It's Not Me, It's You

The Long And The Snark Of It

My favorite diaries:

tothefloor profile - diary
comments: "Leprechaun 3. In Vegas. Yep, you heard me. "Odds Are You Won't Get Out Alive." I bet this one hits an all-time cheese high, but also has a nice anti-greed lesson. Don't you?"
bigpimpinmba profile - diary
comments: "...Depeche Mode albums. Dear God, those certainly were some gay fellows. I really must have had my head up my butt in high school to not realize that the music I was listening to was dripping with references to non-straight activity"
mshizzle profile - diary
comments: Ok, he's one of three DiaryLand folks I know in real life. He's quick with the wit and to give you shit. He's incredibly funny and I'm extremely glad I know him. Oh, and he's not a half bad computer tech either.
poolagirl profile - diary
comments: "Does she think I am some sort of Karen Finley-esque performance artist who uses urine to make political statements? Does she think those horrid spam ads for girls who are into golden showers are all about me?"
porktornado profile - diary
comments: "His rod bent almost double, he squealed loudly and peed forcefully, and the drag started peeling off his reel as if it were attached to a jello mold at a mormon picnic."
mom-on-roof profile - diary
comments: "My husband and his work buddies, ohmigosh, if they don't believe something you say, they say "Swear to God!", it is so infantile and so 1980's, I just want to squeeze their little mullet-wearin' heads!"
sock-girlie profile - diary
comments: "Then he said, "Remember me?" From when? The time I've never seen you before? WTF? And WHO SAYS THAT?? Guys - 98% of women do not enjoy the talking penis, especially when it says stupid shit like that."
hissandtell profile - diary
comments: "My name's Hiss. Remember it, baby, because you'll be screaming it out in an hour or two."
niceguymike profile - diary
comments: "This is clearly not normal behavior for people who (shudder) probably still have kinky sex. Or maybe it is."
blofeld profile - diary
comments: "last night's episode opened with her grabbing a fly out of the air, and the look in her eyes was so Mother Bates from Psycho that I almost wet my pants with fear."
im2evil4u profile - diary
comments: "While Tuvan Throat Music seems extremely cool at first, listening for more then twenty minutes can result in the following side effects: constipation, bloody nose, panic disorder, alcohol dependence and other disorders that may result in one no long
smartypants profile - diary
comments: "A bunch of white women singing Old MacDonald on a Wednesday morning while their toddlers beat on bongos is not the ideal setting for soul-baring conversation, and really, I'm all right with that."
robin-smith profile - diary
comments: "Or I could have been a philosopher. This is the Holy Grail of pseudo-careers: the job consists entirely of sitting around and thinking about shit."
dinky-creek profile - diary
comments: "If I ever buy someone a kitten as a present, I'm not going to put it in a big box with a ribbon around it, I'm just going to tie the actual cat into a big bow."
andclint profile - diary
comments: "Caller id is wonderful, and I wish someone in New Brunswick would STOP F'ING CALLING ME! And Sears can suck it, too, I will never answer the damn phone for them. They know what they did."
juddhole profile - diary
comments: "I was fully impressed by my first "internet-friend" and the fact that she didn’t kidnap, drug and dismember me even once."
luckystott profile - diary
comments: "Oh...no. Sweet, sweet liquor. I simply cannot abandon you."
unclebob profile - diary
comments: “Look, …I know you're the world's most adorable baby and that you have the qualifications to eventually be the world's most perfect baby. But you're really screwing up your average here by keeping me up all night.”
dangerspouse profile - diary
comments: “I am not a baseball fan. Haven't been since I was 7 and discovered sports that involve actual physical movement.”
sassykk profile - diary
comments: “He is about as emotionally available as plastic lawn art. A frozen meat loaf provides more warmth than he does.”
rickscafe profile - diary
comments: “I passed the time reading out of date magazines, wondering if I would be getting the cold finger probe of Uranus, and looking for any errant prescription drugs on the floor that might have accidentally been dropped.”
ayred-out profile - diary
comments: “I now have a magazine rack in the bathroom, and things will never be the same. Ahhh, I wonder what the poor people are doing today.”
goingloopy profile - diary
comments: “I feel slightly guilty. But not really. It's been so long since I had a day without plans, that I forgot how pleasurable being a slug could be.”
gumphood profile - diary
comments: “There are some things you don’t touch, even with your shoe. One of those things is a dildo you find on the street.”
rhidundantx2 profile - diary
comments: “…the burgundy larger flower on each pillow MUST be facing up and to the left…otherwise the axis of the Earth will be affected and polar icecaps will melt and stuff.”
awittykitty profile - diary
comments: “Got to see her baby. And her iguana. Hope I don't get their names mixed up. I almost made a joke about "Hey what do you feed your iguana...babies?"”
catie-dids profile - diary
comments: “…why can't I shake stupid people until their brains are in the right place. This whole world would be better if I were master-shaker!”
tmb profile - diary
comments: “…I have to draw the line somewhere, and I think I've found that place: I refuse to eat used vegetables from Ebay.”
breathtaken1 profile - diary
comments: “A raccoon is going to push the bush. (And the beaver is going to shake the lake.)”
ms-do profile - diary
comments: “And I fear a hairy back is more than I can stand. I can still see it and feel it and its NOT sitting well.”
tuckandsophi profile - diary
comments: "We are two funny dogs who like to lick things and then kiss humanoids."
chaostraffic profile - diary
comments: quote forthcoming
stayinschool profile - diary
comments: quote forthcoming
geeked-out profile - diary
comments: quote forthcoming
wombatcity profile - diary
comments: quote forthcoming
amomsmusings profile - diary
comments: quote forthcoming
betchy profile - diary
comments: quote forthcoming
plume profile - diary
comments: quote forthcoming
clarity25 profile - diary
comments: quote forthcoming
ramblin-bill profile - diary
comments: quote forthcoming-I really mean it
yeahimadork profile - diary
comments: quote forthcoming-Soon

My favorite music:

Three Doors Down
comments: Brad, will you have my babies?
Bon Jovi
comments: Purely for nostalgic reasons. Ahh, youth.
Ryan Adams
comments: Groove-alicious. Have you HEARD Rock N' Roll?
Will Hoge
comments: Kind of unknown now. But watch out Bruce Springsteen, he's coming after YOU.
Nelly
comments: Chingy, Twista, Kanye West--all the hip hoppers in the hizzouse.

My favorite movies:

Pearl Harbor
comments: Cheesy. I know. But, have you SEEN Josh Hartnett?
Castaway
comments: Tom Hanks is fab is this movie. Helen Hunt? Not so much.
Jaws
comments: Scared. To. Even. Take. A. Bath. People.
JFK
comments: I find anything surrounding JFK very, very interesting.
Shawshank Redemption
comments: C'mon, you know you love it.

My favorite authors:

Dean Koontz
comments: Scary ass subjects, of which, some could possibly come true. See? Scary!
Alice Sebold
comments: I just finished The Lovely Bones and it was fantastic.
Harper Lee
comments: To Kill A Mockingbird is my favorite book of all time.
Judy Blume
comments: What young girl didn't love her?

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last updated: 2006-02-17 16:22:08
this user's total entries: 134
user since: 2004-03-02

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