I AM 28 AND MOTHER OF FOUR. THAT ABOUT SAYS IT ALL. SAD:( BUT TRUE. I STAY AT HOME WITH MY CHILDREN. I BAKE CAKES AND HELP MY GREAT AUNT 2-DAYS A WEEK (SHES LATE 80'S CAN'NT GET AROUND GOOD)FOR MONEY. DON'T HAVE ANY HOBBIES ALTHOUGH I AM LOOKING. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TWICE THE THIRD ONE IS IN JUNE. I KNOW HAVE I LOST MY MIND.I GOT MARRIED AT AGE 16 SINGLE WITH 3-KIDS BY 21 YEARS OLD.HURTING AND LOST AND DRINKING MYSELF TO DEATH. I FOUND HUSBAND #2 AND DRUGS (NOT THE FIRST TIME FOR DRUGS BUT THIS TIME WAS BAD)BY THE AGE OF 24 I WOKE-UP FROM A DEEP DEPRSSION TO FIND THE MESS I HAD MADE OF MY LIFE AND ANOTHER KID.I WAS READY TO DIE I FELT DEAD ALREADY I WAS IN HELL. BUT THAT WAS WHEN THE LORD ALMIGHTY REACHED HIS HAND DOWN FROM HEAVEN AND PICKED ME UP AND TOOK ME IN HIS ARMS.I WAS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PIT.THANK GOD FOR HIS MERCY AND GRACE THANK YOU LORD FOR KNOWING MY HEART. SO ME AND HUSBAND #2 WAS LIVING TOGETHER WE GOT IN CHURCH GOT MARRIED THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE FINE NOP.BECAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR SOMETIMES WE DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT WE ARE SAYING. I ASKED GOD TO FIX MY MARRIAGE OR DISMISS IT. WELL BY 2000-2001 I WAS SINGLE NOW WITH 4-KIDS. JUST AS I STARTED LOVING BEING SINGLE WAS NOT LOOKING FOR A MAN DID NOT EVEN WANT TO LOOK FOR A MAN HAD MADE OUT MY PLAN STARTED SCHOOL FOCUSED ON THE KIDS AND ME THAT WAS IT. I FIGURED I WOULD START DATING IN MY MIDDLE TO LATE 30'S WHEN THE KIDS WAS OLDER. WELL THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. HERE COMES SOON TO BE HUSBAND #3. MY FRIEND WANTED ME TO COME OUT AND MEET HER AND SHE SAYS OH BY THE WAY BILLY WILL BE THERE HE ASKED ME TO CALL YOU WELL OKAY I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BECOME ANYTHING IT FELT GOOD TO KNOW SOMEONE WAS INTERESTED (IN SINGLE MOM OF FOUR)ME. SO I WENT. WELL THAT WAS NOVEMBER 2nd 2001 AND NOW IT'S APRIL 28th 2003 ALMOST 2-YEARS LATER AFTER I DONE EVERYTHING TO TRY TO GET RIDE OF HIM. ANYTHING THAT I THOUGHT WOULD TURN HIM OFF I DID I TOLD HIM EVERY FAULT I HAD. I WANTED HIM TO GO AHEAD AND LEAVE THEN RATHER THAN LATER. I TOLD HIM HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT HE WAS GETTING INTO I HAVE 2- EX HUSBANDS BOTH STILL WANTED ME BACK AND LOVED PUTTING ME THROUGH HELL IF I WAS NOT MAKING THEM HAPPY. AND I HAVE FOUR KIDS BILLY HAS NO CHILDREN. AND NOT TO EVEN START ON ME I AM SCREWED UP ENOUGH BY MY SELF.HE TOLD ME HE WASN'T GOING ANYWHERE STOP WORRING AND THAT EVERYTHING WOULD BE ALRIGHT. HE HAD TO TELL ME EVERYTHING WOULD BE ALRIGHT OVER AND OVER BECAUSE HE ENTER TAMIVILLE AND THERE WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING GOING ON. MY LIFE HAS SETTLED SOME THE EX-HUSBANDS ARE PRETTY MUCH OUT OF MY LIFE. I CUT THOSE STRINGS. BUT EVERY DAY IS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE. TRYING TO RAISE MY CHILDREN TO NOT TURN OUT LIKE ME AND MAKE THE CHOICES I MADE. TRY TO DEAL WITH MY ISSUES CAUSE GOD HAS TO BRING IT UP TO GET IT OUT AND THERE ARE LOTS OF JUNK I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT MUCHLESS DEAL WITH THEN FORGIVE. AND I AM PRAYING THIS MARRIAGE WILL WORK CAUSE I CAN NOT HANDLE ANOTHER BREAK-UP. LETTING HIM SHOW ME HOW TO BE A WIFE.AND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM ONCE YOU TAKE AWAY THE KIDS AND HUSBANDS WHATS LEFT WHAT DO I LIKE WHAT AM I GOOD AT WHO AM I IN GODS EYES WHAT DID HE CREATE ME FOR.
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| comments: WONDERFUL WOMEN OF GOD. MY FRIEND AND PASTOR. SHE IS AN INSPIRATION. SHE IS REAL AND HAS A LOVE FOR GOD THAT IS REAL IN HER LIFE.EVERYONE SHOULD BE BLESSED ENOUGH TO KNOW HER . |
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last updated: 2004-02-05 16:06:33
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user since: 2003-04-28
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