messages to elusive-you:
(click here to add new message):

from jarofporter :
it's a sign that they weren't right. and 'all is full of love' is a great tune, i have it on cd...
from hiv :
your post made me think of All Is Full Of Love by Bjork: "you'll be given love, you'll be taken care of. you'll be given love, you have to trust it. maybe not from the sources you have poured yours. maybe not from the directions you are staring at. twist your head around, it's all around you.. all is full of love"
from jarofporter :
they will...
from jarofporter :
ghosting sucks...
from jarofporter :
"minus the married part" - doesn't that always seem to be the case? Ugh.
from troilus :
You haven't written for a while; are you all right?
from troilus :
I don't know you at all, but I discovered your diary today and I wanted to congratulate you - if congratulate is the word - for being honest and articulate enough to capture how you are feeling. That takes a certain kind of strength which I'm not sure I possess anymore.
from jarofporter :
i wish it were true. i'd move in a heartbeat...
from u-saved-me :
i love doing something with my hair to get that feeling even if nothing else in my life is changing. It feels strangely liberating, especially if the process involves wielding hair clippers in my own bathroom.
from jarofporter :
nice! sounds like a great evening.
from papotheclown :
I am so very happy for you. Enjoy that feeling as much as you can. Really soak it up.
from jarofporter :
it really depends. don't be upset with yourself if you think it's taking too long, there are no rules on grief. i hope you feel better soon.
from sky-rocket :
meow
from papotheclown :
Should you ever find yourself in my particular neck of the woods and feel inclined to get either a caffeinated or fermented beverage or visit one of our fine museums or tourist attractions, you just let me know.
from papotheclown :
After I wrote you that note, I remembered that you were considering moving up here. I must have forgot that you actually did. I live right in downtown Denver, the capital hill area. It's neat that you live close. I don't think I've lived in the same vicinity with a diarylander since I first started writing on here.
from papotheclown :
Did I know you were in Colorado? I don't think I did. I see that you went to Central City recently too. I love it up there. I am trying my hardest to not be a creeper myself and ask what city you live in and if we can be friends in real life. Oh, and Emotionalism is their best album, your friends just don't know.
from lust- :
Thank you! I'm really glad I seem to have found something that keeps me content and at peace, as well. Being homesick is shit. Hopefully you're able to find comfort in small things, like being outside in nature, or staying inside with a bath, book & wine. It's the small things.
from lust- :
I had a wonderful time! So happy that I did it. Will probably be more in my future. Hope you've been well, lovely!xo
from lust- :
Thanks for the input! I may bring it up if we actually end up seeing each other more. Probably next year. Hah.
from lust- :
Congrats on achieving so much in 2014. Hope the holidays and 2015 are good to you!xo
from lust- :
Job searching is such a cunt. Good luck! I'm sure something you want will pan out soon.
from papotheclown :
Thank you. I think recognizing all of this stuff and exploring it (even if it is just on here) is the first step to healing.
from jarofporter :
http://elusive-you.diaryland.com/140621_58.html i still wish someone felt this way about me... *sigh*
from imalex :
Hahaha thank you for the encouragement. All my friends are basically saying the same thing. We're planning on meeting, but I got a few people to go with, they'll be like nearby in case it's sketchy or gets weird. It should be good :)
from jarofporter :
nice work on the dress purchase! always good to mark progress.
from papotheclown :
Thank you for saying all of that. I know I have the strength, but I just don't have the desire. I'm doing my best to hold on though.
from englishsucks :
tbats sounds like an amazing day to me! <3
from englishsucks :
gamers are always inconsiderate lol - i wouldnt take it personal, but maybe you should talk to him and tell him how you feel?
from jarofporter :
really made me smile, reading your post today :-) (http://elusive-you.diaryland.com/131223_32.html).
from englishsucks :
congrats!!! :)
from jarofporter :
congrats, that's pretty cool!
from imalex :
Haha, thank you for saying so :) I keep reminding myself that it's all very exciting, to try and forget the nerves.
from jarofporter :
i would likely do the same, if i were ever lucky enough to have an encounter of that nature with the one person i've never been able to tell. sending positive vibes your way...
from jarofporter :
dude, that sucks - sorry... :(
from lust- :
I was the one that did the breaking. I'm OK..just feel like an ass. Hurting people is never fun. Thanks for your concern, though!
from jarofporter :
"sulkity sulk sulk"... as happens so often, i agree...
from jarofporter :
would like to keep reading, but understand if you only want to let in certain people.
from jarofporter :
hey, stop writing my subconscious thoughts!! ;-) (sorry you're still feeling like this.) http://elusive-you.diaryland.com/index.html
from jarofporter :
i'm right there with ya... discouraging as hell, isn't it? hang in there.
from papotheclown :
I can identify with your last post as I have been there myself. I think these things do not come to us through wanting or waiting, but need to be grabbed ourselves somehow. It's a struggle. It involves action. The best advice I was ever given was "don't wait for the right person to come along. Focus instead on being that right person" I don't know if that's applicable to you, but it has helped me in my long periods of aloneness.
from jarofporter :
you & me both - http://elusive-you.diaryland.com/130722_24.html
from warpednormal :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tS3z8Pm8U6I
from englishsucks :
<3 <3 <3
from jarofporter :
Been thinking a lot about the question you left in my notes... Unfortunately, I don't know, it's got me stumped.
from jarofporter :
hey, at least there are certain conditions wherein you *can* find worth in yourself, right? just keep going and growing from there! i aspire to find that myself some day...
from lust- :
Let's work on loving ourselves, yes? Yes! Have an amazing weekend, doll.xo
from imalex :
I think it's just what happens to people. Sadness overwhelms everyone at one point or another. Life is far too grey for it not to happen.
from imalex :
I feel like you just managed to write exactly what I've been feeling the last couple of months. Such an unhelpful emotion. :/
from jarofporter :
http://elusive-you.diaryland.com/130501_59.html this reads like something i could have written myself...
from jarofporter :
well, then, i guess i'll envy you for now, and then commiserate with you once he moves...
from jarofporter :
i'm wondering if it's nice to be able to interact with your crush, or if it makes it that much worse. i'm wondering that because i'm trying to decide whether to envy you or not. :-)
from lust- :
People say things sometimes in order to make people happy, but they don't realize that more than half the part of saying things is actually following through. Anyway, it sucks. I've been there and it really does fuckin' suck.
from imalex :
Thanks for the note. I should probably adopt what you said as a mantra, haha. I think it's the end of year stress of exams getting to me.
from imalex :
Yeah I adore it. I've always felt like the rambling kind of person, ready to move on to avoid any real conflict, kind of just bending the truth so not to face consequence. Thinking you're moving forward, when really all of that 'history' sort of weighs you down over time.
from lust- :
Ain't that the truth!
from jarofporter :
hey - sent you an email a few days back, wondering if you got it!?
from jarofporter :
"at some point you have to take control and fix your own self, god damn." - you'd think so, but i've not found that to be true. or maybe i just suck!?
from jarofporter :
for me, the worst part is knowing you want it, but not knowing how to go about getting it.
from jarofporter :
"god i want something different." agreed...
from lust- :
Come to Vancouver. I think it's the 'different' you're craving at the moment. =)
from jarofporter :
"you know how when something bad happens you find all of the ways that make it your fault?" - perpetually...
from warpednormal :
you have NO idea how your last entry mirrors my life completely. gaaaaaaaah!
from byebeautiful :
I love following your diary. I get it. I do.
from lust- :
Re: last entry. Mind games. We all play 'em. Hah.
from swallowthkey :
i am always bewildered by the symmetry of our lives.
from warpednormal :
i feel like i'm in the exact same place as you are :)
from lust- :
I'm happy for you. Sending an immeasurable amount of good vibes your way &hoping the good times continue!xo
from warpednormal :
<3 thank you. its been a bit of a rough day, going back and forth with these emotions. i just gotta remember i'm still moving forward!
from exhaust :
It flipped me out when I did the same. It will go away eventually.
from byebeautiful :
I love this entry. 1-5-2013
from papotheclown :
Hey, thanks!
from swallowthkey :
<3
from lust- :
Seems as if we're both trying to sort things out. Wishing you the best of luck!xo
from lust- :
Thank you. I hope you're right.
from warpednormal :
:) thanks, it came to me this morning and i had to type it down. i'm loving your story :) keep writing! xo
from imalex :
Everyone is just floating along, I've come to realise, holding onto whatever lifeboat they can find.
from crazy-raver :
I say to you what I want to say to everyone. You are heard. Your pangs, your angst we feel them too.
from papotheclown :
Hang in there. I remember when I "came out" as an Atheist to my parents. Things were pretty tense for some time. Here's some things I learned from my experience, all of which you can take or leave, depending on how applicable it feels: 1.It is important to remember that your parents, if they do become confrontational, aren't doing it to be judgmental, but out of genuine concern. Remember that they believe Hell is real, and that you are now openly saying that you are going to go there. That's scary for them. 2. Be patient. People are going to give you a very hard time. Try your best to not fall into the angry rhetoric that so many religious discussions can lead to. It'll be hard. People really don't like Atheists. 3. Stand your ground. You can debate this stuff endlessly if you want (lord knows, I do) but if you don't want to be forever arguing, learn how to say no to those discussions. Tell them that your beliefs are private or that you need to figure things out on your own for a bit. However you say it, remember that it really is all on you to make these decisions. 4. As I do with everyone, I'll encourage you to always be open and studious. Seek out Truth over what is convenient, and never stop asking questions. Best of luck to you!
from papotheclown :
Your story only confirms how much I need to make this happen. My heart never skips a beat these days.
from papotheclown :
I feel the exact same way. Real connections seem so hard to come by these days. So I guess you are not alone in feeling alone, if that is any consolation.
from papotheclown :
What's funny is that your reaction is the exact same reaction I've gotten from everyone I've told this story to. Who doesn't like movies is right. I think even the Amish like movies.
from papotheclown :
I would start by talking about the shared tv show. Maybe suggest a viewing party. Find an internet meme about said TV show (there is one. It doesn't matter what show) and then pass it along. Also, show up naked. Actually, you can disregard every sentence before that last one. Just show up naked. You'll be fine.
from zoela :
i have been called a bitch so many times. it's a badge of honor. <3
from tobehis :
Cool. So should I add you to my buddy list, or are do you want to keep those diaries separate?
from tobehis :
I found a new diary! :-O What's the diff between this and loveherwell?
from papotheclown :
Hello. Thanks for the kind thoughts and words. I'm Ryan.
from beagle47 :
logged-in after a million years (it seems) just to write "what a nice read - your diary." thanks. -=b47=-
from sky-rocket :
haha. what kind of job is that? i like.
from misfitstray :
so, will you take one of those part time jobs?
from misfitstray :
how went the interview?
from lostasyou :
Wishing you lots of luck :) xxx
from misfitstray :
I'll keep my fingers crossed that you'll get one of the jobs! x
from lostasyou :
Good luck!
from lust- :
Hellohello. Read your past few entries &enjoyed your words so I'm adding you to my list! Have a good one.
from swallowthkey :
thank you lovely :) i don't know why i haven't been reading you also, definitely changing that. i added you to my "buddy list", hope you don't mind.
from raven72d :
here's wishing you many wonderful summer twilights.
from raven72d :
glad to have you reading along.
from ahopeinhell :
RE: the downfalls of optimism Don't change. I'd like to know there are some other somewhat downtrod optimists in the world. I've always believed, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. :)
from raven72d :
I miss friendships like that, too.
from lostasyou :
You're fine missy, please stop feeling so bad ♥
from raven72d :
You're right about Charlize Theron! Thanks much!
from raven72d :
I miss that, too--- knowing someone is there at night.
from sky-rocket :
thank you! i wish these notes left dates/times. i'll add you to my list.
from raven72d :
red is good. shoulders and collarbones are good.
from raven72d :
glad you're out there and writing. i will be reading along.
from raven72d :
Just discovered your entries. They are lovely and intriguing.
from acuteapathy :
Thanks for the birthday wishes!
from integrating :
happy birthday
from fatcowww :
Oooops, my bad! I typoed when I set it up. Fixed now. Please try again :)
from lostasyou :
Thank you ♥ xxx
from fatcowww :
Can you email me (address is on my profile) so I can send you login info without everyone seeing? I'd rather not put it in a note if possible. xxx
from fatcowww :
Oh, I'm muddling along, as usual. Haven't heard back from you re my having locked - very happy to have you read, you just have to say :)
from fatcowww :
I'm so sorry :( That is awful. xxx
from fatcowww :
Hello, happy new year :) I had thought I'd put you on my buddylist already but apparently not. Remedying this ASAP. Bryant sounds lovely - I do hope that works out for you! xx
from dirtyboots :
you're good.
from theways :
they really are just so precious sometimes
from tinea :
aw, thank you. i really appreciate it.
from theways :
hell yeah. it's plain wrong. oh, human ways!
from theways :
''it'd be more for the satisfaction of someone i once wanted, to want me more... i guess.'' man do i understand that.
from atwowaydream :
Arrested Development coming back is something I can't ever, ever be happy enough about.
from fatcowww :
Hello :) Found you via the 'recent entries' list. This leapt out at me: "i just want to pick someone i already know and be like, hey man, let's be together for awhile and see if it works out, yeah?" (to which I am nodding and smiling). Adding you, hope you don't mind :)
from lauraleye :
can i have your password? my email address is laneave@yahoo.com.
from disasterrrs :
awee thanks sooo much. i like your profilee:)
from girlanomie :
elusive-you :D your blog makes me think of my ex. ::ouch:: still feel that one. it also makes me think of my 5-ft-tall poster of brandon boyd in my bedroom. why can't all guys be as amazing as him?? ::smiles:: cheers!!

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