messages to annanotbob2:
(click here to add new message):

from moonbeams :
From one mother to another, Anna, my heart goes out to you! I sincerely hope that your daughter receives some kind of healing with Vitamin D supplementation. If any hard lessons come out of your family's suffering, I think it is that, at the very least, your daughter knows your love for her is boundless. If you don't mind, I'm adding you and your daughter to my prayers this month.
from moonbeams :
Hi Anna, I have been enjoying a few of your entries and pictures. Just curious, is your daughter on any kind of special (natural) diet for MS? Here's an example of beneficial foods from Dr. Axe: https://draxe.com/5-natural-treatments-multiple-sclerosis/ as an example. Best wishes to you and yours :-)
from floodtide :
Happy New Year from across the pond. Congrats on all you've accomplished, even as you feel sad and pessimistic. You have accomplished a lot - the walking alone blows me away, and inspires me. And your painting is GORGEOUS! I am sending love and care. XO - flood
from outer-jessie :
Spotify playlists of songs that remind you of each person are free and thoughtful and probably pretty fun to do. You can create artwork to go with each, if you're feeling ambitious. You could also write up some of your family history for your kids and grandson, talking about some of the oldest relatives you can remember and what they were like. Or, you could make each person a digital photojournal. Or just keep doing the art that you do in your class, and in a couple weeks, see if you have pieces that jump out at you as "belonging" to a given person. In short, there's a lot you can do for no $$ (or pounds (or euros (or whatever it is these days))).
from narcissa :
12/6 - december can be hard with the dark and the cold plus all the other things you're dealing with. xo
from cocoabean :
People do need to grow old with grace and let nature take its course.
from ladyofjazz :
08/11/17 that is a perfect puppy you got there! Seeing her pics has cheered me up. What a photogenic cute pup she is.
from strawberrri :
Thank you for the pic - I love how happy you both are in it :) x
from cocoabean :
Just make sure not to get the tattoo where there would be a strap or any kind of tight clothing...
from narcissa :
11-3: I saw this in the Guardian this morning and thought of you: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/nov/03/dramatic-rise-in-plastic-seabed-litter-around-uk It's so important what you're doing with the trash pick up when you walk. Inspiring. [I hope that link works - i'm not sure about the guestbook links. Essentially it says that Britain is surrounded by garbage and the plastic apocalypse is coming]
from hitch-hike :
Awww, did Marley really inspire you to meet Miss Shirley? I'm so glad! She gets me out of the house and walking, and it actually helps start a connection with people. In my former fishing village, I used to walk my dog at the same time as others who got out of work and we'd hang around and talk (I called that the Fishing Village Dog Community, haha)! Having a good dog is truly something to cherish and enjoy! Oh, and I've seen cats get on quite well with them (eventually...).
from jarofporter :
Thanks for the Stepfie pics, was good to see her face again. I didn't realize it was the anniversary though, I tend to block those things out. Doesn't stop me from thinking of her all the time though...
from strawberrri :
Oh thank you for helping to keep to her memory alive x
from hitch-hike :
What a cute little puppy!! Oh, I was so glad I got Marley, my mini-dachshund! Here is to a long and happy companionship!!
from portlypete :
Thanks for the reminder of the date. I only knew Stepfie through her posts but, still, I miss her witty, well-crafted diary. She had such a zest for life even though it was sometimes less than easy.
from narcissa :
still reading... I don't know how you took him on right now, but that puppy sure is adorable.
from boombasticat :
Thanks, Anna, for your nice note.
from cocoabean :
I can send a shovel to help you fill in that pit... and that is an awfully adorable puppy!
from floodtide :
Love love LOVE the photo of you in your entry about climbing the tor. You look - and sound - so positive. Thanks for sharing this: it makes me happy. Love from flood.
from outer-jessie :
7-27, again: Speaking of feeling the feels, does she respond to tactile sensations? I can picture her enjoying the feel of the different materials you create with, and getting to hold them while you work. But my imagination is not reality, so.
from outer-jessie :
7-27: Would you ever want to bring some of your hobbies to Sam, even if she can't participate? Back a bag of art supplies and journals so you can write and make pictures, or whatever? She'd probably like it, and it would be self-care and Sam-care all at once.
from narcissa :
7-20: WTF - that's some (understatement) stressful miscommunication w/ the hospice, but at least sorted now. Thanks for the reminder about morning pages.. i need that. xo
from cocoabean :
what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides... it is a freedom. Don't be afraid..
from life-my-way :
Love and hugs and kisses and tears from across the pond to you and Sam and everyone who cares and helps.
from integrating :
Hello Anna..I've just found you. I've read back very far. Love your writing, so honest. Love to you.
from narcissa :
Anna: so great that you have these caregivers that you can really trust - what a struggle it was for you to advocate and move your daughter to this new place, and what a difference it has made these last few months. I truly can't imagine being on this rollercoaster that you're on and I hope that you get to see another doctor and get some useful information.
from cocoabean :
I agree, drunk and sad is not a good thing. Hang on...
from blujeans-uk :
It's not like you to go quiet for so long. I just wanted to send my best wishes, and a hope for peace and strength if things are hard at the moment. X
from cocoabean :
a reprieve~! sending good vibes....
from life-my-way :
Loving you from afar. XOXOXO
from manfromvenus :
xxx
from narcissa :
Thinking of you xo
from life-my-way :
Sending love to you. To you all. XO
from candoor :
Hug.
from swordfern :
Happy Birthday. I don't have much else to offer here. Hope you can find some time for self care today. Hope your bloke remembers. :(
from narcissa :
i know this has been a terrible year for you, but still - happy birthday and sending strength and love for the coming year.
from cocoabean :
Have a good birthday!
from narcissa :
6-15-17: i have always been similarly irritated(good days)/enraged(bad days) by the "fight cancer" exhortations. Marybeth Williams said it better than I can, noting that it implies that "recovery is a matter not of medicine and good fortune, but of just trying hard enough" http://nypost.com/2016/04/24/stop-telling-the-lie-that-cancer-is-a-battle/ Thinking of you every day. xox
from manfromvenus :
And again, xxx. (You told me once that it was enough. So I won't put anything more complicated. Love.)
from outer-jessie :
Re camper van and dog: She wouldn't mind being in the van for an hour or two by herself, if it was her home, would she? She would understand that it was just for a bit while you did some people stuff. You could live like the people around here, setting up in your camper for the long term, even year-round. You could hook it up wherever you please for as long as you like, and then explore your new surroundings on long walks with the puppy. Sounds like a great life for a dog!
from swordfern :
June 11 - Sending you lots of love. Also lots of love to Sam. xoxo
from narcissa :
6-7-17 - you're an amazing advocate. Glad you will find some time to take care of yourself too. Thinking of you and your whole family.
from cocoabean :
Hang in there.
from stellarrobot :
Thinking of you.
from manfromvenus :
xxx
from narcissa :
may26-xoxo
from cocoabean :
Hold on tight.
from narcissa :
Hi Anna - I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.
from life-my-way :
Sending so much love to you and wishing there were something anyone could do because so many of us would do the fuck out of that thing. Because we love you. And your relations. XOXO
from blujeans-uk :
I'm so sorry, Anna. There are no words. You are both in my thoughts xxx
from cocoabean :
*hugs* lots of them....
from patheticness :
Im not sure who ED is to you, but I am so sorry to hear the news. I have been there with both my mother, as her primary caretaker, and mother in law, with my husband being hers, and now brother in law not doing good at all and my sister is going through hell. My heart goes out to you and to ED
from swordfern :
Are you doing OK? I'm worried about you.
from life-my-way :
So many hugs and so much love from x the pond. A thought from a wiser being, "We never get over great losses; we absorb them and they carve us into different, often kinder, creatures." Which goes a way toward explaining your own kindness. Love and more love, K
from cocoabean :
sending lots and lots of hugs
from swordfern :
Sending so much love your way. xoxo
from marywa :
I am so sorry you all are going through this. Sending you a big American hug.
from narcissa :
5-15- sorry anna, thinking of you. xox
from swordfern :
"...in fact don't choose one, one will choose you." I love this. xoxo
from swordfern :
I know that I sat there waiting - yearning - for her to ask about me. Kept thinking that she'd be done talking about herself, and that she'd look at me and ask me how things are. We all just want to be *seen*, right?
from hitch-hike :
I love the pic of the house with eyes and the knarled tree in front!! It reminds me of a fable or fairy tale! **Hugs**
from dangerspouse :
HOORAY FOR THE PARKING PERMIT RENEWAL!! All that other piddly stuff pales in comparison, of course. But very happy for you for them also :)
from life-my-way :
And hugs and love and resilience right back at you. People sometimes, WTF? But then there are the you's and the me's and the Guy's and the LA's and the Danger's and the Cat's (which I know are not possessive, just something blah) and others, many others, and that helps reel things in when they get so unstrung. Thanks for that. XOXO dear Anna.
from patheticness :
I love your creative artwork! I used to be an artist. Well, I still am inside but now I use it in a different form. I used to love to draw. Haven't tried that in a long time. Now it's more the art of photography. Portrait photography. It's what I do for a living and I love it. But I miss being a true artist, sitting and sketching for hours...my oldest son inherited it but he's better than I ever was. So proud of him. Anyways, just had to say, continue to embrace and use your talent.:)
from marywa :
This made me think of you today. http://www.pdza.org/washed-ashore/
from narcissa :
i really love your art. sometime if you have something you can mail, can I buy one from you? i'm at narcissadiaryland@gmail.com
from life-my-way :
Your gift for YD will be amazing! I love all your work but that found bits ocean thing may be the best thing yet. Also love you and send sincere regrets on the coming election. At least you're not in Alabama (though you're more than welcome here should that ever arise). XOXO K
from narcissa :
Anna,i think i understood that you're already back at home? What a terrible day. Hope you're up and moving soon... really sorry you had to go through all that. (i do love that you stopped to take those pictures in the midst of the whole ordeal)
from jarofporter :
re: "focused inbox" in hotmail - click the "gear" (upper right hand, near logout), scroll down the "options" sidebar (left side) to "layout". you'll see "focused inbox", click it, then select "don't sort messages". that should fix it. :-)
from swordfern :
I push people away from me for various reasons. I love them but there's something uncomfortable about being close. It's easier to cancel sometimes. Just today, a gal at work asked me to go for coffee with her, and I immediately thought about how my hair was greasy and wondered why she was asking because there's no way that she actually wants to be friends with me. It's so illogical. Life is hard. Relationships are hard. I'm glad that you talked it through with her. The job sounds interesting... being surrounded by books all day would be dreamy!
from life-my-way :
You rock and are my hero. I need my 6K steps or I know no peace. Walking 500 miles and 500 more right along with you, only in a less organized fashion. XOXO
from swordfern :
You know how to love. She is wrong about that. xoxox
from outer-jessie :
Love you, Anna.
from boombasticat :
Thanks, lovely lady. I really love your photographs. You got an eye for composition and moments, I'd say.
from patheticness :
Got your note. Of course you can read me and thank you. Can you give out your email in the notes section, yours or mine? Or do you need mine? Then I can email you my password. Thanks!
from narcissa :
Thanks Anna, and likewise, with the walking and the keeping going. Was also going to suggest a bike shop for the mirror, like this: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01G98514Q/ref=s9_acsd_top_hd_bw_bEHKz_c_x_1_w?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-3&pf_rd_r=FQB24AAPPKK2HAYC7XEF&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=5b11d248-702a-51cc-971f-cc59244a4527&pf_rd_i=3403241 who knows if that link will work, but hopefully.
from cocoabean :
Try a bicycle shop for a mirror with a mount.
from dangerspouse :
Woo hoo! You go, chef! That looks like the start of a lovely soup. Thanks so much for posting it, it really did make me happy. Do let me know how the final product tasted, won't you? Fantastic. Oh, and I love the artwork. If it doesn't sell for 130 I would be very surprised indeed. Best :)
from cocoabean :
Love the coat! It looks warm!
from joistmonkey :
*time ritzy = 'temerity'. Bloody predictive text.
from joistmonkey :
I liked your point about the small difference between religious fundamentalism and insanity - I suppose it depends how many other people you can convince that the voices are real. After all, I've read that talking to God is considered a sign of religious faith, but when God has the time ritzy to talk back, it’s a symptom of mental illness.
from dangerspouse :
Hey kiddo, I'm sure this is my fault but I absolutely cannot find your location in WP. I clicked on your name in the note you left me, but it leads to nowhere. I'm not sure what to do beyond that, as is typical of my techno-phobic self. Can you perhaps shoot me a direct link or something, either at my own WP home or via email? I feel like I'm creating a breach of internet etiquette by not reciprocating with notes there.
from dangerspouse :
I recall a BBC World Service episode I heard several years ago ("The Inquiry"?) discussing the dearth of children and young adult books featuring independent female lead characters. They noted that the gender of the author didn't even matter, as gender stereotyping is culture wide. Women authors, fed the same diet of gender myths as everyone else, often carried over that bias in their own works even while professing otherwise in interviews. I've often thought it would be a good exercise to write a story - of any length - then upon completion go back and switch every character's gender, from hero right down to most insignificant, and see how it reads. (I mean, how great would it be for girls if "Harry Potter" were instead "Hermione Granger"?) To be frank, while I admire what the two women in the "If You Have a Daughter" video are trying to do, I don't seem much difference in the book they've produced and any number of other all-female biography compilations out there (and they are out there). That's dry stuff. I should think youth would be more taken with actual stories, adventures, that sort of thing, rather than a series of single page dissertations. Oh, and I do hope the police are able to bring some sort of resolution to your case, despite the number of years that have passed. You certainly deserve succor, poor thing.
from narcissa :
3-9: great news. good night
from narcissa :
3/1/17- !!! that is really so rad. running! seriously. ok i am inspired to get out there too, i'm going right now.
from ladyofjazz :
27/02/17 Admiring your strength from over here in Spain. I miss the beach, so I vicariously enjoy your walks through your writing and pics. Sending a hug.xx
from narcissa :
2/21: Anna, I'm sorry. It sounds so difficult. xox.
from dangerspouse :
You're still loved. It doesn't do much to ease the pain, but...you're still loved.
from dangerspouse :
I find it a never ending disgrace that for all our words and memes and general bombardment with the message of "gender equality", when the boots hit the ground there is still an overwhelming bias towards boys being the smart, capable ones in products marketed towards children. What kind of message are we (still) sending girls when books, toys, clothes, EVERYTHING, still overwhelmingly tell them, sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly, that they are not capable, and should probably be subservient? We do ourselves and future generations a great disservice when we willfully suppress half our population from reaching their full potential. This subject angers me more than almost any other. (On the other hand, your latest "glue things onto other things" was very pretty. I loved the colors.)
from swordfern :
Feb 15 - Ugh, that whole thing with your car sounds awful. They treated you so harshly considering it was an honest and benign mistake. xoxo
from cocoabean :
That's why I liked the Nancy Drew series... girl detective. When I was 8, I thought I would one day do the things she did. Never did, though. And I love that beak!
from narcissa :
that would have defeated me too. i mean, on top of everything??!? fuuuuck.
from narcissa :
UGH! bummer about your car.
from cocoabean :
crossing fingers, toes and everything else I possibly can! And I don't mind losing either to someone who I admire...
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}
from dangerspouse :
Thank you for the equally lovely note, and for letting me know where you are at WP. I'll have to stalk you there now also, bwahaha! And thank you for the mention in your diary here. Your soups sound wonderful - my Lancaster City grandmother would be proud. Real British foodstuffs are a joy, with a long and glorious history (as Keith Floyd was constantly telling me). I'm sure your stock was every bit the equal of mine, if a different style. You will never hear me disparage food made by others. Anyone who takes the time and effort to whip up something in the kitchen in these days when it's so easy not to deserves applause. Speaking of applause: I love the anchor! It went cheap at 30 pounds. Well done!
from outer-jessie :
"If I thought it would keep her alive I'd push a lorry up a hill, but it's in the lap of the gods, who spit in the face of love, so all I can do is cook and love anyway." Such a gorgeous line.
from dangerspouse :
Haha!! "#nicegranny"....if only they knew :) Good to hear that ED got to go to a pub. That must have been almost like being on holiday. I hope there's more of that.....
from dangerspouse :
It is so, so hard not to become almost paralyzed with rage or fear over the current political machinations that seem ready to bring thousands of years of human civilization to a grinding halt. I'm glad you have some distractions, not least your wonderful art ability. We find succor where we can these days....
from narcissa :
really happy for you (and I like your hat! i marched without one)
from melodymetuka :
So glad the operation is finally over and all is as well as it can be. Ive been so out of it for so long... glad to be back for good news. {{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}
from dangerspouse :
First, of course, it is such a relief to hear some positive news on the daughter front. Second, it may be a useless gesture, but if (as) more and more people get behind it.... And third - striped pussy is still pussy. Ie: perfect. Well done.
from narcissa :
heart. xox
from blujeans-uk :
I saw a lady picking up junk on the beach near us this weekend, and putting it in a bag. I wonder if she was doing the same as you. What do you do with all the stuff you pick up? Sending best wishes for your daughter's op xx
from dangerspouse :
Best of luck getting that post! If there was ever anyone worthy of a writing position....
from hitch-hike :
I agree with others when they say you are expressive. Some people can't label how they feel or what they mean to say, and in my personal life, people who did that helped me and showed me how to do the same. You also utilize support systems (professional, friends, complementary/alternative medicine) in your day-by-day life, and would encourage others to do the same. It doesn't sound like much, but so many others can't even do that. I'd also say you're warm, caring, and experienced in life.
from life-my-way :
I would be happy to say all the things and happier still for you to quote me. I sort of started yesterday even before I knew it might be helpful. Will work on more things soon.
from cocoabean :
I love reading your diary. You are so honest and expressive I can feel your emotions coming through the screen. Even though I don't comment a lot, I always read. (use this note if you want)
from life-my-way :
I love you, dear Anna. Your transparency of process is more helpful to me than I am able to express. Like you, I'd like to start writing everyday to capture the process of what feels like is going to be some kind of apocalypse in my life, micro and macro. Thank you for all you give and all you do and all you are. You're like my real-life Patti Smith. XOXOXO
from hitch-hike :
Have a very happy new year, Anna!! At least the holidays got it on a better start.
from narcissa :
i am so envious of that walk. And I'm sorry about your brother.
from ladyofjazz :
Hey thanks for all the hugs. Appreciate it. Sending a big one back. Xx
from blujeans-uk :
I thought that.. Almost left a message for smashthegas since he's the closest geographically and actually spent time with her..
from narcissa :
thinking of ED and of you and your family. I hope everything goes smoothly.
from narcissa :
but since not, i will just say i'm glad to hear about your mammogram and i wish you a good week.
from narcissa :
i wish i had a way to reach you! i'm in london the next couple of days with not a whole lot to do.. would have been nice to wander that beach and have some chips with you.
from melodymetuka :
Sorry for the double-posting. Don't know how that happened.
from melodymetuka :
Being old sure beats the alternatives, doesn't it? I love the colours of the lobster, whatever the cause, they stand out great against the red felt. Also love the 'om.'
from melodymetuka :
Being old sure beats the alternatives, doesn't it? I love the colours of the lobster, whatever the cause, they stand out great against the red felt. Also love the 'om.'
from narcissa :
that lobster! how can such colours be natural!? thinking of you and of ED. xox
from ladyofjazz :
Awesome image of you blasting Immigrant Song at the bungalow dwellers.
from narcissa :
oh my, that sky, those beach huts. xo
from swordfern :
Nov 20 - Thank you for the lovely message. You are in my thoughts a lot, and I love the photos that you take of the sea the scenery. xoxo
from dangerspouse :
I'd never thought before that "The worst thing about death is the way people go on being dead", and now I'll never think of it any other way. Thank you for the touching description of the service. I hope your own mammogram produces nothing startling...and that your fava beans grow in, and you manage to get those blackcurrants :)
from life-my-way :
Thank you for the note. I love you, dear Anna, and am inspired by your smoke-free-ness. It'll be me again soon. Not going anywhere (because we colonials have a big ass mess to clean up!). XOXO
from blujeans-uk :
Thank you, Anna, for posting that. Deeply, thank you.
from strawberrri :
Thank you for writing about Stepfie's funeral xx
from melodymetuka :
Thank you. I'll never get to meet Stepfie irl, but I am glad not to have missed all of it.
from manfromvenus :
Thank you for reporting on Sarah's funeral, and singing out loud. Well done – I know it can't have been easy to face. x
from narcissa :
(oh, and thank you for your note of congratulations, and yes! head in sand about all other things! one thing at a time, yes?) xox
from narcissa :
thinking of you today
from annanotbob2 :
Thank you Danger. I've got to go out but I'll be back as I'd like to explain what's occurring more fully. I'll post this here and on your page - fucking Diaryland is not encouraging of dialogue
from dangerspouse :
In my defense, I am not one of "those" men as a rule. But I made an exception for Steppy. Some of the conversations we had were so wildly inappropriate that anyone looking in from the outside might be forgiven for thinking he'd stumbled upon a chat between two unmedicated sociopaths. I mean, looking over some of the things she left me in my Notes section I spot immediately things like "could suck-start a Harley Davidson", "When she gets to fulfill her 'Hitler Fuck Fantasy' you'll be on the home straight...", "I love a good gunnel stuffing." (not in the nautical sense), and "My boobs make that noise when you squish 'em, too. s x". And that's just what she wrote in a PUBLIC forum! You can only imagine what our private correspondences were like. So while I would never, ever, write an elegy like that for anyone else (save my equally inappropriate wife perhaps), for Steppy I thought it a fitting homage. She would have expected - wanted - nothing less of me, I'm sure. I am, however, deeply deeply sorry you took offense. I mean that sincerely. I like you quite a bit, and feel real pangs of sympathy when I read of your incredible travails. To think that I've perhaps added to your sorrow in even a very small way makes me feel quite diminished.
from hitch-hike :
Thank you for your thoughts and assurances. I dug up something I wrote on the 2004 election, and the conclusion was something along the lines of "carry on and be the kindness and humility I want to see." **Hugs and hopes for peace**
from manfromvenus :
A real punch in the belly to read "Stepfie’s funeral" mentioned in your latest post. Bloody hell. I never even knew her name, nor she mine... but Stepfordtart invariably amused, entertained... and cared, cared so much. Let’s raise a glass, and salute that lovely lady. MFVx
from blujeans-uk :
I'm glad they're giving her a good send-off. I was wondering today if they'll play any of her recordings. I heard the one she did for her wedding, and that was lovely.
from joistmonkey :
Plantar fasciitis, in my experience, is best treated with resting it, as much as is possible. Found that rolling a cold cylinder like a glass jar of something with the sole of the foot along the floor helped too. Plus making sure shoes aren't too loose when wearing them. Hope you're able to get out on your calming strolls though and aren't in much pain-ness.
from dangerspouse :
Ok comment hound, here ya go. :)
from blujeans-uk :
Thank you for telling me. I had a dream she'd gone. I went and hung a calendar in the school she worked at. I had a feeling, with her saying how it had spread and then having been in a hospice, that it wouldn't be long. Lovely stepfie.. Can you tell me when?
from dangerspouse :
Very glad to be able to help. Thanks for the mention. You're a doll :)
from dangerspouse :
Here's how to move pics from WordPress over to D-Land: when you finish your WP entry, picture included, click the "HTML" tab in the upper right (just underneath where you write the Title). Copy the entire HTML code of your entry and paste it into the Diaryland "Add an Entry" box. It will show up here with the picture included (bypassing any limits you may have on pictures with your Gold Membership, I might add, since the pics are stored elsewhere). Hope this helps! :)
from dangerspouse :
I had no idea Stepford passed. How absolutely awful. I loved her.
from hitch-hike :
Thank you, kindly, for the information. I deleted it from my notes but it still shows up... I'll try it again later but I respect your request.
from narcissa :
[oh and thank you for the congratulations.. premature, as I actually defend on Thursday. but it lifted my spirits, because you're right. xox]
from narcissa :
oh fuck. i missed her last entry about the hospice. super tragic, what a spark that woman had - just from her writing, it was clear. I'm sorry you lost your friend.
from hitch-hike :
Is there a way I can write by email? I think I need to close shop or lock.
from hitch-hike :
Wow, in the brief time I taught, I'm lucky I didn't have anything quite go that route of cussing at the kids. I'm sure it's the same in England, but they've stripped teachers of so many rights and assurances that they are are the mercy of their school districts, parents, and the kids. I wish were were more like the Canadians that considered the profession to be so important for the future, but alas... However, I can list the times kids made my laugh hysterically to counterbalance losing my cool!
from floodtide :
Loved your newest entry about the walking and the yoga. You are a woman of strength and beauty. This man on the other side of the pond admires and respects and loves you, and is lighting a candle as a prayer for peace.
from melodymetuka :
Just waving 'hi.'
from ladyofjazz :
Hola! I too was thinking about the unthinkable of Diaryland going down. I don't know where else to go, kind of like real life then.
from life-my-way :
Always hugs and love for you! Wishing you were closer so we could yoga, or you could help me learn to draw. Until then, XOXO from darkest Alabama.
from marywa :
Here's what I have learned about kidney stones over the last six weeks, as my husband has suffered from a big one -- they don't resolve right away. Even with being broken up by ultrasound, his still caused a lot of pain and nausea. He had problems for a whole month and I was in despair, and then suddenly it cleared up completely and he's back to normal. So hang in there. She might still be passing pieces of the thing.
from life-my-way :
I loved seeing the beautiful photo of you holding hands with your girl, and double loved the photo of you emerging from the sea. We're all covered up in backed up plumbing and disgruntled pets here. My big accomplishment for the day may be getting an old undershirt all sweaty so I can tie it in a knot and give it to the puppy as a reminder that he is not alone. XOXO to you and yours from this side of the pond. Also, Boo says woof.
from harri3tspy :
I haven't been to diaryland in...probably years. And your blog was the first thing I stumbled on and it felt nice to see an old friend here. I am so sorry about what you are going through. I don't have anything useful to say. But sending you hugs and support from across the pond.
from melodymetuka :
Just a quick note to say hi. "Hi!"
from cocoabean :
who cares what other people think? This is you and your family and no one has a right to judge you for what is going on. Hang in there...
from ladyofjazz :
Good to hear that you are focused on the self care. It can be easy to let that slide because it takes effort and can feel like an indulgence if everything else is shitty. Keep it up, good things still exist however bad it gets. Just that we might not see them as that for some time while we deal with life's difficulties. And lemon and lime possets are lovely. :) To my mind food is the one constant thing that gives me pleasure. Something tasty is always going to be tasty, unless you eat it all the time and get sick of it. Anyway I can feel myself starting to ramble on. Xxx
from floodtide :
"Comments and notes," you said in your entry today. So I'm leaving a note to remind you that I follow, that I think of you even when you don't update, that you are in my thoughts and in my heart. I have so little to offer in terms of real help, but please know that I think of you, as I said.
from narcissa :
Sept 9 - sending you good thoughts... and just saw your note from Swordfern, below. Headspace saving my life these days, it feels like.
from life-my-way :
Sending hugs and wishing a gentle tomorrow for us all. XOXOXO
from swordfern :
Yes! I've been using Headspace and worked my way through the first 10 free sessions. I've also gone to a local meditation temple for an intro night, and my counsellor gave me a pre-recorded relaxation meditation. It really helps - those clear moments after meditating make me realize what I am working towards. Thanks again for the suggestion. Did you pay for the subscription? Trying to decide if it's worth buying. I've also been using an app called Insight Timer that has a huge library of free meditations. I really don't want to go on medication, as I worry that it just covers up the symptoms of a larger problem.
from narcissa :
Sept 6 - Anna, thinking of you, xox
from melodymetuka :
So glad to read that she is moving in the right direction. I had no idea how bad it was. I hope you sleep (slept) well. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
from outer-jessie :
God damn, what a horror. I'm glad for the broad smile. Bless that girl.
from cocoabean :
Yay for broad smiles!
from melodymetuka :
So glad to hear it's 'just' a kidney stone. Hope they are able to get it moving (do they have the thing that breaks them up with sound waves?). Keeping you all in my prayers.
from life-my-way :
Hugs to you, Anna. Mel said it best, I am humbled by your strength. XOXOXO
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I wish I had words. I am humbled by your strength.
from dangerspouse :
(((( ))))
from life-my-way :
Hugs from Alabama, dear one. I wish I could make it a bit easier for you, or do anything at all really. But I'll just be over here loving and admiring you. XOXOXO
from outer-jessie :
Is it possible to hire additional help to work with ED where she is? Can a nurse be brought in from outside so that she can stay where she's loved and cared for? I know, it sounds sinfully expensive (at least from a US perspective), but it would be worth it if it's at all possible.
from ladyofjazz :
Always happy to see you've updated. Love your diary, you are amazing! Yes Garageband is a fantastic way to forget everything for a few hours and express yourself and it's so much easier than painting. No mess either. Get it!
from dangerspouse :
I hope you have a good time at the festival. Unrelenting sadness takes its toll. A mental health break once in a while can be very therapeutic. I hope it is for you. And I hope The Who don't show up :)
from narcissa :
8/24: Anna, I can't believe she is only 38. Thinking of you. xox
from life-my-way :
Huzzah to you for swimming and for loving the sea. Hugging you from afar against the awfulness. Hoping there are moments on the trip, maybe the singing/dancing bits, where there's a moment of joy to be found. XXXOOO
from hitch-hike :
I'm actually going to see a psychologist in a week or so about neurofeedback. I was curious about it and decided to see if I'd be a good candidate for it. I hear you about not wanting the anti-d's. They work for a very short time and then after 3 months, it's back to the mental static. After reading about their shoddy trials and the studies that say everything else is more effective in terms of treatment, I'm not going back to those if I can help it. **Hugs**
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}
from narcissa :
hug hug hug xxx xxx xxx
from cocoabean :
XXOOXX
from marywa :
XOX. Sending good thoughts.
from life-my-way :
OXOXOXO And DangerSpouse is correct, that pudding looked amazing. You, too, are amazing, dear Anna.
from dangerspouse :
Your pudding sounds - and looks! - amazing. How wonderful that the author acknowledged your thanks. That was really nice to read :)
from ladyofjazz :
Thanks for the encouraging words. I have decided to just try to live in the moment and relax. Not everything has to be about progressing. I think my anxiety stems from feeling I wasted a lot of years being a bit of a stoner/procrastinator and feel like I need to catch up. I am definately the tortoise in the race. I must join the Labour Party too, £25 is a bit steep but I feel like it's our only hope now. Scary times. I think your conspiracy theory rings true. I always said that whatever you can imagine the truth is even more shocking. Xx
from swordfern :
Thanks for following along. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision - that my own anxiety is getting in the way of me loving Daniel, and that if I don't solve this now that it will carry over to any new relationship. But then there's the part of me that's done with trying to fix things - that the relationship has so many band-aids on it that it's no longer a substantial being. Too many hurts to really move forward and love each other in the way that we deserve. Plus the daunting task of starting over, of untangling our combined assets like bank accounts, shared car, shared mortgage, shared toaster/tent/hammer/etc. of 11 years of cohabitation. But really, thanks for following along. It makes me feel less alone in this whole thing.
from dangerspouse :
See, I think men SHOULD be bankers. We tend to carry more pounds on us :)
from dangerspouse :
Woo hoo, look at you! And look at that gorgeous, smooth, silky looking yoghurt!! Well done old girl well done :) (I like your method of determining when the milk has come to temperature. But I'll note one little scientific-y thing I read, if it's of interest: the closer the milk gets to boiling without actually boiling, the more proteins unravel and act as thickeners when the yoghurt forms. So if you want thicker goop right out of the pan, without straining, you might want to try that variation. But of course, your strainer did a yeoman's job of making a perfect product, so...why bother? Terrific stuff!) Now, of course, the real concern: I hope the madness of trying to navigate the healthcare waters over there on ED's behalf don't break you completely. It sounds like it's taking a heavy toll despite all the affirmations you end your posts with. My thoughts are with you and ED frequently. I don't know how you do it. (And I don't know how BORIS FUCKING JOHNSON just got named Foreign Secretary. There is no justice. Your rant was well placed.)
from dangerspouse :
I'm so glad you've made the yoghurt. Do let me know how it came out when strained. And...I feel your pain about the Brexit fiasco, having had to cover it in my newscasts and learning as much as I could about it via the BBC World Service (may god bless them, really). Do you think Theresa May...ah, never mind. I already know the answer. I gotta get me one of them mugs.... xoxox
from dangerspouse :
Of COURSE you sailed through the interview. There was never a question :)
from hitch-hike :
I was always curious about the effect of spliff on the anxiety/depression I've wrangled for a good chunk of my life. Am I right to conclude abstaining didn't make much of a difference?
from dangerspouse :
Good luck on the interview!! So glad to hear that the son's visit was so pleasant...and that you don't have bird shit on your car. That's always a plus :)
from lirenne :
I lived up to my side of the social contract too. Considering what I got for it, it wasn't worth the effort. I should have been more debauched. Also, hello, I am a new reader.
from manfromvenus :
Sorry, Anna. For what it’s worth, I’ve been a very poor friend to everybody on here. I still look in on you here from time to time... but parenting, horrible job, and the general struggle to stay afloat in a world where hard work and honesty aren't enough anymore, quite frankly. Sucks. Must try to do better. Happy belated birthday to you, m’dear. I’ll try to fit in a visit to your little bit of seaside before the year is out. (Try!) Love, MFV
from narcissa :
anna, just catching up on entries. So glad your daughter is much closer and that you are happy the new place. As always, admiring your ability to take it all a day at a time (including this never-ending sea of bureaucracy that you are navigating... i'm all for public benefits but god, this trend of turning them into an endurance race). xo
from dangerspouse :
Aww, thank you so much for the notes. It was very sweet of you. And despte it all, I still love D-Land. But then, I'm known for making bad choices.... :)
from dangerspouse :
How you're not overwhelmed to the point of being paralyzed is beyond me. Maybe it's the key lime pie giving you strength, who knows. Whatever it is, bless you bless you bless you. You're a better man than I.
from ladyofjazz :
A muddy post Brexit Coldplay headed Glastonbury sounds like the end of days. :(
from melodymetuka :
Sorry to hear things got so overwhelming. Glad for the dry bed. It really is no small thing if you haven't got one.
from portlypete :
Gun laws! Don't get me started! Do you have any news on your Chigley chum?
from cocoabean :
It's amazing how good a nice bath can make you feel!
from narcissa :
june 6 - oh thanks, it was such a fun entry to write.. one of the ones I wrote with a smile on my face. I kept thinking, "oh, don't forget that other thing!"
from outer-jessie :
Hooray! Glad you all made it safely and things are looking up.
from melodymetuka :
So glad you are back, with all intact and good news. Hope it keeps on being good - I would love to be able to walk (okay, be pushed in the w/c) to the beach. Wonderful!
from hitch-hike :
Greetings again from Florida USA! The adjustment, at least, is short-term and your daughter will be nearby. I hope it's a good place, too! Xoxo
from ladyofjazz :
Just had to say Hello too. Best wishes and other such things.x
from manfromvenus :
I was here. (So hello, Anna!) Thinking of you, and hoping for the change in your luck that you deserve. Lots of love! XX
from dangerspouse :
As you've asked, "Hello!". I still pass by here regularly, hoping for better news each time. My thoughts are with you, and your travails.
from outer-jessie :
You're amazing, Anna.
from cocoabean :
I'm glad ED will be closer to you, better for both of you!
from wyndspirit :
So the entry I just did at my new blog started with "So..." The irony! Glad you are all OK after the accident, and hopefully just shook up and will feel better soon.
from wyndspirit :
Wow. Just. Wow. I've never told anybody but my nephew tried to kill himself the night of my dad's funeral. I have no words. All I can say is, hang in there, you and yours are in my prayers!
from joistmonkey :
Thanks for highlighting the sad death of Sally Brampton btw - I've read articles by her, very insightful and thought-provoking. Alas too common. Happy to hear about the folks scrapping over your art though - it's a curious mixture of pride/self-justification and anxiety/modesty when that sort of thing happens, I've found!
from narcissa :
your beautiful art. I always admire it when you post it. Not at all surprised people were fighting over it. xox
from narcissa :
So frightening. Your family and friends are so lucky to have you. Sending my deep admiration for the way you just keep going. It's the only way through, but I know it's so hard sometimes. xox.
from stepfordtart :
Love you and yours v much xxxxxxx
from life-my-way :
I just saw your note and it was perfectly perfect. When you write of your percieved shortcomings I cannot fathom the possibility of their being real--I'll try to think of myself in that way when the bad thoughts return as is their superpower. OoOoOoOoO from the colonies. K
from melodymetuka :
Can't type much, so, {{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}} You are in my thoughts and prayers, along with YD and your whole family. Much love <3
from wyndspirit :
I'm sorry I haven't been following you, well, I haven't really been following anybody for years. My life kinda fell apart and I kinda hid... Anyway, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!
from life-my-way :
It's almost Mother's Day for the USians so a fine time for me to mention that you're an amazing mother. I often think of you when wondering what to do/how to be a parent to an adult child. You're strong and brave and talented and funny and so SO loved. So loved! XO K
from marywa :
I almost never leave notes but I'm leaving one now to let you know I'm sending good thoughts your way from Seattle!
from outer-jessie :
You are wonderful and brave and strong. In case you didn't remember. Love, an American (yes, we are Americans, because that's what we call ourselves. We get to decide who we are, no? "America" in Spanish is "The Americas" in English, and somehow I think that distinction makes the difference.)
from hitch-hike :
Hopefully you are able to find good care nearby so your daughter will be close to you and everyone else who loves her! **Waves hello from The Sunshine State**
from outer-jessie :
Thank you :) I wish it for everyone, but especially for you.
from narcissa :
hope you feel better soon.
from narcissa :
anna, hey- checking in from uganda. Hope you are well. (13/4/16)
from swordfern :
Thx! :)
from narcissa :
hey anna, it's been a few days (a week?) since you posted those gorgeous photos... just wanted to say hello and tell you you're in my thoughts.
from narcissa :
incredibly beautiful, even through pictures... I can only imagine what it would have been like in real life. Envying you your beach walks.. it is so amazing that you keep doing those, even on the days when everything else feels so bad.
from cocoabean :
It is beautiful!
from hitch-hike :
...my point is at least science is backing up the real effects of trauma, and it's finally starting to address it in terms of treatments. It's some real sh*t! It gives me a sense of validation. The world is f^cked up enough as it is and people do horrible things to each other, and it's so unfair that we have to fix ourselves and pick up the pieces afterward. However, I doubt I would had gotten through all of this if it weren't for the support of people who also had been there, or had enough in them to empathize. **Hugs**
from hitch-hike :
For the longest time, everyone thought trauma was "in our head," like it was a flaw of character, lack of willpower, or weakness that haunted us with such memories. Brain scans have showed the real effects of violence and abuse and recent studies show those things affect our genes and can literally be passed down for multiple generations!...
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}}} We DO recover. It takes that nastiest of four-letter-words, time But we do. Love you.
from narcissa :
sending good thoughts for today.
from stepfordtart :
(((((loves))))) s xx
from narcissa :
i'm sorry. hope that tomorrow is better and glad there is such a thing as a recovery centre where you live.
from narcissa :
i love your photos. That incredible palm.
from melodymetuka :
Often the gratitude list seems like a waste of time or worse hypocrisy to me, but now I can at least remember how it has helped me before to pull my head out of my a**. So I'm not as good at it as I once was (not every day, or every time I write anymore) but I stick with it, 'cause for me it really is worth it.
from whystinger :
I was pissed off about the idiots bitching about Carrie Fisher's looks. She looked fine to me, but then again I am an ugly old man, so that is probably why it she is fine. I share your bitchiness lately.
from melodymetuka :
I'm so sorry, and wish that there was something I could do or say. I am not going to 'fuck off' I am going to be here if there is ever anything I can do - besides keeping you in my prayers, which I always do.
from narcissa :
Hi, just caught up on your last few entries, and so sorry that everything has been so hard over the last week. Really admire you quitting smoking - it's so hard - and hope that today is a better day. [29/12/15]
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}
from joistmonkey :
Aye - have read a couple of Malcolm Mackay's - 'Necessary Death of Lewis Winter' was very impressive, I agree, but I was slightly less blown away by the second in the series ('When A Gunman Says Goodbye') though did enjoy it. Have the third on my shelf to read.
from narcissa :
phew. glad you're okay.
from life-my-way :
I tried to leave a note earlier (from work) but could not. I've been thinking of you and sending all the healthful thoughts I can. Life feels like a carnival ride these days. Sudden turns, things popping out unexpected, generally unrelaxing and pretty much terrifying. I've no idea what the point is, or if there is a point, except to be as loving and kind as we can while trying to grow ever more so. Not that I can do that, just that I think I should try. Hang in there, friend. You are all good things (all of them!) and you are so very loved by so many people. Even in Alabama. xoxo
from joistmonkey :
I like the pier/sky painting from your art group very much Don't worry or be bashful about the lack of toil/effort you may have put in - surely art is about creating something visually stimulating (be it aesthetic or thought provoking) essentially? I get p*ssed off with all the back stories of artists struggles when producing a work.. surely it should mainly be judged on what it ends up looking like and what effect it may have on the viewer?
from stepfordtart :
I like everything about that crochet bag....apart from that it is goose-shit green. Jollier colours, please! Love you lots xxxx
from dangerspouse :
A well written poem can convey more in a short space than even reams of the best written prose. That was very poignant, the one you posted. I hope your online support gives you some succor, if you can't find as much as you need elsewhere.
from narcissa :
AND ALSO i do feel better thinking of the excellent D. Adams having to do the same thing (but also it makes me wonder if maybe Cary Tennis just steals all his advice ideas from other people?)
from narcissa :
oh, thanks for asking! It's on reaching women to improve nutrition in very poor rural settings in developing countries. It was so interesting and fun to work on for the first few years (and sometimes it still is) but now I wish it was over because i just want to think about anything else [I sent you an email.. not sure if you ever check that email address you have on your page]
from annanotbob2 :
Thank you so much for this, K. I haven't listened to the podcast yet, saving it for tomorrow, but as always a little touch of Patti is a strengthening tonic. The photo of her with Bowles is fabulous. Hope you are well, dear friend xxx
from life-my-way :
You are so wonderful, Anna, and I am so sorry that you're not feeling wonderful. Sometimes maybe the "next right thing" to do is nothing. Soon maybe something else will be the next right things. So you've probably seen this (https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/11/02/patti-smith-favorite-books-m-train/) but maybe not. It's lovely, especially the New York Public Library podcast bit. You couldn't manage the concert (I could no more manage a Patti Smith concert in London that fly to the moon--I think you were brave to consider trying it), but hearing her speak like that, and with the really nice interviewer man, it's a very good thing. Hold on, dear Anna, and take care of Anna, Bob. XOXO
from narcissa :
super kind of that man from the queue to engage and actually say something to you. Nothing worse than everyone pretending around you pretending they're on the other side of a soundproof glass wall, while you get more and more upset. Going off to look for the murder mystery now.
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{Anna}}}}}} Good to get back and read a bit of what is going on with you. Smack the cat! *silly grin* I swear they (my cats) think my going to bed is time to get up to their worst tricks.
from dangerspouse :
I'm proud of you for tenaciously keeping up the anti-smoking effort. Smoking has taken away too many people I loved, so I always cheer for anyone undertaking the enormous effort it takes to quite. And yeah: ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING BACK TO THE FUTURE DELUGE! Jesus. Like there's not real news to cover.
from life-my-way :
Thanks for working on your piece in your diary--I feel luck to have gotten to see it. I'll be sending love and strength from here, where no one seems to be using their love or strength so much so they'll probably never miss it. XO sweet friend. (also, thanks for the apple-sized golden business--it's just perfectly wonderful!)
from life-my-way :
Sending love and well wishes from across the pond. The world may be sad and scary but you, my friend, are a beacon and a balm. A hero, really. And the work on paper you posted on FB is amazing--and you can DO that. May beacons and heroes appear all around you to lift you up and lead you on (as you do so well for so many). XOXO K
from dangerspouse :
((((( )))))
from outer-jessie :
From an unreliable source (maybe Pinterest; maybe Cracked), they say it's easier to quit if, on your first two or three days, you go to a sauna to sweat out the nicotine. For your next go. Meanwhile, smell a flower, name a color, squish something soft. Be well.
from dangerspouse :
Be strong at quitting. You're worth it. Your lungs, and everything else you love, will thank you. Good luck.
from dangerspouse :
NOT THE DREADED LURGY!! Eccles! Bluebottle! Hurry with that salve!!!
from dangerspouse :
We should all wish for a pleasant fucker, or at least be able to say it cheerfully. What a trial has been laid on your shoulders. I'm amazed at how you hold up under it. I do hope life is more of a pleasant fucker to you in the future, bringing you succor and maybe wine. Lots and lots of wine. Hang in there, kiddo.
from dangerspouse :
Writing about my bottom? Is that a crack? Lol. No, for once the entry was NOT about my best feature. It's about having to drive to New York City on the same day the Pope is there (along with President Obama and numerous heads of foreign countries). You can only imagine how thrilled I am at the prospect of facing increased security and traffic congestion of Biblical proportions. There, you just read my entire entry, you kid :)
from outer-jessie :
Hang in there. There's lots and lots of good in the world, and that includes you.
from life-my-way :
I'm sorry you're struggling and wish I could help. Hang on, remember the semicolon, you're not finished. You are so wonderful and so loved, I hope you can feel that.
from joistmonkey :
Dick King Smith! Used to love his books as a kid, I had several - Sheep-pig, Harry's Mad, Saddlebottom, The Queen's Nose, and more I can't remember the titles of. Getting a follow off his family as opposed to him is a slight disappointment but hey, it's better than being followed by Charles Manson or Quaker Oats Mexico :-)
from life-my-way :
Lots of virtual hugs for you, and I wish I were there to listen or help. As is, I'll just admire your strength from this side of the pond and call it a day. OOOXXOOO
from narcissa :
yeesh, i can't believe your MP tweeted that. The whole internet was depressing yesterday, thanks for articulating it so well, it just made me tired.
from outer-jessie :
So wonderful to hear!
from life-my-way :
So great to read you this morning! I'm so happy for GS, happy that he has you and that the you that he has possesses enough sense to celebrate what a superstar he is. Young men can be tricky to shepherd along through youth (as we both know)--it's wonderful that things are slowly working out and that the momentum seems to have turned and is moving in a positive direction. You do so much for those you love, it's great to see you're getting back into yoga to do a bit of something for yourself. XOXO
from outer-jessie :
You're doing so well. And by that I mean, you're still you. Something like that. Anyway, I have no right to be, but I'm proud of you.
from narcissa :
long long time lurker here. didn't seem right to just keep reading without telling you how much I always appreciate the honesty of your entries. Today's made me wish for a loaner dog and a beach to wander.
from cocoabean :
So glad the visit went so well!
from outer-jessie :
This (your August 11th entry) gave me such a feeling of gladness to read that I got a little lump in my throat. Keep going, you're doing fine.
from outer-jessie :
Sending you strength. Remember we all stand beside you, in some plane where we'll all together.
from manfromvenus :
Just to say hello, as I pass by here on my first visit in... ages. Best wishes! Best wishes and much love!
from stepfordtart :
for Lawn Tennis, presumably?! :-) xxxxxx
from joistmonkey :
I remember 'doing' both 'To Kill a Mockingbird' and 'Roll Of Thunder Hear My Cry' for GCSE English as a lad myself, I found the second more realistic perchance, but so earnest that it put me off. Though TKaM also reads very strangely (almost as if it was written to be studied/analysed) I do agree with your point about the white POV coming over like protecting a strange animal.
from newschick :
i'm sorry, i didn't know about your loss. thinking of you xo
from stepfordtart :
I dont know why I didnt know that fava beans are broad beans. Now I can fucking hate them both. They are foul. Like cardboard boxes full of plasticene farts. Love you tho. You are fab. s xx
from stepfordtart :
(((loves)))) s xx
from stepfordtart :
Aww, thanks matey! It was lovely to see you (and you handled yourself just fine) - next time I'll sing something more cheery, tho, huh? ;-) s xxx
from stepfordtart :
Divorce, Death. Moving House - 3 most stressful things in the whole wide world ever. Cut yourself some slack, lady :-) xxxxxxxxxx
from cocoabean :
I agree with you about moving. One room finished means you have a place to rest and have peace before going back to the other rooms of chaos
from stepfordtart :
'you can always fuck off' is my go-to response at the mo. I heartily applaud its use, in all situations. s x
from outer-jessie :
I think the little doll is utterly delightful! I don't see what you're seeing about it being kind of off because it's bigger. It's very sweet!
from stepfordtart :
Hey, Girl! *waves* xx
from stepfordtart :
I saw that picture - at no point did I think badly of you for posting it. Even when I realised it wasnt quite all it seemed, it still didnt occur to me to hold you to account for it. (((loves))) xx
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}} Hang in there. I know it's awful now, but in time it will be better. Be very good to yourself and know that you matter to an awful lot of people, even if many of us aren't close enough to run over and give you a real hug.
from life-my-way :
Dear Anna,I 'm just writing to remind you that you're practically perfect in every way. Please remember that! XO K
from dangerspouse :
Wow. How horrible, horrible a position for you to be in. Expressions of sympathy feel shallow, even silly, in the face of what you're going through. But you have my sincere sympathy anyway. And I'm sure - I hope - you have her sincere gratitude for your ongoing sacrifice. (((( ))))
from dangerspouse :
YE GADS! Thanks for letting me know!!
from annanotbob2 :
testing
from melodymetuka :
I really like the photos today, and I like being able to leave a comment. So sorry you are slogging through the muck again, but I'm glad you will still be here to laugh when it again passes. So sorry your friend didn't make it. We are all stronger the more of us there are holding on. {{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}
from dangerspouse :
The cat makes everything better.
from newschick :
your art is beautiful! love the colour choices.
from life-my-way :
Your drawings are so amazing--I love everything you post. They're so full of life and motion, even the still lifes. Thanks for sharing them! XOXO
from cocoabean :
Is there a charity or charity drop box near where you could donate them? Even a school could use them.
from dangerspouse :
Thanks, kiddo. I appreciate it.
from dangerspouse :
HANG IN THERE!! A fag-free life will be worth it in the end (not saying you shouldn't make endless lists of people you hatehatehate anyway, mind you). I love the line of swans trailing you - much more dramatic than my flies. And...you're an angel.
from melodymetuka :
Haven't been up to writing much at all, but I feel like I resemble what you wrote here and I wanted to at least send a hug. {{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}
from thecrankyone :
Sounds like your politicians are taking lessons from our politicians.
from harri3tspy :
Hi, Anna! I'm not sure what made me think of you today, but I surfed over to catch up and discovered you've had rather a lot on your plate. Good thoughts headed your way from across the pond!
from dangerspouse :
I love those pictures. Love. Although that looks to be a very, very evil cat.
from dangerspouse :
There are no rules in art. It's art. Fuck that woman. You did great.
from life-my-way :
So so so beautiful!!! Your haircut is brilliant. You are amazing. ED is gorgeous out in the weather in that fabulous coat. XOXOXO
from cocoabean :
That picture says it all!
from joistmonkey :
Nice to see that Squeeze vid again (and nice too to have a pop video of 'a band playing the song' as opposed to someth more contrived!) - my Squeeze 'best of' would be worn around 'Up The Junction' and (the similarly narrative) 'Labelled With Love' were it not a CD/digital copy.. because they're the only two I play :-)
from thecrankyone :
Glad things are going good for her. I envy your medical system, where one doesn't have to be wealthy or destitute to get care with out having to sell off a body part or first born to pay for it. Keeping my fingers crossed that all continues to go well
from thecrankyone :
Glad things are going good for her. I envy your medical system, where one doesn't have to be wealthy or destitute to get care with out having to sell off a body part or first born to pay for it. Keeping my fingers crossed that all continues to go well
from dangerspouse :
I'm very, very glad to hear of ED's progress. I've been thinking of her over here in the colonies.
from cocoabean :
Hooray!!!
from life-my-way :
More fabulous news--hoping for more and more and more. Prayers and well wishes continue to head your way from Alabama, from everywhere. I really liked that Marigold Hotel movie--full of hope for a gal like myself. For many of us.
from life-my-way :
That's fabulous news--more alert sounds like progress for sure! Keep taking care of yourself, you're very important!
from dangerspouse :
Hang in there, kid. Hope ED is ok :(
from life-my-way :
Oh Anna, I'm sorry about your day. Wishing I could do more than think about you all and send love and strength. XOXOXO
from stepfordtart :
One of my faves, was Manchester City (after a particularly convoluted 'new manager' debacle) fans singing to the Gallagher brothers (oasis = big man city fans) to the tune of Wonderwall, "and maybeeeeee, we could have had Liam Bradyyyyyyy, but after allllll, we got Alan Balllllll". Genius. xx
from outer-jessie :
Most glorious entry ever.
from life-my-way :
Praying and sending radiant energy and asking my lightest and brightest to do the same. Your email sounds right on, Anna, I think you've summed it up very well. XOXOXO
from la-the-sage :
Writing is good. I'm a shaky correspondent at best, but I'm trying. Keep posting, I'm here even if often I am inarticulate and clumsy. ~LA
from outer-jessie :
You sound much better. It's good to have a plan.
from life-my-way :
Your photographs are so amazing--I'm very glad you and they are back. XOXOXO
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}
from outer-jessie :
Wow. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this and that it's been so hard, but I'm so glad that you're still here. I don't know what to say that will help, because I realize that there really isn't much that will, except that it doesn't have to be this way. It can get better, and it sometimes will. There will be good days, good weeks, good years. Suffering is inevitable, but so is joy. I know you know that intellectually, even if it's hard to believe it'll happen to you again. But it will.
from life-my-way :
You ARE a warrior, that's exactly what you are, and a tremendous one at that. Meanwhile, at work the other day I was talking to the cheeriest, cutest, blondest, sweetest woman a year or so younger than I and, apropos of nothing, she mentioned that she wanted a "Do Not Resuscitate" order. Why? Because I'm just about tired of living. And so am I. So many are these days, it seems. But for now let's keep being warriors and hang on. You are so amazing. Yay for yoga. Yay for you. XOXO K
from life-my-way :
{{{{{{Anna}}}}}} Keep making it through to the end of the day. Everyday. Your name lit in red is a beautiful sight. XOXOXOXO
from jaysthoughts :
No one is "doing" it. If there were some one entity to blame, maybe it'd be easier, seem less senseless. It's life; entropy, thermodynamics. The fact that things tend towards disorder, and that it all breaks you down... I'm probably not helping.
from thecrankyone :
many many hugs to you. I wish there was something I could do. Hang in there.
from melodymetuka :
Don't know why it all has to happen at once - I just know that it does. This too shall pass. Hang in there. {{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}
from dangerspouse :
(((((((((( )))))))))
from stepfordtart :
((((loves Anna)))) xx
from life-my-way :
{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}} Yes we will wait and yes you are worth it and yes this will pass and bloody hell why is it all happening at once? I shared this but you would have missed it (as you seem to be wisely stepped aside from facespace)-- "Your weirdness will make you stronger. Your dark side will keep you whole. Your vulnerability will keep you connected to the rest of our suffering world. Your creativity will set you free. There is nothing wrong with you." Andra Balt And it's true, there is only right with you. You are so loved and so wonderful.
from aliannmil :
((((hugs))))
from cocoabean :
Take your time... we will wait for you!
from dangerspouse :
xoxoxoxox. Hang in there. You're worth it.
from aliannmil :
http://www.woofmang.com/index.shtml You are doing wonderful. The link leads to some terrific reading about the road you are traveling. There is also a forum with nice helpful folks who will support you. Tell them I sent you. I quit with many of them. I have been quit now for 11 years. You can do this, and you will, I promise you, feel better eventually. Until then, read a bit.
from melodymetuka :
Congratulations on life smoke-free. I had it a bit easier, because I quit smoking for good while I was pregnant with S3. I found the tobacco unappealing during the pregnancy, which helped a lot. Then I just had ot not pick them up again. It will get better. Really, kol hakavod (all honour to you). Well done!
from life-my-way :
Too, too, too hard is right, but also too, too, too good and worth it. We all have our ways to get through it—I gave myself anything that I wanted as long it wasn't a cigarette (candy, gum, food, anything). And I cherished things like the "what happens when you stop smoking" (it won't let me copy and paste, so Google it if you haven't already). I followed those even up to seven years, at which time my body had replaced all its cells with cells that had never smoked, though by then smoking was seldom thought of. I still dream I've smoked, sometimes, but it's less of a nightmare now than it used to be. Hang in there, precious Anna, you're dead right about it being the worst treat ever. You deserve much better. XOXO K
from hitch-hike :
Welcome back! Thanks for the pics from Glasto and the wedding :)
from life-my-way :
That's a great start to your wedfest words—it's going to be brilliant. You've done the most important thing. You've loved them all, your children and theirs. You love them all now. That's what matters and you do it very well. Mazel tov, YD and SIL. XO Anna
from life-my-way :
I apologize for the ugly Americans. Shocking that she doesn't love the current government, that patriot. You are right. Snowden was right. Hugs and more hugs in regards to the real source of the predominant feelings of the day. XOXO
from cocoabean :
Technically I suppose Snowden is a traitor, acting against the government, but he did the right thing. I agree with your assessment of the whole thing! And BTW, my father was never in the military. He farmed and grew grains and animals to help feed the US.. not every war hero actually went to war!
from life-my-way :
XOXOXO...these kids and how they grow. We're lucky to have them and they're lucky to have us. And we're all lucky to have you!
from simeons-twin :
Gracias! xx
from melodymetuka :
Just saying 'Hi!' I like the sky photo, sometimes you don't need a lot. {{{Anna}}}
from cocoabean :
Is there a grocers or deli on the way to the flat walk? You could stop and get some ready to eat lunch!
from hitch-hike :
I'd like to congratulate you (and myself) for maintaining a 100% record of getting through bad days!! xoxo
from cocoabean :
I like 8871 the best... more closed at the arms, I agree with you on the original about how it would hang.
from stepfordtart :
He's 14. He knows the smell of weed. If he didnt mention it its because he's not bothered. s x PS TES has been really useful - Im not bothered about the actual 'teaching' bit, just how I'll get through it with the minimum of blubbing!
from life-my-way :
My pick from your Glasto list would be the Sun Ra Arkestra. I'd think you might like them too. Thinking of you often and sending strength and love. K
from hitch-hike :
I know you're doing the best you can <3 xxx
from floodtide :
Sending you love and support from the wintery midwest. And wanted to share this after reading you this morning: Once I rode in an elevator with Cab Calloway. Yup.
from outer-jessie :
I love you, Anna, and I don't care how crazy that may be. More importantly, your daughter loves you, and you make her happy when you're with her. I hope there is some joy in that.
from cocoabean :
Hang in there, sending good vibes your way.
from life-my-way :
XXX and this--a kindly group of Reiki practitioners of my acquaintance often refer to one's "process" when speaking of difficult times (though true, too, I am sure, of the happy times as well). I don't know why, but the concept of process comforts me. I've added you and ED to the list of peeps to receive radiant support now. You are so loved, and your sharing of your process has helped me more than I can say. You are, truly, my role model for parenting adult children. And for awesomeness. XOXOXO K
from thecrankyone :
Thinking of you and sending prayers your way.
from floodtide :
I loved loved loved what you wrote in your diary last night about Fred Phelps' passing and the fact that your facebook/diaryland friends weren't snarky. Yes, we're the good guys. XO
from life-my-way :
Hey Anna, that beautiful blooming tree smells, I swear to god, like sperm. Bill said today that it smells like an Amsterdam gutter (not that we'd know, but...). So that's the deal with it. I love the photos of your garden and admire your efforts to get things in and out of there. XOXO
from aliannmil :
Hope you are feeling better. So happy you have NHS, here in the states you have to suffer or scrape together money to be seen, no money no tooth extraction even the ER won't see you unless you are infected, then it's antibiotics, pain killers and off you go to hope it falls out on it's own, oh and an ER bill that may or may not exceed what the dentist bill would have been. Dentist can turn you away with no ins or money. Hope you are completely healed very soon, Hugs.
from thecrankyone :
American Health Care, there's a can of worms if ever there was one. If you are wealthy or destitute it's awesome, for the rest of us not so much.
from life-my-way :
It's on my list to come to Glastonbury, and soon, so maybe it will be me who beams over your way. Could happen...
from life-my-way :
Fabulous pictures...I love a gauzy sun through the clouds and the fence keeping out the bright green grass is lovely. Yes proud that you handled the pub so masterfully. Thanks for your notes, they fortify. XOXO
from newschick :
LOL. lovely visual! i've been a fan for a long time, but this place is the perfect blend of old and modern...i'm sure the hippy yogis would scoff the place but i don't care!
from floodtide :
Thank you, gentle friend. Hugs back to you. XO
from melodymetuka :
I'm really glad to hear it. Please be very nice to yourself today. :-)
from dangerspouse :
I'm glad to hear that. I really fretted for you following your last entry. ((( )))
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}}
from cocoabean :
Every time someone reads your diary, it's like they called to see how you are. There are lots of people who care!
from hitch-hike :
Many things seemed to fall in place and with interesting timing in terms of your ED's care. Perhaps they will soon move her from the dementia unit when space for her is available. In my experience, a lot of that has to do with the space that may (or may not) be available. **Hugs, and shares a toke (lol)**
from melodymetuka :
The new van looks terrific. I know it is hard, but I have to say it sounds really good. Let this be the beginning of things only getting better.
from crowbelle :
like I said, I will help in any way with a new blog at JournalScape... just holler.
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
from joistmonkey :
Ah, just I thought you left a message in my comments box "..Didn't get on with Julian Barnes but have bought 'Cradle', x.." and I was wondering whether it was the Arthur C Clarke one. Never mind. I guessed that the Eliz George I read was prob not typical, unfortunate taster of her oeuvre. PS just saw your note about fisting. Oh my. I wonder whether teenagers expectations actually have changed. That said, I remember when I lost my virginity thinking "right, there's a clitorus here somewhere that I have to find" in a rather over-informed manner that I imagine teenagers were less likely to think in pre-FHM pre-Cosmo times?
from joistmonkey :
I'm still unsure about whether I'll give Eliz George another go - I read 'What came before he shot her' and liked much of it, but thought it excessively long and full of family minutae and misery. She can clearly write though. That 'Cradle' you mentioned - that classic scifi novel? Not read it, till be interested in your thoughts.
from crowbelle :
There is no "comments" link on your page! support --- here it is --- from across the Pond. You are amazing Anna, and I don't know how you keep any of it together in any semblance of normal, but you do it anyway. Life is way to friggin hard! Damn it all!
from cocoabean :
I agree with life-my way! *Hugs*
from life-my-way :
I admire you so much and aspire to be the kind of mother you are to my adult children (when that time is finally upon me). You are loving and caring and put others before yourself, you're really an example of how things should be done. I don't know about flaky, but I do know that you are exceptionally bold and that boldness will carry the day. Love to you from across the pond in Alabama. K
from melodymetuka :
I forgot to write -thanks for the Beethoven. I really love that video.
from melodymetuka :
{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}} I haven't been writing much to anyone, and I am sorry I haven't been able to send even little positive messages. I know it feels like a horrible change, the residential placement, and I know that you will do everything you can and then beat yourself up for not being able to do more. So the best thing I can offer is a hug and to say to be very, very gentle with yourself because you are grieving, and you will crash, and then you will get up and do it all again, and it will be easier if you can remember that you are a wonderful person doing the best possible job under impossible circumstances. NOT a crazy nutter who is no good to anyone. Sorry, don't mean to be putting words in your mouth. That is how I feel too much of the time. Anyway, here's the hug (again) {{{{{{{{{{{{{Anna}}}}}}}}}}}}}. I just wish I could do it for real. You hang in there, you will be okay and your daughter can still have a good life, even if it isn't the life you wanted for her. I don't have the life I wanted, but it is still a good one. Love you!
from life-my-way :
Yo, Brit-friend, you forgot a star--artist, writer, mother of three turned awesome fundraiser philanthropist. You are a superstar ++++. I'm so proud that you are my friend. XOXO
from joistmonkey :
That 'The Casual Vacancy' is on my to read list too, though not near the top till recently, due to my antipathy of the populist nature of people all reading it when it came out and complaining it was different to the children's stories she'd churned out before. Will try to read her crime novel too. I'm with you on enjoying Educating Yorkshire too - though last night's made me despair at the lack of effective tools left to deal with belligerent kids who won't do what parents or teachers ask, and everyone else suffers as a consequence.
from hitch-hike :
Well, well! I decided to say 'hello' the old-fashioned way! I'm glad to hear you had the help you needed with the rent increase. I feel reassured when the universe steps in and gives back to those are are generous and giving (agh, we Yanks hear so much more about taking and the takers: the only one who talks about the opposite seems to be Oprah). Thanks also for your thoughts during this time.
from life-my-way :
So glad your sister is on the mend, and sorry that she got crossways with that horse (they're a little scary, if you ask me). As for meals on ones own, there are few things better. In fact, I envy you. XOXO
from joistmonkey :
Been meaning to try some Malcolm Mackay for a while, thanks for the rec, i'll keep an eye out for 'em, sounds good.
from floodtide :
I agree with K/life-my-way-: you are awesome. I had a relatively good day, but I don't think I could list NINE accomplishments as you did. But I like that you listed them. That's an inspiration and challenge to me; I am going to try to do the same. Sending love.
from life-my-way :
Your video (and your girl) are brilliant! Oh, and so are you. Plus, you know dangerspouse, so now I'm all starstruck. You amaze. You are awesome. And your hair is absolutely the perfect length. Perfect.
from dangerspouse :
Alabama, Arkansas. All those "A" states are pretty much states of last resort. I'm glad I'm staying put for the time being also. Thanks :)
from dangerspouse :
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's easy to be glib from far away and say "chin up, wot" and all that, but that never really gives succor, does it. I hope that when all is said and done you can tell yourself you did the best you could and got the most humane outcome. It's always tough, though. It's always tough. Hang in there.
from dangerspouse :
It is true about the milk! You should try it sometime, especially if you like Indian confections. Or you don't have a fridge :)
from l-empress :
Wish I could help. Please keep waving hard enough to keep from drowning. ;)
from stepfordtart :
want to come and stay at mine? Will come and collect you. s x
from life-my-way :
Swim, Anna, swim!!! Love you and sending good thoughts and well wishes your way. I think of you often sending wishes that things get better and easier. Comfort and joy to you, dear one. XO
from floodtide :
Your drawing is so beautiful! You have such talent; I had no idea. Read your entry tonight and am empathizing and sending much love. You are strong and beautiful. I know this to be true.
from cocoabean :
Why not have a diary no one knows about? You can write there what you want, and don't have to worry about us readers. ;)
from dangerspouse :
Stupid cats ruin everything.
from dangerspouse :
Come on chica, you've gotta motivate yourself to cook at least! Even if it's just making a giant batch of tomato sauce on the weekend and freezing it in portions to pour over all sorts of stuff during the week. Have some pride, woman! (Or just drop me a line and I'll mail you out some of mine. I'm getting sick of the stuff.) ;)
from stepfordtart :
Hello Matey! Looking for'ard to Glasto info :-). Guess what, just got OfSTED'ed. Scary as FUCK! s x
from floodtide :
Thank you for your sweet, loving, supportive notes, and forgive me for not responding sooner. I only check my notes page when I get a notification via e-mail, and for some reason d-land's e-mails were suddenly going into my spam folder - so I hadn't had any indication you'd written. I finally saw them last night and was touched and grateful. Sending love.
from cocoabean :
*hugs*
from dangerspouse :
*sigh* I so did not want to read this. I'm very sorry to hear what you and your family are going through.
from dangerspouse :
Accupuncture? Really?? How about that - thanks for the tip! And the note :)
from cocoabean :
Don't be so hard on yourself. If you can't go, you can't.
from floodtide :
Sorry that you are sad. I am sad, too. There's no denying it. But thank you so much for posting that magnificent youtube video of Shirley Bassey singing "I Am What I Am." You gave me a smile and even some hope. I am sending you love.
from floodtide :
I continue to read, and even if you haven't updated I imagine you, and think about you and send you healing energy and love. I will write in the next day or two about how my own situation has resolved itself - which is both good and bad. Good, in that I am finally severed from that evil place. Bad, in that I have no prospects for employment and in that my poor husband still works there, long hours for low pay, sometimes with students he knows are those who accused me. But will be moving forward. I love you.
from floodtide :
As you no doubt know, I am going through my own shit - worse than anything I could have imagined. But: My thoughts and my love and support are with you EVERY DAY. I read your diary and I imagine you planting zucchini, and I imagine the day you'll toss those zucchini sliced with sesame seeds in a saute pan, or when you'll stuff the blossoms. I imagine you productive and FEELING productive. From three thousand miles away I support you. I am in AWE of you. You inspire me, and your courage helps me more than you could possibly know. Sending so much love, gwm/aka floodtide
from life-my-way :
Sending love to you and the girl. These are difficult times, especially for the sensitive and artistically inclined of which you both are both. XOXO K.
from cocoabean :
The Wire is a great show! I have watched it twice, and plan on watching it again.. there's always something I didn't notice the first time around..
from crowbelle :
It's the 9th of April 2013 Anna, and I am here because your comments keeps disappearing. Thanks for coming by my blog and also know that I am always in your corner, rooting you on. If only I could be there for you, but I am there in thought and in my heart for you... just remember that.
from life-my-way :
Yo, you awesome babe, keep hanging in because Mel is right, the good part's about to start. It IS! Hang in and hang on. XOXO
from stepfordtart :
Wanna come stay here for a bit, lady? Have spare room, central heating, food, hot baths etc. s xxxx (PS you still have to fuck off outside if you want to smoke, tho!)
from melodymetuka :
Hey there lady, don't quit now! The good part is coming, just around the corner, you just can't see it yet... I promise it is there! I've been sitting here making plots to get myself a drink - just as suicidal. I really don't want to go there. Yet I find myself thinking about it. Somehow hope is too painful and scary, it's easier to believe that this is all there is and yet I KNOW that's crazy. I was going to try to write about the past week in my diary, but ... I guess I'm writing in your notes instead. I'm back in the place where i have to stay in my room with the door closed, I lost the thread, went off the path, and now I have to be so very careful for a little while. Very careful or I go right back into that dark, dreadful place. What I have to do is give myself permission to be where I'm at right now, and try to remember that it really is temporary. Hang in there! If I can do this you can. Or if we can do it, anybody can. :-) I really hope you are doing better when you read this, but if not, then, remember that you are loved, and deserving, and good things WILL come to you. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ANNA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
from life-my-way :
Keep staying alive and I'll just send notes instead (I kind of prefer them, really). Been meaning to tell you, I saw a copy of a letter written by Van Gogh with sketches and his sketches reminded me of your sketches which, not surprisingly, makes ME want to sketch (though I'll find it tricky not comparing myself to you two). And there you have it. XOXO K
from boombasticat :
Comments or notes, up or down, spliff or joint, I'm glad you're out there.
from life-my-way :
A Greek Isles tutor? WOW!!! Yay Anna! This feels like the start of things turning round your way. XO K
from stepfordtart :
What Ho! Are you requiring Eastertide visitors (especially ones who dont need entertaining and who will most likely bring cake)? Email me if you think you can bear an afternoon of me and we'll fix something up. Loves. xx
from cocoabean :
I agree, deep breaths to calm oneself are needed. You will get through this, hang on!
from life-my-way :
Anxiety, the Black Chihuahua, trembling and debilitated but ready to bite and draw blood in a blink. Sending calming and soothing, anxiety sucks (and it LOVES me!). XOXO
from outer-jessie :
Thank you Anna! I really need the rah-rah-rahs right now!
from life-my-way :
I like that you and bloke are planning a future bird-friendly house together. It makes me happy to think about it. XOXO K
from cocoabean :
I hate when my sleep schedule gets messed up. It's not always easy to get it straightened out again!
from stepfordtart :
The E-cig has some seriously excellent advantages - you can 'smoke' it in the pub/cafe/whatever and not have to go outside in the pissing rain to get your fix! Also, they wont kill you....unless you stuck it in your ear and rammed REALLY hard. s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey Girlie! D'land is saying youve updated but I can only see he stuff about the OGWT prog (which I saw, too, but didnt feel quite so nostalgic for. Mostly me and Jooj just laughed at their clothes!). Is there something Im not seeing? s x
from life-my-way :
Love to you, Anna, lots and lots of love. No answers, of course, but lots of love. I'm home and near the bottom today but have plans to use a timer to try to do something, almost anything, for ten minutes hoping that the contrast between the before and the after will be a dry spot on which to perch for a moment and might even, I dare to hope, encourage me to undertake another ten minutes. You are wonderful beyond what my words can say (but kind and funny and talented and brave and smart and loving and wise and beautiful are a few words that hint at your wonderfulness), hang on until you can begin to see yourself as others see you. XOXO K
from joistmonkey :
I am self-knowingly rubbish at the kind of reassurance you probably need (bloody male requirement to fix what cannot necessarily be fixed) but please be assured that I hope the black cloud isn't too long a visitor or too sustained a dampening. I don't even have any amusing new expletives to offer, though ones combining small animals and existing cusses seem to be doing the trick for me at present (q.v. cockpigeon and cuntybadgers).
from stepfordtart :
Seville Oranges! *gasp* Sissy and I have an idea that we may be able to make ersatz triple-sec from them (in the same way we make limoncello). Will rush out soonest and look for them. Hoping you feel less downy and dumpy soon. loves s xxx
from life-my-way :
Hang in there, Anna, and many congrats to your boy on his fabulous accomplishment. That's huge and you both rock. XOXO K
from stepfordtart :
Comments seem to have disappeared, Lovely! Anyways, sorry to hear youve had the lurg - Ive read through that entry a thousand times now just to make sure Im not wrong but Im pretty much convinced, so I'll just say fair play for getting all the puke in the bowl during your D & V episode, but not sure how you managed to get shite all over the TV. *snigger* s xxxx
from newschick :
thank you. :)
from simeons-twin :
Thank you :) And yay, nice to find a Pulp fan, the show was awesome!
from crowbelle :
me too, behind you for support, moral and any other you might need.
from cocoabean :
*Hugs* We are here reading so that you have someone to vent to about things. We're all behind you, in a moral support kind of way..
from life-my-way :
Funny you say that, Anna, I feel the longing to commit to a big project. Have even said as much to several, now bemused, friends. I'll keep you apprised of mine, you please do the same. XO K.
from stepfordtart :
no, matey, its not. s x
from stepfordtart :
One minute at a time, thats how you get through this day. Every minute that you get through is a small victory to be celebrated. We love you lots. s x
from dangerspouse :
No, not really hanging out anywhere else. It's just that I started the diary to keep me from lapsing into a stupor during long gaps in my work schedule. Once I started moving up the food chain I found myself with less time to write at work. So my poor diary has suffered neglect, a tragedy almost rivaling 9/11 (or so my readers have told me). Oh, the price of fame. You little people have no idea... ;)
from newschick :
thank you! enjoy the sleeping pills. good night. :)
from floodtide :
What a fabulous entry, and not just because you were feeling happy - the one with the amazingly beautiful sketch of the plants. I had no idea. So glad you had a satisfying, gratifying day. You are in my thoughts and prayers and heart.
from floodtide :
Just read your "one on a scale of zero-to-ten" entry. I had a shit day, too. But: I am sending you love from this side of the Atlantic, with all the support and belief in you I have.
from jondavid2010 :
I get a lot of hits from Mountain View California on a lot of my blogs. My research leads me to believe they are google I-bots, programs that archive your pages for search engines and stuff like that. This is how you are able to be searched online.
from floodtide :
Early Monday morning, my time, just read "broken the spell of doom" you've been under. Sweet friend, I hope this continues. I am sending healing energy and love and support from my side of the Atlantic. If you're reading me you know I'm getting better, too, though I just woke with an anxiety attack about money. Matt's old roommate and friend Jon is a big player in the Paralympics - football (soccer to us) and others. He got to carry the torch in the other day because of his many years of service to the event! He looked so proud. He doesn't look disabled in any way, but when he was in the navy a hatch cover was released accidentally as he was just climbing down the ladder, and about a gazillion pounds of steel landed on his head. Closed head wound, swelling of the brain, broken neck. You wouldn't know it to look at him (or watch him play) but he struggles every day. Will be thinking of you: hope you have a great, fun time. XO
from floodtide :
Thanks for your continuing encouragement and friendship. I haven't said nearly often enough how much I appreciate you, and how much your kind notes help. Just saw your entry about the budget (and with the gorgeous photos, loved the one of the sea). Coincidence: I'm awake at 3:30 am because of a panic attack about overdue bills. Ah, life... Sending love.
from floodtide :
Sending love and healing energy; sorry that yesterday felt so horrid. I feel so impotent trying to find words that will bring comfort, and yet: you've sent notes to me in dark times that helped more than you could possibly know. So remember that you are in my thoughts and in my heart, and that I believe in you and empathize with you as you struggle. Much love, ft
from stellarrobot :
Thank you for your kind notes over the last while. They were like little air-hugs of goodness during my grief. And congrats on the tax-man coming through!
from life-my-way :
It brought joy to read about your conversation with the long lost cousin, finding ever more common ground, planned May meeting--all of it just lovely. Sending well wishes for the weekend visit and visitors. Love to you all. XOXOXO
from boombasticat :
Great image and feeling, that sea mist. Thank you.
from stepfordtart :
Aha! That would explain why the big comment I wrote out yesterday disappeared into the ether. I thought it was just me, being a spaz. s x
from aliannmil :
It's good that GS has a Grandmother who can help out even if it can feel overwhelming. So much for a little boy to have to carry, and he sounds like such a sweet lad. I am hoping that everyone who is helping falls in love with him the better to bear him through it all. Hugs to you.
from simeons-twin :
Thanks for your support, dear! I'm so sorry about your friend, that's horrible. Insurance companies can end up doing more harm than good. I'll be checking myself over and over again from now on, I was lucky to find it at an early stage. By the way, sorry you've had rough days lately...hang in there, nimo!
from simeons-twin :
Yay, I'm glad you got them and liked them! If you need some help with translation or context, do ask. Thanks for your interest in my work, I'm honored!
from fatcowww :
Thank you <3
from simeons-twin :
A little package is coming your way! It should arrive in a week or so :)
from simeons-twin :
Thank you so much for the support and encouragement, I really need it! By the way, I will mail you the book once I return from the trip, next week. Hope you are well! Hugs!
from simeons-twin :
Hi! I have your book...my book...a copy of my book for you, hoping to mail it in february once I'm done with the semester. Can you send me your address? ligia@simeonistico.com :)
from artgnome :
I have finally unlocked my diary. If my ex wants to read my business, let him.
from fatcowww :
Hi Anna :) I have decided to lock my diary again, probably indefinitely, starting the entry after next. I hope you would still want to read me - if so, please let me know where to send your details for login (via email would be best). Note me or email me (fatcowww@dl). xxx
from simeons-twin :
Very nice! :D You could say "me gustara intentar leerlo". I really appreciate it, I'll send it your way when it comes out ^_^
from simeons-twin :
Thank you for your interest and support! ^_^ It's in spanish and it's for free, it should be available for download in a couple of weeks, I'll let you know. And If you'd like a copy I will be glad to mail it to you!
from fatcowww :
Thank you - there are times when I feel I must have the only 15/strike/16-year-old in the world who still has tantrums like a Terrible Two. Maybe I expect too much of her... maybe it's because she's so different to how I was at that age (very quiet, respectful, eager to please). I dunno. *cherishes your hugs* :)
from jondavid2010 :
7th note! Yay me!
from jondavid2010 :
Thanks Anna. Did you go to the archives? It's marked "old" on the page. Notice the dates. I'm actually posting old stuff right now, slowly catching up.
from fuckxthis :
they have to get in good w/ one of the other fuckers. ; )
from simeons-twin :
Just coming to say hi and tell you it's a pleasure to read you :) And I agree, DLand is the cosiest place on earth to blog from!
from outer-jessie :
Gah! No wonder I haven't seen you in days! Silly oblivious me. Welcome back! Sort of...well you know what I mean.
from fifidellabon :
Hallo, Anna! Second note! Yay me! XOFifi
from stepfordtart :
First Note! Yay Me! s x

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