messages to papotheclown:
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from dangerspouse :
Hey, thanks very much for stopping by my place and commenting, buddy. Meant a lot to me that you'd take the time, knowing the kind of shitstorms you've been dealing with lately. I'm glad you like the camera, too :)
from the-grey-one :
fuck yeah
from dangerspouse :
Lol. 'Atta boy! "Leap, and the net will appear." Go get 'em, buddy :)
from i-am-jack :
I am glad you are okay! The first thing I thought when I read your symptoms was the stress was causing or triggering whatever was happening. People like to say "It's just stress." Yeah well stress "just" can kill you sometimes. I know exactly what you mean by the good hospital and the low income crap hospital. I live so close to Detroit I am red lined along with them. We have plenty of scary dirty hospitals. The nicer hospital IN my real city sends people "down town" for things all the time. That's a good reason to avoid the ambulance, as well as the price. Minimum $500 one way, to be dumped off as fast as possible wherever.
from i-am-jack :
All I can say is you are truly a courageous soul.
from dangerspouse :
That does suck. Major, major moose cock. I'm really sorry. I hope the stars align and the gods smile on you and you find yourself looking back on this and saying "well THAT didn't last long" before you know it. You're a good writer. If anyone could earn a living off it, it's you. I have high hopes for that. But I know how unsettling being unsettled is. I wish you the best, and will be thinking about you in the coming months.
from gr8legs :
i'm praying for you. #11/29/17
from i-am-jack :
I know that feeling all too well. I'm sorry.
from i-am-jack :
(((Hugs))) This is all heart breaking and horrible news. I really hope that tiny flame of hope keeps you going and surprises you amazingly, even if in a hindsight way. This may all seem devastating now, because it is. But I hope you can look back one day, soon, in sheer wonder that if these things never happened, then you would never be in the place you are "now"/then. If you have that feeling, then you have it for a reason.
from i-am-jack :
My big solo (purposely) Thanksgiving is frozen macaroni and cheese, which I already had some of, ginger snaps and milk and alcohol.
from loveherwell :
at least you always continue to try. there's a lot to be said for that, after all.
from i-am-jack :
I sent you an email.
from comebacktome :
Hey there, thanks for the note! I possibly wasn't super clear, but he always does make sure I'm satisfied, pays attention to what I want & ask for etc. I gave him homework in the form of a particular Savage Love podcast which he listened to. We have quite open discussions about it all. Equally I am clear about all of the things that he does that make him a great boyfriend and make me want him to be on my team. We talked just last night about how I have never had anyone actually be there for me and support me, I am used to empty promises and being let down, including by my family, so I have been trying to wrap my head around the automatic support thing, but I definitely appreciate it. I'll look up the book anyway, just for my own curiosity ;)
from i-am-jack :
I can tell you from experience that you can only hold all that shit in and cram it down for so long before something happens. You might get away with it for years, even for seemingly your whole life, until one day. This is exactly why I am so bat shit crazy now. One day something is going to break loose when you least expect it. It could be as subtle as a shift in your thinking that starts a nylon run in your head. Once you lose control once, it only gets easier and after a while you never quite recapture it again. I am not trying to scare you, but a person can only take so much. I hope you can find some outlet to get some release. I have the same problem. Sometimes I know I am a ticking time bomb and just wait for it. In the right wrong manic mindset it actually feels good. Until it doesn't.
from i-am-jack :
Thank you. The same to you.
from i-am-jack :
I locked up. I will email you a password.
from i-am-jack :
Thank you! I am glad you are reading. I hope I can keep it up.
from i-am-jack :
"We are both clearly drawn to each other, but still can't figure out how to be together." You nailed it right there. Though it isn't so much me anymore. I know exactly what you mean by feeling like you are going to explode. Two months after not talking to me feels like an oxygen deprived eternity. It had been two years, and right when I reached the point of knowing who my true love is even if we never see each other again, that my heart is accounted for and it has to be okay, that email appeared in my box.
from i-am-jack :
The crazy thing is I don't even know if I am done. Something about it never really dies. I have tried giving up before. I have tried holding a shrine to this person in my heart while still attempting to get on with life and like other people. It didn't work. The crazier thing is we mirror each other. We both do the same things at around the same times. The Ghost tries to forget me too and it doesn't work either. We keep coming back together and then backing off apart. I try to follow my heart and instincts and lately I can not ignore the overwhelming gravity to write back.
from i-am-jack :
You are a lot stronger hearted than I am, despite you being the bigger romantic. I have an Alysson of sorts that writes sometimes, that I am simply calling The Ghost. The last time The Ghost wrote and left the ball in my court, I never wrote back. I don't know if I ever will. I don't know if I can do it anymore. Honestly this entry was both beautiful and hard to read because it hit a little too close to home.
from msafire :
Still reading between coffee and lazing about. Of course your friend is in love with you. But that is to be embraced as a gift - just the fact she loves you. It does not imply any necessity for either of you to choose a relationship other than friendship. To me it seems really simple! You are both happy to have what you can give each other in life and both hope the other finds someone who can offer what they really need for a long term relationship but both recognize that is not with each other. Don't stress too much over this, but also don't distance as that seems to me a fear based response TO LOVE. I just don't get that! People will feel hurt at times but it seems silly to distance. If someone HAS to distance to make room in their life for someone else that is THEIR responsibility to do so. So glad you traveled to Texas and enjoyed a wonderful weekend! This was also a great read for me as I enjoy company of a man in another city and it is clearly and "It is what it is" kind of relationship. You have fully respected her Christian views that she won't physically be involved without romantic committed attachment so that is honorable! That is what matters: The honesty in navigating such friendships.
from msafire :
Thank you for writing. The beauty of your writing was the balm I needed this morning.
from aryssa90 :
I love this entry. I'm so happy for you, you deserve to see yourself the way others see you. You're amazing, friend :)
from loveherwell :
this post just made me so very happy for you!!
from lust- :
Oh! Your most recent entry (Oct. 11/17) made me very happy. Sending lots of love your way, friend.
from loveherwell :
i'll be in lakewood this weekend and i might have some time saturday morning-ish/early afternoon if you are free!
from howlingwind :
Well, you might want to check out a podcast called Personality Hacker. Or not. I get the sense that you, much like me, feel like a misfit and such. It talks about personality typing and intuitives and...I don't know, at any rate I like to listen to the podcast when feeling lonely, misunderstood, blah blibbity blah. It is done by a married couple who seem happy together - which may comfort - or depress you. Just an unsolicited a suggestion that you of course are free to ignore. :-)
from i-am-jack :
About that dream, do you have an email address you would like to share? It is a bit long to write here.
from i-am-jack :
Wow that is incredibly romantic. Magical. The kind of thing you see in movies that people wish would happen to them. It's also a little strange and stalker like.
from i-am-jack :
Also I had a strange dream that I want to tell you once I have it written and figured out, since it seems to be an response to thinking/wondering how we both always seem to fall back into the same depressed place again and again.
from i-am-jack :
I wish I knew what to say. This really is sad. The part about waking love before it's ready is interesting. They never talked about that part of the bible in my school. But I think some of us are born ready. We have bigger brighter hearts and can't help it. We have some mutation that is only a disadvantage because almost no one else has it too.
from aryssa90 :
im sorry. youre beautiful. yourwords are beautiful
from i-am-jack :
Thanks for checking in. I hope you get the peace you need.
from loveherwell :
you should write about it! i'm glad you had a good time. i'll get to go back mid-september to lakewood for a wedding - if you're interested/free maybe we could actually meet up this time!
from loveherwell :
i'm jealous you're in the mountains! enjoy them a bit extra for me. i miss them.
from i-am-jack :
For the most part, I feel like I am. There are things no one gets. It hasn't happened to them. Sometimes it sounds so crazy, it seems best to just keep it to myself. Not only because it sounds crazy but sometimes the well intentioned platitudes make it worse, even though you can't really be mad when it comes from the right place. You just realize even more that you are alone and no gets it.
from i-am-jack :
"I had this feeling that I was at this moment where big things were about to happen..." "Now, I suspect that the feeling of monumental change was probably just an illusion anyway." "That nothing ever changes." Yes you really are right there with me. That taking action or remaining positive or whatever might produce a temporary change, but I always come back here eventually. How foolish and naive you were to believe that anything good could ever happen."
from i-am-jack :
You have no idea how much I relate to your most recent entry. "Like I keep getting in trouble at work because of my "attitude." I have been told to smile more. I don't care if they fire me." This has been a constant issue through most of my work history. At my last job, I knew my head was on the chopping block but I quit first. In their defense, my attitude was pretty unhinged and when I drink a lot, I notice I start getting surly but when I am sober. That job drove me to drinking every day...so yeah. Still I hate that smile shit. They treat you like shit and want to smile!!?
from dangerspouse :
Of all those descriptors, only "bum" is accurate. Although I'll also grudging admit to "flutter" on occasion, but only when pressed. THANKS FOR THE RETURN NOTE! And note that I feel much the same about you. With perhaps just a tad less flutter.
from dangerspouse :
I was always under the impression you rarely if ever read your notes, at least judging by how few of mine you ever responded to. My ego demands responses, dammit! Lol. Just kidding, of course. Glad you find some succor in reading them. I hope you're well. Really.
from i-am-jack :
Reading your most recent entry, I think you are mentally further ahead than you give yourself credit for. My old roomate/best friend is in school to be a therapist and in a few more years will be a doctor, and she said they taught her that a therapist is not supposed to cure you, but instead act as support, a sling for you to heal yourself. You are definitely onto the beginning of something.
from i-am-jack :
"I have no hope for the future, I can only hope that eventually I will just cease to exist." "But life so far has been one hell of a long day. I am looking forward to when I finally get to rest." I relate to these two lines so much. I don't have any hope for the future either and it makes just getting through another day difficult and thinking long term almost impossible. Nihilisticly pointless. Keep fighting the good fight.
from aryssa90 :
You're an amazing person with a beautiful soul. You matter.
from loveherwell :
it may not help, but please always feel free to reach out. i am trying to send some good vibes your way. i'm sorry for the hurt you're dealing with.
from howlingwind :
Sending happy vibes your way.
from the-grey-one :
I'm sorry for the exhaustion that's taking place. I can't blame you for wanting a rest, however I really hope something unexpected brings a joy to your heart sooner than later. And that you find a resting place without having to die for it. You have a tenacity to you even if you can't feel it right now. I'm rooting for you
from dangerspouse :
Lol. I was asking you because I wanted you to give *me* some recommendations. I've been into anime for a couple of years now, but never manga. However I keep hearing "the manga is better!" refrain so often that I was wondering if I should give it a whirl. I have to admit, the few I've seen at bookstores have left me...meh. So I don't know if I'm reading the wrong ones, or just not disposed by nature to enjoy that medium. (I need to hear those cute moe voices! Heh.) So yeah, sorry if I gave you the wrong impression there. But thanks for the note back :)
from dangerspouse :
I would love to see a moose. There is a lot of wildlife by me - sometimes TOO much wildlife - but nothing as majestic as that. (Well done getting on the Wonder Woman panel, as much as you downplayed the experience. I'm curious - do you ever read manga?)
from i-am-jack :
It's beautiful to see you in such a spiritual place. I'm glad you are finding some peace as well as having some fun in your life. You mentioned how living on the mountain top would eventually become the new every day. For me it does and doesn't. When I moved to Wisconsin for work, I never got over opening my curtains every morning and seeing the trees and stream from my humble studio hotel room. I have wanted to escape the loud dirty suburbs since 1st grade. Finally finding that kind of peace never gets old for me, even if my life is not one long happy meditation ever after in it.
from loveherwell :
i just now checked my notes - i am so sorry i couldn't get back to you before i officially left! it was a crazy few days. i will be back in september for a friend's wedding - maybe we can work something out then? also, i wanted to say that i really find it interesting to see your mind work itself out through your writing. it's the best way for us to figure things out.
from lust- :
Your words are always awe-inspiring. I am so grateful to get a peek into your mind and your life through this diary.
from i-am-jack :
It's great to hear you are feeling better, more stable and even glad to be alive.
from i-am-jack :
Thank you for your kind empathetic note. I do feel a little less alone.
from howlingwind :
I wish I could help you solve your health and financial problems. If you had to guess at your mission here on the planet what do you think it would be? Maybe if you focus on that it will help you get out of that bad place. I struggle with wanting to stay on the planet as well. I hear that if you off yourself you'll get sent back right away into God knows what family. Who knows.
from i-am-jack :
I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. i am so familiar with so many of those feelings. You are extremely strong just having made it this far, I hope you can find it in you to keep going, even if you don't know why or where your will to live comes from.
from gr8legs :
hugs. please pray.
from i-am-jack :
Thank you for letting me know you got my note and got through the night. I am glad you're feeling even a little better.
from aryssa90 :
Hey mister. I know what you mean. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. Also, I'm glad for your existence <3
from i-am-jack :
Despite you reassuring yourself at the end of your last entry, something does not feel right and I am even more worried and unsettled reading it than I normally would be. Maybe I am not close to you, but I care. Maybe this disturbs me because I know that feeling of not wanting to ask for help, because they would just try to stop you. That is a very dangerous place to be. This one hit bit close to home. I teared up a bit reading it. Please just let me know you are okay, when you get this. Please don't do it. You are loved.
from sunset-rose :
I haven't read all of your writing, but I did a quick look at your favorite authors. Nice selection--Billy Collins is amazing! And with that, based on just a couple of things I read of yours, I think you can do pieces of found poems from your writing and hope you write poetry if you don't already.
from sunset-rose :
I haven't read all of your writing, but I did a quick look at your favorite authors. Nice selection--Billy Collins is amazing! And with that, based on just a couple of things I read of yours, I think you can do pieces of found poems from your writing and hope you write poetry if you don't already.
from i-am-jack :
Wow I wish you the best of luck with all this. Maybe you could tell her that this was pretty intense and a bit out of your comfort zone at first, but you are willing to give it another try. It is worth exploring, but if it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel right. I hope you two can work it out.
from i-am-jack :
Haven't heard from you in a while. I hope everything is going okay.
from i-am-jack :
I know what you mean about the double life thing. Back when my diary here was at its height of whatever, I felt like this was where I really was true self and I was being seen. In real life at work I was just the nobody that pushed the vacuum and cleaned the toilets. I was a lowly unassuming scruff and could not wait to get back to the computer where I was in my element. Almost none of the many crushes I had there liked me back. I told myself well the party's inside (my head and here) and they are not invited. Made me feel better. They don't even know you, like they didn't even know me.
from i-am-jack :
I really like his spoken word stuff. When I first heard the one I just sent you it gave me a sort of excited warm empathy fuzzies. Glad I could help with the water thing. It's kind of dangerous and confusing when you get in that state. You are so thirsty but the last thing you need is more water. You'd think the body would be better adapted to crave electrolytes at that time. I read that adding coconut water to your water can help.
from lust- :
Aw, thanks friend.xo
from i-am-jack :
You are a true empath. It is both a gift and a curse. Maybe you could look into meditations designed to release other people's pain as your own. Also this song reminds me of both me and you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ_WVsP9RkE
from loveherwell :
you are such a fantastic human being. i know the same is true for you.
from i-am-jack :
It's good to see you getting out and having fun. Glad you are feeling better.
from lust- :
Your recent post made me tear up. I am so looking forward to reading more about your journey. Also, I hope one day we can meet in person and have open, honest conversations about life.
from i-am-jack :
I know exactly what you are talking about. I have those paradoxes all the time. I credit the very mixed messages I grew up receiving.
from i-lost-sarah :
I'd listen to that band. I'm happy you're writing and making unpopular decisions :)
from loveherwell :
1) i like that idea. 2) of course you are the investigator! you're a thinker with deep emotions who enjoys observing others. makes sense to me anyway :)
from lust- :
Good on ya for being honest. Hopefully she knows that you're worth having in her life as only a friend. It may sting slightly now, but she'll get over it.
from i-am-jack :
I think you did the right thing. If there is no spark, there is none and those things rarely change. I have tried going out with the nice good for me, nice person but no spark or chemistry thing and trust me it stays right where it is. You are two people that are friends and grow to care for each other at that close friends family level. But there will probably always be the sense that this is not your final stop. One will inevitably feel more and you don't want to hurt her. I have been in and sort of still am in that situation.
from dangerspouse :
Ten - no, five - years from now you are gonna look back at this and start kicking yourself. Hard. Dude, call her back and see if it's not too late to rectify this stupendously bad life decision. ASAP!
from gr8legs :
your trepidation could be due to a lot of things. it very well could be you aren't interested in her. it could be that she's missing something that sparks a romantic interest. perhaps if something starts you could lose a good friend if it doesn't end well. whatever it is, don't force it. things are very weird when they aren't organic. you'll figure it out. 3/14/17
from i-am-jack :
Thank you for wading through all that. The brunt of it was written a few days after the first half, last night I just finished it up with the closing thoughts that I still have. There was not really a good way to annotate it without interrupting the flow, so I hoped the annotations at the top made enough sense. I am past most of the really triggered psychotic part, though I still feel the dark hopeless lucid state that I don't think is going to go away. I just need to get used to it. Thank you again for reading that when you really did not have to.
from loveherwell :
and you know, i also want you to know that you're incredibly brave. you've gone through so much and it's amazing that you've turned out to be such a loving and wonderful human being. that can't be taken away from you. keep working through everything. you're doing just fine.
from loveherwell :
thank you <3
from howlingwind :
Yes, you should continue of course. :-)
from aryssa90 :
I think you should definitely continue.
from i-am-jack :
I think it was a great read and you should definitely continue.
from the-grey-one :
I've seen longer ;)
from i-am-jack :
Wow that was powerful. I am so happy that all these exciting things are happening to you. It's amazing what a shift in energy can and will do.
from i-am-jack :
Maybe you did not have the experience you wanted exactly, but it sounds like you had the one you needed. And not like you can not go back later with some different friends to have the more hedonistic time you had in mind.
from i-am-jack :
I hope you have a great time. You deserve it.
from howlingwind :
Umm, please disregard my last message. If you're feeling downward spirally - that's okay. I don't want to invalidate your feelings and all of that. I seem to keep putting my foot in my mouth lately - in a virtual way at least. Hope you are having fun. :-)
from howlingwind :
Yeah, stop that downward spiral shit already!! :-)
from dangerspouse :
'Atta boy.
from lust- :
I wanna visit you so badly! Sending love, friend.xo
from dangerspouse :
Ok, I know this is yet another soulless digital birthday wish that doesn't alleviate your loneliness, but it is sincere. You seem like a good person, articulate and sensitive, and it would be a shame if you weren't around in 4 years after your threatened jog into the Pacific. Many more. Seriously.
from i-am-jack :
Happy birthday. I know exactly what you mean by seeing your dad in the mirror. It happens to me too. I despise the fact that his DNA is even in me. Then having to see it? My sister sees our mom. So you are not alone with this. It's very much a thing. All we can do about it is remember we are not our fathers. As much as they probably wish we were. At least mine does. As for feeling again, that thawing hurts but it is important. That is the feeling of the blood coming back into your soul.
from howlingwind :
Happy birthday :-) I guess that sounds inappropriate given your current state of mind. But happy birthday anyway.
from i-am-jack :
It's good to hear back from you. I was starting to worry and wonder there.
from howlingwind :
Yes - thank the powers that be for blessed sleep. :-)
from i-am-jack :
You are in my thoughts. I hope you are okay.
from i-am-jack :
I just wanted to say that as someone who frequently gets suicidal, I feel you. For whatever it's worth. Solidarity. Like you once said to me. Keep fighting the good fight. The world needs you in it.
from aryssa90 :
I don't have much to say other that what other people will say/have said. I'm here for you, whenever you want/need. Your words have touched me. I'm so happy to have stumbled upon you. You're my favorite dread pirate.
from i-am-jack :
Thank you. I could use to take some of my own advice and reach out to friends I have lost touch with, too. But yeah baby steps. Maybe you could start with a day out by yourself. Weather permitting maybe you could go to the park. That is a peaceful, quiet, low people traffic place. I don't know where you are Colorado, but my bestfriend/old roomate is surrounded by all kinds of parks. Really beautiful ones.
from i-am-jack :
While I have not had the work/school schedule you have, I know exactly what you mean about losing touch with your closest friends. Isolation. Social anxiety. Anymore I feel closer and more connected to people on here. Friends I used to see every week for group and coffee back in 2014 are just sporadic online friends now. I say you should contact some of those friends on Facebook and arrange a night out. Just coffee or drinks to catch up if you don't have a lot of money. You could see a movie then dinner maybe. Maybe just a lot of drinking and laughing at home over stupid games. Drunk video games used to be one of me an my brother's things we did. Classic Super Mario and vodka drinks.
from the-grey-one :
it's true though. you are dashing.
from i-am-jack :
That is just painful. I wish I knew what to say to make you better.
from i-am-jack :
Wow that is hot. I hope you have more times like that with her.
from the-grey-one :
oh shit! that's fricken awesome!
from i-am-jack :
Your overdose sounds terrifying. I had a semi accidental overdose at the beginning of the year. Accidentally on purpose. It really is weird waking up the next day. Life going on. It really is all you have. That sense of well I survived. It was not your time to go yet. I hope you can find some kind of meaning and purpose in that. I am glad you survived.
from i-am-jack :
I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. You really are in a hard place. It is hard to just have faith when you are feeling that hopeless. When there are not even any signs of light at the end of the tunnel or things changing. The funny thing about change is it can either take forever or it can happen suddenly. You really could suddenly meet someone who is everything you ever wanted. But I know how you feel about feeling like it is getting later and later. I am kind of there myself with my own things. As for your mom, I do not blame you for not telling her anything! As for structure, maybe you should create your own. Set times for things like writing, reading, working out if you like that sort of thing. I used to get through break ups that way when I was younger. Keep it enjoyable and reliably the same but open to change. Give yourself something to look forward to. There is no reason you can not start working in your book now, and publish it later after you have your credentials. Don't waste the inspiration. Let it keep you going.
from lust- :
Congrats, on graduating and making it through your parents visit! *throws confetti* Thanks for the well wishes. I really hope I can navigate poly to best suit everyone's needs. Also, I'm already looking forward to reading all of your novels.
from i-am-jack :
That sounds horrible. My dad and grandma are exactly that way with jobs. Unhealthily obsessed with what job I have, still have, lost. My dad in particular is obsessed with the idea of me getting some great job. It makes me withdraw from them, kind of hate them, and not tell them shit. I can barely take a few hours with either of them, yet alone days. You are a strong man. You survived. College. Their lack of support. Good for you, making your life about you. It is your life, not theirs.
from gr8legs :
Congrats on your graduation!!!
from i-am-jack :
Congratulations on graduating. And also I loved the poem. I always love your poetry.
from i-am-jack :
I am sorry that the Cock Project was not sex positive. However at least take a second to entertain this: Your vulnerability took a hell of a lot more strength to show than all their dumb machismo put together.
from i-am-jack :
Funny how that works, isn't it? That is one reason I love this site and have written here for so many years. I find more support and connection here than in "real" life. It makes me feel good that I am able to help. Thank you for your support too.
from lust- :
Good for you for going and speaking up. You haven't found your tribe, yet, but I truly believe that you're well on your way. There are many people out there who can relate to your story. In fact, I dated someone a few years ago who is very similar in terms of how he was raised and how he felt about his sexuality. I saw him blossom in a few months because he felt safe speaking to me about certain things. I feel as if once you have time to relish in hedonism, you'll attract more like-minded people your way and be able to have open, honest conversations without the fear of being judged. Keep at it. You got this!
from i-am-jack :
Congratulations on graduating at the top of your class! Thank you for sharing so much, it was a powerful entry and more than ever I am glad you did not delete it. It takes courage to just put it all out there like you did. I appreciate and respect you as a writer and a person.
from lust- :
You are so courageous and inspiring. Congrats! *throws confetti* Also, been working on an email to send your way for the past day...maybe I'll finish it up soon. Hah. Take care.
from comebacktome :
Congrats! Well done dude!!
from bantenhut :
Ahhh, that is awesome! Summa cum laude, and a lovely lady to hang out with! Congratulations, Papo! :D
from bantenhut :
I also had to look up earthship...that sounds like an amazing thanksgiving! Is it one he built, and is it a commune sort of situation, or a single family dwelling? Anyway, that sounds awesome.
from i-am-jack :
I had to look up earthship, but wow. It seems like your Thanksgiving would feel like a fun, weird dream.
from i-lost-sarah :
You sound like an indie movie :) Grazing deer and old records on a mountain earthship, beautiful
from i-am-jack :
I am glad you left it up, I found it amusing. And yeah brains like to think strange things in the middle of the night. Maybe you had been dreaming something that made you remember this. I remember splitting from my dad's ideology on pretty much everything in early to mid high school and struggling with it. Almost losing my best friend over thinking with HIS brain and not mine, woke me up. I began to question everything. And it was a guilty struggle for years, but I came out the other end as my own person.
from lust- :
That would be ace. I'll take being internet buddies 'til we meet in real life. I imagine we'd have coffee, walk around, go to a dungeon and cap the night off with drinks. Sorted. Hey, did you end up hitting up the dungeon in your neck of the woods?
from i-am-jack :
"When I am in my right mind (which is rarely, sadly), everything is just beautiful and I get so much joy over such simple things." This whole entry was so beautifully honest. But that line was my favorite, that is how I feel too. I am more of a big sad romantic, but yeah I miss feeling like that, taking so much joy in the simple pleasures and beauty of things.
from i-am-jack :
The words you gave me are comforting, thank you. Don't feel bad about not having advice. My old roomate/bestfriend, is a powerful take no shit advocate, my biggest defender and cheerleader and she even feels at a loss. My therapist is desperately trying to fight a system she thought she had more say in than she does. But it meant a lot to get up today and see in my notes that someone cares.
from i-am-jack :
Beautifully and excitingly written. That is the kind of pick me up reading I needed to counter act all the election gloom I have been avoiding but not entirely escaping.
from lust- :
Swoon!
from lust- :
I heard it on Invisibilia, as well! So good. You're totally speaking to my lushy ways..I have a couple friends in Colorado, near Durango. Have been meaning to visit for quite some time now. Same thing goes for you if you ever make your way up to Ontario. Think we both have a few tales to tell. Don't think Canada will be putting up a wall anytime soon.
from i-am-jack :
You are a true romantic. I hope you find real love.
from i-lost-sarah :
thank you so much for your kind note. the title of your last entry sounds like what I tell my therapist is my catchphrase "knowing better doesnt mean feeling better". also my best friend and I have a rule, whenever we start saying forever alone, it's definitely an irrational fear, forever's a long time-- you'll be cuddled again. i send internet hugs
from lust- :
Ah, you're so very relatable. Check this out, a way of dealing with rejection.. http://www.refinery29.com/rejection-therapy
from i-am-jack :
Wow I feel this entry so much. Thank you for being you. All of you. Honestly. Sharing both your light and your dark. Always your truth.
from the-grey-one :
you're one of my favourites. <3
from aryssa90 :
I love reading your entries and your beautiful words but this entry just really hit me. I teared up a bit reading it as you described...me. I know we don't talk as much as we used to but I love you. Your soul is beautiful, so is your face.
from i-am-jack :
You're welcome. And I mean it. You are a poet and a beautiful soul.
from studsnpatchs :
sometimes it feels weird to me to see that other people still have active dl accounts, i kind of feel like this is my secret place. but its nice to meet you too.
from studsnpatchs :
do people still leave notes? your diary feels too much like reading my own mind sometimes. more eloquent though.
from i-am-jack :
"I want to be the uncommon man. The one in balance with both masculine and feminine energy. The warrior poet. The philosopher king." For what it's worth, to me you already are. At least what I know of you through your writing.
from i-am-jack :
Thank you. Me too, even I do not always know how to receive it.
from i-am-jack :
(((Hugs))) I wish I had more to say.
from i-am-jack :
Yeah fuck gender stereotypes. There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want. The important thing is to be honest with yourself and anyone else involved about what you really want.
from i-am-jack :
That was beautiful. It is good to see you starting to feel better.
from i-am-jack :
Cheers.
from i-am-jack :
"And I think about how awfully nice it will be to die or be something else or disappear." You have no idea how often I think and feel exactly this. "Because I have no control over how others see me." Are you in my head?
from bantenhut :
There you go! Good on you for hearing your therapist and being a wise cookie! I love your Epictetus paraphrased quote so much that I might write it in my own journal, too. Very nice. It's so good to hear that you're on the right track!
from i-am-jack :
I hope one day I finally have my own little rotting Paper Street house in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nature. Finally at peace. I hope we both find peace before we are too crazy or too old. I love that Linkin Park song. It is part of a play list I made, that I just call "Fucked".
from i-am-jack :
(((Hugs))) If that is allowed and okay. I relate to so much of this so much. I am having a hard time calming down and not completely losing it too. When you reach a certain point of being overwhelmed nothing works. It is a scary fucking place to be. One thing that helps me sometimes is listening to white noise on Youtube. I especially like this one whale sounds one. It is very moody and hypnotic after a while.
from i-am-jack :
That is intense. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful life with us.
from lust- :
Wow. Your friend sounds amazing. I'm glad you have someone like that in your life. I think it's hard sometimes to see how much support is available from people around us, but when the going gets tough, certain people really do step up. I hope your new outlook on yourself lasts!
from gonzoprophet :
thanks papo
from i-am-jack :
I love it. I have seen it so many times and it kills me every time. When I read that part of your entry, I instantly related. I feel safe in my home too. Sometimes I even like me. But its like I leave it at the door too. I thought of that video when you expressed feeling painfully invisible. I am invisible when I want to be seen. And some kind of freak show when I don't want to be looked at. I just want you to know your last few entries have been amazing. I love the poem.
from i-am-jack :
But that self-love seems to really only extend as far as the door to my apartment. It is here that I feel safe. The outside world seems hostile and uncaring. "I may love me, but it feels like those people out there never will. When I force myself to go out I feel invisible. I have to duck and dodge to keep people from walking into me." I relate to this so much it hurts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-zHaymMzE4
from i-am-jack :
Thank you so much. Just thank you.
from bantenhut :
"I want to date someone who has the maturity and empathy to tell me directly that they just aren't feeling it with me." Very astute. Have you tried putting yourself out there in a non-internet way, like at Meetup groups that interest you, yet also attract members of both sexes? Just a thought. You're certainly worthy of being loved. You are awesome! For some, it just takes a while to find the right fit. It must be really frustrating sometimes. But I really think you're going to be okay, and that you'll find her. And in the meantime? You can sleep with all the single people you want. :) I hope this message finds you well. You are a wise whippersnapper.
from i-am-jack :
You are welcome. I hope that you find that joy soon. And yeah it is hard believing that we are deserving of love, right now, as we are. Especially when we are in so much pain. I feel you.
from i-am-jack :
I did read back, and anyone who didn't missed out. I wanted the well written full story experience. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I'm sorry feels too cliche. Well in a really shitty way you are lucky she showed her true colors now, instead of pulling this shit later in the game. Maybe I am biased, but reading this it seems to me like this is more her than you. This might her issues. Maybe she really did have an amazing time, and that is exactly why she ran away. It scared the shit out of her. I have been on the receiving end of just that. I think you were very brave making yourself vulnerable and being honest. Taking the risk. Not falling into destructive old pattern behavior. Even if it did not work out how you wanted, that is a huge step. The only part that makes me sad is the sentiment of fixing yourself up so you can be ready for or rewarded with love. You have to believe you are worthy of love, right now. Even though you are not perfect. You are more self aware and fighting the good fight a lot harder than most people I know. Including myself.
from bantenhut :
Wow! You did a very vulnerable thing there, to put yourself out there and be so honest. And it paid off! That's awesome! Glad you caught up with loveherwell, it is a small world! :)
from elusive-you :
i will try to let you know the next time i'm around :)
from bantenhut :
Hey, papo! So, this is out of the blue, but I was catching up on unread DL posts, and noticed that you and loveherwell had both attended the same Avett Brothers concert at Red Rocks. Cool coincidence! She wrote about it too, on the same day. / Also, what a lovely quote: "What you seek is seeking you." I'm starting to think the Universe really wants us to be happy. I hope you're having a relaxed night, and taking it easy. And, I think you're going to be just fine.
from i-am-jack :
You are welcome. I love Evanescence, I'm glad you enjoyed it too.
from i-lost-sarah :
User: Sorry PW: Notsorry You are cool
from i-am-jack :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kw2Ic_2XdVQ Now I am thinking of this song.
from i-am-jack :
I admire how you are always learning, seeking and growing, but it makes me ache for you when I read the context of you feeling like you are trying to be good enough for her, for something. Sometimes it is hard to just be, but maybe it is what we all really need to fill the emptiness and loneliness. Be at peace being our own perfect imperfect selves. And it is probably then we will meet our perfectly imperfect special someone.
from i-am-jack :
I completely agree. This is one of the last unspoiled corners of the internet that has not been covered in fake social media glitter and gloss. I am glad that we are here for each other too.
from i-am-jack :
I don't know how to connect with people either.
from i-am-jack :
Thank you for your kind, supportive, "displaced" words. And thank you for continuing to read me, even as this gets darker and more fucked up, even for me. Also your entries have been amazing lately.
from elusive-you :
me either, except for the friends who joined because i already knew them in real life, haha. that's a really nice area!
from elusive-you :
it IS the best album. i am a little south of denver, basically where centennial, greenwood village, and englewood meet. what about you?
from elusive-you :
not to be a creeper, but i was at that show last night too. that cover of "no one's gonna love you" was beautiful. hope you had as great of a time as i did! no one around me knew any of the emotionalism songs and that was kinda a bummer.
from muffinhead :
On the best movie to watch when one is lonely, hands down for me Donnie Darko.
from i-am-jack :
Thank you. I really like how it turned out myself. I really got into that magic writer's zone and emoted freely. Something I really miss.
from i-am-jack :
I relate to this so much.
from dangerspouse :
I hope you feel better tomorrow, too. If not, give me a call and I'll tell you dirty jokes until you do. Hang in there.
from i-am-jack :
So far so good.
from kenny-loo :
I went to Hell House a couple of times and after that wasn't interested anymore. i found the premise interesting but at the end of the day, it doesn't work with every person. they scare them into repentance which doesn't work after the fear wears off (and it will) because if a person doesn't want to change, a scary skit isn't going to do the job. i am a woman of faith and love God and yet still struggle with certain things. Trinity church rakes in so much money from it and i have to wonder what they do with so much cash flow. would i go to hell house again? no. would i recommend it to anyone? no.
from i-am-jack :
It is and isn't working. It might be war in a legal case sense, which actually would hit them where it really hurt. I am not sure if I have a case yet. This will make more sense when I post the rest of the story. What I realize I really have to do is try to calm down and choose my battles more carefully. Somehow I have to do right by me and move forward despite the pigs. I need to care about bettering myself more than I care about them fucking me and me getting them back.
from i-am-jack :
Thank you for reading me too. And back at you.
from i-am-jack :
Your friend is very wise. You are lucky to have him. Thanks for sharing his wisdom with us readers.
from i-am-jack :
Wow I am amazed at how fast the laws of attraction seem to be working for you. Vibrate on. You are doing something right. I am rooting for you. I hope you get the girl.
from i-am-jack :
On talking, writing and connection, I feel like I only finally learned to make good eye contact a few years ago. It is a very long kind of depressing story, but I felt like I finally realized/appreciated what the light in people's eyes means and is. And it is actually reassuring to me now. I still have trouble making meaningful connections. I have social anxiety and a massive wall up constantly. I have been badly hurt by some of the few I made a real connection with. It does not encourage me to do it again. I have not even really been going about therapy honestly all these years. But writing is another story. I finally can connect with myself and anyone else who finds meaning or gets something out of my words. Some of my most important friendships and loves even were all text relationships. I fell in love with two people from this site, that I never even met. Never even talked to on the phone. There was no Skype. No smart phones. No constant texting back then. And it was incredible and beautiful.
from i-am-jack :
I think a lot of writers are like that. Years ago I read something a famous writer wrote about how writers are not like rock stars. Book signings can be very disappointing, because often we are a lot shorter, less good looking than you imagined and don't have that rock star quality at all. Instead we are weird little people. I wish I remember who said it and the exact wording. It's kind of funny, my old roomate/best friend you probably have read about or will, moved to Colorado (Longmont) a few years ago to go to school and be with her now husband. She always posts beautiful pictures of all the places she has to go. I live in the suburbs outside Detroit, in Michigan. There are two nice parks near by and some others I could drive further to get to, but I do not go to them often enough.
from i-am-jack :
And thank you again. I really like the term asshole license myself. I think I need to renew mine. It's a great way to give yourself permission to just let go. And I have not been doing a lot of that. I guess I am a bit preoccupied with keeping it together. Talking is definitely way different than writing. Personally I think when it comes to talking I am like an albatross on land. Awkward, weird and kind of clumsy. Very weird. A co-worker called me a whiny little kid the other day. I get the boy treatment a lot. I have my moments when I am well spoken, but I am still off the wall. However in writing, I find my voice. My wings. A walk would be nice. I have not gone on a walk with another person in a long time.
from i-am-jack :
Thank you. It makes me feel good that I was able to help. I completely relate. For me, unchecked nihilism becomes despondency. And nihilism is not the easiest thing to check. I have to say though, a little vanity can make you feel better. When I was in the hospital it was amazing how even their warmish showers made me feel better. But yeah I tend to let myself go when things get bad. The other day I finally trimmed a toe nail that I had cracked at work, a few *days* ago! Usually something like that is so OCD gross I deal with it as soon as possible. I could not be bothered.
from i-am-jack :
I am sorry you are in a dark place, but try not to hate yourself for it. That kind of stress and lack will put you there and make you depressed and nihilistic. I have been there. We actually don't have to think of ourselves as decent people. If you can, try to hold onto that. I hope things get better and more meaningful for you.
from bantenhut :
See My Girl (you probably already have,) and then go take a walk! Those BOTH sound like good ideas! And I like the story you're telling yourself -- the one about meeting a nice girl and dating her. Keep trusting that story, I really believe it will happen.
from bantenhut :
Congratulations on your amazing thesis!!! Also, I do not know your Harker Heights lady, but hope everything is still going interestingly there! Sorry I'm so late in responding! See you next time! :)
from dangerspouse :
Congrats, Offical Writer!!!
from i-am-jack :
Wow congratulations! I hope that the joy and validation stays with you for the rest of your life. I got some high compliments on some lesser writing for college and it was some of the best validation I ever got.
from lust- :
Congrats! That's fucking awesome! I'm over here, jumping up and down for you.
from howlingwind :
Yay for your awesome thesis! :-)
from aryssa90 :
Im proud of you for finishing your thesis! I bet it is AMAZING! We need to catch up sometime when we're both lonely and bored :)
from bantenhut :
No, way! Well, all the cool Texans live in Austin anyway, so I'm not surprised. And, yeah! If you're ever in Austin, let me know, I'll buy y'all a drink and have a chat! I've only ever known one d-lander in person, because we had a class together. Other run-ins include a gal I sent a mix CD to, and a guy who I chatted with on the phone briefly, if I remember right. Knowing people from this side of the internet or communicating with them outside of DL makes me so happy, because this is a side I never really show anyone. Any chance I know your lady? I've lived here 10 years, so I do know a few people. :) Good evening and goodnight!
from bantenhut :
"I write a little, I flirt a little, I eat a lot of junk food" -- haha! Yep. Sounds like a funny dating profile entry, and just life in general. You never know, maybe your Texas gal will decide to come visit you. Stranger things have happened! Glad you are relaxed and attacking your paper. I'm late on several school things, too. Represent! :)
from the-grey-one :
The immediate reward is the opportunity to feel uncomfortable to downright terrible. It's a win-win, because even if you fail, you get the immediate reward of feeling like a failure. There's always a lot of opportunity to feel like shit, really. It's a lovely world in that way.
from howlingwind :
Hello Mr. Papo, I have been on my own weird journey working out my issues lately. It seems that whenever I suggest things to people they just get annoyed, but maybe you'll be open to this. I have found that the Emotional Freedom Technique is pretty awesome as far as helping you release negative emotions and beliefs, especially if you had a rough childhood. EFT is also called Tapping. Anyway, I'd send you a link but if it is right for you I think you might be directed to the resource that is most helpful to you if you look it up yourself. There are a lot of youtube videos about it. So no pressure or anything. I seem to keep pissing people off with this lately. I guess you have to be ready for a change before you might open your mind to it. It is a little bit out of the norm. I'm glad you were able to clear your mind. :-)
from the-grey-one :
Taking your brain on a date is such an awesome idea!
from the-grey-one :
Aye, but he is a category unto himself, whereas you get to be 1 in 5! That's pretty exciting, getting to be in a group, eh? It is a rather excellent group if I do say so myself.
from i-am-jack :
Keep fighting the good fight.
from the-grey-one :
whatever it is, we'll likely write about it.
from i-am-jack :
Wow that was a great read. Very empowering.
from i-am-jack :
It breaks my heart when this sort of thing happens. And it seems to happen all too often. I am hoping that she will calm down, begin to miss you, and that you both work it out.
from lust- :
Heya. I stumble across your words from time to time. I really hope you get through the next minute, hour, day and so forth and find something that makes you somewhat content to be around. People keep telling me I need to find my passion or take up a hobby. It takes a lot to not completely judge them. Anyway, I feel this will lead me to go on a tangent so I'm gonna stop. But, I look forward to reading more of you soon. Take care.xo
from bantenhut :
Ask her. She seems amazing! And anytime two people fall hard, it can seem a little scary to anyone -- even people who are theoretically NOT afraid of commitment. When a relationship goes through a major change (ANY kind of relationship) people sometimes act a little odd before they're normal again. It's very natural - sort of like moving to a new place. It sounds like her identity is going from single to coupled, and that's...well, a change in identity. But, these are just my two cents, and you know the situation best. She sounds lovely, and I hope you two work it out. Don't hesitate - communicate. Good luck! My thoughts are with you.
from aryssa90 :
Gah! I'm so happy for you!
from dangerspouse :
Ten blocks? TEN FREAKIN' BLOCKS? AND YOU DIDN'T GO?? Duuuuuuuude.....
from i-am-jack :
You are my last four notes, interesting. Thank you for interrupting the crickets! Anyway yeah I have this odd habit of sleeping with things in my hand sometimes. It used to be my phone. Back when I had horrible anxiety and panic attacks especially at night, it helped me feel better having everyone I knew in the palm of my hand. As cheesy as that sounds. My grounding stone is really interesting. I found it at an apartment complex in a rock bed. It stood out because it is black and heart shaped. After I washed it off, I could see it also has raised rings in its black matte surface. It is unusually heavy for its size. The most interesting thing about it is if you hold it for a while, it gets really warm then holds onto that heat for a long time. I have lots of rocks and stones, some I found, some I bought. Some natural, other polished. None of them do that weird heat thing the way this one does.
from the-grey-one :
kissin in the tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g! heheh! this is me being excited for you. I am also available to have ridiculously high hopes and complete disregard to trying to approach things with rationale or caution if you need. EXCITED.
from i-am-jack :
I really enjoyed your last entry. Especially the last line. "It is on us to squeeze as much joy as possible out of this lemon of a life." That kind of puts the rest of in perspective and adds a usually missing element, even. I am familiar with those concepts, believe in many of them. But am pretty poor at the executing part.
from bantenhut :
Dang. Your hot pocket sounds delicious! Do you ever do talk therapy? It's not for everyone, but I have to sing its praises because it did wonders for me. I'm sorry to hear you're in pain. You seem to have your head on straight. ("I will be fine. I know I will be.") I have that same feeling about depression relatively frequently. Lately I've taken to saying to myself, "Yes, sometimes I want to die, but that's okay." And another interesting one: "I don't want to die, I want to KILL." (As in kill IT, not a person - i.e., "she's killing it.") Everyone has their own little sayings and ways to spin their inner demons. Lastly, are you getting enough sleep? Give yourself a break. Hugs from Texas. :)
from aryssa90 :
You've had one haven't you? My memory is absolute shit these days. They're fantastic. And I'm going to be one of those people who support you because I know you are more than capable of writing about a topic you have no interest in and it will be amazing. I still haven't ruled out running away to Colorado at some point and hanging out with you and your beautiful Christmas card partner :)
from bantenhut :
Merry Late Christmas to you and Mannique! And the yoga instructor, and co-worker. As someone pointed out below, you are quite cute, so don't fret about that. Cheers from a fellow depressive in Texas! :)
from aryssa90 :
I also struggle with just letting things happen. I don't know how to get into just going with it...usually i just obsess over things and then eat a shit ton of food. You are super cute though so, never doubt that
from dudemanflab :
hey ryan, the password for you is intimacy.
from i-am-jack :
That is what is happening in my "relationship" only I am not freaking out. It's really an odd dynamic. Sometimes I feel guilty or like I want to chew my foot off and run. But most of the time, it is good, comfortable and it works. I don't pretend to be or feel things I am not, even if that makes it awkward sometimes. We are both getting different things from it and we understand that. I am not putting a life expectancy on it, but it has been over a year now.
from aryssa90 :
Merry Christmas you beautiful person
from i-am-jack :
Good to see you writing again. I have been in therapy on and off my whole life and that changing the story/perspective/perception thing is something they say A LOT. And no I am not there yet either. I hate when they say that, lol. Maybe you should try friends with benefits, if you want sex minus the complicated part. Though friends with benefits can get complicated real fast too. I am usually "the asshole" and I admit it and give a fair warning extremely early in the game. I put all my cards on the table and let them know everything. This is how I am. I am not likely to change. Take me or leave me. My current friends with benefits "relationship" is complicated but there is no drama. It can work. But you can't really get away from complicated dynamics with this stuff. I say shop carefully, don't lead anyone on and state your full and honest intentions right away.
from i-am-jack :
One of things that is both keeping me together and stressing me out even more is telling myself that I don't have fucking time for this/my shit. But you are right. It will all come rushing in. And it will either come up behind you with an ether soaked rag or hit you over the head as hard as it can with a blunt trivial object that alone would not have made you lose it.
from i-am-jack :
Staying in bed and taking it easy is probably the best thing for you for a while. After everything that happened. I hope you feel better and gain your strength back soon. It is scary how much I have been relating to your writing lately. All my friends tell me if I do not calm down, that something like what happened to you, will happen to me.
from aryssa90 :
That definitely sounds like the longest week ever. Please please please let me know if you need someone to talk to or rant at or awkwardly breathe to. I'll even mail you my number and we can send each other all sorts of texts.
from the-grey-one :
thanks, buddy. pancakes would be my treat. and not only because of that note, as i could also feel a small sense of power over you by placing you within my debt. cheers, mate!
from dangerspouse :
No arguing that logic.
from dangerspouse :
It's 5am on Halloween. WAKE UP!! Lol...hope the CV came out great. Good luck with that :)
from dangerspouse :
You're *extra* cute when you're drunk. And unnecessarily maudlin. Don't worry, you won't die alone (you might be on a packed bus plunging down a ravine in Peru!). Seriously, be of good heart. It always seems like we're destined to be shunned forever when we're mired in a dry spell. But it ain't so. You'll see. And I have absolutely NO evidence to back that up. But since it's on the internet, it's true.
from dangerspouse :
That WOULD be awesome. Well done!
from dangerspouse :
Remind me to send another "Thank You" note to Dr. Vasectomy. You just listed off all the worries I'll never, ever have to concern myself with my entire life. Plus one more: KIDS STEAL YOUR TOYS! Can't have that.
from aryssa90 :
The ulcer is from me. Enjoy! Sorry a ive been a horrible friend and basically fallen off the face of the earth. I've been thinking about emailing you for awhile but by the time I get home from work I just want to sleep. But I'll send you one soon, I miss our chats :)
from dangerspouse :
Gah. You have my sympathy, suffering "friends" like that. Still, and I'm saying this from experience, even insufferable friends are better than unrelenting solitude. So until you find That One who will ask how your day is and rub your bunions, how 'bout doing something like suggesting you all engage in something other than sitting around pretending to be intellectually deep? You don't even have to go out. What about something like a "Let's make our own pizzas!" night, or something equally lame that everyone actually enjoys? Might be worth a shot. Good luck!
from i-am-jack :
You don't have to be your friends' cozy little refrigerator hum if you don't want to. If you are not up to being a comforting background presence then don't do it. I have spent a lot of time there myself, and stopped going places with people for the same reasons. It could just be a phase they are going through. At least from my experience there seem to be natural drift patterns between people. Sometimes you are closer, sometimes not as much.
from the-grey-one :
my days been alright thus far, thanks :). i have cleaned, lightly burned my thumb, listened to new music and have had minimal stressful thoughts. not too shabby, really.
from the-grey-one :
how is your day going?
from i-am-jack :
Being able to admit and accept that you want and need that is a huge step in the right direction even if it hurts right now, because you don't have it yet. Not shutting your heart down because it hurts too much is the hard part.
from the-grey-one :
congrats on the level up!
from silverluna :
Thank you for still writing.
from i-am-jack :
You're welcome. I wish I remember where I read that.
from i-am-jack :
Enlightenment is always here. Everywhere around you for the taking. It is not going anywhere even if the moment is always in flux. And enlightenment itself is not a lasting end point. I read a fable once of a man who climbed a mountain, seeking enlightenment. When he reached to the top he asked the sage what was enlightenment? The sage told him to take off his backpack. He did and asked what comes after? The sage told him to put the backpack back on and go back down the mountain. Since we are human and have egos, enlightenment is a bit of a struggle or a dance.
from movingsands :
05,07,2015-- Schrondinger's cat
from movingsands :
Doing this in honor of earth day? Because that really sounds like the only way to celebrate :)
from i-am-jack :
Isolation can be both incredible and psychologically devastating. This is coming from someone who did it for almost an entire winter. Weeks at a time with no live human contact, only the Internet. This was back in 2003/2004. And I still feel the lasting effects. Some good. Some bad. For me, it was a drug. My mind goes back to that time, almost every day.
from comebacktome :
welcome back! The news is basically we didn't have notes for a ridiculously long time, everyone complained a lot and now they are back, YAY!
from amidstgrace :
lonely = horny (that makes perfect sense to me!)
from musicman575 :
Hello to you too. I have very, very few favorite writers and even fewer spiritual advisers. Don't be surprised if you ever stumble upon a Ryan C fan fiction blog that I may or may not have created.
from meffinmisfit :
<3 ditto. keep up the good fight yourself.
from comebacktome :
So, I did that thing where I posted from my old one (which i only logged into to check when I started it), d'oh. Don't read the old one, it was a different time then, when I was young and foolish and full of complaint.
from aeira :
What Aleitha said! I have had this one since 2003, but my original one I actually started in 2002. Most people have moved on, but I like the lack of pretension and douchebaggery that seems to come with most people who consider themselves 'bloggers'. There's a raw honesty that those of us who are still here seem to live by. I like that.
from alethia :
I could have written your most recent entry. I also started in 2002 (I think). I feel like the Diaryland community is small, but they care about each other. The trolls haven't found us.
from comebacktome :
So, I have been binge reading your diary and I'll be damned, but your list is identical to mine, except I re-worded one to be 'social' rather than 'more extroverted'. As you were...
from newschick :
you said women won't want you until you're confident, but i don't think that's true. a specific type of woman will definitely only go for confident guys, but most women aren't that type. in fact, i am more attracted to my partner when he shows vulnerability, because if he was out there being 100% confident 100% of the time, i'd probably end up feeling like crap because i'm not able to be 100% confident all the time. i think it's important for you to feel confident about things you're confident about. (if you will) from what i can read in your diary, you sound like a very thoughtful, curious individual who cares a lot about your future and how you can make an impact. that's good stuff to be proud of. maybe approaching women with that same curious mindset could help? us ladies like to talk about our lives, and you sound like a very good listener! :)
from comebacktome :
I was referred to you by a mutual D-lander (the beautifimous aryssa) and I have to say, I love this entry. If it makes you feel better, anxiety is a fucking slut that screws everyone who has it, so yes, it is most likely that you just need it to cut you some slack. However, I too feel invisible a lot of the time…or perhaps 'unknown' might be the better descriptor. I'll let you in on a secret: It's just as bad, if not worse being a girl, because you are judged pretty much entirely on what you look like. You never get to win them over with your awesome personality because you're automatically written off for not being a size 6 (2 in US terms). HOWEVER there are some who do take the time, and in my experience while they are few and far between, they are definitely worth it. Fare thee well friend!
from dangerspouse :
According to "Girls und Panzer", Hitler lost the war because military precision and rigid discipline is no match for strategic flexibility, pure heart, and girly squee. (And why the hell doesn't Netflix have that series, huh? Huh??)
from dangerspouse :
Why did you quit? Do you have something better lined up? All the best, whatever it is....
from the-grey-one :
i really like your latest entry. i mean, i enjoy all of them, but the whole "this is temporary" thing is always a good truth to try to keep in perspective. and it helped me out a bit yesterday, so, thank you.
from dangerspouse :
Hang in there kiddo. Don't let despair drag you under. Being overwhelmed can be very bad for one's plans.
from aryssa90 :
I'm proud of your deductive skills :p I'm actually everyone on diaryland, surprise! No, aryssa18 was my first diary and then I turned into aryssa90. It was a pretty serious age progression
from aryssa90 :
oh, also, thats from me, i logged into my old diary and forgot to log out haha
from aryssa18 :
fucking brilliant.
from the-grey-one :
hah, yes. agreed! and thank you for liking my words. i really enjoy your entries as well. there is a lot to relate to for me within them, as well as the fact that i get to see into new/different things with which you deal with (like your relationship with God). i am glad you are one of the steady updaters.
from the-grey-one :
oh look, you got a solipsism message as well... anyways, i came here to say that i find people who occasionally find themselves feeling like a loser as... oh i lost the word, but it is a positive one. i think perhaps though, that people who never really allow themselves to feel like a loser just turn into those arrogant people who are all the afraid of being seen as a loser. at least for me, sometimes, when i am feeling particularly loserish, there is some sort of, "eh fuck it" where i just embrace the pathetic state i believe i am in.... er. i am suddenly uncomfortable with speaking. feel better soon, if'n that suits you.
from dangerspouse :
This is extraordinarily easy for me to say because I'm not you, looking out through your eyes and dealing with your inner demons. But here it is anyway: solipsism kills. Dwelling on every minute facet of your existence makes you lose sight of the big picture. It's overwhelming to the point of paralysis. Which then makes it a self fulfilling prophecy. If you have actual mental health issues, any advice left by some bozo internet blowhard is worthless, of course. So all I can do is wish you the best and hope that someday you work past this corrosive introspection and take solace in your positive qualities. Then you can start living to your potential. So sayeth this blowhard.
from tobehis :
Hope the writing went smoothly for you...looks like journal-writing went smoothly for you last night, so hopefully that transferred into writing for a grade. I've always loved reading and writing, but when it was something I HAD to do...ugh. LOL.
from the-grey-one :
thank you, i hope your paper turned out okay. it is quite difficult to do such things when depressed. and yes... i relate a lot to your entries. always enjoy seeing you've updated.
from jaysthoughts :
Just checking to see how many diarylanders still actually check their notes and stay active.
from the-grey-one :
! New Narrator ! i love it :)
from aryssa90 :
Well sir, I did indeed get your email and I replied back. You seem a moral fellow, try not to judge me too horrible lol
from aryssa90 :
couples can be difficult to go out with. Do you have any single friends? What internet dating did you try?
from the-grey-one :
ah, thank you. i feel like a lunatic. its always nice to have that be relatable. : )
from elusive-you :
oh no, this entry made me sadder than anything. wishing you healing.
from the-grey-one :
shame is a big one...
from aryssa90 :
hello, I just found your diary and was wondering if it would be okay for me to add you?
from the-grey-one :
thank you kindly, it means a lot :)
from tobehis :
You're welcome, and I apologize for the long absence. Life gets busy and I'll probably disappear again. >_<
from the-grey-one :
it's never going to be "doing so well" for the duration.. there's always going to be a crash. one cannot just keep doing so well for their entire life.. but you totally get to eventually start working back to doing well again! and that's where the real strength comes in, for me anyways, not necessarily maintaining, because it is inevitable that i will eventually fall back to the gutter for a while.. but yes, the strength comes in being like, okay, i'm gonna put some effort into making myself feel better again.. perhaps this is just an opportunity to flex some muscle. look how optimistic i can be when it comes to other people! i will try and take my own advice as well.
from stardumb :
Haha. Yes, after my loyalty. AFTER my fucked up sense of loyalty, to be shattered by shit that should have never occured and/or been deadly. (Among other things) keep stopping by and i'll do the same... thank you. xxo
from movingsands :
Fake it till you make it kind of thing. May it be sooner rather than later...
from stardumb :
Thank you. u aren't a narcissist. Think more like a comedian, instead... what would have been the ready thread?? I'm just saying that cuz it doesnt make sense to be so eager for a good great God, and it makes sense, it comes from someplace of selflessness tho, i think I like ur style already too... the i apologize i think i only read one entry... will be stopping by soon tho, then maybe i'll be able to tell if u're really a narcissist or not. but i do believe everything else about you. lol. stay peaceful! xo
from i-lost-sarah :
Thank you for the vulnerability in the entry about your mother-- I think someone I knew went through similar experiences and it helps me see him differently. Your words made me less resentful and more understanding-- so please don't be embarrassed for sharing and please continue to do so.
from newschick :
i struggle with the same thing with my parents...they weren't in the ministry, but i know they disapprove of my life. take care, and know you are enough.
from the-grey-one :
i like the "up next" feature!
from movingsands :
I have yet to make it there myself. So if you ever fulfill #1, forget the wine! Bring some butterbeer to the bonfire and we can discuss how much Snape made everyone cry at the end
from movingsands :
I saw your Facebook entry and I wanted to be like "word, no picture perfect here" *fist bump* while we pretend we're not posers. But then I read today's and all I want to say is to ride the wave knowing it will pass. Because it must. Your almost friends of Dland cannot give you arms to caress or scented hair, but they give you eyes to read and open hearts to share. Oh and Fl, by Orlando
from movingsands :
Yes indeed. For me is like a lifelong, bad, bad, hardwired habit. But mindfulness does seem to be the way to get out from under my beast. And yes! you steal that bottle, I build the bonfire on the beach...
from tobehis :
I read your entry on Sunday. Today is Tuesday. I was watching this video and it reminded me of you and your words on not being able to overcome the pain but to keep pushing through and find peace and meaning anyway. I thought I'd share the link with you. I hope you will watch it all the way through, even if you get started into it and think it's not "for you." http://player.vimeo.com/video/100139529
from meffinmisfit :
Nothing worth having comes easy but you are well on your way to peace.
from movingsands :
Just wanted to thank you for sharing that book. Borrowed from library and so far I'm enjoying(?) the read. ? because, while it's great, it's still hard to read of one's shortcomings-- even in the context of healing. Either way, thank you!
from hexes :
thank you very much for your kind message!
from meffinmisfit :
I can say without a doubt that I have been where you are in regards to that "girl" with two men. Terrible terrible feeling, but the best part is that you got saved from a bigger mess. One mess at a time I always say. Hang in there.
from the-grey-one :
thank you very much for your kind words,. i relate strongly to where you are at right now.. thank you for sharing your writing
from meffinmisfit :
you are more than enough. chin up soldier.
from the-grey-one :
there's nothing to be squeamish about with sharing about depression/suicidal thoughts on this site. we've all been there, we all go there. i'm glad you're feeling better today. remember that the next time you feel suicidal. that you felt better the next day. always give yourself at least 24 hours.
from elusive-you :
i am not sure what to say except that i really hope that you don't--that you are somehow able to find the strength to keep moving. i don't want to give some sort of speech you've heard before, but there are ways to keep going. you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.
from movingsands :
It is exactly why I write in here, to trick myself into feeling like I've meaningfully interacted. But you know what I've discovered? Ppl do read and some even start to care. It's hard not to care when life is so candidly shared.
from the-grey-one :
hey. you know how sometimes you wake up a few hours too early and go on diaryland and click on random names and then find an interesting diary and then read how someones last year or so of their life has been? that's what i did this morning with your diary.
from howlingwind :
I tried to write you an email at your tater... address - but it got returned. Is there a different address I should use? I hope all is well.
from newschick :
as a girl who happens to have a phd... here's my advice that you can totally take or leave. :) i say go for it, but only if you're totally, TOTALLY cool with the idea of not getting an academic job at the end of it. our non-tenured professors earn farrrr less than our secretaries, in one of the most expensive living areas of USA (tri-state area). grade school teachers earn far more, too. if i tried to get a full academic position (totally unlikely given my lack of publications...) i wouldn't earn my current salary until tenure...aka 7-10 years from now, minimum. for me, i really like higher ed, so working full-time in administration with the option to adjunct teach if i feel like it was the best all-round option. i work with professors, students, and other administrative professionals...it worked out really well. but i didn't pay for my phd, and if i had, i think i'd feel a lot worse about my current situation (time/effort wasted, not getting the academic position i wanted when i started my phd). my situation was a bit different...i was very young when i started my phd (22), i realized within the first year that i had no desire to be a professor, and i used the phd to prolong not having to work/enjoy living abroad. so that's just my 2¢, but i do work in academia and it is a sucky place to be if you're just starting out as a professor. and, last, profs in their 30s and 40s are not going to retire until their 80s, minimum. BUT, if it's something you really want, then do it.
from tobehis :
I'm too freaked out over having to drive on the snowy/icy roads to enjoy the beauty. It's not beautiful to me, because I'm so scared of it. :-/
from tobehis :
It wasn't nonsense... I'll go to coffee shops just so I can feel "connected" to the world. Sure, you don't talk to people, and you're still stuck in your own little world, but at least you're in a room with other people and you can watch them (and they can watch you) and you can feel like you're a part of something. So I get what you're saying.
from tobehis :
One step at a time. One breath at a time. Keep pushing forward. You can see the finish line? Keep pressing on.
from tobehis :
He can take your anger. He understands anger. He gets angry, too. When you've let it all out, take a moment to remember what the Bible - NOT fallible, sin-struck humans in a church - says, the promises God gives us. "I will never leave you or forsake you." "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy ladened, and I will give you rest for your souls." And in Hebrews He promises not to give us more than we can bear, to provide a way of escape for us. And about all those people you mentioned: It's frustrating when our human-ness pokes through. Thankfully, we serve a good God who brings beauty and redemption anyway. Let Him provide the healing your soul needs. *I'm done now.*
from dangerspouse :
Welcome to Reason. Sorry you had to go through so much pain to get here. I hope you can find some succor in your life soon. Did you end up letting that girl move in with you?
from tobehis :
Sounds like you have some serious issues with cohabitation... those red flags are there for a reason. Find a way to tell her you don't think it's right.
from elusive-you :
i like that. it does help, thank you.
from tobehis :
Goid to hear from you! I'm glad you're doing well and are back in school. Sounds like you jumped back in with both feet, in the deep end. More power to you! (And we all need lazy days sometimes.)
from kenny-loo :
You took too long to write, but hoorah! Back in action :)
from elusive-you :
it's good to hear from you and to know you're doing well.
from silverluna :
thank you :)
from silverluna :
I live in Florida. I've been a worship leader, but never considered a worship pastor. I've been consistent in the same church for 25 years.
from silverluna :
I'm doing as well as I can be. Jumping into some immediate changes coming up. Might move to Cali in the next couple of weeks, if I get a job there. No biggie.
from silverluna :
hi how's it going?
from kenny-loo :
Just because what she said makes sense, doesn't mean it's right for you. People that are good talkers will make you see their point of view as right because they are so good at getting their point across. I'm not saying she doesn't have good points, but i don't want you to question what you find morally right just because she's someone you like. Trust me, i've been there. It's simply not worth it (to me) to go through all of the unknown when she's made it perfectly clear that you and her will not work long term. You can either end it now and focus your time on getting yourself better emotionally, financially and you won't be as hurt by ending things now or you can risk living day to day not knowing if and when she will want to end things when you are no longer useful to her ego. She seems very vapid regardless of her pretty words. No emotion... unless that's just the way you seem to capture her in writing and i'm just way off. Nothing that you've said has made me believe she is someone who is worth fighting for or even being in pain for. There is better. I can't answer you where, who, or when but i'm willing to bet that she is not the one for you. Love ya, Ryan. You are awesome and i am one of your biggest cheerleaders!
from kenny-loo :
How DO you feel about open relationships? My humble opinion is that (as far as I am concerned) i wouldn't let someone disrespect me. That's what i consider this to be. Don't know how you took it all in. It would immediately be over between us, no questions asked. I understand where you are coming from when you say "Well, am i good enough?" Of course you are. I am quoting myself when i say this. I spoke aloud and said: "He is just too wonderful for this... to be just one of a few others" and damn, isn't it tough when it's someone you like so damn much and your wish was to be monogamous. I just... i'm speechless.
from tobehis :
Just started reading the Harry Potter series about a month ago...never would've gotten the Hermione Granger comment otherwise. :-P i've lost track of time... If you have 't had your procedure yet, hope it goes well. If you did have it hope you have a speedy, smooth recovery.
from tobehis :
"On Sorrow" - interesting take.
from tobehis :
"But that's OK, because life is beautiful." ---I feel like life is just something to be endured, something to get through. It kills me that I have very little joy, very little peace. How do you do it? I'd be a basket case if I were in your shoes...
from silverluna :
Good for you. Glad you will be enjoying your major too. I just finished my bachelor degree last year, so you're not that late.
from tobehis :
Thanks for answering the question. Sounds amazing... More power to you! I bet the church history one will be very interesting.
from elusive-you :
good for you!
from tobehis :
What are you going back to shool for?
from elusive-you :
circumstances are shit in general right now (job-wise). i'm wishing you well.
from kenny-loo :
I love you, Ryan. Maybe that doesn't help much in the physical sense, but i hope it makes your heart feel a little warmer knowing you are loved genuinely by someone whom only writes words and text messages. Keeping you in my thoughts. I wish you were here. We'd be awkward together at least.
from tobehis :
Have you considered looking for a job that would be less time on your feet, and easier on your body?
from silverluna :
Oh i meant the entry of what your new girl said, not about your ex.
from silverluna :
Wow. Those are some words your significant other writes.
from tobehis :
Thanks for considering my questions seriously. And Bill Cosby is amazing. I'd love to go see him live if I ever had the chance.
from hitch-hike :
...a girl can wish, and wish I shall! Thank you for your thoughts from 11/20/2012...
from kenny-loo :
Sexy suggestion Ryan! lol
from kenny-loo :
Sexy suggestion Ryan! lol
from tobehis :
Thanks for taking the time to give such a well-thought-out, thorough answer. Sorry I didn't respond quickly - this is the first chance I've had to be on D-land all week! :-O It certainly stinks that there is the double-standard concerning sexuality. I feel that men should be expected to remain pure, also. Yes, it's hard...I understand that men are wired completely different than women and somehow go gaga sexually when they see a pretty girl...but what about the verses in the Bible that speak to avoiding sleeping around? Seems God expects both men and women to remain pure. And, really, it makes sense to me, because abstinence is the best birth control, and it is also the best prevention of disease. ~ So there are my thoughts in a nutshell. :-)
from silverluna :
Exactly. People get the notion that if God has his plan, I don't have to do anything. But it's when you take action that you see where you should go. And you can get philosophical all you want. I'm a sociologist. :)
from elusive-you :
that was completely refreshing to read. i wish more people had the same opinion (sigh).
from silverluna :
I was stuck on the idea that God had a "plan for me". Eventually I wondered if I missed a wrong turn on this plan. When my engagement fell through, I always wondered if I chose the wrong "path". What if I was the one he was to marry? I couldn't deal with the thought. One day I just gave up on the idea that there's one plan. There's "God plan" and we all have a part in it. There must be more than one way. How does "free will" fit into this one plan idea? Either way we don't know the answer.
from tobehis :
So the thought that she's might be "practicing sex" a lot doesn't bother you at all?
from elusive-you :
wow, i sincerely appreciate all of the effort you put into that response. that is incredibly kind of you. i'm taking your advice to heart. thank you so, so much.
from kenny-loo :
The poem rules!
from silverluna :
By the way, your extensive movie list reminded me of how many good movies i need to catch up on. oh, and good luck on your interview.
from silverluna :
Best response ever. thank you. :)
from tobehis :
I also wondered if your fast includes D-land...Hope not! ~ What is your job?
from silverluna :
I keep reading entries and wanting to comment: maybe you should be a slam poet? - mental illness is not your fault - Most of the entries were about finding a love, and I've realized that when I stopped looking, "love" would find me. That's only happened a few times for me though. - That entry about the girl with green eyes. Insane. Who doesn't like movies? Jack Kerouac used to live in your apartment? - I love your grateful post. - Oh and on your current post, will you stop writing in Dland for month?
from silverluna :
Actually I don't have chronic pain. I had a boating accident a few years ago that resulted in me being home for 6 months. I did have an allergic reaction to the antibiotic I was taking. The hives were bad, but I didn't have pain resulting from my leg. What is your chronic pain from? I don't know if you wrote about it in your blog, I read a few days trying to figure it out.
from silverluna :
Hello. I'm a reader of tobehis and I was looking for more "diaries" to read. Nice that you're updating. Sorry that you are in pain. I know how it is.
from elusive-you :
that feeling is perfect--i once had a boy i spoke french with and while at a restaurant with another friend of ours, she asked why the boy always answered me and not her. very quickly and quietly he said to me, "parce que tu es plus importante." makes your heart skip a beat.
from tobehis :
I took two years of French in high school. Probably couldn't string together a coherent sentence now, though. :-(
from kenny-loo :
You have no idea what you've done. Haven't smiled this wide in God knows how long. Thank you Ryan for taking inspiration from my list to make your own. You're awesome. No Lie. :)
from elusive-you :
(unfortunately) it is a consolation. it's one of the worst feelings and it's been in my chest for over a year. hopefully we'll both find something soon.
from tobehis :
I've always said you're not old til you're 60...but as I've watched my cousins and nieces grow up, sometimes I feel old. :-P I'm 24...will be 25 in March, and am trying to wrap my head around a quarter of a century. :-P
from tobehis :
Sweet! I'm not able to update as much as I'd like any more...I'm in the middle of my 3rd week at my new full time job and all I want to do when I get home is crash. No energy for updating a lot. ~ If you figure out how to manufacture self-discipline, let me know! Mind if I ask, how old are you?
from tobehis :
Feel free to add me, too, if you want.
from tobehis :
Do you mind if I add you to my buddy list?
from tobehis :
Wow, you've written a lot since I last checked your diary (the last one I read was How to Have a Nervous Breakdown). Guess I better get crackin' on catching up. :-P ... I'm sorry your "Christian" friends didn't give you much help. While I do believe talking to God would help, I agree with you that that wasn't the right thing to say at the moment. Maybe something like, "I'll pray for you" or "How can I help?" Just be assured that ALL Christians aren't like that! I hope you find one or two who WILL listen to you and just be there for you. ... Really enjoyed your "Grateful" list. Sometimes (lots of the time) we focus on the negatives way too much. It's good to focus on the positive and to find things to be thankful for. ...And, by the way, I'm Amy. :-P
from elusive-you :
i literally laughed out loud at that, thank you! hahaha. and who doesn't like movies?!? that's insane. beyond insane.
from elusive-you :
cheesecake is probably the best way to celebrate anything.
from kenny-loo :
Oh Wow. It IS the same Cedar Hill. Small world... sort of! Ha. My brother went to Trinity for awhile. I pass by there often when i go to work. The last time i went there was for the Hell House thing they have going every year but i stopped going to that because well, it's pretty much the same old, same old. My parents are Pastors as well (Small Group Church) We're at a hotel conference in DeSoto. I live in Lancaster though, so Cedar Hill is only like 15 minutes away. Wow. Still can't believe it. Nice. :)
from kenny-loo :
On the the left side of your screen where you see all the options, click where it says Edit Your Profile. Then the first option where it says: 'To change your profile's name and description, your favorite diaries...' and so on, click where it says 'click here' and that will take you to the list of people you have added so you can add/edit and just write my username on one of the blanks. Ta-Da. AND... Yes, i work in Cedar Hill... TEXAS that is. I'm sure there must be lots of towns/cities called Cedar Hill so i'm not sure if that's the one you're referring to. Also, feel free to look me up on FB (if you'd like) since i think DL is sorta limited on contacting others (aside from the notes page) facebook.com/kloves80s :)
from tobehis :
They don't know why you're experiencing the pain?
from tobehis :
I think that would just depress me - because it would remind me that I am NOT attaining my dreams. :-P
from kenny-loo :
I do read you as soon as you update, and in some way i find comfort in knowing that you're out there maybe not having the best time, but somehow still pull forward. I admire that. Which means i can do the same. I can pull forward if you can. I'll think about that when i can't find the energy to get out of bed. So, when you write, i find something new i did not know. You're teaching me so please, keep writing because i'll always be reading.
from tobehis :
Found your diary through elusive-you. What's vision boarding?
from kenny-loo :
Reading your journal makes me feel like i am not so [alone]or the only one out there who feels like it only happens to me. Keep writing :)
from elusive-you :
i'm tia. i'll be reading along, hope you don't mind.
from viva-la-babe :
It is not your fault. Not in the slightest. You did not wake up one day and ask for a mental illness. Now that you have said it aloud, you can work with it. You can accept it and go with it. You will be able to live with it - as long as you work with it, regardless of the severity. While it may not ever go away, you will definitely be able to balance everything out. You can do this. You are stronger than you think, and you are absolutely NOT a failure.
from elusive-you :
having a mental illness is in no way, shape, or form your fault. it is still an illness, something that you can't help. you're not a failure at all. i'm wishing you well. xx
from u2october :
We truly are the last of the mohicans on here...
from kenny-loo :
Sometimes i feel the same way you do (in the God sense) like he never answers. I guess i continue to ask Him for the same things, because it's scary to think that if i don't have at least some kind of faith, what's really out there and when i can't physically make any situation in my life better, where do i turn to? I guess i'm stubborn. I'd like to believe that if i keep praying, that somehow, someway what i wish for will be done. Funny, i don't even know your name and yet my heart ached when i read your entry. I'd at least like to know that. Maybe within my own dusty prayers, i can mix yours in. After all, what have you got to lose?
from musicman575 :
Write the damn book!
from greenstar7 :
it has a strange attraction... it has drawn you back. we are both happy to have you. i am back in las cruces, restless, and theres a wee bit of a floundering but its my twentys sooo its expected, i guess. i still think of you and wish you well often.
from greenstar7 :
i think of you from time to time, about calling or even writing but...i don't. so today when i got on just thought i would take a chance. i'll be in Co in early sept for a wedding, maybe we could meet up. til then we have notes.
from mojo1915 :
this year's glorious week I missed my schedule, well...you get the gist my intention was legit when I pledged to submit 09's timing was a twist
from greenstar7 :
iam sad we don't talk any mare. i hope things are good. i am working at a church that uses chick tracks. i remembered you use to have a collection of them. i'd mail you one, but everything i've tried to mail you in the past year or so has come back to me. let me know how you are or whats going on...
from musicman575 :
shall we have a smoke?
from cindylou03 :
note note note bombard bombard bombard. write.
from u2october :
Unemployment does suck, but kudos on not being a pawn. I still think you'd fucking love DC though. It tends to be a magnet for people like us.
from u2october :
I just got caught up on the last 5 posts of yours(as I was adding a new entry on mine) and I share many of your sentiments, as well as a girlfriend of the same name as yours. I refuse to share the 'stache though. I'm staying full beard for the foreseeable future. Hope to see you in DC some time.
from dagkyo :
Wait...I think you've got it backwards. Isn't it "...and so on, and so forth."
from dagkyo :
Just post your address man.
from dagkyo :
haha, man that's awesome.
from cindylou03 :
hahaha that's pretty funny. i really would have sent it. mostly because i love the mail.
from cindylou03 :
no one will send you $5 if you don't include your address
from mojo1915 :
I will send you some money if you give me your address.
from u2october :
Shit has been going like that for me as well since my divorce(actually a good thing) Hope things get better for you.
from cindylou03 :
hey ryan. i just wanted to let you know that i'm happy you made an entry. i was beginning to wonder...and sort of worry. i almost called you like 20 times.
from similar :
thank you ryan. you are right in so many ways. hey i hope something works out for you. my ceiling has never been my floor so i can't say i understand, but i'm sure it sucks. God's not trying to get your attention. you're ceiling was just kinda crappy. anyways... hoping there is a silver lining somewhere in the near future for you. love you too :)
from dudemanflab :
I'm glad you're back, Ryan. We should talk soon.
from u2october :
I apparently have turned into an artsy liberal. Not only do I have dark framed glasses and world music, I am a vegetarian and I sport a beard.
from dudemanflab :
I hope this last entry wasn't an apology for your exeunt from diaryland. Te extraño mucho, y quiero hablar contigo. (Interpreting tongues: I miss you and want to talk to you!)
from greenstar7 :
you were in my dream last night and i was acting all weird, but you might have had a plate of cookies which could explain it. one really couldn't say...cammy
from greenstar7 :
i forgot the name of the podcast you said i would like, you should tell again sometime. the one i think you would like is http://mrdeity.com/deityrss.xml or just search mr. deity and i bet you can find it on youtube. (heart)
from greenstar7 :
for what its worth...if i were where you are, help or hurt, i would just lay w/ you on the sofa. it fact i wish i was there or you were here. maybe i'll just call you tomorrow, i would to night but its kinda late. heart you ryan andrew connell
from ladolcevita3 :
hey, it was good to chat with you.. sorry if I was a little weird. i think the telephone literally swallows up my brain sometimes.
from ladolcevita3 :
ryan, i am crossing my fingers, throwing pennies into fountains, and finding all sorts of superstitious ways to help you out. (even praying) be brave! love, laura.
from mojo1915 :
Howdy Ryan, I finally composed a few limericks for this week. Go check 'em out on my diary.
from ladolcevita3 :
i love collins too. although my copy of sailing alone around the room is defective. all the pages fell out onto my lap one day while i was reading.
from dagkyo :
Meh, I want proof, show me your source of information.
from greenstar7 :
if my vote counts, your in...your more than in, your golden, in the mix, and i dare say a pivotal character in this said tale. mail you something soon. *
from dagkyo :
I missed the connection between the Irish and bluegrass...oh and why would you support the French?
from dudemanflab :
with your job, that's like a stripper giving up pornography. Hope it works...
from dudemanflab :
Wierd that Laura beat me to the punch. maybe you should try Lent. Emptying certainly's the most counter-intuitive thing to do.
from ladolcevita3 :
i start to feel this way too sometimes, especially lately. maybe you just need something new.
from dagkyo :
Yes we've had that discussion, I found out that it was actually some sort of mayan or aztec sun on his elbow and not captain america. Captain America is actually on his calf. No I'm not a stalker, I just found a picture via google image search.
from dagkyo :
It is funny you mention Captain America tatoos because I've been contemplating getting Captain America's shield tatooed on my elbow.
from cindylou03 :
you're welcome. i call em like i see em. i have another poem. when i'm done revising it..i'll probably post it. because it is not personal at all.. it's chili peppers. hahaha love, cindy
from dudemanflab :
What's your myspace page? or What's wrong with posting them on diaryland? Not enough readers? A man's gotta do..
from dagkyo :
Facebook, that's the way to go.
from cindylou03 :
hey i'll send you my poem k. i never would before. but hey. i say..fuck it. hehe
from dagkyo :
Thanks man, I appreciate it.
from ladolcevita3 :
ryan connell, my deepest regret is to wish you a belated happy birthday, so late it seems, that you could consider it an early birthday wish. regardless, you are loved. :)
from dudemanflab :
Ryan, I will be calling you tomorrow. (Possibly 22-23 hours from now?-- it's almost 8 i think in the Spirngs) Tell me if that's good. Love, Paul
from nudeplatypus :
Adults tend to get angry when you correct their grammar but if you are a teacher, then you can correct grammar all day long and the kids just have to take it. It's one of the perks of the job.
from dudemanflab :
Your use of etcetera was impeccable. Necessarily was spelled right as well. You are a grammar queen, and I hope that you start a newspaper grammar column. I love you, friend. Paul
from dudemanflab :
Ryan, If it clarifies anything, laura and I were talking of a Springfield friend, Ryan Swan when we mentioned Fellini and convolution. Thanks for your note-- though if your ma ever reads my note page, she'll realize you have tasted alcohol. (petulant-child giggles). Miss you as well, old pal. Have a great new years. Hope it's as well lit as your last one (no, i don't mean marajuana-- your mom would freak out). yes, i'm going now. paul
from ladolcevita3 :
i want to call you. unfortunately i am a multi-faceted person and I have only one small side of myself that enjoys phone conversations. this is a note to tide over until she comes around. i hope things are okay. (with love) laura
from cindylou03 :
wow. i am so sorry for your computer loss. and that britney spears ever lived.
from mojo1915 :
Please forgive me for that. It wasn't even a dang haiku. Last night I was so drunk that I pooed in a urinal.
from mojo1915 :
Eff you sir Ryan I love to say the F-word and write drunken hi-koo
from greenstar7 :
ok ryan i tried: makeup to breakup rules i can't follow at dark lost sight not lost hope
from eirrac7 :
heres a haiku: sip and solve puzzles coffee and books the day is good
from u2october :
i have a haiku. feel free to erase this note after you get it. it's a bit mean, but here goes: come see a movie. not with you. fuck you too then bitch.
from mojo1915 :
I can't wait for haiku week!
from dagkyo :
2 things: 1.) I find it humorous that all the little things I did to your profile are still there. 2.) Welcome back to the club...
from u2october :
welcome back connell.
from greenstar7 :
you really are my hero and i am so excited for you!
from cindylou03 :
i tried to call you today and it didn't work.
from is-life :
So I was reading the director for On the Road is going to be Walter Salles and he directed the Motorcycle Diaries so maybe this movie won't be totally horrible but I will probably still find a lot of fault in it like most fanboys do when it comes to movie adaptations.
from greenstar7 :
how do you feel about hitchcock? his movies from the 30's 40's and 50's? I need to know what you think...
from dagkyo :
I hate Superman, meaning I hate kryptonite...get a better analogy. :)
from dudemanflab :
My favorite part of that entry was the quote.
from dudemanflab :
Do you know the muffin man?) Tonight I thought-- How's Ryan? I hope he's a-o-k, b/c he should b. the dao of Steve was funny. I finally made it into the club..... wait... there wasn't one? Man! Are you breathing but not updating or what, becauseit sure lookslike it. I love you like a mother her newborn baby, Paul
from ladolcevita3 :
ryan, i was going to tell you personally as i was driving back to springfield, but i realized i don't even have your number. (what is that about?) anyway, i'm glad i ran into you, if i had been able to stay longer and had your number, i would have definitely called, and maybe dallas would not have been a complete loss. you should come to springfield some time and visit me and paul. i guarantee that you would have fun. cheer up charlie. p.s. my car broke down too on the way back
from u2october :
You can stay at my place til the 11th. I'm going to DC for orientation on the 11th. I'd love to hang out for a few days though.
from mojo1915 :
In response to your latest entry, I have a story for you. Short and sweet it is. Today, as I was walking to Allsup's, I saw a man on a chariot. The chariot was actually his wheelchair and the guy had his dog pulling him at approximately 6 miles per hour. That is one healthy dog and one somewhat clever man.
from greenstar7 :
sir I believe that in your last entry you hit the nail on the head... ps I will be in Co in 2 and 1/2 weeks give or take...I can't wait to see you.
from greenstar7 :
what I like you more than most just b/c you fit in more with my dislikes rather than my likes. I'll call you this week. ohhh wait I have to make sure i have your number, I'll check and let you know. (heart)
from brothasistas :
oh, come on. lets get married. or hang out.
from dagkyo :
Exactly how is writing considered idolatry?
from dagkyo :
Sounds like a good plan, count me in. Also, my brothers and I may be paying Carlsbad a visit sometime this summer, it isn't set in stone but if you could make it out there, it'd be pretty awesome to meet you.
from dagkyo :
The people casting X3 wanted the guy from LOST with the southern accent(no clue who that is I don't watch it) but he said playing role of Gambit was far too similar to his role in LOST so he turned it down, another factor was the guy who played Nightcrawler refused to be in it again because of the 6-hour make-up and then Halley(sp?) Berry held out for more money and bigger part in the movie, so they had to re-write it. I think the long make-up hours played a part in mystique losing her powers. I tell you, it's a shame that stupid stuff like that can ruin an entire movie. Oh, and do you remember Phoenix ever making people disintegrate in the comics, I sure don't, correct me if I'm wrong.
from dagkyo :
I also hated X3, they just made junk up. Also, there won't be another X-men movie just another based around Wolverine. Sounds stupid...if you care I can explain why Gambit and Nightcrawler weren't in the movie.
from committed27 :
1. thank you. 2 i will take on the whole assemblies of God and win! 3. i am still painting, in fact i plan to double major in studio art and international relations when i get back from ecuador and attend wellesley. i would like to hear your dream. have a really good day, better than most, and ryan, smile the same smile i smiled upon receiving your note. i love you tracy
from alwaysinhim :
You just need a stalker is all.
from dudemanflab :
ryan, did she only speak spanish after 12 in the morning? or were you cursed by an imp to only express your love to her in spanish limericks? i feel for you bro. paul
from ladolcevita3 :
hi ryan. thanks for the nice words. how am i doing? i am doing well. i am back home in dallas for a couple of weeks, building this desk with my dad and trying to think about doing a little art. it's not coming as quickly as i hoped. but i'm going to be moving into a house then working a lot in june and july and hopefully painting, so in general i am rather excited. it is always good to get a little note from you. on another note, my friend andrea and i have been planning a trip to chicago this summer as well. she is from that area, but i think sufjan stevens idealized the place for me. on the other hand, how are you?
from dudemanflab :
1. hi 2. ryan 3. how 4. are. 5. you? 6.ttyl 7. paul
from alwaysinhim :
Bleck! Broccolli makes your breath smell bad!
from dagkyo :
Listen...I liked the entry and all, it's just...well I guess what I'm trying to say is, are you saying we(as in all us limerick writers) are the girl in the ballroom dress. 'Cause dude I'm not gay...I mean not saying you are or anything, but I mean I really like women a lot. Like, a whole lot.
from cindylou03 :
haha..know what's funny!? i just read cammy's latest entry..which is a list of things she wants to accomplish. and like, for some reason, i guess i looked at your name before i clicked on her link..but i thought, somehow, that i was reading an entry of yours!! and i really was like 'wow..i've never seen this side of ry-o' --and then it wasn't even you. hahaha dang. yes. love, cynthia
from cindylou03 :
dude. i wrote you two limericks. in 2 minutes.
from greenstar7 :
the harry potter one is my FAVORITE ever.
from cindylou03 :
man. i don't remember which one it was either. cuz that was a while back. but i remember i liked it a lot. ya..i think the reason we don't talk much..is because i do not drink much. haha..but hey. we can talk sober someday. we've done it before. haha
from mojo1915 :
ok, for your convenience, I posted some of the same and some new limericks for you on my diaryland. I hope you enjoy
from mojo1915 :
if you're ever on MySpace, you should go check out my most recent entry. It is a page of limerick fun, some new, some old. check ya later foo. -Jesse
from u2october :
dude, my entry titles back in the day owned. I even had an entry about my favorite entry titles.
from shoreline-- :
I like your template. I was wondering, what is it from? I wanna say it's from a short story I read but I don't remember what it was called. I was thinking maybe Franz Kafka? I may be completely wrong.
from greenstar7 :
i had a dream about you last night...i'll call you and tell you about it, so you can get the full creepy effect. cammy
from cindylou03 :
that last little 'diddy' we'll call it, was really so good. dangit. i don't mean to dismiss any intent or emotion you had for it..but like..i love it. and i really want to read it to my english class. but i probably won't. but still. ryan that was REALLY cool. love, cindy
from dagkyo :
I can truly relate to that.
from mojo1915 :
I heart Ryans
from dagkyo :
Interesting...
from greenstar7 :
sir you are in love with the idea of love. i saw a boy who i swear could have been you, that did make me smile. and had it really been you, then yes i would smile when i saw you. but it wasn't you...so that means something iam not sure what but something none the less.
from ladolcevita3 :
hi ryan. i would advise you not to move to dallas. it will never be anything greater than it ever was. it is considered one of the most depressed and poorly structured cities in the U.S. i just rented "discover america" from the library. i have wander lust real bad. my instinct is a) that i need to get out of dallas. i have three alternatives for the summer. 1) a roadtrip from texas through the pacific west with friends, ultimately ending up in seattle. 2) spending the summer in brazil 3) a trip to germany, portugal and the ukraine with a friend, if i can scrounge up enough money. i also might be spending a semester in london. if you lived in london, we could have coffee. it would be an adventure. anyway. move to portland. get it over with.
from gorilla-gurl :
What's new with me? i got a job at Starbucks yesterday! I start tomorrow... Thanks for the talk the other day -- it was good hearing from you.
from alwaysinhim :
Hahaha.. That. Was awesome. P.S. When I get the monies, then your present will be inthe mail.. hopefully before your next birthday.
from dagkyo :
I just hate it when I discover someone reads my "blog" and then I am unable to write as freely as I would have without knowing they read it...
from u2october :
Did I just say "costed?" Aye, my grammar.
from u2october :
If you want a real American hero, how about Henry Clay, arguably the best non president in American history. If not for him, the Civil War would've been fought much earlier, and the South would likely have won. When a colleague of Clay's mentioned that his brilliance in his Compromise of 1850 had just costed him any shot at the presidency, Clay replied, "Sir, I would rather be right than president." That takes some major cajones.
from u2october :
you won't be the only one eating alone on the 14th.
from alwaysinhim :
You are one of the coolest adults ever!
from u2october :
I found it odd that you listed privacy right under the library, since your privacy isn't private there. Also, the more in depth research I do, the more I realize that Lincoln was not that great of a president. You should read, "Era of Reconstruction" by Kenneth Stampp. Lincoln was willing to let the south keep slavery to end the war.
from alwaysinhim :
Awww, I like you too. I'll send a letter with your present (not that I wasn't going to anyway).
from dagkyo :
I like you too. By the way are you ever going to correct your profile?
from alwaysinhim :
black or red licorice?
from ladolcevita3 :
happy birthday. here's wishing you the moon.
from alwaysinhim :
Sorry your present won't be there in time =(, then I could be there vicariously.
from cindylou03 :
i just wanted to let you know that i watched the golden globes in 2003 because my life was pure fun and games at that time and i chanced upon them. jonna and i went to wal-mart in las cruces and bought silky long pajama dress thingy's w/ matching robes...and we wore them in my room and drank fake champaign (wow how do you spell that) and it was one of my favorite memories. i'm just...glad that you (and like..zak and chris n stuff) take the globes so seriously. :)
from u2october :
I was happy to see Ang Lee win for Brokeback Mountain. It is an incredible piece of art.
from alwaysinhim :
Well, you should still have my email. send your current address (because I know you've moved since I last sent you something) and I promise to send you something.
from dagkyo :
Ha, I love it! I am really glad you got a computer right when I got to college. Which means I will have something to read in my spare time.
from u2october :
dammit ryan, you told me you weren't gay.
from spittingame :
call dan and have him get you on the c and b society forum.
from dudemanflab :
hey man. i realized the river we were crossing on new years eve and crossed again on new years day. it's called the rubicon (see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubicon). Have a day, ryan. glad you made it back safe and sound and debtfree paul
from u2october :
If I decide to live off campus this fall, hopefully colorado will find you in DC.
from qjan :
Metaphor QUEEN! =/ Or is it a clown that we should all run away and into the arms of a sweet blue-faced kimo? My, my. With these words that fall off of my fingertips you become the one. Confused? Si!
from u2october :
bring on the lengua! I posted a retort to your last entry on my site.
from u2october :
where's my kiss, bitch?
from alwaysinhim :
ARG!.. this has to be the millionth time I've come over here and seen that I haven't replied to your last note (for which I'm truly repentent, so please don't hit me)... heh, anyway, what was I going to say? I don't really remember now, but it has been a while since we've talked, and it's probably because of me weird work hours. And look at that.. now it's snowing outside (I know, off topic). I have been keeping up on the reading here, so I haven't been ignoring you or anything, I am usually just too braindead to leave a note (or I put something in your guestbook). anyhow, goodnight.
from nudeplatypus :
Rent has Jesse L. Martin who is absoultely adorable. I just want to pinch his cheeks. And sense Jesse L. Martin is in Rent, it is automatically fantastic. It's the Jesse L. Martin effect.
from u2october :
hey, don't bash on RENT. I've seen the play on Broadway, and it fucking kicks ass.
from brothasistas :
you have been around and lived many places so i wonder if you could help me out with a recommendation. i'm considering packing up and leaving washington state, but where would i go?
from mojo1915 :
hah! You and my mom both. A similar wanderlust must have busted through her wall like the kool-aid man. She's selling all of her belongings as we speak. Apparently the country that gives her loads of welfare and social security is falling and she can no longer live here. She is going to hit the road (to Mexico or something) with her boyfriend that picks up radio stations through the chip that the government planted in his brain. God bless your more sensible urge to conquer the road. I hope you are offered a ride by beautiful single women somewhere on your journey. Might you need a few bucks, send me a note some time. -Jesse
from cindylou03 :
no you're right. i totally think it's because you're an aquarius. :D *cheers*
from mojo1915 :
blessed are they (me) who know not of this movie director you speak of
from u2october :
you may never know how much i envy you.
from my-rant :
you are most welcome.
from dagkyo :
Ah yes...the beauty of The Unknown...
from dagkyo :
I don't know what to say except that I really liked the entry about Ron Brendal. I have no clue why I did, but I did?
from ladolcevita3 :
somehow your last sentence was rather disturbing. you reduced women to nipples and the female body to a carnal object void of any spirituality (perhaps she did?) perhaps if you were forced to paint it, you would have a better judgement than to write such things. sorry, know that you have both my criticism and affection.
from donjuan99 :
I'm in total agreement, the nipple has always been my kryptonite. But the kind that makes being powerless and pretty much useless a joy. DJ99
from cindylou03 :
you did a real good job on zak's tribute. i know he loved it. (cuz seriously he told me. i'm not just being whimsical)
from dagkyo :
Ha, whatever liar.
from dagkyo :
Thanks man. I'm glad I have something to hold on to in case everything falls apart. If I got fired and my college burned down then believe me I would seriously visit. I want to walk the streets of Denver so badly. This small town kid wants to experience the city life.
from ladolcevita3 :
i became wonderfully giddy reading about fall. it makes my toes curl in excitement.
from is-life :
I did not know Subterraneans got turned into a movie, I will to check it out sometime. Yes it is great speaking with someone about beat it makes me happy knowing someone else actually likes to read. I was purchasing Howl the other day so I could read it on a colder night and I overheard some lady say "I hate to read, I like being read to but I just hate reading" and than I died a little inside.
from is-life :
We don't actually know each other but I know many of the same people you know. I also feel bitter sweet about On The Road, but I do think Sal should be played by Billy Crudup. I don't think beat will become popular because people will find out William S Burroughs was a junkie homosexual and that Kerouac was buddhist and be appalled. Have you ever heard of a movie called Beat staring Keifer Sutherland as William Burroughs?
from is-life :
On The Road the movie, your thoughts
from dagkyo :
I would walk with you if I could...and I'm not gay.
from spittingame :
Hey, I'm writing as Papo. Finally
from dudemanflab :
here here to laura-li's comment below. also, your gulp of dissatisfaction on the balcony (was it there with her?) was easy to imagine, some of the most image-full work i've seen in you. your control was well-timed. in other news, i appreciate you for more than the words you write. you are one of the few men i know who owns up to being haunted. thank you, friend. sincerely, paul
from ladolcevita3 :
thanks, ryan. that really does mean a lot. you should come visit me and paul sometime.
from dagkyo :
Get that entry published. Keep up the good writing, Edgar. Geez...downer.
from dagkyo :
Ok, you got me. That was good. I commend your quick wit.
from ladolcevita3 :
- not to say that 'feeling loved' or being 'appreciated' is all there is or needs to be. it's only rare, that's all.
from ladolcevita3 :
-it's a wonderful read.
from ladolcevita3 :
ryan. this may be annoying and unecessary, but i would suggest that you visit a vineyard church if there is one in your area. i've been going to a vineyard here in springfield, and it is the embodyment of all i (and you) have ever desired in a 'church'. when i am there i feel loved. i am 'a part of', appreciated. and i don't have to necessarily do anything or be particularly cool. oh yeah, and read 'my name is asher lev' by chaim potok.
from dagkyo :
I hope I'm not ruining it, but have you viewed your profile as of late?
from u2october :
ryan bundy does have a certain macabre ring to it.
from papotheclown :
I love myself! I am just so great! I am the second best person to ever walk the planet! Daniel Glosson is the first he is so incredible! I love to write myself notes! Life is just grand!
from greenstar7 :
please ryan i need your need address!!!! miss you friend.
from ahmetai :
If CO were closer to PA on the map, I'd go to your party. Keep it chill, Papo.
from dagkyo :
No Ryan, please by all means, LIVE! Live I say, live!
from dagkyo :
Ryan my friend, I have found the cruelest but funniest thing that you can say to someone: "I can't wait till you die." Isn't it great?!
from u2october :
yelling at canines? PETA's gonna have your gangsta ass for that.
from cindylou03 :
hahaha.. zoom in on: "to kiss their spoiled, rude asses and grant them their caffeine dreams." i laugh out loud only because i've been on both ends of that spectrum. f man...that was hilarious. i love your wording all the time. yours always, cynthia gail boutelle
from dagkyo :
Umm...aren't you worried that you put your password up on diaryland?
from cindylou03 :
hey dear, thanks for the note! it made me happy..because i felt really inadaquate writing in that thing. anyway..i also wanted to know if you could define 'huzzah' for me. because i think i yelled that at jonna once and she told me to shut my lesbian dyke face.
from brothasistas :
this is silly: i thought i was done with your diary but now i am back. i missed it, er, you, i guess. i notice the lack of wes anderson and bill murray movies in your profile and am curious if they were intentionally omitted. were they?
from cindylou03 :
ryan. okay no comment on your last entry because it freaked me out. but i was wondering if your invitation was still out for me to appear in your diary? i think i have something to write about. something simple. something..relatively shallow. so a big change from the awesomeness that you usually write. and you know what ryan. all the other writers, all the other poets...all the other nomadic, cigarette smoking crack heads can suck it. you go where the wind blows you and it shouldn't have anything to do with what they did..or what they do..or anything else that doesn't have anything to do with you. your life is as original and essentially the best you could ever dream of having. you just have to own it. :)
from u2october :
i've always wanted to live as a nomad, moving from town to town, stopping only long enough to make enough money for a greyhound ticket to the next town.
from dudemanflab :
en contraire, monseiur. it seems you have labeled me wrong or at least considered me wrongly. from MY perspective, you would be the villain and i the hero; however, from YOUR perspective (and all other villain's perspectives) YOU are the hero and i the villain. Villainy is firstly evil and secondly convinced of its innocence. which, arguably, is your reason for understanding ME as a villain (that is, i only THINK i am innocent). I hope you have appreciated this elaboration and the use of capital letters in this note in lieu of italics. guilelessly, paolo pauli the brazillian mob-boss.
from mojo1915 :
Hey Ryan, thanks for the note. Where in Colorado is your abode. I will be visiting Colorado in about a week and half. Perhaps I could stop by and have a hello. -Jesse
from u2october :
if you can find something to do until next august, you could be my roommate in DC.
from cindylou03 :
i found out your password. so. i'll probably just guest-star...and you might not ever know i did. because i will have absconded before you even see me scribbling across your digital pages. i love you, friend. please..if the rumors are true...and you are in fact coming to cbad again. please call me 3611174. i'd like to hang out. maybe me you and danyoll can watch the red violin for real this time. i really believe you would love it. ok bye. cindy boutelle
from lackshtitus :
RYAN.. I ACCEPT THE GENEROUS INVITATION!! i am more than honored at the thought of stepping up on to your http soapbox and declairing art..
from u2october :
have you ever considered moving to the DC area?
from spittingame :
I would LOVE to be papo for a day. Let me know. spittingame
from mojo1915 :
Well Ryan, I cannot illuminate your path, but I have good lips. This is a weird note. puunch me
from ladolcevita3 :
ryan. it would not let me post because the server was all messed up and my time ran out on my computer. perhaps, it wasn't meant to be. sorry to hear about portland. perhaps you should still do it anyway.
from u2october :
well, i'll still need a roommate wherever i move.
from ladolcevita3 :
hey you, i'm updating.
from ladolcevita3 :
what's a gal got to do to write in this here diuhry.
from u2october :
I might be moving to Portland in about a year if I choose to attend the University of Oregon.
from alwaysinhim :
I call tomorrow!! (today is June 8, 2005).
from mojo1915 :
Sir Papo, today I shall guest star in your diary. It is 2:06PM Mountain Time. I hope you get this before you post an entry yourself lest rule #1 be violated on accident. -Jesse
from dudemanflab :
hey ryan, it's been a long time. i miss waking up in the mornings to coffee and going to bed with chamomile with you. I think you would do well in Portland-- try it out. if you hate it, then you can pick another ideal city- somewhere european. miss you man, paul
from cindylou03 :
thats' really all it takes. i'll be out of town for about 5 days. so it won't be yet. but i shall pay papotheclown a visit. mark my word.
from mojo1915 :
Hey man, May I be a guest star in your diary one of these days? I rarely write in my own anymore, but I'd be honored to drop a few lines in your's. -Jesse
from u2october :
some of us were just born to wander. At least 100 times a day I get the itch to just go wherever the wind blows. If I ever get the nerve, you gotta come with me.
from u2october :
How was Darth Cheney anyway? I'll guest post anytime and may use the entry to lay out my plan to do a movie version of kerouac's "On the Road"
from cindylou03 :
there's fecies on your fesses HAHAHAHAHHHAHA
from mojo1915 :
Je t'aime is actually "I love you" (which would actually directly translate to "I like you", but French is silly. J'adore is "I love". So señor, j'adore tes fesses (I love your buttocks), and J t'aime Ryan (I love you Ryan). Bon nuit (good night)
from nudeplatypus :
I'm thrilled about the new Backstreet Boys album because there is nothing better than a Backstreet Boys video. All those melodramatic gestures...freaking hilarious.
from alwaysinhim :
They work now! Thank you dear!
from alwaysinhim :
shame on you! neither your notes or guestbook link work!
from spittingame :
I think thats a worthy aspiration. Zachary Greenish
from balletstud :
Ryan, if I were a superhero, my arch enemy would be Britney Spears. I hate her. Just thought you should know. Have a safe trip back to Colorado. Molly
from dagkyo :
ok I was going to write Ryan a note but I have to comment on that last note, about thebradley.net, his name is Bradley Hathaway and he is "hardcore" he tours around with Josh Scogin(Norma Jean, The Chariot) I have seen him live, he is funny but there is better poetry out there...How far is Colorado Springs from Denver?
from greenstar7 :
hey ryan this guy reminds me of you. this is his web site and you can hear him on myspace. theres a link on this page. i love you friend http://www.thebradley.net/
from spittingame :
Thank you sir for your last entry.
from cindylou03 :
isn't it weird how you want a snowcone? i did that not too long ago. i was feeling gross in my stomach from gross-ness in life...and i thought about how a snowcone was what i was craving and it was the only thing that would make it better. and i got one. and it did. so i think you should get one fast.
from picky-poo :
Hello Mr. Connell. This is Stephanie Evans. I enjoy your thoughts
from anm727 :
well hello. yeah i don't think i know you. your name sounds familar. I'm a senior at trinity this year. I came my 10th grade year. I guess you were gone before I got there. I like your diaryland name. -amber
from anm727 :
Just wondering who this is... :) -amber
from cindylou03 :
gay, mullet wearing trend sheep? hahahahhahahahaahhahahaha
from cindylou03 :
ryaniferous: i just ..well first: happy birthday. and i just wanted to let you know that i did in fact, light a candle for you (seriously..just for you) and i am currently making a wish for you (can't tell you what it is..but i just made it) and i am now going to blow out the candle..................ok it's out. oh yeah..and i'm going to light it again....................(these matches suck, sorry)...........ok lit. now YOU make a wish.............................. ok now i'm going to blow it out again..just encase mine doesn't work ( i know that there's no way that you could have wished that at the right time. but see, the candle-wish-gods know that there's an empty slot for a wish there..where this candle was blown out. and i told them that you were going to fill it. so ..go ahead. (i just blew it out again) ok. well..happy birthday again. love, cindy
from u2october :
well, if you need somewhere to stay while you're in dallas, We have a spare room and we live in the lower greenville area.
from spittingame :
well first of all, I wanted to see how you were doing. Good from what I can tell. And second, I just realized that you said in your profile that I was becoming your "inspiration". I hope one day to get promoted to Muse, and with any luck, in the distant future, a penacle of manhood to be worshipped nightly. Peace.
from u2october :
oh yeah, i almost forgot to ask if you're ever going to visit dallas again.
from u2october :
i always wanted to live in a mall. i thought it would be cool to play a huge game of hide and seek in the middle of the night.
from mojo1915 :
Yea Ryan, that is what you have that I want: the ability to write so darn much in a clever sentence. I guess that comes with being a poet, which I definitely am not. Oh, it would be nice to have a girlfriend too. Umm, chew winterfresh gum. -Jesse
from dudemanflab :
it is so good to have someone stimulating creativity- there's not much else to do these winter months. i hope your christmas and new years went well. i'm going to email ben pasley today if i can get my email to work. my address at school is 1111 n Glenstone Springfield, MO 65802. talk to you soon. paul
from candoor :
merry happy new year and life and stuff :)
from mojo1915 :
Hey Ryan, Nigel and I used your lines as topics rather than actual lines. Limericks are great productive fun. I hope you like. -Jesse
from ponglenis500 :
Do you like pie? I like pie. I like blueberry pie. What's your favorite pie?
from gutsymallone :
Thanks Ryan. Gah....I really have more to thank you for than any other human i know. Best Friend, Best Poet, Best dresser, and all around biggest genius.
from godsintimate :
ok. like..i WANT to respond to 'huzzah'..but i'm not sure how i should respond to something i've never heard except for that time my brother plowed into me all football style. so...i guess..'hey butter lips how's it goin' will have to do. -cindiferous
from greenstar7 :
oh ryan! well you don't really suck...that bad! haha. thanks for remembering at all!
from punkispink03 :
you dont know me but...I liked your diary it
from sahera :
I just though I'd say hi. I read your diary for the first time today. I cracked up about you wanting to poke your roomates baby. I think i just might add you to my buddy list. Have a blessed day. Sara Mathews
from alwaysinhim :
(my beef being that it's very misleading, since I can click on it). lol
from alwaysinhim :
hey booger, your guestbook link doesn't work!!
from esmerelda55 :
Ryan, I admit I signed up just so I could read what you could wrote next, and to see what else you're writing about life. I'm sorry you were bored on Monday. I thought you were having decent time, I was really enjoying being with you. I hope I don't bore you too frequently. I think I will make a point not to read this anymore, and hope you will talk to me about your concerns as opposed to just writing about them. -emily
from u2october :
you fared better than i usually did. a few former love interests read the diary and weren't as gracious. but then again, they were psycho whores too.
from mojo1915 :
Hey Ryan, I remember a long time ago questioning Nick why him and Alicia didn't have a child together. He said that it would just be really hard for them to be so far from their family and have children. Well, I visited them last weekend and found out that Alicia was four months pregnant. Now if you look at a map of Texas, the town of Sherman is just a few miles south of Oklahoma, Nick's home state. I didn't hear about their departure until reading your diary and then reading Julia's since you had mentioned other youth's diaries, but I had predicted when I heard the news of the pregnancy last week that they would be leaving. I really encourage you to see the big picture and not follow these preconceived ideas of why youth pastors change churches. Besides, I think Nick and Alicia could have found better pay in a lot less time than the three or so years they spent in Carlsbad. -Jesse
from dagkyo :
Like Captain America and gayness?! What the crap c'mon man, that is not cool. Haha, you suck.
from cindylou03 :
oh yeah. i remember now. sweet.
from cindylou03 :
remember when your layout was grey? i don't even remember what the picture was of...what was it, dear ryan..please refresh my memory..'tis a sad day when i forget something that took up so much of my life for a time.
from reevo :
ah, i love the new layout & your latest entry. star xx
from sarkasmo :
I was going to vote Libertarian this year, because I wasn't terribly convinced that Kerry's "Hey, I'm Not Bush!" campaign was good enough. Then I was told that if all the independent voters had gone with Gore in 2000, there wouldn't have been a recount. So I voted for Kerry this time (because he's not Bush!). And I live in Ohio, which...well, right now, it's really embarrassing. On behalf of all the people without their heads in their butts: my apologies.
from eirrac7 :
My favorite song by Louis Armstrong is "What a Wonderful World". I love that song. I wish that i knew a website that i could download a bunch of his songs. Most websites just play a clip of the song. Oh well.
from sarkasmo :
I think parents and other adults like to ask if you're crazy about a new girlfriend (in my case, it was boyfriends, but still) because they miss what it's like to be young and in love. If you're in your 30s or older and you find someone to be crazy about, you're generally expected to go about it in a grown-up way, which is not as much fun as the young infatuation method of getting to know each other. In my case, it would be just silly if I covered my palm pilot with hearts or wrote "I *heart* Mr Sarkasmo 4-ever" on my sneakers. Even though I'm tempted, sometimes.
from eirrac7 :
Louis Armstrong is my Hero!
from creme-egg :
good to know xx
from alwaysinhim :
heh.. well, this is one cheat I'll be behind you on.
from ladolcevita3 :
if you removed every part that makes a reference to kissing and inserted something about chocolate (in particular, fudge), then i could have very well written that entry. chocolate-- kissing. they are both a party in your mouth. not so different after all...okay, i'll end this weird note now.
from alwaysinhim :
I hope you do too dear
from alwaysinhim :
I'm sorry your throat feels so bad (and the rest of you). I pray that you feel better soon.
from creme-egg :
wish you better, and its throat x
from sarkasmo :
go get some sleep! i do the same thing when i'm really sick - i've thought "ooh, i'm good to go pick up some orange juice" without factoring the walk from my car to the store and all the standing around that's involved...and ended up napping in my car at the store. take care of yourself and get someone else to pick up the juice.
from cindylou03 :
i just now decided i wanted to leave you a note. and then i came and saw that i just left you one the other day. so..i'm just going to leave you with this advice: never trust a dog to watch your food for you.
from cindylou03 :
1. i am glad that the big lebowski is on your list of movies that teach you how to be cool (i've never told you how much that satisfies me.) 2. i'm really glad that you put off eating your oreos simply because you don't want to share..because i do that with stuff sometimes..and i secretly don't think it's selfish. lots of love. yours always, cynthia
from alwaysinhim :
John Butler Trio "zebra" It reminded me of you for some reason.
from u2october :
unless you make over 200,000 bucks a year, your wallet isn't leaning republican.
from spittingame :
I too am torn. NIck told me that "as christians we have an obligation to vote pro-life and pro-straight marriage and trust everything else to fall in to place". I told him, "thats retarded". I suggest you do as I am doing: go down, register to vote, and then don't. If deciding not to endorse one man toembody all of your political views and instead opting to politically plead the fifth is unpatriotic, then call me Benedict Arnold.
from alwaysinhim :
yep.. others are indeed undecided.. like myself.
from xgrapefruitx :
awww that was just lovely. x
from mojo1915 :
I must say that finding "treasure" along the road has much beauty. Your last entry was sweet, as in sweet like "that's tight" and as having a soft, lovely and personal tone. I much enjoyed it. Aye-aye Cap'n -Jesse
from alwaysinhim :
lol, yay for ryan!!!
from bornhabits :
It's slowly infecting you...just admit it. It's not too painful. Say is slowly L...O...V...E.... IT'S LOVE YOU ARE LOVED LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! XOXO~<3Shelly
from bornhabits :
It's slowly infecting you...just admit it. It's not too painful. Say is slowly L...O...V...E.... IT'S LOVE YOU ARE LOVED LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! XOXO~<3Shelly
from u2october :
birthdays just suck. i'm married and i still screwed up plans i had for her b-day.
from sarkasmo :
it's all good. if you were to post something without mentioning emily at this point, i'd be like "where's the emily update?"
from ladolcevita3 :
dear ryan: i have an envelope for you i still have yet to send. i am sorry. i will find stamps, soon. within the week. sincerely.
from greenstar7 :
thats one love triangle i like being a part of...i miss you. maybe i will get to see soon. cammy
from cindylou03 :
what can i say..i'm the man.
from creme-egg :
she X
from dudemanflab :
sure we can talk... when is your "perfect time" for talking? -paul
from sarkasmo :
things might just feel like they're moving too fast because you don't have something to compare them to. romance is meant to be enjoyed, not feared. and i'm still so happy for you! your recent posts make me remember my first boyfriend...*sigh*
from reevo :
whirlwind romances are sometimes the way to go. one day at a time ryan, one day at a time... star xx
from u2october :
next time you're in dallas i'll buy you a beer at the Blarney Stone Pub.
from xgrapefruitx :
yay your in love! im so happy for you. from what i read a few months ago, you really deserve it. :D xxx
from mojo1915 :
The note preceding mine is humorous I must say. Gah Ryan, I can't say how excited I am about your last entry. I've been rooting for you from 450 or so miles away. Your book was much enjoyed by myself and many of the folks in the music building today. I would like to give you much positive feedback on every one of your poems, but maybe I shall catch you online on messenger one of these nights and we'll chat about it. peace yo -Jesse
from u2october :
you fucking pimp.
from sarkasmo :
SMITTEN! Too cool. It always makes me happy when a redhead connects with someone. Oh, and I'm happy for you, too.
from alwaysinhim :
lol *is much happied for you*
from sarkasmo :
I didn't even realize that door-unlocking was a test. My dad had me trained from the get-go. Admittedly, in this age of electric locks, I've kind of slipped in my attention to this detail, but then again...I'm already married. Heh!
from reevo :
swing dancing? oy vay. xx
from creme-egg :
yay! X
from donjuan99 :
Ahhhh The Test!!! One of my favorite movies and quite an accurate test of a woman's goodness. She may just be one of The Great Ones. Just don't let your friends push her brother off his bike and then kick his ass, it worked out for them but only cause it was a movie. -DJ99
from u2october :
call her. girls don't just give out their phone number or ask what you're doing that evening unless they want you to make a move. call her or i'll come up to colorado and kick your ass.
from reevo :
yes, you really should tell me more often how much you love me. that probably is rather conceited, but hey, everybody likes to be loved, right? thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. a thousand times thankyou. your note really put a smile on my face. star xx
from mojo1915 :
You sure do get a lot of notes bwoy. I had to read your last entry twice. Gah, red-headed, green-eyed girls are quite attractive. Man oh man Ryan! Call her darnit! This is too cool. Wow, and she cut your hair too! Getting one's hair cut by an attractive woman is one relaxing and neato experience. I wish some of my past hair cutters/stylists would have given me their numbers. Ok, I'll just sum this all up with an earnest *high five*. -Jesse
from creme-egg :
Hey- that entry is adorable, I love the romance, I hope you called her! I can't wait for the next installment, would you mind terribly if I added you to my buddy list? Daphna X
from afrosrock :
emily is lucky to have you. you little romantic... xx. :)
from sarkasmo :
Beware the snake-owning, green-eyed redheads of the world! They're nothing but trouble! They'll chew you up and spit you out! You won't know what hit you! They...hey...I'm a snake-owning, green-eyed redhead. Emily sounds absolutely wonderful, and I sure hope you called her. :)
from dagkyo :
That interogative statement joke was the best joke I have heard in a long time. Good one.
from cindylou03 :
oh dang! know what's crazy!? i got my hair cut today also. but by terri berry. not my soulmate. but that's cool..that we both got our hair cut very short today. (tuesday) -cindy
from cindylou03 :
hahaha. ryan. please...you kill me. i think..you should try the movie theater as a hang out. and each time, you should try and find some girl that is there by herself..and you should sit two seats away from her..and then talk with her about the movie afterwards. because..sometimes when i go to the movies by myself..i think..'dang i wish someone was here that i could discuss this movie with' ..so who knows. tho..that hang out could get expensive.
from alwaysinhim :
that poem is definitely one of my favorites. In your book, that was the first time I read it, and I read it a couple of times to get everything out of it I could (that poem has an awesome idea behind it, holding it together). Hearing you read it was even better... P.S. you have a very nice voice.
from u2october :
coffee seems to work pretty good, but since my wife despises coffee, that's out the window. i would suggest smoking a pipe rather than cigarettes. Not only is it less physically harmful, but there are a plethera of flavors that taste wonderful and don't smell like cigarettes.
from mojo1915 :
You'll really send me a free one? That's cool man. My addy is as follows: ENMU 2795, 1500 S. Ave K, Portales, NM 88130 .... Have a good day sir -Jesse
from ladolcevita3 :
ryan, you are missed.
from spittingame :
Mr. Clown, I just wanted to inform you that your decision to leave Emo. Now, I'm probably not one to speak on matters such as this being that I myself have never been a part of the scene. "Emo" as it were, never really spoke to me. I think there's bigger and better things in store for you. If anything, I think this may free you up so that you can dedicate more time to the Jazz scene. We know thats where its at. Peace.
from dudemanflab :
i agree and also concur with your opinion of seabiscuit
from what-you-see :
The Boxcar Children Amelia Badila Ramona Quimby books The Cam Jensen Series and...The Baby Sitters Club
from alwaysinhim :
I'm not sure what was wrong with me. I can't believe that I.. of all people.. would leave so many errors in something I wrote. And not only that, but those are permanent.. they'll bug me every time I come here... grrr.
from sarinha :
super fudge!!!
from alwaysinhim :
Whoo hoo!! for Shel Silverstein and CS Lewis. (although the other are alright as well). How a list of your favorie fruits.
from alwaysinhim :
that is absolutely awesome about your book, and I wish you good luck in your new modeling career. ;o)
from alwaysinhim :
I'm glad to hear that you're not completely destitute though.
from u2october :
i've been there before. i've been dumped in oak cliff with nothing but the shirt on my back. it's safer to stay in the suburbs than downtown.
from alwaysinhim :
you can always complain to me. I promise. and it'll be free too. no complaining in return.. can't help you the hand-holding though. sorry.
from sarkasmo :
Perhaps times have changed since I was your age (and it wasn't that long ago), but the Ryans were the hotties. I never met a Ryan I didn't wanna hang out with and get to know better. Embrace your Ryanimity. Blakes blow.
from alwaysinhim :
So that's the answers to all my questions, huh? karaoke... hmm.. *goes off to find some self-actualizing karaoke* lol
from u2october :
WTF? Rufus Wainwright is gay? i'd put money on the elton john/queen latifah hookup.
from alwaysinhim :
love you love you love.. I'm laughing as I say it (not at you though, of course).
from artofliving :
i found you through dooki. you're awesome
from darkly-blue :
hey, i just thought i should let you know i'm re-locating. it's a temporary diary. the URL is http://razor-fucked.diaryland.com i love you ♥
from alwaysinhim :
after that.. you try washing someone else's dishes...
from alwaysinhim :
after that.. you try washing someone else's dishes...
from ladolcevita3 :
mad props for that entry... you should write books like that.
from cindylou03 :
freaking ryan. that last entry was wonderful.
from dooki :
You're not a pig for liking volley ball. I watch the diving team and swim team for the same reason. More diving than swimming...the divers are exposed for longer before they emmerse themselves in water. Why do you need proof that you're not gay? I know you're not gay and isn't that all that matters? Well, isn't it?
from mojo1915 :
what is a nip nap?
from alwaysinhim :
looka, looka!! your quizz thingy made me look through your diary... so I've added more of your entries to my favorite entries page... go, I say.. go.. bask in your glory...
from darkly-blue :
haha, yes the distance is a problem. plus the whole age difference. anyhoodles, would you mind if i added you to my favorites? ♥
from cindylou03 :
i don't remember why i asked you that..but i figured you would say yes ( i mean, most people would..because the ocean is like...magically irresistable ) but now that i'm thinking of it..do you like to just look at it..or do you like to go in it and do stuff. cuz i don't like to go in it. there's seriously no catch to this. i'm just curious.
from alwaysinhim :
Of course I'd read that far.. and even all the way to end.. I'm your devoted fan forever!!!
from apocalypse-x :
Hello there... I really liked that letter to an imaginary friend that you had on your diary, and yes, I read that far... You'll know what I mean... Wow... you have a lot of notes.. I wish I had that many notes. >< Whatever... I'm linking you... >_< Good thoughts.
from darkly-blue :
your diary is wonderful. much ♥ from an emo chick.
from cindylou03 :
ryan. do you like the ocean?
from alwaysinhim :
oh, see.. but they are.. It's just top secret... They have them all training in this area 51 facility.
from alwaysinhim :
Please forgive me for finding that so hysterically funny.. I have indeed watched birthing videos... but I didn't find it nearly so appalling.
from cindylou03 :
dearest ryan, i am thinking of you too, always!
from u2october :
there is a reason my mother doesn't know i have an online journal. they did force us to watch the NOVA "miracle of life" catcher's view of birth video. all i'm saying is a woman spread eagle in stirrups is NOT the first thing you want to see at 7 o'clock in the morning.
from spittingame :
Ryan, First of all, I didn't tell Chris that I won't burn him Tilly and the Wall (though now I definately won't). Him telling you this probably came from a conversation the other night where I said, "Kyle, I'd like to burn you The Western States. I think you'd like it". Chris said, "Don't burn him your copy, it skips". I said, "Well, maybe you should have bought your own copy instead of expecting me to burn it for you." He said, "Uhh, I guess I loaned you money so I didn't have any left". I said, "Kaleb had like a hundred dollars. You could have borrowed from him and payed him back once I paid you back." He got pissed. We're supposed to have a "cd burning party" but I hate that he's gonna get my entire collection and I'm gonna get like Speakerboxxx and thats about it from him. Such is life I suppose. Thank you and goodnight.
from mojo1915 :
Guiness??? I don't like that stuff. I tastes like what I'd imagine fermented espresso would taste like. That is some stout stuff. Be careful Ryan. -Jesse
from alwaysinhim :
much gladdened to hear that (you're happy with God). =) (and that mermaid movie is one of the worst movies to let kids watch... but I still like the music of course).
from xgrapefruitx :
i haaate eggs.. grossness xxx
from ladolcevita3 :
hi ryan... i would love to take you up on that offer, despite the probable weirdness. i seem to have somewhat of a telephone anxiety disorder, buuuut i am improving a little more each day.. one problem: i am not in posession of your number. i really didn't feel like venting last night at all. i'm not sure that it would have helped anything. if you ever need to talk, or are just bored out of your mind, feel free to call me. but thanks for being there for me. you're the coolest thing since sliced bread.
from alwaysinhim :
I'm running out of things to say dear, but I'll be able to talk to you soon.
from alwaysinhim :
I'm sorry to hear that.
from alwaysinhim :
good call on the quotes. and we all end up with regrets sooner or later. all part of the experience of growing up, I suppose.
from cindylou03 :
hey neat. that's cool that you have no idea why you said i'm like that girl from pbs. haha..i still want to see though. someday i will..until then..have a day of good. -cindy "possibly francine from pbs" boutelle
from greenstar7 :
dearest ryan, i didn't finsh the thought i believe...but thanks. you never "know".*
from alwaysinhim :
Thanks for the note lol. I couldn't stop laughing. (oh, how I adore you). I hope you have a wonderful day.
from alwaysinhim :
Yeah, I'm one of those Monday haters, sometimes. Most times, I don't care though. There are just too many other things to hate to bother wasting my hard spent hate on measly Mondays. Anyway, back to writing my own entry.
from alwaysinhim :
good list. I should have a poem you'd like done soon (hopefully).
from cindylou03 :
hmm..i don't watch much pbs ( except for zoom and reading rainbow *dunut NUH!* ) but i DO know what arthur is..but i can't picture how anyone acts in that show. but..i'm going to find out. and then i'll be like 'mmm that's me' haha..or i'll be like 'damn. this sucks.' and i'll turn to the food network and watch 'unwrapped' or 'the iron chef' instead. but encase i never get to see arthur..what's fracesca or francine or whoever like? ..talk to ya later, cindiferous
from ladolcevita3 :
if you are ever in need of a good throat slicer..... you know who to call. oh, and i think you should forget yourself, and get the girl. but that's just my unwanted advice speaking. adios senhor.
from crackisbad :
Crispin Glover says that Spielberg is satan. He wrote an essay on it, even. (Well, technically, it isn't about how he's satan... he just gets mentioned so much, you can't help but wonder if that's not the underlining point.) Collin Ferrel is satan, too. Oh, hell, they all are. Hollywood is the Satan epicenter! Death to the Satanses! PRAISE JESUS! THE LAMB WILL BLOW HIS TRUMPET!
from alwaysinhim :
lol, I'm with ya darling. Death all bad movie makers. once they are eradicated, then you can get rid of the bad acting that sometimes ruins a perfectly good movie
from alwaysinhim :
quite right, you wanted the two e spelling of eerie... and who says you need a reason to recount a conversation? Just the fact that you thought it warranted saving sounds good enough to me. I think it's perfect because it's the small, seemingly inconsequential things, that really stick out and say something sometimes.
from u2october :
to answer your question about the correct spelling of the word "eerie/erie," they are actually both corrects spellings. The "eerie" with 2 E's means spooky, and the "erie" with one E is a proper spelling of Lake Erie. Just explaining that made me confused.
from u2october :
i feel ya ryan. i don't believe bush is even close to comparable to hitler. i simply don't agree with any of his policies. it's an election year, so you can expect the bullshit rhetoric to continue. Moore's film was a good one. yes, he did spice a few things up, but nothing was factually incorrect. i'm a moderate leftist. the far right and the far left deserve each other. they are far too close-minded to solve anything.
from reevo :
oh my love for you & your diary is so great. even if you do look, ahem, "oddly rodent-like." although i have never seen you, so, you know. i'll take your word for it. star xx
from cindylou03 :
ryan a few things 1. you make me want to do things to the extreme. ( ex. if i were to paint my room ..instead of painting it beige..i'd read your diary..or think about you or something..and then paint my room bright red or something ) 2. i thought it was cool that 'bouty' was mentioned. i really got all happy when i saw it there.. it was that same feeling of anticipation i got in 5th grade everytime they announced who made the honor roll. :) you're missed, too.
from alwaysinhim :
three accomplishments.. dang, I'm doing good (although didn't really go at any of this with the intention of getting you to read your horoscope or write the longest entry.. did you read the whole thing, btw?). Just as a disclaimer, I do not believe in horoscopes. I just use it as one more thing to hate. Are yours crappy too? The long entry was because I had a lot of stuff to say about this buying a car experience.. this is my third time buying a car (there's that dreaded three again!). Anyway, I also want to say that I love how you commemorate your friends... spitting on people's heads: that's awesome. (you really got me laughing with that one). have a good rest of the day.
from hihocherio :
Just skimming through your site, hope you don't mind. I read about your relationship manager idea. If you find one, let me know. I could use one myself.
from ladolcevita3 :
you might be right. although i've always found that if someone really wants to get into my life, good old fashioned hellos are a sensible starting place for any kind of friendship or common ground. and in regards to being unique... i don't think you have anything to worry about. by the way, doppleganger really is a neat word. it makes me think of the truman show. that, and texas loves you.
from alwaysinhim :
well, since being copied bugs you so much, stop thinking about it. instead, think about this. You have something that he can never copy: the things that make you adorable (not in the "I want to pinch your cheek" way, but in a "let's go for coffee and laugh at stupid things we did as kids" way), personality, a way with story telling, your experiences, etc.
from dudemanflab :
excellent use of the word "doppleganger." i suggest you move on (as most of us 'indies' are anyway) and develop an interest in football, hunting, and cars. then you could be the most original man on the planet. sincerely, paul
from gorilla-gurl :
Your latest entry reminds me of a great quote by Brandon Boyd. He writes, "Why is it easier to pick up the pen when I'm not happy? Why is dilema the afrodisiac of the writer. I want to be happy. But I want to write. I am finding that when I'm content, I have less to write about. Why is this? Paradox! Can there be a middle ground? And if so, will I find it?"
from alwaysinhim :
this may or may not be true for you, but when it comes down to it, a lack of telling sometimes equals dishonesty... most of all with yourself. It sounds like you kind of realize that's a possiblity. (not that knowing that does much good as it doesn't help you be honest with yourself).
from sarkasmo :
Actual relationships do NOT equal boring diary entries. You have a sense of humor, so you need someone else with a sense of humor (trust me, you don't want to spend the entire relationship explaining jokes). If you're a little melancholy sometimes, you need someone who can either relate or who can bring you out of it without being all rainbows and bubblegum and annoying like that. Make sense? My point is, if you match up with someone, your journal entries will remain intriguing and poignant (or get better, depending on whether either of you likes practical jokes).
from cindylou03 :
oh yeah..and i was going to say that..you should start listening to Thursday. like..buy their albums and stuff. because..when i feel like i need to be a part of some kind of revolution ( ha..seriously..this really happens to me a lot ) i just pop in one of their cd's..or write their lyrics on my wall or something. because..thier topics are never light..and i take comfort in the security of my love for them. i don't know..i just freaking LOVE MUSIC! BUY MORE CD'S! ( this is the last note for today i swear ) love, cynthia
from cindylou03 :
but seriously..sorry for laughing about that..
from cindylou03 :
hahahaaaaaaa i love the topic of ol kurt n courtney. :D
from u2october :
the bright side of being on a "self-imposed" budget is that it will save you from seeing really stupid movies like "white chicks"
from alwaysinhim :
aww, don't worry dearie, I still adore you even if you're becoming one those dreaded... <start scary music>Adults...</end scary music>. And if you're really and truly worried. think about this: if you're really not ready to budget.. then you won't. simple as that. and (unless you're the kind of person who seems to always end up with combustable money) you will still have enough for whatever you need.
from reevo :
& we love you too, ryan. star xx
from alwaysinhim :
but I do adore you!!
from cindylou03 :
ok..so today my nose has run all all all day. and it sucks and all that..but it did it yesterday too..and i was wondering..how if i have to blow my nose every 5 minutes..when i go to sleep..and i'm cathartic ( is that right? ) what happens to all that snot..and where does it come from in the first place. i guess college wouldn't suck so much if they actually would teach me stuff like that. oh but the whole reason i am writing is to ask if it's wrong that i laughed to myself when i read about the guy next to you looking at naked black men. cuz...that really made my day. even tho that's gross or whatever. i liked it. love, cindy
from afrosrock :
:) your special.
from cindylou03 :
well in that case..i'm quite happy/excited. :) and..thank you. :)
from dudemanflab :
good template, ryan. it is good to see some change. you've had that other one for like over a year haven't you? well, africa misses you. she told me herself. we're going to see some little children later so i'll tell them you said hi. -paul
from cindylou03 :
it's not that i was thinking that you were lying about getting a new template..it's more like i thought maybe you'd forget..or that i was placing too much importance on it myself. but it's quite exciting now that you have one! i enjoy it..all bright and...not gray. ;) and just so you know..there is a banner displayed above my note-typing-box right now..that says 'varmints are passionate creatures' and there's some hampster-like squirrel rodents 'kissing'. i don't know what to say about that. but..that's my note. yours truly
from alwaysinhim :
glad to hear you're back safe
from mojo1915 :
Heya Ryan, That 3rd man is an f'ing a-hole. Man, I strongly dislike people like that. I was gald to see you while you were in Carlsbad. Have a good day señor! ~Jesse
from xgrapefruitx :
its not too late, you can always erase your 'first kiss' from your brain and pretend your second kiss is your first! x
from ladolcevita3 :
last night i went to an 80s dance party... i felt like drowning myself in the punch. i am not much of a party person myself, but at least your night ended well.
from u2october :
that's the lamest bachelor party ever! you've got to come to my bachelor party, and if you get your online ordination, you can officiate the wedding too.
from alwaysinhim :
you know, if I had you around all the time, I don't see how I could ever be sad. (ok, well, that's not true, I am very good at being sad, better at it than being happy, but I would certainly laugh a whole lot more).
from similar :
hahahah! mid-ninety's ska... funny, cause i am wearing one of my old FIF t-shirts today. oh ska!
from dudemanflab :
very much like the cat's in the cradle, indeed. i appreciate the quality of your associative mind. quite stellar, indeed. so, to solidify plans, i would like a river-walking spot. that sounds nice. maybe we could go swimming at the beach (e.g. "germs-- cool!"). talk to you soon though. paul
from alwaysinhim :
yay for me!! gum!! =)
from alwaysinhim :
lotsa stuff to read (sort of), but I read it happily.
from similar :
were your parents really gonna name you paxton? or is that a name you wanted? personally, anything with 'pax' in it, makes me think of PAX TV. and there's nothing suave about that LOL. and plus, i love you ryan! i think you are a rock star. and i've always liked the name Ryan too. just remember to smile today cause a hawaiian loves you :)
from spittingame :
Ryan Sir, I'm freaking gay cuz I keep missing your calls and then not returning them due to busy schedule. I wish I wasn't a horrible friend and this note is proof that I am indeed thinking of you and patiently await you and daniels arival because we, you two, chris, and I, will have breakfast club and play SceneIt. Its a lovely dvd interactive movie trivia game that is over everyones heads but mine and chris. So I'll see you then and hopefully call you tomorrow.
from candoor :
you may be as strange as me, but then, only if you accept that as intended to be a compliment and then again, maybe we just share similar moods from time to time... I do like what you list in your profile, so there.
from candora :
a love life manager, I'd apply for the job, but I'd need a recruiter since I've got no one to manage...
from reevo :
well, rodent like or not, you rule. end of. star xx
from xgrapefruitx :
i love your diary. you WILL get a girlfriend, maybe not this sec, but you WILL. love gem xxx
from reevo :
a hell of a profile, eh? why thankyou - i think. i'm a she by the way. & yr cute. i like yr diary a whole lot. star xx
from u2october :
welcome to the ranks of poetry.com and their books. i've been lucky enough to get into a few of their publications.
from alwaysinhim :
*raises hand* I do! I want a copy!
from cindylou03 :
holy crap man! you met the dude AND your lady. that's ...so exciting. i hate you. hahaha..of course i don't really. i rather love you a lot! and freaking...you better have gotten her number or e-mail..or favorite ice-cream..something!! cindy
from spittingame :
Ry Guy, I can't believe you said that guy was happy to be "compared to one of the DANIELS brothers". Bummer man. The Dude is Jeff Bridges, not Jeff Daniels. But I do love Jeffs brother Beau as well. The Bridges brothers are some neat folk. Peace.
from dudemanflab :
so did you talk to the girl at all afterward? such a climactic story, but no resolution--- i'm at my computer seat's edge. -paul
from u2october :
all good things come from the big lebowski.
from sarinha :
oh, and we missed you at jazz under the stars tonight.
from sarinha :
leave the country, ryan... and soon. as cheesy as this may sound mayble you'll discover life elsewhere. maybe the problem is that this unites states of america isn't giving you what you need to live, so here you're only surviving. this isn't the voice of God talking and maybe it isn't even the voice of reason, but kick it around. if anything, that hot foreign chick would solve all your problems. ;)
from dudemanflab :
here-here. hey ryan, when you're here i'd like to do more than exchange sob-stories or follow you zak and chris around while trying to appear like i'm not. i'm thinking.... i'll have a cool idea fart sometime soon. be prepared. love, paul
from alwaysinhim :
even if you lay there, you can still be awed by the sparkle of the stars. I know you will.
from gorilla-gurl :
I love it when you write about faith and religion. It always seems that you explain so succintly how I feel. Keep it coming... I'd be interested to know your thoughts on missionaries -- is their current purpose so different than their genocidal past?
from alwaysinhim :
I hear ya brutha..
from cindylou03 :
aww..usually when i read people's descriptions of me on their diary..i'm like 'wow that's neat..dang i love how they said that!' but yours this time made me like..deeply happy. i've never been called brilliant..and never knew until just a second ago how much i'd like to be called brilliant. so thanks..i think you are too. we are brilliant. FREAKING BRILLIANT! i love that word now. hehe..oh and..seriously color diary. i'm gonna do it. but not until i start my next semester this fall. hmm can't wait..:D i love that smiley. it's so cute and adorable. ok..this note is ending. have a stupendous day, dear..
from sarkasmo :
Since you said you were interested in clever TMBG tattoo ideas....http://sarkasmo.diaryland.com/040527_50.html
from xgrapefruitx :
your dairy brightens up my day! thanks for a great diary. i also wanted to say enjoy bob schneider, and i hope you find someone to take! :) xxx
from alwaysinhim :
hmm. that will be kind of hard for me. words are everything. but it might work. I have plenty of crayons and paper.
from similar :
i kinda already do something like that. go check out www.mrpicassohead.com you can see one of the paintings i did if you search under artist, shanelle. check it out. its lots of fun.
from sarkasmo :
but my favorite color is shiny. if i had a really good day, i'd have to tape chrome to the page or something.
from similar :
its always nice to be different instead of be the same in a crowd of differents. for me it was always the opposite. i was the girl who was looked down on at concerts because i actually wore color- haha. i find it always best just to be myself. and i'm sure ya know what i mean. texas misses you ryan!!
from alwaysinhim :
I'm sorry hun. I'll try not to laugh at you anymore... er I mean with you.
from greenstar7 :
ryan when will i see you...weeks- months-... how long? aren't you coming to carlsbad soon?
from nudeplatypus :
Sellevision by Augusten Burroughs is about a home shopping network and the completely messed up people who work there. That is all i have to contribute.
from alwaysinhim :
um, I like geeky guys. I just don't know many and I'm sure we'd get along fine. lol, especially since you remember my name.
from u2october :
i bet she cut you off right before you told her your favorite movie is steel magnolias, followed by fried green tomatoes. it's ok, i volunteered at the dallas democratic party office with a bunch of gay guys today.
from alwaysinhim :
gads!! I absolutely love you to death. and I'm glad you're not a girl. you're just perfect the way you are. one hundred percent. I promise.
from sarkasmo :
Sorry about your gay day. Hope you recover.
from alwaysinhim :
no, you're not a jerk. you're awesome.
from alwaysinhim :
I have no idea what you're talking about. everything you say makes perfect sense to me.. (do those two statements strike you as hilariously ironic?)
from mojo1915 :
Okie doke Sir, let's make plans. Have a good one ~Jesse
from alwaysinhim :
and what did you say?
from ladolcevita3 :
ryan, you are officially the funniest person i know.
from alwaysinhim :
God can always see into you. Like those one way mirrors in police stations when they're investigating a felon and trying to get him to confess.
from promise-made :
say anything. ha i was watching that last night. good movie.
from xgrapefruitx :
amazing entry, i wish i could right like that. I love your diary. xx
from promise-made :
i totally love you. ♥
from cindylou03 :
i'm glad that you didn't dis coffee/caffiene at the end. i was scared you were going to..and i was going to be upset. not that it matters..what would i do? grunt at the screen..you'd never even know. oh..and i've decided..since our christmas carol isn't really working out ( i'm just not good at that kind of thing ) instead we should go to chucky cheese sometime. i just went there..for the 1st time since i was a kid...and i'm glad i'm not a kid anymore..sort of. but i think we would have fun. -cindy
from alwaysinhim :
lol. I'll keep that advice in mind.
from xgrapefruitx :
i looove the book 'stargirl'! :) its really good, i have read it so many times!
from similar :
at least she wasn't an ass hole. you had fun! but sorry about that damn fortune cookie :)
from alwaysinhim :
I'm glad you had fun at least.
from dudemanflab :
good luck on your dates to come (assuming this one did not blow to badly) paul
from u2october :
good luck on the date. try not to sabatoge it too much. as someone who used to be a natural at love life sabatoge, i can agree the urge to do so is strong, but resist it if you can.
from alwaysinhim :
hope you have fun darling
from ahmetai :
Oh I will keep rocking on, but only because you called me a rocketeer. If you hadn't called me a rocketeer, the rock just may have stopped.
from spittingame :
Hey man, I've recieved few compliments in my life, and I just want you to know that you thinking I'm like a combo of Cusak, Jack Black, and Ralph Wiggums will always rank near the top. I salute you sir. Bynx.
from alwaysinhim :
yep, I smiled. laughed too.
from spittingame :
Change your freakin favorite movies list. I wanna see what ya got.
from xgrapefruitx :
i loved your poem thingy-ma-bob x
from alwaysinhim :
I liked your poem
from reevo :
ha ha. go you. sar xx
from spittingame :
There once was a naked old geezer/ who sat around listening to Weezer/ till his crazy old wife/ took his crazy old life/ and oh how it did seem to please her That one is one of my finest sir. And its "All for You" (like the Janet Jackson song)
from afrosrock :
no, as in cute, as in funny. as in, i have a boyfriend. but, still your cute. um, also, i havent seen a pic of you. anyway. your diary has comical value. au revior. lola xx.
from poetryclub :
we would be honored for one of your limited-edition limericks. sincerely, -the management
from mojo1915 :
Sir Ryan, I've got a completion to your limeric: my nose is all sore and runny/ it makes me look even more funny/ with my mucus in a rush/ to expel with a gush/ I'd go see the doctor if I had more money Have a good one! ~Jesse
from afrosrock :
hee hee. your cute.
from dudemanflab :
oh! i just realized the reason i was thinking of squirrels was because i semi-read zaks before i wrote it. wierd. ok, now you have two notes in your eternal collection
from dudemanflab :
holding an acorn, squirrely collin/ tripped on tree branch. falling/ fast to the ground/ he turned his body around-/ safe til a car stopped his crawling. (i like this one better)
from spittingame :
Ryan could not date a girl, so he settled for many a squriell, but the squirells gave him rabies, so he still wants some ladies, I guess we'll just see what unfurls.
from cindylou03 :
ryan connell is the sexiest pot of love i've ever seen/ i really like when he wears the color green/ maybe someday i can, again, give him a hug/ or ride with him in a luuuvbug/ we'll look cool in this car, it will be serene
from dudemanflab :
papo had too many notes; he made them to paper sail-boats, but they left him alone, to an more open zone, leaving ry with a lump in his throat
from mojo1915 :
Hey Ryan, here is an original that I wrote for an assignment in my English II class in high school: I payed fifty bucks for a hooker; to a dirty back alley I took 'er; she started to whimper; so I decided to pimp 'er; and took the young slut to the cooker. ~Jesse
from alwaysinhim :
Ok, this is the first one off the bat. I didn't know any one else even still thought of these!! I am so happy. Once I wrote a whole epic poem out of limericks. it was awesome. But anyhow, here's the first of some more to come. ::There once was a d-lander named papo/Who seemed to be a rather nice chapo/And command me he did/“Write a limerick!” he bid/That is why I came up with this crapo:: This poem does not strictly follow the set structure of a limerick, but it's close, and I haven't written one in a while. Don't worry though... I shall be back with more!!
from alwaysinhim :
your wish is my command, oh master papo.
from spittingame :
Ryan, if you move to Portland someday, we should definately go to a Blazers vs. Sonics basketball game. We could talk crap about eachothers city and the what not. I think it'd be humorous.
from similar :
ryan you are awesome!
from cindylou03 :
prancer should definitly wear leather. and listen to prince
from xgrapefruitx :
i just came across your diary, can i add you? your stuff is gooood! NB Gemma x
from f4sakndauter :
I would be honored. - alwaysinhim
from f4sakndauter :
hey, I sort of wrote something for you, not exactly. but you inspired it.. not that it's about you or anything. just reminds me of some things that you might say. and it's by no means a good poem. there's lots of work yet to be done, but it's made.. http://f4sakndauter.diaryland.com/040417_40.html
from cindylou03 :
ok so this christmas carol..i think we should try and make something out of prancer. is prancer gay? gay people prance..do gay reindeer prance? or are prancing reindeer the best kind? what does he like to do for fun...what kind of guilty pleasures does he have?..we need to figure these things out first..i think . unless you have something better. -- c devil
from greenstar7 :
neat ryan neat.
from cindylou03 :
i can't believe i just said 'ho hum' shoot me in the face right now.
from cindylou03 :
all i've been able to think of that i could actually talk a lot that has to do with christmas time is peppermint hot cocoa. hmm..but that won't fly. i'm still thinking..but i'd like to say that your last entry floated my boat so much that it beached my boat, actually. it made me want to drop out of college in the worste way tho. *ho hum* -cindy
from cindylou03 :
ok i'm thinking. im in. IM IN!!
from nudeplatypus :
I think the second most disturbing title in the "for dummies" line of books is "Homeschooling For Dummies." It was disturbing on a few levels.
from cindylou03 :
oh ryan! ha..don't worry. i'll just pretend you were watching the last episode of sex and the city. i still enjoyed our call tho. and plus..that's pretty tight you guys make an event out of it..i can respect that. so basically: it's cool baby you know i looove you! -cindy
from spittingame :
hmmmmmmmm........good call on all accounts. I'd like to hear these ideas. INteresting.......
from what-you-see :
That last entry really made me laugh...and considering the day sucked, it was nice to just sit back and laugh at something. Thanks Ryan...how are things bye the way?
from alwaysinhim :
aww, poor doggy. poor boy.
from dudemanflab :
i just read about a trend i thought you'd like. you've probably heard about it, coming from dallas and all... but it's called movieoke. a movie plays in the background while you read words that come up on a screen and act out the scene. heh. i thought it was funny. maybe someday you can go to japan and put bill murray in a movieoke bar and get a best picture nomination. -paul
from ladolcevita3 :
hey, thanks... you just made me feel good after having... one of those days.. as well. i don't see what you are talking about though, because i love your writing. and that's no lie. i hope your day today is better.
from spittingame :
I don't think you are anything like Lindsey Lohan. If you were, I'd probably date you. That is all. Zak
from alwaysinhim :
hey, I have some things. if you want to take a look at them, I'll send them to you. They might give you an idea about what to write or not.
from arachknight :
True, true. I hope to someday leave my vegetative state and become the french fry I was intended to be. Wait... FREEDOM FRY! Animal or vegetable? Gerrrr! Animal.
from sarinha :
Darling Ryan, I hope that you are in good spirits, and if you're not, I highly recommend you reading "A Hearbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" by Dave Eggers, which was the whole point of this note anyway. If you're wondering why I just called you darling, well, I've always wanted to write to someone I call darling, and after even looking it up in a dictionary, I found the meaning to fit you as well as any among my acquaintance: "One that is greatly liked or preferred; a favorite: “the pride and vanity of the rich, the darlings of fate” (Mario Puzo)." It's so you Ryan! Ok, enough. Have a terrific day and read the book.
from cindylou03 :
oh maaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!!! your comicality (i made that up *pleased grin*) has struck again! good entry. i mean...mountain dew and reeses pieces!?!??! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i love it.
from kittyleopard :
...Um I'm not really sure what you're aiming at here.
from similar :
strawberry mentos... that one put a smile on my face too. but you put a smile on like 4 or 5 people's faces for mentioning them in your diary :) you rock ryan!!
from cindylou03 :
oh gosh..have you ever eaten a bad pistacio!? like.. a rotten one? i just did. it was horrible. don't ever do it..unless your dare is backed w/ $5. oh but that's not the point. i was going to say --in reference to the last note you left me ( i know i'm really slow..but it was spring break ) that's pretty cool how you are added to my list of guiness related proposels. haha..it's truly amazing..you men, you. ..well i hope all is well. ;) -cindy
from godsbest :
Ryan, I know sadly enough we never hung out that much while you were here, which I surely regret, but even just knowing you were here made things better, you are missed... Kels
from kittyleopard :
Sure, I'd love to do a template for you. Do you want one thats on the list already, or you want me to make you one? If you want me to make you a specific one, all I need to know is what you want (image, colors..etc). I'm currently not doing fancy brushes yet, though. I'm still working on that. Thanks.
from alwaysinhim :
why is it so weird for married people to still go on dates? the wooing doesn't stop after you get married, otherwise the magic dies. my parents do it too, and they are on their 12th kid.
from u2october :
i understand the lonliness. remember my move to michigan? i spent many lonely nights missing all my friends back home. it does get better, i promise. at least you're in a more liberal town than i was. the town i stayed in was stifling my creativity, and was waaaay too conservative for me. hang in there.
from similar :
i still have the home video of you and david's pop band. if it still existed, i'd be a groupie
from gorilla-gurl :
I'm not sure if I've told you this before, but in case I haven't: Your writing inspires me! Also, where in Colorado are you? There's a good chance that I'll be moving to the Denver area at the end of the summer. That'd be groovy if we lived close enough that we could hang out once in awhile!
from ladolcevita3 :
you can word anything if you verb it
from similar :
yeah dave and i saw eternal sunshine last night. it was one of the greatest movies i've seen in awhile. the coolest thing is that i figured it out way before david- ha! i figured it out when clem said "i wrecked your car"... oh how i love movies that actually make you think instead of think for you. hope all is well in colorado ryan. love ya
from dudemanflab :
ironically (perhaps bitterly, as well) i thought of you A LOT at "sunshine" esp. when Joel would think out loud. serious, man, i was freakin out. but you know what? no hollywood movie can ever peg my friend, ryan andrew connell, down completely. you're still a quality guy. smile. you can do this. you are a successful person. (that was hypnotherapy by the way). may the artistic god of love grant you wishes in the blue doorway. -paul
from cindylou03 :
all right! thank you ryan-o. i shall send your package on its way..hopefully tomorrow. if not..then it's gonna be like a week..cuz i have spring break. ha..i hope this rock is all it's cracked up to be..because it's sure been a struggle to get it to you. it's gonna suck if you're like 'uhhh this rock won't even skip'. but at least its name will be cindy. :D and hey--if you want to go to work and call yourself cindy..you go to work and call yourself cindy. i'm sure it'd make for an entertaining day. ;) ha..ok well watch in the mail! love, cindy
from cindylou03 :
sometimes i like to let you know when i really like an entry..and so i'm letting you know that your last entry was liked very much by me. i really smiled out loud..and giggled at some point. I LOVE IT!! AHHHH ok but..seriously. i need your address in colorado. your skipping stone, cindy-the-skipping-stone, is growing restless..and wants to be in her new home. ;) so send that if you could..thanks. -cindy P.S. I'M ANGRY THAT YOU WORK AT STARBUCKS. and not because i think it's traitor-like to non-chain coffee shops..but because ever since i went to one for the first time about 7 years ago..i've wanted to work at one. so there. i'm jealous...and i'm going to take a stab at spelling--caramel frapuccino..hmm..it is a hard one. i dont' know. ok i'm really done ( it seems i've got the same problem w/ type-rambling tonight! ) ok seriously. bye.
from u2october :
if i ever run for public office, i think i should make, "plastered with cheer" my campaign slogan.
from dooki :
Chin up there, papo, it can be fun in a foreign city. Why, you could visit your local dairy farm and see how milk is made and packaged. You could go to the library and learn about the dewey decimal system. Perhaps you could pop a visit at Old Man Post Office and witness first hand how stamps are made. See, life isn't that boring.
from cindylou03 :
tis true, sweet ryan. i am 19. i do apologize for not informing you..but alas, i am just not the type to do that i suppose. tho..i'm sorry. now you know...and i greatly appreciate your note regarding that. you're the best for asking. *wink* -'cynthia'-
from dudemanflab :
that is so amazing, ryan. i am glad you're being challenged in a good way. i hope to talk to you soon. we haven't really talked since... uh... roughly new years eve. luckily i haven't felt too guilty since i read about your daily life, but i'd like to just chat for a change... talk to you later, paul
from mojo1915 :
Long time no speak Sir Connell. Ya know, Johann Sebastian Bach, one of the great composers, rarely wrote music for his own leisure. Though he only wrote what was his "bosses" had him write, he still composed many masterpieces. I believe you will produce many masterpieces of poetry in the same manner. Have a good one! ~Jesse
from dooki :
I'm glad that something you can't remember made you laugh. I feel, threatened and aroused all at the same time. Hey, did you get that sandwich before you? What?
from u2october :
just remember...if the rapping career does't work, you can always start an acting career. hey, it worked for method man and snoop dogg.
from spittingame :
Gah Ryan I guess you do hate chris farley. I guess he wasn't in Almost Heros with Matthew Perry and I guess he wasn't the guy who got his nose bitten off by a "saigon whore" in Dirty Work with NOrm Macdonald and Chevy Chase. And I guess he wasn't in both Waynes World. And I guess he wasn't the Coneheads daughters boyfriend in Coneheads and I guess he wasn't a cop outside of the building that they took over in Airheads with Steve Busemi and Adam Sandler and Brendan Fraiser. AND I GUESS Beverly HIlls Ninja wasn't still a good movie even though it was probably his worst. Wow you really do hate Chris Farley. I'm both amazed and ashamed in ways I can not express. Good Day to you Sir. Good day
from what-you-see :
Yeah it's Elizabeth. I'm never on diaryland anymore, but when I am there are select few diaries that I read...your's being one of them, hence the comment I have for you on my profile. I hope that you are enjoying Colorado...just don't be a stranger to Dallas.
from spittingame :
Ry Guy, I don't know when you'll get this, but I thought I'd leave you a little treat for when you get settled in to your cozy mountain town. So.....High Fidelity Top Five List of Favorite Chris Farley Movies. Go!
from u2october :
i feel you man. those people have no business writing.
from michigan :
Must say, probably one of the most accurate diary entries as of yet. Insightful for both parties, I promise.
from michigan :
"females, to me, are a enigma wrapped inside a riddle covered in mystery and then locked into an iron clad time release safe with the key inside with them." What a great line...very great line indeed.
from cindylou03 :
im a girl. BOOYA!! not only am i a girl..but i'm a mean girl. no i'm kidding..hehe..i get like this late at night. i'm going to be glad when i can witness the murder i'm destined to witness in some alley at 4 in the morning..so i can start getting sleepy at 12. yours truly: cindy
from biteanapple :
im so sorry that i missed you tuesday. when i got back from skiing i watched a movie and by the time i realized it; time had slipped away. Im sorry it really was my fault although now I cant think of another time that i will ever see you unless you come to visit when im here. and that makes me mad. I hope one day that I will see you again. and maybe then we can slow down and enjoy a good cup of coffee and just talk. that sounds really nice. -John
from similar :
i saw the movie last night too. and you are not a bad christian for not having the same reaction as others. but i think we both agree, mel gibson is a genius.
from cindylou03 :
i so excited to be named after my rock!! dang you rule!
from alwaysinhim :
Lol... I'm so happy for you. You found a friend.
from cindylou03 :
i think i'm going to send your package with miss cammy walker...when she goes down to c-bad this weekend. hopefully you're still there..and you will have your rock.
from cindylou03 :
ok. the mystery of your package of PCP has been solved..because today..it was returned to its sender ( me ) ..i'll send it again. my regards hampster boy.
from u2october :
did someone say a couch?
from dooki :
hey, how'd you like that rediculous display of snow yesterday? What a joke. It was fun though, my cats played outside. I'm sorry your Valentine's was spent alone. You should research St. Valentine and see that it's not such a romantic holiday anyway, and Americans know how to market to the masses, with contrived holidays and stationery. Mine was lame too, I feel ya.
from spittingame :
Good list. but yeah, of course 1. Bill Cosby. 2. Dan Connor (I love John)....3. Bob Saget in Full House......4. John Ritter in Eight Simples Rules (R.I.P) 5. Peter Boyle in There's something about Raymond. While we're at it, how bout Top Five Reasons Chris is scared to get New Mexico Tattoos with us. Go.
from godsbest :
ok, understandable, well hope things get better, Happy V-day!
from cindylou03 :
i'm glad you wrote that last entry. it's like..thoughts i've had..but couldn't even begin to formulate into sentences..so it was cool to read that..and to know that you once again..fail to be stereotypical and ignorant.
from godsbest :
Hey, no i totally agree with you. I guess im not very good with words alot of the time. And i can see what you read or thought what i meant... but, I didnt mean we should not love them because of those things, i think maybe they need more love sometimes, but i think we have been taught to be tolerant and accept these things as ok, and for that no they are not ok, yeah there may be some gray areas in some situations but hoepfully that will clear some of tha up, i just am tired of siting back and watching todays youth accept everything for ok.
from cindylou03 :
that's nice how i spelled aquarius wrong the first time.
from cindylou03 :
you spelled auqarius perfectly. and basically aquarians ( if the astrologers are indeed correct ) are just the most unique and original of all signs. they are random and unpredictable. they are a progressive sign...one that is scientific in their thinking at times...and unique. i don't know how you feel about people acting like they know what's up when you tell them that..but it would probably bother me. so ..slap them in the face..and slap me too..for my previous comment. ;) love, cindy p.s. that worries me that you haven't got your package yet..it just does..i am scared of lost mail..i always have been! ahhhhh!
from alwaysinhim :
Bravo, bravo!! Wonderfully done!
from ahmetai :
Wow, congrats on making this huge decision! (With God's help of course) I'll be praying for you buddy.
from gorilla-gurl :
If you can, hang around Carlsbad until after March 5th -- maybe we can hang out before you go on to bigger and better things! If not, best of luck! :)
from dudemanflab :
i'm so happy for you ryan. that means we can come to colorado to visit you now and colorado means fresh air and clarity and most all things good. i wish you the best. -paul
from poetryclub :
the club is re- running, though not full of reruns. have a go. leave a poem if you like. -pc
from alwaysinhim :
God works wonders. yes he does. This laugh was again much needed. thank you.
from cindylou03 :
that was clever...such an aquarius! -ps..you still haven't got the package?! that worries me. what are you going to do w/out your PCP...that makes you want to knaw on people's lungs and eat their hearts with a spoon?
from michigan :
Thanks...it's locked because, well, I can't tell the story on here...maybe email. Loved the entry...made me laugh with the "Moe" stuff. So, when are you leaving, cuz I wanna say bye...in person.
from ladolcevita3 :
you will be missed... but i'll bet God has some awesome things planned for you in colorado. but anyways, we should all get together before you leave or something.
from spittingame :
Ryan, A lot of people have told you where you should live. Personally, I think you should live in Carlsbad, but then again, I think everyone should live in Carlsbad. So don't listen to me I guess. But I was thinking, maybe me, you, AND chris should all get Buddy tattoos of Zias. Not anytime soon or anything, just someday. And we could be drunk if you want. If we must we must. Peace sir, Peace.
from similar :
rawist? thats a new one! hi ryan. its shanelle. you should come to waxahachie sometime and visit me and david. you definitly wont find any "rawist" in hick-town waxahachie :) keep in touch. ps. i re-vamped my old diary and am currently writing again.
from alwaysinhim :
no one said you couldn't have doubts. That would be like not being human anymore. I shall pray that God knocks you up side the head with the right decision. lol. Or would you rather just get it by mail?
from alwaysinhim :
Do it! Lol, just you talking about it is making me excited for you!
from cindylou03 :
that's really EXCITING!! colorado! cool people to live with in colorado. what are you waiting for? you could always go back to dallas if it didnt' work right? who ever stayed in the same place forever...and had much to tell their kids about?
from cindylou03 :
so. did you ever get your package? you know..the one with all the PCP and hash i promised. and the skipping stone..and cd.
from ladolcevita3 :
hey there, i was looking through my calendar and realized i am long overdue in leaving you a note. here's wishing you an awesome weekend in colorado. the state bird is called the 'lark bunting'. that is something you might want to know if you're considering moving there. well have a good day.
from alwaysinhim :
Yes.. and now I'm darn curious.
from committed27 :
your welcome. i no longer have a notebook but i still have a heart to pray for you.
from surfnskate :
CLAY MICHEAL MASSEY wishes RYAN ANDREW CONNELL a tight happy birthday
from u2october :
congratulations! you are the same age as me...for the next 3 weeks until my birthday. i know it isn't your field, but if you need a job that's easy with a lot of cash, deliver some pizza. it ain't the most glamorous job ever, but you can make shitloads of cash, especially in your part of town.
from donjuan99 :
hey there. just leaving you a birthday note. have a happy birthday. to be honest i hate cards and notes of this nature cause i never am sure of what to say... by the way you're a kick ass friend. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! -Abe
from committed27 :
happy birthday tomorrow! hope its a good one. feliz cumpleanos a ti. happy b-day ryan c. tb.
from alwaysinhim :
Can I like put you in my pocket or something and take you with me everywhere? lol. That way, while I'm having my pms, I can laugh at you with your pms. I bet it would make me a lot less cranky ;-) lol
from godsbest :
You know, guys really do go through pms. IT is proven somewhere. lol, you missed the last part tonight! You were missed! Bye!
from cindylou03 :
i did like, a miniature version of that not too long ago..only i just drove to hatch..and i didn't stay the night. hehe..so really i didn't do that. but i WOULD..and i'm not really spontaneous either. but i'm giving your day a big fat HELL YEAH..
from dudemanflab :
way to go ryan. that's a really cool story. i've never been to austin, but hopefully someday my experience will be good like yours. 3 days or so til your birthday, by the way. paul p.s.- did you see any hookers?
from cindylou03 :
thanks for the digital hug, by the way. i hugged you back--digitally of course.
from kittyleopard :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
from brighteyesoo :
well thanks for leaving a note!i just read your previous entry and i understand where your coming from...talk to you later i hope!
from michigan :
Yeah, funny how romantic and caring and charming someone is over email...then, you get in person and the idea of actually commiting to a face-to-face conversation, much less a relationship, seems to dissapear before you can blink. Or maybe that's just happened to me.
from cdghost :
pretty words and brillant layout
from cindylou03 :
i brought the skipping stone back to las cruces with me... along with a packaging envelope. you will GET your skipping stone. i just need your address..
from brighteyesoo :
i somehow came across your profile and saw that you take in an interest in nicole blackman. i guess i just wanted to say that im a big fan of hers and its good to hear that her name is getting out there...plus, if you cant tell by the name, bright eyes is a favorite of mine, as well every other band you listed.
from greenstar7 :
pap to the o. wish i could have seen you go. or are you here. this i kinda fear. c-bad is a rough town. it can bring you down. or are you in the big d. ok thats it. *cam
from gutsymallone :
hey brother, i was out making the rounds and thought i would say hallo (as my therapist says it). i'll try to call tomorrow. it's coming together
from arachknight :
Huh? You be crathy! (yes it's spelled right, you have to say it with a lisp)
from arachknight :
By the way, if you had a pancake roof without the dog loose on the other end causing the rain to fall harder if it were red with icing on the collar of the fifth wheel?
from arachknight :
And that would be the track to???
from gorilla-gurl :
The answer is: LONDON!!!! btw, how have you been? It's been awhile since i've heard from you.
from dooki :
If that's true, then maybe, just MAYBE, men truly are idiots. hee hee.
from dooki :
what is it about dudes liking the movie "tao of steve"? That movie was TERR-I-BLE!!!!!!
from alwaysinhim :
*falls over laughing when you use your steveism* Oh, whoops, sorry.. didn't mean to uh... well, nevermind.
from godsbest :
Hey this is kelsey, before you move off i think i speak for the three of us being kendall , john and myself, we would absolutley love the oppurtunity to hang out with you again. Thats if your not to cool of a steve for us kiddos ;) lol
from janemn :
hey Ryan! You don't know me, I'm a 23 girl from Minnesota but I love the diary. I started reading them today and I've gone thru months and months of entries. anyway, just wanted to say "hey"
from kittyleopard :
You rock my socks, yo. Papo...couldn't have said it better myself. (Seabiscuit). Karma!
from kittyleopard :
Kick ass diary! Karma!!
from alwaysinhim :
LMBO!!! I love reading your diary. I love it to death... and Merry Christmas!!! lot of love
from ladolcevita3 :
merry christmas (!)
from u2october :
didn't you just earn your freedom a few days ago? i seem to remember someone talking about wanting to relocate in earlier posts. just a thought.
from alwaysinhim :
I'm sorry hun.
from michigan :
I refuse to give a platitude concerning the tumbles of love...instead I shall say I feel for you and truly wish things could've been different. Why can't love be easier than it is?
from alwaysinhim :
Lol, um, I totally forgot about that note. When I was talking about having no imagination, I was talking about your entry about going to dinner... and seriously, do you find it boring? No, it's not a trap. I really want to know, and no, I won't hunt you down and kill you, but I will expect an explnation. (By the way, I am going with whatever little game thing you suggested, it does sound interesting)
from u2october :
welcome to the real world. congratulations on your freedom.
from alwaysinhim :
Are you saying that what I wrote is boring?... and that you're doing me a favor by jump starting my imagination?
from hot-redhead :
Hey, This is Jessie you wrote me a note and I apreciate it a lot that you read my diary! How old are you? Where you live? I live in Indiana! I am goin' to read your profile! Your Friend, Jessie(Hot-Redhead)
from ahmetai :
Those previews were sorely disappointing. The Mask sequel is one of the most unneccessary pieces of junk I've ever heard was coming.
from alwaysinhim :
What if my imagination is broken right now? (I didn't get enough sleep) then what do I do?
from spittingame :
Ryan, Good topic. Top Five Black and Whites. 1. It's a Wonderful Life 2. At War with the Army (Martin and Lewis) 3. Schindlers List 4. The Little Colonel (Shirley Temple) 5. Clerks Buddy Road Trip lives
from surfnskate :
hey ryan, this is clay. the real clay. i cant believe you! you knew that julia was mine!
from alwaysinhim :
*falls over laughing hysterically*
from u2october :
wear bulletproof armor. this will help if he pulls a shotgun on you.
from alwaysinhim :
Thanks for the laughs hun. lol. They are always appreciated.. even if they are at your expense.
from alwaysinhim :
Lol!! I'm happy for you!
from u2october :
on the contrary, it would make a great movie, but only if martin scorcese directed it.
from u2october :
in the words of a famous pedophile, you are not alone. i hate that fucking song. any song that has an entire verse devoted to telling me to shake my body like a polaroid picture is retarded.
from spittingame :
ryan, I just wanted to congradulate you on your reception of a mix tape. John Cusak would tell you thats a very big deal. I"m sure it feels nice coming from someone you care for. on another note, I would like to borrow sex, drugs, and cocopuffs over christmas break if you wouldn't mind and would allow me to enjoy it. peace sir, peace
from dooki :
hey! I used to work at a comic book store in Houston. Comic nerds are the COOLEST! HA HA HA. As long as you don't read JSA or other relatively gay-ass comics, you're doin' all right. Gay-ass, now there's an adjective for you.
from alwaysinhim :
I'm sorry. I tried to talk to you. and you said that you didn't have anything to say. or something like that
from u2october :
don't be afraid of cussing, or fucking shit up.
from ahmetai :
Why do you have my exact fears? Get out of my head, you! I'm praying for you.
from thejumblies :
yes! when i took my SAT i had to read an article that said that man's #1 fear is fear of the unknown. i agree.
from dudemanflab :
a couple of years ago i was hanging out with my friend sarah (the one i tried to hook you up with in hobbs' baskin robbins) and she said "smells like hungry." i though that was the profoundest thing i had heard. it still gives me goosebumps
from buddyboy5 :
hey buddy, how have you been? long time no read. sorry i missed you over thanksgiving. busy time.i was hangin with daniel the other night and i thought about papo.by the way, 11/24/03 entry:"closing time" was written by Semisonic. just thought you'd like to know. write back. i still do not have the internet, but soon. soon, my friend. give me a call sometime or the next time your'e in town for sure. p.s. chris is such a liar. he told me that he did move to las cruces... oh chris... yours truly, Brandon McDaniel
from nudeplatypus :
I, on the other hand, do not like nouns used as verbs. I especially do not like the noun "party" used as a verb. It ranks right up there with spelling a lot as one word on my grammatical hate list.
from dooki :
is this "ministry" that runs your shop, by some chance, associated with "blood and fire?" If so, i bet you know who I am.
from cindylou03 :
i'm not sure WHY i'm leaving this note..but i feel like leaving one. SO..i will leave you with a cool new word to use instead of 'confused' ..the word is: 'embrangled' as in "i was embrangled by your answer"...and they say the internet is trash.
from greenstar7 :
a note on 12-6-2003 entry; AMEN.
from dooki :
Yes, I do live in big D. I work on lower greenville to be exact! Sorry your madre reads your page. That must suck. Anyway, I sure is glad you am not offended by me diary.
from cindylou03 :
i was going to encourage you..but then i saw all the encouraging notes..and now i see i am not needed here. hahahaha jk..yeah good luck w/ that buddy..you're a good man, ryan connell..a good man. did i spell your last name right?
from u2october :
i know you can't wait. let me know what's out there.
from alwaysinhim :
May godspeed go with you on your search.
from brothasistas :
thanks, i meant would you please erase what i posted on your notes page. i really enjoy reading what you write
from u2october :
what time do you work tomorrow?
from alwaysinhim :
Lol..
from ashadloo :
wait no... I have too many issues. NCR can't be another... Miss you Ryan.
from ashadloo :
Well, I don't like NCR one bit and I have no problem saying that. I'm just that mean.
from alwaysinhim :
lmbo!! what 'bout evil penguins... would they work?
from u2october :
i know way too many people like that. don't kid yourself, you know he drives you insane.
from ahmetai :
I am secretly in love with you too! Let's get married before it's too late! Unless you're not dying, of course. If you don't die, please disregard this note.
from alwaysinhim :
Um, can't you, just, uh, Not die, I would enjoy that much more than being married to you.. at least I think so, since I've never tired being married before. Besides, we never got to go out for a walk and coffee. you still owe me, so you can't die. I forbide it!
from dooki :
So, I decided to venture on to the diaryland user search feature that so many of us have grown to love...and I just wanted to find some intelligent people that live in Dallas...unfortunately, the lot of them listen to WAY too much Avril and Linkin Park. Then, I happen to stumble reluctantly upon your site...what a relief! I really like your page, though I fear you will find me to be incredibly offensive...maybe not. Take a gander at my page if you like, you just might like what you read. Who knows, Dallas might not be a cess pool of ignorance after all.
from godsbest :
Im a girl! All i need is a ring, wine me and dine me and purpose b4 ten tonight and im all yours!! lol ;) Dont die ryan!! Im not sure if it would work out.. There is this poem by Edgar Allen Poe called Anabell Lee and yeah he is saying how his love died and so he goes and sleep in her coffin down by the sea and i dont know why im telling you this but it kinda reminded me of that when i read your diary.
from alwaysinhim :
=D Thank you! Honorary English tutor, huh? the honor is all mine... I shall do my best to deserve it.
from spittingame :
Dang. Tough one. I'm sure I'll leave something out but I'll do my best. 1. Blues Brothers 2000 2. Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls 3. Grumpy Old Men 2 4. LOTR The Two Towers 5. Three Ninjas Kick Back. p.s. Is it really strange that two of my top five have J. Evan Bonifant? peace.
from spittingame :
Ryan, Quick. Top Five Julia Roberts movies
from perdygirl :
Wow, thanks! You rock too!!
from brothasistas :
i didnt think it was useless, it was in response to something you wrote. my face turned bright red when i saw you're response and im embarassed, please erase it.
from u2october :
i've found that nyquil and vivarin make the best combination for that "i have a cold and want yet another out of body experience" type of fun.
from brothasistas :
you can give away love and hate and still keep them
from mango-babe :
hm...juliamango, eh? nice.
from alwaysinhim :
why thank you. =)
from alwaysinhim :
Lol! you poor thing!
from ladolcevita3 :
hey, i had a nice thanksgiving, hope you did too.. memento is crazy! i really liked it but i am still trying to figure it out. who killed his wife or did she not die or.. what? you will have to tell me sometime what it all means.
from alwaysinhim :
you have a book and you didn't tell me!!! unacceptable. next time we talk, I expect to hear everything about it. and about tg.... it was alright. I tried be a loner, but I got to spend time with my fav cousin and catch up on what he's doing. So, the occasion wasn't a total loss. thanks for the well wishes.
from mojo1915 :
Hey Ryan, I went down to the river last night around 9:30 and I didn't find anybody. I went to Paul's and found nobody also. I then went home and became a nobody. I don't know what I'm talking about. Have a good turkey day! ~Jesse
from alwaysinhim :
you know what... I really needed that note. thanks. I'm in a pretty bad mood right now, but that made me smile. I'm honor that I've inspired you to write. and guess what's even better.. I'm and English tutor, so I'll critique you're work any time you want. Just email it to me.. and I will give constructive criticism to the best of my abilities. Others like my suggestions, so I continue to give them. maybe you'd find them helpful as well. oh, and good thing about the setting aside time. Now, you're next task is to find a particularly inspiring place to go for that time. I usually sit in front of a window if it's raining, with the window open, curled up with some hot tea and a blanket. That really get's the creative juices going. or I go sit on the waterfront at the park. um, and now that I've rambled on enough, I'll shut up.
from dudemanflab :
somethings never change. i love that about carlsbad. it's like another demension or something. we should make a movie about THAT when i come down.
from ahmetai :
Love Fool and Closing Time (which is by Semisonic), I have both those songs! *rocks out, feeling a bond to you* To bad on the cd getting stuck though.
from alwaysinhim :
sure, I'm up for reccommendations. not really a comics girl though. just found some graphic nevels I enoyed. (ps. yes, it is WA)
from alwaysinhim :
I love the sandman comics. I've decided I must have them all.
from cindylou03 :
dang ryan..i don't know if im capable of planning that far in advance. why don't you guys just call me..when you do it..and i'll keep wednesday night free in the back of my head..if possible. sound ok?
from cindylou03 :
suh-weet!
from cindylou03 :
if the music we like ends us with labels of being 'with it' then so be it. and yes..we can read poetry by the river again for. tho i might just play dj and create ambiance for everyone ( because i am lacking in the poetry dept. ) i will surely be there. unless i am not called. tho i hope that i would be. i will be looking forward to this.
from spittingame :
the tear was definately one of joy. That and I had something in my eye.
from alwaysinhim :
well, sorry, i suppose I can't really fill the attrative quota, but I can certainly have an interesting conversation about writing with you. I promise.
from ladolcevita3 :
thanks for the note- and just so you know, berets are possibly the coolest thing that a guy could wear.
from spittingame :
sir, I'm not gonna lie. when I read that sentence, "danny, is such a quizjob. we need to trunk him when i come home for thanksgiving. that would be tight", there was a single lonely tear. Like johnny depp in Crybaby. I'll talk to you later
from spittingame :
The Good Bishop- I was glad to hear from you, excited as you were. I too look forward to our time in ol' C-town. Thanksgiving for all!!! By the way, we should probably go on a Buddy Road Trip during christmas break. I'll call daniel you call jarrad. Wait, jarrad really will be home with his parents probably. haha, we should really call him and see if he'll go. That'd be strange. Zachary Bynx
from u2october :
you spelled "entailed" correctly. dude, why did you go to the butchers at pro-cuts when adelle cuts hair and makes house calls for 10 bucks. and she is a hell of a lot better than pro-cuts. call me the next time you need a haircut. silly goose.
from surfnskate :
hey ryan, i usually have "massey" monday. this entails pretty much the same things you did, except i cry more. god, i hate my life sometimes. -clay. p.s. this is the real clay massey, and if you insist otherwise maybe i'll just take you off my buddy list.
from mojo1915 :
Hey Ryan, I was sending a note to Paul and I read the one that mentioned another poetry reading in the park or somewhere. Can I be among the indeterminable mass of people? If so, I don't think desecrating another children's story would be such a good idear. Oh yea, congrats on your new do. Take care bud. ~Jesse
from brdwaybebe :
Manic Monday by the Bangles! 80's reference achieved! And I even beat Ahmet to it. Woot!! Praying for ya buddy ;)
from dagkyo :
I e-mailed you.
from ahmetai :
Awww, I wish I had given you the cookies I promised you. But alas, we still don't have a portal device. One day, science willing, the cookies will be in your possession.
from alwaysinhim :
I would love that.
from u2october :
i almost forgot. what kind of pizza do you eat?
from u2october :
i stopped by last night, but you had already exited the building. i think i saw the white flag demonstration and pitied any person involved for making an ass out of themselves.
from godsbest :
I had fun tonight. We should all get together more and share in "deep " conversations.. or maybe not, well maybe not the deep but yes we should all hang out, thanks for all the answers, im just honestly going through the weirdest time spiritually right now, and i dont know anymore all the answers, it was so mcuh easier to only have to know the animals lined up 2 by 2 and there were 10 commandments... those days are over and now like you said, its ok i dont know the answers, that may have been the most comforting thing i have heard in a long long time thanks a billion!!-kelso
from dudemanflab :
i thought it would be bali-wood, as in bali, indonesia, but then i looked at a map, and indonesia is decently far from india, so i dunno.
from dagkyo :
Yes I do in fact have FIF's last CD its entitled "The End is Near" (but you probably knew that) and you can't buy it in stores until next year, the only way to obtain it is online or at one of their shows. I got mine at CornerstoneNC, anyhow I'll e-mail you about it, whats your e-mail? Is it that taterwater thing I saw in one of your past entries?
from michigan :
You're absolutely right...it is selfish of us to feel that way about others in need. Now, you've made me feel bad for even admitting I'm like that...thanks, I needed a kick in the butt.
from dagkyo :
papotheclown...or should I say Ryan? I don't know, I've never met you, I was just looking at other people who liked music similar to my taste, when I stumbled upon your diary. Incredible diary...it really is, I have only read a little over half of your past entries and I wasn't going to contact you until I had read them all but I am eager to speak with you. I see you play drums and are very firm in your belief in God. I agree and can relate to a large amount of your entries, I on the other hand lack the writing ability you have. My diary is full of things I do/did each day. Please contact me sometime and I'll be sure to reply, I have Yahoo messenger and would like to talk sometime, just leave a note at my diary or e-mail me, and I'll give you my Yahoo ID.
from michigan :
In your lonely times....makey sure that when you are begging the world to send someone your way that you're alittle more specific. We hate loneliness until people just as lonely as us start to enter our lives...then we see it more as a refuge to get away from the weirdos! Grass is always greener, I guess....
from cindylou03 :
good one...good come back!
from alwaysinhim :
oops, I meant that I don't bug people when i need to talk and the kind of people who just assume others want to listen annoy me.
from alwaysinhim :
I know that feeling... needing to talk to someone. except. I'm not rude to them. I just keep it to myself. people like them drive me nuts.
from gutsymallone :
hey brother...i'm still alive, although i don't have much of a life..i've picked up another job, i think. i'll call you tomorrow and fill you in on the how and why i suddenly became so busy.
from dudemanflab :
i vote the latter. it's time that the christian community rise up and support quality entertainment. how many trashy movies does the average christian see a year, and by trashy i mean anything higher than a pg rating, and any movies by disney (we're still boycotting them, by the way) and by Christian i mean spirit-filled? answer - 12.4. yeah, i don't know where the .4 came from either.
from michigan :
The concert is next week...Tim is getting a bunch of tickets, so you're welcome to come with us! Oh...and other than Fox news, and the Christian stations, I have never heard of the "Liberal News Conspiracy" from anyone else...I could be wrong, but I would venture to say it's because all the others are the conspirators. (And, yes, I do think there is national, if not international, brainwashing going on. And, yes, I am extremely conservative...) Anyway...I'll email you the official web site later so you can check it out...I think it's gonna be so cool! Adios!
from alwaysinhim :
I love you. almost everyday you make me laugh.
from cindylou03 :
when will i call? today? tomorrow? no one knows no one knoooooows!!!!!!! hehe i'm waiting for just the right time. which will be when i'm bored..or can actually think of something cool to talk about. anyhoo..what is up in the world of ryan-o?
from u2october :
yeah, it would have been nice to sit next to someone i knew. i ended up at the end of the row of SAGU students. until work called, that is. let me know when you're going to be there. my number is 214-289-6441
from u2october :
there would be much more static. trust me.
from dudemanflab :
wow, you got problems!
from papotheclown :
this is a test to see if you are still getting notes.
from godsbest :
Ryan you completly rock, im so glad i have been able to get to know you
from thejumblies :
hahaHA! I had to leave a note. I don't think I've ever so related as much to an entry of yours as that last one.
from u2october :
hey! i always go to the museum of art on thursdays b/c it's free. i guess i'm a cheapskate too. last time i went there was a cool jackson pollock thing going.
from cindylou03 :
you should give me your number..and i shall call..when you least expect it..someday..and we shall chat.
from u2october :
i'm not anti-social, i just hate making plans because i feel gay calling people and asking if they want to do something. speaking of which, when is your day off so i can ruin it by calling and making plans.
from what-you-see :
I actually kinda met you through Abe. We were talking one night on IM, and he asked if I had ever heard of you, or read your stuff. I said no to both, and he gave me your D-land name. I forget what we were talking about, but he seemed to think that your diaries touched on alot of same things that I sometimes would. Although now I have two diaries, one locked and the other not...this one is not as I'm sure you have figured out by now. So unfourtunatlly I tend to keep alot of the the same veiws we share to the locked diary. None the less...I say hi to you everytime I see you. I have been to poetry night a few times with Abe, and I know of you through some people at Trinity. So there you have it. Hope that shed's some light on the situation.
from cruelserena :
Do you have a fav color? movie? give me something how about your poetry..... I could scan it and make a coloage, or maybe, I could, find images of coffee stained paper... oh so many ideas....
from alwaysinhim :
I trying to think of something to say.. something I've not already said.. but it's still the same thing. You sound so much like me sometimes.
from gorilla-gurl :
Hiya from London! How have you been? It's been awhile since I've left you a note. I miss our internet banter...
from dudemanflab :
did you ever get a package of any sort? i mailed it like 2 weeks ago.
from spittingame :
Good sir, well, you're right. The girl and guy showering was really gross. But of course, I had to be able to prove it happened. So I took plenty of pictures. But I asked the guy to leave because he was kinda in the way. And then the girl and I had lunch so we could discuss the rights to her photos. You should be able to see them in the "2004 Adventures in Texas Tech Showering" calendar sometime in the next few weeks. Lastly, assuming it doesn't have to be a girl, perhaps we could look at some city lights sometime and not speak and test the awkwardness of it all. Peace
from cindylou03 :
hey wow..i forgot about the fact that you would be in c-bad for thanksgiving!! we definitly should ___________... take down my number just encase i can't figure out a way to get a hold of you 3611174
from alwaysinhim :
are you sure you're not my evil twin.. er, or maybe I'm the evil twin. anyway, my point is that all that stuff you're saying... ditto.
from surfnskate :
the way you used the word "waiting" reminded me of a time that i "waited." i was reading a jehovah witness magazine and really getting into it. then i looked up and realized that i was in the hospital. what was i doing here? then i thought... did i get a girl pregnant? i was really nervous so i went to my car and drove off. when i got home my parents asked me where i had been and i naturally said the emergency room. it was then i rememebered, i had fractured two ribs earler that day when i was rock climbing. haha. thought you should know. -clay
from mojo1915 :
Hello there Mr. Connell, I hope your night is very eventful and somehow fulfilling. Have a great day! ~Jesse
from baby--girl :
Out I come to say hello...now I go back until next time. Keep up the writing. I love the fact that you are very "in tune" with your heart and you write what the way you think...writers lack that now-a-days. Jenn
from alwaysinhim :
you pluck my heart strings and play such sad melodies. I am sorry. wish I had something more encouaging to say.
from dudemanflab :
there are actually 4 main types of hamsters: syrian hamsters, dwarf russian hamsters, chinese hamsters and roborovski hamsters. so cindy is right. visit this site for pictures of each of them: http://www.hamsterland.dk/species.htm until next time.... -your dutiful researcher.
from cindylou03 :
hampsters are from china
from michigan :
not offended in the least, i hadn't even noticed that you "correct" me...but, whatever. Oh, and he told me he likes both equally and he had some newsletter about llamas, so that must've been what I was thinking of.
from cindylou03 :
hell yeah! that's the spirit
from spittingame :
I've just always loved Colorado. But of course, your wisdom in matters such as these surpasses mine by far. So Dallas it is. And me and chris will someday visit. I'll raise my glass to that spits
from cindylou03 :
ya know what one really great song is? 'head over feet' by alanis morisette. i mean..we all know it's good enough to bob our heads to..but freakin..dang. it's a good song. i really really love it.
from michigan :
Joey should like this....I seem to remember him having an obsession with llamas.
from cindylou03 :
i hope i do get snide remarks about avril. it will make me happy--good choice to stay in dallas. i liked it there
from cindylou03 :
i wish i had the opportunity you have. but i can't advise you one way or the other..because i might not feel that way if i was in dallas
from dudemanflab :
i enjoy your words. colorado would not be so bad ben paseley is nice. like mike eminger
from michigan :
Enjoyed tonight....hope you decide to stick around, really. Talk to you soon.
from charlithegrl :
i think charlie would be a wonderful name. im glad fif fans know how to stick together.
from alwaysinhim :
Amen! Preach it brother!
from u2october :
that may be the most truthful piece ever written regarding christianity, and man's attempt to destroy it.
from ahmetai :
That was good.
from cindylou03 :
i am the proud holder of the letter n.
from ashadloo :
Hi Ryan. I miss you.
from dudemanflab :
it sounds like you're in love good
from u2october :
my diary is still maily stuff i write abot me, but occasionally, adelle will be mentioned. i just keep my relationship off my diary.
from ahmetai :
I got an o in your profile! Sweet!
from lightedpath :
Hello! Lighted Path is now up and running! You are more than welcome to come and add your site to our Christian Directory! Can't wait to see what God does in and through us as we all work together! - with much love, Christy
from u2october :
welcome to my world, sir.
from bag-of-chips :
dude, that was the coolest yet most depressing entry. I feel ya man! sorry bud, maybe next time, haha, your bro ~Titus
from michigan :
How can you say "dang it"???? That was awesome!!!!! Go Ryan! It's your birthday! (No it's not) So.....I'll say it anyway!
from dah23 :
yeah I sort of know you I'm Chris's friend Dana I meet you at hastings when you guys were looking at books and I think yo went to one of our rehersals but thats about it
from alwaysinhim :
Sorry, i know it's kind of mean, but thanks for the laughs. I feel better already.
from u2october :
what the hell would it be called though? i'd like my own sitcom.
from is-life :
wow your entries always remind me of me I have the same kind of thing good to know Im not the only one
from sarinha :
mmm... whatever "it" is, you got it bad, hon.
from u2october :
i'm glad i'm not the only one. can i be in the second season of the show?
from dudemanflab :
good idea......... psych!
from cindylou03 :
ryan what are you thinking? ghosts don't actually go eat lunch. they just go and talk about how great it would be if they could taste food, or even eat for that matter. So, 'who pays?' isn't really an issue, seeing as how they don't really buy anything.
from michigan :
What do you get when the color orange is rushing out of the cotton bowl at half time, leaving behind a screaming marroon? Yeah, you've got it...The Red River Shut-Out, er, Shoot-Out. Yeah, we were slaughtered...maybe next time. And as far as HellHouse goes, uh, not this weekend (obviously.)
from trapidi :
y do u want to know soooo mcuh about pd12? i should get onto this "personal buisness" because pd12 is my bff(and that's in real life not on the internet). but if u eva decide to tell me y...u will hav to come 2 my diary which is totally rad....expecially since i got a template! sign notes? or sign g-book?
from michigan :
What do New Mexicans know about who should win the Red River Shoot-Out, anyway? :-) Go HORNS!!!!!
from nudeplatypus :
Hack may have been a bit of a hyperbole. I do think Tarantino is a good film-maker. However, I do not think he is the revolutionary auteur that so many make him out to be. In fact, I think he is rather derivative. In addition, I also think Pulp Fiction is highly over-rated. Ironically, I think that Reservoir Dogs is his best film and it happens to be his most derivative film. P.S. Go OU!
from ahmetai :
Noooo! Not Good Boy! The fact that that movie got made makes my soul cry.
from cindylou03 :
it's true! all green candles smell like apples. that pisses me off. oh, and there is a ghost in your closet. the ghost in my closet is friends with him. they had lunch yesterday, actually..
from surfnskate :
it's wierd but i like jack kerouac too. the other day i went to barnes and noble and read all of his book titles. that might sound like nothing to you, but it seriously it took a lot longer than i had thought. i just had to finish all of them you know. well, have a good day ryan and PLEASE WRITE BACK! -clay
from ahmetai :
Endless October would rock beyond belief. Maybe we should build a machine that achieves that.
from u2october :
i second the motion for the endless october.
from madisonalias :
ryan, hey. i really like it when you write dialogues like the previous. kristyne
from blondetwin :
Hi, i saw u had ravi zacharias down as one of ur fave authors. my dad has liked him for years and recently he has gotten me to read some of his books. I think he is one of the smartest people of our time when it comes to the christian religion. -jessica
from nudeplatypus :
Marsupials are funny.
from michigan :
My favorite entry, thus far....really.
from alwaysinhim :
well now, lol. ain't life grand like that. ha.
from alwaysinhim :
lmbo! That was great. you know, if you ever get tired of trying to write poetry, try comedy.
from cindylou03 :
loved your voice of God..
from dudemanflab :
i wholeheartedly agree with laura. what's your address again? the church has been wrong. what else is new? that's what you and i and laura and everyone else are fated to do. can you read this? change it for good.... have a good night. paul
from thejumblies :
don't mean to sound preachy at all, but i think it's God who gives you the desire and talent for your art, and so I don't see why he would give that to you and then forbid you to use it.. i think the church tends to grind certain christian "ideals" into our heads (which oftentimes don't even align themselves with scripture) subconsciously until that which is innocent and pure becomes so-called backsliding. but then again that is just my take on the matter.
from ahmetai :
Way to score a drum! Go you! *throws the Papo Has A Drum Parade*
from thejumblies :
7:30- club clearview... they are the opening band for the newmusicfestival (www.newmusicfestival.com)
from dudemanflab :
please disregard my last note. i caught of fit of td (that's temporal delerium) last night.
from nudeplatypus :
Due to the commercials for the release of Scarface on DVD that are all over television, I have been walking around my sister's house quoting the movie. "my name is Tony Montana." "Say hello to my little friend" and my personal favorite "make way for the bad guy." Of course, I do the Tony Montana accent. No one finds it as amusing as I do.
from cindylou03 :
holy crap! those were body parts in those little plastic bags!? man..i had no idea.
from dudemanflab :
assuming you're still on... lets see how many notes we can write each other today. it'll end at the end tomorrow at 12. if you think that this is gay, then you can go..
from dudemanflab :
ha. you are right in your assumption, but this dude is probably as old as you (he's a senior). he's also going to be a licensed preacher of the assemblies of God (ie. the only church that God likes). you have your license right? if not, you should get it. i heard that if god comes back and you don't have a lisence then you don't go with him in the rapture. fine, have it your way.
from demiseofself :
hi ryan. hi ryan. I have nothing else to say so, hi ryan.
from thejumblies :
hah. the other day someone asked me whether we put milk in our milkshakes.
from cindylou03 :
cannabalistic undead, huh. i've seen those before.
from godsbest :
aww ryan!!! thats to sad , you dont make me smile anymore, kinda, i felt special then your like actually wait your not, oh well, i suppose ill manage to get over it, i guess i should be used to much more,
from cindylou03 :
man. now i just feel bad for never teaching you either of those. but didn't you learn to skip rocks from someone?? or something? or some..i dunno. But..hey--I think i MIGHT be in dalls for the thursday concert in november dude!! i'll have to try and come say hi
from dudemanflab :
do you know what christopher guest, christopher noland, and tim burton have in common. they all directed or are currently directing batman movies. ok, so maybe not christopher guest, but a man can dream. :)
from dudemanflab :
do you know what christopher guest, tim burton, and christopher noland have in common? they all directed or are currently directing a batman movie. ok, so maybe not christopher guest.
from godsbest :
ryan!! You make me smile, hope your getting all the cartoon magazine things you can, and then after the phase is over maybe you can light them on fire, umm that was random yes well oh well, have a super awesome day you hear, why? why you ask , cause i said so no i dont hear voices...
from dudemanflab :
your entries (all of them {that you've ever written}) and the inherant honesty that followed have been a source of inspiration and hope to many, particularly me. i know we haven't talked in a while, but i want you to know that i hold you in the highest possible regard as a friend and as a christian. keep seeking.. for all of us. -paul
from ahmetai :
Da note, da note, wha' wha', da note! Here I am to being as notetascular as you can imagine. Note. *nods*
from cindylou03 :
how could i not take sec to...'LEAVE YOU A NOTE' ohhhhhhhhhhhh! haha..good times
from alwaysinhim :
LOL... and people like you make it worth the note leaving.
from papotheclown :
gee ryan, you sure do get a lot of notes.........thats true ryan i do.........you must feel pretty loved.........you know ryan, i was just thinking that very thing. WE LOVE YOU NOTE PEOPLE!
from alwaysinhim :
amen brother. we all face those times. some more than others. glad it worked for you. I'm still waiting for someone to say something. heh. and remember. I hear you.
from gutsymallone :
blah blah...sorry about the crappy day...blah blah...can i get your new address...blah......oh you're not listening, that's alright. seriously dude, i'm sorry people are stupid, give me a call to talk about plump churros (and your new address) Dan
from thejumblies :
hi ryan. this is all a sore disappointment.... might i so humbly ask that you would consider hooking me up with your new diary? if not, that's okay. have a good, better, great day.
from godsbest :
Ryan!! My fave italian soda maker!! I must know your new diary location!! I thrive on readin about your life.. ok so im being kind of facetish, or however you spell that, dont think you have ever been a bad influence on me i have more emories of you then you prob would remember, and you have always made me think, wich is good, have a great day!!!
from u2october :
yeah, i added some quizzes on quizilla. search for melancholy_rock, and you will find them. yeah, my mom is ultra conservative too, and i am not. we talk about politics some times, but she hates it when i prove her points wrong. ahh, parents.
from dudemanflab :
hope your vacation is going well. might i recommend emode over quizilla. it looks a lot cooler, and i have it on good authority that liberals like things that look cool, particularly taxes. :-)
from u2october :
my mother still has that same rule, and she also lives out of state. for the short time i lived in michigan, i wished i could transport their cost of living to dallas. cost of living is high, and the pay is lower.
from ahmetai :
It has been quite a while since I left you a note, so - ta-da - note! Enjoy your vacation, Papo.
from demiseofself :
happy vacation sir prince
from alwaysinhim :
LMBO... thanks for the laughs. "If I had a brain cell -- it would die of loneliness!!"
from cindylou03 :
wow. i am on one..seriously. that's just freaky. today in english, we had to get in groups and pick a movie analyze, and i was like "fight club fight club" when the last group went up to present their movie, and guess what movie they presented!? fight club. i should start a business.
from cindylou03 :
haha..thursday nights should be spent in the grocery store. and later at the movies. cuz both of those places RULE..
from ashadloo :
5am bus ride sometime! For real! I like using !these!
from alwaysinhim :
umm.... please don't tell you would encourage the litte pagan boy. He's messed up as it is for one so young... all his other poems were how satan was going to give him the strength to kill all the christians.
from cindylou03 :
we need to find mates!
from alwaysinhim :
"stop reading what i am writing." I was replying to that.
from sarinha :
hey, i really sympathize with that last one, bud. Really.
from alwaysinhim :
:S I'll stop reading if you really insist :P
from cindylou03 :
aaaaaaaahahhahaha buy shampoo online. i so know what you mean tho. to be honest.
from u2october :
hey, no problem. that underground mall can be a nice place to go, especially for lunch.
from u2october :
hey! i didn't know there was a poetry night
from michigan :
Dating is the suckiest thing ever...we are adults for crying out loud! How do we go from articulate, intelligent, witty adults to blubbering idiots in one clean swoop? Easy...that darned thing pumping in our chest takes over and our brains shut OFF! Good luck my friend....good luck, indeed. (You'll be wonderful!)
from u2october :
lol, i completely understand your pre-lunch jitters. just don't spill your drink on her like i did.
from spittingame :
"Lunch is only lunch until you fall in love. Then it's lovliness within a meal." ----Albert Einstein
from u2october :
unfortunately, i wasn't there to ignore you. j/k dude, let me know when you're going to trinity, that way we can be ignored together.
from cindylou03 :
that's just neat. :) makes me happy..as if you might know where i was coming from when i wrote them. that's the only way i could understand someone actually liking my poetry. as everyone else surely feels about their own poetry, i would imagine.
from michigan :
Okay...about romance, you're right, we do idealize hollywood romance,and that dumb couple does seem to own the rights to "so-called-perfect-romance" right now. ewwww...just ewww....and about that other thing (being in a room full of people and getting weird crooked smiles)...well...who know's...
from michigan :
Just noting, what seemed to me, a contradiction. You have "high, unreal standards" based on the relationship of Ben and J-Lo? What the heck, dude? Are you smoking something? :-D
from spittingame :
thanks for the reccomendation I think I'm gonna go see it this weekend and by the way, it might not be your style, but I really liked open range. It had some plot holes kinda maybe, but I still liked it. What can I say? I'm a sucker for Kevin Costner.
from dudemanflab :
hey ryan, i want to talk to you sometime to catch up and all... i'll think about calling you and i'll give you my number so you can think about calling me (that way if we're thinking about it every so often we might get around to doing it). my new, college number is (417)-865-2815 with the ext 3306 (oh, i hope no one reads this page. that'd be horrible if everyone knew my new number). this note is gay, i hope you've stopped reading by now........ oh, you haven't? dang, i was just going to say something cool like "ryan sucks" and you wouldn't have even known. alright, i'm going out like a lost light brite, tonight. dang, don't you hate it when you get on a rhyming spree? have a good one, paul
from demiseofself :
hi ryan. I think being "great" is being the true person God created you to be. ...much more than being a good speaker.
from spittingame :
Ryan, I was just wondering if you've seen Dirty Pretty Things yet, and if so, would you reccomend it Bynx
from alwaysinhim :
I'll be your friend =)... oh wait. that's not what you meant. Join the club. I want a boyfriend. Maybe if we ask God really nice like, he'll comply.. what? you don't think so? I didn't either.. so what is it we're missing? I figured it out, can you?
from nudeplatypus :
I would love to see American Splendor. Unfortunately, until the end of the year, I am stuck in the middle of nowhere and there is no hope that it will ever be played anywhere near here. As for wanting a relationship...why? They're way too much drama.
from cruelserena :
Why would you want a girl friend? You're jumping into shark infested waters of dating... Dating is no place for fickle hearts... So I've been told... But the average couple that lasts FOREVER breaks up at least three times... Plus, commitment is a big issue here, I mean do you want a girl friend just to have one and add to your collection of things or do you want one because you feel the need to settle down? These are all very important variables to consider...
from bag-of-chips :
very nice entry! haha ~Titus
from michigan :
GREAT ENTRY!!!!
from spittingame :
hey I know you were thinking about moving to chicago. Thats really cool I think. But then I also heard you mention moving to Europe. Just let me say this, you can move to Chicago where Robin Williams was born, or Europe where Hitler was born. Think about it. Spits
from ahmetai :
If you're going to Ireland, you're taking me with you. *stands firm*
from gorilla-gurl :
You always seem to write what I'm thinking...except you say it much "more better" than I ever could.
from u2october :
dude, it's awesome. there are over 20 miles of underground tunnels beneath downtown dallas. underneath bank of america there lies a sort of mall containing gift shops and a bunch of restaurants. most of the major towers are connected by these tunnels.
from unknowngirl :
if i could i would remove my name from this note in a second, but you don't have a guestbook and i wasn't about to open another email account simply to remain anonymous, so i'll just say it. Ryan, God has called you. The one's with the hugest and biggest and scariest and most seemingly unattainable callings are the one's most attacked, because believe it or not you are most dangerous. If you never do anything good or bad for God, then Satan will have succeeded. And this may sound cliche, but God DOES NOT call the qualified, He qualifies the called. Someone that believes they are prepared for their calling will not depend on God. GOd wants our dependance to be placed on Him because His POWER is perfected in our weakness. When we are screwups-- God is ready to go. Don't forget you have been called. I've seen you be called. Listen to Jason Upton- Run Baby Run. so there you go. I did it.
from ahmetai :
Portal device. Definitely the portal device. Come to think of it, building this portal device would not only get you the cookie, but it would give you a hobby as well. I don't think portal device has ever been said so much in rapid succession. My work here is done.
from bag-of-chips :
you were kidding about being gay right? and i dont think your depressed, but if you were it might be because u havent eatin at the wulff house in forever! thanx for the note the other day! i work at baylor now, like 3 minutes away from your work. well talk to you later! ~Titus
from bag-of-chips :
you were kidding about being gay right? and i dont think your depressed, but if you were it might be because u havent eatin at the wulff house in forever! thanx for the note the other day! i work at baylor now, like 3 minutes away from your work. well talk to you later! ~Titus
from cindylou03 :
i suggest you start pushing people down and laughing at them. they look funny when they fall, most people's ego needs to get kicked, and plus, laughter IS the best medicine. that and cocaine.
from dudemanflab :
you could be a rodeo clown, but no, nevermind, they have look like they're always happy too. maybe you're just depressed because you don't want to be forced to be happy. i dunno, but you have too many notes to be so depressed. you are loved and you love. you don't have to make life more complicated than that daily. try to only do so three days a week and slowly lessen your dosage until you do so, oh, an hour a day. that is the secret to a life of happiness.
from spittingame :
hobby suggestions huh? well, I think you should be a serial killer. Though they're slightly crazy I think for the most part they're usually happy. Until they get caught at least. True, it's not the most highly respected occupation, but any skeptic who dares challenge you has obviously never held a mans bleeding heart in his hand. So yeah, definately a serial killer. Or a florist. Spits
from cindylou03 :
hehe
from alwaysinhim :
truely talented are you.
from cindylou03 :
well. piercing the lip it is. ;)
from ahmetai :
Ah yes, I too take delight in the combining of oatmeal and raisins. As for being happy with any cookie from me, you flatter me sir, and I enjoy it. *grin* As for getting a cookie to you, you live very far away if I recall correctly (I'm in Pennsylvania). Whatever shall we do to overcome this distance?
from committed27 :
hey ryan, i miss you alot. so i was thinking about you the other day and i got this rockin idea. its a surprise that will be coming soon...maybe when you come down i will give it to you. but its really cool and i am really excited to give it to you. tracy. dear Jesus, help ryan out. financially, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. be his guidance and his purpose. God be the God that you are, the God of love, patience, forgiveness, abudance, faithfullness, healing and everything else in Ryan's life. Jesus i trust that you are in complete control of Ryan and that you have planned every thing he does and everything he thinks. Jesus show him where he is going. take him there quickly. Jesus i believe you for Ryan.
from cindylou03 :
hello, hello. it feels really good to send you a note. and yes, i'm finally here in college. tho i would have to say finally is not the word. life's a funny thing eh? glad i've got diaryland in my pocket again tho. i hope all is well. *i'm getting my lip pierced soon* what are your thoughts? ( i never thought that piercings were something anyone had opinions about besides 'i like it' or 'i don't like it' but there is...what's your thought? )
from greenstar7 :
nice chating w/ you the other day....(hot*) i laughed so hard...i wish you would have seen me.
from dudemanflab :
i always get behind on your diary, but finding out the past after hearing the present is quite humorous sometimes. your parents probably don't think your gay because only one person in your family can be gay at any given moment and we all know that that person is your brother. needless to say, their style selection cracks me up, as did the dr. stories, and such.... i'm real happy for you and still praying. email me sometime. i'll give you my new (new as in evangel-ized) phone number post haste. paul.
from ahmetai :
You make me smile. I see your vision, and I too want to make it work. Rock on with the Jesusy awesome essentials.
from alwaysinhim :
fight on man...'Do not go gently into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.'
from u2october :
when you figure it out, let me know. i'll be there in a heartbeat.
from alwaysinhim :
ooohh, sounds like a good story. cant wait for the next chapter. and no. that is not sarcasm.
from ahmetai :
Thanks for checking in. You get a cookie, in the flavor of your choosing.
from u2october :
haha, don't feel bad. my family was shocked to find out that i'm not gay. a few of them still don't believe me. we should start M.W.A.G.B.A. (men who appear gay but aren't) for those who share our plight.
from spittingame :
Stiltskin- I was just thinking of writing you a note about how me and chris weren't gonna get to come up there. Sometimes theres just too many obstacles. Such as, chris just started college classes on the hill, I have to pack for college which I leave for on sunday, and we didn't want to ride up with nick and alicia. Things with them haven't been that great. And even if we did ride up with them, it woulda been sixty bucks to ride home. Anyway, we both really do want to come some time, but it'll have to be another time. And for what it's worth, try and make yourself happy. The Sponsor
from godsbest :
oh my goodness ryan added me!1! I almost pulled a David and stripped and ran around the streets praising God but then i came to realization of ,wait its just ryans diary, lol im kidding but i am thrilled that im added... thanks soooooooooo much!!
from u2october :
your souvenirs are almost as bad as adelle wanting to call that queer eye show to have them make me over.
from demiseofself :
maybe they want you to be gay, although I dont know why they would. and thanks for the random compliment, that was nice.
from godsbest :
Just waiting, Your friend with all the other things that you sad i was, hmm... How is that letting me get sick coming? LOL Have a good one!!!
from spittingame :
Ryan, You've truly gotten an endless amount of pointless notes. It really blows my mind how ridiculous the notes are that you recieve. Peace. Zak
from obijuan :
Dude, I feel ya.
from u2october :
i wish i got half the notes you do, mr. popularity. haha, it's ok, keep venting. fuck anyone who doesn't like it, tell them to quit reading.
from ashadloo :
Fuck will not be necessary. Thank you will not be either. Just know that i'm your friend. and that is all. and I'm coming by tonight. so run.
from thejumblies :
hi sir. i almost called you this evening instead of leaving a note, because i read your diary and figured you might want to talk to someone, but then i remembered you are not a phone person and i also realized i could be of no help, in fact i would be the least helpful of anyone who might ever call you...because not-a-phone-person + not-a-phone-person-who-still-likes-talking-on-the-phone-oh-so-ocassionally= really bad pointless conversation. and uh..... well. they say life gets better. not that that is meant to be helpful or anything, because it might very well most probably be the most unhelpful bit of (dumb) wisdom anyone's ever given you.. man i really shouldn't leave people notes when i get bored.
from gorilla-gurl :
I came across my Ryan Connell Fan Club shirt today. Good times...
from nudeplatypus :
Ignore all your naysayers...if venting in your diary makes you happy or releases some stress, then vent.
from ashadloo :
I think you should ignore everyone and enjoy your self pity. Indulge yourself in every negative aspect of life, hate everything, everyone etc. Because face it Ryan, the world hates you. How's that for refreshing advice? I howver do not hate you. This note cracked myself up. Sarcasm is hot.
from obijuan :
The call of God is filled with questions, doubts, confusion, frustration...you name it, it's there, and I would like to think that all God would like you to do is to really learn what it means to trust Him because you believe Him, and not because He just told you to. Your belief in God will transcend all logic and reasoning as to why you are where you are, and in that belief that goes beyond reasoning your faith will be so pure that you won't be able to help but see the path you've been chosen to walk because you are the only one who can. You'll always be a stud, my friend.
from ahmetai :
Break a plate. I'm serious man, break a plate, and you will find at least some of your stress attached to each shard that makes a delightful tink tink noise on the floor.
from demiseofself :
hi ryan. It made me smile to see your name under your favorite author list. I want you to be doing well. I miss when we used to talk a lot.
from gorilla-gurl :
Hey. It's been awhile since I've left you a note. I just wanted to see how you're doing. I know I can do that by reading your diary, but I wanted you to know that I want to know how you're doing. Sometimes it just feels nice to know that someone cares. And I care. Anyway, I just got home from both jobs and I'm tired so I'm rambling. Drop me an email sometime.
from u2october :
yeah, i like how certain people use the "will of God" to do what they want and then tell me that whatever makes me miserable is his will. why then aren't they miserable if that's the will of God? i figured nothing but the typical trinity BS was coming out of that meeting.
from cindylou03 :
i'm not gonna lie...i won't pray for you. BUT..i do wish you luck.. in my own special way. i hope you find answers. an answer almost always brings peace of mind.
from u2october :
be careful and say hello for me.
from cindylou03 :
yes, brother, i understand. just as you are in the habit of using 'christian words' ..i am in the habit of using words like 'gay' and 'tight'. it's as bad as smoking cigarettes. just as hard to quit. not that that had anything to do with anything. i just felt like replying with something.
from u2october :
haha, ahh the singles bars. i love it when it rains during the day. so serene.
from michigan :
Singles bars...why hadn't I thought of that? ;-D
from u2october :
well aren't you mr. popular these days? i used to feel that way about my diary, but i think i pissed them all off because they don't write anymore. i wish i had a dollar every time someone has suggested therapy for me. maybe they're right. who knows. i don't like sermonizing either.
from cindylou03 :
i wouldn't call it spiritual journey. but that's just cuz i don't like those two words together. dont' know why. but thanks for the note, as always. i hope i get to go to a therapist someday. i've wanted to for 'bout 6 years now. but ya know..they cost money.
from ahmetai :
I'm more than happy to continue praying for you, and if there's ever anything specific you'd like me to tackle in that arena, don't hesitate to ask. And thanks for calling me cool. *wink*
from nadasurff4 :
i feel very special to be welcomed. thank you for your muscial complement.
from cindylou03 :
just a note to letcha know that i can relate in a way. tonight, i went to a party. when the cops came ( as i intuitivly knew they would ) i lay on the floor, partially under hawk's mom's bed...praying over and over to 'god' that i wouldn't get caught. well. i didn't. though...i KNOW i was supposed to get caught. you had to be there. so..basically...i've got this crazy battle going on...that's finally voiced itself inside of me. but what can you do when you're desperate and you dig around for things that have always been there inside of you. things you've never quite completely thrown out. when you're sitting there making promises to yourself about how you'll do this if you can just have that. ya know? yeah..i've got some chaos goin on as well.. if that gives you any comfort at all. :P -cindy
from ahmetai :
Hey boy-o, I'm not going to pretend I know you or your life, but since we're cool, I just wanted to let you know that I've felt a huge burden to pray for you. I don't know you, and you weigh heavily on my heart. So that's something, I guess. I have not the words to say what I feel. I just hope you come through this stronger for your experience.
from michigan :
Yeah, so I read your diary. It's a nice way to know what's going on when it's hard to find out what's going on. That 3rd year was a killer, wasn't it? It seems to have left more than a few of us grasping at straws when we're drowning (a line from Dave Matthews...) You're not alone, whether that's good or not, I'm not sure, but you're definitely not alone.
from u2october :
that's the unfortunate state of the church today. ideals, not practice.
from cindylou03 :
hello ry-o. if i were in dallas..or you were here...we'd have tea.
from michigan :
Hey, it't that crazy redhead that you spent some seriously intense moments with...remember me? Remember those times? Yeah, barely, right? Ditto... His ears aren't cold, and, in my naivete, I dare say that neither is your heart. If either were to be true, I would be crushed to the core. Your intimacy with the Creator has always been of wonder to me...something I long for deeply. I have wondered myself...who doesn't, right? Well, anyway, no preaching here (please! definitely NO preaching...) Just an old friend that went through hell beside you and saw you win. You're much stronger than you have ever believed. Start believing...
from alwaysinhim :
you don't know how sad that makes me to hear.
from thejumblies :
i looked at my bookshelf, and milton was next to kerouac. (my bible as well) not a lot of deep thinking went into that as one might have supposed. you did not seem okay last night, but now i read your diary and see why... *this note was made possible by the letter E, for the Excitement that I hope will soon begin to fill your days*
from alwaysinhim :
HAHA.. that is so great.. "any time i talk with someone i keep asking myself 'who wrote this garbage!? this isnt witty at all!' " wow. Time and time again, I'm reminded why I read this diary. thank you.
from cindylou03 :
that's great! i live for watching christian feel awkward. :) hehe --and i think you might enjoy this: go to taco bell and order a chicken quesadia w/ beans on it. it's SOOOO good. actually, i have no idea if you will enjoy it or not, but i sure did. and i feel like i should give you something in return for your efforts to share the titty poem w/ me. -cindy
from alwaysinhim :
LMBO... that is so me. I can't even live with my best friend... and she is determined to make me social :S
from cindylou03 :
you little hooch. i should smack you for yelling across cyber space to me. i'm so embarassed. how's it goin? =cindy=
from ashadloo :
thanks Ryan. I'm going to buy the electric razor clipper thingy and some super nice scissors and start praticing on my dog. It was really fun. Thanks for trusting me.
from gorilla-gurl :
I disagree. A poem is an important social gauge. It may not seem significant at the moment, but after some time an artist's work can be used to understand the social/political/cultural environment of the times. (Think Homer, Rivero, Dickinson, Picasso) Or at least you can make some money putting your work on mass-produced posters of cute kittens hanging on to clothes lines by a single paw. Those inspire people.
from demiseofself :
Cleveland. (the one in Tennessee)
from u2october :
if you think chicago is expensive, forget boston.
from cindylou03 :
i know!! my only cashflow is through what tips i make too. it really pisses me off to see a single mother come in with her 3 kids and their 2 friends and have to make them all get small scoops..and then she turns around and puts a dollar in the tip cup. and then..some hot shot lawyer lookin' guy comes in and wips out his wad of cash to pay with..and no tip. not that i care that much about the tips. i just wish the poeple that could afford to tip would do it instead of the single mothers. *now that that's off my chest* ...what's up!? haven't been on diaryland in a few days...
from ashadloo :
Sundays just fine. Where would you like to meet? It's your call. Oh, and I'm a bit nervous about cutting you hair too, but I don't plan on doing anything drastic so I couldn't possibly mess things up too badly.
from nudeplatypus :
Is Chicago one of your options? Chicago is fabulous...if I had actual options, I would move to Chicago.
from nadasurff4 :
lol i am not sure. i just looked down the list and your user name seemed to catch my eye.
from nadasurff4 :
nevermind. it means i like the postal service.
from nadasurff4 :
i <333 postal service! asl?
from demiseofself :
its your chance to be a wanderer.
from demiseofself :
Im waiting in suspense, write me that email you spoke of. please
from alwaysinhim :
I know. pretty pathetic, huh.
from demiseofself :
Im glad you didnt curse girls who cant wait to get emails from boys in Texas
from alwaysinhim :
"curse this vain attempt to get notes of pity from you." Heh, don't let it bother you too much. I do the same thing. You should be proud, it actually works for you. I'm the one who needs pity. Can't even get other people to care enough to pity.... bah, enough of that, I don't even like pity. What we need is God's peace... but words don't do a lot of good, now do they?
from cindylou03 :
so about this dog: her name is ellie and she's kinda stupid, how most dogs are. but i think it's that she follows me around and licks me and stuff that gets on my nerves. it's not that i'm completely un-affectionate..i just get tired of washing my hands. plus i'm in that middle phase of getting used to the house i'm house-sitting and i was probably just angry. i don't hate ellie. but she is annoying. so..that's that about the damn dog. :D
from ahmetai :
Yeah, sometimes us girls are the devil. Just kick us when we're dumb. *wink*
from demiseofself :
hello dear ryan. how is texas treating you?
from obijuan :
Wow...tread lightly, and take your time. Believe me.
from dudemanflab :
Nasaly-toned, slow-speaking, fat kid voice: "Heh, heh, heh! What you said, that thing about country musick, that was toooooooo funny, at least to me it was. ha ha ha ha. i am still laffing!" keep up the good work
from cindylou03 :
how are you?
from cindylou03 :
wow! that was some major fast results there! that's good that you like some country music. now on the kissing cousins thing...there's good things about that too.. haha JUST kidding. that's never ok. but in reply to your end of your note. i am good. i'm all caffeined up and ready to go walk that damn dog i have to take care of.
from cindylou03 :
hello ry-o. ha..what if your name was ry-o. i agree, country music is not christian, usually. but i do like it. you should give it a try next time i visit. i'll show you the songs worth listening to..and explain why they're worth listening to. :D but oh gosh...please don't tell people to listen to creed. *shudder* AND write me a note! it's been a while. i'm starting to twitch!
from gorilla-gurl :
I feel like I write this everytime you post a new entry...but once again, beautiful. You have a gift of poetic honesty. By the by, are you planning to come to town when Michael is here?
from rich-bouquet :
I was out of my place putting that there. I really was. And I am sorry if you were offended. The last thing I would want were people who have no clue of my situation putting bible verses in my face. So I understand if you're angry.
from dudemanflab :
hey, been a long time, i know, but i thought about you a lot on the trip. did you get my new york souveneir by the way? dang man, i want to talk to you. i'll call tonight (sunday). oh yeah, i met your wife at cornerstone. talk to you soon, paul
from rich-bouquet :
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent. YET you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the praise of Israel....Psalm 22:1-3. There is something about praising God in the midst of self righteous christians, in the midst of diabolical heathens, in the midst of the lowest and most empty depression.....I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me. My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth.....But you oh Lord, be not far off;....I will declare you name to my brothers; in the congregation I will praise you....Psalm 22:14-15,19,22. Why have I put this here? Because if I praise God and he's promised to be in the midst of His peoples' praise. How mundane, how cliche, right? Oh no. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom.
from alwaysinhim :
It is not that no one else knows your questions. it is only that no one else knows the answers either. I know that doesn't help you any. but I do understand. more than I would like to.
from alwaysinhim :
and I'm glad to have found you.
from gutsymallone :
the last note was for more mundane purposes, this one is just for good measure..i scrolled down and saw that i don't leave many. so i figure two at once might make up for it. don't say i never do anything for you
from gutsymallone :
well, i don't have much of a choice but to move, i'm not to keen on going back carlsbad...and so cruces is where "my finger landed"(so to speak), but i'll move pretty much anywhere..what's this plan of yours, and when did you start using words like strategem?
from ahmetai :
You found me a Seamus? Rock on! Now just to get me a plane ticket...
from demiseofself :
On The Price Is Right this morning, one of the prizes on the Showcase Showdown was a trip to Carlsbad, New Mexico.
from u2october :
strange how people change otside the walls of a church isn't it? i know it's far away, but the midland area in michigan is beautiful, and housing is less expensive. i also understand the desire to become a nomad. i have wanted to do that since i left trinity.
from cindylou03 :
though i do love their show on mtv, i didnt' get to meet donnie and marie. but korn was great as usual..and i would say the top 3 shows I saw..were switchfoot, further seems forever, and blindside. i also wish i could have stayed in dallas. if i had my own car. i would have. just 1 or 2 more nights. it was one of the funner parts of the trip. who knows...maybe someday you will send a note about me coming to see you..and i will just show up again! -cindy
from mojo1915 :
If I ever obtain a large sum of money, I will most gladly support your nomadic life and ministry. I have no clue as to where I'd obtain the money, but things happen sometimes. I hope you have quite the enjoyable day. ~Jesse
from balletstud :
ryan-i just wanted to say that a day after the missions trip we took a family vacation to colorado. we stayed at this resort and had so much fun. the point is-it was so beautiful and peaceful there. that would be a good choice. molly
from spittingame :
Ryan- Its a song called "The secret of the easy yoke" from the "its hard to find a friend" album. It's really a good song. I'm suprised you've never heard it. Zak
from demiseofself :
Im just curious, like a cat..meow. I hear Nashville is a hip place to live.
from demiseofself :
you're not coroporating. when is your birthday?
from gorilla-gurl :
I'm beginning to think we share a brain...
from nudeplatypus :
I love, love, love going to the movies. It's a compulsion. For instance, I had no plans to go to the movies but I drove by the theater and ended up going inside and seeing Terminator 3. Lots of stuff went boom...I enjoyed it.
from demiseofself :
say more...to me
from ahmetai :
Nope, you don't know me. I'm Shannon, but I also go by Ahmet, Ahmetai, or Tai (I'm a queen of nicknames, it would seem). Anyway, you do make me think, and I love your writing. Perhaps one day I can make you think, too. Either way, I'm glad we're cool. Have a rockin' night!
from cruelserena :
Sorry to hear about the wrist, but drink lots of advil, and uhm if you turn into crazed movie manic grandpa, then I'll send my kidos with you so don't worry at least you'll have company.
from demiseofself :
say more
from spittingame :
I don't know what you're talking about with the archive business?
from demiseofself :
hi ryan
from spittingame :
Ryan- ahh....good times in Dallas. I'm glad we got to hang out up there in your part of the country. And hopefully me and chris will get to come in August. We might actually get to ride up with Nick and Alicia. Anyway, take care sir. I wrote you a thank you note. I hope you got it from the church. Drink up. Sponsor
from cruelserena :
Now that all of the nights events have passed, am I just another link in this polite change? And am I cruel, because I did tell you who I was though I am asking of you one thing, to NEVER reveal my identity, for I have signed many a note taking device and I rather not let anyone know as to who I am... Really you won't tell, thanx Ryan you are one in a million...
from ashadloo :
Ok then. Cause I was really confused and then sad there for a second and then angry and then ..... you get it. But I would still think you're awesome even If you were a dick to me. So. There.
from cruelserena :
This is a little embarrassing, you don't know who I am? After the wonderful late night polite conversation you and I shared? I mean I guess you probably get two maybe three times to do what we did, but Ryan I thought we shared something special, I thought our politeness was something we both enjoyed... I guess now I know where I stand... I'm just another link in your polite chain... This saddens me so...
from demiseofself :
will you please read Ephesians 4:16-19/20. I think thats why you serve God.
from ashadloo :
why were you mean to me on i.m.?
from cruelserena :
Tis I the woman wonder... I don't know where that came from anway it's moi... Remember once upon a time you and I we attempted to you know... have polite conversation... but alas to no avail... Anyway well this is me and I noted you and now I guess it's your turn to note me... byes
from alwaysinhim :
That's a nice thing about God. He can see in the dark. and thus can find you just fine. even if you can't find him. He's the shepherd. remember that.
from thejumblies :
ryan, i am praying for you- hard. and God answers prayers.
from u2october :
when the hell did insomnia become a church owned business?
from ashadloo :
And he'd probably tell you to re-read the story of Job.
from gutsymallone :
hey ryan. you know i thought about it today..and if i could ever say there was a professor xavier in my life, it would be you. here's looking up
from alwaysinhim :
amen to that brutha. But remember. being lukewarm is the worst of all.
from mojo1915 :
Hello Ryan, If I could sum up my spiritual life, it would be your last entry. I hope your day is as follows: eat, fun, poo, fun, go somewhere, fun, stuff stuff, fun, eat, fun, sleep, fun, dream. Ok, I'm retareded, just have a good day señor. -Jesse
from demiseofself :
you're so clever, with your lemonade jokes and such...a true comedian, so to speak.
from ladolcevita3 :
greetings from brazil. i saw a jack kerouac book today in portuguese so it reminded me of you and i thought i´d leave a note. send me your address and i´ll send you a postcard or something.
from mango-babe :
no matter what i do (ahh) all think about is you (ahh) even when I'm with my boo (ahh) you know i'm crazy over you (ahh)
from demiseofself :
I really enjoyed "you went away".
from ponglenis500 :
If someday we all get back together and form a band, I think we should have an album called "The Art of Parking." It has a nice ring to it.-This Random Thought Was Brought To You By Michael
from cindylou03 :
you're right. people bashing is better. i do that too. i think, maybe i'm just a negative person. on the inside. posative on the outside. sprinkles on top. spoon in my side. i can't say that i 'enjoyed' your poem..because it made me saddish. but i did think it was good. in that ...you were honest..and that always makes for a good...anything.
from alwaysinhim :
ha. I think pain does mess with one's humor center. that last one. "hang them over your bed, and pray that God will fil them." That really got me laughin.
from alwaysinhim :
I can identify only too well with that peom. You did an excellent job on that piece of writing.
from xevilsuziex :
No, you don't know me. No, I don't know you without you knowing I know you. You know? I just found you while browsing a list of diarires and found yours interesting. I currently care for four cats, though that number has been much higher in the past. As for ridding the neighborhood of other cat ladies, I wouldn't want to. We must stick together...power in numbers...Yes. And one day our cats will rule the world... By the way, I like your new poem.
from cindylou03 :
by the way, that last poem you wrote as your entry..that was tight. sounds like someone i know...kinda like paul.
from cindylou03 :
ah!! n ooo...my poetry is weird and...notpoetic. but..it still makes me feel special that you considered that! hehe. maybe someday i'll write a real poem. when i do. you'll be the first to read it. i promise. chances are tho, i'll be angry and slef-bashing me. so...ya know. it won't be a pleasurable experience. hehe. HEEHEE!! he.. ok yeah. thanks for the note..love, cindy
from greenstar7 :
RyanAndrewConnell~(real fast like mom would say it if you were in trouble) your letter is ready and has been for 4 days so today i had a plan which was to get your address from your mom..so today at church when i asked for it she told me to call her tonight before 10 well...alas i failed and time slipped away...now at 11 iam kicking my own~for this failur. i'am leaving tomorrow but i will try to get the address before i leave (i'll be gone a week) i hope you do not have to wait that long! iam sorry. so feel free to say "CamelaDarlineWalker" *
from u2october :
amen. deliver pizza fr a week and you will hate christians and churches b/c they're cheap. i can't believe that churches believe that they're exempt from gratuity. they already get a discount, but i guess that's not enough.
from mojo1915 :
That's a great idea Mr. Connell.
from dudemanflab :
wow, you met ben pasley? if we were Sims you would have gained +5 friendship points. just thought you should know. (btw- i plan on meeting don'n'lori at c-stone. i don't know if that counts for anything for you)
from cindylou03 :
i, too, would have bought the cheaper, faster-burning inscense. you would get sick of the same smell over and over.
from cindylou03 :
i just saw bruce almighty. it was pretty good..but it's pretty easy to please me with movies it seems. i was just thinking, how great it would be if God just hit "yes" to all of our prayers. then i thought how great it would be to part tomato soup. then i thought how great it is to get notes from you here on diaryland. :) good night for now...
from demiseofself :
someday I hope to speak Ukrainian. Its not as elequent sounding as French and it would almost never be useful where Im living, but I could speak outloud to myself and laugh a lot.
from spittingame :
Good sir, I've never broken a rule in my life and I can assure you that chris has not either. If you're not careful and don't start showing me a little respect, Chris and I just might take over your Kids Church. Sponsor
from demiseofself :
hey stranger.
from dudemanflab :
i finally posted an entry (i was far away in the east), and it is very nice that you missed me. i caught up on your entries, and i am praying for you. if you can give me a call some time.. do. uh... email me or something..
from hardlyknown :
Would you like your site to be reviewed? If so go to hardlyknown.diaryland.com and check out the rules and follow. It's that easy just to make your site better and have it shown to other people because of all your hard work! I crack myself up with the way i'm talking. So just come check it out and get reviewed at Hardlyknown Reviews! Spread the word! ~Shel~
from u2october :
i understand. i have never been to counseling for my dysthymia due to the fact that i haven't found anyone to talk to. it's hard being expected to be the funny guy all the time when you feel miserable.
from pd12 :
um yeah i'm about 15 or 14 you decide, you guessed mostly right
from thejumblies :
hmm, i would like to read this book.
from demiseofself :
probably
from alwaysinhim :
I am sad to read this entry. very sad.
from u2october :
labels blow. always have. always will.
from cindylou03 :
i'm gonna either send you, or post on my diary...s'more of my poems. probably send them to you..or both. cuz seriously, they're gay. but you said you wanted to hear them! so... talk to ya later and i think you're quite cool too..:) -cindy
from thejumblies :
ahab bowen has some neat small men's t-shirts. but they are kind of expensive for being a thrift store.
from cindylou03 :
haha...ok, thanks.
from cindylou03 :
dear, dear ryan...I'M SO SORRY!! i did sleep in...yall kept me out too late..and i slept thru my alarm. i feel so bad..still. i was really disappointed. i tried calling you..and paul. i got a hold of paul, who couldn't get a hold of you. we assumed you'd already left. who knows. i say this meekly, "next time?" i'm soooo sorry. :( you don't have to learn yoga from a book. thanks for the fun tho..and coming ot my graduation party. i'm glad you were in town. :) -cindy
from dudemanflab :
i was consistently impressed by the quality of your poetry (even the one's you said you didn't like). cindy slept in, and so did i (that's why we didn't do yoga). that sucks. its 4 or so... did you leave? if so, that is too bad. p
from mojo1915 :
Howdy Ryan, It was awesome to see ya again. I had almost forgotten how cool you are. It was good to have my memory refreshed. I feel like I am among young villagers who gather around the elder to be enlightened by his stories and wisdom when I see you. Have an awesome day!
from pd12 :
yeah i have seen your name before and i just thought i would see your profile
from rich-bouquet :
Let me know when Super Fish L is playing again and when you guys could use me to volunteer again.
from demiseofself :
you might think Im making this, but I have a fake spider tattoo on my right forearm; I have since last Wednesday I think. My sister got it out of her spiderman fruit snacks.
from pd12 :
hey how ru im really bored talk to me some day, it'd be so cool. sour1221@netscape.net
from dudemanflab :
my bad. i'll show it to you in a few days
from alwaysinhim :
Desirous of a Tattoo? like this song says perhaps? "'Cause you're the answer/ To the questions/ The reason to the rhyme/ You're the rhythm to my heart/ When it beats out of time/ I'm so thankful, Lord/ That you are mine/ It's true that you/ Are my soul tattoo/ Lord, you know/ All that I want to do/ Is to spend my life loving you/ It's your love time and again/ That pulls me through/ And I want to say thank you"....that's the best tattoo anyone could ever have. Although others are not unpleasant
from dudemanflab :
today was senior sunday. your ex, kristyne shafer sang a song. read relevantmagazine.com on how the church has failed twenty-somethings. etcetera
from cindylou03 :
i assume ( keyword assume ) that since you work at a coffee place, that you might indulge in some coffee sometimes..this is why you are getting this note. i drank way too much coffee throughout today..since where i work also serves coffee drinks..and i am passionate about my job, i feel it is a requirement to enjoy every aspect of my job, which includes blended coffee drinks. it is officially 3:07 in the morning...and i'm wide awake. did you know i went all the way to roswell just to get a carmel frappucino today? that's all i got. then i came back. is that weird? anyhoo...can't wait for you to get here. i'm going to teach you, paul, jesse, and maybe jon-eric some yoga. i'm very excited! until then, my little yogi, farewell...-cindy
from dudemanflab :
hey, tonight I'M going to the matrix (have you seen it yet?), and a type of "date" wish me luck. oh, and watch "Catch me if you can" it is swell sixties excitement. i was quite impressed. i have never shown you "memento" (the poem), and i read it two nights ago realizing that it wasn't as bad as i remembered. oh well... -paul
from thejumblies :
it's always quiet before the storm, or so they say (?) i am listening to some pedro, and i must say that i am EXTREMELY excited. and i just saw the matrix tonight.... yeeaaaAHHHHHHHHH I did!!! (not to uh, brag or anything)
from alwaysinhim :
the best cure that I've found is a good hike in the park.
from surfnskate :
hey, i just wanted to tell you that it will be cool when you come down. i've made up some tight riffs that i want you to hear. -clay
from mojo1915 :
Howdy, Just a note to say hi. I hear you're comin' down soon. I hope you have/are having a fabulous day.
from e-dani-he :
hey ryan i just wanted to say it's great having you back i know this is kinda late but hey it's the thought that counts right...-girl w/pretty hair
from u2october :
ahh yes. i believe the title of that song is "2 princes" of the 1994 release "pocket full of kryptonite"
from alwaysinhim :
..if you/want to talk for hours/just go ahead now..
from demiseofself :
become a drifter, become a drifter
from dudemanflab :
i was listening to the old sixpence none the richer cd and thought about you. it's got some great melancholy stuff (though there are sometimes i, like you, i'm sure don't want to hear melancholy music). yeah, but you could probably find it at a christian bookstore or something for $2.99. it was a squint record. bad, bad squint. talkatcha later
from u2october :
hey, which starbucks do you work at? i'm gonna stop by sometime
from alwaysinhim :
as sad as it may sound. I know how that is. the "I'll do that tomorrow" thought process..and though I am sure you know this already. I am going to reinforce it. Don't ever put off till tomorrow what you can do today...because you might not get another chance.
from spittingame :
why would you want to do such a thing?
from cindylou03 :
i will definitly show you some yoga..some really beneficial poses...that you can take w/ you..and do anywhere. :)
from ashadloo :
um, thanks? You have the password, correct?
from grannydan :
Hey Ryan! Thanks for the "hello". It's always nice to know that someone thought about you long enough to take the time to send a note...even if it did just say hi. Hope things are going well for you. Make yourself a chi tea at the coffee house and think about me. (That's my favorite drink, in case you didn't know.) Bye! :)
from dudemanflab :
talked to jason for ya. it was cool. on girls, i would tell you to grab life by the horns. i hadn't paired your degree of singleness matched with your not-old-but-not-a-teenager age. if i ever go to dallas we should meet two random girls and take them somewhere and have fun. that's what me and beau are doing to an extent. it's so great because it's no pressure, we're not seeking any type of fulfillment, just friendship with a twist, if you will. relax, though, many people get married when they're 21 and 3/4. you still have a few months. luv, paul
from texasxcamp :
yo yo this is john[rockland] i'll be switching diarys to texasxcamp.diaryland.com it will be a fun time had by all.
from dudemanflab :
hey, ryan, i decided to add to your exponentially growing note page, but, of course, you deserve it since you got everyone hooked on diaryland. i still have yet to read kerouac, but i will after the two towers. the musical is this weekend and i cut my hair (wish you were here). luv, paul
from nudeplatypus :
I ended up at your diary by clicking on a diary in my profile, then a diary in that persons profile and so on. I currently live in Jersey. And most importantly, Lousi Gossett, Jr. was in An Officer and a Gentleman with Richard Gere who was in Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts who was in Everyone Says I Love You with Woody Allen.
from greenstar7 :
thought of you today *
from donjuan99 :
keanu reeves to thora burch... 1. keanu reeves was in speed with jeff daniels. 2. jeff daniels was in a movie with thora burch, which i think was called fly away home... it was about how she rode in this little plane type thingy guiding some geese south for the winter... that took me about 2 seconds... what else ya got?-DJ99
from alwaysinhim :
lol...oh to dream.
from gorilla-gurl :
AMEN!! You summed up my current struggle with God and Christianity perfectly! Let me know when you hear back with the answer.
from u2october :
just kidding about the wedding. i want you to do it b/c you don't claim to be perfect, and you're one of the most sincere friends i have, despite the fact we don't get to see each other hardly ever anymore. i veto several requests of other credentialed individuals because i want you to do it. and i will pay you whatever the going rate is. :joey:
from u2october :
hang in there, you're not alone. oh yeah, i'll pay you 50 bucks to do my wedding. :joey:
from demiseofself :
please hang in there, sir. I am saying a prayer for you right now.
from mojo1915 :
I just read about your smoking dream. Just a few minutes ago when I was taking a nap, I had a dream I was smoking at GT groups and GT groups were at Brandon's house (he quit going to church) and Danny was there (none of us have seen him for about a month or two now) and then Alicia was cussing at me really bad because I got angry that nobody wanted to teach the lesson and it was already 7:40. After that a somehow ended up at Carlsbad's 2-story mall.
from alwaysinhim :
I wish. I knew the right words to say. but I cannot even find those words for myself. I know those frustrations all too well. and I know that God humbles and puts us through trials to test our faith. So you're just going to have to ride out the storm and know that God is driving the boat. so you will get there. never let go of that knowledge. it is all the hope that exists
from ashadloo :
Just in case ms. Laura hasn't relayed, we're going bowling again this Sunday. Do come, and you can recite all the poetry you want for us. Old men are always welcome.
from thejumblies :
What ho! No one "got" Picasso and no one "got" impressionism and no one "got" Jack Kerouac and no one "got" free verse... I speak the truth, man! And I just don't think it would be a very pretty sight if you drowned yourself in wax. Have a sunny day.
from u2october :
ahh, how i understand your situation. i have also had the pleasure of having a reading circle not "get" my writing. i didn't think they would anyway. :joey:
from cindylou03 :
haha that's just great...hahahaaaa.. i've so done things LIKE that before..but not that exactly. it is good to know you made that girl's day. what is your sign by the way...
from spittingame :
Bishop- I"m glad you enjoyed Farehnheit 451. I loved how he had to memorize the bible. Anyways, Take care man. Chris says he loves your mom and kyle melton says you suck. Peace Sponsor
from demiseofself :
whats in chicago?
from cindylou03 :
oh wow...i was gonna write something about 'happy'...but then this banner popped up that says "i am in love with you, hailey" how sweet!! i'm gonna go be fuzzy now. more on happy later. -cindy
from alwaysinhim :
amen to that brutha
from ashadloo :
~!~ hey, how bout an entry for us unclose friends that are otherwise known as big ugly ass faces. We deserve some recognition too! ~!~
from rich-bouquet :
next week, hopefully, I can come by insomnia and do some volunteer work. I'm not working on any night next week, but a couple of nights are taken because of fine arts. anyways, we can hang ten if I ever get anything figured out.
from alwaysinhim :
Yes...friends...one of God's greatest blessings.
from alwaysinhim :
*sighs*....I love how you say things... cause it's all so true...
from godsbest :
Hey its kels, I said hi to you...so there!! Thanks for coming to h.v. practice last night, hopefully now you remember the agony of f.a., alright well ill talk to you later ,bye!!
from dudemanflab :
ryan, it just took more than 20 seconds for this screen to load. that means you should delete some of the less important notes (such as this one) (chris says "you suck") i'll give you a call sometime next week or vice versa, to talk about all the stuff that you've mentioned
from alwaysinhim :
...can't wait to hear it... I could really use some encouragment right now. and reading about your walk is always a great way.
from mojo1915 :
Ryan, I miss you. May any pet fish you have in the future live happily and healthily. Have a good day :D
from demiseofself :
I was Screech too.
from thejumblies :
So now I know that you know that i know that you know I know. And you'll just have to sit there and wonder. Just like I am about a certain secret journal. Huh! Huh??? Yeah, that's what i thought!
from ponglenis500 :
Ryan, I'm sorry to hear about you losing your dog. It's going to be weird the next time I visit and she won't be there. Take care.--Michael
from dudemanflab :
ryan... it was cool going to the coffee house and seeing lentell again and meeting melanie and lung n long. they are all cool, and i envy your job (though i'm sure all the customers would tire of me after a couple of nights). i also liked your poem about christians. good insights. i miss talking to you one-on-one like we used to sometimes. i need some prayer if you happen to think about it. love you man. paul
from demiseofself :
Im very sorry about your dog.
from thejumblies :
(1) I like the poem (2) I am in posession of Carman the Standard, Carman the Champion, and another Carman cd I know not the name of or have long since forgotten (3) I do not wear color contacts, my eyes are just kind of weird, although it would be cool if I did or maybe not I can't decide (4) Do you like Radiohead? "Let down" is one of my favorite songs of theirs (5) I can lend you the House on East Eighty-Eighth Street if you would care to borrow it (6) I don't really have anything else to say- So have a good day. I would bid you goodbye in Chinese but I don't really know how to spell it
from u2october :
my friend's rottweiler died a month ago, and he was pretty tore up over it. i was never allowed to have a dog. only a one eared cat named buddy that contracted cyphillis and died. i don't know why i just brought that up. i apologize. :joey:
from rich-bouquet :
I would also like to send my consolations for the loss of your friend. My dog, Naomi who has been stricken with hip displacia doesn't have much time to live, I imagine. I'm really sorry.
from ladolcevita3 :
oh that is terrible. i'm sorry. i would remind you that all dogs go to heaven if i thought it would be any consolation.
from boxoftissues :
hi just wanted stop by and tell you that I find your conversations with god refreshing. I wish my conversations had responses similar to yours. :)
from cindylou03 :
so, ace, i know you quit asking for a good book to read....but i'm reading "balzac and the little chinese seamstress" and i think you would like it a lot. so...if you EVER run out of books..find that one. :) say hi to the guys for me..-cindy
from demiseofself :
Ace, the world will never be ready for espresso making secrets.
from alwaysinhim :
LOL...yeah. I can relate. I've got a million and one nics too.
from dudemanflab :
I can't believe you're reading watchman nee! i have wanted to read ANY of his books since C-stone. This guy told me all about him, and i was psyched.. then i got home to my christian bookstore... but they didn't have a way to order it. asked for it for my birthday... but never got it... almost forgotten about him.... until you got to read it. why do you always beat me to all the cool authors. you got kerouac first and now nee.. i get jane austen and kate chopin because my english teacher is a feminist freak. happy reading. see you tomorrow
from donjuan99 :
hey ryan i think i asked you already but if you haven't read "A New Kind of Christian" by Brian D. McClaren is a great book. -DJ99
from thejumblies :
p.s.s. I just made a terrible mistake! It's The House on East 88th Street, not 68th street. By Bernard Waber. How could I have forgotten!? And I'm sorry I didn't mean to leave you this many notes it just- happened.
from thejumblies :
p.s. I sure as heck would buy a book that would tell me how to make a celestial latte.
from thejumblies :
I highly recommend The House on Sixty Eighth Street. It's about this crocodile who lives in a bathtub. I would tell you more but I don't want to spoil the ending. By the way, I wish I could have gone Monday night but alas there were some unexpected events that arose. Let me know if you liked the movie.
from spittingame :
Ryan I bet you already have, but just in case you haven't, you should read Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. It's different Bynx
from ashadloo :
Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk.
from demiseofself :
hello sir.
from thejumblies :
Hey Ryan- I was looking foward to this evening but alas I now sit at home organizing my sock drawer. My dad just came into my room and handed me a book entitled "Before We Kill You". It has one of those neat action book covers from the eighties that you normally see on old bible tracts. So perhaps I will read that all night. Or not.. Hmm. I will have to see about Monday- I might have to work. Have a nice evening.
from madisonalias :
Hello Ryan. I started reading this book for my literature class, and the main character reminds me of you. Not in every way...but in many ways I believe you are alike. Just thought I would let you know that piece of useless information. Anyway, it gives me a reason to write and say hi. I'll see you in Dallas next week (campus days). Good day, Kristyne
from thejumblies :
I concur. :)
from slushdog :
hey you, don't i know you? hmmm...Oh now i remember you. Just kidding Ryan. How are you? I hope you're doing good. I miss talking to you. Send me a note or an e-mail and tell me how you're doin. Bye. - Amber
from alwaysinhim :
LOL. a mudd mask. I think you have to do it more than once. but I wouldn't really know. and I'm with ya on everything else.
from rich-bouquet :
In no way was the sermon incredible.
from mojo1915 :
Hello Ryan, I skipped church yesterday too. I skipped to go fishing with my dad. There wasn't any ministry, but we talked about things and we usually don't. We hadn't been fishing in a few years. Have an awesome day!
from thejumblies :
Good question because I really hadn't thought about it until you brought it up. And the answer is..... I really don't know yet. Possibly maybe. Probably not... Possibly.
from rich-bouquet :
Do you remember youth camp 3 years ago? I'm pretty sure it was the first time our the youth group went to Gulf Shores, Alabama. I remember the service ending and everyone dispersing until it was just Me and somebody else in the back and you, ben hennessy, john wulff, bob martinez and aaron wulff were still praying and crying over each other at the altars. Everyone had left and I felt a burning in my chest to talk to you. I don't even think I knew you except for a couple of passing conversations. I finally got up the courage to leave my couple of friends to go up and pray with you guys. You began praying over me and said you could sense a spirit of evangelism. After we all finished praying I asked to talk to you. You were the first person I had admitted my darkest sins to. And you were understanding and said exactly what I needed to hear. I owe you alot, Ryan. Whenever you need to talk or vent, let me know, because chances are, I'll need to too. -Aaron
from one-liner :
Thanks, Ryan. And now for a corny St. Patrick's Day joke: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patty's Day? -because real rocks might be too heavy. *raucous laughter*
from alwaysinhim :
*nods slowly...yeah. I'm in the same perdicament. If you find a solution. be sure to tell me.
from rockland :
i like how it's always 1997 in your diary. it makes me think of my senior year in high school. wow i'm old.
from demiseofself :
freedom kissing. clever.
from mojo1915 :
Thanks! I feel unknowledgable as well when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. I think I'll do well with how Cammy has taught me to behave and treat girls and just being respectful towards women. Have a good night buddy
from alwaysinhim :
LMBO
from rich-bouquet :
I'm up for some freedom kissing. What? What's that? You can't say no!!
from spittingame :
Bishop Stiltskin- I too am glad I enjoyed Adapatation and thank you for your reccomendation. By the way, "Bringing down the House" isn't Steve Martins best work by any stretch, but is enjoyable to see with a friend. Anyway, yes, I am going to Campus Days. I'm glad you'll get to participate again. I wasn't sure if you'd get to. But Nick and Alicia said everyones staying in Cevelle this year because Bill is in there, but I said I'll stay in Davis by myself if I must. Perhaps you can stay with me and we can skip chapel like me and Danny. Your Friend, Sponsor
from cindylou03 :
i think..putting aside impressions, deadlines, acomplishments, money, *sex,drugs,rocknroll*, etc....life is about transcendance. ( spelling? ) i guess..if you thought about it enough ( cuz i just did ) it almost ties everything together. when you transcend something..that's what it is to live. little things..that you do..that give you a feeling you can't describe. even if it's just a sixteenth note's worth of time..if it's that feeling of "ooo" inside...you're living. even if you just go see a really good movie that provokes that "ooo" ...i dunno. i'm aware that i probably lost a few on that little..thing i just said..but i figure you might get what i'm saying. and why i chose to tell YOU about my sudden thought......well...your prayer you described, number one, and number two..i haven't written in a while. :) -cindy
from baby--girl :
Thanks! That means a lot to me. I pray all is well and you are writing beautifully, never stop you have an awesome gift! Jenn
from ashortbreath :
You might or might not know her, 'boxoftissues'. She had gutsymallone on her favorites, who had you on his favorites. Anyway... I, too, am extremely pleased to kind-of-but-not-really meet you. =] Take care.-Laura
from alwaysinhim :
your words almost always cut so deep.. in a good way.
from ladolcevita3 :
Well thank you for the compliment. I do really like your poetry too. (and that's not in any way one of those courtesy return the favor kind of compliments) I'm glad to hear you like the Norm- today I was reading it and he got an online journal which I found to be ever so neat. Well at least I thought it was neat. I'm very extremely surprised you knew who I was. This is a fun thing- this making new friends. Yes. And I guess well I think I should probably stop this rambling. Have a relatively wonderful evening.
from ashortbreath :
Actually, a friend of mine had come across your diary and said I should read it. So I did. Voila. -Laura
from ashortbreath :
Your writings made me smile. Just thought I'd say so. Bright eyes and sugar highs, Laura.
from demiseofself :
aw. Hi Ryan
from alwaysinhim :
LMBO....wow. yeah. love it when things like that happen.
from rich-bouquet :
Chadwick is someone everyone should know, or at least meet. He works at Taco Bueno in duncanville, we should get some folks together and see if Chad won't give us a laugh, you know what I'm talkin 'bout? -Irish Brother
from rockland :
it's ok to not say no all the time. but then there are those instances...which i would rather not talk about...NO!!!!!
from alwaysinhim :
LMBO....ok..so all of that is not exactly funny. but...
from mojo1915 :
howdy doody Ryan, There's a cool picture of you up on one of the boards at church. Have an awesome day!
from grannydan :
Hi Ryan...this is Tara. I just wanted to say hi and that I miss you. I also wanted you to know how much I love reading your entries about your Dallas happenings (especially the ones about the coffeehouse). The short time I spent there last summer was one of the best times I've ever had and reading your entries takes me back. Cindy's right...it is like a novel that I just can't wait to rush home and sit down and read. That's all.
from gutsymallone :
hey funkmaster connell, if i were a maraschino cherry, you would be the syrupy goo that i would float around in....i just thought you should know that. Oh, and could you send me your #, not that i'll ever call , it would just be nice to have it.
from inwaiting :
As for my identity, I am Angela. The whole "persistant cough and itchy throat" comment, you should take it as a compliment. I just really liked what I read, and I thought I would tell you. Sorry I was not clear with my choice of wording. I was severly sick and on medication, so that was the birth of my comparision. Sorry for the confusion.
from demiseofself :
trendsetter.
from alwaysinhim :
Not a bit annoying
from spittingame :
First of all, thanks for complimenting my writing. Thats always pleasant. Second, I'm sitting here with chris and he wanted me to tell you he can't believe you can talk to a girl you don't like for thirty minutes but you can't talk to him, one of your best friends, for any minutes at all. That being said, I'll punch him accordingly. Zak
from alwaysinhim :
HERE HERE!!!! GET RID OF ALL PHONES.....well. I suppose we don't need to be that drastic..lol. I but I totally agree with the phone thing.
from spittingame :
Thanks for the note sir. That meant a lot. Take care bud. ***Bynx***
from asaph :
I'm never visiting you again, wannabe. >=(
from cindylou03 :
haha...hooo ..i was going to say things about how it's ok for other people to dress like you and stuff...but then i got to the part about you beating kids with eighties retro wiffle ball bats...and i honestly laughed out loud. that was great. thank you..and you go right ahead. -cindy
from dudemanflab :
ryan, my sister just asked me "how is the world 'waking up' to us as christians?" i don't understand what she means and she doesn't either, but its for her short sermon. email me if u get a chance. paul
from rich-bouquet :
Why leave a note? WHY!!??
from cindylou03 :
your life..is like a story book. it really is. ( i'm not trying to down-play it..if anything i'm up-playing it ) i swear tho..it's like i'm reading a novel...called ryan's life...and it's cool..cuz i've actually met and talked with the main character. i don't know if it's because you're writing is so advanced...and artistic..or if it's just because of the events you choose to write about. but it's like my own little novel..and i like it. sorry if that has freaked you out..but somehow i dont' think it did. -cindy
from mojo1915 :
Do you know of any websites that I could attain Masters Commision info from? I am strongly considering MC for post-graduation. Take care.
from demiseofself :
hi stranger
from mango-babe :
Hey Ryan. I just wanted to let you know that I miss you and I hope I'll get to see you soon. Julia
from ladolcevita3 :
Oh super neat- I knew it was you! Alas perhaps another time I will say hello. -iris p.s. You get so many notes. I'm a jealous girl.
from ponglenis500 :
Cheesestick.
from alwaysinhim :
And you know God can do it too....He's just that powerful...but sure dang the waiting though
from cindylou03 :
hello ryan...this is just an early happy valentine's day. i would send you a "virtual kiss" but the only picture i know how to make with my given symbols is a fish...so here's a fish... <*}}}>< merry christmas.
from dudemanflab :
hullo, buddy. that's weird that you were wondering about happiness and christianity because i was too. i will email you some of my thoughts in the form of a letter. That is, i will mail you a letter that is a letter. you are in my prayers. pau
from ladolcevita3 :
May I be weird and ask, were you at a mall today? I was sitting on a bench at the Parks drinking coffee and watching people and someone who I recognized as the the guy who once preached a sermon I liked called "The Romantic Preacher of the Dark" or something of that nature at Trinity passed by. And so I recognized you (I am presuming that was you, and that I have the right person and this is the same person who preached that sermon a while long long while ago) I didn't say anything because you don't really know me nor do I know you. Kinda like seeing a celebrity but you don't say anything. Diaryland celebrity? I don't know what I'm talking about.
from alwaysinhim :
oh. and your entry. left me in tears. I too have had that kind of conversation. except. I find. that I haven't said "Ok God," yet.
from alwaysinhim :
just put this in your how each entry should look place--- <A HREF="http://members.diaryland.com/edit/notes.phtml?user=papotheclown">Notes</A> ---if you put in, you'll have a link to your notes page
from baby--girl :
I never said "no" I replied that you had already asked me if I had one and you assumed that I didn't because I had not till that moment! So *tongue sticking out*! Jenn
from donjuan99 :
hey there... i've been feeling the same way a lot lately it's got me pretty confused... well just wanted to say hey... "hey"-dj99
from alwaysinhim :
well, you have my prayers. not an unusual thing to doubt. but don't let it get in the way. and it would be easier to leave you notes if there was a link to it on your page.
from mojo1915 :
Howdy dude, Brandon's phone# is 887-3167. Take care.
from mojo1915 :
Hey Ryan, Take care of yourself. Be sure to wear your seatbelt and ummm... It's good to keep clean teeth. You were a big influence on Brandon and if possible, I think it would be good if you could talk to him. I miss you and hopefully I'll see you again sometime. Maybe I'll just show up at insomnia some random time and hopefully we could share constructive conversation. :)
from dudemanflab :
i wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday. sorry it is so late. i thought of you, though, and it is widely held that "it is the thought that counts." (of course you and i know that to be preposterously false, and that it is really money that makes you happy, but i don't have any). I hear you are happy anyway though, in your dallas paradise. I meant to ask you how your email was coming along. I thought of something the other night, but i forgot it because i was about to go to sleep. I really want to visit you, and i am talking to my parents about it... we shall see. Oh, if you had the choice between camp and the dallas missions trip (and you were saundra flores) what would you choooose? I am glad to have written the longest note of my life. Your friend, paul
from cindylou03 :
so what if she's 16.
from donjuan99 :
that's supposed to read "And WHAT better for my friend Ryan...-DJ99
from donjuan99 :
And better for my friend Ryan than a note for his birthday...? Ahh that brings back fond memories of seeing your desk covered in post-its of various colors with loves notes from your self and the occasional ones from cory and myself... What a great time to be alive... If Cory were here I'm sure he would say something like "Happy Birthday Bud!!!" and then do that little give you a big hug. So from Cory and myself Have a very Happy Birthday. -DJ99
from u2october :
this is joey wishing you a happy birthday. good luck with the chick situation. i know how tricky those things can be. i know this sounds generic, but pray about the situation.
from spittingame :
Ryan- I made up that metaphor to show you that things can be made up. NOt only girls
from spittingame :
Bishop Stiltskin- It's been said that girls should be like shoes that you walk in and not sandals that you walk on. I can't send you a shirt. Because that takes time and money. And frankly, we both know we're too close to simply send each other things that take time and money. Which is why I send you this note. Which takes very little time, no money, and a whole lot of love. Happy Birthday Ryan. The big 18! Spitter of the aforementioned Game
from greenstar7 :
that is a bummer! i sent it so long ago you should have it by now if not last week some time...iam sad....maybe you'll still get it. guess i'll send you something else.*
from alwaysinhim :
*sighs....at least you meet nice girls...but definitely...God's plans are always the best.
from greenstar7 :
did you ever get what i sent you???*
from cindylou03 :
hey thanks for that... and my e-mail (for future reference) is cindy_lou_03@hotmail.com........ have a happy birthday THIS thursday. haa.. -cindy
from asaph :
RYYYYAAAAnnnnn.... Are you going to be working on the 23rd cause Aria and I might like to visit u. (his birthday thursday as well) My boys are getting so old.
from cindylou03 :
i went to that shopodd website..just to see what the fuss was about ( because i too, am too poor to buy you one ) ..and they were prett cool. i especially liked the loch nes monster one. cuz i think it's real too. happy late birthday..just for the record. -cindy
from alwaysinhim :
Belated happy birthday!!!!
from biteanapple :
but now, looking back, we were just idiots.
from biteanapple :
we drove around in your car and yelled because at the time it was the cool thing to do. -kelly
from madisonalias :
...I mean vicarious.(?)
from madisonalias :
Ryan, what does vacarious mean?
from baby--girl :
Yes I have a diary. BG AKA..Jenn
from dudemanflab :
your writing skills get better and better. I really enjoyed the entry about the racoon. And your new girl sounds pretty cool, as well. If i had a bottle of wine we could drink to the hope of good relationships with women.
from alwaysinhim :
my prayers. always yours. I know exactly what you mean. from my side of course.
from alwaysinhim :
my prayers. always yours. I know exactly what you mean. from my side of course.
from cindylou03 :
Possibly the perfect woman ay?? You know...flattery will get you...everywhere. Hahaha...anyhoo. Isn't it crazy how you don't realize how you miss out on things until they're gone.
from ladolcevita3 :
Oh sorry- you probably think I'm weird. I was just trying to point out the fact that the dates on your entries are slightly jacked.. Unless you did it purposely for some reason or other? Or perhaps my sense of time is all wrong or something or other and it really is September of 1997..? Hmm.. well good luck with F-you Jason's Deli girl. I'll stop harassing you with notes, not to worry! Great diary! Sorry again! :-/
from cindylou03 :
dang ryan. just ..dang.
from ladolcevita3 :
I liked your August 29, 1997 entry. It was spiffy.
from dudemanflab :
hey, do you think it's unwise to seek out interpretations for dreams... like i did in my diary. It felt like reading a horoscope or something so i just wanted your opinion. paul
from alwaysinhim :
LOL...SUCKER!!!....naw, just kidding.
from asaph :
You are so sweet Ryan, sharing the wealth with homeless "artists" like that. Came by yesterday after a show to say hi but you weren't working. Have an awesome day
from alwaysinhim :
wow...now I am crying....people like you are such an encouragement. Praise God.
from alwaysinhim :
ditto on that. and Merry Christmas
from biteanapple :
Ryan God bless you and may many beautiful young virgins flock to your side. -kelly
from godcatchesme :
i have the same problem. people think i'm really friendly, but i dread meeting new people, and i get nervous in restaurants.
from donjuan99 :
I'm the same way with meeting strangers... I have a tendency to ask overly personal questions cause I get really nervous. Then I start talking really fast and then I stop talking all together cause I think I'm talking too fast. Oh well... I don't know what else to say...-dj99
from cindylou03 :
hello! well..i really don't have any actual business i need to discuss. just hello. i guess that's it.
from alwaysinhim :
LOL...thank you. but I still got my license...so I am still happy....just don't have a carto drive...but God's good.
from madisonalias :
Hey, hey, hey Ryan, how are you? It's very weird that you aren't here. I got a card from you today. So I guess...thank you for the thank you card...?? Or, a sincere--"your welcome." I hope all is good in Dallas. Have you been able to see any of your old buddies? It's very cool that you get five days for Christmas...I suppose I'll see you then!! madison
from lost-in-ga :
Hey .... How long will you be in Texas ... It's be nice to see you if I get up there in time.
from spittingame :
Bishop Stiltskin- I just wanted to say I hope everythings begining to come together for you there. I hope it continues. And also, we haven't had a single prayer breakfast since you've left. It's only been one week but still........we're 0 for 1. It's not the same. SpitsBynxterMeese
from greenstar7 :
i miss you... i know its silly you have only been away a few short days... but just knowing your not here, that your not going to be at my play, or dennys tomorrow night. i would like to write very much but i don't have your address. let me know where i can get it, and there will be a letter on the way. i give my word. have a great day and make yourself. better days, camela
from alwaysinhim :
what shall I write you?
from demiseofself :
i hope you had a safe trip. and i hope we talk again.
from demiseofself :
haha quail hunting
from alwaysinhim :
awwwwwwwww.
from alwaysinhim :
..then be assured that you have them.
from biteanapple :
i probably wont be able to go to deep ellum but i will unveil myslef to you over the internet through aol. be expecting to hear from me.
from baby--girl :
Hey ryan! You were right! later tater!
from lost-in-ga :
Hey Ryan .... this is Ben Hennesy and I live in Georgia now........ drop me a line Man. I didnt know you had one of these or I would have left something earlier. Anyways. Happy trails
from biteanapple :
you know me ryan i used to ride in your car and we would turn up the music and we would scream the windows at the city's. i really dont want to reveal my name to everyone but i know you once told me about how to become a better prophet and you described to me how to give a prophesy like you said 'i feel like the lord is leading me to tell you that....' and that was always how it was done um we used to go to deep ellum together. oh you went to the five iron frenzy website while you where at my house. i know im not givin you alot of good info but you should know who i am now. oh well ill chat later if you still dont know who i am email me from my diaryland oh well bye.
from spittingame :
When you leave We will retire your seat at breakfast club no one will replace you no one could your chair shall remain empty our memories will remain sacred and when you visit, you'll reclaim your throne Spits
from demiseofself :
hi ryan. i know that you leave soon and i wanted to wish you well. it was nice to know you as much as i did.
from asaph :
those are some neat meanings ... I have one for Aria .. It's Italian for an elaborate song for solo voice: Air or melody. Dec 2 ... and Dallas will gain it's finest cracker back!
from slushdog :
ryan, i do know that you guys love me. i want all you to know that i love you. cause i really do care about you all. i wish i could show it. but i don't know how to. i'm afraid of showing emotion. thank you so much for just being my friend. thank you from deep down inside.
from alwaysinhim :
...IN THE NAME OF THE FUTURE....I WILL SURVIVE....LOL
from alwaysinhim :
HURRAH FOR MUTANT POWERS!!!!
from dudemanflab :
dear ryan. I do understand. i should have known, because i do know that. Anyway,we will listen to sandy nemeth so you can understand what i was trying to say. But yes, people should not have to raise their hands in worship.
from demiseofself :
hi ryan
from donjuan99 :
i totally agree... well put.
from slushdog :
hi ryan. just a note from little slusher. what's goin on in your world? well i'm about to be considered an adult. in oh about 10 days. yup. goodbye friend....miss ya.
from demiseofself :
#4. my name is amy remember. not demiseofself. i got your pictures,hooray. but now i cant open them...sadness. so im downloading WinZip now, because i cant remember how to open .zip files on this silly old computer. ps. i didnt vote either. yep, forgot to register myself. but im not really a fan of the US government either...
from demiseofself :
im going for 5 uninterupted notes from me...this makes #3. hot dog. i hope you're doing well little king, and i hope we talk soon. (insert nice smiley face here)
from demiseofself :
i dont know if you tried the pictures again yet or not...if not thats perfectly fine, but i didnt get anything yet so i thought id tell you. blewmoooon3@aol.com or sndsosilnc@yahoo.com
from demiseofself :
He will. just dont be afraid for Him to. ps.i didnt get any pictures yet.
from alwaysinhim :
And my name is Corinth. it means young maiden
from alwaysinhim :
Then I too will pray. It is a struggle I know well...and I dont even have to be in front of the group.
from demiseofself :
yay. blewmoooon3@aol.com sir.
from demiseofself :
commitees. what fun. um, you can play drums in my band. yes, i have a band, why wouldnt i have a band. of course i have a band because a girl without a band is no girl at all....or something like that. ok so maybe i made the hole band thing up but if i had one i would want you to play in it. have a good day ryan the great.
from gutsymallone :
i think i'll start a committee...you may ask "just what is this committee committed to doing" and i say "they're committed to cheering you up my ever so lonely and unlucky friend" and then we would both be happy because of the committee, and then the committee would cheer and hoist us on their shoulders, and life would be swell....or maybe i can just convince you to be my percussionist for one evening
from demiseofself :
once there was a boy named ryan. and he was admired, but from afar and from a girl that never had lover boys. if she was there she would make him cards and cds and pictures and things. the end.
from alwaysinhim :
*sticks tongue at u....so what r u saying.....I have to get up early now....I DON'T THINK SO!!!......lol...Just kidding.
from demiseofself :
yes those names are nice and all but i think ill stick with movetotennesseepleaseboy
from demiseofself :
hi sir. ill quit calling you prince if you want and ill try to send the picture again. ill be writing you in a different state tomorrow.
from alwaysinhim :
*as a tear falls...yes...that is when he holds us.
from asaph :
Wow ... look what I started. i'm terribly sorry ... hehe I KNEW it wasn't your b-day .... I was just having a little fun...it all happend to fast... I swear officer....
from slushdog :
Sorry I missed your birthday Ryan. I'm such a loser. Well hope you had a nice one. I guess we'll just have to play another game of checkers huh? You better practice. Bye. Amber Lace
from cindylou03 :
you get.....somanynotes. it's crazy. but yeah..i just wanted to let you know..that i passed you on the artesia highway...and i would have waved, but i didn't actually see you. i just knew i passed..because i left back for carlsbad a little after you left for artesia. so yeah..we passed.
from demiseofself :
aw its your birthday? happy birthday prince. oh, what does your room look like?
from asaph :
;-) HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN! technically, you're getting older every second... like now... and now... even now... Just playing with ya, u silly goose! I'm up late and thought I'd leave the coolest skinny person I knew a note.
from brothasistas :
hey i relate to you
from alwaysinhim :
Well....probably cause all those shows are put on by the vain lawyers.lol
from demiseofself :
i got butterflies in my stomach when i read your note. it'll sound like im lying, but i feel the same way...and im not a liar face
from grannydan :
You mentioned that your film was not a huge success...if it matters any, I really liked it.
from demiseofself :
"oh for the love of fuzzy puppies, read my freakin diary". thats the banner thats up right now, thats funny. mmmm..you're a nice boy.
from slushdog :
hey ryan, how's it going? thanks for leaving me a note. it made me happy to hear from you. so i hope chris told you i said hi on tuesday. if not....hi. sorry about your job. better luck next time, huh? well have fun today. maybe i'll see you on sunday. bye. Amber
from demiseofself :
meow.
from spittingame :
Ryan, I realized this week that your not being at breakfast club puts a dark cloud over the whole thing. You and chris are my breakfast club ryan! You're it! I'll have you know we didn't even sing amazing grace. It just wasn't the same. later, spitter
from rockland :
thats correct ryan and i couldn't agree more about the who more girls in bands issue.
from demiseofself :
ok, first of all..it was prom queen. gosh, get it straight. but that was a nice girl comment. and i agree about the bands, do you listen to the rocking horse winner?
from demiseofself :
its me again. hi.
from demiseofself :
sheesh you have a lot of notes. hi prince. i hope we have a gander about with words again soon.
from alwaysinhim :
Hey brutha...the those are some good ones....God bless those endeavors
from slushdog :
hey ryan, thanks for the note...uhmmm if you want to e-mail me or anything my address is amber_lace90@hotmail.com. WELLLLL...i'll talk to you later. Amber.
from demiseofself :
hello friend who has achieved many of my life goals already. you made my day also. :) uh oh, theres that darned smiley
from cindylou03 :
i did send daniel to teach you to skip stones. i just wanted to make sure no one else was stealing my thunder. i gave him permission to steal it though. we can take turns. :) or..he can just teach you how to really well, and you can both wow me with your rock skipping skills, wether it be on water---or each other's butts. whatever rings your bell. i'm happy you're fulfilling your dream. -cindy
from cindylou03 :
i did send daniel to teach you to skip stones. i just wanted to make sure no one else was stealing my thunder. i gave him permission to steal it though. we can take turns. :) or..he can just teach you how to really well, and you can both wow me with your rock skipping skills, wether it be on water---or each other's butts. whatever rings your bell. i'm happy you're fulfulling your dream. -cindy
from demiseofself :
so now we're shaved heads buddies..or something like that...hmm id really like to talk to you now. yep. im going through ryan withdrawls..or something. hi, be my friend even after my stupid ramballings?
from jenne1017 :
The asnwer is the random suggestion you left. By the way, glue is white as is the rose on the thorn of the side of the giraffe...
from jenne1017 :
psssst: the cow flies over the hen at the crack of egg
from demiseofself :
the fall is my favorite season of all too. its pretty this time of year where i live, well beautiful really. and the love thing gets me too. but alas, no boy to hold my hand. so i pick my nose
from cindylou03 :
hey! who took you to skip stones!? why wasn't i invited?? :)
from asaph :
Oh Ryan, I certainly didn't forget you! I just didn't think it was possible to put into words how incredibly awesome, intelligent, funny and sexy beast of a friend you are to me. Besides, that would have taken up more than one entry ... hehe ;-)
from demiseofself :
im glad you enjoyed the movie. talk soon?
from alwaysinhim :
...and the people said AMEN.....as I do....
from heyred :
you obsess with spelling far too much. if you mispell, i'm sure people will assume that you make up for it in other ways. thanks for the response.
from greenstar7 :
this is for the one the only ryan c. i bet you thought i forgot about you, but i didn't. i just don't know what to do... ever been there? will its like having a body suit on and needing to itch the belly button lent from well your belly button... yeah thats what its like, its just like that. ok well thats what its like for me, people take easy access to their belly buttons forgranted. hope i don't take you forgranted. hope you know iam glad your part of my life. hope i show you that with my actions and my words. and i hope you understand.
from heyred :
beats the heck out of me what i should say to you. it's my turn tho. hi then, and best regards. have you ever listened to OAR?(if you find ska annoying, they're not for you.)
from baby--girl :
Well, I have read this thing so many times and I still think that you are an awesome person. Atleast you appear that way on here. Still, keep pursueing what God has for you cause it sounds like He is getting you on the right track and things are looking up. Sometimes being a Christian isn't all it's cracked up to be, but the best things happen when you follow what He wants. It's funny when you are allowed to do what you want, when you do that you only end up feeling worse! All the best! Baby--girl
from cindylou03 :
well..since you're not willing to be my slave for life i don't think i'll try to teach you how to skip rocks..... just kidding. haha..but seriously..the very next time i see you..we are going to drop whatever it is we're doing and go to the river.
from alwaysinhim :
....there is no way to explain what I felt about this entry...even if I said it made me cry....God and I are fight too....but I am afraid that my response is not the one u have....yours, I sure, was/is beautiful to God...as it was/is to me....I am glad u shared it...because it ws very encouraging....
from demiseofself :
im sort of afraid you'll think im a crazy basket case of a girl if i leave you a message, but hey, look at that..i just did. im trying to be your friend sir, remember?
from cindylou03 :
k..just read a bit of your diary. you're a neat guy, ryan. ..and back to the stones..you would think it IS all in the wrist..but in actuality...only about 52% of it is in the wrist. the other 48 is completely in finding the right stone.
from cindylou03 :
hey neat..i found ryan's diary! anyhoo..it was really interesting when i read your profile..i couldn't stop hearing your voice in my head. you write exactly how you speak. it's fun. --well, now i'm going to invade your privacy and go read your diary. ( i know it's a public diary and everyone can read it..but i like to feel like i'm doing something bad..so just work with me here ) and...if you can get a lake and some rocks together...let me know, and i'll teach you to skip rocks. until later on some time.. =cindy= ( bouty )
from demiseofself :
can i talk to the wax flower please? (look, i said please)
from asaph :
rYaN, It was so awesome seeing you back here!! You looked more normal than I remembered you.. umm I think that made sense? Yes? ANyways, much love from your biggest fan in Dville(haha BIG ... no fat jokes, please)
from alwaysinhim :
I know what u mean
from flattire :
Ryan I am glad you had a good time in Dallas. I hope you someday learn how to skip stones. FT
from mango-babe :
hey ryan, thanks for listening to my boy problems - and girl problems. The skipping rocks advice was good. Listen I'm gonna miss you lots when you go to Dallas. Thanks for being an awesome guy and announcement-maker. Your too cool Ryan. Thanks, Julia
from demiseofself :
even though i really m not a fan of clowns, especially the evil cotton candy kind, i do believe becoming good acquaintances or even friends is defientely a possibility. but i think thats going to take more than writing little "i want to be your friend" notes from time to time. wow, did i sound rude? sorry for my uncalled for behavior, oh kind sir
from heyred :
hmm, perhaps you don't know my identity because... i am a perfect stranger? though if you've read any of my diary, you know some things about me that most people don't. the usefulness of that info in getting to know me is debatable though. how can you know a person, really, by reading their deepest thoughts without having become familiar with all the layers that precede? my name is ruth.
from demiseofself :
its me again. thank you for the note, i would like to be your friend...maybe, as long as you're not an evil clown.
from demiseofself :
i wanted to read more of your entries, but every time i clicked "previous" or "next" , it would take me somewhere else and im not sure where but it wasnt where i wanted to be.
from asaph :
awwwww I LOVE YOU PAPO! You are insanely awesome =)
from flattire :
Ryan that change is awesome and I pray that the change will continue.
from grannydan :
Hi Ryan. I just read your latest entry (the one with the apology & thank yous & about starting over) and I must tell you that I'm so glad to hear that things are looking up for you. That's all. Have a wonderful day!
from alwaysinhim :
That is really cool....prayers from me to him for you that will last....
from heyred :
i just read your diary from start to finish. interesting stuff. phil 1:6 "for i am confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Christ Jesus." sweet that you seem to have come through your struggle. it's a good thing God doesn't leave us to fix ourselves hey? he's faithful beyond compare. keep fighting to put yourself under grace.
from flattire :
Hey2thank2you2for2going.
from greenstar7 :
hey rc cola, you know it's been like 2 weeks since i've talked to you which isn't that long its just i spent a whole week with you, i mean your so happy in the morning, you don't know any thing about music, and you always make me feel really smart! so why wouldn't i want to be around you! ha anyhoo i'll catch you later that is if your fly'n, fall'n, or jump'n!
from ponglenis500 :
Hey, this is Michael. I think you're one of the most honest and open people I've ever met. Just remember that somewhere in the Frozen North there's someone out there that knows how you feel--Santa.
from godcatchesme :
this is joey. i thought this was you mr connell. you thought you could run away to another state. still i found you. you can't hide from me or my mafia hitmen, umm, i mean my computer. :joey:
from slushdog :
Hey Ryan, it's me Amber...just thought I would say hi. Hi.
from donjuan99 :
but do the cats necessarily have to play the organ blind-folded or would the tacos be better off with the woven handbag? truly a question for the ages... no? write me back with your thought if you will.
from rockergemini :
Okay, Prince. *snickers* what do I believe in the way of spirituality. Simple. Well, actually, its not that simple. There's a site all about my belief, and here's the link: http://wri.leaderu.com/articles/paths.html
from rockergemini :
Uhm...hey...My name is Amanda Gayle, but you know me as Lestatlover. I'm afraid I may have been a *tad* rude to you in those notes down there. I lecture people on being openminded, ad I suppose for a moment, I lost my own openmindedness. Please understand I do NOT think christianity is a bad thing. Did I REALLY say I worshipped the Vampire Lestat? Damn, I've changed....hmm. Well I thought of you when I was destroying my old diary and it was a little guilt-inducing. Well I've said what I have to say. But guess what? I no longger worship Lestat. Now I worship Steven Tyler. *mwuahahahahaha* Manda
from rockland :
don't worry, when Jen and I get married there will be plenty of single women at the punch bowl for you to choose from!
from rain-n-tears :
this is a fun diary to read...i chatted with someone on aol a couple of days ago and i wasn't sure of who the perosn was or whether they were male or female. that person lived in canada and i know no one in canada but i went along with the conversation anyways....well enough of me babbling..i'll check you later ~michele
from gutsymallone :
it really bothers me when i use my written grammar incorrectly.....i know that the word "recollection" is spelled with two l's....sorry...that was bugging me... dan
from gutsymallone :
i remember a time when 3FR would sit in the wading pool at a certain PK's house and drink virgin pina-coladas, and sleep on the trampoline, and i recall the times when pablo would ride, sombrero and dorsal fin held high, upon the roof of your car..., and i seem to look back on all the laughter, and the home movies, and the recolection of a friendship that was stronger than we were....in short, i'm sorry. i know that sometimes it looks like i forget what you mean to me, and what a great counselor, and friend, and brother you've been...i know that i'm not where i need to be in my walk...and i know i'm running and i'm confused, and i never expected you to handle it any different than you have...we are slackers aren't we.... i truly love you brother and i would give all of my greater extremities to have your friendship. your sidekick and friend daniel
from alwaysinhim :
YES.....UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!!
from alwaysinhim :
Hmmm....as for advice....don't do it if you are doing it for the wrong reasons.....I know it sounds like of lame, but sometimes saying the obvious helps Alsii
from asaph :
today's magic word is update..... *~!*!**!!UPDATE!~!!~~!!***
from dudemanflab :
I hope we hang out a lot this week. and i hope that the identity of the girl is soon discovered.
from tearriver :
you never answered me Me
from spittingame :
Stiltskin, I just wanted to say I'm really glad you got up for breakfast club. Though we didn't really get to whine that much, it was still cool. I hope we do it more often yo. Hokay...Peace out The Game Formerly Known As Spittin'
from gorilla-gurl :
Hey ryan...i'm sorry to hear about your grandpa. if you ever need to talk, give me a call anytime, aight? I had a dream last night that you yelled at me, so I thought i'd leave a note and ask if you're mad at me. By the way..how's the job?
from alwaysinhim :
oh yeah, and what u write aobut
from alwaysinhim :
Actually, I don't know u either, but I found u on a couple of others favs. SO, I decided to check out your diary, and I like how u write
from madisonalias :
I just wanted to say hello. your FrIeNd, krisytne
from grannydan :
Hi Ryan.
from grannydan :
Hi Ryan.
from spittingame :
Ryan, I got your note and I want to say I'm sorry. I'm not always sure whats gonna offend you and I should probalby watch myself. As for making fun of your situation, I usually thought I was kinda joking and that you were talking about it too. But I guess that wasn't the case. I hope you're doing a little better. I'll see ya later. Spitter
from asaph :
unlocked it =)
from dudemanflab :
well hey. just wanted to letcha (let you) know about the user poetryclub. Check it out. paul
from gorilla-gurl :
Hey papo! What's up with you? I'm glad we got to see each other last time I was home(even if it was very briefly). But, chin up ~I'm coming home for a few months in a couple weeks. Then maybe we can really talk! I hope everything's going well for you!!
from grannydan :
Just read your entry about the date. Just want to say, "Don't settle - be patient and wait for God's best and it will come." But you already know that.
from gorilla-gurl :
I guess we missed each other this weekend, huh? I got to see your apartment though!! Nice digs! Aight...i'm gonna go! I'll talk to you soon!
from gorilla-gurl :
Hey! I haven't heard from you in awhile! I hope you're doing o.k. Sorry to hear about your jeep!
from asaph :
I haven't said hi in awhile. Yeah I know tsk -tsk!!! Anyways ryan, you R AwEsOmE!!!!
from dudemanflab :
hey well i thought it would be cool if soon we would get together and did that talking thing. Its weird not having seen you for two weeks w/you even in town for some of it. Pues, yo estando mirar tu maN~ana en la iglesia. (I will see you tomorow at church). byefornow.
from gorilla-gurl :
Hey! Congrats on your new bachelor pad!!! You guys are gonna have the coolest pad in the WORLD! I can't wait to see it! In the words of William Wallace "FREEDOM!!!"
from committed27 :
Ryan, I have a Dear ______ for you. Its the first one on one of my entries. I hope it encourages you, if not sorry. I really do see you in the way it says. Earnest, thats what that note is. Your the only person i know like this, so if that be one of the only things that keeps you going let it be. T
from godcatchesme :
hey ryan, how is NM? this is joey. just thought i'd say ello, i hope everything is going good out there. :end transmission:
from gutsymallone :
i think you said it best when you said "no jenny, i won't date you"...that inspired me dan
from gutsymallone :
i like it when we re-live the past together it makes me feel all warm inside....i hope you have a good night bro big d
from tosmoyo :
dude ryan your are truly a great man and understand what your going thru but hey press on (dude what you said about when you where at the alter and you where crying and everyone thought you where all spiritual it is completely true people would be wanting to talk to you and then as they walked up and say you where in your state they would come talk tome until you got done) well God Bless -john wulff
from taik :
hey, i just started this DiaryLand.com stuff yesterday, and when i got online today and found out i had 2 new notes i was extremely excited, as childish as that may sound... i was. thanx for the note, :D
from spittingame :
hey, I got your note and you know you can vent to me any time you want. Even if it means cussing. I think you're gonna find that thing God wants you learn here really soon. Maybe......... Anyways, Do we have prayer breakfast on Friday? If we do lets not go to the stevens. Or happys, cuz I have to go to school. Even though I did hear they have great blueberry pancakes but I wouldn't know cuz I always get the meat skillet. Later.......Zak
from madisonalias :
hey ryan, i was surprised to get a note from you. it actually was a bit ironic, because the other night at 2 in the morning i was gonna write You. but i really wasn't sure what to say. but i was thinking, like you, that we haven't talked in a while-which is kinda weird. i've been praying for you the last couple of weeks. i don't understand what you are going through spiritually, but i wish so bad that i had great words of encouragement. i don't want to stumble over words, so i'll just know, "i'm praying for you ryan." i suppose that i will speak to you later. take care, friend. ~kristyne
from greenstar7 :
i have prayed for you in the past and will continue to do so.

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