DiaryLand members area

Your confidence in me is inspiring. Like, fly over to the islands and kick you in the nuts inspiring. But I'd still buy you beer. Then again, you do have a point. Fuck you Dean.

from rumblelizard :

Oh, and thunder/lizard

from rumblelizard :

80% fake? What do you mean? Like, staged?

from mister-ed :

oi. nice vonnegut words. maybe he gets you laid in 'merica, but in england i've found most people just go ".....i couldn't get into it"...or i need to start hanging round with other people.

from wilgefortis :

Howdy! I'm so beat down I'm going to have to pass on tonight (last punk night for 2006? or last punk night ever?). I also bagged on that party - it was just too much. But maybe if you're free sometime next week we could have beers or something?

from wilgefortis :

that you texting me? My phone won't let me read texts no more. Happy holidays by the way, and congratulations on your new gig.

from jumblygiant :

i hope all is well with you in your shaky end of the world.

from wilgefortis :

Thx. Hey, if you want to drop by the Hutt before you go to work tomorrow give me a holler. I'm having some folks over for my friend Lisa's bday. A minor shindig not a fete.

from wilgefortis :

Thanks for the invite but I have class tomorrow night - I imagine this will not be the last of the Wave reunions. Say hi to Veronica for me! The novelty of being back in school is quickly wearing thin. BTW I managed not to enter all the digits of yr phone number into my despicable blackberry.

from idiot-milk :

Promptness in responding to notes is for losers. That's my story. At any rate...blahblahblah with your reasons, buddy. You just wanted an excuse to let everyone know that you've lived in England. Well, la di freakin' DA, Mr. Sophisticated Fancy Pants. And thanks for the tip about the movie. I'll be certain to check it out. NOW CRAM IT IN YOUR CRAMHOLE, YOU.

from edgarfrog :

Storm's a brewin' at edgarfrog.diaryland.com

from wilgefortis :

ok it's kind of creepy that I've now left the last 4 messages. But I'm too pooped to care. what about Vanity Fair? it's my 2nd copy but I keep wanting to get rid of it. Give me a holler when you wake up. I think I'm ok for public storage but I do have a small side project in Kahala that might be perfect for 11 or so. And then later in the month I do have some mattresses that need to move...

from wilgefortis :

Kailua has 3 or 4 places that you haven't already done?? Inconceivable! 11 would be fine, give me a call on the mobile 'cos I think we'll start at 9:30 and get all the light stuff out of the way (haahahahaha)

from wilgefortis :

so hot stuff, whatcha doing next wednesday from, say, 9:30 in the morning??

from wilgefortis :

Only Mormons? I think some radical Hindus and a Zoroastrian or two (that's right, I'm picking on Zoroasters) might be a nice complement. So, you taken over the 'leading edge of Waikiki' yet? And by the way, time to change your phone number...it's almost moving day!

from bonnylisbon :

Vague is better than specific, don't you think? I think you agree.

from bloodyme :

ugh i hope i didn't offend it was sarcasm. answer me damn you answer me...what sort of virtual stalker have i become? here i am asking you to write me when it should be something different i'm sure. how are the hawaiian lesbians by the way?

from bloodyme :

i actually did read the book as well and i still liked the movie. your just a literary snob face it.

from heidiann :

People still pay attention to Pauly Shore!? Sigh, you're very right. But I enjoy having someone new to send hate mail to!

from bonnylisbon :

I feel the overwhelming need to inform you that last night I discovered Wild Turkey and now feel like a fool for fucking with rum for so long. A FOOL!

from bonnylisbon :

Happy Birthday sir. Hey! I lag like mad, I've gotta send you that package soon. SOON, I swear it.

from wilgefortis :

Hey, Happy Birthday and stuff. You're right, never really liked you in the first place but maybe I'll stop by on Thursday anyway after I go drinking with the girls. If I can still see straight.

from luvabeans :

smarty. smarty smarty smarty. smarty!

from bonnylisbon :

I have no idea who's in Black Rider this time around. If it's Marriane Faithful I will wet my fucking pants. This is too much goodness in one play, don't you think? Shouldn't this much goodness be illegal?

from bonnylisbon :

I made a very sad C.D. and for some reason I want to send it to you, YES YOU! How do I do that? By the way, you like Billie Holiday and Nick Cave and Tom Waits and all of that, right? Let us hope so.

from wilgefortis :

That's soooo not downtown. I could have told you that. 4-year old children could have told you that.

from wilgefortis :

Sorry I missed your call. I was preoccupied with basketball - in any case I'm broke and my liver actually hurts. How was Hank's? I don't think there ARE dance clubs downtown that are open on Thursday. Try 39 Hotel tonight or tomorrow.

from bonnylisbon :

I DID steal your virginity- you don't remember that? Fucking a man, that does not pump up my self esteem. Was I THAT bad, or were you THAT drunk? Also, you shouldn't have told me that thing about being able to burn you C.D's, you really shouldn't have fucking said that. Now I will make you billions of C.D.'s and you will grow to hate me for it. One problem- how do I get them to you? E-mail me, goof. [email protected]

from his-holiness :

Taking it up the poop-chute from Jazzy Jeff.

from bonnylisbon :

I DID NOT find my mind behind the sofa, but I DID find your virginity in my sock drawer.

from bonnylisbon :

Maybe it's the large amount of whiskey i just drank- but you're really funny, you are.

from bonnylisbon :

One more thing: I intend on buying your book very soon, I fucking swear it.

from bonnylisbon :

Don't be so hard on the Republicans. Look at ... Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney is fucking hilarious! And if you don't laugh at his jokes? He will shoot you! What's funnier than that?

from bonnylisbon :

Different, shorter package, same asshole OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

from bonnylisbon :

Whatever does the job fastest.

from samanthaphi :

I may not have mentioned, but my work computer - a year's worth of client contacts, contracts, estimates, bookkeeping, etc. - was completely annihilated by a would-be suitor claiming computer proficiency. I've found this to be the new "macho"... men who ridicule my computer set-up, tell me I have viruses, whatever, woo me with words like "linux" and "firewall" ...and then make the damn thing worse. In other words, yes, we have no email addresses. Please resend.

from wilgefortis :

Et voila, qolloq. Hm. Enchanted April as a play. Stranger things have worked I guess. Compromise on Saturday matinee?

from qolloq :

Herro! I think what happened is I deleted all my stuff 'cause I wanted to rewrite it... and forgot. Anyhooo, I am back with a tiny profile and no entries at all. I had three, but they were boring. How's monkey life?

from wilgefortis :

Well...suppose you could try the unwieldly method of leaving notes for qolloq in my notes. I'm down for going to a play...which one is it? Oops, except it can't be M/T or Th night.

from wilgefortis :

Alas I will have to flake yet again for tomorrow night. I have to go to a dinner, the date and time of which were the cause of this morning's conflagration. Ironically it's at the restaurant with the bar that's closing this month (next Tuesday to be exact).

from wilgefortis :

tonight you have to find a bar? Well there ain't none in these here hills (actually there is, but it's closing this month). You might try the bar at Duc's Bistro - that probably hasn't been reviewed in a while, or the weird bar in Kahala by the Subway & Olive Tree Cafe.

from luvabeans :

baby! you should've watched the puppy bowl. in the puppy bowl, everyone wins.

from wilgefortis :

dude you are SO riding the bus on Thursday. No bad car karma from you! No really, anything I can do to help?

from wilgefortis :

Ah, so, running up against deadline - how journalistic of you! Forgot to mention that I dig the hat. Very nice.

from qolloq :

Not sure... it was supposed to be punk rock, right? Or do you want CDs of just all Pantera? Of course I'm joking... I wouldn't do that to you. (I'd slip in at least a few songs by Cannibal Corpse.)

from wilgefortis :

but how about a raincheck for next Thursday?

from wilgefortis :

What is it with this Thursday? 2nd great invite I've had (chronologically speaking) and I HAVE TO GO TO ALGEBRA CLASS. Which isn't in itself an impediment, but I have to function the next morning for my first board meeting. Wha? How come you have Thursday off anyway?

from samanthaphi :

Yeah, I'm okay. Just taking a hiatus..things have been even more insane than usual. I lost a year's worth of data from my computer, kids have been sick, I wrecked my car, I had a 20 minute long orgasm, I've had major work deadlines, etc., etc. You know - the usual. But I'm back, baby!

from wilgefortis :

I'm good but I'm not THAT good - personal statement is in it's infancy. Well, maybe its teens. Thank you for agreeing to look it over though. I'm aiming for "I laughed, I cried, it was better than 'Cats'." Will try to swing by on Tuesday after class - last night I was thinking that math would taste better with beer.

from wilgefortis :

And FURTHER MORE... Just kidding. I got to thinking - in lieu of schlepping my worldly goods around I was wondering if you'd look over my 'personal statement'. See if my metaphors are in agreement, my verbs aren't mixed, let me not dangle tangentials, and verify whether it's good shyste or mere pastiche. I actually had some trepidation and then I remembered you read all my stuff anyway - so you'll have to promise not to tattle if I 'James Frey' a bit.

from wilgefortis :

Laugh all you want now monkeyboy, 'cos remember you'll be moving that lamp, the pottery wheel, the custom-made tandoori oven, and the hooded hair dryer chair.

from madamepierce :

oh, come on. you love bean sauce. You dirty hobo.

from sparksfley :

Thank you for your note... I'm hoping he'll turn out fine. So long as he lives to the age of 6 that is.

from yelayna :

just caught a banner of yours. It made me do the equivalent of grin out loud... just wanted to say hello as I have a real hatred of shortened text words, particularly "nite" and UR. Makes ma angry just typing. Why don't people use punctuation any more?!!

from bonnylisbon :

Yes, I'm doing well, this second I'm good, thanks. And sober! So I sound happier than I did in my last note to you, yes? Gloom and doom is for the drunks- the drunk girls on New Year's Eve, but today is Monday and not a holiday and I'm feeling more than fine. I'm glad you're doing well.

from wilgefortis :

Oh but I LIKE dressing up. What time are you on?

from wilgefortis :

that last post - kind of terrifying. Kind of deft. Kind of like a midori kamikaze. With two limes, please.

from wilgefortis :

Bad influence indeed. I'm afraid I'm going to have to poop out again - I have to save my energy to be Full Of Rage this week. To clarify, I can be full of rage whilst hungover - but the rage just doesn't get communicated very well to other people and THAT'S the part I have to save energy for. Isn't the 10th a Tuesday? Is PC opening Tuesdays now?

from bonnylisbon :

It is New Year's Eve and you have NO fucking idea who I am- why am I writing you again? I do not know. It's me: Tina, Bonnylisbon, Diaryland, oh whatever. I read your latest entry and I felt compelled to write ... off the record? I don't give a shit either way. Lies, lies are bad, yes? And being lonely, being lonely is bad, yes? We can agree on this. I felt the need to write because it seems as if your current situtation KIND of goes along with mine and any time you can reach out to ANYONE and have that "sigh" moment where you realize you're not alone, where you realize that as much as things hurt you're not the only one hurting- well those moments are precious in my book, and comforting to boot. Recently I read this book of short stories by Peter Carey called "The Fat Man in History" and there was this one, this one I could barely fucking get through and I thought the fact that I HAPPENED to read this particular short story and this particular time in my life PROVED that I have bad luck and shitty timing. Anyhow, it was called "Do You Love Me?" The gist of it is this: it brought up the question, the worst "what if" question ever: What if the people who aren't loved on this planet disappeared, AND who is keeping you- yes you "Monkey King," Dean (I think?) here? If this phenomenon were happening in Hawaii, right? If people in Hawaii began fucking disappearing- who on this planet is keeping you VISIBLE? That is rough, tough, yes? Well, it was for me. The lies, the lies as you said, are SUCH a big fucking no-no to me as well. I have HUGE, MASSIVE issues with people practicing honesty in my presence ...specifically. So I was in love with this boy named Alex, right? And I swear, I SWEAR he might as well have ripped my fucking heart out of my chest. I was fucked over in a way I never thought humanly possible, I was lied to in such large proportions I could have been considered mentally retarded to not have picked up on it. The THING is, you just don't think, you don't even consider the fact that the person that is lying is capable of it because ... well because you trust them and/or love them and you assume they're aware of what that means. But I realize? Most of the time "they"- the general population? Don't know what "that" means. So, it's about two hours away from the New Year and I am alone at home and I have had a few too many rum and cokes and I'm going for a walk because I need some air and I SINCERELY hope that you're feeling ok, and that you're having a good night, and that you know in your heart of hearts who's keeping you visible, and that this New FUCKING Year brings you a hell of a lot of good because anyone who reads as much as you do? Can't be bad in my book. xoxo tina

from arletterocks :

Hey cracka! Site's broken for me but apparently not anyone else. You learn the ins 'n' outs of IP banning or is technology being freaky? And by "freaky" I mean "dancing all dirty."

from wilgefortis :

Very good. So did you actually go home at 2 am and compose that rather long and elaborate post? btw, qolloq is a bad influence. why don't you have any NICE friends?

from qolloq :

So many glasses of wine! I blame the wine. I am at fault for nothing. I swear it. I am completely innocent. The girl who bedded you may blame me for some nefarious doing, but she does bend the truth every now and again. Cheers to you. Have a wonderful new year and lots of good fortune.

from wilgefortis :

Thanks for the invite but sadly I will have to pass on the festivities ce soir. I think my liver will flee and seek asylum in Pyongyang if I subject it to more cocktails any time in the near future. Have a lucrative evening!

from bonnylisbon :

I did! I think? I MAY regret it later. It- that stuff- seems SO far away, ancient even. Life moves so fast, you know?

from wilgefortis :

in lieu of more phone tag: party, friday, 7pm. I'd guess you're working but if you want to come by, lemme know. In any case, have a nice, you know, weekend.

from bonnylisbon :

HOW ARE YOU! Are you in Hawaii? What are you reading?

from filmpunk21 :

Assuming you're talking about my diaryland site, the answer is- I suppose so. I guess if there was ever a point to it, I forgot what it was.

from wilgefortis :

at Notes.

from wilgefortis :

Beating

from wilgefortis :

Not

from wilgefortis :

Are

from wilgefortis :

You

from wilgefortis :

Dude

from clipchick :

Aw, heck. No pressure on this end...

from clipchick :

Hey there! Thanks for adding me :)

from wilgefortis :

ha ha I guess it's now 4 for me. I got your message and, being an idiot, deleted it before verifying it was the number that was last left on my phone. So I left voicemail on a service that may or not be your abode. 739? In any case, Top of Waikiki? Can't remember if it's been reviewed lately.

from wilgefortis :

That I've now left the last 3 notes is weird. Just thought I'd inquire to see how the fab new place is treating you - is the phone# still the same? My tummy ache seems to have sorted itself out. Let's go get a beer sometime in the next week or so.

from wilgefortis :

no, not laughing WITH you... Actually I am. Whew, haven't indulged in a bender like that in a while.

from wilgefortis :

are you still looking for a bed. I think there's one for free, queen size, I can help with transport but I ain't hauling anything up stairs.

from catspajamas :

http://www.nanowrimo.org/

from qolloq :

You don't like anything? Bladow! I knew I'd been checking out your site for a reason. I too am a hater of most things. As for places to review... let me put my brain to work and get right back to ya.

from bonnylisbon :

I'm ringing your door bell, I'm back.

from bloodyme :

thanks for your kind words i think. pooky i would stalk you anyway but why did you have to move so far away? i mean my god-hawaii is not that easy to just hop skip and jump to from oregon like california was. p.s. i loved your little story about bruce campbell. i hear he lives in bend and is at the dark horse comic book store quite frequently. word on the street is he's working on a comic book. anyway i hope you are well and keeping the lesbian company....

from qolloq :

Uh-oh. I assume "Eh" means you were nonplussed. I've only been there once, about 8 years ago. Drats. Hey, you wanted a dive bar... it's not like a I could recommend The Wave with a clean conscience (under any circumstances, actually). I will ask my cohorts who still live in paradise about viable bars and get back to you. Hope all is going well!

from osakamoment :

I didn't have to move, but I've done it umpteen times anyway. I can't seem to make up my mind about where I want to be--maybe I move journals to make up for the fact that I can't just pick up and move lives. But it probably isn't anything that deep. I'm probably just flighty. The first 750 of my entries were actually written at diaryland. God, I'm a dork.

from osakamoment :

My 800+ older entries are linked on my archive page. They are still on blogger as I haven't had the time or desire to move them to BACK diaryland yet. I'm still planning to do it. For the record: http://catsandlove.blogspot.com/

from clipchick :

Perfect. I now have all of the equipment necessary now in order to properly arm myself against those pesky barbarian hoards. Thank you :D I look forward to chatting with you more! Here's something to get you by in the meantime: ':?!!&,,,,;"

from clipchick :

Hey There! Glad to do the add-I've been meaning to for a while now, actually. I appreciate the extra commas as well-I'm addicted to punctuation. What can I say?

from qolloq :

Actually, I still know some people there. Maybe I can help you cross the path of someone who can help you land a job. I guess that'd be a bit odd, though: meeting strangers through a stranger in order to find a job in a new and strange land. Although I suppose stranger things have happened. (I had too much coffee this morning. Clearly.) What kind of work are you looking for?

from qolloq :

Hi Dean! I stumbled upon your site while searching for reviews of "Bukowski for Beginners," which I was thinking of picking up for my little brother (he needs some schooling). I fell into the indulgent folds of your very unusual book reviews and quickly plowed through... oh, I don't know, a LOT of your entries. I grew up in Honolulu! I lived there for 11 years, in fact. I wanted to offer my services as a source of infomation or opinion, if you have the need. It was such a strange and unique place to live. I hope you are settling in well. Feel free to drop me a note if you have questions. Or want to bitch about the humidity. Or want to learn some fun terms in pidgin, like "kapakahi" and "hanabata." Warmest regards, Q.

from missy-17 :

all i have to say now is thanx for writting back!!

from missy-17 :

hey i am 18 and i was interested in your diary!!! not to mention your profile!!! hey you sound pretty cool, please write me back!!!

from pithos :

Yes, he beat me at chess. I was drunk. Saw your application...are my stats still on file?

from filmpunk21 :

"And The Blues Brothers has only car chase that was any good, and there were two of them!" What does that mean? And those car chases were mainly what turned me off of the movie.

from his-holiness :

Well shit, thank you. That would make me very happy. Kinda like some breakfast would make me happy. I think I'll try to arrange that.

from his-holiness :

I have every intention of being at the Dean-O-Rama Evening Of Extravagent Sin, Gluttony, & Livestock Auction. And as for the comics, my ass is broke, bubba. Thanks for the heads up though.

from bluemeany :

Nice show of ass -- I mean, patriotism. Har!

from bonnylisbon :

Oh. So, Hawaii it is then. So, I have a question about this "Arlette thing," if it's too personal just slap me and tell me to shut up. Why stop it, you know? Why, if there's love, is it over? I don't understand that. I feel desperately sad about my recent relationship woes that happen to be over after four years, but it drives me nuts to hear about other people in the same boat. I think you HAVE to be well adjusted to be able to leave to Hawaii despite being in love with someone close to home. My brother is moving to Boston with his family in order to continue school over there, he asked me to come. Even though I'm just wasting away at a community college, I don't think I can go, even though I've just been dumped. The possibility of it turning out the way I hope is enough to keep me in town, that probably makes me incredibly stupid, but I'm such a fucking sap.

from bonnylisbon :

This is a gross exageration, but I just read like fifteen thousand hours of your entries and I didn't come across the entry about where you're going or why, all I know is you're going to a different continent. So, where, and why?

from his-holiness :

Damn you... I tried hitting Google to see what madness you speak of... Now... well... go to my latest entry... I always liked you Dean, why do you bring me such pain?

from his-holiness :

Shut the fuck up. No! NOoooo!!! You can't be serious!

from idiot-milk :

Oh, totally. But I was willing to forgive the movie because that scene involved things exploding, and really, who doesn't love exploding, fiery mayhem? You know what else bugged me? The bat cave has to be just chock full of bat poo. Ew, right? And he's just, la-di-dah, walking around in it like it's no big deal, setting up his batman workshop right underneath hordes of the lice-ridden and rabid little poop machines. Blech. I just couldn't stop thinking about it throughout the movie.

from trancejen :

When Cameron was in Egypt Laaaand... Let my Cameron goooooo... Jennifer Lynn is so very cheerleader. And I was a cheerleader, you know. I was the only cheerleader with the anarchy symbol shaved into the sides of her head who wore Doc Martens with her uniform. Didn't quite endear me to the rest of the squad...

from filmpunk21 :

Yeah, I'll come pick it up whenever you are working. Maybe I can convince some of my San Jose friends to pick up a copy of your book. But probably not.

from catspajamas :

Thats right. I went there...

from catspajamas :

see? i told you. now never doubt me again!

from see-me-hide :

god finally some one has the dead kennedys as a good band

from idiot-milk :

Well, while it will certainly use the ISBNs to search the Library of Congress for information on the book and automatically add it to your own personal library catalogue, I'm afraid it hasn't advanced to the point of writing reviews yet. I am sorry about that, but the software developers are always working to improve the program. Perhaps someday, my friend. Hope springs eternal. In the meantime, please enjoy this link, http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/5/25rockleary.html. While they're reviewing movies and not books, I still thought perhaps you might enjoy it. And if you don't, well, YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL, YOU SAVAGE. Carry on with your bad self.

from bonnylisbon :

I have a movie moment for you! Last night I saw The Aviator for the first time and because I'm a dork I watched all of the special features. It turns out that the beautiful and flamboyantly gay Rufus Wainwright is in the movie... and so is his singin' sister Martha, and their dad... whose name I can't recall but he was big in the 70's, "the Charlie Chaplin of rock" they called him. That movie moment wasn't nearly as good as any of your Tom Waits updates, but hey, I'm tryin'.

from catspajamas :

thanks for the update, and out of curiosity, have you watched the dvd i loaned you yet?

from his-holiness :

Nice. Thanks. Time to call Cassandra.

from bonnylisbon :

Oh thank you thank you! I love your Tom Waits updates! Man, the guy's really getting around, huh? I wanted to see that Enron movie but was kind of iffy on spending 11 fucking dollars at the closest place they're playing it, at some snooty movie theatre in Hollywood. Now I have REAL incentive... my boyfriend Tom Waits.

from his-holiness :

No... I do not.....?

from samanthaphi :

Oh my god. I just imdb'd the documentary and found out you weren't joking about the soundtrack. Fantastic.

from samanthaphi :

LOVE the documentary soundtrack. Send more!

from filmpunk21 :

Oh crap, that's right. I forgot about The Shining. And I did see parts of Eyes Wide Shut, but tha was, um, Tom Cruise. Yes, I do want to see your script, even if it needs work. I'd rather you send it snail mail, but if that isn't easy, than e-mail is fine. By the way, I moved. I'll e-mail my new address to you if you need it.

from luvabeans :

like fire behind rock is dean.

from samanthaphi :

Ah, Flight of the Phoenix. I had spent the night at my friend Kristie's house after having one (or ten) too many glasses of wine. The next morning we ordered in bagels and lox and Kristie put the movie on, quite against the wishes of those of us recovering from the night before. She insisted it would be great because we wouldn't really have to pay attention to it. It turned into a comedy pretty quickly as we did our own MST3K bit on it. Nonetheless, I couldn't force myself to stay to the end and left before I was fully sober.

from luvabeans :

idea: i put this in my comments section, but anyway ... another name for "pastel hell" could be "toxic shock." in keeping with the theme of sections being named after things toxic.

from luvabeans :

i suppose you're trying to make ME jealous. to which i say, jealous, SMELL US! yeah, i said it. no. you. YOU!

from bonnylisbon :

No, no, don't go!

from samanthaphi :

Wasn't it Mike Watt himself who said, "Coincidence is Either Hit or Miss?" Eerie.

from bonnylisbon :

Oh... get out of here.

from samanthaphi :

I loved the entries, too, but I didn't stay for the credits. And I'm a little embarrassed to say I found Zaphod extremely charming in a not-my-type-of-guy, guilty pleasure sort of way. The movie was definitely not as "saturated" as the book. But still not bad.

from samanthaphi :

Okay. The note below was a reply to your note about my uncle's "day." But now I just read your comment. What sexy thing did I say? I must know.

from samanthaphi :

Oh, that's rich, I'll say. Funny guy. Back in his prime (able to operate within the political machine, I guess) my uncle was a florida state representative and the house appropriations committee chairman for the state of florida. My aunt was the commissioner of education for the state of florida and held a national education post under the clinton administration. She also was the president of the university of south florida in Tampa and recently just (barely) lost a bid for a U.S. senate seat to mel martinez.

from awittykitty :

free flowing Kotter-mania(!!!!) I once saw Horshack in a play locally. He played a king. Ha. Just taking it all in....Horshack playing royalty. AAAAAhhhh...the apocalypse is coming!!

from samanthaphi :

I saw Hitchhiker's Guide last night. It was really good - modernized and very well shot, but still had that heavy 1970's mod Brittish feeling. I give it two thumbs out.

from awittykitty :

I used to love to shoot photos of Bobcat and Tom Kenny at Comedy Day at Golden Gate Park in the 1980's. I even got pulled on stage once by Tom Kenny when he was in Uncle Stinky's Dipsy Doodle Revue. Bobcat was the headliner at that show at Sonoma State U. Tom opened for him. Interesting, huh?

from awittykitty :

I haven't heard anyone quote Bobcat Goldthwaite since the 80's. Cool! Hope your collarbone is healing up nicely. p.s. Bobcat went to a catholic high school here in town. We only talk about Tom Kenney, his classmate, though. Since he was more successful.

from bonnylisbon :

I read your diary... but HOW did you break it? That sounds like a tough thing to do. Breaking your collarbone is my friends' biggest fear ON THE PLANET, I'll tell her how painful it is just to freak her out more.

from bonnylisbon :

Don't you think it's kind of odd that Waits is doing all of these kiddy things? I love him anyhow, I just think it's kind of odd.

from bonnylisbon :

And what do you mean you broke your neck? I have to read your diary today.

from bonnylisbon :

Are you serious about the Tom Waits thing in Robots? I have to check that out? I sadly saw Shrek 2, I think Tom Waits plays the piano in some bar in that movie, I think he's a cat or something.

from melfdreamer :

...a really powerful one (animal). A boy of many layers, yes; but he's not so much the layers, not so volatile deep down as most humans appear to me. I don't know why!?

from melfdreamer :

Maybe it's a bit more than that. But it's really the life, the spark in him that was so strong and inspiring to me... like an animal.

from melfdreamer :

I think you're funny... You remind me of him only in that you read alot, drink alot and apparently have a real thing for the great Hunter S.

from bloodyme :

i knew you'd come around eventually.....

from his-holiness :

Waitaminit!!!! How the fuck was Robots the second choice after Sin City??? & how did we need further proof that I'm a freak? Hope the shoulder is doing better.

from hissandtell :

Inflatable? Humph, I can't read that word without thinking of the book "Walter Canis inflatus" (which I don't think you've reviewed, have you?) And which, you know, I'm not: neither canis nor inflatus, I mean. Oh, smooch anyway. Love, R xxx

from discothekid :

Which Alan Moore book? The one you wrote about? Not yet. They are putting out this 20 year anni-joint for The Watchmen that looks fucking amazing. One more question-What sick parent made you sit through Robots? Who was demented enough to let you around their children??? Jesus.

from his-holiness :

Sweet god... Did I miss the Monkey King's birthday? So sorry... I hope it went well, outside of the obvious filmic disaster...

from his-holiness :

You rotten, pig-fucking whore! Just over twelve hours into this comic book, and I was holding up so well... Now this, you god-damned monster!!! How the Fuck did you get talked into seeing that? ... Oh god... I'm... in pain... They're alive, they're awake, they're destroying our art and our brains...

from samanthaphi :

Hey, thanks for the add. I'm in a serious funk lately though. Don't expect much and you won't be disappointed. And, by the way, a psychic once told me I had a compulsion for relationships with Aries. My soon-to-be-ex-husband, along with many friends and about half of my other ex-es are Aries. Maybe she was onto something. Happy birthday, you old goat.

from melfdreamer :

Your last entry helped... thanks. I've been trying in a sense, to get over the same boy for over 7 years! I keep thinking I've finally let him go, moved on and one day I'm optimistic to the fact I will. But that's not the point. One day I was lying on the grass with my eyes closed as a few ravens landed in the tree above me and started crowing and cawing madly (like they do); I listened intently to them and then I felt one of them turn it's head and look at me I heard through it's cawing the words "you're in love with your imagination." So what do you say to that... yes, everything reminds me of him.

from bonnylisbon :

I think you live in California, right? Are you going to the Los Angeles Times festival of books? There are tons of readings and books (even hard cover) sold for dirt cheap. How was your birthday, what'd you do?

from luvabeans :

dang, brutha. you been updatin' with the fierceness. and i got my plane ticket, and will email you soon.

from filmpunk21 :

Oh, were those numbers actually supposed to mean something? Numbers are a tool of the man... But seriously, why did you like it so much?

from bonnylisbon :

You're birthday's comin' up... how old are you going to be?

from bonnylisbon :

So, blue nails it is then.

from bonnylisbon :

When in April is your birthday? I will paint your toe nails blue.

from filmpunk21 :

Whoa, whoa, whoa...:)...someone is defensive. I like that. Fine, it's not that it had <i>no</i> plot, but some of the standard elements of the typical plot structure are barely visable at best. But I don't think this is a bad thing at all...I think Clerks and Slacker are other good examples of this. And, um, isn't "Green Corn" pretty much just a bunch of lines from the movie. I'll have to listen to that again sometime. Well, I'll see ya on Wednesday then.

from filmpunk21 :

Wednesday night...give me a time and place and I'll be there... You bring the patch and I'll bring, um...probably nothing

from bloodyme :

do you say thanks to all readers who stalk you?

from discothekid :

Hey Monkey, No problem man. I love your reviews. HL is a huge influence, however like me, he is profoundly flawed. Again, regarding your site, much respect.

from hissandtell :

Hi - sorry I've been so rude in taking so long to say hello. I too used to drink coffee through a straw, but I moved on to suctioning glasses onto my chin instead, which I find ultimately more rewarding and find requires additional human intervention to remove them: you may like to try it. I look forward to seeing my comment when you get around to it; please ensure it does not include words such as hyperbole, faux pas or anything else dodgy French or Latin that's easy to write but hard to say. Oh, and I love your comments about people who are just discovering the Sex Pistols, too. When I was teaching teenage boys a few years ago, they used to be amazed when I could sing the punk stuff they were just starting to listen to, and didn't understand how someone as old as I could possibly know the songs. When I explained that being in London in the (very) late 70s and early 80s meant that I actually saw most of those bands live, and even stalked them backstage numerous times, they were dead impressed - and obviously rather shocked anyone could be so very old. Love, R xxx

from arletterocks :

You need this. http://www.founditemclothing.com/t-shirts/elsinore.html

from paperbullets :

That's very sad, though it's great that you actually got to know her.

from paperbullets :

They Found Mia's Killer. Finally eh?

from bonnylisbon :

I have not sent questions yet, my professor isn't letting me. She said they have to be exact and to the point or I'll look "like a fool," she's a tough old broad. I'll send them soon, as soon as I find "the direction" of my story. Thanks for the happy birthday.

from bonnylisbon :

OH YEAH, THE REASON I HAVEN'T BOUGHT YOUR BOOK OR YOUR RECORDS OR ANY OF THAT STUFF IS: I don't have a credit card, or bank account or check book. Hell, I don't even have a social security card or birth certificate; my parents lost that stuff a LONG time ago, but that other stuff is my fault. So, what now? How do I buy it now?

from bonnylisbon :

I just checked my notes for the first time in a couple of days, so I JUST erased your e-mail address, sorry sorry sorry. If any freaks leave you scary e-mails, consider it my fault. In class tomorrow I have to think of the questions I'm going to ask you, so you'll be hearing from me soon.

from bonnylisbon :

Ok now I've done it, I'm Tina V. Well, I've seen that "buy my book" thing, but I've never really looked into it, I suppose I should do that in order to buy your book, huh?

from bonnylisbon :

No No No, that's not me!! I haven't done your notify list thing yet!

from bonnylisbon :

I am a scumbag in the making. The article's hard to explain, but it's kind of about how people aren't "nice" anymore. It's about how people my age always assume the worst of about everyone, it's about whether or not we should trust those we don't know, it's about whether or not we still give strangers the benefit of the doubt... or something like that. "It's clear to me-and has been since the age of ten or so-that most people are bastards,thieves, and and yes even-pigfuckers." Sound familiar? That kind of thing. Anyhow I'll do that notify list thing, thanks. How do I buy your book?

from bonnylisbon :

Hey, I'd like to write you an e-mail, can I have your address? I'm working on this thing for my freelance journalism class and it kind of fits into some recent entries of yours. I have to do three types of interviews; face to face, over the phone, and via e-mail, so, what do ya say?

from his-holiness :

Hurm... I can help you, but without some art editing software, sadly, you ain't doin' 'em on yer own.

from his-holiness :

I bet they'd be really disturbed to find out how much Ol' J.R.R. stole from Harry Potter for those new books... Jeeziz... Let's just hope they never find out the Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, book/retitled-movie/new-movie-by-crap-director connection. As for banners A) Thank you... B) Do you have photoshop?

from arletterocks :

Official Dean headgear: http://www.disturbingauctions.com/view.php?item=96

from bonnylisbon :

You know, the episode was really decent. There was a lot of footage of Mia singing and a lot of pictures of her. Her dad spoke a lot, and cried a lot, it was heartbreaking. Her bandmates and friends were interviewed. They kept refering to her as a "rockstar," which I thought was pretty odd. Umm, what else... they made a big point of saying that they originally thought that her boyfriend at the time was the one who murdered her because as she left the bar she told her friends that she was going to go confront him because he'd been cheating on her, but eventually (and obviously), they found the piece of shit who actually did it. I'm really sorry I didn't tell you ahead of time, I kept meaning to and I just figured someone else would, so sorry sorry sorry.

from bonnylisbon :

I wanted to tell you ahead of time but I never got around to it. Have you ever heard of this show called 48 hours? It's this true crime kind of show, and last week they did an entire episode on Mia Zapata and the man who killed her. I recall you saying in an entry that you knew her. I just thought I'd let you know that I'm sorry.

from gerg69 :

Thanks Mr. King for the linkage. Cat tetherball is a rather nice sport in itself. Though it makes me think of that far side cartoon where the cat is hanging there by the tether and the dogs ignoring him....? maybe you saw that... one....? Mayb...? Nevermind. Thanks for reading man.

from bonnylisbon :

Still around, but not as much as I used to be. I've come to the realization that people suck, and it's depressed me to the point of not wanting to go, or do anything.

from luvabeans :

got the book. can't wait to start it. man, you wrapped the fuck out of that bitch. one whole foods bag and a lot of packing tape can really try a girl's patience. whatever. i revel in anticip-

from aboutagirl- :

Yes, you definitely get a cookie, also.. you get some of my hefty student loan payments. :-D

from irishblueyes :

That's a good question! And all I can say is, I'm having a hard enough time on the letting go part, if i ever had to deal with the letting go, coming back, and then leaving again...well I'd be screwed!

from kristintracy :

mk., pleasure doing business with you. the thing which makes dirt coffee even worse is that it has a dirt mouthfeel. like drinking riverwater or something. blech.

from arletterocks :

"I appear to have become completely nocturnal. Am now wild-haired as well as wild-eyed. Badly need a shave, too. God, I love being an author." - Neil Gaiman

from luvabeans :

ah, yes... raping the willing. my misongyinist fantasies come to fruition! except you're no woman, and i've no phallus. nuts. anyway, i'd love to trade books. though it seems you've read everything in the world already. how to go about this?

from luvabeans :

i hear hawaii's an awesome place to live, if that's any encouragement. okay, maybe i should stop raping your notes section for a while.

from luvabeans :

i think only pussies use balls during pilates, anyway. real devotees attach spiked cuffs to their necks, wrists, and ankles, and suspend themselves over lakes of fiery death using just their stomach muscles. it's what ya call hard-core-strength training. wokka. hardcorestrengthtraining! thankyouandgoodnight! (kill me.)

from luvabeans :

similarly, the cargo/shipment thingy is intended to foil hijackers and pirates. (silly securityfolk ... pirates are UNSTOPPABLE!)

from luvabeans :

how did i know? my dad's an international spy. for serious. oh, yeah, that and the psychic powers. as for your question, i refuse to answer it until you can explain why one parks on a driveway and drives on a parkway. go to!

from luvabeans :

ooh ... then you might know ... what does a terrorist "look like?" from a colon's-eye view, that is.

from luvabeans :

it's probably even less comfortable for tim that you've been looking for sites IN him. involuntary submission to colonoscopy isn't usually welcome. are you an airport staff trainee?

from luvabeans :

aw. high praise from a respected source. how groovy.

from madamepierce :

i'm afraid so! 80 out of 100! they don't call them nazis for nothing.

from miena :

at least i didn't come to the door in a dress...

from miena :

eh u! john wayne's a fag.

from his-holiness :

Hmmm... I might have to see it again... The memory's not so fresh. Thank you. Just found a DVD called FarenHype 9/11, where this cat goes through interviewing various Politicos (Dem & Rep), as well as people who Moore used in his work, & feel like they were misrepresented. So Curious. & true enough, someone does need to spank Charlie H. Moses in an Effective fashion.

from his-holiness :

True that. Jeeziz. I saw that snatch Ann Coulter on Bill Mahr's show a couple of weeks ago... I thought Camille was going to kill me because she couldn't get to Coulter. But, as for the Heston Face-Slap, that was part of my point, and apparently I failed to make it well. I don't supposrt any of Heston's actions. Ever. But him being a slimy shit does not give Moore an excuse to be a slimy shit. As for the Dick Clark thing, it's been a while, but as I recall you're sitting there watching Moore get spanked by Clark, and ultimately that just made me happy.

from his-holiness :

Zappa records, eh? the "...who could imagine..." song is on Freak Out, the record that made Matt Groening the man he is today. That was The Mothers' first, as well as being the first rock double-album. Absolutely Free is a good'n. I think you migt get a kick out of Thing Fish, 200 Motels, One Size fits All, Live @ The Fillmore East, Just Another Band From LA, Apstrophe/Over-Nite Sensation, Shiek Yerbouti. Lots. I'd say to stay Far Away from Civilization Phase III, Jazz From Hell, & Broadway The Hard Way.

from bonnylisbon :

"That," is a pretty vague word I suppose.

from melfdreamer :

You're a bumhole! If you really are the king of all the monkeys... Why do you let Bush, Howard, Blair and co. monkey around with everything precious in this World, including all of life!? You suck as King. You're all talk, all of EGO and you don't care, you don't, you don't!! Well, do you!? I don't believe you! *YOu're unbelieveable*

from melfdreamer :

I'm sad Bush's in power... And he's gonna test his bombs out here in Australia because Howard's a moron. Who votes for a moron!?

from melfdreamer :

Is your book everything I've been reading in your reviews strung together? And can I get a hard copy? Also, would you read and review "Kinship with All Life" by J. Allen Boone for all of us (the living)... It isn't a literary genius piece of work or anything like that; but nonetheless, it's worth getting brand new if it's ever reprinted!

from missmidge :

Meh. The flagellation got postponed. I've got it on my "to-do" list. I'm in a chipper mood. New Jersey went for Kerry! But I said "lemme speaka Monkey King" as an ode to JD. I wipship him.

from his-holiness :

I apologise... I found that article last week and failed to send you the link... Please forgive me.

from missmidge :

NOOO! You LIKE Ayn Rand?!?! Holy crap. I shall now go self-flagellate.

from punk-loser :

i've been in between computers, but i can finally drop a line and say, yes, yes i got your book... mad cows indeed. sadly i haven't gotten a chance to pick it up. i've been in between like 4 other reads, working crazy hours, and frying my brain on videogames and adult swim. go bears! thank you so much for the copy, i'll let you know my thoughts upon completion. you're the motts man!

from melfdreamer :

I didn't really find you the way I said. I found you when I was browsing the members of Diaryland and since "Monkey Magic" is my all time favourite tv show and the first two of the "Monkey Island" series are my favourite computer games I thought I'ld see what you were about. Were you inspired by Terry Practchett's "Discworld" Orangutan Librarian for your concept here?

from deirdre-70 :

Found you on a yahoo search. So far have found your entries to be a wonderful break in my day. Sometimes finding myself in an all out guffaw!

from melfdreamer :

I found you when I did a yahoo search; "manahmanah".

from bonnylisbon :

It's ok to be juvenile, just don't be "Juvenile" like the rapper, yo. Peace out to your mother.

from arletterocks :

Someone got to your site from a Yahoo search for "manahmanah."

from bonnylisbon :

Beware, beware, you MAY be related to my insane uncle!

from madamepierce :

oh, and ignore my bad grammar.

from madamepierce :

whoa dude. what kind of place do you work in?

from arletterocks :

Columbia University is mean to monkeys. Well, apes. http://www.columbiacruelty.com/

from diary-nazi :

http://diary-nazi.diaryland.com/monkeyking.html there's your review home-slice

from his-holiness :

yup-K

from his-holiness :

http://www.chaoticworks.com/phantom/ there you have it-K

from his-holiness :

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0600872/ for alan moore & the latest on the watchmen film-K

from antihoyhoys :

Exscuse me? Return my house key...*wink*

from his-holiness :

Thank you my man... And, fuck it, so long as you knew who the cartoon brat was, we're OK-K

from crock-pot :

I found you through edgarfrog's diary. Does your name mean you have the biggest, most swollen, red babboon ass in the world? Check out my diary.

from antihoyhoys :

^__^

from antihoyhoys :

Yes!!!!! You are the coolest person in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

from antihoyhoys :

Will you come live with me

from his-holiness :

Meant to ask, have you seen Spider-Man? During the scene where Peter goes to Aunt May's house, after the Not-Fat daughter gave him the note that she'd called, when Dear Old Auntie May is being the weepy eyed devotchka, did you find yourself fighting back the urge to stand up in the middle of the theatre and bellow out, "Who broke my window?"

from monkey-king :

Yes, dogs r kewlies. Hella kewlies, in fact.

from madamepierce :

ha - after reading the rest of your notes, I am tempted to write more non-intellectual things. Dogs r kewlies.

from madamepierce :

Thank you very much, monkey-king. Do you have a special-favorite-bad-movie to recommend?

from his-holiness :

Loved Atlas Shrugged? You fucking mutant! While I understand the point she was trying to get across, I found her prose to fall into the worst traps of Hesse's tendency toward over-narration (Steppenwolf), while really embodying the horror of couching a relatively simply stated point in 1000+ pages of tiny font, which A) makes me think that she had the same contract as Dickens, and B)That she had absolutely no impulse control, and could put a roomful of children to sleep, then invoke nightmares which would lead their eventual incarceration/suicide. Read something recently which described Objectivists as people who know A is A, but haven't yet learned the rest of the alphabet. & I had no idea you'd responded to that, I just stumbled across it, coming to see if any other poor suckers had left you notes. Damn fools, responding to their own damn note-pages. Hope you're well-K

from monkey-king :

Okay, "On the Road" was good Kerouac in comparison with the other Kerouac I had read by that time - which was no Kerouac at all. Actually, I read Demian, but read it whilst having a fever and so I'm not sure if the book turned hallucinatory, or if it was just me. I also read Atlas Shrugged. And loved it. 'Cause I am John Galt, motherscratcher.

from his-holiness :

Preamble: The cunts who supply your comments section wouldn't let me leave this because it's too long=Crikey man! You consider On The Road good Kerouac? Comparatively I suppose it's better than The Dharma Bums, but fuckin' a. Read Siddhartha and I'd imagine you'll end up in the same position with On The Road that I was in with The Rum Diary, having read The Sun Also Rises. Of course I thought TSAR & TRD were both crap...Shit, for that matter, fuck all of it, read Demian. Read The Anti-Christ/Twilight of the Idols. For that matter, going back to an earlier comment, Camus, while failing to realize the atrocious conceit of an academic existentialist attemting to write fiction, was still a pretty smart dude, and it's worth picking up his Myth of Sysiphus. And as long as I'm being pointlessly long-winded, Ayn Rand, another socio-philosophical dogmatist in dialectical clothing, wrote some of the most god-awful fiction ever to put a man to sleep, but her essays (Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal, etc.) are alright in that, "Were it a perfect world, this might make sense, kind of like...Marx." Which is just the sort of thing I'd say if I were at a party with Alan Greenspan, just to see if he'd call me out. "On the playground, after school, Klugarsh!" Oh Yeah.

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