Difficulty with costume....

Like Kurt Cobain said:

I'm not like them

But I can pretend

The sun is gone

But I have a light

The day is done

But I'm having fun

I want to stop pretending and having to disguise people because my whole family and some nosy friends found my journal by looking through my computer history.

I have another journal online, but this is the one that I am going to reveal my emotions, my relational ties, and not try to hide so much. It's very difficult to open up and not write "in code."

So, this is it. Me, raw, and revealing my ever-changing costume.

My favorite diaries:

wherwhenwhy profile - diary
comments: for hours of solidly wicked fun

My favorite music:

comments: Lyrics that have staying power such as: "....every kiss has left a bruise...." and "I'm so alone tonight, my bed feels larger than when I was small, lost in memories, lost in all the sheets and old pillows...."
comments: Michael Stipe turns stars into planets and helps me to understand life in his ever-lasting quest for answers.
comments: Story of life and death that ended badly. All apologies.
The Kinks
comments: I want to be a member of the Village Green Preservation Society (god bless Donald Duck, Vaudville, and Variety"
comments: Pink Floyd, Norah Jones, Queensryche, Cake, Amee Mann, Wilco, Billy Bragg, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Rush, Enya, Enigma, Dead Can Dance, Bowie, Matchbox 20, Frank Sinatra, Tori Amos, Ani DiFranco, Spain, Natalie Merchant, Alanis

My favorite movies:

The Fisher King
comments: Jeff Bridges, after this movie in 1991, sprang up to be one of my favorite actors. I have a fondness for this film, for its handling of mental illness--Jeff Bridges character proves through his character that he is useful and needed in the world (which s
comments: A who found herself through S&M. This isn't a film one would typically find romantic, but I do. The idea that there is balance in the world gives me hope. I felt less ashamed of myself after watching this film.
comments: Green, French, and lovely...
Run Lola Run
comments: I wish we could all have do-overs.
Fight Club
comments: Ikea advertising was the irony and contraction of this film, and I liked the idea that Edward Norton was healed at the end of the movie. But really, destroying buildings is not that glamorous nowadays.

My favorite authors:

A. Dumas
comments: The Count of Monte Cristo was hands-down the best book I've ever read. It took me by the hand through every human emotion possible. I like the process of his writing this book as well.
Virginia Woolf
comments: When I walked around Cambridge, I felt her presence and the mental stresses of injustice. It was intolerable that she needed an escort to read in the library or to walk the grounds. Suicide was her fuck you to injustice and sexism.
M. Foucalt
comments: Discipline and Punish showed inhumanity and contradiction in this world. The first two chapters describes torture and how punishment has changed from destroying the human body to destoying the human soul. He is one of my favorite philosophers.
Jeffrey Eugenides
comments: The Virgin Suicides was the first book I read after high school.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
comments: I was one page away from the end of the The Great Gatsby on Sept. 10th, 2001. I feel the great need, as Gatsby did, for self-improvement.

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last updated: 2008-12-09 23:22:21
this user's total entries: 52
user since: 2006-02-24

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