss brittanya for My visit here. She spoke so highly of you, and if I had the time this evening, I would speak of all the things you wrote in your notebook today. And those who would live life outside of the lines drawn by society..... are the very people you would want to talk to. perhaps more if I have time. GOG
from chesire-katt :
I'm a loyal reader as well! 'katt
from loathe :
I'm a loyal reader. Just because you don't have fans. . doesn't mean we don't read.
from loathe :
By any chance, are you an insomniac, because I've just realized that all the things you talk about keep me from sleeping.
from brittanya :
I believe in destiny. I truly do not believe that I have control over what happens in my life. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I was driving in the country one time and there was ice covering the road. This man pulled out of his driveway about 20 feet in front of me because he didnt look before he hit the gas. So I swerved, the man pulled back into his driveway, I lost control of the car and did about four 360's. I ended up in a ditch right next to a wooden powerline pole. The pole was an inch from my car, I had to get out of the car from the passengers side actually. I wasn't hurt, the passenger wasn't hurt, and my car wasnt damaged. It was all meant to be, I strongly believe that. And I bet you that farmer man looks every single time before he backs out of his driveway now. So whatever, mabye it was my destiny, or mabye I chose to drive down the road and the man chose to pull out in front of me and maybe i ended up an inch from that pole just because I was only going 43 mph and I pressed the brake at the exact second that would cause me to end up an inch from that pole. Controversial topics make life interesting.
from darkflora :
thanks for checking out my art. "mental clarity" is a potrait of trent reznor from nine inch nails, how pathetic am I...
from brittanya :
You asked the question "what is the opposite of eternity". And the question intrigued me to think a lot about the answer. A synonym of eternity would be infinite and the antonym of infinite would be finite. Meaning coming to an end or limited. But finite doesnt' really work as the opposite of eternity. Because an eternity is forever and what is the opposite of forever? Never? That doesn't really work either. So then I thought about dying and mortality and immortality. MOrtality could be the opposite of eternity but only if you were talking about the word in that context. But I have never met someone who is immortal so I don't really believe in immortality. So I guess I wouldn't believe in eternity either if one was to say immortality was a synonym of eternity. So who can really say what the opposite of eternity is. I know I can't. Unless I live forever, but that is just silly because everyone has to die sometime. So really it just depends on what you believe in and everybody has different beliefs and no one is right. Or wrong for that matter. So I guess to me there is no opposite of eternity because there is no eternity. And no infinite for that matter. I believe theres a beginning and an ending for everything. THat still doesnt work though because we still have the words "infinite" "finite" and "eternity". For every action there is an opposite but equal reaction. I'm just going to say that I just don't know the answer and there is no proof that any of it even exists or doesn't exist. I like your diary by the way, you remind me of myself.
from brittanya :
Get in the ring
from chesire-katt :
regaurding your most recent entry: I have had episodes such as this, too. Some call it sleep paralyisis but when it happened to me, it was around a time when a few friends and I were having seances w/ a ouija board, so I believe it was a "night hag" or "night visitor." I'm not saying that is what happened with you, but it is something you can research on the internet or otherwise.
from austinliz :
yep.
from stareyed1 :
I added you to my list.........you may not care but I think your diary is interesting
from stardumb :
leave me some love.

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