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I think I do need a girl's night out. Everyone around me is just shocked by this whole ordeal. No one knows what to say, no one knows what I need, no one knows what to do. Things are getting better though. They really really are. Thanks for caring.

from aliboomboom :

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I hope that your holidays are happy!

from kingden :

You know my digits and email address, just let your fingers do the walking sweetheart!

from kingden :

Hey girl don't forget I'm always here for you! Love, KingDen

from kingden :

I know your a busy little beaver, (lol) but I do miss your email and phone calls. Keep em coming babe! Love, kingden

from kingden :

Hey Girl, Love the mentions of me in your Entries, but "OLD"? Come on we spoke about you and "boys"...lol. Just want you to know you looked AWESOME on Saturday! You seemed to be happy and in a great mood, maybe your new "boy" is helping with that, I sure hope so. Your a great girl and who ever gets to spend a minute,hour,day,week,month or year with you will see that is true. I pray everyday that we will be friends for life and be able to see more of each other. Your a awesome person, I love you and will always be here for you. Love, KingDen

from pooh431bear :

Hey, I just wanted you to know that he asked me for your password last night. I told him that I would not give it to him, becuase I had made the promise to you that I wouldnt. He said well then, I need a friend so please tell me what was in there, and again I didnt tell him. I just wanted to let you know that he did ask for it. I am sorry if it caused any shit. I do like to read your diary, not because we shared the one bad thing in common, but because we have other things in common as well. But, if you ever dont want me to read just let me know, I will honor that request for you. ps... You have to be pregnant to be emotional?? Sometimes there are "real" things wrong that cant be blamed on a "female" thing. You are right, he doesnt understand that.

from pooh431bear :

Desiree, That is too funny...you wont believe it, but this was the first site that I started my journal on. Then I moved over to Live Journal. So anyway, I have only read a little bit of you diary, and I almost cried. I dont know you and to just read the little bit that I have read, it is like I have known you for a long time. Your feelings and thoughts and the depression, G-d, it was like reading my own journal. I know I shouldnt be the one apologizing for his actions, but I am so sorry that you had to go through that. He does has that way about him though...you can absolutly hate him but at the same time give into him everytime. That is one main reason I didnt want any contact with him at all. I needed to do that for myself. I was always a happy strong girl before I met him...Then I was the weak depressed mouse...but now...I am the strong and happy once again. Hey just one bit of advise...I know depression sucks, and trust me when I say this..(because I have been there, I actually tried to end it all twice because of him) ..but the meds will work themselves out. I had to try a few different types too..but eventually they work...and then eventually you can be happy with out them! I was on them for almost 2 years, but now, I dont have to take them anymore. You will get there! oh..2 more things...Thank you for sharing your diary with me, Its nice to know that someone knows exactly how I felt. and 2nd...Men are scum! no just kidding not all of them are. ok one more...I blocked your replys just so a certain person can not read them. Not that I care if he knows or not, but it really is none of his business, and I know that he still reads mine, as much as he denies it. Well, again thank you and please feel free to read mine anytime...I live a crazy life and if anything it will give you something to laugh at. ~Megan

from kingden :

Dez, I want you to know you can call me any time of day or night I'll ALWAYS be here for you. Love, King Den

from kingden :

My Dearest Dez, I miss you so very much. I miss seeing your cute smile and your pretty eyes. I wish we could spend more time together and be able to be there for each. I enjoy talking to you, recieving email and text messages but nothing is better then seeing you face to face. Your surely are a special person to me and I hope we can get together soon. I miss you so bad and love having you as a good friend. LOVE ALWAYS & FOREVER, King Den

from notingham116 :

Good for you!!! I am so glad you are happy! See, when you least expect it, love finds you! I bet you are just glowing over this!! Go Des...get your groove on!! Take care you!

from notingham116 :

Des, I am soooooo sorry. I am a guy. I had a "guy brain fart" Please forgive me. I DO MISS YOU TOO!!! I didnt mean for you to think otherwise.

from notingham116 :

Des, I know you do not want any messages left, but I am truely sorry for what you are going through. I see that I am now blocked from your diary. You have your reasons. I honestly thought I was helping you by giving you the warnings tht I did. Again, I am sorry.

from kingden :

Dear Desirose, By chance I met this awesome girl, we talked and shared our problems together and I listened to her every word. I found her to be a beautiful person inside and out. She has such a kind and gentle spirit, her heart is full of love and caring. God put her into my life for a reason and I will always cherish our friendship. I want her to know that I will always be here for her, no matter what day or time it may be. I want to thank her from the bottom of my heart for everything she has done for me. I could only hope and pray that we could be friends for life. Love, Kingden

from aliboomboom :

Hi, I noticed that I was on your buddy list and I wanted to let you know that I locked up. I would be glad to give you the username and password though. Email me at [email protected] or leave your email address in my notes section if you are interested. . I would hate to lose you as a reader!! Thanks.

from closr2myself :

http://www.webtender.com/db/drink/1946

from aliboomboom :

Thanks for the note. I have read all three of the books about him too and they are all very sad. It's amazing how people can overcome things like that. I don't know how he survived or how his mother could have treated him the way that she did. I think it is important for all of us to read things like that because if people can overcome adversity like that then surely we can overcome whatever we are going through, right?

from aliboomboom :

Happy late birthday!! 21 is an exciting age, it's so full of possibility and so hopeful. I really enjoyed it, I hope that you do too. As for hating your ex boyfriend, I really don't hate Ian. I am just indifferent to him which is what I have been striving for since we broke up. I went through a period of hating him but that emotion is provoked by love and it didn't prove to me that I was over him. Being indifferent proves to me in some little way that it's okay that we aren't together and it's okay that we were together and it'll be okay that we'll never be together again. I don't want to call him and tell him to leave me alone because I don't trust myself to remain indifferent if I hear his voice. Somehow his voice always takes me back to the time when he wasn't shallow and selfish and cruel and it somehow reminds me of the times when we were madly in love and when he was my very best friend. It's hard to remain indifferent if I start remembering all the beautiful moments that we shared. Anyways I don't know if I'll change my number or not but I just want him to forget about me so I can forget about him. Good luck with your ex though, I hope that someday you will find the peace that you are looking for.

from aliboomboom :

from closr2myself :

happy birthday des! come visit so we can get drunk and disorderly! :-D

from alwaysaroura :

It is always nice to hear that you are my beautiful. It's definately one of my favorite compliments but I love the dirty stuff Taylor says too. Anyways it's been a long time since I heard from you, I just wanted to say hi.

from aliboomboom :

Thanks for the note. I guess that we all have down days. Sometimes it is hard to look at yourself and see what others see, it has been hard for me to feel really great about myself since the break up. Anyways it sucks that you can't get your license, I would die without mine. I can't imagine going three months let alone as long as you have. I'm sorry. I hope everything goes okay with your knee. I've known so many people with bad knees, it's terrible. Anyways good luck.

from aliboomboom :

I can only see your image and no words. Am I doing something wrong?

from notingham116 :

"No one else can be responsible for your happiness. It's something you have to find inside." "You have to be happy with yourself before you can share that happiness with someone else."

from notingham116 :

You would be destroyed if you only knew.

from notingham116 :

Do you ever think..you say you have higher expectations now, does the new meet them. Does he spoil you, does he give you what you want just because he wanted to give it to you?

from notingham116 :

Isnt this true in just about all aspects in life, the new isnt always the best, its just the excitment of being new.

from aliboomboom :

Hey I haven't heard from you in a while but I wanted to say thanks for taking my survey. Your answers were good, we have a lot in common including the fact that we are both pisces. I will be 24 on March 16, how I wish I would only be 21. Anyways thanks I hope to hear from you soon.

from notingham116 :

Up and Down, Up and Down...do you feel like you are at an amusement park and arent really having fun??

from aliboomboom :

I'm sorry to hear that you are so unhappy. It is really hard to turn your emotions off. You should just wallow in it for a while and give yourself some time to heal. We as women put too much pressure on ourselves to always be okay, it's just not possible.

from notingham116 :

Des, It is ok to be alone. You jumped from one relationship to another to another. You had no time to be alone. You need to be alone to find out who you are, before you can give yourself to someone else. Give yourself that chance. You will be much happier and you will be proud that you can do it. Look at this as another stepping stone through life this stone can only go up. Be glad you are free from him hurting you.

from aliboomboom :

I am glad that you decided to keep writing, it really is good therapy. I wanted to let you know that I have started using aliases in my diary because I am afraid of certain people locating the diary. Anyways J's name is now Ian. I am just using middle names. It's not that secretive. Anyways come check out my new template. It's so cute. Oh and good luck with Paul.

from aliboomboom :

Thanks for the note. I think that part of why Jonathan acts the way he does is to protect himself. He is very afraid of being hurt or having people get too close so I think that when he feels vulnerable or when he thinks that a person is capable of hurting him then he goes out and hurts them first. He did that a couple of times while we were dating and we always got back together because he would realize what he was doing. I think in the end he can't let anyone get that close and while he knows that he loves me he doesn't want to become vulnerable to me. It is easy to assume that people are just assholes but usually when people behave that way, they are hiding something. Jonathan is hiding the fact that he is afraid. I understand him and I know that he loves me but as much as I love him, I can't be with someone who can't give their all to me or someone who is always running away when we get too close. It's nice to know that someone understands though, I guess I just have rough days every now and then and the pictures really tore me up. Did you decide to continue your diary? You should, it's been a great venting place for me.

from alwaysaroura :

Feel free to keep reading even if you leave the sight, I need all the ADVICE I can get. I am so confused about everything. Oh and don't worry about what other people think of you. It's your diary, ask them to not read it. I mean I write stuff I shouldn't every single time I write. Oh well. People who are that worried about what you do or say really don't have their own life. I'd like to read more so stay around if you choose. Thanks for the note, I love getting them.

from aliboomboom :

Hey. I saw that you left a note for my friend Aroura so I decided to read a little of your diary. I hope that the new site works for you. I'm sorry that you didn't like Diaryland, I love it. Rory should be updating more often now though so come back and read her diary, it's interesting. Oh and if you are obsessed with southerners then feel free to read mine. You should come visit down here, the accents are great. Of course I am addicted to northern guys so y'alls accents don't bother me either. If you decide to stay, let me know. Alexia

from notingham116 :

Why are you hiding your feelings? (re: some entries that were up and now they aren't) Don't ever hide your feelings to protect someone else. If you lay beside him and are thinking what am I doing, take a bigger look into that. I don't want to see you get hurt, and from what I can see he already is hurting you.

from notingham116 :

I really feel that you should stick to what you know. The "new" is not the best choice for you, but I can only warn you about the troubles that will lie ahead. And yes, I am the one that you trust. So please take serious thought on what I am saying. Only looking out for you!!

from nottinghm116 :

Hey Des, Just please take it one step at a time, and watch yourself, I have heard and seen some stuff Paul has done, not cool. He sometimes is not that sweet person that he plays to be. Just watch yourself.

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