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I know you are in pain...its VERY scarey to me to be so close to this situation... i almost KNOW that i will be where you are (albeit a bit dif) - there WILL be some point where he will have to make a choice and i already know the answer. This is what i fight constantly... the desire to protect myself from the inevitable... what you are feeling right now. Man... wish i could be there to help ya through it. PLEASE email me anytime you need to talk!!! *hugs*

from liar-by-rote :

your sweet. i'll be back.

from krugerpak007 :

I haven't known what to say to you. I think I can only imagine what you are feeling. I wish there was something I could do. I am thinking of you. Kathy

from iwanttotell :

Oh, my, my, my! Honey, I'm glad you're back. I was blown away when I read yesterday's entry. I wish the best for you, Love, but I'm not quite sure exactly what that would be. Take care. Hugs

from adulterous-k :

Awful. SO sad. So sorry. xx

from second-love :

Yes... im sure there is some love there. I would wonder about him if there wasnt!!! But whatever happens with this... i KNOW that you will be stronger for it!!! You will come out the other side of this knowing yourself better... knowing you CAN survive anything!!! The only way we are able to love and appreciate the good things in life is to go through the CRAP!!! I've had more then my share of that and i AM a stronger person - you will be too! Xperi-mental is not even CLOSE to bein dead... she ROCKS! XXXX00000

from second-love :

You ARE strong and you WILL be better for all this. BUT i think this will NOT be the end of this. He obviously feels torn over the kids - that is VERY admirable. Too many men just ditch children for their own needs and wants... you KNOW its not about HER! This will take some time to sort out... we are ALL here for you! And lets not worry about that pregnancy thing till you know for SURE. You have been through so much, your body could just be wacked out right now. I am here along with Kath if you need to talk *HUGE hugs*

from krugerpak007 :

No, I am not with you. Not Abe-right? If you need to talk, please know I am here. E-mail me and we can IM if you want. xoxo K

from second-love :

OMG!!! WHAT!!!!! NO!!!! He's just bein manipulated by HER!!! Im here for you... email me if you need me or we can talk on the IM too. Don't worry - this will work out.

from second-love :

Im hopin you mean you mean Vince... right?

from krugerpak007 :

Feel better! xoxo

from bare-my-soul :

feel better! love rose

from adulterous-k :

Thanks for the warning - but phobics are compulsives too. I have to know how bad! Hope you're better soon, know you're being cared for better now. xx

from second-love :

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hope you are feelin better sweetie... thats TOUGH! *hugs*

from xwisseassxwf :

Thank you for the notes but I did read enough of his (xwiseasx) diary enteries to KNOW that he did deifinatly do the Indian girl and some girl in the navy they nick named the BJ Queen..that i'd really like to know more about (we've been together for 15 years , so even if he talked about girls he "had" or did in the past it probably was while he was with me .But now my eyes are open .....

from second-love :

Hang in there with those happy pills... it WILL get better!

from krugerpak007 :

Yes, just persevere with those pills. Mine make me feel even worse when I skip them so just persevere and hopefully you will feel like a new person! xoxo

from iwanttotell :

Have a good weekend. Hugs

from avalonte :

Hope you're feeling better soon lovely. My pills sometimes make me feel queasy too, so I agree with Elle's theory. And food poisoning is usually a lot more viscious! Take care. xx

from second-love :

Thanks so much for the birthday wish... everyone has been SO sweet!!!! Im gonna update the diary later about my day... but thanks again! *hugs*

from iwanttotell :

Abe's wife sounds like my ex-husband. It was a long time before he gave up, offering to pay my rent if I would just live nearer, with my son. I knew it was a way to keep me in his life and he had hopes of worming his way back in. Tell Abe not to fall for that-the hard part-leaving, is done. Why go backward?

from second-love :

Oh and i DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO love Juddhole... VERY funny - laughed outloud!

from second-love :

Thanks so much for your note. I would like to chat sometime on the IM or over the email. I havent been in a very good place this week. But im hoping for better this next week! Your encouragement means alot and i KNOW you have been there! *hugs*

from second-love :

Ooooooh DO be careful!!! You REALLY dont want to complicate things right now by adding a baby!! It wouldn't be fair to ANY of you. Plus you want to be able to completely enjoy Abe once you get out from under your spouses!!! Im also having 'birth control' issues rynow... been off for 5 years since John got a vasectomy - but i've been SO hormonal WITHOUT anything. Now im thinkin bout goin BACK to something hahahahahhaha. We are just the opposite! *grin*

from mineirinha :

Ah - I got your message in my old diary - I now have a new diary - this one here. I thought I told you too, but looks like I didnt - OOPS! Anyways, I should be on your list thingy coz I added you as soon as I made my new buddies list. Hope your date goes well :)

from xwisseassxwf :

Thanks for the note!I know he loves me but it's hard to think those things he wrote where just for fun and he never really did anyof them .What to belive ?Hmmm?!Trust was never an issue for us now it definatly is.

from krugerpak007 :

Also thanks for pointing out the site problem. I didn't see anything wrong though. Maybe I am missing something? xoxox Kathy

from krugerpak007 :

I am so proud of you and the scissors. As they say, baby steps, just baby steps. xoxo Kathy

from avalonte :

Well done sweetie. Yeah, sure you COULD use other scissors, but you've made a big sympbolic move. You should feel really proud!

from iwanttotell :

Good going! You made a conscious choice and have decided you've grown beyond that. That's not a small thing. As for the divorce, I'm not sure where you are, but in Maryland, you can go to Legal Aid and get a divorce for just the court fees, but it also depends on the particulars, like if there's community property, children, etc. Good Luck Hugs

from second-love :

Thanks... i just updated and elaborated on my suck day. I wish we lived close together too -i think we would get along GREAT!!! And as long as i could put something stronger IN that tea, i would be doin fine hahahahahaha *grin*

from second-love :

PLEASE!!!! Lets change the topic!!!!!

from iwanttotell :

On that morbid topic...I always felt that way too-have a backup plan, but glass? I don't think I could do that one. Unfortunately, I know I lack the courage to take my own life, as I once had an actual plan-for the Stroke of Midnight, 2000. Couldn't do it.

from second-love :

Thanks... hey - do you have any idea where Kevin is???? Sorta startin to worry bout him.

from krugerpak007 :

yes, I agree with second-love. Otherwise can't Abe speak to her. She has no right in contacting you.Take care. xoxo Kathy

from second-love :

OMG... she is a piece of WORK!!! REALLY devious! Just ignore her and listen to Abe... he WILL speak the truth to you... *hugs*

from poplord :

she speaks the truth. but...this is a good start. *wink* and every word is absolutely true.

from second-love :

Man... the pain IS hard... the lonliness, the missing him. And its like drug really - when i HAVE him, i think it will be enough, but it NEVER is! I only want MORE and MORE. Yesterday was by far the MOST we have ever experienced together - and i just dont know WHERE it can from here.

from second-love :

hahahahah you are doin GREAT!!! Keep it goin girlfriend! *hugs*

from second-love :

OMG THERE you are!! I've been wonderin! Hope all is well *hugs*

from twinker-bell :

i have missed so much already and still have 3 weeks left in spain, will i ever catch up? i miss reading your updates, but i �may� have met someone, wink wink!

from krugerpak007 :

I missed you! I was wondering where you were. I hope you are ok...*hugs* xoxo Kathy

from poplord :

i'm liking the masturbation thing myself...*wink* but only if i can watch!!! lol

from second-love :

hmmmmmmmm margarita and a funny hat on a beach somewhere???

from krugerpak007 :

OMG. She is not all there, I am thinking to myself. ????? xoxox Kathy

from second-love :

ahhhhh to have your man right next to you ALL night... sounds like absolute heaven to me....

from second-love :

AMEN sista!!!!

from poplord :

step back and i'll have to kick yer ass! *grin* you stay right where you are! don't worry...i love YOU!

from bethany9 :

holy moly, what a saga!

from avalonte :

What the fuck is that woman on??!! She admits to being a little strange!!! Wow, mad understatement there love!!!

from second-love :

Yeah i read her first email!!! Thats why it is sooooooooo wacky!!! I dont GET her. I think she is just really really desperate. And you might be right... BIPOLAR!!!! Man... i'd stay MILES away from her!!!

from second-love :

OMG!!!!! WHAT???? Is she NUTS???? I dont get it? She writes THAT after the first email??? She is trying to mess you up... to doubt Abe's love for you. I am just amazed!

from iwanttotell :

Well done! And...As much as it might hurt, I agree that you need to step back and let him sort out his feelings. The eventuality will be the same whether it happens now or later. I know this sounds very 70's, but it works-my ex-husband gave me a plaque in the early stages of our relationship that said something like "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was". Corny, yes, but it applies. Isn't it ironic that he was the one who gave it to me, and he was the one who cheated?

from krugerpak007 :

I think you handled that damn well.xoxo Kathy

from avalonte :

I think you did the right thing in replying. She needs to know you're not intimidated by her. And there were things you said that simply needed saying. If nothing else, your email served as an official warning to stay away. That way, if you do need to go to the police to get a restraining order you can honestly say you warned her.

from irishdream :

This is going to seem like such a young-hearted, simple minded mentality, but it's what I believe in - you cannot stop love. It grows where it will. Help it to flourish or try your damnedest to pull it out by the roots, but whichever way you go, it will still be there. ~Jesse

from adulterous-k :

Things have to be said eh? I admire your restraint!

from second-love :

Ahhhhhhhhhh to have YOUR problems *grin*... what i wouldn't DO for a bit of soreness rynow!!! hahahahahaha

from krugerpak007 :

I am not trying to stand up for Vince at all, but I dont think he is not contacting you because he doesnt love you. No not at all. He is probably devastated that you don't want to be married to him anymore and probably finds it too hard be in touch with you now..Dont you think? Anyway honey, I am sorry to hear about that deposit, and about your mood ring. You definately need to try and relax... Where is Abe? Ask him to give you a nice massage later, hey? That should help you feel better. Anyway, thinking of you, feel good! Kathy

from second-love :

I think Vince DID love you. He's just hurt right now and feeling rejected. Guys don't deal well with rejection... dont let it get you down. Life is full of cycles and change and this is just one of those *hugs*

from second-love :

I love John... i really do... and i love my family. Plus, leaving John would change nothing for me. If Sam were alone, it would be dif... but he's not and never will be. For me, its learning how to live with my dual life - to somehow find a way to rationalize my behavior so i can deal with it. Its either that, or giving up Sam altogether. And that, i'm afraid feels worse then discovery or death right now... God help me. Thanks for being there. It means SOOOOOOOOO much! *hugs*

from poplord :

*grin* yeah...it was a good night!

from krugerpak007 :

You are beautiful!

from avalonte :

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!! I can't believe I forgot your birthday!! I even wrote down the date so I wouldn't forget!! I'm really sorry! Anyway, I'm glad everyone else remembered! And I'm so happy you had such a lovely time!! xx

from krugerpak007 :

:-) Glad you had a good time. That Abe is something..

from adulterous-k :

And from me too. The next year's going to be better than your last! xx

from basebalbabe7 :

Happy Birthday! I've been catchin up on your life, by reading all the old entrys, and I have to say, your diary has me hooked... Hope your birthday is great... Love, Kelli PS. did you get my email???

from second-love :

Happy birthday to you.... happy birthday to you... happy birthday dear X.... happy birthday to YOU!!! hahahahahahah that was singing - aint i great??? *grin*... hope your BIRTHDAY is awesome!

from krugerpak007 :

Happy happy Birthday. Have a wonderful day. I hope you get spoilt and enjoy this birthday with Abe! xoxox Kathy

from poplord :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! i love you, bwontch!

from twinker-bell :

congrat's on the cherry bomb, i'll miss you too and i don't know if i'll ever catch up! i need this though, and i can't wait to get out of here!

from krugerpak007 :

Hope you guys have a good week! xoxox Kathy

from krugerpak007 :

A new car!!? Awsome... I am so happy that you are happy! Kathy

from second-love :

LOVE the sound of that CAR!!! MAN... CHERRY red??!!! AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Almost as good as my Harley........ NOT!!! hahahahaha *wink*

from irishdream :

Take that car for a drive girl - drive until the smile is branded on your face. XOXO~Jesse

from twinker-bell :

well I can't update but you seem to be able to, seems like things are going well, weird how when you think or want your parents the least sometimes you need them the most and it's the best..atleast for me :-) happy almost birthday by the way...hehe

from adulterous-k :

Thanks Dre! How do you manage to keep the quality of your writing so high when you're stressed? I really find it hard to capture when I'm down.

from ssteedman :

I relate to all of this... I feel like a right peeping tom reading all of your entries, but a lot of what you write is happening in my life. Two woman, monogamy - you know the deal.... Ah well...

from avalonte :

Thank you soooooo much!! that meant so much to me. You're such a sweetheart!!! And how lovely and thoughtful of you to share your dad with your friend today!! *hugs* xx

from second-love :

hahahahha i AM naughty... aren't i?? But can you BELIEVE his resolve!!!????? Its absolutely unmovable!!!! The main has strength and fortitude like you wouldn't believe!!! Dont we wish ALL men were like that! So my only entertainment is workin him TO THE HILT! *grin*

from thecailleach :

Thank you. You and Abe are the exception, and reading your diary has been so enlightening and has really helped.

from krugerpak007 :

One more week! You can do it! :-) Take care honey! Love Kathy

from second-love :

Thanks. You are SO right. And already i deal with the lonliness all weekend, every weekend and even in the evenings! AND Kathy is going to be on vacation the first 2 weeks of JULY!!!!! So i think i will REALLY get a dose of lonliness then although he think she may go visit her mother for a few days... we are hoping so! Thanks for the advice, i really do take it to heart. I just wish there was some way for all of this to be easy, but clearly there is NO easy solution to this type of relationship. I knew that going in... now i will pay the price. Have a GREAT weekend you two... *hugs*

from second-love :

Already took that one off awhile ago... no prob!

from adulterous-k :

Done - good idea

from irishdream :

The most beautiful thing I have read in a long time was your rain entry. You capture my thoughts exactly - there is nothing in this world better than a huge storm and love to go with you. You are so much luckier than you may think. ~Jesse

from iwanttotell :

That was beautiful.

from second-love :

ahhhh i love your word pictures... this entry made me feel good. im just gonna live vicariously through you two for while... if thats ok *smile*

from krugerpak007 :

I hope you guys have a wonderful weekend too... G-d knows you deserve it. Kathy

from second-love :

To NOT be the mistress... well im NOT really, am I??? hahahahah Sam would say "no" *grin*. I cant even imagine being able to just live my life with him... not just a dream for me... and utter and complete improbable fantasy...*sigh* but i AM so happy for YOU!

from second-love :

I TOO am glad you gave it to em... that was AWESOME!!!! And as far as your note... OH MY GOD i cant even DEAL with the thought of Kathy OR John finding out! DOES it have to be inevitable???? Kev and JO have been goin strong with no getting caught!!!?? THAT part is the hardest for me cuz really that would devastate Sam and i WOULD Lose him for good then im afraid

from adulterous-k :

Wow! You gave it to them! I read the same in your other diary - if Vince reads there, doesn't he make the link to here? Good on you pet. You did right!

from krugerpak007 :

Hey honey, I am so sorry things went crappy in the carpark. What the hell has the sister got to do with anything? I am so happy you have darling Abe there for you, as well as a supportive family. I told you, I am sure things will be rough, but after the rough there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang in there-we are all here for you...Kathy

from poplord :

hi sweety! love ya! fyi - for anyone who's been wondering where i'm at...i haven't been able to post a new entry in days. it really sucks ass man! i updated my profile though, if anyone gives a rats ass about that. anyway, things really are great with x and myself. i've never been happier, even with all this stress. until next time...

from iwanttotell :

I'm sorry things went so poorly with the confrontation in the parking lot. These things tend to stay with us for a long time. However, you have Abe now, and he sounds like exactly what you need. It's truly wonderful that he's so supportive and loving. Your description of how he says "how ya doin?" was so vivid that it gave me goosebumps! Hugs

from krugerpak007 :

I have to agree with Kevin. You sound so much calmer and happier.It is such a pleasure to read your diary and see how things are looking up. xoxo Kathy

from stelanotte :

I'm glad things are working out! XOXO Cheri

from adulterous-k :

Hey there - I just caught up. Despite what you're facing today this all sounds so much better than aweek back - there's a wistful calmness about our writing which I guess comes from being cared for and loved for who you are. True - there are bad times ahead, especially I guess when Vince finds out the truth about Abe (so glad you didn't break that one a month ago!) - but you sound like you're up to them. Grieving the end of a relationship is healthy, even one that didn't live up to what you hoped for it. xx

from second-love :

WOW!!! Sounds like you had a GREAAAAAAAAAAT time *wink*. I am so jealous!!! Ahhhhhh to not be the mistress anymore!!!! How fab!

from second-love :

Thank you... you are right. I was completely irrational yesterday.. which we have a right to, huh???!!!! I forget that this mess im in isnt regular everyday life... its hidden, its secret. And its not fair to him. He has come SO FAR out of his box just in the last 2 months! I mean, compared to the stuff he said to me 9 months ago... he is leaps and bounds better. Thanks for the reminder! And i will be thinking about you as this starts with Vince. Take all the support you can get, and if your parents want to drive, LET THEM DRIVE! Have ALL the support you can get! We are all here for you too! And WHERE the heck is Kevin??? Doesn't he realize we are desperately LOST without him!!! hahahahaaha *hugs*

from krugerpak007 :

Where does he get off to say he wants the car?? Especially when you have been paying it off. I guess the next few weeks are going to be hard. Its probably inevitable. You are saying goodbye to a big part of your life. But on the other hand, its a new beginning, a change. Just know that we will all be here to lend an ear and to be with you during the rough times. Take care honey! xoxox Kathy

from bethany9 :

man! i havent been reading anyone much lately, but i just caught up with you. what a saga! you are such a strong person!

from second-love :

He has no power over you... you have to do whatever is best for you! If you want the good car, keep the good car! And im with ya on the mood thing.... MAN......things WILL get better, im sure!

from second-love :

hahahah i have a BUNCH of those shirts from Target... i especially like the one that says "your lips are moving, but all i hear is blah blah blah" hahahahah AND "Whatever, yeah, uh-huh, sure, right whatever" or "a little drama never hurt anybody!" Another favorite!!!hahahahahahahhaahahahahahahahahahha *smile*

from rarify :

Sounds like you're finally starting to make it work huh? :) I loved that story about the Abe Effect. I've never trusted horoscopes and this doesn't help my conviction!

from avalonte :

Ooooh!!! I want that shirt!!!!!

from twinker-bell :

I think the rotting is you not wanting to give up on marriage but it's unhealthy and it's scarred you, it's hard to move on but you will be healthier and hopefully the scar of vince will someday fade...

from avalonte :

Hey, nothing wrong with being sn old cat lady, thank you very much!! I don't knock your lifestyle, so don't knock mine!!! LOL! That's my my life's ambition you're criticising!! ;) xx

from krugerpak007 :

You are too nice to ever ever end up alone :-)) Take care sweety. (I am only going to be nice to you since you mentioned that mafia thing..)xoxo Kathy

from stelanotte :

Isn't it amazing that one can loathe sex from one man and then crave it from another! I've been in your shoes before. Good luck with you show :) xoxo

from krugerpak007 :

I think there will still definately be a lot more pain, but also a lot more hapiness for you in this whole process. I am sorry to hear that Abe's family is giving him a hard time.It's already all hard enough without people giving each of you a worse time than necessary. Glad to hear the counselling is going well. Take care of you! Kath

from krugerpak007 :

I agree. I also have though, a good feeling about the two of you. Take your time, be there for each other and everything will come together. Love Kathy

from second-love :

I think you two are making VERY wise decisions!!! You both DO need to heal and KNOW that you can make it on your own. When i left my first husband, i didn't spend enough time on my own and i WISH i had!!! I met and married John WAY too quick and really it was out of fear of being alone as well as just loving FEELING the intensity of a new relationship. You and Abe have such a tough road ahead individually...get strong on your own (but still with the support of one another) and you will be better for it when you CAN be together. Take care *hugs*

from adulterous-k :

Me? Nice warning, and I agree with all you said. Hey Dre! So glad you two had a good weekend together. I stll have a good feeling about this for you - it'll be OK xx

from second-love :

OMG Thank YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE you!!!! Yes that does help me... and Sam and i have talked and talked this morning on the IM... i sent him the email "answer" he wanted and he was thrilled with what i said... i will post my email soon. Still i dont know if this means we ARE moving to that level, but we are certainly getting all that we feel out on the table. We will NEVER go to that level if he doesnt initiate it and he knows that... and i am doubtful he will, at least at this point. But we have come so far in a short time, i don't doubt ANYTHING at this point. *HUGS*

from krugerpak007 :

Wow, that was so well said. (Written). I think that really sums it all up. A difficult decision to make...

from avalonte :

You are having to go through such a wide mix of emotions right now! I'm thinking of you! I'm so glad you and Abe have each other!

from krugerpak007 :

I am so glad you are there for each other...

from second-love :

Thinkin bout you as you go through this time... i know its hard, but you WILL make it *hugs*

from avalonte :

I know, I know!! I'm a naughty girl!!!! But a happy one!!!!! I'm so glad you had some quality time with Abe at the weekend!

from krugerpak007 :

Missing you..xoxo Kathy

from krugerpak007 :

I think you should try go alone.You need to talk to him and I am sure you will do fine sweetie! Good luck!Kathy

from adulterous-k :

Go alone - and try not to hate him. You're going to get through this fine!

from stelanotte :

Just got back from Brazil yesterday. Hope all is well with you and your lunch with V. Keep your chin up xoxo

from second-love :

I appreciate you too SOOO Much!!!! Hope you get that connection up and running for the weekend!!!!!! Hang in there girlfriend *wink*

from second-love :

I'm thinking about you SO MUCH!!! If you need someone to talk to, i am here. Trust your instincts and intuition... it will rarily if ever fail you! *hugs*

from krugerpak007 :

I hope that you are feeling ok, and now that you have space you can definately do a lot of thinking about what you want for yourself and your future. Take care sweetie! Kathy

from adulterous-k :

So sorry for you, for both of you really. From what you've been saying lately I don't think there's much doubt that this is the right way to go, but nevertheless it's so sad that two peole who loved each other so much could have come to this. Bad as he's been for you lately, you'll miss him, care about what's happening to him. He was once your best friend after all. I hope the two/three weeks apart will let you recharge your batteries and come to terms with what has to be done. xx

from iwanttotell :

Good going! You need to listen to what all your friends are telling you, but moreover, you know deep down what you have to do. You have the strength, and as you employ it, you'll find you have more than you thought you did. Take it from someone who's been there, Love. One day at a time. Hugs

from second-love :

AHHH THANKS for the reminder. I AM already preparing. Although we are on a new level, that doesn't mean that the old cycles disappear. Already this morning, he is commenting about feeling overwhelmed cuz he is not getting "stuff" done. This is very typical behavior i have come to expect from him... and i know it doesnt have anything to do with "stuff". Please keep the warnings coming. I DO need to be reminded. And hang in there... you ARE at a critical point and want to take each step and each decision with care. *hugs*

from krugerpak007 :

Shame honey, my thoughts are with you. Just when you think things can not get much worse, they always do manage to screw us over. I hope you think carefully about what you want, think about yourself for a change. Think about what's good for you-ok? Hugs and kisses, Kathy

from tragic-kiss :

i'm so sorry you're going through something this awful *hugs and support*. i don't know what else to say; i somehow doubt there *is* anyting i can really say to help. just know that it won't always be like this.

from second-love :

I honestly don't think so... although there is a small part of me that isn't too sure. Even though i have told him that i WOULD, i don't think he will go that far. He is very determined in that area and it would devastate him, i think. I dont ever want to do that to him. He knows that i would have never ever considered violating my wedding vows with anyone but him, and that means a great deal to him. He says the same to me, but we both agree that it would devastate us both. This is our constant struggle and quandry... because much of our chemistry is sexual... always has been. The other thing is he doesnt view anything we've done to this point really as "sex" or even "an affair". He wont even use those terms... so as long as he gets a certain amount of "fun" out of our activities, (and especially if i initiate... cuz then he can say he didnt start it)i think he will be satisfied. Hmmmm this may be something ill write about next... good topic! And thanks for being worried about me and us... it worries me too

from rarify :

Hey, I was just reading the entry on the 17th about "Don't touch me" and I just wanted to comment that I'm exactly the same way. I don't even like hugging my close friends. I can't have someone else light my cigarette. I just can't deal with touch... For no apparent reason. Isn't that so strange? I hope you're doing better. At least you're keeping busy x

from iwanttotell :

Hello. I found your diary through other contacts here. I enjoy reading it,and hope you won't mind if I add you to my favorites.

from avalonte :

Thank goodness I'm not the only one who does that! I do the same with Dave's voice messages!

from krugerpak007 :

Abe's email was so sweet. He is crazy about you!Hang in there sweety. Thanks also for all your messages. xoxox Kathy

from avalonte :

Thank you for your message at the weekend, I really appreciated it. Well, thanks for ALL your supportive messages, full stop! *hugs*

from krugerpak007 :

I hope you find some happiness in your new place. I can relate with the no touching thing. I flinch whenever Trevor touches me, and I love him. I don't understand it at all. Anyway sweety I hope you are ok. xoxo Kathy

from adulterous-k :

So I don't disappoint in maleness! :-) Abe? Don't know - has he not been in touch? I thought he was just faking for his wife's sake?

from krugerpak007 :

I missed you honey. I hope you are doing ok, and that things are "handable" at the moment. I am here to listen and thinking of you. Take care!Kathy

from rarify :

hey.. I'm so sorry I've been absent lately. Everything's just a little bit crazy. What happened with Abe? Oh no.. I hope it will work out.

from second-love :

Good for you!!!! It sounds like we are both on the verge of making some changes. I'm just sick of feeling like i do. The highs are great, but the lows are equally bad. You go girl!!! and if i was there... we could hang out and have an AWESOME time *smile*

from avalonte :

I'm so glad for you that you have such a wonderful confidant and support. They're not easy to find, seeing as most people, even friends, seem to scream "told you so" or "well, if you play with fire..." etc, even without saying the actual words!!

from second-love :

I know JUST what you mean about becoming the type of woman you despise. I feel the exact same thing. I never wanted to put my heart so completely in the hands of another... i've been hurt before doing that. I guess its just inevitable when you find someone that you connect with so completely. Glad you opened up as much as you did with the counselor. She'll be able to help you best if you are totally honest. Hang in there!

from second-love :

You WILL find your "north" again... just listen to your gut... it will never fail you. Your heart may. *hugs*

from second-love :

Thanks....... are we both coming to the same conclusion??? Your situation IS a bit different... but just think it completely through before you decide anything. *hugs*

from poplord :

i told you to ignore it. please please please do!!!! i love you. she needs to work this out on her own. remember our destiny.

from second-love :

Man... i am RIGHT where you are at... completely!!! Sometimes the love we feel for someone clouds all the other judgement we should have in a situation. And quite honestly, love is not always enough!!! All of us start out loving - thats why we end up with our spouses and then with our lovers. But i honestly believe more and more now that just because you have a strong and abiding love does that mean it should be a reason to completely rock or re-adjust your world or other peoples lives?? Even if it does feel right at that moment, ya know? I don't know... im just as confused on the subject as you are... but do feel it all too. Hang in there.. thinkin about ya! *hugs*

from avalonte :

What??? So he really does want to stay with his wife? Why the fuck can't the bastards just be honest?? But who's Abe lying to, you or her? You 2 love each other and should ultimately be together, and I can't see how anyone truly benefits by you breaking up for real. Just because the 2 of you aren't together doesn't make you each love your spouses more, or make your marriages more likely to succeed. Sorry, I'm sure me ranting on isn't helping. It's just obviously very personal to me. *hugs* whatever you decide to do.

from avalonte :

What a horrible thing to go through, even if it is only an act. God, what is it with our men and their need to put on some stupid front to keep the peace! I know why they're doing it, but it doesn't make things any easier for us eh! *hugs*

from irishdream :

I say SPEAK WHAT YOU FEEL! If he's giving his babble on calling it off, say what pops into your mind at the time. It may be the smartest, or last, thing you ever say to him. ~Jesse

from avalonte :

I'm so sorry sweetheart! *hugs*

from krugerpak007 :

I am so so sorry to hear what pain you have had to go through. You are such a strong, sensitive person, you deserve only the best. Take care. Kathy

from krugerpak007 :

I hope you are holding up. I was not online a little while but was thinking of you. Take care! Kathy

from adulterous-k :

So many things! and they start with being born ten years later! Can't change the past; we just have to do our best to make the future better for all concerned. even those that have to be hurt, can be less hurt. Are you OK? I've been thinking of you. xx

from irishdream :

I agree with you on letting someone go if they fall in love with someone else. Yes, if you still love them, it's going to hurt, but why would you try to keep hold of someone who doesn't return your feelings? I get a mental imagine from Jerry Springer - the girl goes on TV, tells her boyfriend she's been sleeping with is best friend and that she wants to run away with him, and when the best friend comes out, the boyfriend wants to fight him for girl. Ok, she obviously doesn't want to be with you anymore, why fight over her when it's not what she wants? I know that sounds dumb lol but that's how I've always thought of it. XOXO~Jesse

from second-love :

Thanks... you're right. I DO just need to be appreciative of the TIME it is taking him to do this. I KNOW that it means something to him, that I mean something to him or he wouldn't do ANY of this. I wish he could just get real and call it what it is! Is it just because he can't admit it to himself???? Anyway... good puppy, good puppy *smile* THANKS!

from avalonte :

Oh, and by the way, ME get some sleep??! You can talk! YOU get some sleep, too, sweetie! And stop dreaming about pornographic hair dye adverts, sicko!!! *hugs*

from avalonte :

As always, wise words from Kevin! He's right, it's her weapon. If she uses it, she loses all power. While it remains unused, she can keep wielding it in front of you as a threat. I can't see her relinquishing it. Apart from anything else, if she tells Vince and he leaves you, it means you're single and available!! There's no way she's going to risk that happening!

from krugerpak007 :

I am glad that you seem to be taking this emotionally well. I want you to know again that I really am here if you need support. Keep us informed, and take care!

from second-love :

I'm with adulterous-k... take his words to heart. BUT i am ALL OVER that bitch stuff....... LOVE IT!!! You go girl!

from adulterous-k :

This is SO familiar! A thought (take it or leave it)on telling Vince now: I understand that you want to be in control of how that happens, but its quie clear (?) that Abe's wife is trying to warn you off. Telling Vince is her nuclear deterrant - she can only use it once and frankly it looks like she doesn't want to unless she has to. Wouldn't she have gone there first if she was going to? But, if you tell Vince now isn't he going to respond by saying to himself 'that explains all of our problems!'. That way he doesn't have to face up to any blame on his part for what has gone sour lately. Good luck XXX

from krugerpak007 :

Oh my word, where have I been that I only read this now? What happened, how did she find out? I just hope you are ok and that Abe's wife will calm down a bit and not make your life a misery. I hope you are doing ok. I am thinking of you and will try keep checking to see your updates. I am here if you need me. Kathy

from second-love :

Thank you thank you! You have no idea how much your words of encouragement mean to me. And what i like about them the most is that they are REALISTIC!!! You don't try to tell me that everything will be "fine" but rather you tell me how it really is. Thats what i NEED!!! Awesome. Thanks and *hugs* back to ya!

from adulterous-k :

Oh dear, I'm so sorry for you. I know exactly how you're feeling - reading that brought back the jolt of adrenalin for me. It's going to be a hard time for you all and you'll need wits about you and to be prepared for quick thinking. Here for you if you need help. xx

from second-love :

OMG... the inevitable... THIS is exactly what i've been afraid of too... hang in there. And thanks for your kind words - i am having a rough time of it today.

from stelanotte :

Keep your head above water. The next few days may be very rough! :( XOXO Cheri

from avalonte :

You're not kidding! It's freaky how so many people are on a real downer at the moment! Anyway, as always ... *hugs*!

from second-love :

I KNOW you can understand... and what you said is SO true. There is a small part of me that wants this to end because its so hard to be so torn all the time. And there is always that feeling in the back of your mind that it CANT end well... either you get caught and you lose YOUR current family, or you lose them to their "real" wives and their "real" lives! Thanks for being there...

from second-love :

Here for you too... you DO have all of us!!!! I can totally understand how you feel... been there - AM there. *hugs*

from krugerpak007 :

I am thinking of you. I am far away but still thinking of you. Take care of yourself. Kath

from avalonte :

Awww, sweetheart! I feel for you. I'm really pissy at the moment. My time of the month too! Wish we lived closer! *hugs*

from second-love :

i LOVE it!!!!!!!!!! perfect *hugs*

from bethany9 :

i just added pictures. man i am sobering up. thats good.

from bethany9 :

man, you have one rollercoaster of a life. i hope everything works out!

from avalonte :

Thanks sweetie! Sleepyzoe said the same thing. I hadn't even thought of it that way. Yes, it does help. You're an angel!

from poplord :

FREAK!!!

from stelanotte :

I think there is a difference between love and addiction. When I got to my wits end with MP, a friend told me about self-help books. I started reading "Obsessive Love" and "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person" and honestly they have changed my outlook on things. It doesn't mean that I don't feel urges to call, but it made me realize that I do have a problem. *hugs* Love, Cheri XOXO

from second-love :

i LOVE it! hahahahhaha MEN-strual. So TRUE!!! and he complains about MY cycle... give me a break!!!!!!!! MEN!!!! Why the heck do i WANT to torture myself with 2??? One is about all i can take hahahhahaha - thanks for the encouragement sweetie... makes all the dif!

from avalonte :

That's not a stupid analogy at all! It's a great one. *hugs*

from stelanotte :

There are dream interpretation websites out there, so I'm sure you'll find something. It sounds scary tho :( Maybe it's a realization of your inner child (?) XOXO Feel better and take some more medicine and have a nightcap :) Cheri

from bethany9 :

holy shit! what an intricate dream! the fact that you remember so much when mine fade within 3 minutes... that just amazes me! it sounds like a movie...

from avalonte :

Thank you soooo much sweetie! What a lovely message! You're a darling. xxx

from krugerpak007 :

Just catching up... Firstly I hope you are feeling better, physically from the sinuses.I am so glad you have Abe to protect you from doing something bad. Please try and remember that it's not you. You are not to blame!I am glad you are going to a counsellor. Hopefully that will help you sort out things in your mind. Please take care honey! Kathy

from adulterous-k :

Nice warning, thanks. And one I should take notice of.

from stelanotte :

It seems like maybe V is feeling guilty for the way he usually treats you. Don't let brief moments of kindness cloud your mindset. Love, Cheri XOXO

from krugerpak007 :

I am glad you spoke to him. You are such a special person that you are still willing to support him. Maybe things will look up a bit from here? Take care honey! Kathy

from irishdream :

No, it wasn't your diary that make me question marriage. It's just been my whole life, marriage is something I've wanted since I was like 8 and something I've worried about since before that. I tend to really overanalyze things, so don't mind my ramblings on the subject. I need to just take life one day at a time, and if I find someone I think I love, keep that someone. It may or may not last, but at least I'll have had it for a while. What you need and deserve will soon come to you, and that which does not kill us only makes us stronger. ~Jesse

from twinker-bell :

x - you are NOT cold within, you seem like one of the warmest people I have known, the way you care SO much about others, like helping Vince even though he has hurt you so.... I know what it's like to put others first, and feel cold and lonely, but I feel warmth and hope in your writing! :-)

from irishdream :

Sometimes when I read your entries, I wonder whether I'm actually reading the words of someone's life or a gut-wrenching novel with a thousand pages... ~Jesse

from second-love :

Kevin has a good point... just read his note to you... he has a good bead on Vince. Thanks too for your note. I feel so jumbled up in side these days. Its hard. Up one day, down the next. It def is a bit easier now then it used to be cuz i DO know him so well. And i know he will be back... he always is. He cant resist no matter how hard he tries. Hugs and thoughts your way *smile*

from irishdream :

I know I already left you one note, but that was before I read the rest of you. You amaze me, the words you create captivate me and I feel like there's something wonderfully mysterious in reading about your everyday trials and tribulations. ~Jesse

from irishdream :

What you wrote about staying together until you were comfortable enough to leave... made perfect sense. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. ~Jesse

from adulterous-k :

Vince is hurting. It seems like he understands now that his behaviour was unacceptable to you, but didn�t understand it at the time. He didn�t �hear� you when you told him before and now he�s scared it�s too late not to lose you. It�s like he only realised he�s playing the game when it was already impossible to win. The hugs are maybe the only gestures he knows to show he loves you. It doesn�t sound like you�re ready to reject his love yet � find him a way to express it that you can accept. Thinking of you

from bethany9 :

ooooh, dont hurt yourself! so not worth it. this too shall pass!

from krugerpak007 :

I wish I could give you the biggest hug now. Please try not to hurt yourself. I know that once you decide that you want to, you will, know matter what anyone says, but please try not to. I feel your pain, and am here to lend an ear. There are lots of people who care about you. Please take care honey!xoxo Kathy

from twinker-bell :

I think you've got a grip, you realized just what you need, it might not seem like much but taking your mind off everything for a few minutes to prepare that catnip hunt sounds like just what you need!

from second-love :

I feel for you both and the pain you are ALL feeling. Try to find comfort in each other when you can and take it step by step. Here for you!

from adulterous-k :

Oh dear. I've not had much access to the net this week and only just caught up on you. You and Vince are going through terrible stuff - I feel for him too. Thanks for your note and kind thoughts. You know they're returned? xx

from perfectbone :

I am thankful that you have a shoulder to lean on right now. No matter where you find love...it must be found. The heart demands it.

from krugerpak007 :

I am so sad for you. Thank G-d you have Abe. He sounds wonderful and understanding.And he is there for you. I really hope everything works out and that you feel better. Best wishes! xoxox Kathy

from second-love :

I DO have him wanting me more and more, but i really just want it to be right and not all about the physical NEED, ya know? I know he cares about me... he loves me BUT (like adulterous-k) he love his wife and doesnt want to jeopardize his family. I can appreciate that cuz i DO love him and i dont want to do anything to hurt him EVER... so i remain frustrated but HAPPY to have him in my life every day. Thanks for the words!

from krugerpak007 :

I am glad you spoke to him. Maybe he will think about your words. maybe you have left him pondering. He obviously didn't realise how serious this was. Men panic in those situations. They don't understand us and feel scared. I hope both of you have a good weekend, and that things will improve in one way or another. Take care honey. Kathy

from krugerpak007 :

I still don't think it's you at all. It's definately Vince. He has the problem, not you.You can't let this go. it's very serious and has to be sorted out honey. As usual I am here...xoxo Kathy

from second-love :

Just read your next entry... DEF here ANY time you need me!!!! Best thoughts your way...

from second-love :

MAN... between you two and adulterous-K with Jo... im left feeling sad and uncertain. Seeing a path for myself that i DONT want to endure. Just make sure you do everything you can to talk this through with Vince before you make any serious decisions. *hugs*

from krugerpak007 :

Wow, I don't know what to say...a vase of roses and a beautiful card. He loves you, and you still have to find a way to talk to him. That entry has left me thinking.. Take care sweety. kathy

from krugerpak007 :

I know how difficu;t a confrontation is, but you will feel so much better after. You have to talk to him about it. Really.It definately can not go on like this. I don't know what I can say to make you feel better. Just know that I am here to listen, really. Talk to him sweety. Love Kathy

from second-love :

Have that talk with Vince and make it SOON! XXX000

from krugerpak007 :

You are definately not a failure. Marriage is not a bed of roses and we all make mistakes. After all, we are only humans. Please please take care.I am always here for you too. Kathy

from poplord :

given the very accurate comments that everyone is posting...is it any wonder that i am totally in love with her?????

from stelanotte :

I really admire your strength. Please contact me anytime that you need to talk. You are a beautiful person who deserves to be treated with love and respect. XOXO Cheri

from krugerpak007 :

On Friday my mother said the exact same thing to me. It takes so much courage to do that. You are an amazing woman and I have so much respect for you. Take care of yourself. Kathy

from twinker-bell :

as complicated as this could be and difficult, i think it is overdue, and you will feel it is SO worth it when it's done, good decision :-)

from second-love :

WOW!!!!! Good for you. It is hard to step away (or even back slightly) from something like you've been going through!!! I admire your strength. I will be thinking and praying for you as you go through this time of decision. Whatever you do, it will be hard... but i have faith that you will make the right decision for you. XXX000

from krugerpak007 :

I hate the weekends too...Take care! Kathy

from wontlookback :

of course dear just email me at [email protected] and ill hook you up <33

from second-love :

Amen sista!!! It IS a burden... but OH SO worth it :)XXXOOO

from poplord :

yeah i liked that cookie thing too when she wrote it. what i liked even more is that she found that you cannot deny the oreo's! *wink* anyway, that one part of vince is enough for me to almost hate him...even though he's generally a pretty nice guy. i hope he realizes he needs help and gets the help he needs, for both of your sakes.

from second-love :

Wow! Took alot of guts for you to do that. Good for you!!! Now it IS up to him - i hope he realizes for you but mostly for HIM that he needs to change. XXXX000000

from twinker-bell :

congrats; that was a HUGE step in the right direction, and he seemed to take it well.

from avalonte :

Great analogy! And hey, a little bit of what you fancy does you good!! ;)

from krugerpak007 :

I want a cookie, NOW!!!! Take care sweety. xoxo Kathy

from second-love :

OMG i LOVE that cookie analogy - mmmmmmmmmmmm-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-mmmmmmmmmmmmmm yummy :)... hang in there!

from wontlookback :

thank god someone understands my sexual outbursts! <33

from twinker-bell :

Sorry about your weekend, atleast good news came with it. Do you want to fix things with Vince? All I can say is if you feel like it was rock bottom, it can only get better, eventually.

from second-love :

Ok girl...easy does it... i DO know what you are feeling, but dont be hasty... nothing is for sure yet, right??? I saw his entry... and it only sounds like a possibility. But im here for ya with plenty of *hugs* XXXXXXXX

from wontlookback :

*hugsback* thank you dear. <33

from second-love :

LOVE that feeling though that there is something between the two of us that is so strong - even if our spouses are there. It creates a tension and a heat that is unbelievable!

from poplord :

ok yeah...i did laugh at that entry!! geez. now i'm gonna be all self concious! lmao!!!

from avalonte :

Haha!! Kathy beat me to it!!;) I was just about to say "I can SOOOO relate!!!" lol! And it's not silly to enjoy the way he walks! In a recent entry, I was saying what I miss about Dave, and part of that was watching him walk across the road to see me. Not just cos he was coming to see me, but just because I enjoy watching him walk!! So it is not silly!!! ;) Well, if it is, then I'M silly too! ;)

from krugerpak007 :

I can so relate.

from twinker-bell :

uh oh... careful! a watch here, and a stain there, happy that your happy, and I know the feeling of not being able to control yourself with that incredibly special person even if it's wrong... i couldn't stop myself, time after time, even though he had a girlfriend.

from bethany9 :

i think i met my future ex-husband this weekend. hey, what is you husband ever found this site? what would happen?

from second-love :

AHHHHH we could indeed be leading identical lives!!!!!!!!! And i KNOW what you mean about the chemistry and the connection. Its stronger then anything else.... but OH is it HOT!

from avalonte :

You asked why you can't control yourself when it comes to Abe. Why nothing else matters when you're with him. The reason is simple sweetie! He is your spiritual and sexual other half!

from stelanotte :

*Hugs* :) XOXO Cheri

from poplord :

i want you to start over too baby...but with me, not him. you find yourself being possesive of me and my family, i find myself being jealous of him and your freinds. btw...i totally agree with the porn magazine quiz! *wink*

from avalonte :

That was such a sad entry. I wish I could give you a hug! You sound like you need it!

from second-love :

I think its awesome that you like my writing... it has been the ONLY thing that has saved me!!!!! I have just started to look at yours and DO see ALOT of similarities. I look forward to reading more of yours! Hang in there and i am going to add you to my list :)XXXX

from adulterous-k :

You can't go wrong if you assume that they do know. Work that way and be careful: you only need one of them to say something in the wrong place to spoil things. If they don't - nothing's been lost by being wary.

from poplord :

damnit! ya shoulda called me back from the hotel!! lol

from avalonte :

I'm sure you're just being over-sensitive. When I was seeing Dave, every time I bumped into anyone who knew us both, and they asked how I was or how my love-life was, I automatically assumed they knew! I thought I could see it in the way they looked at me! Of course, I was wrong! Anyway, the thing is, if they DO know, they seem to be discreet! So that's a good thing! But I'm sure they don't know. If they did, I'm sure there'd be someone who wouldn't be able to resist confronting you in order to gain the juicy details! x

from poplord :

of course, hating herself is not good either! i love you baby! no decisions need to be made right now, nor even contemplated.

from avalonte :

Please don't read too much into it! I don't believe you would ever hate Abe. You don't have it in you. Perhaps something in you feels you ought to in that situation. Or perhaps you feel other people will hate him, or even expect YOU to! Or perhaps someone mentioned hate during yesterday, and the word manifested itself in that way in your dream! The mind is a sick and twisted thing! It is futile to question it's workings! Either way, whatever happens, I truly don't envisage you feeling any hate towards Abe! I think you'd be more likely to feel it for yourself than for him! *hugs*

from twinker-bell :

Thanks for the wishes, isn't it amazing when you just have an unexpectedly wonderful week? That is one of those little things in the big picture that makes life worthwhile. So glad you enjoyed it! :-)

from avalonte :

I'm so glad you've had such a great week!! I hope your weekend is almost as good! *hugs*

from bethany9 :

what the hell? that didnt sound fun. i am not wishing HIM a happy birthday!

from stelanotte :

Thanks for the well wishes. XOXO Cheri

from twinker-bell :

sounds like you had quite a day! :-) don't worry about the movie, i truly believe what's meant to be will be and you aren't a nun for a reason, no worried!!

from bethany9 :

thanks for stopping by. i thought that quiz was horsehit! i wrote about marriage today, thought you might be interested.

from liar-by-rote :

sure...let me fix it up a bit. i'll let you know..:)

from adulterous-k :

How did you come to tell your niece about Abe?

from avalonte :

That last little gem of wisdom you wrote is such a great philosophy!! And doesn't it just sum up the whole affair thing!! Damn right! Have a great weekend! And I hope you enjoy Abe's homecoming!!! ;) x

from avalonte :

Thank you so much for your lovely message! It meant a lot to me! You're a sweetheart!! Yes, he had a good long life, which is what makes it a little easier to accept! x

from twinker-bell :

who is abe? i thought the link in your diary that says it is abe went to vince's diary, but maybe it's abe's and i just got confused?!?!

from adulterous-k :

I'm more encouraged that it can work now we've got through 6 months apart.

from stelanotte :

Hope you are doing well this week. XOXO Cheri :)

from bethany9 :

your entries are so amazing!

from krugerpak007 :

I can so relate to you!

from rarify :

i'm sorry to hear vincent can't control himself. i once dated a guy like that. wouldn't care if i was crying through the whole thing - his needs first. i'd never tolerate such a thing again. i hope you won't have further problems with it..

from rarify :

that's a horribly dilemma you're caught in.. i'm in no position to judge but.. please think this over very well: should you stay with someone out of guilt or out of love? because it sounds a bit like a lot of why you are staying with vince is because of guilt. you feel that you owe it to him after all he sacrificed.. but what you really owe him is to return his love and if you can't.. maybe it would be better to be honest with him. it's not fair to either one of you.. but what do i know. *hugs* and best of luck

from poplord :

good advise you guys! so how 'bout it, 'x'? wanna do a list of things we like about ourselves and about each other?

from twinker-bell :

Quirks make us who we are, and most of those were little things that people accept as being part of you and could care less about... I too would like to hear the positives, only the finger on the wall actually freaked me out.

from phangasm :

I don't see any of those quirks as being bad. Being a political nut is good, we should all be so informed. I walk around naked a lot of the time too, and I generate a ton of clutter. Though I could see the sleepwalking freaking me out. The thing is that we all have little habits that are capable of driving other people nuts, if you focus on them, you're doomed. It's a good excercise to come up with the things you love about your partner, and it wouldn't be a bad idea to list what you like about yourself, too.

from adulterous-k :

Wow. 'Don't do it cos we'll miss you'. Something more than that needed!

from krugerpak007 :

I don't really know what to say to you, just that I can relate... I hope you get what you want. You deserve it. Please take care. xoxo Kathy

from stelanotte :

Thanks for the encouraging note. I wasn't totally shocked, but yet I still have to support myself. I need a job asap. Also, I'm sure you'll make a good Mom. Just don't let someone tell you when is the right time to do so. Only you know that! I grew up with an unsympathetic Mom and it wasn't the best. Cheri XOXOXO

from poplord :

thats a scary thought. not you being a mother, just that vince is pushing this issue. i think you have the potential to be a great mom, in the right situation. wanna practice? *wink wink* lol

from poplord :

i'd walk away happy if it means you'd live happy. many people care baby.

from bare-my-soul :

of course i look forward to your journal every day! love rose

from adulterous-k :

Your voice is just brilliant! Hold on pet, you can get through this - but you need a holiday from at least one of your four lives. Vince, Abe, work, band: You've so much going on it's no wonder you're finding it hard going. And the health worry on top. People here do care, but you need some rest. xx

from stelanotte :

I hope that you are feeling better today! :( Please contact me if you need anything. Sometimes it does sound enticing to end it all, especially when you feel like you can't live another day. Just know that there ARE people out there who care enough about you to help you. XOXOXO

from nikitrubl :

That's so cool! My email is [email protected], thanx!

from bare-my-soul :

yes, please send methe link for yuor band! u know i love u! rose

from poplord :

she rocks!! she has an awesome voice.

from nikitrubl :

i'd love to hear music from your band!

from adulterous-k :

Me too!

from stelanotte :

Also, I'd love to hear your song. XOXO

from stelanotte :

I really appreciate the advice about the car. I have a used Saturn and never had any problems with the car before. Too bad the warranty JUST expired a few days before. Go figure! Keep warm XOXO

from adulterous-k :

makes perfect sense to me. A very familiar dichotomy!

from stelanotte :

Thanks for writing about your beginning with your lover. It's always good to know some history to your reading. Keep warm! XOXO

from poplord :

my god, of course i remember that!!! did you think i was blind or something? lol.

from unsweptroom :

thanks for your kind note. stay warm.

from bethany9 :

having your cake and eating it too. thats what its all about!

from adulterous-k :

Always work on the assumption that they may know. Never risk anything to 'hope'!

from poplord :

from what you say, it's not always your fault, but he seems to treat you like it is. if you're being a bitch when you have a right to be a bitch, then he shouldn't ignore you. thats when he should pull out all the stops to treat you like a queen.

from poplord :

vince needs a reality slap. or punch. or kick to the head.

from randommuse :

Thanks for signing my guestbook and the nice compliment. I've read a few entries of yours and: hated to hear about the accident but am glad that you weren't seriously hurt, hated to hear how you've been sick, and wow is my life ever boring compared to yours! Man, my bitching about a snoring, old lady just doesn't compare :) I'll definitely be back here. For everything that's going on, you're a great writer, especially at putting the emotions on the page.

from poplord :

damn that *floppy hand gesture* to hell!!! *wink* lol, i miss you too baby.

from bethany9 :

hey sweetie, sorry to hear you arent feeling well. it's the most horrible time of the year! nothing to look forward to until st. patty's day. argh!

from adulterous-k :

Yep! It is.

from poplord :

for some odd reason, i'm actually disappointed. and actually "x" i was referring to the star sign quiz and the candy quiz (cuz you know how much i like to eat skittles! *wink*)

from adulterous-k :

Questions we ask ourselves repeatedly. I know exactly how you feel - very hard to cope with isn't it?

from poplord :

you know...those quizes are damn accurate!!

from adulterous-k :

YES I HAVE, YES I DO!

from sleepyzoe :

You described exactly how I feel about Rob...*sigh*

from adulterous-k :

Have a good night tonight - hope the pain's subsiding!

from phangasm :

So sorry to hear about the accident! I always hate to see them around the holidays, it sure does ruin them. Hope you're feeling better.

from adulterous-k :

jings - hope your accident doesn't spoil the holiday for you! Sorry - I don't believe in the palmistry: just interested in how it came to be said!

from bare-my-soul :

i'm so sorry about your accident. i hope you're going to be okay. vince really loves you. thank god you're not alone. try and have a happy holiday, although i know you're not off to a very good start. love rose

from poplord :

interesting dream. not sure that it answers any questions though...but maybe it does. i won't be out of your life unless one of us dies. and "vince" loves you enough to let you go if if means you'd be happy. so the question of the day is... would i make you happy?

from phangasm :

True, I didn't know about the small town angle. That would make things difficult. Anyway, it sounds like good news, glad to hear it!

from phangasm :

Not a lady, but I've been to the Dr. for a similar reason. I was embarrassed at first, but the Dr. had heard it all before. Thank God for Dr. - Patient confidentiality!

from bare-my-soul :

i love reading you! i just want you to be happy. the problem is, somebody always ends up getting hurt. anyway, i think you're a terrific writer. love rose

from poplord :

i miss you hon. can't wait to see you tomorrow!

from adulterous-k :

Are you OK? There's a sad tinge to your writing these last couple of weeks. And Rose is right about the hypocrisy thing - you can't undo the sincerity you had back then by what you've done since. x

from girlgonebad :

I too have been known as the ice queen. This was such a beautiful entry.

from bare-my-soul :

what a beautiful poem...you're not a hypocrite. you meant it when you wrote it didn't you? beyond that, i don't know what else to say. i'm not one to talk. love rose

from bare-my-soul :

my dear, where have you been all my life? you're a terrific writer. so glad to find you. see we have adulterous-k in common. i so love him. love rose

from adulterous-k :

You think she knows then?

from xwiseassx :

Have a great weekend.

from poplord :

no i didn't know that...wish you woulda told me cuz it kinda turns me on too!! *wink*

from xwiseassx :

Watch out for cum-in-the-eye stuff, you could end up with a nasty case of pinkeye.

from adulterous-k :

You're where I was a year ago, and I know how bad that is. If you sit tight it may not come out to hurt Vince. But be ready, be sure you know how to react if it does. Good luck xx

from poplord :

hey beautiful!! (trust me folks, she is!) yeah, the movie thing kinda sucked huh? oh well, at least we got to see each other. love ya! :)

from adulterous-k :

Weve done the going to an event with partners and keeping the real feelings in check. Early on my diary I did a 'rules of adultery' piece. I'd be interested to know if you agree with it.

from xwiseassx :

I don't think that husband of yours learned his lesson! Show him what for again tonight!

from xwiseassx :

It sounded like you gave yourself a beatiful torture session at the movies..lol The object of your desire within sight but out of reach. Poor girl. And then you took it out on your husband...lol I love it. Keep it up.

from xwiseassx :

I agree with Kevin,(below), sex and love are two different issues. They should and can be treated separatly.

from adulterous-k :

keep hold of the fact that you love him...sex is something separate.

from xwiseassx :

I really enjoy your diary. I agree with your philosphy, one can care deeply for two people. Keep up the good work.

from adulterous-k :

Yes... you remind me of my lover too. Thanks. (You're not are you?!)

from adulterous-k :

I added you to my favourites list because there is so much in what you write that is familiar to me. That sense of being a danger to your own marriage and yet feeing right about loving two people at the same time. I wish you luck - I'm riding mine still.

from rarify :

you have a really really nice layout.. did you make that yourself? i'm so impressed. i'm sorry to hear that you cut yourself. i was sitting in the bathroom with a razor last night, just contemplating, and in the end i decided that it would be a better idea to read through my dispair. sure it took me 5 hours instead of a few cuts but.. hopefully it was worth it.

from amorrequiem :

Thank you very much. I read your most recent entry...it was quite moving. Scary, beautiful... Good to hear from you.

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