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Hi, I'm here. Good to see you wrote. Am in similar place with no friends and not really wanting any, once I get around them. It's sad. I figured that by I was 32 years old, I'd know what was what in this life of mine, but I don't, not at all. Also, I desperately want to quit my job. Was wishing I'd get laid off, so I'd not have to be the catalyst.

from brittania :

I think yr guestbook ain't working, but other than that: I see you sister. I've been having some of the same problems. Different, but same. I'm a terrible mother and my kids are not having a fun childhood and now I love my job when I've almost found a new one that I won't be good at. BLEH. I hear you, sister. I also had a cookout and invited a couple and then was so damn glad when they left that I just thought I should just accept that I just don't enjoy this stuff. Sigh. And XXX.

from flusianna :

It is so wonderful that you wrote today. I had clicked on your diary yesterday and then today - so I think about you frequently. I don't write here anymore because it is all in the past. I really can't write too much personal these days - so I mostly write about books. http://libraryscatbooks.blogspot.com/ Much love and understanding, Donna

from manchmal :

Actually, about kids: I think you're right, completely, and I don't think wanting kids to make your life meaningful is bad at all. I just am sort-of coming to the realization that people have made me feel bad for thinking of it that way (and not having this overwhelming girly urge to be super-woman caretaker mommy person a la my much more "normal" sister), and not more the way I think it actually is. I don't know if I'll actually have kids, but I've been enjoying the mental dialog about it, at least. I like your input. You always are sensible, but humanistic, about things.

from manchmal :

Oh, it sucks to save your diary. You have to buy a gold membership, and then you get a link to archive it -- and a big huge Word file. I bought a gold membership for 3 months just to do that. I wanna know where you go, though. I like reading still. Sometimes.

from brittania :

I miss everybody. I love the family blog and the pictures. Great great. XXXOOO.

from frances1972 :

i'm a reader of molu4, fo' sho'. molu4 is like the machine that will get somebody somewhere. i understand your embarrassment about goals. i have to write down the same thing every day, what i'm going to do that day. JB says, "can't you remember it?" and i say, "no, that's how come i have to write it down." i don't mean doctor's appts, i mean stuff like FRESH AIR. WATER. WRITE. easy stuff, the same shit i do every day, but i might forget, and i have forgotten and then i get lost. it's hard to figure out what to do. i think it's all because of health insurance and bills. these things make me feel like i have to figure out what to do because if i don't, something bad will happen but i'm not really sure what that is. it just looms. this is from frances.

from mainsqueeze :

You know what, Molu? I'll bet your kids grow up to be the nicest, smartest, non-assholiest kids ever. I hope that lady NEVER adopts, either. Preschool is a good thing. In my family we all went to Head Start--do they have that there?-- which is a preschool program for low income kids and I read like a champ by first grade and so did my sister. What sounds scariest to me is that these ladies seem to think school is just a place to plop their kids for seven hours a day-- and even if not, there are a lot of important things that come from going to public school that aren't on ANY teacher's lesson plan. You're a cool mom.

from brittania :

Ew. I was gonna mention their fucked up parts but I couldn't pinpoint one and am hungry for breakfast. Keep on rockin, miss Molly, not raising assholes.

from frances1972 :

i woulda had to start shooting spit balls at those gals. while i have some buddies my own age (mostly virtual), i always end up feeling strange when i try to seek out friends my own age or folks i think i would have things in common with. that's how come i like to do something with a 14 year old, and then visit my Aunt Becky, and then some complete socially awkward weirdo from work (i say that only cause i'm same weirdo) and it's not always comfortable but i still like them. and dogs. dogs are buddies. and i do like hanging out with myself. this all sounds like advice-giving and i don't mean it like that. i mean it like making friends is never easy -- what i've noticed is that it tends to sneak up on me. like i'm around my officemate and his cthulu figurine and listening to him talk about World of Warcraft and his baby boy and Mormonism and then the woman across the hall who is all kinds of awesome but the kind of person you think just jets in Sunday night to teach during the week turns out to be a lonesome lady who has a whole long story about how her apartment burned down last year. And then weeks go by and then before you know it, you get tears in your eyes thinking about these strange people. if that makes any sense.

from brittania :

Amen. I don't really understand how you get friends and then how you keep them when you think they might be spying on your lifestyle. Says one hermit to the other. XXOO.

from frances1972 :

i don't know why i even try at signmyguestbook.com anymore. i guess i think it seems official and officially they'd fix it. expectations. anyhow, what i said there was how much i love the sitting in the parking lot with the baby girl sleeping stealing wireless. amen.

from brittania :

Thanks for the book recommendation-- I think I had it on my wishlist, but you never know if those sorts of books are going to make you sad or mad or what, so I wasn't too sure. Much love your way-- and Jeff's job way-- and Christmas way. XXOO.

from brittania :

I know, I know about the skin crawl. I thought it was just with Jon, but now I know it's a Brittania trait. I hate it. It's like I'm on guard all the time unless I'm flat drunk. I feel like a karate master, blocking all the sweet hugs. XXOO.

from manchmal :

I am still reading here, Molu, and I hope you feel better soon. I am glad you write here, because I think if I ever have kids, I will feel like you feel. Already I feel a lot like you feel. A little lost, but happy. But then sad. But then not said, but then a little disgusted with myself. And then angry and then more angry, at myself. And then sad. And then happy. So. I am feeling awful in my skin lately, too. I don't wanna be touched, and I don't want to touch, and I feel like a giant balloon with an imaginary fence around me that I both love and hate. I don't understand it. I am getting married soon. I think maybe that scares me a lot, and also that I get disappointed with myself, because...well, I never thought of myself as the marryin' sort (and also never the 'having kids' sort, though sometimes lately--secretly--I think about that), and I'm still not completely sure that I am behaving as someone who should be happy behaves. Maybe that is it. I ramble. Anyhow, you feel better.

from flusianna :

The baby is lovely - and the boy too. I was reading your entry (and Linkology's) about mothering and as the mother of 4, I know what you mean...I was mostly alone with mine for 12 years. Then I ran across this blogger and her notes about a book called The Imperfect Mother. Maybe you would also like the book. Here is the link: http://bookslistslife.blogspot.com/ Again, congratulations. Flusi

from brittania :

I love this entry. I was reading my old short stories last night-- trying to find something else-- and it's not that they were that good, but god, it sounded like I had a soul! Oh soul, where are you? It seems like tie my shoes, pull up pants, pour cereal, etc etc. One foot in front of the other, and who has time for souls anymore?

from brittania :

But I love you and especially too small messy houses. I make excuses for mine, too, like it's any different any other day of the week. XXOO.

from brittania :

Triple fuck 'em. Folks. We get that down here and Elijah IS sensitive, so I could only imagine if we had a rough tumbler. XXOO. Love from me and kisses to the dirty lovely boy.

from brittania :

Awesome possum! She's gorgeous and we all love her over here! Take it easy, sister. It ain't easy when we loungers are faced with the doers of the world. XXXXOOO. So glad, too, about the sweet birthing!

from manchmal :

Congratulations, Ms. M!! (You have the same name as my sister, btw. I'm jealous she got the cool name.) Anyhow, love your baby's chosen name and REALLY love the photos. You've got a good eye for photography. I had to go look at all of 'em, even of Ossie. I wish you lived in Ohio, cuz I'd have to come visit you. And the new Girl looks a lot like you. I declare it to be true.

from brittania :

Thanks for the Joss Whedon thing. It floored me. Love to all you. XX. Britt

from brittania :

Yay for family secrets and Pawpaws. Love to lovely you and your (growing) lovely family. XXX. Britt

from manchmal :

I emailed you the userid and password. But who knows if diaryland email works. If it doesn't work, leave me another note and I'll just type it up in yer notes and have you delete it.

from manchmal :

I've been meaning to go back and read Potter, too, and for some reason I cannot CANNOT get around to it. I just finished this book by a guy named Crowley called "Little, Big" and it was good. Fantasy-ish, but more fantastical than mystical. 36 weeks. Ugh. At least it isn't August. Good luck good luck good luck!

from manchmal :

Yayyyy, you're back. Diaryland has been missing you, and a couple of other good writers. Do you know if this new babe will be a boy or will it be a girl? I'm excited and I don't even know ya. Anyhow: welcome back.

from brittania :

Guestbook won't let me sign either. I said, Yay, Molu. And how I can't make a new journal anywhere either. And love to you and the critters and the trailer. XXOO. Britt

from mainsqueeze :

I tried 30,000 times to sign your guestbook, but I kept getting a big fat fuck you from the site. Molu updated! This made my night. I'm not just saying that, either, it really, really did. Welcome back!

from brittania :

Freaking Sign My Guestbook. But: Smiling! Elijah didn't smile for six months. I've been biting my nails waiting for an update from you lovely. I'm sorry about the work. And I'm sorry about society. But I'm glad to hear y'all are all cuddly. I love the babies. I didn't use to, but I saw one at the store the other day (not on sale!) and I was sore in the gut on account of my period. Love to you and your family (weird and fucking fantastic to have one, right?). I can't wait to see the Oz Man. And I miss the holy hell outta you. XXOO.

from brittania :

Yes you come down to Home Depot-obsessed world. SOON! NOW! I was detoxin on account of my stomach hurt and I did not know why. That and getting boring drunk. Not exciting drunk as per norm like. XXXOOO. Yes. SOON! Very exciting. We can teach Elijah to say "pregnant." And "with child." And "knocked up."

from brittania :

Molly I love you. Too lazy to write an email. But that's all and forever. How you and belly? XO. Britt

from brittania :

Yes! Come in July! (Ew.) As long as you promise not to laugh that my backyard turned to yuppie-dom. Indeed, all the house may be that way by then. I don't remember signing anything to allow any of this. But alas. You saw my parents' house. I was bound to acquire soaps and fake flowers some time. I hate myself. Elijah's birthday! Today! The Big 01!XXXOOO. Hope you feel better.

from brittania :

He was fine. It's the people here who are dumb. I think. We had this staff breakfast and all people did was whine to him about the new system. How's he supposed to act peppy? Plus, they all hate me. So, see. We're in good company. But. It's Friday! Zippee. And almost March, to boot. XXXXOOOO. Kisses on snouts.

from brittania :

It's Friday! I'm in love! (I have SUCH a crush on my baby). And------------done with hyper signings. XXXXX.

from brittania :

P.S. Elijah is a feminist AND a sex fiend.

from brittania :

guestbook is restrictive. notes you can leave willy nilly. shame on one of em. Um. I forgot what the fuck I was gonna say. Uh. Oh yes. I love you.

from brittania :

I try to do it that way (love and respect), only I get caught up with how funny I find myself with the sarcasm. So, I'm guilty schmilty. I feel better since he's yelling at the tv and cooked green beans. Also: Vaginal Birth after Cesarean. I bet tealeaf knows better way better than me on that one (I wrote: wan). Love to Jeff in pink things (ew?). Woops. Drunk. tis okay. grandparents have the boy.

from brittania :

Y'all have plans for thanksgiving time? Just wondering. I mean wondering wondering. I'm trying to make some. Some some. XOXO.

from brittania :

You come see me, yes? If you promise we can sit on the carport and sit on the carport some more and drink beer and beer some more and no one complains about mosquitoes because the citronella candles do all they can. There's a porchswing on my carport. Finis. XXOO.

from brittania :

I wrote the coolest ass shit in your guestbook. Believe it, sister! It said Oops! I couldn't sign again that fast. But have I signed it lately?? Helllloooo McFly? In it, I said that I wouldn't blush. And that I smelled y'all cooking up something and that it was wafting good and then I said I miss you and then XO. And now it will probably post afterall and you'll have that version and this here paraphrasing. I thought, "Parasailing." Um. Yes. I love you. Bye.

from straythought :

You have very good taste in movies and things, and I just wanted to let you know that your diary is really interesting. =)

from brittania :

I want to call you so bloody bad. But I don't because I'm a conversation away from collapse. But I mean HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELIJAH! (Not the same day, but I figure if I was still in the hospital on the 23rd, it counts as close enough). I don't know what I'm doing down here, but it's okay. Ron is my new superhero. All of the sudden, he's that guy who knows where my license is at all times. I'm a mess. I thought, for some reason, that C-sections were supposed to not hurt. HURT. Molly. I hurt like hell. All the pushing, and then, still, a c-section. Now I'm at home with no big-gun drugs. And my milk won't come in. But Elijah is gorgeous. But of course (And I hold him! Maybe not right, not as good as Ron, but okay and I do it). I miss you. I'm glad I'm away enough for a second to send this to you. Grateful for Ron and Elijah, the Takers of Naps. XXXXXXXXX. (Oh. I originally came to say sorry for not calling from the hospital. There were 8 billion people up there and so I had a hormonal breakdown wherein I told everyone it was just too much, too much. Then, I cried real hard. I was trying to enjoy my pain meds and people all the time and me trying to tell the same story with a big-time swollen face and falling asleep mid-sentence over and over. TOO MUCH TOO MUCH). You know the drill. And then, I was thinking about it, so when Ron went home, he called you and came back and said he called you. That was good. I kept thinking (keep thinking): tomorrow when I feel better. But I never did feel better. Only in certain spots. I know you know. I still mean: miss you. XO.

from brittania :

I'm at work. Florida has one of those sucky we won't pay you for maternity leave systems. Like you can take it, but at no pay, or use all your leave and see how many weeks you have. Then they say CHUMP. So, I'm working till I pop. Only, I have to take off every other day for doctor's appointments. I wish I was workin at yer liberry. I wouldn't let you alone today. No sir. I'd say, "Show me some fanny." XO.

from brittania :

I read the two pregnant ones (but not the conception one) and then the dog one. Bleh. Some guy just came in the library and said, "Good story last night." I miss you. Yep. I'm hungry. XOXOXO.

from brittania :

I meant to tell you any time you can come, the other day. Any time any time. I'm trying to back out of the reading (I get very grumpy at the thought of READINGS), but if I do it, I'll let you know. I don't know when. End of April? I'm gonna be too with-child by then. One shouldn't read poems when one has gas. Or. Maybe only when so. Aren't they just boring a lot? The big group readings, anyway. You just want people to read funny stuff to wake you up, but I don't write funny stuff. You can come to my house (or, I have this crazy plan to come to YOUR house on my 8th week of maternity leave although that seems crazy with a baby who cares?) and I'll read you my poems. Maybe if I went into labor while reading a poem. That would get the audience, I bet. Um. So. I love you and miss you and you should pick out a countertop for my house because I'm beyond caring. XXXXXX.

from brittania :

Thank you dearie. I will have an epitaph after um. I don't write my poem and die from horror. On a related note: Greeks suck. Hey Molly. I'm slacking. But I might see you soon! (Consider this your 15 minute warning.) XOXOXO.

from brittania :

I'm thinking the 20th-23rd. Like get in around when you get off work. And then leave on the 23rd that night. Gotta clear it with the generous BossLady. And the Checking Account. Right-o. Right. Whatchu think about then? Because them is arbitrary dates. XOXOXOXO. Is it cold as hell up there? Yes I bet so. Yeehaw so fucking what.

from brittania :

I'm thinking of flying up there. Like, soon. I'm too lazy for email this morning. Whatchu think? Seriously tell me no if you feel hermit-y. I'm tinkering this morning and the idea may not last the day. But with the raise and all. I gotta pinch myself back below poverty level to feel right. I'll write you more better tomorrey. I'm going insane. I swear. XOXOXOX.

from brittania :

You can write me a poem a week. And then, I can take it to workshop. Then, I wouldn't have to do shit. And I could tell you the silly stuff they said about it. But sometimes, they can't say nothing because they know it's the best damn thing they ever saw. I like them nights better, but I don't like to admit it. I didn't know it was gonna be a poem (or 2) a week. At least I'll have a stack, I guess. If I was authoritative, I'd say send me one by Tuesday and I'll send you mine. Yes. You do that. And I'll come visit you before I have a baby. Somehow. I kinda doubt that'll work. I won't say I'll come and see you anyway though. For principles' sake. Do I have to work?XOXOXOXO.

from brittania :

She's just a priss. I been through that route with her because after Sylvan kept having those bladder/kidney urine-stoppage issues, I got her checked out because I mega-freaked. She just a priss. And she don't drink that much. She'll go in there before anyone else does anything in it, but that's it. Toilet thing, I don't like though. Unless she likes it. I'm trying to do something before the baby comes. She poopin in there. And Ron has to clean it up each time because I can't. We'll see. I ain't gonna force it though. THEY LOVED MY POEM. Me, they could do without. XOXOXOXOXOXOX.

from manchmal :

I can't sign your guestbook! So here: I must have Buffy 5. I have been slowly savoring, lick by lick, the fourth season DVDs. Honestly, though, I think it has all gone downhill. The DVD with the Hush epsiode (and the episodes before and after that) is very good, I think. My favorite episode may well be the one where they have kickball in the gym and the mock nonconsensual sex scene. I don't remember what it's called.

from frances1972 :

THIS IS ON ACCOUNT OF I'M SENDING SIGN MY GUESTBOOK DOT COM A MAIL BOMB: This is daggum beautiful, yes it is. Moving on and shifts inside, good good things. And you praise all ye wanna. Your lil white box. It's sleeting outside! Hotdaggumdiggitydog -- it's one a them days that even if Greensboro makes us stay at work, it ain't so bad, a little anticipation in yer soup. This is from Frances.

from brittania :

Oh Molly, Moooolllly! You just gave me the bad nostalgia! I went and read your entries and then mine from last year, and oh! and oh yes. I mean, I've got nostalgia for your house and the backyard. And jumping into your bed at night. And talking about me getting knocked up for everyone's benefit. And lookie a year later. I mean, it's good. But I still would give anything to hold my ick-don't-touch-me Molu with an absence of Lil Rat in between. But shucks, my sweet cuddleslut, I'd give anything to hold you now with Lil Rat punching back. Gobble gobble, sweet cheeks. I like turkeys because they got goozlers. I miss Molly! Me and Molly against the boys! The end. XO.

from brittania :

I knew that game would stir something in the Molu chest. (That sounds wrong.) Or something better! Yes, Joni Mitchell Blue. Lil Rat can listen to that and I'll say "Your fairy godmother heard this song in her womb," and now, you're born under the deep midnight blue womb of the forest, where Basho at last found you and brought you back home to us. That is my favorite story. She always trusts, then, because Basho showed her that. XXXXXXXXX.

from brittania :

P.S. I found this game by clicking on somebody's diary. It makes me think of you because it drives me totally batty. You may or may not dig it. http://www.crystalnewmedia.com/gridlock/gridlock.html

from brittania :

See? I absolutely knew it was funny. However, I'm not sure what sort of demographic we fit in. And therefore, I trust neither of us. See, because I've read things you've written and sometimes you feel like your panties are on inside out (wait. that's me. Well, and you. But really, last week, I put on my underwear inside out for 3 days running). 3 days. I am clearly not fit for a family birthday celebration. I keep thinking it might be even funnier if she didn't get it. I mean, think if you didn't know the song? And then everyone'd be quiet and she'd fake laugh to be nice. Okay. I'm at peace with the card now. I DID come over last Saturday but you thought I was one of them goldfinches. Because that's what I look like when I'm sober, and you didn't recognize me and let me in. I froze my tailfeather off. XXXXXXXXXXXX.

from brittania :

P.P.S. Guestbook still don't like me. Which is why this.

from brittania :

Yahoo, y'all. Harold's back. I was worried about it yesterday and I told Ron about it. Then he was worried about the bigger critters in the woods. And that made me mad because I know Harold and Harold gets on. He just gets something in him. He does. Wild kitty from St. Augustine Street. And environs. P.S. Hey Molly. XO.

from brittania :

I'm righting you a note. I didn't even notice, you know, so maybe no one else will. I reckon the doctor's checking my overall nutrition, but I figure while he's at it, he'll go ahead and run the STD check. You see? You got to beware of the dirty dicks. Right? Write! XXXX.

from brittania :

Heh, Molly the Ho. That makes me giggle right out loud. A fit, I tell you. Are you blushing? XO.

from brittania :

Yep, I lub me some OutKast. Andre is singing love songs-- very little rap. Haven't gotten to the other one yet. See, because I have an Andre thing. He's my boyfriend. He dances better than Beck even. Knows how to shake IT. The middle parts. I saw it. What else? Sorry about the boss switch. It's nice that somebody's missed, though. Because I always feel these jobs are so replacable (or that I'm so expendible). At 2:00 every day I get this headache, just annoying enough to where I HATE everything. Makes me testy, actually. And dangerous to those around me. I am whining to you, my fair dear. My mouth is dry and not from wacky tobaccy, and that's a sad state of affairs. Chica blue. I'll live in your pocket. Put a peppermint in there for me to sit on. Pretty please.

from brittania :

gawddammit. G-book hates me completely. I ain't re-got the energy. But I'll try to sign that later. This is just to say hey and that I said super-witty things that will never be known like a tree falling in a forest without nobody hearing. XOXOX.

from brittania :

Yep, Ron's moving in. Yay. Boo. Depending on the day obviously. Grrr. I am gnashing teeth claw with paws. And then I cry and tell him I'm sorry. It's very productive and efficiently solves a lot of problems. I miss you, too. And North Carolina is such a nice state. XOXO.

from brittania :

Do we have a plan? Do I chase you like a yellow-jacket out of my hole or do you come to my hole? That all sounds very dirty. Only, I don't mean it that way. For once. I was just trying to stay with the wildflower theme. Let me know. If need be, I'll drive to Ramseur and wave y'all goodbye on your trip. XXX.

from brittania :

that's exactly it. I miss the State Library, too. Because I really didn't have to do much there. Just put some shit in some envelopes and mail em out. Nobody messed with me. Didn't even have to say mornin'. I guess it would be Li'l. Wouldn't it? I don't know squat. But I don't care. Nope I don't. I miss COFFEE. AND LUBY LOVE. Sometimes I sing that instead of Rubylove. Member Cat Stevens? 'Member him? He swell. XOXOXOXO.

from brittania :

Wait. Maybe you mean that signmyguestbook is stupid. To which I say YES! It's been stupid all day and intermittently all the time for the rest of its life. XO.

from brittania :

I miss you is all. Hugs to Custer and Bashi and Earle. You good. I'm fine.

from brittania :

I KNOW. Libraries should close at noon on Fridays. Ain't nobody here. Nobody with good sense, anyway. I got shitty news after shitty news. I can't come this weekend or NEXT weekend (heartwalk? don't ask) or the NEXT (wedding). And then I hope and pray you're good on your word and you'll come here. Then maybe two weeks after that I come there. Yep. XOXOXOXOXO. I call you 'fore then though. XOXOXOXOXO. Bored to the absolute MAX, bebe.

from brittania :

Well, good thing. Because on my end it said "page cannot be displayed," so I was in the midst of re-signing a version of the same thing. I mean. Thanks. You saved me from being a jackass. XO.

from brittania :

I may or may not have been responsible for that blank guestbook signage. I think you fixed it. XO.

from brittania :

Have I told you how much I love you today, my Molly? Well, I do. I think I can have this baby just because of our thing where the baby builds the stairs to nowhere and is mute by choice and communicates by patting of the hands and then I bet she can communicate with Basho. She'll say, "Say, Basho-- why are you so brave?" And he'll say, "I watch the universe." Or something better. I'm scared shitless, girl. Sometimes I think of your punkrock momma. Sometimes I cry because I think if (please WHEN!) you come visit me in October, I'll be a boring sober person. But we can walk down to the traintracks and look over the bay. And you can sleep in the cow jumped over the moon bedroom. Ron on the phone. Bye. I LOVE YOU! XOXOXOXXOXOXO.

from brittania :

Keep trucking m'love. XO.

from brittania :

I do love the Molly. I'll write more later, but I got to be here on the desk. My folks will shit. And poor Jon. But it's okay, you say? Crossing the fingers. XOXOXO.

from brittania :

Also, me and Ron skipped out on an emergency room visit, too, one time. That's not it. Here: doesn't it beat all? Jeff goes for a massage and gets it fru-fru like and then gets his eye messed up. Fuck. Love. Fuck. Britt

from brittania :

Okay. I'll look into the friendster thing. Work is SO over-rated anyway. We just hired a girl who is normal and quite capable and she, overall, gives me the willies. I like my quirky freaky people. PR be damned. Plus, and nobody puts baby in a corner. Off to friendster. XXXX.

from brittania :

Of course. All guestbook entries post when you are quite certain they won't. Goober c'est moi. Yep. Cheers, m'lady.

from brittania :

I just performed Bob Dylan's "I Shall Be Free No.10" with the monkey doing the cat. I went in Donna and Stephen's office and I sang it all to them. Those are the perks of the job. That, and what me and Stephen call the USPS space-out time, allotted. XO. Just thought of you because of the Bob Dylan. That's all. Coffee time. Finally.

from brittania :

Oh good lord. Problem is, I can't sign again so fast and so I could write "oh good lord" in the g-book and people would know that I knew that I'm a dork. But alas. Only you and I will know about my self-realization. Our dirty little secret.

from brittania :

Molly. I just told Ron about your oral surgery, over the phone. And he thought a minute and said, "Shit. I mean if you're gonna have an oral something that starts with an S, really, surgery's your worst option there." XXOO.

from flusianna :

oh sweet molly you are so brave.

from brittania :

Deal. I used your TCO motherfucking B. Was that it? That cracked me up. I stole it.

from brittania :

Didn't keep my line breaks, you dig. Hey. Ron wants to come in August and at Thanksgiving. Can I bring a slip n slide. Or garbage bags with water. I want to run a sprinkler. I want to have a water fight and lose badly. Losing feels good in a lot of cases. Water fights to name one. Babes, I'm delirious. Let's take a nap when we get home.

from brittania :

Here you are: I love you right back like a piping hot shower in the dead summer. --Britto (1977-3030).

from brittania :

You are my guard dog was what I was trying to say this morning when my brain was still foggy. Oh Molu. Oh oh oh. I feel so icky and wrong and sorry to the universe today. And he just called me like nothing. ICK. I hate thinking about it. I move today. I move today! Yippee! Scaredshake! Yippee! I do not want to see any boys for a very long time. Except Ron. Love to you. I reckon I'll need your address. I got some pictures. I got this awesome one of you on the balance machine, surfin. It's on my new fridge. For comfort and protection. XXX.

from brittania :

Yes thank you for the directions. I appreciate the options, too. More super highway time! Less big super highway option! Cracks me up. Hello to all you people. Me and him made a pact where we GET SOME SLEEP tonight. So, we're not all party poopy when we get there. No promises. Just a college try. I'm excited to see you. I promise to dry my tear ducts up 'fore I get there. No xplodin. Only xcitement. XOXOXOX. YEP.

from brittania :

I just realized that I keep reading the line, "You're totally famous," over and over again. You know why? I'm an ego-maniac. Pure and simple. I got you a happy birthday present. I'm bringing your present to JB's party. Ah well. Do those boys know that I can't really play horseshoes worth a crap? I keep telling them I'm gonna whup their ass, but it's all smack, Molu. Every bit of it. I'm a weakling. But he is strong. Yep. Jesus loves me all right. I bring a tent, no? I stayed up extra late last night. I'm tired. Maybe I will write you all day until you tell me to cut it out. Cut it out. (motion scissors with your hand). Bye Molu. Bye bye bye.

from brittania :

Yep. D-day is Friday at 9:00. I figure if it's over by 11:00, we can get to NC by 10:00, yr time. But I don't know. I have no idea how long it takes. Ugh. Double ugh. XO to you.

from frances1972 :

Something's up with the guestbooks but it's sorta nice here in the notes. I'm taking a break from helping Jeff and JB with The Plumbing Project. I just wanted to say I hear you about the words hard. I've been feeling stunted, writing stuff and not posting it, all feels sorta forced. Sad but not sad too, but also happy and kinda calm, but sad. I mean that's how I've been feeling. Or place-less. Where's home, Maynard? Then the crappiest crap in the whole crap county. Then loud music, more beer, more beer. Blood of beer. We all said how much we wished you coulda seen Scott Miller the other night, I think it would've sorta been like he was a healer and knocked folks in the head with the butt of his hand, I mean he is like that. Misanthrope but big-hearted and never ever too cool. This doesn't make one bit of sense, that's how my brain is, blippetatious. I woke up this morning and calculated what day it was and realized today was the day your mama went into the hospital. I'm thinkin' of her and you and all the Lubys. I mean I think about you all the daggum time, but extra special thinkin' today. And Harold asleep and the night brings out Miss Blue so she can make her rounds all over the house, she investigates, and the blinkin' the blinkin' your cats love you. This is from Frances. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

from brittania :

You are right, my Molu. Oh this gives me such strength today, about the fierce loves. So much dead weight around. I mean, I wish them all well, but I can't be responsible for them and they can be elsewhere for other things. Right on, momma. Right on. I had a dream about Basho last night. I felt good when I woke up. I wish I knew him better. You know? You know. Have fun there in the lap of. Eat it up. XOXO.

from lefaive :

i meant to say thanks for the note and the guestbook signing. i haven't been reading journals much due to my preparations to leave, but i wanted to say that i hope your move is good. and you are going to colorado soon? i hope that is good. remember how cam and i saw you and bathsheba so long ago and cam said something about lesbians and i said, i think that was molly, and he apologized to me for mistaking you for a lesbian.

from frances1972 :

I had more to say all along but then I took the geek test and now can only think of permanent Spock ears, mankind that was fun. I am a TOTAL GEEK too, it was hard cause I'm not a collector and I'm not so much about the stuff, so I might e-mail that fella in protest saying that not all geeks have stuff (there is the haves and have-nots, after all) or want stuff, for that matter. I think I'm right about that. They need more geek variation. But, lo, I had fun. This is from Frances.

from elvisload :

thank you for listing me...i will try and not embareass you

from frances1972 :

I'm gonna bug you fer a minute. How come when I put older entries in my privates (folder, tee hee) they no show up? One of em was a dash. I don't need no stinkin' dashes. Lordhavemercy. I am buzzin' hard, we been drinkin' beers since before noontime, yes we have, I wish you was here to get down and WATCHE BUFFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE MOLU4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE BRITTANIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woowee. This is from Frances.

from brittania :

how's about Friday around 4 or 5? That good for you, chica? Yay. XOXO.

from brittania :

I like to stop in cheap hotels. Or I could camp. It's warm out. I don't know. I might stay in Pensacola till midnight and drive all night like a doofus and sleep while you're at work. I'll be thinking on it. I know you are a permission-giver. I know you could care a hind's lick. I'll think of something. I'm excited boy howdy. It's a good Tuesday, no? I don't want to work. But I have to.

from brittania :

I was trying to decide if I should leave Thursday and stop on the way (which now, I do believe I will) or stay the night Thursday with Ron and leave early Friday. Oh. But we can have sex any time. I'll leave Thursday and stop and get to Gboro roundabouts whenever you want to get off work. Whoo. Okay. Nuff logistics for today.

from brittania :

What time you get off work Friday? Huh huh huh. Plus you know you ain't got to clean for me. I stink like a punk rocker.

from brittania :

Yeah I want to punch him. And now I'm in a hard place because I don't want to tell Ron what went on because I don't want to cause a big stink between old buds. I think I'll let it go for Ron's sake and stay the hell away from Carey from now on. Yes. Smart girl. But yes. I would like you there to punch him out. Yes, I would like that a lot. Poor Ron trusts his buds. He shouldn't.

from brittania :

Oh I bet it won't let me sign again so fast. But I mean: I don't know it, too. It makes me hurt to read and I don't want to say I know what I don't. Just, yes.

from brittania :

I sign too fast for the other. But anyway. Settled. I'm on my way to see my girlfriend. You my steady. I don't have a class ring to give you, but I'll give you my velcro watch instead, howboutit? You play varsity and I play varsity, too. Fuck cheerleaders. I'm cuh-raz-y. I told Justin I was like cheddar. I make everything better. Hotdamn. Good mood. Good bye. XOXO.

from frances1972 :

Goddam it shit fuck hell. I first left you a LONG guestbook entry fulla sweet treats and funnies. Lost that one. Then I wrote you a LONG note full even MORE sweet treats and MORE funnies. Lost that muthafucka. Now I'm pissed and more pissed. All I'm leaving here is piss and the ghosts of sweet treats and funnies. Goddang it. One thing my mama always says, Keep yer faith in God and keep yer powder dry. This is from Frances.

from brittania :

Ah, for fuck's sake, man. I got on here and I forgot what I was gonna be saying back atcha because Frances done said something about a movie and I feel left out. I can't make it up there by then. I need you beeble. I like y'all.

from frances1972 :

Because I can't sign yer guestbook again, the movie starts at 5.15 or 7, and it's our treat cause it ain't Winsdee yet and cause we wanna. Jeff said, "Nothin' would make me happier than to see Molu's face tonight." Hotdog?

from brittania :

I'm sick Molu! Sick sick and again. I keep threatening to come up there, and if I was there, I'd sit in the sun with my head on Bashi and tell him about my throat. Or I'd watch the Buffys. All of them, provided you got them back from Frances. Okay, hip hip. I got a grocery list from Jon Paul. It includes 1% milk and total and a 2.5 inch notepad. I thought sickness made you exempt. Love to you, Molu. That's all.

from addieplum :

aha. gotcha. so, you do book displays too?

from frances1972 :

Am leaving you a note cause somehow that seems much easier than the notion of an e-mail, easier cause I'm feeling tired is all. I love your diary, I changed my profile comments about it (but don't let me likin' it give you the shivers, I mean I like it cuz it's good, Molu Molu). You let it all hang out, like Townes Van Zandt, ump there it is. I love that, man. Did I ever tell you about my brother Monty telling the Tom Jones joke when he was little? My mom got a call from his teacher and she said, "You won't believe what Monty did today. We have him here waiting for you to come pick him up." So my mom asked her what he said. (Oh, for this joke to make a lick a sense, you gotta know that Tom Jones had a hit song called "Lettin' It All Hang Out" --ok) So, Monty was on the schoolbus, he was about nine years old, and he said, "Hey, did y'all hear about what happened to Tom Jones?" Then he started twisting his pelvis around and he said, "He was lettin' it all hang out and somebody stepped on it." My mom thought that was pretty good. This should all be in parentheses cause it's definately diversional. I also wanted to say what you already know, or I hope you know, that there ain't no pressure from our end, please know that. We just luv you, Molu4. This is from Frances.

from brittania :

I just wanted to say hey. I tried to write you an email, but I don't have anything to say or I don't feel much like talking. But I still wanted to send a hey your way because you understand this no-talking-run I'm having this morning. And I like you as my silent company. Or loud. Or whichever. But you know which is when, I fancy. Hey, Molu. Hey hey hey baby.

from brittania :

Your guestbook won't let me say nuthin. But here is what I tried to say: Right on, woman. I can't believe it. How? I tend to be nice and throw all these people into the moron category. Some consolation, for fuck's sake. In other news, it is sunny out, and by the by, I love you. xoxo.

from brittania :

Hey Molu. Hey Molu. I ain't leaving another guestbook entry today. No siree. That last one made not sense enough. I'm a freak. I miss you though. I got to get up there. I think you sound like Walt Whitman today. Watch out for the overwhelmin. Or tell it to come on. No matter. XOXO.

from brittania :

Molu. Oh Molu. It's not good. I want to pick him up and drive straight to you. Not to save or help or anything. Nothing condescending or even compassionate. Just to visit. And because driving has a beginning and an end.

from brittania :

I love you, too. Oh yes I do. Plus, if you can't love with it like it is outside, well then, there ain't no hope for you. But plus, too, this is specific because I love you on rainy days, too, but I love you today like a funnel cake. And the powdered sugar pouts on the floor, but no time to be sorry over that. Careless (no, no, no, I mean, carefree) fair day complete with rollercoasters and haunted houses and the thing with mirrors that freaks you and me both out. And somebody's holding hands and somebody's holding cotton candy. Woof. Hey Basho, too. Harold, I love you strong and sturdy and unthinking as you. XXOO.

from brittania :

Like, yo. So you see. I'm not caring about the holiday weekends no more. I'll just come and spend more time driving than I spend there if I have to. Or take a day off. You see. I'm gonna start pretending like it's a day-trip and stuff. Because I think I need to see you more. Yep. So. There. I miss you. XXOO.

from brittania :

I know. Sometimes I think we are in tune, Molu. We are we are we are. Then I wonder which comes first the chicken or the diary. Know what I mean? That's what I want to do. Say fuck you and laugh and that be it. We would do that, Molu. You my gal. I was thinking of moving to New York and then to NC. And then and then and then. But seriously, if we fuck it up, we fuck it up. We got to do something. I think I should build an apartment shed on y'all's property. I'd be happy, then. Man, that coffee. We'll kick the boys out to the shed if we get tired of them and then invite them back in when we want the male company. That's all we need. A house and a shed for the boys and the girls and a well-worn trail in between. And we'll stay in tune, so's we're always kicking out the boys or each other at the same time. You cool and I'm thinking in May, I come up and we drink. Maybe around your birthday time. Ain't it in May? The 23rd. Something. Big bash. Small bash. I'm the keynote speaker. XOXOXOXOXOXO. Kisses on your palm.

from brittania :

hyper as a dyper, pyper. Boom lok lok.

from brittania :

Oh Molu. You are cool. And plus, I was thinking how much you do by yourself. That sounds dumb. But I mean, I was hoping for alone-ness and solitary-ness yesterday. Wondering if I could be good, alone, to some people since I can't be consistently good to any one person for a long while. But I've gotten so blurred and complicated down here. I hate it, too. I'm too lazy to write an email, if you doubt it. But, also this: how can they not feel that same alone-urge? Sometimes, it's hard to respect (on my end). Though, I bet everyone doubts I have it. On account of my unintentional lying. I wonder if this even makes sense. I would just like for me and for everyone to come clean and it be non-hurtful and taken the right way. XOXO.

from brittania :

Anxious for the new afooted plans. It's sunny. Something must happen in somebody's life. Love to you. Britt

from lou-cat :

Hey Molu. I like getting notes from you. It's so nice. So thank you for that. I am glad someone loves you and has made it known. I'm not sure what feels better. I understood very much Jabu's logic about people who make you re-evaluate your ideas and opinions and how great those people are in your life. It reminded me of the few people I feel that way about. Anyways, I am just going to camp in my apartment today. I mean, why not, you know. Oh, and I'm glad you liked that poem, it was a bit nasty, in a good way.

from brittania :

Aw, you are my girl, girl. I still say, wherever whenever you are, we should still go on a roadtrip this summer. Put the future off. Put it over yonder. For safekeeping. We need a fort, I think. Huh? We could build a fort and live there till the future blows over. I'm too cool for school today. I need to duct tape my trap and my typing fingers. Getting me into trouble. LOOKIE LONG NOTE. Not to be confused with Pippie Longstock-ing. Uh-huh. Yep.

from flusianna :

Help...can you tell me how to resize the picture??? Flusi

from brittania :

We were gonna come soon-- that is, me and Nojpol. 10 hrs in a car seems highly dangerous, though, and plus I got this ideal view of your house, and I want no dysfunction associated with it. Plus, next time, it's just me and Miss Blue. I'm tired of boys in my bed. That's not entirely true. But today, I hate their lot with their grubby ass fingers. Whoof. Bitterness. See? I ain't sportin that in your house. I only want to sport my pj's. XO.

from brittania :

Ah. I was thinking some sorta high-falutin egghead poet or sumthin. I had this thought, if you want to know the extent of my dum-dumism: Ralph Walto Emerson. Swear to freaking god, babes. Having fun, eh. I told Nojpol fuck you fuck you and then I couldn't find my shoes to make a dramatic exit. That's my mental note of the day. Have shoes on to make dramatic exit. But, yes. I am having fun. It's the sunshine-o. I keep laughing about your love of the nasty meats. You ain't got no secrets no more. I bet that's makin you squirm. My lovely rocking squeamish girl. Nasty meat. I said it. I said it more than once! XOXO.

from brittania :

Who's the other Walt? I'm a dum-dum

from frances1972 :

And I also wanted to say something about the squirrel, the dead squirrel. But I don't know what. Maybe a code for these sorts of things, like knocking fists. (which sounds sorta dirty but I'll leave it) *** I loved that dog Doyle in that picture show tonight. *** But about picture shows, I was trying to say at the end that I know going to them is substitute for real hanging out, but when this cold goes away and the light keeps coming, but sooner. No wait, maybe I'd like to think of the picture show as not a substitute but more like a nourishment, like a supplement to winter, meeting up at the picture show is getting us through. Maybe. This is from Frances. I need to go to daggum bed. xoxo Right I left this here cause it won't let me "sign again so fast" -- notes is good. xoxo to the moon.

from lou-cat :

Hi Molu. I wish that all of this time had not gone by, but it has. I am in Virginia, freezing to death, just this week starting my second semester at GMU. I am enjoying school, though I still have not made any phenomenal friends. Well, maybe it's just me. I wish I could say that I will come back to my diary, but not looking especially likely. I miss it. Just reading your most recent entry made me a bit sad, because my internet is slow as fuck, I am busy as all get-out. Everything is on the edge of falling apart here. I am looking for a new job. Mine (I have 2) have gotten quite sticky. I'll try and check in every now and then. I just wanted to say hello. Oh, and hello to Frances too, OK? Hope you are both well. I'm sure it is mighty cold there too. My feet are just iceblocks. Nothing like Los Angeles.

from brittania :

Where oh where has my Frances gone? I wonder.

from brittania :

Oh Molu. I don't think I can say anything now that belongs in a guestbook. This just made me cry and cry and I can't say that I know how that feels at all, only that I feel lonely, too, because I haven't met THE boy yet and now I know that and it's lonesome to not have a crush or to hope for something coming-to which is maybe why I stay in this position. I'm talking about myself. But I didn't mean to. I want to fix it and I don't know how. And I love you. XO.

from brittania :

I don't know what's up with d-land either. It never showed up on my screen either when I said I updated. It still says 3 days ago. Conundrum. XO.

from brittania :

Yay. Yay. Yay. Either I don't care. Nope nope nope. I'm starting to get Tallahassee nostalgia. XXXOOO.

from brittania :

Oh damn. But maybe on the way back? I'd like to get out of town, so I'm flexible. But if it's hassle-y, I know that, too. XO.

from brittania :

I think you shouldn't erase this entry (even though I'm drunk right now too) because I smell the wine and I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE WISH IS but I don't too and I wouldn't ever ask but I think the wanting is good and the reason I'm writing here instead of in your guestbook is because I wrote a poem tonight. It sucks, but I did it. And I feel all clean like I took a bath or something. I did take a bath. I mean, I wrote a poem and maybe I'll show you mine if you show me yours. XO. I like Rose. The poem, I mean. And all the hair ones. Time to turn the internet off, methinks.

from brittania :

P.S. I'm clingy today. I'm aware of it.

from brittania :

Also, my dear Molu. You make me feel more normal than other people do. If that makes sense. I have a hankering to write for real, just in this moment, like the milkshakes. Maybe we do it. Maybe? Shouldn't we? We'll think on it. And maybe do it. I miss you. And Steve Earle.

from brittania :

Thanks for the encouraging word, my dear. It's hard how sometimes everything is light and other times things will snap your back they're so dadburned heavy. To make light of things, I'm remembering I'm expecting my period but immediately. But you're right. It's the aimlessness that's fucking me up. But also, I'm fine with the world sometimes, like your last entry and I remember that I'll have to be fine with it soon enough. I still miss you though. XO.

from brittania :

No clean no laundry. I no care. If you still care and think Justin will care (which he won't, but if you'd feel better), we clean when I get there tomorrow. I no scared of zee leeter box, eh? No no. Oui oui. XO. Excitement.

from brittania :

Don't count on before noon, buster brown. Because I gain that ungodly eastern hour and all. So, I figure I stay up and drive late tonight and sleep in and lazy drive tomorrow. I probably won't make Greenville. But maybe, babycakes. Maybe. I'm excited. It's cold here and it's fifty. It's like 30 there, huh? So. You and Justin can call me the wussy that I am. XXXOOO. LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! oops

from brittania :

Yes, why, that's the newest. Justin even didn't like none of em before that one. I like that one. And the one before. And the one before that. I don't know nothing about nothing either, but I know that. They used to come on some station in Tallahassee all the time. Them and Billy Bragg, and I died from boredom before I figured out Jon knew what he was talking about. XXOO. I saw them in New York and that was my favorite concert I tell you what they tore it up. That's what I know. That's all. I don't know anything else. So don't ask.

from brittania :

In case you didn't recognize me, this is me not doing my work. SURPRISE! (ooh them exclamation points do get a raw feeling at the pit of one's stomach). XXXOOO.

from brittania :

Sad, sorry about Dan. xxx.ooo. my love.

from brittania :

Lovely stuff secret place. My dear friend who I get to see in less than a week. Justin is beside himself. I think I'll get there around 1:00 on Thursday? Good, no? Justin gets in at 4:35. On the jetplane. The damn fun times. We'll dig em up. XO. Britt

from brittania :

If it's all right with you, I'm gonna stay until Monday, too. Oh poor Justin. I'm so glad he's coming, so's we can cheer him up. It's true it's true. Less than a week. Yay. xxx.ooo. Britt

from brittania :

Lookee. I just accidentally left you a note on MY notes page. I so stupid. I was like, ooh, I got a new note and it was mine to you. Hee.

from brittania :

Oh, he's tall. But weighs only a fraction of a pound (does that help?). I take him for a girl all the time. But maybe Basho's not so easily fooled? We'll see. See, we shall. Oooh. Momma. XO.

from brittania :

He asked if we were having turkey, and I said, Hmm, since you and Molly don't eat meat, I kinda doubt it and all. He seemed disappointed. He silly. I don't even think he'd eat it. You know what I like. I like what you like. I think he likes what we like too. Yes. Thanksgiving with everybody I like. I feel hog-heavenly. You can buy me blueberries. They're expensive, I know. But all I ask for. That and pizza and beer. We could always go to the grocery together. Harris Teeters Day Off. OOOOHHH Momma. Boy howdy. I'm excited. XO.

from brittania :

So, I'm a-comin. Justin says he's gonna get his ticket tomorrow. He said he might have to stay till Monday because it's cheaper but he said no worry, he can get a cab to the airport. I don't think I can take off Monday. Is this a problem? I know this should be in email. Let me know if it is and I'll see what I can do. But it was like half as much that way. I told him to get on the fun list, and then I'd pass it along and take credit for it. I feel like going into my diary and erasing all but, like, 5 of the entries. I keep writing in hopes of non-crap replacing crap. But I ain't Walt Whitman. I get to see you. Justin wants cranberry sauce for some gawdawful reason. He's silly. He says hey and thanks and he's ready to meet all yall, everyone. He also says he reckon he knows he's dirty. Mega-so. XO. Britt

from brittania :

He never kept no good house as far as I could tell. He tried, I think. I think he thinks he was all right. I admired that. Because he's dang dirty. Imagine being dang dirty and not really even knowing it. Opening your door for people when they knock and not knowing how dirty you are. That would be nice. That's how he is, I think. Dang dirty and doesn't know it. Or, I think he just doesn't care. Either way. We'll feel at home. Yippee skippy. I like this entry too. Can feel the Gboro rain, I can. Am I too excited? Haven't left this state since May. XO.

from brittania :

Yeah if you go, tell them I said woop woop. MP and Kathy and Janet. Some of the gals are rock dumb. I ain't lyin. Kathy said I shoulda come too. xo.

from brittania :

Maybe I shouldn't have said I was undecided about her writing? I haven't read much. Now I feel like a nasty person. I mean I like her because she didn't care that we tore shit up. And also, in New Orleans, she was such the Bourbon Street girl. Don't let her fool you. The pied piper of Bourbon Street. Okay. I like her. I mean it. That's enough.

from brittania :

Oh, wow. Kathy is traveling there with Janet and some other girls (who I don't care a thing for) from Norfolk so they can watch her read and visit MP. How weird. Janet danced on tables too. I saw her, I did. She's nice. I'm undecided about her writing though. Don't tell nobody. xo.

from brittania :

Yeah. I thought about her and Sarah Lawrence for a while. I'm glad I got wait-listed though. Is that true? Not sure. But I woulda blown a lot of money going there. And then, we had people at City that graduated undergrad from there and they weren't nice (section-women?). That was a sidetrack. I mean. Yeah I think I know what she means. Even if those are the wrong words. About fiction, I always feel gutless. About most things. Laura Minor. Yes. Now I'm thinking. You remember that El Greco poem you wrote- the poet's corner. Overpainted or something. Red. I just remember that now. I am such a blabs-alot. We should write again. It wasn't not fun. xxx.ooo.

from brittania :

So, now, you see. I got a posse. And it looks like Frances is one dangerous babe. X-treme. I feel good. Mega great. Thanks for having my back, yo. Love and extra more, Britt.

from brittania :

yo. yo. I've been at this html stuff forever and I fucked that page up sooo bad. So, I had to go back to basic black. I don't get it. I swear. I'm not even trying nothing fancy. I just want that damn rectangle shit to be less obtrusive. That's all. And for the older to link. I don't get it. I feel like an ignoramus. I just thought somebody should know. Fuck fuck fuck. I'm in a good mood though. Budweiser.

from brittania :

Oh. Dan. It makes me cry. He should move up. For a while. No. I don't know him or what he needs, but it makes me sad. I liked him.

from brittania :

Tis all righty indeedy. Gives me an excuse to go to New York. I'm a sucker for parades, anyhow. Not really. But yes. New York Thanksgiving. Maybe North Carolina pre or post-Thanksgiving. All signs point to yes.

from brittania :

Ooh, ooh. I wanna play with the O.E.D. when I get there. I'll say hmm and look smart with the magnifying glass. You'll mistake me for a smart person. We can look up apotheosize (or whatever that word was). I'm feeling note abusive today and yesterday and the day before that. It's my cry for help. Not really. Boom lok lok. xxx.

from brittania :

I like that found magazine. Yes, I do. Good work, missy. xxxooo.

from brittania :

I only feel like a rockstar when you tell me I am, baby. I got a short email coming atcha. Heed (head, hede- nope, right with heed) warning: I just complain in it. But, I complain like a rockstar. Justin (who raps, who I lovingly refer to as J-Yo) says if Molly says no school for one year, then by god. I told him that it was good that you were TJ (personality test) because you were always right. Only people who are right can be that, you see. xxxx.oooo.

from brittania :

yes yes. good ole boy came through. i love him, i do. xxoo.

from brittania :

Hell, I couldn't tell. I thought you'd be able to tell. Why'd I think that? I thought he was sitting down and then waving and wearing black. Oh well. He coulda got away without being there at all. Fars I kin tell.

from brittania :

Glorify, or something, is what it means. If all goes well, I bet he'd do it again at a different time. Such the sport that he is. Good luck on the school front.

from brittania :

Ooh. Ooh. I wanna I wanna I wanna. I'm done complainin. I want to drive my stickshift or your stickshift to the badlands for the name and we can take a listen to Frances's mixed tapes (we'll buy us some more, too) on the way to wherever. I've got more coffee in me now. I'm ready freddy.

from brittania :

You can visit me in December. I don't know how things be by then, though. So, you might have to resort to sneaking out the windows with me and making out with boys in corners. Or something. I don't know when I'm coming. I thought October for so long and now it is, it IS October. It's hard to say. Jon wants to go. Ron wants to go. Justin wants me to wait till Thanksgiving time. You might be in D-land (not diaryland) for Thanksgiving time? This is long and abusive. Maybe I can sneak and come all three times and people will each think I went once with them. Maybe four. I want to come alone, too. Zippee. Note whore. xxx.ooo. mucho love-o, bebe.

from brittania :

Fucking JG, Molu. What oh what were you thinking? I had RM. I had to switch to fiction to get him, though. And JB. And she told him he was weird for liking my story right in the thesis defense. Faculty fighting. He stuck up for me too. I like him. I do.

from brittania :

cross-messaging again. I love Justin, too. He's my all-time bestboy. I hope y'all meet some time. As he would say, I'm sure you would get on swimmingly.

from brittania :

happy. happy i am, you're happy.

from sleepyskin :

guestbook isnt working so I do this here: I am still waiting on My Name is Asher Lev. It is cold here and slightly lonely. Also, the way you decribed my journal in your buddy list made me smile. Like sitting by a warm and crackling fireplace type smile.

from brittania :

Damn girl, I love you, too. And I'm glad you were there when I first started writing for real. I'm glad I was there when you first started writing for real. You the best. I'm wordless really. XXOO.

from brittania :

I want to be married like that, too. But then, yes, I don't want a boy either. Ah, Molu. I'm heartbroken. I don't know why. This should be in email. Because I don't know where I am. I messed up and I want to start over. What am I talking about? I don't know. I know: I'm gonna keep you. XXOO.

from brittania :

I really only didn't talk to him for five minutes. It felt long. I exaggerated for emphasis.

from brittania :

I once didn't talk to Ron for two days because he said he hated Hamlet, whiney Hamlet. Or maybe it was because he hated whiney Holden. Or whiney Woody Allen. Hate me, then. Well. Hmph. I love him, so I don't mean nuthin. I just mean. Do-people can be just as boring. In both worlds. Like: okay, done. Now what? And yes, I heard the train because I couldn't sleep. But, maybe I am lying. That's how I like to think it happened, though. XXOO. Thanks for email. You grand girl, grand.

from brittania :

Ah dear. How I love that Joni Mitchell song. I alternately hate and like Prufrock because I am hesitant stupid silly whiner with a heapload of nonaction. I've no problemos with Hamlet, though, ever. Oh man. Dumb note. A redeemer: It's only rocknroll, but I like it.

from lou-cat :

Hey Molu. Good to get your note, so thank you. I laughed when I read what you wrote about people calling themselves "Poets." Yuck, I hate that too, and I was just talking to someone recently about that, about how it seems to me that many of the people in my program are so stuffy that they would call themselves Poets. I don't know, I am also way too judgemental, they might not do that, well I think a few would. I really need to get going, hope the football ticket search doesn't wear you out too bad.

from brittania :

Ah dear friend, you are too nice. You niced me good. I don't know if I mean what I say either. I think you just gotta keep saying it though. Okay so I stole that. Ron would kill for FSU tickets. Kill. I wrote you a long rambler last night. I think it's gone. Cyberworld. I told you news. I will retell you news. Happy Monday. XO, my friend. Frances called me Chekhov. Tee. Makes me wanna table-dance.

from frances1972 :

Yes, you are queer too. I was completely thinking of you when I was doling out my queer prayers. Queer and nutty, just lak I lak em. I was gonna leave this in your guestbook but then I thought twice: Maybe somebody wouldn't know how I was saying it, like the PC folks would be after me, or somebody might think I was a redneck, or a poser or any number of things I don't mean. So here it is, slightly less public, somebody'll just send the sherriff out instead. xoxo Nutty Queer Frances

from lou-cat :

Hi Molu. I haven't been so good about writing in this thing lately, the damen grad school is taking up all of my time, but I thought about both you and Frances last night and even kind of mentioned you two in conversation. I brought up Diaryland, ah yes, because we were talking about teaching after you get an MFA and I thought of you. I don't know if you've given up on my defunct journal, but if you read what I wrote today, I guess you'll understand how it's all going. How long did it take you to make friends? I mean, I don't like to call myself a poet, you know? But I feel like I keep meeting people who do. Anyways, take care. Hope things are well with you in your state. Seems like we have nearly the same weather. It's dreary as the dickens over here too.

from brittania :

Yeehaw. I love that dog. At least, he made a good first impression. It's the 23rd. Yours is in May, no? I was thinking about it because remember when you moved out in Tallahassee and your folks were there and you gave me all those spices (I think on your birthday)? I still have some of them. The cilantro hit me on the head when I opened the cabinet a few days ago. You gave them to me, and here I've been hauling them cross-country. It reminds me of that Salinger story where the girl puts the chicken sandwich back in her pocket. I prefer to think of it like that than the other way: I don't cook so much. Bye darling dear. Good weekend. Yes yes. Darling dear.

from brittania :

Completely lovely. One request for when I come visit: when dear Basho is done with you, send him into my room to wake me up. Unstately Basho. Dear Molu. XO.

from brittania :

Oh Molly. Fucking. Oh, just. Right and sad. God, I miss you, girl.

from brittania :

Oh dear girl. I was trying to write YOU, and I got bumped off. I wanted to say. There's nothing better than you writing about your mutti. I mean that-- it is right-on and gets me every time. And here, you tell me my silly little entry is good. Oh, how could I not love you? P.S. Frances is a best-girl for sure.

from brittania :

Hey m'dear. Sorry. Email seems big-effort right now. Not sure why this seems like less, but anyhoo. Bad night with Jon last night. I'm all right, though. You will be, too. I am gonna come visit and we are gonna tear shit up. I miss you, dammit. XXOO.

from brittania :

MP is exceptionally harmless. So, I think, next time you see him, you should curb your anxiety and talk to him. Topic of Conversation: your mutual adoration of moi. Yes I do think I am funny. Sorry about school/teaching crap. I couldn't hack it.

from lefaive :

http://www.mobilizenow.com/clindex.cfm?AID=3 batteries. click on cordless batteries, then answer the questions. dave eggers is a pseudo-human, you are correct. hug.

from brittania :

Uh-oh. Library departmental wars. Easy tiger: I'm in Circ. But I don't bitch. Well, not about the catalogers. Just the reference gal who sighs heavy when I ask for sumfin.

from brittania :

you make me happy, girlfriend. putting my AK in winter-storage.

from brittania :

It is humid sticky here. It's oppressive, as they say. Fall may be the single reason in NewYork that I was in love with everybody. I wanna I wanna I wanna. I must come visit- heidi-ho. When the leaves change, heidi-hey. I was thinking about Margaret and her Kudzu cronies yesterday. It is my favorite showcase-my-toughness story to date. Grr. Argh. Lovelio lovelio day. Umph. Ahh.

from brittania :

Hell yes. So, both the note and the image of you, Jabu, and Bathsheba reading each other dingy dog-eared books with pure whole insides made my day. I wasn't much for Dave Eggers myself, but you're right, I knew a perfectly lovely writer in Newyork who was. Heck, she liked my writing (so I ain't gonna criticize her taste). In fact, I ain't gonna criticize nothing today if I can help it. I'm gonna drink a bud and listen to classic rock. It requires nothing. I have finally woken up, once and for all. Give Shawn a hello from me-- I bet he doesn't remember me a wink (kids!) but still. I loved your whole family. Especially when your dad got the trailer and your mum kept saying, "Hallelujah!" Our Dan was high and we ate pizza. For free. Yes, I should come up soon. Okay. Note-mania.

from joleen :

I love "Hannah and Her Sisters" too. And I own up to being terrified of death, why not? I'm not ashamed. But why in hell do you consider Dave Eggers 'pseudo' intellectual? On what possible basis? Did you read his book? I think he is very real, and unassuming.

from brittania :

I didn't watch it last night. I can't be addicted to shit, I've decided. Plus, I got stuck talking to that A.C. repairman's girlfriend. She wasn't sexy. She might as well have been sexy. Dammit. I like that word, lately, huh? Yes. I do. I don't know no keyboard nuthing. It took me two hrs to figure out that heart. Here's what I know: lmao - laughing my ass off. btw - by the way. w/ - with. Okay I did that last one to be a smartass. Which is often close enough to sexy. Maybe the faces? :0 :) :( :-) (with nose, you see). ;) (winking at you big mama). Oh oh. If you put someone's name like this: {{{{Molu}}}} I think it means a hug. But it could mean stones rippling the water to infinity around your name. I no like them either but we could make them cool again. And get rich. I'm abusing note privileges but you said misuse and wipe your mouth with them. Or one of those. XXOO. ;).

from brittania :

Yes, I watch The American Idol, but only now thanks to you. You got me on Buffy. You got force, Mama. Force. Thanks for sweetness. I feel better. In fact, I feel way sexy. It's mad raining here, yo. Tell me you do miss big-footed Florida storms. I'm remembering that I missed them for romance's sake. I <3 U 2, gawd#*($&(* it. Like rock candy. After lunchtime makes me giddy. Yes it do. And yes, I luv Justin. Awww.

from lou-cat :

You do choose the best poems always, you know. I often find I need them at the precise moment you transcribe them.

from lou-cat :

Hello Molu. Nice to hear from you as always and thank you for the tip. I used it for my entry today and will use it from now on I'm sure. You know, sometimes I think about meeting you somewhere on the East Coast. I don't know a single person there, which makes me nervous and thrills me all at the same time. I guess I don't know you-- but I kind of feel like I do, a bit anyways.

from lou-cat :

Hey. I'm so glad you wrote. Isn't this diary thing weird? Every time I read your diary I can't believe how much we share in common. But you know, I was just watching "Waking Life" yesterday--have you seen this?-- and during the second to last scene at the pinball machine, the pinball player (who is the director of the film) talks about how we are all part of the same story, the same story keeps taking place over and over again. If you haven't seen this movie yet, you probably should. At least, it is thought provoking and at best, it could change everything, I think.

from lou-cat :

I know you may not be checking your email because of your recent episode, but I wanted to tell you that the poems you quoted in yor 5-17 entry gave me goosebumps. I love that Rumi poem "like this." It is such a wonderful poem. And the Sappho and Basho poems were really beautiful too. Thanks for writing those down.

from lou-cat :

Wow, that was neat to hear from you. I am new to this and then I got scared of it but I still like it so I'm writing in it. I really like your diary, and your taste in music and books. I can't believe you teach (I assume college level) and you are so young. I am on this path myself (I am going to start an MFA propgram in poetry this Fall and hoping to teach college when that is finished). So it's been very interesting reading your entries about your students. I must say I enjoyed reading about the relationships you formed with your students. Doesn't sound so different from regular relationships. Also, I couldn't help but notice that you have Carolyn Forche as one of your favorite writers. She is going to be my advisor at school this year, which I can hardly believe. She is a really incredible poet. I'm sure I will keep up with your writing. Thanks for writing me a note.

from jandira :

Thanks! Yeah, but I stole the white-against-black idea from you. Nice inversion. Did you know about me that I worshipped and adored Prince Valiant as a kid? I even had books of the cartoon, which I have sadly since lost. I got bored of my page without a pic, and then with an old pic. I hate how my links page looks. Why am I writing in this little box?

from angel-oscura :

I am liking this diary business. Because I get to read entries like yours. And Kuinileti`s (which lead me to yours - you should check it out) (okay, okay, and the whole spewing my guts anonymously thing, but the point of this note is to tell you I enjoyed what you wrote - thank you!) angel-oscura

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