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"Cane Toads" is a strange documentary about yet another animal that humans have introduced to Australia. As with many of the others, it is doing a fine job of breeding out of control. The fact that I'm reviewing it should clue you in to the work's eccentric nature. Part of this can be blamed on the cane toads themselves (you will read why shortly) and the rest on some weird people armed with film equipment. Add a soundtrack with music reminiscent of a low budget horror movie at times, then suddenly shifting gears into "The Cane Toad Blues." Now you see why this naturalist romp makes me giggle. During the late 20's and early 30's, Australia's sugar industry had a big problem: the cane beetle. Apparently this insect spends its early life as a grub chewing on sugar cane roots, then develops into a beetle that also burrows. To combat this pest the Australians imported one hundred and two cane toads (Bufo marinus). Since the beetles are either flying or underground, they seldom fall victim to a hungry cane toad. The amphibians, finding themselves out of work and with nothing else to do, started making little toads. A reoccurring theme is the cane toad's single-minded determination to propagate the species. Dr. Ingram was kind enough to describe amplexus, the process of their mating, in sordid detail. He even had a boy and girl toad for demonstration purposes, but they seemed a little shy when under pressure. In the wild though - look out! A female toad can lay tens of thousands of eggs every year and some lucky fellow is going to fertilize as many as he can. Tens of thousands! I get blue ba... ...er, tired, just thinking about it. Cut to another scene of a scientist motoring down a country road while the radio blares "I Want Candy." He suddenly stops and gets out of the car, staring in sick astonishment at yet another cane toad mating spectacle. A male toad, atop a female, is trying to make more baby toads. Forget the fact that he is conducting business in the middle of the road; Mrs. Toad is roadkill! I don't mean just dead, either; the female was mashed quite flat and had been dead several hours! The human voyeur's face was priceless. Printing "What in the bloody hell?" on his forehead with a permanent marker would have been a waste. Following that eye opener, I made a promise to Katie that, should I ever find her dead in the road, I would not attempt coitus. She seemed relieved. "Frogger" jokes are hard to avoid during this movie. The fact that cane toads are often casualties while crossing roadways comes as no surprise, but the director made certain to include numerous shots from a toad's point of view. Hop, hop, hop... ...you get the idea. Then there is one bloke who describes, in detail, the art of running over cane toads with his van. Watch in amazement as it roars down the road, swerving from one side to the other, popping toads all the way. The toads tend to puff up when threatened and being crushed under the tire makes them sound like a balloon popping. The other defense mechanism that the cane toad has is a very effective poison. Glands above their shoulders will spray deadly venom up to one meter when then toad is given a hard squeeze. This is the real problem with the imported monsters. They kill anything that eats them. Dogs, snakes, birds, etc. - all dead within minutes of getting a mouthful of poison. Dr. Archer learned the hard way that you should wear goggles when thumping a toad. This poison is what gave some people the idea of killing a toad, boiling it, and drinking the water to induce something like an LSD trip. Guess who the authorities attribute with inventing toad toking? Hippies, go figure... To counterbalance people who hate the imported amphibian, there are several interviews with cane toad boosters. Mostly these are old folks in command of dubious mental capacity. The one geezer, clad in his shorts and wife-beater, was almost in tears expressing his love for the lowly cane toad. Maybe it is time for a couple of state-funded rest homes in Australia. Of course, then you would still need to do something about the government officials who wanted to commission a one-meter cane toad statue for the town square. I cannot finish this article without talking about what is the single most disturbing part of the documentary. We are informed that cane toads are not particular about their diet. Considering the fact that they are extremely large (an adult's body can be more than six inches in length), the beasts eat whatever fits down their gullets. Well, at one point they filmed a toad eating a mouse. Not some sort of pygmy Australian species either, but a regular white lab mouse! You can even see the doomed rodent struggling, trying desperately to escape, but the cane toad gulps it down. Ahhhhh! I still cannot believe that it ate the freaking mouse! Shaken by the mouse's demise, I began imagining a movie in which giant cane toads (say a few hundred pounds) threaten a small town. Would they swallow humans whole? Even worse, considering their ardent nature, what if the movie's name was "Night of the Amplexus." Egad.

from starfuxxer :

Tear. Let me in. =o/

from greview :

Your review is up.

from boyfromks :

Good luck taking care of all your stuff. Have much fun in Europe. I'm jealous. Oh, and check out http://www.myspace.com/thedecenders if you want to hear some songs my friends and I recorded. :)

from blueavenue :

i loved your story about Reed. it was lovely. and i love pedro the lion. but i've never seen them in concert. take care, Blue.

from crateobscure :

Got your message. Thanks for the concern. Anyway, I'm back and I've got that thing that every diaryland reader fears most - A POEM! Muahahahah! I knew I could still scare ya! Anyway, I'll be updating a little more regularly from now on.

from againthen :

lol, i don't really know you, but if i had the money i would buy and send you a nice iPod. and i would love to go into any mall and hear the postal service or buy a death can shirt at hot topic. i don't really care if indie is big. it'll just be easier to get more stuff. hopefully it will fade though.

from eloquent- :

Well, I guess it can best be described as an elite clique. We allow diaries in that have good, quality writing. It can also be viewed as a directory...you know, if you just want to find some new, interesting diaries to read. I'm not too good at explaining things, but I hoped this helped some. =)

from boyfromks :

Thank god you're back. Just because you're done with school doesn't means we all are, or that we stop needing updates. :) Write again soon!

from eloquent- :

i'd like to invite you to join eloquent. we'd love to have you as a member! <3

from acidreviews :

Your review is up at Acid Reviews. Thanks for requesting.

from alonereviews :

your review is up at http://alonereviews.diaryland.com/threewishes.html

from ranzi :

Hey, I can't get to your guestbook on the new layout. Don't know why. *shrug* Thanks for the thank you! :) And Trans-European Bingo seems like a great game. I might have to give it a try sometime!

from local-girl :

I can't find your guestbook (my screen is retarded, so I can't see the links on your new layout, and it evidently isn't http://threewishes.signmyguestbook.com - although there is something there, and I presume it is to do with you) So, have resorted to my old account and notes (as you can already tell, I'm just talking for the sake of it now). Thanks for the note, you're awesome too (that sounds a lot less cool when I say it - I can tell I'm English even when I'm typing). Congrats on Denmark xxx

from our-views :

Your review is up at Our Views. Thanks for submitting your diary!

from babyboy23 :

thank you for the recommendation of david foster wallace. i have never read any of his stuff, so i will check it out! a book i just finished was Self by Yann Martel. i only read it because Martel is moving to the city i live in. the book was.... interesting! any more recommendations or suggestions? :)

from boyfromks :

The new layout is great! Oh, and Beck has been added to the Cochella line-up. :)

from eve-louise :

All good spunk, I still enjoy reading your stuff. And I definitely have a major crush on myself at the moment, personally I see nothing wrong with a little self-lovin'....Hmm that came out so differently to what it was intended.

from babyboy23 :

i like your book list. ive read most of them, but there are some that i havent. i'll have to take a look at them!

from retroreview :

Thanks for requesting a review, you're on the waiting list!

from eve-louise :

Miss-threewishes that's a perfectly good picture. Any passport picture where you end up looking cute can only be a good thing.

from starfuxxer :

I assure you, it could be a *whole* lot worse. Yours is actually a cute picture. I look like a squirrel strung out on Vicodin or ecstasy in mine. And my glasses are insanely crooked, to make it even better. I have to be the most unphotogenic person to grace the Earth.

from boyfromks :

Yes, the Decemberists were amazing. The only problem was that they didn't play longer. Good luck with the whole family/mission/study abroad thing. I hope you make it to Europe; I know my year in Germany was one of the best times ever.

from mixtape- :

I've been here before. here as in your diary...and I remembered as sooon as I saw your username...and yeah ... I've left a note a while ago after I read one of your entries about mix tapes. I think it was around xmas time. but anyway thanks for the note. :D and I like your diary. <3

from starfuxxer :

It's not pathetic at all. It's understandable. Completely.

from crateobscure :

Love your diary. I'm still trying to deal with that little problem with the marmosets, but I guess you figured out as much. Anyway, next time your in town, give me a shout.

from karika :

hey u dont no me but i just found ur diary and i thought id leave u a note sayin hi...so hi....feel free to look at mine since i looked at urs, hope u write back, peace

from starfuxxer :

(02.19.04) God, how that's all too familiar. Resonates to the core. Especially right now.

from eve-louise :

Sorry love but I've never been able to see the photo, thought it was just my dumbarse pc. Please don't password your diary, or if you do may I have a password please? pretty please with sugar on top?

from orgasmicrevu :

http://orgasmicrevu.diaryland.com/Threewishes.html

from mixtape- :

I totally agree about the mix tapes. I'd actually love to get a mix tape for christmas more than something expensive. anyway, nice diary. I found it through straight up reviews, so yeah, I'll prolly be back.

from boyfromks :

Happy birthday!

from beatpoetgrrl :

you make me miss college; not a lot of people can do that. and oh the beautiful boy...except i dated mine, and it ended much worse. it's hard when you're watching someone's potential. it gets frustrating, after a while, when they don't realize it. bpg

from xcorruptionx :

Hehehe good luck with this boy =D. Curshes are the best <3<3

from xcorruptionx :

Heh, wow. I think that's the best compliment I've ever received from anyone. You honestly just made my day. Ahh what would I do without notes from people like you? Ahh yay! <3<3

from sarahsundae :

thanks for joining the ringobsessed diaryring.

from beatpoetgrrl :

your diary is fabulous, i just wanted to say. and i'm curious about something--is the reason you're freaking out possibly because for a split second you wanted to say yes? not rationally or even for more than a second, but that one second is where the weirdness starts. strangely enough, i've been there. bpg

from xcorruptionx :

Hey! Awesome diary. I absolutely love it. You're political, emotional and you just seem so amazing. I'm glad I stumbled upon your diary. You're awesome. <3<3

from indie-snob :

Hello there! I just added a review for two Modest Mouse shows I saw last week and thought maybe you'd be interested. I have a bunch of other concert and album reviews here too, including Bright Eyes. Check it out, thanks!

from bubulz :

hi-i just decided, since i've been reading you diary for some time now (wow that sounds so wrong) that i'd drop a hello. so hello and your thought keep me alive sometimes so don't stop writing.

from mistakechild :

i dont wanna freak you out or anything, because i dont think i know you but i go to west high. You dont by chance go there too do you?

from brightendale :

hey! Just want to drop by to say that your review is up! Goto http://brightendale.diaryland.com/danielle.html

from underthemask :

oh, cuz theres this fruity dude that goes to my school, and hes korean, and these kids call him foreign boy.

from threewishes :

no. his name is not tom. and because you have tweeked my paranoia, i have no intention of telling you what his real name is.

from underthemask :

Hey. Is Foreign Boy this dude named Tom Sullivan?

from tynegrr :

hello. i find it interesting to bop around random diaries & find someone in Billings like me. also interesting that i was really into a huge doper for a long time (5 years). matter of fact, I will always love him in some fashion. the crazy thing is, the guy i loved did every drug imaginable. he eventually went into rehab. if you really want the guy, realize poeple do drugs to get away. you need to find out what he is trying to get away from, first (whatever they say, it's not just "i like it"). i drink to get away...hence...ya. SO, overall...find out the deep, scary things about him & ask the damn boy out or something! :-) Or try the more direct effect & tell him something in a hush hush voice that you have to have him right then & right there lol I guess, that means I understand your feelings. bye bye then *wink* good luck, even though I do not believe in luck!

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