messages to i-lost-alice:
(click here to add new message):

from illusionless :
I'm a new reader. Still looking back at some of your older entries. As for your most recent entry, I would suggest talking to your doctor. A common side-effect of psychiatric medication is the difficulty of arousal. Another medication may work better for you. Sadly, it's trial and error when it comes to medication that actually helps.
from lostasyou :
Fantastic taste in music :)
from moonbaby8u :
:/ Even with meds I feel depressed.I think I was better off being fucking crazy without them.
from moonbaby8u :
I got a pretty big christmas tree today for 15 bucks.I thought it was so fucking cool and for a slight moment I felt happiness...all because of this 15 dollar tree.Got it home,and now all its doing is pissing me off.It takes up most of my living room ,had to move the coffee table way over and I am positive that the dogs are going to fuck shit up either way.Screw happiness.Never lasts anyways..... :)
from gr8legs :
God loves you. He has plans for your life for good and not evil. For a future and a hope. Trust Him. Pray.
from moonbaby8u :
Much love to you.
from moonbaby8u :
If I lived closer to you?We would be friends.Fo sho.Arizona has my heart.
from moonbaby8u :
hugs to you and your beer :)
from moonbaby8u :
"Hey, if you want to date me again: here's what you need to know: I have gender issues and I like fat girls and I have X fetish and I'd like to share that with you; and if that's all cool with you then let's proceed with that; otherwise it's probably not even worth it Actually......that is quite cool.Straight forward.Dont waste time with someone that way.Of course I could never be straight forward because of my issues...
from moonbaby8u :
I still read you.......Don't let me lose i-lost-alice :/
from atwowaydream :
"the truth is if I found a girl who would be alright with me wearing makeup and pretty clothes I probably wouldn't even worry about transitioning" - I'm currently in a relationship with an ftm who is going through the transitioning process, and reading your latest entry was like a vortex into his psyche. Your struggles are valid and definitely understandable, and there are women who will fall in love you, not just what's between your legs.
from angelspit609 :
i don't know you but i've been reading your words for a couple of years now. from your writings i've found many similarities to thoughts and struggles of my own. while no one can get you to the answers you seek but you, i hope that it's at least a little help to know that you are not alone. you are read by strangers who identify with you even if we are silent. you are seen even through the boundaries of miles and computer screens. it's worth the struggle to keep going even if you can't see it now.
from moonbaby8u :
Hugs.....
from xslayne :
Miss you. We're all growed up you know. <3
from moonbaby8u :
I love reading your stuff.....which means I LOVE YOU :)
from moonbaby8u :
things hurt...life hurts.memoris hurt.everything fucking just hurts.....youll see the brighter side...all you have is time.....like we all do...
from cntrlaltdlt :
dude. been trying to contact you, srsly. miss our email chats. EMAIL ME. still same email [email protected] Even after your semi-final entry i've still been checking back to see if you were posting. I even tried facebook messaging your sister to ask her to get u to email me! EMAAAIIILL MEEE!!!!! <3 Martina
from moonbaby8u :
because cute underwear...are cute.Thats why.
from moonbaby8u :
I do hope you can say goodbye...Ill miss your writing...but the happiness I felt when I read your last entry was amazing.
from moonbaby8u :
I do hope you can say goodbye...Ill miss your writing...but the happiness I felt when I read your last entry was amazing.
from gonzoprophet :
i feel the need to offer my own private insight into the average female psyche - women are (most of the time, unwittingly) creatures of instinct. the energy you approach with means a great deal. you called it 'confidence' but that's not genuinely what it is. women end up with awful jackasses because the don't-give-a-fuck-about-you attitude makes them feel free. the female wants to rescue the brigand with love but will quickly 'turn off' to a challenge that seems too deep or beyond them...like the boy with genuine sorrow in his eyes perhaps. we can be fickle and weak-hearted. and we need to feel like we can retain freedom to be so when entering into any sort of relationship. so if you're more of a wreck than the girl you approach, the instinct will call to her 'Run, silly thing! You can't bear this weight.' what women truly seek in a man is strength and an inherent sense of freedom. know that a stranger loves you and don't feel too discouraged that you've yet to find a woman who understands or has the strength for you, as this society all but encourages a sort of mindlessness in the social female. or...an overall lack of understanding, to state it more gently.
from spanglimese :
Your latest entry made me feel sad. No one should ever have to feel that way, no matter their circumstances or what their life is looking like. There are other reasons for living and some thing just have to be put on hold for a better time. There's a time and place for everything on heaven and on earth. So for today live like you can and give what you can. Life is but a fleeting moment, gone before we know it. Blessings!
from fivedigits :
I understand where you're coming from with your entries--the depression and feeling like you're just sad for no reason at all and can't get out of it. I've been there a lot. You said: "I am stuck here until I fix myself. any advice on how to do that would be greatly appreciated". In the absence of head meds, or therapy, or people to talk to, there is one other solution: meditation. Have you tried it? Check out this link: http://www.chopra.com/meditationchallenge. Good luck with everything man...
from fragilegirl8 :
love NIN
from cntrlaltdlt :
I never expected for your diary to still be alive! I have been trying to hunt you down for the last 6 months online. I thought this place would have been by far dead by then but i checked last night and found you had started posting again! I have tried to find you on Facebook and have failed. I think we need to start exchanging emails again. I miss you terribly, you were someone I never wanted to lose. I still have your tapes and the things you had sent me those years ago. Please email me [email protected] I tried emailing your old email cause I thought it might still be up if this diary is but my email failed. Please email me i fucking miss you. It also seems like you might need someone to type to as well. I would stil bare my soul to you and trust you with everything I hope you still feel that way about me and have remembered or even missed me over the years as I have missed you. It still seems like we have a lot in common, so please, i beg you email me your new email asap. <3 Martina
from akasha90 :
i hope you do find your target. you seem to have a very nice heart.
from sunstargirl :
There was this great book I read when I was still an art student called "Art and Fear" by David Bayles and Ted Orland. It really helped me put a lot of my own creative insecurities into perspective, and helped me realize the the common reasons why artists fail have nothing to do with the outside world, rather their own insecurities about their work being "good enough" or the fear of even beginning a project at all because it might fail or be rejected. I'll paint 6-7 canvases before I produce one I actually like. This is totally normal. We're always our own worst critics. As we work to improve and become masters in our fields, it only gets harder, not easier. Think about how much more trained your ear is now than when you first started learning music. You're better at picking up more mistakes now than you were when you were hammering out your first scales. Anyway, I highly recommend the book. I think you will get a lot out of it. I recommend it to artists and musicians I know all the time because it helped me so much. Good luck.
from evanelle :
Simply writing here proves you exist.
from famelicose :
I am in the same boat as you. Sad...all the time...
from moonbaby8u :
i love you.
from bliss-sad :
I care about you. Even if you are a strange, even if I never meet you, even if you don't reply. I care about you because you are a human being, sharing a wonderful, strange, and painfully beautiful experience on this planet. May the universe fill your heart with love and light.
from onmyquest :
Loneliness has company. I like yours.
from omfggwtf :
adding you! hope you don't mind.
from limesx01 :
and "to either man- or womanhood" I should check my spelling
from limesx01 :
I mean... I'd wipe... a slight difference : - )
from limesx01 :
I wipe you off the planet for being such a disgrace for either man- or womanhood. Either you are faking the "demise" of a majorly creepy and idiotic man and are thus an ultra-liar and a man-hater for displaying him in such a ridiculous way or simply a creep, a pussy who should get his stuff together and stop whining like a little girl. Get yourself together, man, or your ideals together, woman!!!! Dawn!
from avox :
What is dying? If it is the act of losing your body, I have an answer for you. Echo, the Greek nymph died-- she wasted away to nothing but her voice because of a broken heart. The only reason why I know this is because of my infactuation with my name... Anyway, when a person is in a state of waking up, sometimes they become entangled in a blockage which comes off as a part of themselves they no longer want. Sometimes it helps to imagine taking that piece of you you want to die, killing it, and letting it go-- watch it wash down a sink drain, or stream. Letting go is one of the most difficult things for people to do, but when they do-- they are able to see new things. I'm not an optimist, by far, but I learn from watching others. I think you may have helped me a little. Thank you.
from ruby1109 :
I am still searching you hope you happy
from msunknown :
hang in there, my friend....
from msunknown :
aww, you're closing this. somehow it feels like and end of an era...
from vaguehorror :
i'll definitely try to come see you guys. yeah i was there for the band before Faire Verona, but i was outside, so i basically only saw Faire Verona. you know.. boyfriend in the band, so i had to.. (not that i mind! heh)
from vaguehorror :
i'm almost absolutely, like, 99.9% sure i saw you at skrappy's last night....
from msunknown :
this totally doesn't matter but OMFG YOU LISTEN TO THE ARCADE FIRE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MORE NOW THAN I DID BEFORE. xoxo.
from msunknown :
def leppard and judas priest always brings the scene points, brett. you should know that by now. and i tried to come! i swear to god! everything just fell through. next time i will come and i will bring my harem as well. the whole two of us will have a rockin' time. i love you enough to e-mail you and note you. xo.
from vaguehorror :
u should let me know when your next show is.. i'm always looking for good local stuff going on... <3
from hellchild666 :
Those who contemplate suicide need not worry, oly those who fail. To understand what the fuck I'm goin on a bout check out my diary. Oh wait, you'll need this: username: me password: justin Btw, I am a huge fan of MCR right now, I'm listening to them now. "So long and goodnight" x x x
from msunknown :
brett, i think i love you eight times more than i did before i read your last entry. and also, "chump"? fuck you! lovvvve.
from ruby1109 :
我是上次给你留言的中国女孩,我的名字叫田潇,是一名大学生。我在这里给你迟到的圣诞祝福。 今天早上很冷,我睡在床和不想起床,但是突然想到了你,觉得自己有必要将英语学透,便马上爬起来做CET6的试题,好象冥冥之中找到了自信和走下去的勇气,虽然挂念你的这些日子都是自己单方面的事情,将你看作自己学英语,自己要求上进的动力。只有三分钟2004年的圣诞就要过去了,我希望你在即将来临的2005年中能够一切顺利,天天开心!!CONTACT ME MY EMAIL : [email protected]
from secretshame :
merry christmas brett! hope you had as good a day as i did. ps: i meant to say, after that post you made about wanting to come to australia, that you SHOULD. i know you'd love it in Brisbane. well, if you ever come, let me know and you can stay with my friends and i :)
from msunknown :
oh brett. sometimes, i really love you. and by sometimes, i mean all the time. and also, omg, two notes in one day? what do i think this is, communist russia?
from msunknown :
when i have kids, and when our money starts to get tight, i'm so telling them that they have to convert to photosynthesis. also, you were in my dream last night! you were cool, and had lots of friends. i think this is a sign of things to come. love!
from twokatz :
I called you twice,before I got the cowardly email, and once cause getting contacted by your "ex" was just too good to pass up. So there I'm done. For good. Thank god.
from msunknown :
awww, brett. times don't sound like they're going so well right now. i'm sorry. do you want to hang out on saturday, maybe? it's okay if you don't, and i can pick you up if you want to. just give me a call. i love you! and don't worry, you'll figure everything out soon. these things take time, as morrissey says.
from ruby1109 :
i have been waiting for the chance of being your friend , i hope i can be satisfied. well, maybe you think this kind of friendship is impossible .Anyhow, i want to be your true friend . i am SERIOUS!!!!!! MISS YOU
from twokatz :
East side.
from twokatz :
Look at all these girls around the world that want to lift your skirt, hell I抎 do it and I live across town.
from xslayne :
And oh yeah, I'm back bitch!
from boxedfury :
It's definitely someone else's loss. Be proud that you didn't lose it to a cheap ho... That happens a lot. You know what? You rock.
from boxedfury :
( belated as usual ), happy fucking birthday, congratulations on twenty years of flawless breathing. AND you're still a virgin... damn. makes me feel all impure.
from ruby1109 :
i have read some of your diary carefully. I have a mixed feeling , i think there are a lot of similarities between us ,although we are in two completely different country .Anyway ,happy birthday ! You are going to be 20 twenty-nine days before me .
from ruby1109 :
hello,i am new to you ,but i want to make friends with you .Are you a cool guy ? It is the just impression when i first have the chance to read you diary , maybe it is not true .Can I be your friends ? A Chinese girl aged 20 ! waiting for your reply .
from secretshame :
happy birthday brett!!! have a splendid day and lash out to buy yourself an icecream!
from confrere :
Happy early birthday. So are you not sending out your demo...?
from twokatz :
I can't believe your playing at scrappy's, just don't let the boss lady gyp you. I hear that she does that alot.
from secretshame :
well you've probably gathered as much from my diary, but in case you haven't, i should mention i'm gay. but this doesn't mean i can't see things from a straight girl's perspective. and if i was straight, and i'm not just saying this, you would be a cool boyfriend. one thing i've noticed about most girls: if a guy is not attached when they meet him, or doesn't get attention from other girls in front of them, they feel like the guy is desperate/no one else wants him so maybe there's something wrong. basically, it is an evil circle. i think you should just lie about having just broken off from a relationship when you meet girls you're interested in. seriously. i've seen it work. girls can be petty. they feel insecure if they think you're just dating them because you have no one else to date, and you're lonely. they need competition. this is probably why. they need to know you're wanted. and there's NO reason why you shouldn't be. but then again, i probably shouldn't give relationship advice. :) keep truckin'. i am.
from msunknown :
dude, we so are. then we need to go crash your van...INTO JESUS!
from msunknown :
god, the venture brothers is just so awesome. it's slowly becoming my favorite show. "i think it was two ninjas taped together to make one giant ninja!" and brett, don't worry. one day we'll both be millionaires because of our invention of coffee flavored sprinkles [ohohoh! or donuts! do they have those yet?], and you can just throw dollar bills at your dad and be like, "nigga, i don't need it! FUCK YO' COUCH!" and you'll have the bedazzled cowboy hat and cowboy boots and everything. and dave chappelle will walk up and be like, "man, you and that friendgirl of yours have been ripping me off since 2004. isn't it time that you get your own material?" and we'll both be like, "YOU'RE poorly educated!" and everyone will laugh and then credits! but uh, yeah. see, this is why i don't write notes. they turn out just like how it is when i talk: long and rambly and kind of like i've been drinking for a couple hours. oh well. love!
from confrere :
A secret diary sounds so enticing.
from msunknown :
i don't know if it helps any, but i'm here for you if you ever need anyone to talk to or anything.
from boxedfury :
I miss reading your stuff. I think I'll go back to it. I've moved, by the way... Stupid paraoia. -layne
from confrere :
I hope what you're sending doesn't mention anything about this website.
from msunknown :
ohh, white lines is and forever will be MY JAM. we need to go walk around south tucson singing that. i bet we'd go three feet before we'd get shot. FREEZE! ROCK!! POWPOWPOW!!! y'all motherfuckers just got SERVED. we need to hang out. love!
from puppet-666 :
Awwwww, you linked me in your 'extra special thanks'! I feel mildly important... Although I don't think I've actually did or said much, I'm glad I've made some sort of poitive impact on your life
from msunknown :
give it a try again, brett. what's the worst that can happen? [and i hate this expression, and i just got into a discussion about it because it doesn't help at all, but...]. stephanie's a good person and she loves you, even if she doesn't always call. besides, friendships are more important than clinging on to old grudges, right? oh, i don't know. do what you want. but remember that no matter what happens with her, i'll still be here for you. and if you ever want to like, talk about anything or anything, my phone lines/e-mail inbox/ears are[is] always open.
from secretshame :
hellloo:) i think you should accept her friendship. why? well...it's just good to have friends. you might not want to put more than 20% hope into this one, but she's probably realised how shitty she has acted and is trying to make it up. (even though it benefits her now that her friends are gone) i have friends who i don't agree with on ANYTHING, we are 100% different people, but have shared so many years together, that i just find it nice to have a laid back "we're friends, but i don't expect anything from you" kind of friendship. sorry, i'm blabbbing but i think you should be nice to her and see what comes of it :). try not to hold grudges cause i do that all too often and it's really really bad for your future. ps: i didn't ask for a cd/video because i didn't expect you to have to send it to australia because you were short of cash and stuff, but i was wondering if i sent you the stamps/packaging/money and you had any left....would that be cool? sorry for the world's LONGEST note ever.. :| take care! gemma
from rustrazor :
BRETT! This is Greg. I had tried leaving a couple of comments in your old livejournal in attempt to contact you, but finally just punched "opiatejr" into Google and found this journal. Do you have a new AIM screenname or email address? My AIM is "Messagetocydonia", Contact me soon bud!
from confrere :
I'm interested in getting a CD, if you want to send me one. E-mail me at [email protected] and I'll e-mail you my address.
from msunknown :
hey, i think that violent femmes song is called "add it up". and wether=whether. sorry, it was bothering me. eep. i feel weird now. but i love you and someday we will hang out. and times will be good.
from tool-nin-fan :
I'd love to have a tape of your performance. It's just that I don't have my own addres or a p.o. box for you to send it to. Last year a friend of mine send me his CD from Kansas. For some reason he send it in a small box, so when my mom got the mail and saw it she freaked out and thought I had gotten someone from the internet to send me drugs. You guys need to come out to California and do some shows.
from secretshame :
of course you can have the password dear . can i get your email though? don't want to leave it in a notes page. i'm not taking any chances...
from fadedexodus :
yeah, that is complicated. I'm sure things will work out the way they're s'posed to, that being if you are s'posed to have her or not. Hot Topic sounds awesome, I can imagine it and I wish we had it here, those stores are scarce in Australia and I live in on of the big cities and I know of 1, maybe 2 shops like that. Whatever gets thrown at you you'll probably get through it as always ;). Rock Fatally Yours Martina
from fadedexodus :
Your last entry was rather upsetting... I have the same thing but the person I like doesn't like someone else.. yet.. but he is a flirt so it's almost the same. I think you have to talk to her about it, it's scary I know but I talked about it to another person and now I don't feel any of it. You can't go through life just feeling pain, it's unhealthy. Trust me I know, this is coming from a person who cries herself to sleep at night... and if a person can't see you for what you are, as I do and I don't even know you, they shouldn't be worth worrying over in the first place, but she sounds a bit different than that... but you gotta think, what if it doesn't work out with this other guy who she'd be "better off with" what if she does end up later in life with you, and when any girl is with you you can't think all the time that they'd be better off with someone else, because they wouldn't, because they chose you, didn't they, and what if another girl comes along? Man i hope I'm making sense... and could you tell me please what the hell is Hot Topic? I know it's a store but what does it sell? We don't have that in Australia. But congrats on the job. Rock Martina
from msunknown :
yes! mission hill was awesome last night. everytime gus comes on screen i think of you. and yay, brett got a job! a cool new job! i will now have to brave the mall and bug you constantly. because, you know, it's not like i don't do that anyway. or something. xoxo.
from sindustries :
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah, that's a whole lotta puddin. congrats on the jobby job at the mally mall.
from secretshame :
i was hoping your next entry would be about getting the job! :D awesome work. you are so much better than about five sevenths of the entire world right now, you know that right? rub it in your parents' face for me. rub it in with scrubbing brushes and paint thinner...the proverbial paint thinner of course. next move: getthe remaining together and make a goddamn site with some songs damnit, so we can start up a street team, damnit. next move after that: world domination. (sorry. i don't intentionally try to plan peoples lives. it just seems to happen! ) much excitement - xoxo gemma
from sindustries :
oh my brett-brett, you always make me laugh til i tinkle.
from fadedexodus :
I love you. Thank you so much for replying! You know what I find surprising.. I care about you alot and I don't even know you. Well, personally, I don't think you should worry about anything, it'll probably all work out the way it was intended. By the way, LOVE the pic with the aviaters. Rock on. Martina
from fadedexodus :
Don't go... I read your diary all the time... I have been for the past.. 2 months I guess, but if you leave I'll be happy as long as you keep the diary. But leaving the bands like that... would you feel remorse? Would you feel you're just running away? How would you feel leaving all the people you care about?... Good luck with the job thing, and even if it doesn't work out, good luck with your decision and everything else. Love Martina
from msunknown :
dammit, brett! why the hell can't you catch breaks with band stuff? well, you're better than them anyway. you should just clone yourself and make your own band. called brett squared. yeah, i know this isn't helping. but i'm trying. and yes, vodka basically is rubbing alcohol. fucking russians and their liqour...I LOVE YOU!
from sindustries :
"hell, I invented an alternate personality and named him for Chrissake" for that alone... i'm reminded of all the reasons i adore you.
from sindustries :
sorry about last night. the mighty machine kept freezing and i was forced to restart. and then you were gone... and i felt regret.
from secretshame :
LUCK! <3 ps. fight for your right, if that makes any sense...
from twokatz :
sometimes it's best to just vanish.
from sindustries :
why does it all have to be so tragic?
from twokatz :
wow,from the looks of this you communicate strictly in messages. I don't know the cody you know either, unless he is the kid with the mohawk that just sorta vanished. Oh well thanks for writting back it was my hightlight for today.
from twokatz :
wow,from the looks of this you communicate strictly in messages. I don't know the cody you know either, unless he is the kid with the mohawk that just sorta vanished. Oh well thanks for writting back it was my hightlight for today.
from twokatz :
no, that's not my cody. My cody plays guitar and looks oddly like a less strung out Sid Vicious...how about Fabian?
from sindustries :
ok, so the "sissy" comment made me laugh like a little bitch. however, you're not a sissy. you're being responsible. OH GOD THE "R" WORD! you'd be an idiot not to weigh your options. pinstripes rule. white ties do not. i wanna give you a makeover. don't take that the wrong way. well i suppose there is no other way to take it. yeah, i'm a cunt.
from twokatz :
Do you know a boy named Cody from the foothills?
from tool-nin-fan :
I'm not going to be like omg I hate you now because you like a few bands that I don't. I was just curious about the GC thing because I've noticed that most fans of them are dipshit 12 year old girls or 12 year old boys trying to score with said girls. The singer of Creed really irritates me. There's something about his voice that is annoying, or maybe it's the wannabe Eddie Veder sound. Plus the whole We Love Jesus thing gets on my nerves. The guitarist isn't bad, though, in my opinion.
from tool-nin-fan :
How could you think I'd be that shallow?
from sindustries :
see you all from time to time isn't it so strange how far away we all are now am i the only one who remembers that summer oh, i remember everyday each time the place was saved the music that we made the wind has carried all of that away long gone day
from fadedexodus :
um, just thought i say that you fucking rock. I'm Martina (cause i share my diary with my best friend) HIM is one of my favourite bands and I love Evil Dead, Bruce Campbell is a king. Well just thought you rock and I wear those "I love dorks" t shirts so if you ever want to talk email me through my diary [email protected] Ciao. Martina
from twokatz :
wow this looks to be the only way to get ahold of you. I just wanted to say hi. I know we've never met and ish. but you really cool and I sumbled on your diary awhile ago. well see you at Rocky if you go...
from tool-nin-fan :
I don't have it or anything but I guess they recorded some of their European tour along with backstage footage etc.
from tool-nin-fan :
It still says "under construction" for everything on the site except the pics. Do you have the Turbonegro DVD?
from msunknown :
i'm happy for you.
from sindustries :
argh argh argh argh
from twokatz :
Do you like Rocky horror?
from sindustries :
and to think if you'd actually gotten a plane ticket and gone we could have hung out cause thats not that far from where i live and i totally would have drove over there so we could finally hang out. dammit.
from msunknown :
i'm a bunny! mmmraawrow. god, i need to stop leaving you notes. and we still need to hang out. and i still love you, even after all these years. in the canadian outback. where we wrestle with the deer and moose for food. you know, i don't think i'm ever going to be serious with you, ever...
from msunknown :
here's what you do to convince the kids you're not gay: rent a pimp suit. rent some ho's. show up to band practice in the suit and with the ho's. walk up to ruben. slap him. say, "i'm fucking straight, bitch!" and then spit on him. you shouldn't have a problem after that. we need to hang out. i love you.
from tool-nin-fan :
I use photobucket.com for image hosting.
from puppet-666 :
Happy 700th (+1)! Hell, I didn't realize you had so many bloody entries!
from tool-nin-fan :
How can you say no to Brad Pitt in leather?
from sindustries :
..........and now i'm officially worried
from tool-nin-fan :
Brisco is funny, but he has such a small role that ultimately I'm going to have to give it to McCoy as far as ownage goes.
from tool-nin-fan :
Jack McCoy owns.
from msunknown :
i thought we both agreed you were drew barrymore.
from tool-nin-fan :
How would your parents know if you shaved your legs? Are you one of those people who wear shorts? Anyway, you are way cute. Especially with those sideburns.
from sindustries :
i just want you to be happy. whatever that is.. means... etc. only you know what that requires. i'm just around to nudge you from time to time.
from msunknown :
you should totally go to pima with stephanie and i. community college, bitches!! and yay! take the drag classes! you'd be awesome. and just tell your parents that you're joining the swim team and that's why you had to shave your legs. they would understand.
from sindustries :
you wouldn't believe me if i told you the music scene in this area rocked. oh well. bliss for you. for the uninformed.
from sindustries :
i miss you. whats wrong with me. you. us. the world. i don't know either. yeah we do suck. fantastic. glad we talked.
from tool-nin-fan :
I was reading the Turn On The Bright Lights reviews and saw one by johnyinterpol who lived in Tuscon. I clicked on the link and saw that the rest of his reviews were of Yeah yeah Yeahs albums and Kill Bill so it really made me think of you.
from tool-nin-fan :
You don't have to be embarrassed.
from tool-nin-fan :
hey, are you johnyinterpol on amazon.com?
from tool-nin-fan :
"Just try and say you've heard a better album title than "Ass Cobra"." Songs About Fucking by Big Black, eh. Thanks for the comment.
from msunknown :
fuck, i knew that, really. there are too many bands that have the same sounding names nowadays i guess. meh. yeah, i really need to study tonight so you go have fun with e and s. and i don't think i'll be able to go with you to the show, i'm kind of busy this month but thanks for asking. i still need to go to your practice one of these days but whatever and love times ten.
from msunknown :
they're the kills, and they're pretty good. "still in love song" is really pretty and sad. i'll put it on a mix cd for you. i have two in the waiting right now for you. one is just an x anthology though. when am i going to see you again? i miss you brah. but the point is, goodbye.
from msunknown :
brett, we love you. love you. looooooove you. and your day will come when the good things fall into place. you're only nineteen. you have like forty years left in your life. things haven't even begun yet. you'll find yourself, and your muse, and your happiness, soonsoonsoon. as your friend, i promise you this. xoxoxoxoxoxo.
from secretshame :
yeh actually, you're everything i wish all guys were. you sound exactly like the type of person i can see myself with. (sorry don't mean to freak you out by that) but don't be so hard on yourself, if people can't see how frikken cool you are, then frankly my friend, they suck. i mean every word of that.
from tool-nin-fan :
You sound like a really sweet and funny guy who I would love to meet someday. We could watch Chappelle's show and jam together or something. Some of your older entries have inspired some of what I've written in my diary. So don't be so hard on yourself.
from msunknown :
when you put down "white town" i read it as "white men" and i then decided that there needs to be an all-white hip-hop pop band made of hicks and steel workers. it may or may not be fronted by evan or christopher walken and they may or may not cover all abba tunes. but the point is, i love you and one of these days i really won't bug you anymore with all of my psuedo-stoner logic and ideas. "oil? bitch, you cookin'?"
from secretshame :
placebo are fantastic! one of my favourite bands ever. i couldn't afford to go to their concert but my friend called me from it. download stuff from their new album 'sleeping with ghosts'. they get better as they age :D ps: i smiled when i read your last entry about the stock money. i'm so happy for you xo
from tool-nin-fan :
Jesus strikes back day hahaha, Placebo is great and I'm glad you're into them.
from msunknown :
you know you could build a robot drummer. or you could get one of those birds that drink water and you could set it up next to a drum and have it be your drummer and get one of those monkies with the cymbals to play that part. or you could get a beatnik to play the bongos. but anyway, sorry that she quit. that really sucks. xoxoxo.
from slayne :
Omigosh, I got all school-girl again when you mentioned Placebo. If you're in love with them, then I'm in love with you. x♥x "All Rock n' Roll is Homosexual" - Richey Edwards
from msunknown :
omfg, i almost called you. wayne brady is now radtastic to me. i loved how when he was giving all the names of pcp he said "ashy larry"...oh, and it's "whether" not "wether". sorry. they call me the grammar bitch around here and everyone hates me for it. or something. feel better and hurrah on having a job! i am proud of you and my heart is full of love for you or something. does wayne brady need to choke a bitch...
from jeanisdead :
how about ... tuesday night? designated driver? okay, these are bad ideas. i just want a damn shirt! or, doxy (i <3 the thesaurus). that would be pimp. shirt, now. [And: Do you realize your last entry was your 666th? That means absolutely nothing, I just wanted to be the first one to point it out.]
from tool-nin-fan :
I'm really bad with names. try something crazy like sexcopter or something. Eh, I'm really not helpful.
from jeanisdead :
I like the song, and I really want to help (no, I just want a free shirt) ... but at the moment, I got nothin'. I'll keep thinking, I promise. I'm just leaving a note right now so that group of lazy, non-interacting bastards you speak of won't include me. [And also; Have I mentioned that your comment about me in your profile is the pimpest thing ever? Because it is. That is all.]
from jeanisdead :
I like the song, and I really want to help (no, I just want a free shirt) ... but at the moment, I got nothin'. I'll keep thinking, I promise. I'm just leaving a note right now so that group of lazy, non-interacting bastards you speak of won't include me. [And also; Have I mentioned that your comment about me in your profile is the pimpest thing ever? Because it is. That is all.]
from msunknown :
concerning your last entry: word. if you just switch the word "job" with "school" and snip out the part about your band, i've just written an entry. sigh. one of these days we're going down to the pub and we're not coming back until the pain's melted away. xo.
from msunknown :
whatever. sympathy win. shark is a humanitarian you know. he sacrificed himself so croc wouldn't die of shame and low self-esteem. so really, SHARK WINS!!
from sindustries :
hi. miss you like starving kids in third world countries miss food. oh my god insensitive. i miss you like ronald regan misses his memory... oh my god goin to hell for that. i miss you like scott baio misses his career... oh now that one was good. chhhhaaarrrllless in chargeee of our days and our niiiights... chaaaarless in charge of ourrr wronggs and our rightsssssssss. *ahem* i miss you. i email you but i get nothin back so it leaves me with 2.. count em 2... possibilities 1. you hate me like nazerene's hate pants or 2. your email is broke at the point in time when i've emailed. YOUR EMAIL SO BROKE *HOW BROKE IS IT* IT'S SO BROKE THAT... aww fuck me i got nothin. miss you. p.s. been on team croc from day 1.
from msunknown :
i think i have dyslexia because i keep on forgetting why i want to send you a note/write you an e-mail/call you, even though the more accurate affliction would be alzheimer's i suppose. but instead of trying to figure out what i wanted to tell you, i'll just say oh, the gossip and be on my way. oh wait, what is that on the horizon? OMG, it's another shark attack! POWPOWPOW! croc has been DEEEEEESTROYED!
from jeanisdead :
I think that song fucking rocks. For some reason, it reminds me of the song the Lone Rangers play in Airheads (well, I think its just the use of the name 'Johnny') which reminds me of the part where they're in jail and Steve Buscemi is grinding his crotch into his bass in front of the other inmates ... and Judd Nelson is in that move. He is the eternal pimp. What? I have no clue what I'm talking about. Nevermind.
from tool-nin-fan :
You have a CD burner right? Some programs allow you to just burn data. Just make a backup.
from msunknown :
hey brett, i just wanted to come here an--oh, wait, what is that? OMG!! SHARK ATTACK!!!! POWPOWPOW!!!! EVERYBODY DIES, BUT MOSTLY JUST CROC!!!! SHARK IS WORLD CHAMPION!!!!! TAKE THAT, CRACKA!!
from tool-nin-fan :
For the spywayre problem you can download programs to detete all of it off of your computer. I use Spybot search & destroy. It works pretty well. I'm sure you could find something by doing a search or by going to a warez site. If you're still having problems you could reformat the hard drive and re-install windows(I'm assuming that's what you're using). It's good to re-install about every 3 months anyway. You'll be surprised at how much better everything runs.
from tool-nin-fan :
Seven Nation Army in itself is atrocious.
from msunknown :
don't hate yourself, love yourself! life is too short to be sad and all that blah blah i'm doctor phil fishcakes. but yes, tons of people are hiring right now so get out there. you can do it, i believe in you because i looooove you! and don't worry about watching embarrassing tv shows. it's not like i don't watch the bachelor or average joe or newlyweds or...um. leaving now.
from tool-nin-fan :
What's some Interpol you'd recommend?
from msunknown :
oh, i don't care. music is music is music. glad you had fun, though. but skrappy's is hell. anyway. see, i told you it was fucking bad ass. just seeing charlie murphy slamming rick james down in slow motion is...wonderful. love!
from tool-nin-fan :
How do you set it on random and with what player?
from sindustries :
hi. alive. i think.
from slayne :
It's so funny that you're obsessed with "Maps". I've got the sequence with the colored lights memorized myself : ) "Maps" for everyone!
from brokenmirror :
creation comes while you're working. And if youre just cleaning your house and let your mind wander around. Dont worry. Your inspiration will come back =♥=
from slayne :
*hope the big sweater doesn't look like it came from Aunt Maggie* And of course I knew you were joking... I just thought I'd set myself apart from the would-be-had-you-not-been-joking bastards. That's all... Hm. I'm sleepy. What can this mean?!
from msunknown :
oh and also, CHEER UP! happiness will envelop you like a great big knit sweater only when you are open to it and least expect it. i miss your smiling face and i will see you on saturday.
from msunknown :
yeah, i was totally going to vote for the remaining but then i forgot. love!
from slayne :
Hey. I am not. Not. A bastard. The only reason why I didn't vote was because I was feeling very disgruntled at the time and therefore did not want to participate in anything that could possibly require thinking and/or decision making. So there. Oh, and P.S. - Being tired sucks.
from secretshame :
definitely "The Remaining" sorry to go against your choice ;) but A.M 180 reminds me way too much of Blink 182, and that can only be a BAD thing...:S
from tool-nin-fan :
The Rats has got to be the worst movie ever.
from jade-black :
I suddenly have an urge to go to Jack In The Box.
from puppet-666 :
Though you might wanna see this: http://www.comicbookresources.com/news/newsitem.cgi?id=3161
from cdghost :
beautiful entries
from sindustries :
nothing is truly over if you don't want it to be. sometimes people give up because the world is hopeless. but maybe if we ignore the world it'll be alright in the end. "Run Running all the time Running to the future With you right by my side Me I抦 the one you chose Out of all the people You wanted me the most I抦 so sorry that I抦 falling Help me up lets keep on running Don抰 let me fall out of love Chorus: Running, running As fast as we can I really hope you make it (do you think we抣l make it? ) We抮e running Keep holding my hand It抯 so we don抰 get separated Be Be the one I need Be the one I trust most Don抰 stop inspiring me Sometimes it抯 hard to keep on running We work so much to keep it going Don抰 make me want to give up" i love you.
from tool-nin-fan :
Should so they can sell you more drugs.
from jeanisdead :
BAH! The IHOPs around here are all scummy, and I'm in love (well, lust) with a cute blue-eyed tattooed boy that works at Denny's. So BOOOOO to IHOP! BOOOOURNS! BOOOOURNS!
from lil-arsonist :
haha oh my gosh, I LOVE the meathead perspective. :) I loved that place since I can remember... its genius! I need to put it on my links page though. :D
from tool-nin-fan :
haha I know. I knew you joking, I was as well. but I see how you could have thought I was being serious. I thought you meant stoopid as in "I see the truth when I'm all stoopid eyed" from the perfect drug, which is the main reason I thought you weren't being serious. You're amused, I'm amused, it worked out well.
from jeanisdead :
You take back what you said about Denny's! NOW!
from slayne :
We should say hello one day.
from msunknown :
i almost want to say that the quote is from high fidelity, but i know that wrong. oh well, i tried. do i at least get the prize? i can't wait to taste that monkey...
from jeanisdead :
I stole the line from an SNL sketch (Maya Rudolph as a contestant in an episode of The Wade Robinson Project), but I like that one too. I was going to add something about manually or orally, but ... yeah. If you're going to steal something, might as well steal it intact.
from sindustries :
merry christmas darlin
from tool-nin-fan :
Your comment about me seriously made me laugh...thank you. I ditched the hot pants pic and found a more interesting live one.
from slayne :
I'm so flattered. I thought no one could make bipolar disorder fun, and yet here I am creating entertainment for dozens of people! It's great to be me.
from msunknown :
i only have one question: if you don't use this thing to communicate with people, why do you speak directly to us and ask questions and such? and i'll be looking forward to those juice and crackers, i'll make my mom make some rice krispies treats and we'll have a grand old time in fourth grade.
from msunknown :
when i first read this entry all i could think was, 'there goes brett, blaming everyone else for his own problems again'. and that's pretty god damned sad that i had to think this. brett, i do not even know what to say to you. i started a note earlier in the day that basically just said 憇eriously, fuck you a lot [hmm, i don抰 know where i got that from匽 but i deemed it insufficient in what i really wanted to say. brett, you are a pitiful, selfish asshole fame whore. when one thing does not go exactly as you want it to go, you start blaming everyone else and calling all your friends who truly do, or at least truly did at one time, love you, assholes and bitches and any other four letter word you can think up. wow. welcome to fourth grade, brett! next time things don抰 go your way you can go cry to teacher and she can give us a scolding卆nd way to wait for a reason as to why i couldn抰 make it! for all you know, i could have been involved in a fatal car crash and been dead on the side of the road. although this is, unfortunately, not the scenario that happened last night. something with my family came up; and i do apologize for not calling you back. but is this any reason to tell me to basically risk our friendship by telling me to basically fuck off? because honestly, anyone who tells me to, basically, 揻uck off and is serious, isn抰 my god damned friend. i mean, who the fuck do you think you are? how dare you tell me that. that is not acceptable and if i didn抰 love you the way that i do i would tell you to fuck off and we wouldn抰 be friends anymore. but i do love you, brett. you can be so kind sometimes, but those times are just getting rarer and rarer. i really think you should take stephanie抯 advice [oh and i can back her up on the working thing, she told me this when she drove me home from school yesterday] and really take a look at your life. you have so much and you don抰 seem to realize this. you have friends that love you, a family that loves you, a car [whether it works or not], a roof over your head, a good job [oh and fucking suck it up with this job, for christ sake抯. i didn抰 even miss this much work and i had two jobs and almost had a fucking mental break down], and relatively good health. and i don抰 mean to play this card again but seriously brett, you don抰 have it that fucking bad. and what the fuck is up with this contemplating suicide shit? are you seriously going to try to take your life every time things don抰 work out? do you even realize how ridiculous that sounds? or how ridiculous that makes you sound? but whatever, it doesn抰 matter anyway. stephanie basically said everything i wanted to say and in a much more organized and eloquent manner. i have your present wrapped and ready, and i抣l see you next friday.
from joefelldown :
Hmm. well. Our assistant manager and one of our managers had to go to the other store because their manager and assistant manager got fired. I work in an understaffed fucking ham store at Christmas time and you don't think I was really called in? Today is my one off day and I抦 spending it with my sister. Excuse me. So it抯 my fault you sit at home and contemplate suicide? Well let god strike me down because apparently I do not have the power to change you. (How dare you blame me for your problems, if I upset you that much then don抰 talk to me any more.) You have a depression problem, a dependency problem, a selfishness problem and I don抰 see how I am here to solve these for you. You don抰 want to believe me when I tell you things then don抰. Think I am a lying bitch and stop calling me. If I am such a bad person than don抰 talk to me. You are sensitive and a jerk. You make people feel like crap. You make me feel like crap but do I find the need to tell you this every time I think of you? No. I am a bitch. I don抰 need you to tell me that. But I am busy and I do have a life and when you sit there and whine your ass off about what a fucking bitch your life is and every little thing everyone does that pisses you off, you aren抰 very inviting. So I blow you off a lot? Well you抮e an ass a lot. So why am I bothering write this. Because I do care about you. I do want to see you on the 26. I don抰 want to defend myself constantly. I don抰 want to be called a liar. I don抰 want you to feel like shit all the time. But Brett, you need to evaluate your life when you think all your friends are assholes but still talk to them. When the only way you can communicate is through a piss ass diary. When people love you and you don抰 see it. Because Brett if I didn抰 love you I would have told you to fuck off a long time ago. Honestly Brett? The problem is you want me to fill something I can抰. You want us to hang out all the time when I just don抰 have that kind of time. You want me to call you back when I wonder if you抣l call me a bitch if I don抰. If I that bad of a friend then do yourself a fucking favor and don抰 put up with me. If I am not then how about this. I love you and I would like to think you love me. So forget every one else because I can抰 speak for them. Let抯 you and I start over. You come over on the 26. I shouldn抰 be working any more unless they hire me full time and we will come to that if we have to. But you come over and we抣l hang out. I抣l still be a bitch and you a jerk but I抣l have time and you wont have to arise this issue. Despite contrary belief my life isn抰 perfect. I have my own problems. But when Christmas blows over I can stop to think and maybe this will all work out. If you really want I could even make a list of all the other things in my life besides you but till then I shall spare you. Yes, I suck. You suck too. Well there you go. This is weird. I wont read any response. If you want to talk we can. No more diary piss ant shit. Agreed? Who knows. Who fucking knows.
from jeanisdead :
Yes, yes he will! At least I hope ... Oh, yeah, and I heart Interpol. If ever you get the chance, they are amazing live. That is, until some crazy giant drunk gay guy decided to start molesting you ... yeah, asides from that, they're great.
from slayne :
Yeah... that day really sounded like a mess for you. I could relate - I think that day was like... 'National Everyone's Day is Going to Suck Day'. *wink*
from tool-nin-fan :
Thank you for adding me as a favorite, I will add you as well. I love the template!
from slayne :
Okay I get it now. Duh. That's what happens when I have too much caffeine, I just don't stop to think about things myself before asking someone else. I'm doing it again. Leaving now, leaving now... *incoherant mumbling* Blah.
from sindustries :
argh i miss you more than life itself.
from slayne :
A much more interesting person than you what? Now you've got me curious and flattered, I'm probably fidgeting because of you.
from jeanisdead :
You should have asked her if she wanted to see your peg leg. Oh man, oh man. I needed that laugh. Thanks.
from msunknown :
my cousin heather is coming in from florida so i'm definately busy on friday and maybe saturday. but maybe some other time soon?
from msunknown :
mariah's a veggie! VEGGIE!!! haha i like everyone.
from jeanisdead :
My job right now is a bra store. Not a sexy one like Victoria's Secret, oh no. We sell old lady underwear (they're called "Skimp Skamps," and they're neither skimpy nor skampy). Anyway, while I like working on the floor, cleaning, making the place look decent again, I prefer the register. All the beeping and the censor-removing and offering Frequent Buyer cards and giving of coupons ... Makes you feel important. Beep, beep, beep ... One day, though, I want to shine my little scanner in someone's eye. Just to see what happens. Muahaha.
from jeanisdead :
Hey, thanks for the plug. I tell ya! Once they start to go grey ... oooweee, I swear, I can hardly keep my pants on.
from foreverhis- :
Thanks alot. It's a beautiful layout <3<3.
from foreverhis- :
Hey, I've been reading your diary and I love it and i absolutely adore your layout and I was just wondering where you got it or if you made it. thanks. <3<3 I hope you feel better by the way.
from msunknown :
i'm glad you like the mix cd and the pictures. and for the record, i never knew you didn't like "the safety dance". that's an abomination! but yes, congrats on the job. and don't worry about this big thing that is bothering you, it will all work out in the end. just continue to be happy and think positive.
from sindustries :
i love you. i miss you. hi.
from sindustries :
it would be nice if we could actually talk about all of this
from msunknown :
hey brett, i have a pair of men's[i think] size nine soccer cleats from back in my soccer playing days if you want to borrow them for your costume. they're black with a few dark blue streaks aand i haven't worn them since 1997. woo.
from jeanisdead :
Don't envy me. Going to concerts when I don't really have the means is part of the reason I'm so poor. I owe everyone money. And; your costume is going to be pimp. That is all.
from sindustries :
when death sleeps, it dreams of you
from lovekurt :
Sorry I missed your call the other night. I'm stuck now doing horrible botany and writting a speech that has no topic. Make sure and kick the shit for me.
from sindustries :
don't worry, i still have my super nintendo.
from sindustries :
but i love you.... and i wanna be your dog... er.. groupie.. er... yeah. hi. 2 bands. one for your everything and one for just half. like clark kent and superman. only without the tights. though the thought of you in tights..... *ahem* hi
from sindustries :
thats from the song "a day in the life" and its about a car accident. not suicide. so don't wreck the van.
from glasspromise :
brett- i already talked it over with my parents. and they say its fine. i get off work at 7 and i should be over soon after that. i cant wait! :D
from msunknown :
i'm planning on going on sunday but i won't have your present because currently i, along with the rest of my family, are out of money. but soon, brett. soon! and i had something else to say but now i forgot it so i'll just comment on my faux hot pocket. god it's crunchy in strange places that shouldn't be crunchy...have nices days or nights.
from sindustries :
i love you and you're the greatest and my love for you is spilling out of me which sounds naughty but i promise its only half naughty and i love you and goddddddddddd you're the best. talk to you later *hugs kisses* blah blah blah *explodes*
from neuroticaa :
i hate when people confuse new order with joy division. it irks me a lot for some reason. i used to have this embarrassingly huge thing for ian. <3
from msunknown :
what do you want for your birthday and okay i'll probably see you sunday. this note is odd.
from glasspromise :
hey brettt, i have sunday off. and i would enjoy hanging out with you. so. either ill call you saturday evening or something and we WILL HANGOUT whether you like it or not. mauahahah. ok/ much love xo jill
from sindustries :
i love you. i miss you. i blew my nose and thought of you. i threw away the snotty tissue and thought of you. i got a glass of water. i thought of you. i laid down and i thought of you. i got up because i forgot to turn off the light and i thought of you. i laid back down and thought of you. rolled over... thought of you. rolled back.. thought of you. got up and thought of you. stumbled across the room in the dark and thought of you. found the computer and thought of you. got on and thought of you. wrote this message..thought of you. finished. still thinking of you. <3 <3 <3
from sindustries :
you and me babe.. see... we're one in the same. it's meant to be. i love you. <3 and just so you know... i actually had the most wonderful time of the year song stuck in my head when i was at [email protected] which was amusing. i'm crazy.. you're crazy.. together.. not so crazy. i play bass *ahem*
from sindustries :
i love you and i want to hear this new song. on an unrelated note maybe the reason search + destroy sounds familiar is that it was covered by the red hot chili peppers as well as emf. the misfits were also known to cover the song live (the original danzig fronted 'fits that is) and you have may have heard it if you have any live bootlegged stuff. once again i love you and i will shutup. giant nerd that i am.
from sindustries :
i'm sorry.. i fell asleep. i still love you. i was just really tired and zonked out. please forgive me <3
from sindustries :
congrats on the jobby job. what will the discounts be like? i'd be in it for the discounts. this month and the next are the best time to furnish your house.
from sindustries :
if it's at all helpful or reassuring in anyway.. i wouldn't just want to work in a halloween store... i'd like to own one. and not just for halloween... all year around. but then i have to ask myself; "self, do you really want to be known as the creepy lady down the street"?
from glasspromise :
i know the feeling of being depressed. but if theres anything i can do. let me know. i love you brett, and i llike it when ya smile! so do more of it DAMNIT. ok ill go now. bye brett!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
from sindustries :
i love you i love you i love you i dooooooooo i truly do. moooo. poo. shoe. i love you.
from sindustries :
hooray i feel like shit. miss you bunches and its kinda painful.. the missing part. love you lots. talk to you soon. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxoxoxoxoxox times 10
from fairyposer :
are you really afraid of the phone? i know someone like that.
from msunknown :
eh, it's all right. i understand about not having money. i don't really know what i'm doing for my seventeen day but you're welcome to come. if i even do anything...and johnny cash did win. for cinematography. this is a travesty, in the words of justin timberlake. hi-o!!
from puppet-666 :
I always sleep in too late, too-- usually until 3 or 4 PM. Yeah, that's all I wanted to say. That, and I like the new comment you have for me on your profile...
from joefelldown :
i sent you an e-mail...
from sindustries :
i want you to know i've sent you numerous emails and they've all gotten returned to me cause of whatever the hell is wrong with freakscene.net. *le sigh*. in other neww, i have no qualms about being in love with a pig farmer. and... i read that other entry. *dun dun duhhhh* argh... we'll talk later. <3
from glasspromise :
dear brett, i love you. i think you are a great guy. and you better start with the smiling. cause i like it when you smile. k? love Jill.
from msunknown :
it's never too late to start living. it's never too late to stop being bitter, realize that things suck, people suck, life sucks, deal with it, and move on. i say this to you often, i know, but seriously, brett. your life is what you make of it. people have overcome things before. you just have to get out there and try and not give up when things seem too rough or too sucky. and try to be understanding with some people. i don't think you realise how much you're hurting some people sometimes.
from glasspromise :
dear brett. we need to hang out or something. i still need to rape you and take your shirt. k? alrighty. BANG. jill
from sindustries :
hi love. i'm at my dad's work using his computer. just a note to say hello and i'm alive and i love you and i will send you a large batch of cookies if it would make you feel better. *hugs*
from sindustries :
brett, i love you. never change who you are or how you are. that is what i've fallen terribly and pathetically in love with. i love you i love you i love you.
from slayne :
so very welcome. I couldn't think of anything better to show you... sorry I'm so awkward, I'm socially impaired.
from fairyposer :
hey, listen i know how you feel about when you are happy you feel less of a person, it takes work, but it goes away. i'm adding you to my favs.
from slayne :
http://adbdesign.com/aic/
from msunknown :
i'm sorry about star. she was a really nice dog and even though it may sound weird i'll miss her. poor little brett. xo.
from sindustries :
[email protected] that nirvana person telling you they dislike the rest of your favorite bands. like somehow that matters. what a complete turd. anyway brett, i love you. in order to show an image on the net you need a host for the image. many webservers these days don't allow remote linking or 'Hot linking' from their server unless its on their site. i have a service provider that allows it hence why your image in your diaries temp shows up. if you need any pics hosted in the future i can host them for you.
from glasspromise :
dear brett. please find a new image host. i do want to see the pictures. not just little white boxes with a red X in the middle. love always. jill
from nirvana-rose :
hey hey.alice in chains rock,but i dislike all the rest of your favourite bands.anywho...i'll go now
from sindustries :
i love you.
from glasspromise :
call stephanie to get my number. i dont really wanna type it on here! [email protected][email protected]#^!#$^
from glasspromise :
hi brett!
from msunknown :
go here-http://www.vh1.com/news/articles/1476854/20030813/nine_inch_nails.jhtml?headlines=true
from sindustries :
another daily message to affirm i love you. i'm going to sleep. long day. crappy day. another one tomorrow. whoopdy doo. i love you. hey that rhymed. yes, punch me.
from sindustries :
i love you. please, please, pleaseeeee talk nerdy to me. oh baby. hehehehe. i would like to take this time to say that "Samael" is also a really great band. *ahem* i'll get you back... i'll talk non stop about shoes or something. hehehe. by the way, still love you. i think its cute you're all attached to harry. poor harry. that made me sad. kinda like when i cried while watching this frosty the snowman cartoon. cause ya know.. he melts.
from sindustries :
the note right below this one makes me want to kill myself. so this is the world we live in? if not kill myself then put you and me in a time machine and as the age we are now go back 10 years so we don't have to deal with the bullshit youth of today. i love you. i'm sorry you feel like shit. i feel like shit too. i'll kidnap you soon enough. they'll all understand someday.
from jeanisdead :
I heard an Alice In Chains song on the radio last night. I'd never really heard anything by them before. Something about a hole? I liked it. A lot.
from msunknown :
what's the reason? i just am curious..."you're a cigarette, you fag!" damn you and your clerks, brett...
from sindustries :
i love you
from sindustries :
screw everyone else i say, SCREW EM! *MWUAHAHAHA* *ahem*. you know i'll be your muse if you ever want me to be. such a brett fan. but anyway i'm glad you know what you want. thats the first step.
from joefelldown :
dude i would so be in your movie. i would suck but i'd be cool.
from sindustries :
you really shouldn't make me giggle as much as you do. Le sigh
from peixe :
I was walking home last night. It was about 1am. For a minute, I dind't know what time it was. I looked over east, towards the mountains. The sky around it was weird. Orange, lit up. Almost as if it were dawn. I looked in the other direction towards the moon and remebered that it wasn't dawn and then remembered why the sky was orange.
from sindustries :
i miss you :o(
from sindustries :
sending a note cause i haven't sent one in awhile. <3<3<3<3<3 crazy amounts of love for you. xoxoxo
from joefelldown :
hey i lost your e-mail address and well i want it. so i dunno if you have my new e-mail [email protected] (obviously you have it now) could you send me your address. stupid request i know but you know me i am so bad with that whole talking thing. thank you.
from puppet-666 :
Happy diaryaversary!
from joefelldown :
did you realize there is a story written by (i think) Ernest Hemingway and it's called The End of Something and it is about a relationship between two people and when they both realize it's over? probably but i had to ask. it was just odd. pretty stupid of me to comment i guess. oh well.
from jeanisdead :
The trick is to put them in, look down, and blink. The looking down after they're in helps kinda ... seal it in, I guess. Get rid of that bubble. I can get mine in quick, but my problem is always getting shit in them. I wash my hands a couple times, but I don't have time to just let them air dry, so I have to use a towel. Towel = Lint on hands = Lint on contact = Irritated eyes. You'll get used to it. And then you'll be at that cool point I'm at where I like to stick my finger in my eye and move the contact around, which really isn't nearly as fun as I'm pretending it is ... yes, I am lame. Whatever.
from sindustries :
girls there suck. if i lived closer... *sigh*
from sindustries :
no worries my dear. i'm terribly boring. painfully boring really. ahaha.. those movies were hilarious. i think i've created a monster. muwhahaha. since then pumpkin head's been stuck in my head. darn you. the card scenario was amusing. i've played that game before. with like 10 other people and god only knows how many decks of cards. thing is when i'm around that amount of people especially since i didn't know them that well i never called bs cause it was scccccarrrry. i loveeeee you *hugs* later
from sindustries :
mother love bone=way to my heart and its Paul Westerberg *sigh* i'm such a nerd.
from sindustries :
i hope you're feeling better tonite. i'm terribly sleepy so i'm off to bed. bit worried. lemme know how you are. <3
from sindustries :
"I wanted to feel What I抳e never felt before I was tired of the living I was tired of it all"
from sindustries :
ok hi, stalking you again. 1st you have mail hehehe. 2. i love L7 3. the ring pissed me off too(in fact i think i have several entries somewhere devoted to talking about it) 4. it had a very toolly/n.i.n. perfect drug feel to it. 5. you going off about the ring=hilarious and true 6. i like to count 7. i used to be afraid of the hulk. the series that came on when i was little. the live action one dont know if you've seen that or not... it scared the piss out of me. 8. i'm sure if i see a commercial for the new one it'll bring up all those old feelings. 9. the count rocks my socks off. and 10. i love you
from sindustries :
you know how much i love the song asleep by the smiths? good lord your brownie points are in overdrive. haha. every autumn "long gone day" sums up the previous summer. and its been that way for years. terrible feeling
from sindustries :
i give up on sleep. i honestly do. it doesn't exist when i want it. and when i don't want it i'm covered in it. darn you sleep! um.. anyway ok yeah i totally suck for not responding. suck suck suck. i think its a good idea. i like reading peoples musical choices. cause sometimes it makes me go "oh yeah" and run over to dust off something or sometimes i go "oh yeah" and go buy it. who'd a thunk it? brav-fucking-o on the song. its so good. gotta hear it. add that song to the list of songs i have to hear. remember to mention me in your interview with rolling stone ;o) lemme tell ya why 'w0uld' was included on the soundtrack. andy w00d from m0ther l0ve b0ne died and the movie is meant as a little tribute to him on the side. hence why when linda is crying you see m0ther l0ve b0ne on the wall behind her. its like she's crying over the relationship but also mourning for andy. also aic wrote w0uld as a tribute to andy(note the play on words duh lol) and camer0n thought it apropriate to put it on the soundtrack. i'm full of so much useless knowledge it is truly sickening. whats odd.. i watched singles the other night. love it. love it. love it.
from sindustries :
*resume stalking* what kinda guitar is this again you're saving for? i must know. thank you for your concern. give me some love <3 :o)
from sindustries :
i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i'll stop stalking now... of course it could start up again at a moments notice
from sindustries :
"wonderful tonight" was the first song i ever slow danced to with a guy *sigh*
from puppet-666 :
I hope you accept Canadian dollars!! [approximate value: 10 cents]. By the way, I agree with Sindustries there-- keep the hair
from puppet-666 :
Ooh, ooh!! I need someone dead!!
from sindustries :
oh my lord i can't stop laughing at the little survey thing that you wrote out. haha.. holy shit. maybe its cause its 5 a.m. and i haven't slept but holy shit. matts characters name was cliff. Always go for the throat! you're not a loser cause i say so and i'm always right. right? maybe. but you aren't! and lastly... keep your hair. stay "dirty" cause i love me some dirty and hairy guys. dirty harry. dirty hairy. hmmmm. love you
from sindustries :
ground control to major tom... ;-) i want you to know i'm still declaring my undying love for you. and no matter how many songs you write and how alone you feel i'm around and that also means you'll always have either a 2nd guitarist or a bassist in your band. and on the subject of sir elton john... i wanna be your 'tiny dancer'... gonna go listen to that one now. and i mean it... ...And now she's in me, always with me....
from sindustries :
ok read the song. like the song. want to hear the completed version of the song!! dammit. hehe. and to add to the ever growing creepiness.... i'm currently wearing a screaming trees tshirt. haha.
from sindustries :
what can i say, we just have kickin layouts!! ahaha.... i wanna know what magazine she's talkin about cause ya know.. obsessed with aic. *sigh*
from pixie-cutter :
i LOVE your layout and your diary. there was like a 434823948923849328492 page pull out on aic in a magazine i bought the otherday. very interesting reading, ;x. as i said. love your layout and your diary. w00t w00t.
from sindustries :
here's something wacky... just as i got to your mentioning of the entry(And song) the man who s0ld the world... the [email protected]@ version of the song came on, on my stereo. that was creepy.
from sindustries :
just a note to let you know that i'm thinkin 'bout ya. you're the best. *hugs*
from msunknown :
yes! i'm kathleen, and if i'm thinking right, that's after ms. hanna of bikini kill/le tigre. if so, that fucking rules. xo.
from astro-vamps :
i dig your diary....yes.
from sindustries :
just so you know, i love you :-)
from sindustries :
it's not childish at all. my song is angry chair.
from msunknown :
i remember i had the same problem with that assignment, i think i wrote about my cousin and i throwing lemons at cars...he's a pretty rad teacher, though. at least i think so. blargh. beaver's is so awful. no one sells things for cheap anymore...especially rainbow, those false-advertising bastards...
from sindustries :
thinkin about ya, wonderin how ya are and were you're at. :-)
from puppet-666 :
"Mmm... zombies *drool*" Heh heh. You said I meant something to you-- that's great! And don't worry about the fact that you've only actually met two of the people you put on that list-- all my better friends, I met on the internet, hell, I met my boyfriend on the internet! Now, he came up to stay with me in February, and my friend Ren/ladyeve901/Miaka stayed with me for a few days last year. Shit, I've gotten into a rant here-- but, one last thing: I really am glad you joined my forum! I don't know you all too well, but from what I can tell, you're pretty goddamn cool. My forum needs your kind! :)
from puppet-666 :
Join my message board!! We need you! http://zombiepuppet.proboards18.com/index.cgi
from sindustries :
You've got mail!! hehehe
from sindustries :
i'm gonna have to try the a-z approach. this time i just added a survey. and why does "frogs" have to be such a good song. damn i wish i'd written that. good luck getting a new guitar. i got a new one a few months ago. but that was a birthday gift. fake your birthday!
from sindustries :
I have been destroyed by the perfection that is life see I'm moving soon see my feet are already on the road and if you know where I'm going don't tell a soul I live all for this thing that I heard someone sing when you have noone noone can hurt you it was so easy to see how fucking good it all could be"-Katat0nia "D0n't tell a s0ul"
from jeanisdead :
hahahaha. i think that SAME DAMN THING. though, not as much when i masturbate. i'm sure they get a kick out of that, not having flesh anymore and all. i usually wonder if they're watching when i'm doing lame things, like dancing around to 80s music, or reciting my favorite scenes from movies in the mirror, or arguing with the tv/myself/inanimate objects. and you know, i can't really say whether i actually believe in that sort of thing, but i feel like less of an ass if i just go on thinking there aren't spirits out there watching me when i'm singing in the shower.
from sindustries :
don't worry... i bitch. moan. complain. and talk about boys in mine.. can't get worse than that. ya know? not sure if you like the band D0wn, but regardless i think you'd like the song "st0ne the cr0w". i was listening to it tonight and although i can identify with much of whats said.. after reading numerous entries of yours and your latest entry i think you should hear the song. and prom is an overrated archaic "right of passage" as deemed by those who never fully grew out of the over protective glossy fake world that high school presents itself in *yet claims its preparing you for the "real world"*. no one ever entirely has a good time at those things. its people in uncomfortable clothing.. uncomfortable shoes.. posing for 2 seconds for a picture that somehow "documents" a night that is supposed to be great but all it boils down to is blistered feet, broken hymens, and people making asses of themselves on dance floors. go rock out to "st0ne the cr0w" (i know the lyrics are up on [email protected] lyrics) and pat yourself on the back for the fact you don't need to spend a load of cash on some date and pretend to be someone you're not.
from sindustries :
you'll find your inspiration and you'll find your voice. you express so much in your diary i know you aren't silent. whats inside you is screaming to get out and i know that it will. in my spare time i write horrid poetry/lyrics. i never think they're good but then people like them. you can never tell who you'll speak to with the words you discard.
from sindustries :
sometimes i feel like the world is a pool. a massive pool. and water seems to be the problems that i or anyone faces. and i swear to god i can't fucking swim. and more water comes in the pool and suddenly i'm drowning. each little connection we make with others in the pool. no matter how tiny.. is what keeps us afloat. so if i may... i'll grab onto your sleeve and pull you above the water so you don't drown.. and you see i'm holdin onto someone elses sleeve and they.. we'll they're doin just fine and have a raft big enough for all of us. so perhaps we can just float along .. leave our legs dangling in the water as to not remove ourselves from everything.. past.. present.. future.. problems.. life... but take solace and contentment in the fact that this raft is quite nice and its got a lifetime guarantee. and if you start to slip off.. i'll grab you again. when things get hard.. rough.. when it becomes too much to stand.. the best advice i ever got was to live this life 15 minutes at a time. don't look past it. live in it. and for these few minutes and eventually things will be fine.
from puppet-666 :
Seems like everyone's falling apart at the same time...
from sindustries :
the layout looks smashing!!
from sindustries :
thank you for your words. they meant the world to me and now i'm completely endeared to a stranger. i used to follow those words but i lost them somewhere along the way and you reminded me of whats important and i guess.. how to find out whats important. thank you.
from puppet-666 :
You need a layout [hint: tell me what you'd like and I'll make it for you]
from sindustries :
i realized the shitty reality of layne being gone a whole year today. was aware of kurt and though i miss him.. layne just rips a hole deep within me. i discussed it with a friend. last year we had a memorial on the weekend after they announced his death and then again on his birthday complete with a birthday cake. i miss my sweet prince.
from sindustries :
just realized you've got my favorite smiths song up on there.. major brownie points have been scored. hope you're doin well. or better. or something is happening. stagnating is the worst. i think i may be on a mission to never sleep again without actually meaning to. curses. take care. "so we make a mess of our lives..."
from porktornado :
No, dude, the "don't watch this" part of the DVD isn't what I was talking about. On the main menu, highlight "play, and then hit the up arrow, and it will show you the movie.
from lilyrain :
I thought you might find my entry useful, enlightening, or just down right familiar sounding. Glad it could be of some use to you. By the way...can I say i told you so yet? I think you know what i am talking about. If not, that just means you will actually have to leave me a note. ;)
from puppet-666 :
Thanks... for both the layout-liking, and still liking me. Thanks... [-insert hug-]
from sindustries :
hi, i just found your diary and i love it!! another alice fan.. *le sigh* tis my all time favorite band. anyway i'm gonna add you to my favorites cause i've spent the past 10 minutes reading about your life and i've got lots of catching up to do. drop me a line sometime! take care :)
from joefelldown :
i would love to work with you on anything brett i just can't write. i wish i could but i can't. i could take a million courses on it but i wont do that because i hate things like that. i just don't think you can learn creativity. i think it comes to you when you are ready to hold it. anyways... the living thing sounds doable though with me in it you have to shove cody some where. i doubt i will live with evan. and i wonder about robyn. but the point is it sounds like it could work depending on a bunch of shit. but i am kinda really scared about all this so i suppose we will see. and i am not scared because of you at all. just my normal fear.
from joefelldown :
i like your fumbled apologies... would you ever want to go to an anti-war rally. i thought it was worth asking. i have shit the next few days but i will call before the weekend is over and if you want to go i can tell you more. i love you.
from lilyrain :
1.) Hi, it's been awhile, I guess thats what happens when I don't post anything new for along time. 2.) I agree about the sever suckyness of the ending of the Ring, I was quite dissappointed. 3.) I actually have a friend with the name Samara, except rather than pronouncing it Sa-mar-ah, she pronounces it Sam-rah. Yeah just a random tid bit of information. Well i will probably write more when I actually catch up with more of your diary, it's been awhile, I've got alot to read.
from puppet-666 :
Hey, I know how it is. Just last week I had to run off, cause my parents were fighting over something I did. When I went to leave, my mom started crying hysterically-- when *she* drove me to do it. If I would have had the money, I would have got on a plane... Also, I know what it's like to be 'stuck like this forever'... just my situation's a bit different, and a bit less severe...
from joefelldown :
your mom may not be with you but i am. as little as that probably help i am. i want to talk to you as soon as i can. maybe tonight but definatly tomorrow. i will give you a call. be strong till then. i need you brett and though you may not see it i do. i love you.
from joefelldown :
i love you brett. i love you grunge or goth i would even love you prep. i think you look good grunge and goth. you seem a little of both. you can always comprimise. you can always go back. if i had to choose one i would say stick with grunge because it goes with your lazy lifestlye but when you feel up to go for the more fancy goth. but again i don't really care but hey you wanted something. again i love you. i hope all went well and either way i am here.
from puppet-666 :
I still read you!
from msunknown :
welcome to my world. 'have you done your homework?' 'are you doing your homework?' 'it's been much too long, robyn. are you finishing your homework?' i think it's a disease. i'm a disease. actually i'm just a big nerd. ok stopping now.
from joefelldown :
Brett just to let you know you don't always have to have something great to say. Just you being there is enough. I wish you knew how refreshing it is just to forget about things with you. To go see you and hang out and not have to worry about the normal shit just worry about bordom and dying in your car. It's hard to tell you things but it's nice to know that sometimes I don't have to. I love you.
from msunknown :
first off, thank you for the kind words. they are worth more than gold to me and i appreciate them very muchly. secondly, DUDE! i watched empire records on vh1 too last night! i almost called you at four am because i didn't feel like sleeping and i thought you might be up, but i called my cousin instead. she was at work. but you don't care. very good movie though. kind of weird that we were just talking about it and then it was on. a nice weird though. love.
from jerseygirl19 :
I was just typing in to see who lived in Tucson. Just thought I would say hello
from jeanisdead :
you're absolutely right. i was thinking along those same lines the other day. so, i'm this and that and blah blah ... what the fuck ever. i just need to deal. just say okay. and smile more, maybe. even if i'm not happy. smile because it doesn't really matter, and i shouldn't really care. we should try that, shouldn't we? just not caring. really not caring. at all. i don't know, i'm just rambling. and; you helped.
from lilyrain :
Hey I have no idea where I'm sending my pix. E-mail me on KissmeQuickly18, then I'll send them to your screenname.
from lilyrain :
How often do you go to Rainbow? I'm there alot, probably too much for being str8. Well anyway, maybe we'll run into each other there, I'll give ya my pix if you want them, maybe to know what to look out for.
from lilyrain :
as a side comment to your new profile "description"....."never frown when you know someone is falling in love with your smile."
from lilyrain :
I figured I should wirte you a possitive note. You know, from a "complete stranger". From what I can tell so far, you are an awesome person, who very much cares for his friends, male or female, you love all of them just the same. Despite what I see between your little "crew" you all seem incredibly close, and as any good friends go, there will always be problems. But the best part of this, is knowing, no matter what, your love for each other will always bring you back together. So to you brett, keep love in your heart, and love will continue to surround you.
from msunknown :
i think you need to get out of the house. honestly and bluntly i think you're wallowing in your own self-pity. and although yes, everyone does that, and you're entitled to it as you are a human being, there is more to life than that. i think that half the problems you have you yourself created. you keep on setting yourself up for heartache. i'm sure that stephanie still loves you, but i'm also sure she gets tired of this constant asault on every move she makes. i am not stephanie so i wouldn't know. but yes. i say this all as a friend, brett. it's probably none of my business but it's an ovservation none the less. you are a good person deep down inside. i just don't think you're letting yourself be that person as of late. but either way, you're still my friend and i love you. i'm actually still sick today or else i would go somewhere with you. maybe this weekend we'll do something. try to look on the bright side of things, bro. life really isn't that bad sometimes when you put it in perspective. xo.
from joefelldown :
just because i feel the need to explain myself i would like to state that i never did that exact thing to you but once and i had a very good important reason you never cared to listen hear because you were to indulged in feeling bad for yourself. not that you don't have the right to feel bad for oyurself or anything just you miss things sometimes and you blame them on you even when it's not true. i am not mad or anything i just don't think it's fair you say i have done that several times when i did it once with good reason. i also don't think it's incredibly fair anytime i don't hang out with you, you seem to hold it against me as if i didn't have former plans to get to and i just plain snubbed you. that's never the case. i am sorry if i am often busy but i really don't just snub you. but i suppose you will see it how you see it. it's just how people are.
from lilyrain :
Did I say something to offend you. You seem upset at me or something, I did't mean to be presumtious or pry in your life. No, it's not the joefelldown chick, it's the other one.
from lilyrain :
Ummm, I'm quite confussed but, I guess what I wrote could be misconstrued. I just kinda wanted to clarify, while you seem like a really awesome person, I was refering to your friends, I don't know her name, but she obviously likes you, perhaps you know who I'm talking about, sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. I would never be that pushy or presumptious. Sorry again.
from joefelldown :
i think you are attractive. i am not attracted to you but i hope my opinion still counts. and i am going to a dance tomorrow that i highly doubt you would want to attend but if for some reason you do i would love for you to go. though i kinda wish i was doing the movie thing i promised cody i'd go... maybe saturday. call me if you want to go. i know you wont but hey what's wrong with asking. i love you.
from lilyrain :
you know, this valentines day doesnt need to be so lonely....and as a hint, there is at least one girl that does dig you. I'll talk to you later.
from joefelldown :
oh, and i am not mad.
from joefelldown :
it's everyone. i will explain when i can but i doubt i will be able to if you call. maybe set a time up i can see you outside of the house. maybe then. don't worry i am fine enough for now.
from joefelldown :
silly boy when was the last time you were in my head. sorry about all this shit. i will talk to you soon and i want to just sit some where and talk. i miss when we talked. i'm tired of being busy when i see you. you and me. maybe others but i want just quiet conversation. i miss that.
from captivated- :
It may not have meaning but it's a nice story behind it lol. See ya.
from captivated- :
Can i ask you what your username means? Does it have any significanse besides the obvious? Heh that's my whole purpose of coming here... to ask you. Well i guess I could say "hi" so HI =o)
from msunknown :
it's 'indie' not 'indy'.
from joefelldown :
if you want to throw away your life it's your's to throw away. if you want to forget about everything (even the good) have fun. call me when you can hang out and if you are up to it i can always come see you. maybe it's easy for you to forget about me but i promise i wont forget you.
from lilyrain :
Actually that does make me feel better. However, your only one out of a very large majority of people who hate my guts. Mostly I think it's because i get laid and they dont :P
from joefelldown :
i love you and we both know the last thing you need is alcohol. i read and i care. i can only hope you see the uselessness of drinking. it's ok to drink to be happy but it's not ok to drink to not be sad.
from lilyrain :
Why the new need for notes? You know everyone loves you. By the way... Sprite is better :P <3 Tivona
from jeanisdead :
i heart sierra mist. diet sierra mist! they must put something in it, because i swear i can't stop drinking it. its like my crack. soon, i'll be selling my body on the street just so i can afford my 6-pack a day habit.
from starcrash0 :
do you know someone named stephanie hantla?
from lilyrain :
Well I just read your latest entry, and as depressing as this is to say....we don't sell clothes anymore. My new granny manager came in and said the clothes took up too much room. So alas, they are gone and now we sell furniture and usless nic-nacks. Sorry for the wierd ramblimg about my work, like you care anyway, but thought you should know. It's called Kelly's Kloset if you wanna ever stp by anyway for some reason. If you want, go ahead and IM me on KissmeQuickly18, thats the screenname I am on most.
from puppet-666 :
Yeah, I've been on Paxil for almost a year now, since I've been homeschooling. I've been told I seem to be a lot better, but I think it was just the situation change. As for my dieting... I like being a bit overweight, but I'm nearing almost 200 pounds, and don't really feel content with myself anymore. Havn't really lost anything yet, but at least I've stopped gaining. Thanks for the note!!
from msunknown :
hey, sorry about not calling you back. i was out and about for most of the day and when i was home i was trying to get caught up with my internet course [hey we're at the same site! why is that exciting?]. but yes, veryvery sorry and i am probably going to steal your quiz. you don't care but hey. anyway. hasta.
from lilyrain :
I don't want to say you remind me of myself, because we are one in the same. Although I never have had the ability to write or say what i am really thinking. I congratulate you, because your entry today made me realize just how many people feel the same way I do. If you ever need to talk, I'm here, and a fairly decent listener.
from puppet-666 :
I can teach you the drums!! [by the way, you seem pretty cool-- kind of remind me of myself a bit]
from msunknown :
i really am sorry, brett.
from msunknown :
why don't i just make it easier for you and just not talk to you for a while, maybe for a long time if not forever, because no matter what i do it doesn't matter in the long run and i am sick of it all. i'm sure you don't really care anyway and i don't know why i care so much about if this hurts you or not because i know it won't. i guess i'm just being 'very blunt' at the moment. i am just tired of every good mood i have being ruined by you. like i said, i am very very sorry if this does hurt you. but in a lot of ways, you deserve it. i'm still sorry though and i wish you the best. xo.
from msunknown :
mtv's spankin' new music is a crock because all those bands have been out for years now. personally, i hate the donnas to no end because they're stupid sluts at their music is crap but hey, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. epitaph.com has some free mp3's if you want them...but yeah, none of those bands i would catergorize as 'scene bands' but again, everyone to himself or whatever. i only have one eye right now, sorry. hmm. i was goiong to say something else but i lost my train of thought. dammit. i'll be back. like arnold.
from msunknown :
i'll just give the same old answer i always give: i'm sorry.
from msunknown :
wipe the ignorance from your eyes and see how much we are trying to help you. but yet again, brett, it's never enough.
from joefelldown :
i was normal.
from jeanisdead :
oh, and speaking of mtv sucking ... hear about their new "big ten" plan, or whatever they're calling it? if you haven't, the idea is to take only TEN fucking videos, play them each about 30 times a week to help sales. what the fuck? first off, isn't that pretty much what they already do? most shows actually based on music/music videos have been replaced by shitty teen/college reality shows, and all they have left is trl. second off, wouldn't playing a variety of videos help sales more than pouding the same 10 shitty videos into every 14 year olds head day after day? arg. yeah. okay. i'm done ranting.
from jeanisdead :
first i got normal, and thought "fuck being normal!" even though i sort of am, and took it again, and got the stretchy one. at least its better than normal! booyah! what? huh? i dunno. i'm so weird.
from jeanisdead :
i don't know if this is welcome, or if it matters, but honestly, if you ever need any deep dark secret off your shoulders, i'm almost always online. oh, and the speed 3 comment? i'm still laughing.
from msunknown :
ok, first of all, what the fuck is up with the note below me? i got one too...-le question mark- anyway, i find it amusing the way you organized that whole 'me learning the drums' thing. 'evan, go teach robyn the drums'. 'robyn, get evan to teach you the drums'. i don't know but i made me laugh. you know i don't even have a drumset yet, right? tee hee. this band. and i am starting my own band called jabberjaw. just so you know. oh god i'm rambling. and about the comic? it's up to you, bro! i bid you farewell, but always remember: people like you!
from joefelldown :
i should apologize for making you seem like one of my problems. it's just hard when i don't want to mean anything to anyone at the end of the day and i find you. it's hard to always listen to you when i have things to say. not that i mind listening just sometimes it gets hard. i don't know what to say. i have had a really bad day and i am tired. i am to tired to convince you that your not a problem or explain myself. because i know you'll still be here when i am ready to think about things and it's just now i am thinking about so many things already. i can't even write this. fuck i am going.
from joefelldown :
sorry about not calling shit happened and there was no time. i will see you some time.
from joefelldown :
Well this is Evan, not Joe. And no, I haven't fallen down. Brett, you are sane and it is sane, and I'm not saying that to copy what Steph wrote. Listen, I know that you go through this with yourself a lot and you hate yourself for having this huge problem and you can't get over things like everyone else. Well, no one gets over things real quick, you aren't any different from people, you just blame yourself a bit more. Well, what might work then blamming yourself, is trying more to get over it instead of just letting yourself sit in shit. You can move on if you let yourself, but untill then nothing is going to change and damn it we all want you to get better damn you. I mean damn, you're so much more fun when you don't want to die. And if you do ever hurt or kill yourself I'll know and everyone will know and all it will do is make everyone around you fell worse and I know you don't want to do that. I don't know what else to tell you, have a good day and uhm.....love ZIM!
from joefelldown :
it is sane brett. you are human you feel. you freak out. we all do, we all have. you get paranoid and worried. it's what we all do with alot of things. so if you are insane we all are. maybe you feel alone in this type of thing but your not. if you need time it is only to collect yourself. solutions don't always happen but don't torture yourself about it. you are not perfect. we all knew that when we met you. you have problems just like every other human being on earth and we accept them because we accept you. who are we to judge you on your faults when you see over ours. brett all you really need to do is relax about things stress can't be good for you and see that people always being here for you is a good thing. i promice it is. i love you brett.
from joefelldown :
i know i am not to take offence and i don't but i just want you to understand that out of all the girls who have liked me catherine is the only one who knew/knows the first thing about me. they all go off of first impressions and looks. and yes maybe i do have that over you. (catherine says girls date me to be popular. i disagreed but it's kind of funny in a sad way.) the only reason i argue is because despite my being a lesbian i like to think i can still tell who is attractive and who isn't and i have always thought you were(not in a sexually manner at all but in a nice to look at kind of way). and obviously i love your character because no offence most people would probably be blowing up in your face right now because they tried to help you and you just yelled. so i see things differently than you. you may see all these girls falling for me when i hate it because they know nothing about me and i find that kind of love/obbsesion disgusting and i see you whom maybe no one is interested in now but there is no reason other than fate because there is nothing wrong with you. maybe none of that came out right and your angry because i responded but hey we all knew i would.
from msunknown :
if you want a reason why you really are a fucking rad kid, go read that 'young and the hopeless' line one more time. brett, you're awesome. awesome-r than a drunk possum and don't you ever forget it. if i had the words to make you feel better, i'd give them to you in a heart shaped box. but i don't. so i apologize, but please remember: the world won't be the same without you in it. hearts.
from joefelldown :
well brett it was no new news why you felt bad. i think i know you more than that. i am sorry for when she touches me and it makes you uncomfortable and believe you me i don't start it and try to stop it for your sake. brett there are a few things i wish you would understand. one that misty really truly loves you though she does not want to be with you and maybe the things she says are just an indirect way of showing you she just wants to be friends. but brett she does love you and care about you. and yes i am much dirtier than you, though i doubt more attractive but brett i think we all know misty isn't so shallow to go on looks. not to say there is anything wrong with your personality it's just not for her. so you say it's not for anyone. i highly doubt that brett. so one little crush doesn't work out. maybe a million wont but how do you expect to have just one work out if you give up? we could all just give up brett. i could have given up on you or anyone but i don't and i didn't because even if all your worth to yourself is a pack of cigarettes a week your worth much more to me. you think you don't cheer anyone up? well you cheer me up brett because you show me there are people in this world worth living for. and no matter how much you hate yourself or think your worthless and not deserving you can't change the fact other people think you are somthing. so this one doesn't work out, you think your the only one this happens to? i dated the wrong sex for the first few years of my life and you think you feel like crap. brett i love you and i hate to see you like this. and you have to see that thhe hope you have of things getting better, no matter how small, is there for a reason. again i love you.
from jeanisdead :
top two fat girl references that immediately come to mind: the guy from summer catch (horrible movie, i know, i should be ashamed) standing on the chair saying something like "i like big women, and they like me"; and steve-o, durring the out-takes for a plug for his dvd, unable to say his lines, repeating over and over "i fuck fat chicks."
from msunknown :
don't be sorry. i appreciate it more than you will ever know. my heart hurts. literally for once. that i made you sad. a mimic of me. self-hatred is a bitch. a controlling one at that. maybe someday i will see...i hope someday i will see. what people say is there. i think i'm dying. they say they love me and i think they're lying. they put their arms around me and i freeze up. they talk to me and i scowl back. words trip on words. everything is color but i am black and white. it's so fucking stupid. i wish we all were blind. then i think i could finally be at peace. xo.
from joefelldown :
oh brett it was so already obvious. and work on the comic you fucking bitch. and the chrismas eve thing sounds nice. if you don't work on the comic i will stop loving you.
from glasspromise :
hi brett.
from joefelldown :
such a good movie thank you for quoting it! when is good to hang out with you this weekend?
from msunknown :
call me tomorrow and maybe we'll do something? if not, i'll sleep! yay! sleep!
from lovekurt :
First off I have to do this because I take any opprotunity: Jonathen is a cock and he's just upset that he has no friends because he's a total fuck up. Where was I? Oh yes. Get better you shit!! I kid I kid, like a monkey. A sick, sick monkey. So yes, I'm glad that you have found something that makes you want to be alive because no matter how many times I haven't shown it I really want you to stick around. We all just need to get along (except Jonathen, fuck him) and hang out like the washed out cruds we are. Yes, good sailing my friend, good sailing.
from schizoid :
Dear mister (im so offended i lock my diary) sorry about the threat, threats are for children but offending people is an art. the ramones were never a good punk band. grind is the only music you should listen to. and do you know where i could score some heroin?
from msunknown :
i'm not mad at you, i'm just frustrated in general and i'm sorry if i took it out on you. bah. you're such a good bassist, brett, but i suppose if you think vocals are best for you then that is the best thing for you. and i need your address. i like the mail. mail is fun. and jonathan is a fuck. hasta.
from lovekurt :
Yeah, you see this is why no one likes Jonathen. But anyways, I would be sad to see you give up bass, but I guess I understand how you feel. But maybe you just think what you come up with sucks because you came up with it. I don't know. Get better so we can all hang out ya jack. Talk to you later.
from schizoid :
Your diary sucks. Your screen name is alright as long as your addicted to heroin. if your not then im going to punch you in your stupid fat vagina.
from joefelldown :
i love you
from joefelldown :
and that my friend is just another one of your delusions.
from msunknown :
ah, it took way too long to realize that whole thing in the diary and such...bah. going to sleep now.
from msunknown :
umm. well i dunno. i guess that would make a differnce, now wouldn't it? well dammit janet, i don't have the resources to answer these high-tech 'shirt sounds' questions. -end transmission-
from msunknown :
*for you. god that last note sounded like shit. or maybe a shirt. what does a shirt sound like?
from msunknown :
:( aww. i'm a hoe? ah well. it's true, anyway. i never go to school so if that makes me a hoe i suppose it is true. but totally. i would love for stephanie to drag me to get comics with her. yay.
from joefelldown :
hey i so want to go get you comics and i will so drag robyn even if she doesn't want to. that hoe never shows up at school anymore anyways. i love her though. and you too.
from joefelldown :
well shit i hope you feel better and any time you do please call so i can see you. i'd call you but if your sick i don't want to be a bother. i love you brett.
from msunknown :
one: vespa scooter fucking ROCK like the mod bikes they are. i am going to get a vespa when i go to italy, mark my words. MARK THEM! two: nena sings '99 red balloons'. three: journey is wicked. WICEKD COOL!! four: ms. wucjick would so let you go to art. she doesn't care. ask her ask her ask her? bye. glad you're doing ok...
from msunknown :
you understood and that amazes me because for a while i didn't know if you were able to. i love you for that. but anyway...i swear to god, brett. if i have to go to another funeral...please don't. it will get better, i swear. i swear to fucking god. just...
from jeanisdead :
Wow. I'm really just ... flattered. And to think, for some reason, I felt I was some sort of an annoyance. Its pretty fucking boss to have everything suck, and out of the blue have someone call you cool, and great. I appreciate that. And, my mother suffers from irritable bowel, and a plethora of other diseases. Its hard for me to say "Yeah, she's strong, you can be too," because I guess its difference since she's my mom. But, she's had to deal with it for over 30 years. I guess I'm just trying to say it isn't impossible or painstakingly difficult to overpower it. If you let it, it can just become something that is. Something that always will be. Like, a routine. Another part of daily life. I don't know what any of this is supposed to mean. I'm not the best at consoling, because I get lost in my thoughts and the words just jumble together in a heap of "oaiugfanbadogiyaoitghanakjb." So yeah. I think you're fucking cool, too.
from joefelldown :
p.s. i love you even though you make it hard.
from joefelldown :
i tried to hang out. i waited for your call and you never called me back. when i am ungrounded though i may not be at all so more so when i can i will try again.
from joefelldown :
and you still think i can be mad at you. well i am not. i mad at myself for being busy. but not at you. i am never mad at you. how long will it take you to get that?
from jeanisdead :
thanks. i'm Hurt, too. i don't know if it was an option, but i really wanted to be Closer. its their only song i know ... other than Hurt. plus, i can think of quite a few people i'd like to feel from the inside. can't we all?
from joefelldown :
i just thought of something. we seemed to get along better when you thought you were in love with me. how depressing. i wish it wasn't so hard with you brett.
from jeanisdead :
post it. i care. i'm curious. i've only heard hurt sung by david bowie. and now i'm wondering what song i am.
from joefelldown :
well brett sorry i couldn't help you have fun. i guess i can't be as entertaining as i use to be. but i still love you. i hope that shows you something though i know it wont. when you leave and never look back i hope maybe i am not just another bad memory but i guess it's my fault if i am. i will see you later maybe. maybe not. sometimes i just feel like you want to be alone. so i should go. hope things get better. and i wish you'd see how even with you pushing people away they still care. anyways. bye.
from msunknown :
it's because we like you brett, and i know sometimes that's hard to realize because i've asked myself the same question a million times. 'why do people like me, anyway? i'm just a fucking loser, a dumbass, etc.' that's what friends do, bro. they like you even when you're a butt munch [oh my god, i just used 'butt munch' in a sentance...]. that's just how life is, whether you like it or not. god dammit, you're stuck with us now!!! i don't know. call me? i still have to get you a present. and dude, i have hundreds of thrift store shirts i never wear so don't feel bad about that either. eh. i think i'm rambling. i haven't talked to you in a while, i think that's why. so yeah. see/talk/hang with you later.
from msunknown :
hey brett, happy birthday! i'll probably call you later on today and tell you in person, but hey, i thought...you know. i know you probably wouldn't really want to chill with me [because i've been being weird] but in case you do, i may/should be around tonight and such. so hey! i hope your day goes great and keep that chin up, you're legal now! xo.
from jeanisdead :
hey, but you can buy porn, too. don't forget that. and drink in england and various other countries. mostly, it's the porn thing you should focus on. because even if you don't actually want to buy porn, isn't it boss just knowing you can?
from joefelldown :
saturday day i am going to the pide festival wich i doubt you want to go but after five i am free.what do you want for your birthday? i am so going to be late giving you somthing. ah well.
from joefelldown :
hey it may be a little late but maybe you would want to hang out tomorrow? if you don't see this by then i guess i will just call you sometime tomorrow morning and hope you aren't doing anything. i have shit tonight so i can't call you then but i hope i see you tomorrow. i am not so great at making plans so here is my atempt. feel good i never atempt. i really do want to see you. if only to just drive around in silence. i really did love the way we didn't always have to talk...but anyways i will call you if you don't call me. asuming i can find your number..why does asuming look so wrong? oh god i need to end this. end.
from joefelldown :
you say you give us all we want? news to you brett you have found a way to give me everything but the one thing i want. i want you brett. it's all i ever wanted. and if for one second you could have stopped trying to help me or trying to compleate your life or trying to do some other piece of shit thing and just look you would see that you don't need some fucking comic or band and no one wants to you save them. stop trying to be the hero and just be brett. be that kid in biology that understood the lust for blood. be the kid that drove like a mad man and didn't care. somtimes you try so hard to get something and you can't notice what you already have. did i leave? no. did i ever say you weren't my friend? did i ever stop loving you? fuck brett please for yourself stop trying to be this perfect vision you seem to have and realize that that never got you shit. i am still here brett. despite it all. ever thing you have said and done. everything i said and did i am still here behind you can't that show you that you have done something! that there is something about you people like because my god we all would have left by now if we didn't like you! i don't know what this will do but fuck brett please. save yourself not us. your not selfish brett but you are blind. why must you help everyone? why can't you realize you suffer from the same disorder we have? it's called life my friend and there is no stopping it. maybe when you stop bringing out "raven" robyn will throw away her razors and i will never cry again. we are human brett. why can't you get that. we aren't perfect. we aren't here to change for you. you have no right to ask us to. does that make you selfish no just caring but that doesn't mean your right. do we ask this of you? do we tell you to stop being brett, to love yourself and never again be raven. of course we don't so why should you. you do not fix people brett. we are not cars. you care for them, you grow to understand them but you do not ask them to change who they are for you. i can't erase myself for you brett. i just wish you could except me, except us for what we are. in time these pains we have will leave as one can only hope but ultimatums and speeches will do no good. god this must be long. i probably just rambled about nothing but such is life. i love you brett and i hope this did something.
from msunknown :
i've started this note about ten times now and i still don't know how to write it. i have a lot to say but why bother? you'll just misinterprate it anyway. i just wanted you to know that i appreciate to no end what you did for me and it was probably the kindest thing anyone has done for me in the past couple of months. let me repeat here what i said about that whole 'selfish conversation': I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT THE FUCK I WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!! wow brett, i only said that about ten times but still you don't get it. whatever brah. i'm so sick of arguing....i'm sorry i never 'put you first', ok? i really really am. i just don't know how to help you. i always thought i was helping you but then you'd go on some tangent about how 'only stephanie could help you and blah blah blah' so i just kind of backed off. and i apologize for that, ok? i really really do. i don't even know why i'm writing this note. i'm sorry i even told you about my cutting. now i know why people keep it a secret. jesus christ. but anyway, have a swell day.
from deathcube-k :
'to live is the rarest thing in the world. most people exist, that is all' -oscar wilde...whatever it is that made you feel so alive, keep doing it...or you might regret it when you lay there dying...don't settle for mere existance.
from jeanisdead :
BAH! AJLHADFIJPTM! Damnit. Why? WHY? You know, I love the games ... but the endings all suck. I've never played BO1, but I can only assume that end sucks too. And why? Whyyyy? I feel like I whiney little girl now. I'm gonna go sob. And tell Raziel he ain't no sexy bitch. Thanks for the warning (now I can wait for my brother to buy it ... and just borrow it).
from msunknown :
if i had money, hell yeah i'd buy your guitar! but unfortunatley i don't...i'll work on that, though. hey, at like 10:30 my cousin and i went by your house and we tried to knock on your window but all these funky lights came on. you missed a good time, hombre! bitch best represent next time, all right f'reals? ok bye.
from msunknown :
and two things: a. i am not pissed at you, and b. i do not cut for fun. hasta.
from msunknown :
did i not tell you i have no idea what the fuck i'm saying? i'm sorry, ok. i didn't even want to but i did and i now i regret it and i'm sorry. i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about. i'm sorry sorry sorry. just...
from joefelldown :
it's easy to lie to someone when you don't believe you have a problem. when depression becomes the norm how do you know wrong from right? were you ever ok? i am happier thinking i am ok than i ever was thinking i was depressed.
from jeanisdead :
don't want the drugs? send them my way! and for the record, since i'm "in the know" of such thing, Zoloft isn't a fake happy drug. I forget the big special medical name, but its the type of drug that corrects the hormonal imbalance in yo' head. though, come to think of it ... the song still applies, and if you believe you are the way you are because that's who and what you are ... it is a fake happy. Meh, I ramble when I'm tired.
from joefelldown :
i like the song. but maybe the title should have and a in front of it. a bridge of ashes. i don't know. it sound awkward the way it is though i still like it.
from lovekurt :
I'm not trying to be a jack or send mixed messages. But I never said I was back in the band. I said I wouldn't mind getting together and playing sometimes, but I'm still not wanting to be in a band. My mom said that Trevor called me a few days ago thanking me for comming back. I never said I was back Brett. I said I would like to just play and fuck around wa bit. You asked if that meant I was back and I said no, but maybe. Did I say yes? No, I didn't. I'm angry, but you are forgiven. But I am not in the band alright? Just to clerify.
from msunknown :
score. now we have it all figured out and everything is cool now! yay! and thanks, i hope i see you today.
from msunknown :
i get them from winmx. it's a pretty cool little thing. yay!
from msunknown :
ah brett. i don't know. i'm just really really fucked up right now and there's a lot more i want to say but it's not coming out at all and i don't know. and i just...i don't know. so yeah. i dunno. bye.
from msunknown :
ok, kid. we should probably talk...um. call me. *does call-me hand motion* xo.
from joefelldown :
if it means anything i love you.
from jeanisdead :
or maybe when i'm depressed i sound like a boy. and i'm glad to hear my note made you happy. need new games? you could try devil may cry. not the greatest game, i hear, but enjoyable. or eternal darkness. i hear thats a pretty fucked up game. though, i'm not sure if its for ps2 ... i thought it was, but now i can't remember. and you know, there's always spyro. not exactly hardcore, but hey, at least it won't freak you out.
from jeanisdead :
video game geek right here. i completely understand how crazy that game makes you feel. its been a while since i played (i rented, its cheaper and easier) but your ending sounds familiar. might have been the one i got. i wanted to play it a few more times to get some of the other endings (i had found a site that tells you how) but that would mean more paranoia. and it takes so damn long. so for now, no more creepy games. since i dont have money for new ones, i'll just stick to playing spyro over and over for now.
from lovekurt :
Hey, sorry it takes me forever to do things, I'm not really on top of my game. Also in my old age I seem to be forgetful. who are you again......
from lovekurt :
Yeah, hi. I'm not like inviting myself into the band agian or anything, but I moved my drums inside where I can actually play them without sufficating. But if you ever just want to come jam or something I'm cool with that. I don't know, I'll talk to you later.
from msunknown :
i was only joking, darling. one of those 'i'm up way too early and i feel funny' kind of notes. sorry. didn't mean to scare you.
from msunknown :
YOU ON DRUGS! YOU ON DRUGS, BOY!!!!! YOU SO ON DRUGS THEY GONNA MORPH INTO YOUR BRAIN AND TAKE OVER LIKE ON THAT ONE EPISODE OF THAT ONE SHOW! DON'T YOU PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!!! CUZ YOU OBN DRUGS!!! O;EDNBW'NHBOWENB[ QN4
from wishless :
you do not sound like all of diaryland in the sense you wrote. records repeat in heads that see the neat things. You probably make good wishes. i'm just seriously sorry that this is it for right now. it surrounds me in blank white space i blast through my thirsty tears...i meant ears. You write well. I'd send my favorite sentences in "quotations" if you'd note me that they are wanted at all. Shit..i got to dig up another purpose today anyway:)
from msunknown :
no.
from msunknown :
oh brett, m'boy. reading evan and amber's diaries made me extremely sad as well [i can't get into steph's and as much as i love her i don't want to-that's her thing], although i know doesn't compare to the way you feel about that...whole thing. i don't know. *le sigh* i'm sorry. if you want to talk, i'm here. i'm always here. it sickens me...but enough about me. i want to know about you. i want to make you ok again. or at least help. i don't know. i'm not good with words. but you know i love you.
from msunknown :
*le sigh* as do i. i actually thought i might try to quit last night too. inspiration? of course. then three o'clock rolls around and so much for the afterglow...
from msunknown :
You know what? I agree with you whole-heartedly. The Mole People DO need to reform. We barely even WERE the Mole People for very long, and I think maybe we should try again. Maybe this time I won't be a bitch about everything, and maybe I'll actually NOT get nervous about playing [well, we'll see...], and maybe we really will rule the world again. I don't know, but you never know what can happen. So I'm in, kid. Sorry you're sick...and my mom does the same thing, kind of. I dunno. I'm trying to type this quickly before my damned interent dies again...hasta!
from msunknown :
well, um. yes. i know i'm not like, stephanie or anything, but i'm hear if you need an ear. or eyes. like, if you want to e-mail me or something. or you know. that stuff. for serio, yo. like i said, i know i'm not much, but i'm 'here for ya, brah'. sorry if i sound emo. i like...am. it's what i do. but i love you. hasta.
from msunknown :
no, no, no, you didn't creep me out on the ride home. i thinking the same thing about me because i was being unusually quiet...*le sigh* i dunno, buddy. i want to say something that will just...i dunno. comfort you? comfort me? but the words aren't coming. as usual. i don't know. i'll see you soon.
from lovekurt :
Cool cool. Don't worry about anything with me, I'm weird and go through stages and things and ya know and like stuff? But yeah. I hope you get sorted out in a good way for yourself and I'm sorry if I came off as a dick. It's all I ever come off as.......HAHAHA!! wait, that wasn't a joke...shit. See ya later homes.
from msunknown :
I'm glad you talked to Cody, that's very good. Yeah, sorry about today. I feel like apologizing, don't know why. But that's the weird thing, I really wasn't stoned or drunk or anything. I was just lil' ol' me. I think today was just one of those good days that never ever happen except for like weird times when I dunno, planets are alligned at the right angles because I actually was myself today. But I talked a lot, I hope you don't mind. I can see this being a long note. I'm still in a talking mood? Sorry sorry sorry. Anyway. RYN: What? Um yes...damned registeration being odd. My mom is off tomorrow, she may be able to drive us at like eleven/ten ish. But whatever you want to do, kid. And you're welcome to come over if you want, even though my house sucks and there's nada to do. But anyway. It was nice seeing you today. Hasta kid.
from lovekurt :
Yeah, sorry I stopped talking to you. Want an excuse? I don't have one. I spend my time sleeping, working and walking around my house rammin my head on things. Sound fun? I maybe hang out with Jill once in a while. I have to live with the fact that I can't fucking do anything right anymore. Everything I do or don't do makes somebody mad at me for some reason and I really just can't take it anymore. I'm sorry I never talk to you anymore but I don't know why I don't. Well I'm sure this did a lot. See ya later. P.S. sorry about my diary entry with the whole *go fuccking cry about it thing*, I get in moods and I let out hell.
from msunknown :
yeah, i will probably go tomorrow. if you're going tomorrow, tell me what time and perhaps we can be there at the same time or something cool like that. i wish i could comment on your entries, but words aren't my specialty and i'd probably just miss what you were trying to say anyway. BUT! the girl who sang 'insensitive' was named jan ardenn, i think. go me. i remember listening to that song in fourth grade. damn. long time ago. well i'll stop now. i always write too damn much. oh well. hasta.
from msunknown :
i understand about the whole hanging out thing. not a problem, kid! when are you registering? i can't go tomorrow like i planned...and don't worry about the whole crying thing, i'm just stupid like that. please smack me the next time you see me. thanks.
from msunknown :
i wouldn't know how to say what i'm sorry for, brah. everytime i try to say it, it just comes out wrong. and i really don't want to piss you off. so i'm better off not saying it. but i really am sorry.
from msunknown :
i'm sorry.
from jeanisdead :
Not a guy, but close enough. Like it says in my profile, you were a random find. I hadn't read enough of your diary to write anything else. Hence the Evil Dead observation. Maybe I'll change it. Maybe not. I'm horribly lazy.
from msunknown :
Call me, dude. I don't do anything anymore and it would be great to get out of the house. I really hate phones or I would call you, but...you know. Know. I didn't know you could leave these nifty note thingys...rock on.
from joefelldown :
i didn't just not answer the phone i wasn't there to do so. tomorrow i am cody will be over all day and you are welcome to stop by but i doubt you want to see him. if you would like to see me later this week in the name of my birthday that would be fine. i can't call it's to late and all day tomorrow i am busy with friends so you call me or whatever. it's up to you now.
from lovekurt :
I had to work today anyways. I have off day tomorrow but I will end up sleeping untill about 2. I didn't get a ticket for tool so I'm not going. I would have gone with you otherwise but it was just too much money. I don't know, I'll talk to you later. Peace G dog slice.
from lovekurt :
Yeah, I got it before you called! I'm the king of the losers!!
from lovekurt :
OK, sorry I don't have you as a favorite, I will. I did it last night but then the computer fucked up and I got depressed and gave up. Yeah, so I'll do that. I want to ask something. What happened between you and Stephanie. I don't know what it is and I'd like to very much so. And I think you could've gone easier on him Steph. Not that I know anything about any of this but damn girl. So chill yo. I'll see ya man.
from joefelldown :
how dare you say i have no love for you. that i have spoken to you about it no. that it did not hurt me? of course it did brett and it upsets me to think you would judge so quick a being you say you understand when you are wrong about this. it did upset me. but i thought you would come back. i trusted your love. a very very rare thing my friend. it didn't pain me to see you go because the entire time i said "he promised he would always be there. he will come back." and you did, did you not? and then you leave again and you think you have so many great reasons but i see many holes in your little plan brett. you say go. well then you brett are a coward and stupider than i thought. a few days ago were you not depressed as i? and did this not change. emotions change on a whim. mine included. but still you run from me. and swear you have a reason. it's easy for you to just move on and forget isn't it brett? to pretend you never cared for what was there? brett it's the good times that pain me. you say the sun will rise and right now brett it is rising. i can see it. brilliant orange as always. brett the sun does allot of things and so do people. i will let you do what you want because who am i to stand in the way of your life when you chose to not have me in it? but soon enough you will feel the sting of sadness as we all do for it is the natural occurrence. and maybe i will be laughing just then. maybe not. your not really running from me, you are running from the part of me that remind you of you. but pain catches everyone brett. i know this after my life. everyone brett. i choose to wait it out. you choose to run. it's sad to say i thought you a loyal and trustworthy friend brett but you have proven to become a scared little boy. you think you are doing the right thing brett. and you are right about the sun rising. it's getting further and at the same time across the world it's setting. while you sit on one side i sit on the other. but what side are you on? i hope all goes well for you i will give the sandmans to mariah. if i come at you in public with a knife in hand that's just the pain i choose not to ignore. you can't run brett. it catches you. i know. i know.
from goodvibez6 :
/sorry if i offended u in any way by my last note i-lost-alice, but i think of that person every thing i said. I don't know what is happening between you and evan, but i hope it's for the best. and you probably shouldn't think your hurting stephanie by caring for her, but you might be caring for her too much, or in a way that she's uncomfortable with.
from goodvibez6 :
This message is for fucku-bitch: mind your own fucking business (unless it's evan) . If you were'nt a close minded bitch you would at least know both sides of the story before making an ass of yourself and looking like such a pathetic human being. You can threaten all you want but it won't be able to do any good. Oh and by reading an entry or 2 and a few notes; i bet i-lost-alice wishes he didn't know evan before your stupid note.
from i-lost-alice :
well I guess this proves someone else reads my diary. Who are you and why should I care what you say?
from fucku-bitch :
You fucken go near Evan and you will wish your sorry ass never knew who evan was... so go suck on a dick and blame your fucken self... bitch
from lovekurt :
Ok, this will sound really bitchy but try to understand. I'm not going to read the entry. I wrote that entry becuase getting really into things with people is hard for me and really right now I just need some time. So I'm really sorry but I'm not going to talk about it and I'm going to be a prick and stay away. I just hope that you guys aren't too mad at me. If you are you have every right but I'm not going to change my mind about anything.
from joefelldown :
ahah! i am the first! fuck you and you and you! ahah. damn it's to late i need to calm down but there was a bug in my bed and now i can't sleep. ahah!

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