DiaryLand members area

petrichor is one of my favorite words. i hope you find something that makes things feel worthwhile. or something...whatever it is you need, i hope you get that.

from vincent64 :

thanks for confirming tourist is not your alter ego

from jeia :

hah, yes, i did stop updating pre-myspace. there's little makes me feel older than myspace's promise of eternal youth. i'm glad to be back here, safe with strangers. yes, the years have been good. even on my sad days, i know that i am healthier and more whole than i've been in the past few years (or possibly, ever). i feel like i am in a mode of constant, slow contemplation now, which could mean that i'm growing up. but who knows. i'm glad the years have been good to you as well. what is the best thing, what is the worst?

from wetbluepaint :

well..1. the first entry i read was about how you finally had sex again. I found it amusing. 2. you seem to be not too much older than me, your in college right? 3. I usually read girls' diaries, so i thought it would be interesting to read a guys. By the way, its cool that you're vegan. I was vegetarian for a year after watching the PETA dvd, but my parent were tired of making me an extra veg mean every night. so i gave in. now my parents buy free range eggs/turkeys

from dinosaurorgy :

Oooo. Neat diary layout you have here. (I think that the only thing that bugs me is the white text entry-title.. it's hard to see with a yellow background behind it.)

from camera-girl :

Thx for the kind comment :-) Now I have to update regularly, so you at least have one person on your buddy list that updates... ;-) Have a great weekend. New pictures will hopefully come later tonight.

from camera-girl :

No, i'm not sure of the name of the insect. It lives down by the river... well, many insects do, so that doesn't help alot. They're very pretty. Love the color!

from missym :

what a V-day experience. Glad you are feeling better.

from agoatnamedaz :

I forget what it felt like, but it smelled like burnt toast.

from firestarfae :

sweetie, regrets do not have to be. i myself, do not believe in them. i believe in learning from mistakes, making amends, and moving on. holding on to things does nothing but slow you down. learn from it and simply let it go. i know, easier said than done, but totally worth it in the long run. you know i'm here for you if you want to talk.

from agoatnamedaz :

Thanks for the note. You're interesting. I'm fascinated by how well you describe your thoughts. You seem like someone that I'd get along with well in person. Hope you're feeling better, too.

from firestarfae :

You know I'm here for you if you need an ear to listen or shoulder to lean on. You can email me anytime...

from firestarfae :

that's the worst part of apartment living... you can hear everything. i remember being able to hear the guy upstairs actually going to the bathroom, every sound of it! yuck! hope everything is going well with you. miss you.

from cherrykissme :

Isn't life beautiful? I don't care how plain it may seem, life is just beautiful.

from cherrykissme :

You might be everything to one person.

from firestarfae :

being no one is great! it means that you don't have to put up with all the meaningless socially acceptable bullshit. we're so lucky. seriously, i'm not even being sarcastic.

from firestarfae :

my fingers and toes, even, are crossed for you!

from firestarfae :

financial institutions suck, i should know, i worked for one for almost seven years. good luck on the hunt - personally, i like credit unions: mountain america & america first are two good ones...

from apexsensatin :

You were the first person I thought of when I heard this (and I'm not sure if you've heard this yet), but Bettie Serveert is playing at The Velvet Room on February 19th to promote the U.S. release of Attagirl on the first. Tickets are just $10. I just figured I'd let you know, since I know you're a big fan.

from z-kidd :

++++HAPPY NEW YEAR++++ I love you! Heart, Z (Yes, I did copy and paste this to different people, but the love is still there!)

from firestarfae :

you saw the unicycler, again? i'm so jealous!!! i haven't been "blessed" enough to see him through my own eyes for quite some time, luckily, i can somewhat see him through yours. �

from firestarfae :

oh - petrichor has a girly fiend! how cute! rc and i are the kind of couple that induce vomiting in others, too. YAY for you! good luck & keep in touch.

from firestarfae :

ahh, the infamous unicycler. how i miss him. where are you moving to? will you still be in slc? good luck with that... glad you weren't disgusted, i was a bit graphic.

from firestarfae :

sadly, yes. i do miss the boredom... somewhat. i still have stints of boredom. like now. i've done all i can do for this week. luckily, i have a headache and don't care to do anything right now �

from mornglory :

amen petri dish

from punkiekid :

no, i didn't write that blurb in my diary. it's from a bright eyes song, "kathy with a k's song." it's one of my favorite songs, ever. sorry it took me so long to respond to your note.. i rarely come on diaryland anymore.

from mornglory :

you're damned interesting

from agoatnamedaz :

I like the poem made entirely of spam. That's too clever. Thanks for adding me to your profile.

from firestarfae :

thanks. i appreciate your empathy. i wish there was a permanent way to rid myself of it all. don't get me wrong, pain pills do okay for pain and recreational purposes; but sometimes, they're not enough.

from betchy :

its so true that there is a thin line between love and hate. its so fine that its almost as if they are the same thing. thank you for your note x

from gypsymaiden :

Good point on the whole research bit. There is most defintly alot of crap "political" information out there. As far as the paronoid thing, I think the fact that Kerry and Bush are cousings makes me more paronoid than anything else I've read. Hmmm.

from blindessence :

Ya, I agree. Self-injury just isn't cool. And I couldn't believe that I once was one. But I was also really young when it started and it's over now. But when it comes to the cutting (which I never did, thank God) I just don't get it. It doesn't solve anything. If anything, it makes it worse.

from apexsensatin :

I think it's cool that you decided to post the Miss Ohio lyrics. It was one of those spur of the moment things that I did, because hearing the state of Ohio mentioned always reminds me of the song. Plus, a few of the lyrics actually sound a bit like the election.

from apexsensatin :

I heard once that vinyl was superior to CD's because vinyl gives off a warm sound, which I can see after listening to the same recording on each. My record player isn't the greatest and I'm still not experienced enough with vinyl to tell much of the difference, but a huge record cover compared to a tiny CD cover is kind of cool.

from finalscore :

haha now it's my turn: did you write that poem? i really, really liked it. a wonderful title.

from firestarfae :

i'm not a ghost! i'm a princess! �

from firestarfae :

i sometimes wander back to various roots from my life... i always wonder what they're up to, who they are now... i realize how different i am now from when they knew me - they'd probably be afraid of me �

from z-kidd :

I'm sure Saber is in Kitty Heaven where the pools are always filled with fish, and sky is always filled with birds. My kitty died of feline leukemia. It was sad. But then I thought of all the nice things she's get in Kitty Heaven, and I felt better. Maybe the two will becomes friends there. Heart, Z

from finalscore :

aww, i'm so, so sorry to hear about saber. i'm glad he meant so much to you, though. and at first, when you said you couldn't cry, i thought of that movie out now -- "garden state" -- because he couldn't either, and wanted to. i am glad you were able to. it's okay to not be the strong one all the time.

from firestarfae :

you spoke to the unicycler??? wow! i'm in awe! seriously cool! i miss living in the avenues, but i wouldn't trade my house for anything. � i've been working so much that when i'm not, i'm too lazy to turn the computer on... hehe. i'm doing well, considering the medical fiasco. how are you?

from z-kidd :

It was strange. It never affected me like that before. I've tried letting go, but I figure now it's impossible. Ever since I met this person, it's like they've sucked me into them. They took a little piece of me. I can't stop thinking of them, no matter what I do, unless I'm dating someone else. It's a problem. Heart, Z

from finalscore :

why thank you! thank you very much. yes, it's mine. :] did you get all the references? because if so, then /you/ are the kick ass one. [but of course, if not, you still are, and you will always write very well]

from circusmask :

*big circus-y bearhug* I've been watching from a distance, not wanting to say anything...i worry about you sometimes. You hang in there, and if there's anything i can do for you, please tell me.

from apexsensatin :

Best of luck. If I can think of a way to help, I'll let you know.

from finalscore :

i really hope you find her, and i'm sorry that so many people you know have taken their lives. and i don't think an online relationship is pathetic, especially when it's sincere. but, good luck to you on your search!

from apexsensatin :

If you're talking about the S. Temple/downtown Dee's, I know what you mean about disliking it. It's the one I went to (perhaps for the first time) with rockstar crush's bandmate. I liked the 4th South or even the 7th east locations, despite their being one just a mile from my house. As far as bad association goes? My homecoming date and I went to Village Inn, and she ordered a bowl of *fruit.* Not to be cheap, but a four dollar bowl of fruit that contains an apple a pear an orange and a banana (all full, not peeled or cut) is a bit much. A buck a fruit. At least give me a mango or a pineapple or something "exotic."

from apexsensatin :

You hate Dee's? I *love* Dee's! In fact, I almost went to one last night/this morning and did go last Saturday. It's our restaurant of choice, but they're closing left and right, so soon I'll have to go elsewhere to get my cheese fry fix.

from finalscore :

thanks for the guestbook entry, and it made me smile too. maybe the rest of reality ended when you switched the button? also -- that was a very well written entry / editorial on why banning same-sex marriages isn't constitutional. i especially loved the quote from the german christian, i've heard it before but never knew who said it. nice work, though. maybe i'll refer people to that entry now! :]

from circusmask :

Petrichor--i emailed this to you, but i'm not sure i had the right address. Just wanted to say that i'm really glad you're back in school. Also, i finished Perdido Street Station this weekend (FINALLY), and i have to say that you remind me of Yagharek, hounded by shame and guilt. The difference is that you are not guilty of choice theft, you are exercising choice. Your crime is no crime. You deserve to fly.

from firestarfae :

*sigh* the unicycler. i miss the avenues. it almost became an obsession of mine. wow, and you talked to him. i'm impressed. not surprised about the bow tie though, that's exactly what i would picture a unicycler to wear. i'm quite jealous. next time, tell him 'hi' from me. - i'll have to try out the dream interpreter... i'll let you know what it says.

from b0b0 :

I'm sorry, I left that note prior to seeing that you had taken them all. Thank you Thank you. There thats three. I enjoyed your answeres and I do like the number three! Bye-

from b0b0 :

Thank you for takeing my survey!

from finalscore :

thank you for the favourite. i appreciate that.

from keep-digging :

good question. not sure why i don't like being called shy, the word just conjours up all kinds of pictures in my mind which i can't explain, but they're not how i see myself. maybe i am shy, i dunno, but it's not something i wanna be known as

from leaf :

i heard a rumour that signs are made by jail prisoners so maybe they did it to entertain themselves & to damn the man

from circusmask :

Maybe they feel betrayed, but perhaps they shouldn't. You are who you are, whether or not you are the person they think you are. Perhaps you have never been that person, or have been him only in part. Horizons change, they expand, they begin to encompass more. You are only who you would always turn out to be.

from dinahchicken :

i did a stupid thing at work...in fact they just called to tell me to come and pick up my last weeks pay... what i did was, when a friend came up to me at my register, he asked if i could give him a discount, and not really think, i did it...BIG mistake...casue i guess he told someone, and that person told my manager...that's what i did...but, they couldn't press charges on me, becasue i paid them back...so, they arrested me, took me to the station, booked me, let me sit in a jail cell for 3 or 4 hours, and then let me go...but, it was my fault, and i take full responsibility...

from dinahchicken :

oh, thanks for your input... well, i ended up having one of my really really close, and hott friends got up to him, and tell him "stay away from my chick...if i hear that you ever come close to her, or even talk to her, I swear you will regret it, and I do know everything tha happens...she doesn't even need to tell me" and I guess it worked, he wouldn't even look my way earlier, and I am pretty sure that he'll stay away from me...except that he came up to me and asked me why I didn't tell him that I had a boyfriend...I just replied, "Don't talk to me" heehee but thanks

from dinahchicken :

Hey, thanks for your opinion, and I did, tell him that he's annoying, and that I wasn't interested, but that didn't really work, but it's okay, casue I told him that if he kept harassing me that I would have to speak with one of the managers, I hope that finally go to him, but he did say that all the managers love him, and they wouldn't do anything. After he said that, I told him, that I might have to take to someone higher in the chain... But, anyways, thanks, and how did you get interested into my diary, was it from a friend, or did you just stumble on to it. -Dinah's Chicken

from circusmask :

"I have a phobia that my strong years brainwise peaked and died in waste from depression. I feel inept. No doubt someone out there will write to the effects that I am actually very smart, intelligent, and insightful or some such thing, but see, I know how I feel and I know how my brain feels, and it doesn't feel top-notch, smooth, and fluid anymore." Thing is, depression is a master of disguise. No matter how smooth or fluid or top-notch you think you once felt, the residual effects of depression will make you feel you can never attain that pinnacle again. But the truth is, you will surpass it, because you are no longer clouded--and perhaps depression has fooled your hindsight into believing that things were far better than they actually were. Anyhow, you will surpass your past achievements because you are stronger now than you have ever been (whether you feel it or not).

from rainyday43 :

Thanks for the tips, I've been lazy with fixing the html. >.^ I think I've fixed it.

from jeia :

it's good to hear you sound so alive.

from fayzle :

Hello petrichor I think you missunderstood me when i was talking about drinking and going wild. Everyone reaches a stage at some point in their life when they go wild and those who have been caged up for longer will go more wild. I have added your diary to my favourites. E-mail me one day.

from firestarfae :

wow! i had no idea it was going to be such an ordeal to send me a coloring book. � but, it makes for a good story... thank you, i really appreciate the coloring book. it is the most interesting one i've seen yet and am very excited to see what contraptions i create. maybe i'll even share them with you...

from worldempress :

Thanks. I agree. In fact, I was being fairly sarcastic with all that, "I'm not too old" stuff. On the other hand, there is this prideful side of me that wants to be published young, as if that will prove my genius.

from semirhage :

thanks for your words. you made me smile. i hope all is well in your land. it almost seems you have turned into a stronger person than you thought you were two years ago.

from jeia :

I just read a note that you apparently dropped in my diary some time ago, and it was encouraging to know that you were still checking up on me with my infrequent updates. I want you to know that I've been writing again, and it is...different, and - as far as I can tell at this moment - I am doing well. I hope and pray (if that's alright) that you're working your way towards whole as well. I wonder sometimes what you see in yourself, behind your beautiful stories of earth and sky. Peace.

from semirhage :

You hit that one right on the head. Were I a religious fanatic, I would be waving my hands over my head shouting "Amen, Brother!" It's nice to know there is *some* sanity in the U.S. today.

from firestarfae :

i empathize. that is one thing we've known we have in common. but, there are ways to deal with it, and there are ways to deal with it. my experience happened much younger, and i, an eyewitness to the act. there is not a set way, you can only find your own way to deal with it, understand it... and there is no therapist in the world that can tell you that. they always seem to want to solve problems, get to the root of it all. but what the fuck do they know? have they ever lost someone close to them in this manner? probably not. fuck them. i had to accept it, wholeheartedly. first by drowning in it, then by piecing it together, i had to make sense of it to truly understand. only then was i able to move on... but never fully. that drab day in december will always linger in the side of my mind... you have my email, i'll be sending you an invite. take care my friend.

from worldempress :

I could kiss you.

from firestarfae :

woohoo!!! i'm not crazy! someone else has witnessed the infamous unicycler. i believe that seeing this unicycler is an important part of your cultural heritage. kind of like partaking of key lime pie. ah, the wedding, not far now, just shy of a month. i'd like to invite you, only your image of me as a slim, beautiful, incredibly witty, sexy beast would be crushed... lol... email your address to me, i'll send you an invite and you can decide whether or not to show up. [email protected]

from apexsensatin :

I notice you added Bettie Serveert as one of your favorites. I've been reading a lot about them lately and almost picked up the most recent album based on reviews alone. If I were to download some songs, what would be some good songs to start with? Also, I love Queen. My first favorite band. I must have a good 90% of the songs memorized and I haven't even listened to them much in the last few years.

from evsdr :

Heya Pet, nice to hear from you again!

from worldempress :

Oh it's all right. I wasn't pointing fingers or anything -- only like two people on my buddy list update every day. And one of them is me. Although, I so love your earlier entries when everything was flowing. Sometimes I wonder what you've been up to in the last however long.

from firestarfae :

oh wait! i must add three more things. 1: i was hoping to hear from you. 2: that was supposed to be a frowny face after tomorrow on the previous note. 3: you are an exceptional writer. okay, i'm done... for now.

from firestarfae :

milk, eh? thanks for the tip, i'll try it. as for the other symptoms, the doc gave me some good drugs... i'm already feeling somewhat better; meaning i'll have to go back to work tomorrow :( except i have an internal interview regarding a management position. cross your fingers for me...

from circusmask :

Hey! I received your email. I thought about writing back via email but decided this might be a little more certain (in terms of you being able to receive it). Anyway, take your time. I'm looking forward to reading what you have to say, but i don't mind waiting (it's worth the wait).

from diarytag :

You are currently it but have yet to post your response to your tag. Please post your response by Friday, the 4th. If your response is not posted by then, we will remove you from the members list. Thanks!

from diarytag :

Hey, you still playing? Let us know please.

from apexsensatin :

On the Feb. 19th entry: I'm glad I'm not the first person to notice this. An email or at least knowledge of how long one has before the diary is gone would be good. I've lost three diaries I read, with two more on the chopping block. I've notified the people, but learning from my mistakes, I'm checking the "three month +" diaries for things I want to save for my sake and perhaps the owners.

from diarytag :

TAG! If a fifth face were to be chiseled into Mount Rushmore, which president would you choose and why?

from firestarfae :

have i ever wondered if i've crossed paths with a fellow SLC diarylander? well, as a matter of fact, i have. i often entertain the idea that you are the lone unicycler... mysterious, solitary, yet somehow familiar. sometimes even, while entering a local business, i think there may be someone there that i know in the online world, but not necessarily in the real world... it's strange really... *shrug* and you?

from idiot-milk :

Easy, killer. I might suggest that the very nature of distrust is far from absolute. In that when one distrusts, one isn't certain about the thing which one distrusts. They have an idea that something is unworthy, but they aren't certain. For example, if I say I don't trust a person; I don't know for certain that a person will betray me. It's mostly a feeling I have. Perhaps based on past experiences with that person. But there is no certainty when it comes to that person betraying me in the future. I would also argue that joy is somewhat uncertain. In both cause and duration. So a joyous distrust does in fact strike me as something far from absolute. If it's that you feel his statement is an absolute in and of itself, well, that's something else again. And perhaps it is. Though I'd point out that he didn't necessarily specify that joyous distrust wasn't an absolute. It's a sign of health. At the very least an indication that someone is on the right track. It isn't saying that the person is fully healthy. So it's possible that even though they have joyous distrust, they might still be subject to pathology. Eh. Nietzsche is far beter equipped for such discussions. Would that you could simply discuss these things with him. Hell, just about anyone other than myself is far more capable of such discussions. So I could be entirely full of shit. Probably am, as I think about it. So it goes.

from idiot-milk :

You're going to have to take that one up with Nietzsche, my friend.

from circusmask :

I couldn't bring myself to watch the State of the Union. You're far braver than i! On the subject of race: you've hit it dead-on. Maybe forms should ask about ethnic ancestry instead. Then everyone would see how silly it is. Sadly, though, i think many places use the "race" category to justify giving certain forms of aid to specific people. Don't get me wrong; i'm all for creating a level playing ground--but i'd rather it be done by masking things like race and sex--thereby bringing people together--instead of parading race and sex around and making a big deal out of our differences. I wish we had a country where merit was truly that, and not based on some identifying characteristic...

from jeia :

I think I am going to start listing myself as European-American... do you think that will hurt my employment options?

from laundrygirl :

from firestarfae :

more like quasi-reality. they just want us to think it seems like reality. when in all actually, it's a joke. something mind-numbing to entertain the masses.

from firestarfae :

i did want you to respond. mainly because i'm the type of person who entertains others perspectives in order to deal with events like this. suicide has been a part of my life, since i was 5, and it never gets easier to see.

from firestarfae :

yeah, photographing the unicycler would be great... but knowing when he'd fly by is the hard part. it's always late at night though. did you read my entry about new years?

from katburd11 :

hey dude i LOVE It's a wonderful life. mosdef.

from firestarfae :

you crack me up! seriously. ah yes, the fog. my friend. i love it, everyone bitches and moans about how terrible it is, but i, i love it. i love driving in it! i feel like i'm in a video game... yes, very surreal indeed.

from ravenheart :

No I will not change and I am here only for my own amusement really. I like to write and that's it. I just thought I wanted to write some short entries as well, but I will also continue will long entries. No change. I am not a person that change so easily. Thanks for your words.

from welles :

Hey. There are a ton of reasons why I have decided to leave my medication behind. I can't really be more specific than I just want to.

from kittenpurrr :

the oxygen content of water decreases with an increase in temperature.... to get a gas to mix with a liquid best, it needs to be cold and under pressure..... ^ .^ and to think... i went to public school...... and learned something!.... wait... i think i learned that on the discovery channel...... oh well....... for some reason your diary always makes me think of the sounds you hear when you lie with your head on someone's chest and listen to their heartbeat and the sound of the breath in their lungs..... Kittenpurrr

from sunnymarie :

your guestbook wouldn't let me leave another note so soon, sorry. i just figured out what you were talking about that's all. so, thanks. erin

from underthegrey :

i'm glad that nothing was wrong, that's what it was. i'm losing it, i am i am. be okay, you.

from banana3159 :

Yes I was quoting Belle and Sebastian. They are one of my favorite bands.

from bellhead :

hello what's the truth-dare thing you wrote about?

from welles :

I'm sorry, I thought I answered your question. It's important to me to find out where people are coming from. It's important to me to read about why people are the way they are. I like reading geography, too. It's important to read about leaders of history. Buddha was a leader in history. I find inspiration from all peoples, LDS or not. I find religion fascinating. I know a lot about my own, I'd like to know a lot about others.

from welles :

Hello! In response to your question, I think that reading up on what people believe in is absolutely fascinating. I think it's important to know history about a certain people, including world history and also religious history. Me wanting to read about other religions has nothing to do with finding truths in the religion, it has to do with just reading about what other people believe in.

from squirrelx :

Thank you for your thoughtful note! And just for the record ... diabolical plans are impossible to implement with a banner campaign. That's because by right clicking on any banner, you can always find out where it leads without actually having to visit that site. Best, Xtine / Squirrel X <-- the evil bastardette

from sunnymarie :

to me something worth writing about is anything that i want to remember, think more about later, or that i am thinking about or going through at that moment. what do you feel is worth writing about? 8)

from ravenheart :

I agree with that saying, it's well said.

from firestarfae :

you're so awe inspiring to me. i don't know what it is about you. but when you write entries like this one... i sigh and feel tingley in my finger tips.

from pianosa :

hey petrichor.. fixed up the sire a bit, linked back to yours, finally. Just thought I'd let you know..

from mrbelvedere :

no particular reason. the idea occured to me, and it seemed funny.

from jeia :

Thanks for the note. I think I'm doing better, despite being fatally introspective. I'm trying to walk gently with the friendship I almost lost, and not force my way back into feeling loved - more because I can't than because I'm noble. I'm meeting other people. I'm trying to do what's right. And no matter what, I kissed him because I wanted to, and I did want to be his first kiss and him mine, whether either of us deserved it or not. Whether that's right or no, it's the truth, and that will suffice for today.

from fantastickis :

You asked if/how Shunryu Suzuki has effected my life. He has made me think. He has made me simplify. I don't do it all the time. Sometimes it's nice just to be silly, and stupid, and crazy and all the things that people think are undesirable or unattractive. It makes you laugh when you think about them later and that is one of the greatest feelings/experiences. Just laughter. Sometimes, it makes you cry. Crying and laughter are so great because they are spontaneous. They just happen. That's how Shunryu Suzuki has effected me. I allow my life to just happen.

from lovelyleo :

I don't think there is anything wrong with the word analytical. I'll change it for you though. I just find you to be very thourough in your writing. How about intelligent, thoughtful, an excellent writer? Thanks for being supportive. It seems as though you truly care about those whose diary's you read. I have read the notes you left to others and myself, at least on my behalf, they are very much appriciated.

from mandyrach :

I know, I am horrible! Things have been absolutely crazy the last couple of months. I am working full time and going to school full time, plus the wedding plans...excuses excuses! I will start writing more, I promise! :)

from lovelyleo :

Yeah, I know I wasn't completly discriptive in the said entry you expressed consern about. I do understand what this all means to me, and thats the important thing. Since you asked, my mind has been very foggy since I have been depressed. I am starting to feel better finally. Slowly but surly some of that clarity is begining to come back to me. In the meantime, I am irresponisble in the fact that I can not concentrate long enough on anything to get my needed tasks accomplished. I don't have the self esteem required to fully embrace the fact that I am more important than anyone else. Nor do I have enough self efficacy to know that I can get through this. I spend a great deal of my time thinking about this new guy that I am dating. At this point in time I am trying to find time to meditate and to find myself in this mess. The moments that I spend with myself tend to be priceless. They are wonderfull in that it helps me to clue in to myself better. The problem at hand is that I don't spend enough time focussing on me. I focus on my bad qualities, or I focus on what others perceptions are of me. The majority of my waking moments are spent dwelling on food, when my next drink will be, bills, ect... So right now that is all I am offering to myself. I know it is not an ideal place to be in. But it is a very difficult place to escape from. At this time I am very irresponsible. I know what I need to do to get over this hump, but it takes time. I know I need to engage myself in new activities that will allow me to put my focus on more positve things. I know I need to find some new friends who I have more in common with. People who will have a positive influence on me. At this time I am in the begining of escaping from a comfort zone. So, you are right, I am being hard on myself. These things are fixable. But at that point in time, that is the way I felt about my life. It will change. I know. But only time will heal me completely.

from circusmask :

Hey...thanks, petrichor. Your note means a lot to me. c

from airporteyes :

Job hunting is ridiculous. That's why I've stayed at the same blood sucking hell hole for the past 2 years. And, I lack the skill to be good at anything. (Sorry, I never check my notes or I would've found your diary much sooner. I'm so suprised someone reads me outside of 2 people that I know personally....)

from rose524 :

I really hope you go one day. If you ever do you'll have to tell me about your experience.

from firestarfae :

i'm having a bad day, yet somehow reading your words have invoked deep thought and cheered me up considerably. me? i am a dancer, music speaks to me more clearly than human words. i dance and listen intently. i let the music move me. words only fog my thinking and make me feel worse. but dancing, dancing is therapeutic. thank you.

from lovelyleo :

Hmmm, what wouldn't I like to change about myself? I pretty much want to change everything. Having an eating disorder, drinking too much, being shy, not open to talking to others, getting too wrapped up in men too easily, learning how to pay bills on time, I am simply not responsible at all. Not in any way shape or form. I do enough to get by, and enough so that most people don't notice, but I hate that it seems like I will never get anything the way I want it.

from sillers :

Thank you for leaving that note in my diary. Made me take a good look at my attitude. Again... Thank You.

from luciesgarden :

"it didn't sit too well with him. it might be the third time he's been brought to tears. or maybe the fourth. i don't mean to upset him sometimes, but that's just how i am" -- what exactly does 'that's just how I am' suppose to mean? i don't know anymore. i think i knew at the time, but as my mind is ever changing, at this point in time, i have no idea. i could speculate a little, but that could get messy...

from duskwalker :

Hey you! I have poured some more of my miserable soul into my diary if you are interested in reading it! :)

from lovelyleo :

I notice people when I go places too. There is a bagel shop downtown where I live. I go there on average once or twice a month. There is allways this guy. Maybe a few years older than me. He's allways there. He sits in the same place and he steals coffee from there. When he walks into the shop he sets up camp. Places his backpack on a chair, opens it up. He allways has his can of tobaco with wich he rolls smokes. Basically he must spend the day there smoking, drinking coffee and reading. He goes in, and then he comes out shortly afterward. EVERY time I go to this place, he is allways there. I find it intriging. (Sorry can't spell). That is very interesting to observe someone who is just like you. There is a girl in one of my classes who I feel the same about. She is like me in many ways. (From what I can tell from afar she is.)

from evsdr :

I loved your 'everyday' entry. Beautiful.

from lovelyleo :

HI PETRICHOR. JUST SO YOU KNOW I HAVE ADDED YOU TO MY FAVORITES LIST! I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT ITS FUNNY. I TOOK AN ANDROGENY QUIZ AND IT TURNS OUT THAT I AM MORE MALE THAN FEMALE. HAHAHA! I AM DEFINITLY FEMININE, BUT I CAN RELATE TO MALES BETTER THAN MOST OTHER FEMALES. THAT MUST MEAN WE ARE THE EXACT OPPOSITE. YOUR NOT ALONE!

from firestarfae :

let's all go insane! yay!!! it's a shame you ran out of detergent. i think i've run out of logical thought. *shrug* go figure.

from kettobase :

You want oblivion? You wouldn't be happy to be reborn and have another life, one where your method of thinking would be completely different? hn. Glad someone else is baffled by the focus on celebrities, too. Globalisation, i just won't bring up... unification can be good, but WTO hardly cares what's good for human fate. (er, that most likely qualifies as bringing it up)

from rose524 :

you should go to the drum circles some time. they are every sunday at about 4-7. its so fun

from rose524 :

do you ever go to the drum circles at liberty park

from firestarfae :

i must say, your entry on the 14th is lovely. absolutely lovely. and, i really enjoy reading your journal, and when i miss a few days, i have to catch up. i like to think we're alike in a lot of <dark> ways. i would consider you a 'friend' of sorts. p.s. i love the rain too �

from sweet-cynic :

i dunno, hun. shes hard to get a hold of lately..

from rose524 :

im on my way to utah for a higher education. Im going to the university of utah. I used to live in utah when i was younger so its kinda like returning home for me

from firestarfae :

petrichor, you are the coolest person i've ever <not> met. we are seriously more alike than you think. sincerely, firestar

from rose524 :

I was just reading your diary and I think you are very interesting

from lucipurr :

So what about these other four diaries. You could list them, and ask people to visit and give feedback on them. But maybe not, if you showed people links to your other 'trains of thought' they might view you as a multiple personality sort? I imagine there could be a place to write for every mood - nothing wrong with it. Its probably healthy.

from liqiudfiend :

thank you

from nanaz :

hi, my friend talked to me about how you stumbled upon my diary...there's no problem in you reading it...i password protected it b/c i didn't want 2 certain people reading it...so, i'll add a user name and password for you...i'll email it to your email address on your journal site...

from jeia :

May I say that I enjoyed your 101 details immensely... Maybe it's not "knowing" you, but what details you notice says a lot.

from grouchgurl :

I've started stretching my ears, I'm starting to get into piercings and all that. My tongue ring is an 8 gage right now (fairly large, most are a 14 or 12--the larger the number the smaller the hole is). My ears were pierced at a 20 gage and I just stretched them to a 14 gage, still fairly small, but all the bigger that was safe to do at one time. How did you find my diary? I didnt think anyone really read it. I'm Kris by the way. Well, catch ya later.

from maryellen :

I didn't necessarily mean "stooping" exactly . . .but they don't always look like they're three feet shorter than the regular-sized folk. ;)

from vitality :

thank you very much for the note that you left behind. i will take your advice. p.s. i like elizabeth wurtzel too. <3

from lovelyleo :

Trying to archive my diary entries. I went to the area where you do the archiving, but then you have to post the html code to somewhere so that the archive shows up on your diary, and I don't know how to do that.

from firestarfae :

i completely understand. i'm having trouble writing about anything lately. i'm in dire need some mental stimulation. maybe an art gallery or deep conversation is lacking in the formula of life right now... hmm.

from kittenpurrr :

ellO... about the exchanging one moron fer another... i do realize that my method is not the most umm.. tackful?.. i am aware that it could cause irreparable damage n all that, but i did tell him once that i did not want anything to do with him once, and he continued to call, so i was mean about it... it's time for a last resort... as far as a new moron, fetish parties were made for breif encounters and i doubt a few kisses from a stranger are going to do much other thas boost some guy's self esteem a little... but the hole situation is fairly hypothetical since i'm prolly not going anyways... by the way... just outta curiousity, what brought you to readin the ramblings of my diary anyways?... i am amazed and flattered anyone, other than the couple of friends that i've mentioned it to, would read it...

from circusmask :

i haven't forgotten you. you haven't offended me. i'm just really really really slow with responding to people. i'm sorry. i really wasn't trying to send you away or anything like that. and had you offended me, i would have told you. i don't send much in the way of email these days; i spend a lot more time on diaryland than i do actually composing and sending emails to people--it isn't that i don't want to talk to anyone; it's just that i'm short on time. i check your diary every so often to see how you're doing...i think of you often. i was quite intrigued by one of the notes you left me recently (the 'sex change' one) and honestly intended to respond to you. the thing is, i'm writing my master's thesis, working as a TA, and working at the restaurant on weekends, so it's hard to devote as much time to responding to people as i'd like (and i hate giving half-assed responses). i'd be angry with me too if i were you...i definitely understand. and i'll understand if you think that this apology isn't what you had hoped for, but it's all i have to offer. please know that i *don't* want you to leave me alone. i take in everything that you write to me, and i think pretty long and hard about them....if i don't reply it's because i can't give you the time you deserve (and you're not the only one!). c

from firestarfae :

AIM=aol instant messenger. if not, i do have ICQ, but don't access it much. my # is 157615965...

from firestarfae :

i luv you just the way you are. even if i don't know you. however, i do know all about having a dark side. and not the star wars kind. catch me online sometime... AIM - firestarfaerie3

from jeia :

Please... keep being uncool. =)

from firestarfae :

no worries about griping. i'm nauseated by the whole thing too. except, i've never been so happy in all my life. it's scary really. i'm half expecting something to turn bad. oh well, take it day by day & we shall see. �

from flashpowder :

Oi! Unsure how long ago you dropped me a note (I don't really check up that often). I guess I'll now rumage through your diary to find what you quoted :) Anyway, no... I am not in Sweden! Drop me a line or something...

from jeia :

Ah-ah-ah... you've been writing in your other journal, haven't you? Well, at least, I hope, you're writing somewhere. God peace.

from missym :

just thinking about you ;)

from firestarfae :

yeah, ex's suck ass.

from xfallenx :

I would like to know the food for thought. I like to get the notes from you and I don't think you are attacking me.

from simply-red :

Hi! So the interview went well? (I just read your latest entry.) Great! So what happens next? I'm still waiting for my agency to call me back. I'm going to be using my typing program at home to improve my typing speed, so that I can go back and be *really* fast. When I did the test, I only had 48 words per minute. Ack. Joe got a job! Or, at least he is going to be tested for a job. Hopefully, tonight I'll get a chance to update my diary. Take care.

from firestarfae :

i didn't misunderstand. but thanks for clarifying. yeah, and i know all about emotional baggage. i think, for the most part, that i've checked it at the door or onto some flight to an exotic, far off land. it took awhile, and i'm doing well. the thing i'm working on now is jealousy. i used to be a raging volcano of jealousy. probably because every guy i dated cheated on me, including my ex-husband. only, i feel that i've come quite a long way there also. like i've said before, i'm a work in progress. neverending. �

from firestarfae :

stop the leak. get out, have a good time, meet people, get drunk, get laid. something. life is short. have fun with it.

from sullivan40 :

Song #2 by Blur does rule. I'm also a sucker for Tender. You can watch those videos on launch.yahoo.com.

from stuckinsleep :

Thank you for liking my writing.A fellow utahn I believe? <3stuck in sleep

from apexsensatin :

It's funny you ask again...this past weekend, I expected and came prepared for this huge argument about why I had the site and why it was hidden from them. I never actually gave them my address, but that of a friend, who linked to me on the day I did. Who knows if they visited either. It wasn't brought up. At all. Or alluded to, or hinted at or any of that fun stuff. But Guppy is away from computers for the summer, and Brandon would likely never confront me with it, or would forget the web address. Thank goodness it'll be forgotten about for most of the summer.

from simply-red :

Your therapist... sounds definitely off. Therapists are supposed to be supportive. Sure, they should encourage you to do what you strive for, but... Well, all I can say is, that I understand about not looking too hard for work. Those of us with anxieties find it difficult to do so. Thanks for wishing me luck. Take care.

from firestarfae :

my dear sweet pet... will you ever come out of your shell? life should be fun and filled with other crazies to bask in it. i love my alone moments too... only, it's much more fun to fuck with those you love and adore (in a nasty, yet playful way). it's really all about having a good time and doing all the things you've ever dreamed of. dreams can become reality, if you will it. *sigh* but if being alone is your happy place, so be it. just remember me once in a while... �

from socio-eco :

In response to the note you left on my notes(sorry it's so long): Actually, this is a subject I happen to talk about quite often with 3 or 4 of my close friends (who happen to be LDS) and the 'clique-ish' and 'holier-than-thou' comments also came from them. I don't disagree with the fact that non-LDS are exactly the same, all of us are people, are we not? All of us fall prey to certain human behaviours.... It's just that, as a Utahn, it's more prevalently shown in regards to the relations of LDS and non-LDS. I have noticed my own descrimination and have thus set about changing that, because it's not something I want to perpetuate. It's easy, though, to bitch about LDS descrimination as it is the most dominant in the descrimination I've faced living in this state, therefore I used that. It's just as bad to say non-LDS are smug and snobbish, when in fact, people are smug and snobbish, not LDS and non-LDS, painting lines. My feelings on this issue are ever changing, because I continually learn more about myself and the people around me, which changes my perceptions, but my surface feelings at the time because of some serious talking with this LDS girl who decided to preach to me came off as that and I won't really edit it because it was what I was feeling at the time. We're different, LDS and non-LDS, but the same, and these issues are undoubtly always the same in states/regions where one religion is amazingly congregated. LDS could be substituted for Methodist or Baptist, or any other religion, label, etc and still have the same meaning. Instead of LDS, I could easily say Goth, Athiest.. Athiests are clique-ish and have that holier-than-thou blah blah blah, you see what I mean? As I've said, though, in Utah LDS vs non-LDS is the major thing, thus it is used. LDS aren't shining white saints and neither are non-LDS and they both perpetuate it. But theres hope, I think, as long as people are willing to talk, communicate, be friends despite and because of differences... Utah just has a bit more work than most places, I think.

from socio-eco :

from mandyrach :

Halloween is my favorite too. I do have to agree with you that it is nice to break out of everyone's idea of who I am. I didn't ever think of it that way. You make perfect sense. Thanks for the belated birthday. It was the best one yet!

from lovelyleo :

I feel as though the joy in my life has been lost too. It's gone. I try to search deep down and I find nothing. Pure nothing. Things I once loved like going to the gym and going out with friends are no longer of importance to me. All I do now, is sit and think quietly to myself about what could be and why my life is so messed up right now. I can no longer bring myself to do anything. I start jobs, only to quit them months later, I make friendships only to withdraw from those people. I feel trapped. Why are you not wanting to write here anymore? I enjoy hearing your words even, though I just found out about your diary.

from firestarfae :

well, it would be sad to see you go... i'd miss you. *shrug* for what it's worth. as for celebrities, i honestly agree. some girl scarlet works with brought it up because she's lusting over some singer. i never understood any of that either. they're just pretend people, in a pretend world, pretending to be gods' gift to the beautiful and untalented. after they die, they'll rot & stink, just like the rest of us.

from firestarfae :

last entries suck. when i feel like this, i think i just need human contact. someone i can talk to about anything, someone i can connect with on a completely different level than the rest. then again, just being alone works too... sometimes.

from firestarfae :

yeah, so the love entry was my ever-so-emo moment for the month. glad you could partake and enjoy. also, half of belief is about wanting and wishing it so. people want to believe in something, anything. that's how they convince themselves that it is so. did that make sense? it did until i typed it...

from firestarfae :

you read my mind... although, i believe one can have/do/be anything they want. it's mind over matter. if that's what you want, have it! it's yours.

from firestarfae :

thank you for the compliment about the poem. it describes me in many ways. sorry you don't enjoy my layout as much as i do. pretend it's not really there. and for the dolls, i absolutely adore them.

from heidat2nd :

Just wanted to let you know that I wrote another entry...since you were so interested in more! :) Have a good one...

from tuxedo :

a girl's shirt and plaid pants? hot.

from jeia :

Strangely, I think it was one of your entries that set me off thinking about that one... and then some things happened that changed it into something else. I guess that is part of the excitement of writing, though... and I'm glad you liked it. Have peace. P.S. Thanks for checking up on me. =)

from rhondarubard :

Yes, conversations like that really suck. Robbie and I made up though, thank goodness. He's one of my best friends in this city and I don't know what I'd do without him. Thanks for visiting!

from meganlala :

i have no problem with that. but i'm just not getting the "plead the second" reference. i'm australian. we don't have a second.

from evsdr :

I was surprised to find your guestbook comment this morning.I haven't been around much,and I definitely didn't mean to hurt you by it,but I'm sure you'll understand that sometimes it's difficult to participate in other people's lives.My hiatus from reading diaries is most certainly not personal pet,and I hope you can understand that.I didn't like the tone of your comment at all by the way.If you have something personal to say to me,do it in a private email next time. Take Care Take Care Take Care

from almostreally :

Hey, thanks for the shout-out. Sure, singing about the heart is cliched, but sometimes "my heart is broken" just says it all--if it's heartfelt. I think you'll agree the musical world could do without placentas entirely, though.

from evanescing :

Is someone a Get Up Kids fan? :) You have pleurisy as a CONDITION? Like permanently?

from jeia :

Thank you for your words, petrichor. Perhaps the best thing about these diaries is that it makes one less afraid to push their weaknesses out into the light. I cannot promise to always wax philosophical, unfortunately - even honesty does not permit that, for me. The hardest thing for most of my poetic thoughts to work through is my tendency to be relatively upbeat. =) Have a lovely day - and thank you again.

from atypicalgirl :

thanks for the stuff on the therepist- I'm really not sure what the deal is since I'm a minor. Honestly, that's going to be the first thing I ask, because if they tell my parents everything, there's really going to be no point in me going because I won't tell them what I ought to. Or something. Anyway, find your energy again! Kind of a pointless request, but I hope you do well.

from rubysoho15 :

thanks for the note...happy birthday...disneyworld was fun...dont be jealous though, im sure youve been many places i havent

from secretblardy :

Happy Birthday~

from redbix :

hi, quite surprised to have received your note. reaon to have an online journal is to open my innermost secrets to many unknowns out there. I need not be afraid to speak what my heart tells me to. thanks for your little note, it really lifted me up...

from moow :

No perfect people would be difficult perhaps if we were not all perfect... but then again.. how would one define perfect??

from circusmask :

Sometimes the greatest movement comes in sitting still. Sometimes the reason to live is simply to be. And sometimes it's just nice to find a kindred spirit. Thanks.

from thisismisery :

oooo ok. That's an excerpt from a song. Fear of Dying by Jack Off Jill.

from moow :

That was part of the development of my point, holding back does nothing more for us than not holding back.. though there is still some credit in checking some actions that are obviously hurtful... We could never perfect the process, utopia is an absurdity and it would require perfect people...

from thisismisery :

And what poem may that be?

from moow :

Why should we hurt people? It is not what is intended for us, I prefer not to do it.

from petitemm :

hey! cool diary...yes i have been to paris before- i technically live there (i mean my family does) but right now im living in mass because im going to boarding school. its such a great city...i cant wait to be back for vacation.

from staryclarity :

thanx much for the note...having an opinion from someone who doesn't know me at all is freaken refreshing and yeah...thanx...

from diarytag :

TAG, you're it.

from boycrazy86 :

monkey bread is like cinnamon rolls. their lil biscuits covered w/ brown sugar. it tastes pretty good

from secretblardy :

By the way, this would explain my non-existent desire to have kids (although there are other reasons as well)... I don't ever want to be the mother who is causing the issues!

from secretblardy :

Yes, I used to have a link up to my webpage, but took it down because like you, I am constantly unsatisfied with things, webpage and diary included. I went through all my entries a while ago and deleted a few. I still have up my first ones though, it's just strange to read them because I started this diary thing much as a sort of joke, hence the ridiculous title ('secretblardy'- don't ask). I figured it was just an easier way to keep a diary since the whole pen and paper thing takes too long, and typing goes much faster for me. And of course, like most other DL'ers I had the quixotic ideal of somehow having my existence validated, or having my worth validated, by having people actually want to read my words. It's a thing that everyone has in the back of their head, but doesn't want to admit. But like I've told you, I'm always aware of my motives and am honest about them. It's just one of those silly daydreaming romantic notions. I'm quite aware that my worth is something that is going to have to be determined by me and me alone, and through that I'm trying to work to break my own impulses to edit my diary and edit my thoughts as well... which is why my diary has evolved quite a bit into a real internal exploration of my feelings. I try not to get into the "today I did this. Today I ate this" sort of stuff, because,frankly, when I read that in other people's diaries it just bores the shit out of me. If that's what they want to write about, of course, it's completely their right. They should do whatever they want to do because the diary is THEIRS to use for whatever end they wish. But I'm much more interested in reading about people's feelings, dark and bitter, light and happy....all inclusive. Lately mine have turned towards the darker...but maybe that'll change. I look for in other people's diaries what I see in my own... a struggle to understand and learn and cope with expectations and the consequent disappointment of those expectations. Do you ever watch The Sopranos? I love that show. Talk about mother issues. I don't have HBO, so I bought the 1st and 2nd seasons on videotape and have been watching those. A completely random topic, but his mother on that show just cracks me up. I'm 'shocking'? What does that mean? :-\ An emoticon. How unoriginal. That's all now. So long until again.

from tuxedo :

i hope that your limbs do not atrophy. <3

from veganxkitten :

was the note you left me intended to be nice? i can't figure out if you are mocking me or if you can tell i'm fed up w/all the bullshit people give out... (2-22-02)

from atypicalgirl :

Regarding your frequent guestbook entries on my diary- I really don't mind at all, although sometimes your responses are frustrating to me it's is more often than not stuff I need to/want to hear. Sort of the seeing things from both sides stuff that you spoke of. I'm actually really glad that my life/diary arouses so much emotions in you or anyone for that matter. I'm not exactly sure why, but that makes me feel good. Somehow significant, if you know what I mean. I appreciate, also, your concern- for me and for the people in my life and your dedication to the mental well-being of all. Also, not to lower Crystal's opinions on the grand-high scale of opinions but it's just intreguing to me to see how your opinions constantly clash. I guess I sound kind of removed, but I guess my primary point is something along the lines of I'm glad you're there and I'm glad you speak your mind and that I can evoke such emotions and opinions in you. And, yes, in case you haven't noticed by this note, I ramble too (which could also be why I have some 438 entries and 5 seperate diaries online and a paper diary).

from atypicalgirl :

what you said about Tod & I and considering consequences and whatnot... that's most of my current dilemma and basically the majority of the points of my most recent, or at least Tod-related entries.

from tuxedo :

i lost the manual for my sewing machine, and i need it because it keeps breaking. come live with me. we'll eat candy canes and read tiny child books.

from tuxedo :

i bore MYSELF. earlier, there were two voice messages on my cell phone, and now they're gone. i'm disappointed.

from tuxedo :

when it gets cold, ants come in my room. and it's not like there are visbile holes for them to just come waltzing through. these are, like, SUPER ANTS. when i see them i feel as if they're in my clothes. one time, i had to take my pants off and look because the feeling that an ant was crawling up my leg was unnerving.

from tuxedo :

i'll make you a cake someday.

from writ13 :

I don't understand either. I could cut a knife throught the tension in my head. That might be fun.

from faithnomore :

listen, about your last entry...there's truly no explanation for it. no one really knows why they want to live, they just do. I think its a subconscious choice they make at some point. it also has to do with your personality. I'm naturally optimistic because I feel like if someone gave me life, I should make something of it but that doesn't mean I know what I'm doing. *hugs* we all question our lives at some point. I know I have.

from tuxedo :

i normally don't enjoy the company of others. but, like, MEH. but the only time i went to a concert, I THINK I ALMOST DIED! or something. there was a moshy thing with strong sweaty boys and i had to cling to two of my friends at once because apparently i am incapable of defending myself. OH, FEAR. this note is SILLY. i want to say illegible, but that's not what i mean. i mean un-understandable. but i am so sleepy that i imagine it is similar to drunken-ness and my vocabulary has been pared down almost to YES and NO. really, this is the end now. sorry, mate. MATE.

from tuxedo :

i lurve you & your bike.

from tuxedo :

the mirror is where my middle finger gets the most action.

from tuxedo :

everything but tv.

from writ13 :

I hate waiting too...but your diary is funkalicious.

from tuxedo :

(<3!)

from tuxedo :

SHE SAILED AWAY ON A SUNNY SUMMER DAY ON THE BACK OF A CROCODILE

from torchy :

Hi again. Yes, I loved the "tea kettle" metaphor. Sounds a lot like my Mom, when she gets going full "steam." That's what we used to do, back when I lived at home. Particularly when I was in high school. My older brother was known to punch walls. That's all past now, since all we have to do to end a fight is hang up on each other. And now, my Mom probably feels guilty about all that... one of the reasons why she pays for my therapy. (I can't convince her otherwise. That it *really* isn't her fault.) One of the others being... she loves me. Ah well. Hope the "tempest" in your house bubbles over and calms down soon, Petrichor. Take care.

from torchy :

Hi there again. Thanks for saying such nice things about my diary. I really need to write on a more consistent basis, though. I think. Anyway, yours is always interesting to read, too. I especially like to read the "strange" stuff, and also the cute stuff, about your cats. As for being lucky... heh. Believe me, sometimes it really seems to balance out. And trust me, you will have good luck too. It has to happen to everyone sometime. That's what I think, anyway.

from un-pop-ular :

Hey. you left me a note and i just wanted to say thanks for caring. if i do feel like i need to talk to someone, i will contact you. thanks again, Mandee AIM-bondagedollie

from aurora55 :

No, actually Chris would have told me within a couple days anyway and he's not an ass. So there goes your theory. Good try though.

from aurora55 :

I fixed my page. I hope your happy now.

from fremenchild :

When I click on view source, absolutely nothing happens. It used to work, but it hasnt for about the past 6 months. I usually try to view source when I want to know how a person did something on thier site, but it just doesnt work anymore. Any suggestions?

from fremenchild :

Thanks for your help with the links, I should have known it was just some stupid percentage signs... thats how you link to everything in diaryland. Do you know anything about why the view source wont work?

from kubi :

Why be a drifter? I just don't get it... Most folks will do pretty much anything not having to face that life style. It is one of the very hardest ways of going about life I figure. Just finding food and shelter each day is HARD work. (as you don't have a fridge, or anywhere to cook your food, it all gets more expansive and so on..) So, why a drifter, is this some sort of a romantic idea from a film, or..?

from evsdr :

Pet,I won't comment on your last entry,we've been through it at lenght already,and you know what I think. You are not her,and death is not sleep,or let's be blunt,suicide is not painless. It inflicts a horrific pain of all the people that are left behind.

from torchy :

Sorry, I thought I had already left a note for you, but that was the old one. Hmmm. As for allergies and cats being worth it... oh yes. They are so cute and furry and unpredictable. Oh, sorry about the IC entry, I should probably put a warning up at the top. Thanks for the heads up. As for who the diary belongs to, me or my online persona... Well, it's really both. My online persona is all me, just not with quite as many problems. Oh, and the persona tends to be funnier, sometimes. As for Ian thinking the writing is bad... I don't think he believes the writing is bad, it's all the time spent reading other people's diaries. All the entries I've written is good, but also to him it means that I'm more involved in this internet diary community. But that's okay, I explained it to him, and if he doesn't like it, too bad. ;-) I can't really see him keeping an online diary, but it would be interesting if he did. Thanks for the notes. Keep rockin'.

from torchy :

Hi Petrichor. Thanks for signing my guestbook. I hope to write about my anxiety problems soon, it's just that it's difficult for me. It doesn't really fit into my online "persona". Actually, I did talk about another problem, my IC problem, in one entry, which is.... Well, it isn't for people who get grossed out easily. Hmmm... um, anyway, yes... I wanted to say, cats are the coolest creatures on the planet, I love them. There are two in my apartment right now... sadly, I have allergies. So, it's the injections for me. Hopefully in December. I think this note has gone on too long. Love your diary, man.

from kubi :

What sort of a "friend" is it to have, who want you to call only if you are going to kill yourself? I don't get it. Humans are crazy at times. Why would you ever call that person up, no matter what? Some people like to make others smaller.

from kubi :

I got to your diary by a friend's link, you have signed her guestbook. I am a curiuos person. I live in the country where we statistically have this wonderful standard of living - and yet - also most suicides. Why are we, in the western world so lonely? Why are we so scared of those in need? It's such a catch22 as you said, when we are most needy, we do not get anything. People turn away (or so we feel they do) from us when we need the most, and come back when we feel great or at least fine. What I've noticed with myself (I've tried to kill myself a couple of times - never much of a succes, as with most of my life in fact)is that they ARE actually there for me when I need them, but I dare not reach out when things are so dark. What do I fear? I don't know. I have learned how to find them - the ones that will be there for me, and that I can be there for too, and still it is hard. Suicide seem like such an easy way out, but hell, it is hard. You will not know...things. And we shall all die in the end, so maybe you can wait a bit longer still?

from evsdr :

I am a woman on a mission:I will clog your notes section if I have to use my entire stash of words for it/ I just saw your note regarding my story,and it made me so happy.It really means so much,isn't that strange?it's not?ah..wellp.no,I guess it isn't.

from evsdr :

What a scary scary thought.. What about people who think they are average? Does that mean they're below average??

from evsdr :

Thanks for making an effort to clarify:) But of course,that's not what I meant.The bubble you live in,your childhood..these are the secrets.And I do understand about that particular paranoia,of being violated ,of someone taking advantage of your exposure,especially as far as writing goes,but it is liberating to try to defy it.

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