messages to emotionalist:
(click here to add new message):

from cannet :
well said.
from notunique :
Apr. 11, 2011 (9:06 pm) that's a frightening thought for musicians, too.
from thisisjohn :
then... <3
from thisisjohn :
the one(s) who haunt(s) your home, past, present, future.
from thisisjohn :
stop chasing ghosts.
from symmetries :
i'm really sorry to hear about your mother.
from symmetries :
likewise; i am always excited when i see that you have updated.
from thecity :
I love how you are so youthful and yet so fresh. Nothing you write feels as though it's been done before, no matter how nostalgic the content. So well done.
from hoursandours :
the pisces-pisces friendship/love is one of the strongest bonds of the zodiac.
from thecity :
me too. love consumes writing, doesn't it?
from dirtylinda :
are you going to go to harvard forever or what.
from minstrelite :
I'm happy to answer your question. Writing is a very important part of my life, and I am always on the lookout for good writing where I can find it. I don't think of myself as a particularly consistent writer, but I write so much that some of it has got to be good. With me, it's hit and miss. I wish I were more consistent. Among writers I've found on the Internet, you seem to me to be one of the more consistent. I don't know that I've read much of you prior to 2004, but I can pretty much count on you to produce something that is well-stated, often concise, rich in meaning, and displaying a bold and distinct confidence in voice and style. I may not be the best judge of writing, but I believe I can discern artistic confidence as well as a consistent voice when I encounter it. I don't read you for content, by the way. I read you because I think you are an excellent writer.
from minstrelite :
Let me think about that. At the moment, I feel kind of stupid. I guess that, to some, it would have been redundant for you to have added words to the effect that the decade was signficant, or whatever word would adequately oppose "negligible;" but probably other readers would have missed the point. That was why I asked. But the way you worded it definitely has a nice, concise turn of phrase (like many of your brief single-sentence entries.) This is one reason why I read you. I hope I am making some sense -- my intellect is quite dim in comparison with yours, but I can still appreciate your writing.
from minstrelite :
Regarding your entry of 6/10, I guess we are to infer that while the physical distance is neglible, the temporal distance is not.
from minstrelite :
I've not read your earlier entries, but I've been reading you for the past two years or so. You're on my buddy list, and I usually read you whenever you post. This time, however, I've missed you since around December of last year, and so I had to catch up. (Life has been too scattered and chaotic on my end to make for very relaxed reading lately.)
from minstrelite :
I just caught up, finally. I think you lead a very interesting life.
from leannek87 :
Hi, how are you? x
from caughtpurity :
I'm really envious of you and your life in Boston. Even if it is terribly expensive, and I'm poor, poor, poor. I love your style, though. Maybe I should surround myself with colder air.
from andwebreathe :
sweet jesus, you are fantastic!
from rockfar :
man, i love when you write all the time.
from spindle :
I have vanished, I am afraid. gone. I finished my MA, I am in Montreal, I am working on things. to put it briefly. (though to put it at any greater length wouldn't involve saying that much more.) if you want to get in touch with me, write me at contact (at) object-a.org. it would be good to hear from you.
from here1nmyhead :
I like your blog.
from frust :
i'm never on here anymore, but if i realized you still posted, i would have checked all the time. guess i have some catching up to do... p.s. i really love your words (still)
from rockfar :
annie, i love you. i will write you soon. and if i seem overly specific then yes it is because i am drunk. surprise surprise. oh, college! the funny thing is, i'm not being sarcastic.
from sleepystorm :
..i wish accute accents were as great as we wanted them to be.
from rockfar :
wow, i really, really loved that one.
from spindle :
in short, it is not Autobiography of Red. it is The Short Talks, it is The Glass Essay, it is The Beauty of the Husband; it is spelled out in Eros the Bittersweet. I was going to write an essay about her (this was back when I was being more ambitious about what the preparatory work for my thesis was going to be); I'll track down my notes and try to pull together a reason why.
from spindle :
'a poem is never finished, only abandoned.' I don't think I ever knew who said this, it might have been Eliot, and I don't think I have got it quite right, but I like the sentiment. good luck with your attempted stories!
from likeaforest :
there definitely are some drawbacks to hampshire, too, of course -- but when i was at umass, the pillar of normalcy, it was always really nice to have this refuge of weirdness at hampshire to escape to sometimes.
from mean-girl :
we're in a relationship not love. best thing I've read in a long time.
from spindle :
hello. on the twentieth of February, I willl be done a great many things and will find myself with some time on my hands. just in case you have a story you might want to send to me to read...
from spindle :
I am inclined, I am arguably qualified, I am excited. but because I do not have a great deal of time I cannot promise to get to anything especially soon. but I would do my best to get to it eventually, if you were to send me something to read.
from spindle :
wow. you should write more than a sentence more often. do you really write on paper? (I ask because I am starting to think about how using a word processor influences my creative process. it is especially urgent to me right now because I am working on a project now that I can't work on in a word processor.) and. is this more about what has been going on since September 17?
from spindle :
again? is that to say that you once fell in love in a grocery store?
from likeaforest :
1780 - 1900 british. whew.
from rockfar :
why miserable immediately after? i'm going to dc friday night, leaving monday afternoon, for an ssc meeting. look for an email after that.
from spindle :
the school's webpage is at http://www.dartington.ac.uk. in short, it's a school of the performing arts dedicated to very avant-garde notions of theory and practice (and doing both at the same time). poke around the page and email me with what questions you've got.
from rockfar :
i think the important thing to remember is that on an individual basis they're all ridiculously important.
from spindle :
no. my story didn't make it in. sigh.
from rockfar :
the first one or the second one on that day? yeah, the truth is i think your way of wording things has kind of had an effect on some things i write especially in the context of an online diary. i hope that doesn't bother you.
from acornotravez :
Also, I heard q and not u are breaking up and their last shows are in Sept. Are you going? Lucky...(I'm nowhere near DC)
from acornotravez :
That's cool. Just don't ever misspell another word again. (Do u want a password? Email me at acornotravez at hotmail dot com.)
from expatriot :
my stepfather is from gloucester, and i am o so curious about it
from spindle :
oh. that makes better sense.
from spindle :
but isn't it sometimes the sad and awful truth that the longer things go on the less and less you're aware of how extraordinary it is? I don't know. I am getting weird on the subject of love. but it seems to me that time is all about learning to take things for granted. for magic, short and fleeting is best. sigh.
from rockfar :
you know, i thought about you and him when i was making that entry.
from rockfar :
the snack was great! tell your mom i had a great time chilling with you and her and being in your house and remeeting her and all.
from rockfar :
:).
from rockfar :
oh my god, thank you for saying that. i did too and i wasn't sure if i should say anything at the time but then those guys actually were nice to us, and i think after that we both felt better. it was a a generally sketchy affair. in regard to the first matter: if you knew who i was talking about i think you would probably laugh. also, did you get the mountain goats reference? also, do you know which of their albums is best to buy?
from bonnylisbon :
I LOVE your diary sososo much. Wait, that's lame to say, I love your writing sososo much.
from spindle :
that's fantastic. congratualtions. now let us hope that the piece I sent them fares as well.
from spindle :
hello. my name is Alan. and you are?
from bonnylisbon :
Will do.
from bonnylisbon :
That's the way it is now, right?
from spindle :
touching while reading or writing is one of my favourite things to do. I am not so swept up and carried away in whatever I am reading-or-writing, it happens more slowly, more comfortably. I don't feel lifted out of myself, it's not as exhilerating as forgetting about everything but the text, but it is still a good thing to do.
from spindle :
Am I Disturbing You? is a fantastic novel. I loved it a lot. Kamouraska not so much. it's still great, but it plods a bit. a bit. Am I Disturbing You? moves so lightly and precisely, and the novel is so short and so much at the same time. it's great. read it! and then, if you are so inclined, tell me what you think.
from spindle :
I would have to go searching for my favourites, I didn't have any particular entries in mind. it is just how good you are in the space of a single sentence. I am always amazed how good you are in the space of a single sentence. and I thought of you when I found the Orphan Leaf. you must submit something. a great many things.
from spindle :
I have read Am I Disturbing You? and I have just started Kamouraska. then I will read A Suit of Light. I love, I love the way her writing gets so swept up in psychological complexities while at the same time feeling so sparse, so bare. it both is and isn't minimalist and I want to figure out how to do something like it.
from spindle :
there is this site, this project. http://www.orphanleaf.co.uk/a_slq.htm when I found it I wanted to send them some of your entires.
from likeaforest :
19 isn't a boring age at all! it was the age of eustacia vye in return of the native (which perhaps you haven't read, but i know you're familiar enough with catcher in the rye to remember how holden felt about her).
from bonnylisbon :
Well, I like what I've read so far...
from bonnylisbon :
I've had you as a favorite at my diary for a while. I just read your latest update. I can't get over how little you write, yet for some reason your diary remains one of my favorites at this site.
from valentine- :
you like mirah and the blow which makes me really happy. and i love reading your diary. add me?
from redd :
whomp whomp whomp swamp swamp swamp. i had difficulty writing that. there are things to be said, you know.
from real-lies :
your writing makes me go wow. You're so prettyful XxxX
from spindle :
oh, I am doing that too. I have bought two packages of cigarettes since early September, when my room-mate, who was my easy source of cigarettes, left for grad school. it wasn't much, I thought, but I am not sure I think that anymore. I'm stopping. what are you going to do?
from redd :
well do it well do it. dont get me wrong, i feel dead, but some things remind me that im not. sometimes its you xx
from redd :
did you feel it. it used to be there. i know where.
from raven72d :
Headphones can be vur' important.
from expatriot :
au contrare mon amie, i know that you are at school presently. i was merely replying to a very old note. ha. and it is you who is three cities behind (new york>portland>eugene). i hope things are lovely in the east, and if not... it is healthy to step away from your element. builds character and/or puts hair on your chest?
from expatriot :
wha?! did you go to Mt. Eerie in Chicago? because i was there...
from expatriot :
i was living+working in rogers park. spent an equal amount of time in wicker park (does that make me silly?)
from raven72d :
Oh, yes. I do. But one can read the source and the variants one alongside the other. That's pretty much what I did with Beowulf and "Grendel".
from raven72d :
Actually, John Gardner's "Grendel" and Crichton's "Eaters of the Dead" were better versions.
from raven72d :
Beowulf is a scary thing to have to read at any time.
from likeaforest :
psst. how was the mt. eerie show?
from likeaforest :
it occurred to me the other day that you've probably started classes and everything! is it going well so far? are you terribly in love with boston? (i am getting jealous just thinking of all the snowstorms you have to look forward to.)
from expatriot :
you are in chicago? i am in chicago. what now?
from expatriot :
i didn't, i am a big loser. i just started listening to them too, they are really good, etc.
from expatriot :
ˇviva este vida estadounidense! when i was 'younger' (not sure exactly how much), my mom would always make sure to have it on our stereo those sunday afternoons, followed by car talk (which is funny, despite the subject matter)- that was just a random thought, so baby let the sunshine in.
from pinupandgun :
what can i say? only the best! <br>your journal is increadible.
from pinupandgun :
"...everything is moving please don't leave me to remain in the waiting room..." i enjoy your diary.
from likeaforest :
i don't think she's in jail at the moment, although whether she will be by the time she's supposed to play here is seems somewhat debatable. hmm.
from likeaforest :
a. that is a great present! i didn't realize there was a collection of uncollected stories available to buy. (i just looked on amazon.com and didn't find anything, so now i'm slightly confused and very curious.) b. it's been about 500 years since i read that story, so unfortunately i have to reserve judgment until i have the chance to read it again!
from expatriot :
ah ha. now you've won me over.
from expatriot :
my two best friends are at columbia, and i am thousands of miles (in location and academic aptitude) from any of the ivy-leagues. it is my dream to study design at yale- they accept 10 people a year. i would probably be number 11.
from expatriot :
yourhamletmetaphorisgorgeous. that is all the stealing i want to do. it is a hybrid of our two. ciao doll.
from frust :
nice choice. i actually found the Waste Land in my parent's library recently. (i stole it)
from expatriot :
blablablabla. give me your design please.
from frust :
ohhh... ant cruelty. i'm drooling. thank you.
from gloryxxfades :
aw, i love that latest entry. actually all of them♥
from likeaforest :
o, if only she were touring!
from likeaforest :
ah yes, exactly.
from always-crazy :
what kind of adults do kids want to be?
from postmod :
i always thought that was pretty strange also.
from expatriot :
i'm jealous of your name and journal template. will you tell me the secret?
from x-girl-falls :
you are absolutely awesome. <33
from likeaforest :
well no, there's nothing wrong with 17 year olds; but you must admit that they don't make for a fun night of gawking (at pretty boys) at the ripe old age of 23. eek.
from frust :
because i cannot equalize your grace with words, i'll simply say (as i bow) that you are great.
from be-my-heroin :
you are so incredibly rad.
from likeaforest :
in that case, i should wish you a happy birthday in advance!
from postmod :
sounds like me.
from frust :
oh yes. i forgot to say - congrats
from seventeen- :
i love your writings. i'll add you to my buddy list if you don't mind.
from likeaforest :
a kangaroo statue?!? o no, i feel like i've missed so much.
from verum :
relatives found out about verum & i had to password it for a while (hopefully not too long). user=verum / password=truth
from redd :
how was against me? lawrence arms and communique werent so good. am was amazing. everyone was crazy. so many people on stage. lots of singing. no shirts. i dont know. it was good good good.
from dreamxstate :
the way you write makes other people want to be you. [[including me.]] i envy you...in a good way. ♥ xx; kimia.
from singingcynic :
annie - your latest f.p. submission (for family) was fantastic. i can really feel you maturing in your writing; your voice is becoming so strong and confident, your ideas clear and precise. i am so proud! you're quite something. also: when is the due date for your zine?
from likeaforest :
i did read araby! although i unforunately didn't like it any bit more than i did when i read it the first time around in high school. hmm. getting through the dead was more bearable, though, so that counts for something, doesn't it?
from shardsofsoul :
the way you write always reminds me of a philosopher. i love it to death. ♥ love kimia.
from frust :
i am perpetually amazed at the stimulants your words expire
from always-crazy :
oh that is exactly the way i see my week. you seem to know everything sometimes.
from picadilly :
that was a really ..GOOD entry. i dont know the word for it but it was really beautiful (?)
from verum :
and i still love you so much...
from gonzokid :
Hi
from thatmarygirl :
totally.
from bravenewlife :
Your entries make me smile, there's so much room for my fluffy imagination, and yet, you say so much with so little. As always, I'll be back.
from likeaforest :
the moviegoer, hm? i think i remember you mentioning winesburg, ohio not so long ago, too, which makes me curious... is it just a coincidence that you happen to be reading novels on that random house top 100 books list, or are you intentionally setting out to be terribly well read?
from ravieslave :
Jesus Christ. I had the same fortune cookie four days ago. I also encounter the one that says "You will be showered with good luck." So, I suppose this means I should tell everyone around me to leave me be, because I'm about to win the lottery.
from frust :
after watching kind of like spitting perform, it takes a lot for other bands to prove that music is what they should be making
from edgytothemax :
my spoon is toooooo big
from deaspiration :
The location listed in your profile - I'm assuming that's correct?
from likeaforest :
blast! i got a reeses type thing and a chocolate chip cookie. i must've been terribly disoriented, because what kind of fool goes to a bakery and leaves without a single piece of cake?! i guess i'll just have to go back really soon...
from likeaforest :
i'm sad to say that i'm not vegan, and even sadder to admit that i've never been to the bakery! but my curiosity's gotten the better of me, so i decided to finally stop procrastinating. let me know if you have any recommendations, yes?
from deaspiration :
In all your entries, I find something that relates to my life in a way that can't possibly be coincidence. And then I find out it was. (I like your style, by the way, but you seem to get that a lot so I guess I'm not so original, eh?)
from frust :
your writing is groovy x a million
from indie-snob :
hello there! i added a review of a Q & Not U show I saw the other night and thought you may be interested. i have a bunch of other concert and album reviews here, too. check it out, thanks!
from likeaforest :
actually, that is how i found your diary! and yeah, people do always seem to be in constant motion around dc, which is equal parts comforting and disconcerting. you're from the area though, aren't you? which is funny; this is the sort of place that no one ever actually seems to be from, you know?
from time-enough :
this year when i had to write a paper on catcher in the rye, my thesis was about how interesting (ironic) it was that Catcher in the Rye was banned when we all were at one point in our lives a Holden Caulfield.
from always-crazy :
so you live in toronto (or somewhere around it) too? all this sars drama is crazy. i see people on the subway wearing face masks all of the time.
from onacloud :
i love you. you bring the words to my mouth when i'm speechless. you're definitely my favourite diary. you're amazing. you're beyond description. yeah. i'm constantly in awe every time i read. and i hope you know how great you are. <3
from frust :
exile in guyville played in my car cd player all last week.
from always-crazy :
you're simplistic to the point where i am intrigued. i like you.
from testify :
I read what you put it steadysilent's guestbook and laughed out loud. You cunning devil, you.
from seanandjacob :
We like fiction. Thanks hebrew school. - Sean
from captivated- :
Okay I'll try and remember that lol.
from sterilemind :
hey... i'm locking my diary (it may be temporarily, i'm not sure yet), and i was wondering if it would be possible to get your email address so i could send you the password, because i'm sending one to the people on my buddy list who also have me on their buddy lists. if you don't read my diary anymore and don't want to bother, that's ok too, i just figured i would ask. thanks.
from avoidance :
i think i'm too picky when it comes to who i surround myself with, so i sort of know what you mean. in a way.
from xgirlface :
Best friends have hurt me; I'm too afraid to have one again..er sumin
from leely :
I wish I had a best friend:(
from pocket5 :
what you got to do is attack hooded people from behind, throw their hood over their head, over their eyes, and then get a-w-a-y. they'll be so damn confused.
from heartshaped :
<3
from plastic8tree :
How do you keep track of so much.Would have trouble with half. Take Care.
from mindspin :
i agree..i don't know how i found your journal, but i read close to 30 entries already, and i <3 everything.
from thisisamess :
i love everything you write.
from leely :
I'm glad you have good friends. I wish I had a few close ones. I heart you, [smile]:)
from leely :
Not anymore, huh? That's good. What's the reason for that?
from leely :
...so you feel out of place too? You aren't alone. ♥xoxo
from luvnotebooks :
Read pieces of your diary. Wonderful.
from boyafterboy :
need your e-mail addy, dollface<3
from steadysilent :
merry x-mas
from thisisamess :
http://thisisamess.diaryland.com/annie.html
from prink :
don't ever _think_ you're different. _know_ that you are. (and i can reassure you if you wish)
from thisisamess :
you did publish me. i can never forget you for it.
from leely :
I read that you're dork-a-licious...How cute:D!!
from justenough :
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
from windowpain :
you're so beautiful. so so beautiful. your words are so.. touching, for lack of a better word. and weconfess is as amazing as ever. definite strokes to all you girls. i kind of miss writing for it [even if i only did write once. hehhe] keep being gorgeous. exoh.
from i-am-unique :
okay. i've read all of your entries back to.. sep.11th so far. and i'm in love. can you e.mail me? you don't show your e.mail address.
from pocket5 :
"My everyday conversational ability, in short, gets a C-." --hehe. made me chuckle.
from elateddream :
That's a good question, one I wish I could answer for you but unfortunately can't.
from pocket5 :
"separate" --that entry, i know what you mean. when you know someone and you just dont.want.to.hear.it because it hurts to know that a person who should be your friend has found other people, and the only thing they have in common is drugs.
from frust :
i read the last rock star book in two sittings. great stuff.
from bloomspeed :
jumpin' jack flash! (*like a rocket_
from jesup :
beautiful
from deadblckrose :
.<3.
from pocket5 :
yes.
from boyafterboy :
you. are. amazing. i've been reading your diary for some time now and i want you to be a part of my ring: http://members.diaryland.com/edit/rings.phtml?ring=devenir-vous xo. boyafterboy.
from jesup :
x
from pocket5 :
awesome. yeah, i dont use names either.
from pocket5 :
i know a boy like that too. one that was jackshit for conversation...all he wanted was to take off my clothes like his own personal barbie doll. it used to be okay. given enough time tho, i overcame him. if you're not over the guy you were talkin about in yer entry, you will. given time.
from thisisamess :
you flatter me too much.
from pocket5 :
no big reason, just wondering.
from pocket5 :
just curious, what grade are you in?
from vitality :
hi. i still like you. <3
from pocket5 :
i know someone who, for awhile used "emo" as an image. it was obvious. so i can honestly say that if this boy is only working on an image, you would know.
from pocket5 :
i take latin. cuz german was exed out of our curriculum (grrr) and EVERYBODY takes spanish. and french is plehjdkfhdusng. so i took latin. but hun, its HARD.
from brokenwords- :
that's odd. i wrote back, but my e-mail sort of doesn't work sometimes. :( but i love your diary .. as well as weconfess.
from pocket5 :
gotcha. is there anywhere i can hear your friends music?
from pocket5 :
"i'd like to see you look at a girl for what she is not what you want" -hm! interesting. i like.
from nakedembrace :
i want to send you wild strawberries with chocolate dip someday.
from pocket5 :
yep, that was me. i know what entry you're talking about: http://pocket5.diaryland.com/020401_59.html
from pocket5 :
wow, your last two entries i can realate to all so much. about the friend who's gone. the "carelessness", the "uselessness" . how much i wish she would just say "let's be together again." (but she never would) my heart hurts now. you write so well. take care.
from pocket5 :
ah, musicians. it feels like they're in a league of their own.
from fallsxapart :
oh, it would have been wonderful to meet you. if youre ever going to any shows im me ! id love to just say hello to you and such. it might be a tad strange since you read everything that i wont tell anyone else. <3
from pocket5 :
yep...i know what you mean about wanting to know soooo badly what the other person is thinking. (i hope you find out)
from pocket5 :
you're absolutly right. there is something so genuine and incredible about bands that are out there to play, not out there for business.
from pocket5 :
awesome that you're doing better and figuring things out. ill checkout the website, and of course i can keep your secret :)
from pocket5 :
...are you okay?
from lostflame :
pretty words :)
from pocket5 :
:)
from nakedembrace :
write write write, i forgot all my share of nursery ryhmes, but write and i'll read. [along came a spider and sat down beside her]
from pocket5 :
oh defenitely. i gotcha.
from pocket5 :
yer right, sometimes people forget that the world is more complex than just love. then again, people can get lost in *anything* and forget there's a bigger world out there...THEN AGAIN too many people don't live with love and make the world so mean...
from punkunicorn :
your words they were sticking all over the night sky.
from punkunicorn :
i thought about you a lot yesterday
from pocket5 :
wow, thats a very pessimistic way too look at it...i hope your relationship with your mother isn't entirely like that.
from pocket5 :
often i say the wrong things to my mother too. i used to record on a fisher price recorder when i was younger, heh.
from starinajar :
thankyou darling. i'm ness <3
from starinajar :
hello darling. the kissmyfist link needs to be up. if it is, let me know where, cause i can't seem to find it. [p.s. what do you go by namewise?] xoxo
from punkunicorn :
i think that i would love to do a collab with you.
from redd :
i think youd like the weakerthans better.
from redd :
everyone still knows stuff. xoxoxo.
from pocket5 :
just wondering :P
from pocket5 :
what state do you live in?
from kyraga27 :
lol nope. dunno u. but u have an awesome diary tho. keep writing...ur awesome <3 shira
from kyraga27 :
nope...dont think so. havent been there. so....whoz u?
from vitality :
i love this. truly.
from starinajar :
dollface. you're invited to join the kissmyfist diaryring. info here: [http://stairnajar.diaryland.com/kissmyfist.html]
from pocket5 :
you write so wonderfully. your latest entry, i can relate. keep at it hun, i hope you're doing okay.
from heatstroke :
i found you and i think yr perfectly lovely. and that you could be my twin. sometimes. love tera
from mazeofmirors :
Hey. What happened to Femmeproject? I miss it *tear*
from pocket5 :
yer right, sometimes mothers think what they're doing is best, when we really know the truth...thankz for answering my questions :)
from pocket5 :
i believe you're not the only one who spends nights thinking about what they don't have...i do too. http://pocket5.diaryland.com/020804_68.html do questions have answers? ;)
from awannabeme :
"do you like to hurt" from bright eyes album. when i saw him 4 months ago he sang that song to us and i got on the floor of the venue and wrote it on my arm, so i'd never forget it.
from singedangel :
you say things that make me feel different inside...i <3 u.
from awannabeme :
"11. will you come spend the night? i won't fill your head with dillusional fantasies. no. because i'm here and you're there and sometimes it seems like your nothing but text" i. am. way. more. than. text.
from punkunicorn :
but really. they (including me) can say what they want and it will never take away how absolutely beautiful you are. do you understand? i'll paint it on the walls of your bedroom so you can sleep and wake to it.
from awannabeme :
no it wasn't sarcasm and it wasn't mean. it was true and how i felt. the truth can be often misconstrued for mean. i never wrote it to hurt you but to release. you thought i was attacking you when i was just trying to understand and i guess thats just the beauty of communicating online. thats all. doesn't matter really anyway.
from punkunicorn :
i certainly hope you don't hate me now.
from pocket5 :
...negative energy won't bring positive results. change is inevitable. just because something has happened in the past doesn't mean it will happen for the rest of your life. i hope things work out.
from pocket5 :
...but the awesome thing about meeting new people is that they don't expect you to be someone...because they don't know you. you can be anyone you want, even yourself!
from punkunicorn :
sometimes i feel like everyone is just doing their job by knowing me. and i don't understand when you could be doing a million other things, and it seems as though you want to be, why anyone would talk to me.
from punkunicorn :
if it was why would you think so? if i did what would it matter.
from ant1-her0 :
i like your diary. http://thefunction.net/tartfruit/a
from pocket5 :
here's to hoping you feel better...*clink*
from brokenwords- :
aww thanks so much .. i <3 yer diary.
from xmyheart :
he did. or maybe i just took his words to heart. i shouldn't have.
from withhismarys :
Nicely done. I will enjoy looking in from now on.
from kissoff :
The more time I spend with people lately.. the more alone I feel. And so I retreat and withdraw further into myself, but that doesn't help either. It's hard, I think we all struggle with feelings of isolation and alienation. I wish I knew the answer, but instead I just continue connecting with people in superficial, meaningless ways... and tell myself it's enough. I guess sometimes pockets get holes that can't be repaired
from plastic8tree :
your beauty makes me feel so humble.thanks.
from kissoff :
Amazingly honest entry. I find myself becoming the weakest version of myself, the worst version of myself in relationships sometimes. So clingy and needy... I hear my insecure fragile voice pleading " why can't you love me more". I don't recognize this girl, she scares me with her longing and desperation for more. Always more. Would anything ever be enough. jen
from redd :
xo.
from plastic8tree :
your special,take care.
from punkunicorn :
like the layout. like the idea for the collab. and i will be your disciple and whisper your words.
from pocket5 :
i really like your diary, so honest about anything and everything. i hope this writing does good for you. and i like your new layout too :)
from punkunicorn :
truth is: you're just so beautiful. and i don't know how to tell you, so i will just tattoo it on your palm and when they hurt you... you can open it and see how wonderful you are. and when they really hurt you, you can close your fingers around it, and use it to hurt them back.
from fallsxapart :
you should im me. imxoffxtoxheaven. i love your diary. xox!!!
from redd :
"you are all a lost generation," says gertrude stein. im lost. we are all lost. lost in not knowing where we are. lost in denial. in knowing. in being placed. and put. where we dont to be. [make due. thats all.] lost in time. in age. in brackets and markets. in money. in short sight. and afterwards. not trapped. but lost. it feels so fucking blind. it does. and it is. just bikini kill and i agree.
from singingcynic :
all that you've lost are the circumstances that were already making you unhappy. losing everything means that you can find something better - if you choose to look.
from redd :
<i>we</i> are a generation lost.
from plastic8tree :
Your taste is superb that you already know,why because it feels right.Stay true to yourself it helps the mind.
from kissoff :
thanks for your note. It's very cathartic to be able to have a forum for a sometimes bitter angry voice. I definitely felt the need to get it out, purge myself of all the hurt and rage that he had left delivered, unwelcome on my doorstep. I get so much out of reading femmeproject, reading words I can strongly relate to. Abusive relationships have a way of making you feel so isolated and alienated, truly alone. I guess until women feel less ashamed and stigmatized and begin talking about it... it will remain that way. Take care j
from plastic8tree :
you are tree,not plastic,take care.
from singingcynic :
a - i never got to tell you that i really like "she". you'll have to tell me about your writing process on that... this whole medication/therapist thing: my instinct is go to the therapist, but don't take medicine. your heart won't be really fixed unless you do it yourself - a good therapist will guide you, not change your philosophies. and beleive it or not, it's possible to be happy without being typical. actually, in these days, it's pretty damn atypical to be truly happy.
from punkunicorn :
i keep going back because i think deep down i like the pain.
from punkunicorn :
seriously astonished by your talent.
from punkunicorn :
my. head. hurts. from reading everything you are writing and the levels of beauty and the darkness of my soul that it touches. i have to take a break, but before i do i have to say that i admire you, like whoa.
from chicagoguy02 :
hi..this is random..but u seem like an interesting person with alot goin on in your life...unlike me..im a junky! hehe just drop me a line if u like sometimes.
from singingcynic :
i hated document based questions, too. i think that ap history is not good for sleep patterns.
from zemphera :
Ya tebya lyulbyu. Roughly translated, I love you. Keep doing that little thing you do that makes you you and everything else worthwhile.
from mazeofmirors :
Hello. I came across Femmeproject and I loved it. It's a great idea. I'm actually taking a Gender in Lit class at my high school. Right now, I have to write a paper on women in writing and I was wondering if you had any ideas I could use because I love your writing. Thank you! Megan (mazeofmirors.diaryland.com)
from singingcynic :
hey hon. try to drop me a line to let me know how you are.
from playerpiano :
The part about love your neighbour and the creepy guy at the bus stop, it's so true. Just wanted to say that.
from singingcynic :
a - try to stop. cutting is an addiction. i used to do it, too, when i was thirteen; the same kind, scratches, really, like yours, no blood - but it's unhealthy. you know it doesn't make the real pain, the kind in inside, go away. please let me know if there's anything i can do.
from xmyheart :
fear of being like everyone else in the end, even tho you've tried so hard to be something, anything else. yes, i know that fear too.
from redd :
mm.
from grey-raven :
Hmm I guess there's not a whole lot I can say here, except that you shouldn't get too mad at Alex, I mean what he did was obviously wrong, but don't let it affect you so much or the friendship will be entirely ruined forever, instead of on hiatus.
from grey-raven :
I don't think that normalcy and a level of shallowness are necessarily related, so perhaps you're eithe not afraid of being normal or you aren't really shallow after all. I'm the way I am and I had 3 solid years of softball, two years of cheerleading, and a year of soccer, so I don't know that team sports generally prevent this sort of behaviour, I do seem to have some similar behaviours to you. Being "gifted" is really just bullshit anyhow, I was supposedly musically gifted but I never saw it so it meant nothing and I'm supposedly intellectually gifted but that doesn't mean anything, sure I'm a bit brighter than some people but obviously that doesn't make anyone desire me (except andrew) so don't go placing all your wishes on being "gifted" cos it doesn't mean anything.
from vnichols :
I, too, hate it when told I need to be on meds. I'm sorry, but the way I am is a product of the events of my life, not a lack of body chemicals.
from singingcynic :
tyler didn't like existentialism either. i was in pure exstacy in french class when we finally began to understand nausea, bad faith.

he hid his head in his hands and said his brain hurt.

i think i hate him, actually.

from singingcynic :
annie – your recent entries have been absolutely fucking brilliant. what writer’s block? ‘cerulean’ was beautiful and vivid and everything i look for in writing. ‘nothing’ was raw and bleak and true. ‘dc’ was a completely right on depiction of the city i grew up in/near – i used to take art classes at the corchoren, riding the metro home and playing with the purple-marbled pigeons. And ‘vanish’: now i have no more doubts that we’re the same. i fear nothing more than being normal and average and unremarkable. even if you think my life is perfect now, normalcy still scares me. i cried in the shower and i ried looking at the horses next door and i ried in dann’s arms while he told me that i ould never be normal and I wanted to believe him but couldn’t.

’vanish’ was good.

from grey-raven :
yeah my friend tracy and i got those broken heart necklaces too, neither of us wore them. now she lives over in who knows what town in iowa and when she comes back to visit she gives me condescending, yet unrecognizing, looks. and we were best friends from 1st grade to 6th grade, tragic i guess.
from emotionalist :
i have to write myself a message because grey-raven's last one keeps enraging me everytime i check my notes...(nothing personal rachel, i just keep thinking i need to respond to it)
from grey-raven :
One more thing on the Jesus topic, wouldn't all Jesus did and taught be discounted if you didn't believe in his divinity? Because he taught that he was the Son of God and that was his fundamental purpose, so wouldn't all his teachings be invalid based on that?
from grey-raven :
Here's the thing: how can you believe more in Jesus than God, when to truly believe in Jesus you must acknowledge that he was the was the human incarnation of God?
from grey-raven :
Yeah, I'm currently trying to work out how I feel, although I'm still not comfortable sharing that with everyone. How did Meryl react to what you told her?
from pocket5 :
"teenage boys were pushing and shoving each other. they're own little war. it was horrifying."<---(your words) i know exactly what you mean. i dont get it. i like to dance at punk shows but...not like that. all that these kids are doing is releasing the anger inside. but c'mon, kids come out of it with broken noses and crippled legs. surely that isn't the goal. and about the sexism, it is primarily the males shoving each other around, but every now and then you get a girl in there. im not sexist but it honestly looks silly when a girl jumps in. i guess because they jump in guarding themselves more than hurting others. i dont understand it all, but maybe thats what it is: nonsense.
from grey-raven :
Damn I wish I could see Anti-Flag. Oh well I guess I should be content with what I have, which music scene speaking isn't much but oh well, my cousin's town has it worse. Anyway, sorry I'm getting kind of depressed reading your diary and it's all quite pathetic why. Wow Liz Phair came on and I immediately thought of you. My copy of Exile in Guyville got scratched :( So I guess I have to go buy a new (i.e. used) copy. It's good to read your writings but it just makes me feel a bit, alone I guess is the word.
from kahlua451 :
wow, this is some good stuff you've got here, and might i inquire as to why you've listed your old entries as "regrets"? i'm still learning the ropes myself, can't quite speak with the same wisdom as nonce, but i do think that some day, you may look back on those entries (if poor diaryland isn't good and dead by then), and see more to it then just a day or a year's regrets. Keep up the good work. Hope the "hopes" come true.
from kahlua451 :
wow, this is some good stuff you've got here, and might i inquire as to why you've listed your old entries as "regrets"? i'm still learning the ropes myself, can't quite speak with the same wisdom as nonce, but i do think that some day, you may look back on those entries (if poor diaryland isn't good and dead by then), and see more to it then just a day or a year's regrets. Keep up the good work. Hope the "hopes" come true.
from singingcynic :
email me: singingcynic@emote.org. i wanted to send you an email but your address isn't listed. i'd rather make this invitation privately than on your notes page...
from grey-raven :
Hey! Sorry I've been away for so long. The picture won't show up after the second cos I have it uploaded to a geocities site and they're not going to allow remote loading after the second. Anyway I read some of the entries from this week and the last. I know what you mean about something being verbalized and then getting around. My school is a breeding ground for rumours. My brother's reading the great gatsby now. Perhaps I should read it as well. You like the White Stripes? Cool! (sorry i'm sounding vacous, aren't i?) Anyway when energy is exploding in me I just shake my leg until I get tired. It seems to work. (actually the whole shaking thing is kind of impulse but it does burn off excess energy) I know people who look good under the sun's rays but the sun makes me ill and it's just not me unless it's peeking through a forest. I suppose the people who look pretty under the sun's rays are all pretty fake anyway. I spend far too much time thinking of people who never think of me as well. But I guess I've decided that's better. I'll explore that in today's entry I guess. So I suppose that's all I have to write for now. It's good to read your thoughts again. I'm sorry I missed them for so long.
from epursimuove :
we should get together when i'm back in town, eh?
from nonce :
hi there,

first off - "people also do great things impulsivly"...very very true...in fact I am more aware of this than that people do stupid things impulsively. I think the important differentiation is impluse v.s. intuition. Intuition is impulsive...but it has all this long-forgotten spiritual knowledge built into it. If you can distinguish between intuition and simple impluse...you are on the right track.

second - stop fixating on him kissing girls at parties...perhaps the fact that things aren't working the way you hoped they would is a blessing. I think fate interveens in our lives to assist us. So what happened has happened for your benefit. You just don't have the perspective to see how you are so better of. I tell you this out of experience. I've been in your shoes...worrying that I am getting the shitty end of the stick while others are laughing it up. That's just a delusion. Others are having a far shittier time that you are. Trust me. You seem like a smart cookie. Smart cookies take the road less travelled...so they learn more...but are more aware of their individuality and solitude than those who take the easy road and are dull.

So please don't beat yourself up about all this. Have faith that the impulse of the universe is directing your course...and to your enrichment...
from nonce :
Hey there,

Stumbled across your diary. I like the design of it. And you write quite well.

Which makes me pose my next question. How old are you? You don't sound like the typical teenagers that inhabit this land. But I think I saw something about debate coach...which makes me think of high school.

If only profiles could bring us up to speed enough to get a sense of a person before we start diving into their diary....eh?
from brokenwords- :
your diary is wonderful. <3
from singingcynic :
if you're going to partake, just know two things:

1. if you need to justify it to yourself, then you're probably not really okay with it.

2. it won't make losing him hurt any less.

that is your public service announcement for the day. stay strong, e. and you're not shallow.

from shereen :
i like that entry. very rambly. every one does have different perspectives. (2/20/02)
from singingcynic :
ugh. i am fully aware of the part-time friend deal - i too have been a companion of convenience. it sucks royally to have to put up with that kind of shit. just know that you're worth more than that, and eventually you'll find people who realize it.

are you sure you're not me from one year ago?

from shereen :
out of town for the weekend and came back to 4 new entries. you say things that i've said before, or things i've wanted to say before.
from redd :
i know what you mean.
from xmyheart :
nearby. i was surprised to see an entry about bethesda punks. it reminds me of local shows. here. sad really.
from xmyheart :
i never realized you lived so close to me
from singingcynic :
what strength. wish you hadn't deleted the long entry though. even if you're ashamed of it, if it's no longer you, it existed for a moment. it was truth.
from girlthepunk :
i meant to say, thanks, me too :)
from girlthepunk :
thanks
from angelblade86 :
hey i can relate to that entry. note me back
from shereen :
i can really identify with the idiot kid entry. how you can be in love with someone and still want to explore other options.
from epursimuove :
Incredible poem. Really, pursue that.
from shereen :
love the poetry...especially the grey sweatshirt
from singingcynic :
dear lord. you are an amazing poet. post more poetry! i am inarticulate now after reading that. just... wow.
from impatient :
i noticed that you listed me as a favorite. so, i came to check things out and i like what i saw. i will come back to your journal.
from grey-raven :
I know all about being stuck in the grey. This past weekend I was thinking about how easy it would be to be a complete idiot. To never want anything more, to just be content because I didn't realise there was something better going on out there. I wish I were a better communicator. I base it all on physical communication and hope that people can read body language. I've come to the conclusion that the people I know are not bright enough to. And perhaps I'm not bright enough to read theirs. Anyway I'll help you work on listening skills if you want....I seem to be halfway decent at that. I'm glad you've gotten to the point where these fears don't bother you. I wish I could.
from singingcynic :
e - sign me on for that commune. that's what i want, too; to be surrounded by creative and artistic people. it's very idealistic, this desire for a bohemian lifestyle. but it's what i think home is supposed to be. (read ann powers' "weird like us". it's fabulous.)

on taming, and being tamed: it happens to the best of us. especially the best. don't try not to see the colour of the wheatfields; let it become part of you.

from singingcynic :
e - it's starting to sound like your ex and my ex should go bowling. *sigh* email me sometime.
from shereen :
i feel like i should leave a note, just so you'll know i'm reading, but i don't want to leave something lame and irrelevant, so. i'll just end it here. you remind me a bit of myself.
from grey-raven :
i identify with liz phair too...sometimes it scares me...anyway those passions come upon me out of nowhere, yours will come too..i haven't made a mixed tape in a LONG time...i was thinking about love..what is your reason for love? Christian's love because God first loved us, and I suppose that would be the reason for certain other religions as well, but what reason does the athiest give for love? Just wondering. I agree with you whole-heartedly about perferring the internet to the phone, same reasons too.
from girlgenie :
i meant: this is good stuff. this is really good stuff. xo.bee
from girlgenie :
oh what a dream..
from singingcynic :
it's amazing how much we're alike - in our experiences, anyway. at least your getting great writing at it. i had no way of dealing when it happened to me other than consoling myself with ass. heh. unhealthy.

i'm doing a monologue from "no exit" (huis clos). i'm not sure how far in you are, but i'm performing estelle's speech where she's watching pierre and olga dance. it's fun because in the end i end up grovelling on my knees screaming "you're a man, aren't you? everyone says i've lovely hair and, afterall, a man killed himself on my account!"

i love the theater.

from screamingout :
it must be some sort of phenomenon... except i never have any idea what i'm doing either.
from screamingout :
I like making people feel special :)
from singingcynic :
i went through a really similar breakup about two years ago and i am still reconvering from it. i wanted tyler to be my best friend for so long. we are finally at the point where we are real friends and there's no more anxiety and feelings of abandonment... but certain wounds will always tingle even after they heal. keep holding on to yourself. don't get lost in memories of Him. it's hard place to get out of.
from grey-raven :
I feel lonely. That pretty much sums up my life too. I wish there was something I could say to make it all better, but I guess there's not. I'm bad at this stuff. I don't want to spout empty, meaningless, untrue cliches at you.
from grey-raven :
I'm sick of all the September 11th stuff too, I have been for some time. People need to learn to move on. I don't know who I am or who I wish I was so I guess you're one step ahead of me. Some writing is more important to the writer than the reader and sometimes it's the other way around. I get the feeling most of mine is more important to me though.
from grey-raven :
I've had girls try to take my guy friends away from me too. Hard to tell if they're paranoid or just don't like me or what's going on but it's really annoying. About writing a poem with a similar phrase: I wrote a poem that used the phrase "i've grown without you" and then later the orgy song eva came out using "i've started to grow since you've been away" Sorry that was random. I call it LOTR too, I'm such a nerd! Anyway I hope you have fun at wherever Meryl and Logan take you. I'll be at home on the couch with my cat watching music videos like the loser that I am.
from grey-raven :
I always want to like someone I can't have..there's probably some reason for that but I can't find it. Too bad you missed the weezer show-gotta love the dorky glasses!
from grey-raven :
So you hooked up with Paul's friend? What does hooked up mean to you? Made out with? or something more? (i ask because lots of people have lots of different defs.)
from grey-raven :
Well I had a kind of busy weekend so I missed two entries, but I'm reading them now. I like classic rock when with friends too-cos we all know the words and can sing along! It's so happy. Never hide your head in shame for Ed! It's the best :D OOOH and it's on tonight! That play you want to direct would be interesting to me: but it might just be you and me, though, I'm not sure. It's hard for me to tell what "average" people find interesting...mostly cos there are few average people and i avoid them. I'm going to work on slowly becoming vegan. I found the best synthetic shoes (i haven't bought leather shoes since i've been vegaterian, but i have this pair of sneakers i wear all the time-that i've had since 6th grade-and they're leather) I don't care for eggs right now, so i try to avoid eating them. And yeah...
from grey-raven :
i'm glad you're realising which things are important to care about and which aren't..now if only i could do that.
from grey-raven :
I've been at that numb point before. It's almost as bad as the depression. It's becoming harder and harder for me to remember or determine what I feel. Is that kind of what you're going through?
from grey-raven :
That self-portrait sounds cool. Come to think of it, of all the artwork I've done, I've never done a self-portrait. Freddy sounds sweet :) I actually use my real journal a lot more than online ones, but whatever works. For a few weeks there I was like "I'm going to be straightedge" but then I decided against it. I mean I don't smoke, never would, but drugs and yeah, it's just complicated. It's cool that you found someone to run Food not Bombs with you, hopefully you can take your differing opinions and make them work.
from pleasureable :
Parties are highly over-rated. Drinking sucks. You're so much smarter than you might know. Seriously. Rockin', girl. Keep it up. PS...love the user name (:
from grey-raven :
Whoa I didn't know we could join rings on here. Now I'm going to go ring-happy! Don't worry, I am actually interested in your past. Indulge all you want! I'm sorry but I can't remember how old you are, are you old enough to have a license if you want?
from grey-raven :
LOL @ your description of your cousin. My cousin's a bit of a trend whore too. I think it's a good quality, being able to become invisible to people. I used to have it, and I guess I kind of still do. You know I think I used to have that kind of like spitting song in my mp3s, but after the computer crashed I don't think I downloaded it again. I should do that! Thanks for the reminder!
from grey-raven :
Hey Annie, it's Rachel. I got a name here, now I really ought to force myself to write in the diary. Anyway I hope you can find a way to get to that show. It sounds cool.

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