messages to cybers1ut:
(click here to add new message):

from jaysthoughts :
We're all works in progress. Everything alive is growing or dying.
from whystinger :
Sounds like you are in a toxic situation. This is a tough thing to be in and sounds like it is going to stay difficult. Do something to care for yourself please. I will put you in my prayers.
from whystinger :
I just read the 7/14 entry. I would like to ask a question. Ask here or email? Yes, I am a bit nosey, deal with some mental illnesses in the family and marriage.
from papotheclown :
Hello. I somewhat randomly clicked on your diary today and liked it. That is all I came to say. Have a good day and things.
from dizzigemini :
Please, DELETE all notes & msgs i have posted. I need this info off the web. Thankyou. After reading this, delete, please.Thank You for helping
from whystinger :
Awesome diary! You have a way of saying quite a lot with very few words. Thanks for letting me look.
from whystinger :
Awesome diary! You have a way of saying quite a lot with very few words. Thanks for letting me look.
from whystinger :
Awesome diary! You have a way of saying quite a lot with very few words. Thanks for letting me look.
from atwowaydream :
you are not adding me on stupid ass fb for a reason. wtf? I will make you lol quite liberally there. i hate that you're having such a hard time. i don't know how else to get in touch with you.
from atwowaydream :
I would not be corresponding with you, otherwise.
from atwowaydream :
Watch out for the grown-up version. We still exist.
from atwowaydream :
Was this Loretta? I remember you telling me once about a lovely, dangerous girl named Loretta, who packed a mean punch. I agree with sensing abuse; honestly, I have a hard time connecting with those who have never experienced it. We carry a certain battered verve in our eye. . . that "any day now, motherfucker" in our eyes.
from atwowaydream :
That sauce sounds friggin' bangin'.
from atwowaydream :
Guns and depression do not go well together, Mo. Maybe it's time to start looking to get out of there before it really leaves you with nothing to fight for. Get out as soon as you can, however you can.
from atwowaydream :
You're definitely right. My anxieties stem from a lot more, some it having to do with my relationship, some of it having to do with my past. I think the commitment of it all is eating away at me. Oh well. Hopefully your family drama has settled down a bit. . . but somehow, I doubt that.
from atwowaydream :
My whitebred cracker side just can't see you ever, EVER saying "Y'all".
from atwowaydream :
I'm playing a corny wii game now, Arc Rise Fantasia, and the dubbing is a bit awful, but it's helped to get me out of my little miserable funk. I was playing an xbox one too. . . V. . . something. That was pretty good, but I can't recall the name. I usually put them in, and just go from there, barely looking at the title afterward. Any recommendations? And yes, lots of gender queer wonderfulness all throughout the games now. It makes me happy.
from atwowaydream :
To be honest, I've never found the term "cracker" very offensive. Honestly, "whitebred" "honkey, none of those things are offensive to me, probably because it never gained reprehensible connotations with white people, ever. I guess a word has to own you before it can offend you. Like you mentioned, some people even take pride in the terminology. A badge of honor, of tradition. A bit like the confederate flag is for some.
from atwowaydream :
I love etymology. It's fun and it's fickle. I don't feel like arguing about it much longer, though. Sorry your dog is such a dicktard.
from atwowaydream :
Definitely don't know where you're getting that information, but no. Crack-whippin' for the terminology for cracker is definitely not correct. Crack-corn and poor ass white people was where cracker came from. White trash has, and always will be, crackerish.
from atwowaydream :
Here, cracker was, and has always been, a national dignified treasure. If you want to offend a white person (conservative or liberal), don't call them cracker. It's not nearly offensive enough.
from atwowaydream :
Sometimes, I can't even be around some of those conservative and arrogant white people. They make me feel embarrassed, especially knowing that I'm related to so many of them.
from atwowaydream :
she is just so timeless.
from atwowaydream :
Yes, I have. Sometimes sadness is only anger, and sometimes sadness is just plain, miserable sadness. It always does end in tears, huh?
from atwowaydream :
Also, you introduced me to it in Blue Awakening. I listened to that for years.
from atwowaydream :
It's a song I can only very rarely listen to. You're right, it just. . . can gut you like a fish. But my god, it's beautiful. One of the only songs that can bring me to tears.
from atwowaydream :
Always, always choose telepathy. It's a woman's most natural means of communication.
from atwowaydream :
She is. She's very narrow in the hips, but something about her bitchery attitude in the show makes her quite hot.
from atwowaydream :
I can't even watch Glee any longer. I mean, it's cute and has really helped with the a lot of LGBT things, but, sometimes I just want it to stop. I no longer watch Glee. I'm much more mature than that now. . . I'm watching repeats of Roseanne.
from atwowaydream :
Actually, from what was written, I like everything about Miami except the heat.
from atwowaydream :
Not after that Miami list you just posted. (and thank you for the bday wishes.)
from atwowaydream :
I would hum some American themed song for you, but that would me sad.
from atwowaydream :
Kid Rock gets on my nerves, even if he plays twelve instruments. He had a pretty okay life, and his whole second-hand white-trash perspective really grinds my gears. Also, as far as hashtags, I don't use Twitter; I just make fun of the people who use it excessively. Hashtags are the herpes of the internet.
from atwowaydream :
No, I just have hashtag vegan girl problems because that seems like something that would annoy people.
from atwowaydream :
I'm going to be getting a phone again soon, so I'll email you my number. If you have free time some time, just let me know and we'll AIM. I'll make sure I have my sarcasm font ready so we can get along for more than an hour.
from atwowaydream :
I'm not. Perhaps it's just text, but you come across as combative when I was leaving a pretty harmless note. I was making an allusion to the Roseanne/Darlene dynamic in both of our lives; the white trash pop cultural family dynamic that baby-sat us both while our role models were absent. One day we'll correspond outside of notes and perhaps there will be less confusion.
from atwowaydream :
I've never met any of your family, but through what you've told me in the past, I can formulate an idea. Also, when you lived here, there were white people abound, and not only that, you pretty much only associated with white people (and considered yourself pretty much white), so, did you majestically forget all of the people in your life before the last few years? Anyhow, I was being comical, didn't want to bring up a slew of cultural heat.
from atwowaydream :
Did you at least try to imagine my family together, all in one sitting?
from atwowaydream :
I can relate, only my family reads it in white trash.
from atwowaydream :
Well what if I get irrationally angry and competitive and suddenly think that I've been living at the best, most renowned lesbian house and terminate our conversation out of nowhere? Email me sometime, maybe we can 1999 it back to Aim later this week.
from atwowaydream :
Being passive aggressive is in my nature, I mean, you certainly know that. Not sure how much I want to cram into a note, but there are a lot of issues at play here; I identify as a lesbian, and have since I was fourteen. When dating guys I felt like I lost a huge crushing chunk of who I was, and stayed in the one particular relationship because I was scared for my life. When I first met my partner, he was a she, and I was a lesbian, and all was happy happy time. It wasn't until years later that he requested I refer to him as Rj. Took a while to get used to, but I did. Now, his name is changed to Ryan, but I have several years of referring to him as Rj (which even at the time, felt like I was betraying the earlier parts of our relationship. Were they even real?) to contend with. Also, this person who left me a message was pretty much referring to facebook, but Rj's mom doesn't know about him yet, and Rj is not ready to tell her, so I don't go around saying Ryan this or Ryan that, because it's not my place to come out to his mom. I could write a lot more, but I feel a little vulnerable sharing all this shit up in a diaryland note. And I definitely didn't think you were attacking me; it's all about approach.
from atwowaydream :
When dogs die on television, I'm all, "oh fuck, what's going on here?" but suddenly, an actual human dies and I'm like, "you're not a dog. sorry."
from atwowaydream :
I didn't want to see the movie, and now, as before, I still don't give a fuck about the life of pi.
from atwowaydream :
It is. I hate them all. But I still watch their stupid-ass show.
from atwowaydream :
"You can't just ask someone to explain cultural references." - Sorry. That was a crappy *play* on Mean Girls, which is probably the most pop-centric movie ever. Girls is a bunch of the most spoiled rotten, moneyed, and privileged new york twats you'll ever meet. But it's funny.
from atwowaydream :
She's like a Girls' episode; shut up and let it happen, no need to bring it into the Golden Globes, amirite?
from atwowaydream :
I sent her the links, and she was especially appreciative of the first one; "Ooh, I've read one just like this not too long ago". Yep, Japanese manga. Introducing little girls and boys to gender queerness since. . . well. . . they could read. Thank you for the links. If you have any other anime ones, throw them my way. We tend to watch some of those together.
from atwowaydream :
You could live in Australia and I'd still refer to Virginia as down here. Way down yonder, down a few holler.
from atwowaydream :
Do you remember the horrible selection of delivery when you lived down here? Well, yeah. It hasn't changed much.
from atwowaydream :
Your mom by now HAS to know what those little things mean. Fuck her.
from dizzigemini :
i will be locking up, perhaps first week of jan, i got archiving to do, in profile i posted an email....its not about wanting to know who is reading my diary, its about one individual who i must block out and no other way then lock everyone, and all i ask, if anyone emails or sends u a note asking for the password, do not give it out. its only for dl members and the approved folks i give it to.
from dangerspouse :
They really took your license away NOW? That's seriously fucked up whatever time of year. Hope you get it back soon. Merry Christmas.
from atwowaydream :
IM or facebook me. As much as I love diaryland note conversations, sometimes they must end.
from atwowaydream :
"7. According to the EPA, at what percentage are fines on toxic pollution in white neighborhoods HIGHER" question just. . . I mean, all of the results were disgusting, but this just. Makes me sad. Money talks.
from atwowaydream :
The ignorance should be staggering, but it's almost expected at this point. The internet brings us closer to the random spurts of America's psyche and when I see shit like this, I don't want to live on this planet any longer.
from atwowaydream :
The black dismal template is gone. It feels. . . strange. And yes, I suppose we've always had a lot more than fucked up fathers, especially since we've both dealt with the repercussions.
from atwowaydream :
Jinx, you owe me a coke! One thing we've always had in common: Fucked up fathers.
from atwowaydream :
If you need anything, I'm an internet whore and I'm sure you'll find a way to get in touch with me.
from sky-rocket :
cool diary. thanks.
from stellarrobot :
That is really awful about the police brutality. However, rest assured that police abuse their power all over the world. I have experienced some of their fine behaviour myself, in my country. And they have just been given tasers...so that will be fun, I am sure.
from dizzigemini :
I am not anti-cuban. The very first ozone machine was made in cuba and cuban medical doctors used the machine to treat every type of desease from cancer to hiv to commen allergies/ ailments. 5 dr's from newyork brought the ozone machine to ny in the 1950's and they were healing cancer patients. Within a year all 5 dr's died from "accidents". Its no accident those dr's died, its corruption to keep people sick, keep pharmisuticals companies in business, like pfiiser/lilly (bush family has stock and ownership of) meanwhile a ozone machine cost 1 grand or less, and its the size of a/c, can be treating/healing ppl...but its illeagal to operate a ozone in the manner of health. U can buy a ozone "air" purifier, yet that's not what I am referring to. A man maned jimm bbrown in boca raton was using ozone to dialate blood, clean it and put it back into the same person, thus healing ms/cancer/hiv....and he had to pay off so many people that he wasn't making money, he closed shop a few years ago. The medical indrustry of america gets my anger going. Yet, what can I do? I can't do anything....other then healing myself with the use of my friends ozone that he has attached into steamroom, so I've been taking steambathes while breathing in ozone, and in the one week I've been here, the upper resportory infection that I've had 2 months in michigan is now gone. Yet in michigan I was eating advvil congestion relief every 6 hours inorder to breathe. Cuba did the first laser eye corrective surgerys. I'm with ya babe, america sucks, yet ya don't have to allow it to suck the life out of you. Do u know pot is legal to have in michigan yet if a cop finds a joint on me here in florida, its a jail sentense. What's with that?
from dizzigemini :
I understand ppl what to stand up for what they believe in. And its like the whale wars, I believe its wrong for japan to kill whales, yet for natieve escomos/alaskaians they are allowed to whale bkuz its their meat for winter. I would like to try whale meat, tho my vegan friends would prolly throw stones at me for admitting. Yet, the killing of whales continues, just as the anti-whale protesters go out and wage their war against illeagal whaling. The point being, the rich will always and forever get bailed out with tax breaks while the poor get taxed extra, its the haves and the have nots. Its america! Its corrupt. It always has been, except now skin color is not part of the war. Evolution, u only have urself to fight for, and to make happy, pick and choose ur battels. Who am I to judge. Other then reading how miserable u are over what's going on. Then distance urself away from it. Don't protest. The only peace u have is inside urself. Fight to reach that peace. www.wopg.org
from dizzigemini :
this is not going to read the way i say it, yet if ur cub@n, and ur generations/elders are born cub@ns,... you allready "fought" to make it to america a.k.a. "south florida". be thankful/greatful for that. its always going to be the haves' vs. the have nots'. there is no "fighting" "revloution" to be waged. too many of them, (goverment, policce,fbi,cia,nasa,aliens, etc)...vs..."occupy movement". cut ur losses. they prolly poisoned ur dog to 'send u a mssg'. the only real fight is to go within and feel inner peace. www.wopg.org .if u dont like whats happening in america, return to cub@, seriously. (and dont tell me to keep my opinions to myself, i was born in north miami, and all my life ive had to hear u cub@ns complain how bad south florida is, shut up and return to ur damn island if u dont like florida/america.)
from dizzigemini :
its good the dog eats, but take a look at imgredients of all the dogfood u typically feed. assuming ur still in miami, u ought to find low cost vet clinics. i know the vet clinic in coconutgrove on grand ave, they dont charge a vet fee unless they have to give i.v. or whatnot. when i lived in coconutgrove i took my cat there when a dog nipped his paw, he was limping yet the vet took a look at it and could tell it wasnt injured/broken, didnt do xray, gave me free cat food and sent me on my way. zero $. *good vibes 4 ur dog*
from atwowaydream :
To fight for the rights of Latin Americans while you made hundreds of bigoted statements that I could quote about them while you were with me. . . Seems like a perpetual-identity-chameleon, which at this time and probably any time, indeed rather Ordinary.
from atwowaydream :
And I'm happy you've finally established complete ordinariness.
from atwowaydream :
and Ms. Amos perhaps has had a bad face lift. . . but I still get away with 25, and that's all that matters.
from atwowaydream :
perhaps you just never really made any real sense.
from atwowaydream :
it doesn't. but you know me, I either accept you or it's some pond leaf in the quarry with copper piece eyes?
from atwowaydream :
this is a ridiculous mode of communication. I tried to add your motherfuckin' ass and the conclusion was. . . turning back time is a little bit too much. Let's just turn back Legos. Is that too far? Argh.
from atwowaydream :
I think the first picture I sent to you had Hailey, all cuddling and staring green rainbow drops of love into the camera? She's. . . my little angel baby. And yes, she is loyal, and that's what counts in the end.
from dizzigemini :
Open mouth or bent over, we all get f'ed. Bring ur own lube!!! *cheerz
from dizzigemini :
Open mouth or bent over, we all get f'ed. Bring ur own lube!!! *cheerz
from atwowaydream :
Didn't I already tell you that in like, 2004?
from atwowaydream :
If they did, then my whole Overboard happily ever after movie fantasy is shattered forever. Such is life. Are you home now? Hope you're okay and resting.
from atwowaydream :
I hope that you are recovering swiftly. Hospitals are a circle of hell. Email me when you can.
from dizzigemini :
Aspies often get "labeled" with other personality dissasociative disorders. They re tested me, pages and pages of questions, and *voilla* aspie. I don't know if that offered an answer expecting. I checked out a lot of books from library on bpd, and tho I could relate to some of it, some of it made sense, while other areas were way off. Anyways, that therapist was "moved" to a different location.... or fired perhaps. She wasted 6 months of my time attempting to have me aggree with her diagnosis. Shameful. Things are better now, I attend aspie groups, and feel for once, not alone....and it also makes me giggle to see my behaviousisms in others. Fasinating stuff. If u gotta lock ur diary again. I'm fine with that. I didn't mean to make u feel unconfortable. Not a stalker. Have a smooth day!
from dizzigemini :
I read a few entries, and noticed a word -borderline-, is that in referance to BPD? My therapist attempted to classify me as that but no, just a high functioning aspie (aspergers) with moments of anger due to this or that frusteration of peoples mannerisms, or behaviour towards me. I too get angry when my guy friend texts/calls about his ongoing love/hate for a girl, but then when he is out having a good time, he won't text call me. Like, I'm done being the punching bag. So, I totally related to the entry about ur friend going to sf, and her not texting u with pleasant updates. I totally get it. Borderline or not, its just not approperate behaviour. I say, treat me better or leave me alone. I opt to be alone. People always dissapoint. I'm adding u to my list.
from atwowaydream :
Accept my Facbook requests, brat, so we can be friends forever again. Or at least until one of us pisses the other off.
from atwowaydream :
The last part of that entry had nothing to do with you or your mom. I know your mom doesn't drive a mini-van and I know she wouldn't bite her nails over whether or not your dad remembered their anniversary. I was venting in my journal, and I happened to feel like shit, so I wrote about it, and ta-da. No need to get defensive.
from atwowaydream :
So is homicide, which is always more entertaining. Email me some time, I have a real true live cell phone with internet capabilities and voicemail and everything. I can even text.
from killsoft :
Suicide is painless. And free.
from tegansarafan :
Hey browny, I need you to look after my kid for a couple of months. OK?
from killsoft :
chastity is dead. long live nothing in it's place.. nothing at all.
from atwowaydream :
The last I heard of him, he had an equally freakishly fugly child. He tried contacting me a couple of times, but screw that shit. If he's not in jail now, I'm sure he has been, or will be.
from atwowaydream :
It's not in you. Sheesh. "No Offense Mo, but we both know how this is for". I meant no offense, since you're an ex, but it was meant for fuckerface from hell with the freakishly psychopathic tendencies. Wow, I'd though we'd share an inside joke, but someone has lost their sense of humor?
from atwowaydream :
although seemingly unappreciative at the time, i will never forget your dedication during that time. when someone gets into your heart (the few times that may occur), you are loyal to the end.
from svenhard :
...i've always thought oriental noses were cute...
from bliss-sad :
Fuck everybody. You're awesome, and you're reclaiming yourself. May the universe bless you!
from bibles :
Hope you get better soon!
from bibles :
I don't think that woman lacks boundaries--I think that woman is a hypocrite! Hope you can successfully get rid of her!
from bibles :
I hope you don't mind that I've randomly added you. I just found your entries really interesting!
from glass-slide :
Good for you, about telling your mother.
from atwowaydream :
there is nothing wrong with feeling ambiguous; and like, you can't just be feminine or masculine. you are not one or the other. i don't think you've ever been something quite so completely absolute.
from stellarrobot :
I've never seen High Art - worth checking out or no?
from stellarrobot :
Leisha Hailey is the hotness. Recover soon - and try not to cough up a lung in the meantime :)
from atwowaydream :
the Sex And The City movies make me want to harm inanimate objects. neko case; god, she can make you feel like absolutely nothing else.
from stellarrobot :
SIX room-mates you say?!?! Indoor hand-stands?! I feel positively ill just thinking about it. You are right, sometimes it is better the devil you know. Share-house experiences are always hilarious though. Good anecdote sources.
from atwowaydream :
i had to go to the hospital with someone. i do apologize. people just visiting find it appropriate to take advantage of the 'free valet' and i find that disturbing. anyhow, i'm sorry. i really didn't think you were going to lower yourself to aim. how about i slingshot you my message and you send me an answer in a message and a fuckin' bottle?
from atwowaydream :
get aim, brat. my phone situation is a bit bizarre.
from atwowaydream :
Next time I will simply remind her to call Gordon Ramsay on his private cell for instructions on deconstructing a white-trash bean and rice green pepper. Do you Julia Child's private extension? because that would be helpful.
from idontpretend :
Lol, it's aight. I get my perversions elsewhere. ;]
from idontpretend :
Haha, tell me about it. Er..
from idontpretend :
I mean it. ;P And yeah, it's pretty funny actually. =]
from idontpretend :
Hahaha, when I clicked on your diary name I was so not expecting what popped up on my screen. The weird thing is, you remind me of me a bit. I get vibes about people too. Except it sounds like you might be a lil bit better at reading these vibes right. I get too emotional I think, but I've been getting better at it. Sounds like a damn rough year too. Just don't go jumping off any buildings alright?
from stellarrobot :
NO it is not wrong to methodically organise a crush. I need to have a work crush, always. Doesn't matter who it is, they'll never know.
from stellarrobot :
From a superficial level those powers would be harmful to others (I'm not saying that's wrong!). But picking up vibes is primarily about empathy and can be used to help you too. Good for survival.
from stellarrobot :
Too bad, I've taken her. Shot-guns at dawn.
from stellarrobot :
No really, you have impeccable music tastes. Also, I so hear you on vibes. Treat it as a gift.
from stellarrobot :
Re: The DQ link Sweet mother of mercy, I am going to steal her for myself!! You should have seen my jaw drop as I watched that. That stomach. Those legs. That butt. CHRIST. Thank you for the late night titillation, mucho appreciated :)
from stellarrobot :
Fuck I love Joy Division. Kudos.
from atwowaydream :
i bet Harvey will be one of the sweetest cats ever. you're awesome for helping him, and that should be worth more than any miami club dance night.
from atwowaydream :
Also, I'm one of the whitest white girls I know.
from atwowaydream :
I have In Living Color seasons on DVD, so there. When you're cool like me, you don't need BET.
from atwowaydream :
http://www.zazzle.com/stop_communist_parties_t_shirt-235615027232095234 i'd rock this.
from atwowaydream :
Well maybe I'll just show up with George W. Bush, then they'd pretty much have to take me seriously.
from atwowaydream :
I'm showing up at the anarchist potluck, and I will wear a I Heart Capitalism (pink and glittery, no less) shirt just to embarrass you.
from glass-slide :
Q. What exactly does one bring to an anarchist pot luck? A. Aluminum powder and iron oxide.
from atwowaydream :
You should know that with as much self-hatred as you've struggled with, that you are not allowed at this point to decide whether or not you're a good person. Who doesn't think terrible thoughts? Who doesn't want to smash the glass shot after shot? You may not be saintly, but terrible thoughts and inner turmoil does not equal satan.
from whystinger :
No fuck you from me. The previous entry was fucking awesome! All I can say is you sure have a lot of love and caring for that person. What passion you have! I applaud you for that. You are so right about the need for calling on frineds. They will most likely have to lose more, sink to a deeper depth and maybe lose everything before they decide to change.
from atwowaydream :
Yay for no Christmas fist-fights and urban farms that feel like home. Merry Christmas, Mo.
from atwowaydream :
I deliberately seek out those who cater to my bipolar bitchery, thankyouverymuch. Your comment made me want to slingshot swine flu in your face.
from atwowaydream :
congratulations on the new place and jobs. i know you were teetering for a couple of weeks. i suppose head-swiveling is a much more subdued, and safer version than those Regan-Exorcist-360-head swivels. i guess i'll call it bitch lite.
from chiodos8485 :
i randomly stumbled onto your diary a few days ago...i swear we are the same person. It's almost a little scary. Oh and DBT..yeah, good stuff.
from atwowaydream :
you go ahead with your bad self. whatever makes you happy, Mo.
from wtng4lezlie :
Sorry you got abused into lesbianism. Hope you can have a healthy relationship..some day? Hell. What do you say. What is DBT?
from bliss-sad :
I've been reading your diary for years now, and I've never commented you before. I think about it, though, especially after I read sad entries. Sometimes I'll even go to the page, but nothing ever seems grand enough--like it would help you. I guess what I want to say is that if I could, I would save you. I can't tell you how many times I've found myself in your words--how many times I've thought, "Oh my god! That's exactly how I feel!" Your words made me feel like I wasn't alone, knowing someone out there who was so completely different, yet so the same, was soothing. Thank you for your writing. Thank you for every peice of your heart you gave away during your writing. You are beautiful, and so much stronger than you think. Whoever you are out there, in the world with faces, know that somewhere in Iowa, someone is praying for you, and pulling for you all the way.
from herdarlinsin :
I like your ramblings. They (you) intrigue me. Honestly. And I don't care for J. Lo, myself.
from senttosaveme :
No one chooses not to love completely. It hurts a lot more to not be able to give everything than to give it all.
from stellarrobot :
That was a great entry. Open relationships are super awesome - if both parties agree, and if you're living in the 70's!! With the limited amount of STD's then and all. Oh, and the tight pants and platform shoes. What's not sexy about that look? I am a huge fan of the fuck-buddy system. It's the no fuss relationship.
from stellarrobot :
Re: your note. I am neither, I read about BDP recently, and the subjective lived experience always makes more sense than dry academic prose. It was just a small comment, I do not think that is the sum of your writing in any way, I only mentioned it because you don't make it a secret.
from stellarrobot :
12.02.09: Fuck. That was a great entry.
from stellarrobot :
Hello! I totally get what you said about travelling. Also, I'm fascinated by your experiences with BPD. It makes so much more sense to me now than objective scientific fact-sheets.
from tegansarafan :
True, but if youíve got to starve, at least youíll be able to do it in style.
from tegansarafan :
Shoes are good.
from annanotbob :
Hiya - just found you - love that entry 'I am...' Fantastic. Best wishes x
from neeeeek :
Hey, that's completely normal as long as there are not too many cars around. No reason to get emotional after all.
from atwowaydream :
You're completely right, the instability can be more destructive than absence. It's just, god, at fifty you would think people would mature, you know? But some never, ever learn. And that's because they just don't really know how to, or perhaps don't want to.
from cybers1ut :
I ran on hopes and desperation, in a sense. I was so incredibly eager just to love and be loved in whatever way I could get. Puppy was truly the absolute best way to describe me.
from atwowaydream :
God-awful describes it all so well, although it does all seem like some blurry nightmare. In a sense, you went through a large part of that with me, how you did it, I don't know.
from atwowaydream :
I can understand that whole destined to wait thing. . . I always feel like I'm waiting, waiting, counting the hours or minutes or days, and soon enough, it's July. I really do hope your new therapy goes well, and I can understand your trepidation with medicine, but it really can help things to hold still. I mean, I was a basketcase, and now, I can at least have sensical conversations. as for your relationship, only put in what is given back to you, Monique.
from elliestuff :
Thanks for checking out my diary.
from elliestuff :
good luck on everything.
from atwowaydream :
The intensive therapy will be sometimes exhausting, but I'm sure you'll prevail. As for the medication, as I'm sure you know from experience, it may take some time. But you might find someone you didn't really know existed. And that can be a good thing, too.
from atwowaydream :
Numbers don't get along with my mind. I can remember the color of my shorts at get together when I was five, but I can't remember phone numbers.
from atwowaydream :
Don't put up with any bullshit. Plain and simple; we're older, wiser, and I don't know about you, but game playing lost my interest years ago.
from jehsika :
RE: oversensitivity. Don't know how old you are, but I was very like that when I was younger. I'm 37 now and age and experience did allow me to grow a thicker skin, but I am still oversensitive during the menstrual times. I think you have your diagnosis right and try not to worry to much that it's happening (which I know...really difficult) and try to concentrate on reminding yourself (without heaping guilt on, also really difficult I know), "they're not being mean, it just feels that way, this will pass, this will pass."
from atwowaydream :
Bjork really is one of the few who can wisp her way into emotions, I don't know what I'd do without her, either.
from raven72d :
Always a delight to find your entries.
from atwowaydream :
Yeah, I guess that's why there's that huge "forgive and forget" maxim that some idiots put out there. It doesn't quite happen so simply, but as I've learned, the mind makes really, really good boots.
from minstrelite :
I gotta tell you -- your diary is one of the most refreshing, intelligent, existential kind of things I've come across in a long time. I've been reading you for days now but finally decided to comment. One rarely finds writing so good, coupled with the willingness and ability to get real with oneself. It's great.
from rubendavid :
It's very rare I find diaries worth readong more than one second, but yours has certainly got my attention, not because of some fancy layout but because of who you are. I hope you don't mind but I'm adding you to my favorites list.
from tegansarafan :
But on the plus side, gender dysphoria is 'in' this year.
from atwowaydream :
I've made an insistent vow to only correct those I give a fuck about.
from tegansarafan :
I think you have cheese trapped up your nose. How erotic...MEOW!!!
from atwowaydream :
What do you have to look foward to? Monique, my darling, that's all up to you. Yes, I need to be on Oprah, appaently.
from tegansarafan :
!!!YES!!!
from tegansarafan :
!!!!!!!!!!!!HAPPY 500TH ENTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!
from raven72d :
I do love the entries...
from tegansarafan :
Sheís not insane, just desperate and scared. Like everyone else I guess.
from atwowaydream :
Sometimes, we meet these people, these seemingly miserable, acidic people that everyone sneers or scurries from. But misery is only a guise, and a soul can't be seen without some unraveling. All I can say is, hopefully, she found what she was looking for.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Sorry to hear about your boss. The loss of a young life is always tragic. My mother is bi-polar so I understand how difficult it is to love someone of that nature.
from atwowaydream :
I need your number. I never had yours saved, because I'm inept when it comes to little handheld gadgets that ring. I don't have much internet access at this point, so you should call me.
from atwowaydream :
And you, of all people, should know that I'm anything than just pure and loving. Yeah, we can't pick our families, that's obvious. Sometimes, as you've come to realize early on, they make for insidious, unexpected toxins.
from atwowaydream :
Yeah, I agree. Don't you hate it when people are like, "Um. . . get over it?" in a sense? Okay, so what we also have in common is the ability to realize other people suck.
from atwowaydream :
I'm a firm believer in things getting easier when I'm not a ardent believer in things getting worse. I think we have something a lot of people don't have: the ability to admit that we need mending.
from atwowaydream :
I didn't mean the loss because of an entanglement of another; I simply meant yourself. Don't lose yourself to yourself. Personal demons are far more reckless and insidious than any girl.
from atwowaydream :
Just so you know, you have beauty abounding; just some people have limited sight. Don't lose that while you're falling, because it hurts, it really hurts to know when it's lost.
from atwowaydream :
Yeah, it's quite intense, but has actually been uplifting. You sound miserable, truly. I feel touched by it, not only because I know it so well, but because I knew such a different person not long ago.
from atwowaydream :
I don't have a million and a half people to talk to; you know that I pretty much unravel on one very, very select one. Still, I think now we have more in common than before. I guess that happens when you weather the range of emotions.
from atwowaydream :
I don't have a million and a half people to talk to; you know that I pretty much unravel on one very, very select one. Still, I think now we have more in common than before. I guess that happens when you weather the range of emotions.
from atwowaydream :
I think we were entirely full of ourselves in connection to how we knew each other. Honestly, we both knew about jack shit.
from atwowaydream :
It was one of the first things you ever said to me. Not that you feel that way now, but the expression was/is so powerful, I found it fitting. When I think of Monique, I've never thought of rainbows and butterflies. . . at least, not without the rain.
from atwowaydream :
Am I doing well? Are either of us? I think we've always been tethered by spiraling floors and tentative tightropes. And, we both know, only words can do us justice.
from caresses :
Hi. Just found your diary. Most interesting. You write very good.
from tegansarafan :
I expected it to be utter shite but Spiderman 2 was good fun. I loved the conversation in the lift.
from tegansarafan :
New Morrissey album out on the 17th. :joygasm:
from tegansarafan :
move in with me
from wakemywings :
I'm sorry, I'm just too anal-retentive. They're= there, so there.
from wakemywings :
Knives can make you dangerous, knives can isolate with their sheen. For protection, use radar instead, because not everyone will be armed and ruthless. But if you choose to, hopefully they're will be people you just can't fool. And I know you appreciated things in me, and I will never forget that. Even when I hate you. ;)
from tegansarafan :
Yeah, you're a slob like the rest of us!
from tegansarafan :
Wise man once say: beware the canine with two tails.
from tegansarafan :
You are thinking too much. Simplify. Focus on small irrelevant things that you enjoy. Like ducks, rabbits and chocolate. Beware, now is not the time for big thoughts, there be dragons here, avoid them.
from tegansarafan :
Take care of yourself Mo. Donít fall back on your old shitty habits. Remember that Florida shit is only temporary and think how sweet itíll be once itís over.
from tegansarafan :
Youíre a sweetheart, also thanks for putting up with my textual slurring.
from wakemywings :
Aw, you're so cute when you're hungover. Even if you're practically catatonic while it's happening.
from rhp :
you crazy ass bitch. you're now one of my favorites. but please stop writing all the boring lesbo i can do it better than a man can bullshit and write more psycho teeth breaking forced head stuff. i think it's great!
from tegansarafan :
YOUíRE NOT OLD. Just get on with things, regret is incredibly pointless.
from tegansarafan :
Why are you trying to acknowledge your fears? Whatís wrong with repression, denial and projection? Youíre never going to beat the classics dude.
from tegansarafan :
Boos for rectal bleeding. Huzzah for escaping. Vomits for sickly sweet love, get a room.
from tegansarafan :
:empathise: Families suck monkey nuts.
from tegansarafan :
Seemingly itís part of our nature to search for higher truths. Maybe itís a defence mechanism against a bleak otiose reality. Donít waste your time searching for what doesnít exist. Instead seek things that can make you happy and make you feel good about yourself. The path to enlightenment is a cul-de-sac.
from tegansarafan :
:gasp: Good god woman, I was convinced the retainer thing was a goofy gag. Oh well, each to her own, at least you've not got a thing for huge ears. Moving on, I'm boring, dumb and can't talk properly, 'tis why I'm not on AIM. Enough of my latest self-esteem crisis, to the batcave Robin!
from cybers1ut :
You were 8 when that came out? Dear god, I feel the old. I was... sixteen or seventeen when that came out. And all... hearts-in-eyes, trueloveforthefirsttime kinda in love. A chinese girl named Ting who created my fetish for both asian babes and retainers. :drools: Retaaaainers. Er... why are you not on teh AIM? :stomps:
from tegansarafan :
God, Iíd totally forgot about lovefool. That was like my all time favorite song when I was about eight. Itís so cool, Iíll now franticly run around my room until I find the CD. :sigh: I want Nina Perssons child, even her name is dreamy.
from heyyouyesyou :
It's a Cure fan. heYYouYesYou
from tegansarafan :
Hey, welcome back to diaryland love.
from divarckstar2 :
hey, Interesting name...............
from redrising :
I know cries for help when I hear them, I've been in that well of misery and it seems impossible to climb out but it is do-able. I have no idea where you are in the world but you sound like you could use a hug. If it's the UK I'd be happy to help you out.
from redrising :
Hey. I'm enjoying reading your diary, hope ya do't mind. P.S. Don't give up. Once you've won the fight life gets brighter.
from swimmmer72 :
don't give up. it's tough, and it's scary, and maybe you have to do some of it alone, but don't feel you have to do it all by yourself. there are anchors out there that are strong enough to ride out the storm with you.
from tegansarafan :
ďeasily forgottenĒ Yíknow thatís the last thing in the world you need to fret about lass. You reek of memorability.
from swimmmer72 :
love may not conquer all, but it is worth it to test the limits of how strong it is, and can possibly become.
from swimmmer72 :
today's (8/10) entry was so sad. you need to get away from what is holding you down and taking your spirit
from meg21 :
your entries capture so much of what i think and feel and can never quite express in words. you are a very good writer. i have added you to my favorite diaries list-- i like your writing a lot.
from swimmmer72 :
yes you will (know your worth). it just takes time.
from swimmmer72 :
admirable ambition. there is no reason to continue to do the same things wrong over and over again if you don't want to. change is a chance for growth.
from swimmmer72 :
i wish you would write more often. i love what you are saying and would like to read more. what you said tonight is very true
from jenne1017 :
writing is true when you do it for yourself. Happy Random Guestbook Signing Week!! Pass it on!
from cloud7 :
You have great talent for writing, why bother with a Chef? I dunno, you're older and wiser, but your entries are compelling.
from tegansarafan :
If you stopped writing in this journal it would be genuinely missed. I hang on your every word. I hope you donít stop writing.
from darkbluerain :
I wasn't trying to insult you at all. I was trying to compliment your writing. I guess I did a bad job?
from darkbluerain :
I think you're a great writer. Of all the entries I've read, yours are the most professional and always very well written. I enjoy them. Just thought you'd like to know.

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