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cutting is a form of relief. a form of self dicipline. a sign of misery, depression, hurt. the worst kind, is a sign of trying to be cool. whichever drives people to self-harm it all ends up the same: they can't stop. some people have related it to smoking, i dont smoke and never have so i couldnt say it, but some have said it's harder to quit smoking than it is to stop cutting. personally, i hate myself for doing it. it's like a way to commit suicide without actually doing it. it's weak, it's letting a monster take over you. stopping is not easy.

from angelpunkk :

i wish someone could too.

from reallyhuman :

Well in 1994 I think, there was this girl called Leah Betts, and she died from taking one ecstasy tablet on her eigteenth birthday. It was supposed to be her first time as well, but that's dubious. She died because she felt ill when she was up and thought she wasn't drinkng enough water because she'd heard about people dying of dehydration while on e. So she proceded to drink the equivalent of 14 pints of water in 1 and a half hours. I know you Americans don't measure in pints, but that's like ... insane amounts of water. Way way way more than any sane human being would drink in a day, even if they were on e the whole day and dancing non stop to the fastest music in the world, in the hottest sweatiest place in the world. She was stupid. She died. When she died her parents went like absolutely insane and created a MASSIVE moral panic over here, they put loads of pictures of her in the newspapers, and the government put it up from a class B to a class A drug. 'tis indeed possible to die from drinking too much water on e, because it makes you not want to piss. Anyway, I've done it 4 times now and this weekend I had my very very first extremely bad comedown. I thought I'd had a bad comedown before but.. you really don't even know what one is until you have one. Eugh. Strong strong pill I took. Only one and it fucked me up the whole weekend. It's the one drug you really can't trust, because you'll never know what's in it. Thanks for the game, it'll probably be used at some point.

from imajoke :

I dont mind. I'm all complimented and whatnot.

from tracey-face :

Want a suggestion? Be straight with him... and tell him during cuddling. That's what I would do. If you're wondering where you stand, ask. Ya know? Andthe reason I say cuddling is because it just seems kinda natural inthat setting... ya know what i mean? Hope it all works out for you. -t

from reallyhuman :

What are your experiences of ecstasy? I need lots of people telling me about every new drug I take. You seem cool too, I'm glad that somebody actually bothers to read my diary. Augh party party party party party hard. lol. Also, give me lots of random suggestions of things to graffitti across london. Pictures or words. I can't draw well though. And give me random suggestions of kids games which involve lots of running around. Just suggestions on life in general actually. Life and drugs. Also if you happen to know that thing where you give someone an orgasm just by touching certain parts of their feet... although I suspect thats a slight myth...

from imajoke :

whyyyyyy am I on the list?

from imajoke :

hello?

from real-lies :

thankyou :)xxxx

from angelpunkk :

because, my dear, if life were easy, it would be boring. this kind of thing is what keeps us sane... driving ourselves insane. yes, it is a strange world. i believe that he likes you, but maybe he just doesn't know what to say. he probably is thinking "oh god, does she want marriage? does she want children?". maybe he's just running away. pull him back in, bonk his brains out, see what happens. enjoy.

from pumpkin-q :

Thank you very much for your notes :) I really enjoy your diary. Because I know what you're saying, and I hope you and Ricky work well. And thank you for adding me, I'll do the same!

from loveorhate03 :

thanks

from reallyhuman :

Thanks for your note. Sorry I couldn't be bothered to reply until now, but the truth of the matter is that I am unbelievably lazy. You're right and you're wrong. I'm a bit like everyone was at seventeen, and yet fail to be anything like any of the current generation of seventeen year olds. Oh well. That would be the way. I fit all the requirements of stereotypical teenager while at the same time being completely different to every other teenager I know. As for God, that's not one you're going to convince me on. In my mind people who believe in God are delusional and stupid. Or not delusional and stupid in themselves, but just in that certain belief. It does just annoy me, I'm sorry. I just thought I should say that because I say that to everyone I meet who believes in God, not because I want to scare them or offend them, but because I like people to know the angle I'm coming from. You're right in that I am very smart, but I'm also very stupid. Another of the ironies in my life. I guess I think I'm a lot smarter than I actually am. You must have noticed that I can be a bit of a shit writer. I don't have enough thought to be smart though. I require too much input and don't have much output to show for it. I don't really care about affecting the people around me because I don't really like many of them that much. I want to change the whole world all because I think people would be better if the world was better. And you're wrong about passing on knowledge little bit by little bit, becuase everyone passes on an entirely different point of view. One person will tell their children that many hands make light work and another will tell them that too many cooks spoil the broth. The irony of it all is a wonderful song,none of the Americans I've spoken to recently seem to know The Streets at all and I am indeed suprised and pleased to learn that it is also loved over there. If I was American I'd be SO confused about the Brits though. I bet my note ends up being longer than yours. Annie

from tracey-face :

Hi. thanks for adding me so long ago to your faves and for leaving me a note again. I read some of your entries tonight and it seems I can relate to you pretty well, too. We do seem alike in some ways, yes?

from pretty-pussy :

thanks for joining the reno911 diaryring!!

from angelpunkk :

yeah, but those people are stronger. that and when they do go bonkers and hang themselves, it's more of a shock to everyone, instead of people seeing it coming. actually... im not sure what the hell im on about, and i dont really know who you are, but hey, you're cool =P *big hugs* howdy =D

from loveorhate03 :

thanks for adding me. :)

from sourballs123 :

thanks for adding me to your list i didnt even know till november 6

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