messages to pondlife:
(click here to add new message):

from venusianfire :
;) xLove, Cathyx
from raven72d :
LDR songs are the best descriptors. Rain, yes. Rain and wind.
from raven72d :
How is summer life?
from raven72d :
Thanks--- advice most appreciated.
from raven72d :
Good Freud quote.
from raven72d :
Still here after all these years.
from venusianfire :
I'm still not quite sure how I got back to this place, but returning (even briefly) made me think of you and when I think of you, I smile. There's a piece of me that misses you desperately. (Most of the time, I am too busy to entertain such notions of moors and broody intelligent men that haunt old voyeuristic stomping grounds.)But occasionally, I stop for a moment, revisit a point in time, and there you are. Hope you are well old friend.
from luciangrey :
Hello there. I'd knock if I wasn't certain that it's poor form for message. Leave you a note, same concept though. Modernized. I am not sure if you remember me. To be frank, I wasn't sure I remembered you until just recently. I cannot even articulate correctly what brought me here, to write you. Perhaps it's the winter--despite all of your summer hues it resonates of conversations I'd had with you. On a whim, I Googled Adama Inferi (the name I gave you), and I saw your Diaryland was still active. I'd forgotten the url--forgive me this-- you last used it two years ago. Therefore, wanted to say hello to you. I know... I know this is a long shot. And no, I do not want anything from you, nor to depart some drama upon your life (lord knows it was courted enough as it were). Perhaps a name romanticizing the dead, begs a periodic resurrection (like this one). In short, I just wanted to say hello. That you'd crossed my mind. I hope you're well. The memory of you left me with a smile. Warmest regards.
from o-twinkle-o :
i miss you. do you diary/blog somewhere else? do you take pictures, do you have a facebook even?
from stardumb :
Hey :)
from planetqueen :
Miss you too. Lots.
from tofalldivine :
I am glad I could draw you back. Not sure what I am drawing you back to though! It seems people have less and less to say on here or maybe they have found other venues for their thoughts. It sounds like you are busy these days. I hope it is all in a good way.
from orderwine :
xo
from tofalldivine :
Hello! Where have you disappeared to these days? I hope all is wonderful for you.
from stardumb :
thank you, that means alot to me! :)
from planetqueen :
Hey you - hope you are well. I don't have the internet at the moment as my wireless router went up in flames two weeks ago. Kind of makes a fun story but was scary at the time. Saw Bright Eyes two weeks ago in London which was brill and I even fainted! Although to be fair that was before Conor came on! Would love to hear from you. Take care x
from ub40 :
Yay you......Life for me is busy - I read other peeps writings, but am poor of late, at updating. So pleased you are still around. Have just come back from a wonderful holiday - BUT want more from life, which I will get.
from ub40 :
yay you are still here. Happy 2011 sweetie
from stardumb :
you're back! :)
from planetqueen :
Happy New Year. Hope 2011 is wonderful for you and your family xxx
from planetqueen :
Hey! Where's that email you promised me? :) Don't want to lose touch with you, I like being your friend. Been feeling v diaryland nostalgic recently. Very best wishes. Hope you are well.
from stardumb :
thank you! i really appreciate that. much love! :)
from planetqueen :
yes I miss that too :) Hope you are all well. It really would be great to hear from you. Beanie is very well and just the absolute light of my life. Take lots of care. Always your friend x
from stardumb :
aww heart, thanks!!! i hope 27 is a good year, i like the number. you were one of the first journals i went too and i still keep coming-- i find ur writing inspiring and beautiful. thanks again also~ ella
from stardumb :
it is the real thing. the numbers tell me. be assured. glad you're still writing and i can still read your beautiful pictorials. i'm almost 27 too, in two months. much love, ella :)
from planetqueen :
Hi you. What a beautiful entry :)
from tofalldivine :
I do miss this vision of you in your silences. Your words are always captivating. I suppose that comment is strangely appropriate considering the content of your work. I hope all is well with you.
from o-twinkle-o :
are you completely gone?
from vulgarcunt :
thanks for the kind words. just knowing someone is paying attention feels good, just to know im worth the time it takes to read my crap, lol.
from tofalldivine :
Oh dear, you do try to keep your life private too. It was unfair of anyone to do that. He is a nice enough fellow on occassion but he never got on overly well with me because I am not much of a roleplayer. I make an effort generally but I sort of just tend toward polite responses now. I hardly think it is wrong of you to take a stance on this and any sane person would support you. Unfortunately the world is crazy. The world does not want us to see victims because then it could happen to us. If we make the victims look guilty then only evil people can get hurt. It is wrong and unfair but it is how people protect themselves. The rape of a child, even a consenting one, is not acceptable. The situation she was involved in is scary as an adult and is still considered rape here actually. If a person is not of their right mind due to drugs or even alcohol a case can be made for rape. I'm not sure if that is true everywhere or if the cases ever make it but that makes it of an even more serious nature. Sorry for the rant. I try to stay out of things like this but that absolutely enrages me. I support you fully.
from tofalldivine :
I think the outpouring of support for Polanski is terrifying. The wonderful comment by Whoopi Goldberg of "it was not rape-rape" is ridiculous. Whether or not the girl gave her consent she is 13. 13 is not a consenting adult. Whether she consented or not, it was the rape of a child. Although I respect the people's right to an opinion, as a childcare worker for disabled youth I firmly believe in protecting children. I think that your stance was firm and correct and not rude at all.
from venusianfire :
It seems some people are incapable of determining fact from fiction. There is an enormous difference between having sex with a woman (full grown woman) who is "pretending" to be 13 than having sex with someone who actually IS 13. Rape is abhorrent no matter what the age of the victim. (Personally I am revolted by both circumstances. As a mother of a 13/14 year old girl the idea of any one regardless of their age doing those kinds of things to her with or without her consent is repugnant) But predators will never see that distinction, because in their mind there is no distinction. What's worse is they don't think there is anything at all wrong them for fantasising about 13 year old girls. I try to ignore and dismiss that kind of talk as people trying to be shocking, but I am both embarrassed and ashamed to admit I know people of that ilk.
from tofalldivine :
Oh dear, it seems we have learned some of the same lessons. You learned hiking off trail hurts and I learned it is terrifying. My poor boy practically had to carry me down the mountains as I hissed irritably. He loves me for a reason but sometimes neither of us is sure what those reasons are. Playing the role of the naked girl, I decided that naked girl on top of you helps everything. So I am told anyway. I also learned that if you do not have a working blender you can still find miraculous ways to make (slightly chunky) strawberry margaritas. Sounds like you had a lovely and adventerous summer.
from venusianfire :
Ego shmego. The man who practically invented instant gratification shall always wait for the other shoe to drop.....(but there is no shoe on a pair of pretty naked feet)
from raven72d :
come let me be in that Baltic hotel room.
from venusianfire :
Darling Heathcliff, of course you would absolve me of any harms I should cause....yes. I have been reading. Mostly classics of course. (Also Murakami.) I am waiting for my latest delivery from the Folio Society. (I do love pretty books) Jane Austen's Letters among them. I am also immersed in Shakespeare. (The Tragedies) Though I believe I may turn my attention to the Russians. And you dear Man? What of you?
from venusianfire :
xPx
from vulgarcunt :
of course its cool ya added me. im cool yo. ill add you back.
from vulgarcunt :
i got without you im nothing...
from stardumb :
i dont know this one either tho. regardless, it's a "bad boy" name i believe. am i correct?
from stardumb :
lol.. well, in that case, all the more reason to. :) my first crush was an "alex" btw, this crush lasted so many years. i was 7 and he was 14 and a real bad boy. i saw him again when i was 14 and at a wedding many many years later. i here he's married with children now. i'll think of you if i use the name alex though, i can barely remember the other one. :)
from stardumb :
haha.. alex trebech, yes always wanted to do filthy things with that guy. his crack hole with binoculars sounds like a funky freaky good time of fuck fun. yes, i believe so. :)
from stardumb :
hey love, thanks so much for your wonderful words of encouragement. "Poetry and beauty will return (indeed).) ;)
from raven72d :
I loved "The Dreamers"... and loved the video. Many thanks, Alex.
from venusianfire :
Dear Man! Back to the sandbox, for far more months than I care to count. Needless to say it will be 2010 before I get to feel his arms around me again....But I wait, patiently as ever.
from o-twinkle-o :
thank you for the nice note. i feel like i want to know you sometimes, come to coffee with me
from stardumb :
i know this all seems rather strange, i am venting and i believe he is reading them, made some comment about my blog a while back and my chance to tell him how i feel about cheating on me with his dirty ex hoe bag of a girlfriend while he was sleeping with me and saying nice things to me although he says he loves me and everything i am venting out my trauma and the haunting memories and thoughts of that whole thing, i guess, kinda dirty porn talk coming outta me now, yikes, i do want to returnt to poetry and love and my artsy self but had to get the rage out somehow i guess and if he really does read, well, that'll show him something, that'll teach him i guess.. thanks pondlife, i guess for even caring to ask... peace. God bless! know we've been diaryland buds for a while so much love xoxo-- thank you and good luck to you always! and me while i work through all this stuff, i am in therapy also but i find writing out my rage helps and hopefully this will be the end of it and i can add some more love songs and poetry to my blog cuz i haven't written a single good thing in months... lol, thanks for watching, and asking and caring-- much love. peace! etc.. cya later! xoxo God bless! :)
from o-twinkle-o :
still means something to me.
from raven72d :
e-mail her. she's still around as WaterColorFire at LastFM and Emigree at LiveJournal.
from venusianfire :
Ah yes, the infamous red flags we all love to ignore. Such a devilish fiend, you pull smiles just when I need them most!
from venusianfire :
The metaphorical love child (the thought pulls a deeply smug and bemused expression from my face when I type that! it's delicious and giggilicous all at once!) is still stubbornly embryonic but it is developing rather nicely though somewhat glacial. You dear Man, Pretty bare feet in Micronesia....shattering my heart! Kisses. **
from raven72d :
i so miss OftenAbsent.
from raven72d :
micronesia... yes.
from raven72d :
my dear, no one has a problem with AmEx gold!
from o-twinkle-o :
oo, all night diners. can i come?
from raven72d :
hotels... i hate it when they won't take cash.
from venusianfire :
Well had we been discussing an actual pregnancy I would have certainly needed to blame someone. Given that the man and I are on entirely different continents at present, and the fact that he is, (for want of a better term) neutered, I would be in need of a partner in crime to shoulder half the blame!
from venusianfire :
I am not pregnant with child, just pregnant with words....though in my world, it's kind of the same thing. Birthing creativity or birthing a babe requires the same amount of attention and due care....it's a good thing my actual children are mostly self-sufficient now or it may be a little more hectic around here than I would like!
from venusianfire :
As I am probably the only person capable of stooping to such crassness, the question begs to be asked....Just how vegetarian are you? Actually scrap that, I am pretty sure you eat animal bi-products if I remember the contents of other writings correctly....I just answered my own (not quite obviously crass but almost) question.
from venusianfire :
knock three times and whisper my name... you know where to find me.....*snicker* you can't miss the song in the wind..."Alex has a mangina...."
from o-twinkle-o :
not sarcasm at all - it really was what i needed to see, from a couple of sources - (you, she) - that i trust.
from venusianfire :
Oh Hush Darling! Mangina and all....I'd still play with you out on the moors.
from venusianfire :
I do so love Anais.......you too. xxxx
from o-twinkle-o :
meh, thank you for posting that anais quote. it was just what i needed.
from planetqueen :
I always feel so lame compared to all these other beautifully crafted and perfect notes you receive because I want to leave you some words that help in some way or at least show that I recognise how you feel, that I read what you wrote, that somewhere out in this vastness I could help you feel better in some way. However I'm really not very good with expressing what I mean and I'm getting worse at it by the day but I do feel what you are saying and I would send you caring to wrap around yourself if I could.
from tofalldivine :
Sometimes we just need something to believe in. We all know there is something more, that we can be something more, but it all feels so frighteningly wrong when we step out the front door but we hide, we look in the mirror and we never have to wonder who we are because this is it. Maybe I read you wrong but your words make more sense than anything I have come across in a long time.
from orangepeeler :
I reside in Galway, a small city in the west of Ireland, but I'm originally from California, born in San Diego and Berkeley-educated. BTW, I envy your anonymity - my parents, husband, and friends read my diary, so I have become more opaque over the years. Dishonesty? Tact? Self-preservation, at least. Once in a while I want to tap those deeper flows (I hesitate to call them sorrows or joys, something else), but turn to others with more freedom, whether in poems or entries like yours.
from venusianfire :
You were trying to teach me to do it right! (I am woeful at it, I'd rather write it from the perspective of a Lolcat) Propositions? Tattoo weierstrass functions on my bones with your tongue.... how's that for a proposition?
from orangepeeler :
Your writing is lushly beautiful. I see too many grey days from my little jar these days. It was a pleasure to go through your older entries, remembering wilder emotions, passions once so rampant, and now, sadly, contained to one or two nights out of the year.
from venusianfire :
I had an entirely wicked dream last night, we were writing haiku in liquid eyeliner on our backs...
from tofalldivine :
Thanks. It was inspired by a beautiful thing. I thank whatever is out there that my path has crossed with all these innocent little creations.
from stardumb :
yeah, aceofspace@rocketmail.com
from raven72d :
locked?
from venusianfire :
Please and thankyou!! Password is greatly desired. You have my email. Let me know if the wind blew it away and you need it again. PS. You could never disappoint.
from planetqueen :
yes please send me the password. I will write you an email v.soon. Hope you are well.
from orangepeeler :
Yes. Send away. If you e-mail orangepeeler@diaryland.com, it should get to me. (I don't like having my real e-mail address out in the open).
from ub40 :
Yes pleeeeeeeease. I would like the password
from freakyouout :
yes, a password would be appreciated. thank you in advance!
from tofalldivine :
A password would definitely be appreciated. Thanks!
from planetqueen :
send me an email when you get a moment, or I will send you one if you still have the same email address as last year. Beanie is walking now and so so cute! Hope you are all well. Take lots of care x
from tofalldivine :
No time limit, sir. Your words are always appreciated. How are things for you?
from raven72d :
you know who to ask for when you call.
from ub40 :
Aww Lovely to hear from you....If I could speak to that old weather person I would...I'm off work and there is SNOW due this afternoon! Boo Hoo! I love being outdoors and had so many wonderful things planned for my garden today! Have a safe trip back home and keep writing..
from tofalldivine :
Yay you are still around! That sounds like a wonderful evening. It seems, lately, that there are few to be had and I am glad it is you having them.
from venusianfire :
xxx
from planetqueen :
oooh that sounds nice!
from orangepeeler :
All of Grace, but esp Last Goodbye and Hallelulah. That particular dark moment has passed, but the shadows are never far, are they?
from oceans-depth :
Miss you .........Happy Holidys my Friend
from ub40 :
Hiya you. Hope all is well in your neck of the woods. I miss your delightful musings. Hope you update soon. Take care
from planetqueen :
She is well scrumptious. We are just off to gymbabes this morning and she just learned to crawl on Friday so it will be the first time she can actually crawl down the tunnel and that. She is also refusing to feed at the moment which is pretty stressful and I am kind of trying to go back to feeding on demand and cutting back on her solids a bit. Being vegan I need to feed her myself until she is two and God how I wish I could just give her a bottle at the moment! Currently, Bex and Ella are both laying on the floor banging the door with their feet. Send me an email when you are back in the UK and I will write properly. If you forget my email then just leave me a note here and I will write to you - I have you in my address book. Okay, now I need to go and remove the fifty thousand clips from my head the hair band and hair wrap which keep me somewhat protected when I feed Ella as she loves to yank out yards of my hair. She is the most adorable munchkin ever. I hope your boys are well and you too of course. Talk soon. Take lots of care.
from planetqueen :
have a safe journey vbf: dxz the gobbledegook is ella bean gfx fcj
from tofalldivine :
I can't refute that statement by any means. In fact, I would agree rather wholeheartedly. Lolita was a frustrating novel as I felt no liking for any single character. That happens to me rarely. The apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz is the only other instance I can think of. You are always, always welcome to read. So if you don't have a password, here you go: givenasoul/silk. If you have the time or inclination to read my rather boring musings then feel free.
from tofalldivine :
I felt the same resentment for Lolita although I doubt mine came from guilty conscious. I was accused of manipulative behavior once in an unrelated case but I think I am far too naive a child to accomplish it. Pehaps naiveity has little to do with it though. Humbert also seemed to get much of my malice though. His weakness drove me half mad. The great thing about knowing no one here is that it is awfully hard to develop a dislike for anyone. So whoever, whatever, you truly are-sour disposition or otherwise- I wish you the best on your coming adventures.
from ub40 :
Ooooh! Great your back...Did you manage Pimms in the back garden this weekend? It was very, very pleasant weather wise here. I din't have Pimms, but loved tidying the garden ready for winter.
from raven72d :
Pimms in the back garden--- I always liked that. And I like Davies' "The Rebel Angels" a lot.
from jacksnow :
sure, I have a lastfm account. Check me out at: http://www.last.fm/user/Jack_Snow thanks for the compliment.
from ub40 :
Morning you! Add your next entry and the last entry will form part of your thoughts at the time.....If I deleted all the entries I'd changed my mind about there would be none left!!! Welcome back
from ub40 :
Hope the Isle of Harris was as stunning as it looked......I'll miss your musings here. Hope life treats you well -X-
from raven72d :
I'll miss you here.
from venusianfire :
.....xxxxx.......
from ub40 :
Isle of Harris looks stunning, PLEASE come and drag me away from the 9-5....The weather is due to be fairly OK too. Lucky you enjoy
from raven72d :
Glad that the procedure went well... Glad to have you back.
from flamingbird :
*plasters kisses on your face* Come now Darling, you love the chase, turning me first this way then that. Over your knee and under your firm hand. These incarnations are necessary, I have many lives I need to live. xxPxx
from freakyouout :
so glad to hear these random exhalations of life speak in tandem with yours. we must be kindred spirits. your writing is prolific and evolving. and, as always, captivating.
from venusianfire :
you are such a tease...btw, I simply hate your love affair with youtube....I live in the dark ages....all I do is done by candlelight and a magical typewriter...youtube and dial-up are so not compatible....
from raven72d :
Always write. Always.
from raven72d :
Goldfrapp is brilliant.
from raven72d :
I loved the "Overpowered" video... tell me more about it... Who does it?
from venusianfire :
you deivilishly delicious man, you know I cannot resist you!!! (She emailed me you know. AND tried to call me, I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop)
from raven72d :
"Okay, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing." Perfect line. I really like Downey's performance.
from flamingbird :
holding up? no, falling apart....unravelling faster than I care to admit. it's strange. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought i'd end up in such an entanglement.....
from flamingbird :
yes darling, you do know me.
from raven72d :
I like their music. I vaguely knew Lisa, the original vocalist.
from raven72d :
I had to re-do the favourites list after a computer glitch... But elegance: yes...
from raven72d :
I think the elegance is a given. And I do like Shriekback...and Sisters of Mercy very much. "Dominion/Mother Russia" is a favourite. both as music and video.
from raven72d :
what music do you associate with sex and dreams?
from raven72d :
you'll have to tell me about the chords it struck. we'll speak one night soon.
from raven72d :
i collect sins of my own. many of them do have to do with the architecture of bones and the sway of bare, stark-boned hips.
from venusianfire :
I fear I have enough sin simmering for both of us... The moors get lonely. and the wind is such a fickle fellow.....*sigh*
from venusianfire :
Dearest Darling Heathcliff, but of course, I shout it to the moors every day and night....I love youxxx Cathy xxxx
from raven72d :
Tell me about Morocco...
from raven72d :
Are you adding secret entries?
from raven72d :
So what does one read in a coffeeshop there late at night on the Carolina coast on SUndays?
from raven72d :
I'd forgotten the video... Ferry was the image I aspired to as a boy...
from raven72d :
Check your e-mail... How empty is the house? Empty of voices and the living both...?
from raven72d :
NOLA... I wonder if I knew his friends when I was a boy... The weekend here was too bright, though tonight has been rain and thunder in out of the west... I long for storms, and for voices in the night.
from raven72d :
Ceiling fans and rusted fans, brunettes on stiletto heels, late-night cafes, painted boys in Berlin... I do love this entry.
from raven72d :
Ahhh... Ferry is always perfect for nights... How has the weekend been?
from raven72d :
What do you see over the harbour tonight? And what are you listening to...?
from raven72d :
I'm in Louisiana...
from raven72d :
My single-malt these days is Isle of Jura Superstition... I was listening to Sylvian's "Brilliant Trees" earlier. What have you been reading? Is there a storm off the Carolinas tonight? And I do appreciate the kind words--- and enjoy the channeling.
from raven72d :
I will always encourage you to write more and tell more stories... I do enjoy reading you and following your thoughts.
from raven72d :
Everything delightful has been ruined by psychobabble and the use of the DSM-IV as a weapon. Still--- I will always be whatever it is that I am... (And what is the taboo behind the seaside lover you had in your younger days?)
from raven72d :
How taboo a lover, there by the seaside?
from baneberry :
Well, thank you. It's nice to be adored.
from raven72d :
Single-malt, I hope: a weakness of mine... I've always been a fan of Sylvian and Bryan Ferry et al.
from raven72d :
Charleston? It's a city with its own ghosts for me. Like Vienna, like Montevallo and Treviso.
from raven72d :
scandal is always good... and i do enjoy your writing. please feel invited to go through my own entries.
from raven72d :
I just discovered your entries. Beautiful writing--- beautiful indeed. I hope you will update.
from planetqueen :
That would be lovely. Everything is fine here. Ella Bean is nearly six months old and just absolutely scrumptious. Send me your new email address. Mine is still the same - charlottesometimes88@yahoo.co.uk. Lots of love x
from ub40 :
Hi and thanks for your message. I am looking forward to the Peak District......except, it's SNOWING here. ARGH, GRRR and Brrr too. Your writings are truly wonderful, so much feeling on each page ...I'm in awe of your literary genius. I by comparison, just ramble and am not the best typist....hence the typo's everywhere! Hope you are having a lovely Easter break.
from o-twinkle-o :
thank you the feeling, the sinking it comes, it goes.
from picean-dream :
Yay! love love love Bloc Party! You should put some of the Morocco vids on here, find some without you in them or edit. So is there a court date yet? Are you worried? Oh, and stop spreading rumors about fires!
from darthuae :
that's the best news i've heard all day!
from picean-dream :
Oh my God you're hilarious! And three more of those DO look like you! All English boys tend to look similar, that school boy haircut gone foppishly slinghead by summers end, that pout, those paler than pale eyes. By the way, how's it feel to be named one of Britain's Sexiest?
from tofalldivine :
I'm sorry to hear your sickly. No one is capable of polite conversation when sick. No apology necessary.
from tofalldivine :
I understand and I am truly, truly sorry I came off the way I did. You aren't a knob.Do-overs are definitely an option!
from tofalldivine :
Oh lord, I really didn't mean it that way at all. I meant it was sweet and I appreciated the sentiment. I feel like that an awful lot as well. I liked that I could relate. I wasn't trying to mock how you felt. I really did mean I hoped you could stay in that perfectly balanced feeling of contentedness for a while. It is so easy to lose. I am quite happy with your wonderful fatherly moment. I didn't expect debauchery. I'm sorry I came across so poorly.
from tofalldivine :
That is quite cute. I hope you can stay in your little world a little longer.
from stardumb :
find the light. then let it shine. (i meant)
from stardumb :
you made me laugh. thank you.
from notyourcure :
I am alright. Just a lot going on lately. I will get you an update later.
from tofalldivine :
I love Toronto. I lived there as a kid and I wanted to go back there for Uni. My family talked me into staying because as ready as I was to go, they just weren't quite at that point.I've never been to Quebec. It is supposed to be a beautiful place. Maybe someday.Your life always sounds so terribly interesting if a little surreal. You seem like some modern novel hero.
from tofalldivine :
I do and always have actually. I've lived in a few places across it as well. Can't say I've ever been to Signal Hill though.
from tofalldivine :
Signal Hill wasn't actually what the entry was about. It just came to mind as a title. It is part of Canadian history and I am Canadian so I sort of have to learn about it. Honestly, I didn't retain much though. If that is the signal hill you are thinking of anyway. Really though...the title and the writing itself weren't really related it just connected vaguely in my brain somewhere.
from tofalldivine :
I applaud your musical taste. Whatever you post always seems to suit my mood.
from tofalldivine :
That made me laugh far too hard. People have a tendency to miss the point. Sometimes that isn't such a bad thing.
from tofalldivine :
I haven't done all the things that are coming out of me but I know that I could. I know that I am thinking about it less an less. It scares me too. It scares me that I might not care enough to stop. I try to occupy myself with other things like maybe that can stop it. We'll see how that works out.
from tofalldivine :
The great part about music is you don't need to be able to express emotions. They are just there for you to grab hold of. I don't know how much catching up you want to do. Nothing spectacular is spilling from me there days. I'm good here. Very busy. Tired. Lonely on occassion but still good. Sort of the usual.
from tofalldivine :
It's funny that all my favorite songs are so goddamned sad. I'm sorry everything isn't perfect for you. I wish it was.
from tofalldivine :
That was excellent as usual. It seems all is going(relatively) well.
from tofalldivine :
I don't just love your stuff for the pretty words and imagery. You have a reality there that I quite enjoy. Being a father may be more amazing than literary devices anyway. I doubt you are a bore and even if you are, I am too. Between school and work and studying the pretty words leave me. I work with kids and I get excited when they eat something they don't normally. Sometimes boring has its own appeal.
from tofalldivine :
Oddly enough I think this is my help. Words on words from people I don't know. It is strangely therapeutic. I am enthused about this postof yours. You always have me waiting with bated breath.
from tofalldivine :
Honesty petrifies me(hence the lock)which is funny because I am a very straightforward person. It is easy to be honest about a situation you are objective on and not so easy to be honest about yourself. I appreciate the words. I know I have people who care. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve that though. It isn't hard to tell that regret hurts most of all. I think everybody has something that they regret. Even if they don't mean to. Even if they push it down. It is still there.
from planetqueen :
I think its the 20th September 2007 today just in case you are not on here for a while. I am expecting a baby on December 27th. An absolute miracle and so far everything seems to be going well. I am having a girl and we are going to call her Emanuella Mary. I wanted Santa as a third name but Kory said he would only ever be able to think of a fat man in red. I now live in Warwickshire although I still have my house in Kent. I am trying to sell it but I have had no luck so far. (it doesn't look anywhere near how it used to, I have completely refurbished it!). I thought you were in the UK now but had no idea whereabouts you were. I had to leave my lovely lovely school and although I am working in another school here, I was, at the time I was looking for a job, unable to find a job in a Catholic school at all so as you can imagine, that is very odd for me. I am not going to work after Ella is born other than private tuition and she must know I am typing about her because she just kicked. It would be nice to be able to write you a longer email but I do not know if your old email address is still working. If you would like to hear from me, drop me a line at charlottesometimes88@yahoo.co.uk. Bex has finished her A levels now and is doing an Art foundation course. She is hoping to start an art degree next year although we are thinking about taking a couple of years out and travelling first through Europe and then through the states. We wanted to go down into South America too but we want to take our dog and we don't think we want to take him there because of the quarantine laws. It was really nice to get a note from you. I hope you and your family are very well. Very best wishes (and I miss you!) Elizabeth
from planetqueen :
Having a nostalgia trip on diaryland. It seems so strange never to be here anymore. I saw your entry about Syd Barrett. Bex went to the tribute in a converted church in London. She said it was beautiful. She saw some singer called Lupin Crook there which I have probably spelled wrong, but he is well good. I hope your life is good.
from stardumb :
i had that experience just the other day. my friend was reading something in which i wrote that walking into a certain apartment was like walking in on a secret-- she said "you know, i went to my cousins house and everything was dirty and on the floor, yuck, it was like that, you know, like walking in on a secret" i was bewildered by this because it's not really what i meant, what i meant was that it was unintentional. but the same words were nontheless truthful in that experience. actually, it added another layer i didn't consider. what if this secret is dirty? what it it smells and lingers with you all day? you know? i'd like to think there is something about writing that's fundamentally truthful, no matter where it lands. but it's always interesting to hear peoples interpretation. sometimes, what they make you feel is more important though. what they do to you. i like reading something and thinking "i know exactly what you mean" maybe it's not what the writer intended, but it's truthful regardless. words are mysterious in that way. i enjoy them. sometimes they pull at your heart like nothing else can, not a picture, or a vision. or a touch, even. i like that effect. words, i've considering pain and pleasure for years now, what they mean for us. i think i wanted to find some deep psychological truth here but i think the simple overlooked fact is that it is part of our fallen human condition. it does not seem right that pain would be pleasureable, i dont know. i once loved knowing that i was sadomasochistic and hopelessly messed up. things are changing. i read a proverb tonight that said "an ear that listens to the reproof of life will lodge among the wise" (15:31)-- really enjoyed the soberness in that word. thanks for your comments, keep stopping by.
from stardumb :
one of the best compliments i've gotten. does this mean i'm sadistic?
from freakyouout :
thanks for the comment! true watchers see the same vision often times. creativity reflects the culture of the present, while alluding to the future, in light of the past. but a watcher learns to navigate the causeways of the heart not only for himself but for others. thanks for watching!
from tofalldivine :
Thanks so much. I really appreciate that coming from you.
from stardumb :
i have to admit i haven't been keeping up with other journals. i'm glad i got the motivation to read through yours from that comment. sometimes i feel like God is the only reality, and then what do you do with the shadows? maybe parables is the pattern.
from atoutlemonde :
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply to your note. I'm also sorry for the context of the note you left, even though there's nothing I can do about it.
from picean-dream :
I think it's foolish for you to be online in any capacity, especially using your real name. How much effort do you think it takes to google a few name combos plus an agency? Not much, I did it today out of curiosity. Btw, why are you listed specifically with the Toronto office?
from f-i-n :
happy turkey day
from tofalldivine :
I need a little shameless flirting in my life and how could I not want it when it's coming from you. With your way with words my ego may swell to the size of a small planet though.
from tofalldivine :
You make every trouble into some exquisite jewel. I love it in the most terrible way. I'm glad you updated. I hope things can be the way you want them too but I think, perhaps, that is too much for anyone to hope for. Maybe we just have to settle for mostly right.
from planetqueen :
Goodness, I just knew before I signed into my email today that I would have a note from you. How are you? Hope you are well. You should write to me sometime if you still have my email, it would be good to hear from you. I miss your presence in my life however fleeting it is. Don't take that the wrong way, it is meant to be a compliment. I would send you a smile but I don't really do icons! Don't know why - they are just not me! I have an innate capacity to ramble though which must be good for something. Lots of love x
from notyourcure :
where you been?
from tofalldivine :
Thanks! I wish it was a little more Hepburn worthy.
from tofalldivine :
I'm glad that it meant something to you. It sort of makes me think like that to. I remember catching tadpoles as a kid in this dirty little pond and I was so fascinated by everything. Such a little thing made me so happy. It didn't go like my little story there but it makes me remember a time when I was a really good person because I didn't know how to be anything else. I hope that came across a little maybe
from tofalldivine :
Thanks, I think.
from notyourcure :
Totally ok with it...in fact kind of made me feel ...not important but more like special, i don't know, i can't think of the word...
from planetqueen :
hey, I often think of you.
from freakyouout :
hey dude! thanks for the words you bring. hang in there with the being a dad thing -- it's so worth it as I'm sure you already know from the first time around, just take it slow.
from magpiefaerie :
I am well enough, I suppose. Just trying to stay afloat. I was glad to get your note. Take care of yourself.
from notyourcure :
The romance is always wonderful in theory but once you're living it it is stressfull and heart wrenching. The mundane can be calming and help others if not yourself realize the day to day can be just as good as the drama. Today's society is so consumed by drama that no one really appreciates the little things anymore.
from notyourcure :
I don't think you ever get over it but i have moved on and dealt with it. i guess. from what i've read i think you are a good writer and i would like to read about you daily stuff...sometimes drama and filth just aren't all they're cracked up to be...
from notyourcure :
You should update.
from elf-arrow :
You? Not being naughty? Has Hell frozen over and no one told me? I don't believe it for a second. Btw, sorry for what I said about Lucianna at the opening last month. I don't hate her, she's just hard to get used to. Anyways, love you.
from elf-arrow :
I'm thinking about it still. I just don't want to cause any undue stress for myself at work you know? Why don't you update this damned thing? I miss spying on you. Kisses to the babies!
from oceans-depth :
Oh No not you Sweetie, It was in reference to one of my dearest friends that was killed on 911. I'm glad fatherhood is sustaing you now. Children are the only true innocence left in the world. I am awaiting my referal and invitation to travel and then i too shall be blessed with an angel of my own. Your never far from my thoughts Love and miss you... xoxo Deja
from notyourcure :
You're welcome.
from tofalldivine :
Thanks. It's good to see your still around. I suppose it is absurd but I worry something horrific has happened to people when they don't update. University life is good. Still odd and new though. It is and isn't what I expected. Class is wonderful but that always was my favorite part of school. I'm not so good at the making friends stint. Too shy. But maybe I'll learn. Hope all is well for you.
from futureceo :
Hello. :)
from freakyouout :
g'day mate, haven't seen you mucking about lately... how's your summer?
from magpiefaerie :
Where o where have you gone? I miss your lyrical, lovely words. I hope that there is sunlight in your world, these days.
from nightingale- :
Ah, watercolored, how I miss thee. I would certainly give you the password, but as it turns out, I made my password either so devious or so obvious that I have forgotten it myself. My sincerest apologies, and I'm so glad you've returned.
from futureceo :
Just a note to say hello and let you know I'm thinking of you. :)
from breakthedark :
I am well...life is evolving slowly, but positively for me. And you? I don't see you around anymore? I had wondered how you have been.
from futureceo :
Thank you. :) I hope all is well in your world.
from sothis-isme :
ohmy, a baby!
from freakyouout :
thanks. I'm glad you liked it! Hope you're doing well...
from venusianfire :
I do hope the little one is doing okay....please, drop a quick line so I don't worry. pierah at aol dot com... I still don't have yours yet!*hint*
from o-twinkle-o :
forgive me .. i need your email, i don't think i have it any more .. drop me a line .. ? need it to give you your password.
from venusianfire :
Though not happy your little one is in hospital, I am happy they found a cause for his unrest. Hopefully now he'll settle more and feed easier and sleep better. Wishing you well, Pxx
from futureceo :
No worries on dropping me off your list. I'm still not ready to write regularly. The words won't come yet, so no reason to rush it. :) Wow, I would say your world has turned upside down! I just graduated with my MBA last week; still in the process of job hunting though. Never would have thought it would take this long to find something. I can only hang in there, right? Ha!
from futureceo :
Hello, from a stranger who has felt very strange for quite some time now. Your words are enveloped in a fog I never really comprehend, but I still read. Wishing you peace.
from venusianfire :
Well, I do have breasts, they just aren't in lactation mode right now. That's boys for you. Greedy little gits. Always at the tit. (they never grow out of it. Do they dear? *smiles* ) I know my dear husband wishes mine were attached via velcro so he could rip them off and carry them round in his pocket. Wishing you sleep. xxPxx
from tofalldivine :
I think your right and in a way that is sort of how I meant it. Outside these little white boxes I don't know if I am as truthful. All the parts of me that I don't show on a daily basis but want to are in here. And life is altered from how it was to how I see it. And in a way I still feel like all I do is write lies. Does that make any sense at all? Thank you for adding to my johari window and leaving a note. It made my day.
from venusianfire :
But of course you have a Nanny! *slaps forehead* No contest there, it would be Lucianna. I'd even bet money on it. *grin* Fedex away, but like I say, my return policies are flawed. In the sense that I don't. You do realise I am frightfully jealous. It's been over three years since I held a newborn.....
from venusianfire :
The idea of you changing diapers makes my nose wrinkle up in that highly amused kind of way. Babies are just small pink bundles of insomnia. Even *if* they are sleeping, you still can't, your ears primed for every movement, straining to hear the breathing, and then there are those moments of just standing next to the crib just watching them sleep, amazed that you somehow finally got them to sleep. I miss that. I miss babies. You can always fedex him to me for a week. I can't promise that I will fedex him back though. I love babies. I wish I had more...
from venusianfire :
Love need not make you a bore Darling...passion speaks a language all of her own. Just not this silence...anything but that. So go on, bore me. I dare you.
from o-twinkle-o :
oh my gosh. i can't. stop listening to that song. *placebo lust.*
from tofalldivine :
Siblings with really different personalities generally get along well. At least the ones I've met. Heck, my brother and I are really different but we are best friends. Sometimes it is good for them. They round each other out. And his little brother may help him warm up to the mother as well.
from tofalldivine :
I bet he's beautiful. There is nothing like a new baby. Is your first excited?
from oceans-depth :
Congratulations My Friend. Nothing but the best for your Family!!! I say So...... xoxoox Deja
from tofalldivine :
Congratulations!
from venusianfire :
My heartiest congratulations dear Boy! May life be kind.
from aboyinatree :
let's know each other.
from rainforme :
i've thought about that many times, but i think i am craving a more settled life. i just have to make sure settled doesn't mean sitting in a puddle of shallow. sad that we have to move away from our lives just to see what life is all about huh?
from venusianfire :
You are a long from winning a Darwin.....but an email would be wonderful.
from petals-blue :
Eh...this diary is pretty much a showcase of my not-so-pleasant side - I'm not sure the world's ready for it. I use it to list the diaries I put in the category of "can't live without reading."
from venusianfire :
It would seem I am not alone in wondering where you are hiding. I wondered the moors, and found nothing, not even your scent.....
from elf-arrow :
Love you bunches you know.
from elf-arrow :
And what's with this hiding behind a new name??? I demand answers!!!
from elf-arrow :
Why did you do that??????????????
from venusianfire :
I did try to email you, but silly AOL keeps telling me you don't exist(Little does it know it's me who doesn't exist) . So you need to email me. pierah at aol dot com.
from planetqueen :
You know, I KNEW that (about Elf-arrow). Just had a feeling because the writing can be so similar. How funny that I never act on my hunches because it seems that implicitly I know loads of things. But in retrospect no-one ever believes me. And you are a beautiful human being anyway, as is Elf-arrow too. I have spoken to both of you and I think you are both totally lovely. x
from planetqueen :
And how did I end up posting it twice?
from planetqueen :
!
from planetqueen :
I dreamt about you last night!
from venusianfire :
Oh You do weave a tangled web you darling Man. Have missed you terribly.
from magpiefaerie :
I've only just found your note .. procrastination and an inability to remain focused on one thing at a time are my reasons for the delay in replying. Yeah, L. Via at the DMV mentioned something about some kind of hearing. And then, after a quick consultation with another DMV legbreaker they realized that it's too late for me to do that. So for now I'm driving, illegally and alertly, and waiting for my court date. Ah, the arrogance of driving myself to court on my suspended license to argue about why I should be allowed to have my license back. I feel like such an asshole, sometimes. But thanks for the suggestion! :)
from tou-mou :
thank you. :)
from oceans-depth :
i miss you most. xoxo
from dream-cafe :
Oh, no worries! Thank you for adding this diary to your list. :-)
from planetqueen :
I know you probably have WAY more important things to do, but you can add paganscream if you want now. There's no reason for you not to. Lots of love always, Elizabeth x
from venusianfire :
I'm not sure. I don't think I've quite written myself real yet. Can one exist if one isn't real? Miss you.
from amedeah :
No problem, I just tagged the people I read. I was actually surprised anybody answered :)
from wistful-blue :
The pain you're feeling...it moves from your heart, to the keys, through the fiber optic lines past the screens of everyone who reads your journal and into *their* hearts. :'(
from wistful-blue :
Ah, I wondered if the post was stalker-prompted.
from amedeah :
what sign is his mother? It might explain her apprehension. In my experience Geminis are really great at a lot of things : conversation, making friends, being the life of the party, learning new things etc... The problem encountered usually is that Geminis are extremely double faced... almost bipolar at times. They change opinions all the time. Change their needs and wants in life. Often getting too scattered and not accomplishing anything. If they are in a good environment though they will be great people and some of the most loyal friends. When I know his mom's sign I can tell you more :)
from f-i-n :
sweet words
from futureceo :
I had some grand thing I was going to say and yet the words wouldn't come. I will try to stop by more often - perhaps we both shall write more?
from wistful-blue :
I'm flattered that you added me to your favorites list; thank you. Happy holidays. -cat
from luciangrey :
You really DID lock it... * blinks a bit * ... I am not sure what to say here, torn between 'you fucking brat' and 'Christian, you go too far'. Retract. I take it back. You were wrong about my insentives about the conversation - this is not at all what I meant. Undo it.
from wistful-blue :
:-) You're welcome and thank you. I'm so glad I decided to browse Marie (aka, desdemonia's) favorites! -cat
from venusianfire :
Hello old friend. Is your email address still the same? I know you may think I took back the keys, but I didn't. I had to change it for another reason. Will send the new one with the red ribbon attached. It has your initials inscribed on it in italics.
from tofalldivine :
Thank you. Your last entry was very...comforting. I really don't know how else to describe it.
from luciangrey :
Odd you mention South America. My next post is about That. I'm in short ordered need for the out of doors, far from here. ... Glass is interesting, take care of yourself, but cussing at the police and getting arrested? Your lawyer must make a small fortune off of you every year. Everytime he has to come see you, your greeting ought to be "So, is this paying for your yacht or your childrens college education?". * offers a gentle smile * I'm so very proud of you.
from f-i-n :
Ouch! Yeah, I've got plywood on the windows and it's dark as hell in here...
from breakthedark :
Welcome home.
from luciangrey :
Welcome Back, Alex Christian.
from f-i-n :
glass in your palm? ouch!
from freakyouout :
my pleasure. your writing is transcendant.
from venusianfire :
Roberta is anxiously awaiting news from Pirra. Pirra is somewhere lost in a haze, (medicated) and shall return to correspondences as soon as she can.
from donnaisblue :
*smiles* nietzsche says this thing- "i let myself be deceived so as to not be on guard against deceivers."...i think vulnerability and trust is so important, so beautiful, and so painfully human.
from venusianfire :
Wow, you are getting around these days aren't you? Yes, I am envious. For the homeless one my roots certainly run surprisingly deep.
from tofalldivine :
It's a pleasure and an honor to be on your favorites list. Thanks a million. I love reading your diary, slightly in awe of it actually.
from venusianfire :
I'm sure if you listen right, you'll hear me tapping on your window....but I promise never to torment for the sake of tormenting...
from venusianfire :
So beautiful to see you again....here. I saw you last night all broody and pouty in the pages of Wuthering Heights....
from magpiefaerie :
You write beautifully. I just love the way you express yourself. Lyrical and lovely.
from planetqueen :
yay! you updated!
from breakthedark :
I am so pleased to see your return!

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