messages to jellehbelleh:
(click here to add new message):

from bamstroker :
hey! *hugs* i feel so bad that i haven't kept up with you lately through emails, i'm really sorry about that, but so happy to hear things are better!! :) and i'm okay. i hope you're feeling well and that everything is improving. i miss you- it goes without saying your diary entries are missed, too. i hope we can talk again soon, and if not i'll stop being a procrastinating asshole and send you an email, finally. :P *hugs* <3
from kittiefan17 :
im going to miss your updates...but hey, life goes on right?
from katress :
Moving, or stopping writing? I'll miss you, but if you're just moving I will continue to read?
from fallen9angel :
i wish to keep up.
from marinka-mp :
Hello princess. I have been looking for you for some time how are you?
from bamstroker :
i'm going to try not to anymore. and seriously, i don't know what the fuck is happening, but everyone feels horrible so far this year. i don't know one person who is doing well. it's not a very optimistic start to 2007. ugh.
from bamstroker :
in that case, there's no way in hell i'll give up. and i want to tell you that i am VERY proud of you.
from bamstroker :
i just emailed it to your hotmail addy in your profile- if you don't get it, let me know. i'd tell you in a note but there may still be friends out there trying to snag the pass behind my back.
from kittiefan17 :
the email is [email protected]
from daath :
Hi! Sorry about not getting back to you 'til now, but finals and thai food take up time like a mofo. I'm almost done with the former too, which is good. I very much appreciate your taking an interest in the journal. I'll give yours a read after all this silly madness quiets down.
from final137 :
...Merry Christmas.
from neonlemonz :
You'd sing? Ohhhh, dear. That'd be entertaining, but...oh my. I am cheery, to a certain extent, I have a boy-toy and buddy-wuddies, and I dunno, life is good-ish, but things can go funky sometimes. You know what I mean.
from neonlemonz :
Aw, thanks, I don't think so.
from jesbohn :
I didn't know you felt so strongly about tookie. Sorry you are so frustrated
from vanillakitty :
Yea, not by my choice..... Hubby went nutzo over it. Catch me on MSN mess later. Love ya!
from neonlemonz :
Thanks tremendously, I'm starting to feel better-ish, just weird I suppose.
from neonlemonz :
Congrats, I just read!! I'm happy for you. My computer's being a beast
from katress :
Congratulations sweetie! xoxo
from pissymystic :
Oooooh, congratulations!!!
from neonlemonz :
Aww don't make me blush!
from neonlemonz :
Thanks for the cheery notes...you help me look past my faults, my problems, my insecurities.
from neonlemonz :
You're on?! You make me happy...I wish we could talk.
from neonlemonz :
I feel half-past dead. Locking my diary up.
from neonlemonz :
Have a happy day! You deserve it for keeping me on the sunny side!
from rdhdprincess :
Congratulations AmericanJelleh! One of the reasons we were sure to go visit Bella in Guatemala before the adoption was final was so that she would automatically become a citizen when she stepped (was carried) off the plane. The citizenship hoops and fees were quite daunting for an adopted child. I think they could definitely make it cheaper. Did you get a flag or anything festive?
from vanillakitty :
I'm around, not much going on, and I'm not motived to write about measly chores,lol.
from marinka-mp :
Hi, sweety. Sorry I could not make your party. I was in antat Barbara yesterday. I just got home. But we should have lunch soon.
from marinka-mp :
Hi Jelly. Yes we do work REALLY close to one another. Do you know where the CHP is on De Soto? I work right across the street.
from pissymystic :
DAYAM, girl! I bow before your event-planning skills. Truly, I'm shocked that you did all that in so little time. If they don't hire you they're idiots.
from marinka-mp :
Babe you will do good!
from pissymystic :
You know I'm nuts about ya.
from marinka-mp :
Hi there! Sweety i worry about you. I hope ev erything is ok. And always remember that regardless what happens and how stressed you are, its never worth the trauma of hurting yourself. Love ya lots.
from stardustcboy :
back, forward, here, there, nowhere, somewhere...no matter where, no matter when i am ALWAYS beside you. i believe that not even death can sever my bond to you, and forever i will walk with you. through all the spheres and all the lives of the great cosmos, there is no mystery why i have found you again. i love you. ~B-)
from pissymystic :
I'm glad you're still here.
from fallen9angel :
It is comforting to know that I am not crazy for feeling that way. I thank you.
from katress :
Jelleh honey, where have you been??? I miss you...
from vanillakitty :
Where you at woman!!!????? I'm having Jelleh-withdrawls!! Hope you're doing good!
from neonlemonz :
Switchin schools and friends and lifestyles tends to bring out the weird in me. I just wanna be real...oh and start a revolution.
from neonlemonz :
I'm grateful. Thanks for your compliment, but I've been, well, weird lately.
from fallen9angel :
congrats on your class.
from poolagirl :
Yaaaaarrrrr! Thanks for making me a fave! I returned fire and you are on my list too!
from acaldwell :
chinese font coding??? i dont speak chinese!!! i have no use for it! is it something im supposed to have?? i seen here in diaryland news that andrew was having some issues with it, and i asked him about it and as usual i get no response from him!! sheesh!! hahaha!!
from acaldwell :
ahoy there!!! i like your site too!! have you read poolagirl? she is a pirate too!!
from rdhdprincess :
Yay Jelleh Belleh!! Congratulations!! You are my HTML queen! Hey, how come you never showed up in the cafeteria yesterday?? I hate being stood up...
from marinka-mp :
GOOD JOB
from vanillakitty :
lol, yea, I'm Italian and he's part Italian so it's just plain freakin weird. I'm expecting him to come home wanting to join the high school swim team. lol.
from vanillakitty :
OMG!!! Suicide Girls are having to take down their photos...... you can read their email at this link: http://suicidegirls.com/boards/Everything%20SG/81705/page1/ Holy bullshit Batman!
from vanillakitty :
lol, heheeeee
from rdhdprincess :
Ha. You gotta love those random thoughts! Nice cartoon, by the way. I choked so hard when I read, "I bit it off" that I splurted out iced tea all over my desk. Very funny!
from pissymystic :
Actually, no. I was being serious; I laughed my ass off. TAXI!!!
from pissymystic :
AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! *ahem* I mean...that was quite amusing. I enjoyed it a lot. :D
from rdhdprincess :
Hi honey. I know how you feel. I don't know quite how to express it either. It is hard letting go, especially of people. Think about that cute little jellybean car and how cute you would be in it for a while!
from katress :
That is so sad...I was married to an alcoholic/abuser, it's tough. I agree, sounds like a cry for help to me - someone's getting ignored at home and that's just as bad as being abused. Been there, done that.
from smurfangel72 :
Hey girl! Thanks for the note! I love your pirate woman pic. That's hot! Yes, I know they are old school, but when I hear their voices, it brings everything back. I can never give them up. xoxo
from marinka-mp :
You owe me a ride in that cute red car of yours. And on top of it I am willing to race you {evil grin}
from pissymystic :
Oh, the cute. The CUTE!!!
from marinka-mp :
Jelly, my love! I just wanted to stop by and tell you thank you. Thank you for your comments. You always make me smile and it makes me feel good that you care. THANK YOU
from marinka-mp :
Hey love, you sound much better and more in control of your decisions. Im proud of you
from neonlemonz :
JELLEH!!!! You make me feel like the millionaire I'm not. You make me feel like a trillion pound weight has been lifted off me. You make me smile a genuine smile, and when the day is over, I smile in my sleep because of people like you, because of kind words and encouragement. I need the encouragement, I am a desperate pathetic whiney thing who hates herself, so your words mean so much to me...Thanks from the bottom of my heart, I mean it. Thankyou.
from neonlemonz :
I hoped for better, but I expected what I sought. Sounds cryptic? Maybe, but I always thought she'd be better than resorting to drinking herself to not remembering any weekend...I thought...I hoped...for more.
from rdhdprincess :
You can learn this sweetie, it will be a piece of cake! I fully believe that you can do anything that you set your mind do. Cute picture!
from neonlemonz :
You always manage to make me feel better...It's not really fair. I was all prepared to be down in the dumpsies and you go and cheer me up. Thanks for the wisdomness, and all that jazz. Seeya around! Stay spunky, monkey!
from katress :
I used to be a horrible insomniac. If I got an hour or two of sleep a night I was doing well. That went on until I started halucinating (REM sleep when awake). Wish there was something more that I could do for you sweetie. I know from first hand experience that it's <b>not</b> fun. xoxoxo
from pretty-pussy :
OOOOHHH.. awesome.. :P I'm very impressed with your hidden page.
from neonlemonz :
I miss you and my life is going to pieces. That is all.
from marinka-mp :
We a employment neighbors. We need to go to lunch!
from vanillakitty :
Damn no porn link. Got my hopes up for nothing, lol. Hey you think you're boss would get pissy if he found out you did a hidden page? heheheeeee.
from marinka-mp :
You have to teach me some of those new HTML tricks. have a good weekend
from marinka-mp :
Hey love! Thanks for the comments they mean a lot to me
from neonlemonz :
BAH...I'm so confused and heartbroken, and gah...So many feelings, so little time!
from rdhdprincess :
Such a good attitude you have dear. I could take a lesson. Hang in there, I hope it gets easier!
from marinka-mp :
Ohhhh Sweety, i am so sorry you feel like that. I need to take you out for drinks.
from marinka-mp :
So sorry babes! the only thing i can say which will slightly help you is that what happened to you in the past is what has made you the strong woman you are today. Hugs and kisses love
from vanillakitty :
Where you at woman??? I hope you're doing fine. I see you signing in & out through the day, so I know you're still breathing. Update, update, update!.... lol. I should take my own advice.
from marinka-mp :
LOL your company sounds like my current company. the damn walls are so dirty i just want to get soap and a sponge and just clean.
from pretty-pussy :
lol. thanks, im flattered. ;)
from bamstroker :
btw, right back at you; you're beautiful!
from bamstroker :
i'm sorry i've been missing out what's going on with you, too- i've been reading and all but i am kind of reeling still, knowing i'm going to be here... and then dealing with that while my mom and sister seem to, at the same exact time, get worse, is just too fucking much. i love you though, and thanks for being here. i'll try to get things straightened out so i can be here more.
from hlupak :
if i were straight (or bi) i'd probably have a crush on you. you are amazing in your beauty, wit, strength, etc.
from pretty-pussy :
you make a beautiful pirate. ;)
from marinka-mp :
I love your dress
from hlupak :
i just have one word after seeing the picture showing your beautiful face: wow! las palabras no son capaces de describir tu belleza.
from vanillakitty :
lol, well, it's better to be safe than sorry I guess. Plus if I'm wanting to qualify for the P.D. I better get some practice under my belt. :)
from vanillakitty :
I've got one word for you.....YUMMY!!!
from neonlemonz :
Plus, it's people like you who prevent me from giving up writing.
from neonlemonz :
Awww, thankies. I lurve you. You make me feel so special and so great.
from vanillakitty :
Geezzz woman, you raking in the dough?? Did you order all the peices to that costume? Anyways you'll have to send me a pic of you in it!!! Hey replace the pirate pic on your diary with you in that pose!!! I garuoooonteeeeee you'd get a crap load of more readers, or droolers. heheeee
from neonlemonz :
ACK! I haven't heard from you in ages. *huggs* How are you?!?! How's life? Spilll...Hey, I reread a note you left me, it said: "You remind me of a younger version of me" (something to that effect). Does that mean I get to grow up and be like you? Gosh, I hope so because you're awesome! (I'm hyper/excited/missyou!) I miss you, Jellehbelleh!!! You're so spunky.
from vanillakitty :
I like UncleBob, he's got a dry, smartass, attitude. Definetly a good laugh, I tend to read him right when I get up to put me in a good/humerous mood. lol
from katress :
Good male reads? Savecraig. Funny as hell. Thanks for the recommendations, too. :)
from smoog :
Some male D-landers you may want to check out are DiscoTheKid and UncleBob. I'd recommend LeeboZeebo, but he's not on D-Land anymore, he's at http://www.leebozeebo.com. Juddhole is another good read, but please be aware that for the past few months he's been seriously lovesick.
from stardustcboy :
psshaw! at least you HAVE a readership still...i don't think anyone here reads me besides you anymore...well, you and whoever it is that keeps googling the pic of my cock. fuckin' pervert. ~B-)
from vanillakitty :
ok pics are up. crappy pics to boot. lol
from vanillakitty :
heheheeeeee....... I'm speechless, you actually fulfilled my request. lol, I'm still laughing over your comment on "sharing" the month and all that. Lemme just tell ya if you think I'm a sassypants you should talk my daughter, I've learned from the best, lol. anyways, love ya!
from rdhdprincess :
What was I thinking? I had already seen the pirate costume. I remember thinking it was much classier than the average pirate costume. And how great it was that the bustier had a zipper. I loved the wedding pictures! Thanks for sharing them. You were, and are lovely!
from vanillakitty :
Leo-palooza...... you know that it's just not leos in August.... there's virgos too. And yep that would be me. heheee, just thought I would give you a hard time for no reason at all. When are you going to post more pics of the wedding... or you can just email them to me *hint*hint*. Love ya!
from rdhdprincess :
Heh. Fucking potty mouth. I want to see the pirate outfit!! Your entry to B was just beautiful, by the way. I can't believe that it's only been three months!
from rdhdprincess :
Mwah! Big hugs honey-
from hlupak :
hi! i hope you're feeling better.
from rdhdprincess :
Food poisoning on your birthday is just not right. Very sucky. I hope the second time around rocks. Also, sweet potato. Sweet and then potato. Thanks for sticking with me.
from katress :
Oh no! I missed your birthday!!! Happy belated sweetie, that costume is rockin. :)
from pouncer :
WOOOH!! Party time for jelleh! Happy b-day sweets!
from rdhdprincess :
You are ever so welcome sweetie! I wish I was close enough to come celebrate and have a drink with you. Have fun!
from gettingnaked :
Happy, happy birthday!
from marinka-mp :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!
from rdhdprincess :
Happy Birthday honey!!
from witchful :
Happy birthday darlin!
from hlupak :
Happy Birthday!
from vanillakitty :
Birthday??? We share the same month!!! yay! but I'm older, ick! God I'm getting old.... *insert pitty & awwww's* lol. Anyways Happy B-Day. Now I have to get you something, obviously it'll be a bit late cuz I was just notified per your entry. So what shall it be? Mail-ordered-stripper gal, or guy? heheheee. Love ya!
from rdhdprincess :
Ok, quick update on the birthday request here. I tried to get the lovely one to hold the sign this morning to take the pictures, but she was relentlessly tearing it to pieces and eating it. I shall try again tonight! She might not be as lovely in the picture after a long day at daycare though. Wish me luck!
from pouncer :
Jelleh! You're so pretty, just wanted to let you know ;) I saw you for the first time on today's entry. I'm happy I can put a face to your writings. Have a lovely day!
from katress :
Cute photo - I've never seen a blue wedding cake before, but then again I live in MN. We have no ocean...about as landlocked as you can get. lol
from katress :
Hey Jelleh, what country of citizenship are you, anyway???
from bamstroker :
*hugs* for years i've been told to go to one of their meetings, i will look up where they are in louisiana because i finally think it's a good idea. btw i am okay, just real depressed/shocked right now.
from rdhdprincess :
Yay Jelleh Belleh! Take care of yoruself first. It's easy to get into that trap of taking care of everyone ele. Hey, when IS your birthday, anyways??
from gettingnaked :
Okay, I know it's taken me way too long to remember to do this, but I'm sitting here staring at the sleeping pills now. They're a generic brand from Costco... I don't have the box anymore, but the back of the pills say "FAST SLEEP TABLETS." They're 25mg pills, manufactured for LNK Int'l., Inc. I hope that helps! If you'd like, I can send you a few to see if you like them before you go out and buy them. Feel free to drop me an email!
from rdhdprincess :
I have those days! And I agree about the fucking media. I thought that I was fat (and not good enough) before I was evern fat!
from fluffykitty1 :
JellehMow! Hope you feel better. Sorry I was such a mess last night. I'm just sitting here at work thinking about you & wanted you to know how much I love & appreciate you. I like that you tell me how it is, it's "better (to) be a nettle in the side of your friend than their echo". Love you Mow!
from rdhdprincess :
Ah ha! She's a resourceful pirate! I hope he fulfills your hackey desires. Heh. That sounds dirty!
from witchful :
I have those thoughts about my mom too, sometimes, and I get ALONG with her, for the most part. My dad died three years ago, and I think she's just waiting to join him.
from rdhdprincess :
Wow. You are so right! He would have made a great Willie Wonka. Very Sexy. Who is the second guy??
from vanillakitty :
The Labrynth is my favorite movie!!!!! lol. I need to get out more. Anyways still alive, going Bonkers, but here. Love Ya!
from rdhdprincess :
I would definitely pelt the dumb-asses running in the crowd and cheer for the bulls. While drinking. And not wearing red. Glad you got some sleep!
from katress :
I live in MN, and lots of people here get their prescriptions in CA. Some of the old folks homes actually have a ride service up to CA! Not sure where to recommend you go though. I can do some asking around if you want? Been there done that though re: not sleeping. It SUCKS! I hope it gets better for you. :)
from bamstroker :
i definitely think we were separated at birth. i love you! i'll be thinking about you the whole time i'm in new orleans :D
from pretty-pussy :
for starters, dont work out before bed. i have read that it is best to work out in the morning. i guess it gets your blood pumping or something. second.. have you tried generic benedryl?? the generic (chemical) name is diphenhydramine. it is the active ingredient in most over the counter sleep aids. you can buy up to 50 mg otc, but 25 mg is enough to put me out for the night, and im a light sleeper as well. also.. it is a lot cheaper to buy generic benadryl than the otc sleep aids. i just got a bottle of #100 for $5.00. lastly, i work in a pharmacy, and im am shocked you were able to find a generic for ambien. as far as i knew, the patent had not expired yet, and it is still illegal to make a generic... there are no pharms around me that offer generic. are you in the u.s.? i did some research online, and only found 1 website offering to sell the generic, but it was in canada.. i wonder if canada is able to manufacture generics.. at any rate, i really am surprised. how strange. or maybe the patent just expired and it is still hard to find the generic...
from rdhdprincess :
Ugh. My sympathies. Not getting a good night's sleep is the worst thing! ARGGH! I want to scream for you. Bad. Very bad. I hope you find something that works. Mwah! Heh. Four nipples!
from gettingnaked :
I take an over-the-counter very generic brand of sleeping pill to help me sleep. It doesn't give me the sleeping pill hangover, and I usually only need to take 1/2 of a tiny pill. I'll try to remember to bring them in tomorrow so I can tell you the brand, because my mind is BLANK right now.
from witchful :
Okay, not a joke, but one of my favorite (lame) limericks: Nymphomaniacal Jill Used a dynamite stick for a thrill They found her vagina In North Carolina And bits of her tits in Brazil If you're twisted like I am, you may also enjoy "Longmire Does Romance Novels" at http://www.worldoflongmire.com/features/romance_novels/
from jellehbelleh :
THAT'S RIGHT...FOUR NIPPLES...COUNT THEM...1...2...3...4.
from rdhdprincess :
Heh. That was fun. Sad, too, but fun. And I'm glad you wrote this today because I was just about to start talking shit about you but now I won't. (Kidding) There was just no need for her to bring that up after all these years. Still a shit stirrer. And, um, four nipples? Really? Wow.
from marinka-mp :
LMAO. Fuck her. While you are at it, invite her to a gathering with A LOT of people and tell the world about her retarded cleavage and peach fuzz.
from rdhdprincess :
What a dick. Good for you for standing up for yourelf and not taking his shit. I love strong women!
from rdhdprincess :
Sorry, a liliite late to help your boredwom. boredom! Fucking keyboard. Very bord myself, how about an update>? See, i'm a demanding bitch of a reader. heh. But really, yea. I think I will go read archives! You make me laugh so I'm sure past entiresres are much the same way. Pk, ramnling, I see this now. it's the midicne. wills ay good night! Good night and thanks for the goodwishes. Fucking tonsiles.s Mwah!
from bamstroker :
i don't know where i would be without your enthusiasm. i think you are completely right and i want to go away, and make myself a new home, become self sufficient, and grow some confidence but also i want my friends to know that i'm okay because of their help and that i could do it. i truly mean this- if i didn't have you here for me right now i wouldn't have the guts to go forward with UNO. i would probably go to chester with a lot of resentment pushed to the back of my mind, feeling like fear held me back from a now "broken dream".. and i probably would have left when i couldn't stand it any longer, but i don't ever want to get to that point. you're really helping me out by encouraging me to leave- although this is by far the harder choice right now, i think that staying would make my life harder in the long run. chester could even be a nightmare, maybe me just moving twenty minutes away would be so much for my mom that she would fall into heavier drinking. but i'm no longer going to base my decisions on the fears of what my family will do or what's best for everyone else. it's not my job to take care of them, and i took that job on for a few years and it obviously didn't do a damn thing. they have to make their own choices and so do i. i am kind of scared shitless right now, but i am also extremely excited and positive. i can't believe i will be visiting in nine days! it's a dream come true. i feel like you are basically carrying me through this and i cannot give enough thanks. and the way our lives are paralleled is so interesting but mostly it is inspiring and i'm grateful that you share so much with me. i have this "impending doom" feeling but it's only because so many bad and unexpected events happen in my family all the time, and this is the first event that is of my own accord and i have to remind myself of that. i think in six months, when i'm settled in, i will be re-reading over my entries where i proclaimed, "i can't do this! i'm weak!" and laugh and think of how silly i used to be. i really hope that happens- no, screw that, it will happen. *hugs* i love you, thank you!
from gettingnaked :
There's nothing worse than being betrayed by a friend. Especially when you're drunk. (Why is that?) Hang in there... it'll all seem less dramatic in the morning.
from pouncer :
I totally agree with you Jelly (may I call you that?) Bam needs to get the hell away from her family!! Live life the way you should- as a teenager with a whole life ahead of you, now that your 18 your free to live without your parents...I haven't read up on her, since it's been locked, but I always have her in my thoughts. Hope all is well with you both <B
from bamstroker :
opium fine would be my sister's best friend in the whole world. they sound like twins. all i can think of is elena every time i read about one of opium fine's new scams. i just can't believe there are so many people out there like them, so blind and selfish! they are like fucking leeches that take and take and take and don't give a damn. well, i think people say new orleans could be too much because of my anxiety. my mom made this bitchy comment along the lines of, "if you find it hard to go to the mall sometimes i don't see you going to new orleans." but it's anxiety, it's not some permanent condition, and i am already feeling better. i just kind of go insane if i spend too much time in a row at home, which is understandable of anyone, and i don't consistently go out because i'm not in school and i don't have a job. but in new orleans i would be in school full time and might have a job- i also have an internet friend down there who said he'd help me get a job if i wanted one, and he's bought me three books on the city to read so that when i get there "it's already like a second home." the downside to leaving is not being around ditty, or my dad, or my dogs. but everything and everyone else is not terribly missable. i made a promise to myself when i was 12 or younger (lmfao) that i'd go escape to new orleans when i was 18 and now suddenly it's falling into place and it seems like the perfect thing to do. chester is a great college but i cannot grow much more if i have moved out but am still 20 minutes away from home in a small ass school with a bunch of artists when i don't even know if i want to major in art myself. so all these positive signs are pointing to new orleans- but apart from you and a couple of other people, everyone is doubting it and me. it kind of pisses me off but i see all their points. but i'm not going to set a low standard for myself just because of how things have been going so far. no one ever got anywhere in life by playing it safe and being a pansy. lmao. of course i've had depression and anxiety and unstable jobs, considering where i live! our environments affect us all, which is why the idea of a totally new one is so befitting. so thank you tons for agreeing with me! and you're not stalking me, actually getting all these notes has been so helpful and i feel so loved. i hope that aunt flow isn't too harsh on you (it's funny that we get ours at the same time lmao) and i will tell you all about the concert later. love you!
from kelsi :
Rod Laver Arena is in Melbourne, I've been to it, and, anyway, thank you for your kind words and superpower activism. I predict a long and successful hackysacking career for you.
from pouncer :
I LOVE TO HACKY SACK! I used to do it in High School, since all my friends were boys. Anywho, you're my new buddy, I'm adding you to my favs.
from pouncer :
Hey Sexy! I feel so special that you found me, the FAMOUS jellehbelleh! I see you on all the cool kids favorites ; ) I would love for you to lick it, my blog that is, and whatever else you feel like.
from marinka-mp :
Hey there. My email is [email protected] i hope all is well with you.
from neonlemonz :
i've been around, breaking and mending other's hearts (while also bending and mending my own). i've been crying and smiling, living and loving, but always dreaming...i just can't seem to straighten my thoughts long enough to find words.
from rdhdprincess :
Heh. Good job! Sounds like she would have taken advantage of you for as long as she could have. You were nice for doing what all you did for her, don't feel bad now. Of course I can't stand clingy leechy people so I may be a little harsh. But probably not. Yay! She's gone!
from bamstroker :
hey sweetie- i never did get your email, which address did you send it to? i use both of these; [email protected] and [email protected] *hugs* thanks, i am feeling better, it's just a combination of a bunch of stress that has taken its toll on me, but i'll be fine! :)
from neonlemonz :
have i told you lately how much i love you...? (good song, but i also meant to say..) i love eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...that movie is so underrated.
from vanillakitty :
oh WOW! you left you're CC as security? You're going to make me come up there and slap ya a couple of time, eh?...... But you'd prolly like that, lol. Well. I can say you have a bigger heart than me. The only person I trust with my CC are my parents, and that's only cuz I know they have $$, lol. Well, either way I'm glad OpiumFine is out, and you have your sanity back!! **prrr*
from bamstroker :
ah, i hope she leaves peacefully tomorrow. what a burden she is. i'm quite impressed that you haven't lost your cool with her yet, as she sounds unbearably annoying. i'm sorry you're stressed out, but i'm sure you'll feel a lot of relief once she is out of your sight. good luck tomorrow :)
from bamstroker :
i'm so glad you're like that- i have friends who do need the babysitting and without constant attention they feel like we are becoming "distant", and it gets to me. in a perfect world i could keep up with everyone i know consistently but in reality crap gets in the way and sometimes people just don't have enough time. saying "the only way you'll grow is if you explore the world and see how you adapt to it" is so true and i've been thinking about it since i read it. i love my chemical romance too :) "i'm not okay" is such a good song! most of the stuff i listen to leans toward the darker genres, i'm a huge fan of korn for example but i listen to almost everything. the plans are all set for new orleans! it'll be a four hour plane trip there and back but it won't be so bad because we'll switch planes every two hours, so it'll be broken up. we are stopping in ohio on the way there and... new jersey on the way back lmfao! this makes me feel better because i've been worrying about the flights. 'cause since i've had panic attacks, the thought of going anywhere that has no escape has bothered me. but it's just a paranoid line of thinking and i'm sure it'll go away. also we are staying on campus and we will arrive there early the day before orientation starts so we'll have plenty of time to go exploring ;) i laughed so hard at your entries about the earthquake and the letters to the bosses, "between the hours of NEVER and IN YOUR DREAMS" LOL. what the fuck, that friend of yours has problems! that one AND the black guy need to chill the hell out. what a funloving merrymaker he is! hahahaha three bikes and more musical instruments! what the flying fuck! WHY would she wear your underwear? holy shit that is so screwed up. and i know she is pissing you off but her response about the evite is hilarious. i can't believe how ridiculous people turn out to be after too many drugs. i seriously hope you get your underwear back safe and sound and that she gets the hell out of there, and hopefully goes straight to rehab. you don't have to put up with her, remember, "you and b are beautiful people!" ;)
from vanillakitty :
Wow woman you sound like me a couple of years back, I had enough and just severed all ties to the juveniles I used to call friends. You can only do so much for everyone else before you start spiraling down because you've put yourself last. It's time for Jelleh-time w/ alot of doses of B! There's a diffrence between helping out someone and being a doormat. Love ya! *prrr*
from jesbohn :
rockin'! thanks for visiting bohnertime. love, -me
from bamstroker :
thanks for responding so quickly! your and b's advice means the most to me. i'm really afraid of the resentment.. that i'll go to chester, the adjustment won't be that bad, and i'll regret that i didn't do it in new orleans. the adjustment is going to be hard no matter where i go- but i think most people want me in chester because then i'll know that home is not too far away when i get homesick. yet it would be horrible if i went to chester and still felt that need to get away because i didn't "really" leave. being far away, i'll miss my family and dogs so much, but i have to leave SOME day. i'm really tempted to just go to a far away school because then that'll be the hardest way, but then i'll get it over with once i settle in. i asked my dad about visiting and got the ball rolling on that and hopefully we can visit it pretty soon. i just have to remember fear is just FEAR and it can make things look dark and scary when they really are okay. thanks SO much. and i feel selfish for writing lately and not yet responding to your entries but i promise i will do so soon. i'm a little on edge now but i'll do it as soon as i can think straight. i love you! *hugs* thank you for helping me out! i would be a weakling without you! :P
from bamstroker :
sorry, hon! i'm back and have been writing up a storm for a new post. but for the past hour and a half, the fucking server has been overloaded. goddamn andrew, that asshole. i'll post it as soon as i can :) <3
from vanillakitty :
ummmm HELLO! would he be my friend just for the night!! lol. No wonder you married him! *prrr*
from fluffykitty1 :
Your boss is a dick, but remember this: Without having someone to bitch about, work can get pretty fucking boring. So let us rejoice in his assholeness & remember he is the kind of person we do not ever want to be...then make fun of him. Opium Fine can hold her own, and you have done more than enough to help her get on her feet. One not-well-thought-out comment won't change that. And by the way I love you, but not all Mexicans are hard-working and not all Republifucks suck. We need to make an effort to curb our tendancies to stereotype even when it seems as though it's a positive. "The biggest mistake people make is to assume you are there & I am here" someone important said that once - forgot who.
from vanillakitty :
Such great humor for such a sucky Friday! I'm all sickly again, you're raggin', WTF can't catch a break for once. lol. Love those letters, I shall copy & save them (w/ permision of course) so hubby can use them when he gets fed up with his job. Anyways happy Friday woman, bottoms up.... or down :) !*prrr*
from marinka-mp :
You are Hilarious! Thank you for the comments. You have no idea how much you just brightened my day. And the answer to your question is, yes I am a Scorpio.
from marinka-mp :
Hey there! Im sorry that you feel horrible. If I have learned anything in the last 7 years of dealing with employment laws and employee benefits, its that first of all it is ILLIGAL for the company to fire her because she has ďany kind of a medical condition.Ē You should certainly warn your friend. But donít tell her all the things your boss said. Filter certain things out, and at the same time TELL her to be careful. If she does work there, and is fired, she can apply for COBRA which is a continuation of the medical benefits. She would have to pay for the plan. But it can get her covered for 36 months. But before she is eligible for the COBRA she has to have been effective on the plan for at least one day. Email me if you need more help.
from bamstroker :
i'm so happy the wedding was a success! i knew it would be :) i will write you a better note soon. a lot of crappy things have been happening lately, but nothing too bad. you're in my thoughts *hugs* talk to you soon! :)
from pretty-pussy :
hey hun. i tried to click your email link, but this pop up box came up telling me i needed a password. i got the same thing when trying to get to StardustCboy's email link. weird.. anyway, i just need your email addy, and ill send the password right over. :P
from vanillakitty :
thank goodness the one I go to has AC!!! It's actually really really clean. Kinda reminds me of Ross dept stores, only the prices are a whole lot better. Have fun with B this weekend! *prr*
from pretty-pussy :
hello. i stumbled upon your diary when looking through your mans diary. i read a few entries and hope you dont mind if i add you to my buddy list.
from vanillakitty :
Hey woman! How've ya been, wondering if all is ok, haven't heard from ya in a couple of days! *prrr*
from neonlemonz :
Holy frickin cow...you're married? Wow...that seems like madness, and I'm not sure how to react. Congratulations, though! Best wishes!!!
from neonlemonz :
Hey! How's everything?? Seems like I've missed some things while I was away.
from marinka-mp :
Hey there! Im sorry, love! From what I have read I your diary and understood about B is that he is not like any man. I would say give him a little bit of a room. Soon enough he will open up and tell you what is bothering him. Always keep in mind that he loves you.
from chickpea981 :
hey don't take this wrong way... you know how shocked and upset you were when you had to read about his feelings online? Maybe thats how he felt reading about your party and seeing it in print rather than coming from your mouth. There is a lot of emotion going on and weddings just amplify the feelings going on. It's a tumultuous time. Don't let this start things off on the wrong foot.
from vanillakitty :
WOW woman! sounds like you had a good time up until, you know. What ever happend to the girlie strippers?? I guess one good thing is that at least you can remember what happend at the party :) ...... see you later! *mwah*
from vanillakitty :
ahhemmmmmm.......*awaiting you 1st entry as an official married woman!!* I hope the wedding went awesome! *prrr*
from bamstroker :
your last entry is so lovely and endearing *hugs* i'm very happy for you both!
from marinka-mp :
Hey there. I agree with you. There is such a thin boundary. I think it is always best to give kids what they need to survive. If they want more, then i would say "Work your ass off and achieve your material goals yourself." Thats how I was raised and thats how i intend to raise my daughter.
from vanillakitty :
Why is your mom so focused/worried about your little sister and all that junk? It's your wedding she needs to just focus on you (even if it's just for a brief moment) and not fall into the "waaa-meee" traps from your sister. This is you and your moms time together to bond before the wedding and you sister seems to have to be the one in the spotlight. ehhhh. Anyways, that's just my take on it, I'm still icky so maybe I've gone overboard, I tend to be sour when I'm sick. Hope your week unfolds to a beautiful wedding w/ lots of surprises! *mwah* sending you happy vibrations!
from bamstroker :
i hear you! the babying my sister gets is out of control too. i told my mother, "behavior is changed by consequences" but she doesn't get it. my parents throw money at her, they bail her out. i tell them this only makes her think she can get away with anything, because it's true. they say, well, we don't want her in jail, or we don't want her homeless. most drug addicts don't have well off fathers who bend over backwards to buy them cars, get them into rehab, and cover their court charges. people have to face up to their shit if others ever expect them to change. sorry, i went off on a tangent lmao but there's so many parallels between our families. i can't believe your mom wants to buy your sister a condo. what is going to happen when your mom can no longer provide for her and your sister will suddenly learn she has to take care of herself? she won't know how to. ugh. our mothers infuriate me, hon. but at least we can clearly identify their flaws and do our best to be different. i can't wait until the wedding happens for you, and when it's over a lot of this stress will dissapear! *hugs* damn, it is almost here. ;) i am getting really excited for you :) <3
from bamstroker :
thank you :) elena offends me in every way imaginable. she's only going to rehab to avoid a prison sentence (which doesn't make SENSE. if they wanted to arrest her, they couldn't do it if she was in rehab. but all they have to do is wait til she gets out.. ugh.) the people there went to college for years to learn how to treat people's addictions, they are in a HELPING profession, and for her to go there for selfish reasons and to waste their time fucking pisses me off. it offends me so much. my dad ended up not paying or bringing her, and i didn't bring her either. i can't stand her. they're letting her go even though she is broke. oh well, she just has to sell some crack to fix that. i'm so mad right now lmao. 3 more months and i'm out of here! ;)
from bamstroker :
it's weird you went through that, i just went through the same thing- i got all the symptoms but no period. it was really pissing me off, but it did come lmao. i'm so glad for you that you won't have it during your wedding! i feel bad for brides who schedule their big day and end up having that physical discomfort, it must really suck. i am SO excited for you! it's coming up fast :D
from vanillakitty :
hmmmm, all the symptoms and none of the yuck....... should I dare to say........ EPT time??!!! heheheeeee..... I'm glad you're feeling better.
from bamstroker :
damn honey, i'm sorry all of this commotion is coming up out of nowhere and surprising you so close to your wedding *hugs* as for eyeore- i don't know if this would be totally rude or too late or what, but if you're really afraid of her ruining things, would it be possible to tell her she can't come to the party? or only can if she apologizes? after all, that day is a special one that revolves around you, and it seems unfair that you will have to be distracted by a "friend" the whole time because she is acting like a bitch. i know you feel bad about everything, but i think that will die down as you start to feel you are moving on- so try to concentrate on what would make YOU feel best (concerning everything, your contact with her, her presence at this party and the wedding) my suggestion might be a bad idea, but i just hate to think of you having a hard time because of her. you're hanging in there so well and it brought a smile to my face to read your proclamation. you are so strong and don't take crap from anyone! i think that, along with kindness, which you are full of, are the most admirable qualities in a person. try not to feel bad, i think you are in the right when it comes to eyeore, and if she can't give you the loving treatment and respect you deserve, then she needs to shove off and put some good money toward therapy. i'm proud of you hon, you always stand up for yourself and i love that! *hugs* <3
from bamstroker :
what an entry it was. probably the entry most likely to bring anyone down who reads it because it was so depressing. however i am still just a little ticked i lost it, it had the perfect climatic ending as i found out i got into college right as i was finished writing it so i put that as the end. lmao oh well, it doesn't matter now. thank you so much hon! all these other problems are still going on, but it doesn't seem to bother me much because i know i'll be out of here in a few months, and i was able to get into college! i feel so confident and happy right now. thank you for being the best friend you could possibly be, i wouldn't feel so brave if i didn't have you believing in me and you mean the world to me *hugs* so thank you! :) <3
from hlupak :
BRAVO!!!
from vanillakitty :
I wish I could have been there to see your face when you got that message..... I wish I could be there when you confront her. lol, I'm so mean sorry. Have a better evening!
from marinka-mp :
Oh babe im sorry. You dont need her, right now you are building a new life. Fuck the old and lets get on with the new. She is obviously still seven years old and she needs to grow up.
from bamstroker :
hey i am not grown up yet ;) sorry you're having such awful dreams *hugs* i have really cracked out dreams when i am stressed. i dream a lot about people dying and once dreamed that my father and ben affleck were mowing my lawn. LOL. i hope you are not getting sick either- most of my friends are coming down with something right now. one even has mono.
from marinka-mp :
Hey there! You know what! Stop STRESSING OUT. Everything will be fine. Besides, this wedding is going to be a once in a life time thing. You should not feel guilty for spending a lot of money on it. In the long run, you are going to have perfect memories. When you are old thatís all that counts itís the memories. And you canít have a memory worth remembering if you did not put in effort into your special day.
from bamstroker :
i love that poem by charles bukowski. have you ever heard of david lerner? i think he was from california- he died in 1997. he might have had aids or something, i know that it was a result from a heroin addiction. but he wrote this one poem i am very crazy about and it's the ONLY poem by him i can find! i've found three poems written about him from friends after he died (which only fueled my fascination) but he's almost a ghost on the net. i will definitely send you the poem if you haven't read it, i think you would like it :) b's grandmother sounds awesome!! what an incredible woman! i can see you being like her when you are older. :) as for your friend.. she does sound annoying. i have had a few friends like that but we lost contact as i kept switching schools but i remember it being very irritating. she needs to give you some space and stop being so demanding. i think it is wonderful you only want to keep positive people in your life who won't be such a hassle- sometimes people we know just bring so many problems into a friendship it is not worth it after a while. i'm really excited for you and brian with the wedding, it is coming up fast! i hope it is everything you dream it will be. :) you're in my thoughts as always *hugs* lots of love to you :) <3 whit
from marinka-mp :
Hey Cutie Pie, For a while I have been meaning to write a comment. I think I will combine all my thoughts into one. First of all, I am envious of you. I wish I had my grandmother at my side. So, while you are at it, give Bís grandma a kiss from me. About the friend thing, unfortunately you have to do what feels right for you and what is GOOD for you. She would have done the same if she was in your place.
from marinka-mp :
Hey Cutie Pie! Thanks for the love notes. They mean a lot to me.
from marinka-mp :
Hey there! Im sorry! But you know what the important thing is? Its simply the fact that now you know how she really feels. Therefore, next time when the issue is brought up you will be better prepared.
from bamstroker :
hon i'm so proud of you for being honest with your boss! *hugs* i hate that feeling, when you have done something bad and you are drowning in guilt and panic and just want to run away. you are so brave that you didn't run and you faced him! i'm also amazed how much we have in common. it really makes me feel better to know you've been through many similar things and turned out to be very confident and happy. i look up to you and i want to be like you when i'm older and past all of this. to have your constant support means so much to me. like i was telling b, i really have no other sensible adults to turn to, apart from my step father. my mother is a brilliant woman but she's also trying to cling on to me and it's making things worse. i've excluded her from most of the process of applying to colleges and i think it has driven a wedge between us. she has repeatedly said that she thinks me going away would be a disaster and that i should stay home and commute for the first year. it hurts my feelings because, well, she has the right to think that, because i back out on things. but it also hurts me that she doesn't believe in me. but having you there to believe in me is enough, so thank you. you're a big inspiration. :) i really want to buy you that print but i am still broke. as soon as i have money, if you don't have it yet, i'll get it for you! *hugs* :) <3 whit
from vanillakitty :
OMG! I want these: Adorable, Dream & varsity.... My 3 moods, lol. I thought for sure they would have a pirate one but I guess you'll have to, or I see you as....."Floor or Latex Girl". lol How close did I get? Anyways *mwah*
from marinka-mp :
Hey there! Yeah I have been reading your diary for a while. You sound like a cool person. Its been fun getting to know you.
from bamstroker :
i hope the party went well! ;) and if i had 26 dollars in my account i'd buy that picture for you in a flash, but i recently overwithdrew due to my ebay addiction (lmfao is there an ebay addicts anonymous?) and won't have money again for a few days. thank you so much for the support and encouragement!! i couldn't have done a lot of this without you. i still have fears but it's kind of bizarre how much i have been changing- i definitely don't feel like the same person i was a year ago when things were bad and i was obsessed with myself. i guessi am still obsessed lmao but only because i care about my future now and i want to be a good person. you help me see what's good about myself. and i visited your 'about' page, and you are SO pretty! i'd join your ring, too, but i don't know if i belong- i don't have any stories to tell on that subject.. well not really lmao but i'm sure that'll change once college gets here :P love you hon! <3 whit
from vanillakitty :
woman where are you?? I need HELP!!!!
from vanillakitty :
So I guess now Blog is down & out. I've been trying to get in and I get "Fatal Script Error. Server Stopped".... ???? Can't win anywhere! Hope hump day was good to you, lol *prrr*
from vanillakitty :
Hey woman no update about you friday? You're slackin/snackin''!!! *prrrr*
from neonlemonz :
hey-i miss you!! where have you been? or maybe...where have i been?
from vanillakitty :
heheheee, You finaly got in, I'm still not alowed, lol. I guess I've been bad, no more d-land for me lol.
from vanillakitty :
OMFG!!! I just saw Stardustcboy's pics, and I shit-you-not, he looks like my 1st hubby!!! It freaked me out! I'll have to try diggin up some old pics of me & him if current hubby hasn't torched them. lol *prrrr*
from vanillakitty :
whats your diary over *there*. I started one, vanillakitty, to see how it is looks like it won't die every month. *prrr*
from vanillakitty :
I'm [email protected], I tried adding you to my list but it says you're not a "passaport member???" I thought hotmail gave ya access? *prrr*
from vanillakitty :
hey added you to my AOL mess. you can find me with vanillakitty76. maybe one of these days we'll be able to update??? heheee, yea right! *prr*
from vanillakitty :
www.opendiary.com...... I'm under Vanillakitty still. Don't know if I'll actually use them though, you can't modify you page or anything. I'll keep looking. *prrr*
from vanillakitty :
so, are you having problems updating? I have been trying to for days now. This sux, I might change to diary.org or something. ehhh. Happy HUMP day, :) *prrr*
from vanillakitty :
FINALLY your page is back!!! How's the Monday scene going??!!! Blah here too. *prrr*
from vanillakitty :
Sound like you're off to a good start for the weekend, lol and it's only Thursday. Drink one for meeeee. I'm thinking of jumping in the shower and getting slutified and go out when hubby gets home (leave him w/ the kids). lol..... hmmmm just maybe he'll go for it. Keep your fingers crossed. *mwah*
from stardustcboy :
Peeeeeeeeench!!!! i don't care if you got green on or not...i peench you anyway!! HaHA!! i luh yoo mah hun!! you know you were lookin' at the bulge in my jeans while i sang too! hahahaha!! xoxo ~B-)
from vanillakitty :
You got your green on? Well, just incase you don't..... *pinch*pinch* *mwah* Happy Horney Green Day!
from stardustcboy :
LMAO!!!! you said "BREATS"!!!!! LMAO!!!! i luh mah HUN!! you're right, girls are soft and fuzzy! and it sure is fun watchin' you get your mac on! heehee! my lil devil enchantress you! xoxoxo ~B-)
from bamstroker :
i hate that other people know what it feels like, but then it's also comforting i am not alone. so it took you a long time to create that distance from your family? i am hoping it will happen for me when i am in college.. i don't know though. maybe i need to get married early and escape to italy and have my own family so i can forget about them, haha, just kidding. oh, my sister had a miscarriage, by the way. i think it is a blessing in disguise. but she says she is going to try again so god help that poor baby, if she ever has one. people like her shouldn't have children, in my opinion, not until they straighten out. lmao i am sorry you are hungover you poor thing! *hugs* you'll feel better tomorrow, hang in there :)
from vanillakitty :
I'm here, I'm here! I just haven't had time to update. Will update tomorrow.... promise! *prrrrrrrrr-kitty-kitty-prrrrrrrrrr*
from stardustcboy :
weed-whacker huh? well, don't go editing people willy-nilly...some are a part of my life too. ~B-)
from hlupak :
thanks for the kind note. your kind words mean a lot to me. i'll definitely let you know where the new blog is. hugs and kisses'
from hlupak :
i just wanted to send you a bravo for your diary and a hug to you for being who you are
from bamstroker :
aww hon. i think it may be a combination of winter, (january and february are the WORST months) stress from the wedding and then getting sick on top of that, that has you feeling down. i think you'll probably feel better once your wedding plans are more concrete, and spring is here, because this winter is dragging the fuck on and it's depressing everyone i know. i mean, people here are so sick of the snow. typically, we didn't get snow for christmas, and as soon as january came, we kept getting hit with one storm after the other. we just had one last night and we are going to have another one on monday. it really messes up my step dad's schedule because he works for the highway dept so when it snows he has to go and plow the roads for hours, sometimes working for two days straight. i am absolutely dying for spring to come! hang in there, march is almost here and that means that spring is just around the corner, and a lot of the flus will go away and the sun will come out. *hugs* hope you feel better soon. btw that new location for the wedding is beautiful!
from chickpea981 :
thank you - that fund isn't a bad idea.
from vanillakitty :
where ya at woman??!! Hope everything is ok! *mwah*
from bamstroker :
i hope you feel better soon sweetheart! you're in my thoughts, take care of yourself *hugs* lots of love, whit.
from hlupak :
i heard that you are not feeling well. i hope that you are feeling much better very, very soon.
from silverbiker :
haha thats a good name for vday! it really sucks..and i dont know why it just makes me feel so strange..cause im single i guess! but ah i ignore it! or try to anyway haha! hope u're having a good day sweets! take care!
from vanillakitty :
lol, sounds like you did about the same thing we did. We got some deli meat at the grocery store a bottle of wine and watched t.v. for a bit. SOOOOO exciting. But I really didn't feel like going out or doing the romantic thing, plus w/ 2 kids and no babysitter, nothing would be romantic no matter how hard we could try. But after the kids went to bed..... *ahem* thats a whole diffrent story. :) *mwah*
from silverbiker :
how was ur vday? ;)
from hlupak :
hugs and kisses for valentine's day to one of the VERY few women who would get those frome me.)
from bamstroker :
OMG. your road rage post had me laughing sooo hard! you are an absolute riot! thanks for posting that old writing of yours- i can see why it'd remind you of me, and i think i've said a few similar things in entries in the past. i don't know why kids are different these days- i don't know when they changed and from what, either. self abuse is running rampant. i think a lot of it is glamorized now, especially now that we have things like the internet and mtv, so the idea of it reaches more people? i have no clue. as for me, anything i've experienced i've sort of 'figured out' and not adapted from some place else. the cutting and the food problem was something that just came to me and slowly developed over time. before i had these problems, the thought of cutting myself scared me very much and anorexia disturbed me and i never even had any knowledge about calories or cared about my weight. i didnt watch a lifetime movie and decide to try it, but i know so many people do that. it's almost contagious and can start out as attention whoring but even that can develop into something more serious, once the idea is in someone's head. i think there's always something wrong with a kid who deliberately puts their health at risk, even if that reason is just to get attention or stupidity, but i think for the most part that people know what they are doing. i could be wrong though, i never was strongly influenced by friends and followed their every move, good or bad, like some people such as my sister. so i don't know what it feels like to blindly follow something because you think it's cool or you want to be like everyone else. but my sister is exactly that way and was completely defined by other people.. and she ended up in a bad place. but if the people around her had been healthy and successful, i bet she would have reached new heights and never gone down the road she is on. i really don't know why teens are the way they are now, my mom thinks that people have more stress these days but i can't comment because i haven't lived long enough to know. i don't know how it was before i got here. i just hope we all grow out of it and my generation, ten years from now, isn't completely depressed and screwed up, haha. anyway those are my thoughts on it. take care, i'm thinking of you too!
from vanillakitty :
Happy Hugs & kisses on all your pink parts Day!!! lol.
from neonlemonz :
I do? I take that as a compliment. I hope I grow up to be like you!
from neonlemonz :
Hey-I miss you, where have you been?
from bamstroker :
i haven't- i've had panic attacks before but not frequently, and more often than not i would have anxiety attacks which aren't as scary. i will definitely go and see someone if this becomes a recurring problem, i still think it's just because of my allergies, but if it's not i wouldn't mind going to therapy or even trying medication. i think its something i can fix myself though, because i have been holed up in my house for almost a month and i'm still not used to the weird feelings from the meds, but that'll just take time. i'm hoping art class will help :) how was it walking through the creepy parking lot, did you do okay? i HATE walking around by myself at night in the city, i get really freaked out. i've seen too many horror movies lmao.
from vanillakitty :
It's all the spinach & oatmeal, lol. My dad FREAKED when he saw that pic. I don't see how anyone could actually think someone would tat their 1 yr old. lol.
from stardustcboy :
>:-) this is the devil you know, dropping a note to say "i'm makin' ya dinner baby...right now! oh yeah!" xoxo i'm reading you. ~B-)
from vanillakitty :
Hey so how was the night out?? Did you drink enough to forget this week, at least for a brief moment?
from bamstroker :
i've been thinking of you too- i have been so bad at leaving notes the past couple of weeks, and i feel really bad about that. i just haven't felt like 'myself' and i make myself go out of my mind when i am worried about something- i've been really worried about these allergies, thinking that all this phlegm is really a sign of something bad.. i just have issues lmfao. i'm really hoping you stay healthy this winter and don't get sick- a lot of people i know have some kind of flu and are pretty miserable right now. i'm also pissed off because i'm gonna be doing all this stuff soon- mostly for college, and i have to feel well to do it. but today i feel okay. last night i felt like hell and i had this horrible taste of acid in my mouth and i could taste it whenever i talked. i'm so insanely jealous of everyone who is feeling healthy! i'm such a baby, haha. that is SO sweet you got flowers at your work. i bet all the girls there are envious that you have such a sweet boyfriend! if you don't like bush, i have so many funny hate graphics/links about him. have you been to that site where americans put up personal ads of themselves so a canadian will marry them and they can go live in canada, and because they all hate bush and want out of the country? and people really did this, they got married so an american could leave and a canadian could save them LOL, it is so insane. take care of yourself! :)
from vanillakitty :
drink a couple.... dozen for me!!! Have fun!!
from vanillakitty :
Awww sweetie! Where do I drop them off at.. lol... Too bad you don't live around me, do a girls night out! *mwah*
from hlupak :
i don't think that you overreacted. you were right, and he was being an asshole. you don't need to put with that shit.
from pinkpastry :
I agree kids are fucked up! It's just sad and makes me angry that a big group of kids are to stupid to deal... I mean if we can try and deal with this fucked up reality why can't they?!? I know suicide all to well and it just pisses me off....
from bamstroker :
i hope your kitty arrives there safely :) i agree with you- kids are dumb. but what really pisses me off is that he should have been sent to the hospital and not straight home. it's the law. even if the teacher didn't believe him, he was talking about suicide for a reason. suicide is preventable and he would probably still be here if he was sent to a doctor- who could say, "this kid wants attention" "this could just needs therapy" or "this kid needs to be put on anti-psychotics!" whatever. i cant believe the audacity of the bitch that sent him home. she and the principal are not psychologists, they cannot ask a kid questions and determine if he's okay or not. the school system in my town is so fucked. i bet they barely gave a shit when he reached out for help. that's why my mom took my sister and i out and put us in private schools when we were young (not that it helped us graduate high school any ;)) a few yrs back, the schools in my town started a trend of bomb threats in new england and we are now called the raymond uni-bombers LMFAO. it's a poor town full of stupid kids and stupid parents. i can't wait to get out of here. but on a better note i'm so happy you're getting another kitty :) let us know how she likes her new home! take pictures if you can! <3
from bamstroker :
thank you so much honey! *hugs* sorry i've been a crappy note writer.. i feel so weak and kind of out of it, fucking allergies. i love all your notes so much. that's so weird/awesome we almost got the same exact GED scores! :) i am seeing a college counsellor on feb 2nd and then i'll have a better idea of where i'll be headed this fall. i'm really excited about all of this! thank you for all your support :) *hugs* xoxo whit
from vanillakitty :
Hubby has his "memory" box, with pictures letters and poems from the "other" gal. Every so often I'm tempted to go look and throw out pics & stuff I don't want to see. But thats usually after a fight or something to get back at him, cuz I know that box is his "precious". ehh. Oh well, maybe one of these days he'll throw it out.
from vanillakitty :
OMG! I dealt with the same crap from my hubby. He searched for his "1st love" for months and tracked her down in Cali, they sent emails back and forth, but when she called I had to put my foot down. I told him I do NOT want her calling the house & wasn't comfortable with him devulging our personal life with her, especially compareing our life now to what thiers was back in the day. He told me he had ran into her a year or two ago, being now we live in his "home town" & she was visiting her family at the time. I wonder if it was a "planned" run-in or not. Today he says he doesn't talk or email her, but he does talk with some of her friends still. It worries me, or makes me wonder that when he talks with them if he's talking about us- his family, or if he prying for info on her. When I try talking with him he avoids it. I guess I'll never know unless I "run-in to" her some day. ehhhh.
from gettingnaked :
How sad... I JUST saw your note about bars and drinks and such. I wonder why d-land didn't alert me! Brats. To answer your question, the bar I love is closing this week, so that's out of the question, but I will drink just about anywhere, so if you want to get together, I'm game for just about anything. (I'm very flexible that way--if only it extended to my physical being as well!)
from vanillakitty :
my "wedding" cost me $60. $20 for the license, $10 for the Justice of the Peace guy, and $30 on a hotel room. Oh yea and $3.99 on a bottle of Stawberry Hills Boonze. Eventualy I might do a real wedding but, I'd much rather put all that money towards a cruise or trip to London.
from vanillakitty :
Lovely green.... "frog theme" ... remind me never to do green again. It was a bitch to clean up! And Corbins face had this green tint cuz of the food coloring for 2 days!!
from silverbiker :
just stopping by to say hi! ;)
from vanillakitty :
I saw the video for the 1st time yesterday, I *almost* cried. Damn dust! hehee
from vanillakitty :
UMMM HELLO! Can I get one of those to go please!! Glad to see your play night went so well!! (except for the untimly interruption) Happy Friday!! *prrrr*
from pipersplace :
Thanks for the note, sweetie. I'm so glad you enjoy it. I'll have to start reading your diary.
from stardustcboy :
tonight...i'm going to make you cum so hard you'll black out... >:-) mWuaHahahahaha!! ~B-)
from bamstroker :
thank you so much for the encouragement! you, and b, are really the only friends i have right now and everything you say helps me so much. i love you both! *hugs*
from bamstroker :
i laughed so hard at the list of things you hate, haha, it is hilarious. one of my best friends is a complete doormat when it comes to guys (and, well, everybody.) a guy could seriously beat the shit out of her for 12 hrs straight and she would find a way to justify it and would take him back the next day. i don't get it, it's like the part of the brain that says "assholes aren't worth your time and they rarely ever do change" is missing from her. they say repetitive behavior is a sign of insanity- i think girls like that ARE insane, in a way, to keep fooling themselves so well for long periods of time. i've been the shoulder she's cried on for so long (about the SAME guy) so i can empathize. thanks for the art link btw :) sorry i'm not being too prompt at replying to notes, i feel so fucking dead and tired, it takes all my energy to remember to do things. i hope all is well on your end. *hugs*
from vanillakitty :
I think that gurgling is a early baby want before the wedding!!!
from vanillakitty :
hey at least you didn't spend money, the last link you put up (Trashy.com) I spent a good chunk on swimsuits I might be too bashfull to wear in public. lol.
from vanillakitty :
lol, he looks like he's annoyed. I posted that pic in a contest!! http://www.photowow.com and click on the "Photo contests" link. On that page, enter Entrant #24361... so you can vote!! too bad he doesn't fit in the sink anymore, lol, he's growwing like a weed. *prrrr*
from vanillakitty :
LOL, I know it's january.... waiting for KATRESS to finish my new layout for me!! Can't wait... definetly not christmasy! You're going to have to post some pics of the wedding dress, preferably you in it ( not hanging in the closet or crumpled in a corner from wedding night. heheee that would be interesting entry of just pic..... 1st pic of it on a hanger, 2nd of you wearing it, 3rd crumpled on the floor honeymoon night, 4th back hanging in the closet. no need for words!! Everyone would get the idea! Anyways *purrrrr*
from vanillakitty :
Hmmmm, choice of standing outside the door and listening... vs. barging in and remote chance of joining, hell it's worth a shot, he should have jumped at the chance. lol. He's a good writer. I would never be able to write like that in my diary. Anyways, happy Friday! Enjoy everything you can! *mwah*
from neonlemonz :
Thankyou. I'm feeling better...better-ish.
from pinkpastry :
You me and Lolly for celebratory drinks would be kick ass! By the way what you said " talk politics, video games, food, and leave out the drama of how they fucked themselves in a relationship, because no amount of ďadviceĒ will ever change their minds or actions." I can totally do all those things, but like everyone every now and then there's the drama relationship slip!
from pinkpastry :
I completely think your list needs to go out with gettingnaked and myself it could be one fun time! In other news why are we la kids so high maintenance? Maybe it's true what one of my "friends" said it's not that were High Maintenance we all are just spoiled.
from gettingnaked :
Wow... your list and my list should go out sometime because they have a lot in common! You, Pinkpastry & I should totally go have a drink. It was lovely to see the sun yesterday, but it's painfully bright outside. I guess there's just no pleasing us Angelinos.
from neonlemonz :
i love rain though...i really do, but too much can damper my spirits.
from bethany9 :
Hey, thanks for adding me... the links the the left of your entry don't work... maybe it's just me? I tried to click on NOTES and got nothin... cool image on your template!
from catz-eyes :
ahoy there me hearties.... your diary is wonderful! i dropped by to say thank you for the note you left regarding 'Jaselle', and so took a peek-see at your treasure chest... i like the cut of your jib ;) hope Life is being kind to you and yours cherub. =^..^=
from neonlemonz :
it was snowing on friday night, which i loved, but now, the snow has stopped and it's sunny, thus melting all the snow. but it's kinda chilly.
from gettingnaked :
Spoken like a person who has definitely been through and learned from therapy. You are absolutely right and your mom is being absolutely immature (in a way that reminds me so much of my own mother!).
from neonlemonz :
that's amazing advice...great words of wisdom. i will store that up with other advice i cherish. funny, the best advice i receive is always from essential strangers.
from bamstroker :
you as my sister? that would be a dream come true. :) no, you're right about the situation with your mom. it does sound like she's causing a guilt trip- and also doesn't want to deal with this, like she wants to go into therapy so the therapist can do most of the work for her. quite honestly the only people that, from what i know, need therapy are your mom and sister and they should be doing it to better themselves, not to learn how to get past this situation without owning up to what they are doing. i agree with everything you've said, so that means you are not crazy ;) i'm sorry they are doing this.. is your mom a bit manipulative? my mother and sister are, big time, and are pretty skilled at trying to get me to do things i don't want to do. it's hard to say no to family like that, i'm proud of you for being firm on this :) hang in there hon, your mom will have to get the picture sooner or later.
from bamstroker :
i can't give you a real hug yet, but *HUGS* :P i can't believe you went through that much, with your step father.. i had no idea, how awful and what a nightmare to be in when you were a child. i really appreciate you sharing these personal things about your family and your past when you are trying to get a point across. "A family that lies together, dies together." that describes my family, totally. that's a powerful line, and its sticking with me. as for the diary... the thing is, i don't know how they found it, which makes me worry that my sister came upon it by searching her full name on the net- that's a legit reason for being mad, to know that a diary written with you in it could be found by googling your name. but i can't know that's how she discovered it unless i unlocked it and started typing in our names into a search engine.. i could have sworn it wasn't in the search engines because i definitely don't remember putting our last name in my diary. and the diary was, in fact, locked for a good amount of time. but besides that issue- which ISN'T the point anyway- i don't really care anymore. i don't feel they deserve an explanation from me, if they even decide to confront me. i don't believe my sister will say anything, she is the type to blow up in your face, then be really nice to you (in case she needs money or a ride soon) but say the nastiest shit behind your back. she'll rip you apart when you aren't around to hear it. i can't tell what my mom will do.. we've been walking past each other a lot today, not saying a word. i'm very angry but also very uncaring because this is all such bullshit and i don't give a fuck she's pissed i have a diary about her. my father said to me, "if they're so worried about being written about on the internet then they shouldn't have gotten arrested and had police reports about them online. it's all on there, you know." he's been so caring and supportive- which is ironic, because one of the factors that led to my parents' divorce was that he was spying on my mother. but that's a whole other story. you are so strong, honey, and i admire you so much. our pasts seem very much alike and throughout your life you have just kicked ass no matter how touch and scary things got and i wish i could be like that. the email to your mother and sister is great and i hope they stop putting you in the middle, it is unhealthy and it only creates more problems. their fight is something that needs to be worked out between them, and not through you. i hate it when people involve you- and you get wrapped up, but then they resolve things on their own so you're the one left with all the bad feelings. good for you for stepping back. "I am a very giving person but when you suck the life out of me and replace it with negativity, YOU WILL FEEL MY WRATH." haha, i LOVE your entries, you always stand up for yourself and it's wonderful to watch. you have given me a lot to think about and thank you for inspiring me to speak up for myself and stop feeling so afraid. i'm sorry you had a bad day but i think your email will have fixed it for the most part, depending on whether or not they listen. i can't imagine them reading that and responding with anything different than, "i'm sorry, you're right." but i guess you'll have to wait and see. i like the quotes, by the way. :) you have cheered me up as usual. you are an unbelievable friend and an awe-inspiring person and i feel so lucky to have met you! i hope your day is improving and you're feeling better now. you're in my thoughts. *hugs* <3
from pinkpastry :
<clap clap> Go you for standing up for yourself... Wish I had the balls to write a letter like that... Have I ever told you your my hero? Yes your the wind beneath my wings! =0p Cheers!
from gettingnaked :
Good for you for standing up to your mom and sis. You were very clear... I hope they getthe picture! I didn't realize until just now that you're right in my neck of the woods. I'm right in the west valley. Howdy neighbor!
from neonlemonz :
Ha. You got that right. My heart is all mixed up. I don't know how to feel, what to be. Oh well, whatever though.
from vanillakitty :
Okay, so thanks for the little link to "Trashy", Now I'VE blown the last of my money!!!lol, damn swimsuits! Anywho, hope you're new year is going well! prrrrrr *mwah*
from gettingnaked :
I'm so sorry about Sushi. It's so amazingly hard to lose a furry companion. I know how the house feels so empty and you expect to see or hear them with every noise and shadow. Hang in there. I'll keep all of you in my thoughts.
from bamstroker :
honey i'm very sorry about sushi *hugs* i know what you're going through- i have a lot of pets and a good number of them died this year. what really helped me was to make something to remember them by- with my cat, patches, i gathered all of her pictures and put them in a photo album. whenever i miss her, i look through it and remember all the good & funny times we had. and a few weeks before she died, she was sleeping on my bed, and i drew pictures of her. they came out crappy, but that helped too, to know that she would never be forgotten and that i was there for her in the end. making a nice grave and visiting with flowers is another good way to remember your pet and talk to her. i am glad she is no longer in pain but i'm sorry you're going through this, but it will get better *hugs* if you need to talk honey i'm here okay? sushi was an extremely lucky cat to have you in her life and there are thousands of ways that you made her life priceless. i hope you know you were a good mom to her and she had a great life because of you. these days, that can be rare, but because of you, one kitty had a lot of love in the years she was given. and when her time came, she was able to go in peace and be with her mom before she went- there is nothing more loving than that. *hugs* hang in there hon. (and thank you, once again, for another incredibly sweet note. i appreciate it so much, i can't even tell you.) <3
from pinkpastry :
*Hugs* Sorry to hear about your kitty. Sadly my kitty Smokey had to be put down last year because she had a tumor. We had it removed but sadly it didn't help much 2 months later we had to let her go, it just was her time unfortunately. But I like to think she's in a better place now, who knows just maybe Smokey and your dear Sushi are playing together and watching us... Missing us as much as we miss and love them... Just maybe?
from chickpea981 :
When I put Jade down a few months ago it was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I had to though. I felt it was worse for me to put her through surgery and prolong her life further because *I* wasn't ready to let go. She showed me she was ready to go and I had to respect her "decision." I don't envy the position you are in right now. Make sure they let you hold her and kiss her goodbye. And know that you ARE making the right decision. You can never replace an animal, only hope that they come back to you in the future in another one. *love and hugs*
from neonlemonz :
Be yourself no matter what the cost. True friends will understand, even truer, be true to yourself. It sounds cheesy, but,damn, there's a reason every cliche is cliche. There's a hidden pocket of truth-write back!!
from bamstroker :
thank you so much hon! you're so sweet. i've never heard of cal arts- the college i'm looking at now is savannah school of arts, i have to confess i have barely researched other art schools. right now i'm leaning toward becoming a photographer but i'd love to be literally anything in the arts ranging from a historian to a person who restores paintings in a museum. the scad school looks perfect but i should check out cal arts. thanks for your nice compliments! i love your list of what you learned in 2004 and i can empathize with your hair woes- i have to accept i'm naturally a wavy brunette and not a straight haired blonde :( happy new year! and thanks again. *hugs* <3
from pinkpastry :
You really are just a hop skip and jump from my neck of the woods... How awesome is that! By the way I love your entry Dec. 29. But for me it's more the who wants to break free from the chains that we call father *sigh* Anyway HAPPY NEW YEAR and all other lovely things.
from lady-frenzy :
Amen. ^_~
from bamstroker :
could you have written this at a more perfect time? you and stardust astound me. you are both like guardian angels. i'm deep in shit and one of you whips out the most sensational post so full of wisdom and strength to help me from doing something bad to myself. you make me want to take care of myself and take charge of my life. i find you both absolutely inspirational and what you say always strikes a deep chord in me. i know i'm the one holding myself back, by holding on to this idea that suffering is who i am, that it's comfortable and nice.. but it is not, it is boring and without direction. i need to kick the notion that i will always be this down, and that i like it.. because i obviously don't, if i am always feeling so desperate, scared, and alone. i told a friend last night that life seems like a huge nightmare to me, and staying depressed makes sense because something horrible will happen any minute anyway to take away all the energy i put into being a positive person. thats seriously bullshit. both of you challenge me head on when i get so convinced i'm right in that it's okay to do this to myself- it's not. but how do i stop having two sides to every single argument, because i'm conflicted? i'll just work on it, really hard. i don't really have a whole lot of hope but you two remind me of what i want to accomplish and what i could do with my life. i dont know how to thank you, as i have never met people like the both of you and have never felt connected so strongly in this way. i have another diary, lousrose.diaryland.com i used to write in.. i went to this one to hide from my readers. and never, never after all of the hideously depressed and hopeless posts i've written has anyone truly said anything that challenged me to change my way of thinking, and the way i lived. i got a ton of support, but no one came down hard on me- which is how points get across to me, by someone intellectually kicking my ass. just, thank you. you help me a lot. i feel like i don't have anyone but the usernames online, but just having two people like you is sure as hell enough to keep me feeling understood and safe. it's a big comfort to know people are existing out there right now who have been where i am and have been able to build lives and feel good about themselves. it makes me feel better knowing you're around. thank you a thousand times over. and seriously, i hope if you ever need anything at all, no matter what it is, you'll ask me because i'll try my damn best to give you support as you have given me endless amounts already.
from rainforme :
thanks, it was awesome!
from pinkpastry :
Pisces are great aren't they!!! =0) Anyway I love the look of your Diary, Pirates are Hot and the Parrot isn't half bad either.... By the by I added you to my favorites!
from pinkpastry :
Pisces are great aren't they!!! =0) Anyway I love the look of your Diary, Pirates are Hot and the Parrot isn't half bad either.... By the by I added you to my favorites!
from bamstroker :
thank you hon :) i've been thinking about you too. i'm sorry you have the wedding jitters, i'm sure everything will be perfect once the day comes! that's awesome you are lifting weights, it's fun to see new muscles showing up isn't it? pretty soon you're going to look like lara croft ;) hope you're having a good holiday, i'll talk to you later <3
from neonlemonz :
Hey-thanks for the note. I appreciate it greatly. Luckily for me, I've really stopped caring what my friends think. I am going to be me. I like myself now, and I have a mentality of "That's the breaks, cupcake." if you don't like me. It's easier that way. It results in some not-so-nice stuff, but it's so worth it.
from vanillakitty :
Ho! Ho! Ho! Santa came early!! That's so cool he got a bonus for christmas!!! I hope it make your holiday that much more enjoyable!!! Merry Christmas!!! *mwah*
from lady-frenzy :
It sure is-- Double Bass.
from chickpea981 :
There's nothing wrong with granola. I took that one a while ago and I was a cross between progressive girl and party girl. It seemed about right.
from vanillakitty :
Happy Gobble Day! *mwah*
from vanillakitty :
Congrats!!! Take it easy & we've all had those insta-bitch days, the guys seem to get used to it after a while. *mwah*
from bamstroker :
thank you so much sweetheart! you are so kind *hugs*. of course you're free to read my diary (he has the passwords) and i'd love to add you to my list and keep up with you as well. thanks again! :)
from stardustcboy :
you know, if it's really making you feel that bad, then perhaps you should back out and keep looking? better to leave now when it's only been a few days, than have to extricate yourself months down the road. i'm just trying to keep you positive, but really, if you're just not there with it, and you don't think you ever will be, then by all means drop it and move on before it's too late! CsG! ~B-)
from stardustcboy :
3 words baby...Cheese. Sandwich. Goldfish. aw yeah! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXOH! ~B-)
from chickpea981 :
"Well, you should have laid out the ground rules while you were dating that way you didn't end up locking yourself up into a situation that you can't live with for the rest of your life!" A-motherfucking-men to that honey. That is EXACTLY how I think and its how I think of all my relationships - cant communicate? So long suckah!
from stardustcboy :
god damn you're sexy when you're angry...what say you take out some of that aggression...on ME...TONIGHT! ;-) CsG! ~B-)
from stardustcboy :
i love you my lil pirate princess! xoxo! CsG! ~B-)
from chickpea981 :
Mmmmmm I wanna go to one of those parties. I bet you two are mighty tastey together.
from chickpea981 :
I officially love you for that note!
from redsirenbody :
hey your guy asked his readers to say happy birthday to you and since I saw how gorgeous you are I must say it! You have a great one! L
from stardustcboy :
HaPPy Pre-Birthday sweetie!!! i love you!!! thank goodness you were born tomorrow, cuz i think my life would be half-empty without you!! xoxoxoxo!! ~B-)
from stardustcboy :
i'm listening sweetheart...even when you don't speak i'm listening. i listen so deeply it is almost as though i hear the sweet song of your soul, and thus, i'd know right now if your heart ceased its beating. your desires, your dreams, your fears, your worry, your joy, your pain...i hear them before the words that define them take flight from your lips. you may be hard on yourself, but i'll always be easy. you may worry yourself, but i'll always allay your fear with laughter. besides, the fines only ended up costing us a couple hundred bucks...infintescimal in the span of a decade...and certainly nothing in the span of a thousand years. window #10 sucks ass! window #8 is where it's AT!! i love you sweetheart! ~B-)
from stardustcboy :
i love you babydoll, more than the sum of my life. you are my breath...without you i suffocate. always ~B-)
from sweetnoodles :
You're the rainbow after the rain, the hand of help after I fall, I love you. your sis, SweetNoodles

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