messages to protoplast:
(click here to add new message):

from raven72d :
whatever became of you?
from raven72d :
I hope springtime goes well--- or at least better.
from polarity :
how wonderful to hear your words. how did we ever become so very afraid? so afraid to live our lives?
from raven72d :
I hope you'll e-mail that message again. Try raven72d at yahoo. The Diaryland link doesn't always work.
from raven72d :
Summertime... I hope things are better.
from raven72d :
still there?
from raven72d :
do update... you are missed.
from raven72d :
Still out there?
from raven72d :
Whatever became of you?
from genetikerin :
Thank you for still reading. Your words are beautiful, too.
from raven72d :
Are you okay? I have missed your entries.
from raven72d :
Tell me more ravishment stories...
from raven72d :
I like the boyshorts image. And the panty-free thing is key for lovely girls. As are Adventures With Strangers.
from raven72d :
I have sex for the reasons made up from the same fear.
from raven72d :
Good Stories are what make up our lives... And good for you being panty-free at the party! Make it a habit? (And how did you meet the male involved?)
from raven72d :
What's up?
from genetikerin :
Thank you for the note. It got me thinking I should start back up again...
from raven72d :
How's the weekend?
from raven72d :
Please do. And please do comment. And I hope it's good wine on a rainy day.
from raven72d :
Come by and read (raven72d/capybara) and don't be a stranger.
from raven72d :
I'd forgotten how impressive your writing is.
from raven72d :
I have wondered whatever happened to you...
from blistery :
smiles are great! glad i could give one to someone else. i've been grinning like a damn cheshire cat since sunday morning. hopefully there will be many more to come. hope you're alright. stay strong.
from eirever :
the phonebill was my second piece of evidence; the letters, the first. he held my hand too.
from eirever :
you'll spoil me with such brutal flattery.... the photograph is lovely... you have a flair for those camera machines...
from eirever :
everyone went into hiding... and when little eirever felt her muse again, she had to search and search for the survivors~ lists layered, etc. it's the honesty that strikes me. (brazen, ballsy vulnerability) the sorts of stuff i wrap "pretty" abstractions around. regardless, who couldn't dig on the the photos? some of those b/ws were awfully pretty.....
from kungfukitten :
These crappy life shattering moments happen to put you on a new track in life. You might consider meeting with a "life coach" to help put you on a new career path and boost your morale. Unfortunately, it's another bill to pay, but it may be worth it to try a couple of sessions. Some work on a sliding scale. Breaking connections with family can be important, that's why I moved to another state. My parents know I have a house and a job so they don't worry any more. If I lived closer to them, they'd still be (out of love) trying to micromanage my life and I'd be miserable. Things will get better, I promise you. You can always call me if you want to talk to someone who isn't as close to the situation. XOXO
from kungfukitten :
"All the sudden you can imagine them having sex and it's really awful." Yes, the sex is really awful because those girls are all hard and bony and whine about being bruised. Us girls with a little junk in our trunks are made for wild swinging from the chandelier upsidedown bite scratch and struggle sex. We don't break and are much much better in bed. Trust me on this one.
from kungfukitten :
I hope he saw "All Things Unsaid" because men are stupid and generally don't have a clue about anything and you deserve to have someone go through what you're going through wtih you. You need that support. Someone to pilfer medical supplies while you're waiting for the doctor. Someone who will make fun of your butt sticking out of the gown and someone who will hug you when you cry and say over and over again "It's going to be all right." Men don't know how to do any of that and you basically need to give them direct instructions. If I was there I'd totally do it for you and then make you come with me. ;) Thinking of you. XOXO
from kungfukitten :
Re: medical tests and being by yourself. I can totally relate! It's so scary, isn't it? Part of you is proud you're so independent but the other part is so scared and needs reassurance. Sarcoidosis can cause low white cells, but that would be too weird if you had that too. I was terrified I had lymphoma for awhile, before they diagnosed me, and I was sick with fear. This may sound toally off the wall but have you seen an ophthalmologist yet? They can totally see things in your eyes (like white cells) and tell what's going on in the rest of your body. If you've got health insurance you might as well give it a try. Just tell them you've got dry eyes that are bothering you and you'll get a referral. If you want to talk I've got free long distance - I spend all day reading medical records. I might be able to answer questions or at least be a sympathetic ear. XOXO Sydney
from kungfukitten :
Re: medical tests and being by yourself. I can totally relate! It's so scary, isn't it? Part of you is proud you're so independent but the other part is so scared and needs reassurance. Sarcoidosis can cause low white cells, but that would be too weird if you had that too. I was terrified I had lymphoma for awhile, before they diagnosed me, and I was sick with fear. This may sound toally off the wall but have you seen an ophthalmologist yet? They can totally see things in your eyes (like white cells) and tell what's going on in the rest of your body. If you've got health insurance you might as well give it a try. Just tell them you've got dry eyes that are bothering you and you'll get a referral. If you want to talk I've got free long distance - I spend all day reading medical records. I might be able to answer questions or at least be a sympathetic ear. XOXO Sydney
from bantenhut :
"We can talk for hours and not really say anything of importance." - SO TRUE
from raven72d :
I've always lived through words, through the worlds they can create. Hermeneutics...all life is hermeneutics.
from raven72d :
I like the hidden depths here. I will be reading along with you. And thanks for the note.
from raven72d :
Beautiful, entrancing, scary writing.
from kungfukitten :
If they're willing to wait six weeks then they aren't very worried about you. If you were told to go into the hospital ASAFP that's another story. You need to call your doctor tomorrow and tell your doc how worried you are. I don't think they realize how our minds can run away with worst case scenarios and how we're worried about dying. Ask your doctor point blank questions: 1) I'm worried I'm going to die this year, how realistic is that? 2) What tests can we get done ASAP to rule out cancer, diabetes, etc... 3) If you think this in an infection why am I not on large doses of antibiotics right now? 4) What's my diagnosis? What do we need to do do get at one? 5) Do I need a refferral to a specialist? And if you're not happy with your specialist ask your primary care where you can go for a second opinion. It sucks but when you're feeling your worst is when you have to take complete and total control of your health. If your doctors don't hear from you, they think you're doing great. They have absolutely no idea that you're home worrying.
from livingwreck :
I don't know what to say. Thinking of you, of course. Much love.
from camera-girl :
I just read an entry and I have to say you write very good! :-) Well, that was all I had on my mind. Have a great day!
from bantenhut :
Hi proto, I was wondering if the lettersanon diary would ever start up again. I think it's a great idea for a public diary, and I have at least a couple of letters that I would contribute if it were back to public status. Do you know if there are any other, similar public diaries relating to unsent/sent letters? Thanks!
from erato :
When I update my journal, I will tell the story of my own journey with substance abuse. In the meantime, I have added you on Flickr. I hope you're OK.
from erato :
See, if we really wanted that, someone who left, wandered the city and then came home to us later, we'd be more than content with a cat. But we aren't, are we?
from erato :
“I honestly think that when someone else fills your every aspect and the terms and expectations of the relationship are defined and considered just by both parties, there is no need—not even a sliver of desire—for anything or anyone else. It's not that you've been ‘fixed’, either, because there is nothing wrong with you: it's that you are satisfied, not just with the other person, but with yourself and how you fall into that relationship dynamic.” She sat back in her chair and took a drag of her cigarette, “frankly, I would have fucked someone else, too. Why? Because even though I would never admit it, that ‘don't ask, don't tell’ policy screams every single inadequacy I know and revives every silly insecurity I've ever had. I would have fucked the first person I saw just to show that I could do it too, that I actually wanted to do it too. I would have done it to trivialize the insult and try to make its existence OK.” She paused, sipped her coffee, “but it’ll never be OK. Such a policy doesn't exist in a full union. I've tried to make it fit a thousand times over. But it doesn't. It just keeps saying, ‘sometimes you're not enough’. And we all want to be enough, not just when we are there, but always. We need to be the Everything. We deserve to be everything. Is this unrealistic? I don’t know, I’m a Scorpio, I’m insanely jealous. I can finally admit it, some billion polyamorous disasters later.” She fixed her green eyes on you, “infidelity aside, are you happy with him? No, shh. Don’t answer me. Just ask yourself, are you happy with him? Are you happy with the terms of your relationship?”
from e-nymph :
I'm hoping your life with him works out because that would be beautiful and I'm still young at heart enough to hope for the fairytale. thoughts and joys your way! -Jen
from catalyst99 :
Ummm...what were you doing on Saturday night? Or should I say who? I guess if the pee-pee isn't gonna make you sore, he wanted something to???
from zemcomplex :
Ah, directing, eh? We may have to actually work together sometime.
from livingwreck :
Great to hear from you! The second last paragraph of your latest entry sums me up perfectly. But then I'm guessing it's accurate of 95% of all people in the western world...Thinking of you, if that helps.
from zemcomplex :
Also a big, if infrequent, fan. zemcomplex@hotmail.com
from mroutt :
mroutt at hotmail.com
from mroutt :
Locking a diary up is so 2001. Hook me up with a password?
from blueavenue :
hey there. i'm unlocked again. i can give you password info for locked entries if you're interested. and i'm not making any assumptions! lol. hope all's well...
from brideof7less :
That's how I've been trying to look at it. We rented cars ths weekend and drove out to Amsterdam. :)
from f-i-n :
great stuff
from dancingfool :
come on ray.....i know you well. and you have plenty of passion. so much that it rubs off on me!luv you....AL
from blueavenue :
i know exactly how you feel. shit. take care.
from jonathan :
A great read. Is it fact or is it fiction? Does it matter?
from sexycollab :
IT'S BACK!!! Yet the silence is deafening. You're on the Erotica diaryring, so I thought I would stop by and let you know that Sexycollab has returned, and it badly needs new erotica! So if you write it, submit it! Or if you know anyone who writes erotic stories or poetry, please, please, PLEASE send them my way. I want to get this Sexy Collaboration going again. Thanks!
from modestyblaze :
thanks for the advice!! once again, I admire you.
from modestyblaze :
wow, I just read your diary for the first time. I really admire the way you are able to get everything out.....I'm a wuss, even in my own diary that no one ever reads. BTW, I wish I was 5'4 120 too!
from brideof7less :
I dream in both German and English. I don't really notice anymore though when I'm dreaming in German. I don't even notice what language I'm speaking anymore, I just speak.
from dealusions :
The LJ name is the same as this DL one. See you there.
from blueavenue :
i know! i just downloaded tons of their songs for further study. i always download stuff before i spend the money on the cd, just to be sure, ya know? and thanks; i thought the 2nd expression was especially fitting of my mood at the time. =)
from marebear78 :
Check out Travelocity. There are all these fares on sale for Europe from Chicago. I don't really have the money to go to Japan, but the debt is well worth the experience!
from blueavenue :
yay to good experiences and to 'forgetting' about 'that guy' for a few days (or hours). ha. damn men. hope you continue enjoying yourself (and remembering all that's wonderful about you) in the near future! p.s. i'm glad to see you're writing again!
from brideof7less :
Yeah, I know what you mean. I would break my heart if I were to date me. :)
from dealusions :
I was going through my old website (justdeal) and saw some of your guestbook comments. Remembering the fun we had way back when (2001?), I figured I'd drop a line and say hi. I'm still around, albeit at this new address, so feel free to say hi if you get around to it. Talk at you later.
from e-nymph :
"give up" is helping me feel happy at work. thanks for the vote to buy it. :) hope your new year brings you great joy!
from erato :
Happy Holidays!
from citizenjane :
that is some trouble. have a GREAT time.
from erato :
Oh, I know, it's been so long! I am so glad to be back. I have missed htis medium. Glad to see you here, I can't even say how much! Bises, gorgeous.
from erato :
I'm back! Glad to find you are still here!
from marebear78 :
Girl, you need to just leave him in your past where he belongs. He knows what hold he has on you, and it seems like he milks it to enjoy knowing he has that control. I think you would find more happiness by finding someone that sincerely loved you rather than just the idea of still possessing you.
from catalyst99 :
If only getting the fuck over it is as easy as the words. We need to start making the movie...would you ever hold a boom box down the street from his house? Yeah, maybe that is the answer...maybe we should start acting like we expect others to...or something :)
from blueavenue :
giggling is good. i don't remember what my intention was, but i do know that giggling is all right.
from catalyst99 :
So yeah, I agree you need to have healthier stories...among other realizations last evening...I decided I need healthier stories as well. However, I always struggle with whether it will be enough if we end up being bickering old lady roommates who still party like AbFab.
from blueavenue :
seriously. that colin guy IS a fucker, and you should no longer give him the time of day. i mean that is officially something a real friend wouldn't have done: "forgotten" to pick you up or whatever. unacceptable. UNacceptable. =) ok take care and have a good week!
from polarity :
well it's been a long time. it's so good to see your words. selfishly they are a comfort to me. familiar and warm. you seem to be untangling many complicated hopes and fears. i hope you find your way through. thanks for still writing. i'll be back. :p
from marebear78 :
I've only read 3 of your entries so far (I'm new to Diaryland), but I like your stuff. Very honest and out there. I aspire to that. And being a fellow Chicagoan, I'm rooting for you. Keep kicking ass and keep it real.
from catalyst99 :
So, because I am coming from the frame of mind of being brutally honest to people, I think you telling Julie what you thought was good. I just thanked someone recently for straightening out my perception as well. Although, she may be screwed up in the head, she is probably sincerely appreciative.
from catalyst99 :
hey, I read your entry Aug17th and well, you should re-read your entry on May 18th. I find in general, we are really hipocritical depending on circumstance, me as well. So, does that mean we have no real morals or beliefs? There is never a right time for anything but its good to ride the rollercoaster~ at least that is my thought today.
from void :
i feel you completely.
from void :
omg i just bought mine a couple weeks ago too! damnit!
from influence :
I'm still pissed that I missed out on the rotating part of that evening. Never did go to that place. Sorry to hear about the late news. I think I've told you the story before of how that's happened to me. It's a confusing mix of anger, shock, and disbelief that's hard to deal with.
from void :
"I used to judge my level of love for someone by thinking about them dead and deciding whether or not I'd be sad about that." Sometimes, you don't realize how much you love someone until they're gone.. as cliche as that sounds it happens to be true. What I'm about to say is going to sound horrible, so please don't hate me for it. After grossly overanalyzing why I felt so overwhelmingly sad after someone that I was aquainted with, but not really close friends with, I decided that it wasn't so much that I was sad about them being gone. Mostly, I think the fact that someone who was my age could be dead. It made death real to me and that's scary. We spend most of our lives being aware that people die, but until it happens we don't really KNOW that they die. We put it out of our minds because if we didn't we would be spending all of our time dwelling on that fact and not living our lives. Eventually, this will pass and you will put it out of your mind once more, but that doesn't mean that it isn't the most horrible feeling while it lasts. Really nothing I'm going to say will make it better for you, so I guess I'll just say I'm sorry and let you know I'm thinking of you and wishing you well.
from livingwreck :
And I miss you too. (I did give you the password, didn't I? Not that there's much to read...)
from myriadesque :
Hello! I have written a long post about meeting JW... it was great. I hope she does a signing near you when the book comes out in the US next year or whenever. You should go if she does! Good to hear from you :)
from sweetone03 :
Hi I have tryed to enter 2 letters on the letter site you made but I always get the same thing. It says new accounts cant add an entry, so I was wondering if I had to join somewhere or something???
from influence :
I hear Aruba is nice. Or one of those cruises that just put-puts around. Then when you come back and everyone demands to know where you disappeared to you can honestly answer, "Nowhere in particular."
from erato :
Oh, goodness. Your entry looks like my life. I am beyond shock and awe in this parallel of life intersection.
from erato :
We love to play with that illusion, to think we are greater than what we know and what we feel. We like to remind ourselves our emotions, no matter how involved, are still our own and under our control. And they are, yet there are so many things the mind does without telling the body and so many still the heart knows without compromising the mind... tell me what sort of design you are thinking about. xo
from erato :
When we are dealing with matters of the heart, it becomes evident that love is the slaughter and we are all lambs, curious about our own demise.
from erato :
I have always thought about these moments when the worst thing possible comes to occur. Defenses? I don't know. I have escaped sleep, however, to make sure my denial lies intact the morning after. Just in time for a cigarette before self-preservation packs my bags and hails a cab.
from mroutt :
I am thinking of closing down my diary, wondered if you had any thoughts on this.
from itconsumesme :
i'll take credit for it, if you feel that credit is due. i am just glad to know that someone heard me...it's kind of a nice feeling, don't you think?
from itconsumesme :
I recently noticed that you posted an anonymous letter that I posted in the profile for the Lettersanon website. I am so very glad that you appreciated my sentiments in the letter and I just wanted you to know that i love your website (as is evidenced by the letter, right?). I also peruse your diary from time to time...you're very funny and you seem to live a full and active life. That's really all I wanted to say, I guess...thanks again. - D.R.M.
from brideof7less :
People friendly? In Vegas? I'm shocked! After living there almost twenty two years, the unfriendliness is what I'm most trying to escape. I'm glad you had a good time though.
from e-nymph :
your new music is in the mail lovely lady. :)
from erato :
What is it with saying what we don't mean and meaning what we can't say?
from erato :
Shame on us, seriously, we always say we won't lose our heads, but oh, how much fun it is...
from erato :
And I you, darling!
from erato :
Truer words were never spoken. I should copy those notes to self.
from e-nymph :
davinci code- excellent book. not a date to miss. hope you are well. x0x0x
from erato :
Looks like we have all been bitten by the same bug around here. Oh, bella, how I relate.
from e-nymph :
re: switch. heh, looks like we play for the same team. why doesn't that suprise me? ;)
from mroutt :
hey start writing me at my e-mail, mroutt@hotmail.com.
from mroutt :
r u and i ever going to hook up, or should we just end it now?
from mroutt :
thanks for the info.
from livingwreck :
Just saw your question. Yes, I'd love to be. (How could I resist someone so intelligent? And so very cute.)
from livingwreck :
Ouch about your foot...I can't wait to see the photos. Oh, not those sort of pix? Damn :-)
from e-nymph :
http://e-nymph.diaryland.com/031021_79.html i think you'll get this entry better than most. best of luck Lady, i hope the world hands you all the beautiful things you deserve. :)
from mroutt :
i want an entry all about me
from mroutt :
All day at work I thought about this note you are about to read. I sang songs in my head and put together my choices, so now it is your turn. ONly one answer per question and please give song title and and band name. Reply in my notes, or on your diary. 1 Favorite song ever: 2 Favorite Love Song: 3 Favorite Angry song: 4 Favorite song to make love to: 5 Favorite Happy Song: 6 Favorite Sad Song: 7 Favorite Song That Fits You Personally: 8 Favorite Kiss Song (Tony is the only one able to use Rock and roll all night, so you better thing of another song): 9 Favorite Aerosmith Song: 10 Favorite Band: 11 Favorite Music Style: 12 Favorite Boy Band Song: 13 Favorite Opening Song to a cd: 14 Favorite Closing Song to a cd: 15 Favorite Song to relax to:
from ashofphoenix :
you don't know me...but i stumbled across your diary at random and love the way you right. hang in there. i feel your pain when it comes to heartbreak. and keep writing!
from mroutt :
it feels like a train wreak is coming, and i'm standing on the tracks, to tired to move, to still to react. And the train keeps on comign, i wonder why, is this the end, time to die?
from livingwreck :
Let me know how it goes. If I can't be a part of it, knowing is the next best thing..lol Love, S
from bluering :
a great choice for a favorite song. i guess everyone has their own break up song. thanks for the lyrics link!
from erato :
ps. And you could get me a book from Amazon if you were so inclined. What book? Your personal favorite, of course!
from erato :
All you need to do for a new layout is wait for me to finish decorating my house interiors. One project at a time. I say two weeks, and I'm all yours.
from e-nymph :
I won't tell you how to feel or how to get over this. just hang in there and know people care about you. *hugs and good vibes*
from z0tl :
* click here * - this is z0tl's poor man's banner. i am a link whore, won't you add me to your fave list for no reason? god bless the galapagos! :z
from erato :
New survey, ooh la la: http://members.diaryland.com/edit/showsurvey.phtml?name=erato-becreative
from erato :
It's a deal. And I know just the place.
from mroutt :
i agree. I feel like the friends i have are just part of the former me. I was going to steal your entry, but decided to just think of something of my own later.
from mroutt :
the sex is just never going to happen is it?
from mroutt :
I think it is time to have a new diary design.
from lovely-freak :
thank you for your kindness!
from sjomedia :
teehee ;)
from mroutt :
no you come here and you can have it for as long as you need it.
from influence :
guestbook won't let me sign again...but no worries about the song, it wasn't very clear, and when are you coming here again? my weekends suck for the rest of the month, but if you're here during the week, let me know.
from neverknew :
I am not going to talk about babies here...I promise :) (even though you know what I think) But I am so proud of what you said...It makes my heart glad!
from mroutt :
I keep offering you the sex. When you going to get it?
from iamen :
you are swell.
from venusalludes :
Just so you know the end of the story. She's decided that the past is the past and she's ready to move on with her life with her boyfriend. The only room for me is as just her friend. I've told her that I'm taking a break from the "friend" thing and will get back to her when I don't adore her so much anymore. Sigh
from redplaid :
i really like your template, or design, or layout, or whatever you want to call it. in any event, it's lovely.
from erato :
oops, the one below is me, by the way.
from the-diary :
emotion is blinding, and more and more, emotion is all i see on the part of american media. where are the facts? where are the figures? why is no one questioning the infringement of our rights when invaded by TIPS?
from influence :
good, you don't write me enough emails.
from influence :
is your guestbook working? it kept telling me i hadn't filled out a field when i was trying to tell you i like your new design
from mroutt :
no joking. You can stay at my pad and we can watch movies and hang.Drop me a e-mail mroutt@hotmail.com or an aim shaggie269
from mroutt :
I offer myself for you to use in any sexual need you have.
from pieceofme :
see new addy above sweety. i left you a guest book message [least i thought i did] love rebecca [rebe]. ps, hope all is well with you xxx
from erato :
plans continue to change for me. i am waitng to watch the metamorphosis. the only concrete is that i will be there in the next year or so. i'll take you out, show you around, and devour you appropriately.
from d-edd :
yeah...i would chat about tropical fish with ya
from pieceofme :
hi rachel, rebe has a new home. hope all is well with you. love rebecca.
from mroutt :
Well, I'm flattered that you would have slept with me even in the past. I will take it to heart as a means that I should always say what is on my mind and in my heart. If your ever in the area of wonderful Waterloo iowa you should drop by and hang. if you want we can talk in e-mail form, I find it much more fun then in notes, you don't feel as restricted because it is alittle more private. Don't worry I'm no pervert, just stating my opintion on notes and hwo I only have them on so that other people can tell me how boring my life and entries are and so I can leave messages for myself. Later Days.
from mroutt :
I admire how free and vocal you are in your entries. I found your diary because of Fight Club, Moby, Vanilla Sky, and High Fidelity. We have a lot in common in our likes. You sound like a very interresting person and sounds liek ti would be a trip to hang with you. Mike
from erato :
how's Berlin for a wedding location? [wink]
from seraphim77 :
I have an entry I can't get to. "to justin" written on 2/11/02. did it get deleted? just wondering. thanks.
from iamen :
dig jazz, it can smooth out the creases and wrinkles that life tends to cause. miles davis "kind of blue" would be up your alley.
from thisisjohn :
the person you find. you look, with your searching eyes, and you will know them. however, you know by not, they are few and far between. always be on watch. you never know where you might find them.
from slngshot :
yes, it's me again. It's hard to believe anyone can fit better than he does. You're right though. It's strange how well your thoughts mirror mine. ***Thanks for the advice.
from slngshot :
hey racheal, i know how you feel when it comes to getting over someone you're stil in love with. It would be so much easier to just fall out of love on command. Good luck! p.s. i need help with lex's design...my image won't show up...any pointers?

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