messages to sunnyrain828:
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from gr8legs :
Hey, I responded to your question. look for entry for March 20th.
from gr8legs :
2/17/15 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :)
from gr8legs :
2/14/15 Amen to notes working. wonder if other things work...
from gr8legs :
hey. my email is up to date - on3truluv@gmail.com
from gr8legs :
hey, i provided some info on the book i read "dealing with the rejection and praise of man" on Sept 30th. will provide me access to your diary as well?
from tobehis :
I love reading you. <>< ><> That is all. :-)
from tobehis :
So what happens when Micah cries? How can you "not tolerate it"?
from tobehis :
8/14: Going back and reading your "last 5," which began with "What Are My Worries" - I'm sure they all seem miniscule to you now. But you're welcome for getting the journaling juices flowing. :-P ~ The one about Father's Day just about made me cry. Few words, but so poignant and sweet. ~ It makes a little sense to me that a newborn won't have the same schedule two days in a row, since you said you were experimenting wth the schedule...seems you'd have to keep it the same for a while in order for it to start to "stick." But I may be completely off-base, since I've never tried it myself. :-P ~ You are only the second person I've ever heard use the term "Babykins." Where does this come from? :-P Do your grandparents live extremely far away, then?
from tobehis :
Thanks for giving me the "response" we were messaging about recently. :-P I need to start reading yours again. I miss it...when do you have the TIME? Oh, and I had to chuckle and iamhephziba's comment about coming to a place free of almost everybody...completely different outlook than mine on this place. :-D
from iamhephzibah :
So..... I'm back... Not that you've been completely lost to the happenings in my life, but... I needed a place to write that was free from *almost* everyone else. lol <3
from elberry :
Dropping by to say hello.
from tobehis :
Was looking at your profile just now and wondered... How do you decide who gets the password?
from tobehis :
Where did you work with her?
from tobehis :
It was.
from tobehis :
I'm sure he gets lots of doozies. :-P
from tobehis :
Thanks for your prayers. What kind of work does Stephen do, that he has to work so many holidays?
from tobehis :
Yeah. I did. :-) I have two more pictures I saved on a file for future changes... One brightly colored and one black and white.
from tobehis :
Huh, maybe I did. I couldn't remember if I ever had or not.
from tobehis :
You: "Living a life trying not to offend 400 people is HARD!" Just remember... it's impossible to please everybody all of the time. Be diplomatic and respectful, then "let go and let God."
from tobehis :
I went to a wedding yesterday. The flowers/boutiniers (sp?) were sunflowers and peacock feathers. I'm sure your wildflower arrangements were gorgeous. And don't be too hard on yourself for not letting anyone help... Seems that floral work would be VERY hard to delegate.
from silverluna :
That's the same idea I have. So you're not cynical. She just doesn't have full understanding yet.
from jondavid2010 :
email jondavidbirss@gmail.com for user/pass
from tobehis :
I WANT to keep up with your rambling! There's just not enough hours in the day...
from silverluna :
Thanks sunnyrain. The recording was live in a church with a wood ceiling. Lots of acoustics. I think my sister's mic was louder too.
from tobehis :
Hang in there... You got this.
from tobehis :
Just got your note about the rough week and your question about Leslie doing other people's breaks. Sorry for the delay. Haven't had much time/motivation to be on. Dland hasn't been a big priority lately. Anyway, to your question... We had a "floater" who went around and gave people their ten minute breaks and did lunch breaks. However, she was sick the end of that really rough week that I was writing about. So when classrooms with two teachers are in ratio, one teacher will go around and give the other teachers their breaks. That's what Leslie was doing. Now... I'm supposed to be helping Leslie bc we were over ratio. But the past couple weeks we haven't been over ratio until after lunch. So I'VE been doing morning breaks and a lunch break or two, then I'll go into the 3a for the afternoon. It's been a nice break for me. Hope that made sense!
from tobehis :
Thanks for the note. I wondered if I might need to be learning something...but, of course, I have no clue what. I have heard of SAD, but had forgotten it, so didn't consider it as an option for my depression. I think the best answer is just that I'm tired and adjusting to a new schedule. I may never know. :-) Thankfully today went well...I was peaceful and calm in my spirit. And I have tomorrow (New Year's Day) off. Wednesday will probably be especially hard, having just come from a day off.
from silverluna :
oh yeah thanks for reminding me
from araquen :
I'll check out your other diary, sure. Here's the new one:http://bustedcolors.diaryland.com/index.html
from araquen :
Yes, I'd love the password! I've been keeping up with your diary even though I haven't been posting. It's a weird sort of ritual- I've been coming to the site since I've been thirteen, so I just keep checking it out of habit. But I love your posts!
from jondavid :
Faeria has begun writing again. oct0ber.diaryland.com
from tobehis :
Maybe you could start by interviewing your female friends who you know grew up fatherless. Or ask them to put you in contact with fatherless females. And I'm sure personal experience would count for a lot. I don't think I ever heard your story... If you don't mind my asking, why did you grow up fatherless?
from silverluna :
It's just nice to know that someone is feeling the same way. thanks.
from lobo21 :
Hello! thank you so much for the note. Nice to know I'm not alone in my driving woes. lol I quite understand your anxiety over Christmas time and giving something concrete to show affection. I have much the same personality and am forever frustrated with mulling over what to get family. I hope you will find something that fits both your giving side and your pursuit of Godly things. Take care. David
from gr8legs :
thank you so much for your positive, encouraging words. i'm just now getting your messages. i really do appreciate everything you've said. i even got a new template. :) my older entries still won't work so i contacted tech support to see if it can be corrected. i'll send you a note when they've been fixed. :) thanks again.
from silverluna :
Hey sunnyrain. Nice to finally meet you. Jondavid called me your name on my notes one time. lol
from jondavid :
Hey sunnyrain. Starting today, in addition to updating jondavid2010 daily with new writing, I will also be updating this old journal of mine (notice no 2010) with writings that fill in the gaps between 2004 and 2010. These are the first years of my life with Faeria, who I met on Diaryland, before our twins were born. This will probably be a daily project for a few months, because I've found a lot of old writing. If you want a summary of that period, read the jondavid2010 entry for October 18, 2012. Thanks for reading - Jondavid Birss
from gr8legs :
hi, something happened to the link when i got a new background a few years ago. you have to hit the back arrow at the bottom of the page to maneuver through entries if you want.
from tobehis :
What's the change?
from tobehis :
Where is the "like" button? :-P
from lobo21 :
Praying the Lord opens new doors for you and guides your steps in a new direction. Yes I agree, working Saturdays sucks. lol no choice in retail I guess. God Bless.
from tobehis :
I'm glad you liked them. :-) I'd rather not drive anything bigger than an SUV. The last time I babysat for one of my former co-workers when they were having their 4th child (http://tobehis.diaryland.com/unproductiv.html), I took the three kids out in their minivan. It was quite a different experience!
from tobehis :
You are blessed...and Wow, your grandparents are young. They must have had their kids young. Just as a comparison (my age to my grandparents' age and you to yours)...How old are you?
from lobo21 :
we do indeed serve a great God! Amen!
from tobehis :
Thanks! I am, too. ~By the way, I wanted to let you know that, if I can get in the habit, I'm going to start leaving my messages in your guestbook. Wasn't sure how often you checked that...
from koorikaze :
Thanks for the note, I hope you got the information! :) My name is Leigh and nickname is Neko. I'm almost 30 but sometimes feel older or younger depending on the day (and how much coffee I've had). I graduated from a community college a few months before I found out I was pregnant. ^^
from tobehis :
Haha, thanks. She's actually my brother's cat. He'd been begging my parents for years to let him get one, and they finally gave in. We've had her almost 2 years. That wasn't a very good picture of her...I'll have to post some more for you later.
from tobehis :
Thanks so much for the note of encouragement and advice! I already knew that since I'm doing strength training I'll be building muscle and that muscle weighs more... but I don't think I've been working out long enough to build muscle. That's why I was frustrated over the gain. I have been working on my portion control when I'm eating, and overall I've been doing well. Last week I just had a little bit more junk and fatty foods than I should have. (Fried chicken several times last week, as well as chicken wings with lots of fatty skin...tastes yummy but not so good for me, haha.) So I'm still pluggin' along. :-)
from tobehis :
You're very welcome. I'm glad to know someone understands, also. Sometimes it does seem like you're the only one that feels that way.
from tobehis :
I love that song, although I've never heard the "Come, my Lord, no longer tarry" verse. I don't think I will ever understand how people can read the Bible and yet be so far off, like Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses. They're good people, but just being good won't get you to Heaven. It's very sad. And I agree with you on another point...This world makes me SICK. And it's not just the "non-Christians." Sometimes even when I'm around my "Christian" friends (and I am convinced they are really Christians), I'm sickened by the things they think are funny and worthwhile. Whatever happened to being "in the world, not of it"? Whatever happened to "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, think about such things"??? *sigh* All we can do is live the life God has called us to, be lights in this ever-darkening world, and plead, "Come QUICKLY, Lord Jesus! Come!" Hang in there, girl. Hang onto Him. We'll get through this.
from lobo21 :
Hi there. Thank you so much for the note and the reminder that I'm not doing the fast to win points with God. Always good to remember that. Also good to take it easy when the body is ill. I hope you are feeling blessed by God's abundance in your life. Oh and yes, I'd like to keep reading too. :)
from lobo21 :
Hi there. Thank you so much for the note and the reminder that I'm not doing the fast to win points with God. Always good to remember that. Also good to take it easy when the body is ill. I hope you are feeling blessed by God's abundance in your life. Oh and yes, I'd like to keep reading too. :)
from tobehis :
I'd like to keep reading. :-) Remember, you can leave a private message in my guestbook, so we don't have to worry about anyone seeing it before I can get to it in the notes to delete it. Even though you figured it out... With my guestbook, the way it gave me the html link, I had to put it in a new entry, and then just link to the entry in my sidebar of links. Kind of roundabout, but with the way the guestbook site is set up, it's the only thing I could figure out. :-/
from tobehis :
A couple of my coworkers at Little School say they take Vitamin C all the time to help keep them well. I'll probably start taking it, too.
from tobehis :
You're welcome. Thanks. Feel better soon!
from tobehis :
I am definitely blessed to have the parents I do...and to live in a day and age where I can communicate with them practically anywhere I go!
from tobehis :
I like the 2011 questionnaire. I was going to steal it, but as it progressed, I thought that I wouldn't be able to answer most of the questions. Seems like they don't really apply to my life. I guess I could still do it, but the last part would be really boring for people to read. Discovered you're 2 years older than me (depending on when your birthday is). I'll be 24 in March. Hope your new year is blessed! ~Amy
from tobehis :
Hey, girl, thanks for the rambly advice. I understand about being tired. It's been a long week at work with long hours and added responsibilities (if you haven't already, you can read some of my past entries about my 6 days at Little School this week and next). I've talked to Mom about this before - mostly the context is Facebook, but the same principles apply. I end up sounding defensive and disgruntled and we have never really been able to see eye to eye. So last night I just let it go.
from eowyn86 :
The best things you can give to a child someday will be love and discipline, and your faith. Will food/money/cleaning be difficult and different with more people? Yes. But *don't* stress about it... you *will* adapt as changes come, and you will have your own helpers around, if you teach them that way! :-)
from tobehis :
I can completely understand about keeping your location under wraps. I've listed my state, but other than that I try to be as vague as possible. I had always wondered which state you were in, so that was cool to see (don't worry, I just glanced at the address long enough to see the state, not that I would know the city anyway). I got the link; thanks. Actually, the core beliefs of your church seem to match what my church believes...so you don't have to worry about me disowning you. ;-)
from tobehis :
I was wondering, if you don't mind my asking, what denomination are you? (Not that it will end our friendship if I don't agree with everything your denomination believes, LOL. I am just curious.) I go to a small pre-millenial Church of Christ; our beliefs are basically the same as the Christian churches - we just don't use instruments in our worship services. We are very big into prophecy, and take the Bible very literally (unless it's a stated parable, of course). ~ And the spacing question refered to the spacing between the lines of text. I THINK I know where in the HTML I need to change it, but I'm just not exactly sure. I'm just about finished tweaking - Diaryland is having a hard time keeping up with all the changes I've made in the past few days. I need to give it some time to catch up and change more of my past entries before I give it anything else. :-P ~ I guess that's it for now. I've really enjoyed getting to "know" you better through these discussions of beliefs and stuff. Take care!
from tobehis :
Oh, here's another question for ya concerning the layout... The line spacing is a little too big for my liking (like when you're in Word and you double-space it or something). Do you know how I can change that/
from tobehis :
I used one of diaryland's default templates for the layout and tweaked it to make it "mine" and cute (like adding the forget-me-not pictures and text) and changing the font. The entry headings and links were originally white; it was VERY hard to see. That's why I changed it to the gold. Maybe I'll change the links to black or something. ~ Wow, you put a LOT of thought and effort into your comments regarding my alcohol question. Thank you SOOOO much! I will write up an entry on my thoughts. ~ God is good! He is good for working through you to reach your family and friends...and He is good for letting you see the results. I think it was Paul that described this, but somewhere in the Bible it talks about how coming to faith is a process - one person will plant the seeds, another may water, and another will see the seeds sprout. You are blessed to be able to plant and water the seeds AND get to see them grow. Keep praying and ministering to your friend; now that one of her other friends has joined Christ (Hallelujah!), she may be even closer, since she has more witnesses around her.
from tobehis :
I've been thinking about your question ("When do you feel closest to God?") for the past week. At first I was stumped...which is terrible, I know. I don't spend time with God like I should. I've always struggled with keeping a daily quiet time. So if I'm not spending time with Him, how am I supposed to feel close to Him? So I took some time to ponder the question. One of the times I feel closest to God is when I'm driving on a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the sky is the bluest of blues, and I've got my Christian music blaring. I feel such awe in His creation, I hear songs of praise flowing through my car, and I can just feel His love pouring down on me, and I can feel my love flowing back up to Him. It's an amazing feeling. ~ Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
from tobehis :
As for the addendum... I know it's not the same, but if you ever need to "talk," I'm here. God will prepare you in His time for what He has in store for you. Remember the promise (although in context it refers to temptaion, I believe it fits this situation): He will never give us more than we can handle.
from tobehis :
Yes, that makes perfect sense.
from tobehis :
But...isn't becoming a parent all about the parent? (Set me straight on this, explain your thinking, please.)
from tobehis :
Sounds like you were beautiful... Yay for date nights...I understand they're terribly important. :-)
from tobehis :
We have a really cool self-cleaning oven. You push the button and it heats up really, really, REALLY hot and just burns everything in there into ashes.
from tobehis :
Unless you particularly want the first part in there, you can just delete the whole thing now that you've read it. :-)
from araquen :
I think it's possible to depend on God without having another person to depend on you. I think that your idea that wanting to not having children is somehow "fixing" your life against God's will doesn't account for the fact that we don't know what God's plan is for any individual or couple and shouldn't judge them for their choices because we don't know their personal relationship with God. God IS powerful, and if he really wants someone to have a child, like you said, he will make that happen. A godly couple would take that as a sign that even though it was not what they thought would happen, it is what God wants and they have to trust him to help them be the best parents they can be.
from araquen :
I apologize, because I seem to be making you angry. I just think we might fundamentally disagree, and I really am interested in your views on the subject and have been thinking them over deeply.
from araquen :
I guess I just don't know if God calls everyone to be a parent, and I don't believe that he would just prevent the biological ability to have children in anyone who isn't, potentially causing medical issues to arise. I have nothing against parenthood, and I believe that many, many people are called to be parents (most people, in fact). There are many ways to make a godly impact on the world, and parenthood is one of them, but I guess I get stuck when people seem to think that it's a necessary one, because God can work in many different ways.
from tobehis :
You have some good points, too. Your thoughts on God opening and closing the womb, and being pregnant in His timing, kind of explains my view on birth control. If you're living a godly life, you aren't going to be having sex before marriage. After marriage, I feel like using birth control is limiting to God...if He wants you to be pregnant, you'll be pregnant whether you're on birth control or not; if it's not your time to be pregnant, nothing you can do will get you there. (If you're using birth control, please don't take offense, that's just my view on the issue.) There are definitely LOTS of things to think about.
from tobehis :
Thanks for the note! And regarding your latest entry: I do want to be a mother (gotta get a husband first, LOL), but sometimes I wonder if I want to bring children into this ol' world. We're such a sinful place, I'm sometimes not sure if I want to bring an innocent child into the mess we sinners have created. Sometimes, adopting a child that's already been conceived and loving that child, who is already here, makes more sense. Does that make sense??
from araquen :
I see the flaws in the argument Anonymous made, and I think your response was well-thought-out. I guess I just wonder if you think everyone should have children or if it's unnatural to just not want to.
from tobehis :
Hope you had fun picking apples. And yay for Liz's baby! I'm glad everything went well. Hopefully you'll get to see her soon.
from araquen :
I was glad to see that you had made a note, because I still read your diary, and I'm thinking about coming back here on a more regular basis. Thanks for your comment. I guess I just don't see it so much as protecting them as being dishonest. Because I have to lie if I don't want to ruffle any feathers. But avoidance seems to work well enough so far, so we'll see how it goes.
from tobehis :
Why can't you and Stephen travel? One possible solution is to spread out your celebrating throughout the holiday...it doesn't have to be all Christmas week... Celebreate some the week before, some Christmas Eve/Christmas Day, some a day or so later...
from tobehis :
D-land told me you had a new entry, but I'd already been notified of your lastest one. Weird. Anyway... Yeah, I have trouble articulating my feelings a lot of the time. It seems to me like I have trouble communicating...I tend to do better by writing (although this was writing and it didn't seem to help, LOL).
from tobehis :
Thanks, Stephanie. :-) I guess that applies both to Lola and Kasey - Lola because she's far away (she also happens to be in town for a wedding this weekend, LOL), and Kasey because she's pregnant. I've been sooooo excited about Kasey's baby, but then I started wondering...why am I so excited? It means she'll be even BUSIER and won't have as much time for me, and, being the over-sensitive pathetic being that I am, I'll probably get my feelings hurt. LOL. But I am still very excited for her. And I do plan to keep being there for both of them. I love them too much to let them go. :-) ...And as I was just typing this, it hit me that it also applies to Kristen, if she ends up moving away. Hmmm....Thanks for the encouragement and the food for thought! Hope you have an AWESOME time with Liz and your other friends. (9/10/11)
from tobehis :
I guess it's not really that I don't WANT to be on Facebook (although that's a small part of it), but that I don't have the energy to sit up for long to be online. I am feeling a little better today, though, for which I'm thankful.
from tobehis :
Oh, and about finishing dreams - I learned from my high school psychology teacher that when you have a bad dream, the best way to get over it is to finish the dream in your head, imagining a GOOD ending to it. I've tried it, and it really works. :-)
from tobehis :
Sort of, yes. I feel like I'm always losing my friends. I know I'm not, but when they get married it just feels that way to me. (I am way too sensitive, too.) Aw, that's exciting to be thinking babies. Good luck!
from tobehis :
And I need to break down and buy Phantom for myself. I'm borrowing my cousin's copy right now. A few weeks ago a friend gave me her copy of Dear Frankie, because she didn't like it.
from tobehis :
Most people I talk to haven't seen Dear Frankie. :-) And I looked up some information on imdb.com on the Phantom - all the main characters except Carlotta sing all their parts. So, yes, Gerard does sing everything.
from tobehis :
I was really hoping that job would work out...It sounded perfect for you. I hope that you have a great trip!
from tobehis :
Thank you, Stephanie! That was so sweet; it brought tears to my eyes. I've been doing better with it this week. It just seemed to be a bad week last week. Not really sure why. But thank you for your prayers...that sweet prayer in itself was an encouragement. :-) Hope the rest of your week goes great!
from tobehis :
Amen.
from tobehis :
I see your point... But I'm sure you know life doesn't always work out like we want it to. You've got some big decisions to make regarding what you're going to give up...some of your extra activities, or this job that is really interesting to you.
from tobehis :
1/2 hour doesn't sound bad for a commute... And isn't it normal not to be able to make your own schedule, at least to a certain degree?
from tobehis :
I went to Hobby Lobby and got a candle (which would be a for a female winner), and a picture frame and a notepad set (which would go for either). I also went to Panera and got a gift card, which will be good for either.
from tobehis :
One thing kept coming back to me as you discussed the opportunity at Michaels, and I want to say something to that: HAVE SOME CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF, GIRL! From what you've said, you really enjoy working with flowers, and from what I gather that you've talked about your current job, you're good at it. It sounds like a win-win situation to me. I'm pretty sure you have what it takes to do the job. So get the questions you have answered, pray about it, believe in yourself, and go with God.
from tobehis :
I can't imagine my best friend living 8-9 hours away by car...however, I might learn how that feels in the future. Lola's fiance has one year left at the college 3 hours away, so they'll live there until he graduates. Then, from what I hear, Lola will be attending grad school in Tennessee (we live in Kentucky). :-/
from tobehis :
Oh, OK. That makes sense. I caught the harshness toward your friend, but didn't feel any toward me. :-)
from tobehis :
I agree. ~Oh, and I was wondering, why did you think I would be hurt?
from tobehis :
"More on Joy" - You did not hurt or offend me. I was just saying I understood not being the best in social situations. Maybe Joy is just really shy...that's my problem. I communicate really well by writing. It used to be I'd rather sit next to someone and write notes back and forth than actually have a conversation. so I'm not the best at small talk, either, but I'm working on it. I'm working on immersing myself in conversations and actually talking to people. Sometimes there are some awkward pauses in the conversation. So I can kind of understand where Joy's coming from, but I don't think I'm as bad as she is. :-P
from tobehis :
Thanks so much for the note, Stephanie. I texted Lola last night about something else, and she responded right away (I guess I just need to start staying up late if I want to talk to her). So then I decided to share a little bit of what I was feeling and how I've been going through such a rough time. We had a really good converstaion. She really misses me, too, and says it's really hard because we're so far away (she lives about 3 hours away now, since she went to college 4 years ago). She really, really wants me to come visit this summer. I'm going to see if I can work the timing out to at least go down for a weekend, but that would have to be in the next two to three weeks. But I have a lot of trouble with feeling connected with my friends. If I don't hear from them semi-regularly, I feel like they've forgotten me or are ignoring me. I need to work on that. Anyway, all that to say thanks for the note and the encouragement.
from tobehis :
Joy sounds needy...like me. I need people. I don't get out much. I need friends to hang out with. But I don't think I'm terrible to plan with. I don't mind driving. I don't mind suggesting places/times when I want to hang out. But I sympathized with Joy on not being a socialite.
from tobehis :
4/26: I'm really bad about sharing my faith with people. I am always impressed with how you are constantly telling people about the Gospel. Good for you! Keep up the good work!
from tobehis :
I looked up the definition for sovereign: "greatest in status or authority or power." God has all the power and authority in the world. He COULD make us do whatever He wants, in which case we would be robots spitting back automated loyalty and love to Him. Like I said, He doesn't want that. So even though He is completely sovereign, He doesn't exercise His sovereignty that way. He wants us to CHOOSE to love Him with all our hearts, souls, and minds, so He gives us free will. Even though He KNOWS what we will choose before we choose it, He still lets us do it. I know it sounds crazy, but that's the kind of love our God has for us.
from tobehis :
Those are some amazing thoughts on holiness and human nature. And the answer to your last question: free will. God doesn't want robots who will mechanically serve Him. He wants our love and devotion to come from us; He wants it to be a conscious choice.
from tobehis :
I feel like I'm far behind my age group, too.
from tobehis :
Happy Birthday!
from tobehis :
Lead Me... That song makes me cry every time I hear it.
from tobehis :
I can't wait to see Dawn Treader. Hopefully it will be soon...
from tobehis :
Yeah, things could have been SOOOO much worse. I've been thanking God every time I think about it. God is definitely good all the time. :-) Sorry I haven't been around lately...been in one of those "don't feel like reading" moods. Hope you're doing well...gonna take a second to read your latest entry. ~ I hope 2011 brings you lotsa joy, girl. Try to look forward more than you look back to the painful past. The past is just that - past. :-)
from i-lost-sarah :
thank you for your note :)
from tobehis :
Hey. Long time no talk. :-) I know the feeling about the invisible audience...I think part of my lowered motivation to write is that I don't get a whole lot of response here. It's kind of frustrating sometimes. But it sounds like your life is going all right. Hopefully you'll get things figured out with your friends. :-)
from lobo21 :
hi. Haven't said that in a while. Oh I know all about the fear of people saying or thinking exactly that "Jesus Freak" lol I figure we are here to spread the good news to whoever will listen, not by preaching I guess but sharing. I also am well aware of the frustration of wanting to wake people up when they wonder why they never get anywhere trying to do it on their own. If you find a way let me know. :) My pastor likes to say you just need to lighten up a bit, not say, offhandedly, but kinda just say if you want to "I know someone you need to meet" and I don't know if aloof is your thing but I thought it an interesting way to open up avenues of discussion and sharing how Jesus has worked in our lives. Take care
from jondavid2010 :
Hey, there's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom8:1). And if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1John1:9). We don't e v e r need to feel embarassed or ashamed of our sin once we've confessed. It's like it's gone. He cleanses us from all unrighteousness (1John 1:9). In Christ we have redemption according to God's grace (Eph1:7). It's when we're quiet that we can remain ashamed, and trapped in a cycle of guilt and sin. But we're free! We don't ever, ever need to be ashamed, because Jesus says we're justified in him. It's in silence that we become trapped. Of course, having an absolutely amazing wife that loves me so much and also is filled with grace is helpful. And to be honest, I don't think I've revealed very much in this journal. I'm just the same as everybody else. Jesus is awesome.
from tobehis :
Thanks for the note. Unfortunately things are still insane. I did my solo week this past week (10/18 to 10/22). It went well. Nothing majorly insane happened. I have a little over a month left. I've started giving subjects back to the classroom teacher. We're winding down! I'm hoping to add an update this weekend (here's to hoping...LOL).
from jondavid2010 :
Faeria and I both went down the straight red slide. It's definitely the one you're talking about. It's probably as tall and steep as a waterslide is legally allowed to be. I liked it, but Faeria was scared, so we never went down again. We had a great night.
from tobehis :
Hey girl... Do you try to stay in touch with Sam? I'm not sure how well this would go over, but maybe since it means so much to you you could initiate conversations every week or every other week. Let her know you care and that you want to stay in the loop with how she's doing. ... Just a thought. :-)
from jondavid2010 :
Thanks Sunny. I'd love to read your stuff as well one day. For now though I'm still figuring out how to be a new dad and go back to work, so it'll be a while before I can follow a diary again. I hope you continue to enjoy. I may surprise you a little sometimes. Stay in touch.
from tobehis :
That's exciting about connecting with Darcey. And God can DEFINITELY use our mistakes for His glory. :-) Be sure to let us know how it goes.
from iamhephzibah :
where as you see it a failure (not giving advice) others see success. In listening, often people find the answers they seek by hearing themselves talk, and in a sense you are a success because you listened.
from tobehis :
That SCC song always makes me cry too... So it's not always because a father wasn't around for the milestones. They're just sentimental songs. :-) Sorry I haven't been around in a while. Student Teaching is keeping me so busy, sometimes I can hardly think straight. I hope you've been doing OK. I started with your entry about the SCC Cinderella song and read up to the current entry. I hope you can make friends with Darcy. New friends are always fun. :-)
from onlygrace :
hi. i dont have your password..sad day :/
from tobehis :
I feel like I always lose my friends, too. :-(
from tobehis :
Oh, OK. I just wanted to make sure you saw it. I'm glad you're starting to figure some things out that might help you. I don't know what else to say, though...Sorry! And there's just one thing I have to say about your "Anger Management" update... Our God and the Muslim's god (notice punctuation) are NOT the same. Our God is the ONE TRUE GOD, the I AM. The Muslim's god is Allah, a false god, a figment of Muhammed's imagination. -Had to get that off my chest. :-P
from iamhephzibah :
I wish you knew my dad. He's taken a lot of "fatherless" kids under his wing. Someone asked me if it bugged me at all that dad was hanging out with the teens i watch like he were their dad too, and honestly, it doesnt. i know i'm his "favorite" daughter so i don't have to cling to him as much as i did growing up. I pray that you'll meet someone like my dad that can help you feel the love of a Father :))
from tobehis :
Thanks! I'll take every prayer I can get. :-) By the way, the previous entry, "What is a Father" was for you.
from lobo21 :
hi there. I know change is really hard to deal with sometimes. Whether it's rational or not isn't the point I suppose. It's how we feel and in the end that's what matters and what we have to deal with. I pray God comes to you and relieves your worry and burdens, and you find loved ones stay in your life as they are meant to. Be blessed.
from tobehis :
LOL, don't feel bad for making me cry. Sometimes I can get teary-eyed at the drop of a hat. I don't read my Bible like I should, either. Verses just pop into my head sometimes when I read about people's situations, but I don't do well at having devotions. ~ My answer to your question about a father got kind of long...so I'm adding it as a new entry instead of putting it here. Check it out!
from tobehis :
I would never be able to hide something like that. It would probably help to share it with Stephen. Keep trusting God, girl. He will never leave you or forsake you.
from tobehis :
Your entries about dads made me cry. It also reminded me of a verse. Read this: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+68:5&version=NIV
from tobehis :
I can understand being lonely and bored. I don't have a job, but all my friends do or live out of town, so it's hard to mesh our schedules.
from tobehis :
Your life sounds pretty eventful to me. LOL.
from iamhephzibah :
aaaaawwww... Thanks! I love *squee!*-ing with friends. :)
from tobehis :
Your new entry about self-worth reminded me of an awesome passage from Psalm. You're probably familiar with it: Psalm 139:13-16 -> "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." We are daughters of the King, and we are incredibly worthy in His sight. <3
from tobehis :
Thanks so much for your encouraging words and the prayer. I know how it is about praying... I'll tell people I'll pray for them, and then I end up completely forgetting about it and never doing it. I feel so bad when I finally remember. But I really appreciate the time you took right then to pray for me. Buying the "teacher stuff" went really well...I accumulated $130 worth, and I was surprised at how much actually grabbed my attention and that I actually wanted a lot of it. Anyway, thanks again, and have an awesome rest of the week! 6/29
from lobo21 :
Hi. Thank you so much for the note of encouragement, very much appreciated. Somedays I wish they'd appreciate me being in their lives a little more in the now rather than in the later. :) anyway, to reciprocate I encourage you to keep up the good fight and I know you'll start winning each of them, one at a time. Be blessed.
from iamhephzibah :
Thanks for the advice. I think the entry was more of a vent. I knwo I need to tell him that upset me, but i'm really wimpy when it comes to confrontation. I'll still get to see him this weekend but it's gonna be really short and that kinda saddens me. I'm so ready to be in the same town as he is!
from tobehis :
Congrats on the new job! I'm sure you'll get the hang of it faster than you expect. I haven't been able to find anything yet. Now I'm desparing of finding anything, since it's already June, and I'd just have to quit in August for Student Teaching. Argh!
from eowyn86 :
Hey, could you send me your username/password again? I got a new computer and it isn't "saved" anymore. Thanks! not-a-tame-lion@hotmail.com
from tobehis :
I feel your pain...and from reading that entry, I know you feel mine, too.
from iamhephzibah :
Wow! I love that song! thanks so much!
from tobehis :
Trusting God is hard... but you can do it, girl. He's got a perfect plan for you and your sister, and your entire family. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a futre.'" (Jeremiah 29:11) Lean on Him. He will carry you through this tough time. <3
from tobehis :
Man, that's terrible about your teeth... hopefully you have good insurance.
from tobehis :
thanks for the un/pw. Like I said, since it's a private entry, only I will be able to see it. I'm glad you had a good Valentine's Day. :-)
from tobehis :
by the way, i understand your not wanting to leave the password as a note. you can leave it as a private message in my guestbook, so only i will be able to see it.
from synchestra :
bugger then it really is a real problem then isn't it. a little piece of tooth flew out of my mouth this afternoon at the gym (must have been gritting too hard!). will definitely hit the dentist up when I go to get it fixed. thanks :)
from tobehis :
Oh, can I get the username/password for your diary again?
from tobehis :
Thanks for the note! How have you been?
from eowyn86 :
Hmmmmm... I'm afraid I don't have the username for that diary. I even tried going there just to see if my computer "remembered" it, and it doesn't look like it... sorry :-/
from iamhephzibah :
Me reading your blog- "oooh that sounds like a good idea....... Wait.... I hope she doesn't mean me..... Oh no..... YES!!" I think i went through almost ever emotional crisis out there, but it's all good. I need to clean out my fbook too. out of the 500+ people on there, I dont' talk to like half of them. So yeah... I'll do that when I have time, which isn't now. I should go back to reading. Be blessed!!! -- Zee
from iamhephzibah :
i'm a religion major and i still get confused between the words for different churches and stuff.... German is a favored language, as is greek and latin. Personally, i like using the language that is being written, so english. LOL
from iamhephzibah :
hahaha! I'm so glad you approve! *grins*
from lindzeeleigh :
I just wanted to comment about your first anniversary coming up and you wanting something romantic. I think romance is lovely, but it definitely doesn't have to be something expensive. For instance, my husband played our wedding song for me when I woke up yesterday morning and we held each other and danced around the living room. That to me is worth more than any fancy present. Think about what you could do for one another that would be memorable and thoughtful, not just monetary wise. :)
from iamhephzibah :
no... Money didn't come together, and i didn't really have a peace. Long story short, after a week of restless nights, I gave up the dream and now I'm going to Kansas for July 4th and not Kenya. IT's all good. =)
from lindzeeleigh :
I hope you are able to somehow work on gaining some self-confidence. That can be such a difficult things to do, but I know you can do it. :)
from lindzeeleigh :
I am sorry to hear that you are fighting. :( I am sure it will get better soon. Hope you are having a good week!
from onlygrace :
thanks :-)
from lobo21 :
Thank you so much for your words as they certainly encouraged me! I'm sorry you haven't had the experience of a full time dad when you were young. I think both parents have to be active in their children's lives. It's all I know how to do and I don't get it right a lot of the time but hopefully my kids will look back at see that I always tried my best. Anyways, thanks again, I very much enjoyed hearing from you. Take care.
from iamhephzibah :
I'm a baptist, my uncle preaches at a presbyterian church, I've gone to a nondenominational, and I currently attend a *black* church when at school, and a liturgical church at home. It's a different breed, that's for sure! Most days, i have a love hate relationship with denominations, because for me, it's all about loving Jesus and doing what He asks of me. As far as careers go, i understand your problem completely. I'm a missions major, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel because I finally have a graduation date, bud my dad has asked me on numerous occasions how I'm gonna support myself as a missionary. and my answer usually is "I dunno.... I'm trusting God." actually, that my answer for a lot of things.... anyways. it's 1 AM here and I should go to bed b4 church! LOL Be blessed friend. We should *chat* again! LOL ok, i'm gone.
from lobo21 :
Here`s hoping nothing serious is found with Dr. C. As for beating oneself up these days I seem to be driving the bandwagon. Over and over I can`t shake me failings and just little things can cause hours of berating myself. Someday I would like to to give this up to God and ask him to blot out my sins and clear my heart. I want to embrace the grace and faith and feel the joy I see others who come to the Lord have. Maybe it`s not meant to be, but surely one day I can. I`m hoping yours was short lived and you are easier on yourself. Take care.
from lobo21 :
Thank you for your suggestion, it is much appreciated. I have thought many times about counselling and often I feel I already know a lot of the labels I may well fall under and I want to believe there is more than just finding an "umbrella" answer to my problems and get something real I can use in my day to day life. I will consider it more, especially family counselling which I'm positive can help my relationship with the kids. Loved your entry about your childhood and the fairies. I think it's so important to hang on to those memories of our childhood.
from iamhephzibah :
a friend had her status on facebook with something about all these "isms" we've had in class. Basically, what I've boiled it down to is loving Jesus and doing what He says (basically, love God, love people) and for now, that's enough for me. But I know that people are going to ask me questions about what I believe and its always good to have an answer prepared for them :) I'm glad I could encourage you :-D ---Zee
from lobo21 :
Flustration~! Wow, I've definitely had that more than a time or two. Especially as you say, when you try to "nail down" what God is or what faith is. Keep asking your questions and yes patience is hard to come by sometimes, but I believe God eventually will give you answers that will ease your frustrations and your flusterings. When I get wrapped up too tightly in my own head I try to remember Jesus' words about coming to God with childlike faith, to accept what we cannot explain. Maybe it's a lot easier for me to do when I don't think on the isms whether it's Calvinism, Arminianism or something else. I believe God has a plan and a path for all of us. I hope yours becomes clearer to you soon. I don't think you should change your testimony though. Sure your life has changed since before college and in the years to come it will continue to change as life changes around you and you continue to grow in faith. I believe God will always remain constant and unchanging, which is why I think your testimony is great. I wish you well.
from iamhephzibah :
arminianism+calvinism=headache so I definitely understand your "flustration." I often leave class after having a discussion along this vain discontent, but i love owning what I believe. and so, even though i'm frustrated and want to throw things against a wall. so let's just leave it at an "i understand statement." You'll find the answers you need... eventually. *which honestly, kinda sucks cuz it requires a TON of patiences*
from iamhephzibah :
thanks for the link! I'll look into it further tomorrow when I'm able to get on a different computer because the one i'm on, really really kinda sucks.... Its more of a *kinda* browse the computer/school work computer. so yeah... it's not the greatest for downloading audio and stuff, but the home computer (since it is spring break) is great for it. :) Anyways, I'm off :D Yay for good days!
from lobo21 :
Hi. Thank you for the email. Funny, my thoughts about sending you my email sort of parralled your entry about opening up your diary to someone new. Thank you for allowing me a peak into your life. I really loved your testimony and I hope to visit often. I think like you, I really appreciate honesty in people. Sorry about your interview, I hope the next one fits you and the position perfectly.
from lobo21 :
I'm not sure how the lock-unlock feature works. Sorry I didn't receive any password either automatically or in my email. I appreciate the effort. My email is lobo21@shaw.ca if you prefer. Take care.
from lobo21 :
Hi sunnyrain. Thanks for stopping by again and for the musical recommendations. Yes I've found a lot of strength and connection with God through music as well. I have heard the Mark Schultz song many times and I do like it a lot. I hadn't heard Nicole Nordeman's "Even Then" before though. That one hits pretty close to home. Most of the faith music I listen to is from Praise 106.5 from just south of us in Washington State. It's on in my car a lot. Particularly in the mornings. You certainly nailed it when you mentioned being a perfectionis in regard to "doing the right thing". I think since my early teens I've always held myself to such high standards and not living up to them always has certainly been a battle. Funny I don't have near the high standards for others which is quite a good thing. I understand your saying to let the thoughts of myself fall away and concentrate on God. I'm certainly trying to do that as well. The song "Undo" by Rush of Fools has been one I relate to quite a bit. Finding it hard to accept God will forgiver me of my failures when I can't even let them go. Faith in the Grace of God and the debt paid by Jesus. Well sunnrain, must head off for now. Would love to read your entries sometime if you feel comfortable. Take care.
from lobo21 :
Hi, thanks for stopping by. Sure lobo, lobo21 works just fine. My given name is David. Do you prefer your name or sunnyrain, sunnyrain828? Looks like we're from a similar neck of 100 acre woods, although I'm a little north of the border. My story, well it's a long one, as I'm sure most people's. Short version I was baptized as a child, grew up going to church until my mid teens. Searched for a lot of meaning in my life as a young adult and was very much self centred. Later had a hard period and my instinct was to call on Jesus. He was there for me. Have had several lapses in judgement but continue to ask Jesus to be my shepard and show me the way. I think 5 years ago I really changed my thinking. Started praying everyday and asking Jesus to enter my life and help me try to find out God's will for me. I felt things change direction and being a parent you have to learn servitude early on or things fall apart. Well my wife didn't share my strong faith, we ended up seperated due to several reasons none that I can blame on faith. Tried to reconcile over the last 4 years but she wasn't finding her happiness in our marriage and for reasons still unclear to me, she didn't wish to try turning things around. I've continued to lean heavily on God to see me through. Ok, maybe this isn't the real short version but if you'd like a much longer version I can email you. I'd still say I'm in a totally infant stage in my faith and I'm looking to progress and improve my relationship with God and Jesus. Well that's probably more than enough for now. Take care.
from lobo21 :
Your diary title caught my eye. I'm looking to befriend others on diaryland, especially if they have a developing relationship with God. I'm hoping I can learn from them and build my own relationship with God.
from iamhephzibah :
yeah. I went home this weekend i saw his blood donor card, and he said "now that I have chronic lymphocytic leukemia i can never donate again. I've only given two units. It's always something!" yeah, tha's dad for you :)
from iamhephzibah :
steph, i know you're having a difficult time right now, trying to figure out what to do, but i've found when i have a complete lack of income, God tells me "Darlin', i want you to be dependent on ME!" so maybe he's trying to teach you dependence on him and on your husband. Even if you don't have a job right now, one of the things my friend (who's also married and jobless) does is goes and volunteers. It gets her out of the house. Maybe volunteering will help a little until you get to the point where you can work as well. PS don't think of your education as a waste. God has been preparing you for something. You might not know now or even in the near future what that something is, but He'll let you know in His perfect timing. I'm praying for you! ---Zee
from iamhephzibah :
oh yeah, he was one of my best friends... my car go to guy. I miss that sucker, but that happens
from iamhephzibah :
Donny and I broke up after i God hit me over the head with a 2x4. Basically, I realized that I could keep dating Donny because certain things I noticed the *first* time i dated him hadn't changed. Danny died in a car wreck two years ago on superbowl sunday.
from tobehis :
Angela from Louisville...what a coincidence.
from tobehis :
The name Angela doesn't ring any bells. What part of Kentucky is she from?
from iamhephzibah :
I just finished your entry. So, yay for getting money. It may not be alot for today, but the point is, you got it. And God probably had something to do with it. I believe that He works in all things, even when it's hard to accept. It's nice to have money. i think tha's all i have for now. Blessings friend.
from iamhephzibah :
i am honestly of the opinion that we should focus on the teachings of Christ and as needed, gain clarification from the letters like the Pauline epistles. After all, isn't it Christ we are striving to be like?
from tobehis :
Sorry I haven't been around in a while. Lately the only time I've been online is when I'm at school, when I really don't have a lot of time to read diary entries (and I couldn't remember your password, anyway, so I had to wait until I could go back to my guestbook and look it up). I just read your last two or three entries to kind of catch up on things. I hadn't realized that your wedding was going to be so soon. I wish I could give you some kind of advice concerning your worries about fighting with Stephen, but... considering the fact that I've never even had a boyfriend, I am going to keep my mouth shut. :-P Probably anything I would say would just highlight my great lack of experience. :-P So take care and be safe and never forget Jeremiah 29:11 -- God's plans are perfect! ~Amy 10/1/08
from iamhephzibah :
wow. God is so crazy, but man, He's definitely got your back. It's hard at times to trust him, but you're doing a good job. I'll keep praying for you! <3 Zee
from iamhephzibah :
eh, i can't say what God has for them. I just hate that it's happening now, of all times. I wonder what God has for me as I deal with being single and friends all around me getting married, and me not even being close. However, I have a friend whose parents eloped after knowing each other for two weeks. Anything's possible, right? so I guess i'm gonna meet the guy of my dreams soon LOL (the only question is how do you define "soon") - Zee
from iamhephzibah :
{{{{HUGS!}}}} I'm sorry you and Stephen are having a rough go-round right now. If i could I'd totally come find you and hug you in person and let you vent, but ya know, God has other plans in our lives. I have to admit I didn't click on the links in your blog today, but I thought I'd reassure you that submissive isn't letting him lord over you but rather putting his dreams and goals ahead of yours, and when both of you do that, God works miracles. Just so you know, i've seen that happen before and it's incredible how God uses us to minister to others. You're still in my prayers and I hope that the stress and drama on your side lessens or at least I hope God allows you to laugh when you remember it. He's cool like that, ya know? God is AMAZING! So yeah, i think I should go write my own blog now LOL
from iamhephzibah :
i'm glad to know that my dramatic life (or dramatic at the moment) is enough to distract you from Insanity... though right now I think I'd rather be bella.... *i'm reading waaaaay too much* anyways, i've a good day!!
from tobehis :
Thanks for the password. :) Your last entry reminds me of the romance novels I'm always reading. Go figure. :-P Have an awesome weekend! 9/5/08
from tobehis :
Hi, Stephanie! I guess you know that I've been friends with Cheryl for forever, too, also back since the free2dream days. So I've seen your screen name plenty of times. That makes you 22, huh? (Yeah, I just changed topics very randomly. LOL.) I just added you to my buddy list. You haven't given me a user/pass. If you sign my guestbook, you can leave it there in a private entry, only I'll be able to see it. (*Thinks* Hmm, if I can remember my password, that is. No worries, I have it written down somewhere.) I just lost my train of thought. I hate it when that happens. That's probably a good thing, though, because I'm rambling. (I love reading long notes/comments, by the way, so keep them coming....therefore, I tend to write a lot.) OK, I'll let you go now; take care!
from tobehis :
Thanks for the encouragement! You know my name and have me on your buddy list...But I'm ashamed to say I've never gotten to know you. So... hi. What's your name? Mind if I add you to my buddy list? :-D
from eowynne :
He doesn't fast? Does he take Communion? You aren't supposed to take Communion unless you fast. Besides, I like the fasting. It bothers me, and forces me to be uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is good. And in my experience, fasting is a great way to get closer to God, if you go in with the right attitude.
from iamhephzibah :
hey, i think i'm gonna lock my blog so email me at tanzenmitgottATyahoo for a password :-)
from iamhephzibah :
I totally understand what you mean by being a people pleaser. I tend to be the same a lot of times. Paul became "all things for all people" but how does that really apply to us in our culture. I know what it means for other cultures. You don't take ham to a passover celebration because it would offend those in attendance, but at the same time does that mean that we have to watch pointless movies because your friends enjoy it? or that you have to take a road trip because your friends want you to go with them? I think it's kinda like Jane on 27 Dresses... we can't say no easily, but no is a healthy word. Eh. life's complicate.... throw rocks at it! ^_- <3 Zee
from iamhephzibah :
Yeah, it's really dark. Honestly, I'm hesitant to recommend it to anyone. I can't understand why david and brett have seen it so much because I left feeling like i needed to get a cup of tea just to calm myself. Don't get me wrong, i'm glad i saw it, but i wish it could've been more light hearted. I guess i'm more in to the feel good movies than i thought!
from iamhephzibah :
I love the glenbrook series just cuz each book kinda builds on the last but the main characters are different. I have different thoughts about each one. Oh and Terri (from the Christy books) makes an appearance, as does Alissa, and briefly (though not named) sierra. :-) I LOVE those books!!!
from iamhephzibah :
I read the Christy books and the sierra books and the christy and todd books and all the glenbrook series (I like Robin Jones Gunn! LOL) I also read A Little Princess, and A Secret Garden (i bought those for my 8 year old niece) and I was really in to the babysitters club until i hit puberty and then I was like "why am I reading this?" I also really enjoyed the Mandie Series and Frank Peretti (I read the oath in 8th grade in 1 week.) I was a book worm :-) and I keep rereading all my favorite books cuz they can't lose their magic with me (I have Mandy but never read it all the way :-/ )
from iamhephzibah :
That was from the Christy books, right? The poem tracy wrote for doug? I think that actually influenced the analogy a bit. :-) Anyway, i love that poem!!!
from eowynne :
Thanks for your comment. I was holding my breath waiting for someone to come down hard on me. I had a loooong conversation with my mum today (we were driving for 3.5 hours haha) about the differences between the three main divisions of Christianity. I didn't tell her I was considering actually switching - no that wouldn't fly! But she knows that I want to "check out" the Orthodox Church... I'll probably go to Nick's in a couple weeks. Like I said, though, I still find praying to saints weird. But it's less of a praying "to" them like we pray to God - more like asking for prayer. That's a bit more acceptable to me than what a lot of Catholic churches are into (thinking you have to pray to Mary so she can pass the message on to Jesus - eek!). I try to be careful, though, with saying that ALL churches are a little right... I mean, that can mean everything. Although I think that anthropology (going waaaay out beyond what you meant now, I know) has very compelling evidence that some things people just inherently "know" and we can conceivably understand the Christian God based on all these similarities to Christianity found in religions and cultures that never knew one another. I could easily say that each of the churches (Protestant, Catholic, and Eastern Orthodox) have got A LOT right (as long as they're Bible-believing churches, not some of these radical off-shoots), and all have some things wrong. Probably different things from one another. I even think the Mormon Church has done a lot right - they're just off on the fundamentals, which is too bad, cuz their doctrine is, ironically, pretty solid. I think the Protestants have got it wrong all over by not teaching their kids doctrine! That's something all the other divisions have and is why everyone else understands what they believe so much better. I also personally like the idea of the "mysteries" in the Orthodox Church - some things, because they are directly from God and are part of God, are just not comprehendable. Not that we shouldn't try to understand them, but we just have to accept that our human understanding will always fall short of fathoming God. We all see God one-dimensionally; none of us will know Him as He really is (all His components in perfect harmony, not chopped up like what we've done!) until we're with Him. As a Biblical Studies minor, I feel that doctrine is important, but at some point, we have to be able to accept that we're human and sometimes we're going to be wrong. And it's not worth destroying our relationships with fellow brothers in the faith over, for example, whether the LORD's prayer should be "forgive us our trespasses" or "forgive us our debts" (true story - newspaper article about it said "So the Presbyterians went back to tehir trespasses and the Baptists returned to their debts"). All that to say, I have a lot to say on the subject. I feel like I'm just getting started. But I'm glad you liked what I wrote. Feel free to talk more about it if you want.
from iamhephzibah :
Thanks for your note. I'm always encouraged when I hear from you :) Just so ya know, the bipolarity of my life has decreased significantly. Yeshua shows me everyday that He loves me, and I still have major areas of stress in my life, but I'm glad to know that A) my relationship with Yeshua isn't one of them and B) neither is my relationship with David. I don't know what tomorrow holds, so we'll see. One day at a time. -Zee
from iamhephzibah :
I'll be ok. I might not be today or tomorrow or the day after, but i will be. God wipes every tear from our eye, and he values our emotions. Emotions aren't a bad thing, and i think i'm still learning what that means. And i have bipolar moments, where i'm happy and giggly one moment and wanting to cry the next, but those too, will pass in time. My God, My Yeshua is a Lover, not a hater, a Healer, not a hurter... I am simply trying to learn to live in his arms again, to let him embrace me when I feel I can't go on. I had to go to campus today for something and saw David's car. Part of me wanted to call him, but i stopped myself because a) I still need more time and b) he does too. But i'm taking it one day at a time. Tha's all i can do. Wow. I basically wrote a blog in your notes LOL. My emotions are running amok, but God is amazing and this is just another part of his plan :-)
from eowynne :
Getting locked up is a big component in learning to turn suspicion and mild dislike of and for the field into contempt. Psychologists should try it some time - in reality, not as "Hey I'm here to study." They get it easy when they say that. I pay $35,000/year to go to school, but the school required me to see someone at the top of the profession, which was the idiot I had to pay $300/session for 8 weeks. Between those bills and the bills from being locked up, I'm a financial mess. Besides, I hate talking all the time. If I wanted to talk without response (except stupid ones like I mentioned), I could sit in my room with the door shut and talk to the corner. It would be far less painful. If I need to "talk through things" it will be immediately as I feel that (if possible) and it will be with a close friend I can trust, no matter how much psychologists forbid me from keeping friends for that purpose. I hate the way counselors have treated me. It's like they pretend to save you from drowning, then slowly smother you in a towel. They may start off well-intentioned, but the money gets to them eventually. I'll probably be required to have counseling again once the semester begins, so I will have my thoughts ready to present, in writing. I'd be OK to talk about those. Just don't bring up all the crap I don't have any interest discussing now.
from eowynne :
Christian psychologists were a lot of what I was talking about. I go to a Christian school, and was required by the school to see a "Christian psychologist" who could "fix" me for the low low price of $299/session. She has to be one of the stupidest people I've ever met, and she has a doctorate. I've realised that, in the field of psychology, the more educated you are, the stupider you get. She kept trying to turn me into a textbook case of whatever she was reading about at the moment. Like I was telling her how I stopped seeing my first counselor cuz I didn't need to anymore, and she looked at me and was like, "I see. You feel like every time you get close to someone, they leave you." Excuse me, but what the hell? I don't get "close" to counselors - I pay them. Their "biblical application" is bogus, too - bad exegesis all around. The book we read in my psych class supported hypnosis biblically by saying that since hypnosis makes you "innocent" (in not knowing what to hold back, I suppose?), it was fulfilling what Jesus said when He commanded to "become like little children." huh?! Yes, Jesus was saying, "Go find a hypnosis doctor!" I don't think so. What did people do before psychiatrists started dealing drugs and psychologists started shoving bad memories down throats? I doubt the world was in utter chaos with depression, bipolar disorder, a plethora of paranoid illnesses, and massive suicides. I see no historical evidence to suggest that the world is a better place because of drugs and counseling sessions. Instead, I have seen many studies that have shown quite the opposite. It's like we take all these suplements to make up for our lifestyle. It's sick a hundred times over.
from eowynne :
That is amazing! I went to Honduras three years ago, and it was a remarkable experience. I would love to go back to Latin America - the people are incredible (I'm still brought to tears when I think of all the sacrifices they made for us just because they were so appreciative of what we were doing for them!), the climate is something like I've never experienced before or since, and the need is HUGE! I whole-heartedly encourage you. Strangely enough, I'm probably going to Romania next year with my university band group to do orphanage work and the like. I am so excited because Eastern Europe is my home (I feel so weird because sometimes I feel homesick for it even though I've never been...) and orphanage work has always been on my heart. And then of course India's another passion. I am excited for what God is going to do through me! I love the world and people so much!
from iamhephzibah :
yeah, things are great. I'm happy with life and I'm constantly amazed at how great God is. We'll see where life leads us. just taking it one day at a time, with God as the pilot :-)
from eowynne :
Yeah that makes sense. But some of my favorite writing was done during times I actually wasn't depressed... I find myself being encouraged by the person I was 4 years ago. That's exciting and sad at the same time. Exciting that I used to be such an inspiration; sad because it's a used-to-be.
from eowynne :
Thank you... I'm working on it (along with everything else), and after going through and reading all that stuff from three and four years ago, my heart feels so much less burdened. I guess I had to wait for the pain to go away before I could begin healing. And right now is probably the third time in the past three years that my life is NOT coming apart at the seams... so I'm glad I sought that healing. I actually feel really good about myself right now. I hope to write more, but we'll see what happens. It's kind of odd - I thought I would feel so grown-up and mature now that I wrote my first solid entry in three years, but I really don't. I think that sometimes I was a much better writer in the past, more insightful. I see my quotes on people's profiles and stuff, and I stare at the words as if to say, "Whoa, who wrote that?!" I'm not sure I could come up with such great stuff on a regular basis. The entry I wrote yesterday took hours to compile, and I was even editing it today. I hope we can keep in touch and that I stick around a little bit, at least as a member of the community.
from iamhephzibah :
yes.... as of monday. I'm excited! We talked about it at length several times and then monday he asked me out. (again) I'm taking it one day at a time.
from eowynne :
:D
from eowyn86 :
Thanks! Hehe, I did indeed find this job through a staffing center - the fourth one I signed up for! So it took a while, but this last one was pretty quick - they're called Office Team - I don't know if they'd exist in your area or not, but if that's what you're looking for, you should check it out. Basically, the temp period is for 90 days - after that they have to decide whether to hire me or not. If they did, then I'd actually be working for the company and not the staffing center anymore... that would be cool if that happened! Good luck on your search!
from xeison :
You have nothing to thank me for. imglad that you are doing well. Congratulations on graduating from college. You know though, that means you have to change your diary description because your not a college girl anymore. May i ask what you got your degree in? i agree with your fiance, it may be tough, but try to handle one thing at a time. First the job probably. Then the wedding and marraige. Is it the same Stephen from the church that you were saying is really nice? im glad that he and your Mother are both helping you. My guess is that ther is nothing, but if there is anything i can do from here, you can ask me, is there anything?
from xeison :
Congratulations on getting engaged. im really sorry that i didnt congratulate you earlier. i think you plan is a good one. May i ask how you are doign?
from xeison :
Hi, im so sorry i havent said anything to you in a while. i dont know if you have still been having the same questions you were having before, but if you are, i think i found a really interesting person to read from. Have you ever heard of Soren Kierkegaard? He is very interesting. How have you been?
from onlygrace :
prayers would be greatly appreciated :)
from onlygrace :
i dont thinkk its depression, cause depression usually deals with people who are suicidal or people who are willing to inflict pain upon themselves or wouldnt mind ending their lives. if anything, a milder case of depression? dysthymic disorder? im really confused. but ive been wanting to speak to someone about this for a very long timeee
from araquen :
I know, intense, right? Oh, and I love that song, too. It never fails to get me, especially the first verse when it's just him singing.
from iamhephzibah :
Hey! Thanks for the add. My email is tanzenmitgottATgmailDOTcom. I'm 22... and gonna be in college for a little bit longer LOL. Yay for late major changes! --Zee
from xeison :
Hey, it has been such a long time sinse i have spoken to you, im so sorry. How have you been? im glad you found Stephen. i really hope this big thing isnt bad that you spoke of. The excerpt you put in your entry seemed to say to me two things: that the author is grieving over something lost and that things appear happier than they are. If it applies to you, i wanted to just say this. Although life changes and things are lost, we always have the ability to change it in the future and that means we can gain things too and sometimes even regain things. It is important to remember that you can always change things. Sometimes, things do appear happierthan they really are, but when we realize that is true, then we must do two things. First, we must identify what the truth is. Second, we must try to work on it. If it didnt apply to you, im sorry i wasted your time saying those things. i hope you have been ok.
from araquen :
Thanks. Your classes certainly sound interesting with all of the poetry and such. But I'm just itching to get out of high school anyway and take a bazillion English classes. Don't mind me. =)
from eowyn86 :
Thanks for the note - I'm so glad that others feel the same way about it :-) It is a difficult adjustment, and I agree that it can be hard to justify why God lets certain people into heaven. However, it's great to finally appreciate the fact that if he kept anyone out solely because of sin, I would be right out there with them, since the same rules apply to all of us. And if Paul in the New Testament can call himself "the chief of sinners," then how much worse must I be?
from araquen :
CONGRATULATIONS!! I haven't gone back and read anything yet, but I can't wait to and I can't wait to hear the whole story. =)
from araquen :
I did disappear... hah. I lost your username and password, so I haven't been able to keep up with your diary. E-mail is dreams_calling@yahoo.com if you wish to give it to me again. Thanks!
from onlygrace :
aw, im glad you had a nice weekend! btw, where's that email you wanted to send me? my new email address is cheryls89@gmail.com.. :)
from onlygrace :
im SO interested... :) thanks for all your insight/notes... =)
from xeison :
i feel kind of embarrassed and ashamed admitting this, but sometimes when i feel insecure and hurt and i wish someone was here that loved me i curl um in a blanket and that makes me feel a bit better. i suppose in a way, maybe wearing a Boyfriends clothes is like that. Its kind of like having that hug that you can have at that moment. i dont know, maybe im just completely ignorant on this. As for the dating thing, there is no reason why you have to be serious now. You should go and see people to know them, again no need to be serious. When you are serious, then you need to be exclusive, but you should not be until you think you have found the right guy. i hope things have been ok.
from xeison :
Thank you for understanding. You were not dramatic, im just always cautious, because sometimes things are really subtle and mean a lot more, and i have had the misfortune of missing the signs before. im sorry, im just a bit paranoid.
from xeison :
You have nothing to thank me for. Are you sure you are doing alright, i just read your last entry? i know you dont like feeling like you cannot do anything, but there is one thing you can always do. You can be there for your Friend. When they need someone to turn to, you can be that person. i know it doesnt seem like a lot, but it really is. Having someone to talk to makes a huge difference. Thats true, there are so many philosophies within Christianity. i tell you what i think your faith would tell you because i dont want to destroy your faith. Faith is such an amazing thing to have, it gives you such a gift. Being able to take that leap gives you a great resource to face the world with, to face life with. To be honest, i often find myself wishing i could have the faith you do, but i cant. You are right, i do not believe what i answer your questions with, because i could never believe there is a loving God out there. A God the loves everyone but will only save Christians. A God that loves Humans but lets people of my ethnicity be killed off like flies by radicals who kill in his name. A God who gives some people so much that they take things like clean water and food for granted and others so little so that like my Sister they lose their lives due to a lack of such luxeries. Why would a God who loves us do that? To challenge us? By putting others in an unfair situation and playing favoritism? Or is it to not interfere in Human affairs? If i was a Father and i saw someone about to kill my Son, i would try to stop that person, but a God who loves us wont save us unless we are Christian? The only God i can believe in is one who stays disattached from the world. A God who created the world and then is completely neutral, and doesnt care what happens. If there is a God like that though, then why bother worshipping Him, He wont save us. i just cant come to terms with any of it. im sorry if i make you feel cheated when i give you the answers your faith would give you instead of what i believe, but if i told you what i believe, then ill just make you even more confused. If you want me to start telling you what i believe though and not what your religion believes, then i will do that if you wish, would you prefer that? im sorry if any of this note offends you, take care of yourself ok?
from xeison :
How have you been lately?
from xeison :
i think that faith is all that is required from God, at least that is what i was told once from a girl i had talked to who was a very devout Christian. Faith is was has all the power.
from xeison :
You do not need to thank me, i didnt do anything. i dont think i have tact, though to be honest, im not fully sure what the word means. im sorry that i wasnt able to give you the answers you were searching for.
from eowyn86 :
Thanks for the birthday wishes! Yeah, 21 should be pretty exciting... I'll just try to find some non-drug-related ways to have fun. I don't really think it's as hard as some people seem to think it is ;-)
from superluckie :
Hi Stephanie, I'd your username & password before, but I lost them when I reformatted my laptop! Could you please email them to super_luckie@hotmail.com ? I'd really like to read your online diary again cuz I know you're one excellent Christian diaryland writer! Have a gd day! In Chirst, Joy @--J---
from xeison :
i hope youll forgive me for this if this makes you upset, but i am going to try and answer your questions. You asked two questions. The first was why do you always try to be better when you should be happy with what God has given you for free? While i do think that you should be content with the person that you are, you should also continue to try to improve yourself. You should never get upset with yourself when you make mistakes because you are Human and fallible like all other Humans. When you make a mistake, you should learn from it. This learning is self-improvement. i think the way it works is that God gives everyone certain resources. Then it is up to us to decide how we will use those resources. In the end, that is what we are judged upon. Did we use those resources for good or for bad? If we made mistakes, did we choose to improve or did we just continue making the same mistake on purpose? Imporvement and growth are normal things. It is normal to want to have them. It is normal to want to be perfect, but what is important is to realize that you are not perfect and to accept that you cannot be perfect, but that you can always become better and that is what matters. i think that answers your first question. Your second question was why did God make Humans fallible in the first place. Well, i must say this was an interesting question, but i think i have an answer. i think you should note two things first though. First of all, i am not a very intellegent person so even when i think out things, they generally are of poor quality. Second, i am not Christian, and so i do not really have the Christian answer to provide you; i only have the answer that i was able to think of. It seems to me that the question you are really asking is: why is the world flawed? Ultimately, that is the result of people being fallible, and so that is what you are really questioning. If you think about it, what would the world be if it was perfect? If everything was perfect, what would that mean? It comes down to this really: if you were never sad, would you learn to appreciate happiness? If the world was always perfect, would you really enjoy those moments when it seems to be to the fullest? If everything in the world was good, would it really be interesting? Lets be honest, life gets boring when it is constant. Whether it is constantly happy or constantly sad, it gets boring if it is constant. Life cannot exist in a constant state, and in the end, each person therefore finds themself needing to follow their own path. Those paths lead them along their journeys through lives filled with hardships and sorrows but also bright stars and happiness. Some peoples lives lead them on paths towards becoming better and some to becoming worse. Some people dont change. Sometimes, people get stuck in constants on their paths and look at what it becomes. When it is sadness, it leads often to suicide and other self-destructive behaviors, and when it is happiness, it leads to boredom with the world and seeking more power often hurting others. This does not happen to everyone in constants, but it does to many. The last part of my answer plays into both questions. That is this: if people were not fallible, how would you feel the sense of accomplishment and happiness you get after you become a better person or acheive a goal? God in His infinite wisedom saw this and therefore made Humans fallible. It is because of this that the world is able to be good. Otherwise, it would just be a neutral constant. That is what i came up with; i hope that is able to answer your question. Please forgive me if i was offensive by doing this. i hope you have been doing ok. i have still been praying for you. Take care.
from xeison :
You have nothing to thank me for. i have not mentioned your fears to him nor would i without your permission. i understand that type of stuff is not mine to interfere with. To be honest, though, i have not spoken to Nathan. He never emailed me back. Maybe he doesnt want to talk to me, or maybe he is busy, but either way, i have not heard from him at all. All the same, as i said, those issues are between you and him and i understand that. You do not have to thank me for praying for you. i hope that He does hear them. i hope you are doing well.
from xeison :
im so sorry, i have not really been a very good Friend to you lately. i was kind of preoccupied with my own issues, and when i did get time to do things on here, i talked to my Friends who i have known longer and that was unfair to you. im so sorry. i did go back and read quite a few of your entries. i suppose ill go in chronological order. First of all, you supervisor is completely right about Kevin. i dont know all the details, but from the sound of it he just strung you along and considered you just another name on the list and that is completely wrong of him to do. It was not your fault though. You had no way of knowing that was what he was going to do. If you had known this would be the result, then you would not have made the same decision. You cannot evaluate actions of the past on present knowledge; you can only evaluate them on what you knew at the time to make the decision with. Furthermore, unfortunatly, the past cannot be changed, so all we can really do is to look at the past and learn from it so that we are a wiser person in the future. Your supervisor is also right about you needing to let out your emotions. You cannot try to be strong and just hold it in because in the end that just takes a higher emotional toll. You need to allow yourself to express how you feel, otherwise you cannot move past the issue. You have to acknowledge its existance in order to then be rid of it. It is hard to get over relationships and can be discouraging at times when they fail. Just try to remember, this was not your fault. What he did was wrong and is his fault. After that, all you can do is express your emotions, let them out, and then one day when you feel ready look for someone else. In the quest for the right relationship, we often go through many that are not the right relationship. These relationships may hurt when they are lost, but they allow you experiance with how to deal with relationships and ultimately when you find the right one, it will be worth it. You also said that Nate had been pressuring you to get back with him. It is good that you were able to tell him no. It is important, though, that you tell him that you two are Friends now and that is it. You guys tried and it didnt work out and while it is hard for both of you, you both need to try and move on. You can still be Friends, but you need to find the right people for you. Unless you both feel comfortable getting back together, but i really dont think you do so its important he understand it is over. The last thing is that i noticed one entry where you were upset with God and said that your Sister and your family are having problems and were really upset about it. As you asked, i will pray for you, though i doubt the God you want me to pray to would ever listen to me. May i ask though, what exactly has been happening? Are you doing ok? i hope you are ok. Please take care of yourself.
from xeison :
im sorry that this is late. You have nothing to be sorry about with Nathan, i just wanted to be sure it wasnt because something happened to him. As for what happened with Kevin, ill read about it, i think tommorow because it is already very late here, but i think it was good that you were able to write a happy entry. Trying to think happy can probably help with what happened, just try to remember things sometimes happen and people sometimes do things that cause problems in relationships, all that can be done is to play the hand that is dealt the best we can, so try to stay optimistic. i know it is easier said than done, but i have faith in your ability to do it, so please try. i hope you are doing well.
from onlygrace :
nope, ive never been..thats why i was so curious, that little showering bit always got me.
from onlygrace :
when you camp...do you take showers? ive always wondered that! :)
from onlygrace :
so, chris is a girl? im so confused! =X
from xeison :
Hi, im not sure how to start this, so ill just tell you my name, if you didnt already guess, it is xeison. i saw you had made some comments to Enurta. You think the notes i write are sweet? i just usually write what i think, im not really sure if it helps anyone, but i just do it anyways, because i hope it does. Its not that im taking a lot of weight on myself, its more than than. May i ask though, you said take it from someone who knows, may i ak why you know? Yes, i would like the username and password to your diary if that is ok, my email is xeison1000@yahoo.com . You do not have to be sorry about thinking i was a girl, you didnt say anything wrong. im very sorry about that happening to your ex-Boyfriend. i will email him, though im not really good at conversing. Thank you so much for helping me out with helping Enurta and people in general and for the kind note. Take care, xeison.
from enurta :
wow. your lay-out is beautiful. did you do it yourself?
from enurta :
I'm 21. <3
from enurta :
it's really complicated. My father abused me when I was a child until I ran away from home at 16. N helped me escape, his mother helped me hide from the authorities for 2 years (until I turned 18). When I grew up my father always told me I was fat and ugly even though I wasn't....so I started to starve, eat, throw up and hurt myself. I started cutting. Everyday all I could think about was killing myself so I could get away from monster (I call him that because I don't want to use the words 'father' when I talk about that fucking asshole). Now I have a great life, I am getting treatment for my mental illness. I suffer from borderline personality disorder and I hear voices and hallucinate sometimes when I don't take my medication. I am struggling every day against my demons that want me to kill myself. I write what I’m thinking in my diary. <3 oh, and i forgot to ask you the last time...is it okay if I read your diary? you can send the user/pass to deadpassive@hotmail.com if it's okay. thanks. <3
from eowyn86 :
Thanks for the password - I don't remember reading your diary before, but I definitely will from now on. I really like your layout, and your testimony is pretty amazing. I'll be looking forward to reading more :-)
from eowyn86 :
I'd love to read your diary! You can e-mail the username/password to: not-a-tame-lion@hotmail.com. Thanks!
from enurta :
thank you for your kind words and thank you for adding me. <3
from onlygrace :
my note was all discombobulated. i hope you understand it anyway ;)
from onlygrace :
your entry, reminded me of a Joy Williams song, entitled "Silence". "okay, answer me with silence, it's okay if You don't say a word. You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet.." --check it out. just thought id share it with you. enjoy your weekend! ♥ So okay Answer me With silence
from live-for-you :
Sorry...I'm not that bright. email me at clueless_gal88@hotmail.com
from live-for-you :
I didn't know you had facebook...how do I find you on it? Lol. Hope everything is going well for you <3
from superluckie :
Hey Stephanie, I recently lost lotsa data including your username & password. Could you give them to me again? I haven't heard from you for quite some time too, so do drop me an email (super_luckie@hotmail.com) or a note soon! ~Joy @--}--- 27 Mar 07
from onlygrace :
wait, what? its snowing over here, like a WHOLE lot! =) hope you have fun regardless!
from icofxcnika :
you're up @ 6AM?? What's wrong with you? :p FYI I have somewhat updated a few times, just so that my acc't won't be deleted or whatever happened to my other one ;]
from superluckie :
Christianity is about 1. Accepting Jesus Christ as the Son of God & as your personal Saviour who died for you. (Put God 1st) 2. Being a "fisher of men". (Secondly, love your neighbour.) Don't be a Bible basher! Just live as a witness of the gospel through your thoughts, words & actions. @--}--- 12 March 2007
from onlygrace :
so true.
from araquen :
Thank you. =]
from onlygrace :
trusting Him is key to everything in life. =)
from icofxcnika :
hey this is nostalgic ground :-p I sure would like a password.... ;-) (Although I think I would understand if you politely decline :-)) Hope you're doin ok :-)
from onlygrace :
thanks for the note. and btw, i dont leave much notes either, but i still read your diary as well. :) take care!
from onlygrace :
im glad you're having a happy week!
from superluckie :
Ahhhh.. that feeling must be so sweet! (grin) Pray for me that I'll reach Sydney safe & sound! @--}---
from onlygrace :
youre welcome! thats a really nice poem by the way. =)
from superluckie :
Whatever happened between you both..? Will keep you in prayer. @--}---
from superluckie :
Blessed birthday to you! I liked Kate Winslet's character in The Holiday. Seeing how the friendship between her & the old gentleman blossomed made me see the fruits of patience & empathy. @--}---
from live-for-you :
Happy birthday, Stephanie!!!!!! And, can I add you on facebook?
from onlygrace :
aw, a birthday card from a boy! happy birthday! -- :) ♥ be blessed and be a blessing!
from onlygrace :
i never received your username/password. =) if you want to, feel free to email it to me at obsess89@yahoo.com
from superluckie :
Hey Stephanie, glad to hear from you (finally)! I'd like to continue reading your online diary. Some entries have been very inspirational. Do email me your password! I haven't got your email address but mine's super_luckie@hotmail.com ..I'll email you my password once I hear from you! How have you been anyway? Keep in step with Christ! God bless! @--}---
from littledjblue :
uh, are you surprised about this with isaac? please tell me you caught on to the fact that there is a large, large possibility he likes you, right? i could tell that from stuff you wrote about a year ago.
from araquen :
AH, me too, big sis! dreams_calling@yahoo.com or you have me on myspace.
from littledjblue :
can i have your pw and whatnot pleease. send it to me on facebook in a message. k thaaaanks!
from live-for-you :
Hi Stephanie, I'd like a password too, if you don't mind!! You can e-mail me at clueless_gal88@hotmail.com
from superluckie :
I understand, I feel like locking my online diary too. I'd like your username & password please! My email address is super_luckie @hotmail.com !
from onlygrace :
=) how are you!
from superluckie :
Dear Stephanie, a very blessed new year to you! How have you been? I just got back from an Ontario-Quebec trip! Quebec City was lovely – have you ever been there? Regarding your latest entry on Kevin, I reckon it's an entry many can strongly relate to at some point in time. Cheer up!! Hope to hear from you soon! @--}---
from araquen :
Yep. They know. I'm feeling better now, though, thanks.
from live-for-you :
Completely off topic from the rest of your notes, I love White Christmas!!!! Just had to tell you that!
from araquen :
Awww. I'm sorry. But as a friend of mine told me about a day ago, it's Christmas! Don't be so hard on yourself. Leave it all for after the holiday. And have a Merry Christmas!
from superluckie :
Be careful when you're alone on campus! And PRAY! @--}---
from littledjblue :
what happened? i wish you were online to talk to right now, babe! :(
from araquen :
Ha, the crazy part is that we live on TOP of a mountain and are probably the least likely to get a tornado. Weird, huh? And yeah, we definitely don't appreciate electricity as much as we should. We rely on it more than we know!
from araquen :
aww i'm here for you. *hug*
from superluckie :
My last exam for this year is in 9 hours' time. Please pray for me! I'm so tired of studying but I'm aiming to enter the Master of Speech & Language Pathology programme so that I can one day serve God as a speech pathologist! @--}---
from superluckie :
Thanksgiving must be a North American occasion cuz Aussies don't celebrate it! What else is traditionally served besides turkey? @--}---
from superluckie :
Do update soon! I'll update mine probably tomorrow, after my Psych exam. My "buddy list" states that you updated your online diary less than an hour ago (it's 8.10pm in Sydney) - I don't know what time it is over there but I'm guessing it's pretty unearthly - what are you doing up & about at such an hour?! @--}---
from superluckie :
That's cool! My mom taught English in 3 different secondary schools for more than 20 years in total! She switched to counselling this year because she wants to reach out to the students at a more personal level (grin). Her motto was to seek to bring out the best in her students, & if possible, in terms of academics & character! I do relief teaching at her school at times during my holidays so I know how challenging it is to teach (especially in an era of mobile phones & ipods)! Do update me more about how you find this field! @--}---
from araquen :
I love both of them! The newer version was on TV the other day and now I've had songs stuck in my head all week. =]
from araquen :
We'll see about reading my story. I'm a little guarded about it for some reason. Maybe I'll put some of it in my diary when I finish. Your day with the kids sounds like it was so much fun! I definitely would not be able to handle that many younger kids at one time. It's a special gift that I don't possess. But you do. =]
from superluckie :
Wow, what’s your field? Sounds like you’d a great time interacting with the students! I teach on an ad-hoc basis during my school holidays & I like the way the little primary school kids listen attentively when I tell them stories! @--}---
from superluckie :
What an experience you had! Multi-cultural environments are great when there's peace & harmony, people start realising how much they have in common with others. Sadly, racial tension still exists. Have a good week & do keep in step with Christ! @--}---
from lovingod :
Thanks a lot. Yeah, I've just been praying about what to do. The kids who are doing it are those who I consider close friends. I've asked my youth pastor about it just to see his responce. Thanks. I think I will be talking to them about and wil be doing some research. God bless --Hope
from superluckie :
Hi! Thanks for the reply! My name's Joy & I've been living in Sydney as an undergrad for the past few years. I was born in Singapore, then I went to Canada (refer to 2003 entries) to study. Due to many factors (e.g. icy winters), I moved to Australia. Initially, I felt guilty for "giving up" so easily. But I can now see that God had planned for me to grow spiritually in Sydney - more than ever before! Our God is a great God! @--}---
from araquen :
YAY!! hehehe
from superluckie :
Hi Stephanie! I clicked on your link via the notes page in lovingod’s notes page. Then I read your “story” & that was one of the most heartfelt inspirational testimonies I’ve ever read! I've gone through my share of challenges in my journey as a Christian. Keep encouraging & inspiring your readers through your writing! I’m sure there’re many out there who need it! Praise God for writers like you! @--}---
from lovingod :
I know what you mean. My grandpa has done horrible things, but is getting a great life, while my mother is trying her best for us, and she has had repeated cancer scares. It's tough. But it never says that God is fair. It is said that He is just, kind, and loving. I believe trials are tests. The more trials, the more He is trusting us with. Perhaps this is also a trial for you as well. I will keep you and your sister in prayer and I do hope everything works out for you, your sister and towards the glory of God. --Hope
from lovingod :
Mormons... theyare beautiful people who are caring and very nice... That subject, for me personally, is very hard. My sister is Mormon (to an extent now) and many friends we had in high school were as well. Their belief system, well, it's different. Christianity. There may be many contradictions and stuff, and many unanswered questions, but the more I look into it, the more I question it, and get answers about it, the more I fall in love it. Well, thats just me. have a good Friday and weekend!
from live-for-you :
If it makes you feel any better about the whole MSN thing, my cousin lives next door to me and we only get to talk on MSN!! Awful, I know...just had to share :)
from onlygrace :
i actually live in the "inner city" (im from the bronx) and save the last dance was actually sugarcoating some things up to be honest. cause if people think THAT language is disgraceful and their actions are disgraceful, they have yet to see the complete extent of how horrible it is. and the "good guy" doesnt always win either. =/ prayer is the way to go. Jesus is needed. :)
from lovingod :
Thanks. My small group went really well. God filled me with such joy when I was talking about Him. - About Mike, Im giving it to the Lord and let Him handle. I will simply wait. I feel like I have known you for such a long time! However, you're the only person Im really close to. Many of my old friends stopped writing. Praise God for people like you, though!- Thank you, hun, for being such a wonderful sister to me.
from araquen :
Yep, yep. =] Red, black, and white. And you're right, you worry too much. =P Haha, seriously, though I've gotten that conversation from pretty much everyone I know and I completely understand. I'll be fine. :]
from araquen :
Aw, that stinks. Good luck with asking the second one, though!
from lovingod :
hey! Thanks! He's a great guy, dont get me wrong, but I refuse to be so dependant on him. Im taking my little baby steps. We actually broke up about mid-June, so yeah, it was real recent. It still hurts a little, especially when I see him, but Im growing. Anyway, I better go and do that homework Ive been putting off! Much love!
from live-for-you :
Starbursts have 60% of your daily reccommended intake of Vitamin C...I actually found that out by accident tonight, but it makes being sick slightly more bearable!
from lovingod :
Hey! I hope you get better fast! You're in my prayers, hun!
from littledjblue :
does the 3k include room & board, meals during the travel, etc etc, OR will there be additional hidden costs? if that covers everything, meaning where you'll stay, eating out for the most part, and you only have to bring money for souveneirs and special treat snacks, you better go or i'll kick your butt. this is an opportunity of a LIFETIME. you won't want to go after you graduate because you'll be preparing for whatever it is in the real world you're going to be doing. traveling is so amazing.. it's a life changing experience.
from iamblessed :
Not only has Becky been to Paris, but she's also seen Michael Buble in concert. Lucky duck. Bet she didn't tell you that tidbit.
from lovingod :
Thanks for your words! I know what you mean about praying them not really reaching. What was told to me once was, God just wants to hear you. He wants to be part of your life. He knows whats going on in your life, but He wants to hear it from you. I find that when Im talking to God, and if I ramble on about my self, I realize my mistakes, and ask for correction. I begin to see my faults. I've had a couple of friends make prayer lists so they could lift the people and events up in prayer. You probably already know this, but these are just my thoughts. Your in my prayers and heart! God bless!
from araquen :
AWH AGAIN! so cute =]. glad you had a good time
from araquen :
AWH! I hope he goes with you!
from live-for-you :
Yeah, my church went on a mission tour to France last year...I was only in Paris for a couple of days, but it's better than nothing!
from live-for-you :
I love Micheal Buble, and I love that song! I listened to it a lot when I went to France, since I was actually in Paris! Have you heard his song "That's All"? Makes me melt every time!
from araquen :
Thanks. =] I'm starting to feel better about the whole thing. I'm glad you like your classes though! Hope everything keeps going well for you.
from caughtpurity :
I don't know if I ever thanked you for your message, but thank you. :)
from lovingod :
thanks for your words. I want to speak with my pastor, but I guess Im too ashamed. I had everything so together in High school, now,it seems that everything has just fallen apart. But Ill take advicem put away my pride, and speak with my old youth pastor or maybe his wife. Thanks again.
from araquen :
Thanks! I'm working at a supermarket...yes, it's GREAT having my own money!
from live-for-you :
Thanks, Stephanie...you definitly gave me somhing to think about! Becky
from live-for-you :
Okay, I don't know who Issac is, but I was laughing out loud too! Almost gave birth to my liver? Too funny! Becky
from araquen :
HAHA, if only I could claim to be patient. Earlier this week I had just decided that I wasn't going to try to talk to him anymore. Ha! Timing is everything. And I'll definitely be praying for you! I hope it all works out for the best. =]
from araquen :
thanks so much for your advice, but when i talked to my mom about it i'm not quite sure she knew what to do either. she did know enough to help my sister get rid of him the other day for me, though. i think i'm just going to have to tell him that he's creeping me out and i think it's best that we not talk anymore.
from araquen :
LOL, happens to the best of us. you'll find someone, i'm sure. you're too nice not to. =]
from live-for-you :
Haha, I'm afraid you spoke too soon about me being a faithful reader....I've slacked off reading everyone's diaries! But my summer is going really well, I've been working at an ice cream parlor/canteen, which isn't a bad job as jobs go I guess...thanks for asking :-) Have a good day! Becky
from meganwaits :
Pretty diary! Lots of unique entries, too.
from twintale :
I thought when I saw the entry titled "mistrust" that it was about me and our phone conversation! I was like..."eeeep! What did I do???" But whew. I was wrong. It was AWESOME talking to you! But your last entry made me sad...I wish you had "real" friends like me over there, too! :) I'm humble, too, aren't I? hehe Anyways, you're real! Yay! Can't wait to meet you!
from onlygrace :
when my computer crashed,i pass out. but HP computers have a recovery disc thing installed inside...so awesome. so i neverrr lose my music/pictures or anything. :)
from araquen :
Thanks. He's talking to me now, so I didn't have to write a note or anything. I did consider it, but I guess I just had to wait for him to come around.
from araquen :
thanks so much. your note made me feel so much better. i hope you have fun at the graduation parties.
from twintale :
Awwww you have my wedding on a countdown!!!! That's awesomeness!!!
from onlygrace :
ive seen duller entries, believe me. so dont feel too bad. allergies! ARGH! ive been suffering from this horrible allergy season situation for like 3 weeks and everytime it gets better, it only gets worse soon afterwards. :( the semester is over, finally! ;) enjoy your summer!
from i-c-dumppl :
Aww, I pray that you feel better! At least you're almost out! (It's better to be sick for finals than sick for celebration that it's over!)
from littledjblue :
those kids are stinkin ADORABLE
from dearkate :
My first boyfriend was Nate.
from araquen :
Haha, Thanks. And I hope everything works out for you and you can learn not to feel guilty for things out of your control.
from onlygrace :
i love that song. =)
from onlygrace :
i didnt delete it, more like ended it. my old entries are there! i like to do that too...look back and see how much of an idiot i was. :)
from onlygrace :
free2dream is over, btw. :)
from onlygrace :
impressive! theres not many people out there who will listen to ella and louie! :)
from twintale :
Swing dancing is a BLAST! Andrew and I took a couple lessons awhile back, and we also learned a waltz, and the cha cha! I loved it, but we decided that our $10 an hour would be better spent on something else...sigh. We'll do it again someday. By the way, YES you could TOTALLY be a counselor - online or otherwise. Also, um...I got your letter...when can I call you? (If you still think that's a good idea...) miss you a whole lot, Steph!
from onlygrace :
did i mention that this is free2dream? *slaps forehead* i could have SWORN that i notified you about the change of diaries! im so silly. ;)
from onlygrace :
i have never heard or seen anyone so excited about the prospect of HELPING people! :) you make me happy.
from littledjblue :
umm.. so i'm trying to figure out why you feel you need to say anything to this guy.. nope, not figuring it out.
from araquen :
Thanks so much. Things are getting better now and my dad isn't as upset about everything. I think this new church we're going to is really helping him.
from twintale :
Hey - thanks so much for your note. I just felt terrible for not being around much for you to talk to about it all...I wish I had more hours in a day! You asked about my Easter - it was pretty good. Still adjusting to learning how to divide time between two families, so I ended up going to Andrew's first, and by the time I got home, most of my family had already left. It's hard, but I try not to think of it as "losing" my family - but gaining another one! I at least got to see my adorable niece and nephew, so that was good. How was YOUR Easter? I'll talk to you soon about everything, I hope. Are things looking up yet? Grace and peace, Angela
from i-c-dumppl :
No worries! You and your family are in my prayers too. Sometimes it just helps to know you're not so alone!
from i-c-dumppl :
My mom's going through the same thing. With the divorce impending, we can't afford to stay in our house, so we have to sell and move out. It's really rough, especially with me in college and my brother just having started high school, and housing prices just sky-rocketed in our area. With two dogs that we can't face losing, a rental isn't an option. On top of that, with the depression that comes from inescapable feelings of rejection that come with divorce, it's hard to just get motivated to do anything about it. But once it happens, I think it's always for the better. Change is what my family needs, and I know that it looks bleak now, but once you're somewhere new, family bonds will only be stronger! God's giving your family an escape-- He wouldn't lead your mother into something bad for all of you. And sometimes all anyone needs is a whole new fresh start.
from twintale :
I had no idea all that was going on! Which makes me feel awful...I wish I could be a better friend for you. Please know that I'm trying. And praying. Love, Angela
from i-c-dumppl :
I wish I could! there aren't any Christian colleges nearby that really offer an arts program like the kind I'd need. There is Regent that offers animation, but I need a Fine Arts degree. And that dream is really offputting, but the more I thought about it, the more I think that maybe it means that if you try to change what you've got going for you, the more destructive the change will be. And that maybe that change won't survive as much as you'd think you'd like it to. ...sorry, just had to make it somewhat optimistic!
from twintale :
Oh Steph that's an awful dream! I wonder what, if anything, it all means? I'm glad I can hardly ever remember my dreams in that much detail, because they're usually about something bad. I hope tonight you sleep better...
from live-for-you :
I've been having awful dreams lately, in all of them I'm crying. My mom thinks it's stress-related...does that do anything for you? Lol. Love, Becky
from twintale :
I didn't know your parents split up...I'm sorry. How old were you when that happened, if I can ask? I HAVE wondered why you never mention your dad...love you! Angela
from araquen :
HAHAHA! That's great. I'm only on chapter 10 right now, but I'm just reading whenever I can. I'm going on a trip next weekend, so I'm hoping to finish it then. The back of my book doesn't have anything nearly as interesting as that. ;)
from twintale :
HEYYYYYYYYYYYY I GOT YOUR LETTER!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Thank you SO MUCH! It's already in my special box thingy that I reserve for all the fantabulous letters/cards/notes I've gotten in my life. Don't you feel special? I loved your stationary, by the way! I'll write back if you want me to, but I have enough trouble finding time to email! (Gosh, that sounds awful...please don't think you're not a priority, because you certainly ARE!...sigh) I miss you, but that's my fault, I suppose. Love ya!
from araquen :
Haha, thanks. I hope it works out, too. Hope you have a great spring break! (And I loved the old-fashioned rules from the other day. I'm reading Pride and Prejudice right now and it reminded me a lot of that.) =]
from live-for-you :
I agree....I think we should act out those rules for a day!!
from free2dream :
aww
from meg-in-love :
HAHAHAHA. Those pictures aren't of me. There's absolutely no way I could be that gorgeous. Lol.
from twintale :
Hey there, old friend. (Old friend? How informal!) Ugh. I've been away for so long that you changed your layout and it totally threw me off! I love the new one, though - very beautiful. And I KNOW I've been away too long when I have more than one entry of yours to read, because yours is really the only diary here that I can keep up with anymore! I really REALLY hope your schedule has calmed down a bit, or that you've at least found a way to squeeze everything in without going insane. I miss you.
from live-for-you :
Is it an Anne of Green Gables book? It reminds me of Anne...love it.
from meg-in-love :
What pictures were you referring to, dearie?
from free2dream :
thanks for the link. totally reading it. :) you overflow in awesomeness. LOL. Im a cornball.
from littledjblue :
oh.my.goodness. wow. that article was incredible.
from free2dream :
i love snow too. got me out of school early today. *wink* <3
from araquen :
I was thinking about that the other day... how often I ask people how they are without really meaning it. Fortunately, I have a few good friends who really do listen to me and I try my best to listen to them.
from live-for-you :
I know what you mean...I know at my church, we make such a big deal about being friendly, and we are, but they shake your hand and ask how you are, and it's like you're not supposed to answer truthfully, you're supposed to say "good" and keep walking...so yeah, I totally get it. I think? Lol.
from twintale :
I've thought about the same thing so many times! My entire life I've felt like no one TRULY cared about what was I was feeling - I felt that the only reason they ever asked was because they were nosy and wanted to hear drama. I've always felt like I could go through the worst tragedy in the world, and I'd still be able to put on a smiling face because I've been doing it for so long! There are some things I've kept inside and buried so deep, that when someone DOES ask about them - I even have MYSELF convinced that everything is "all right". I hope I've never given YOU the impression that I don't want to listen, Steph. I know I've used the old "I'm busy" speech a lot, and I apologize for that. I just wish I was THERE, you know? What is it that's not quite right with you lately...and is there anything I can do? Oh, and by the way, I'm proud of you for letting someone in! I hope she sticks around enough for you to trust her again and again...don't judge her as being like everyone else when she's obviously not. Open, Stephanie! (Get it?? Like open, sesame?) Ok, lame. Love you girl! ~Angela~
from twintale :
Awww Steph, I'm sorry! It'll work out if it's meant to be. I really REALLY hope you can find a way here. But we'll meet someday, I know it. Love, Angela
from twintale :
Hey Steph, html and diaryland genius - I changed my template but it won't let me turn my notes page on?? I keep looking at the form, and it says it's on. Help!
from araquen :
Hey, sorry I took so long to reply to your note! It was a musical... I know I probably confused everyone by referring to it as a play half of the time. Yeah, my friend Catherine and I set up the whole Narnia board by ourselves. I hope your week gets better, and Happy (early) Birthday!
from twintale :
Aww Steph, why the tears? You know I'm not going anywhere, don't you? Or maybe it's not that...maybe it's something else entirely. Is there anything I can DO about it?? I wish you'd TALK about it with me... Love much, Angela
from twintale :
Hey! Man, you sound like me. Have I said that before? I'm sorry you're still dealing with all this Nate stuff. I've still got issues I'm dealing with when it comes to a certain guy that are a few years old - so don't feel too bad. Know that I understand, at least. I wish I could say something to help, but since I'm not even able to help MYSELF yet - that may be a little premature. You said it yourself, though - God used that relationship with Nate, even when it sounds like it wasn't exactly His plan for you both to stay together so long. It's hard to let someone see that much of you and then try to move on as if it never happened. Or that just because you've both changed, it still didn't mean something. Because obviously, it did. You just knew it wasn't healthy for either of you at the time. I kinda wish I knew Nate...just because he knew you so well. lol Anyway, I ramble too much, once again. Don't be such a thinker! (Yeah right, I tell that to myself all the time. It gets me nowhere.) Love ya, Angela
from araquen :
Awh, I'm sorry that class is giving you trouble. I hope everything works out for ya.
from araquen :
Wow, you got some amazing pictures. It's sad to see all that destruction, but I'm glad you got to go and help somehow.
from araquen :
Hey! No, no new courses this semester...then again our scheduling is a little screwed up, so we haven't even finished the semester yet! But the only thing that changes for me during the year is on a quarterly rotation. When we finally do get to the end of the semester, I'll have Music instead of Careers.
from twintale :
Oh, Steph, I miss you, too! What happened to you on myspace? Did you really leave? If anything was going to make ME leave, it would be what I read the other day. I saw my ex (you know him...Mark...) and I stupidly went to his profile. Curiosity just killed me! I saw that his sister had a profile, too, and she and I used to be pretty close, so I decided to say hi to her or something. When I went to her site, there was a comment there from Mark that said something like... "Yeah, I saw 'it' on here awhile ago, and I almost had to choke back massive vomit. I hope the beast burns in hell for all I care. She's probably cheating on that fat fag, too. God save his sappy soul." I cried when I read it. Which disgusted me. How dare I still let him make me cry??? After all this time? It's really sad that he can't get over it, even now. How does he stay so blind to all that he did to destroy the relationship? How can he blame it all on me? I got us both out of it! Anyway, his pictures are really creepy, too. If you look up my school (Victory Christian Academy) and go through the names, you'll see him. Ugh. It almost ran me off. Gee, it's a shame I wrote this for the world to see! lol It's just that my email STILL doesn't work, and I don't feel like going back to myspace to leave you a message. Oh well. I'm glad your sister is doing a little better. I'll keep the prayers up, though. I'm sorry you guys are going through such a hard time... Did I ever reply to your message saying I never got your Christmas card? Because it seems like I wrote back, but maybe I didn't? Also, I noticed you posted the wide-eyed lyrics. I knew you'd love her cd's! That song has always made me uncomfortable, too...but in a good way that makes me think. Does that make sense? I guess I've rambled enough. I just miss you! Talk to you soon I hope... Love ya, Angela
from live-for-you :
If you do tell your sister, tell her I understand completely. I had a hard time earlier this year, but I think I'm seeing someone new now...I'll definitly keep praying for her though!!! Love you!!
from live-for-you :
How is your sister, Stephanie? I've been praying for her as often as I remember to...lol. love you!
from twintale :
I'll most definitely keep your sister in my prayers...I hope she's ok... Love, Angela
from i-c-dumppl :
But you have to admit, as tiresome as it is, the holiday shopping season is far too much fun.
from free2dream :
that song is so much fun to sing. :) i just got the new casting crowns and third day cd's and im suuuper thrilled. :) take care!
from littledjblue :
Oh, no no, I only had one final today. I have two tomorrow, though.
from healing-rain :
VERY very VERY pretty pics, Stephanie!! You look amazing! I can kind of see your hair in one pic, and it looks great!! I'm sure it looked even cooler from the back! I don't think you missed anything.. I am just TERRIBLE about updating my diary! I guess the last thing I ever said was that my parents were looking for jobs, and I never mentioned all of the things that happened. Basically, both of them work now (I'm sure you gathered that), and Mom had to move to another school district. I don't know if I'm ecstatic about living alone, but it is nice most of the time. :)
from free2dream :
awww!
from free2dream :
no not suicidal..his parents were murdered by HIS parents. yeah for converting to Christianity....ill write you a note later. :) Take care!
from healing-rain :
Let me know when you put your pics up!! I don't see a link to your photosite anymore. Also, you have my username wrong in your favorite diaries. I don't know if you read (I wouldn't blame you if you didn't), but if you do or want to, I just wanted to let you know.
from free2dream :
oh bye the way chaucee (dearkate) has told me that her and HER ex reminded her of me and "him". weird. :)
from free2dream :
you're so funny! cover up? LOL!
from free2dream :
i love him as a human being. heck, i love YOU as a human being just for writing this and gettin so crazy! :) what did nate DO to you, EXACTLY? how did he hurt you exactly? i know it's the same old crap..."he wont ever hurt me because hes NOT LIKE THAT..." but my GOODNESS, if you knew his past and everything he's been through...he doesnt GO to people for comfort. everything you said about nate, isnt him. hes so different. when someone feels hurt, HE FEELS hurt and prays with them and for them no MATTER who THEY ARE. i can go on and on and EXPLAIN and list reasons why he wont hurt me, but i guess no one who IS not in my position, will never understand. so boo. :) take care.
from free2dream :
and he's a genuine guy. i dont CARE if we dont end up married and with 5 kids. i have a silly crush. i make it out to be more serious. i just wanna be friends with him, MAYAN! :) love ya! thanks for caring soo much!
from free2dream :
i just read your diary. (if you sent me a note, i didnt read it) when i read my name, i honestly laughed. i cant explain it. i have SOO much respect for you and your opinion. but its like...he doesnt do this with just me, he has other friends, GUYS and GIRLS with whom he prays with...his relationship is EXACTLY like mine, with these other chicks, i promise cause THEY have told me. thats why we're all best friends. see? but i just happen to be slightly more obsessed. please dont worry. he WONT hurt me, he cant. POSSIBLY. i know why he cant. he cant. cause i know. its so hard to explain, if you were me (i read abt that nate dude...and this is SOO not like this) then you would know WHYYY he could never hurt me. even if we dont end up together which is REALLY possible, then so be it. ill be FINE. every night i pray that in every relationship i have with anyone...GOD IS IN THE CENTER of it. so i wont go through w/ anything without GOd by my side. i cant do that. :) thanks FOR EVERYTHING!
from free2dream :
happy early baptism anniversary. :)
from free2dream :
your entry was funny. :) you're fun.
from free2dream :
and by being "intimate" i dont necessarily mean sex, as i know you didnt mean that either... :D
from free2dream :
LOL! "it doesn’t capitalize “HE” and keep it a secret." HAHA i have my REASONS, okay! :) Yeah, i DISCOVERED it wasnt love a while ago...cause love is wayy too GOOD to be so weird. and i dunno. i love him AS A PERSON and getting intimate? eh, dont think thats gonna happen. not unless we're actually "together" because he told me he'd never do that to ANY girl..even if they WERE together, unless she was like THE ONE. and once again, i know him a lot, and his morals and values are incredible. he calls me to...GET THIS....PRAY WITH ME. He prays with a lot of his friends of which I know and he likes praying with people. One thing he prays a lot about is our church which is slowly dying away...and he believes that the power of prayer will help it rise up again. See? hes a really decent guy, and hes the kind that has been emotionally MESSED WITH and NEVER the messer upper..LOL. so he's a genuine friend who'll have ur back no matter what. i know he's like that. both him and his brother are two of the most decent people I KNOW. :D its SO not love. maybe it WILL be...i think im just a dummy tho. i mean, im the kind of chick, that thought THIS madness would never happen to you know? when i said all of the stuff about going up and down, it was a joke because i mean it doesnt really happen. i ALWAYS love him and i cant imagine ever getting MAD or screaming at him because i'll always LOVE him. now theres a fine line between loving a person and being IN LOVE with them, thats for sure. but i do love him. i just have issues sometimes because sometimes i feel like i shudnt have to "share him"...though I know VERY WELL he's not a THING..hes a person. but the thing is, i dont get mad when i see him with another girl..its more like when i see him getting closer to his ex crush and best friend....i fear LOSING him. and whenever i fear that, i slap myself really hard because i know i never will. see? so my entries, once again are just a pile of garbage. im not saying im IN LOVE, but in a lot of ways i think hes the ONE because when im around him, and when hes around me...i back down out of all my selfishness, it becomes about HIM and less of me, i WANT to become a better person and grow Closer with GOD because he inspires that in me, i want to be a better friend and a person that can influence the world. Because of him, i want people to see me and see Jesus in me. I want to seek the Lord more, because of him. See? so im just a girl saying girly crap that makes everything SEEM more complicated than it really is. this is love in a sense, because i love him as a person and I'LL NEVER, and you can mark my words, NEVERRRRR EVERRRRRRR NOT love him. i just cant. he means too much to me and im forever grateful that i had the chance to know him. I LOVE YOUR ADVICE THOUGH...it really made me think! Thanks SO MUCH!
from healing-rain :
Your last few days sound like mine! College is absolutely crazy! Oh well.. At least it's almost over. :) That is SO awesome that you are getting baptized! I got baptized right after I got saved at age 8. I think it would be a lot more meaningful at the age you're at now.
from littledjblue :
YAY YOU ARE GETTING BAPTIZED YAY!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! THAT IS SO COOL!! CONGRATS!! seriously.. that is awesome.. God is good.. that is so very incredible.. I LOVE YOU!
from free2dream :
Aww good luck! I hope you get the part...you deserve it! :D
from ima-bandgeek :
This is eowynne... yeah, haloscan's free. Thanks for the comment. :)
from twintale :
I caught up on your entries! Go me! I wanna see pictures of you and your friends all dressed up! I couldn't really imagine your hair, so pictures must follow! And I'm SO jealous that you already got snow! It's still 45 degrees around here. Boo. Later!
from i-c-dumppl :
I was never raised to believe in Santa, rather always focused on the true meaning of the holiday. When you're a mom, I'm sure you'll know what to do! (And, yep, that Sharpie drawing gave me a huuuuuge headache.)
from healing-rain :
Ahh, that sounds like SO much fun!! I can't wait to see pics. :) Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving break!
from littledjblue :
if you sleep 5 or 6 hours a night, you, too, will find time to read more. oh, and if you go from working 10 to 25 hours a week down to zero, that helps too. though when that happens you can actually find time to maybe do homework. crazy, huh?
from free2dream :
gettin dressed up is always fun. :) happy thanksgiving!
from free2dream :
No, from the COUNTRY india! :) Aw my winter jacket is warm I GUESS, but I hate it cause it looks ugly. But according to my mom, it doesnt matter how it looks, as long as it keeps you warm. UGH. :) Take care Stephanie
from free2dream :
and thanks for still being a faithful reader! :)
from free2dream :
He's my friend but the thing is, I have strict Indian parents who fear I'll have a boyfriend. I mean, I can be friends with guys, but they DO get worried. So if they knew how much time I spend with him on the phone, it's natural for them to worry. My mom cannot stand girls who date when they're my age. (Neither can I) so there ya go. :)
from twintale :
You're darn right that God is a good God! I realize that more and more every day! I wish I got mail like that...sniffle. lol Love ya!
from fan4 :
Your story idea sounds interesting IMO.
from twintale :
I'm glad your day was so amusing! lol It's nice to have those, isn't it? I wouldn't do well as a teacher at all. No patience! ~Angela~
from twintale :
Awww Steph! You almost made me CRY! And I have to be ready for church in a few minutes! lol What was that for???? *sniffle* I thought it was going to be something sad! I was like, oh no..."she'll never forget me"??? Is she LEAVING????? Whew. Anyway, you absolutely made my day. Love you girl! ~Angela~
from fan4 :
Thanks for the note. Two of my favorites (twintale and hardcorefan-) have healing-rain (Lindsey) listed as a diary they like. Maybe I found her via them. I don't remember for sure though, but I am glad I found it. :D
from fan4 :
"Butterfly Kisses" is one of my favorite songs.
from twintale :
I think I've upset you...I'm sorry. Hang in there - the face that you're even aware of His reprimanding in your life shows that you "get it". Doesn't matter how slowly you do, as long as you do! Right? Love, Angela
from lovingod :
Thanks for that message. I think that was something I really needed to hear. God bless. -Hope-
from littledjblue :
Have you heard of/read "Captivating"? It is a phenomenal book.
from i-c-dumppl :
It's a misquote from Shakespeare. I think it's really an old Irish adage that was confused with something the old poet had written. Glad to hear from yah! HUGS!
from healing-rain :
I meant encouraging in the sense that you seem to be honest about your struggles and that you are trying to overcome them.
from twintale :
In your entry "Heart Breaking", I felt like mine was. I really try to understand how you're feeling...I really do. I always thought I let you know that! You're not the only one who thinks I'm too young, too immature, too whatever to be getting married...so why wouldn't I understand? There are two sides, though - the part about YOU that I don't understand, but also the part about ME that YOU don't understand, if that makes sense. We're never going to be able to know how someone else is feeling when we haven't been through the same thing - that's just the way it is. But please know that I always ALWAYS listen to you. I respect your opinions so much! Please don't let me upset you, and if I am, would you just TELL ME? Just like you don't want to hear about something in a diary entry, it's the same way with me. I would never have known how you were feeling if I'd never gotten to catch up on your entries, you know what I mean? I love you, Stephanie. From day one I've thought of you as someone that's so much like me it was almost scary at times - but also comforting, in a way. Email me sometime, ok? Or I'll catch you on MSN. Love, Angela
from healing-rain :
I have enjoyed reading your entries lately. You encourage me. :)
from littledjblue :
Silver lining -- at least it was JUST your license, which is easily replacable(and you might even be lucky enough that somebody will pick it up + return it to Wal-Mart or mail it to you!).
from live-for-you :
Anytime you need something hon, don't hesitate to ask! :-) Becky xoxox
from live-for-you :
You've been on my mind lately, so I've been praying for you. Hope everything is going well! Becky
from iamblessed :
Thanks for the prayers -- I'm in the middle of what could be the biggest decision of my life, so if you can, keep them coming! Love .C
from healing-rain :
Getting papers done is always a HUGE relief and accomplishment! I hope your other papers turned out well. :)
from i-c-dumppl :
MIDTERMS! GAH! I promise I'll update tonight just for you. You can put your lip back, now!
from araquen :
I'm doing really well, thanks. =] Don't worry, I understand being busy... if we had school right now, I probably wouldn't have any time for anything.
from free2dream :
Wait...was this devotional from some teen bible?!!! Ive read it before! lol! I just thought that it was funny...I remembered it when she said "best time" and I was like YEP! It's from a Teen Bible right? Extreme Teen Bible or something weird. :)
from healing-rain :
Good luck with giving up your friend.. I know that it is hard, hard, HARD.
from littledjblue :
I'm not going to tell you my answer, in case other people want to guess, but I know it.. ;)
from free2dream :
Aw that is adorable...fishies! I'm working on trusting God with this. Just the other night, I prayed for him. Thanks for everythinggg Stephanie! Whoa this is the first time I used your name! :)
from araquen :
Hey Neptune! May you live longer than any of my fish ever have!
from free2dream :
Not that Im saying that just cause he loves God and is a Christian etc, he wouldnt do anything bad. But...I havent really had any trustworthy committed friends. I want to believe that for the first time I found it in him. Maybe he wont be...maybe he isnt. But I wanna think so for now...:)
from free2dream :
Eh. The dream...I'd hardly call it ROMANTIC. lol it was just a nice dream where we talked. :) Yeah I know you're worried. It happens. He loves God...I wanna trust that he wouldnt do anything dumb to me. :)
from live-for-you :
It's too late to save me from a catastrophe relationship, but I still enjoyed reading it. God bless, Stephanie!! Becky
from littledjblue :
Heart of Worship is one of my favorite songs.. it brings tears to my eyes. Bravo for taking time and enjoying the "nothingness" .. I just dropped a class, so as to not overdo myself, and I am totally going to enjoy the extra time, and hopefully I will put it to good use.
from free2dream :
That was an awesome entry. Really...it made me think.
from twintale :
Sigh. I hate computer problems. I get all behind in diaries and emails, and you go and have a bad day on the 12th, and I don't know about it until the 18th! Grrr. I'm sorry I can't be around much. This time it isn't my fault. I only have a few minutes on Andrew's computer before it's back to church time...soooo...this little note will have to do. Love and miss you, Angela
from healing-rain :
Ick. I know how the "sending the wrong signals" thing goes! I am not looking for a relationship in any form or fashion, but I do know that even my friendliness can come across wrong. It's a hard balance to find. Good luck with everything.
from free2dream :
Naps are awesome. Hope you have a better day tomorrow....and every OTHER day after that, though it may not be possible...we can always HOPE. :)
from i-c-dumppl :
Meh, take a break. Yeah, I need to have it finished by Wed, and I'm only ten pages in. I've got a shop class to study for... I sure as heck don't know the difference between different kinds of clamps. Luckily I read it in high school, so I know what happens, but I do need a refresher. And I could have sworn there are Greek "eus" names that aren't "yoos"... What about "Proteus"? I'll look it up... WHOA! I've never heard it pronounced like that! ... Hmm. I was taught incorrectly in high school. I admit defeat. The Yoos have it.
from araquen :
Aww...Hope it get's better...
from littledjblue :
I love you. I hope your day gets better! <33
from healing-rain :
I have been horrible at keeping up lately, but I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. I hope that your semester continues to go well.
from twintale :
myspace...I've been hearing a lot about that site lately. I think I first heard of it because of DJ's diary, too though. lol I've been meaning to join it - I'm a sucker for sites like that, but it just looks so complicated that I'm sure I wouldn't know what the heck I was doing. And once again, you seem like my other half or something - there are SO MANY things I would change about high school it's not even funny. More risks I would take, more activities I'd be involved with, more people I'd get to know...less studying! I had my face in a book all the time and everyone labeled me as one of the "smart kids", and you know as well as I do that that certain label isn't a compliment in high school. I was judgmental, too...and I know it kept me from reaching a lot of people. Even though there WAS only 16 people in my graduating class. I probably only really knew 4 of them. Anyway, I hear ya. Love, Angela
from araquen :
Thanks. I hope the year will continue like this. =]
from twintale :
Ahhhh I see your'e online, too! There's a reason I wasn't on AIM or MSN - when my computer crashed, they got deleted. And I never have time to download them again! Yahoo messenger for some reason never went away, but you of course don't have that. Grrrr. Oh well, one of these days I'll get AIM or MSN back - then we'll talk! Love ya, Angela
from twintale :
Jeeze louise. You wowed me with that one. Aside from the other hundreds of ways you and I are alike, I think we both have a tendency to want to be helpful too much. Like...we can be sensitive to a fault. Do you know what I mean? I know just speaking for myself, I've been there more times than I can count where I looked at someone and said to myself "What can I do to help? What can I do to ease their pain? How can I bear their burden?" I. I. I. And you're right - we're just not big enough! But He certainly is. I needed to hear that. Thank you so much. Love, Angela
from free2dream :
Thanks for that entry! I wanna share it with others.. =]
from eowynne :
That is really CRAZY. There's more than one Matt Yunker in the world?! But... is his name Matthew, or Matthias?
from eowynne :
Yeah, he's from around here. We go to the same school and we're in the same grade. The last two years, we were in the same English class, too.
from twintale :
You updated! Boo yeah! Reading about your new room and all the activities you're involved with in college just makes me so angry that I still haven't gotten to go. Why oh why does it have to cost so much?!?! And why can't my parents help me? *sigh* Anyway, it all just sounds neato! And congratulations on making it into the choir - why did you ever have doubts you wouldn't? hehe Love, Angela
from araquen :
Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. I think for the first few days, though, I'll be focused on figuring out what to do. Our tour guide at orientation was so kind to tell us that we WILL get lost on the first day. lol. =]
from healing-rain :
Thanks for the prayers, Steph. It has been a complete up and down week, but I'm making it okay. I just have so many conflicting feelings. May I ask how old you are? I'm sure I knew at one point, but I've forgotten. You will also have to tell me where you are in college and what your major is, etc.
from live-for-you :
Stephanie....you're a doll. :-) I should say that it's romantic love I've given up on for the most part, so I can say I love you too and mean it! Becky
from leadme :
I got that from someone elses diary and I forgot the link. I just remember that's along the lines of what it said, thought it was funny, so I posted it. I'll have to check out that essay ... sounds sweetly interesting!
from leadme :
No, I've never read "A Modest Proposal". May I ask why?
from live-for-you :
Have a safe trip! I'll be thinking of you!
from healing-rain :
Is your sister younger than you? I've only gotten to sing with my sister one time, but I loved it! I finally got to poke around your diary a bit more, and I read your story, visited your art blog, and looked at your pics. I am VERY impressed with your testimony, and I think it is awesome that you could write it so well in words. I don't think I could ever articulate mine. Also, LOVELY art!! You are extremely talented. You're very pretty, as well. :)
from healing-rain :
Is Sam your sister? I'm glad that your duet went well. Singing is so much fun. Hope your donut thing went good!
from i-c-dumppl :
Nah. Not excited. Don't wanna go. I even come home on the weekends. But the college life is entirely unappealing. I was excited a year ago, and now I wish a year hadn't passed! God put me in the right place, I know, and at the right time, so I haven't anything to complain about! Hugs!
from eowynne :
Ah man, I love it, Stephanie!! :D That one about the Porsche had me cracking up! I'm so glad someone sent me that... it was fun seeing all the strange beginnings of stuff on different websites, and how we respond to them! :) The truth is, a lot of them probably aren't anything like what they look like right off! lol! :)
from eowynne :
Thanks.
from free2dream :
Cool. =]
from littledjblue :
Just wanted to stop by and say hi before I head out for the week.. I hope you have a GREAT week!
from araquen :
Ha, ha. Very funny. :)It was very early in the morning, and I had to get something done, but I ended up falling asleep anyway. O_o :)
from i-c-dumppl :
You shouldn't have to worry about searching or even finding anyone. God will send him along in time, and if it seems like everyone's moving a little too fast, maybe they are. You're not moving slowly if you're at your own pace. I don't take much stock in "the one", personally. Anyway, yes, Fairly Odd Parents is definitely among my favourite shows. I don't know why, but the humour can appeal to anybody! I love Wanda's nagging and Cosmo's dull-witted replies. Hilarious!
from free2dream :
You'll find THE ONE eventually. In God's time...the David Crowder book excerpts are not over, my friend. There's more to be shared!
from free2dream :
Don't you worry about THAT. =]
from live-for-you :
Wow...what an amazing song! I love Nichole Nordeman!!
from free2dream :
I looooooove Nichole Nordeman!
from lovingod :
Thanks for the note! (I know this is terribly overdue)! lol, my faith is never truly solid, but gosh, it gives me encouragement to become stronger in my faith! What may seem bad will always shead a little good, sometimes we need to search for it, but it's always worth it! May He bless you and keep you! -Hope-
from araquen :
Thanks! And your questions were great. Now I've got to think of some... =]
from araquen :
*Thanks for the idea, though!
from araquen :
Well, at least I don't have to worry about that for awhile... My parents won't even consider me dating until I'm 16, and though I can feel differently at times, I completely agree with them. Sometimes I feel like I should wait even longer than that... Our youth group in Oklahoma was called The Edge, only it referred to a battlefield. (It was previously called FrontLine.) Hmm... I'll keep thinking. :)
from free2dream :
Oo I WANT!
from healing-rain :
Hey Steph, thanks for adding me to your list! I've added you back, and I can't wait to catch up on all I've missed! Hope your duet went well.
from free2dream :
I looove this song! Ive always wanted to sing it with someone else! =] MArk Schultz ft Rachel Lampa...aww! I hope you guys do awesome!
from leadme :
Treasures in this garbage? Heh, no way! Only me. lol. Thanks for the note --Jen
from spunkyhottie :
HEY I WAS READING SOMETHING THAT YOU SAID TO ANOTHER PERSON AND IT PUT TEARS IN MY EYES YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON YOU MADE ME RELIZE THAT GOD DOES LOVE ME AND FOR THAT I THANK YOU LEAVE ME A NOTE~CHEY
from i-c-dumppl :
But duets are the best way to perform! As long as you're with a friend, it doesn't seem so bad. And it's just one song, two minutes, in front of non-judgemental Christians. Get up there and enjoy yourself! When I have all eyes on me, I feel comfortable because I think of the audience as a group of friends... that treatment exudes into your performance, and your audience really does sympathise with what you're singing (or acting, in my case), instead of pitying your fear. All you have to know is that the audience is focusing on the song, not whether you screw up or not.
from icofxcnika :
*chuckles* Just to put your mind at ease, this Californian <i>does</i) have a front and a back yard with plenty of grass, thank you very much ;-).... But, alas, I do have to chuckle at the notion of going anywhere <i>without</i> getting on a freeway... it's sad, somehow. But I guess it is a quality minorly redeemable for the fact that we just got two ducks to join our dozen hens and four roosters on our rural property ;-). Now San Francisco... that's a different story. You're in my thoughts and prayers, lady.
from i-c-dumppl :
That's really funny. I always thought I lived in a small town! Applebee's here isn't a big deal either, since there are lots of more expensive restaurants, but I can remember a time when it was a lot more popular. I like it, it is a good place to go for Sunday brunch. Around here some people call it "Sunday breakfast" even though it's eaten at noon, though "brunch" doesn't make much more sense... Some people have farms, some people barely have yards, some schools have a couple hundred students, my school had 3,000 students... we have three local shopping malls and we frequently use freeways to even get to the nicest grocery store. And downtown Norfolk (40 minutes away on the highway) even has a baseball team. Which isn't at all how I'd traditionally picture Virginia! But I was actually born right outside of Seattle, which is really what I meant to tell you all along!
from i-c-dumppl :
Yep, all English words are masculine when they're adopted. Which is rare due to that French Academy. I'll aim you when I get the chance, promise. College forms are fun, as I'm sure you know.
from icofxcnika :
As a matter of fact, I did write that poem. I need an outlet sometimes.Poetry helps me do that... it allows me to express more deeply what my soul and my spirit are going through. And yes, I have revived my journal somewhat, haven't I? ;-)
from prayers-r-us :
Would you like to be on the prayer team?? Thanx for leaving me a note, prayers-r-us is working again. If you are interested, leave a note under "questions" or leave note on my diary: mildchild! Thanks for your time!
from live-for-you :
Interview me! Lol. PLease? :-) -Becky-
from free2dream :
*sigh* God is awesome.
from araquen :
Interview me!
from littledjblue :
interview me!!
from free2dream :
I was feeling cruddy before but ah whatever. I hafta get used to it. I just dont wanna...I dunno. Everyone around me has CHANGED throughout the years to please everyone else. I dont want to be like them. =]
from caughtpurity :
I write about a lot of things. Mostly feelings. Past regrets, longings, and whatnot. Yeah, I'm weird. Haha, I like your diary, though. Nice Biblical theme. <3 Steph
from brdwaybebe :
Hi there! this is Christy from Faith Designs. I redirected the links. I had them pointed to the wwrong domain! Sorry about that!!! Thanks for the heads up!
from araquen :
What a beautiful song! I should find it somewhere... her new single, "Brave" is great, too!
from live-for-you :
I got Nichole Nordemans cd when it first came out, and I think I listened to it for like, 6 months non stop!! I love it!! -Becky-
from free2dream :
I love that song. i remember my sister was once so obsessed with it, she would listen to it for like 5 hours straight. seriously...5 hours. i love her cd too. i need to get her NEW and older ones. coughBIRTHDAYcough! lol =] dont worry, my updates are cruddy too. write for you, even if someone else may think its boring. other than that...if theres nothing else...lyrics are the best way to go. =]
from i-c-dumppl :
Mais, oui! Erm... je n'ai rien a dire. Desolee. Cependent, je comprends, j'oublie la plupart du langue francias aussi tot que toi! L'ete veut dire l'ennui. C'est la vie.
from free2dream :
iVE HATED Aol since the beginning of time. Verizon DSL is the way to go, my friend.
from i-c-dumppl :
It's especially bad considering the connotation "nice person" takes on. When I hear it applied to Christians, it simply implies "having good morals", not even involving a form of kindness in any respect. Go get 'em.
from free2dream :
CONGRAAAATs!!!
from leadme :
Btw: How did the meeting with your penpal go?
from leadme :
Congrats on the new job! I'll be praying about the "yelling". Yelling is never quite fun. Unless if you're hyper. That's a whole different story.
from live-for-you :
It's funny, cause when I was writing that entry I thought of putting Celcius beside it, because I figured that would catch you off guard...glad you caught on!! -Becky-
from araquen :
Congratulations!
from free2dream :
I see the DO NOT CONFORM written and I instantly thought of the singer Krystal Meyers. Go check her out at her website! She now reminds me of you! =]
from araquen :
Wow. =] "I wish I knew what to do. I wish I knew what to say. I wish I knew how to act. I wish I knew what to pray." I can't tell you how many times those thoughts go through my head...about pretty much everything.
from eowynne :
Ah, poor thing... you know, I can't say I've FOUND him - well, maybe I have... he just hasn't found me yet! Ugh... kind of discouraging. I understand exactly what you're going through, tho - I still am going through just that, and don't get me wrong. Just because I managed to actually fall in love again (something I never thought would happen after Matt!) doesn't mean he cares about me, too. I mean, he has a girlfriend and is leaving forever all too soon. Aren't things messed up and crazy? When you think you've found him - you can't have him?!
from free2dream :
Aw that's cool! I personally think that's wayy too young too...but things happen differently for different people! =] God bless!
from i-c-dumppl :
Nah, no meds. I was reading Fitzgerald. He always puts me in a good mood. That's why I call him "Great Uncle Fitzy". That, and his family actually married into mine around 1921. He's distant, but it still puts a smile on my face. And I totally understand about the engagement thing. At least she's matured. Good for her! Who knows, maybe she's marrying into a big literary family! Or, in my family's case, a big illegal bootlegging family! (Redundant, I know.)
from araquen :
www.arwen-undomiel.com... Yours is Riniel (pron. Reen-ee-ell). =] Mine is different from the one listed there (Aranel) since I had a friend do a different translation.
from araquen :
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers...everything turned out okay, and I'm very thankful. It could have easily gotten very bad...
from free2dream :
I'm hilariousss I know!
from free2dream :
http://members.tripod.com/~VanessaWest/iceman.html for more information on this crazy dude.
from free2dream :
agaagag apparently 2 comments down and mine was all a part of that show. aah that show is saving lives everywhere.
from free2dream :
HOLY CRUD! How is this possible? I JUST SAW this on discover channel about URBAN LEGENDS! OKay...I'm okay now. or was it TLC? whatever. I believe they thought it was impossible but one guy said that a man used to pretend he was sneezing, and in a spray behind his tissue, he would "accidently" spray his "sneeze" on the people. instead, it was some posinious gas....and when you're surprised and shocked that he just sneezed on you, you probably gasped and just inhaled all of the gas. thats how the man ended up killing people. psycho. He was called the ICE something...the ICE MAN? i dunno. =] People need Jesus. But that boy was a little weird tho..the salesperson guy. I mean he REALLY wanted that perfume to be on you!
from i-c-dumppl :
I do think men have attempted the ether trick, but it actually can't work. To sniff ether isn't enough, it has to nearly replace your air supply for quite awhile... which is why rags are drenched in it and held over the mouth. A spritz of perfume isn't enough to make you pass out... but it can't hurt to be careful. Just like there's no case of men ever lying under cars and slashing womens' ankles with knives to take advantage of them, but I look under the car anyway. But there is something with men who slash womens' tires while the women are shopping, and then they ask the women if they can help fix it. They go into the trunk and leave murder weapons in there for later, and then force themselves into the car. It's a good idea that you didn't let this guy touch your car, it may not have ended well.
from rainingfire :
Wow that is so weird that whole thing about the perfume because I saw that on tv last night...It's actually not true..the email thing. It's an urban legend lol.
from free2dream :
hope you didnt mind all the smileys. =]
from free2dream :
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from free2dream :
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from free2dream :
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from free2dream :
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from free2dream :
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from free2dream :
theres like 10 more smileys up ahead.
from free2dream :
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from free2dream :
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from free2dream :
thaanks! whew! long entry! =] God bless!
from godsong :
First, thanks for reading my diary! I'm so happy to "meet" new friends in Christ! Here's the list (in order of the paragraph): mark, luke, kings, acts, revelation, james, ruth, numbers, job, amos, esther, judges, titus, lamentations, hebrews, peter. have a wonderful day! God bless!
from live-for-you :
Good luck with getting a job!! I'm sure you'll get the one you want!! -Becky-
from araquen :
=] Who knew that when I joined diaryland I'd "meet" someone who has gone through (or is going through) the exact same things I have (am).
from i-c-dumppl :
WOW!!! Now that's a story to tell the grandkids! How scary, and yet, how cool! At least God took care of you-- it had to be, potentially, a very dangerous situation!
from live-for-you :
I hate saying goodbye too...but you can always keep in touch by email and stuff! Thinking of you, -Becky-
from free2dream :
wow so many notes for one entry...=] thought provoking entries can do that to ya.
from free2dream :
and besides...I believe God will lead me to the right person eventually, so why go out of my way to search for him to fill up this stupid void to be "cool" and have a boyfriend like everyone else. It's depressing. =]
from free2dream :
I see Michael W. Smith lyrics! =] Anti Boys club? I dont know if its THAT severe for me...but as a teenager I find it dumb to date because these are the moments where we should be concerned about God. A boy can come into our lives and completely distract us from God. we need to focus on HIM RIGHT NOW because if we cant (and without a guy i find it hard to concentrate on God sometimes anyway) right now...how will we EVER when we DO get married etc? so...there's my basis for that whole belief. =] take caare!
from araquen :
You do leave me a lot of notes! I loved the whole movie, but that song kind of struck me as beautiful. I liked all of the other songs, though, especially the part in the boat in the tunnel...hmm...I think that one's "Phantom of the Opera". I'm sure you know. =]
from i-c-dumppl :
And I meant "encouraged". I had typed something before, and erased it... sorry!
from i-c-dumppl :
I think I'm a... Michelle. Every woman in my family has been through a divorce, and at least one abusive relationship. It's terrifying to me to explain to my friends how I feel about dating, with their attitudes that are much like, "Just get over it... everybody gets married." Yes, everybody gets married, and, as far as I've seen things work, everyone is then called names, then their pets are beaten in front of them, then they're forced to drive dangerous cars without knowing it, then they're incouraged to commit suicide. And I never knew I was abused until just before I turned 18... I'm horrified by the idea of marriage, dating, men in general. I think I'd rather remain completely alone for the rest of my life, unless it were mandated by God.
from twintale :
You'll probably be anti-boys all your life - until you find that single one you can tolerate. lol Trust me, they're not all bad. Miss you...
from littledjblue :
2 things. 1, it is from a Ryan Cabrera song, "True." And 2, don't forget at most Christian colleges everyone goes to get their M.R.S. Sad, but true. Anti-boys club though? Interesting. I think most women are anti-boys ... we prefer men.
from i-c-dumppl :
Nah, I didn't enter anything. Usually I'm under "Amanda". Just, "Amanda". I might just name myself Lord Emporer of all of Gotland next time. Or La Belle Dame Sans Merci. That'd be interesting...
from free2dream :
=] God bless!
from littledjblue :
I'm only at a community college right now, so yes, I'm switching colleges. The big question is, WHERE will I go next year?
from araquen :
I'm not good at confronting people either, especially teachers! The last time I did that was a few years ago, and I think I chickened out and wrote a note. LOL. I've had a few since then worthy of being confronted, but for some reason I haven't said anything.
from araquen :
Aww...thanks. =] It all just kind of hit me at once, and I don't know what really happened. Thanks for giving me a "sympathetic, listening ear".
from live-for-you :
Thanks for the birthday message....it made me smile! Love you! -Becky-
from i-c-dumppl :
If it began with "Mistah Kurtz- He dead. A penny for the old guy," that's the right one. The meaning isn't explicity stated in the poem, you have to infer it. There are various allusions to Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness", a puppet play, and Greek and Roman practices of persecution (and their mythology with the river outside of Hades, Styx), and fun stuff like that. I've written two essays on it, but they're each about twelve pages long. I'm still confused about why he chose "five o'clock in the morning"-- maybe he felt that he was far past his eleventh hour or something... Anyway, a less implicit religious poet is Gerard Manley Hopkins. He converted from Anglicism to Catholicism and moved from England to Ireland, which created and relieved different political and religious problems between the countries, and wrote very avant-garde sounding poetry with classical themes. I can't think of just one poem to recommend, though... I can't imagine after thrusting you upon T.S. Eliot like that, that you'd trust me anyway! It takes a long while to grasp his work...
from i-c-dumppl :
Y'know, and it's going to sound silly, but one thing that helped me understand all that was T.S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men". It's a poem about his conversion from an existentialist atheist to strict Anglican, and it's interesting to see his new perspective (because, if you're like me, you've been at Church all your life, and can't get over old habits or old ways of looking at things... which is the deadly form of tradition). Anyway, in it he says that the only difference between the condemned and the saved is that the saved accept and understand and ascend above sin (though they're never free from it), while those in Hell can't accept responsibility or simply allow another being in their life out of fear. But, like I was saying before my explication, it's an interesting read because it's sort of like Dillard's "tree with the lights in it"; a completely virgin look at something you're very used to will make you look at it in a new and better way. Another bunch of works I recommend: John Donne's "Meditations". He was a womaniser and addict before his conversion, and his writings are very eye-opening! And, of course, the Bible always helps...
from littledjblue :
OH MY GOSH I AM SO GOING TO USE THIS WHEN I TELL PEOPLE HOW I AM BLACK AND THEY LAUGH AT ME!! "My friend REALLY thought I was black, SO THERE!" Ohhh Stephanie that is SO funny!!
from littledjblue :
You just confused me more.. "I thought you were really white just saying that to be goofy" I AM really white, and I do just say that(although you know it's true ;D) so I am really, really confused. I'm white. So, um, yes, I'm confused why seeing my pic and seeing that I'm white would confuse you more? Anyway, link me to your pictures!! I don't think I have seen any, and I WANT TO SEE!
from littledjblue :
Wait, I'm confused.. I don't look like you expected, yet you say I'm beautiful, so what were you expecting? ;D I have to give you a hard time, sorry! But thank you for the compliment. You should get a MySpace - they are the coolest things, ever.
from holdmeplease :
Thanks for the spelling hint! haha -- Oh and thank you again for the congratulations on my super long relationship -- I'm even surprised that I've lasted that long! Oh and yes, that's me - shaking my head like a maniac! --Marisa
from minstrelite :
If you don't take to driving, you might in some ways be better off. I haven't driven now for over a year since I totaled my car in an accident while I was asleep on the road. And I'm 52 years old. I ride a ten speed bike around a small town and take public transit to get to the City. I really don't miss it.
from littledjblue :
I think teachers are just out to get us. 1 out of my 4 tests for the week is complete. Now to spend the next few days studying like MAD.
from i-c-dumppl :
I always get so annoyed by people who sing that one line... namely, that person is myself. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go take a midol. Hava nagila, hava nagila... hava nagila, hava nagila... hava nagila, hava nagila... OH! I remember! Venis'mecha! Granted, I have an excuse: the song I can't remember is in Hebrew. Nyeh!
from littledjblue :
That's really sad that he called you out in class; I had a professor do that once, I wasn't really happy about it. Hope you do well on it, regardless.
from i-c-dumppl :
Monk?!? I LOVE Monk! Ahh... it's such a good show... I'm sorry your funny essay didn't go over well. I still want to write my funny essay. I wrote tons of them last year in English, and write lots of them this year in French, maybe I'll just put those up. There's this one I wrote about homosexuality in Canada that's just HILARIOUS. Unfortunately, I don't think a college professor would like it... even though I was in a college course when I wrote it...
from littledjblue :
What happened with the essay? Did you at least get a passing grade on it?
from i-c-dumppl :
A highly commendable piece of deductive rhetoric... very much in the style of Aristotle, himself. Perfect blend of the pathos, logos, and ethos. Now I want to write a funny essay! I think I will. But what on...?
from araquen :
Thanks! =] Hope you figure out what to do.
from i-c-dumppl :
Uhh... You could try again, if you have another email account. Sometimes email accounts don't like letting mail like that through. If you need, I can give you a gmail account just to see if that works more quickly. In any case, I love your illo! I still have to work on mine. ...I'm not telling what it is, though.
from i-c-dumppl :
Yep, just upload a picture on to the site from a saved file, and then copy and paste the stuff in the "tag" box (below the picture, the second in the line) directly into your diary!
from holdmeplease :
Haha -- Don't worry my dear, I'm not jumping into marriage or life-long commitment yet. Read "Tangerine" -- it explains the new love. Just so you aren't so confused, the new love is actually my guitar -- GOTCHA! I'm still incredibly in love with Brett :) -- Marisa
from i-c-dumppl :
Just go to photobucket.com... they have free webhosting, and it's really easy to use!
from littledjblue :
If it makes you feel any better, I totally hate school.
from twintale :
Awwwww Steph, I saw a note you write awhile back to DJ about how you feel guilty about talking to me about things going on in your life because of the stress you see in mine. Listen, the eating disorder thing was something I shouldn't have even mentioned in my diary because I never wanted to before, and I kind of just sprung it out there with no explanation. The reason for that was because I didn't WANT it to seem like a bad thing - what I wrote was to show that God was healing me! And I really did think that it would cause something to happen just like what you described to DJ - that someone wouldn't feel like that could confide in me because they didn't want to add to my "problems". Steph, trust me, you won't! Do you remember what you said to me when I wanted to stop writing about Andrew because I knew it made you feel bad?? I felt guilty for sharing what was in my heart, and you told me that was ridiculous! You asked me not to stop writing about whatever was in my heart, and I give you the same advice. Please, if you ever need to talk, I'm here. Trust me ok? I don't care how busy I am! You're someone I just feel a certain bond with, and I have since the first note you left me. Anyway, this is all wayyyyyyy after the fact, I know, but I just saw that note a second ago, and I wanted to tell you not to ever hesitate to talk to me. GOT IT???? Ok, enough of the lecture. I'm hungry! LOL Love, Angela
from twintale :
Hi!! It's me!! Surprised??? (Me, too) lol I haven't even been on this computer to check my email in a month or so...considering how often I used to be on this thing, that's SO WEIRD to think about! Anyway, for some reason lately I haven't been able to get you off my mind. Don't ask me why. Done some prayin' for ya, too. I thought if I got on here and caught up on your entries I would maybe realize what it is about you that's nagging me, but that didn't work either. Are you ok? OH! Guess what I'm reading??? Every Young Woman's Battle. Isn't that coooooooooool??? And you were right - that book is fantastic! I bought Every Young MAN'S Battle for Andrew and he's reading that, too. I can't thank you enough for recommending them, because you have no idea how much God has used them to help! Anyway, I miss you girl. Hope that French presentation goes (went?) much better than you hope(d). Love, Angela
from rosedreaming :
oh, how did you find me?
from rosedreaming :
I did my layout. Thanks!
from leslieirene :
Hi there! I love your diary so much, I may change to that template, or something more Christian! Faith Designs is gorgeous! Blessings in Christ, Leslie Irene
from eowynne :
That first poem, "I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud" - we read that in English class last year and had to write a poem in that style. We read hundreds of poems last year, and had to write our own based on them... It's too bad I lost so many of those poems - or threw them away. I wish I had them now.
from twintale :
I would have liked to have seen that rant! How dare you delete it like that? lol Isn't this diary supposed to be about your feelings? Let it out girl! Sorry, maybe I'm just nosy. Still, I'd be interested in an entry from you that showed you're human like the rest of us! LOL Sometimes you're so sweet I think you're incapable of being bitter like I get so often. Count yourself blessed Stephanie - I wish so much I could be more like you! But God's working on me. AND YES SPRING IS COMING! The other day it was like 60 degrees here and sunny...I was in heaven. Anyway, I'll "talk" to you soon. Love, Angela
from littledjblue :
I know that's what you were saying, and I understand, but I was asking if you knew anybody who did NOT have "big" problems, or problems of any sort. Everybody does - it just depends if you're comfortable enough with the person to tell them. And it can hurt a relationship if it's only one-sided, with only one person opening up to the other, and not having it go both ways, in my opinion. Everybody has a lot going on, and I can understand not wanting to add more to peoples thoughts, but if they're really your friends, they'll be concerned + want to hear about the real /you/ and what is /really/ going on with you.
from littledjblue :
What do you consider "big" and who do you know that does NOT have "big" problems? I'm talking people who have actually talked to you + told you their dirt, and it's just not "big."
from eowynne :
Thanks for the note. Yeah, it's been an awful long time sing anyone left me one. I keep checking for notes or comments and not getting any. It makes me sad, too, since I don't really think many people read anymore, according to my site counter. :( Oh well. I write for myself mainly anyway. I just like to get comments at least on my writing style and whatnot.
from littledjblue :
"Especially since most of the people I am friends with do have problems... Though I still can't figure out why that is." Hon, everyone has problems, it just depends how open they are about it/them.
from araquen :
Even just showing God's love to one person will make a difference... You never know how many peoples' lives you change. You may witness to a person who then gets saved. They go and tell someone else who gets saved, and it goes on. You just never know...and in God's eyes, you're not so small...=]
from healing-rain :
Yes, I am Lindsey. I know we never talked much, but it is good to hear from you. Also, I want you to know how encouraging it is to see how much you desire to have a close relationship with God.. That's a witness right there. God bless!
from littledjblue :
Think of it as parents treat their kids - they can not literally make them follow all of their rules and commands. Children have the free will to make the choices they want. If they mess up, they are punished. When the children grow up and begin to realize that the parents set the rules there for their own good, and they begin to fully realize the extent of the parent's love for them, the child, they will begin to obey more and more /on their own/.
from healing-rain :
Wow, this is so cool.. I was googling Avalon's "Everything To Me" and your diary link came up! I know you from the boards from like forever ago! I was ChildOfGod93. Anyway, total God thing. Hope all is well with you.
from icofxcnika :
*squints* Not really... Am I missing something? *scratches head*
from live-for-you :
Hey Stephanie, congrats on the jazz solo...you rock!!!!! :-)
from icofxcnika :
lol! one good thing after another! wow! Congrats on the solo :) Isn't little kid artwork the best thing ever?! I still have a paperbag puppet Elizabeth made me about five years ago when I was tutoring k-3 graders in the philosophical issues of Dr Seuss :p. Anyways, I'm glad you had a good day. Keep that smile showing!
from littledjblue :
if it's clear it means she's completely emotionless
from twintale :
Hey Steph, let's see if I still remember how to do this! lol I got your email, and I'll definitely pray about that - you came to the right place! lol It's so strange how I go through "seasons" of prayer...right now I'm in my spring stage, where it seems like my prayer life is growing unbelievably and I love it! (Been through the "winter" stage way too many times...) Anyway, I loved the entry about your kids - they all sound so adorable! AND JEEZE LOUISE!!!! I am SO sorry that I didn't know it was your birthday! Grrrrr that made me so mad when I read it! I really really apologize. Happy 19th! Do you feel old yet? (I'll feel old in August when I'm the big 2-0! Dang that's old. lol) Anyway, I miss you, and I wish I could write more, but it's like I have something going on every day around here, and I just don't have the time. We'll catch up one day, I hope! But please remember that you're sitll in my thoughts and prayers. I don't see that changing anytime soon. Happy belated birthday! (I still want to hit myself) Love, Angela
from araquen :
I love that song!
from holdmeplease :
Wow .. thank you so much! I'm sure you are gorgeous too, infact I'm sure you have a beautiful soul because only a truly fantastic person would tell a stranger that they are "pretty" -- Thanks again, you made my day! --Marisa
from i-c-dumppl :
Happy birthday! Bon anniversaire! I could give you all the French lessons you want (consider it a birthday gift, haha)! I've taken French... for... five years, this is my sixth. I'm in AP now, and tend to do well at competitions and city and state exams, so I hope I can help you! And your birthday entry surprised me very much: a lot of people never reach that understanding, especially not me! I love your diary already! Happy Birthday!
from araquen :
Happy Birthday!
from littledjblue :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
from live-for-you :
Glad to have you back!! Becky :-)
from araquen :
This girl seems like she has some problems. Maybe God did send her your way for a reason.
from araquen :
Thanks. Sorry I haven't been writing a lot of notes or anything lately.
from live-for-you :
Hmm...I don't know what could be wrong with your password! It works when I try it...
from icofxcnika :
Aww, thanks for the prayer, it was much appreciated :-) Aren't those USB drives the most awesome thing on the face of this earth???? Well, I'm biased, I happen to have my thesis on there and it was great when my computer crashed. Anyways, I'm rambling. the end.
from twintale :
Jeeze, I haven't been keeping up with this diaryland site AT ALL lately. (As you can probably tell, seeing how I never update and never leave you notes any more!) *sniffle* I'm sorry about that last part. I was so behind I had to read your last...3 entries I think! grrrrr Anyway, I'm all caught up now - but you get one heck of a note! Let's see...broom hockey entry: You call yourself SHY??? I would NEVER just get out there and do something like that! I'd be the one sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else have fun - and not minding one bit! People usually mistake me for being lonely or upset when I do that, but some people just like to observe, and I'm one of them. I loved that entry - you sounded so happy! The next one was...consequence and punishment? JEEZE LOUISE did THAT have me thinking! One point that stuck out to me was when you were talking about how church kids can't truly experience the love of God as much as kids who were less "behaved"...then you said something like why can't we just all go around sinning, then? (Or something like that...forgive me if I'm rambling) ANYWAY, I believe it's Paul that's talking in Corinthians, maybe? He asks the question "Should we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid!" He's right. Just because technically, it's logical that person would understand the love and grace of God more than someone who's lead a "quiet" life - that doesn't mean one received more grace than the other - just that one appreciated it more! And either way, it's no excuse to go on sinning. Whew, the prayer in the last entry was beautiful. Love, Angela
from icofxcnika :
As a short response to your entry about consequences, specifically on the fall of Adam and Eve: I think that a more whollistic way of looking at this whole thing is to realize that it wasn't because they took the forbidden fruit from the tree, rather they saw the fruit of the tree as an end unto itself. As not being a conduit of God's power and grace. They divorced God from the natural order of things, making everything unnatural. It's unnatural for women to have a painful childbirth, for men to dread work, even for us to kill and eat for meat... it is also unnatural for a woman to get rid of her child as a piece of excess tissue. See Peter 4:16-19, 1 John 3:7-24 I'm tired, so I'm gonna go to sleep now. sorry if this doesn't make any sense, it's been a long day
from eowynne :
I knew it would come eventually and I tried to prepare myself for it. But please - TWO DAYS after I wrote him that letter?! He could've at least thought about the way my heart hurts right now. But no. He doesn't think. That's the problem with him. I was reading some things he wrote to me last year, and I just can't believe this is the same guy. His words reflect parts of his character that I was falling in love with... I wish all of him could've been that beautiful. It sucks. It really does. All the other guys I ever felt this way for, I never saw often enough that the pain was so intense. When I was homeschooled, I'd see them once, twice a week. I saw this one guy almost every day, but I was over him fast because he was a complete idiot and jerk in every sense of the words. But it's a lot harder with this one. I guess we got a lot closer than any of the other guys I started feeling more for. And I feel that if he's not strong enough to make his own decisions - as opposed to constantly basing his opinions on what's popular with whatever crowd he's with - forget him. The things he wrote to me last year completely contradict what he's been saying to me lately. It all depends on the crowd he's with. And, unfortunately, the crowd just so happened to be my friends. And now I've lost them all. Except Drew. He keeps e-mailing to let me know he's still there and that he doesn't like being forgotten. But it's still pretty lonely. I mean, Drew has a ton of other friends. I don't.
from icofxcnika :
Sounds like you had quite a day. Lo siento, pero como dice mi mama, algunas veces, Dios nos quiere probar, and it's not pretty, lemmie tell ya. Pero es en estos tiempos que Dios esta trabajando entre nosotros, because of the love He has for us. No te olvides, you have people praying for you! Keep that chin up :-)
from eowynne :
Where do you live, if you don't mind me asking? I'm from the Palm Springs of WA (Yakima).
from twintale :
Hey Stephanie - what do you think of your hair? LOL I kid. :) Anyway, I loved your entry before your last one...it was beautifully written. (As usual!) I don't think you spent ANY time on "useless explanation" at all! It's so awesome to see things "click" for you - it's almost like I can hear you thinking as you typed! lol God will send him to you one day...and until then you're doing everything right. Wish I'd learned to do that sooner! Love, Angela Oh! The username and password for my diary - u/n: under p/w: grace.
from littledjblue :
Ok, I think I am confused, because it sounded like you were saying since we're going to face bad stuff in the world, it doesn't make a difference if we make the choice to face it on our own, outside of those experiences?
from twintale :
No one knows the password yet - I forgot to tell you guys! I had to lock it because someone purposely went and looked for it to read it - just so they could find some "dirt" on me. So I locked it. I'll find a way to get you the password without posting it for the world to see. I wouldn't leave you out - please don't think that! (And can I just say...your entry was absolute perfection?) Love, Angela (P.S. You certainly helped ME by sharing some of your experiences...remember that??? God is GOOD!)
from leadme :
lord/leadme. I hate having people not able to access my stuff. Especially when they're still talking to me somehow; be it through emails or notes. It's mainly just locked so my mum can't read it anymore. She became even more annoying (somehow). Now tries to read everyones diaries. Blah. What are mothers for: whoot! Much of me and my love: Jen
from eowynne :
Thank you so much!! Wow! I really needed that right now in this mood I'm in! Check my diary later, and I'll update and you'll see why I say this.
from beckyslilsis :
Hi Stephanie. I wanted to thank you for the note you left in my diary. It made me feel special to think that somebody that I don't even know would read it and actually care enough to try and help. The note in your diary was very helpful, too. A very special friend of mine was reading your diary the other day and saw that. She copied it and emailed it to me. Every time that I read it I realize the truth. Thanks again.:D Amanda
from icofxcnika :
Goodness gracious! That does stink... in more ways than one, too ;-) j/k. Hopefully there is some classtime to take a shower?? :/ PE, huh? I didn't have to do anything like that at Dominican... and especially at that ungodly hour in the morning: 7:45??? what are they, crazy? Well, good luck with that. I woke up at 9:30 this morning :D not to rub it in or anything :P ttfn!
from twintale :
That schedule is SO wrong! I would personally find some time in there to take a shower, too. lol You're not making me very excited about college life, let me tell ya! hehe I hope the rest of your week isn't as crazy as your Wednesdays - I'll say an extra prayer for you. Love, Angela
from lovingod :
Hey! I just stopped by and I read your testimony... Amazing. It was beautiful (as corny as that sounds). lol! So we talk the same ;P Awesome! I thought I was the only one who says "goodness gracious" lol! I cant wait to start reading! yay! Stop by and leave me a note anytime! God bless and keep you! -Hope-
from twintale :
Oh that's AWESOME! I REMEMBER that entry! And the girl! I love when things work out like that. God is GOOD! (Can I get an amen?!?) Love, Angela
from twintale :
awwwwwwwwww poor Steph! Actually, poor Steph's car! lol Yeah, um, the ignition switch in my car burned up, and it was about a $400 repair. So yeah, the starter would be better. LOL Anyhoo, it was good to talk to you the other day! (Finally!) Keep smiling! Love, Angela
from littledjblue :
i love ocean's 11. p.s., i've said many, many stupid responses to things people have said to me. you saying "cool" is not bad, at all.
from twintale :
Once again, you rock like butterscotch. What do I owe ya? LOL I'll try to do what you suggested later, but right now I have to be at work in a half hour and I'm barely even presentable! eek! Now I know where you are all the time - out having coffee! (Better watch that caffiene, it'll make ya crazy!) Wait...you ARE crazy. That's why I love ya. lol Can I just say that not only do you have html skills, but you've got writing skills that I'm so jealous of I could scream! (The poem was so sad, though!) :( Wait in the Lord, Steph. Love, Angela
from twintale :
Heyyyyyyyyyy I need your help! Since you have mad html skills - tell me what the heck I'm doing wrong???? My archives page is so messed up. And I barely even touched it! Thanks...miss you! Love, Angela
from icofxcnika :
All I could think of while reading your entry was that verse: Be still and know that I am God and I love you. God has great things in store for you, Steph. That much I am certain of.
from howgoesit :
hey there! i really didn't give you my password before? i can't believe that.. you should've asked for it! haha. sorry about that.. i hope you'll read now, if you want to. it's good to hear from you too. :)
from howgoesit :
hi! happy new year, and just letting you know that i changed the password to my diary. username is still howgoesit, and the new [kind of] password is: watermelonseed. have a super week!
from howgoesit :
hi! happy new year, and just letting you know that i changed the password to my diary. username is still howgoesit, and the new [kind of] password is: watermelonseed. have a super week!
from twintale :
Excellent, EXCELLENT entry. I think I may need to read that book... I'm sorry I missed you earlier. (You have no idea!) It's about 12:30 right now and I have to get to sleep or I'll never be up for church in the morning. You and I are so much alike it's unreal...I'll let you figure out if that's a good thing or not! lol (The world has no need for more than one Angela, that's for sure!) Love ya.
from twintale :
Stephanie! Where are you? I can't catch you online no matter what time of day I try! Are you ok? You aren't hiding from me, are you? (Forgive me, I'm paranoid.) I've just kind of been needing to talk to you...I won't go into it here, but remember the reason you and I first started to get to know each other? Yeah, it's got something to do with that subject. Anyway, I miss talking to you! (Did I make that obvious yet?) And thank you for your note....I thought my prayer journal was LOCKED! So I hope I didn't say anything in there that I'd be embarrassed for anyone to see. Well, actually, I'm sure I did, but hopefully you understand. And I don't have a beautiful heart - that would be you! Love ya, Angela.
from littledjblue :
I'm amazed that you had the power to post that, that you had enough confidence to do so, to make yourself vulnerable and show people the real you. Hats off to you, Stephanie. I'm impressed. I know I would not have the guts to do that and to admit those things, although no doubt you are probably among thousands if not millions of girls who feel the same way.
from icofxcnika :
That bit is from an apocryphal section of the book of Daniel. Search for the prayer of Azariah and the song of the three jews on google and you'll find it. When I first heard that song, I was pretty bummed that it didn't make it in the KJV because it was written in Greek instead of Hebrew... it is an awesome account of praising the preincarnate Christ (see verse 66). I can't read it without breaking out into song towards the end of the account. He is so good to us... I forget sometimes how great He is sometimes.
from twintale :
Stephanie...wow. Thank you so much for that! It was exactly, completely what I needed to hear. I've been looking for a refuge from all of this - in my relationship with Andrew, in music, in the company of friends...and nothing has worked. At the end of the day, I always have to go back home. And it's always the same. Nothing will ever change here, and that's why I'm moving out. I decided this last night after another awful fight with my mom, and so starting today I'm saving every penny. I can pay my parents what I owe them in less than 5 months - half that time if I get hired full time where I'm working in January, like they've been hinting I might be. So maybe 2 1/2 months from now, I'll have a place of my own, so Ally and I don't have to deal with this anymore. Could you pray for me?? Oh jeeze, that wasn't supposed to be why I wrote this note! I got off track! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah - I've been looking for a place to get away from it all, and you just reminded me exactly where I need to run. I love you so much for always being that reminder to me of how I should look at things, and where I should go when I need help. You are truly heaven-sent. Love, Angela
from live-for-you :
Hey Stephanie! I didn't get a letter from you, but I guess Courtney and Jeshua got theirs, so mine should be at the church! :-) Becky
from twintale :
How dare you have that much fun without me?!?! I am positively miffed! (Great word) LOL I'm completely kidding - I read your entry with a huge smile on my face. You deserved a night like that (and thousands more!) Love ya, even though you ARE goofy...heheh. (Or maybe that's a big reason WHY I do????) I don't know. Too much thinking that deep and my brain might explode. ;) Love, Angela Oh and hey, where've you been the past few days?
from iamblessed :
Hey! Yeah my pastor told me that he had gotten the letter while I was gone on my trip and I haven't picked it up from the church yet. I keep forgetting every time I go in! But I know that Jeshua got his, and I don't know about anyone else [if you did send them to anyone else?] Jennifer is in California right now, so she won't get hers for awhile, unless she got it before she left. But anyway, it did make it here, and I'll be picking it up the next time I get down to the church! Thanks so much for thinking of us all in our times of trouble! Love and Prayer, Courtney
from araquen :
Thanks! I looked and looked so I could link it for anyone who hadn't heard it, but couldn't find it anywhere. I'll have to go back and edit my entry. =]
from twintale :
Awwwww that entry about Nate killed me! I'm so sorry things aren't working out the way you hoped they would - and I know this goes without saying, but you have to believe that it's for the best regardless of how WRONG it feels! God's hand is woven throughout your life Stephanie - I'm sure anyone who knows you can see it. I sure can, and I'm thousands of miles away! (That line about how you wished it wasn't 11:45 in Kentucky just made me want to CRY! I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you...) OH! By the way - your note you left me...yes, I was thinking about locking my diary, but I most definitely would've given you the option of having the password if you wanted it! I just didn't think you would! There's no way I would've kept that from you, even though, like you said, it would've only been because I didn't ever want to make you upset again. Next time I'll just slap a warning at the top of the entry, ok? (If there IS a next time!) And I'm praying that one day soon you'll have those kind of entries of your own to write about...but all in God's timing. Love ya, girl. I hope you had a fantastic Christmas Day. Love, Angela
from littledjblue :
I bet you get out of school before I do, though! I'm done mid-May. My sister starts two weeks before me, and also gets out two weeks before me.
from woven-one :
Dear Stephanie, Thank you so much for the note. I had no idea that Angela felt the way she did. Don't worry, I sent her an email. I am happy that she has found Andrew. And her entries are always a blessing to me. They make me smile and give me hope. I know in my hearts of hearts that God has placed a burden on her for me. And I firmly believe that the prayers she lifts to Him about me are heard. I think that is her place right now in my journey (a personal prayer warrior) ~ certinaly not to stop writing. And more than that, not to stop sharing her blessings with others. She is so silly! I will definitely read more of your entries. My depression is not a result of her entries. My depression is a combination of my will trying to run my life and satan whispering lies in my head. If ya know what I mean. Those two are not a good combination. But God has my back, and all will turn out according to His plan for His purpose. (Romans 8:28) Gotta go. Send me a note or email me anytime. God bless you! In His Grace & Grip, Shonda <>< (woven-one)
from twintale :
Oh Steph, that's why I'm hesitant to write about that kind of stuff. I'm REALLY REALLY sorry! I'll keep it to myself, I promise I'm not trying to make you feel bad. Or anyone for that matter. Gosh, it kills me that I'm making you sad! You'll find him, I promise you. I've been praying for it. You've got my word on that. Love you, Angela
from littledjblue :
Only because I'm the biggest nerd in.the.entire.world: the Relient K twofer deal is definitely ALSO at Christian bookstores, I'm really surprised that yours did not have it. Do you have a Family Christian store around there? I know they have it.
from icofxcnika :
I have to get this out or else I might explode: I was thinking of your questions about Islam and Christianity... We do not have the same God, old or new testament! (Yeah, I know this is coming out of nowhere, but this is how my mind works ;-}). If we follow the same God, we would all be christians. To say that Muslims and Christans have the same God as the old testament has it, is to deny the eternal nature and the unity of Jesus Christ, God the Father and the Holy Spirit. We believe in one God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, who is also the God who voluntarily came to die for us on the cross for the life of the world. Anybody who tells you that muslims and christians serve the same God is mistaken, because the thing that seperates us from the rest of the world's religions is that our God came so that whoever believes in Him would not perish but have everlasting life. Anyways, I had to get that out. I hope your stay at home has proven restful and peaceful. I will continue to pray for you. God is greater than all our cares, and yet he cares for us so much! He knows our every need and our every pitfall, but lemmie tell you, He in His great and everlasting mercy and love, loves us all, and it is because we are all made in His very image, because He crafted us, crafted you, crafted me, for the express purpose of praising and thanking Him for His exceeding love. I hope you are being blessed at this advent of our Lord, and that He will bless you greatly on His Nativity. With honor and respect in our Lord Jesus Christ, Isaac
from twintale :
Awwwww Stephanie, what a BUMMER! I would be so upset if my e-mails were erased - I save all kinds of them. I think I'm inspired now to print out the ones I couldn't bear to lose...this newfangled technology isn't all it's cracked up to be! Good old fashioned pen and paper is where it's at! (That was horribly grammatically incorrect, but hey. I'm not in school!) hehe I'm so sorry for all your bad luck...were the emails I've sent to you part of the ones that disappeared? That would be sad! :( Hope you have a better day today! Love, Angela
from littledjblue :
Did you go a restaurant called "The Melting Pot"? Because all of that stuff, the fondue, the things to dip into it, are what you can get there!! It's way yummy, too. I LOVE FONDUE!
from twintale :
Your friends love you, too!!! (Especially this one...ahem.) :) I like your random entries - you get so excited and goofy. lol Then the next minute you can turn around and write something so deep that I have to read it twice to get it. You so talented! lol You got mad skills...ok what was that?? I'm in a great mood! It's gorgeous outside, I'm SAVED, and I woke up to a text message from Andrew. Can it get any better than that????? I'm praying for you, especially during all these finals... Love, Angela
from twintale :
Wooohoo!!! Entry 200! I feel like I should throw you a party! Don't worry about your final - I'm sure you did better than you think. Trust God, whatever happens was best anyway. Love ya!!! Angela
from littledjblue :
Hey. I just wanted to mention something - many people believe that we are all sons + daughters of God, like Jesus was. So another reason it is very significant that Jesus was God is because that shows that Jesus was not just a human, not just another "son" of God as we all are. He was something more.
from meganwaits :
beautiful diary. be careful. stay strong.
from twintale :
RED LIGHT!!! RED LIGHT!!! But still cute. ;) Just don't start putting him before God. That's when it all goes downhill...
from twintale :
Uh oh..."The thing that bothers me is that it doesn't bother me..." You have no idea how familiar that sounds! Does this Isaac guy live near you, or do you know? I've had the whole mess with Chris, and now I have Andrew - met them both online, and you know how THAT went. 1 out of 2 ain't bad, huh? You never know. All I can say is PRAY your heart out! I'm doing the same for you. Love yas, Angela
from eowynne :
Yeah! Pretty weird, huh? Trust me, tho, it's not always fun to have a weird name... especially back when NO ONE knew how to pronounce it AT ALL. And I don't know, but I think any name you have, when you're called it over and over and over, you start getting sick of it? Isn't that kind of weird? I guess I'm overthinking all of this tho... so just ignore me!
from twintale :
Now you see how easy it is to meet someone online and LIKE them???? Even when you don't necessarily want to, it can happen. Trust me on that one. I'm glad you found a friend, though. Just, in your words, be careful! Love, Angela
from twintale :
I get this sense of expectation every time I read your diary, or even pray for you. God's going to do something huge with you, I can feel it. Keep praying that prayer, girl - nothing is going to stop you! Love, Angela
from twintale :
That is TOO TOO cool!!!!!! Where does he live? How awesome was that?!?! Sorry, I get excited. People seem to "stumble" across your diary a lot....I think that's God at work, missy. Love ya!!!! Angela
from twintale :
You handled that a heck of a lot better than I ever could have! I thought it was funny that in one paragraph you were so angry at Nate that you weren't going to email him ever again, and in the very next paragraph, you were rejoicing about your phone conversation with him. Girl, you got it bad, and I know EXACTLY how you feel. Mark had me the same way. I really REALLY hope everything works out for you - did you know I pray for you to find "him" every night? I want to see the one God has picked for you - because he's gotta be amazing! I know you are.... Love, Angela
from twintale :
You know what, I don't get notices anymore when some people leave ME a note, either! So I've learned to just check them anyway. Mean old Diaryland! Mean! Love, Angela
from littledjblue :
Do you have Relient K's new CD "Mmhmm" yet? And did you know Brian Pittman, their bassist, left the band? SO SAD. He was so nice - my friend and I met him about 5 years ago, the first time ever seeing them, and he was really nice + down to earth. Aww, it's so sad.
from iamblessed :
LOL that is really funny. Our youth group is usually between 20 and 30 people. But yeah, you know probably the main people through our diaries -- me, Jennifer [leadme], Jeshua [not-home-yet], Sara [sce], Joey [singerboy-01] and Becky [live-for-you]. The only other major part of our youth group who doesn't have a diary is James. And he doesn't use the computer much, so I don't think there's much hope for him. lol that is pretty funny though, and it's not midnight anymore for me, so it can't be just a middle-of-the-night thing. Unless it's also an afternoon thing ...
from twintale :
You and your colored font!!!!!! *whispers* "show off" LOL Just kidding! Love, Angela
from twintale :
Oh my gosh - that note below mine! You did it! (Sorry, I just thought it was really cool that you reached someone without even really seeking to reach them....that rocks like butterscotch.) Sorry. lol Were you seriously born in Hawaii??? Because that would be amazing!! I've never been there, but I would love it, I know I would. And OH YEAH, my favorite disney movie of all time is Beauty and the Beast, too. How cool are we? Ok I'm too hyper. Love ya! Angela
from calstan :
Hello...I was doing research for a Communication project when I came across your site. I began reading the entries that Yahoo! had brought up and your site was so encouraging to me that I simply had to tell you. At the Christian college where I'm located, it is easy to lose sight of the path that leads us to Christ and end up on the path that leads us to a fake. Your journals have reinvigorated my faith and I found my heart 'strangely warmed' (J.Wesley). Thank you. Sincerely, C. Stanley - Houghton College, Class of '04
from iamblessed :
no problem! sorry my instructions were so horrible! love ya!
from twintale :
Wow, um - I didn't get that memo, either, but I can't say I'm too disappointed. Men in their underwear don't really appeal to me all that much at the moment. lol But it sounds funny! And I'm SO jealous you got snow!!!!!! Send some my way, would ya? Love, Angela
from iamblessed :
here's exactly what I did for that example that you gave me; hopefully you'll understand from my poor instructions [I'm really bad at giving directions and stuff! lol] Around the word "My" in the "one thing" entry, I put a tag so it looked like this: <a name="one_thing">My</a>, and then on the "so this is love" entry, I just used a normal link tag, but then added a bit on the end, so it looked like this: <a href="http://iamblessed.diaryland.com/516.html#one_thing>one thing</a>. That's all I did. Do you get it? I told you I give horrible instructions! If you don't, just ask me again, and I'll try to explain a different way. I guess I just kind of experimented with it a bit! Sorry I suck so much! Love you!
from twintale :
Oh...my....goodness, I'm surprised you didn't go to her house and shoot the girl! I would be FURIOUS! Not to mention embarrassed, and betrayed. That most definitely was NOT cool of him, to let her read your stuff. I'm really sorry... Love, Angela (You'll find "him" one day, I know you will...)
from littledjblue :
Hey.. sorry about all the stuff with Nate. Have you read the book "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy? I started re-reading it during break, and forgot how good it is + applicable to all of life, not just your love life.
from twintale :
I'll amen to THAT!!!!!! I missed you, by the way! Love, Angela
from twintale :
Hey!I just wanted to say happy thanksgiving and I think you're so wonderful, and I'm SO glad I met you, and I love you and I hope you have a GREAT thanksgiving!!!!! Im in a good mood, as you can tell. lol Love ya! Angela
from i-c-dumppl :
Thanks for the verse! I did a bunch of research and found that one (and all I had to do was check my notes page *mumblegrumble* because I can be slow like that), and I think I found a couple others in the Old Testament. I love your diary!
from araquen :
Yeah. I'm not holding it against myself. I was going insane yesterday, but today I'm just looking forward to getting as much as I can back.
from twintale :
Wow, that email was...um....not confusing in the least! (She says with sarcasm). LOL But I completely understand where you're coming from, because lately I've been MISSING MARK! But I've told myself it's not really HIM I'm missing, it's having that kind of relationship. But I think I've met someone....hehehe ~Angela~
from twintale :
Awwww, Steph you could NEVER be a bother, even if you tried!
from twintale :
*Jumps up and down* I got your email, girl! I'm SO EXCITED!!!!!! Isn't it amazing to know without a doubt that you can leave everything else behind???? ~Angela~ God is GOOD!
from free2dream :
I have so many goals...and they seem so impossible..but hopefully things will work out!
from araquen :
Thanks for leaving me that encouraging note. I spent a lot of time tonight reading your diary, and I think you are a great person with a heart for God. *Off to add you to my favorites* =]
from twintale :
Hey, everything's going to work out, you'll see. How did you find out about her situation, anyway? Maybe you could call her up and invite her to do something with you so ya'll could talk?
from twintale :
Awww, hey, don't apologize for not emailing me - I have a computer, too, don't I?? I can't imagine how busy you are, so don't worry about it. It's me that doesn't have much of an excuse. :) Little note on your entry...do you think you went through a little of the same thing with Nate just so you could help your friend by sharing your experience? Just a thought. I think God works that way sometimes...allows trials and problems into our lives because He knows that down the road, He can use that to minister to others. How cool! Love, Angela
from twintale :
Wow, Stephanie! And to think, just a short time ago, you were praying for friendship to ease your loneliness! Isn't God awesome?? Love it, love it, love it. ~Angela~
from twintale :
Ok, if there's one thing I can do, it's a mean zig zag part. LOL Take a comb, but it against your scalp wherever you want the part to be, then just move the comb back and forth, while going backwards, while keeping it pressed against your scalp. When you get to where you want the part to stop, take your other hand and place it next to the comb, pull apart both hands, so it parts the hair. don't know if i'm explaining it right, but it should only take a few seconds. voila! ok, i'm bored.lol Love ya, Angela
from twintale :
Awwwww, hey, no worries. I'm not depressed, just kinda down, but I'll get over it. I won't write much when I'm this way for that exact reason - all it does is upset people. And when you think about it, what can they do but worry, really??? But I don't normally stay in a slump like this for long, so don't worry, k???? :) Be happy! Oh, the picture thing - you silly. lol A few days ago I wrote an entry linking to this online photo album I made, but you don't have to go back and find the entry, 'cause it's linked on my spiffy new layout, now. :) Click on Angela's pictures and it'll take you right to it. Ok, enough about me - how are things with YOU? Love, Angela
from twintale :
Oh, I know which part in The Case for Christ you're referring to, and WOW - it IS powerful. If that got to you enough to bring you to tears, you would be absolutely hysterical watching The Passion. I watched it once and have never cried so hard in my life. But it was good for me, I think. I try to remember certain images so that I don't forget exactly what Jesus did for me. Anyway, yeppers, I went to Faith Designs after I saw your lovelyyyyyy layout. lol I'd heard about it, but figured it would be really hard to do, since I don't know squat about html or anything like that, but it was actually pretty simple! I even made a few changes that I'm proud of. lol (I'm easily pleased) Love ya! Angela
from twintale :
Sorry...another note. I think I broke a length record with the last one, but ANYHOO - just thought I'd let you know that thanks to you, I've started re-reading Case for Christ, and The Screwtape Letters. (Have you heard of that last one by C.S. Lewis? It's excellent!) You put me in the mood to read all I can about my faith, so I can answer those questions, should the need arise. You're just awesome like that! :) Thanks! Angela
from twintale :
Hey! Did anyone add you to their favorites because of your entry the other day? I had a few people tell me you did a great job, so I figured they'd want to check you out. hehehe Hope you're not mad that I mentioned you in my diary??? I didn't even think to ask!!! *winces* Sorry. Um, you asked what I thought about Nate calling after two weeks - it shocked me, actually! But on the other hand, it didn't, just because how can ANYONE not call someone like YOU? He probably just came to his senses that he'd left things with you pretty up in the air, and he probably missed you on top of everything. It was interesting what you wrote about it - how you didn't get all excited, and you weren't really mad. It's funny how sometimes we react way differently when something actually happens than we thought we would before. Um, I just re-read that sentence and it didn't make much sense, but oh well. You always used to "get" me, so you're just gonna have to decipher that one. lol So what's happened w/ Nate since then??? (PS - how are things going at college? Making better friends? I miss talkin to you!) Love, Angela
from free2dream :
OH YOU ROCK!
from twintale :
Jeeeeeeeze! Talk about pressure! wow, I wouldn't have been as quick on my toes as you were - I think you did great, Stephanie, I really do. Wow. I've never been hit like that, either. I'd like to think I would have the right answers, but just by reading that I know I wouldn't be prepared for that. Thanks for posting it, though - it really made me think. I'm going to have to do more research. Adding this entry to my favorites, too. Keep me updated on what you find out, ok? Interesting stuff! But I'm really proud of you, you handled yourself well. Didn't judge, didn't critcize, didn't get angry. I think God's proud of you, too. :) Been missing you lately -where you been??? Love, Angela
from twintale :
Ohhhhhh I love it! Mine is so plain, but I guess that's appropriate because I'm a pretty simple person. And I love that verse you have at the top - always been one of my favorites. Hope you have a good day! Love, Angela
from twintale :
Yay! You fixed it! But hey, what the heck are you doing up at this hour? lol Don't you have CLASS or something in the morning? hehe Do I sound like your mom? I've missed ya lately! Love, Angela (do me a favor and pray for Jennifer (leadme) and Courtney (iamblessed) with me...they seem to have both had a hard time tonight...sigh) Bye, sweetcheeks! lol
from twintale :
YAY! Tell them congratulations for me! And I'm SO HAPPY to hear some GOOD news!!!! Whew...I needed that...
from twintale :
Hey Steph, I just wanted to tell you that if anyone can get through to Courtney, it's you. Please don't beat yourself up over not having the right things to say - because that's when God will speak for you. Just be there for her, like I know you will. You have encouraged me more times than I can count - and you've got amazing wisdom and insight. Just trust Him. Love ya! ~Angela~
from twintale :
*sigh* thanks for the prayer, but I'm not making any difference at all... :(
from twintale :
Oh Stephanie, ouch! Reading your entry actually made me hurt inside! That sounds cliche, but goodness - it just made me remember doing most of those same things when Mark and I broke up, and boy is it PAINFUL! But it does help - at least you know that. It took me awhile to come to terms with everything, but once I did, putting away everything that had to do with him was my way of starting to move on. (I couldn't bear to throw it out, even though he ended up doing that with MY stuff...guess it didn't mean much to him...) Anyway, I AM praying for you, ok? And don't worry about being a burden - girl, you're anything but! *hugs* Hope you're smilin'...~Angela~
from iamblessed :
No I don't think Christian counselors give you pills. I think he was talking about a psychologist or something like that. Thanks so much for the prayers! So much love in Christ, Courtney
from twintale :
I can't think of a word for "still waiting"...but something else DID come to mind. Contentment. What a feeling, huh? Not having all you really want, but still being happy with what you have? Think about it... And I'll pray about your college decision - why the thoughts about switching?? :( Hope things are going well...
from twintale :
hey girl, what's up??? Addicted, huh? well, there could be worse things, that's for sure! lol (Mine would be Dr. Pepper...I think I suffer withdrawals if I don't get at least one a day. Now THAT'S bad! lol) Anyway, you still worry about Nate...that's kinda sweet. I even still worry about Mark all the time, so I guess that part never really goes away. *sigh* Anyway, I guess I'll talk to you later. *hugs*
from iamblessed :
haha don't worry about it. I really have to fix that though. It looks fine and everything fits well in MSN Explorer, which is what I use, but I've seen it on Internet Explorer and it just looks horrible. I couldn't even see the whole shoes! Anyway, sorry about the problems, I'm going to have to figure out how to fix it or something. Much love in Christ, Courtney
from twintale :
Steph, what happened???? Nate wants to end things?? Oh, I'm sorry!! But maybe, as much as this hurts, it's God's way of doing what needed to be done, FOR you, so you wouldn't have to?? I don't know....maybe your hesitancy to let go was His reason for helping Nate do that very thing....oh, I can imagine how much you must be hurting! Prayers go up for you, my friend...always. Keep your head up - so you're always looking at Him. Just look at HIM.
from twintale :
dang it, how do you always make me cry??? and how are you always able to say exactly what I feel, when I can't ever find the words? Unbelievable. Thanks for the last part of your entry, too...I know it's true. I just have to do it! P.s. - love ya, too. Isn't it funny how we've gotten to know each other? I think it's neat! (If I had been there, I woulda hugged ya....) :) writing you an email, so I'll end this now. bye!
from twintale :
I do the same thing - head to this computer when I'm lonely. *sigh* you would not BELIEVE the night I had...my heart is breaking into a million pieces. I was going to write about it in my diary, but I had just posted an entry about, basically, having the joy of the Lord and not losing hope when things seem bad, and I didnt' want to negate it or seem hypocritical by posting an entry right now. With the way I'm feeling, people would think I was a totally different person! Did you get my email? By the way, I wish you had friends, too! I am so painfully shy, it's not even funny - but I found that the easiest way to make friends is to join a club or a sport or something that interests you. That way, you have at least one thing in common with another person. Just a thought. Wish I was there! byeeeeee!
from twintale :
*sniffle* well said, Stephanie...sounds alot like mine. I'll have to tell you one time...
from twintale :
Are you ok??? I worry...
from twintale :
No idea....maybe I should start reading more???
from twintale :
I love your faith...
from twintale :
YAY! You seem happy! I know the feeling of just wanting to think about light, fun stuff. With all that you've been dealing with, I can imagine you needed it! *hugs* good luck with your paper...just glad it's not me. LOL
from free2dream :
Ah, that's cool...the whole insight about how you never really let go of your first love... :)
from twintale :
Yep. It's official. You're hooked. lol Nothing wrong with that, just watch yourself. I'm still having a hard time figuring this all out. On one hand, it seems like you're definitely in love with him, but then you'll say things like "maybe I DID love Nate". Did, as in the past. Hmmmmm. Ever thought of this: maybe you're in love with the IDEA of Nate, and not Nate himself...of having someone to care about you and hold you and be there for you. That's what it all boiled down to with Mark, I think. Looking back, I think I fooled myself into believing that I loved him for him - but now I know that if you have to try so hard to feel something for someone, you're probably just doing it for all the wrong reasons. Maybe it's so you won't hurt him, which is admirable, but the guy deserves the truth. And YOU deserve someone you're truly head over heels for - someone that God has for you! I'm sorry, I know I just wrote you another long email, but sometimes I have alot to say. You and this whole situation is one of those times. Thank you so much for your comment about my diary in your profile - made me almost cry! Love ya, hope you know that...hang in there. Lord, guard her heart, please! Amen.
from twintale :
Hang in there chickie - it can only get easier! lol (Wow, I stink at this encouragement stuff....lol)
from twintale :
Me again! (As if you haven't heard enough!) I'm praying for you...
from twintale :
Hey, instead of writing in here, I'm just gonna email you, because I have a feeling it's going to be a novel. Bottom line: you sound like you already know what you should do. You just don't want to. And that feeling, trust me, is so familiar to me it's scary! You'll hear more from me in a little bit...
from iamblessed :
thanks! I'm still working on it, and the layout is far from perfect, but I really liked the picture too. It says "I pray and pray that God recognizes me." Hope to hear from you again! I'll be checking out your diary, if that's okay with you! Much Love in Christ, Courtney
from twintale :
You make me think. I like that. lol I'm researching your questions, because I'm bored, and because now you've got me curious. lol (Isn't that what killed the cat???) I'll keep ya updated...
from twintale :
Yes. It's me. Again. *sniffle* How is it that you always seem to be able to make me cry? Thanks so much for the prayer - that was really sweet of you, and much appreciated. I need it! Know you are in mine, too. If you need anything specific, you know where to find me...
from twintale :
OH. MY. GOODNESS. How I wish I would have known you when you were going through all that! It was right around the time I was, too! It sounds exactly the same! Lord, why didn't You allow us to meet sooner?.....jeeze Stephanie, you're making me cry here! I gotta keep reading...
from twintale :
Your entry for May 7, 2004 just ate me up inside! I had to leave you a note. It's about 3:30 in the morning, and I've been reading your diary all night long, trying to catch up. (Don't think I'm a stalker or anything, lol, I just really enjoy what you have to say). Anyway, this particular entry sounded EXACTLY like me a few months ago when I had to break up with my boyfriend. I KNEW that it was God's Will, I KNEW that it wouldn't work out in the end because of that, but it was so painful to live with the fact that the guy I was hurting didn't believe that to be true. He really thought, probably still does, for all I know, that I was the one for him, the love of his life. And I wanted so much for us to be friends, but that ended up not happening. I guess the poor guy just hurt too much. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I felt exactly the same way at one time. I hope everything worked out for you...I'm about to keep reading, so maybe I'll find out. ;) God bless!
from twintale :
Once again, I sat back and read your diary and was just BLESSED! Ever get that feeling where you didn't even know you needed to hear something until you've heard it? I know, I'm weird, but go with me on this. You were talking about how at your college people just assume that everyone is saved, or that everyone has a perfect walk with the Lord, when in reality that is NOT true! Actually, I've noticed that satan does a very good job of working to distance fellow Christians from each other. A saying I once heard comes to mind: If satan can't win your soul, he will try to render you useless for God's kingdom. Anyway, I'm getting off track. I just wanted you to know that your diary helps me so much, and this entry today was a reminder I really needed. I have a few close friends who all go to church, and you know, are basically good kids and we all know that we are brothers and sisters in Christ, but we never TALK about it! I want to change that. I can't imagine what we could do if we all worked together for God - it would probably blow my mind. I can't tell you how just reading some diaries of people on here have helped me with issues that needed to be worked out in my own life - and it's because I can "talk" with fellow believers about my faith. God's Word says "Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them" and I believe that's true. Anyway, didn't mean to preach. Your entry was just really great!
from free2dream :
About the pervious note...the song was "Never Underestimate My Jesus"....oops...I was way off!! :) Bye!
from free2dream :
"Picture this in your mind. Erase God off the top of your list. Put the important things NOW in the necessary order below it. For example, this week for me at the top of the list is "STUDY FOR THE BIBLICAL STUDIES EXAM!" Now, get a big nail. Write "God" on the head. Put your list of stuff-that-needs-to-get-done on the wall and nail it up with that nail. God should not be at the top of our list. He should be holding up the list. "In Him all things hold together"--Colossians 1:17." .. thats AWESOME...ALSO...I love Relient K...their slow songs...such as Getting into You and something about you dont know my jesus...I forgot the name of that song...but I love those two songs!!
from free2dream :
Oh sorry!! I hope I didn't offend you or anything...I just couldn't remember the numbers...and Now I WILL!!! :)
from twintale :
Hey, what do you mean your devotion doesn't make much sense? I loved it. Especially the part about faith being the presence of hope within yourself even when things look hopeless to others. We as Christians have to remind ourselves that the power of God is greater than any tragedy we may face. I love your diary...
from twintale :
Ok, I have GOT to tell you that you are such a blessing to read! You're really honest, with yourself and everyone else, from what little I've seen already - and I love that. God bless you!! (I just read an entry where basically you gave your search for a husband to God,and it made me cry!!! It was really sweet.) Ok, I'm a sap, but whatever. Keep the faith, girl, His ways aren't our ways. He's got someone amazing in mind...
from twintale :
Hi! Thanks for the note - now I got two people who've taken the time to write me! That's got to be some sort of record....LOL Big thanks for your concerns about Chris (aka: the online guy). All I'm doing right now is praying - I guess God will do the rest. Now I'm gonna go take a look at YOUR diary....be afraid, be very afraid. ;)
from free2dream :
Funny stuff!!! :)
from twintale :
Hi! I was just looking at your profile and you like alot of the same music I do, so I thought I'd drop you a line and commend you on your good taste! lol Bye
from free2dream :
Hey there....just came along to say hi. I've really got to start updating myself on your diary entries!! :)
from free2dream :
Hey again! It seems like forever since I sent you a note! I'm so glad to see I'm not alone on my fears of driving! :)
from free2dream :
Oh, Smile by Chris Rice, what a cool song that is. :) I hear you LOVE Michael W. Smith! That's great!! And yes....being a Christian is simple...not easy. Amazing diary!
from littledjblue :
Aren't you only 17 or 18? You still have so many more years left of changing and growing. God is not done with you yet. Maybe He doesn't want a guy tying you down and stopping you from all the amazing things He has planned for you?
from anglewings :
cool diary, like the way it is. latez
from littledjblue :
if you want more people to read your diary, you could put it on your sig in AOL like i do.. :) i don't know how many people actually read it, but it's worth a try if nothing else !
from littledjblue :
hey steph.. it's dj from the board!! please keep updating your diary.. i like it :) if you want any help with any html stuff, i *might* be able to help, i'm finishing up an html class.. so lemme know.
from howgoesit :
j'aime parler francais, aussi! hey, thanks for complimenting me on the new design! you're the first person to say anything. :) keep writing!
from melbylove :
hey..nice diary. (*i found u 'cause i looked up relient k*) ok ttyl bye -melanie
from howgoesit :
hey! thanks for taking my quiz! it was feeling pretty lonely. i'm in my third year of french, and i think it's pretty fun. how bout you? :)
from angelbaby137 :
Aww.. Thanks! Yeah I read about your week too. I guess just adjusting to school is just hard. Thanks for your support. Know that I am always here for you too if you neeed me. Love ya! And I'm praying for you. Becky
from angelbaby137 :
Hey how are things going? I haven't heard from you in ages!! So I was just checking to see how things were going. Hope to hear from you soon. Becky
from angelbaby137 :
Thank you so much girl! You are way too awesome. And your diary is looking real good! Keep up the good work! Becky
from angelbaby137 :
Hey feel free to ask me for help w/ D-land stuff anytime!! That is what friends are for! Duh!! =) hehe Becky

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