messages to black-lotus:
(click here to add new message):

from black-lotus :
Mike reads my diary. :)
from theglitch :
do you let mike read your journal? shit girl. i understand a lot of what you say.
from candoor :
accidentally, while waiting for DLand to let me upload an entry, I clicked on your banner... glad I did :)
from lady-crystal :
Hello from England. I don't have any great words of wisdom for you babe. God, I wish I had. For what it's worth, there's a 28 year old blonde bimbo in England who wishes she could offer a hug. Take care of yourself. Love, Crystal. xxx
from twistedbetty :
Hello, i kind of found your diary by accident i think... not good with computers..yet. i read you mention the DBT, i think you should look in to it. Im halfway into the program.. it does work, if you dont give up on it and you have an open mind. really it does the best way i can decribe it is before (dbt) my head was all messed up my perceptions of everything were so distorted i was like a time bomb not sure what or who would set me off. i was cutting daily and off my face when i wasnt. but Halfway through DBT things started to make sense to me and i started to make small changes at first but they made such a difference to how i was feeling i kept going. anyway Please Look into it if you want any info about it or want to just talk more Msg me anytime. Tbetty
from godsong :
I'd like to help - please contact me.
from godsong :
Hi - I've noted you once before. I'm sorry to hear about the things happening in your life. You mentioned needing someone to listen to you. Please feel free to email me (my address is on my diary.) I'd be willing to listen and try to help if I can. Not sure what you believe or don't believe - but I will be praying for you - for your safety and peace of mind. God bless.
from diva35 :
I find that if certain people in you life have a pattern for hurting you... that only way to breake that cycle is to not let them back in... even if they seem to have changed most times they have not its just another part of that cycle of hurt they are in.. and you can't change other people you can only change yourself.. take yourself out of that looping cycle
from poolagirl :
Howdy! I just clicked your banner and decided to visit. Nice site!
from ghostofgor :
Random note from a random person due to a random banner ad. You thus far have the mos entries ive ever seen. I cannot do them justice and read them all. Would like to, but cant. best regards, GOG
from retailharlot :
Found you through a banner ad. Just wanted to point out... that most student loans have deferred payments, so you don't have to pay them anything until six months after you graduate... at which time you should have a job that will enable you to pay them back. This is a perfect plan unless you are a dipshit who leaves school after one year, with no real skills of any value, and is unable to pay the loans back. Like me. Even then? All they can do is garnish a percentage of your "disposable income" which is pretty low unless you are a trust-fund baby, in which case, you wouldn't have defaulted on your loan. In any event, it's really worth looking into, and if you'd start out at an inexpensive community college, you might not even have to get a loan. Uh... I'm finished with the unsolicited advice already.
from stupidshit :
how old are you?
from emptymusings :
well, it all sounds fucked. But something tells me you're going to get through it... If I lived closer I'd come give you a hug. I hope tomorrow is better sweetie, love jen
from godsong :
Good morning - I clicked on your banner this morning...just wanted to let you know if you'd like to chat, or need someone to listen - I'm here. God bless.
from desdemonia :
Good for you ! Go out and have fun :)
from for-you-only :
Wow, that's great! I cliked on your banner. I think your diary is awesome. Feel free to write back! -Pink
from candoor :
hug yourself, you deserve it :)
from faltered :
hey stumbled across your diary - it sucks what you are going through. i'm sorry. keep writing, it's a good release. i will put you on my favorites.
from diva35 :
wow,I have been thinking for the past week that no one knows just how I feel, but then I come across you journal and see your words .. that very ones that are in my head... only I'm a Domme which just goes to show... btw he is married.. those are big signs.. I know them well, your not crazy, and we all need to be loved and cared for in one way or another... and I think its normal to be sad or even down at wanting something so very badly and feeling like you always come up short.. I have been there many times, I sometimes feel that is where I built my home... but and I hate to say what others have said.. but its true, your not alone we have all been there, and there will be others behind us.. don't let it tear you up, let it make you stronger
from desdemonia :
I don't know you, but I just wanted you to know that you seem like a very kind and caring person. Getting hurt is easy in cases like that. If you feel like talking sometime just stop by my diary and leave a note or e-mail : [email protected]
from sin- :
i just wanted to say something, anything, to let you know youre not alone and that you are no less of a slave/sub/human being for someone else being a shit. if you ever feel the need/want to talk to a complete stranger, give me a shout... *hugs*
from emptymusings :
I may be just a random diary whore but... can honestly say that I can realte, to more things than I'll admit. I hope you feel better soon.
from msnotsoright :
Wow... I love you diary. I sometimes feel the sameway myself. I know that this is a short note. But I really mean what I said. Thanx for writing your thoughts and sharing....
from jayded-rozes :
Extremely nice diary..i like the layout too. Nice taste in music..i'm also a HUGE fan of Anne Rice...i own the Taming of Sleeping Beauty trilogy and i love it.
from girl-razor :
♥ ♥ I've read your diary since before I was the ketaminegirl. You are so special you really are. I love you and your writing, you're a beautiful person. We've all climbed our mountains, and I guess we both came out ok. ♥ ♥
from peapodedge :
Geez, I LOVE your diary. Your writing is so...real, if that makes any sense.
from lemal :
your diary is very beautifull, words and layout. :)
from amethyst-13 :
Thanx for the password, it took me a little while to catch up in the entries, but I did it, lol. :) I can't believe your dad was reading your diary, or that person Jenny. Holy crap is she a bitch... :P Anyway, I can't say much since I don't know them in real life but yeah. Gotta go, ttyl, byez!
from funeral-lily :
I already e-mailed you!! :'( Guess I'll just have to do it every day til you answer. ;P
from black-lotus :
My Diary is TEMPORARILY locked! please contact me Via Email for a login. [email protected]
from funeral-lily :
I'm still waiting! You're killing me here. :(
from crimson39 :
I can't read you're diary (locked out) which is a shame because the comments make it sound interesting. I found yours when I was looking for people who have things in common with me. Go Chobits. Chii is my Goddess. :) Also NIN 'closer' is THE song.
from funeral-lily :
I need your e-mail address!
from funeral-lily :
You locked me out. :(
from ohbollocks :
I have to say I completely agree with your entry about your suitemates, college, girls. I felt the same way when I first came to college last year. I still feel that way a lot of the time. I seriously spent most of my last few years of high school and definitely my first year here wondering what was wrong with me. I still find myself thinking the same thing every once in a while. I wish I had some advice, but I guess there really isn't any. Just hang in there, and don't worry if those girls you live with don't want to hang out with you or whatever. Maybe you should try seeing if one of them wants to do something with you some time -- rent a movie or something. TV is the only way I ever bonded with my roommate last year. Just trust that it gets better. It may not seem like it, but it does.
from raven-zero23 :
Like the person below, I also clicked on your banner. Cycling back through your entries, I read "Daddy." The power behind your words simply shook me. I experienced something similar when I was a child. Your words touched me very deeply. Thank you.
from treewillow :
Today I clicked on your banner. Today I cried, because you were so strong to write what you did about your father. I am sure you have heard this before, but I am sorry for how and what he did to you. I think you have a talent for writting, and I look forward to reading you again.
from cray-z :
I applaud you for letting all that stuff about your dad must still be hard to think about everything that he has put you through...I wouldn't have been able to have the childhood you had, so congratulations for getting through that! Great writing too! Take care and be happy! xx
from dont-stop :
Feeling a little bored today, are we? Cool banner design.
from ketaminegirl :
You know how much I love your diary...I know what alcohol does to people. *shakes head* Anyway I thought there was a chance you might like this site :)
from sadnow :
I found your diary purely by accident but really enjoyed reading what I did of it. It is very well written and very interesting. Best of luck with everything to come :)
from imp-bastard :
I forgot to mention I think you're very beautiful.
from kingdom-come :
we sound almost the same. i really hate most people, and they hate me to. but they dont know what iv been through so they cant judge me. the only people i have in life are my brother, and his "friends". but they all know me and havnt judged me by my first apperinces. and thats why we are such good friends. we would do anything for each other. anyways, your diary is very amazing. ~karen~
from al-seedus :
hey. just read your 5/30/02.."daddy's choice.." entry. it does seem like you are double fucked.. by your mom and dad by not giving you the relationship that is commanded between parents and children. i know you over anybody.. like me for example (a nerd reading your entries) knows all the details of the good and bad going on in your life. it feels, and i totally respect this, that you have a lot of anger for both parents... some of it deserved im sure. your mom really seems like a bitch, excuse me for saying. i dont know too much about your dad, and im sure the emails he sent (that you posted in 5/30/02 entry) may be dr'd up a little so he looks like the angel and your mom the freak. i had a similar situation in my home growing up where it fuckin sucked balls. going to a therapist wasnt my way out... getting the hell away from my parents was, though. when i turned 18, i moved out into my own (cheap) apartment, worked full time and also paid my own way through school. it took me a hell of alot of discipline to do this, but i feel so much better as a result. when you find your way, take it... it doesnt seem like staying around those nuts are going to help any... even if they give you money for school or whatever. sometimes you just have to jump ship... and in doing so, you discover yourself and who you want to be-- then things may seem clearer and more hopeful for you. im sure the same plan isnt always right for more than one person. take charge. if it even means getting rid of pineapple (for seperate reasons than the issue of parents), maybe its something you should do. you need to focus on yourself; become the phenomenal woman your intended to be. it can be a shitty ride, but in the end... youll be glad about the path you chose. trust me. i was there. xoxo nancy.
from fallencupid :
Hi there! I just got done looking through your diary and I enjoyed it. I am sure I will come back frequently to see how things are going. In fact, I even put you as one of my favorite diaries. :-) Hope you get a chance to stop by my diary and check things out. Leave a note if you would like. Hope to see you around! :-) ~Fallen
from galaxiebabie :
slc punk is a good movie so is sid and nancy
from kissastar4me :
Your writting is indeed dark yet it catches me everytime i read it... I dont now who you are but your writtting changes that...your beautiful in this dark way and your writting is amazing!
from jamieez :
Hey i found your diary by the Marylon Manson bit...Fav music...we are the only to chicks that like him on d Land...Well i got to say i love your diary its kick as and i relate to you in so many ways! :p x x x
from unkindness- :
marylon manson? *gives you quisical look*
from pisceschrist :
it just needed to be said. but now i'm embarassed. i am the first. like some snotty faced kid, running thrut he new snow. i can't even make snow angels anymore, don't dare even try. & i'm too sensitive to be popping anyone's cherry. i'd have to cry for weeks, for both of us. but there it is.

back to black-lotus's profile
recommend this diary to a pal?

Other diaries starting with the letter:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Back to Diaryland

Recently updated
update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

Sign up for paid membership if you want!

Users online