messages to tarkis:
(click here to add new message):

from mostlydead :
I care and I'm not sure why... I also smile because you do too. :)
from planetqueen :
Sorry! Only just saw your note about facebook. Please do add me - I am Zee Vandenberg (Karen Elizabeth Vincent Vandenberg) :)
from planetqueen :
Sending much love and positive thoughts to you and your son xxx
from picean-dream :
I am on Facebook, but try not to post much as I tend to say waaaaayy more than I ought to. I can truly say that life is sucking hard right now but I'm trying just as hard to turn that around. Wow I miss it here! This is where I ought to be spilling my guts and dirty laundry instead! Look me up on Facebook, I'm Suzanne Griffith in Columbia SC. Glad you're still around :) You and planetqueen are dear to me.
from planetqueen :
lovely to see an update :) Congratulations on your marriage xxx
from picean-dream :
YAY!!!!!
from planetqueen :
Both my daughters are well. My eldest moved out last year and she now lives with her boyfriend about a mile from me. She is very happy :) My youngest has just had her third birthday! She is just the most delightful, beautiful darling. So glad to read your happy news. Hope you son is doing well. Do keep in touch xxx
from planetqueen :
Congratulations :) How wonderful xxx
from planetqueen :
Happy New Year. Hope 2011 is wonderful for you xxx
from raven72d :
have you vanished?
from picean-dream :
Time certainly has gotten away from me, I look up from my self-absorbed busy-ness and find whole months have passed without my notice! How are you doing?
from picean-dream :
Stumbled back, both of us. The similarities in states of mood and mind are odd for sure, but comforting to me -if it's ok to confess that. I have always and forever felt very alienated and alone, apart from the rest of the world. So stumbling upon a kindred soul of sorts is happiness!
from picean-dream :
Oh my gosh!!! You're back!!! So happy!!!
from planetqueen :
Thanks for the reply - it was lovely to hear from you. We are all well, thank you. Beanie is definitely not so little now - she is 19 months old! Bex has not gone to college yet. She did have a place for last September but then she thought about all the things Beanie would be learning to do in the coming year like walking, talking etc and she just couldn't bear to leave her and go far away. It was too late then to apply to anywhere where she could live at home and attend college so it is on hold for now. I think she still wants to go sometime. It is lovely to be able to read your entries again and I am very happy you are well and happy. x
from planetqueen :
Hope you are well. How lovely to see that you updated :) x
from picean-dream :
Hey, what's up over there? Are you ok? I got online today for the first time in months and it doesn't sound like all is well. Sending out the positives to you, be well.
from bi-pet :
thank you for your advice. i got myself out of that situation faster than i thought i would.. and i'm doing surprisingly well... now i wonder what i was holding on to for so long!?
from picean-dream :
Awwww, that is really kind of him. I take back what I said!
from picean-dream :
Serves the stinkin hunter right! Ha ha ha!
from bi-pet :
wow... i just read your last entry. amazing. even though i do not know your life circumstances and you don't know mine - i think i can understand what you have been through and where i might be heading. even if we consider that we both might have been, are and will be in totally different situations.
from planetqueen :
thanks for the congratulations. I just came on here to leave notes for people. I tried the other day but my computer was so slow I only managed one before I had to go feed the baby! Emanuella Mary Rebecca Vandenberg was born on 28th December at 7.28pm weighing 7lb 6oz. Since then she has regained her birth weight and we are both doing well. Hope you had a lovely Christmas. Very best wishes. Elizabeth xx
from picean-dream :
So many things have happened, so much has changed. If I can catch my breath and a few spare moments I want to post a small update. But yes, I'm ok. You're the gentlest, sweetest soul to care. Thank you! Sounds like you survived the holidays as well???
from picean-dream :
You don't know how much your encouragement means. I'm just in shock thinking of all that lies ahead. For half an hour everyday I'm going to work with the colors in exactly the way you described. Thank you.
from planetqueen :
Wow, thank you for your lovely note. I will email you really soon. Just had the worst news possible at work - we have a school inspection this Wednesday, so am frantically getting my planning done and all those things I have left for ages. Wish I had left at half term now! But never mind. It's a tiny detail in the great scheme of things and not really an important one at that. I will write really soon after. Best wishes x
from planetqueen :
I had a scan yesterday (31st Oct) before my clinic appointment and everything was fine. She's head down now and weighs approximately 4lb 7oz. I was 32 weeks as of yesterday. I am having to be monitored carefully as I have gestational diabetes but the baby is right on the line of the graph they did for me at the beginning and so putting on the right amount of weight. Everything is absolutely fine and I am just trying to keep faith that it will stay that way. Hope everything is good with you. Very best wishes x
from picean-dream :
How could that boy be anything but wonderful-he's from you! Glad you're better too.
from planetqueen :
Your son sounds like my daughter. What beautiful people they both are.
from picean-dream :
Hope you are feeling much better now!!
from picean-dream :
Oh my gosh you made me cry even more, but a good cry, I promise! You arrived about the same time as three of my sgi sisters, all terribly concerned and ready to do whatever it was going to take to push-pull me through-and out of this funk. Of course I could see the end right from the beginning and knew what I was supposed to learn from it, but I'm changing and in this new skin I don't know yet how to deal with everything that comes creeping along. Orange, gold, red, I am familiar with and welcome them all with wide, wide open arms. But I know so little of purple, why is this? I feel afraid of purple. No, shy, or inferior..or something like that. You, my faceless friend, have no idea how I value your reaching out, your tossing of colors. Thank you so very much. And yeah, I'm gonna go get my Gohonzon, 10 AM sharp! What do you think the chances are that I meet a shimmer of purple in the kaikan tomorrow?
from picean-dream :
You're a brave one, if faced with singlehood ever again I'm prepared to happily go it ALONE! Glad your'e having fun though!
from raven72d :
A lovely Friday...
from picean-dream :
Thank you so much. I'm just so sad to have stooped this low, to have reacted with such malice toward him. He's a good man in matters such as providing and he is thoughtful in his own ways (he buys me a lot of stuff to make up for what he can't do, which is fall in love with me). So I feel badly for lashing out, however passive-aggressively, but this was supposed to be my place. Somewhere I could be honest without worrying about his judgement. He doesn't know the Me I express here, he would just...or maybe it would be a good thing? I feel like I don't exist anywhere but here, because here I'm speaking with my true voice. But he doesn't know me, not Me. He only knows the wife who doesn't quite satisfy on any level. He was the song writer, the musician, the one with deep and valid thoughts, not me. I was just some stupid girl. I wasn't supposed to even have thoughts, much less deep thoughts. I don't know if I can feel any of your beautiful colors today, but I want to try.
from raven72d :
Harried and busy, but staying afloat.
from raven72d :
How have you been?
from picean-dream :
Sounds perfect, so glad. Saw you note over at Planetqueen's, isn't it exciting??!!
from planetqueen :
Thank you so much for your lovely message - of course I don't mind you reading the notes I leave! Hope you are well. Lots of love and best wishes x
from picean-dream :
It's just been a slow process, but I think I'm doing ok. Thank you so much, you're always very kind to me. How's the rieki coming along?
from picean-dream :
Proud of you Rev! And so very happy for you as well!
from mysoulchose :
Hi!! I offer you my condolences for your son's father and wish you strength. Long time so take care.
from picean-dream :
Ha ha! There's always one like that in class-sometimes more. I've actually experienced someone come in late and loud while the class was in the process of recieving an attunement! Very happy you're enjoying it, your animal friends will love it too.
from picean-dream :
What to say? Be kind to yourself and talk if you need to, to whoever it feels right to. I'm sorry, really sorry. Be well.
from planetqueen :
thinking of you. Lots of love, Elizabeth x
from picean-dream :
So happy for all the wonderful things happening in your life! I hope you enjoy reiki as much as I do. Your animal companions will want you to treat them to it constantly-they love it!
from planetqueen :
You haven't written anything in a while. Hope everything is ok with you. Take care. Best wishes, Elizabeth
from picean-dream :
Thanks, I hope all's well with you too!
from picean-dream :
:)
from planetqueen :
I am thinking of you and sending my best wishes.
from picean-dream :
I'm thinking of you through your difficult times these days and sending love and warmth your way. Be well.
from tou-mou :
for what it's worth, my cat has FIV, too. they can lead long, happy lives -- but FIV cats need to really be indoors.
from picean-dream :
It's amazing, isn't it? They do talk to us, and if we've come to know each other well enough, we understand. Oscar, our huge yellow and white cat, will pat us on the arm and take us to what he wants us to know about. He seems to know my weekend work schedule and will bats my head with a paw until I get up if I've overslept. Pets are so special. They do become family. Cogratulations on the new little one, and I'm glad his elder seems to have it all well in hand!
from picean-dream :
Things have got to turn around, right? Thank you, always. Hope things are well with you.
from picean-dream :
No time lost regretting the failed pastry chef thing, you live and learn. I get too eager at times for metamorphosis. For someone who claims to need stability and safety after a childhood of the exact opposite, I seem to crave change at times. Thanks as always for your kindness and support, and I offer the same to you as you continue to recover. Wear the orange sister, and I'll be sending lots of love and all things positive your way!
from picean-dream :
Hey! What exactly are you quiting? Not this, I hope. Are you ok these days?
from picean-dream :
North Carolina, right? Or Virginia? What do you suppose has been prowling about at night? Ooooo, that is scary. When I was little my oldest sister took us to see a horror movie called Grizzly, and I've been terrified of bears ever since.
from picean-dream :
Oh mercy, do I ever need the orange these days! Especially since all I can see lately are the mean reds!!! If I were in posession of magical powers (and let's all take a moment to thank the gods and godesses that I'm not) every man alive would be a warty toad! But that's another story entirely. So, bless you a thousand times over for the orange, it goes well with the salsa lessons I've started taking again!
from picean-dream :
Hey, I hope you're ok, were you sick? I've been so busy I haven't checked in regularly. I think about you, whoever you are out there, and send warm thoughts often. Be well.
from mysoulchose :
Thank you for your New Year wishes, I only wish you the best and hope whatever you heart and mind desires to come true.
from planetqueen :
Gosh. Hope you are okay now. Thinking of you x
from planetqueen :
Thank you for your New Year blessing. I wish you a very happy and peaceful 2007. x
from picean-dream :
Absolutely perfect, thank you! Your eve sounds as if it was pleasant enough without the party. And I'm certain you feel better for it! Sending you everything positive I can think of, love, peace, joy, and perfect health for the new year and always!
from picean-dream :
Sounds like your morning was perfect, I'm glad. Hope the holidays were relaxed and enjoyable for you.
from picean-dream :
Thank you, that means so much. I've done something monumentally stupid. Just waiting for the consequences to come along. And they will.
from mysoulchose :
Hope you are fine! Wishes of peace and serenity!
from picean-dream :
A hoot indeed! It takes me by surprise every time, but this time...Wow. I want to say something with regard to your relative but nothing intelligent is coming, so I'll just simply wish you peace. The wheel, the circle, it never stops. If it did we'd have a problem! Be well my friend
from candora :
beautiful person, remember to feel the joy in the peace of letting go of the pain and the memories those loved will retain and the hope that today will bring some good news because that is why we have the right to choose to be happy and thankful for each moment we are alive... let death remind us to treasure each moment and enjoy life and let it be a habit so we don't have to wait to remember until death arrives...
from picean-dream :
It's a puzzle to me why these restless creatures would hang about. I tend to believe we all get reincarnated, so how are they to be explained? I'm just worried you know? Old childhood stuff-having the world yanked out from under you time and again will do it. Thank you, for everything, always.
from picean-dream :
I read the sweetest, most comforting words here. We are so blessed to have you in our lives through this sometimes strange medium.
from planetqueen :
I am glad you had a lovely day.
from picean-dream :
Thanks for the quiet encouragement. I've been so needy lately that I dare not interract with anyone, lest I reveal just how bad it's been. I may go on about it here, but it's to release it only, something inside me just won't ever ask for help. So, thanks, for knowing and helping anyway.
from picean-dream :
To have but a fraction of your power, your grace. You make me want to leave the city, find a grove that will have me. Beautiful, as always.
from elf-arrow :
Aww, thanks. We enjoy them-most days/nights. It's comforting mostly. I just worry about the boy, it would be unfortunate if he got truly upset and started scaring us. But after almost seventeen years I suppose if it were going to happen it would have already.
from elf-arrow :
At last. I worried. Hope you are enjoying the gifts of this season as much as I am!
from elf-arrow :
To be sure, and she gives so many opportunities for us to be proud. I just worry you know? We always want better for our children. And obvioudly I worry what my influence is on her, settling for what I know is unfair and unhealthy. Hey, what have you been up to? Write something!!
from elf-arrow :
Irish here too, on my mother's side. She's Cherokee and Irish. My father was German-Scot from grandfather, and Syrian from grandmother. Yeah, it's really that simple isn't it? Just don't be an asshole. We call it different ways; do unto others, harm none, mind your karma, it's all the same. Karuna, compassion for each other.
from elf-arrow :
The hardest part for me is that one of "us" here within this one body has differing ideas about what our collective faith ought to be. She believes we're sure to burn in hell (a hell the rest of us don't believe in) and exerts great energy hissing and warning of our inevitable downfall. We're not very concerned. :P Again, lots of similarities. Always makes me feel not so much a species of one, thanks!
from elf-arrow :
I haven't been there yet but would like to. It's not far from here. I've never been fussy about religion-just take what you can use from those that appeal and make your own faith. Grandmother on father's side was pagan but I didn't know until I was older. Mother and step father sent me to Catholic school. It was later I noticed my Christian holidays coordinated with pagan holidays celebrating essentially the same thing. I was devastated and she talked to me about it with such gentleness and care. It took years to come to terms with the revelation. As for the betrayal of the church, well I don't think I can comprehend it yet. And as is my nature when encountering something new, I then immersed myself in studies about all religions. I believe the gods and goddesses want such very simple things from us: don't be an asshole, and look after the earth and each other. But that's just me.
from elf-arrow :
Hey there, I had to do some catching up on your entries today. Seems I'm everywhere but at this desk these days! Sorry about your statue :( that sucks. What's this about staying at a Hindu temple? Being a pagan of Syrian gypsy descent raised Catholic, having studied Hinduism, and now chanting for world peace with the Soka Gakkai International Buddhists (deep breath) I want to hear more about this temple! :)
from planetqueen :
I am happy thank you. This year has been strange. Getting pregnant entirely accidently and then losing the baby was certainly very unexpected but not necessarily bad. I am working a little bit less which is nice but sadly I do not have Bex with me at the moment as she needs to finish school. But I think I would have kept her tied to my apron strings forever otherwise so it is probably for her best that she has some time away from me. I am hoping Bex will come and spend next year here when she does her art foundation course, that would be good. I am just trying to stay decent and be happy and thankful for the good things. How are things with you? Best wishes always.
from planetqueen :
Oh my goodness. How did you end up not put back on when I had my last crisis? I am so sorry. I would never mean to delete you. I am happy to be back on the internet I think and very very happy to read the diaries of the people I like but I am not sure yet whether to write a diary again myself. Sometimes I think I should because it is not right to stew over things and having somewhere to write was helpful in that way but then more and more these days I think just looking around at the beauty and being thankful is the way to go. I don't know. 2006 has been an unexpected year. Much love to you always. I feel so bad you got missed off the re-writing of my profile. x
from elf-arrow :
I needed to read that this morning-your dance, chant, greeting of the new day And it's true, we are our own greatest stumbling blocks sometimes. How come you're so damned smart?
from elf-arrow :
You're very kind to me, and I return the compliment! I think the new design is Slightly Victorian, whereas I am Openly Inappropriate :P
from elf-arrow :
December 19, 1964. My sun sign doesn't match well with me at all. My Moon sign however, does. It's Cancer. : )
from mysoulchose :
wow, long time? Thanks a lot for your words, they're not just words trust me :) It's always nice to see a word from an old friend! Hope you are doing fine! I check my diary notes very rarely, so I checked them today and found 2 new msgs from you! I was so happy to see them! Anyway, so you're a plumber now? hehe. Take care
from elf-arrow :
Aw, thanks. It's gonna be okay. It just pisses me off. He could have prevented this I'm sure. He's HIV positive. His partner of almost forty years is not. Not hard to work that one out. And where once we were so alike and carefree, we differ so greatly now. He's wrapping himself in the safety blanket of religion to ease his fear and pain. His God wouldn't have him enter "heaven" based solely on his sexual preferences, mine on the other hand wouldn't give a damn who you loved, so long as you did love. Frustrating. And I'm shit for keeping promises. I can't keep the really important ones he's asked of me. I'll try though. I do promise to try. Yeah, strange this little lines we share. Hey, just for curiosity's sake what's your birth date?
from elf-arrow :
My Gods and Goddesses you never fail to make me smile. Or think. Or sometimes even cry. I'd say that I must meet you, except I suspect we already have. Maybe not in this lifetime, or on this plane of reality, but I know you. You are a little line somewhere on my palm, and if you look closely you may find me there on yours. Thank you for the peace you bring, the comfort of feeling not so terribly alone in this mostly spiritually dead world. And yes, I do embarrass myself with this almost idol worship of your grace!
from elf-arrow :
And another thing, since when is magic a four-letter word? Their Christian holidays came from our pagan calendar. I'm sorry. I'm quite finished now. I think. I may be back later with more rantings.
from elf-arrow :
Aw shit. Ineloquent as it may be, I just don't know what else to say. At least you aren't unhinged by it.
from elf-arrow :
How is it you always know? I'm shedding another skin, always a dificult time. I'll be okay. It means everything that someone knows, cares. Thank you, so much.
from elf-arrow :
A fat fig's fart. I love that. :P
from elf-arrow :
I'm poking about in your archives, hope you don't mind. Stunning how much I suspect we have in common. Hope you are well.
from raven72d :
I don't feel valuable enough to ask out girls who have value. And I have none of the social markers I need...or health coverage.
from raven72d :
It's being old and poor that keep me alone.
from raven72d :
Ummm... no career, no lovers, no friends, no future, no one ever calls late at night, too old and unattractive and incompetent to have a Life... All those things keep me lonely.
from elf-arrow :
:( Please tie the tightest knot possible and hang on. I know, it's easier to say than do. Sending much Love and Light your way.
from elf-arrow :
I've wondered if you did. Understand. It's little things you write sometimes that shimmer with a strange familiarity. Two old souls then. And the colors sound irresistible. And don't worry about the distance, I felt the wrap-around as soon as I read it. And it meant everything. Everything. Thank you so much.
from elf-arrow :
Besides the good thoughts I'm already thinking for you, is there anything at all I can do?
from elf-arrow :
Oh yes, it's the best! To think I used to sleep right through it as a teen and young person, but I kept far worse hours then! It's a fresh start in so many ways besides the obvious. Anything feels possible between those hours. I am most ambitious and productive then, but at the same time totally at peace, happily completing my activities.
from elf-arrow :
Kidlings, what would we do without them?! Yeah, healing up ok, but that first week...don't even want to talk about it :( Thanks for the light and positivity sent this way, those must have been the moments I wasn't crying. No, seriously. Anyway, three week check up tomorrow. Will carry on about it in diary probably. Thank you again, I need to send out lots of thank-you's now that I'm feeling better.
from elf-arrow :
Your life is beautiful. You know that, right?
from elf-arrow :
Grandmothers can put it all together so perfectly sometimes, I know mine could. Had a really bad day followed by a much better day-lots more drugs and a lot less activity! Feeling stronger and in less pain today.
from elf-arrow :
It's called a waddle-that thing on the turkey. You have out of body experiences? That's amazing! Surgery went well, was home later the same day.
from elf-arrow :
Thanks for all the positive energy and kindness, it means a lot. I'm off to bed-have to be at the hospital at 6:00 AM!
from elf-arrow :
Thanks for your note and kindness, I hope everything is well with you.
from candora :
the true test of self-sufficiency (and separation) is the ability to be in the physical presense of those who hurt you most and not let them drag you into their circle of pain... when distance does not make the heart grow fonder, it can numb it to the deeepest betrayals that won't go away and if you can see them as the misunderstandings they are, then you can rise above them... these words may be more for me than for you, but maybe you understand what I mean too... I choose my own family... good luck and stay true to your highest ideals... positive as possible...
from planetqueen :
I don't understand your entry (just read it today and I think today is April 17th but I could be wrong! I am kind of out of touch, not being at work at the moment) but anyway, I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and I hope everything is okay and I am sending you lots of love and best wishes.
from candora :
such moments of epiphany are fleeting, holding on to the feeling can be challenging as life rushes at us with demands so far from supportive of our centered perspective, yet if we are lucky and wise,m we can hold on to ourselves while sharing a compromise... keep the peace and euphoria - and share it your way :)
from elf-arrow :
Positive thoughts going to the tarkis son. Tell me agian, why is it we have children? :P
from elf-arrow :
Weeeeeeeee! I'm so glad!!
from minstrelite :
'Tis only too true, Tarkis dear. Only too true.
from elf-arrow :
Thank you for saying that. In so many ways I do feel I deserve it, of course I'm smart enough to realize no one really ever does. So much happens you know, in a marriage, that over time all the mistakes, all the lashing out in anger or pain, it seems in the end that perhaps all your misdeeds do deserve punishment. I married way out of my class and it's been a rocky road. Thank you for being so kind. And thanks for adding me too!
from planetqueen :
thank you for leaving a note checking that I am okay. I am fine, I just do not have anything to say in my diaries. Thank you for caring.
from planetqueen :
oh wow, that is so kind, thank you so much.
from raven72d :
Birthday cake-- lovely entry and images.
from planetqueen :
Yay! what a lovely entry today's entry was (12/3/06 - british date way sorry!) It made me well smile. Hope you have a lovely celebration. x
from candoor :
I love your mind and the words that come forth :)
from raven72d :
Distance and dreams: do update soon. And drop by and say hullo.
from paganscream :
yes. I agree that we plan what we think we can achieve and I also agree that we probably went for quite a lot. I think we can definitely do it too. It just gets hard sometimes when you forget. And sometimes I forget that I am just seeing a tiny bit of the bigger picture. Even though I know that really.
from tarkis :
so there are two of them...wow... just our luck eh?
from paganscream :
It isn't the same person then, as mine's are d n and he lives in utah.
from paganscream :
Strangely, I have sometimes thought we are talking about the same person.
from candoor :
facing the bottom, the choice is to lay there or get up... what's the point of getting up, I ask... to feel the pain, the loneliness, the nothingness, the horror of how much time is gone of how hopeless it seems of how alone I've become of how old, tired, wasted, apathetic, dead... better to lay face down at the bottom than to look up?... maybe, but I am fool enough to look up... hopefully it's not because I am a masochist :}
from candoor :
no quitting... I'm sticking around... with a life of knowing what you mean... for what it's worth... hoping suddenly someone comes along offline to convince me it can be different, always hoping, cuz it's better than any alternative...
from planetqueen :
Are you okay? You haven't updated for two days and that is unlike you. I hope everything is alright. Best wishes. x
from mostlydead :
though I seldom say, living with a one track mind, I appreciate your caring :)
from planetqueen :
Happy New Year. x
from candoor :
I know alone, but there's always hope (I hope) so here's hope that 2006 brings a change, more love, friendship, companionship, and sharing to your life :)
from candoor :
yes, the connectedness, that is good :)
from planetqueen :
I so agree with your earthquake comments. The day after it happened, our British newspapers all had the front story of Beckham being sent off during a world cup football (soccer!) match. I think that is disgusting and I told my kids so at school that Monday morning. Sometimes I think things in this world are really upside down. And that's putting it mildly.
from candoor :
intriguing words... enigmatic, yet with details... obviously I must read back a ways... and this note is a step in the direction of reminding me... I sense a kinship of sorts... in time, perhaps... thank you for the positive energy :)
from mordorr :
This is the-regret.. I have moved, and therefore won't be updating my old diary any more. This is where I am now.. hopefully you'll stick around. <3
from candora :
yes, oh so yes... even in our aloneness (or loneliness), we are never really alone... we're all going through it... we just don't tell each other (or listen) often enough... I feel blessed every time I am heard/read... and even more rewarded every time I hear/read someone who touched me... thank you for touching me :)
from summersands :
I'm glad you had such a wonderful day, may you have many more.
from summersands :
.. I really love how you write .. you've got a lot of that soul yourself .. sometimes I think I might just think to much .. hoping it doesn't hold me back ... but sometimes I believe it does. Thanks so much for your kind note, I hope you don't mind if I continue to read you.
from hippieheart :
Hello. You have me listed as one of your favorite diaries so I stumbled in. And I wonder how long I have known you or if we have ever communicated directly before and how it is that I find myself writing you. I read a bit of your diary and I feel I know you. Parallels. I feel compelled to tell you: Have faith. Have great faith. It is there for you. All of it. You don't even have to look for it.
from forestdream :
Hey there - just wanted to let you know I've moved to wildforests.diaryland.com
from planetqueen :
I've just found you are locked. Could I please have the password if that is okay? Many thanks x
from mysoulchose :
Hola! just thought I'd drop a hello
from gleesies :
Hiya, I love ur layout! take care xxxx
from paganscream :
I hope you are okay.
from lied-to :
dont really write many interesting things in blackkorn,now its this one..cheers.
from mysoulchose :
hey there, long time no hear, i liked the story about the old man, and asking the question and all that. Hope you have nice time. take care
from novamorgana :
I wish you were my mother. you rule. *nova
from mysoulchose :
hello tarkis,i wanted to say that I am very flattered about you finding me talented,i don't think i am though.and your story with L seems so romantic, the simple occasions for you to hold hands, very sweet.wish you the best
from paganscream :
it will always be like this for me, it can never be any other way, that is why it doesn't matter.
from mysoulchose :
and we know how good physical work is for the soul... tires the body so that the only thing left is what's inside <-- I just loved it
from mysoulchose :
happy birthday dear tarkis,we can't help but remember everyone we care about on our birthday,but not all remember us back,maybe they do but they don't tell us
from paganscream :
I just wanted to say that I'm still reading and I'm still here. I really love your entries. I am sorry about your cat.
from aschoom :
I understand how dark loneliness can feel. But I know the light will come again when you find your space in the world. Just be patient and don't worry...everything has its reasons and moments for happening.
from mysoulchose :
never can I stop reading your entries precious friend. You're a talented writer!I look up to you. take care,hope your son & you are fine.
from paganscream :
I could identify with your last entry greatly. I am one of the disposable people.
from mysoulchose :
hello there,well yes a friend of mine told me about the sounds and the music.awesome in deed. Routine in deed,makes us feel safe,but gets a bit boring..Routine scares me, yet it's where I hide sometimes from change that scares me more.Take care
from mysoulchose :
so a big role in jesus christ superstar.nice i'm sure he'll do great!and it's not selfish to think about where your life stands?it's just natural.take care
from mysoulchose :
hey again pal! i know i hate those nights, you just wanna pass out or go to sleep just so you can wake and forget all about this horrible nocturnal feeling. hope you have fun in the road trip
from planetqueen :
I understand exactly what you mean. I know all about love that crosses the boundaries of time and lives. I have those memories too, although actually describing them as memories is sort of wrong, because what I mean is I still have those feelings and they are very strong, so strong that for a long time I focused too much on them and forgot about this life. I just wanted to say that I know exactly what you are talking about. Take care.
from keeds :
hi write back
from mysoulchose :
hey,thank you for sharing that info with me, about happiness, my french literature teacher back in high school used to say: "happiness doesn't reside in possession, it resides in memories" it sounds nicer in french. take care
from mysoulchose :
hello tarkis, I know the feeling just waking up happy for no reason,its beautiful,however waking up sad for no reason is bad.I was just wondering,how old is your son?if you don't mind of course.Glad to read your diary again.
from mysoulchose :
I'm glad, hope you're good, take care
from paganscream :
Oh. You locked your diary. Is it possible I could still read it please?
from mysoulchose :
tarkis,I was surprised by ur last entry.I surely hope you keep reading those notes.I really enjoyed reading your diary,you were one of the very few who were sincere writers.If u ever do another diary,please let me know about it.Liliane
from paganscream :
I've just read your last entry. I'm sorry you are going. Will you let me know where you go please. You can email me. Please take care. Best wishes.
from paganscream :
thank you.
from mysoulchose :
hello again, i wrote about this in one of my entries, and when i read your entry about the "being" happy, I remembered this question: "What is missing for you to feel complete happiness at this same moment?" Take care, peace. Liliane
from paganscream :
i am glad your son is okay.
from paganscream :
I truly meant it; it is awful to feel alone. From the words you write I cannot imagine you would be someone I would not want to know. I am still thinking of your son. You can always IM me, email me or leave me a note. Sometimes it can be easier to talk to people you don't know. Take care.
from paganscream :
Please don't feel alone. You can always talk to me.
from paganscream :
Yes, that's exactly what I think. I wrote an entry saying that exact thing. I can't remember if I wrote it in paganscream or planetqueen but it said something like, 'I just get the feeling that someplace, somewhere I said, don't help me, even if I am really suffering, this is what I need to do this time'. But I didn't anticipate how hard it would be. I really hope you are right.
from paganscream :
Gosh, yes, that's exactly what I think. Why do you think it happens to some people then - that they do have the ability to feel other realities? Do you think that if we know the perfect love exists because we can feel it to be so, that we will eventually find it? It can't be that we are just being teased or fooled because there would be no point to that. I don't know anything at all. All I do know is that I wish that as I feel it, I could find it or I'd rather not feel it at all.
from paganscream :
I like your new layout. I hope your son is better soon. You know, once I felt sure that I would find the man that would make my heart sing but I lost my faith in everything. Not only do I not think I will find him here, in this reality, I think I actually made it all up. I don't think he exists anywhere. I think I am a left over fraction.
from hidden-poems :
Thank you for adding me as a favourite on your profile. i really hope your son is alright. -jeff
from paganscream :
Absolutely no offence whatsover intended here - but your answer has made me feel really bad.
from paganscream :
and maybe if I think it could be me, that means that even it is wasn't, it is. and so maybe I should just leave this world because I don't want to be a manipulator and I have no idea what I am at all.
from paganscream :
are you talking about me in your entry of the 3rd? I read your diary. on the 2nd I was accused by someone of seeking revenge but I never, ever do. I don't believe in revenge but having read your entry I'm scared it could be me you are referring to and that I don't know what it is I do at all. I don't know anything at all and everything I do goes wrong and I think I must be just plain evil.
from paganscream :
Happy Christmas. xxx
from mysoulchose :
Hello tarkis, hey again! I read your last 2 entries, about the package and the one after it. I just want to tell you, that I love the way you write, I dont say this much. When I read your diary it's like I am reading a book, a very well written book! Thank you for that. I just wish you happy holidays, and nice presents heh. hope good health for your family and your son and you. take care
from aschoom :
I am inspired by your last entry
from paganscream :
I know I'm repeating myself but I understand exactly what you say, especially the bit about having chosen this and you must get through it. I just know that somehow, somewhere I said 'even if I beg, don't come and help me, I have to do things this way'. But I wish I hadn't. Sometimes.
from paganscream :
There is no nourishment for me anywhere. I am truly empty, soulless and alone. Forever.
from paganscream :
I understand, I just get confused sometimes.
from paganscream :
I recognise the truth in what you write.
from mysoulchose :
hello again,i was very said when i saw it locked,honestly!anyway if you ever lock it again, please give me access, I love reading your diary,it makes me feel so close to the truth!not like others, bunch of eloquent words.. yours are life
from mysoulchose :
Hey, we both have dreams that help us realise something in real life. I like the way you write. Keep writing.
from aschoom :
I love your reflections and your dreams. It makes me want to dig inside myself and try to pull myself out! ~Irene~ aschoom.diaryland.com
from blackkorn :
i like your latest entry very much,i can relate to it and it makes me feel a bit better knowing someone else can explain how i feel at the moment. even though i cant put into words youve made it a bit better.so thank you.
from blackkorn :
beautifully written in gold wrapped in plastic..i like the way your diary presents itself..

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