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Hi there dear, You've updated a lot since I was last here! What BMI are you aiming for sweetheart? 11 kgs is very, very, very much weight to lose. The two you've lost is a lot if you're already thin... You said you don't care about the heart problems etc because they'll be there regardless... but life may not be there regardless. At least in recovery, you're working towards living, in sickness you're working towards death... That said, I do understand how you feel... I just hope that this doesn't go beyond the point of repair. You're worth more than this.

from arjay :

Kate i dont know what impression Liz gave you but it was very wrong of her to say Bree will not be moving out. We didnt say that, we just said it would be hard if her payments did not go back up. Which they will. But either way we are moving out.

from unrelenting- :

I'm sorry you're feeling this way sweetheart. You deserve to be happy. They keep trying to save you because they hope that one day you will realise this and find everything that you deserve. Take care of yourself sweety x

from unrelenting- :

Hey sweety, I'm sorry that you're not feeling too great at the moment (or at least, when you wrote this entry), i hope things look up for you soon and you feel better. Oh, btw, something sort of random, but in your diary layout friends thing my user name is missing the '-' at the end. I wasn't sure if you meant me or not, but I see that my name is now listed on your friends info page- thank you. That was really sweet, made me smile. Take care of yourself sweetheart. xo

from starke- :

(I read your diary still) And thank you for your note you left a while ago. It was unexpected and therefore even nicer. ♥

from unrelenting- :

Oh, girl TV- I cannot stand that show! My little sister always has it on in the afternoons, pure hell! lol. Sweetheart, your face is no where near chubby at all *hugs* Take care hun x

from unrelenting- :

I want the password! :) Please! x

from unrelenting- :

Hey again, forgive my ignorance, but who is the pretty girl featured in your new diary layout? Is she a singer? lol, she looks familar but it's bothering me because I can't place it! :) take care dear

from unrelenting- :

Hey sweety, I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this. I know how you feel. I hope things look up for you soon. x PS: I'm sure your hair looks lovely.

from floaty-ana :

hey hun u left me ur password ut no user name or did i just read the note wrong??

from floaty-ana :

hey i love your diary..do you think i could have a password??

from starke- :

When I was in the mental hospital the first time, there was a schizophrenic girl named Lisa who thought we were in the movie Girl, Interrupted. She thought I was Daisy and started crying and begging me not to go home and kill myself. I told her I changed my mind and that I was all right now, and she felt better.

from arjay :

Kate, you are gonna make it to your 21st, and your 22nd and your 32nd...because you are so used to think you are unattractive, but you're not. And there are people who will keep reminding you of that. You are beautiful inside and out, or otherwise we wouldn't love you as we do. You're going to have an awesome early b'day this year!

from starke- :

You're not a bitch. You have your own life--especially since she's not even your girlfriend anymore. I know it's really hard to consider yourself as a separate, important person with your own needs to take care of, though. *hugs* ♥ ♥

from starke- :

:( How long are you going to be locked?

from arjay :

RIGHT THEN> Pasta and red wine at Phil's place tomorrow night (wed), and you are so coming! Then the bistro afterward and if there's no bus back into town you can pass out at one of our places. Settled, you're coming! Coz i said so ;)

from justmysize :

hey hon, this is discotheque from LB. i love your layout on your diary, it's really.. deep. i'm sorry about everything you're going through. cheer up? xox

from arjay :

Heya Thanks for your message about me and Bree..the dawn thing..so cute. I am sorry about you and Liz, but you're doing what you think is best and can't do anything else. We're here for ya matey.

from floaty-ana :

hey thankfully it has stopped. it happens alot. the docs know aboutit back home, but here i cant afford to be sick and my insurance dont cover it since i lied on it... but thanxs for your note. take care xx

from starke- :

He sounds like a jerk. :(

from floaty-ana :

hey thanx for your note. the image at the top is the hong kong skyline. thanx for adding me to your favorites

from starke- :

Ummmm...every entry on your archive page leads to the one of Liz with purple hair. =/ And that picture doesn't work. If you'd like, you could send me your HTML and I can try to see what's up with it?

from starke- :

Are you using <a href="%%prev%%"> and <a href="%%next%%">?

from starke- :

Was it on purpose that you made your layout so that it only takes you backwards? =/

from arjay :

I think I kinda have a gf...

from arjay :

Kate, don't worry about me and B. Things are a lot different in both our heads to what they were. We are okay, best friend no matter what, and the other thing is okay, we aren't pushing it, and whatever happens, happens, and we will wait, and see.

from thedevlyn :

Thank you for taking the time to take my survey.

from starke- :

Yeah, I do find it hard to come up with "facts" about me. One time I had written down a lot, but I lost that paper. I just got tired of doing it, this most recent instance. :) *hugs*

from arjay :

i am SO drunk and SO infatuated. Anyway, just wanted to say hello since im so drunked :) Luv ya.

from unrelenting- :

Hey darling, I know what you mean about the chest pains- I have those too and so often try to put it down to anxiety... Try and take care of yourself sweetheart. I hope that things go well for you, good luck with everything x

from starke- :

You're not selfish, and I'm glad to see that you've been eating, even though it makes you feel bad. *hugs* ♥ ♥ ♥

from arjay :

Heya. I like your new pictures, theyre interesting. I just redid mine as well, i used a template off another site but changed it around a great deal. Anyway, just wanted to say hi and hope youre doing okay in A.

from arjay :

Thanks for your note. It was a really great quote. Can you tell me who wrote the book? I have something to ask...would you mind if i wrote a little article on EDs for the uni magazine? I write something every month and id really like to see what i could come up with. I wont talk about you directly or anything, in fact i can leave you out totally...but i thought i should ask you first...?

from starke- :

The note I was going to leave a while ago was basically saying that the person who told you that you don't want help, or aren't ready for it, is retarded. What kind of thing is that to say to someone? How discouraging!! Don't listen to them. Listen to yourself--listen to the part of you that's buried under the world of food, and do what you feel you need to do. If part of you wants to get better, work for that--don't let some doofus shoot you down. It makes me mad to see you depressed because of what that person said. It's ridiculous. *hugs* ♥

from arjay :

Kate, you trust me right? You know that Bree is my best friend in the world and she tells me stuff....just want you to know Bree talked/talks to you because she wants too! She thinks you are a lovely person and really wants to be your friend. I promise, it's what she told me. And i think you know B and I tell each other the truth. Just as we tell you the truth. She likes you!!

from starke- :

Of course your note made sense! And it is so nice that someone cares enough to take the time to leave me a note. I was going to leave you a note the other day, but just couldn't think it out straight. =/ I hope you're feeling ok as you read this, and I really hope things look up for you. ♥ ♥ ♥

from euphoric-fae :

hello dudette. thankyou for taking the time and leaving a note. your pix are so cute. thankyou loads. lots of lovies nad thankies. :* mwa btw you look really pretty. and sweet

from rainyeyes :

I love your new layout! Take care <3

from rainyeyes :

Your story is so sad... But that's how eds affect our lives. Btw, you ARE a good writer;)

from arjay :

Hey Kat. Hmm...doritos :) Yummy. I'll write you another letter really soon i promise. Just have two freaking exams tomorrow....shit!! Hope you're feeling okay. xoxo.

from starke- :

Um...I hope it doesn't bother you, but I read you. And I think you're a beautiful person.

from arjay :

Hey Kate. Thanks for that..it was nice of you to say. Unfortunately no i dont have saliva's album...i borrowed it from the radio station to listen too (but couldnt burn it coz i ran out of cds)...maybe ill be able to borrow it again and burn it..but yeah. Kudos to music piracy.

from arjay :

No, i suppose its the first quality i want them to see. Or maybe not even that, its just the qualities that i believe they DONT see that i might like them too. bah, rambling. I hope youre okay Kate, and i dont think lasagne is *ever* a waste, eat away lasagne goodness is one of those wonderful things to be savoured in life :)

from arjay :

You're not alone Kate. e-mail me your address and i will write you a letter...i am your friend, and so is Bree, and Liz is just a given, you're not alone.

from arjay :

Good luck to you Katie. Youre truly a wonderful person and a great friend. Send me your address soon okay! And dont worry about us, we're okay, or we will be. You said it yourself, B and i are unique, we're different, special. And that counts for a lot. Thanks for everyting.

from arjay :

Thanks for the notes. I thought my survey filling in skills were terrible, if id thought about it longer i coulda come up with better stuff. oh well. Yeah youre probably right about the small things, im trying to hold onto them. Then of course theres the big things, like Bree, and Liz, and you. But i am still alienated, im made myself undesirable to other people but that is something i have to live with, a kind of strange lonliness. Thank you for everything kate, i hope sometimes you can still get on the net and update ur diary. Ill write to you all the time when i get your address!

from arjay :

Thats a great email kat, i think you said everything really well and you have nothing to worry about. If it helps at all, i understand, well i hope i do. I understand people saying its okay as long as its not one of their own kids, or loving someone so much that its hard to be their friend. Its not the same but i think i at least kinda get it. And i will sure as fuck write to you, ill try and get someone to tape the radio show for you and send it to you :) xoxo

from arjay :

We're just leaving each other lots of little notes :) this site really is cool. yeah ive read those poems, ive read most of Sylvia Plath..im a big fan, shes kind of amazing..

from arjay :

Kate. We both lost a life that was created by us. But it isnt your fault. Destiny has a funny way of doing things, neither of us were ready to be mothers, they werent ready to be our children and they knew that. It wasnt hateful or murder or anything like that, it was just nature, stopping something from happening that we weren't meant for just yet. We will be one day. But those little kids, they knew better than us, thats all.

from rainyeyes :

I understand you... All you've written looks like quote of my thoughts. I hope you'll find your way to get out of this. Don't give up:) G.G.

from arjay :

blurry-kat, i dont think you should give up on this new treatment. Just my lowly opinion, but try it.

from arjay :

We'll always be your friends Katie.

from cherrygash :

kewl template :)

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