DiaryLand members area

i was thinking of you, but you know that. thank you for sharing the story about the bmt bathtub ;-). hope everything's going ok for you. i'm so glad those kids have you. xoxo, d

from bathtubmary :

p.s. - i just read the thing about your grandma. i hope she pulls through. thinking of you, d

from bathtubmary :

hey lovely - how are you? the week certainly did fly by. i can't believe it. i hope all is well with you. xoxo, d

from polly-esther :

I just found you through Bathtub Mary. I wanted to say I'm so sorry about your dad. My mom died Dec. 13, 2006 so I can understand how you feel. It has gotten easier, but I think this month will be tough, especially the 13th. Anyway, i just wanted to drop you a line to say hi. I'm locked but my login is las/vegas.

from realitychic :

You have the craziest life and I LOVE it!

from bathtubmary :

HA! i'm so glad someone got my 16 candles reference. furthermore, i'm glad it was you. you're doing great, kid - keep it up. xoxo, d

from realitychic :

you'd make momma proud! =D [just remember WHO is in control. YOU!]

from bathtubmary :

it's gonna be ok, honey. listen to yourself. take care of yourself. you are loved. have a great vacation! xoxo, d

from bathtubmary :

yessss!!!! i knew you would. xoxoxo, d

from realitychic :

Haha I love your newest post (the one about being a nurse-->getting married...that's totally how I think). I really hope it all happens too because you're GREAT and you deserve great things!!

from realitychic :

Hello love. I hope you're doing ok. Remember--he'll always be with you. <3

from realitychic :

There is so much going on in your life right now I don't even know what to say. It does seem kind of unreal...all that is happening. I can't imagine. Trust me, you are strong. Even if you don't feel like it. And missy!! DO NOT feel guilty about missing out on school work etc. This is your father we're talking about. Those people will understand and if they don't...well excuse me but fuck them! He is much more important. Anyway, I wish I could do something to make it better but obviously I can't >__<

from realitychic :

e.e. cummings "I Carry Your Heart With Me" is deemed a love poem, but I think it fits perfectly with the thought of losing someone you love. Your dad will always be with you, and you with him. No one can take away those memories, those special moments you had and are having with him. Don't think about the "should haves"-- just live in the present. And try to think of it like this: i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

from bathtubmary :

hey lady - i'll be happy to share some with you (as soon as i'm ready to share it with anyone). xoxo, d

from realitychic :

Your plan is actually really inspiring. That would be a GREAT resource...and what's better is that it would have all started with someone who genuinely cared and wasn't out to just get money from people. I love it! I have a hunch one day (maybe not so far as you think) you will have the resources to do it and it will be SO awesome!

from realitychic :

<3 hang in there kiddo.

from realitychic :

Belated birthday wishes here too! I hope you're doing ok. Non-functioning really isn't unexpected--in other words, don't worry about it as long as you're still eating. Did I mention that I love you and I hope you're ok? Alright good because I can't reiterate that enough. I am praying for grace and overwhelming peace for you and your family.

from bathtubmary :

moxie is a lhasa-poo, which is a lhasa apso/poodle hybrid. she is hypoallergenic and teeny tiny (10 lbs. full grown) and she changed my parents and grandparents' lives. i think a dog would be an awesome idea for your family if they are into it. xoxo, d

from bathtubmary :

happy belated birthday. i'm glad you got to spend it with your dad. all my love, d

from realitychic :

You are amazing because you're doing so well. And I amire your strength. I'm thinking I'm going to divide my time between LJ and here, so I'm happy to make the switch! p.s. I am going to be ok. Spring break is coming and that's a great chance to clear my head and get myself together. Plus, yes it's getting warmer, which equals perfect walking weather!

from realitychic :

YOU ARE SIMPLY AMAZING.

from bathtubmary :

what the fuck is right. oh, honey. i don't even know what to say. my heart breaks for you. i know you'll graduate and do everything, i know you will, but jesus, how awful. all my love to you and your family. xoooxoox, d

from bathtubmary :

how can you resist the siren song of the peejays? you are a stronger woman than i. as always, thinking of you and your family. xoox, d

from bathtubmary :

you whole entry made me so happy! (well, the dad stuff made me hopeful, at least...) but i am so happy for you and your success in your calling. as you know it's one very close to my heart. that's the hosp. where they filmed 'lion in the house' right? xoxo, d

from bathtubmary :

thinking about you. hope all is well with your dad. xoxo, d

from realitychic :

holy shit! congrats on your last day. "school's out forever" yay! I think I will flip out when that day comes for me. I mean how many years of our lives do we spend in school? A LOT. I don't know what I will do with myself..oh yeah..besides work.

from realitychic :

AHHH! Sickness. I hate it, it's catching like crazy (especially on a college campus). I hope you feel better soon. I think I'm going to write a private entry just for you on LJ because I have this weird feeling that you'd be one of the few people that could understand....

from bathtubmary :

i'm sorry i haven't written in ages but i wanted you to know that i got invited to a halloween party and have decided to go as olive from little miss sunshine. i'll send you a pic! xoxox, d

from realitychic :

p.s. I know when I get in certain moods I don't necessarily like hearing "stern" words of encouragment. So sorry if that's the case. For the record, I am so much better at giving OTHER people my own advice!!

from realitychic :

Pleeeease, what failure can you possibly see? You're going to get your masters. You have some idea of what you want in life. You're staying sober! I am so proud of you. Try your hardest to focus on all the good things that have happened in your life. I know from personal experience, focusing on discontent only leads to well...what could one expect? MORE disconent >_<

from realitychic :

It may sound strange...but I love you. I miss writing here.

from bathtubmary :

i knew you would understand. xoxoxo, d

from realitychic :

BABIES! I love infants. They're soooo cute. If only like puppies they could stay small and lovelish (but then I suppose it would be quite impossible to repopulate the earth).

from bathtubmary :

yes!!! i'm so happy. xoxo, d

from bathtubmary :

thinking of you, dear, and hoping for the best. xoxoxox, d

from realitychic :

ahhhh Braveheart. One of the all time good movies.

from realitychic :

Oh and I go back the 22nd

from realitychic :

Thanks Koko. It has helped a bit to be away, though I haven't done much lately but sit around and act like a bum. Which may be the reason why she's still in my head almost all the time. How can I run away from my mind?!? (and good luck with your situation)

from realitychic :

haha! oh yes definitely. We should work out a plan.

from realitychic :

ok tomorrow I will try to email it to you. It will probably be the longest email ever written!

from realitychic :

I will tell you everything...maybe I'll email you about it. I can't write it in either journal because there are too many unwanted eyes. And I will email that paper too. Sorry it's taken awhile.

from realitychic :

heehee! That is a great story. Glad you liked it ^_^

from bathtubmary :

that's so funny - i've talked to at least 5 other people who were like, 'that freaky movie with the sex and car accidents?' i wasn't so keen on that one, but the new 'crash' really stayed with me. glad you liked it. you sound well and that makes me happy. xoxo, d

from realitychic :

By the way, your entry is hilarious! Heaven help me when I have English next semester. I used to love writing...I still do...but I hate doing it for a grade now. It feels like slow strangulation.

from realitychic :

Yeah I'm doing a lot better now. It's these make up exams that are kicking my butt now >_< I guess I can't complain because it's my fault for being all..weird. Haha. Anyway, my LJ screenname is screamdaisy.

from realitychic :

Thanks Koko. I was hoping you would read. I still feel awful even though I talked to a friend about it today. I just feel so incredibly stupid, and I'm starting the letter right now...and within the first paragraph my mom will be having a heart attack. I don't think my parents would pull me out of college--that is a horror I just can not imagine. But at the same time, it's not so much the punishment that worries me. It's the esteem they have put into me. I feel like I've messed up everything, though I do know that life will..no...must go on. I just don't feel like having a crisis right now. In freshman year for pete's sake. Ugh..ok I'm going to stop talking now because it's making me more upset.

from realitychic :

I wish I could give you a hug...

from bathtubmary :

no, you are not going to die soon. not while i'm around. email me anytime (bathtubmarygirl at gmail dot com). xoxoxoxoxox, d

from realitychic :

No problem, you're the bestest! *cheesy heart* <3

from vodkatonic :

Thanks - i really didn't expect anyone to respond to that :-)

from realitychic :

"I've just been unlucky in the fact that i spent 9 years anesthetizing anything that i felt - good or bad. and now, i've got to learn to deal with being human." That is true for me too. I deadened myself to become someone who everyone wanted me to be. And perhaps I wanted to shape myself into what I thought was "acceptable" so I can't blame it on just everyone else. But I lost myself in the process. Right now I don't know who I am..I have so many issues. But you're right. The characteristic that makes us human is that we mess up time and time again, but we CAN pick ourselves up and start over. There is never finality to our lives until the day we die. So, I'm happy that you're living day to day and discovering what you need to do to get back in touch with yourself. I know it's hard! And it's a long process to go through. We can do it though, even if we fuck up every once in awhile. Just know that you are not alone and that I wish you the best!!

from realitychic :

Koko what happened? I want you to know that I'm proud of you no matter what. 4 months is a long time. I know it must be really hard, but if you really want THIS ("this" being health, happiness, control, whatever) you have to press through. I'm here if you ever want to talk. Just email me: [email protected] or talk to me on aim (abitdippy). I love you!!

from realitychic :

aaahhh college is soo cool! ha ha

from realitychic :

*ditto last comment* Moving again eh? Sounds nice (even though moving all the stuff always sucks). I'm back--for now. Seriously I will try to update here more and go back and write about all the things I missed. So anyway, glad that things are going good for you.

from realitychic :

yay! I'm proud of you Koko.

from bathtubmary :

that's funny - one of my diary buds who is now a real-life friend calls me bathtubmary or mary way more than my real name. she also calls my hubs bathtubmike. i'm going to connecticut (yawn) this weekend but someday we should definitely meet up. xoxo, d

from realitychic :

First of all *hug* I can't use the phrase "I know how you feel" because I've never been that down about stuff, but I definitely am stuck in my life right now just like you. I try to ignore it and hide the fact that truthfully I'm not happy and I feel empty as anything. But you know, people always say there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope that everything that I'm going through--and you're going through--will make us stronger in the end. And I can't help but preach a little bit: I know it's hard but you've got to find a better way to compensate for your emotions. Alcohol and pills will not fill the void and in fact, it will probably just make things worse. *sends peace and love your way* (by the way, I am staying on campus since you asked. I think my "cure" is college; we'll work on your cure next ^_^)

from bathtubmary :

i don't have any advice for you, darlin', especially since i don't know exactly what you're going through. but i'm doing what i can through this web thing to let you know there are people out there who care about you and want you to be well. xoxox, d

from realitychic :

Ah, Koko you crack me up. Thanks for the bday wish and this is a belated thank you. Guess what? I took my AP English exam today (didn't bomb...didn't ace) AND three more weeks of school for me..just three...freaking three!! Were you this elated when you graduated from high school? [makes time for nostalgia to set in] Talk to you later toots!

from realitychic :

AH! Thanks for your note. I WILL stop doing her work, no matter how pissed said person gets! I swear I'm so jealous you have an ipod. I really, really, want one. I have to save up mad cash first though. This year has been especially trying for some reason--but I'm still hanging on and I'm glad you are too. Whenever I get back online "full time", we are so going to chat. I miss our little note correspondence. *sniff* Don't worry, I'm going to get back on track as soon as my parents let loose of their kung fu grip on my internet privliges. And don't worry about the mispelling..it happens to the coolest of us (obviously ^_^).

from morganlight :

of which 'collide' do you speak?

from realitychic :

God I want an iPod. My father actually lets his sit on his desk. One of these days it's going to "disappear". (I've missed you by the way. How have you been?)

from realitychic :

uh, you had a birthday and I missed it?!? Happy belated birthday! You're the coolest kid I [kind of, sort of] know!! ^_^

from bathtubmary :

happy birthday sweet thing! hey, i'm moving back into the house in a few months (i hope) so maybe you could come and do your magic then. i love being 30 and i hope you do too. xoxoxo, d

from bathtubmary :

i'm sending you a hug. or a million. xoxo, d

from realitychic :

well if you lock up tell me ok? (PLEASE!)

from realitychic :

ahhhh! KOKO I'm back (only for today). I've missed you muches. And I will work on that survey asap.

from bathtubmary :

i'm so glad you're ok. keep fighting. you are worth it. xoxo, d

from realitychic :

I hope so dear

from realitychic :

lovely little run down you have there. Happy New Year!!

from realitychic :

Thanks Koko! I'll go stand outside and wait for a few hours.

from realitychic :

oh, and you can add Baltimore to your letter

from realitychic :

Your Christmas sounds as exciting as mine turned out to be. Yay for us.

from realitychic :

happy friday and saturday to you too!! *huge freaking hug*

from realitychic :

20 freaking inches? Dude give me some of that!! (I wanted it to snow on Christmas but today it was like 50 outside and we had torrential rain)

from bathtubmary :

you - have a good xmas and all that. xoxox, d

from realitychic :

congrats! And good luck with the "swoon". *does a 'yay for koko' dance*

from bathtubmary :

congrats to you, miss! thanks so much for the shout. to be honest, i don't have a clue what's next. but what i want to happen is that i'll finish the damn thing and get it published. then write another one, and so on and so on. but at this point, baby steps. thinking in baby steps makes it all seem bearable somehow. xoxo, d

from bathtubmary :

kick ass on the interview! i know you can do it. xoxo, d

from realitychic :

ooh! Frosty on Friday? I'm there!!

from realitychic :

you can dump all the "shit" you want if it makes you feel better

from bathtubmary :

have a wonderful thanksgiving, you. take care of yourself. xoxo, d

from realitychic :

oh, I haven't seen the movie (will do) and you're the one and only Koko!

from realitychic :

Love you Koko. Have a marvelous, wonderful, scandalous (^_^) thanksgiving! (aww..you mentioned me in your diary. I feel special. I hope to meet you one day too). Take care of yourself dear.

from bathtubmary :

no more cutting. please get help. xoxoxxoxo, d

from realitychic :

Cutting is the worst habit to break. I've never had to deal with it but I have friends that continue to struggle. My advice is to find another way to vent your pain. Anything but self-harm. You are much too beautiful of a person to do that. You don't deserve it. No one does.

from realitychic :

I haven't been online for awhile, but when I read your entry I felt so bad! There are times that I feel pretty low, but at least I don't have to worry about money or anything like that. In other words, your entry made me realize how petty I can be sometimes and I'm sorry things have gotten so rough for you. I hope everything works out. Take care of yourself and don't let stress wear you down. You are way more important than money,work or any of those things going on right now.

from bathtubmary :

wow, sorry this is such a crap time for you. you're in my thoughts. xo, d

from realitychic :

No it's not bad! I totally depend on my friends all the time. That's what friends are for. Don't feel bad, and if you start to, tell your friend you don't mean to dump all your stress on her, but you need to let it go. She should understand. (ah..so nice to give advice I don't usually take)

from realitychic :

12 all nighters in a row? HELL no!! I meant I couldn't stay awake until twelve am for awhile. I always ended up falling asleep when I used to stay up until 3 without flinching. Yesterday I did an all nighter though and it wasn't that bad until 6th period when I almost died. HA HA HA. No...I'm trying to do better really. My life is in disorder largely because I haven't taken (or had) the time to order it. Too little sleep + too much estrogen= deranged dramaqueen. Plus, all of these external (college stuff) and internal (insecurities) influences are just pushing me in 1000 different directions. But don't worry. I usually start doing better after a big explosion, so I'm looking for the upward trend any time soon. Thanks for the luv :)

from realitychic :

awww....your landlord sucks big time

from bathtubmary :

every 1/24th counts. hooray for you! xoxo, d

from realitychic :

ha..you haven't heard the sound of torment until you've heard the beasts that live in the back of my house--to be exact 6 freakin beasts! Their mother screams at them from inside the house which does nothing but make them louder. My mom has threatened to call the police twice, and they just moved in a month ago. Yikes!

from realitychic :

sorry. sorry. I put your username in the password box but I didn't know your email to tell you it. But that's ok, because it's unlocked now :) (in the future I will always give you my password)

from realitychic :

I like the nickame Jupi. I might name my child that (one day far away).

from bathtubmary :

wonderful! let me know how it goes. xoxo, d

from bathtubmary :

thanks, kid. that means a lot coming from you. the platelet thing is a bit more inconvenient than giving blood. it takes longer, for one, depending on size. i'm on the small-ish end, so i'm hooked up to the machine for at least 1 1/2 hours. then there are factors like veins - do you have good ones? i have a great one in my right arm and a tricky one in my left arm and that's it so i have both arms out of commission for all that time. some people can do both donation and return in the same arm. it hurts when the poking happens and sometimes there are weird symptoms from the anticoagulant but if you can stand all that, i say do it. it's not for everyone, but i'm used to it so why not do it, right? xoxox, d

from realitychic :

Well, I'm trying to get away from an all girl school because I'm at one right now. After 4 years of estrogen I'm ready for some testosterone. (Thanks for the suggestion though)

from realitychic :

I would love to go to Miami. It seems pretty cool. However, both my parents would have a coronary if I went to a school more than 3 hours away. The only other way would be if I had family in Ohio. But alas, I don't. So I have to settle on a school in VA, MD or PA. It sucks.

from realitychic :

me too! that was so awesome! they sang so loud bob costas cracked on them. but that's ok, at least they showed some spirit--and actually knew the words.

from realitychic :

right now I am absolutely gushing with happiness over your diary entry. all I have to say is go for it girl! (and nice job on getting what sounds like a great guy)

from bathtubmary :

:-) xoxoxo, d

from bathtubmary :

with making out, it's all about the individual situations. i think you have trust issues (as i can imagine you would), and you might not be able to relax until you really get to know someone and trust him/her. as far as the ear thing goes, it either makes me laugh or grosses me out. i think sb has been getting his moves from 'happy days' or some shit ;-). you should tell him to knock it off. in a nice way, of course. if sb is worth it, he'll respect your need to take it slow. it might help to get everything out in the open and tell him that you just want to make out for the time being and nothing more. it'll give you peace of mind and allow you to have a little fun which is what making out is all about. does that help? good luck, doll. xo, d

from mr-knowitall :

{{{KOKO}}}

from bathtubmary :

the hot flash was crazy. all of a sudden my body and head were boiling and i thought i could pass out but it went away. never happened before, i don't think. i sure as hell hope it doesn't happen again any time soon, nor to you. xoxo, d

from mynameismatt :

i really like your diary. like the word 'stethoscope' also. could you tell me how you get the title of each entry to appear at the top of your pages? thankyou! m x

from mr-knowitall :

good luck!

from realitychic :

1) YAY for you! 2) Can you transfer to a school in maryland? That way you could be my personal tutor and I'll pass all my geometery and math classes! Then again, I suppose you'd miss all your friends and stuff. So when you're done with college you can transfer your genius brain instead :)

from bathtubmary :

hmmm, here's a hint: the milky way is a ------. another word for bunny is ------. put those together (no hyphen) and there's your culprit. xoxo, d

from realitychic :

ooh..i can't take the suspense!

from bathtubmary :

hooray! i'm raising my iced coffee to you right now. xoxo, d

from bathtubmary :

mmm, potatoes. xoxo, d

from realitychic :

what's the name of your school? i'm filing a complaint. it seems like you worked your butt off.

from laura-diane :

hey, thanks for asking. the un is diaryland and the pw is password.

from usherchic55 :

hey wud up um...are you a boy or grl!!

from realitychic :

sorry about the confusion. i'm not locking my journal after all.

from bathtubmary :

i'm interested in checking out the 'od' if you're inclined to share. xoxo, d

from bathtubmary :

re: misspelling: thank you! i can't believe i didn't pick up on that myself. i am something of a grammar/spelling snob and when i catch myself violating it is quite embarrassing but i always want to know. thank you! xo, d

from bathtubmary :

well hi, melissa. i was initially worried about linking the two sites for that reason, but i realized at this point it's ok for my dland buddies to know me to that point. if my school people find my diary, then we have a problem. but i think we'll be ok. it's funny, i have met many of my diary friends in person and a few always call me mary or bathtub because it's too weird to think of me as dawn after all this time. xoxo, d

from realitychic :

Last night I dreamed I was getting chased by a giant pickle. Hmm...I wonder what that says about me. Thanks for adding me to your list!

from realitychic :

where do you live? i'm from maryland and the cicadas will be spending some time with me too pretty soon. i like your diary btw.

from laura-diane :

thanks for adding me to your list.

from bathtubmary :

midwest like wisconsin. though if i'm ever in the cincy area i'd love to meet you, senora mysterioso. i'm sorry to hear about booie. my mom suffers from m.s. as well and, frankly, there's nothing good about it. xoxo, d

from the-pye-dog :

Happy Birthday!!

from morganlight :

Happy early Birthday :)

from mr-knowitall :

Don't know about the legal thing just yet.

from morganlight :

So I'm not the only one who has to drink in order to sleep. That's good to know.

from mr-knowitall :

good luck!

from bathtubmary :

hee! that's what i get for getting my medical terminology from ER. though it turned out 10ccs was about all i got done. thanks! xo, d

from alexakaruda :

You replied to my LiveJournal entry about Tori Amos a few weeks or so ago (I'm a friend of morganlight). Just wanted to thank you for at least looking at my stuff. ^_^ Hope the Booie-thing gets better (saw your latest entry). -A

from mr-knowitall :

Except the one armed man in The Fugitive, of course.

from bathtubmary :

hot damn, i guess i do have 801 entries. i stopped keeping track after 500 i guess. i'm glad you got to read 'honey, i love.' something about it seems to capture your spirit. to me, anyway. there's not enough (good) poetry for kids. by the way, it is so awesome that you're one of us nerd people now. good luck with the schooling and the making the world a better place with your vocation. mad respect. xoxoxo, d

from mr-knowitall :

Feeling kinda... I dunno, bad today?

from mr-knowitall :

You are not a whiner. So stop your whining

from hippos4me04 :

Haha... I seem to have made some pretty wrong assumptions! I am on guard, and it's cool that you were too. You didn't bother me at all though, even if you would have been Chaz. Anyway, you're right, there aren't to many Melissa's out there, so yeah. Seems we have much in common!

from hippos4me04 :

I hate to dissapoint you, but I do not believe that I am the Melissa that you knew. I do not have any racolection of going to any kind of summer camp in Ohio, though I must admit it would be really cool if that were to happen. Anyway... sorry, but I do not think that I know you.

from morganlight :

whoa. that's quite a threat you left in my guestbook, there. hope you like then. let me know.

from bathtubmary :

fuck, why didn't i think of that? that is great advice. now i know what i'll be doing at work all day. xo, d

from morganlight :

sorry you hate me. but you can always move to la :D that'd be cool. [your diary is entertaining.]

from mr-knowitall :

Well I've been there, and it's no fun I know. He'll find something soon I'm sure. ~Rick

from mr-knowitall :

Sorry to hear about your dad. Living up in the Dayton area, I know that things around here are pretty scarce at this time. Hope things improve soon. ~Rick

from bathtubmary :

great entry. i'm trying to give myself the same talk. xo, d

from rose-trees :

buca di beppo was my favorite restaurant ever.

from marieh :

i forgot to tell you my e-mail is in my profile. sorry!

from marieh :

hey, i had to lock my diary... e-mail me for the password!

from prettyskinny :

Hey, thanks for making me one of your faves! How'd you find me? I'm always just curious about that aspect because people usually have some interesting story.... XO, Elle

from mr-knowitall :

Yeah, I heard about the mill going down. So we are fellow Ohioians huh? See you live in "the Nati". I live just east of Dayton, but we go down to The Nati often; especially during the summer. Thanks for linking me, I will be reading more.

from bathtubmary :

wow, we are a lot alike with the red meat thing and the ocean thing and the brand-name-for-hygiene-but-nothing-else thing. my momma's got the m.s., too. this is my way of saying hi. i enjoy your diary. xo, d

from nomoredreams :

Hey how did you find me. Just curious. Peace. ~Jason

from third-wheel :

hey, you listed me as one of your favorites, and i wanted to give you my password. im me sometime, or email.

from keera :

I'm right here!!!!! Hi!! I'm not missing! You forgot to look in Chicago! Silly!

from kneesocks :

for song lyrics the best place to go is songlyrics.com. it totally rules. xo h

from keera :

I'm sorry about Brian. Hope you are ok.

from asteroidbelt :

were people really shot at yer gym or was that sarcasm?

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