messages to loveherwell:
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from aryssa90 :
I love it too! I was watching it the other day and I read your entry at the same time and I was like “I bet she likes Broad City”. There wasn’t anything in your entry that reminded me of it, I just figured you would. Anyway, I find that when I’m in a shitty place, watching it helps me zone out for a bit.
from aryssa90 :
Do you watch broad city?
from erases :
fuck yeah.
from tinea :
thank you for your note, darling. there's so much that i want to say but i can't even articulate. i know you've really been through it too. it kind of sucks, but there is some comfort in knowing that someone else knows exactly the pain you feel. i'm here for you. we can do it. <3
from aryssa90 :
I'm sorry. I'm thinking about you <3 feel free to reach out if you ever need
from valasaurus :
omfg that's terrible. i'm so sorry :(
from the-grey-one :
Breaking up with someone puts your brain in a state of withdrawal and it can take a good while for your chemicals to settle down. Don't beat yourself up for "not being strong" because everyone feels awful when in a state of withdrawal. Try to be kind to yourself, what you're feeling is totally normal even if it sucks donkey balls. :( , I am rooting for you. This will pass and you are doing just fine, f'reals.
from papotheclown :
Damn it. I didn't see your note until now (early Sunday morning). I imagine you won't have time today, but if you do email me at thedreadpoetryan@gmail.com and we can try to make it work. Sorry I missed you. And welcome back to Colorado.
from papotheclown :
I've been listening to that song a lot myself lately. And you will. You are going to make it through.
from papotheclown :
I think it is half the battle. At least I hope it is. And I'd say another 30% of the battle is simply not giving up. And if that is the case, then you are winning. Even if it doesn't feel like it. Just keep holding on.
from degausser :
PS Rick and Morty is the best.
from degausser :
Just wanted to say I've been following along with you and wishing you well throughout all these changes. I think when we're younger, we think relationships will be more black and white than they are. And really, they kind of are more black and white at that age. But when you're an adult and relationships involve building lives with people, it isn't so simple. There can be love and there can be wonderful things, and it still might not work or be enough. I don't have any answers because these are things I regularly think about in my own relationship - trying to figure out if the good outweighs the bad, or if the good is worth leaving because of the bad - and never come up with an answer. I think there are no right answers. Most relationships don't work out. But we stay in relationships because there are good things about them, and I think it's perfectly normal to miss those things, even if ending the relationship was the best choice for you.
from papotheclown :
I would be delighted to meet up with you. Just keep me posted as to when you will be here.
from valasaurus :
right back atcha
from papotheclown :
The mountains were lovely. Went up to Grand Lake. Might write about it a bit later. Having just read your last entry, I wish you could have been there too. Some nice open quiet space seems to be exactly what you need right now
from swallowthkey :
that whole "spark" thing makes me crazy. like is it just pheromones?! are we all just deluding ourselves into thinking that "spark" means love when really it just means our bodies want some kind of chemical fulfillment? i also recently broke up with my partner of 4 years at least partially because i didn't think i was in love with him anymore and almost immediately after met someone i had that "spark" feeling with, but that person turned out to be super super wrong for me, and mostly left me really missing my ex. what even are feelings and how the heck are we supposed to sort them out?
from movingsands :
:( rooting for it all to get better
from papotheclown :
No need to apologize. I don't check my notes all that often myself. Definitely let me know if you come back in September. It's always cool to meet other Diarylanders.
from aryssa90 :
I've been off and on eland the last few months ish. I just caught up on your last few entries. I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. I definitely know what that feels like. So often I've felt like your entries could have been my own. I don't know your whole story, only what you've written but I do believe you will find love and peace and happiness. You're amazing <3
from papotheclown :
Just caught up on your last several entries. So sorry to hear about the pain you are experiencing. I once had to live with my ex for about three months after we broke up. It's a surreal experience. Everything is familiar, but simultaneously entirely not the same. Keep your head up. And I'd love to actually meet you before you leave. Hit me up if you want to do something real Denvery for one last time.
from whosaysthat :
i feel ya on your latest entry, girl. go for a hike without him! haha ;)
from whosaysthat :
<3
from bantenhut :
UGH, ha! I also wish I had the urge to write when happy. Oh, well. <3 I hope you get a chance to watch the finale very, very soon!
from aryssa90 :
I was thinking about you today. I can just relate to so much that you write. I want to go back home too. I just came back from visiting and I'm even more sure that moving home is the right move for me. I hope I'm able to make that happen somehow and I hope you're able to also. It really is such a difficult decision to leave different parts of your life behind.
from erases :
i'd show up.
from papotheclown :
My heart is aching for you today. Just remember, you are so valuable that you can make people care for you by simply sharing a couple of sentences about your life every now and then. That's a lot of value. You will get through all of this.
from papotheclown :
I am a 5 with a 4 wing apparently. I still don't know what that means though.
from papotheclown :
I've got this idea: Let's choose some big Denver event, one where there will be like hundreds or thousands of people. And let's go to that event at the same time. Since we don't know what each other looks like or even our real names,we obviously won't see or meet each other. But we will both write about our experience of the event on here. What do you think?
from aryssa90 :
I completely understand. I've been really struggling lately with the fact that live just always kind of sucks because I will always want more and be indecisive. 8 want to lose weight, I want to feel better about myself, I want to travel and leave here but then I realize I can have a lot here. It's just a lot and every decision has pros and cons. Basically, I can totally relate.
from darthuae :
i agree! after watching the last episode of 'girls' i kept having this weird (but warm) feeling in my mouth. it was indeed the best one yet.
from papotheclown :
Hey, thanks for the encouragement. It really means a lot. I know I only get to see the fragments of your life that you write about on here, but I am a fan of you and am cheering you on from a few neighborhoods away.
from frankie123 :
and back atcha <3
from aryssa90 :
Happy birthday!
from papotheclown :
Happiest of birthdays, friend.
from bantenhut :
FUCK yeah! Do it! 2017, let's do this!
from erases :
Hey, I'll take it. Happy ( extremely early ) birthday, to you, too. <3
from tinea :
<3
from erases :
There's nothing else to say; there's just life.
from bantenhut :
Do you think it doesn't sound very fair to him? Or to you? I get fanciful crushes, too. And I feel like maybe my significant other isn't the right person, too, at times. It's not a fun feeling, that's for sure. Maybe it's normal, though. I'm not the one in your relationship, so I can't say with authority what's going on. I'm just glad you're having a good time with him right now, and I hope it continues. You seem like you've had a hard life, and you're very tough, and very fun. Keep on keeping on, sister. It's okay to be wherever you are. Mwah. :*
from frankie123 :
even still nothing's been confirmed (and i absolutely hate the way the health industry operates), but ty i really appreciate you xx
from erases :
Change is good, T. Let's chase it together.
from bantenhut :
Because you're a Stardewer, here's a hilarious video about the game. It's about 9 minutes, I hope you like it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uufntdA7QvY&index=1&list=LLESkBtXyRqS3bEqwVZcKRlQ
from bantenhut :
Aw, that's awesome! Elliott--of course we would go for the brooding novelist, haha! Harvey is also great. :) My nickname on there is teaketta, and update 1.1 just went through the other day. I think in the future (or maybe with this update?) the game might have a social element added, I forget what the proper term is. Anyway, hit me up there if you'd like! The only other game I play really is The Sims 4.
from erases :
i miss you, too, man. i really do.
from bantenhut :
Yes, Stardew Valley is great! Soooo addictive! I am a terrible fisherwoman, but becoming decent at Farming/Foraging/Mining. Penny and I are gettin' hitched, probably. But Elliott and Leah are so much more hip! Haha. :D What goals are you focused on? I'm in my first year of winter right now!
from happyone :
Ohh I loved Stranger Things! I can't wait for season 2! -Ashley Monday, 9.12.16, 2:28 pm
from erases :
<3
from frankie123 :
it's ok probably
from bantenhut :
Hi! :) This is fairly out of the blue, but after catching up with DL posts, I had to let you know -- you might want to check out papotheclown. He also went to the Avett Brothers show at Red Rocks, and wrote about it on the same day. Looks like an awesome venue! / On another note, I hear you on the compatibility thing. Love is complicated. I've mostly decided to get my friendship quotient outside of my relationship. I hope you're doing well! Sounds like a fun 4-year-old party, and the photos of St. Mary's Glacier online are amazing! :D
from frankie123 :
O you are my forever and always tv show twin! garnet gets my heart beating wild like badonk a donk donk
from erases :
where you been
from erases :
avett bros covering band of horses? score! @ red rocks? dude. jelly.
from bantenhut :
You sound like you're being too hard on yourself. We all see the other side as greener sometimes, and some more than others. And if you know what's wrong with your thinking, you can be better about it in the future. I hope you can set aside some time today to just treat yourself, even if it needs to be a free thing. Maybe you could sit under a tree at a park, or have some ice cream. Whatever is a "treat" to you, go do that. You're worth it!
from bantenhut :
Thank you for the note! It's really nice to know I'm not alone in this. Seriously. I hope you're being kind to yourself today. I read your last post, but didn't quite understand it. You are Tia, right? Is Reece a person you are into? It looks like you've updated since then, though. Agreed, drunkenness is fun. :) These men don't understand they need to tell us we're beautiful - often. Hugs, dear! <3
from whystinger :
Perhaps you are afraid of this good relationship or is the relationship just not good. You definitely need to work through why you are unhappy, then want to go back. Not only is this hard on Matt, but it is hard on you. I hesitated to divorce my wife, worried that I would miss her and/or be sorry that I left. I miss the cats, but I really don't miss her and only sometimes do I wish to talk to her. My desire to talk to her is very minor and only infrequently, maybe once a month. I know I made the right decision, but you are struggling.
from whystinger :
First, have patience. Oh, this is way easier to say than to do. At 26 you are smart if you realize you don't have things figured out. Do take the time to become comfortable by yourself and also begin reaching out and making friends. The old cliché of "do what you enjoy and make connections there" does work, but you have to work it and work it frequently (I need to take my own advice). I had friends at the old house (city and state) and need to make friends in my new area. I will probably look towards some Car clubs, runners's clubs and other things that I am interested in. This could be a good opportunity for growth for you. I am using it for my growth.
from erases :
*jim shrug*
from erases :
they were really awesome.
from bantenhut :
I hear you on the making friends thing, I really do. You're not a bad person for not having friends, and just because some people don't want to be friends doesn't mean they know anything about anything. One thing that dawned on me recently (and this may or may not be the case with you) is that I'm very introverted, and tend to not let people in. Oddly enough, it wasn't until a few days ago that I was reminded I need to put myself out there to get friends. And lastly, I saw a video yesterday about making friends by my favorite youtuber. She says that making friends is a slow process, and there are two not-so-great ways to go about it that people sometimes try. One way is to reveal EVERYTHING about yourself ALL AT ONCE so people know who you are, and then bail if people don't jive with you. The other way is to put up a huuuuuge brick wall and not let anyone in. The idea is to take it slow, it doesn't all happen at once. But it's tough sometimes, just like relationships...you invest, and then it may or may not work out. Recently I fell out with a group I thought might be a lasting one, but they turned out to be assholes. It really freakin' hurts! But here's to another day. We'll get through this.
from valasaurus :
That doesn't sound right... did you do your taxes yourself or did you go to someone? If you haven't already submitted it, do your best to atleast have someone else look it over. Best of luck!
from frankie123 :
happy bday girl! i'm sorry yr government suxx
from frankie123 :
same to you, friend
from whystinger :
Alyssa90 makes a good point (hope I spelled it right). I am not sure if you really want to break up or are you afraid of breaking up? It has been years and I do remember some of that stuff from my previous relationships. Have you thought of seeking out a Therapist who may help you work through your feelings, wants and desires? I thought Therapists were "for people with big problems, mental problems or California crazies." I now wish I had taken a friend's recommendation YEARS ago to deal with my marriage with a Therapist. Yes, I worked with one for 8 years, but the idea was first presented to me maybe 14 years ago. I could have been well beyond my shitty marriage by now. Don't discount trying to work with a few Therapists. IF you are willing to do the work, you can either find happiness or determine if you need to move on. Don't just stay in a relationship because he is good to you and you feel bad. Work to become happy or you may regret it. I wish you good luck and happiness. It took me a while to learn, so it may take you a while too. Funny, but I had a few relationships like yours. I left them because it just wasn't right for me and I do not regret it. I do regret not working with a Therapist earlier.
from aryssa90 :
Have you thought about what it is that you do want? I find it's easy or at least easier to say wha I don't want but when people ask me what I do want in like uhhhhh. You say you don't feel like you could marry him. What does that person you would marry look like? Also, I don't think any of those choices make you a failure but from what I've read, Colorado doesn't seem to be what makes you happy. In the end, none of the emotions are going to feel good and it's always going to be messy. You just need to make the best decision for you.
from rhetoric :
i feel like your questions, given this place and the diary format, are rhetorical. but my two cents are as follows. this is not a decision for the rest of your life. at most it is a choice about where you spend the next year. keep it in that context and it seems more answerable. you'll have frustrations and regret no matter what you choose. and you will have others in your life no matter what you choose. it will not make or break your life, you are more than that. what do you want to do long term in life? which decision will advance toward that? go that way. not sure yet? (none of us are.) what do you prefer for the next 6 or 12 months? wishing you all the best.
from xt4j :
(12.14.15) Emphatic yes. I don't know enough about the situation, but I know if you're asking THAT question, the answer is always always always YES.
from aryssa90 :
Are you okay? How did he react?
from bantenhut :
Hi! I just want to say that I like you, and your journal, and that you try so hard. You are strong! Someone commented on my notes a while ago, reminding me to "Leap, and the net will appear." The latter part of the message said, "Leap, kid. It's worse regretting you didn't, later." So you could regret not leaping when you're old, or you could regret leaping when you're young. I think you're better off trying now. Your goals wouldn't be worthwhile if they were easy. Just make sure you're taking breaks, and taking care of yourself. I spent most of a weekend doing nothing after a hellish semester. Balance is key. :) Good luck, warrior princess!
from whystinger :
I want to learn Spanish too. I must find the time fore classes.
from degausser :
I too have thought it would just be easier if he cheated on me because that would be a normal, logical, clear-cut reason for leaving. No idea what that means, but you aren't alone!
from frankie123 :
<3<3<3<3
from rhetoric :
well i've got my fingers crossed for you, whatever you do.
from rhetoric :
i hope it doesn't come across as morose or like i'm hoping for a particular outcome. i just want to say that the way you are cataloging this and describing it all--regardless of outcome--is fascinating to me. it's like a serial story. however, i completely understand it is your actual life so, best wishes to you.
from whystinger :
Oh, shit! If you are hoping he is cheating on you so you have a reason to break up, then dump him! I used to have that same desire with my (now) ex wife. That is your brain telling you to dump him. I wish I would have listened to myself and not waited the extra seven years. Also with comments like "break up when this is the nicest they have been to you" (a summary, not exact) this is another indicator. I have been there and understand how difficult. PS. you won't leave until YOU are ready.
from erases :
11.14.15 motherfuck. i know.
from frankie123 :
for a bit, yeah
from whystinger :
Wait, a full time job as a school teacher and a part time job??? That is more than too much to do.
from aryssa90 :
So, he sounds like a nice guy but, I will say that is kind of shitty :/ it sounds like you've given up a lot to be in a place where you're not that happy
from whystinger :
Congratulations for getting your student loan half paid off already. I received bad advice from a CPA and was told to not "pay it off early and use the tax deduction." This was shitty advice because I got a couple of hundred dollars of tax write off for paying several thousands in interest. If I was smart, I would have let go of the tax deduction and saved several thousand dollars in interest payment. So, my compliments to you!
from frankie123 :
bleeh
from lostasyou :
Thank you so much for saying so :)
from whystinger :
Wish I had a weekend with an excess of sex... I am sort of jealous.
from rhetoric :
re: aug 12th - in my opinion, the frustration is perfectly expressed. you may see it later as too mean or too whatever else, but it doesn't seem outlandish from an outsider's perspective. that said, hope you start turning some of it around to things you enjoy more.
from moonbaby8u :
Ok.... loverherwell sunshine :)
from frankie123 :
thank you!! XX fingers crossed. XXXXXXX. and good luck to you, too, with whichever decision you make.
from erases :
I think you're just living life, like the rest of us. We just happen to be people who need and have found an outlet. I'm always here for you, and I'm glad your life is moving in a positive direction. You're not sad now, you're just running into life's obstacles. It'll all work out in the end. Much love.
from spit-n-lie :
Ditto, hang in there :)
from a-d-w :
are you feeling better?
from whystinger :
About an older entry, cavity forming. Try some peroxide rinses or brush with peroxide and baking soda as a toothpaste. Keep it clean and if you can kill the bacteria, there is a chance of stopping the cavity and sometimes even re-calcify it. My former dentist has me flossing with toothpaste in my mouth (from after brushing). Messy, but seems to help a lot. Cool diary. I snoop once in a while.
from frankie123 :
i only spilled on the topsheet, so whatever, it's way too hot to bother using that anyway
from frankie123 :
it's a hard knock life
from whystinger :
I am returning. Hope all is well.
from mallorysana :
I know I do not know you, but the way you tell your story, how vulnerable you are using your words, I think that is beauty in itself. If I can see that, I am sure those around you can see the beauty that really matters, your heart.
from aryssa90 :
yes. which is why her name will be little ann :) by the way. life always sucks, there are jsut brief moments where it doesnt completely blow. ive obviously had a shit day, im sure my perspective will be different tomorrow. Have you ever heard Vedera's song "Satisfy"? It makes sense to me, I wonder if it's a generational thing
from bantenhut :
I'm sorry you're having a tough time of it. I'm with you, I never get to see my sweetheart and I work two jobs, am taking four classes. Maybe you could move in with him, if he's your guy. Something Corporate was such a great band. Hugs from Texas! Hope you feel better soon.
from aryssa90 :
I can totally relate to the holiday thing. Bill works most holidays and I have jobs where I get them off so I usually spend them alone. It really sucks. Sometimes face timing or skyping helps. It other times it's just more depressing. But there will be more holidays. And there will be other jobs. And there will be a time when you are happy. :) and you can always talk to me of you need
from frankie123 :
march 21 -- i rly loved that
from msjessica :
thank you very much! xx
from degausser :
Thanks, I hope so too. Hey congratulations on your jobs! I know adjusting to the move must be hard, but it sounds like things are going really well for you :)
from aryssa90 :
After I graduated I was in a similar situation. I had moved in with bill, thousands of miles away from friends, family. I didn't have a job and I was struggling. It was a really depressing time. I cried probably every day. I found a job (that I hated) and then got a different job that I ended up hating even more. The friends took awhile. I've been living here for like, 4 years now and I'm just now in a place that doesn't completely suck, although on my more depressed days I think it does. You have an advantage though, you're (I think) in a better, bigger town with more social and professional opportunities. Also, your boyfriend is around your age so hopefully his friends can become your friends. I think everyone goes through a horrible after college transition, some are just harder than others. If you ever want to talk, I'm here! Also, the first time I got my hair cut here, the girl dyed it wrong and I ended up with bright red hair and bright yellow roots. I also cried, so don't feel like it's silly :)
from erases :
happy birthday, t.
from amidstgrace :
congrats to you on graduating, it's okay to be proud of yourself too :)
from erases :
you earned it kiddo, congrats. proud of ya
from lostasyou :
<3 thank you.
from lostasyou :
<3 thank you.
from frankie123 :
heck yes grrrrrrrl
from erases :
who doesn't have a target?
from a-d-w :
true story. i'm wishing you luck btw. can you feel it?
from frankie123 :
wd definitely recommend it! & i hope you receive the good career vibes i just pulsated to wherever you are
from frankie123 :
so how do you make it work without spending half your time seething or sobbing? what's the secret i'm missing?
from frankie123 :
loooove wide Sargasso sea
from jaysthoughts :
Hi, Tia.
from degausser :
Obviously the timing might not be right (right this second) because of the situation with his dad, but just in general: don't be afraid to discuss your concerns and even your doubts. All of that is totally normal and healthy, and you're even allowed to be scared. Moving across the country to be with someone is a big scary change, and you're totally allowed to feel all that. I had doubts and concerns about moving in with TL and we lived less than 5 minutes away from each other. It's normal to worry about a major life change and you shouldn't be afraid to talk about it with your partner. It's important to be on the same page, and you'll feel better if you're able to be honest and open. Having concerns that you want to talk through doesn't mean you don't have faith in the relationship; it just means you're going through the normal emotional stages of a major life change. It's okay to feel all that and it's okay to talk about it. It sounds trite, but communication is so important in a relationship.
from moodswing :
hiya, honey.
from jaysthoughts :
Cheers
from frankie123 :
step by step & deep breaths -- i'm gonna copy your game plan. happy fall 2014 ~~~
from whystinger :
Shoot me an email at why stinger"at"yahoo and I will send you a password.
from whystinger :
Long distance romances can be sweet and also so damn tough at the same time. I swore off long distance romances and then got into one, married her. I have learned the bad thing is: sometimes you don't truly get to know that person. In my case, I now realize the signs were there and I either ignored them or was talked out of them. I don't read you very often, but I feel you "have a better head on your shoulders" in relation to this than I did.
from aryssa90 :
hey! wanna shoot me an email at holdhandsnskip3@yahoo.com for the info? Also, have you heard of the band Kodaline? We seem to have some similar tastes in music, was just wondering :)
from moodswing :
but one thing is universal: communication, communication, communication. free your voice and the rest will follow.
from moodswing :
I am having wild trouble restraining myself from saying OH GOD HERE ARE THE ERRORS I MADE DONT DO THEM EVEN THOUGH OUR LDR'S ARE/WERE NOT THE SAME, and nobody likes that, so... if you have interest in unsolicited opinions, let me know. :)
from moodswing :
make sure your people meet him.
from erases :
All I can say is: it's about time.
from frankie123 :
i liked it a lot! funny and simple and profound (or very unprofound)
from lostasyou :
Haha! I think it always looks really crap! But thanks x
from moodswing :
i'd tear the roots out of someone if they said that to me.
from tinea :
"don't ever look at it!" i actually loled :)
from frankie123 :
very often after reading one of your entries i feel like i just wanna reach out and high five you like F-YEAH
from frankie123 :
i knooow! :D
from whystinger :
Four miles in 40:07 is AWESOME!!!
from almostrachie :
Eeps! I'm sorry I changed passwords on ya -- I didn't think anyone was reading anymore. I've restored the old password :)
from i-lost-sarah :
also, I'm sure your emotional rollercoaster is a beautiful ride-- and the ones who get run over maybe need to appreciate the loop-de-loops or get out of the way
from i-lost-sarah :
Not weird -- you made me so happy, you really did -- thank you, thank you, thank you :)
from tinea :
:D !!!
from erases :
yer not the worst.. sheesh.. you rule. remember that.
from degausser :
Oh my god don't get me started on the HIMYM finale. I have been ranting about it all over the internet since 9pm on Monday.
from erases :
It's the end of an era.
from erases :
I hope so, Tia. I really do.
from frankie123 :
shucks, man.
from degausser :
Thanks! That's my beloved Gilbert.
from erases :
happy birthday ms. t
from movingsands :
Happy birthday! Bask in all that gooey happiness!
from degausser :
Happy Birthday!
from frankie123 :
your boy sounds like the Best
from movingsands :
I wonder if feet hurting, vanilla ice-cream as a favorite, and being touchy-feely are aquarius traits...my son is the same. I bet you had to choose your birthday cakes from an array of hearts and pink frosting too. Ahh, February... :)
from meffinmisfit :
01/05/14 POST: That is how things should be. You deserve it :)
from erases :
yay
from degausser :
That's adorable and right to the point! I like that in a man.
from aryssa90 :
IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU
from imalex :
Sounds like a keeper :)
from moodswing :
<3
from aryssa90 :
Have you ever tried melatonin? It's a sleep aid, you can get it at Wal-Mart and it's supposed to help you sleep. You can take 3-9 mg. The nurse at my work gives them to the kids who cannot sleep, you don't need a prescription. I've tried it before, when I have consistently had difficulty sleeping, it seemed to work for me!
from edgarfrog :
You heard me.
from degausser :
Thank you!
from cut-therain :
you always say it about other people, but tonight i'm going to say it about you. YOU'RE PERFECT AND I LOVE YOU.
from angelic-echo :
I've been following your diary for quite awhile now, and I'm cheering you on, you have such a big heart, sometimes your entries make me want to cry. I know exactly what you are going through when you say you are sad. I'm hoping things turn around for you and you get everything in life you deserve.
from moodswing :
i'm glad to see you're happy :)
from frankie123 :
i smiled all through your 26.09.13 entry. very stoked for you!!
from frankie123 :
black a white e red i green u blue o -- it's a nod to arthur rimbaud, who's always meant a lot to me. & $10 000 -- dang! the thought of grad school never fails to makes me queasy
from darthuae :
i want in! astromechdroid at gmail dot com xo
from frankie123 :
next week let's coordinate outfits. i'm thinking BIG SWEATER AND LAZY PONYTAIL
from frankie123 :
that's my plan too!! we are tuesday night twins
from frankie123 :
ya, i'm totally just watching new girl and eating tortilla chips instead
from frankie123 :
fuck linguistics. write the story.
from cymbals :
kapcock@gmail.com
from doctorkaysen :
imaginaryness@gmail.com please please
from frankie123 :
"...you're really good at sticking with things that aren't necessarily what you want." that hit me like a brick for some reason. i read it probably ten hours ago and here i am, now, still thinking about it. & you're absolutely right about everybody being like that. when none of us should be.
from degausser :
Seventy Times Seven is one of the greatest "fuck you" songs of all time.
from degausser :
mcdermott.c@hotmail.com
from frankie123 :
gsharonkang@gmail.com (knock, knock)
from degausser :
Every Mosby finds where they belong eventually. I think. I hope. We'll find out in September? Bahah
from erases :
We're such Schmosby's.
from degausser :
I happen to love Ted Mosby.
from cymbals :
i second frankie123s comment, and also wanted to say that you starting your entry with a bit from my favourite mountain goats song made me really happy. <3
from frankie123 :
one thing that helps with (lower) back pain is to sleep on yr back with a pillow or two under yr knees. also marijuana.
from shewholies :
If you fail, fail spectacularly. If that's not what you want, commit to succeeding. Be honest with yourself about what you want and everything else will fall into place.
from bantenhut :
"but my god if i end up just like her, i'll be doing damn well." So sweet! I have to remember this for myself, too. Cheers! :)
from lostasyou :
Thank you Tia, xx
from erases :
wrong. there is no one better than you. that's a fact.
from degausser :
Thank you! And you as well :) I'm glad someone else worries about these things too.
from degausser :
"for the past couple of days i have been wondering how someone must see me just from what i've written here" I do that allll the time. Always have. I re-read recent entries and try to analyze myself and wonder what people think when they read it. Do I seem funny? Sad? Depressing? Intelligent? SLUTTY? Charming? Annoying? Repetitive? Vulgar? Immature? Neurotic? SLUTTY? (I used to ask myself that a lot more) I always try to be really honest, but then I worry that Im honestly awful. If I partook in hashtags, I would hashtag journaling problems right now.
from shewholies :
Your diary makes me happy. I don't know why. It just does. Much love and sunshine to you!
from rhetoric :
and you didn't have to wait 9 years between sequels. here's hoping the third one is just as good.
from puresunsh1ne :
I'm so jealous of your relationship with your mother
from frankie123 :
if i may be solicitous: the pacific northwest is pretty great
from rhetoric :
you should now watch before sunset. and probably before midnight, though i haven't seen this one. i want to.
from edgarfrog :
Follow me.
from rhetoric :
i'm not sure either is preferable. somewhere in between, but that would make sense.
from frankie123 :
"2. i will feel terrible about myself knowing that it meant nothing. then i will turn it into me being nothing." shit, that is exactly correct and you said it so well
from whosaysthat :
hi, i'm a random person who reads your diary! i like it. i get it. from, janna
from degausser :
I feel like to be at my best, I need other people to write beautiful things that I can relate to. It's easier to get what I'm feeling into words if I know I'm not acting and feeling like a total maniac, or like I don't have ANY idea what I'm doing with my life (Because I don't! Shh!). It's somehow easier, knowing you have an audience who understands, and has felt the same, or at least understands why you feel that way. Really, this place may not be like it used to be, but I am thankful to still have six regular posters (thanks!) who says things that I understand and relate to.
from erases :
this city and colour guy writes songs like i write songs, except for the fact that i'm way cooler than this guy ;)
from erases :
http://vimeo.com/42657462 george's boy.
from rhetoric :
even though i know it is not true, there are times when it seems like i can see your mind working through your writing; almost as if i'm watching the process happen. it's quite a skill.
from erases :
love'll burn a hole in you, kid.
from frankie123 :
write him a letter explaining that it's not an apology if it's sent over facebook. ignore him until he writes back.
from erases :
i've been thinking about covering here comes the sun. thought of you today when i saw this guy cover the song. http://youtu.be/-qhQTJKJnuE i don't think it can get any better than his version. enjoy
from frankie123 :
her majesty is the one beatles song i find myself singing under my breath all the time. it's just so simple and lovely
from rhetoric :
it is one of my favorite things to read someone else's epiphany. very cool.
from erases :
loving the new color scheme
from rhetoric :
listen to your gut, but then figure it out with your head.
from erases :
Message me your email please :)
from moodswing :
oh, you're so sweet. thank you, honeybear.
from moodswing :
aw, shucks. the thanks. i am very pleased with it. well worth the 3.5 hours of beestings
from erases :
That can definitely put a damper on things.
from erases :
Quite the contrary: those sound like things you should be doing. However, they do sound like things you should not take for granted.
from degausser :
"sometimes i just stop and look and myself and my life and think, how the hell did i get here?" Happens to me all. the. time.
from moodswing :
HEY ARE YOU OKAY. :) I come from a place of wayward brother troubles, and based on my experiences I will tell you it all turns out well, but the glory of life is it's mystery, so in the meantime we just wonder. I think that makes sense. Sometimes I find the more I tell myself to sit straight and breathe right, the more crooked I end up, since I am then too focused on breathing, and cause myself to panic. I'm not sure where the balance is.
from cymbals :
hey you, thanks for your lovely comment. it is certainly nice to hear that from someone who doesn't live here and doesn't have any kind of selfish interest in me staying. i also think it is pretty unique to be so happy in one place, to have made so many friends so far from home; i guess that i get that my parents are more focused on my "career" but i just want to be happy, and i don't necessarily think that work is how that is going to happen. am *completely* jealous of your adorable puppy, and i always hope that you get what you want, feelings twin. hope you're happy too. happy snowfall. xx
from aryssa90 :
I agree with what puresunsh1ne said. Something like family members going to rehab can be a really hard situation for friends to navigate, especially if they have never gone through something similar. They don't know how to relate or what to say and they don't want to upset yku by bringing it up. My dad has been in jail for 2 years for a DUI and all that time none of my friends have asked me about it and if I ever bring it up because I want to talk about it, they don't ask me anything other than if I'm okay and then they just kind of awkwardly change the subject. But if I told them I needed to talk to them and I needed to have them listen, I hope that they would. I hope you're okay and I know we don't know each other too well but if you want to talk about it, we can. I kind of know what you're going through.
from frankie123 :
username: fire / password: fly / i don't have much happening there atm
from frankie123 :
i clicked on your name from the recent entry box and just wanted to say hi. and i hope things will turn for the better for you
from puresunsh1ne :
i didn't ask because i didn't know if i should. i feel like sensitive situations should be brought up by you, if that makes sense. i am sorry if i hurt your feelings.
from aryssa90 :
You are perfect too. You should remember that.
from erases :
thanks t :)
from erases :
I miss being the person that does all that.
from lostasyou :
I don't deserve it, but thank you.
from puresunsh1ne :
Antidepressants.
from puresunsh1ne :
I love you.
from erases :
oh, you never know.. i think you should be open to letting someone surprise you.. it's not a bad thing to be open to intimacy.. i think that one day someone's gonna walk up to you and flip your current world on it's head.. and that is something that you cannot prepare for. live and let live.
from moodswing :
pretty colors!
from tinea :
it's okay to feel unsatisfied when you're faced with unsatisfactory options. don't feel guilty about this; it puts you in the position to settle.
from doctorkaysen :
"i am never, ever satisfied" I relate to this so much. It's painful to think that we may just be wired this way.
from erases :
thank you! *v*
from hoursandours :
is it you?
from fairybones :
yay baby indeed! thank you for your kind words, tia! <33333333333333333
from erases :
i feel my heart puttering out. stopping. breaking all over again.
from imalex :
Hahaha YES! I think that all the time.
from moodswing :
Oh gosh, aren't you adorable.
from tinea :
thank you!! and eeek is 100% right; it's so surreal!
from moodswing :
Amen to optimism, sister.
from cymbals :
quote me a leonard cohen poem and i am yours forever. we all want to fall in love like that. i hope it happens for you soon. <3
from almostrachie :
I'm here to inform you that you might be in love with me based on my love of reading, television, and The Beatles. Just thought you should know! :D
from moodswing :
Definitely jammed out to that song maybe ten times on the way to work this morning. And learned the official video has Fraggles. Good start to my week, I think.
from moodswing :
do it anyway. i should probably listen to that song every morning
from tobehis :
I think the kickdrum heart song was my fave. ~ What do you think changed in June that made you lose your confidence in where you were going?
from erases :
11/16/12 anxiety. so true.
from moodswing :
thank you, thank you--i'll be here all.. forever, probably
from tobehis :
Remind me to listen to those songs later...I don't have time right now. :-p
from tinea :
:) you pop into my mind more than you'd think.
from xnamehere :
i recommend rainbow veins by owl city to compliment your lovely playlist. :)
from errantnights :
I know this is a month late, but really I just read it right now, so it actually kind of fits with the point. The point being: "If you want to message him then just do it! Things are not really as easily complicated as they seem, I promise."
from aryssa90 :
those songs are awesome. They made me smile, I couldn't help it :)
from erases :
it's in the mail.
from lostasyou :
:D.... aaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!
from moodswing :
that's what imma try to do... I hope it works :s
from tobehis :
Yay for starting grad school! You're a better girl than I. ;-)
from erases :
i'm a loose frayed thread within earshot of a blade
from tobehis :
If you figure out how to be motivated, let me know. ;-)
from doctorkaysen :
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUR DIARY. i am so glad we are diaryland lovers.
from tobehis :
I've got a lot of needy entries, too. :-/ Seems like I always write when I'm blue, but don't write very often when I'm in a good mood. Probably stinks for my readers. :-P
from tobehis :
Ah, that makes sense. Well, maybe sometime soon when you're not tipsy. :-P And thanks.
from cymbals :
i concur with the one below: if he added you on facebook after you danced at a wedding, how can it be a bad idea to message him if you want to? have fun. ;)
from tobehis :
Why is it a bad idea to message him? Just a friendly little hello and comment on Community, it doesn't have to be anything forward...
from moodswing :
puppy! I might be very jealous
from rhetoric :
the big secret is that no one ever knows. think for a bit (just a bit), choose, and do.
from tobehis :
Just know that subbing is almost nothing like real teaching! :-O
from almostrachie :
It's hard to not have a specific direction to go in. It makes me feel restless. I hope you can find comfort in the fact that it will not last forever! I think everyone experiences periods of time that feel like, "What am I doing? Where am I going?" but they always (thankfully) seem to fade.
from tobehis :
You say "too many dreams" - maybe you could volunteer at places that do some of the things you dream of doing. You'll get your feet wet and be able to see if it's really what you wanna do.
from spit-n-lie :
One time a long time ago, I felt the exact same way. I use to have these ideas of what I was going to do, not detailed plans, more like outlines. But after I graduated college, I just went kind of...blank. Stagnant. And while I can't really help you- because I feel like I've never recuperated my sense of "going somewhere"- I can tell you that what helped me was making small little lists. Like, "today I'm doing this" and then I slowly graduated to "next month I want to do this" and then maybe you can go to bigger ideas that can make you feel... fuller. Just a thought.
from tobehis :
"There's no place like home."
from thepeachtree :
I could use a comment right now, and your the only one online. Thanks.
from cut-therain :
i like winter too.
from lostasyou :
That's such a cute little pup xx
from tobehis :
Poor puppy looks sad...
from cymbals :
sorry for my crazy internet double post. x
from cymbals :
go to 5:00 and listen to heath ledger's advice to you. everything is better coming from him. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aX_xjuBhbA
from cymbals :
go to 5:00 and listen to heath ledger's advice to you. everything is better coming from him. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aX_xjuBhbA
from tobehis :
I can understand life being crazy and busy and all that. If ya ever need to talk, you know how to reach me. I must have slept right through the storm last night. Didn't hear a thing. And, finally, being single does stink majorly...
from tobehis :
"i am ultimately terrified to do the things i love" - why?
from puresunsh1ne :
just go home tia.
from akasha90 :
thanks for that. perhaps i really shouldn't lose hope.
from tobehis :
I've made some bad choices the past few days (months??), too...and I'm in big doo-doo because of it. Like, I'll probably be job-searching soon. Yikes!
from tobehis :
I should take advantage of $2 Tuesdays more often...
from bedwarmhands :
Thank you. xx
from tobehis :
I've had it drilled into me my whole life - and I do believe it...but sometimes I struggle, like you. If I were to take the time to update right now, it would be so blue and lonely and questioning. What on earth is my life supposed to look like? Where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be doing? How do I know that I'm doing the right thing? What IS my purpose? So, yeah...I feel ya.
from tobehis :
Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever be interested in me, also. ...And there is a purpose to life. Would we be here if there wasn't?
from erases :
because the right person hasn't found you yet.
from akasha90 :
this is my first time reading your diary. i didn't know people were chosen for work that way. now not only will i have to pretend i'm not socially awkward, but i have to work on my penmanship as well. crap...
from moodswing :
that is a total bullshit reason for not hiring someone. but as a side note I KNEW PEOPLE DID THAT I THOUGHT I WAS BEING PARANOID
from doctorkaysen :
I wish I could take all my dland friends and have a sleepover where we lay around in gross pajamas and watch the princess bride and raiders of the lost ark and talk about the crap in our lives.
from bedwarmhands :
Thanks friend.
from moodswing :
(celebrate.)
from lostasyou :
:D thank you! I'll try my hardest to not mess this one up haha
from cymbals :
ohhhhh are you ok? that was a sad sad entry. i groaned out loud for you. GOL. :)
from tobehis :
I always have fun with my Lola. :-) Thanks!
from tobehis :
Great article. (Funny, too.)
from tobehis :
Girl, you're not a failure. You've been going through a lot of changes lately. Give yourself time to adjust! If you ever need to find someone to talk to, you can always email me. auntamy_88@yahoo.com. Just make sure you put something about "tia" in the subject so I'll know it's you. :-) I love to write and and communicate with others that way, too.
from lostasyou :
thank you x
from tobehis :
Sometimes you have to go out and find a new community.
from doctorkaysen :
thank you :) I might mess up a whole bunch of other stuff, haha, but I'm at least gonna try to bring up my girl without scrutinizing her body. it's way too commonplace. girls should feel good about themselves!
from aryssa90 :
Don't people always just bring down the mood? Just be excited with me!
from moodswing :
MY NAME IS T-BONE THE DISCO SPIDER
from tobehis :
Hang in there, girl. You've had an emotionally trying week (weeks??). It's good to have a good cry every once in a while. And you're not a failure. You're just in the middle of figuring out where you need to be. It's a tough job. Growing up is HARD!
from puresunsh1ne :
oh tia. you are not a failure. we are in our twenties, this is what life is supposed to be. you can come cry on me any time. i love you.
from tobehis :
You'd probably have more of a guaranteed job if you taught Spanish...but I like French. Took 2 years in high school. (Sadly, I don't remember the majority of it. :-( ) It stinks that you didn't get the job...but it's good that you have a back-up plan. So you're moving to Louisville? That Mario medley was pretty cool. :-) (But I didn't listen to whole thing...too long!)
from tobehis :
So...did you get it? :-P
from cymbals :
also, sorry for that huge chuck of text - i copied your message to my response so i could read it as i wrote and forgot to delete.
from cymbals :
i just feel like he's the one who is most in touch with himself as well as in touch with who everyone else is. he has his head on straighter than the rest of the group even if he's off a bit. i love his pop culture references and he's usually a better friend than anyone on the show (i also just started the second season). i don't know, i have a bad habit of latching on to one character of a show i'm obsessed with and i just love every single thing that character does (which is obviously the case with abed, as says this way too long response haha). i just think its interesting since abed is the character least able to identify the emotions and social cues of the people around him, and from the picture i've gotten of you, you seem pretty attuned to those things. abed is definitely the most interesting character in my opinion as well, even though i see a horrible caricature of myself in britta, and can't help being attracted to jeff even though he is like a composite of all of the worst traits of boys that i tend to go for. i hope the next season doesn't suck! xoxo
from cymbals :
why do you think he's perfect?
from tobehis :
In response to "i'm being dead serious" - Yeah, I feel that way a lot. Why does growing up have to be so hard? I wonder that a LOT LOT LOT. ~ I'm amazed you have so many job interviews...sounds like a REAL blessing. I thought it was terribly hard to get a job; my bro has had a ton of trouble with his job searches, and when I was searching last spring/summer, I couldn't even get interviews. So maybe what I'm trying to say is, be thankful you have those opportunities and that you have choices to make.
from doctorkaysen :
thank you <3
from tobehis :
You can lean on Jesus.
from tobehis :
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
from erases :
http://m.funnyordie.com/videos/52f83fb7d3/blackbird-recently-discovered-demo-recording thought you'd laugh as much as I did
from lostasyou :
from tobehis :
It's great to have people we can be comfortable around, be ourselves around.
from tobehis :
What's your degree in? I'm trying to avoid grad school with everything in me. :-P
from tobehis :
Like the new layout. And that kid is CUTE!
from tobehis :
Sorry this is a few days old, but... Becoming financially independent (or working towards becoming financially independent) seems like a great step to me (not that I'm there yet, but I'm starting to think about what I need to do to be able to support myself). And I'm of the mind that, no matter what, one should remain as debt-free as possible. So, of course, the debt-free option resounded with me. But...I also can empathize with not having friends nearby and having no guy prospects. So, yes, it seems you have a tough decision on your hands.
from fairybones :
mhm, the whole situation was annoying and upsetting, but it feels really good to be able to put a username to the comments/drama and to finally be over and done with it all. <3
from lostasyou :
shit, I didn't finish! ... in a more PLEASE COME BACK sort of way. I hope people believe me this time aha. Ah well. And thanks :)
from lostasyou :
Hahaha it's just annoying because I've said it all before.. well, in a more upset and PLEASE COME BACK
from erases :
rabbit rabbit :) & yes, stick stickly: my favorite
from puresunsh1ne :
i don't have a job ARE YOU TELLING ME I AM NOT SMART TIA!
from lostasyou :
:( I read that. It's just very hard to understand why things like that happen. I don't even know :(
from tinea :
that's the way of the world, to value style over substance, but we know better. and that's okay. but whatever you do, do what will make YOU happy, not what you think will make other people happy. because while it's awesome to be hot and thin, it makes it a lot harder to weed out the people who are only interested in you because you're hot and thin.
from a-d-w :
sometimes i worry about ever having to work in retail again. then i read some stories in my diary about the good days to try make myself feel better. but that doesn't work. i still don't ever want to work in retail again. maybe i have an idea of how you feel.
from tinea :
though you do have a point, and i am the LAST person to discourage self-improvement, i weighed almost 250 lbs (i am 5'4") when i met the love of my life. he fell in love with ME first and foremost, and kept the secret for so long that he wasn't really physically attracted to me. so don't sell yourself short. the right person will see through all the mess you have going on on the outside, i promise. you can figure everything else out later.
from doctorkaysen :
YES. YES YOU GET IT. Working in customer service makes you so pessimistic about people as a whole being okay.
from lostasyou :
hahahahaha, oh no! It's sooo cringe worthy just thinking about it. What is it with mothers and reading that book???
from tobehis :
That's sad about your brother... Aaaand your randomness cracks me up sometimes. :-P
from aryssa90 :
I think the rosebud cheat went ;!;!;!;!:!;!;!:!;! :)
from moodswing :
!;!;!;!
from erases :
:'-(
from fairybones :
aww tia, i love you and thanks so much for writing me that little note! i'm still rather unsure in a way about having my diary locked, but despite that weird awareness of having an audience i think i'll keep it locked at least a while longer, just out of pure protectiveness of my pregnancy. over everything else, i really like the idea of shitty people not being able to lurk around! and, oh, yeah!, about going vegan - thanks so much for the well wishes on that, seriously. this has actually become something i'm super passionate about (both health-wise, just as much for the animal rights aspect), and i've actually been getting so much great feedback, both online as well as in my personal life (which i hardly expected) so when i first started reading your note it made me smile to myself like crazy. i think i made the decision at the perfect time, and i think it's also one of the best decisions i've ever made too! (ps. i truly think you are a doll, tia. and even though i know you might not see it in yourself, you're probably one of the most self-aware girls i've ever heard of, and certainly on diaryland alone. i think that despite some of your inner struggles, you're going to do really damn well in life and i just know that you will find all the happiness you deserve - which is a lot, by the way! and half the time whenever i'm reading one of your entries i just want to poke you in the shoulder and hug you and tell you to give yourself a break and just a wee bit more credit, because you are awesome and sweet and caring and smart and funny and silly and ambitious and beautiful, and that's one hell of a great combination of things to be and it's way more than i can say for a lot of people on this planet.)
from tobehis :
The joys of a twin bed... LOL.
from erases :
thank you :) I'll post more songs soon
from moodswing :
y'know, when I started writing here 400 years ago, I was in high school and convinced a lot of my real-life friends to do it too. I was pretty much the only one who stuck around, but it took years before I felt comfortable really laying it all out here. Then there was the time I was in a ltr with someone also on dland--who is still here as far as I can tell--and again, this awkward process of 'what do i write knowing who can see it.' I've left several times, trying to write on tumblr or other backcorners of the internet, and yet I always find myself coming back here. I don't know why, but nothing works as well as this little place. Not even paper. It's always been strange to me to have this desire/need to have a somewhat private place to write that is really out in the open, but I've tried writing here with a locked diary and that doesn't work for me either. I don't really know what I'm trying to say other than rambling, but eventually dismiss the idea of unwanted eyes and let (the no-longer seen) Constable Whiskers be your guide :)
from tobehis :
Hi, Tia! I've lived in the same house all my life. Louisville doesn't scare me so much...because I don't normally go to the areas with the "reputation" - I don't have any reason to. ...AAAAAAND I just did something that I vowed I would never, ever do. Anyway, thanks for reading, and if you don't mind I'll be adding you to my buddy list, too.
from doctorkaysen :
i had an ex-bf totally infiltrate dl too. two actually. I'm pretty sure they still read my entries and shit too. it does sort of ruin it for you, but I've already had this lame journal for like 4 years. anyway, I totally get what you mean. worst feeling.
from tobehis :
There's been some pretty big violence in Louisville lately...It's good for you to be careful. I'm sure your family just wants to make sure you're safe. I agree that you shouldn't hide under a rock and see a monster in every shadow...but neither should you ignore the real dangers that are out there. This ol' world is a sad, messed up place. ~ OK, enough of that, esp. since you don't even know me and this is, I believe, the first time I've read you. Haha. Just stumbled across your diary in the "recent public entries" box...I don't think your rambling "unorganized" rant was bad...I mean, the purpose of having a diary is for you to get your thoughts out, right? However is best for you to do that, go for it. Your readers will deal with it. :-) (And my comments here weren't exactly organized, either. Hopefully you won't think I'm some kind of lunatic. :-P )
from tinea :
ah, thank you. "gracefully" is so generous, but i'll take it :)
from lostasyou :
:( you see! people suck :( hugs.
from lostasyou :
:) yeah, I know.. just difficult to remember sometimes hahaha x
from erases :
that means more to me than you know. thank you.
from bliss-sad :
I really dig your view of the world. Your mind seems to be a marvelous place!
from asmo-deus :
it is good to know a different set of eyes are watching
from malanoche :
yeah, it's more fun to bitch in a way that sounds like a modern Holden with updated swears than just a regular chump.
from erases :
boy, i feel ya.
from fairybones :
your new hair is so pretty! it really really suits you. also, congrats on graduating! <3
from erases :
like the new cut! :)
from erases :
that's so strange.. i was literally just playing say it ain't so singing loudly on my guitar when i clicked on your page to see 'butterfly'
from zoela :
thank you! i have a paper due also, ugh! hope you finished yours without too much lost sleep. have a beautiful weekend. :)
from lostasyou :
:) ♥.. and what do they mean?
from erases :
listen to your own heart. what does it tell you?
from lostasyou :
from fairybones :
aww, thanks tia! <3
from lostasyou :
Haha no way I wish I sounded like that.. "naaaat..night!" haha ^_^
from lostasyou :
OMG I love your voice! Awwwwwwwwwwwww, omg ♥
from cymbals :
YOUR ACCENT IS SO CUTE!
from erases :
i'm glad i found you as well, dear.
from puresunsh1ne :
i've been depressed for the past four years and i haven't just spent all my time in bed, have i? and weren't you glad for me whenever i did something about it? i'd be glad for you, too. there's no shame in getting help. no shame in reaching out.
from notunique :
things are settling down again. thank you.
from rhetoric :
you're bigger than all that. glad you shared.
from lostasyou :
♥ xxxx
from puresunsh1ne :
love you, tia.
from lostasyou :
Thank you xx
from drastik :
"keep smiling". you can always do that part, and you tell yourself to at the title of every page. (I enjoyed your advise, so I'm passing it back to you. But - I enjoy the loveherwell advice even more)
from lostasyou :
from lostasyou :
I don't know. I thought it was all okay. If this happened now.. I wouldn't even waste my time deciding. But it happened when we weren't together and it was none of my business.. but I was lied to :( that's the worst thing. Like you said, what else might get buried under the sand? We supposedly left all that shit behind us and it's been brilliant since. I just wish he decided to let me know about that tiny important detail back then, at the appropriate moment. now i am all confused :(
from lostasyou :
yeah, that's what i was thinking :/
from tinea :
thank you, dear!
from rhetoric :
you're a catch. you just haven't met someone that has caught up to you yet.
from tinea :
i'm so glad you worded it that way. i know i'm going really out there now, but i do think that as women in our culture, we're taught that we're never supposed to hurt anyone's feelings, we're supposed to sacrifice our own well-being for others, and that we're not supposed to be honest/"mean." being truthful is so not even in the same ballpark as being willfully malicious or unkind. i think the best thing any of us (ladies) can do for our lives is to separate those two things, consciously and consistently.
from tinea :
i do believe that you get what you give, and "what comes around, goes around" and all that. so i don't think you're getting what you "deserve" in the sense that it's a punishment, it's just that you're getting back exactly what you have given: uncertainty, embarrassment, and some discomfort. i get the impression that you are maybe TOO nice sometimes, and you don't want to hurt people's feelings when you feel they've put you in a spot, but by ignoring them and deflecting the situation, you unintentionally do so anyway. it sucks to be a jerk (aka honest, brutally sometimes) in situations, but i think that most people appreciate it more when you are honest and upfront and the situation is resolved, rather than when they're left feeling slighted. and i think honesty is better for your peace of mind too, since yeah, you'll feel bad briefly for hurting someone's feelings, but in the long run you won't have to suffer the weight of regret.
from rhetoric :
not pathetic at all to want honest interaction, to be wanted.
from lostasyou :
Happy belated(I think?) birthday! I am glad it was as good as it sounds :) xxxxxxxxx
from fairybones :
happy birthday, doll! hope your day is extra lovely, and that 22 will be your greatest year yet. <3
from puresunsh1ne :
i sleep with tons of pillows and i am very rarely lonely or depressed. i believe it is an indication of liking to be comfortable while you're asleep?
from puresunsh1ne :
don't feel bad, i am literally failing my physiology class right now and i am only three weeks in. you'll be okay. you are going to be fine, tia. and don't be scared of anything. don't worry about working out almost every day of the week. just go and if you don't feel like going one day, say fuck it and don't go. but just remember to go the next day. feel me? and seeing eric was shitty luck. but we will get blistered drunk this weekend and you'll forget it ever happened. i love you.
from rhetoric :
i spent a few days at wustl years ago. forgive me for saying so if you were intent on going there but the people i met were incredibly pretentious. you're much better than that.
from fairybones :
haha, thanks. some of those memories are just so fun for me to share now that i am a grown up, because ten years ago i would've cringed to think of anyone else knowing. now, i just cherish those stories like crazy. it's weird how our perceptions of ourselves change over time like that, i think it's why i decided to make that entry in the first place, mostly for my own amusement. <3
from kateness :
thank you! i love knowing there is movement in the diaryland world: so glad you're here too.
from innocentspy :
Just stay the way you are. You don't need to change. As the way we are, we need to be accepted that way and then only we will be content with ourselves because it will make us feel we exist.
from lostasyou :
Aw thank you! You too! *blush* I'm not charming x
from tinea :
thanks!!
from rhetoric :
there are worse things than not getting what we want. not that i realize that yet. maybe we'll get to read some of your stories at some point..
from cut-therain :
and i love you. :)
from rhetoric :
racquetball is a ridiculous sport, but so fun. and, and feels like a sauna at times. off the back wall, very cool.
from puresunsh1ne :
no, he isn't.
from puresunsh1ne :
hahaha i was on the phone with jordan and texting you and telling you both what to say to each other last night (for the most part). i was rolling. anyway, your house sounds awesome. please let me live there also. you are the best friend in the world, by the way. to everyone. i love you.
from cymbals :
i think we write each others entries sometimes.
from rhetoric :
no matter what you decide to do regarding classes, push through the last few months. it will be worth it on the other side.
from aryssa90 :
would you mind if I had the password please? Thanks!
from lostasyou :
Boyfriend! ^_^ I'm glad you had a great New Years, you deserve to be happy :) x
from puresunsh1ne :
i am really sorry, that is really shitty.
from cymbals :
i think it's sort of funny and serendipitous that on something as random as diaryland i can find so many feeling-twins. x
from cymbals :
i'd like your password plz.
from tinea :
and i love this entry! you're always so positive and rah rah. it's awesome.
from lostasyou :
:D x
from rhetoric :
thank you. i deleted the message. your secret is safe.
from rhetoric :
if you wish to share, i'd like to read.
from rhetoric :
i don't know who you are, but thanks. i appreciated the kind word.
from lostasyou :
Thanks, pretty :) sorry about that, I am prone to go a bit loopy sometimes. It's okay.
from lostasyou :
It'll get better :) I want in, please! omfggwtf@live.co.uk - I think that's it. I only use it for DL purposes haha.
from tinea :
me too please: contin_uance@yahoo.com
from incshrnkmn :
Password please: incshrnkmn@aol.com
from fairybones :
i want a password too! fairyskeleton@gmail.com <3
from lostasyou :
Don't goooooo
from aryssa90 :
If you lock up or move could you email me your info? Holdhandsnskip3@yahoo.com. :)
from lostasyou :
<3 thank you.. you live and learn, i guess xx
from lostasyou :
*hug* I feel so stupid and horrible. I had such a big amount of fun and I enjoyed myself but now I'm being made to feel like the worst person ever. And knowing he's been with someone else makes me feel awful.. We're both tempted to crawl back to each other because we were talking about it and I KNOW, I know it's so bad and it wouldn't work. But I don't think we want either of us to be with anyone else. It's so difficult and ardjvdjg. I don't know what to do just yet. I need to just clear my head and remember that it was for the best, and whatever happens.. happens. Thank you xxxx
from lostasyou :
I will stay positive :) thanks x
from puresunsh1ne :
i'm a sagittarius, we're good people.
from cut-therain :
this is gonna be a good year for you, tia danielle. i love ya so.
from lostasyou :
It is really weird! x
from lostasyou :
<3 x
from aryssa90 :
I hope you don't mind if I add you and I'm glad you got back safely :)
from lostasyou :
Hmm I dunno. London just makes me think of a big rush. Everyone's in a hurry. I've never even been "clubbing" in London, I don't think it's really my scene though.. Shopping trips and gigs is what I go there for! Aw cool :) glad you've enjoyed your stay, I actually thought you'd probably hate it hahaha.
from lostasyou :
Do you really think it's a beautiful place? I must have completely different eyes ;) hahah. I remember being dragged to the Tate Modern last year. It was massive.. I didn't really understand anything in there so I tried to get drunk instead, how typical. Also whereabouts were you in Cambridge? I only went to a certain part on for my 20th birthday weekend, was too lazy (and hungover) to actually explore. It's nice there though, definitely :) x
from aryssa90 :
from what I've read, you have the BEST taste in music (and stores) ever. I love modcloth and the avett brothers!
from puresunsh1ne :
i would like to see you before you move back to murray.
from lostasyou :
<3 !!
from lostasyou :
Haha oh god I'm so sorry! Ignore me, I was just drunk as s skunk. I had a dream about you last night.. Well, they claimed to be "loveherwell from diaryland" hahaha. You were in London and I was searching for someone on the train and you popped up like HI. Hahah, how random..
from fairybones :
ohh i hope you'll love ireland very much! anyway, i was just reading your latest entry and i wanted to say that i'm genuinely really glad for you that your summer has been going so well and that it's been so exciting and different, because you seemed like you really needed (and really deserved) this. it's noticeable how much you've been changing, you just sound really happy and carefree a lot more often, and that makes me feel really good for you. you're going to do well for yourself, i just know it! so, yeah... i just really really wanted to tell you that, and i hope you won't think i'm a total weirdo for blabbing on like this. because even though i'm usually pretty quiet over diaryland and don't really leave many notes for anyone, it doesn't mean i'm not reading or paying attention, or that i don't care. i definitely do care, i'm just shy sometimes!
from fairybones :
i'm terrible, i know! but thank you for the congratulations, lovely. oh, ps, where in ireland will you be visiting?
from puresunsh1ne :
love you more.
from stepfordtart :
SQUEEEEEE! Fun weekend - be sure to wave at me as you go along the south coast to Stonehenge! s x
from puresunsh1ne :
we have new people at walgreens and at first i wanted to be friends, but now i'm doing everything i possibly can to make one of the guys hate me. because i decided he bugs me.
from stepfordtart :
Welcome to England!!! If you really want to feel a part of the culture, dont say 'british accent' - such a thing doesnt/cant exist because we're all either English, Scottish, Welsh or Northern Irish and we're all so different. Its kind of a teeny bit offensive to all of us (only a teeny bit - you havent committed some hideous social faux pas or anything!), I guess in the same way it would be to say someone from Canada has an 'American' accent. I hope you have a brilliant time while you're here (sorry - havent read enough of your diary to get the full story!) and that your trip is everything you want it to be. s x
from puresunsh1ne :
it's fucking nasty, that's what happened to the apartment.
from puresunsh1ne :
miss you, sorry you have bad food but happy you have good dorm! love.
from fairybones :
hi, i just wanted to leave you a little note wishing you luck on your trip to london. i hope you enjoy yourself silly and make tons of great memories. <3
from jaysthoughts :
I understand.
from tinea :
hey! i didn't forget about those recipes. here we go: escarole & white bean soup with rustic croutons; chicken salad milanese (i make those two together usually); chicken saute with lemon, cumin, and parsley; fettuccine with chicken, goat cheese, and spinach; and finally, stir-fried noodles with chicken, mushrooms, and green beans (not available on the finecooking website, but it's on recipe.com). i put these in order of least to most ambitious if you don't cook often, but they're all still super easy. they're all both so easy and delicious that i make them all the time! i hope you enjoy, and good luck!
from fairybones :
aw, i didn't get to read your note until after she gave birth, but thanks so much. everything did go well, and both my sister and niece are doing great. <3
from tinea :
re: learning how to cook, check out finecooking.com. the recipes are descriptive and easy to follow whether you're experienced or not, and in the back of the magazines (if you can get your hands on one) or on the website, there are a TON of how-to's that teach you the basics. like the real basics of pretty much everything, from how to properly chop to how to butterfly a chicken to blanching vegetables. people tell me i'm a phenomenal cook and ask how i learned to do it so well, and i just tell them there are two simple answers: i can read a recipe, and i practice a LOT. (if you can't tell, i'm REALLY passionate about cooking. if you want any suggestions or anything, don't be afraid to ask <3)
from puresunsh1ne :
i've felt that before too, more often than you might think. but tia, people do like you. a lot of people like you (besides sue ellen and i and your family). i promise. love.
from bliss-sad :
Whoever you are, I wish I could give you a big giant hug and assure you that you are the exact opposite of all of that. Sending you love!
from puresunsh1ne :
what does that even mean?????
from cut-therain :
you will. i promise.
from puresunsh1ne :
1.) don't go to bowling green with eric. 2.) get drunk with me when i get back from florida, oh PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE. i think it'd be fun. 3.) i think there was a third but i got distracted.
from puresunsh1ne :
i am sorry that you are so unhappy. i wish i could just make it all better!
from fairybones :
alright, it's been left it up to you, i'll read dorian grey first! well, just as soon as i finish the book i'm reading right now. <3
from puresunsh1ne :
break ups are shit because something is broken, but they also give you the opportunity for something better. don't forget that.
from puresunsh1ne :
you go where you want to go.
from omfggwtf :
come to england and drink beer with me like a man. it's really fun, until the next day. but still, do it! xx
from puresunsh1ne :
i can proudly say i was hungover when i got my drivers license renewed, LOL. i look proud too ahahhaa i'll show you sunday.
from omfggwtf :
yeah next time i'll probably say something if i get the courage haha x
from omfggwtf :
hah! i always do this :| i get paranoid about something, or go a bit mad, then i do this overdramatic nonsense and then after the red mist descends, i feel really stupid.. maybe i'll leave it a while longer and then reappear and say sorry.. oops! and yeah same, it's annoying x
from omfggwtf :
i gather it was you who left me that message ;)! well, if it wasn't then sorry hahaha. don't want tumblr to know about dl, 'cos it's too private.. but yeah.. i can't make another account on dl for some reason, so i sorta went over there 'cos i feel stupid writing in here at the moment..
from puresunsh1ne :
i currently hate running most days, but that's only because i didn't run much through november and december and now i'm slow. but i keep running for the days i know i'll love to run. you just gotta keep that in your head, or you'll forget and quit. anyway, i love you.
from thisisjohn :
love well, the Avett Bros.
from omfggwtf :
ooh, i just finished it. didn't quite expect that to happen at the end, haha. poor charlie.
from fairybones :
hey thanks, sugar. that's so sweet of you to say!
from omfggwtf :
Ha hmm I dunno. Nowadays there's not much two way fighting, it's mainly me going crazy over my latest paranoid issue, and he leaves me to it. I don't blame him 'cos it's not him, it's just me. Just wish I knew how to stop being such a fruitloop!
from puresunsh1ne :
we're having a new years' party, so that's what you can do.
from omfggwtf :
:)!
from omfggwtf :
just had a look.. goodreads looks almost identical, ha! ooooooh.
from omfggwtf :
ahh i feel good knowing i've picked some good'uns ;)! i've been looking at more today.. i'm seriously going to be spending a lot of money on books if i get my way, ohh . what website is that? i have a goodreads account, that's about as far as it goes for book sites ahah.
from omfggwtf :
you locked it :( noo.
from cut-therain :
locked??????????
from tinea :
thank you. time really does fly when you're having fun.
from omfggwtf :
stumbled on here 'cos of recent entries, and would i be able to add you, if you don't mind? i'd like to read more! xo.
from puresunsh1ne :
fartlek! i'm proud of you. =)
from starscream77 :
Some of your entries made me want to cry - but I'm emotional as it is anyways. I hear so much despair, but hope too in our entries. I just hope you find what you deserve.
from fairybones :
hmm, i don't know where to send the password to you. i noticed you have shelfari though... could you perhaps send me a private message on there so i can send it to you that way? -- http://www.shelfari.com/fairybones/messages

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