messages to limes-sugar:
(click here to add new message):

from raygirl999 :
Happy New Year to you and your beautiful baby (and the rest or your family) I hope your 2014 is great!
from smallhanded :
Hi. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and I am so excited for you and your new little one. This is going to be a wonderful, crazy, hard, intense journey and you are going to be one amazing mom. I'm really sorry that M is not handling things that great. That really sucks and you have every right to be disappointed. I hope you guys can work things out and that he steps it up when the baby gets here. But if not just keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that you will be fine. You are strong and incredible. Please let me know if there is anything I can do from way over here on the other side of the country. xo
from lyyn :
oh limes, I'm thinking about you tonight! Baby limes is on the way! I'm sending positive, easy delivery vibes in your general direction. :) I hope M gets it together once the baby gets here. You had every right to be upset about the night before delivery. You definitely needed to be taken care of at that time. I honestly can't believe how calm you sounded. I feel like I would be a fucking wreck right before having a baby. You really seemed to handle your whole pregnancy so well. Anyway, people can change and the way Matt has been in regards to going out might change now that the baby is here. Aw, bababababababy.
from captvfirefly :
I am so very excited for you and the baby! I will be thinking of you tonight as you go into the hospital to deliver. Don't worry - I know you can do it, and it will all be OK. Also, as for what you wrote about.. ugh. It breaks my heart. But, you know what? You will now have a baby, and you have to do what you have to do. It would suck if things fall apart, but I wouldn't worry about that now. Have your precious baby, and take care of you and him. Hopefully your husband will help out, but if he doesn't? Well, then you'll have your answer as to what to do. And you DO have support - lots of people love you and care about you. Oh, and it's not the same thing to have him around in the flesh, but I am sure your dad is looking down on you, and he's with you while you go through everything. xoxo
from captvfirefly :
I don't think you sound selfish at all, either. I mean, seriously? I don't think it's too much to ask for your husband to step up his game a little while you're in the middle of carrying his CHILD. I hope he gets his head on straight soon. As far as the m'anne thing? Ugh. You know, I wouldn't worry too much about her. I know that's easy for me to say, but, like you said, it's not as if they are best buds, and I highly doubt he's going to go hang out with her just because she FB'd him. On the other hand, I do understand your frustration for him even allowing her to spew her (assuming fake) congratulations all over him. I don't know her, but even I can see how she probably doesn't give a shit about whether you're pregnant and that her sentiments aren't exactly on the up and up. But, I'm being catty and I shouldn't assume anything about her. :) Anyway, I know you're hormonal and stuff, but try not to let it bother you. She's not worth it. In the mean time? I saw your pics and holy hell, woman! You look amazing!! And how exactly is it that you can look so skinny and yet have such a baby bump? :) You're glowing. It's good to see.
from lyyn :
You do NOT sound selfish. I just wrote that out in ALL caps and had to go back, erase, and re-write because it looked too crazy. but, really YOU DON'T. lol. you're pregnant and you're dog died! i am a total bitch all the time to my husband and I'm *not* pregnant and my dog is not dead either. you can be sad and moody for as long as you want. if i was ever pregs, i swear i would feel justified to be *whatever* i wanted to be for the entire 9 months.
from raygirl999 :
Oh honey I am so sorry. I have been there too. Your memories of him really do keep him going. With all I have read about him I feel like I know your sweet pup too! Take care.
from lyyn :
I am glad the comments helped even a little bit. Take your time dealing with this because it does take time, and I think as a society or culture or whatever we really do not acknowledge this type of grieving... I think it helps to keep little memories around. I have stuff that reminds me of lucy and that helped to keep me feeling connected to her. pictures help. and I still like to talk to r about stories about her. but no one knows all the times it was just me & her. aw. fucking pets, man! xoxo.
from thebeesknees :
Ugh. I am so, so sorry. Just caught up here, and saw the sad news about Max. It's obvious that he was very well-loved, and that you gave him the best life he could have had. You can take solace in this difficult time that you gave him a wonderful life, and were best buddies, and were there for him when he needed you most at the end. Thinking all the best thoughts for you guys. xoxo.
from lyyn :
o girl, i am so, so, so sorry. my heart is breaking for you right now. know that you did the best thing for max. you did. you took care of him the very best you could and you could not make him live forever. you did the kindest thing you could do for him. my heart broke when i put lucy down and will break even more when i put ebbie down someday. but i know in my heart that I did the best and right thing for lucy... she was suffering and in pain and her quality of life just sucked. it's the right decision, but it doesn't make it any easier. it's SO fucking hard. :( i still miss her and feel sad about it, so i understand what you're going through. i know how much you loved that little guy. i am just sad for you. that's all. love to u.
from captvfirefly :
Oh honey, I am so, so sorry. I can't even imagine the heartache you're going through. And I do think you're right - it is a little different when it's your pet. Everyone knows how much you loved Max, and you gave him a wonderful life. I'm sure he knew how much he meant to you, and he loved you, too. He held on for as long as his little body could, and he knows you did everything you could to help. Oh, man, I'm sitting here crying for/with you. Oy. Anyway, I'm thinking about you and hoping you find some peace. Do you know about that Rainbow Bridge poem? If not, look it up (although it will make you cry, but you're already crying, right?). Max is surely over the rainbow bridge waiting for you. **hugs**
from smallhanded :
I'm so sorry. I was just recently talking to some friends who had had dogs and they were talking about the utter devastation they experienced when their dogs died and how difficult it was to get over. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and am so sorry for your loss. I know how much Max meant to you. Take care. xo
from captvfirefly :
This is totally random, but I saw the CUTEST little onesie that had ladybugs all over it and I thought of you! I would have sent it your way, but it was clearly for a girl. I think you mentioned that you have an ultrasound coming up soon that will tell you the sex of your baby... are you going to share? :) Also? I hope you and baby are doing good!
from captvfirefly :
This makes me so sad. :( The hardest thing is knowing when it's right for THEM and not YOU. I would hate to be in your position, and I know you don't want to part with the little guy, but it sounds like he's in really bad shape. :( It will be horribly sad, but I think you'll know in your gut when the time comes. If you think he can make it a while longer, it might be nice to let Sam see him again. However, I wouldn't want you to draw things out just for that reason. I know it's an extremely difficult decision to have to make, but all you can do is look at his quality of life. You've given him an amazing life, and I know you love him (and he loves you), but sometimes this decision has to be made. I'm sure he'd tough it out for as long as he could, but if he's really that bad off, it might be better to stop his suffering. Ugh. I'm so sorry you're even having to deal with this. ((hugs))
from thebeesknees :
Hm. I think that knowing when the time comes with a dog is really an intangible knowing, from the gut. I think you do it whenever you think feels right, with the caveat that it's what is right for him, rather than you (because I don't think it ever feels right or okay or time from our perspective). It's hard. I'm sorry you're having to make this decision at all.
from smallhanded :
Chill, woman. You are having his baby. xo
from smallhanded :
yay.
from sosuga :
Hey there, any idea how I can remove my email addy off of vla's page? I cant get a hold of her, and work searching is not going to be pleasant when you google my addy and diaryland comes up with a note about me using it at work. Heeelp!! Please??
from smallhanded :
Hi, I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you as you think about your dad. I can imagine how hard it must be and I'm sending you lots of good thoughts. xo
from thebeesknees :
I can sympathize. My mom's birthday was last week, and her deathiversary is this week. It's a tough time, generally totally overlooked by everyone around me. I still miss her tons. I'm sorry you're having to go through this as well.
from lyyn :
My skin freaked out when I went off the pill too! It also took me a YEAR to get my period back. I will never go on the pill again because wtf. But my skin chilled out after a while, but in the meantime I did what you're doing--a bunch of stuff. because if was around my wedding time, GREAT TIMING. But everything I did was way too harsh for my sensitive skin and the best thing was to just figure out a gentle skin care routine that works for me and to kinda chill about it. It WILL go back to normal but going off the pill freaks your hormones out for a while you you just have to sit with a moment of skin weirdness. it will will will go back to normal and don't listen to people who say it is going to take years and years. it won't. accupuncture is good though--might help with fertility stuff too and it is good for chilling you out as well. :) good luck on the baby front!
from captvfirefly :
DUDE. When I went off the pill, my face and hair were HORRIBLE. I NEVER had acne and grease the way I did when I quit the pill. It was so bad, I swore that I'd never go off birth control again. I never felt like my hair was clean, and I looked like hell. Nothing I found helped, although I didn't go to the extent you have with the peels and stuff. Actually, I did a whole lot of Googling (because I had no idea why I was so greasy - I thought it was caused by something else), and I happened to find that it's a common thing to happen when you go off BC after you've been on it for a long time. Some people said it took years for their skin to calm down, and others said it never did, so after they had a child, they went back on the pill. But, the ones who said it took years, they ended up with babies, and most said that it was worth the hassle. :) If you do find something that tames the grease and cyst-like acne, let me know... I would like to go off it at some point because when I was off? I never got a migraine, and yes, my sex drive was out of control. :) Good luck! And how exciting for babies! :)
from smallhanded :
Just wanted to say that I appreciate the notes and knowing that you are reading. Maybe it will motivate me to update more. And maybe I will remember how to write...Take care. Bad things happening to other people is not your fault. Really. Also, that is shitty of your uncle and his wife not to say they are sorry to miss your wedding party. But some people are like that. Try not to let it get to you. I know it must be very very hard to be missing your dad especially at a time like this. Take care. xx
from captvfirefly :
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but I still miss my dad every day. I don't even have any good advice for you in regard to the family stuff, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. **hug**
from raygirl999 :
Hello. Sure, just send me an email at raygirl999@yahoo.com and the PW is all yours!
from raygirl999 :
Ugh I don't see why those people should be allowed to come. It's your event too and they are rude to you. I would be a jerk and not mail it and say "whoops it got lost int he mail." Actually I'd be a HUGE jerk and send them the envelope so they think it's a save the date and inside put a letter saying why they suck.
from hungry-hippo :
Hey girl, just wanted to pop in here to say that I was glad to see your update and that Max is doing better (you know he must be feeling better if he's back to eating turds again!) Not so happy to see how stressed you are with everything. Maybe try to take some time to get a massage or do something else soothing for you? I know exactly how it can get, all tunnel-vision with stress, so I'm not exactly practicing what I preach (what? b/p isn't the same as a massage?) but hey, thought I'd throw it out there. :) So psyched to see you tonight btw! I have a big hug waiting for you. xoxo
from raygirl999 :
Darnit as mad as I am, i hate to leave my lovely friends. I've moved to LJ for a while (http://raygirl999.livejournal.com/) but you know I'll be back. I'm honestly surprised I got so upset. I guess my buttons were ripe to be pushed :-(
from jasminum :
:( I'm so sorry about your meanie. That fucking bites. I hope he's comfy...and I'm sure he's getting loved up more than ever. Thinking about you guys. Especially during this crazy time for you.
from vla :
limes, I'm so, so sorry about max. I hope he stays healthy for a long time. I'm thinking about you and max, who I've loved from afar for as long as I've read you. Please keep us posted. xoxoxox.
from thebeesknees :
so sorry about your baby dog. fingers crossed that he'll hang in relatively healthily for a long while longer than expected. xo.
from raygirl999 :
So awesome! Congrats again!
from captvfirefly :
YAY! I know I said my congratulations elsewhere, but seriously, I am SO HAPPY for you! :)
from smallhanded :
wait, are you MARRIED now???? What is going on. You need to update. We are all dying here..... Seriously, I hope Italy is amazing and that you are getting everything you want. xoxo
from vla :
UPDATE!
from hungry-hippo :
Whoa, back it up just a second. Did I miss something? It is official now? We are all confused. RECAP! Oh, P.S. congrats, too! :)
from raygirl999 :
Congrats that is so awesome!!!
from vla :
omg, yay! congrats, girl. :)
from thebeesknees :
whaaat? it's on? good luck! can't wait to hear about it after the fact. now go enjoy your vacation, lady.
from vla :
giiirl, are u going to beat me down the aisle?!
from vla :
ok, that video was hilarious. "How many can I take *right now*." And also, Rob's guy friends email each other like 100 dumb things a day, so I don't know if that video link necessarily is connected to your argument... Just a thought. I could see his friend just randomly sending that to him. Glad things are somewhat better. And and: Aleve never touches my headaches at all. Works awesomely for cramps, but for headaches, it does nothing in my opinion! I use ibuprofen for headaches. (because I'm sure you care what I use. hahah)
from xo-liesl :
cellar door. Thanks for the note! Can I have the magic word to your secret kingdom too? xo.liesl at gee mail dot com... xo -L
from vla :
I actually have more to add to this! hee. I got my wedding band + rob got his wedding band at a ring store in Brentwood called Peter Norman. It's kinda $, but we know a girl who works there--Her name is Courtney and if you go there drop our names. She designed my band to go with my weirdly shaped engagement ring and it turned out soooo beautiful! They have gorgeous stuff there. I was drooling all over and imagining a rich future where R bought be anniversary gifts there... anyway, it's another great place to check out. small but very good service, quality.
from vla :
heeeeeeey! ring shopping! so. I was like you regarding ring shopping. I looked around online trying to find a good, non-cheesy, interesting place in LA and hit on this place: http://www.claudemorady.com/. that is where I got my engagement ring. claude is a super nice guy. If you check it out, please tell him I recommended him! he had gorgeous rings, all unique, vintage stuff. And he was super nice about re-sizing my ring a million times because I kept changing my mind about the fit. We also checked out the jewelry district downtown, but I was so overwhelmed by that. we went back to Claude Morady and bought my engagement ring. I love it. :)
from thebeesknees :
Was it Keats or Yeats who said: WHAT A CUNT.
from vla :
First of all, her name is totally my LEAST favorite girl name ever and every time you write it I semi-cringe. ugh. I can't understand why she doesn't get the f'ing hint. I think your boy is really working hard to have you trust him and be open and he recognizes that's really important to you. I think he seems like such a good guy, limes. Also, about the guy from the past pining and stuff. I think when people are stuck and unhappy then tend to look at the past with rose colored glasses, not even really seeing it clearly anymore, just romanticizing it, you know? Honestly, you can't let miss Bad Name affect you, your relationship, or your future. Just enjoy your relationship & neither of you will have a reason to pine over past loves, you know? I think guys are pretty simple that way, actually. If he is happy with you, he won't be thinking about her or any one else.
from smallhanded :
you're welcome. xx
from hungry-hippo :
Yeah, natch is short for naturally. I totally had to ask someone the first time I saw it too. Anyway, I LOVE your dance classes! I was so happy when I read how much you liked it and how motivated you are with it. SO much better than a purse. :)
from smallhanded :
I am not an editor or anything but I'm pretty sure natch = naturally. Also, I kind of agree with you about not moving in with Matt. David and I were together for five years and we only moved in together about a month before we ended up getting engaged. I didn't know for sure engagement was going to happen but it was pretty definite. I just thought -- ugh, if we break up, I really don't want to have to deal with someone moving out, etc. so I want to keep our own places until we know for sure. I think you can say something like that to Matt if you don't want to make it an ultimatum. And D and I ended up getting a new place together before we got married which I think can be a really great step. Even though I still miss my first apartment tons.
from thebeesknees :
My mom will be dead 3 years on October 8, and I still occasionally feel very sad and weepy about it. Regarding the "doesn't seem real" aspect of it, that persists. Just yesterday I was walking to get lunch and was thinking about it and just thought "that seems totally impossible that she is dead," and I've had far more time to deal with it. I think you are dealing with it wonderfully, given the very short amount of time you've had. There's no "right" way to feel, and if you feel weepy about it in five/ten/twenty years, then so be it, that's what you need to deal with it, and it's totally fine. I'm really sorry you had to go through all of it, and I'm sure it's much harder considering the relationship you have with your mom. xoxo.
from raygirl999 :
Hi. I actually live in San Antonio so I know how bored you must be haha. Did you at least miss the 100+ weather? It seems to be cooler now because of the rain.
from schmez :
Hey! It's schmez, wildyouth. I think. Lemme check. Yep, that's it. :-)
from smallhanded :
No! I don't think you have to run. It is totally normal that he would still be dealing with some stuff with her. But I think you can tell him you feel like he has been acting a little strange and you just want to check in about where you guys stand, that you don't want to get hurt, pursue this relationship if it isn't going to go anywhere (without laying down a marriage ultimatum!!). It was different, of course, but I remember early in my relationship with D, I told him I couldn't go out with him because he was 5+ years younger and I just didn't want to have another long relationship that ended and I didn't see him getting serious at such a young age. So it wasn't like I was saying, "We have to get engaged tomorrow" but just that I didn't want to do it if there wasn't some possibility that we'd be together forever. Does that make sense? It is way too early for you guys to be talking marriage -- especially with what Matt just got out of. But I think you can check in on where he's at, where his head is regarding you and Courtney, etc. But I wouldn't just run away from it. He can still have lingering feelings/regrets/thoughts about his ex and be with you. I think that is totally normal. I *still* think about one or two of my exes all the time even though I am 100% with and in love with D. Hope this helps.
from theotherman :
oh, yeah, i totally was pissed and venting... i guess it didn't make much sense. i updated with details (sorta!)
from theotherman :
yeah... you are totally right. i did do that. we have had more than one long talk about it and about how my actions to him should show him how i feel. how getting a divorce is totally not easy so i wouldn't have done it if i wasn't sure, etc. then he always says....you are so right, you are awesome, i'm just thinking stupid, etc, etc... and then it comes up again. that's why i get annoyed. bleh. i think eventually it will work itself out (i hope?). but yes, i love the advice and i know you are so right!
from vla :
also: TONS of water & greens. like spinach, etc. seriously.
from vla :
a couple things: seriously thank god for therapy! I also feel a lot better today. I also use DL for a place to dump the crazy. I feel bad for readers sometimes, like, um. sorry guys... Ok, poop. I have a solution for you but it is kind of intense/expensive. colonics.
from theotherman :
yeah... i'm pretty sure he was/is just trying to piss me off... ugh. he's an idiot! thanks so much for backing me up on the "it's just too early" thing... i needed to hear that i'm not out of it for thinking that.
from thebeesknees :
okay, here's the story. go to your local drug store and pick up fiber supplement capsules. if you take a couple of them each day, it will get you pooping, and not in some heinous, painful, extreme way. it'll just even things out for you. if you want some painful, horrifying all-out cleansing situation, you can also pick up the stuff that they make people who are going to have a colonoscopy take the day before to clean out their system entirely...but i would recommend against that unless you've got a few solitary days. from what i hear, you can be in near-diaper territory from all of the "water" involved in that process.
from hungry-hippo :
Thanks for the Nick advice, yes, way less pressure going in to this visit but of course I can manage to create guilt anyway! Yay for guilt and shame! Aaaaaanyway... loving on the Matt entries, but good to keep some time for yourself and recoup -- that will definitely be good for both of you. Now all you have to do is get your shit together. HA! Sorry. Couldn't help it.
from vla :
I'm reeeaaaaaaaaallly happy for you. :)
from theotherman :
when i have the backing-up problem some red wine ALWAYS does the trick for me... a glass or two and the next day my system's clear! good luck!
from hungry-hippo :
Hey lady. SO HAPPY about this Matt thing. As you know I've been a bit distracted lately so haven't been following the blog since the "adam answers the questions" entry. Holy cow so much has happened! BUt I am happy happy so so happy. I can't think of anyone who desevers happiness more. And he's hot, I saw on FB. :) Stop stalking the FB of his other gfs though, you are hot enough for him, hotter than all of them when you put together the whole pacakage, that is why you are perfect for him. He could be with them if he wanted and he chose you. And vice versa. And that you have to believe even though it seems stupid and incredible on his part (to you) since your self esteem is totally crap. :) Loves!
from smallhanded :
Don't drink and drive! (I can't help myself... I am a mom, you know.)
from thebeesknees :
you do deserve it, and i couldn't be more pleased to hear that this is working out. i am particularly happy that you have a nice boy around while adam pulls all of his shenanigans, to help put his behavior in perspective.
from smallhanded :
I am just so happy for you. You really do deserve to be happy and I hope this works out. I hope I hope I hope soooo much. Also, for whatever it is worth, my mom thinks rich guys are often assholes and guys with less are nicer and don't think they are entitled to the world, etc. It is a huge generalization, of course, but often true. I remind myself of that and how lucky I am to have a truly nice, kind guy when I despair too much about his lack of family money or whatever. Other things are so much more important in the long run and to your happiness. xoxo
from captvfirefly :
You DO deserve to be happy, and I'm so glad you are! :)
from smallhanded :
I just wanted to say that I love you for updating so much and I am so excited for you, that you've moved on from Adam and just everything. Hope you have a great weekend. xoxo
from bettyford :
you remind me of me because i've never ever been single. not since age 18, at least. one would start before the other one ended, you know? but let me just say this (even though i have no right to do so) even though adam was a douche bag, you still were a little fucked up about shit too, right? jumping from person to person has sort of made me realize that even though things ended with someone and the new relationship was all warm and fuzzy and the best thing ever, but when enough time passed and the relationship required work, i did the same type of crazy fucked up shit i had done in all of my relationships before. i've never had the chance to deal with my own "issues" because i'm always dealing with relationship "issues". matt seems like a really good guy but i wouldn't jump right in, you know? and he deserves honesty, not just because he is a decent dude, but also because adam was a liar and you are so much better than that lying fuck hole. good people are honest. if you date around, take time being single, and spend time alone with yourself and matt was meant to be, then he'll be there when the time is right. maybe i'm wrong and this is all bullshit, but have you even had the chance to fully grieve for the loss of your father? i dunno, i love you and i want you to be happy and i hope that i am not out of line or have crossed any boundaries that i shouldn't have. that is all.
from vla :
just tell him the truth, that's my vote!
from vla :
so, so awesome what you are doing right now. so proud of you. it is seriously great. but here is one thing: whatever you do, get two hotel rooms on that trip. like, seriously, it is non-negotiable. i know you need to keep that job, keep the peace, keep it friendly, and that is even more a reason to get two bedrooms. don't play games with him, with yourself or your heart. just make it easier on yourself now and make that break, you know? two rooms!
from hungry-hippo :
Haha so glad you are kissing and having fun. You know I am in support of the 6'5 blonde guy! Yum-o. I know it is probably still tough at times but I'm glad to hear you are coming out of it and finding joy in life again. :) You deserve it.
from bettyford :
yeah, we were going to see slum dog but i was like, "i'm in the mood for something light." bad idea jeans, man. but now at least i *know* and hope that it'll help me let go. of course that hasn't happened as of yet. also wanted to let you know - i was looking through your FB pics and you are beautiful. seriously.
from captvfirefly :
L, don't be so hard on yourself. Like Catherine said, it's HIM, not you! I know it all hurts so much - especially when you feel so duped (which was the result of his psychopathic behavior, not anything to do with you) - but it WILL get better; it takes a little time. At least you have good friends and Ginger, and look! Bill responded to your email (which I thought was great, and I'm glad you sent it)! Adam is just a douchebag - try not to let him keep getting you down. He's NOT supportive and he's NOT your friend, and as much as it sucks to realize all of this at such a bad time, at least he showed you now rather than if you were legally bound to him in marriage. The right person WILL come around, it just might take a little while .. you're not really ready at the moment. But when you are, I know it will happen. You are an amazing, beautiful, intelligent, fun, loving person who deserves nothing but the best. Adam was lucky to have had you at all. But, he fucked it all up - NOT YOU. By the way? We aren't pitying you. I, for one, just feel bad that you got hurt and that he treated you like shit. But it's not pity, it's just concern for a friend. Seriously, it will get better. And? We all do stupid stuff after a breakup, especially if alcohol is involved. It will be OK. (((hugs)))
from theotherman :
i have been reading, but i'm sorry i don't have great ideas or witty stuff to say. i do hope all gets better and easier.... and i love you are getting yourself back out there... as you know this is just my style! heh. good luck girl!
from hungry-hippo :
I've been reading and I am so sad about the hurt you are going through. We have all been through this at one point or another and it sucks. Adam clearly knows he has a problem but we all know that insight is one thing and change is another. And he clearly has not been willing to change, to grapple with the problem to save the relationship. But that is not the issue. It is natural for you to feel rejected and not good enough but it is HIM that is not good enough. I know that sounds supercheesy but it is true. You know what you gave and what you didn't get. It is so shit that you were dealt this double blow, too. I think maybe your father's death -- a VERY difficult time when a strong relationship would be a support -- just showed the weaknesses even more painfully and clearly for both of you. He couldn't be there for you because he knew he was lying to you all the time. And you obviously knew something was fucked up because his behavior was not how a loving bf should behave. Ugh, so so useless, everything I writing. Nothing will make you feel better except time and pep talks pep talks pep talks from people who love you and value you and want to help you grow strong again. You have those people, so lean on them now. We are all there to hold you up for a while. xo Hip
from captvfirefly :
Yes, he is a bad guy, and probably has more going on under the surface. But, that doesn't matter now because you know enough to know that he's a bad guy and it's over. Of course it hurts, Limes! I mean, you wouldn't be human if it didn't hurt at least a little. You thought you had the real thing with him, and he went and fucked it up. Don't beat yourself up! Wouldn't it be worse if you never let anyone in and never took any chances? So, don't blame yourself for overlooking things - you wanted to believe in him and that's OK. It always seems that when a relationship is over, we as women always blame ourselves and feel like we were too trusting and didn't do enough, etc., etc.. But fuck that! You are human and cared about him, and this isn't about you screwing up with him. He is a hot mess, and unfortunately you got caught in the crossfire. I wish I could help make the pain go away. :( Just knowing that he doesn't deserve you should help keep you strong enough to get through this awkward post-breakup stage until you can grieve and get over his sorry ass. ((hugs))
from vla :
I think he is one of those poor self esteem boys who needs constant attention/validation from the opposite sex. Even if he did care for you, which I am sure he did, it seems like he's never dealt with that issue. and seems to not really want to deal with it... so yeah. who cares if he cares for you, right? that doesn't make a relationship. he probably sabotages allll his relationships. one thought, since emily is a friend of yours, could you ever call her out on it? like, fake-nicely just to see what she would say? eh. probably a bad idea, but i would be curious to see, i think. more importantly, you should just focus on yourself. take care of yourself and get yee out of that apartment/job. you can do it and i am sure you will feel SO much better when it is done.
from captvfirefly :
Oh. My. GOD. Limes, I am so very sorry to hear about Adam. What a fucking scumbag!! At least you found out before you went out of the country for 6 months with him, but still. He did all this while you were grieving for your dad?!? There is NO excuse for that. None. That makes him the lowest of the low. And that he didn't even TRY to defend himself? It doesn't matter if he actually acted on all of these texts and calls - the fact that he has been obsessively texting/calling them is enough to condemn him. And I'd tell that Emily chick to find another place to shack up while he's in Australia - you don't need her in YOUR space any more! Gah. You don't need proof - your gut never lies, and you knew something was shady with him. But, we like to see the best in people and you gave him the benefit of the doubt (because you are a good person). He no longer deserves that. Fucking asshole. Grr. You can and WILL find someone who actually deserves you. ((hugs))
from hungry-hippo :
Yo, I totally got that feeling that they were too close, but that is why I thought they were related. Because they were too close to be friends and I thought how could they possibly be anything else right under Limes' nose... omg I am so sorry. This is so shit. I never said Adam was a saint, btw. I said he came across nice. But you warned me about that appearance, didn't you... Shit girl. But better that you know now before 6 weeks in Australia. You can use those six weeks to figure your shit out. In fact it'd be better if you rescinded the Emily staying at your place offer so you had a home base to find a new apt and boyf. Also I did not know you used botox? I was thinking about filler for this annoy;ing wrinkle in my forehead no one else notices. Like restylane? Did you notice the wrinkle in my forehead? Sorry, it is not about me right now. I'm really sorry this happened but not sorry b/c you knew he was shady and better now than later, right? Big love, girl. You are better than this.
from vla :
oooo shit! did he want you to catch him or something? eh, whatever. fuck him. you're so much better off without him. and do you have the name of a good botox guy? hee. ;)
from hungry-hippo :
OMG Limes, I hadn't read in a while and I just caught up and I am so sorry about your father. Wow. How utterly awful for you; I wish I could give you a hug or whatever nice thing that would be appropriate and possible... I don't know I am just babbling now and messing up the condolences. I feel also bad that I have been pestering your email and FB when you have had all this shit going on. :(
from smallhanded :
Hi. Just catching up but wait, what? Broken up or no? I'm so confused. I don't want to say fuck him he didn't deserve you and really sucks if he couldn't be there for you at a time like this if you guys are back together. Because maybe you and he are both trying and anything is possible. Truly. But do NOT settle for less than what you deserve in everything. xoxo
from thebeesknees :
like everyone else, i'm mostly sorry that this relationship didn't work out for you. however, also like everyone else, i think that you've now seen his true colors and as hard as it is to totally split (particularly right now), it will be the best decision in the long run. hang in there (insert kitten poster here).
from vla :
i'm so sorry, sweetie. but I agree, if he can't be there for you now, that says *so* much about the person he is. take care. xoxoxo
from captvfirefly :
Also, I agree with bettyford - it takes a fuckload of courage to end a relationship. Kudos to you, lady.
from captvfirefly :
Well, shit. I'm so sorry that things didn't work out. As unfortunate as it is, at least you found out now that he can't be supportive in a time of need than later on (like, say, after you got legally married). I know it's not going to be easy, and I know you're sad about your dad, but maybe this is for the best? A new start to find someone who WILL be supportive and there when you need them and won't resort to being a crumpled paper product. ((hugs))
from bettyford :
it's locked to him. you and adam finally over, huh? probs hurts more than you thought because you've just lost your father. you've ended it though and you know what? that takes a fuck load of courage that a lot of people don't have. like myself. thinking of you. xoxoxo
from bettyford :
limes, i never wrote how sorry i was for you about your pops, so i'm sorry. Okay, your biggest organ is your skin, right? So unless you're using totally natural cosmetics, you are putting toxins right back into your body when you use them.
from captvfirefly :
I totally agree with everything smallhanded wrote. Seriously. This is not the time for him to be petty; if he can't support you when you really need it (even if he has his own shit to deal with... and it sounds like he will ALWAYS have his own shit to deal with), then that speaks volumes about the future (or lack thereof) of your relationship. I KNOW you will be able to find another job AND another man. Also? Relationships don't take work. BAD relationships take work. GOOD relationships require only the refusal to take one another for granted and the occasional superficial compromise (superficial like "Ok, I'll go to that restaurant if you go to that movie with me" kind of thing). A relationship should never require you to compromise your values, your health, your passions and interests, your goals, your self, or your sanity. Take note of that last thing, my dear. Take care of you. ((hugs))
from smallhanded :
I am really sorry that Adam is being such a loser. I have always advocated that you guys can work things out but now I think fuck him. Your dad just died. If he can't just be there for you at this time and do whatever the fuck you want him to do and be the best best person in the entire world, forget it. Get out now. Don't delay. You will find another job and a great guy. Don't stay because you feel trapped. Sending you lots of love. xoxo
from thebeesknees :
It totally makes me feel sick that he can't be there for you, and just be a good guy, at this very hard time for you. I cannot even imagine how awful it is to have to deal with this stress on top of all of the stress of losing your dad, and it blows my mind that he is being such an arrogant, self-centered a-hole right now.
from vla :
i ttl agree he should be attentive and easy on you now, of allll times. i get mad at him just reading this!!
from thebeesknees :
Don't beat yourself up for "letting go" with the food/drinking stuff while you're in New Orleans. Things aren't "normal" now, and won't be for a while, and you just need to let yourself try to relax and have as good a time as you can under the circumstances. You can worry about that stuff once you're back into your schedule back home, but seriously...for now, just do what you want, you know? Hope you have fun, and a safe trip back home...and give your pup a big kiss. xoxo.
from smallhanded :
So now I'm all caught up and I'm sitting here crying. You are so eloquent in the earlier entries when your dad had just died. I'm so sorry for your loss. I just wanted you to know that. And I am just hoping that things with Adam are going well and that you are doing okay. Hang in there. Sending you lots of love. There's nothing I can say that will feel adequate but just know you've got lots of love and good thoughts coming your way from NYC. xoxo
from theotherman :
oh, i went to haloscan.com to get it and i just pasted it in my "change template" thing.... but i'm havign a hell of a time with it. like, it's not showing me my msgs... i didn't know i had them until way later. i'm not liking it. i gotta search for something better, i think.
from smallhanded :
Oh no! My heart is breaking. I just got back from vacation with the family and read your diary. I'm so sorry, Lisa. I haven't gotten fully caught up yet but I had to just write and let you know I'm thinking of you and sending lots of love. xoxo
from thebeesknees :
Funeral was much the same way for me. Going through the motions and doing the "right" things, finding that your dearly departed looks like a convincing but ultimately poor wax figure to an extent that's off-putting, etc. Glad you seem to be getting through it alright right now. It's going to be incredibly sad and surreal for a long while, so might as well get through the "social" part of it as well as you can. Is Adam there? I hope so, and I hope he's providing you with great support.
from vla :
limes, I am so sorry about your dad. your post made me cry, just so sweet. I hope you're doing ok. xo.
from theotherman :
oh my god, girl. i'm so sorry. this entry made me cry so much because i'm sad for you, but also happy that he left you with so many things that show how much he loves you. i wish you the best through this time and i just can't tell you enough how sorry i am for you...
from captvfirefly :
Oh Limes, I am so very sorry to hear about your dad. I know there's nothing anyone can really say right now to make you feel better, but please know you are in my thoughts. It's good that you were able to be there, even though sometimes it still doesn't seem real. It won't, for a long time. Hell, it still doesn't seem real for me sometimes even though I was there to watch it. Anyway, please know that you have a lot of friends that are here if you need anything. ((((Big Hugs)))))
from thebeesknees :
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Having gone through the same thing not too long ago, I know that there's nothing I can really say, other than that you are in my thoughts. xoxo.
from raygirl999 :
Oh Limes I am so sorry about your Dad. It is heartbreaking. I am glad you were able to spend time with him before the end and that you and his wife came to terms a bit before he passed. He obviously loved you more than anything or anyone and being with you made him happier than he would have been elsewhere I believe. Take care.
from smallhanded :
I think it's great that you guys are trying to work on things and I don't think there is anything wrong with Adam's list. It is harder for some than for others to do something like this and he is obviously really trying so give him some credit. Actually the thing that worries me the most is how homesick he is. I know you guys have a sort of plan to move to Australia eventually. You really need to think about whether that is something you truly can and want to do. It is so far away and it really is hard to move countries. I know quite a few people who have done it and the homesickness can be terrible. On the other hand, it is an amazing opportunity -- so cool and fun. But Australia is very very far away. It isn't even like moving to London or something. It is FAR. Thinking of you and your dad lots. xoxo
from captvfirefly :
I'm not sure how I feel about his response. I mean, I think you're absolutely correct at the end where you say he doesn't know HOW to discuss important issues with a mate. And while I'd like to cut him some slack, the bitchy side of me thinks, "Um, he's an adult, why does Limes have to train this guy how to act??" Ok, ok. He does make some good points, but I don't like how he put "I want to be happy" on his list. YOU are not responsible for HIS happiness. I mean, we all want to be happy, but by including it in his list, it's almost as if he's pinning that responsibility on you. Maybe I'm wrong, but I didn't like that on his list. And I didn't like how he started off by saying that you should consider the context of your relationship. Whether or not you two work together doesn't negate the fact that you have issues with your relationship that need working on, so I feel like that's a big cop-out. I understand that lines can get blurred (like he said) when it comes to work, but as your boss, and as a boyfriend, he should be able to help you set up clear boundaries. He's obviously not good at boundaries and separating things. But, I'm not trying to be negative ... it sounded like he's trying to be more open with you. I worry that he just doesn't get it, and that he won't ever get it. For your sake though, I hope he does. I thought your list was very concise and that you were careful not to sling accusations or make any harsh demands. Hopefully he will respond to your level headed approach!! Good luck!
from thebeesknees :
just caught up and wanted to write a quick note to say that you and your dad are in my thoughts. i'm so sorry you are both having to go through this, and even more so at this time of year. xoxo.
from vla :
hey limey, thinking about you. it's rainy in la... I'm so sorry you guys are in the hospital. this must be so hard for you. take care and don't worry too too much about work right now.
from captvfirefly :
Oh Limes, I am thinking about you and your dad. I hate hospitals, but I hope they can heal him. My dad was so afraid of the ventilator because he knew that if they put him on it he'd never come off. :( I hope that's not the case with yours! And I'm glad you and Debra seemed to come to an understanding.. it's times like this that some people can be even flakier than usual, but at least you two have found some common ground. (((hugs)))
from vla :
first off, I am so sorry about your dad. it is not fair and it makes me hurt for you. and of course you still get to think about yourself. that is not selfish and it is normal and healthy. and the stuff about relating to my last post: thanks. that helps me actually--to just think i am not alone in those issues. i know the answer is not to leave a good relationship over this stuff... but it is so hard. but as you said, the alternative is to live life isolated. which, gah. who wants that really?
from captvfirefly :
We are so alike in so many ways it just kills me. I did the same thing with relationships - spent a lot of time protecting myself and judging and setting people up for failure. YEARS I spent doing that. But you know? They weren't right for me anyway. It all finally just clicked recently because I think I finally found the right one. So, maybe if you met the right one, it wouldn't be so hard? There is a fantastic book you should read - "Are You The One For Me?" By Barbara De Angelis. Seriously. Read it. Opened my eyes to a TON of stuff that I didn't even realize I was doing. I think it would help you sort out everything that's going on with Adam. Also, as far as your dad goes ... L, it's NOT fair. None of it. And I know how you feel. It hasn't even been a year yet since my dad died, and the thoughts that he won't see my niece grow up, or me happy in a relationship, or any other life events that I'd WANT him to see... it just kills me. And the sad thing is, I didn't even have any time to tell him everything or to ask him everything I wanted to. But even if I'd had the chance, I'd have been so caught up in him being sick and stuff that I probably wouldn't have. It's never easy, and I understand how you feel. The stress, pain, frustration, sadness - all of it. Just try to take care of you; your dad will understand. My thoughts are with you and your dad!
from theotherman :
hey.... yes... cat gives good advice... look at my situation for a great example. i was sick of being sad, lonely, sick of the scene, etc. married someone who i knew deep inside i should not.... funny, HE didn't have cold feet before our wedding, but i sure did!!! anyway, look where it has lead. :o/ i'm sorry things are rough and i sure do hope they work out. it does sound like when this work crap settles a bit and you and adam have some alone time it will help. the trip away from the situation was prob good for you guys, too? i don't have much time to comment often, but i have been reading and also sending lots of well wishes your dad's way.
from smallhanded :
Hi. I've been gone but I'm back and all caught up with you and I'm glad you are going to Birmingham to see your friends. Of course you should. Your dad will definitely understand. sorry for all the shit you've been through but it sounds like you are in a better place now. You and adam can work this out, I think. But stay strong and say what you need. Sending good thoughts your dad's way. xoxo
from vla :
omfg. that story about your friend em's bf! holy shit! she better not ever take that loser back. also, he was ttl on drugs. ALSO, did you see a new season of Bad Girls Club is starting! yaaaaaaay. xo.
from thebeesknees :
1) Definitely go see your friends. Your dad will understand, and he will probably enjoy having a little time to himself as well. 2) I felt the same anxiety when I was home visiting my mom the last time when she was really sick. It's really stressful and she was in a horrible mood and being AWFUL to my dad and I, and it's just...really, really hard. I'm only sharing this so that you don't feel guilty about being stressed and ready to leave.
from captvfirefly :
I second vla - you need to go see your friends. You HAVE to have down time - you can't just be stressed out about your dad the whole time. I have no doubt he will understand. So go, have fun!!
from vla :
aw, go see your friends and have some wine and laughs. your dad will understand. you need it.
from hungry-hippo :
Also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults
from hungry-hippo :
I just read your toronto entry. OMFG. You need to not be with him anymore; that is just the worst thing I have heard. Even if you were in a fight beforehand (which you weren't even) something scary like that erases everything. You can't be with someone who treats you like this and makes you feel so angry all the time. This coming from the girl who dated Mike. But for reals.
from captvfirefly :
I'm still here reading, I just don't have any good advice for you. :( I know how stressful it is to watch your dad, who you love more than anything, be sick and on deaths door. Trust me, I do. All I can say is that I know you will be so glad that you've spent the time you have with him, and that he knows you're there and can interact with you. If his doctors really think this is it, perhaps this would be a good time to say your goodbyes and ask him any questions you have? I know that's a morbid thought, but there is so much I wish I could have asked my dad if I had only known he wasn't going to be around to ask later. Anyway, as for Adam, well, I guess when you see each other again, hopefully you can really talk and hash things out. However, I am pissed as hell that he hasn't been supportive of you in this situation. I mean, so what if you accidentally hurt his laptop - he has an assistant, doesn't he? Have her get it fixed! There are plenty of things he could be doing to fix his situation, but he'd not doing them, which is not your problem (even though he's making it your problem). I dunno. Obviously there were many reasons why you two got together, and those of us who are reading don't know all of the ins-and-outs of your relationship, but man. Something has got to give. I hope you're OK. I've been sending all kinds of healing, healthy vibes towards your dad (and you!).
from vla :
so glad your dad is doing ok! about adam, i think we pick people to sort of push our buttons and work out our past issues, so maybe it makes sense that if you have trust issues, you would pick someone who is somewhat untrustworthy. I kept thinking that while reading your entry...
from vla :
limes, I am so sorry about your dad. so, so sorry. I totally have hugs for you... please let me know if you need anything.
from captvfirefly :
Oh my god, Limes, I can't believe the news about your dad. :( I am so very glad that they were able to revive him and that you can go see him. I know what it's like to lose a dad (it hasn't even been a year yet), so I can only imagine how you're feeling. And fuck Adam for being such a dick and uncaring. It will all work out with you two, but maybe it is time to do your own thing now. I'm sending many good vibes to you and your dad. ((hugs))
from thebeesknees :
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, but so glad they were able to get him back. Even sorrier to hear about the way you were treated in that awful situation, having been provided with no support at all. Is there something about family stress that he can't deal with based on his own experience, or is he just that self-absorbed? Either way, I agree it's totally unacceptable. xoxo.
from raygirl999 :
I knew you would have something to say about that crazy Ashley Todd chick. I am voting for Obama tomorrow, so excited! Not even crazy McCain chicks can keep us down this year!
from vla :
Ha-ha. I knew you would know that quote! You're sick in the head like I am sick in the head. And since you LOVE Lacy so much, you will appreciate this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-QQu2MBqMI.
from captvfirefly :
I totally agree with vla. I mean, I would go CRAZY if I had to work with my significant other day in and day out. Especially when you work from home, which adds another crazy element. People think it's great to work from home, but when you do that all the time, it loses it's luster. Anyway, yeah, is there any way you could get a different job? Something that gives you and Adam space? Because seriously, you're going to end up hating each other all the time (and not just the times when you're in a bad mood). I wish I had some better advice because I wouldn't want to try to find another job in this shitty economy, but man. You're dealing with so much stress and animosity and that can't be good. :( What does your therapist say? I hope it gets better!!
from vla :
I cannot imagine imagine working with my b.f. like, that seems like WAY too much togetherness. just living with someone can be too much togetherness. i think that could kill a rela. maybe figure a way to get out of that situation? like, you could transition into another job? I know this has been easy for you in some ways, but it does not seem worth it, ya know? if it's making you hate your boyfriend, it is not worth it. I know for me, when we moved here, and rob was working more and I saw him less, i started to like him *more* because I was given a chance to miss him during the day... that really helps a relationship, i think. anyway. xo.
from theotherman :
#1- i'm so sorry about your dad. xoxoxoxo. i know words can't help, but i am soooo sorry for you. #2- i just logged in to write the exact same type of entry. so weird. i'm not going to now b/c reading your just made me feel a bit better!! hus NEVER EVER EVER EVER goes anywhere without me. drives me mad. i wanna be in the quiet house BY MYSELF! i hear ya!
from vla :
limes! how is your dad doing? are you still in bama? also, cos school is expensive. unfortunately! I am trying to get a loan... oh and SO WEIRD about the allergies! I seriously hope mine go away too. this sucks.
from thebeesknees :
Sorry to hear your dad's not doing well. It's so hard to see a parent going downhill like that. Hope your trip home is okay despite all of that.
from smallhanded :
Hey, I miswrote. All the former Hillary supporters we spoke to are voting for Obama (though some are really disappointed). They did give us some literature on Obama's positions but, I think the most important thing was just trying to relate to people. We didn't encouter that many independents but, when we did, we just asked what issues were most important to them in the election and then try to articulate Obama's positions and why he was the better candidate. But we didn't have to do this much. We met many more sad Hillary supporters and Susan would always tell them that she also voted for Hillary in the primary but thought that it was really important now to get behind Barack. And they pretty much agreed. I think whenever you can just speak personally it is more meaningful than regurgitating the script they give you. And honestly, I am not familiar enough with the ins and outs of Obama's positions to articulate them effectively. So more we would give out a little pamphlet that we had. But, again, there was only 1 or 2 undecided people we met. The McCain people were really nasty and there is no attempt to persuade them anyway. They basically tell you to just get out of there if someone says they are definintely voting for McCain. The campaign is targeting people they can win over or count on. Not trying to convert people whose minds are made up. It may be harder or different in Alabama because it is a pretty staunchly red state whereas PA is really mixed. But I have never been to Alabama so I don't know. And I think you will feel good getting out and doing this. Or you can also volunteer specifically to register voters which I imagine would be really satisfying. Although it may be too late by the time you get home. I think October 9 is the last day to register in PA. I don't know if it is the same everywhere. I am the last person to ever do something like this and it was a really meaningful experience to me. I just may become a political activist. Seriously, if - god forbid - the election doesn't go our way, I will probably be marching on Washington every other weekend. xoxo
from theotherman :
you are so right about my dad. i think he actually IS NOT gonna vote for the first time in his life b/c he doesn't like the repub side of things. he's a dem and has been his whole life... got me and my brothers very into politics. he's just a dumb old-schooler. it's too bad.
from vla :
omg, hee. i laughed about the metro. rob and i are like, um. are we doing a weird thing? with the whole metro bizness. also, it's kind of on the honor system here. like, la does not have turnstiles.... so weird. so you buy a ticket and then just kinda walk through. buy no one is there to make sure you *have* a ticket or anything. I dunno. it's weird! but, i take it downtown. it goes all over. kind of. hollywood, downtown, beach area- well, like to manhattan beach-ish area. and other places. i will report back! thanks for the insurance broker offer. i spoke to one already & she is who told me i was not coverable because of the topamax, which is a migraine medication. but maybe I should talk to someone else? maybe email me her info. you have my email, right? also. i ttl agree about what you said regarding rob. of course mainly i do not think rob is weak at all. at all. i mean, he is waaay capable and i tell him that a lot. he does more stuff for me than anyone has in my entire life. it is definitely my issue. it pops up. it is annoying. it is mine. *sigh* anyway. hi! also, i cannot fucking imagine if rob and i had to work together. like, seriously. i mean, he and i are a pretty good team in terms of getting things accomplished without killing each other, but still. dood. there is a limit! so. yeah, wow. you should give yourself some major credit for what you do on a daily basis with living, loving and working with your boy...
from smallhanded :
Go here and you should be able to get information about working for BO in Alabama when you are there: http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/alhome I think I am going to meet a field organizer when I get to PA and they are going to give us information about what to do/where to go. You aren't just on your own. I think the more you can read up on Obama's positions, the better you will be to answer the stupid fuckers. But, the truth is, the facts are so clear and so obvious that I think you probably already know enough to be effective. I'll let you know after the weekend what I experience. Please please please get out and do whatever you can. (If you sign up on mybarackobama.com you can even get phone numbers of people in any state you want and make calls from your home but I don't know how effective this ends up being since I basically always hang up on people who call me at home like that.) There is a great article (that helped me yesterday when I was truly despairing) on the Huffington Post about why Dems don't need to freak out. One of the things it said is particularly huge and inspires me for my work this weekend: One key aspect of the "iceberg" issue is that we see polls and ads and stories in the media, but we do not see the "ground game". This term refers to state-based field offices, volunteer forces and other efforts to register new voters, keep enthusiasm high, and encourage them to actually get out and vote on November 4th. Obama's people have made this part of the campaign a huge priority, because this is what it is really all about: votes. Consider some recent figures from the Swing State Project, showing the following changes in voter registration in some key states: * Colorado: Went from a 165,423 registration advantage for Republicans in 2006, to only 110,806 so far in 2008. * Florida: From a 283,856 Democratic advantage to a 465,617 advantage. * Iowa: From an 18,195 Democratic advantage to a 99,014 advantage. * Nevada: From 15,309 Democratic to 76,053. * Pennsylvania: From 599,791 Democratic to 1,111,900! These are huge, huge numbers and if there's a campaign that's worried about them, it's probably not Obama's.
from raygirl999 :
Honey you are fab. As a female black voter the media has said that caucasian female voters will never vote for Barack; they only want Hilary (and now...ewww the moose hunter)When i know for a fact that isn't true. They are trying to make a new cultural war between us. But as the misconceptions spread, hope dies. You keep speaking out and representing hope and change in America. We can do this: YES WE CAN! And I am glad you put your foot down about having "me time" you work hard and have earned it. Rock on sister!
from smallhanded :
I am right there with you, sister. In fact, I am going to PA this weekend to work for Barack, register voters, whatever they tell me to do. I am sick over this election. They key is for young people, minorities, first time voters to get out there and vote. So I really think working at the grassroots is the key to victory. In other news, sorry I missed you when we were in LA. It ended up being a fairly hectic trip for reasons which I will share shortly. xoxo
from theotherman :
i LOVED your entry. i had been reading your stuff about campaigns and i was SO hoping you weren't campaigning for mccain! my damb ass dad isn't voting for bo b/c his name and race... fucking retarded. but i'm a huge supporter. also-- don't know if you've met him or what with what you do, but i have a collegue who went to high school with him and knows him well. she runs the campaign in our state and she can't rave enough about what a great person he is and always has been. for me that's important. you don't meet a lot of people who personally know these canidates... and for as long as she has... and thinks they are amazing.
from bettyford :
nice call on the note yesterday. i didn't even connect the crampy and the bloaty with the bitchy.
from theotherman :
you are totally right. i've gotta do it.
from thebeesknees :
I know! The "that's true" part warmed my icy, black heart.
from theotherman :
sent you an email ;o)
from theotherman :
ha, ha... i think he's even worse than the ones that are all alike. he's heartless!
from bettyford :
limes, you are my sunshine!
from theotherman :
well, i'm slowly catching up... you have written for so long. and although i only share one little part of my life in this diary in life as a whole we have a lot in common! so, is this boy written about in here? you should tell me where so i can read all about it as you have many entries! ;o) yeah, he's an ass, but so hot... but a HUGE ASS. ha, ha.
from theotherman :
omg. i love your diary!
from vla :
my house is never clean enough for my mom either. never never ever ever. I could clean for a week straight and when my mom is over, and we are sitting together in the living room all I am thinking is ugh. it's so disgustingly dirty in here... and I know she is thinking: hmm. kinda dirty.
from vla :
haha. I have an idea, let's pool our money and buy a huge house on the beach and all have seperate bedrooms. ha. I don't know what the idea of having seperate bedrooms must involve us all living together on the beach... but seriously, I need to get some sleep. (also, did I call you bees instead of limes in my last comment! see! sleep deprived.)
from captvfirefly :
I am so, so, SO happy that things are going so well with Adam now! I love therapy, seriously, and I'm so very glad that it's working for you. :)
from vla :
aw, thank you so so much bees. i puddled up a little bit when reading that. so sweet. thanks. you're right, of course. i just need to be more understanding of what i am going through. i need to be the mom to myself since i don't have the real mom I actually need. gay? maybe. haha. i am totally gay. anyway. i am so glad things are going better with you and adam! so glad. god, therapy helps SO much. i swear, i would be so much more of a mess without it. i am going to have to do phone sessions when i move to la! gah! i am moving to la!!
from vla :
hellooo. what kinda update was that?? seriously, though. hope you're ok. and whatever happens, you will be ok. love love.
from vla :
dood, they always have to bring it back to the childhood, right? hee. just kidding. I think she's totally right on. like you, i think i have trouble being close in my relationships and so i look for ways to distance myself... (thanks mom.) not trusting your partner is one way, having an e/d is another, ya know? it just puts space there... and ii think probably makes us feel *safe* but in reality keeps us alone. lonely. you said something in my GB a while back that has stuck with me--about the remote control that could make people stay away from me when I needed it. *sigh* what a perfect device that would be indeed. anyway, just wanted to say I am glad you're seeing ginger. and also, that was one of my first dog's names and ii think of her evertime you say it. i love her! haha. xo.
from unclassy :
ps- I have to slightly disagree with captv about the manipulating. I wouldnt give him that much credit, to be honest. I certainly dont think its malicious (nor do I think she is suggesting that) towards you, but likewise I dont think he is trying at all to make this your fault. I think, deep down, he truly doesnt know what he is doing wrong. Its more ignorance than it is anything else. The communication seems to have fallen out somehow and without that, there's nothing to work with. I think he is smart enough to know that something isnt right, and perhaps wants to diffuse blame being placed on him (because its thats human nature, we hate admitting fault and taking the brunt of blame) which is why he does/says some of the things he does. But anyway. The porn stuff, well. I am more passive about it so I dont really have an opinion. Men are just visual creatures and in order to keep himself from approaching you several times a day for sex, thats just their way of maintaining the ebb and flow of the male hormones. Or maybe I just dont care enough to look too far in to it, but either way I REALLY do not think those websites are cause for concern. He didnt sign up and one page view doesnt mean shit. Doing the "what-ifs" dance could extend well in to forever, so its not worth going down that road. If we stick with where we are now, that he hasnt even done anything, thats what counts. Essentially, we are all capable of cheating. We could ALL, at any time should we decide to, just say fuck it all and cheat up a storm. But we dont...and I see no reason for him to do that. He is creating a happy, safe, protective environment for you which is his root behavior, his man-nature to "take care" of you to show you he loves you deeply. I mean, god - thats so much more than a LOT of women can say out there! My god!!!
from captvfirefly :
Honey, I know EXACTLY how it feels to want to break up, but not be totally ready to do it and need more time. So, no worries, I'll still be here reading! As far as the computer thing goes - the only other way you could find out more than you already have (and damn, woman, you ARE a super sleuth!) is to install some sort of key logger program. But, I seriously doubt you could do it without him finding out (well, depending on his operating system, maybe. Is he using Vista or XP, or are you guys on Macs? I just don't know much about the key logging programs, but you could probably find out some stuff on google). Also? That's a whole helluva lot of trouble to go to just to confirm what he's doing. Oh, and that bit about how his computer died on him and he had to plug it in and that's how it got locked? BULLSHIT!! Because if that were actually the case, every time he powered it on he would be required to put in a password. So, that, my friend, is total BS. A lock just doesn't spring up when the battery dies. Anyway, after everything you've said, I seriously don't think he's cheating. Like you said, he doesn't really have time to go out and screw someone. The only thing he COULD be doing is EMOTIONALLY cheating on you by doing the text/email/phone call thing with chicks because he's insecure and needs his ego stroked. Not heinous, but COULD get heinous if he takes it to the next level (by turning it into a physical relationship). So, yeah. You could just be super paranoid, but that doesn't mean that he's not doing some shady stuff to cause you to be paranoid (if that makes any sense?)!
from unclassy :
That having-to-re-log-in situation with his comp would make sense why his comp was locked. I think, sometimes, some people just look and look and look for reasons to bail or reasons for the "Ah-HA!" moment so they can conclude that this is not the right person for them. Which I do think is a result of fear in some aspect. Fear of getting too close and therefore extremely vulnerable to pain should that person betray you...etc, etc. I am no expert in rela's, god help me. But honesty is most definitely the foundation to a healthy, feel-good connection where you feel safe to expose yourself to one another (read: intimacy in AND out of the bedroom) and at some point you decide either a)trust him, let this go and try to start over from square 1 - because this CAN be salvaged with some serious self-control, or b) not trust him and call it quits, before this thing ends violently or other such negative forms of conclusion. You know in your heart that you either love him or you dont. Thats the building block for what to do next. If you do, then you take the next step determining what could make this work. And focusing on what he doesnt do, what he does thats negative instead of REALLY focusing on all the positive traits, all the trying he may be doing behind the scenes that you are not allowing yourself to see...that may help a lot. Fake it til you make it, if you have to (thinking in the positive light). I feel youre on some sort of uphill battle and it doesnt have to be so difficult...anyway...keep writing out your thought and trying to work thru it. Its the only way~! and of course the T wont have "answers" per se, but they can lead you in the right direction where you can discover the answers for yourself on your own. They understand the dynamics of human rationalizing and relationships far better than the average joe, so I do think the T may help.
from captvfirefly :
Ok, I know you want this to work with him, but seriously? Why do you keep rationalizing his behavior? If it makes you uncomfortable, sad, and irritated that he a.) lies and 2.) looks at porn and is possibly cruising sex hookup sites, then WHY are you putting up with it? Are you in some way afraid that you're not going to find someone better if you end this? Let me ask you another question - if one of your good friends had all of this stuff to say about HER boyfriend, what would you tell her? Because at this point, if you don't have trust, you don't have anything. And locking his computer? CHILDISH!! And a BIG red flag in my humble opinion. It's good that you want to get a therapists opinion, but I have a feeling that she's going to say, "how do YOU feel about this situation?" I mean, she may have some good advice for you, but SHE can't fix his lying ways. (And neither can you.) It's all about what YOU want now - not Adam, not Ginger, but you. I'm all for talking to a therapist though (I think everyone should have a good therapist), but would you seriously turn a blind eye to all of his weird behavior if Ginger said you should? And lastly, why do you need to confirm what his motivations are with the fling.com? He's not going to give you the right answer, or even a legitimate answer (since he already is on the defensive and hiding things from you anyway). The fact is, he is looking at stuff you don't feel comfortable with him looking at. It's not about whether he may or may not cheat, it's about how you've already told him you don't like him perusing those kinds of sites. It's a trust issue, and he hasn't given you a reason TO trust him at this point. So, does it really matter WHY he's looking? It seems like it's bad enough that he is looking at all. And you might love him, but you've gotta love YOU more. At this point, unless he makes a major change, you'll be questioning every single conversation and website he visits, and do you really want to deal with that for the rest of your life? I hope all that wasn't too harsh - I just want you to be happy. Good relationships don't have this kind of manipulation (because he really is manipulating you - only telling you little bits about situations and trying to make it all about you) and mistrust. Gah, why can't he just man up and be honest?
from captvfirefly :
Of COURSE we are going to hang in and read, no matter what you write because we love you! Also? Vla is right - you ARE very hot, so let's not forget that, shall we? :) I know it's hard right now, but you will make it through no matter what happens.
from vla :
AHgh! Limey! I feel so fucking awful reading this. Are you guys happy around each other at all? Is it tense all the time? Cause from reading this, it sounds bad right now. I'm sorry sweetie, it sounds like he fights very hard and that sucks--so not the point... makes it impossible to get to any resolution. I think I mentioned in my diary that rob and i went to see my therapist together, right? would A ever do that? it was very helpful. it was like a speed round of working shit out. I mean, it was stuff we probably could have worked out on our own, but with the therapist it was just done in warp speed. but obviously, he'd have to be open to it. anyway, hi. we all loooove you and you will get through this no matter what happens. also, you're very hot. just thought you should know in a time like this! hee.
from vla :
crap, now I am dying of curiosity about the emails. :/
from xo-liesl :
Hey, thanks. Yeah fuck this shit. And, at the same time, its totally okay. Confusing, huh? Got a password for me? XoDOTlieslATgmailDOTcom
from raygirl999 :
Just wanted to say "hi" and "hooray" to another Obama supporter. And congrats on paying off your debt. That is my goal to have completed by 2010! That's a long ways off still.
from captvfirefly :
Whoo hooo!!! Congrats for paying off all of your debt! That must give you a good feeling .. a bit more like freedom. I hope the bbq is fun (even though you don't want to go)!
from vla :
p.s. "toward" (hire me as your editor when I move to LA! hee.)
from vla :
A quick answer to that editorial question! You can use among or amongst interchangeably. In general, in the US, though, we pretty much always use among. :)
from vla :
GAH! That was so not fair! I was all excited to see you in red! UPDATE, BETCH!!!!!!!!
from smallhanded :
Am I seeing you while you are in NY? Seriously! I better be or I will be pissed.
from captvfirefly :
Sounds like things are going along pretty good! I'm glad you got to spend some quality time with your dad, and that he sounds like he's hanging in there quite well. As for that PS I Love You movie, bah. I saw it right after I broke up with Sean, and it made me cry like a baby. It was like, "So, there's no hope? You find a wonderful man and he dies, and then that's it? You're screwed out of love forever after that?" Not that Sean was a great love (ick), but, still. I thought that movie was so sad and 120 (or so) minutes of my life I'll never get back. And even the ending didn't save it. (What, do we all have to find men in Scotland to be happy? Or was it Ireland? I forget..I blocked it out...) As for the lack of poop thing, do you drink coffee? If not, have a cup or two.. that tends to clean me out (gross, I know). That, or sugar free chocolate would do the trick, too. And not to leave on a crappy note (ha, I'm a dork), thanks for friending me on the 'space. :)
from jasminum :
Wow. I'm like...a month behind. How did that happen? Seems like your head and heart has a whole lot crammed in there right now. As for the boy situation...first, screw and forget Spanky McRottentooth. The other larger issues with the snarly past - what does he say when you bring it up? In light of everything he's shared/you found out over the last few months...what does he think it looks like to you? Seriously? Does he even wonder what you must think? Bah. Also...the entries before that about the superheavy stuff...god, I don't even know what to say. That is just terrifying. I want to give you hugs. And I want more updates on what's going on...yes?
from unclassy :
just got caught up - man, I missed a lot of goings-on! I agree with the other ladies though, you did an awesome job takin that all in stride and from his emails, he sounds like he has the motivation to make it work out he's simply struggling with some inner-demons (for lack of a better term) that trigger some of this retarded behavior. Something does need to change yes, but the first step is identifying that you both have the desire to fix it...and you do so RIGHT ON. You are doing great m'dear! xo
from vla :
omgz, go! it was great. SO hot. I love the weather too. We stayed outside of palm springs... Went shopping at the outlet mall, yes. It was a great outlet mall, the best I have ever seen. And also went shopping on El Paso. Which was v. nice. I spent WAY too much. Oh well. It was fun to pretend I was rich. ha.
from hungry-hippo :
You are awful. She would have DIED if I did the 7am on the courts thing. The thing I am most fascinated by is that my aversion to cancelling on people / drawing my line in the sand based on what I need (which is what Christa did, that I usually admire her for) is mostly based on my fear of what the other person's reaction is going to be. i.e. that they might feel the way I would feel, which is pissed and now-I'm-not-going-to-reach-out-to-her-until-she-makes-up-for-it-or-reaches-out-to-me, kind of. I mean, if everyone reacted to me cancelling the way I reacted to Christa, I would be right to be so afraid of cancelling negatively affecting a friendship, right?
from hungry-hippo :
Oh the best part is what actually happened, which is that she texted me at 5:35am to say she was getting nonstop emails from her boss (he's in France) so she should head in early. I responded: "Are you at Matt's?" SOOOO bitchy, right? But I know exactly what it is like to bail b/c you want to stay in bed and cuddle and the worst is that I know because I HAVE DONE IT TO HER SEVERAL TIMES! And yet I feel I have the right to get uberpissed about her. WTF?
from justvivo :
Love the layout, love the entries, love hearing from you. xo
from hungry-hippo :
This part of your note was really poignant for me: "In the past I have ruined relationships with doing things I didn't want to do...ironically enough I said I'd do it in the first place because I was trying to people please." That is so true. The not-saying-no thing is also a boundary issue, like not drawing a line and saying THIS IS ENOUGH. And that issue is everywhere for me. Food/alcohol/drugs/sex/social obligations. Everywhere I have chosen to do to much or have let myself feel obligated towards others (the last two in the list) to do more than I wanted because I don't know how to a) recognize my own boundaries, b) make them known, c) stand up for them in the face of resistance by others. Food (but only just enough) for thought indeed... ;)
from vla :
you have to fix your layout. it's all jacked up! also, botox!!! i want details. and i love bad girls club. those girls are fucking nuts. i would last 2 minutes in that house before killing self.
from vla :
I was actually saying that the re-design seems to be a sign that andrew seems to want to stick around... Maybe? I hope so too. I don't wanna leave my DL baby. I'd stay here forever if they let us. (aw.) and BTW! I miss you watching our reality shows! You MUST MUST MUSSSSSSSSSSSST watch celebrity rehab. Must. must.
from vla :
I think what would be important to me in terms of long term relationship stuff is if he was willing to cop to the deeper meaning type reasons BEHIND why he still feels the need to e-cheat, you know? like. there is something there. a need to pull away when things get too close maybe? I mean, is he able to suss that stuff out or is he just like: "oops! sorry. I fucked up and I won't do it again." cause to me, if a guy had no introspection about it... well, that'd bug me more.
from unclassy :
yep sorry for the scare, I thought I got everyone on the email notification but some came back I should've followed up- shittaay. Anyway so let me get this straight: you googled the girls name, and got cached emails from his outlook? I really want to know how to prevent this shit because: omg.
from vla :
well, rob knows about dl too, and i am sure could find everything considering he uses my computer... but I have explained to him how important it is to me and that it is private and that it would be a huuuuge breach of privacy. i trust him not to snoop. crazy? maybe. but i don't snoop on him either and i guess I just expect him to do the same. maybe explain it to him? cause I want you to write!!!!!!
from vla :
Ok, so you're totally hot, skinny and in australia. Here in gorgeous chicago there's like 12 inches of snow and it's 25 degrees. So shuuuut it, betch! Hee. Just kidding; you know I love you. (However, sadly NOT kidding about the weather here.)
from vla :
aw, love you. glad you updated. email me and i will send you my password. also, I think if you're waaaiiiting for someone to fuck up, they will somehow fuck up, you know? it seems like a self-fulfilling prophesy. I mean, lying is dumb but we all do it sometimes. it's weakness, yes, but sometimes it comes from stuff we aren't over or embarasement or, don't know. I just think when we've been hurt in the past, we look for it in new people. ? like, he really seems like a good guy, but no one is perfect. ... And maybe if you explain to him that even little lies triggers big pain in you, it might help? I guess I just think if someone was waiting for me to fuck up, I would probably find a way out of sheer anxiety over it all. ok, I am rambling but. I guess I would try to be as open as possible with him and trust that he will do the same... xxxo. (ha! xxos!)
from raygirl999 :
I hope all is well...give us an update when you can.
from jasminum :
Facebook? Oh I am so stalking both of you. WATCHOUT!
from jasminum :
So I just caught myself up from May...dude...you in Australia right now or what????
from hungry-hippo :
Oh dude I almost forgot -- you look AMAZING in all your pics on Facebook. You are like ermine/minx svelte! You look great and also happy. yay!
from hungry-hippo :
First, dude, I just saw your comment about me on your profile. Man do I feel far from coolest/wittiest these days. I feel like I used to write so much more skillfully and now you all get lame-o summaries from time to time with now real deep thinking. Oh god! I made it about me again. Shit. Yo, I am so glad re Adam. So glad re quitting the job because you are too young for an ulcer. Although I wish you'd gotten to meet the chick I know at your DC office. When I knew her (like 2000) she was amazingly sane and cool in a crazy office and I always loved her. I am blanking on her name right now. Anyway, hope your dad is doing better and you are doing OK. How were your holidays? You can email back if you want. I have to come out to LA this year, I am so due and Lee-Ann is giving me shit. I will be so psyched to see you when I come out though. Maybe I'll come out in July when Christa will be there for a wedding.
from captvfirefly :
I am so happy to hear that your dad is doing better! That is excellent news! And? I am super excited about your trip with Adam - I know you guys will have a great time (and I am super jealous of your jet setting ways. hahah)! As for the Sean update ... oy. I've got 5 more days to deal with his erratic behavior, him saying, "I love you" over and over again, him slipping into bed with me when he gets off work at 12:30am, and his general delusional, "I can't deal with anything right now, so I'm going to run away from it" behavior. It's fucking awful (worst breakup EVER), but I try not to keep bitching about it in my diary because, well, I agreed to let him stay until his lease starts on the 1st. He is making it very hard for me to like him after all of this is over.. So, that's the update! I'll keep you posted. In the mean time, have fun on your vacay! Fill us in when you get back (or during, if you have net access)!
from vla :
SO glad to hear about your dad. I have been thinking about you guys... And sooo very excited for your trip! WOW. Please update from there too, ok? xxo.
from smallhanded :
So sorry to hear about your dad and so happy to have an update from you. Glad things are going well with Adam. Very sad about your dad. Hang in there. I will be thinking of you! xoxo
from justvivo :
As good as it is to see you, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I'll keep you all in my thoughts - hang in there, my friend. xo
from raygirl999 :
I am sorry to hear about your father. You and your family are in my thoughts right now. Best wishes for you all.
from captvfirefly :
I'm so, so sorry to hear about your dad. I was hoping that no news was good news, but it doesn't sound like that's the case. :( I'm sending prayers your dads way in hopes that he'll pull through all of this very soon. Hang in there, my dear. I'm sending prayers your way, too. (((hugs)))
from vla :
so happy to hear from you, sweetie. i've been missing you! and so, so sorry about your dad. i will say some prayers for all of you. and about australia in january, are you thinking of moving? or just visiting?
from captvfirefly :
Ok, I'm dyin over here! Where are you? Have you quit your job yet? Are you down under now? FILL A SISTER IN! I miss you! Are you at least checking email? I hope all is well!
from vla :
RoL is seriously my favorite reality show of alllll time.
from justvivo :
Ok, I'm loving the limey updates - I've missed you. Also, I think you should go for it. I know it's a big scary thing, but the travelling is just so freakin hard - as you know, and from what I can tell, the pros far outweigh the cons. Also, whether this makes a difference or not, there's a benefit to Australia being an english-speaking country. It sounds like you're ready for a new start... I think it's a fantastic opportunity, and Max will love it, too! xoxo
from captvfirefly :
You know what? I think this: if you feel like quitting your job, and you're going to move to Australia for several months, and your man is basically TELLING you that you'll be moving and that it'll be OK for you to quit your job, then I say DO IT. I mean, sure, I'd probably wait until you actually leave (if you can hold out for that long) so you have some income in the mean time, but really? What's so wrong about quitting your job and moving to Australia to be with the man you love? Not a damn thing. As for the question about "what if it doesn't work out?" - well, what if it DOES? And? If for some reason it doesn't work out, well then, you get another job. You are a talented, intelligent woman, and I have no doubt you'd be able to find another job if you had to. All that being said, I'd have a serious talk with him to make sure he understands that if you move with him, you won't be working, and that he'll be the bread winner and have to support you (so no one is surprised). And if he's ok with that, then YOU should be OK with that. Haters be damned! Follow your gut, and try not to worry so much. If your gut says it's OK, then it's OK. Also, I'm glad your dad is doing better! And I'm glad you're posting!
from vla :
Mystery and Matador!! Hee. Ok, so I totally feel like I could have written that last entry word for fucking word. (Just replace R for A.) Sigh. It's soooo scary to need. And to let people see that need. And I totally know the feeling of: Everything is sooooo boooorrring without you. I force myself to do stuff, and I am just sitting there with friends thinking: I wish I was with R. wtf. It seems lame to me too. And I battle against the fuck-it-all-I-don't-need-you-anyway urge too. Sooo hard for me to express the real feelings behind all this to him. The soft love parts. It feels weak. And scary. Scared of rejection. Scared of loving/feeling too much. Scared of seeming dependant... gah. Anyway. So happy that you're writing more! I need to hear what your therapist has to say. :)
from vla :
that part about the bosses/authority figures and relating to them like your mom. veeerrrry interesting to me. I think I tend to do that too--not so much in the eager to please sense, but feeling like I am constantly sneaking around, hiding things, feeling guilty, etc. It brings up very similar feelings as I have with my Ps. Weird! makes sense but I've just never thought of it before. And AND ANNNNND: wow. Australia would be awesome! so would marriage!! I am so excited for you. Also, do they have computers in Australia? I hope so. hee.
from vla :
ok, that was kinda worth the wait beacuse of the awesomeness of that entry. so glad your dad is doing ok! I have been thinking about that. and! yay to everything else too. have you been watching real world australia? hee. well, it looks gorgeous there. :)
from vla :
yeah, dude. you could update someday! (sadface.) I missssssssssssssss you.
from smallhanded :
where are you? What is going on? I miss hearing about your life!!
from captvfirefly :
Hey, where the hell are you?? I hope you're OK ... and that your dad is OK, too. Update soon!
from captvfirefly :
What raygirl said. Lisa, this is a really stressful time for you right now - your boyfriend just MOVED IN WITH YOU! Plus, you've got a bad cold, you're PMSing, AND work is kicking your ass. It's not as if you don't have a whole shitload of stress right now, so it's no wonder that you're having problems communicating with Adam. I would suggest that you lay it out to him like you did in your entry - you WANT it to work, but there's so much outside influence trying to get in the way (work, stress, change, health, and again, CHANGE). He needs to help you learn how to effectively communicate with him - it's not something you just DO. He has to realize that you both are in a new situation and that it may be a rough transitional phase, but he can't just assume you know how to handle his mood swings and general day-to-dayness. There is a breaking in period where he needs to cut you some slack (and you, in turn, need to cut him some slack), calm down, and not be so quick to judge. It sounds to me like emotions are running high (mostly fear), and that's never a good time to try to connect. All you can do is admit whatever communication flaws you have, and ask him to help you better communicate with him. And if he's away on business, nothing of importance will possibly happen, so don't worry about the less frequent emails and texts - this is an issue that needs to be worked out in person, not via the Internet. I really do hope it works out for you; I just want you to be happy. Also? I'll be sending good vibes your dad's way ... I know how scary it has been in regard to your dad's health. He'll be OK... let's just trust that the doctors will fix him up properly. It'll be OK. Just breath. xoxo
from raygirl999 :
I have faith that you will figure out what is best for you. I don't think you are ready to give up on him; you don't sound like you are. The move-in and subsequent travel on his part must be making things harder. Good luck!
from justvivo :
It's about f-in time you updated! Take a deep breath - it will be good. Really. All good. And, w/re what Lauren said about maybe wanting less (not NONE) time by yourself? The cool part about that is that there just might be someone around that you want to hang with/do things with. Huh. :)
from captvfirefly :
I'm so excited for you!! I can't believe it's already time for him to move in, but seriously? I know it will all be OK. I mean, I have always liked doing things on my own, and by myself, but I'll tell you - since Sean has moved in, I've really enjoyed being with him. My desire to spend time by myself has diminished, so I think yours might, too. Even still, it's always a good thing to tell him up front that you want to make sure you get your alone time, so, you know, you don't end up wanting to kill him. I mean, most normal adults are pretty cool with not being up each others asses 24/7. So, this is exciting!! I'm so glad you're happy. :) :)
from jasminum :
WAHOO! Scared is fine, but come ON. This is the man of your dreams :) And he is hot (per myspace stalking). And he loves limes. What more could you ask for?
from smallhanded :
Exciting. That is so great. Don't be an idiot and fuck it up. There is always always always someone hottercoolerricherbetter but you are only trading one set of traits for another and some will be better but some won't be so you just need to find the set that fits you. And I think Adam is it. So to reiterate: don't be an idiot and fuck it up. When is JB coming to town. Got to see that dude in the flesh after reading about him for like five years. What else what else...When are YOU coming to town???? Otherwise I have to get my ass back to LA. What happened when I was there for six fucking weeks and we never met. Ridiculous.
from justvivo :
To quote Yasi.. ":) Yay. Dude. Fucking YAY!" That's about the size of it. I love it. :)
from captvfirefly :
It's about damn time! Heh. I'm so so so happy you two had such a great time! As for the moving in together thing, I mean, why not? It's YOUR apartment - if things go poorly, you can always kick him out. Then again, what if things DON'T go poorly? It's easy for us to immediately think the worst when we should try to think of the best FIRST, you know? I say go for it. I mean, what would you really have to lose? Besides, Sean moved in with me like 3 weeks after we started dating, and it's been fantastic. I'm so excited for you!!
from jasminum :
:) Yay. Dude. Fucking YAY!
from jasminum :
What the? Where are you? Get out of bed and just say something like, "its gr8, brb". mmkay?
from sosuga :
i was thinking about you this weekend, lots n lots of fingers/toes crossed and lots of love being sent, im sure you have a ton of happy/crazy/awesome stories to tell us soon! as we wait patiently... ;) xoxox
from captvfirefly :
Yeah, what smallhanded said!! Sending tons of luck your way, chica! But, I doubt you'll need it; I have a great feeling about you two! It'll be FINE, no worries! I can't wait to hear all about it!
from smallhanded :
Good thoughts. Good thoughts. Good thoughts. Hope you are having the time of your life right now.
from justvivo :
Um, YEAH! What C said!! xoxox Have a great time...
from smallhanded :
It's almost here. Oh my fucking god. I can't believe tomorrow is the day we have allllllll been waiting for. Seriously, if you don't update soon it is all over between us. I'm not kidding. I don't care what kind of mindblowing sex and life changing conversation you are having. You better get in here and write about it or you are in big trouble. I have a good feeling about it.... xoxo
from justvivo :
Ok, I am so f-ing excited for you and this weekend! Here's your gayness for the day: I was totally hoping to see you had updated b/c I remembered he was arriving on Friday! Go with it, my friend... I can't wait to hear how it goes!
from jasminum :
Your nervousness is actually kinda cute. I believe it's all going to be wonderful and fine and everything you've been stressing about for the last month will seem WE TODD IT in retrospect. You know it. And that email from him is adorable...what saves it from "cheesy" is his protest of not being gay. That is such a Limes thing. NOT GAY!
from captvfirefly :
I can't WAIT to hear about Adam's visit this coming weekend! I'm all geeked up for you - I know it will be great! (Could I put in any more exclamation points?? Geez. But, I'm excited for you!!)
from smallhanded :
Okay, first of all you have to chill with the tanning, girl. That shit will give you cancer. I'm not joking. Stop it now and go spend some cash on a good self-tanner instead. Second of all, I don't know if I have your email address. I am going to pour through my address book when I am in the office tomorrow. I want to send you my p-word. If you have my email, write to me. And get your ass to NY soon.
from jasminum :
Quit being skeered. It's exactly what you wanted and aside from being like, "OMG, I can ask for something and it happens???" kind of shocked...enjoy it! And I quote, "I am not looking to date mediocre boys. In any way. I want him cute, I want him rich, I want him funny, I want him smart, I want him nice, I want him to be a takercarerofer, and clearly I will be wanting this forever and ever and ever...Cause I sure as fuck think it doesn't exist." *ding* magic sparkle fairy took care of that.
from smallhanded :
It's good. It's good. It's good. I am excited. May 11 is right around the corner. Are you coming back to NY? Seriously. How did I miss you last time? If we don't meet something is so wrong in the world. Don't psych yourself out on this. You will see him and you will know and so far things are really great and there is no reason that they should turn bad. But we better meet before you move to Australia. xoxo
from captvfirefly :
I can tell you from recent experience - it NEVER looks like you thought it would, so don't be scared. I say go for it! I mean, why not? He sounds like a great guy, and you're obviously into him, too, so I think you should take the chance and go all in. Like I did. I mean, sure, we could crash and burn, but what happens if we don't? And you wouldn't want to sit around and wonder what would have happened if you never gave him the chance. I'm so excited for you!
from jasminum :
OMG. I have been OUT OF IT for at least a month and I come back to the lovefest that is you. Dude, this guy has got it together...like you said, 36, mature, successful, world-travelled...think he doesn't know what he wants? He knows. And you need to stop psyching yourself out. Re-read your first entry about it. Done. Get back on track. As for side-boys. Tell Adam no more than you already have "yes, a date" type deal if he asks, and call him afterwards to reassure his balls. PS - Banana Republic strappy wedges? Criss cross strappy? Methinks we bought the same shoes. OMG TWINSIES!?
from captvfirefly :
Just a word of advice Slutty Mcslutsalot (heh) - I would NOT tell Adam about Bill. Everything before the "I love you (said in person), I don't want to date anyone else" doesn't count. So, why throw that wrench into it and bog down the lurve? And yes, it's so easy for us to be negative and think the worst, especially when it comes to men. But, this thing with Adam could be fantastic! I think you should let yourself get all giddy and excited and ride the wave. I mean, May 11th isn't that far away, and you have other boys to distract you in the mean time. Work it, girl! As for the comments thing - did you go to Haloscan's website? Their directions are pretty straight forward - if you want to email me and let me know what you tried, I can try to get it set up for ya. Irreverently at gmail dot com.
from justvivo :
Ah. Sucks about international plan. Also - I have your email address nowhere! Send it to me - I'll see if I can dig up a pupple pic or two :)
from justvivo :
Dude. Call your long distance provider IMMEDIATELY and get on their international calling plan. It costs about $5.95 or something a month and the other rates are the same as domestic. Believe me. I have a very good friend in Australia and learned this years ago after a $300. phone bill during a crisis time. So worth it. :)
from justvivo :
Ok, J is suuuuper cute, I think. And, I'm glad you are so *ahem* occupied. Now, we need updates in a timely manner, please! p.s. I decided on the Carmen Marc Valvo, even though the color is SO not the one in the photo you saw! Hee!
from hungry-hippo :
thanks for your note, chica. I am still confused. I don't think "bored" has to do with me. But I don't really get what he thinks of me. And I don't know how he would react to my withdrawal. I really must discuss with therapist tomorrow and report back. Sigh.
from sosuga :
ps.. I still kinda hope RL is all "OMG I missed you" or something to you...hehehehehe so you can be like: oh. k bye!! hehehe I am going to hell.
from sosuga :
YAYYYYY for cute new boys!! YAYAYAY I'm so happy for youuuu! And you SOUND so happy/hopeful/excited. CUTE CUTE CUTE!!! :D xoxo
from captvfirefly :
Dating DOES suck. Big ole suck. And not in the good way. So, I feel your pain. Seriously. And hey, I've become a drunk, too, but without the slut part, but only because the slut part hasn't presented itself yet. Damnit. And I really don't think RL is doing this as a pity date thing, but if he is? I will have to hate him because that's just a total ego trip he shouldn't have. Men are douches.
from smallhanded :
obviously I never update anymore but no one reads me and no one cares so it is okay. I just wanted you to know that I read you like a born again reads the bible.
from raygirl999 :
u: nomore p: drama
from captvfirefly :
I'm with vla on this one, too. I got all geeked up over RL, too! I'm interested to hear what he has to say - I mean, he doesn't SEEM like the type of guy that thinks he needs to do an obligatory follow up dinner post makeout session (even though he didn't fucking call - douche!), but what the hell do I know? I only see him in the movies. Heh. But, no more of those other douchey guys, my friend. I'd skip drinks with that asshat who got peeved over the hawaiian shirt deal - that IS gay! Don't waste your time on the douchebags. But, I admit, it does make for interesting reading. :)
from vla :
so, ok. how gay am I that I am all: omg! RL! haha. I have sooo little. hee. at least you can wear something super cute. I mean, yeah. actually, maybe lame timing of him... he should have called. but. still. you're just dating right now. so that will be fun/interesting. wheeee!
from vla :
ha. what was with that comment? and. I didn't end up going to see ke play. too hung over.
from smallhanded :
Still not your myspace friend. unacceptable. and also I have something to tell you. you know what it is if you think about it. when are you in NY?
from vla :
I wanna hear about the date. and I know exactly why you have to waste your hotness on douchebags. you just HAVE to when you're getting back into the dating thing. it's like the step you have to take. it will make you feel better to go in there and blow him away. ... I hope you had a few free drinks at least. update!!
from captvfirefly :
I can't wait to hear all about it. And? Are you sure you want to waste your hotness on this douchebag if you know he's not hot? I mean, I know you can't help but look hot, but I'd save the leg for a less fugly blind date. Heh. Then again, why not blow up the ego a bit and let him drool? Heh. I hope you have a good time! (Or at least a few good drinks!)
from i-never-said :
Limes, I used to read your diary about 2 years ago...Somehow, I lost track of you, and would love to read your diary again...My old username was chained-soul, and my new username is i-never-said...If you would, please email me your password at georgias_brat@yahoo.com...Thanks so much, Ali
from vla :
where is my head at INDEED. good fucking question... sigh. good luck on your dates, betch. p.s. I fucking cracked UP on the UGC thing. omg. we need to write a f'ing book on this shizzz.
from captvfirefly :
Considering the heinous last few dates I've had, and I KNEW what those people looked like, I've got to say I'm worried about your upcoming BLIND dates! You're a helluva lot more bold than I am - I don't think I could handle going into it blind. I mean, I got used to the whole online resume bullshit that goes along with online dating, so when I meet someone blind I'd have no idea what the fuck to talk about. But, yeah, I hope they go well for you! I'm sending all my best, "Don't be a tool!" vibes your way for these days. If nothing else, have loads of drinks, have fun, and write about it the next day for all of your adoring fans who live vicariously through you. :)
from smallhanded :
wait, I tried to become your myspace friend or whatever the fuck it is called and it hasn't happened yet. did I do something wrong?
from vla :
hee.
from vla :
sweetie? feb is already ova. hahahaha. so, yeah. not back until the end of march.
from sosuga :
Glad to hear DK is still a D(ic)K lol...god what a tool. Icant believe that shit. And yeah, its easy to miss the physical affection - man, god knows I've been dealing with that myself. But I agree with your friend (Justin? I think?) that TB is just off the map when it comes to what you deserve. You know it too, TB knows it. So hell, use him all you want!
from smallhanded :
I seriously think I may have to join myspace just for you. so I can see your pics, etc. But I don't know if I can really bring myself to do it. Not liking to go down? Yes, I think that is a real problem. Seriously. I haven't encountered that since like high school or something. And about co-star...I just have known her for ages. Haven't seen her or spoken to her since I was in LA though so I have no info.
from vla :
dude, I must agree with the other girls. most boys I have ever been with fucking looove going down. so, wtf. TOG. hee. and about rob. dunno. like, we're talking and txting. but tour till the end of the month. sooooo. and mike. dunno. trying to stay away b/c I think it is for the best. ???
from captvfirefly :
"touch of gay" HAHAHA I love it! And Vivo is right - sounds like ole TB doesn't know what love is.
from justvivo :
Eh, TB doesn't know what love is. Besides, going down = necessity. :)
from vla :
weeeeeeeeeird. sounds like he has a ... "touch of the gay." hee.
from vla :
p.s. I wanna know how your talk went too!
from justvivo :
Ok, so NOW I'm waiting to hear what happens with TB... so glad I can live vicariously through your life! mwah.
from captvfirefly :
DK is fucking ENGAGED and getting MARRIED? WTF? What a douchebag. As for RL, I still love him, and I'm glad he isn't letting that cunty bitch and her attitude stop him from being cool with you. Also? I can't wait to hear what TB has to say in response to your email. Would you want to get back together with him if he gave you a solid response?
from vla :
went kinda fucking shitty. am still drinking the wine. and other things. dude. am STILL on the computer. kill me. hearts. o, also. WTF with the exs getting married? goddamn.
from raygirl999 :
Wait what? DK is getting married? WHAT?!
from justvivo :
Ok, um WHAT? Maybe I read incorrectly. DK is *having* a bachelor party??? WTF?? Also - waiting impatiently to hear the RL pub story. SPILL! :)
from vla :
god. boys. wtf.
from vla :
yay! an update!! been missing you. sorry you have been so busy. I am so fucking glad you're done with TB. what an ass. and, yes. time to pimp yourself out. spring is on the way. (at least there.) ... I am sooo curious wtf with RL's publicist though. spill that story at a later date.
from smallhanded :
and I know his co-star real well too. crazy. march 11-14 is going to be the worst, busiest time for me but I will find the time to come see you. seriously. maybe late night. i don't know but we will make it happen.
from smallhanded :
never mind. just remembered it. you will never guess who just came up on a list for my next project by the way. damn girl I seriously need to meet you. I think it was meant to be.
from smallhanded :
shit shit shit I can't remember your password. I hate your new password. this is like the fifth time that I forgot it. will you send it again? Please please please. sorry. xoxo
from jasminum :
No! None of that happened to me...I was just saying that my paranoid mind would so go there. And you haven't updated, either!
from jasminum :
Wait until she's better then approach her before the bitterness sets in (well, before she thinks it has set in). Because seriously...you discussed this, and you have 100% right to privacy in your own fucking apartment. I know too well what it's like to just want to go home, and find that you have guests over...so you're never really able to relax. It sucks. It makes you antsy, and dread even going home at the end of the day, wondering whether or not someone's there. On top of finding out whomever your roommate is dating turns out to be psycho, makes copies of the key, and helps themselves to your shit in a month. But then again, I'm paranoid. But yeah.
from hungry-hippo :
Two cents from someone who is currently sick: I think you should wait until she is not sick. It is not like she is going to give out any more keys in the interim, and the Nick situation is what it is right now. I think you should not write an email (obv.) and I think you should not sit her down (or sit her up, as the case may be right now) and have this talk right now, when she is sick and weak and you are self-styled LIVID. Write down what you want to say, put it in a drawer, discuss it when she is back on her feet. I know that is hard for you but it is good practice for you, my little angerball. :)
from captvfirefly :
I agree with Vla - talk to her. Don't send and email, but sit her down and talk to her. You can even say, "Hey, I hate to bring this up while you're still feeling shitty, but seriously, this is bothering me, and I don't want to let it fester and possibly ruin our friendship." Or something like that. And just tell her how you're feeling. She may or may not disagree, but you have the right to let her know that this shit about giving out keys is bothering you (I mean, it would bother me, too!). Hopefully she'll take your feelings into consideration and tone down the boyfriend visits.
from vla :
just talk to her about it. I agree, no email! It's your apartment too, and you should totally have a say when it comes to who has a key. definately bring it up now before things get worse and you just get more & more pissed off.
from vla :
omg. finally with the tb! i think that now that you're fully rid of him it will open that spot for a new really good, hot boy to fill it. seriously. i think this is gonna be a goooood spring for you. i just have a feeling. and YEAH ke = MARRIED. and. dad. dude.
from captvfirefly :
I'm sorry to hear that you and TB finally ended it. I know it sucks and it's lonely to be single, but something better will come along for you, I just know it. I mean, dude! You had THE original (you know who) guy! How many women can say that? Not as many as would like to, that's for damn sure. You are way too fabulous to be single for long, so work it, girl!
from smallhanded :
you are killing me. it is cacantor@aol.com
from jasminum :
OMGZ. I so knew this would happen. You're too cute for it not to. Fuck yeah, *high five*. And I totally agree about the response - before I even read your next paragraph I was all analyzing it, "now what does THAT mean??". Happysadhappyface? TB feels like such a nonissue right now that I forget you're dating.
from smallhanded :
SOS! NEED PASSWORD NOW. HELP!
from vla :
god. i HATE to lose too. that's the worst part. god god god. and you know we have ALL been there. um. it bugs for a little while, you know. and then becomes another one of *those* memories. kinda laughable once it's truly in the past. but at the time = suck. love you. and you. amaze. me.
from captvfirefly :
Dude! I am so jealous! :) But, on a serious note .. sometimes it's not meant to be. So just enjoy it for what it was ... and if you get another chance ... go for it! (I TOTALLY would in that situation!) But you shouldn't really listen to me, I'm bitter about hearing "I'm just not that into you," and think that all men just want sex and nothing else. If only we could say that we just weren't into THEM.
from raygirl999 :
Can I have the new password please? raygirl999 AT yahoo DOT com. Thanks!
from captvfirefly :
You changed your password? Ack! I hope all is OK. Can I still read? Send the password - boredatwork74 AT aol DOT com.
from vla :
OMG. ok. i need to gather my thoughts. OMG.
from justvivo :
whoops. it's vivo_727 AT yahoo DOT com. duh.
from justvivo :
you must have changed the pass... vivo727 ATyahoo DOTcom
from sosuga :
did you get my email w/ the info?
from vla :
"A touch of gay. some...undercover gay to them." the hilarious thing? like 99% of those dudes had what I would call a lil' more than a "touch of gay" to them. also... the whole jumping in the pool thing when NY was all: "no, I don't swim. this weave is real human hair." hee. she was so deadpan. anyway. um, enough posting in limes notes for one night??? One more thing! I ttl don't know how you do that juice fast thing, I think if i didn't, like, chew for a day I would fucking go insane. ok. bed!
from vla :
DUDE. LIMES. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE. I was ttl just watching the SAME thing. How is it that we are both on DL and watching I Love NY? HAHAHHAHAH! I ttl almost added that in my last comment to you! because I knew you would fucking love it. aw, limey. ok.... anyway. I think it's also funny that apparently both our exs have found their new looooves. Of their liiiiiiives. fuck them. You don't want to date S anyway. I mean... like you said, he is the same. like, he is still immature and has the same lame friends, etc. so whatever. And who ever you date would probably get on your nerves, I mean, human. But not as much as TB who sounds like he can be a bit of a prick. yeah? and dude. the world is made up of the Funny and the NonFunny. And you just cannot date the NonFunny. Unless, of course, they are super fucking hot.
from vla :
well, I mean. who doesn't want to f 19 year olds? ... like, what boy? it was more of that thought. we were talking about friend of his & he was telling me so & so is dating this 19yr old. like, bleh. just my 30 year old brain (and ass) feeling it a little bit, I guess. I mean, I know I am cute. but I ain't 19. And I am having one of those days. and he wasn't actually telling me he wanted to f 19 year olds. i mean, dude. but anyway. And I know G is insane. wtf. ! one weekend. but I am dependant too. like, I should not care.
from vla :
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE! dude. it was the weirdest moment so disassociation I have ever, ever, ever experienced. Like I looked at her, shook her hand and EVERYTHING and I could not tell you one single thing about her. nothing. it was as if a grey screen floated across her the entire time I was standing there and looking at her. and that's the SECOND time I've seen her out. Dude! no clue what she looks like. G says: not cute. I have no idea though.
from vla :
god! I have tried to send it to you like 5 times. the hell? email me. vla_76@yahoooooo.com. I must have ur email wrong.
from smallhanded :
you fucking bitch. yo. what the fuck??? I live in NYC too. Way to invite Hip to your thing but not me. Fuck you. Oh, wait, I am a mom so probably not cool enough to come to your paaaaaaarty. Whatever. ps Hope you had a great Christmas. xoxo
from vla :
holy crap. i miss u too.
from vla :
um... hellloooo? where u at??????
from vla :
ha. guess who else is a whore... uh....
from vla :
FUCKING UPDATE! I am dying to know what happened with TB.
from vla :
omg, you are so fucking cute. you are SO cute. and... M gets back sat.
from vla :
p.s. that craigslist message: hahahahahaha. and also: that lameass boy from the real world. omg. he is just SUCH a dick. just not a good person. I totally had the same reaction to that. and he was totally proud of himself, too. gross. also, i love how the next day (once busted) the whorey girl was all: this is ttl not me! i am not this girl!! and i was like, um, slut, you were just *that* girl last night. god.
from justvivo :
O man o man. Well, it's a good thing you got out while the getting wasn't too bad. The situ sucks though - I hear you about the sad and missing. But at least it was followed up by the KNOWING that you did the right thing. Still sucks. xo
from vla :
I know you're hearing this alll the time, but: you're better off without him. and you're 5,000 times hotter than him. (!!!) so there. enjoy your singlehood, baby, cause some lucky boy is going to come scoop you up sooooon enough!!!
from vla :
sigh. I totally hear you.
from jasminum :
1. I couldn't read that whole email. Neither of them, actually. I'm all for delving into feelings and analyzing shit, but if someone wrote that to me...there's no way it's all original thought and not incessant repetition. 2. You miss TB for the reasons you stayed with him as long as you did. There was something fun, otherwise you wouldn't have wasted ANY time. But it's all the superficial day-to-day routine shit that can be duplicated with a better man.
from captvfirefly :
Honey, you miss him because you're not a cold, heartless bitch. You cared for TB, and it wasn't YOU who fucked it up, it was HIM. So, don't be so hard on yourself - breaking up is hard. Especially when all you really wanted was for him to show he really gave a damn (not just telling you he loved you, but showing it). Missing him, and even just the idea of someone, is totally understandable. It hurts. It sucks. And I'm sorry it turned out that way. And yes, you will eventually get over it. But right now? You're totally allowed to grieve. ((hugs))
from sosuga :
I am feeling the lonlies today too darling. I am so sorry youre having the TB withdrawls..although just like any other habit the desire will wane out to nothing and you'll look back and say "what the fuck was I doing missing him?" its just a matter of taking it a day at a time right now. I dont like how he's being a turd, god its like he is just never around. Again, my apologies that the manrace sucks so bad right now. xo.
from vla :
p.s. i agree with everyone else. those emails = zzzzzzzzz.
from vla :
I agree. be done done. done with the e-stalking of the ex... I think that keeps you emotionally roped in with him on some level, which is just painful. He did love you. But he's moved on. So have you... but you have to just cut it loose alllll the way. I know this shit with TB is hard too. just yuck. I too love how he asked about your dad like he didnt know what was going on. huuuuuh??? god. missing sensitivity chip indeed!
from captvfirefly :
I love how he's just NOW asking about your dad. Like he'd never heard something was going on before that email?? Be glad you are done with him - he sounds mental.
from smallhanded :
ohmygod I don't even know where to begin. I couldn't read the whole thing...I had to skim some because I got too fucking bored. Sorry. But I kind of love how evil you are and I know that it is really hard to read this stuff (and you would be better off mentally if you didn't by the way) and feel that Sam has moved on more than you have since you and Tom broke up. That is a long run-on sentence. I just want you to know that it sucks and I'm thinking of you and Sam's whole situation sounds like aa big fucking mess. Also, the fact that you can't remember my password cracks me up because it is seriously the easiest thing ever. Are you retarded? Just kidding. But seriously...did you really know it at one time and now you can't remember it. How is that possible? give me your email address and I will send it. xoxo
from justvivo :
Listen to Lauren. (She always posts her good feedback first! xo) I know you are feeling sad, but people love in different ways. Of course he loved you. There's also a reason that you guys are not together anymore (on both parts, it seemed to have not been working). There is so much more and better out there for you. Besides, she does need too much saving. Gah. Now, what I'd like to know is how you got a hold of the super secret on the sly correspondence??
from captvfirefly :
I wasn't really sure what to say. I almost fell asleep reading his email to her (blah, blah, BLAH!), and they both sound like their dysfunctions are perfect for each other. Please don't let him get you down. He's clearly looking for someone who he can rescue, and you, in your fabulosity, can take care of yourself. He wants someone he can manipulate and pour on the sap, and that's just not you. I know it hurts to hear, but take it as a good thing that you're not with someone who doesn't deserve you. If that makes sense. Let's just focus on 2007. ((hugs))
from raygirl999 :
Honestly when I read those e-mails I thought it was a joke. Very melodramatic, like I don't know anybody who writes or even talks like that. Some guys like a chick with tons of baggage and drama so they can be the white knight or whatever. I don't know why they even mentioned you to begin with. If the relationship is secure ex's don't need to be brought into it.
from raygirl999 :
Honestly when I read those e-mails I thought it was a joke. Very melodramatic, like I don't know anybody who writes or even talks like that. Some guys like a chick with tons of baggage and drama so they can be the white knight or whatever. I don't know why they even mentioned you to begin with. If the relationship is secure ex's don't need to be brought into it.
from justvivo :
Oh man, oh Limey-girl... this is what happens when I don't catch up. Shit. Well, first, I hope your dad is doing ok... I can't imagine the amount of stress you've been going through with that situation. Thoughts & prayers (and I'm not a pray-er) going out to you and yours... As far as the other situ? YACK. F-in TB. Gah. I'm angry. I was so hoping for him to realize he f-ed up and instead, he's continued with the defensiveness. Good for you for making decisions, albeit hard ones. Suck. It all sucks. I don't know if there is a resolution in sight, but remember (because I know you KNOW) how incredible you are. And in the meanwhile... if you should happen to make a side trip to the Phoenix area... well...you'll have to have drinks with me. xoxo Snuggle the pupple. Meanie will make things feel a little better... xoxo
from vla :
aw, girl. I am so sorry. But it seems like a good thing. I know this is a hard time to be breaking up though. Ke & I split in mid dec last year... I was totally reading those old entries the other night. so weird. Anyway. Sorry about this but you will be fine. You're a gorgeous and amazing girl. you're gonna have no problems in the menz department, as you well know. And I am sorry about your dad... I hope he's doing better today. I am thinking about you. And LLLlaaaaaa! trip! trip!
from sosuga :
CherrifuckingO is right. And? Much love to you & your family during all these hard times...xo
from jasminum :
First - I hope your dad makes a turn for the better. Second - I think you made the right decision re: TB. Too much deception too early on. Also, the snaps he's made at you in the last few days (ie, during the hardest you've had it all year) is just indications of him breaking down the "treat each other wonderfully in a new relationship" facade and the real guy you'd be stuck with (a la myself) is coming through.
from hungry-hippo :
Hey, I've been behind on your diary and now I am like OMG, I'm sorry I haven't eben there to offer condolences on your dad and thoughts on the brasshole show. I think you were right to break up with him; I can't believe his behaviour in regards to your father -- "are you bored?" I mean, WTF?? -- and I hope your father is doing better by now. Big hugs, OK?
from captvfirefly :
I'm sorry to hear that your dad had to go back in. I'm still sending good vibes his way. Also? I know it's tough being single over the holidays, but isn't it better than being with some jerkoff who you can't trust? Also, I love how "He brought up feeling that maybe I wasn't feeling so into the relationship." How nice of him to try and place it all at your feet? Bah. Yep, he will never get it. This is a good thing, even though it sucks at the moment. You deserve much better.
from raygirl999 :
I'm glad your dad is doing better. Maybe TB has Asperger's syndrome or whatever since he has no capability to emphatize with you what-so-ever and is quite possibly dead inside. He seems to find common emotions confusing or inappropriate. You are better off without him. anyway I tried e-mailing you and got a bounce back: UN: donnie pw: darko
from vla :
buy a vibrator and be done with his sorry ass. p.s. so glad your dad is doing better!
from sosuga :
Glad to hear your dad is on the up & up - I was thinking about that this weekend. As for T, I agree with Lauren whole-heartedly. He's selfish to the point of ridiculous...But I'm sorry none the less that it turned out so stupid. And no, there's nothing wrong with you craving some affection. You have been thru a LOT the past few weeks...xox
from captvfirefly :
Yes, he deserves to know that you are breaking up with him, but as far as actually DISCUSSING it? Forget it. I'm sure, by now, that he knows he totally screwed the pooch on this one, and frankly, he's not going to "get it" even if you DID try to explain why you're dumping him. All he needs to know is that it's not working for you, and that you're ending it before things get too bad. As far as staying his friend, do you REALLY want a friend who will lie to you, cheat on you, and totally blow off a significant family event like he has? He was a bad boyfriend, and I'd guess he'd be a bad friend. Maybe down the line you two can be friends, but for right now, I wouldn't worry about it. You need to take care of YOU first. I am LIVID for you over the fact that he never once asked you about your dad. I mean, all of us here in Diaryland have asked you about him (even though you don't want to talk about it, you should know that I'm sending good vibes to you and your dad - I hope he recovers very soon!), and yet your boyfriend doesn't ask even one question? That is SO not acceptable. Even if none of the other shit had happened, THAT right there is enough for you to kick his ass to the curb. I'm sorry all of these things are happening to you at once, but maybe cutting TB loose will get rid of some of the extra emotional baggage you're dealing with? I know you've got that connection, but he's not respecting you, and it's just stressing you out even more. You deserve more. Hang in there. I'm pulling for you! xoxo
from vla :
limey, how is your dad? I hope things are a little better. I am just so wishing that this shit was not all all for you. And I wish fucking TB could be there for you in an adequate way when you need it right now. I think that is terribly lame that he couldn't be helpful when you were leaving... I dunno. I don't what to tell you what to do about that. only you know what to do & how you really feel. maybe just wait till you get back & see how you feel? but I agree that he should have acted a whole hell of a lot more right in this situation, and should be calling to check in & not, like, shouting at the fucking TV while talking to you. sigh. And about the G thing: When kevin cheated on me with g, I did not know G AT ALL. Had never even seen her face. And G and I only really started hanging out after kevin and I broke up. Although when kevin and I got back together I did see G around because she started dating JC and was friends with mutual friends... And the reason she has gossip on kevin is b/c she is closer to our friend B who is closer to ke. Sooooo. long story short: Yeah, it's weird sometimes. I could never be friends with her if I had known her when she fucked him, because that would be this huge betrayal... but it was the fact that she didn't know me, you know? liiiiike. yeah. and i HATED her for a long time. looong time. but then, like, slowly we just got to know each other & weirdly liked each other. but now that she is doing this shit in other ppl's relationships it is brining it back up for me a bit... anyway. update!
from raygirl999 :
Hey Limes, I hope you and your family are doing ok; my thoughts are with you. As far as the letter, I think ti is best to wait to send it like oyu are planning to do. You should just focus on yourself roght now. Don't even worry about hima nd his self-serving attitude. You deserve better than that. Maybe you should give it to him in person? I don't know if he even deserves that though and he may try to talk his way out of it. Good luck either way.
from sosuga :
I agree with hip/captv to hold off and sit on the letter for a bit, if you send it and dont get any response it'll quite possibly drive you crazy wondering why he had no response. At least if you talk to him in person you have that closure you will be seeking indefinitely if there is no words coming from his end. You deserve to hear what he is going to say - regardless of whether it'll change your mind or not it will probably set you a little at ease. I am so sorry to hear about your dad, too - the holidays are stressful enough as it is. You are in my thoughts dollface, I am sending you all my love! xo
from vla :
First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Second of all, I love you too. Third of all: WHAT IS THIS: "Yesterday, after finding out my dad had a heart attack, you still accuse me of 'goint through your shit'." What, what, JIGGAWHAT???? Dude. I kinda thought your letter was brilliant. I would sit on it for a few days and... think about if it's exactly what you want to say/do I guess. But. It seems true to me. I just feel like he should be kinda kissing you ass at least, and saying that he was totally confused in the start of your relationship and *that's* why he fucked up. That makes sense to me, you know? Because people do that... But he seems to be just taking the defensive and being an ass about it, which is lame. I am sorry about all of this limey. Update more!
from hungry-hippo :
I totally agree with Captive. HOLD OFF. Do not send. First, he's on a business trip and will not be able to respond appropriately and that will just wig you out more. Second, this is an in-person convo. Third, the time when you are going from dating to exclusive is amorphous. You had not had the exclusivity talk yet (I don't think?) and so just because you were exclusive and writing in love journal entries and expecting him to be exclusive does not mean that it was and it is not fair to rake him over the coals for that. That said, Captive is right about the health. If you were fucking w/o condom, that is exclusive and/or he has to tell you if he fucks someone else. I am going to send you something via email that I have started reading -- cheesy but could help?
from captvfirefly :
Don't send the email. Talk to him in person. If you have to take the email with you and read it to him, then do it, but you have every right to say what you've said in that email. He should know that you're hurt. And it's not so much about MsJuneFuck (which, honestly, at this point there's nothing you can do... and it was early in your relationship during that grey area ... BUT, the unprotected sex thing? He totally, potentially, put your health at risk, and for THAT, he should be ashamed of himself, and? Get tested.), but the RECENT lies. I know a lot of your readers have said, "Well, maybe he's scared," but you know what? FUCK THAT. You shouldn't have to make excuses for his behavior. Do you really want a man, and ADULT, who gets "scared" and then acts like a child by using lies and deceit to protect himself? Hell, we ALL are scared of getting hurt, but you can't handle the heat, don't get involved, you know? I know you love him, and he's said he loves you, but when you love someone, you don't lie about important things. And it seems that his possible infidelity and lies DOES matter to you. Do I think you should leave him? That's really got to be your decision. You know better than any of us how you two are when you're alone. The question is, do you like who you are when you're with him? And, are you always going to wonder when the other shoe is going to drop, or do you think you'll honestly be able to trust him? Because if you're constantly questioning him, feeling uneasy, and wanting to go through his text messages, then that's not a good sign. Lovey dovey feelings aside, you shouldn't have to doubt him. If you can get past all of this and feel like he's really putting himself out there for you, then you have a shot. Otherwise, you may have to let him go.
from smallhanded :
I just read your entry before the last one. I don't think you have to walk away. I think this is forgiveable. I really do. He slept with someone before you guys were definitely a couple. Not such a biggie. Worse is that he lied to you about Thigh (sorry, couldn't resist) but it sounds like he just did that b/c it was easier...not because she was a potential conquest. You just need to be clear that you have a no-lie policy and it has to stop. And he has to give you no reason to doubt. But I think this is salvageable if you want to salvage it.
from smallhanded :
I don't think you should send that email. I think you guys need to talk. As soon as you send it, the ball is in his court so to speak and you will just have to wait for a response. I think you'll be much better off talking in person and seeing his face and making sure he hears the inflection in your voice and gets what you are saying in the exact spirit you are saying it. So there is my opinion... Hang in there. This is going to work out one way or another.
from vla :
dude. I would be freaking out too... I HATE THIS SHIT. I think you should try to maybe have another, less angry maybe, convo about it... like you know he skipped telling you about the san diego chick. so now, is it important for you to know why? or can you just drop it and move on? I mean, is there shit you guys need to clear up between you in order to actually move past this? It doesn't sound like you feel dunzo with him. It sounds like you want to work on stuff with him. And GOD KNOWS the beginning of relationships is hard and confusing... and ppl fuck around. But why lie? Because he probably felt fucking GUILTY as hell about that weekend??? so.... I guess you need to discuss more. god. I hate this shit. I don't want you to be going through this, limey. That part of me want to say: fuck him.
from sosuga :
I agree, I dont think you should walk away - at least not yet. Let him feel some remorse for being an idiot, which he will, and maybe throw in a little bit of distancing if you feel vulnerable, but I wouldnt throw in the towel because men usually mean quite literally what they say. He said he loves you, he might not even remember very well the specific dates of what/when happened. Men SUCK at that anyway - esp when theyre put on the spot (dont get me wrong I think you did the right thing by confronting him about it). Are you happy with him? Does the good outweigh the bad? I think you already know what you want to do, youre just scared...we all totally understand that too! Case in point: he looooves you. Theres a lot of love between you, its worth a shot.
from justvivo :
Oh man. I have a LOT to say. The best decision for you is the one that only you will know in your heart. My opinion whether or not you need to walk away? Honestly, I don't think so. Especially after reading your entry. You're not done, and there's lots of loves there. And yes, people fuck up. Sometimes stupidly. Sometimes big. And sometimes they lie. Sometimes we lie. Is it ok? Not so much. What I have found at different times in my life is that sometimes people don't even know why they lie, it just seems easier at the time for some reason. You're in a relationship with him now - and have been for longer than you'd like to think - the time has sort of gotten away from the two of you, and that's a good thing. It just seems to work. I know it hurts. I know I know I know. I guess you have to look long and hard into your heart and listen to what it says. With regards to the "what ifs"? I struggle with these all the time. And in my moments of sanity realize that there is so much in the meanwhile that I'd be missing out on if I let them overtake my life. And you would too. There are no guarantees - but if this is worth investing in, you enjoy it for what it is, as long as you have it. Does that make any sense? Feel free to e-mail...
from smallhanded :
okay you guys have to have The Talk. Or some kind of talk. You can't be fucking around like this anymore. You have to know where you stand and what he is up to and he has to know the same and y'all have to get honest and real because it is time. I would totally be freaking out too. Not about the June stuff because those were early days but about it picking up again recently. You need to get to the bottom of that but you probably don't want to let on that you read his texts. Even though, sorry, I don't think that is the worst thing. I guess I am an evil person because that just doesn't seem bad to me. It seems necessary. You've got to know what is up. So there that is. Okay, does this make any sense? Don't freak about June but find out what the deal is NOW and you guys have got to stop playing games or you can never get to the next level. xoxo
from justvivo :
Noway man - still not ok. Yeah, I've been guilty too, but still not ok. We know this. Why do we do this? Stop the insanity!!
from hungry-hippo :
Agreeing with below. First, i love how no one shits on you that you snoop in his texts and when Anders snooped in my texts, you ALL freaked out about his horrendous behavior. I am just noting the hilarity of that, not making any judgements. Second, lay cards on table time. Yes. You only need egoboost texts if you are not sure a spat is just a spat and not a split. If you lay it all out, then there is some foundation, some connection, some continuity so that disagreements and fights can be whethered with the knowledge that "we are together, we like one another, but right now he/she is being a total shit" as opposed to "is this the end, is this the deal breaker?" Also he could be doing it precisely b/c he lieks you SO MUCH and feels like "oh, shit," I have got to get my focus off her otherwise I'm going to get hurt. I know I felt like that about Mike for a second, like, damn, I need to start dating other guys right away because I am getting too into this. And I know I've felt that way with other guys too. So that is one way to think about it. Because he does seem to like you, at the end of the day. So yes, cards, table, now.
from vla :
ok. wow. now I read you... my advice to this would suck, considering last night while with mike at like 1 AM (!) his txt message went off. like on a Monday night. (WTF.) so if I was to snoop his cell phone I would be horrified and our relationship is ttl noncommittal... I think you have every right to ask for what you want, though, which seems to be more of a commitment from him? I agree: lay your cards out. no more games, snooping. more trust. ask for what you want. I think this guy might be able to go there with you...
from vla :
ha. omg. ur note. heeeeeeeeee. are you giving out life advice while WASTED he hehehehe. I love you. and I know. bad road to go down. hip and I are not helping each other in that department right now. right, hip? I know. I know. I know. I KNOW. I think I am ok. It's just... gah. I dunno. Will right soon. It's just a little bender. Will ender. I am ok this week.
from justvivo :
OK - I'm going to try and not write a novella. First, the last comment was to the entry about the FK emails. Bleh. I hadn't read the TB one yet. Now, w/regards to that one. Man, for some reason I really relate. Especially about the fact that yeah, ok, just b/c you want to believe something doesn't make it so, but is it really all that wrong? I don't know. I guess we're all kind of f-ed up in our own ways. I can tell you one thing, even though the egoboosttexts aren't kosher, they ARE more harmless than alternatives. I used to need the egoboosts - sometimes I still do - but I have somehow refrained from caving to the need. Guys are different. Strangely enough, the more I've read about the differences between the way men & women function, the more it makes sense - even when you are with someone that you want to think is different, or even if you want to think that you (or me, or anyone) is different - you know, supacool and not girl-like. That thing. Anyhow... I might have to continue this to an e-mail. How come you don't have any sort of IM... HUH??? Or do you? Tons to say. If you get a chance, read back to some previous entries of mine from say, Juneish where I found some stuff accidentally. Sucks, but... doesn't mean it doesn't work. Too jumbled. Hope this makes a little sense. xoxox
from captvfirefly :
Ok, advice. Now, I know you two have had a very tumultuous relationship, and don't hate me for saying this, but I think it somehow works for you (meaning, there's never a dull moment, and dull moments can lead to wandering eyes, etc. You know?). Until now, that is. Nobody wants to question if the guy they are with is secretly getting egoboosts from other women every time there is a disagreement. That's not cool. You said in the big entry that, "If I knew what the fuck this was between us, I'd act accordingly." I think it's finally time to sit down and ask him. Point blank, "What are we doing here? I like you. You like me. But, are we wasting each others time here?" I think at this point you have a right to hear what exactly he thinks you two have together. Because if you ask him that question, you can sneak in some of the passive-aggressive questioning like, "Because I don't want to keep thinking that every time we have a fight, you're off texting some new woman "Just in case", you know?" But, the most important question you need to ask is directed to YOU - what do YOU want? Do you want him long term? If so, you need to tell him. Lay the cards on the table. It's all or nothing time, because you owe it to yourself not to keep going back and forth and wondering. I hope this helps. You know I'm in your corner no matter what!
from justvivo :
Ok, um gut feeling after reading the e-mail exchange? Eeewww. You don't need that. Ice.
from sosuga :
wow if my friends (and of em) went out with tony and met a new girl of his and i didnt hear about it from them, I'd be like: WTF dude. Not cool AT ALL.
from vla :
p.s. I just read your profile comment about me. hahahahah. I am ttl a bigger slut. THESE DAYS ANYWAY. And, yes. moving to la. just gimme a job.
from vla :
gah! why do you think she didn't tell you about the sam thing??
from vla :
:( that sucks. But guess what? you're totally not fat. you're really hot. just thought you should know...
from hungry-hippo :
I did go. Did not see Sam's parents. What is this about the chef? There was a chef in the back of the room using that combo griddle/grill thing to make crepes i think it was. And then there were also a ton of trays of hors d'oeuvres coming out of the kitchen downstairs too. The chef at the demo station was totally flirting with this girl, though, no clue who she was. Like teaching her to make crepes and having her behind the podium with him. And ignoring Kristen and I when we wanted a crepe. So that wasn't kosher.
from sosuga :
Back scratch fevaaaa!! I love having my back scratched omg. It is the best! And Mike does it for me too, awesome awesome awesome. Have a great time this weekend you lovely chick, let us know what happens! xo
from vla :
I've been wondering what's been going on with you! Now I feel updated. Thank you.
from hungry-hippo :
wow, she sure has a whole lot of teeth!
from vla :
OMG. FUCKING GAG. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKING GAG. i felt like i was gonna puke before, but now. jesus. that's just sickeningly awful. really. i want to kick them both. while he plays guitar on a mountain top and she fucking captures it with her digital. GOD. so he carried it up there?? good. god.
from captvfirefly :
Um, she's just a poor man's Lisa, my friend. She ain't got nothin' on you!
from vla :
p.s. I think you've just still got some walls up with TB? And you're afraid of being hurt again... But he seems so into you and is not a retarded little boy like the last one, you know? So maybe it's safe to let your guard down just a little bit more with him? He seems like a good guy. I totally feel you, though, because obviously I am dealing with the same stuff. Although sooo much further behind you right now. I am so scared to open myself up to the emotional side of all of this, and I think I too have the shittastic break-up dramam to thank for that... Anyway. Have fun with Brit.
from vla :
yeah, but weird that *he* was the one that would be jealous?? And... did I just ttl skip over the me being into girls thing? cause someone else expressed surprise about that, too... um, yeah. hee. I likey the boys more tho.
from vla :
p.s. hee. I kinda knew I didn't have to spell that shit out for you...
from vla :
omg, bitch. I hate you. I have to go to some dumb party full of BIUTF.
from vla :
Crisis averted! I found one at Petco this morning. Thank fucking GOD. The sluttastic outfit is now complete. I thank you for your concern. Now we're on the next hunt for party favors, if you know what I mean. Should this shit *be* this fucking difficult? god. I just don't think I can face that party with that many BIUTF (boys I use to fuck) without some, you know, help. hee.
from sosuga :
lis, you are such a fox!! and the shoes! omg so cute!!!!!!!
from vla :
aw, limey, u so cute.
from vla :
ha, girls. I saw her. not cute. as I told la limes. she waaaaaaay hotter.
from hungry-hippo :
First of all is she like a REAL hooker, like PAY for sex? Or just figurative hooker? And OMG I can't believe they poisoned poor Max with that image. He needs therapy now I think, poor baby. :(
from smallhanded :
oh no. link didn't work. soooooo sad. love you, you fucking internet sleuth.
from vla :
that link didn't work for me. damn it.
from jasminum :
What's your new email address? Send it to me @ my earthlink spot...
from sosuga :
god dammit, I dont know how but I missed your latest update until today and you were IN MY FUCKING CITY THIS WEEKEND! SHIT! where'd you go/stay/eat, etc? man, I totally wish I'd have seen that earlier. crap.
from vla :
whatever-whatever. you're a goooood girl now. thanks to TB. you loooove him! hee.
from vla :
that alll said, p.s. I actually kinda think he might like me.
from vla :
um, god. that was long.
from vla :
maybe u missed one? well, maybe not. she is visitng from out of town--a friend from his hometown & they made the plans over two months ago. i.e. before me. Also, the deal is... I kinda don't AT ALL think we should just be dating each other at this point. I don't really think Mike should be my boyfriend, have never thought he *would* be my boyfriend. I just wanted him as someone to hang around with, mess around with, have some fun with... He told me from the very start that he was a slut and I was kinda like, well, mee too! Let's be pals. That's all it ever was for me... I wanted to be friends with benefits and I think we just sort of naturally started liking each other more, hanging out more. Like it got upgraded naturally. I was ttl surprised when he told me about the out of town visitor because HE TTL DIDN'T HAVE TO. like... we are not like that with each other yet, you know? like... he ain't nothing to me other than... a boy i am v. casually dating, I thought. and. hmm. I guess I just came to explain this in your notes because *I* am trying to figure it out too. like, I don't like him or really care what he does with other girls, but at the same time it's the first time that I have even liked anyone a tiny bit. But that's all it is... a tiny bit. you know? he's a good tester for this because he's not someone I could falll for. Or maybe it's just that I am soooo dead inside. ha ha.
from vla :
but you were all chasing dk... and I am not. ? girl, I am trying to open up my blackened little soul. give me a shot.
from vla :
ha.
from vla :
um, I totally wanna be "staff".
from vla :
I emailed B (31) today and asked her again not to say ANYTHING about the ***. She promised she would not. I trust. As for FJ, he just SUCKS. He totalyl saw me, saw me see him, etc. He just feels like a chump for what he did and has been called out on it by many people and so he feels like an asshole around me. We had to sit *right* across from each other for 1/2 the night, too because we were with the same (small) group of people, and we just totally IGNORED each other... Like, he didn't even say bye to me at the end of the night... He is socially retarded. I kinda have no idea what I saw in him. He's sort of weird looking & I think I only thought he was attractive because he's tall. ALSO! He told Giselle's sister that he blew me off because he "wasn't into me" which DUDE. WTF???? He was running around town telling all my friends/his friends that he was totally crushing on me... so, hello. FUCKER. Why lie? Or if you change your mind, gah. Whatever, he's not even worth it because I so don't even care anymore. He's just gross and annoying. And loud when he talks kinda. Like his voice. Just bugs. Also? Old enough to know better. He is 36.
from vla :
that's TB bowling, right? he looks cuuute. so do you, but that goes without saying, dollface. :)
from smallhanded :
I'm sending you an email right now. If you don't get it, write to me cause maybe I have your e address wrong. My password is the easiest thing ever so you really need to lay off the booze or something...hahahahahhahaha
from vla :
hahahaha. The "look cute to fight" thing is soooo something G & I would IM to each other, so this just totally cracked me up... and yes, sometimes when I am reading you, I feel like I am reading myself. Like word for word. And I swear I came out of the womb overanalyzing, overthinking every situation... so, I can relate. And I also love to overanalyze & overthink my friends' situations too, so I think that's why I heart DL so much... anyway. OK. dying for the update!!
from vla :
alright, why does this bitch have her MS set to private? the HELL? also? nice fucking outfit. pearls? Ur so classy. not. Ok, so I agree you should ask him face-to-face about the Kappa Kappa CheapHos. Ask him calmly when he isn't expecting anything so you can catch him off guard and totally gauge his response... I bet since you sense something is off... something is off. And I bet this might be some retaliation from him maybe? I think he's paying you back a little, maybe? Teaching you that omission is a lot more like... lying. Because hasn't this been a bit of an issue in your relationship with the past cheating thing and then the dumb reality show omission? Just seems like it's come up before. Anyway, I think this seems pretty blatant, though, this time. Like if he did hang out with them & didn't tell you... well, why the fuck not?
from smallhanded :
Yeah, you should ask him but in a totally non-accusatory way. I actually do not believe he cheated. My husband was also cheated on but never cheated and he would so so so never cheat. Something tells me - I don't know what -that Tom is the same way since he has been so concerned about your cheating, etc. I also think he probably did see these girls when they were in Vegas so you should be prepared for that. And you can let him know that you were upset that he didn't tell you that he was going to see them. But I don't think this is grounds for a break-up. I don't know if this is helpful at all but it's what I am thinking now just after reading your entry. xoxo
from captvfirefly :
I'm not sure if I have any GOOD advice, but here's what I was thinking after reading your entry - I think what matters is, if you do decide to ask him (which at this point, I don't think you'd be able to stop yourself) are you really going to believe his answer? I think the more important question to ask is: if you think there is something going on, there might be. And do you really want to sit around and wonder every time he goes out with his friends if he's "ommitting" something to you? Because I've got to say, with all of the drama he's stirred up in the past, it's hard to say what he's capable of. I think it's important that you decide what YOU want, and whether or not he really, honestly fits into what you want. So, you can ask him about Vegas, but personally I think the issue goes deeper than just that Vegas trip. It's not fair to you that he's held your past against you, and perhaps (and I could be totally wrong here) he's trying to get back at you by being so nonchalant about his trips and friend gatherings. Does any of that make sense? I just hope you get the answers from him that you need. Otherwise, dump his ass. You are fabulous and you deserve nothing but the best. And you can find better. xoxo
from justvivo :
Oh man. Get outta my head. I'm not sure if you've read my latest angsty entries, but this is the type of inane shit that goes through my head. Was I OMITTED to? Uh huh. I have no good advice. Ask him and see how it goes. Then let the cards fall from there. Also ask yourself, what *if* you were omitted to? His reasons for doing so are probably what you said they would be. I don't know. I've been struggling with the demons in my head this week so I very much related to your thoughts. I'm also trying to come out the other side of it, and tell myself I'm thinking too much. So... maybe you're thinking too much? Maybe not. I guess it just lies in your belief in him and the two of you. If you have any ideas that are better, you'd betta let ME know, too!
from vla :
Aw, thanks so much for that note... makes me feel a little better, actually. (Good tip on the PP front too. I guess it's good that my appointment got pushed back then, huh?) And you're right... it's like a total high when you're hooking up with new boys, and then when it dries up, you're left feeling low. But it IS a good thing to have time just to yourself. I know. I know I need these low spots too. I know I can learn a lot here. It's just hard to sit with this stuff... To be *in* it. It's so easy to get caught up & lost in the chaos of it all... and then when it's done, I am back to just me. But your note is a good reminder that this is a good thing. A place to grow. And, no, not gay. xxo.
from justvivo :
Ok, so I'm looking at the photos and thinking "hmmm, dead ringer for Lou Diamond Phillips..." and then I realize. WTF? :)
from jasminum :
Um. Vla can get in line behind me. RL is my baby. And you touched him. BTW - CUTE dress and fantastic shoes. LOVE! (PS - I know. I know. I suck. My life is so not interesting to even me right now.).
from justvivo :
You look gorgeous! Now, let's hear the back storis behind the photo entry... :)
from vla :
yeah, you're ttl with my boyfriend in those pics, bitch! (Jack Berger.) Also, you look SO CUTE. Love, love, love the shoes. Where from??
from captvfirefly :
LOVE the photo entry. And? I love Jack Berger! Look at you with all the stars. Heh. Geez, I sound like such a backwoods, star-struck, country girl. I'll shut up now. Hope all is well in TB land.
from hungry-hippo :
god what a horribly honest note. I mean "prepare for loneliness." Owch. But so be it. I mean, it is loneliness or putting myself in a position of continuing a relationship i am "just not that into" right? So maybe a modicum of loneliness is to be expected, right? But I will say that I must thank you again for your horridly honest comments. They are, as the Cars say, "just what I needed." When are you next in NYC? I... um... need you. In a completely not sexual way. Just a fun drunken way. :)
from vla :
go check your MS inbox for grreeeaaaatttt detail. :)
from captvfirefly :
Hey, when you know for sure that you're done, you'll be done. But, even YOU said you didn't feel totally done. So, there. Even if you are just prolonging the inevitable dramarama breakup, I say you should enjoy the newfound ability to be brutally honest with him and see what happens. Also, I find it funny that he projects on to you what he THINKS you're thinking/feeling, when usually that's what we WOMEN do to men. Hopefully he'll remember that you are, in fact, a woman who does not mince words.
from sosuga :
glad to hear it isnt kaput, I had a feelin you werent down and out yet. Yay!
from vla :
I looove the outfit check, as you know. I knew you weren't done. You knew it too. Give this one some more time.
from justvivo :
They already said it all!!! Waiting to see how the talk went last night. I don't doubt that you got some (hee) but... I agree no donezo just yet. So there.
from captvfirefly :
I second what Vla said below. a.) I don't think you two are done yet, 2.) yes, he is cute (that pic of him in the green blazer has a Kennedy look about him, but maybe that's just me?), and D.) that nakey pic IS scary. I hope you post today to let us know how the convo went last night. I would have posted comments sooner except I'm 3 hours behind you, and I'm rarely online after work these days. But, you know I will always comment after I read! xoxo
from vla :
ha hah ahhaha, nice pic, dude. nice naked boyfriend. or ex, whatever. i have a feeling you guys are not dunzo. and he is cute, but what matters is how you feel, of course... what is up with all the DL breakups right now?? U better update tomorrow. also, nice MS comment! GO CHECK. no image. nice. hee.
from sosuga :
shiiiit, I dont think it has anything to do w/ the signs, were ALL having a shitty shit shit time right now. I'm sorry girl, kinda sounds like TB is a drama king in a way. Maybe. Also, I sent you a myspace friend request a bit ago, name is Jamie. Approve me, beotch.
from vla :
totally agree with the note below... so sorry, limes. please update more today.
from captvfirefly :
No, I'm not a capricorn .. I'm actually an aries. But I'm thinking all of the signs are f'd up at the moment .. at least it seems like everyone is having a weird go of it at the moment. I'm sorry to hear about TB; it sounds like as much as he said he didn't like drama, he sure did cultivate a lot of it. Boys are dumb. I'm sorry.
from vla :
aw, write more soon. i need more than that baby update!
from vla :
hee hee. of course. they will forever be: fucking beth and fucking jerry.
from jasminum :
Hi from under a rock. Yeah, this may anger you, but...um, what show? And I want to know what his answer is on why he's flipping out. And he is flipping out over nothing. Big deal.
from sosuga :
le sigh - the cowboy was on a reality show too but when I found out I was like, huh. thats cool I guess. and then I forgot totally about it until just now when I read your entry. whats TB tripping about - I mean for REAL...everyone has a past, you cant expect to cover all the details in a couple months on a LIFETIME of shit goings-on. Sheesh. I am sorry the drama has emerged. Here's to hoping he gets a grip.
from ladiebug :
um... i'm dumb. i saw your note that must've been written a long time ago... did i ever give you a password? care to share yours, please? :)
from vla :
dude, seriously. what is the big fucking deal? and also: UPDATE MORE. am dying over here.
from vla :
I just read my horoscope from SM, and I want to f'ing cut a bitch. It was sooooooooooooooooo bad.
from vla :
hmm. weird. g said she is totally the same with the pill. EXACTLY. she can't handle it at all either. weird, huh? anyway. jane party with the klum? god. i'd never feel cute enough for that. although, you ARE cute enough for that. believe it, doll. you kinda make me sick you're so cute.
from vla :
what's the deal with the pill? so weird. what pill were you on b/4? I have been on the pill since 17. nonstop. that's so ghetto, huh? I want to switch to that new only-have-ur-period for three days pill though. I am on ortho-low right now. it's fine. i don't seem to have a problem with it... seriously, limes, i think it just takes a bit for your body to adjust. i don't really think you'll gain weight from it. I don't think people really do. are you really trully? I've heard that it doesn't really happen. anyway. wait a bit & it might settle. ANYWAY. i hate bad sex things with boys. sucky. I think maybe just.. hmm... talk to him about it? god. that is so hard though, I know. I tried to talk to kevin about that stuff sometimes and he would freak. (because he was so lame.) but I don't think TB would. he seems secure and cool. so... maybe he just needs to know what you like?
from vla :
TONIGHT! send me vibes.
from vla :
p.s. PSYCHIC LIMES! never EVER predict me a dry spell again!! You are no friend of mine. Although, um, I think I am HAVING it... Because let's be honest here. It's been months. MONTHS. months. since anything really happened-happened. So I guess it's happening right now. Psychic-Limes? Can it be over now? PLEASE???
from vla :
I have like 2 seconds, but! that is fair! (the rent thing.) and I think TB sounds like a good match for you. Don't sweat it... But of course you're going to have some weird feelings about getting into a new relationship AND about the ex having one too. I cracked up about the tb thing. omg. And apparently I also love the babies? What is that about? Seriously though, limes, your new relationship with TB is giving me hope for the future... I mean, for when I am done fucking around, of course. xo.
from sosuga :
Nicely said, I'll be flushing this nonsense immediately. We talked last night (cowboy and I) about everything and basically decided it was a bad day and sometimes these things happen. Glad to hear that TB has the right idea - sometimes you just gotta chalk it up to having a bad day :b
from vla :
I would have been totally pissed about the chicks stealing my alcohol too! that's just wrong. and TB post-stealing comments were waaaay wrong. I would have been super pissed. But you have to let that shit go in relationships too. boys are dumb.
from smallhanded :
p.s. By crap magazine, I mean something that any respectable person should be embarrassed to read but that I can't get enough of. Obviously no offense meant but I know it may have come out wrong.
from sosuga :
dude, ruby red absolut totally deserves to be watched overlike that, and I'd pounce all over any floozy who tried to STEAL some of mine, so I dont blame you one.bit. I'd be pissed off about the whole thing too, but then again everything pisses me off today so maybe I should just shut it. anyway, have a good weekend doll!
from jasminum :
That was the funniest thing I've read in a while. 'Tis the season for cherries, y'know?
from justvivo :
Ok, greatest update ever. HA. Good for TB and standing up to his assy friends who don't know wtf they are talking about. And... aren't you dying to know what his response was, even if you are not too keen on running down the aisle? HA.
from ecstasia :
I've taken Yasmin. It is not that bad, very low dose - However, I do recall very slight weight gain, mostly water retention. Loves
from vla :
hee, I heart you limes. your update was awesome. gotta love the asssex + bank switch.
from jasminum :
Yeah, don't laugh, but I'm on Yasmin. And my doctor's name is Yasmin. And...yeah. You get the point. I've been on it for 2 years and it's fine. I don't notice it at all, which is perfect. No weight gain. No PMS. Cramps are about the same, but I can deal.
from vla :
hee, of course. isn't it scary that it comes second nature for me to write like that? too much gossip blog reading. you and t.b. are funny together. he might be perfect.
from justvivo :
I TOTALLY agree with vla about what to do about TBs friends. I mean, yeah, they were just looking out for him, and he was just doing research in to the (mis)information but... you will always have the upper hand if you don't feed into the misperceptions. Yanno? I'm glad things are still going well - it just SUCKS when you get thrown one of those fucking curve balls that questions everything. UGH.
from vla :
p.s. hee hee haa hahhaaaaa to his ms profile.
from vla :
love the update! I am so glad he was cool about that whole situation... I have some insane advice: I think you should act totally nice and cool when you see his gossipy, shitty friends next. Like nothing happened. Be the bigger person here because you want to be around for the long haul and this little issue is going to totally blow over and be *nothing* in the long run. You want to be cool with these people... so I'd say let it go and try to earn as many cool points as possible in tb's eyes and his friend's eyes, even if it kind of sucks inside when you're around them at first...
from captvfirefly :
I was going through withdrawl of Limes updates, and I go on vacation and you update! Yay! So, I'm all caught up now (thanks to work), and I'm all smiley because Limes is in LOVESSSSSSSSSSSSS! No more stupid game player DK, and Sam? He can go fuck himself because he lost his chance with you. You gave him chances and he proved that he is still too immature. I agree that cutting him out of your life will only make you feel better in the long run. I mean, who needs some hanger-on who didn't "get" you, you know? So, yay for love! And the new good job (even though it keeps you super busy)! Glad you're back to updating!
from jasminum :
THAT MADE ME GRIN AT MY COMPUTER. What a cutie.
from justvivo :
Limey and TB are in the loooooovessssss!!!
from sosuga :
AWwwww he LOOOOOOOOOOOVES YOUUUUUU!!!!
from jasminum :
1) HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa. I'm so glad you got to throw that last "you lose" card. 2) You are right. S is ovah. Especially since you have an actual, um, ADULT relationship now? 3) Speaking of...yay for him treating Limes like she should be treated. And giving her the new-relationship-guppy-face.
from vla :
HAaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaaa!! haaaaaaaaaaaaa! sucker.
from justvivo :
Yanno what? (aside from the fact that I am taking over your notes section) I think you should be done with Sam. Like J said, stick with the loves. And it sounds like it's getting close to time for a Max take-away. Out, damn Sam, OUT! Sounds to me like you and the TB are in the loves.... any word from DK??
from justvivo :
Le limes - you really are catching up, huh? Let's see, who did the Ex MF cheat with? Well, the known entities are some girl that bartended at a place we used to go. You know, the one that he was with when I'd go home and he wouldn't show up until 3 a.m. or so? Oh wait, maybe I didn't mention that shizz. And then there was the bitch that blew him the night he tried to take her home with us. Did I write about that one? <shudder> I'm so glad to be done.
from sosuga :
Yesss it just makes me feel all devious thinking about DK sitting in his lame hotel wondering where lil limes may be? Fucker!! HAHA! As far as going out w/ sam...meh, just keep in mind IF Tom were to find out: how would he feel/react? Is it worth spending mediocre time w/ Sam and perhaps losing the awesomeness w/ Tom? Just a thought. Thats why I made SURE Tony was gone for good. No more bullshit on the man front. AND Re: the penis? Bwahaha you are so funny, but truth is I was thinking the SAME FREAKIN THING about the Cowboy. I mean hello? The size makes a diff. I dont care who you ask. It does ;)
from justvivo :
Ok, I think I have like 400 things to say after reading the last entry. Re: Sam - yeah. Don't care. Just have fun. Remember, new loves is grown up and not ridic. Mucho betta. Re: Convos. Yeah, I remember that. The good news? They can still happen. Even after 1 yr +. Even though new is diff, you are still learning all the time. Re: Tired. You know, I think this was good for me to read, in a twisted way b/c now that I'm moved in, and there is every night together, it's not all stay up late and sex every single day (ok, so it's not late, and it's not EVERY day anymore). I guess I realized that it's not for anyone. I think I have a whole entry about this one. Re: gayest shit? Share here, beyotch! You think some of us want to be the only ones sharing the gayest of gay? Come on. You don't always have to be all Limey & shit... :) (I loves me some Limes entries!) Didja see the pupples?
from vla :
no, I feel like that is exactly it. But that seems so lame. And it seems like I need to find a way to feel peaceful and happy regardless, because I know it comes and goes... so. hmm. I don't know. I guess I need to work on sorting it out in this in-between time.
from justvivo :
Oooooh! I like this!!!! Yay Limes! Now, I think the DK thing is hilarious. What a dick. And also - I think it's been too long since you shared photos. Maybe one of the new loves? :) xo
from vla :
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. So happy for you. And please, please, please do that to dk. PLEASE. Do it for yourself and do it for all of us who had to read about his annoying ass. Please, limes.
from sosuga :
*yay* for finding a man who fits your ideal! Isnt it nice to date someone you actually can think, gee, I dont have a problem imagining myself with you for the long run? Good for you L, I am so happy for youuuu!
from justvivo :
I got no e-mail address for you, chick. E-mail me at jsw727@cox.net & I'll send you the key. :)
from vla :
yay. so happy you updated! ok. I am too old for x. I agree. That is for 16 year-olds. Also, tb needs to get OVER his sheets. I would have been pissed too. But. I am happy for you that you're dating an older guy and that you're happy with him. That's so awesome, limes! exciting. glad the jobby-job is going well too. Things generally sound good with you. so, yay. and please stalk me anytime.
from vla :
ok, bitch. where is the update? O. I went and looked at za again on ms? and he's hot. but, um, check out lisa on his top 8 and be prepared to crack the fuck up.
from vla :
hee. i know!!! thanks for the tip though. i know he's looked at mine though anyway. (he told me b/4.) so i wouldn't really care if he knew anyway. but yeah. rather play it coool. that's such an evil friendster feature, isn't it?
from hungry-hippo :
What UP!!! You have been in my 'hood and have not called me. I am bummed. (Also drunk after killing a whole bottle of wine on a Monday night. Holla.) Anyhooooooo... I will email you my info... call me when you are next in town. Have you been reading my new blog?
from vla :
oh limes you do not not not need sam. And I know I have said this before but I so think you should remove your dog from that equation and make him alll yours. and then you won't be hooked in anymore. I would *so* not be able to handle hearing about who kevin is dating, etc. hearing she is "so nice". BLEH. I just do not want to hear anything about it. It's so much easier to deal with the breakup now that I do not speak to him ever. It's hard; I miss him, but it's making getting over him so much easier. Anyway. I highly recommend it. Also? I am really trying to think about this: NO matter what. I am ok on my own. No matter what boy comes along, wants me, doesn't want me, whatever. I am just fine allllllll by myself. I think it's gotta be that way because you really cannot count on boy. but you need to feel like you can always come back to yourself, count on yourself, take care of yourself, you know? And in some ways that's terrifying, but it's also really liberating. freeing? Like if you really embrace that thought? it's kind of amazing. Like what. ever. t.b. if he doesn't call? his loss. LIMES! You realize what an amazing catch you are? It's just really knocked me over the head in the last few months how much I think I would really honestly truly be single for the rest of my fucking natural life than be in a sucky miserable relationship like I was in with kevin or like I see a lot of other people in just to say they are IN A RELATIONSHIP. Fuck that. So. screw T.B. if he doesn't call u. ok. Anyway. longest DL note ever? I think so. Write again soon limey cause I was starting to forget who you were...
from smallhanded :
soooo good to hear from you. I am in San Diego and have had no internet but finally got on here pilfering someone's wireless. I am planning to come up to LA at the end of May hopefully. Must see you if I do. PR seems like the perfect job for you. I am excited about it. And you know it already but yeah you can do much much better than Sam. xoxo
from vla :
o, limes! can I tell you how ridiculously happy I get when you update?? I miss you so much. and yes, I think you need to let go alllll the way of s. really. I think if you do that, you will be able to move on all the way with other new boys. I think that's how the world works. And as I feel myself losing interest/falling out of love with k, I realize that I am more open to others and more open to being in love again, you know? Plus if S makes you feel like shit, what is the pay off at this point? doggie day care? NOT ENOUGH. Seriously. There is a way around this. plenty of single people have dogs. Get a dog walker. I think the extra expense might be worth it in this case. Also, this cannot be said enough: update more. love.
from vla :
o, limes, so happy to see you in red! miss you a lot. I hope you can update more.
from vla :
update.
from smallhanded :
ohnoohnoohno what am I to do without my beloved limes??? I do think you need to be careful about updating at work. If they are monitoring your internet use, they will surely find out. fuuuuuuck. in other news, I am coming to CA in two weeks and will be there for at least six weeks. must see you. xoxo
from vla :
miss you, limes! you must find a way to update.
from raygirl999 :
Please update!!! I miss hearing your latest news!
from amongst :
hi limes, may i have your user&pass again? nothinglikeyou@ hotmail. com xx j
from ilovemayo :
limes, i used to read you about 5million years ago, i left dland and recently came back...could i have a pw pretty please? i miss your journal! ilovemayo22 at yahoo dot com
from captvfirefly :
Don't be nervous, Limes! You will totally kick ass at this new job, I just know it. As far as your old company being required by law to pay you for unused vacation days? No, I don't think it's a law, but if your company has a handbook or policy, it would tell you in there. I know my company pays us for unused vacation when we leave. As for the boy situation? Fuck these boys who can't see how awesome you are. You will find a good one, you'll see. Hell, new job = new possibilities! :)
from vla :
you're right x1,000. I need to guard my heart. and user dreams! totally.
from vla :
finally a limey update! whee. that was a good one. So on with the comments: I am with you on the fuck the boys who don't pick up what we're putting down. That's kinda the place I am at too. Like, yeah. If they don't like it, whatever. I think that's b/c I am still 1/2 in love with kevin, so it's like I am pretty take it or leave it with everyone else, you know? sounds similar with you. Have you ever thought made you need to cut it off all the way with ex in order to get over it fully? Maybe that would make you really ready to date someone new for real? Anyway. limes, u must write more. Ok?? more. email me if you need the password again. love.
from jasminum :
I hate that I just looked up "black rope". You sick, twisted, evil little biotch. Ewwwwwww!!
from justvivo :
YAY! Congratulations - and of course you will do your job well!!! I've always wanted to try that master cleanse - you'll have to tell me what happens in the long run. I've so heard the same thing from peeps that have done it, about the whacko cravings, but not being hungry. DK? NO thank you. But, I can understand the wanting to be wanted and all that. S - yeah. I can see what you mean... sometimes things just make sense. And that, my dear is about the size of it. :)
from vla :
no nonononoonono dk. NO! we're done with him, remember? no going back in time. he had those good qualities... but so many bad ones. do not let the distance of time fade part. the only reason you're thinking that way is because there is no one new right this very moment though. right? that's the only reason you're cuddling with the ex too, though. pretty much. SO! new boys. we're entering mercury retrograde today, right? so maybe that will shake something loose.
from smallhanded :
Congratulations! That sounds fantastic. I'm so excited for you. This is the beginning of lots of good to come. xoxo
from jasminum :
YAYAYAYAYAY for the new job! It sounds fabulous and exciting and moving and muthafuckinyay!
from jasminum :
Ha! What I have...it's called blubber. You can get some yourself. Just add 2 parts beer with 1 part fast food. Mix for 2 months. Voila!
from captvfirefly :
Whoo hooo!!! Yay Limes! Sounds like a fantastic new opportunity for you, and I KNOW you will kick ass!! I can't wait to hear all about it; I'm so happy for you! And? I was just wondering where the hell you've been. Don't leave us this long again, ok?
from vla :
OH MY GOD! AWESOME!! That is SOOOOO great, limes! I am so, so, so happy for you. You've needed to get out of there forever! I am so proud of you and that new job sounds great and perfect for you. And, yes, I will help with any advice I can, but it sounds really different from what I do... You're a good writer though, so that will help... o! I am so excited for you! And more money too! (Ok. I have just used up all my exclamation points.) Just awesome, limes. And now you must UPDATE MORE. (and comment more.) I have been missing you so very much.
from vla :
and on day SEVEN vla deleted limes from her buddy list ... you have been warned, limes. so get your ass in here and UPDATE. dying without you.
from vla :
um, had to STOP, open new window and start typing a note because I just choked (no shit.) when I read this: "I don't curse." jesus fucking christ. WHAT? I bet she's really great in bed too. Also, s's ecomment sounds like HURT to me. Also, I didn't know that anyone like Jessica Simp for the way she sang. I mean, did you even know that JS sang? cause I don't think I did... About the lemon/h2o fast. dude. I have thought of doing that like 5,000 times, but I never have. I've never wanted to starve that much. er. well, except for when I was dedicated to the cause. But still I wanted to eat solids, you know? anyway. I'd be curious how it goes though. and HA! to your joke. I love when one is cavalier about the health & well being of toddlers. and hopeful for their druggy future.
from vla :
mmmiiissss you, limes. so much.
from justvivo :
OMG. She's got nothing on you!! HA.
from justvivo :
Oh god limes... you are so not alone. I haven't even read vla's entry yet (she's later in the alphabet) but I can't tell you how much I understand. And I know you know it will pass. But it doesn't make things easier in the meanwhile. So it's ok to feel sad and lost and confused and stretched so thinthinthin but it still sucks in the meantime. I've been there. I am there sometimes. Just because some of my entries seem happy and happy and all that, it doesn't mean the insecurities and the not wanting anyone to talk because then you'll have to respond feelings aren't still there. Like today. And I need to make them go away. So, it was actually good to read your entry because it reminds me that I'm not insane. And neither are you. And neither is vla. Nor are any of us. We are just human. And sometimes, our hearts and minds weigh us down. I too, would love to see a photo of your Grandma. Because what she did and the choices she made did make a difference. Look what she means to you. xoxo
from vla :
oh my limes. does it help at all that i read the whole thing? and felt like i could have written pretty much the whole thing? i relate so much, feel like i am there or have been there. felt so much of that stuff. the hurt stuff and the how am i ever going to get this shit together and be this other person stuff... so. i don't know if that makes it better or worse? do not know. anyway. this is sort of a personal request but i kinda want you to post a picture of your grandma. you don't have to if that feels like too much, but when you write about her. aw, i don't know. she sounds so good and sweet. you were lucky to have her. it must to be so hard to have her gone though. that part about not being able to introduce her to anyone made me get teary eyed.
from smallhanded :
Thanks for answering the question about Joseph and I'm glad I made you laugh. I can't write a long answer right now b/c Stella is calling for me in a major way but I did read your whole entry and I totally get it and feel for you and am going to try to come back soon with something worthwhile to say. Hang in there. It DOES get better. It will get better. And I am coming to San Diego for six weeks in April/May so I will get my butt to LA to see you for sure. Hang in there. Take care. It's fine to wallow in your sadness and misery for awhile. I know pilot season is insane but it'll be over kind of soon-ish and then you will have time to take care of shit and get to the gym and get your life back. I'm thinking of you anyway... xoxo
from smallhanded :
Go read my diary (second entry for the day) and answer my question or I am going to lose my mind. Don't know who else to ask........ Thanks. Miss you. Pilot season suuuucks.
from vla :
i hate pilot season. boo. fucking booooo. miss u, limes.
from vla :
i thought only hookers worked at 11:15 pm?? I hope you get oooooovvvveeertime. I am off to look at jeans online now. hung-over work to do.
from captvfirefly :
Damnit, see? I was just about to hate on you and you updated. If you can call it an update. HAHAHA, just kidding. You know I love you. I just figured you were in work hell, and I was right. Damn work. And who is this friendster date? Hmmmm??? He doesn't sound worthy of your fabulosity, but if he's fun, then I'm all for it. Try not to work too hard, ok?
from vla :
aw, at least that was an update? I miss you, limes! and: a friendster date! dude. I need a daaaaate.
from justvivo :
HA! You beat me to it? WTF??
from vla :
ELEVEN DAYS since your last update. the fuck.
from smallhanded :
I'm sitting in the theater right now...been working all the time. At least my girl is with me. A link to some new pictures is at the very end of the last entry. She's still cute. I am loving Joe's Jeans right now. Hope you are having a blast in Palm Springs. xoxo
from vla :
word on the skinny jeans! every pair I try on, though, makes me look fucking awful... I know it's all about the right shoes/boots, but. yeah. they have to have the right fit/proportion too. I need a good rec as well.
from vla :
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I just read your update & you made me laugh out loud at work. hard! bitch! that was fucking hilarious. especially this: "CM, why can't I fucking goggle you??? Will you please do something with your life so I can Google PI you and fwd your photo or related information to all of my diaryland friends?" hee. aw, you made my day. And now everyone here is quite certain I am *not* doing worlk.
from vla :
the more i think about it, the more i think it's a bad idea to meet with B. because, um, the more i think about it, the more i think he probably cheated on me with her. i can't stop thinking that probably happened anyway... and maybe they're gonna start dating or something? i haven't heard shit back from her about "going out" so... yeah. she's avoiding me anyway. might see her thursday though. oy. don't know how i feel about all this. limes, i need a hot boy.
from vla :
p.s. I can't fucking believe I missed intervention when it was about bulimia of all things... damn it. that sounds gross though. I mean, yeah, who am I to judge but. yeah. not sure I want to watch that. but still I want to see the ep! They never replay that shit during the week either.
from vla :
ah, word to your entire entry. First, I need more houseplants since I lost 68% in the divorce. Second, I am so not about anyone's marriage before 30. I secretly think it is insane. Also, I will never, ever push the issue, because... what the hell. I could be twice divorced for real & where would that get me? Much more lame. And what, third? or fourth? JANICE!!
from sosuga :
woo i missed you! glad to see you had a good vacation :D and yes, good the fuck bye 2005, it sucked bad bad bad bad BAD. Yay 2006!
from jasminum :
'Bout damn time, bitch. Lovely update. Glad to see you ended it with D by making him melt. Lovely. And the ex....well, I don't know what you have going on with him. Comfort sex is good and often times quite necessary. And part of me is jealous that you get to check his email. I'd do it in a heartbeat. Yeah I said it. I would. No matter what it held...I'm just a nosey gossip like that. Thanks. Cheers to 2006!
from justvivo :
WELL IT'S ABOUT FREAKIN TIME! :) Ok, first, Kitch is out. Donezo. Limey goes out on a high note. Also, I don't think you were too slutty. Eh, not like you were hooking up with randoms. Kitch was a last call, and the other? Comfort zone. Photos? Oh yeah. You are a hottie, btw. And also? J-Ex sucks. I wouldn't even subject Max to balls like that. Peanut butter covered or not. Pupples deserve better. Now, 2006 has to be better. Right?
from vla :
Happy b-day, limey! And, oh god limes, best update ever. I agree totally, 2005 can certainly kiss my ass. I have never been so fucking glad to see a year go. I cannot BELIEVE about cat, by the way. That is crazy. What a total asshole. And I can say to her what I have heard about 5,000 in the last 2 1/2 weeks: she's better off without him. It's true though. O, and hilarious about the meditating boy on nye. ::sigh:: dear limes, send some of your supposed sluttiness my way. although none with the ex. the thought of that makes me want to fucking gag.
from justvivo :
HELLOOOO! You owe me (yes, ME!) nearly 3 weeks of updates! Now, happy belated birthday, merry christmas, happy new year - and get to the good stuff!! xo
from jasminum :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Where the hell are you? I hope you have a fabulous Limes Time. And here's to a new year. :) Cheers.
from vla :
Limes. Thanks for your message!! I knew you'd fucking freak when you got back to a computer and read about the madness that is my life right now... Hippo was like, you have to talk to Limes!!! I feel like you will have some good advice for me coming up here, on how to actually get the fuck *over* this. I feel like I am sort of on autopilot right now... Anyway. Your message was awesome to read and made me feel immediately better. Maybe a trip to lala is in order. Dude! A DL convention! How hilarious would that be? So yes. Emails are to come. I hope your xmas is stellar.
from jasminum :
Where are you? Get back here. Pronto.
from justvivo :
Uh, yeah. We're in a fight. Huge fight. Didn't you know, bitch? Ha. Anyhow, I'm here. crazyfuckingbusy week at work, the boy was gone, there was weirdness earlier this week and as soon as I come up for air, I'll fill you in.
from justvivo :
I say throw K (see entry) in the same hole as you throw the Dumbass into...
from mozangeles :
I hope she dies, too...just for you. And I am only saying this because I am equally as vindictive and jealous as you apparently are. :) xoxo - me
from vla :
I cannot believe they are making you come back to the office after a work party that ends at four! dude. that is cold. I went xmas shopping last night? and had to tear myself away from this boutique in order to stop myself from buying a $75 necklace... for me. What is wrong with me? I returned home with zero presents for anyone. bah humbug.
from justvivo :
"Next store". Oh.MY.God. What a fucking dumbass. Seriously, how old is she?? But, I agree with vla. Getcher snoot out of the emails (I know, I know curiosity is addictive - more to come in my next entry) if it's bugging you. You deserve so much better.
from vla :
Oh my. That cracked me up... "next store." hee. wow. Um, how did you get those? You must have the password, huh? I would tell you to quit torturing yourself because it's not worth it, but it's also comedy gold. Seriously though, limes, if it's hurting you, you should probably try to detox from him and his retarded correspondence.
from sosuga :
bah. I knew a colleen in high school and wanted to slice her to shreds everytime she talked because she had a snaggle tooth. Lets all cross our fingers its the same one (lol) but, doubtful unfortunately. My friend just got back from SoCal and said everyone there is beautiful and it made her feel fat...which made me decide its probably not the place for me seeing as right now I feel like a heifer. But, nonetheless I still wanna come out there because the shitty weather here makes me want to scream bad things. I'm sorry things are chaotic over on your side of town...I have no advice seeing as the past four months have proved I know NOTHING, but youre still in my thoughts <3
from smallhanded :
You must update RIGHT NOW. Dying to know how it went!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
from justvivo :
So... how'd it GO??? And I'm a bit less miserable today.
from vla :
I would update too, but am also miserable. I think I have season depression or something. don't laugh, la girl. also, good luck!
from jasminum :
GOOD LUCK. SERIOUSLY.
from justvivo :
WELL. I would update today but I'm sad and miserable. Just because I'm a stupid girl. Bleh.
from mozangeles :
Fags are cigarettes! xoxo - me
from justvivo :
Yo biatch - I updated too! I've just become boring compared everyone else!!!
from ecstasia :
i updated
from sosuga :
PS: it's usually by the bandaids and first aid stuff because its supposed to be for itch/rash problems...funny thing is I cant bring myself to go to a normal register with that stuff @ the store because I feel like they might think I have some sort of problem so I always go thru the U-scans. This may be foreign to you, I just realized.
from sosuga :
dude...go buy yourself some hydrocortisone 1% @ the drugstore (NOT the ointment, ew...only cream) and use it as a spot-treatment on the zit factor. It's a topical steroid and it does wonders over night, seriously. I swear by this shit. Even better if you can find it w/ aloe in it, too.
from smallhanded :
I don't know about casting. I wouldn't do it. What about development? I think you'd be really good at that but maybe you have to start at the bottom with that and be someone's assistant again. In which case, no. i think publicity would be hell too but not worse than what you are doing now and, yeah, there is the free stuff. Okay, I realize I am not helping at all. I think best would be to write your screenplay and then have a couple studios go into a bidding war over it and then you could just cash the check and chill... xoxo
from vla :
All I have to say is this: do NOT over use the retin A. that is bad. Go sparingly with that stuff. Like use it once. One day. Because it can sneak up on you... but it does help in little doses. And I hear you on freaking out about such things. I am currently LOSING MY FUCKING MIND over my teeth... Your teeth entries and then clarity's lately got me on the dentist bandwagon and then got me to actually LOOK at my teeth and notice that my front teeth are chipped and worn. thank you fucking bulimia, you motherfucking bitch. now I am obsessed. I cannot stop looking at the little chips and wondering how much it costs to get them fixed??? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I am sure I will obsess about this more in detail in my diary soon. Anyway. Sorry I can't help with the job thing. Those jobs are all so foreign to me! Are there even jobs like that in chicago? Also? it's ONE degree here. yes. one.
from ecstasia :
I left you a note in your g-book, but I am not sure if you check it anymore since the last entry was in March. Here is what I wrote: Hey I like the name, Ryan Gilliam. Two things: I understand your need to be, ahem, cleaned out and two: I feel ya' on the new year new life statement. Loves ******** Anyway, just so you know I am back at ecstasia and no longer use cake-n-roses.
from jasminum :
Nothing wrong with grey hair! Jon is almost completely light grey...as long as the face is still unwrinkled...the hair can do whatever it wants. Well, except get thin and balding. Yeah.
from sosuga :
omg i am so sorry about the tooth, my god last year at this time I was totally in your place it SUCKED. I would pay every penny I have to prevent that from happening again. Reminds me: make dentist appt for cleaning asap. Ok anyway so today I was shopping and thought of you because I bought my first ever pair of Citizens. They are the hottest of hot. I love them. Some girl kept tellin me to get salt works because apparently they make your butt look way nice or something? But then I tried on these and was like, oh my god I am in love. Soooo....good that you cut off the drewbug. He seems too much of a pain for what its worth. Kinda like the whole tooth situation, right? :b
from vla :
I am glad your tooth is feeling a little better. I was getting worried about you! You look purty in your pictures, by the way. Anyway. I think you sound 1,000x more clear headed about the Dick situation than ever before... I mean seriously, how long can that sort of too-cool-for-school banter go on until it either fizzles or turns into something more interesting or substantial? He has too many walls up at this point, it seems. Anyway. As you said, NEXT! Let’s hope there is a hottie left on the bus and not some short dude in a button-down from Structure.
from vla :
Do you have dental insurance? I don't get why you can't go in la... babe. I feel BAD for you. This sounds awful.
from hungry-hippo :
Awwww... I feel so bad for you and your tooth! Does alcohol help?
from justvivo :
MORE UPDATE PLEASE! How was the weekend?
from mozangeles :
Goddamn woman, you made my mouth hurt. I have some like 9 untreated cavities right now (supposedly), and I do NOT have the $2,500 or so it will cost to fix them. FUCK! xoxo - me
from vla :
is it possible that drew makes fun of & teases you to diffuse the power you have over him? like maybe you freak him out because you don't take his shit like I bet other (lame) girls do. anyway. cute dress & boots. And I'm glad your ankle is feeling better!!
from jasminum :
1) Not blaming you for the boy dilemma. I understand. 2) Can't tell much of the dress. Need more pics. 3) LOVELOVELOVE the boots. Now I want swirly stitched fabulousness! 5) Accessories...pale pale blue would look lovely on you as a wrap/scarf/shrug type deal. It's also super wintery. And I'd add a superlong (like 3 feet long) simple necklace, wrap it around a few times. Stud earrings. 6) Yes, you need a break from him for a while. 7) Yes, they always do come back. It's fabulous and a wonderful power trip.
from vla :
and! I run 3-4 times a week. and I average 5.5 to 6.5 miles per run.
from vla :
ha-ha. you *do* already have a dog.
from mozangeles :
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw! That is awesome! Straight from "Heathers," if I am not mistaken? I love that you said that!!!! xoxo - me
from jasminum :
Dude. This is the reason I don't update much. My life is SOBORING compared to yours. Maybe I should dump this whole jobhouseboy and move down to LA so I can tag along and read about myself in your entries. Then I'd think I was all glamourous and cool making boys want me then walking away. It's only fun until you know you've got them, anyway. Yeah. I'll get right on that.
from mozangeles :
HA, I know nothing about this Drew character yet, but I already think he is pathetic! Seriously, what is this guy thinking? Does he think that you went to sleep last night and woke up retarded?! WTF. xoxo - me
from vla :
It SOOOOO should be Friday. Something is fucked up about this week. I swear. It's like we doubled-up on Monday or something. Anyway, that was a highly entertaining entry, ms. Limes. Well done. I like your plan of action for seeing dick. Just make sure you don't get too sauced and *accidentally* like sleep with him or something. Because that would suck. I don't think I could fucking stand reading his gloating emails. So carrying out the plan and make sure you WALK OUT at the end. I think that's brilliant. I seriously feel like someone needs to teach him a lesson. It doesn't necessarily have to be you though, because I suppose the whole thing indicates a level (on your part) of giving a shit. Anyway. limo party: I think I'd have a hard time watching the ex flirt drunkenly with other girls too. Not that I see my ex though. (any of them.)
from vla :
your boss does not appreciate you at all. but you already know that. time for a new job! easier said than done though. i know.
from sosuga :
I second hungry hippo on the gross comment. Seems you & I are kinda in the same situation, except youre in the boat and want out, I'm out and want in. Nice.
from hungry-hippo :
Ugh. That is so gross (the job stuff). You've been talking about moving on for a while... have you actually sniffed around to see what else is out there? And then on another note, Yay! I'm coming to LA!
from sosuga :
blech not in the midwest, it costs between $2K and $18K a year for individual insurance coverage. I'm lookin in to one other option w/ someone else but it looks like I either a) go to school and get covered (but again, Costs $!!), b) reject the offer and keep looking, c) take it w/ no insurance and risk it (I wont do this, I have too much going on w/ teeth and such) or d) take the offer and pay up the butt for insurance. Maybe if they offered me more $ I would do this, but I dont have any bargaining ground by saying "well since u dont offer coverage I wont more $"...its not gonna fly with them. Youre right tho its not my luck, I guess I am just pissed cuz this is job offer #3 that's looking like its gonna be a waste. Unbelievable...
from vla :
ha! I had to google "labradoodle" just to see what they looked like and found this, which cracked my ass up further for some reason: "B0cker the famous Labradoodle! He was bred by Doodlesville and is an F1 Labradoodle. He is a working doodle used in TV commercials, other advertisements, movies etc." Uh, so maybe Dick could get himself an F1 working doodle??? (oh shit. I just *totally* fucking cracked myself up at work!!!!!)
from vla :
I have nooooo plans. ke is ditching me for the recovering alcoholic again. I need a nickname for him... uh: AA. so, yeah. I am going to my parent's on Sunday. That's it. Laaaame. I am outie in 5 minutes though! yay. Sorry for the no update today, but I wrote TWO yesterday. I want long, juicy updates tomorrow on your night out, ok? And NO drunk-dial. you hear?? none.
from jasminum :
Must see pics of jeans. $150? For 3??? Where do they get these jeans? How so cheap? What other brands were there? AND I LIKE SNOWFLAKES I THINK THEY'RE PRETTY AND I ONLY USE THEM FOR XMAS! ON MY TREE! ARE YOU HAPPY? *sobs, mascara running down her cheeks in that oh-so-emo way*
from vla :
He *so* deserves a no call. Let him sit on that for a while. And I am SO jealous about your jeans score.
from jasminum :
Limes. Shut up about my snowflakes! You can take a big juicy bite out of my ass! Making fun of me like I'm the fat kid with braces and bifocals. WAAHHHHH! Fine. I will never let you live down "DREWDREAM". MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
from vla :
o, that "have to watch it" phrase. totally. I got that one a lot, too. and I agree that it makes me think about how I want to raise *my* someday kid... I really do not want to pass this shit on. that scares me. That makes me want to get this more in order before that time comes, you know? anyway.
from vla :
I am pouting right now. I soooooo want to go to the cheap jeans party. :(
from jasminum :
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That pic is hilarious. OMG. If there were pen0r in there it would be even better. And about the sex thing...I don't know if he's really serious. Or is this part of his little game thing? Or it is joking-serious, where you say things in jest, just to test out the water on the other end? What the?
from vla :
oh my jessus. can we please be done with him now?
from sosuga :
What.a.fucker.
from jasminum :
greatboyfriends.com and greatgirlfriends.com...it's a dating site where you can't put your own profile up...a friend has to do it for you, kinda like vouching for this guy. Girls put their ex boyfriends, dads put their daughters. It's kinda weird. But I'm finding you have to PAY for it so I'm like NO. By the way...he is "J" on my myspace profile...ha ha ha. Dork.
from vla :
AHhhhh! What was I thinking?? SO sorry with the full name thing. Duh. Please delete that. It's just so fun to write, I guess. About LB: it was on last night & yeah, she tries to stand up to him, but gossip says that they're dating today so... I guess in the end LC is a push over again. So don't be LC. And god! Jessica. She’s just not even worth writing about. And I hate that whole "he just can't help it" thing. That kind of rhetoric is what let's guys get away with being retarded. Jason and Dick (code names are fun!) CAN help it, they choose to fuck up, act like boys waaaay past their expiration date. Don't give them the easy pass. That said, I think you'll get a kick out of seeing this ep of LB and watching Jason make sad eyes.
from smallhanded :
I hate him. Fuck him. I know a part of you loves the game playing but you need someone who can be real with you. This is old and boring and you don't need it and you are too good for him. He sucks. You rock. End of story.
from vla :
Also, have you been watching your Laguna Beach? There is much to learn from LB. (Even if ke believes it signifies the end of all times. Or should anyway.) Drew = Jason. And you don't want to pull an LC. Or Jessica. Or Alex.
from justvivo :
Hey now... what happened to my note? Whoops. I probably shouldn't have put his name in there, huh. SORRY LIMEY!
from jasminum :
I'm so torn about him. It's like he IS the perfect man for your in every sense...but only if you could pick out the bad part. Which is his playa-I'm-not-going-to-break-down attitude. But then...I could so be the person in your ear saying "run! bad! scary!", but I don't even know if that's the right thing to do. I hate him for not seeing what a fabulous chick he has right here. Gosh! He needs to grow up quit these shenannigans before he finds himself alone, or with a B-rate bitch. But then you'll laugh. And life will be good again. And Yasi is on way too many painkillers right now.
from captvfirefly :
Yes, I hate him, too! What an ass! And no, you are certainly NOT dumb - you were hopeful. Hopeful that he wasn't another idiotic guy who thinks with his dick. But, he is. And like Vivo, I was really hoping that being an older, career guy that maybe he'd have his head out of his ass. But he clearly doesn't. I'm sorry. Maybe the next time he talks about seeing you, you should say, "Only as friends, right?" and see what he says. He totally doesn't deserve you.
from vla :
ha-ha, drewdream! thanks for filling that out. very informative. I mean, who knew you had the "Rachel"? hee. I am list obsessed at the moment. I keep thinking of more list things...
from vla :
I dunno. I swear, girl, I have NEVER had a relationship like you two have... But I guess I meant just straight out asking him what was up with the lag in talking. Saying, so, were you dating someone else? Is that why you stopped calling? Or just saying, Drew, why did we stop talking for a while there? But I feel like he'd probably just evade the question b/c you guys are pretty jokey with each other... He'd just be like, Why, L, do you looooove me or something??? I dunno. I suppose this isn't v. helpful. sorry. And about my sis. I know. I need to write a real update, but I have been trying to write/edit shit at work. Meaning, I have been trying to do work! Insane, I know.
from vla :
I think you should call his ass out. don't be scared. I was sorta thinking something along those lines... I mean why else no calling and then calling all the time again? And if that IS the case, he shouldn't be afriad to tell you... that seems lame. It's not like you two were engaged or something, you were just dating. But it was lame that he wasn't upfront about it too. Hmmm...
from captvfirefly :
Showing support! :) Yeah, what made Drew go from totally blowing you off to calling you again? Did I miss something? Also, I don't think you two are done yet, but it is a hell of a rollercoaster ride. And? I think he likes you for more than just the status of your ass. For real. Tons more to like (not discounting your ass, I'm just sayin' you have lots of desirable qualities). If he has 25 cases in CA, that means lots of visits, eh? Hmm, this could get more interesting...
from smallhanded :
As per your request, a note from me. I don't know what to make about this whole Drew situation but, well, clearly you two need to see each other again. I'm coming to CA in two weeks but, sadly, only to San Diego. I'm pretty sure I'll make it to LA sometime in the next three months. Here's hoping... Anyway, I am very very intrigued to find out how this whole thing with you guys is going to play out. Personally, I think Drew has the hots for you. That expression just cracked me up. But I do. However, I also think too much game playing can be dangerous. At some point you guys are gonna have to be honest with each other. But you're not at that point yet so for now, just have fuuuuuun.
from vla :
i soooooo want you to ask just ask him what happened a while back when he stopped calling. cause now he's calling you 4 times a day again? the hell??
from vla :
o. i forgot to write about that! i talked to her last night, but actually it was more like i listened to her talk to her kid.
from vla :
I hated that book (shopgirl). I had to stop reading it towards the end because it annoyed me so much. (uh-oh, now you're going to tell me you loooved it, aren't you?) also, you are drew-obsessed! also some more: ke is a Capricorn, too. I'd say you're both SOOOOooo not the stereotypical Capricorns though. aren't they supposed to be stable and serious and practical (read: boring)? I always get this sort of nerdy vibe when I read about Caps and you two are not that--you in particular. I could be off base though; I don't know too much about astrology. anyway. you want to have 10,000 of drew's babies.
from vla :
ha. yes, I read!! I knew it's been fucked up for a while, but I just wanted the details, so I could, um, not do that. running outside is dangerous, I swear. I always feel like my knees/ankles hurt a lot more afterwards than when I just run on the mill. anyway. I know I need to update... but halloween was boring. nothing's going on. I feel bleh... I swear I will get on it though...
from vla :
oh my. you two are so hilarious/insane. also, what did you do to your ankle to fuck it up?
from justvivo :
Three words: SO.NOT.DONEZO. More on the ankle in a little while... :)
from vla :
I swear every person I know loved that movie. it's like ke & I saw a different version or something.
from hungry-hippo :
New layout ROCKS. Love it.
from jasminum :
OK. About this bare escentuals stuff...I'm totally going to order this shit. But how do I choose my colors? Am I light or medium? I'm pale, but an olive pale. I'm not like white...so medium? huh? Gonna get that 7 piece starter kit from the website. Maybe I should go test it out in person, huh? You're the second person in the last two weeks that swears by this. Must. Try. New. Toy.
from vla :
that was it! hee. but I just can't help but dispense love advice instead... I need to stay away from spending more $$ on sephora, but I am intrigued by that stuff. I usually don't wear foundation though--just a little dusting of bronzer & blush and that's it. Is it heavy? it seems complicated. also, my haul from sephora came today. yay.
from vla :
I don't think it's so bad that you emailed him that pic. It's funny! but you're keeping it going with him on some level, which could just be making it harder in the long run... and yeah, something happened on his end that must have changed something & I think it's hard for you to let go because you don't know what that SOMETHING was. if that makes sense. he never said: we're moving too fast, limes. or I have another chick, limes. or anything... So it's like an insanity-making situation because everything was going really well and then all of a sudden *something* weird happened but you don't know what... was it cat? was it drew? was it you? it's a fucking mystery. You could just ask him. but then you'd be putting yourself out there too much, you think? I kinda think you have every right to ask... but I can see how it'd be really hard to do. anyway. what? I swear I came here for a different reason... I totally forget what it was though.
from jasminum :
OMG your outfit rocked. You pull off shit like that and it looks so effortless. And I agree...I wished I looked as cute when drunk off ma ass. I understand your lingerings for the Drewman. The "relationship" you guys did have was a mindfuck of a good time and a connection that was expressed on both ends. After what you've been through this year, it was exactly what you needed. So it is going to be hard to be 110% donezo. Let it be. Now go find Dax to ease the pain. Now...the Bare Escentuals crap...does it really, really work? I use Laura Merceir's tinted moisterizer so I like light coverage...I thought this stuff would be super thick. Hmmmm. Are you oily by the end of the day? Does it stay on? Do you blot with powder?
from captvfirefly :
Damn, I wish I looked as good when I'm drunk! I loved the pics - you look like you were having a great time! And? You looked awesome (even drunk, you bitch. hahaha)!
from justvivo :
Supadrunk, supacute too! :)
from vla :
you wrote "i-speakers". I am just retarded. The pictures are cute. Hilarious that you're on the floor by the end. Also, I love the belt and the brown tank. adorable = you.
from vla :
I read that as i-sneakers. and I was all: i-sneakers?? what the fuck are those? I want those. maybe you can run & listen to music at the same time? or something. anyway. I should probably start with an i-pod first. I also want: house, glorious vacation, new clothes, a pretty diamond ring (even though I say I am cool with out one), a dog, that book you're reading, a new car... um. and i-sneakers.
from vla :
o, limey, I didn't get the whole weekend update till now. that's why I haven't left a note! so ok. here's what I think about drew being dunzo or un-dunzo. I seriously think you are both too alike for your own good sometimes... I think you're maybe both afraid to be perceived as the weak ones, but him more so. Both of you want the upper hand so you don't want to call too much, text ect. But more importantly I don't think either of you have been honest about how you really feel. But the f'ed thing is that it was just the beginning of the relationship--so how were you really supposed to say how you felt? you're just supposed to go with the flow at that point, you know. But I guess I think that you're both trying too hard to be the cool one in the relationship--to not be perceived as weak, that it could destroy any chance you might have to actually even date, you know? But if you were to date him, you'd have to be able to actually talk to him about stuff! ask him how he felt, be honest with him about how you felt. hmmm. this is very rambling and nonsensical, isn't it? sorry. I need coffee before I leave notes. anyway. glad you had a fun weekend anyway!!
from captvfirefly :
First off, you will NOT be alone forever. There is no way a smart, funny, sexy chic like you is gonna become a spinster. Nope, not buyin it. So the men lately have their head up their asses - it sucks, but that's THEIR issue, not yours. And yeah, as the queen of the men who never go away (think FunBoy), I'm thinking that this thing with you and Drew is not over yet.
from justvivo :
Ha - I meant I wanted to see YOUR pictures, yo! And those ones of me, except the one b-ball one, I'm hidden behind a hat/glasses! (except the really tired ratty one - but after 60 miles? fuck it. xo
from justvivo :
Man, I thought FO SHO I left you a note after the AB update! Well... Dax is a HOT-TAY, for one. And about today's entry? Yeah, I sort of get that it's not necessarily over with Drew. I mean, sure, he's fucking around with you, and playing the games you guys play, but I guess, I don't know. There was never any, ok done. End. He still called. And yeah, you were playing it cool. But... I don't know. I tend to think you're right. The Sam thing? I think you are just donezo there. Moving on. You've made your peace, and now it's time for the next thing. He know's he'll never get any betta but you? You will. Now, about injuries? I've been lucky, I guess, to not get serious ones. But I'm also a glutton for punishment, and will end up getting myself hurt. I guess, just stay off it. I know it fucks with your psyche, but the longer you stay on it, the longer it will take to recover. (Now, if I could follow my own advice...) PICTURES, YO!
from jasminum :
I agree with Hip. She's saying the same thing over again, but still trying to be there for you. It's not really advice, it's a friend attempting to cheer you up. You're gone by now, so I'm just wishing you the best, stinker.
from hungry-hippo :
I think her point is: "I want to help you but I don't know how so I will just say soothing cliches." Everyone does it sometimes. Don't stress. Just ignore it. She is valuable to you in other ways.
from vla :
emailed you.
from jasminum :
Dude. I knew he'd try and weasel in. This ups your chance of seeing him by a gazillion percent because he will so know where you are, and will try to "bump" into you, if not slyly check you out from afar because he must maintain the "I'm cooler and more aloof" facade. So yeah. Look your hottest. At least, that's what I'd do...and hope he'd be checking my ass out as I walk away. Well, after giving him a little snappy wit, making him laugh, and giving a look that says "yeah, you could be having mindblowing sex with me had you not fucked up". Totally disjointed here. CAN YOU UPDATE FROM BAMA or are you justtoocool for us????
from vla :
Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! what the fuck did he say?? dude. he is full of games. i kind of hate him.
from justvivo :
SO... WHAT DID HE SAY???
from vla :
o, me again. ok. fashion first: That outfit sounds cute and definitely not too weird. (what do they wear if that is too weird??) just wear what you'd usually wear. You'll look perfect. O! I tried on those hothot SM heals you recommended? dude. could not walk. I am such a boy. I could, like, stand and lean but no walking. (they are super cute though.) So about this seeing/not seeing drew anxiety: I think you should psych yourself up for NOT seeing him, because, like you said, you might not... So yeah. Breathe. And try to remain chill. Keep in mind that you were going on this trip for him, and he flaked so I don't know... just if there are any glimmers of hopes or anything about his big cute (damn him) brown eyes, just remember that. so yeah, I'd say if you *do* see him out, ignore his sorry ass and focus on DB. It's good that you realized that stuff last night--about potentially not seeing him & being sad about it--maybe just try to mentally de-drew the trip and just have fun with your friends? *try* at least?
from jasminum :
You're right, it is a bit sad. But you do know that you WILL be looking LA HOTHOTHOT vs. the Bama Hicks. I hope you have so much fun, despite having to avoid Drewdork. Take pictures! Show us cute clothes! Flirt with 20 year old college boys yourself.
from vla :
p.s. I want a Manly Man too!! hee.
from vla :
lisa was wasted b/c she's an alcoholic. and I cannot tell you about cousin it because you have to see that shit for yourself. it's fucking hilarious. Tuesday repeat. see it!! also, agreed. lisa is sad inside. she's also terribly entertaining on my tv.
from justvivo :
Manly man=hotclient. HA! Seriously, how interesting... I'm tempted to go now. And do you think you'll be able to get some closure on the Sam side of things now that you heard this? Also - an hour late? I'd be PISSED.
from hungry-hippo :
What did the psychic say??? C'mon!!! we're dying here.
from vla :
UPDATE.
from captvfirefly :
A.) You are SO not crazy. 2.) I've been to a psychic a few times... sometimes good, sometimes "eh". I actually took a class (way back when - I even wrote about it) on how to communicate with your "spirit guides." So, I believe in all that stuff, to a certain extent. A word of advice - do NOT offer up any extraneous information. If this chick is good, she'll be able to tell you stuff without you giving her any real in depth info. Don't lead her, let her talk and see where she goes. You can ask questions, but like I said, if she's good, she'll figure out what you're there for. I can't wait to hear about it! :)
from jasminum :
"Do yall all think i am cah-razy now?". Now? This just solidifies my initial impressions, chicka. Fruitcake.
from justvivo :
Me too! Me too! I'm really interested to hear what she has to say. I've always thought about going to a psychic, but I'm partially too afraid to hear what they have to say. Then again, maybe I'd want to know... hmmm.... will definately stay tuned.
from vla :
ooooo! Spooky about the coffee guy!! I've always wanted to go to one of those psychics. But I'd want to go to a good one, not some bullshit artist. This is so weird because I was just thinking about it today. So, hmmm... Maybe *I'm* psychic? Or maybe you're psychic?? Anyway, I'm going to be very excited to hear what she has to say. And I know I have to update, too. I just haven't been feeling it lately. I will do it tomorrow though. crap. Now I'm kinda creeped out & I am in my office all by myself pretty much. yikes!
from smallhanded :
I don't know when I am coming out yet. Maybe not until the end of January. But maybe before then. I'll let you know don't you worry!!
from vla :
Yeah, I don't like him anymore either. My crush is over. He doesn't seem... nice. And above all the boy needs to be nice at heart! I like all the bravado and cool swagger and confidence and all of that, but I need a heart of gold too. Drew? Seems like a bit of a punk right now. Boo to that.
from jasminum :
Yes. Sad. Gawd. You are hot, funny, mean, sweet, and smart. He's taking your bait...he cannot let go and I think (the dumb boy he is) that he's just getting that you're actually angry at him. But a question: How elated were you to read his "I'm not dating a Heath" type deal? I know that did make a little pitpat. Argh. He's making Yasi mad. Yasi goes Hulk on his ass.
from jasminum :
I'm actually a bit sad that he's turned out to be such a wimp. The emails are just highlighting his breakdown. What a freak.
from justvivo :
EWww.. um. yeah. I don't love Drew so much anymore.
from jasminum :
I would have paid for a ticket to bham to see his face go hot when he read that first email. SUCKERED!
from justvivo :
Drew looooves you. Drew fucked up.. ha ha ha. He should have played his cards right! (Feeling very salty today) And ok, you HAVE to tell me who superhotclient is. Email please. THANK YOU!
from jasminum :
So yeah, I immediately logged on and changed my settings. And checked out your profile. Heh heh heh.
from vla :
o, so it's THE super hot client! when I read yesterday, I thought it was someone new. so, holy shit--that's interesting!! god, limes, your life is totally like some movie sometimes, you know that? it's fucking hilarious. also, *drewed* UGH. lame. I am glad your friend spun it in your direction.
from justvivo :
Ok, I MUST (dying of curiosity here) know who hot client is. I even had a dream about this the other night (how dorky, right?) except he had the same name as one of my clients (not so hot) here. (HA.) And F-Drew. He missed out.
from smallhanded :
that is fucking amazing. i think everything happens for a reason. i am excited. i always liked hot client better than drew anyway. xoxo ps i don't know when exactly but i am coming to la in the next couple months. must meet you.
from vla :
well. here's the story: we were dating along & I thought everything was going pretty well. come to find out he had a BABY on the way. yeah. miracle of science. the dude was preggers! ha. no, actually he had knocked up a swedish chick. (like living in sweden.) whee!! And she was due in like 5 months or something, so he was a little weirded out but didn't tell me about it for a while & then drops the bomb, starts acting weird, stops calling. then a little time passes (week?) and he asks me out on a date & then basically stands me up. Oh no you fucking did not! (o yes he fucking did to.) then he calls to, like, let me down easy & tell me that with the babe on the way, he just can't handle dating. btw, he's not into the mom, it was just kinda like a vaca hookup while she was here. ?? I mean, I think. that's what he said. WHO KNOWS. then after this, time passes & he calls again & asks me out... and dude. I must go sit the bench in SHAME here because I fucking said yes. weeeaaakened state due to the whole ke situation b/c I was still really in love/hate with him so yeah, I said ok and the FUCKING IDIOT STANDS ME UP AGAIN. Ok. that's actually the end. I never heard from him again. he's now in law school somewhere on the east coast and I fucking hope he treats those girls better. p.s. he had a boy. so the cycle continues. dun dun dah!
from jasminum :
How is it that you always have the fuck-fairy visit you at the most opportune times?
from vla :
also, have I not mentioned this? I have totally dated a dude (the hiatus buy while on a break from ke) who I luuuuuuved and who up & disappeared. (only to re-appear & then disappear again.) dude. has EVER fucking girl gone through this? so anyway. YAY about hot client. you need hot hot clients. I wonder who it is... I bet it is mr. j. simpson. hee.
from captvfirefly :
I agree complete with what vla said. Every word. And you know? I am the queen of dating men who just fucking disappear, and it sucks. They come on strong and then BAM! Gone. Assholes. But, they always come back. And like vla said, I don't think you two are done just yet, but I can be pissy about him treating you like this. You go and be your fabulous, hot self, and let HIM come to you. If not, well, he's missing out.
from smallhanded :
You know what I think it is... He is/was definitely into you, acknowledges that you guys are perfect for each other, have a great time together, etc. etc. but just feels like it is too hard to make it work. You live so far away from each other. It is impossible to really have a relationship so he is trying to move on to some extent. I don't think it's that anything has changed. It's just that it is too hard. It really sucks and I'm sorry. But I also do think (sorry for the cliche but this is true) that if it is meant to be, it will happen. In the meantime, you should go out, have fun, look hot, have a great time in bham and try not to dwell on it or stress too much. You are a catch and someone fanastic is going to scoop you up soon. xoxo
from vla :
limes, that just fucking sucks. the hell? not knowing whatthefuck is the worst. I agree with you 100%; all you can do is just go on being your badasss self, right? and god no! if you guys don't talk and you end up seeing him out on your trip or something, I wouldn't be the one to go up to him first (or godforbid!) call him. I am so not that girl either. I feel like this saga isn't over somehow. is that bad or good though?? you know? you really *have* been through it this year. I just want you to find some super hot NICE guy who doesn't play any games. no varsity. no JV. no bench.
from justvivo :
John Cusack film. That's it. You finally hit the nail on the head!
from vla :
remember what you said about drew being like a male version of you? maybe keep that in mind... maybe he is also keeping a guarded heart right now. maybe he doesn't fully trust you & thinks you might be in LA doing your own thing, dating other guys, etc. you know? I mean, it is early in your relationship, you know? it's always tricky to know what's what in the beginning--especially difficult when you're miles and miles apart... so yeah. I'd say try not to sweat it. I think you might be being too picky about how much he calls you? so he calls you Friday but not Saturday? does that mean the whole thing is o v e r? and god! I think it must be fucking hard to hear all this gossip and shit about how he talked to so & so and said this when drinking such & such. or whatever. that would drive me fucking insane. because, you know, we are women and we obsess over details. (wait till I post my latest about this weekend. it is one giant detail. which is a sort of a contradiction. but whatever.) in conclusion: I think you like drew. and I think drew likes you. but I think you're in the very delicate early stages where SO MANY FUCKING things can go awry. just take it easy and try to enjoy what you have maybe? and yeah. I think try to date other people in the in-between... maybe that will take some of the pressure off of this situation. oh and: talk to him like normal when he calls you. the end.
from sosuga :
What I have learned in the past year after my whole Tony/Rich fiasco came to a screaching hault: Keep yourself in the company of those who make you happy, and stop being like my mother -- worrying about things that havent even happened yet. Yes, I was all cynical about Rich because I was scared, and yes he turned out to be a douche, but Tony came back x10 and my life couldnt be any sweeter at the moment. Dont discredit Drew for having lady company -- in the back of your mind I am sure you knew he was out with other chicks, you just dont want to acknowledge that idea. So now you know for sure -- but thats not the end of it because he hasnt done anything to cause you to throw in the towel completely...right? Right.
from smallhanded :
I agree with the gals below. Seriously. I was waiting to hear something that would really really signal the demise of you guys and it never came. Look...maybe Drew is a player. Yeah, you should protect yourself until there is a reason not to. Yeah, it's a long distance thing and those can really suuuuuck. Yeah, you should probably date around and keep your options open and not idealize Drew, etc. etc. But everything that has happened with you guys so far has pointed to all good things and I don't think that what Cat wrote signifies otherwise. Take care and seriously don't sweat this too much. xoxo
from justvivo :
You know, my first reaction was ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhh... but I had to read it again, as it sounded kind of screwy. And know what I got from it? I agree with vla. I know Cat is one of your closest friends, but HEL-LO?I didn't get why she would insult him. I get the feeling this is not finis yet, either... and hey, I was right last time, right chica?
from vla :
I just have the sense that green meanies are sneaking in there for her... why would she mention so many bad things? it just seems weird. it's not like she saw him making out with brownhairedgirl (BHG). Or fucking his ex. Ha! It just seems too much. Aaaand she was wasted. I think you know that what you guys have is special--he likes you limes! I know this distance thing must fucking suck though. Just try to enjoy what you've got right now... And NordRack! that place is *right* by my work. evil.
from vla :
what? limes! I kept waiting for the bad part... sorry but that wasn't bad! is she jealous or something?? he said your relationship is ideal, that you have an awesome time, and it's fun and interesting. Uuuuuh. That's all good. And when she was basically TOTALLY insulting him by saying he was going to be a FAT LOSER chasing ass in 10 years, he was just like, uh, you're probably right. What was he supposed to say? Dude. That seemed so weird to me. Not to totally dis your friend... But what the fuck? And he hangs out with a girl with brown hair. And? I (obviously) think you should totally not sweat this email at all.
from vla :
I find Chicago girls to also be relatively jeans obsessed. I have seen those people's liberation online though I don't think actually here? so maybe that's exactly what you're looking for. god, limes, I could read what you have to say about shopping/clothes all day--yes, white shirts long, with perfect thickness is also what I need. I am OBSESSED with buying white t-shirts. It's a sickness. (one of many.) Let me know when u find the perfect one. Also, there is this purse/jewelry boutique right by my apartment & I have to walk a different route home to avoid it in order NOT to spend $$ there. insanity. If I was a rich woman, I would fucking shop. oh yes.
from sosuga :
Ok so I? Am an idiot. My jeans are SILVER, not Seven. Duh. I OWN a pair of Seven's but never wear them anymore because they shrunk and got all shortness on me so I ripped out the seam @ the bottom (all my jeans look like that, sadly) and then they just looked silly so I put them in the retired-denim pile in my closet. So yeah, but um -- I agree w/ Lauren, its definitely a midwest thing cuz we always get the trends over here later than all you trendy hoochies out in the west :D
from vla :
Paper Denim & Cloth make my butt look weird. what is that? Citizens are best for the butt. or my butt anyway. and it is *all* about the butt. Also, I am having a very hard time saying goodbye to the tanks. but it must be done as it is freezing here today. Layers. that is the answer. lots of thin cotton tops. that is until it is too cold to care and then you just drown yourself in wool.
from jasminum :
Um. I agree with you about Seven's. Must be a california thing...they started going out about 18 months ago when the market was flooded with other $150+ jeans. Personally I'm a Paper Denim & Cloth girl myself.
from vla :
hee. everyone is freaking about the 7s. limes, you are too fucking hilarious.
from captvfirefly :
Yeah, I wear Seven jeans, too. Must be a midwest thing ... we are always late getting the trendy news. :( And? Don't worry about those baby bitches, they ain't got nothin' on you!! YOU are the one he's after, I mean, if he wanted any of those skanks, he would have already been taken, you know? So, no worries.
from sosuga :
Shit. I wear Seven Jeans...thinking they were cute! Am I all wrong here? shit.
from jasminum :
You damn well better appreciate us...because I have that funny nervous knot in my tummy FOR you...I want everything to go ohsowell with Drewikins. So don't think you aren't putting us through this stress too! Gah! I need a drink. And possibly a smoke. Phew.
from hungry-hippo :
you are so cute. :)
from hungry-hippo :
hehehe... told ya so. :P
from captvfirefly :
I'm with the other ladies - you really like Drew, but you're afraid of getting hurt. So, you freak out and try to push him away. BUT, as the queen of the women who freak out and run away, I am telling you that I just don't see Drew running away from you. He likes you, you like him, sounds like you're both just scared if you ask me. So, don't delete him. I like him. You like him. We all like him. Sure, you will have to put yourself out there and risk getting hurt, but if you don't risk something big (like your heart), you may not get the big reward (like the perfect guy). Go for it. And? You didn't call me! :P Ah well, we were in Huntington and Newport Beach anyways.. not westside from what I understand. Next time I'm there, we have drinks.
from hungry-hippo :
limey-pie... you like him! you care! you are EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED! Yeah, admit it. It's kind of like cocaine. That which makes it soooooo good when you're doing it is what makes you sooooooo freak out when you think it is going away and you can't have any more. Except this cocaine can walk away and chose not to give itself to you, which is worse than real cocaine. Ok, the analogy is losing its force. But anyway. Also, can I say, as an associate at a law firm (which Drew is also)--our lives are not our own sometimes. Writing briefs fully sucks. I am writing two this week and I am exhausted and at the office from 5am until 10pm. So really, truly, he IS making time to call you, I swear. I know I'm not supposed to be making excuses for the guy, but still. Maybe I'm just feeling bad for myself. :) Glad you guys are "back together" though. :)
from justvivo :
What's wrong with you, you ask? Well, you see, I may not have been able to correctly diagnose this affliction having not contracted it recently myself, but by my less than professional estimation, I do believe that... Limey's in looooooooooove!!!
from vla :
yay! I'm glad he called (knew he would)! I think the thing that was up, was that you're super afriad of getting emotionally invested & then losing him... He seems like a good guy though, limes. Just take it somewhat slow and have fun. The begining of a realtionship when you really, really like someone can be both so fun & exciting AND so fucking scary, you know?
from vla :
Yeah, I totally agree with vivo. This seems a bit premature on your part. As 'Tag'd' says, (LOVED that, by the way) if you're feeling like something is up then ALWAYS listen to your gut because something is probably up... But maybe it's just something surmountable. I think you're clearly very afraid of getting hurt again, of putting your heart out there, and that might get in your own way when jumping into this or any other relationship. Love, dr. phil.
from justvivo :
Me? Still not convinced. I think there's something else going on and we have not yet seen the final demise of Drew and the Limey one... just a hunch. xo
from hungry-hippo :
Dude, I sleuthed out your boy and checked out his profile on the law firm web page. Niiiiiice. But dude, you cannot change your name if you guys end up married. I will just die laughing.
from captvfirefly :
Did you get my email yesterday? If not, check yer spam folder!
from hungry-hippo :
Also, just a thought... um... he's a lawyer. Maybe he is busy. I am busy sometimes. But, actually, never so busy that I can't write a longer less-"I am so cool" email than the "ultra-busy" brush-off. OK, I withdraw my comment.
from captvfirefly :
Ok, so it appears that my last comment was right - he WAS doing the same "fade out" thing you were trying to do! But luckily he told you what was up, so now you guys need to get busy with it. I love that you post those emails - I'm telling you - go for it! I'll even contribute to your flight fund for you to go see him (seriously!) in October. I mean, I am living vicariously through you since god knows my personal life is a damn trainwreck. So, go have fun! And lemme know if you want contributions. :)
from captvfirefly :
Like I said - you can always move there! I second Hippo's comment. And you know what? Sometimes you have to take risks - and yeah, if it doesn't work out, it will hurt badly, but sometimes a big risk gives a great reward. You two are so damn cute, and it sounds so right, I mean, you can't just fake a connection like that. I say quit being in your head about it and just go for it. "Balls out" as I've said before. Hit reply. Make the call. If he's so much like you, maybe he's telling himself the same things? Have you thought of that? SO, don't worry about how it looks, just email/text/call whatever. Throw caution to the wind - life is too short. And besides, you've got peeps in Bama. You never know what will happen. To sum up? Quit being a goob and just GO FOR IT! :)
from sosuga :
You went to Vegas and I am fucking jealous. I LOOOVE Vegas, T took me there for my 21st and I've been there every year since. Ugh it is the city of sin, thats for SURE! Girl, as far as the Drew thing goes -- dont put yourself thru the wringer about it. Go see him, who cares? Distance is the only thing keeping you apart...so fix it!! You clearly feed off eachother's personality and miss the other like crazy, so why deny yourself of the happiness? That'd just be unnecessary torture!! :b
from justvivo :
You know, the strangest thing about that last entry of yours, is that I had nearly forgotten about Sam. I agree with Hippo - and I think you are more hooked on the Drew thing than you would like to think. That being said, I think he is too, and I think the whole thing is great. So there. Go to Birmingham. :)
from hungry-hippo :
I don't know, Limes. I mean, this connection with him is not like Teddy. Reading your diary today was like when I watched that movie Serendipity, where they were so obviously perfect for one another and the girl is just so fucking annoying about facing up to the fact. OK, sorry, you are not annoying or half as egregiously blind as she was, but still, I kinda feel like what's starting with this guy is different and should be respected. That said, you can't move to Alabama, obviously. How the heck is he practicing as a lawyer there? Shouldn't he move to LA where the big bucks are? Not that I think it would be wise to beg him to move to LA. Maybe you should both move to neutral territory, like Switzerland. :)
from vla :
aw. he should just move to la. why is he in alabama anyway?
from hungry-hippo :
POST-VEGAS UPDATE pleeeeeeeeeeease!!!! I am dying of curiosity.
from captvfirefly :
Hey, sometimes when you really like a guy, you want to wait. There is nothing wrong with that! But, if you get there and things get heated, don't beat yourself up for having sex with him. And hey, if he WERE to get pissed at you for not having sex, then he's an asshole and he doesn't deserve you! I say, play it by ear... things will work out they way they are supposed to work out. Besides..didn't you say a while ago that you had random thoughts about moving back there, or am I smoking crack? Maybe he's the one? :D (Yes, I'm a dork, but I can still wish that you would find a great guy that makes you happy! You deserve it!)
from vla :
oh, limes! That sounds perfectly fun.
from hungry-hippo :
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. Drew. I don't know if there is really anything more I need to add. Have fun at the wedding. Update profusely.
from justvivo :
Lauren, THANK YOU! That was my first reaction! My second reaction, uh Limes? Do you REALLY think you're not going to have sex with him? Come on now... he's all that and a bag of chips, even for the weekend - live it up! And who knows, Catherine could actually be a psychic and Drew is really PRICE! HA. (stranger things have happened)
from captvfirefly :
Honey, why, why, WHY are you swearing that you won't have sex with Drew? I mean, why the fuck NOT?!? He's hot, smart, fun, spunky, cocky, etc. ... you're single. He's single. Girl, so what if he lives in Alabama? Get you some of that while he's around! :)
from captvfirefly :
Yes, Drew IS cute! And I hope you have a kick ass time. I can't wait to hear all about it.
from sosuga :
Hey thanks girl -- I suppose what's done is done and she's in a better place now <3
from hungry-hippo :
Hey bitch. I'm doing fuck-all at work so I thought I'd catch up on your whirlwind life. I have GOT to know who HC is. Pleeeeeease please give me a little clue? Props for bagging him, though! Ted sounds like a whiny little insecure mama's boy, unfortunately endowed with a tremendous topanga. But he's going back to HBS, isn't he. Whatever. I am interested to see how it goes with Georgia lawyer guy! Hope everything else is going well... :) Hug to Max, too.
from vla :
drew's cute!
from vla :
I totally have it. Emailing you!
from justvivo :
you sure you have the right email? the one I sent you the p-words from... check it!
from sosuga :
I dont know if I want T back...I'm still feelin out the situation you know? I love him to peices and want more than anything to be happy and carefree again, but I'm not going into this full force without taking what he says with a grain of salt. If it lasts, then my mind will be settled. Whats your friend going to do??? Stupid Tony's. Pain in the butt, I tell ya.
from vla :
holy shit, limes!!
from sosuga :
Ooo baby you just made my morning much more delightful despite my hangover :D I'm glad to hear you got some Loooooove, albeit a bit drunk. I'm also happy to hear it all worked out :b I'll bet you are like WOAH excited. And I am insanely jealous of you.
from justvivo :
Yo HO! What she said! Who's the dude - dyin' of curiosity here! (and glad to live vicariously through someone ELSES sex stories!) wooooo
from captvfirefly :
You dirty bitch! I LOVE IT!! :) :) Ok, so tell me, who the hell is this guy?? Please? Tell me? LOL
from sosuga :
I HATE that feeling like its too fun/exciting to be true. Thats the feeling I was having with Rich..blah. But I am crossing my fingers that it all comes together tonight for ya sister!!
from vla :
omygod, limes, dying over here!!!!!!!!!!! who the fuck is it?? ok. first of all, he's not going to make you pay. that would be retarded. so pick somewhere nice. but i have no idea where since i am from the land of snow & ice. um... somewhere where someone like him would go. go there! dude!! who iiiisssss it. p.s. you're my hero.
from captvfirefly :
Damn woman! How exciting! You ask for "Price" and look what you get? :) I'd say he's definitely going to pay, so pick a place you really want to go. Also? Dress up. I KNOW you'll look great no matter what, but you know, whatever makes you feel good, wear it. :) And just have fun - don't worry about what happens. Life is short, and if life presents you an opportunity to make out with a HOT client, then you know, go for it. lol
from sosuga :
hahhahahahah I haaaate eating in front of guys when I am all nervous and crap. I pick the easiest thing I can find to eat, like popcorn shrimp or something crappy like that, just so I Cant possibly make a mess and be all slops in front of him. That is messed up because when you think about it, youre just EATING. But I would pick something relatively pricey, something you have to dress nice for, and yes he is totally going to pay, dont worry about any of that. He is not going to expect you to pick up the tab when he is asking YOU to go to dinner, sister. Youre clear. As for what to wear? Thats all on you -- whatever makes you feel bangin, hehe. I prefer skirts, but thats just me of course :b wooo woo you have a daaaate *yay*!
from sosuga :
he obviously wanted one last "fling" before he jumped and took the leap. And hey, can ya blame him for wanting me? no im playin, but yeah basically, he was at work today and I hadnt seen him. Then my friend says, I just saw him downstairs, he has a WEDDING RING on his hand. So we ask some of his coworkers and they confirm that rich got hitched. That son of a bitch (nice rhyme eh?) I am disgusted and just...ugh. I would have been meaner to him if I wasnt so damn shocked. I mean before he left? He gave me a card that said something about how its a shame he was leaving. I'm like, dude youre coming back, you know? Now it all makes sense, him making comments about how he wished he met me months ago, etc etc...idiot. fucking idiot. and i have to look at his stupid idiot face every single day. Crazy, huh?
from sosuga :
he obviously wanted one last "fling" before he jumped and took the leap. And hey, can ya blame him for wanting me? no im playin, but yeah basically, he was at work today and I hadnt seen him. Then my friend says, I just saw him downstairs, he has a WEDDING RING on his hand. So we ask some of his coworkers and they confirm that rich got hitched. That son of a bitch (nice rhyme eh?) I am disgusted and just...ugh. I would have been meaner to him if I wasnt so damn shocked. I mean before he left? He gave me a card that said something about how its a shame he was leaving. I'm like, dude youre coming back, you know? Now it all makes sense, him making comments about how he wished he met me months ago, etc etc...idiot. fucking idiot. and i have to look at his stupid idiot face every single day. Crazy, huh?
from sosuga :
Yes, Rich...he got married. I cannot believe it either, but someone told me he was in the store and bragged to another guy "Its my best kept secret" and pointed to his ring. I am literally sick, how absolutely deranged can you get? He even called my work phone to talk, asked me why I was disappointed, etc. I told him he is sick and twisted, and he tells me he "rolled the dice" and that was what came up. That he had wanted it for four years but just couldnt get it right. I said I hope youre happy, he said "actually I am" and I said "fabulous". He tried to chat more but I was like "Yeah so I have like, work to do" and he goes "oh ok I'll let you go then" and I was like "yeaaahhh" and he goes "talk to you later?" and I go "Uh huh, sure byeeeee" and hung up. I am going to pretend he never existed, and shamelessly flirt with every male he works with just to flaunt what he can NEVER have. Sick bastard.
from sosuga :
dude, i need a "Price" check on aisle 1 please...lol ok that sounded better in my head.
from vla :
o, limes, that fucking cracked me up. you made my day.
from sosuga :
" I watched this MSNBC program on the starving, dying children of Niger. I have to get my head on straight about what's important" omg you totally made me giggle with that one :D Sorry to hear that T is being a butt, and hey -- at least Sam went and tried to help you feel better <3 that has to count for something!!! Yeah I like putting faces with names too - My name, btw is Jamie :) As for Rich, I'm not done with him. It made me mad that he didnt say bye to me before leaving but you know....maybe he thought it was me hanging up on him, who knows. Regardless hes just too damn hot to toss to the wolves.
from sosuga :
I think tonights going to be a sit-at-home night for me too, tomorrow is dancing with the ladies :D As far as the Sam email, I would think of it the same way I think of the mall -- you dont know whats there if you dont go. Sounds pretty obvious but hell, ignorance is bliss, am I right? Also, the pic didnt work :(
from vla :
oh my, I love clothing details too, obviously. I re-read what I wrote yesterday & thought, um, 2 people are going to find this interesting: vla & limes. Have fun with teddddyyyyy.
from sosuga :
I'm starting to see a trend here. T-eddy and T-ony. Ts? Hmm maybe thats my drink talking. Anyway, theyre T for T-urds :b Ok Teddy's not but Tony is. And youre right, analyzing what they must be thinking NEVER EVER ends up to be what the real deal is. Its hard to break old habits though, you know? :b Hope youre having a fantabulous friday lil lady!
from sosuga :
Teddy just wants to see you ASAP, hence the sunday - date!
from vla :
oooo! I like. How do they fit? sizewise? and comfortwise??
from vla :
uh, THEIR stupid faces. sorry.
from vla :
ah-ha! he emailed you. he's a mindfucker, for sure. also: I cannot watch this season of the real world at all. Just cannot. As soon as I see there stupid faces (especially that fratty blonde boy) on tv I just have to switch the channel. I don't know what it is because I can watch A LOT of bad reality tv. Also, still loving entourage.
from vla :
"I feel like I have been concentrating all my efforts onto like....cool whip... or buttons...or monkey shit or something." THAT made me laugh out loud, limes. You funny. I agree you should not sweat Teddy. He is LEAVING. Do not waste the energy. And so what if he is smart. So are you. He writes a witty, mean email, perhaps. But you don't give yourself enough credit; you are sharp as well. If you wind up not talking to him again, just take it as a lesson learned and move on. You sure do have a lot of boys in the roster in the moment anyway!
from sosuga :
YAY Good for you for holding tight to the self-discipline. I clearly dont possess that trait :/ Do you still feel good that you didnt? I'll bet ;) He didnt call me back, I dont know what to think. The fact that he called me back and left me a message earlier telling me he didnt really understand the problem, but if it was because he didnt tell me sooner than he'll make it a point to do that "in the future" makes me think hes just...I dont know, confused? Stupid? I feel like on one hand I should go seek him out in the morning to see if he is ok since I didnt hear back. Or should i not? I dont want him to think I Dont care you know?
from sosuga :
I was hoping he'd do that but I jumped the gun and called him. He tells me he's on the way to the doctor (?) and that he has to go, this needs to be taken care of yadda yadda. I'm like, dude were you going to TELL ME this? Hes like well yeah when I got out! But I was already mad so I'm like, I gotta go, and he asked me to call him back and I said no. So we hang up and he calls me and leaves me this message thats all jumbled and hes stumblin all over his words, sayin he's sorry and if I'm mad that he didnt let me know sooner than he knows and will do in the future. I told my dad the whole story and my dad is like, CALL THE POOR GUY YOU ARE BEING TOTALLY IRRATIONAL WITH HIM!! Bleh. So I called and left him a stupid message and so far no call back. I should have waited to see if he'd call me first before I went and made that phone call and flew off the handle. DAMMIT.
from sosuga :
Yep, on monday he said he would take me out weds and that he would plan it. Mon night we even briefly discussed what we would be doing. If I dont hear from him by the time I generally get out of here, I am so calling him and being like "you are an ASSHOLE"
from captvfirefly :
I do have a bit more respect for Teddy after his email "schooling" of your ass. haha BUT, he may be too high maintenance. Whatever, just go with it. As long as YOU are having fun, it's good. And your guy friend is right - these ain't no boyfriends - keep the crazy restricted to Sam. HAHA :) Speaking of Sam, woman, don't let him get to you like that! He's (may or may not be) fucking an ugly bitch and YOU are entertaining a number of HOT guys. And? Those 3.8 years are only a waste of time if you LET them be. You learned a lot about yourself and what you want out of a man - that is NOT a waste. Ok, I'm sounding too much like a counselor. I'm off. :)
from sosuga :
I <3 your writing!! So much fun! I cant wait til I have more time to puruse the area. You seem a lot like myself actually. AND your name even fits along with my diary name/template. HA!
from captvfirefly :
I'm so glad you kicked Teddy to the curb. You are exactly right - a guy like that is NOT WORTHY. Anyone who tells you they are too much trouble is warning you that they are. He ain't worthy for Limes. And? Yes, make these guys work for you. You can have whoever you wanted - don't waste yourself on those losers who don't get it.... unless they are HOTTTTTTT. :)
from vla :
oh my GOD, limes, she seesm seriously fucking annoying. What's he doing? At least she's not super hot & perfect, right? That would be worse. Although... this is bad too. I think he *is* just rebounding. And being a dumb ass. Maybe he wants to prove to himself that all other women are l o s e r s?
from vla :
oh my GOD, limes, she seesm seriously fucking annoying. What's he doing? At least she's not super hot & perfect, right? That would be worse. Although... this is bad too. I think he *is* just rebounding. And being a dumb ass. Maybe he wants to prove to himself that all other women are l o s e r s?
from captvfirefly :
He likes her because he is REBOUNDING. She sounds like a total dumb bitch who clearly has massive self esteem issues (with all her, "I'm too cool for you" and "I'm hot!" and "You'll miss me" comments) and she is just seeking validation. I don't understand how he can like her at all - what a pain in the ass she sounds like. Those conversations aren't fun, they are dysfunctional. Don't worry - she's just a flash in the pan. It'll be over with in 3 months - TOPS.
from justvivo :
Oh yeah. This is serious Griffin and Sabine stuff. I love love love the trilogy too. And I completely understand the voyeuristic thing! I shall have to find some more choice emails to share... (I've got nearly 6 months of correspondence)
from vla :
a cherry red satin tank top? the fuck?
from justvivo :
Um, seriously about the emails? Or not so much? God - I've got volumes of this stuff. We've actually talked about putting them together as a book one day. Someone would buy it. Hell, I would. Have you ever seen the Griffin and Sabine trilogy??
from captvfirefly :
Hahahaha - you like my sordid details, eh? Well, I wish they were GOOD details. What a fucker that guy is. He was not worthy. And he hasn't called, either, which makes him look ever more like an asshole than he already did. And hey, of course you are going to feel bad about Sam dating - no matter what YOU are doing. He didn't like the thought of you with another guy either, right? It takes time to heal. You're allowed to be pissed and cry and feel bad, just as much as you are allowed to have some fun with other men. And? The self proclaimed "hot" girl sounds like a stuck up bitch to me. I'm just sayin. :)
from vla :
::sigh:: I still feel bad though for some reason. I hate to be the non-tipping person, you know? Anyway. Pep boys is not too expensive. It was insanely busy today though & took forever. ha. Did I mention that already? You might get a better deal at a private shop, but might get ripped off too, you know? I didn't have a recommended place, so I just went there.
from hungry-hippo :
First of all, I think being "mighty east coast" is a compliment! Ahem. Maybe because I am. Lacoste polo shirtdress, anyone? The first thing I bought Anders was a navy blazer with the brass buttons! Anwyay. My little dating monster, Limes! I think you should DEFINITELY be dating around right now. If you dive too deeply into John, it'll jsut be a rebound. Although I think your no-sex thing is GREAT. Really helps you keep your wits about you and keeps hell and the handbasket far away from you. Did I mention to you that I looked at your pictures a while back? The Catalina ones. You are so F*ING skinny and adorable! You look graet. :) Miss you! Come to NYC SOON!
from wilyred :
Yeah, arcade fire! How were they live?
from vla :
You saw Arcade Fire, you lucky bitch! ha. Also, yes, OF COURSE I am watching the new real world. Melinda the "nymph" (she needs to look that up in the dictionary) and Danny with his head cracked in...
from vla :
I am bored. limes, you totally need to update!
from smallhanded :
I am totally living vicariously through your adventurous dating life these days. I know it is a hard time for you but I'm glad that you have what sounds like a really fun distraction and, who knows? maybe it will be more. My due date is August 24 but today the doctor told us to count on being late so we'll see...
from vla :
yes! exactly. they're the tall yellow/tan frye boots. I wore them with a denim skirt from j.crew from like three seasons ago. It's pretty plain, faded a little faded at the edges. kinda short but not sick. On top I wore an American Apparel black tank top under a white boat neck top. very simple but cute outfit. also, I have to say it was highly affective. ke was calling me "boots" all evening and I got a few other unsolicited comments from the mensfolk. I usually where those boots with jeans where they don't really get noticed. And my feet *were* sweaty, but otherwise they're pretty comfortable shoes. anyway. yay, clothes-talk.
from elabee :
Good lord! You are a busy little bee! I'm glad you are having fun with everything, found new boys, figuring stuff out with Sam. Have fun on the trip home! elabee.
from ladiebug :
sorry... unlocked now...
from smallhanded :
oh so happy that you are getting sweet revenge...
from raygirl999 :
That is the sweetest most justifed most exquisite revenge ever. I bet he cries.
from vla :
oh dude. he's totally flipping out right about now.
from vla :
I'm sorry, but I sooooooooooooooooo hope sam sees the babystud in your bed.
from captvfirefly :
Oh Limes, I'm so sorry. :( Yes, I agree with the other comment - clearly Sam has a lot of growing up to do.
from vla :
sorry, limes, that sucks. i think sam has a lot of growing up to do. this situation sucks though.
from wilyred :
What is that? From his modeling portfolio? Wow, he looks like a male model. He looks really good! Is he a model? Cradle-robber!
from captvfirefly :
Wow, and I already thought he was hot. That is definitely a better picture even! I still can't believe he's only 19. Whoo!
from captvfirefly :
He's 19?! Damn, girl! Well, at least he's legal. Have you heard anything more from him?
from wilyred :
Thanks for all the g-book messages! Anyhow, the kid looks ok -- maybe it's not a good photo? But if you think he's hot I'm sure he is. And as far as those chairs go, they are seagrass from Pottery Barn. I ordered one, and they sent me 2 and charged me for one. No more online shopping for me though, I will make myself broke. I can tell you how to paste the photos in your actual entry if you want. Can't wait to hear about your single adventures this weekend! Take care, Lisa
from captvfirefly :
Oh my, yes, he IS very pretty. Hottie McHot! And HELLO! You don't look gross at ALL! You look so thin in that bikini, girl. Oh yes, you'll be raking in the men/boys. :)
from captvfirefly :
Snap out of it, darlin'! Breathe. No one here is laughing at you, not at all. See, this is why I don't like the young ones - they aren't reliable. And he's clearly stupid if he didn't get hooked on you right away. :) As far as having sex like a man, yeah, I did that for the last 2 years. It can be fun, as long as you are honest with yourself about what you want and what you can handle. That's the key. If you're conflicted or you aren't sure, then it won't work. You'll get caught up in it. Just think of it as "taking a lover," and not looking for actual romance. It's just sex. You're going through a rough time right now, so don't expect too much from anyone. And cry -get it out. It's ok. Things will fall into place, I promise. :)
from captvfirefly :
Whoo!! Go get the youngun's, Limes! :)
from wilyred :
You are so thin!
from wilyred :
Cute photos! You look really good! It looks so beautiful there.
from captvfirefly :
I'm glad you were able to say what you wanted to say, so maybe now he'll understand. And damn, why does he think being single is so goddamn much fun? He should read my blog. Ugh...
from elabee :
What bullshit! It probably feels like being lost in huge black angry hole right now, but maybe it's for the best? hang in there...
from wilyred :
Goddamn, do not go to graduation.
from captvfirefly :
Damn men and their inability to make a decision. I hate that whole "I don't know what I want" thing. Limes, I'm sorry things are so rough right now. Apparently you got your answer by him not writing you back. It doesn't seem like he knows how to communicate during this break-up, so he's just not doing it. If it weren't for Max, I think things between you guys would be easier (well, less back and forth). But, I guess all you can do is take his lack of response as your closure (as hard as that is) and take as much of a mental break from him as possible. I wish I had the right words to say to make it all better. ((hugs))
from wilyred :
Here is my *solicited* advice on how to pick Max up. First, I am assuming that he's not in a yard or patio that you could just go into and take him without having to ring the bell. Because that would be ideal. Assuming you have to ring the bell, ring it, and just keep your eyes on Max. He will run to you, and you can say "Mommie's here to pick you up, baby," and just talk to Max. Communicating through the dog will allow you to avoid directly speaking or looking at Sam. "Did you have fun Maxie? Say thank you to Sam for watching you, honey. Max, did you tell Sam we will be here early tomorrow, around 7?" Whether you want to throw in "uncle" in front of Sam is up to you. Or "Mister" might make the relationship more professional. Because you are now divorced and Max is the kid you share custody of. -the Other Lisa
from captvfirefly :
I go to Chicago for the weekend and you and Sam break up? I am so sorry that things got to that point, Limes. I wish there was something I could do to help (if there is, let me know!). If anything, I think this break will give you time to think about what you really want - in relationships and work. And yeah, he's missing out by breaking up. Ain't no chick around as cool as you. And no more of this being sick all the time - I know it's easy for me to say (hell, I lost weight when I got divorced for the same reasons), but just be gentle with your body. It needs love. :)
from vla :
Where did your GB go? I like your new layout though! It's really nice. Jill sounds like kind of a bratt. really.
from captvfirefly :
Just breathe. Don't worry about Sabrina - I know that's hard, but seriously .... just think about yourself and focus on getting that job. And besides, if you don't get it, maybe that will be incentive enough to find another job? I just hate to hear you so stressed and unhappy. :( I hope the meeting goes well!
from elabee :
My college roommate had a "message board" where she would write exactly those types of passive aggressive messages: please do your dishes, your turn to clean the bathroom, you woke me up last night, etc. How annoying. Just say it.
from elabee :
Yhis is a little late, but I'm so proud of you for talking to your boss! I am so horrible at stuff like that. I get all sweaty, blushing, tongue-tied. Anyway, good luck!
from captvfirefly :
Hey, did you change your password? I can't get in...
from captvfirefly :
Oh honey, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma. ((HUGS)) As far as wanting her to "appear" to you so you know she's OK .. I had that talk with my grandma before she passed - she said, "Well, it may not be right away - I'll need to get acclaimated to my surroundings, but I will come to you as soon as I can." That kind of stuff can take a bit of time. Anyway, this all sounds so trite, but, I do hope you're OK. ((HUGS))
from captvfirefly :
I hate to hear you so upset about work. I know the feeling though. Just a question - can you switch industries? Instead of the entertainment business, can you look for an admin assistant job in maybe a legal firm, or some other place? Hating your job is one thing, but having it make you sick? Not fun. :( Hang in there...
from lizabee :
I completely relate to your work situation. I keep telling myself to just get through the holidays and keep a low profile. I never thought my daily goal would be not to cry in front of my thankless boss. Someday it will be better.
from justvivo :
Yo Limey! Da guestbook is not working! And just when I decide to come out of hiding and show my face again :)
from captvfirefly :
Yeah, dpression really did make me want to eat even more. Ugh. SO, the drugs seem to be helping control the negative feelings (hence, the binging). And no, I don't have an iPod.. I can't say that I've even seen one, but I keep hearing about them. Based on what I know, I'm sure I would enjoy one. :)
from captvfirefly :
Since I started taking Lexapro for my depression, those kind of binge sessions have totally stopped for me. But, I used to do the scary/stress eating thing almost non-stop. It's only been about 2 weeks, and I haven't binged once. I'm not saying to go get on drugs or anything, but depression, for me, made me eat even more. Vicious cycle. And girl, it was 39 degress when I left for work this morning.. let's talk about cold! :P
from captvfirefly :
Hey, I sent you an email with the password info. Let me know if you didn't get it!
from hungry-hippo :
Hey, your guestbook doesn't work, did you know that? Anyway, you mentioned your Hollywood Bowl thing on Sunday. If you want to invite more people, I bet Anders and I would be really thrilled to go on a group date there. It's an awesome place. Anyway, hope I see you this weekend. :)
from mylostdream :
bah. I lost the stupid e-mail again. And I still can't email. Pleaseee e-mail me it.
from mylostdream :
Hey-ya. Sooo..my computer crashed and with that i lost the email with your password and username. I also can't send email with this computer, but I can recieve (screwy, eh?) can you send me the info again, please?
from ecstasia :
Hey there girlie, I would love to be able to read your diary again, so I'm asking you for the password and such. If you like you can e-mail me at vm324@nyu.edu
from jadedlife :
Being Im a fellow Brutal Lover as jasmine and yourself LOL I was wondering if I could get your password? email me - tiffeny.magee@navy.mil TaTA
from angelkitt65 :
Just wondering if I could snag your password? IncubusLvr02@yahoo.com. Take care!
from wilyred :
Is Burton gay? He seems kinda gay.
from hungry-hippo :
You have got to stop it with these true-crime websites. Really.
from crzy4blues :
Just add me to the long list of people asking for your password, lol. My email is Crzy4Blues69@hotmail.com Thanks a bunch! :)
from swimmmer72 :
just another person hoping to get your password... SELsteveO@cs.com. thanks so much!! :)
from skibigsky :
Hey you. Could I possibly get the new password? I'm not a stalker or anything, I promise! :) (gretaski@hotmail.com)
from wilyred :
Hey you, would it be ok if you sent me the new password? I think you have my email. Thanks! (I was sad to see Limes closed.) Lisa
from captvfirefly :
Hey, did you change your password?? Email me at BoredatWork74@aol.com if you're giving it out. :)
from bigfatc-o-w :
ooh, could i have the new password too? pleasepleaseplease =) starnic87@hotmail.com
from raygirl999 :
Can I have the new password pretty please? raygirl999@yahoo.com
from chained-soul :
Can you please email me your new password?...georgias_brat@yahoo.com...Thanks!!!...Ali
from captvfirefly :
Tried to sign your guestbook, but it spazzed out. Anyway, you just made the cut (the polls on FunBoy are now closed!), so here you go: http://personals.yahoo.com/us/vwrallyfan. Let me know what you think!
from swimmmer72 :
make a living subbing? hmmmm,... i'd say you can SURVIVE subbing, but only if you have a thick skin and the ability to juggle 3 or 4 other jobs to cover your down time. seriously, it is a difficult way to get by, but i did it for 6 years. and survived. and i was GOOD at it... ask me anything, - maybe i'll write an entry about it. pay ranges between $50-90 per diem, with no bennies. no, you don't need teaching cert to do it in many areas (the desperate ones), which tells you something right there. toughest job i've ever done, but one of the most rewarding. good luck, but think about it first. :)
from wifemotherme :
Thank you so much for adding me to your list. I would love to read you but cant find your email address to ask for the password...hint hint ; ) you can email me at wifemotherme1@aol.com
from swimmmer72 :
you are completely right about setting a realistic weight for a goal. the wrong weight will just frustrate the hell out of you, and end up pushing you the other way. i know i could be lighter, but only at the cost of a completely no-fun diet, and i'm not prepared to do that. it is only the difference of about 5 lbs anyway. good luck with yours, and stick it to fat andrew whenever you get the chance!! :)
from larrikin :
Hey thanks for telling me. I'll have to go say "nyah nyah told ya so" now. :)
from swimmmer72 :
good for you, limes!!! sounds like you have some support anyway, and after reading those two entries, i sure as hell wouldn't want you on my bad side!! you go, girl!! :)
from thintowin :
Hope you are feeling better... I'd come help you clean if I could. :)
from swimmmer72 :
i tried to sign your slambook, but got lost in all the surveys and questions, etc. i think i won a prize!!!! except NOT. anyway, yeah, don't let any women mess with your guy! :)
from thintowin :
Thanks for the notes and support... can I have your password? My e-mail is in my links...
from swimmmer72 :
i'm not so much jealous, but i admire your talent. :)
from swimmmer72 :
it does sound like quitting might be the best thing for you. go someplace where you can re-group, figure out what you want to do, and then go on from there. no one needs to put up with that kind of shit. you go, girl!! :)
from swimmmer72 :
there are a couple things that play too big a part in your life to hate. many times, they just occupy too much time, sometimes, they take up too much emotion, and if you hate them, you have to get them out of your life, or be miserable. jobs, relationships, where you live, what you sleep on and with, and cars are a few of those things. you don't have to love your job, but you shouldn't hate it. i know you have to pay bills, but there has to be a better way.
from swimmmer72 :
i'm glad you like the pics, but thank andrew. as long as he keeps giving me megabytes to use, i'll keep posting pics. thanks for the g/b note! :)
from wilyred :
I would like your password! Email to lisa_roy7@yahoo.com if you don't mind! Lisa
from veronica-- :
thanks for the gb note! you're right, hinesights 20/20 and we can look back and laugh about the stupid stuff in the past. Take Care :)
from swimmmer72 :
there is a line from a movie, i forget which one,"i may be paranoid, but it doesn't mean they aren't out to get me..." better to be safe than sorry sometimes. :)
from swimmmer72 :
personally, i like to keep my HATE list real small, so i can keep it concentrated. i guess the same is true about my LOVE list. loving everyone in the world is the same as loving nobody, something like that. your diary is still new and fresh to me, and i love it. put that on my LOVE list. :)
from swimmmer72 :
2 things: 1) thanks for having a REALLY simple password! 2) i'm glad i have it, i love your entries, and will back to read more. you shouldn't be surprised so many people read you, you are very funny. :)
from chained-soul :
Damn the guestbook message, "you can't sign again this soon"...I forgot to tell you that I wish I lived closer to you...We could go have a few margarittas and make fun of everyone we saw...Tear them to shreds, piece by peice...Yeah, that sounds like a great time...
from captvfirefly :
LOL, I just got your SOS note. If you have gold stats, you just click on "Your stats" and then click on "referrals". That's how I find them (and I rarely get any Google hits). I think you can see them if you have sitemeter as well. Hope that helps!
from justvivo :
I got the guestbook boot... What I was saying was, now ya see, I like you even more after seeing the answers! Bah.
from chained-soul :
i don't know where spencer is now...he was prosecuted but his family is very rich and powerful in that county...it's amazing what money can buy these days...i just want to have some kind of closure to all of this...thanks for the note, i really appreciate the fact that you read both of my diaries...ali
from taurin :
lol, sorry, I know I linked you but I never figured people with such interesting lives would even have time to read mine. I wouldn't bother reading mine but if you'd like to, you can sign in as guest password guest. trust me, it's no biggie
from hungry-hippo :
Yup, got the "can't sign again this fast" thing from your guestbook. Bah. What I was going to say was: Dude, GO to the reunion. I swear, you will have no idea how 10 years can ravage the perkiest of cheerleaders. I ran into some people from high school right after we all got out of college and I was like "Wow. You guys are really ugly and annoying. Why was I so afraid of you?" It's really empowering, I think. I bet you'll look at Misty and just be like: "Dude, what was I doing? She's so pathetic!" Everyone has a friend like her, and then has the revelation that that friend is not a healthy influence. Then you cut her off like a hangnail and seek support and love from true, non-manipulative, love-you-as-you-are friends. :)
from prettyskinny :
Shoot -- I forgot to answer the question that you posed a couple of days ago about parental harrassment, etc. Of course your gbook wouldn't let me "sign again this fast." Okay, so: in a word, no. I wasn't around them enough for them to catch on, and everyone in our Norweigian family is tall and thin. Needless to say, they were clueless about my condition for the better part of my adolescence. The girls at a school that I briefly attended were the ones that got the anorexia ball rolling, so to speak. But as for my parents, nope. They ignore(d) me.
from wilyred :
I was gonna tell ya also, I am addicted to reality TV. Those are my favorite shows. I hate sitcoms. I LOVE TLC ("a baby story," "A wedding story," "A personal story," etc.) My favorites are the bloody: Maternity Ward and Trauma: Life in the ER. Have you ever seen those?
from elateddream :
Hello there..
from limes-sugar :
testing,testing

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update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

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