messages to abhorgod:
(click here to add new message):

from al-bal :
Hey there. We haven't talked in a while. How's everything? I just wanted to say that my diary is public now, instead of being locked away. Thanks for the encouragement.
from bridrinkspee :
Hey..wondering how you're doing. IM me sometime
from guitarphreak :
i like your writing.tone.
from bridrinkspee :
Lol I read the notes you left me a long time ago. Did you really think all that? o.o
from al-bal :
I forgot to say, the username is al-bal, password is lovemeplease That should work. =)
from al-bal :
Dearest, yes I still do update as often as I can. It's difficult to update as often as I would like since I am never home anymore though. I am working constantly. How is everything going? I hope to hear from you soon.
from bridrinkspee :
you're so cool I can't stand it
from bridrinkspee :
apperently not, eh? go fuck yourself
from glorycloud :
at the top of the mountain of death[ edit | delete ] February 11, 2005 | At: 2:54 PM | Permalink bookmark| Tags: uncategorized I am home from work. Right now my computer tells me the time is 5:22 PM. I got out of work at 4 o'clock PM today. When I got home from work I found Carol sleeping and Rudy waiting for me. I cleaned up and put away what I wrote at work today during my 30 minute lunch break. I am glad it is a Friday since I feel like crap. I think I am getting overly tired. What else can be the cause of my horrible mood? I hope I am not becoming a sour old man. I want to be a kind gentle old man who shines the glory light of Christ. "Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord." 2 Corinth. 3:17,18 I had a horrible day at work since I am feeling so down-depressed-tired-sour-but the Lord got me to the end of another work week-number 586 or is this work week 587? Anyway it is the end of another week of toil and I have two days to seek healing from the hand of God. I need the healing touch of the Lord Jesus. Carol works this weekend so I will spend my days in solitude. At work today I wrote these words on the piece of paper I keep in my back pants pocket---you climb the mountain of death and when you reach the top you scream in despair and then climb down. I also made a note to myself to maybe finish reading T.C. Boyle's novel "Drop City" this weekend. I need something easy to read right now since I feel like cow dung. I do not know what I will do tonight? I need to go downtown and pick up a CD order-might while I am downtown get a mocha to celebrate finishing another week of work? At work today I noticed my mind going back deep into my past-my life before I left California-the days when I was young living in Richmond Calif. when I was in love with Tykie-who was the fellow back then? I was in my early 20's when I was in love with Tykie-now I am 52 years old-this coming May Carol and I will celebrate 26 years of marriage-our oldest son is 24 years old. Where does time go? At work today I was trying to remember how many times I got spaced on LSD? I must have taken LSD at least 30 to 40 times when I was a young man. I smoked a ton of weed when I was young. Did all those drugs change my personality? Did the drug LSD change my vision of life in this dead american world? Personally I believe right now I have a biblical world and life view of Reality. I am right now totally God conscious. I live each moment of existence in the light of the approaching destruction of the world system-our days our numbered so I must be certain I am ready to face the Judge Jesus Christ. Well I am tired-I will close to rest-listen to music-wait for the end. music: Matt Sweeney & Bonnie 'Prince' Billy "Superwolf"
from glorycloud :
dear mushroom Read these entries on my experiences with mushrooms and LSD Entries containing the phrase "mushrooms": February 8th, 2004: Hundred Facts About Myself May 29th, 2005: an old diary entry "Hundred Facts About Myself" October 14th, 2005: mystical revelations in the desert January 1st, 2006: 100 facts about me February 4th, 2006: a review of the book "High Priest" by Timothy Leary November 23rd, 2006: bury me in a plain pine box January 7th, 2007: Stone`s Diaries January 28th, 2007: read the Bible and pray January 31st, 2007: the Land of Dorthy April 14th, 2007: written April 14, 2001 LiveJournal May 22nd, 2007: Subject: Tagged!!! August 2nd, 2007: For your soul will fly to safety August 14th, 2007: do not resuscitate is written on my chest August 19th, 2007: the birth of the Blues December 18th, 2007: House of Love December 28th, 2007: one more time with gusto March 27th, 2008: on the lam with Ken Kesey September 1st, 2008: old diary entry Entries containing the phrase "LSD": January 4th, 2004: a memory January 10th, 2004: listening to Teenage Fanclub as I go down the road of death January 10th, 2004: so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze January 18th, 2004: notice in the photo the poster of the LSD bus Further February 8th, 2004: Hundred Facts About Myself February 14th, 2004: the institutionalization of selfishness April 8th, 2004: sometimes I feel like a motherless child April 17th, 2004: walking down the saw dust trail August 24th, 2004: lysergic acid diethylamide November 6th, 2004: where has the time gone? January 7th, 2005: Allen Ginsberg Collection February 10th, 2005: hi my name is Death I love Life February 11th, 2005: at the top of the mountain of death May 8th, 2005: walking down the saw dust trail May 29th, 2005: an old diary entry "Hundred Facts About Myself" July 15th, 2005: the psychedelic experience July 16th, 2005: Young Man Blues July 25th, 2005: to develop a more cosmic awareness July 27th, 2005: do drugs have religious import? July 30th, 2005: the psychedelic theater of life July 31st, 2005: life becomes the task of keeping going what is already in motion July 31st, 2005: born to be wild September 23rd, 2005: A A U W used book sale September 29th, 2005: watching the egg factory clock your life oozing out like egg yoke out of a cracked egg universe October 1st, 2005: this fear is due to the incompatibility between man`s egotism and the divine purity December 16th, 2005: her kisses were so sweet January 1st, 2006: 100 facts about me January 8th, 2006: Nearly 100, LSD�s Father Ponders His �Problem Child� January 11th, 2006: Matt. 10.22 "He that shall persevere unto the end, he shall be saved" February 4th, 2006: a review of the book "High Priest" by Timothy Leary April 27th, 2006: her kisses were so sweet July 5th, 2006: The Myth of Sisyphus July 15th, 2006: the intellectual history of the 1960`s July 23rd, 2006: the infinite horizons of the mind November 12th, 2006: Jonny Ray reading a book on LSD November 22nd, 2006: an old rerun November 23rd, 2006: bury me in a plain pine box December 7th, 2006: a flash back December 23rd, 2006: I was found of thee January 29th, 2007: Sisyphus made the Gods angry January 31st, 2007: the Land of Dorthy January 31st, 2007: Acid Head March 4th, 2007: born to run March 6th, 2007: frequently repeated prayers of the Egyptians monks who offered them like arrows darting toward heaven April 14th, 2007: written April 14, 2001 LiveJournal May 22nd, 2007: Subject: Tagged!!! June 10th, 2007: LSD July 8th, 2007: King of LSD July 8th, 2007: Notes from the Psychedelic Underground July 10th, 2007: why do anything? August 7th, 2007: America`s first king of the road August 10th, 2007: recent books added to my LibraryThing August 14th, 2007: do not resuscitate is written on my chest August 19th, 2007: the birth of the Blues November 22nd, 2007: an old Time Line entry from 11/06/04 December 18th, 2007: House of Love December 27th, 2007: the old time revival hour December 28th, 2007: one more time with gusto December 31st, 2007: an old journal entry written on January 6, 2002 January 19th, 2008: why I believe there is a God February 9th, 2008: old journal entries on the doctrine of God March 27th, 2008: on the lam with Ken Kesey April 29th, 2008: they will hear My voice May 9th, 2008: flashbacks May 18th, 2008: times keeps going by June 8th, 2008: written on May 4, 2003 July 13th, 2008: a life of constant prayer August 20th, 2008: my mother had false teeth August 31st, 2008: I never wanted to be fake or plastic September 1st, 2008: old diary entry September 22nd, 2008: everything is mysterious October 2nd, 2008: a history of prayer October 13th, 2008: the primordial account of the fall of humanity
from bathtubmary :
email me at bathtubmarygirl dot gmail dot com and i'll send you the pw.
from seattle-rain :
Ignorance is bliss, I suppose!
from astralounge :
Thanks for weighing in with your opinion. But I think you meant to say my dad is "right," not "write." I'm not going to waste time worrying about what you think of me. You don't know me. If my writing bores you, don't read it. Simple as that.
from glorycloud :
abhoredbygodreprobate here is a list of my Interests from my LJ blog-people tend to put evangelical Christians in a box--- Interests of a normal Bible believing Christian 19th cent. american literature, allen ginsberg, american church history, american transcendentalism, aphex twin, apophatic theology, arab strap, art, arthur rimbaud, atlas sound, bardo pond, bauhaus, black dice, black rebel motorcycle club, blonde redhead, bob dylan, books, bookstores, boris, buffalo tom, built to spill, calla, calvinism, castanets, charles bukowski, chris whitley, christian mysticism, christian spirituality, church history, constantines, cormac mccarthy, covenant theology, crooked fingers, cruciform love, dandy warhols, david bowie, deerhunter, denis johnson, dionysius the areopagite, dreaming, elliott smith, emile zola, emily dickinson, emptiness, eschatology, eternal life, ezra pound, frank black, fyodor dostoyevsky, galaxie 500, growing old, guided by voices, gustave flaubert, heaven, hell, henry james, henry miller, holiness, jack kerouac, james joyce, john calvin, john of the cross, john ruusbroec, jonathan edwards, joseph arthur, kazuo ishiguro, larry brown, libraries, life, literature, lou barlow, love making, low, lucinda williams, luna, marcel proust, marriage, mars volta, matthew sweet, meshuggah, michael gira, monks, music, my morning jacket, mystery, native americans, new birth, new covenant theology, new testament, new testament theology, nick cave, nietzsche, old testament theology, oneida, pain, paul weller, pauline theology, pavement, pearl jam, pentecostalism, peter murphy, postmoderism, primal scream, pulp, puritan theology, reading, reformed theology, richard russo, sebadoh, silence, simplicity, sleater-kinney, sonic youth, spiritual ecstasy, stereophonics, steve wynn, superchunk, t. coraghessan boyle, teresa of avila, the 60's, the afghan whigs, the angels of light, the beats, the bible, the black angels, the black heart procession, the blue nile, the cloud of unknowing, the contemplative life, the lord jesus christ, the old testament, the swans, the twilight singers, thievery corporation, thomas merton, tom waits, uncle tupelo, vampires, van morrison, will oldham, william burroughs, william carlos williams, william t. vollmann, work, writing, xiu xiu, yo la tengo, yukio mishima
from glorycloud :
abhorself more information about me a lover of the Lord Jesus Christ--- My favorite music: The Swans comments: clinic, doves, flaming lips, pavement, pedro the lion, the shins, south, blur, supergrass, the lucksmiths, the walkmen Woven Hand comments: interpol, wilco, son ambulance, beck, neil halstead, nick drake, paul westerberg, portastatic, the books, the angels of light, the stills, pearl jam Built To Spill comments: the faint, mayday, cursive, the bevis frond, elf power, luna, tindersticks, the cash brothers, the stratford 4, calla Grandaddy comments: parts & labor, portishead, autechre, boards of canada, aphex twin, mojave 3, arab strap, placebo, the pixies, yo la tengo, matthew sweet, the verve, soledad brothers Starflyer 59 comments: liars, sleater-kinney, sparta, modest mouse, beth orton, the american analog set, cat power, eels, deerhoof, spoon, hot snakes My favorite movies: Romeo Is Bleeding comments: Gary Oldman is great is this film-Oldman is one of my favorite actors Fearless comments: I think this is one of Jeff Bridges best films Cinderfella comments: Jerry Lewis is one of the greatest comic actors of all time Platoon comments: Willem Dafoe is one of the best character actors around today Born On The Fourth of July comments: Willem Dafoe is great in this movie My favorite authors: Thomas Manton The Cloud of Unknowing Richard Baxter St. John of the Cross Jack Kerouac
from glorycloud :
abhor thanks for the note-my son knows my interests in books-just because I am a Christian does not mean I can love Art or literature--- My name is Jonny and I am married. I have been married 29 years to Carol (she is a night Rapid Response nurse at a local community hospital). We have three grown children Beth, Josiah and Caleb. I am a Christian. I collect books and CD's for a hobby. I love words. My Interests: books, music, writing, Christian Spirituality, theology, Calvinism, biblical theology, Old Testament, New Testament, the Lord Jesus Christ, The Fall, the Beats, Jack Kerouac, nature, hell, heaven, death, existence, bookstores, the contemplative life, silence, monks, old age, marriage, English Puritanism, Puritan Theology, The Twilight Singers, New Covenant Theology, Pedro the Lion, Pauline Theology, the Afghan Whigs, The Swans, Luna, Pavement, Guided by Voices, Built to Spill, St. John of the Cross, prayer, The Cloud of Unknowing, Crooked Fingers, Superchunk, Tom Waits, Thomas Merton, Wolf Eyes, love, time, Supergrass, the Pixies, work, history, Morphine, hermeneutics, the history of biblical interpretation, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Post-Modernism
from insanegerbil :
that was literally the greatest conclusion ever written...
from insanegerbil :
are you ok...?
from jackthripper :
Email me if you want the password to my diary [email protected]
from al-bal :
Hello. How are you?
from jackthripper :
I just read your entry "Raspberries" and I was fucking blown away. Now I understand your DL name. Well done.
from insanegerbil :
do you have any pictures online?
from insanegerbil :
"so be hot"..haha. I'm hot like Britney Spears:subpar face, superb figure.
from insanegerbil :
goddamn... i so fuckin love you. or your words.
from girlsmad :
when are we getting married?
from common-tegus :
and then one day you wake up and you sit there, staring at your hands and you think 'shit. these are my two hands. these right here.' and that's where it starts.
from common-tegus :
either way it's alright.
from common-tegus :
i'm not sure if i should be totally disgusted or jealous.
from common-tegus :
and god it's so almost-frantic-inducing how sentimental you can be. i really think that's different.
from common-tegus :
come on. what does love mean anymore? i've got it severed and pickling in a jar on my bookshelf, next to my exfoliating micro-moisturizing lotion. i plan on drop kicking it in the face of the next person that tries to hold my hand.
from common-tegus :
also, don't read my diary when you're drunk. you get all bitchy and i'd hate to hate you.
from common-tegus :
well, marriage according to law. not necessarily the religious type. i guess gay people just want the tax break. so you'll need to just walk that off, sissy.
from insanegerbil :
when i'm shitfaced, i only daydream that drunken phonecall...rather, daydreamed going to the phone and picking it up.alcohol makes me a tad lethargic and apathetic.
from insanegerbil :
damn, that's a good entry.fuck it, they all are.
from common-tegus :
well i mean i can always pick you up so you don't get lost and sold into white slavery by a crazy pimp. p.s. there is a clinically depressed polar bear at the zoo. maybe we could talk to him.
from common-tegus :
i want you to sign up for myspace so i can send you secret messages. also: you have a good life. even if it doesn't seem like it. you should meet me in NYC at the zoo someday.
from common-tegus :
also: where are YOU ? go to www.myspace.com and search under the friend finder for A.T.S. just do it.
from common-tegus :
p.s. everything you write is highly disturbed which is another way of saying 'beautiful'.
from common-tegus :
baby, it's not you... it's me. i have a dial up. it's very frustrating. but i promise to check in more.
from common-tegus :
hmm yes. i think if i were fat i'd find you unappealing also. or maybe not. maybe fat girls don't understand the charm. or maybe they want you to give them candy.
from common-tegus :
*high five*. good for you. you deserve it.
from common-tegus :
so let me get this straight...I need a bottle of fabreeze (sp?) and some gin and tonic? I can do that. Thanks for the advice.
from girlsmad :
hahaha
from common-tegus :
now i feel stupid because i don't even know if it's still on! my day went okay. no cake though =[
from common-tegus :
seriously this makes you at least 20 times more awesome than before. fucking wisconsin.
from common-tegus :
wisconsin??????????????????????????
from insanegerbil :
It's not rambling if it has a point.
from common-tegus :
i'm still crazy.
from insanegerbil :
"the more you learn, the more you realize you dont know nearly efuckingnough"...damn..I say that all the time.knowledge equals stupidity.ignorance is bliss...that's why all the best philosophers are depressed..
from common-tegus :
hm. are you still under my thumb?
from insanegerbil :
Why would anyone want to be understood.
from common-tegus :
KASHMIR. yes.
from common-tegus :
you have a serious fan club going on here big shot.
from lauren-f :
..and that's why you're my fovorite.. -happy diaryland writing boyfriend-
from acuttersedge :
Maybe I should say that I want a SEE THREW shoe box. Wouldn't that solve all the problems? lol
from girlsmad :
but the cyber sex is too odd for my taste...I don't like pretending to be a little boy
from girlsmad :
i'd never block you sexy pants
from common-tegus :
work is essentially poisoning you anyway probably. you should just write smoke and eat for a while.
from common-tegus :
i woke up two days ago from a very long mental death. did you get fired?
from common-tegus :
what?
from songaday :
you wanna start adding shit to songaday?
from insanegerbil :
ha..."bully a few whores". My sentiments exactly.
from ambrosiah :
Have I just found God? Oh, wait..that's my clit. Your entry..Raspberry, I am loving every second of it's contents. Indulgent desires arise and tickle. Severely charming.
from insanegerbil :
i love that your memory is so excellent.i suppose you could call it intellect.but really,what is intelligence other than a great memory.sure,you could be like me..quick at trivial problem solving.but my memory is fucked.the knowledge of every word's definition is useless,if i can't remember to use it when i talk.
from insanegerbil :
your like the total package of sexiness..intellectually...physicly(in the right lighting).thats pretty kick ass.how fitting.
from insanegerbil :
just wanted to tell you i totally plagerized that phrase 'solid verisimiltude' off you.i couldn't remember where i heard it,and dammit its sounds so good.and well,now i know i took it from what you put in my guestbook.so like,if ever i become famous for having used it,feel free to sue me or pull a monica lewinsky.
from splorch :
Heh, I shall sleep much better knowing that. Fear my preset stations!
from common-tegus :
i'm starting to sort of feel sorry for you and that's no good. but listen, all i've been writing about is my job. so i mean, come on. how would i not? nothingness is not a negation. you're just making it that way. that's about you. not the world. and what are you? you keep thinking but where is your mind? can you even point it out? all anyone wants is to be liked and to be respected. if you don't hand it out, you're a shit magnet like everyone else.
from splorch :
Yeah, the Bangles version is a travesty, but sadly, that's what the radio was playing.
from common-tegus :
ok i'll take that personally. f.u.
from common-tegus :
done
from common-tegus :
yea seriously i waited. where were you? it was really boring. =[
from insanegerbil :
countless times,i've clicked that link expecting to see a picture of your testicles.i doubt i'm alone in this action.
from insanegerbil :
does this note make you feel like a man too?prolly not now,after that question.the self-made bitch mockery is so obvious here.fuck it.i must say,i luv all your shit,and if i had the patience to do so,i'd add every entry as a favorite.gushers suck,but you deserve every one cuz i'm not making it up.
from common-tegus :
i guess maybe you just need to go with it. maybe. or use the soap more often. hi kris.
from insanegerbil :
holy shit!you KNOW what THE MUNG is!!!your are so totally fuckin EVERYTHING that is me,only magnifyed,and better composed.blah blah blah,summore blah,i fuckin LOVE your existence cuz it means there indeed is sumone who is like me,only more far gone,yet still all there.gives me hope,lets me know not all is lost.i luv knowing your diary is here...thank you for simply being.
from common-tegus :
is it?
from common-tegus :
the cover of the new york post was really extra stupid and depressing today.
from common-tegus :
no seriously. and 400 times. maybe 401.
from common-tegus :
maybe i've already known you 400 times. who knows? stop trying to fix yourself. you're perfectly okay. seriously.
from common-tegus :
i will try to find the movie at the dvd store and check it out. sadly, i've never even heard of it? i'm out of the loop. you can be your own idol by not constantly trying to take your eyes out of your head to look at yourself. it's impossible and you'll never get it right because it just ends up being self-mutilation. instead YOU BE THE DRAGON YOURSELF. i know you already are but you keep going blind pal. xoxo
from abhorgod :
did you ever see the re-make of The Thin Red Line. i see the movie, i read your note, and the universe makes sense. its weird, and i recomend the movie. its ... maybe one of the only few movies about war i enjoyed. i even plan on buying it . beautifully cruel, the way we fit together - and we'd both rather be somewhere else
from common-tegus :
the beauty of everything is infinite and cruel.
from common-tegus :
i called in sick today. it's windy and i want to stay home in my unheated apartment and sneeze and not talk to anyone from work. i could clean, but i won't. i could sew... but i won't. i could go buy a new toaster... but nah. i won't.
from common-tegus :
do you wake up awesome or do you take pills for that?
from common-tegus :
when you say you have it, you just missed it.
from common-tegus :
high
from common-tegus :
i haven't been so right in the head lately. i hope boston was fun. xoxo
from common-tegus :
http://grouphug.us this site is blowing my mind.
from common-tegus :
i keep forgetting that i can go out all night and never come home and never go to bed and never eat and never talk and never move and never breath if i really feel like it. that makes me feel okay.
from common-tegus :
jesus christ i forgot how much i like the velvet underground.
from common-tegus :
i just woke up and my eyes are still half open. i have to go to work again. it just keeps somehow happening. i think you forgot to say what you really meant which is, you have to go to the end... of the night, no? i'm wearing my barney underwear today. i'll go to an important meeting today and i'll know that my underwear are secretly saying 'pizza, pizza, nothing beats a pizza, it's my tummy's favorite' just like the barney video. then i'll come back home and turn on myself a little. someone once said "you have the head of a dragon but the tail of a snake". ya know?
from common-tegus :
you're putting all my other note leavers to shame dude.
from common-tegus :
so put the make out on this girl. what are you waiting for? the worst it can do is blow up in your face and then at least you'll have a reason to drink, the best thing that could happen is you'll have someone to share your soap with. everyone in my family is a drunk also... which is why i don't bother. i don't want to be a cliche at trailer park gatherings when i hit home. i'll stick to the love boat.
from common-tegus :
maybe your drinking is some sort of ascedic action of self-punishment for enlightenment. or maybe it's just that you're off the hook. (a loose cannon?) i'm making cinnamon soap tonight. want some?
from common-tegus :
wow. i feel awesome with having a note like that left for me. awesome times ten bejillion. awesome like fireworks and glow in the dark spaceships and things like that. like leaving the house and not being sorry about it later. you are top on the list you know.
from common-tegus :
form is form. emptiness is emptiness. you understand that. 3 x 3 = 9.
from common-tegus :
theme for today: 'a kid who tells on another kid is a dead kid.'
from common-tegus :
i'm tired.
from common-tegus :
how can you like suzuki as well? it just gets weirder and weirder everyday. neil young is pretty okay i decided today. i also just read pere goriot by balzac and i realized, who the fuck reads balzac for pleasure? i'm kind of a dork.
from common-tegus :
they go to a lake of fire and fry....
from desperatend :
wow...
from coffeeslut :
It's been a while. You are still brilliant. Say hi sometime, ok?
from common-tegus :
i just ate some chocolate covered espresso beans in your honor.
from common-tegus :
ou est-tu? i sent you a present today stinkyface.
from common-tegus :
i saw "Kill Bill". i would recommend it. it's a fucking bloodbath. it can be your catharsis.
from common-tegus :
you're totally neat. don't kill yourself. i wouldn't know what to do with myself. i missed you. sorry you didn't make any money. i got a roommate. he's an okay guy and likes celine strangely. he's not as cool as us though. i'm eating a peach. my feet don't smell but my lower back hurts really bad and i don't know why. i am making soap this weekend if you give me your address i will send you some.
from common-tegus :
hi.
from common-tegus :
still no new roommate yet. check out the pic of the tree i made in my diary. you can tell, i'm bored to death. TO DEATH. i just met another person who likes celine. maybe it's spreading. like v.d. somewhat?
from common-tegus :
wtb? where did all my notes go?
from common-tegus :
well... you could say no to work right? i guess you're not that kind of guy though these days. i've been listening to the kinks all day.
from common-tegus :
i knew if i wrote about quantum physics (especially white holes) you'd be mine.
from abhorgod :
somebody's jealous. its kind of sexy, but is it as sexy as amanda? i dont thinky so.
from lauren-f :
okay . . . thought i would write in here. to become a member of your 'fan club' haha. although i'm not sure if the kissing your ass comes before or after writing you a note in your journal. or maybe my user name has to be common-tegus. i'm a little unsure. but i'm gonna stop being a bitch. and refrain from making your friends/whatever they are mad at me. ttyl boyfriend. -lauren-
from common-tegus :
fuck. also. i was reading frank o'hara today. shit he really reminds me of you (not because he's gay... ) but seriously. something about it.
from common-tegus :
you are so close to having the $ for the ballets book. how does it feel? maybe a little like disneyland or some shit. i'm drinking tea.
from common-tegus :
i just borrowed the new al franken book. one chapter is called... "ANN COULTER: NUTCASE"
from common-tegus :
it's beautiful.
from common-tegus :
it feels totally weird that i'll be single but i'm cold as fucking ice anyway so i sort of feel 'meh' about it. didn't catherine just have a baby? make sure you don't knock her up. i'm going to listen to beck tonight and pretend i'm not me.
from common-tegus :
did i mention that i'm getting a divorce on friday? life is messed up.
from common-tegus :
blacking out is totally too passe for you. i can't believe that happened! i hope you didn't do something insane like vote republican while you were blacked out. or worse, wear leg warmers. i kid you not, last night i told my friend nick that my brain was melting. and yea, it is.
from common-tegus :
also, do you like aphex twin?
from common-tegus :
okay so see... i went into the movie expecting it to be only so-so. and i was glad i went in that way. because i wasn't bored and i didn't even start to get edgy. i'm reading anne sexton today: "I'm out of practice at living/you're as brave as a motorcycle.". waiting for a friend to come over and keep me from going insane today.
from common-tegus :
fuck. i need to stop reading noam chomsky it's dragging me down. i'm going to see lost in translation tonight. i go to the movies twice a year. i'm so exciting. HANDS OFF.
from common-tegus :
http://common-tegus.diaryland.com/030715_5.html i think this entry of mine finishes off the last message you sent me in a strange disconcerting way. a miscarriage indeed.
from common-tegus :
i took a b12 vitamin today and my pee was bright orange and it scared me until i remembered that the color of my pee matched the exact color of the vitamin. weird. i think molesting patients is illegal? anyway, it was just a thought. you could always be a coroner, or grow a beard and open a book store, or start a revolution by hog-tying the big fish in the small ponds all over the world and dumping them in disneyland... locking the door behind you.
from common-tegus :
p.s. you should become a doctor.
from common-tegus :
people won't pay you for that. they'll wait until you're dead (from misery or a dried up liver) and then pay your beneficiaries and estate makers for it. that's how the shit runs, so i've noticed. what about schizophrenics anonymous? i think i should give some leeway there. i've gotten 24 emails from potential roommates and they're all a little strange. but then again... who the fuck am i to talk? you need a job with meaning. if not meaning, at least substance. there's nothing worse than people who live in the microcosm of their shitty little job (big fish small pond syndrome) and get all dramatic and life-threatening-disaster-dramaish about things like customer service, napkins, and dessert plates. things like that are unnerving.
from common-tegus :
i think the proper analysis of that dream is: you're totally too stressed out. i'm desperately trying to find a roommate that isn't a kid porn fanatic or a SWF type.
from common-tegus :
a response i got to my ad for a new roommate: "hey are you MAIL or female. LOLZ." ugh.
from common-tegus :
yea i think androgynous means like, you can't tell the gender. it could be one or the other. like i could be hateful or i could be happy. you just can never tell. cold cold heart. LOTR isn't so bad i barely remember how it goes though? and i am glad you don't read harry potter. that means you're still on _the list_
from common-tegus :
i'm almost the opposite. (not LOVEFUL by any means though) i am just totally emotionally-androgynous. did i spell that right? i have no idea what i'm doing. i think i have to move now and like, maybe sell my kidney for a new apartment.
from common-tegus :
i feel like i woke up on sunday morning, but not from a night's sleep. from a coma that lasted... who knows how long. i'm sitting here with handfulls of bullshit like, how did this happen? and then i realize, I DID IT. what the hell. what a mess. time to kick the man out and find a roommate i guess.
from common-tegus :
i'm back in new york city. back at work. how did this happen?
from common-tegus :
i guess this is what happens when you care. no? i've had a bad night. i'm seriously bitchy.
from common-tegus :
i am reading this article about how rumsfeld just FINALLY admitted the war has nothing to do with 9/11 and it's making me want to slam my head into a wall. how did it take two years for them to clarify that shit? I HATE POLITICS.
from common-tegus :
now i'm having dreams about being in the water. in a life raft with my parents' dog. (she weighs more than me) and it's sinking and for some reason i am trying to ask her if she knows how to swim. i always dream about animals instead of people. i'm an asshole. i think that's what that dream means... annnnnnnyway... i think i'm ending a serious relationship and i feel vaguely cold and distilled about it. sort of waiting for bizarre-ness to increase and to have to find a mechanic to fix my life. i'm attempting the famous celine line from mort a credit "Chin up kid!". totally trying to walk it off.
from common-tegus :
oh and how was tea?
from common-tegus :
maybe you need to sit down and read 'man and his symbols' by jung to figure those dreams out? anyway, hi. i'm in massachusetts. there are a lot of trees, dogs, and trucks here. i'm going to watch animal planet.
from common-tegus :
http://common-tegus.diaryland.com/images/meatwork.jpg this is what i am going to look like soon if i don't get out of this office job shit situations nightmare/deathtrap.
from common-tegus :
that's too bad. i doubt you could have had the chance to read back several months in my diary... but i have a major issue with my food and schizo. i used to see bugs in everything. worms in the water. it was very bad and i still have my un-stellar moments with it. i see you wrote a new entry. i will try to make some time tonight to look it over thoroughly. when do you start your new job? and you know, i think dreams about water are dreams about sex. dark sex that drowns you.... ? poor thing. either way, i thought of you last night i realized you remind me of rollerskate skinny. the band. specifically, the song 'all mornings break'.
from common-tegus :
when i woke up this morning i crawled out into my fire escape and fed some bread to a squirrel. i was trying to relax and all i kept thinking about, which was bizarre, was beer pong, and trying to remember how to play it. you've infected me with a beer pong meme. how dare you. and really there's no such thing as a profound thinker/person. people just seem to be that way, and seemed to have been that way, because we never got to know them or we don't know them. in essence, even nietzsche was probably a bit whiny sometimes. i heard he fidgeted with his mustache a lot. today's themes: (1) NOTHING IS TRUE AND EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED (the old stand by) and (2) constant change is a constant.
from minstrelite :
I was thinking about what you said in your note, and I concluded that the notion of faith as "evidence" is a little abstract, and could be misleading. When I get home tonight I'll rewrite that paragraph, and try to render a more accurate description of faith. Thank you for pointing that out to me. You are in my prayers.
from common-tegus :
i prefer confused to crazy. i think we're different, you and i. in a de chirico versus max ernst sort of way. what kind of job will you have now?
from common-tegus :
too many notes from me i know i know. BUT there is a monster i found (Godzilla like) named MANDA. http://gojistomp.org/gfacts/manda2.jpg
from common-tegus :
so WTB happened at your interview little Bebert? (wtb= what the bejesus)
from common-tegus :
like w.s. burroughs says: you won't know what buttons to push or what happens when you push them. (one god universe)
from common-tegus :
a job interview? in this state of mind? and also. oh yea. i've really been there. and i'm not just saying that in an pseudo-identification way. but without the alcohol.
from common-tegus :
and lou reed does rock but that damn 'page blue eyes' song makes me borderline emo-nerdario.
from common-tegus :
i can't decide if i should do you the favor of deleting the unknown virgin drunk note or not? i'll deliberate i guess. last night i went as far as to pack a bag and even pack up some of the bunny's stuff. i was going to run away. but then i got tired.
from common-tegus :
holy god i just got stuck in a rut listening to the velvet underground and it almost killed me.
from common-tegus :
i guess it's better than american eagle?
from common-tegus :
FUCK okay i meant MY MIND not MY MY. hah
from common-tegus :
heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.. damn i have to go to my dr. now and i don't really want to.
from common-tegus :
"i jerked off to a j.crew magazine last night." i'll need at least 3-5 hours to wrap my my around that in its entirety and try to figure out the implications.
from common-tegus :
we all have our vices. there aren't any human heads in your freezer though, right? being cynically honest to a fault of course just goes along with that depressive realism factor i was pointing out yesterday. it's not a bad thing. people just aren't used to it (they're used to candy coating).
from common-tegus :
i spent 99% of last night pacing around my apartment waiting for people to leave.
from common-tegus :
p.p.s. have you read the book i just wrote about in my diary?
from common-tegus :
p.s. i've been on the phone for 2.5 hours and my ear hurts.
from common-tegus :
how many times do i hafta tell you, these eyes are for no one else?????
from common-tegus :
i'd never seen this picture until today. it's pretty cool. http://www.mladina.si/tednik/200029/clanek/n-ezra/img/celine_thumb.jpg
from common-tegus :
do you feel better today?
from common-tegus :
if you crapped out your stomach maybe you can save it and sell it on the black market? sorry you're sick. that sucks. there's this stuff called 'emetrol'. if you take that, you stop barfing istantly. for future reference.
from common-tegus :
oh and also i got some loveboat and a pamphlet about the tunnel of love.
from common-tegus :
hey let's watch the whales dance and stuff. i bought you a new cape today. xoxo tegus.
from common-tegus :
*bows and offers you a black rose*
from common-tegus :
" i want to save people. and i want to kill them. " this is the paradox that eats a person alive. you know? but unfortunately, it's the truth. (ie, TRUTH IS DEATH). i'll be honest. i can't even watch tv and it's not the 'i'm so elitist i don't watch tv because i'm a smarty pants'. it's mostly because i can't sit still unless i'm playing a PS2 or something more engaging. maybe i'm hyper. so i wish i could give an opinion on tv that mattered or made sense but i'd be faking it. i do like some hip hop (redman is really funny because he rhymes about driving a honda and having a broken tape deck). and i have this thing where i don't tell anyone and i just go out dancing by myself (which would be considered totally out of character). i put up a banner today with the little prince on it and now i sort of regret it and i'm not sure why.
from common-tegus :
p.s. luke and i found this government pamphlet about PCP and it says on there that one of its nicknames is "LOVEBOAT" and i just can't get over that. HEY ABHOR GOT ANY LOVEBOAT?
from common-tegus :
me= amanda. you = ? best friend = luke. i think the best kind of best friend to have is one named luke. and i'm glad you didn't get too into the heroin. he's having a really hard time coming off of it. my sources tell me there are at least 4 lukes around so like, i think we're okay. and finally, chocolate cake with chocolate ice cream: YAY or NAY?
from common-tegus :
add in: ING
from common-tegus :
that note i just left is all over the fuck place.
from common-tegus :
so they had this luncheon today that i missed at work but they left a sandwich for me. i bit into it and it had eggplant in it. i have no idea why people put eggplant in things. my best friend is coming off of heroin as we speak. i write about him in my diary sometimes. it's weird. as hard as i tried in the past i could never get addicted to things. i guess he was the unlucky one of us two. is it bad that i am semi-secretly hoping it will rain all weekend? i forgot about fresh kills. i remember a friend going to see it and coming back pretty disgusted.
from common-tegus :
and hey weird that means a new person listed me as a favorite today. must be that i'm very charming indeed.
from common-tegus :
wow i went to staten island once and it smelled weird? maybe that was just in my head thought. that kind of stuff happens. how can you go since may with no job? unemployment? lucky dog. or maybe not. i can't tell. if you could have any job in the world what would it be? the idea of your friend's paws sort of weirds me out but i'm being all fucked up today.
from common-tegus :
and p.s. i am so nice i even looked on amazon.com just now in my stupor and saw that celine's ballets are on sale used for like $7. forgo a few hits of crack and that bitch is yours.
from common-tegus :
fuck. i can't believe i am at work right now. i didn't go to sleep last night. anyway, i don't have IM here. but you can also email me ([email protected]) or whatever. my IM is evilpaws718 (named after my rabbit, who kills with his paws) i'm not too into porn since it involves touching so we'll probably digress into infantile name calling and e-fist fighting if anything. your IM name is ironic on so many levels i can't even begin to explain it. but i'll start by saying that my job involves me working with AIDS patients all day. hah.
from common-tegus :
these notes are funny because they are like the demented offspring of an IM and an email and they're semi public. anyway, i'm 28. someday i'll even look it. nietzsche is of course really awesome. (i am not really one to diss insane people....) who the hell else would have a chapter of his own book calling himself 'a destiny'. that takes know how. hawking is interesting. but i'm just going to have to tell you. douglas hofstadter. that's where it's at. he once wrote this amazing article about eintein's brain (sp? i'm losing it) and how, if at the point of death, one could make a numerical computation of eintein's brain mechanics and algorithms, they could use it like a 'choose your own adventure' book and predict and essentially THINK and be him in that book. that's a synopse of a really awesome long article by a person way smarter than i. but anyway, he's very (for lack of better words) thought provoking. and i definitely don't think i so much wasted my time reading. in fact i honestly think the opposite. but you know. it sucks to not just blend in sometimes.
from common-tegus :
also you should make a wishlist on amazon.com and then post in your diary begging people to buy you your celine books. if you're charming enough you'll pull it off.
from common-tegus :
i got my copy of the ballets off of half.com for $2. it was a score. i spent a pretty huge chunk of my late teens trolling the world for celine books and dostoevsky books and kafka books (translation: DORK). it's kind of a fixation but i guess it's better than cliche shit like porn or anime. i guess though you're right the bookstores in NYC are a little less indecent than jersey. and the libraries do even carry his massive biography which was pretty nice. (although it was hardcover and hardcovers annoy me) schizophrenia definitely doesn't rule too much, i am not great with words so i won't even bother to try to explain it. it's essentially crappy because you just don't fucking know what's going on half the time. sort of like being in the book 'the trial'.which is probably why being touched bothers me. it just weirds me out. being alone rules the school. i also kick the shit out of people while i'm sleeping like a kung fu fighter. karl marx is okay but what do you think of nietzsche? he totally lost his shit in the end and spiralled off into a fuzzyhaired blabbering god killing lunatic. and holy shit. led z. fuck yea. but i think i may lean more toward the rolling stones.
from common-tegus :
damien rice is pretty okay. but i am listening to black sabbath right now because i'm a musical retard (or asshole, whichever). i just reread page 172. the imagery is pretty smashing. i like the parts about truth on 173. or rather, they scare the shit out fo me. if you haven't read his ballets you should. since they are sort of his idealist side, like the beauty he sees and wants, and is essentially crushed strained in his novels (and his real life, throughout the course of it). it gives somewhat of an explanation. bukowski is okay but he didn't offer up half as much. and he was an absolute shitheel about some things. if you do read my diary i guess you'll realize i'm a schizophrenic. so in that sense. i'm a fucking terrible waste. and i absolutely hate being touched. seriously.
from common-tegus :
i should add maybe. i'm not a drop out. or really an alcoholic (but come from a family of them). and i'm not a whore. although i used to probably be a junkie. and i'm employed. (interpret: have become a drag) or maybe you're looking in the wrong circuits.
from common-tegus :
not everyone is ready for celine. or can handle it. they'd rather have the people influenced by him. (bukowski, etc) and have a watered down version of him. maybe they can't handle the intensity of the elipses? a good quote from rigadoon (p. 31) "Hard time getting started!... but I've got to, I promised!... my age? tomorrow I can only be more gaga... I've Shilly-shallied enough!". gaga. that's all.
from common-tegus :
of course i've read journey... and death on the installment plan... and rigadoon... even the ballets! i am equally obsessed with that man. even his photograph. i can just stare at it in a strange wonderment.
from coffeeslut :
Thank you sweetheart. And you're right, nothing is better than good coffee and beer.
from coffeeslut :
You are hauntingly briliant. There is nothing more satisfyingly depressing than coming across someone as disturbed as yourself...
from othelladub :
take my tastylips! survey, abhor -
from addieplum :
apparently, i've fallen "prey" to you and your link-mongering. or so says that fuck-o z0tl.
from jofetish :
thanks for the comment. i laughed so hard. i'm glad that someone out there appreciates my wicked ways.
from addieplum :
you get all the hot diaryland ladies. how DO you do it?
from jofetish :
you mentioned tongue? i'm so wet. i'm weak in the knees. i may have to quit my job, and cum and see you, just so you can give me a good tongue-lashing.
from jofetish :
damn! i just realized after packing my bags and looking up directions to you, i don't have any vacation time coming. i could, however, just quit my job and not worry about tomorrow. i was *this* close to ecstasy(your body, not the drug) and now this is a major let down. so, can you take care of me in more ways than one? *kisses*
from jofetish :
i've finished packing my bags. now i just need directions. i don't mind a polluted room or a polluted mind. it only makes you sexier. oh, yeah, my boobs are all ready for you. kisses.
from jofetish :
sounds good. i'm packing my bags as we speak. let's just say i'll pretend that i've never tried anything and you can teach me all about your world. damn, you make me hot!!!
from abhorgod :
Why are you still reading my journal and my notes 4 eyes? i couldnt read more than a single paragraph of yours, actually, i couldnt even make it through one.. Bobbie sue dicks.. god, stop sucking at life please.
from hey4eyes :
This is for addieplum's sake. I wasn't forced to apologize to abhorgod, and it certainly didn't have anything to do with his response to me. It was hardly bright or effective or witty. You can read it by cliking on my profile. I just felt bad for putting his diary down, that doesn't mean I thinks it's good. I just think what makes this site work is that people can write whatever they want and that's rare and it wasn't my place to tell him what I thought about his journal. I was playing fair.
from i-am-invalid :
Thank you for the gbook entry, it's my absolute favorite gbook entry of all time, I will be giggling to myself all day... I really hate kids...
from addieplum :
i love to see these people getting irritated with you and lashing out, only to have to apologize later for judging you. that rocks! (you are the master of witty and scathing responses.)
from hey4eyes :
I apologize. I didn't join this site to cut down anybody's creative impulses. The truth is I had a reaction to something you said in your journal which I should have addressed instead. Peace out.
from hey4eyes :
There you go again.....
from hey4eyes :
Let me guess....you're young, you live in your parent's basement, you haven't seen anything worthwhile and you think being angry unconditionally is a substitute for fine art. Controversy isn't meant to be boring. Think again.
from addieplum :
whales.
from swankfuckin :
yes, you do know what a hippoclit is. remember it's a registered trademark of laena banana. don't make me sue you, baby.
from addieplum :
you're such a sick fuck some days. i like it.
from peth :
i'm thirsty.
from addieplum :
i'm tired of looking at that shrimp comment. the post was not that bad, but what's with all the gory deaths?
from swankfuckin :
my cunt smells like a shrimp boat. come and give it a taste. (thank you for the kind words)
from becca737 :
who wouldn't be in love with me? but seriously, thanks...
from keryanna :
And yes. You are weird.
from keryanna :
You know, I get that alot. I don't know if it's because men find sincere women attractive .. or because I have a habit walking around naked with a sign that says: "If you're superficial and fake, please sleep with me." It's a tough call.
from keryanna :
I didn't mean to offend you. And it wouldn't be the first time in my life that I've misinterpreted something. In fact, I generally live my life stuck in a big,fat cloud of misunderstanding. I apologize.
from keryanna :
a little bit of angst?
from addieplum :
but, to be a little nitpicky, if you look up "jack kerouac" there are 1589 users with him listed. i just don't want you to look foolish, is all.
from addieplum :
rock on, literature maniacs!
from ozmodiar :
You kick ass. I tried to email you but it bounced.
from seraphim77 :
This is my actual site...criesoflove is a public diary for everyone to rant and whine about their love interest with more anonymity than unsentletter. I list cassady in this one too but it's less obvious so I think alot of people did the same and that's the prob. Thanks, but please don't shit yourself my scat days are over.
from ozmodiar :
"Never staple a girl" is the best advice I've ever seen commited to writing. I'm afraid I'd destroy you in a contest of who gets laid more in a week. That is assuming rubbing against strangers at the bus stop counts. Otherwise I'm not so sure.
from ozmodiar :
I've read the Maddox site a few times. Do you have a forums account at www.somethingawful.com? You should. It's ten bucks but it's worth it.
from atinyperson :
heyy, i hate people too, but only when i'm around them. some are okay, i promise. it's just things like fake national pride and mcdonalds that will screw everyone up when they're surrounded by them for too long. .......i like mcdonald's. fake meat is even better than fake pride.
from atinyperson :
i don't know if you frighten me or not, but you're definitely an interesting person. anyone who even knows about "labyrinth" can't be that bad. our cool babies will be pale, just to warn you. i hope you don't mind. and yes, i'm a girl.
from peth :
oh, good, i prefer to be loved by the drunkards. I like it when they express their devotion by sloshing their tankards at me.
from peth :
wait, what am I obsessed with ? what are we stalking together? wha?
from acidtear :
yes.
from acidtear :
yes.
from addieplum :
i think you creep me out. but i haven't really decided yet.
from ozmodiar :
Funny you should mention it, I just saw Rollins speak last week here in Milwaukee. I dig his books a lot, too. Have you read any other stuff Rollins put out on 2.13.61? The Bill Shields poetry stuff sounds really good but I haven't ordered any of it yet.
from ozmodiar :
I'm pretty fond of "My ego doesn't write checks my body can't cash". I think you write good stuff.
from whyihateyou :
oral sex makes me hot, fucker. God, I hate you. We can still do it, though.
from addieplum :
i didn't like altar boys as much as i wanted to. but, damn, that culkin is WAAAAAAAY better than his brother (who is going to be in a movie as a cross-dressing, party going queen.)
from addieplum :
26. and i never classified harold and maude as "comedy". in my mind it's more of a tragedy, with a bit of triumph at the end, and some cat stevens in the middle.
from addieplum :
and you! you have the boondock saints as one of your favorite movies. that makes my day.
from funkyermom :
Holy christ you are a god. Or maybe just god. who knew, who knows

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